PWB Replay* | The Essence of Womanhood with K. Micole - Perspektives

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
It gets no better than this. You are now in
June to perspect us with big Bang. Let's get straight
to it.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
A peer hard starts with understanding yourself and others. Welcome
to the perspective A bank today, I got my friend
came a cold in the building.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
What's up, queen?

Speaker 3 (00:19):
What's up with bang?

Speaker 1 (00:21):
How you feeling?

Speaker 3 (00:22):
I just say king, because that's really how I be
really addressing.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
I appreciate that. What's up queen?

Speaker 4 (00:27):
Ah, It's good. I'm excited to be here. I'm excited
for this perspective conversation.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
I'm excited to have you where you're mentally. At first,
I always do a mental check where you're mentally.

Speaker 4 (00:36):
To be honest, my mental is in a great place.
I would say my mental is thriving. I think a
lot of times that people don't allow themselves to be
human and they don't allow of mentors to thrive. Instead,
they kind of push it to the background and just
hope that everything will come together. So I would say
mine is thriving and making space for what's coming.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Uh Uh, I've seen somewhere where you like the mindset
transformation plug.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
Yeah, what that means, let's explain that to us.

Speaker 4 (01:06):
So I say, on the mindset plug. So you know,
I'm actually or I have been celebrity stylists, been in
the industry for a long time. I say, the industry's
magiver like the female Ma guiy. I'm gonna figure it out, right.
But I always said I was a plug whenever you
needed something to make sure you're looking.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
Stuff was good. As I went through.

Speaker 4 (01:25):
My own journey, I realized that mindset was the number
one thing that you needed outside of a spiritual relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
Right.

Speaker 4 (01:33):
And I feel like I'm a mindset plug because I
can tell you my truth and I can understand yours
in order to help you to elevate.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
And I think that that's what made me the plug.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
Okay, that's dope.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
I say, speak about your journey, though you say you've
been in for a long time. Speak about your journey,
how you start, where you come from, you.

Speaker 4 (01:52):
Know, okay, journey as far as where I come from. So,
I am originally a Mississippi girl, supercuntry girl. But I
was raised here in Atlanta on the West Side. And
I always say I am a country girl at my core,

(02:12):
but I'm definitely le you know, a city girl, like
not a city girl like that, not like the city girls.

Speaker 3 (02:17):
By no means I'm much to a lady.

Speaker 4 (02:19):
Let me put that exclaim out, I'm a lady, no
shaite to nobody. That's great, That's just not my brain.
But yeah, I was raised with a single mother who
did everything. It's crazy. It wasn't until her death that
I kind of understood her better. But for me, I
think that that was a part of my journey, and
it also helped me to be more respectful of the

(02:42):
need of a man, not just in the home, but
in the lives of women.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Some facts, What makes you a woman not because you're
a female, what makes you a woman.

Speaker 4 (02:51):
I think what made me a woman is the fact
that I can be a great follower and submit, but
I also can take the reins if I ever need
to lead.

Speaker 3 (03:01):
And I also have the ability to nurture.

Speaker 4 (03:04):
And I think that that's one of the pieces that
a lot of women don't I guess grasp what with
the word that I would say, like, they don't tap
into their ability to nurture. I think that's one of
the greatest gifts that a woman ever had.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
You was you always like that or you have to tap.

Speaker 3 (03:20):
In I think I always been a nurturer. I have
to be honest. I think I've always been a nurturer.

Speaker 4 (03:26):
I think during my journey before I kind of got
out of the people pleasing, trying to be and things
like that. I was always a nurturer, but I was mishandled,
that makes sense. But then when I realized my own worth,
the value of me, and that I really was a
prized I think that that's when still nurturing, but just

(03:48):
not being mishandled.

Speaker 2 (03:49):
What you think made you led you to be mishandled, though,
because you know that's a choice being mishandled.

Speaker 4 (03:58):
What led me to it is just wanted to belong
and wanted to have So like I said, I grew
up with a single mom, right, and.

Speaker 3 (04:05):
It wasn't until being an adult.

Speaker 4 (04:07):
That I even realized that there was a yearning to
have a male figure in my life.

Speaker 3 (04:12):
Does that make sense?

Speaker 4 (04:13):
And so I think for me it was like my
dad didn't pick me. He helped to create me, but
he didn't pick me.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (04:23):
And I feel like a lot of women that I
talked to because I go and I speak in different places, right,
But I think a lot of women haven't either tapped
in or won't even be honest to the fact that
the necessity of having a man and I'm not gonna
say validate, but be able to speak into your life
and feel chosen.

Speaker 3 (04:40):
I think all of us want to be chosen.

Speaker 1 (04:42):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
So so with that, you said chasing that you kind
of was going for anything at first.

Speaker 4 (04:52):
Anything that seemed like it remotely would be okay with me,
or like a lot of us, women do go and
find something that we can fix there and they'll seem
to be appreciative of what we gave, not realizing if
you go try to fit and this is an analogy
because people gonna comfort with me with this, but if
you go fix a straight dog, if the straight dogs

(05:14):
not used to having a home and all of the
great things that it could be, you can't turn the
straight dog into a house out if that's not what
they want to be.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah, you don't think enough love and make a nigga
feel like enough love warm.

Speaker 4 (05:29):
You know, I think that it can if you want
to change. I think one of the biggest things is
it is wanting to change. And you know something to me,
you talk about all times just choices. If you make
the choice to change. Some people are gonna say, you
know what, forget trying to be out there in the street.

Speaker 3 (05:44):
I want to be warm.

Speaker 4 (05:45):
I want somebody that's gonna make sure I'm good, like
checking on me, rub my head, rub my back, speaking
words into me. And then this song gonna be like, Man,
sometimes I be missing the street. I might could be
out a couple of nights. It's just what you choose.

Speaker 1 (05:59):
How did you what led you to like your career choice.

Speaker 4 (06:04):
I think it was purpose. I think it was always purpose.
As far as on the beauty fashion side, I always
liked dressing. I liked clothes like, I liked all of that.
But the other side was.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
You know you and I talk about like weight loss
journeys and different things like that.

Speaker 4 (06:21):
Right, So for me, I always wanted people to look good,
and I think that sometimes people just didn't know how
to look good and not know how to put stuff
on or how to dress their body types. Because more
than anything, I'm a dress your body type type of person.
You can't wear everything.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
Everybody can't wear the same thing.

Speaker 4 (06:40):
And so one of the biggest issues that I feel
like I was running into with people is you see
something in the store you go buy the look well
what they about in the store or what they have
on a mannequin that's on the same mannequin, no matter where.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
Their story is right, but it's not.

Speaker 4 (06:54):
It's literally cookie cutter for those sizes and based upon
you know, buying statistics and stuff like that, they may
carry that from an extra smile to a two or
three X. All they did was add extra fabric. But
they didn't think about hips, curves, curves.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
All of that.

Speaker 4 (07:13):
Like, so I just feel like sometimes people need to
like understand, Like I know when they had like the
low rise Jean tree and I was just thinking, like
that's not for you. If your sides hangover or your
stomach start midway through your.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
Midrill sign it say what you doing.

Speaker 4 (07:30):
But I also feel like people didn't know how to
tell folks the truth. I ain't gonna let you look crazy,
like one of the things in me being in the industry,
and you notice, like you know how you'll go out
and you'll see like a group of girls and it
may be one big friend. And see I was the
big friend. But I was a pretty big friend. For
lack of a better way, I always looked good. If

(07:50):
I had to have two three girls on. It was
gonna I was gonna.

Speaker 3 (07:53):
Be this is a band.

Speaker 4 (07:55):
But some people they'll let their big friend be like,
oh god, this's a large go.

Speaker 3 (08:00):
Ahead and put that on right.

Speaker 4 (08:01):
And I'm like, I would be the girl who would
come out of the bathroom. I of gave my ear
rings to a girl. I DoD of gave my belt
to a girl because even if I stripped down to
no accessories, I still looked good.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (08:14):
I don't understand how you could be out your friends
and it's just like no babotage. Yeah, cause to me,
that's not that. Ain't girl power? To me, like, I'm
a girl's girl. You get what I'm saying. So I
never understood it, and I've seen it happen so many times.
I've even seen it with small girls. Ain't gonna just
say plus sized women. No, I've even seen it with
small girl. And it's like, your friend is a pigmy,

(08:34):
You're really the prettier one out of friends, but your
friend letting you walk around looking crazy, Like.

Speaker 3 (08:39):
To me, that ain a friend.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
Damn sabotage, sabotage.

Speaker 4 (08:44):
And some people set theirselves up for self sabotage just
because you want to be chosen in a group. And
I feel like it goes back to the same thing
or what I said with just not having father.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
Damn. So what's the climate on women these days? Though? Climate?

Speaker 3 (09:01):
Explain like.

Speaker 2 (09:04):
Because you from down south, right, yeah? So women are
women different than what we what you used to now? Absolutely,
so what's the climate?

Speaker 3 (09:12):
Like?

Speaker 1 (09:13):
What what's what's the difference?

Speaker 4 (09:16):
Okay, he's so fun I was having this conversation with
older woman last night. So I'm officially an unty. I'm
okay with it me too. Yeah, I'm an unty baby,
but the aunties is winning. I'm not trying to be funny,
but it's the truth. And for me, I just feel
like the essence of a lady is just not what

(09:37):
it is no more. It's like it's everything literally all
hang out, lit's see everything and listen before.

Speaker 3 (09:41):
Y'all come from me.

Speaker 4 (09:42):
I'm all about body positivity, but everything ain't for everybody.

Speaker 3 (09:47):
Yeah, And I'm so.

Speaker 4 (09:48):
Sick of people trying to make it like you either
fast shame or body shame in somebody.

Speaker 3 (09:53):
Because that's just not what has to be out.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
You know.

Speaker 4 (09:56):
That's just my opinion, And I'm okay to be an aunty,
But I think the necessity of the untease is to
teach the young girls like modesty is okay mm hm,
and you're still gonna be sixy. I got on full
jogging pants, boots and a jacket, and I still feel
sexy as if I was uphire butt nick kit.

Speaker 3 (10:15):
It's like, that's the difference.

Speaker 4 (10:17):
And I think that people try to use the ability
to walk around niked as confidence, but it's not, because
this is how I feel. This is a public service
announcement directly from kmic Cole. If you got to tug,
pull or readjust every time you out you're not.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Comfortable, ooh, you'll keep putting up your pants and you.

Speaker 4 (10:38):
Gotta keep snading. No, baby, if I stand up, it's
gonna be in place. When I sit down, it's gonna
be in place. Like it's It's a difference. And that
goes back to the same thing I said about buying
things from stores. Can you buy things that work for you? Yes,
if you understand the cut and the put together and
all of those things. But you're gonna buy something and
stretch it out and say, no, this is what it's
supposed to look like.

Speaker 3 (10:58):
It's not.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
Oh so your clothes spost really lay on you perfect.

Speaker 4 (11:02):
Yes, yeah, yes, and they should move with you. It
should be literally a symphony of your clothes moving like
literally being at the symphony. It should move like motion,
like music, like the ocean. That's how I should move.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
It's like, how did you get into that? How you
get into fashion? No?

Speaker 4 (11:19):
I think I kind of deep dived into wanting to
make people look and feel better. And I'll kind of
explain that. So being a plus sized woman for a
long time, right, I never like hearing people be like, oh,
you're cute for a big girl. That's just the truth.

(11:42):
People will say that numbool, I'm cute. But because my
self esteemed won't where it needed to be. I took
that as a confident. But then it made me kind
of like trying to work it out, Like every time
I had you was gonna see me and I have
to say nothing. I never have been that person where
I feel like I gotta be allowed to be seen.
I don't care if I'm in the back of the
room or down the street, somebody to see me. But

(12:02):
that came with time of being able to be like
wait a minute, standing your truth. You ge know what
I'm saying, so any rate, I liked getting people dressed.

Speaker 3 (12:10):
I like that.

Speaker 4 (12:11):
I high moment of people be like dang like even
when I do like closet rehabs and things like that,
I love when people be like I would have never
put that together, but you about it, like, let me
show you how to And a lot of people have
such great jewels inside their own closet.

Speaker 3 (12:27):
You and I want to spend the money to have it.

Speaker 4 (12:29):
Let me show you how you can wear it, versus
you going every time you gotta go somewhere, you gotta
go buy some more clothes, you gotta figure something out,
and then you can't wear it.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
But one time.

Speaker 2 (12:38):
So you're saying, you show them how to remix. Yeah,
oh nah, I got a whole closet full of the
suit downstairs. I' gonna tak I'm gonna get them for
you remix. I need a remix remix.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
That's the truth.

Speaker 4 (12:49):
But I think that that's where people at the end
of the day, it don't matter whose brand I have on.

Speaker 3 (12:55):
I like brands just and labels like anybody else.

Speaker 4 (12:58):
But this is the thing I wear the close people
not trying to say like, oh well, who who look do.

Speaker 3 (13:05):
You have all who they like? Where did you get
that from?

Speaker 4 (13:08):
I wanted to fit you And if I think it
can fit them how it fit me, then I'm gonna
tell them.

Speaker 3 (13:12):
And if I.

Speaker 4 (13:12):
Don't think that can you know I have a great
suggestion for something that can work with you. Even when
I do like intakes with clients, I say, tell me
who you want to look like? Like that you admire? Okay,
so then I'm gonna figure out how to give you
looks that adapt to your body type that can work
for you like that you hear what I'm saying, Like
you can't tell me you Ana look like look Kim
in the nineties and you look like this old in

(13:36):
the two thousands, Like I gotta make the two match.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
You know what I'm saying, Like that's the difference. And
I feel like if you're.

Speaker 4 (13:43):
Honest with yourself, you can actually have That's why I
say when it comes to like stylin That's how I
call myself a visual brand architect. Yeah, because I'm rebuilding
and I'm gonna help you get the foundation of what
you need.

Speaker 3 (13:56):
Because this is the thing.

Speaker 4 (13:57):
If you foundation is strong, everything else is great.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
You see that all the time, Like why show you
we at you see that?

Speaker 4 (14:10):
But then then they're mad because it's like, why are
you looking at me like I'm good and this that
if you gotta explain it, you don't feeling.

Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yeah, that's just the truth. Yeah, you old poet.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
Hey, I see you always speaking about family, Like why
is family so important to you?

Speaker 3 (14:31):
You're trying to make me crap.

Speaker 4 (14:34):
I think that family legacy and lineage is important because
I feel like you gotta know where you come from
to elevate and take it further, like you know, you
hear people all the time to be like you know,
I'm a generational curse breaker. I'm gonna do this. I
want this for my family. I'm building legacy and all that.

(14:56):
But you don't talk to your cousin.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
I don't talk to my cousin.

Speaker 5 (15:00):
It's not good.

Speaker 3 (15:04):
Nah, that's not good. And I'm gonna tell you why.

Speaker 4 (15:05):
I get what you're saying, because guess what, it's we
all got people in our family we don't necessarily prefer
to deal with on a regular basis.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
But family do you think I'm sorry, y'all, do you
think family and relatives are the same.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
I don't think that's the same. Like I talked to
my family every day, I talk to you every day almost.

Speaker 3 (15:24):
Yeah, pretty much what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (15:25):
What I'm saying, I didn't mind seting money on this.
It's so funny the difference between family and family and
relationship or relative It was really what it would kind
of equate to a lot of people think you supposed
to be close to your aunties and uncles, but if
you never had a relationship with them, you are trying

(15:46):
to get That's what it was inherited relationships. I can't
inherit a relationship from my mom if me and my
auntie didn't really get along.

Speaker 3 (15:53):
Facts, you get what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (15:55):
But the way families or you know, generations, probably to us,
it's like, no, that's your auntie, that's your cousin, that's
your dads, that's your dad. My daughter's got aunties and
uncles who ain't got no blood relationship but their family,
and if anything ever happened to me, I know they're
going to be good.

Speaker 3 (16:12):
So I definitely agree. My family is my family.

Speaker 4 (16:16):
I like for me, for instance, I have sisters that
were born we came from the same room, and we're sisters,
and I love them and then I have sisters that
I got from my godmother who I love and listen,
I'm gonna ride or die, fight and.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
Kill for them the same way I will for the others.

Speaker 4 (16:34):
There has been a disconnect before because this side they
grew up together, but I've been around them almost thirty years.
These I grew up with ad I'm the oldest, you
know what I'm saying. So it's like, dang, how you
just go over there and make it seem like you know,
I'm like, no, all of these are my siblings, and
I'm I'm liable to go off on a person who

(16:55):
be like, oh, oh, I thought that was your real sister.
It is, yeah, don't separate because you feel.

Speaker 3 (17:02):
Some kind of way. I've actually had somebody I was
in the.

Speaker 4 (17:04):
Movies and a lady was like, oh, I tried to
tell my husband that wasn't your real sister, that was
just your you know, play sister.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
I was like, yeah, I don't really play about her.
So I.

Speaker 4 (17:18):
Was really fought off, Like this person is in ministry
and stuff like my family and ministry. So you know,
I'm just looking and I'm gonna always be respectful because
at the end of the day, I'm a walking billboard
to my brand and my name. So but in my mind,
I was thinking, who do you think you are?

Speaker 3 (17:35):
That was so rude.

Speaker 4 (17:36):
How dare you come up to somebody and say that
because you don't know people's relationship.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
So you feel like you made your daughter's a reflection
of you on purpose.

Speaker 3 (17:46):
I made my daughters a reflection of themselves. Okay, And
I'm gonna tell you why.

Speaker 4 (17:50):
I have to say that, because I went so I
have an eighteen year old year old who just turned
eighteen in January sixth.

Speaker 3 (17:58):
I have a fifteen year old that it's.

Speaker 4 (18:00):
About to be sixteen, and then I have a six
year old that's going on forty.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
So you get it.

Speaker 4 (18:11):
But I think for the longest, I just wanted well
mannered children, Like if you raising children, that's kind of
the thing, you know, you want them to be where behaved.
As I went through my self discovery journey, what I
came to realize was I didn't want many means. I
wanted victims, and so they are very different. The other

(18:38):
side of it is they are all still images of me,
and they actually helped me to get to know myself
differently because all of it and it's crazy. But even
when I have wanted to be upset with them, I
have to remember where they come from. So I think
when you again a knowledge yourself, help you understand your
children differently. I got one that's super artsy, like, oh

(19:00):
my god, she do everything. She actually started a picture
she wanted me to bring for you. I'm gonna bring
it back that she was doing. She's an amazing artist.
She just got a full ride to Pratt Institute, one
of the top ten art schools.

Speaker 3 (19:12):
In the world.

Speaker 4 (19:13):
I'm so excited. And I ain't got to buy nothing
but blankets for her room, so that's a beautiful thing.
And then my middle daughter is an athlete. She's super
into a fashion and style, but she into like what's popular.
And then my Seaghier Row or Finnaby Sea Shi role,
she just really feel like she just mom like I'm good,

(19:36):
like I'm just I'm just so good. And when I
say that to say, I feel like I created or
I helped in the rearing, because I'll never take away
the amazing people I put in their lives to help
to sew into them, because I didn't do it by myself,
like I was a single mom.

Speaker 3 (19:54):
All of those things.

Speaker 4 (19:55):
But I had a village and I'm grateful for it
because it's a win for all of us. And I
think that that's what the issue come in with like
people and even rearing children. It's like, can't about to
tell you nothing about your child, can't no about to
do this and all of that, but then you crying
at night time because little Ray Ray won't come home,
your daughter done ran away? All of these things, but

(20:16):
you close it off where nobody can help or assist
you to evolve as a parent as a person.

Speaker 1 (20:23):
So how do you deal with like.

Speaker 2 (20:27):
When y'all do have like disagreements because it's a bunch
of girls. There's three girls, four girls, four women women.
How do y'all deal with that?

Speaker 1 (20:37):
Right?

Speaker 3 (20:38):
So one of the things that we can't do is
holler at each other.

Speaker 4 (20:41):
And I come from a holler that has been a
really hard because I'm not naturally aggressive. But when I'm irritated,
because I feel like and it's something that I can
say my mom even passed. Now when I'm irritated your children.
You have a different expectation for your children. So when
you're frustrated or if I'm frustrated with them, I'm always

(21:03):
looking at them at the place of like.

Speaker 3 (21:06):
You act like this something different. My expectations ain't never changed.

Speaker 4 (21:10):
So then when you're feeling away, it's like, well, mam,
it didn't really take out of that. Actually it shouldn't
have taken any of it because you knew I was
coming upstairs and the landing needs to be swept because
I don't want to come on stairs. You know how
if you're coming up stairs, you see like eye level,
I see.

Speaker 3 (21:24):
Hair like you know.

Speaker 4 (21:27):
Just it's things like that, and I'm not necessarily OCD,
but it's just like, let's keep a good home because
as a mine, as a family, like if we take
care of our stuff, we don't have no problem. And
if you waiting to me for me to tell you,
I have a problem with it because if I saw
you saw so it's normally you know you're right or
you know, everybody silid.

Speaker 3 (21:48):
Then you come back and you want to apologize. I'm good.
I feel like everybody needs that time.

Speaker 4 (21:51):
It don't matter that these are children, they know how
to disrespect me because I'm still a yes ma'am, no, ma'am.

Speaker 3 (21:56):
I don't care how old you are. That's how I
was raised that's what I believe.

Speaker 1 (22:01):
Okay, that's the balance.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
From your perspective, what do you think how big do
you think mindset playing like relationships?

Speaker 1 (22:11):
What part do you think you play the biggest part?

Speaker 4 (22:14):
Because if your mindset not together, your communication gonna be out.
And every time somebody say something to you in this relationship,
you I take this from me right before I got
my mindset together and got myself together, right, every time
somebody would say something that wasn't necessarily critiquing, but trying

(22:36):
to help me, to evolve, me to be a better person,
me to be able to look from a different perspective,
I feel like it was an attack. Yeah, if you
always in defense, how you gonna fight and grow together?

Speaker 3 (22:47):
Two don't go together?

Speaker 2 (22:48):
Right?

Speaker 4 (22:49):
But where my mindset elevated and realized, hold on, we
can't build together if we can't get on the same way.

Speaker 2 (22:56):
Lit.

Speaker 4 (22:56):
And this is the thing some people say, you have
to agree to go together. You can have an understanding
instead a girl together. It might not necessarily like it,
but that won't necessarily keep y'all from growing. Because I
can see and say, okay, you know what, he wasn't
trying to be funny I'm taking it because this is
some unhealed area of my life, and either I can
deal with it and heal from it and let that

(23:18):
be a learning thing, or I can use this as
a way to drive a wedge or something I always
use as an example is people consistently sweep things under
the rug and then trip on the rug and wonder
why they tripped.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
So, so do you think.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
It's the person or it was you? Like you know,
you know, because you could receive something from different people.

Speaker 4 (23:42):
Different for most people is reality, but your perception is
literally connected to your trauma or how you've been raised,
what you've gone through, like your life. So you can
perceive somebody trying to be funny that wasn't That's just
how they talk, that's how they speak.

Speaker 3 (24:00):
So yeah, I definitely say that it was me.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
Yeah, yeah for sure.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
But could you, like, could you receive the same thing
from somebody else, like I signed a relationship.

Speaker 3 (24:08):
Different level of respect, what you mean?

Speaker 4 (24:11):
So I feel like you can take stuff from people
who you don't think are trying to be harmful or
hurtful to you, Yeah, whereas people who you not you're
not sure if they're on your team for real.

Speaker 3 (24:22):
Oh okay, it's like you you kind of sigh eyeing it.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (24:26):
But the reason that people side our things like that
because you always think somebody after you. If you really
get to a place where you realize whether they after
me or not, I'm protecting in all things that are
will to happen, will happen, and everything that I ain't
want you stop acting like that.

Speaker 1 (24:40):
I think I think it's some truth. I think it's
even truth to hate.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
I think it's truth to even it's some truth to
somebody that's trying to be funny, you know what I'm saying, Like.

Speaker 3 (24:52):
Most jokes still have a level of honesty to exactly.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
Even somebody trying to tear you down, they could be
tearing you down with your truth. So you gotta take.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
Shit in like though, even though you feel fucked up,
it feel fucked up because it's kind of true.

Speaker 3 (25:07):
What the truth of the matter is. And I always
say this.

Speaker 4 (25:10):
You hear the saying iron shocking iron, iron on shocking
iron in the place it's already sharp and as you're sharpening,
if one area is sharper than the other.

Speaker 3 (25:21):
That dull place is going to cut you. It's going
to be some cutting in the sharping.

Speaker 4 (25:26):
And I think if people got out of the place
of being cut and understanding that the cutting is necessary
to cut away some things, to add some things, then
your perspective how you would sive things where people would
be different. But I think everybody and it's unfortunate, but
I think so many people walk around in the fence mode,
always ready for war, like you come.

Speaker 1 (25:47):
From me, let's go, yeah, where you think they come from?

Speaker 3 (25:52):
Childhood?

Speaker 4 (25:52):
In life, most people are walking around with unhealed childhood trauma.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
But you got a lot of people that's good, people
that still got fucked over so much that they be like, man,
fuck that, that's funny. Like you got some people that
jump off the porch like this was a nice lady
or a nice man, and then they run into a motherfucker,
unhealed motherfucker or straight off that don't want don't want
no harm and then they turn You see them slowly

(26:21):
turned to something like they never was.

Speaker 4 (26:24):
This's the thing I feel like. Now this is not
popular opinion, and it's okay, but I feel like we
all have things that can either be lying darming in
us or be plan in us.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
And some people can get it at you and that's
what it is. That's what it is. Yeah, not some facts.
I believe that, Yeah it was there, but nobody had
triggered it.

Speaker 4 (26:45):
Nobody never triggered it, just like yeah, you gonna have somebody,
never cheated, never nothing, always lawyer, man, old woman, always lawyer.
And then they literally get hurt so bad that it
triggers something that's been.

Speaker 3 (27:00):
In line doing it, and you're like, I'm good, I'm
good on all this. This is what I'm gonna do,
and if you don't like it, it's fine. Now.

Speaker 4 (27:06):
Do I believe that even if there's something that's trigger
than it happened, that they'll be happy. No, But it
goes back to self preservation. Even people who haven't went
through their own self discouraged journey ain't like really one
hundred with theyself. Still, everybody is self preserving, like I'm
gonna make sure I'm okay. Even if I'm making sure

(27:27):
I'm okay in a bad situation, it's better than what
I was in. So I just feel like it's just again,
all of this stuff is based on choices, and sometimes
people don't choose to heal because in having to choose
to heal, you have to sometimes.

Speaker 1 (27:42):
Look in the mirror.

Speaker 4 (27:43):
Yeah, and what you see in a mirror, Like y'all
listen that everybody that I've been into shopping malls and stores,
how you look sometimes in the store, and how you look.

Speaker 3 (27:54):
When you get home?

Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, cause they got a mirror looking different. But mirror
on that kind of man, the motherfucker ain't got that
got them three D on it.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
But I take that back.

Speaker 4 (28:08):
But see, I can always when it comes to fashion
out and minds, I can always take it back to
that because this is the thing.

Speaker 3 (28:14):
You'll get home and you'll swear.

Speaker 4 (28:15):
They tricked you, like this fits so good. When I
was here and all of these different things, it never fit.
You were in the move to buy, you thought that
this looked good. You tried to know, and then when
you got to the light of your home, your comfort place, reality.

Speaker 1 (28:30):
When you got back to reality, yep, now, no facts.

Speaker 2 (28:34):
Hey, Now, it's a notable disconnect between men and women
in relationships. And you know what I'm saying, dating and stuff.
What do you think the disconnect is? And what do
you think we can do? The bridge the gap?

Speaker 4 (28:48):
Bridge gap choices. I just everything for me gonna always
be choices. Do I think it's a disconnect, yes, But
I think the disconnect is I was just as telling
somebody this. I feel like that this connect, if we
just be honest, is men will want a specific.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
Thing, right what they want?

Speaker 3 (29:08):
You want a nice looking woman, her body look good.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (29:12):
I'm just just my go ahead what I'm saying. What
they want?

Speaker 3 (29:14):
A nice looking body, look good.

Speaker 4 (29:16):
You know, she represents you well in the streets, all
of these things where you can have that, but she
probably not gonna be able to have a good intellectual conversation.
And ladies, I'm not saying that this is you. This
is just an example, but that could be it. But
then you got this girl who struck your ego just
like how you like it. She check on you, she
talks to you, all of these things, but she don't
necessarily look like what you want to have in the street.

Speaker 3 (29:40):
A dude will go and set up for this, keep a.

Speaker 4 (29:42):
Conversation going over here, versus going and cultivating and loving
on her for her to be able to give you
the exact same look.

Speaker 1 (29:48):
But nah, yeah, you're right.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
But sometimes the women who do that in the beginning,
they do that in the beginning then turn out to
be crazy.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
The difference is, you know what I'm saying, Like she.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
Do all that you put that wood in ornt she's
different now.

Speaker 3 (30:03):
The difference is. The difference is that's not who she is.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
I'm saying. But they all know how to act like
that's who they is. Though am I right or wrong?

Speaker 4 (30:12):
Everybody knows how to act, That's what I'm saying, Like
from the beginning, anybody.

Speaker 1 (30:16):
To get what you want, from the beginning, you know
exactly what to do. She's nurtured, she hear me. She's
the one.

Speaker 3 (30:23):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
She's the one. She checks on me, She's the one.

Speaker 3 (30:28):
She's she got this straight but not common.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
She got this straight dog comfortable. This nigga don't want
to be a straight dog no more. As soon as
he get in there and do what he do and
make her feel the way she feels like a button
or something just click.

Speaker 4 (30:42):
Sometimes sometimes I'm in agreement, but that's not true because
this is the thing. She know what she's trying to
do to get you. And then this is the and
I think there's a problem on both ends. You do
what it takes to get them, but not what it
take to keep him exactly. But this again, it is

(31:03):
a choice. Like I even I can say this in relationships,
being more intentional, people getting in and then you get comfortable.

Speaker 3 (31:11):
That's just a fact. That is a natural thing.

Speaker 4 (31:13):
You get comfortable and then it's like that boy, I
know I love him, That girl I know I love him.

Speaker 3 (31:18):
She knows I miss her.

Speaker 4 (31:20):
Like, why not take the step of being intentional? And
I feel like if you treat a person in a relationship,
how you treat yourself.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
We won't let me say this. I'm glad that. Listen,
you meet a guy, right and you're pouring into him.
But you know what kind of nigga this is? Am
I right? A wrong? You know what kind of nigga
this is?

Speaker 2 (31:45):
It's kind of he kind of I gotta keep one
eye on him, right, all right, But I'm pouring into
this nigga.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
I like him. Sooner or later once we get in there,
we finally get together.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
A woman tends to think that this guy is gonna
automatic turn and to who she wishes him to be.

Speaker 3 (32:02):
Okay, but if you go in wishing for him to be, No, you.

Speaker 1 (32:07):
Don't go ahead wishing to be you think you're gonna
love him into being who you want him to be.

Speaker 3 (32:11):
No, that doesn't work.

Speaker 5 (32:11):
I've done it.

Speaker 2 (32:12):
That's what I'm trying to tell you. But I'm saying,
but that's the typical. That's the typical what I see.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
You know what I'm saying. A woman with me and
her nigga and part she like, I gave you everything.
I done everything. I've been nurturing you.

Speaker 3 (32:23):
I need to do that too, though, do what that
same thing. I did everything for you. I was there
out of these different things.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
Be there. I don't smell for you. Be never what
you were. When you change, that's what I'm mad about. Bitch,
don't excuse me. Don't come in here and be this
way and then because that's what I want. So then
when you switch that up, now I'm upset.

Speaker 2 (32:44):
I'm not gonna ask you to switch something else up.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (32:48):
A woman wants you both that go both way.

Speaker 1 (32:51):
Yes, oh yes, okay, go ahead, go ahead.

Speaker 3 (32:53):
So I'm coming from the women's women's perspective. Okay, what
a man and I've seen this happened. A man pour
into her. She finally started loving and feeling herself, and
she realized this is really.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
He not what I want, okay, and vice versa, because.

Speaker 3 (33:08):
It's not really what I want. You thought that that's
what you wanted.

Speaker 4 (33:11):
And I think that that's one of the issues of
why or one of the reasons or why it's so
important to know who you are, number one and be
honest about what you with because you'll go in and
you'll start a foundation with a person think that everything
is good, but then a lot of semen. So you know,
I'm like Jane Channel, actually maybe go to back to
school to get into the construction thing. So sometimes between

(33:35):
fashion and building, those normal where my knowledge come from.
But I say, you decided that you wanted to go
and start put in uh two by fours and building,
and a concrete was still with you didn't lie it
to cure the way that they needed to, and now.

Speaker 3 (33:50):
You mad because you want to build a shaky foundation.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
Correct.

Speaker 3 (33:55):
People don't have real.

Speaker 4 (33:56):
Conversations Like I'm a big uh we talked about this,
but I'm a big card game person. So like the
cars that have like the different questions and stuff like that,
I feel like in the first few days, y'all need to.

Speaker 3 (34:09):
Be having these hard questions because then let's stop playing.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
With these But niggas, But niggas and females will answer
the questions to the person that they're talking to.

Speaker 1 (34:18):
I'm just telling you right now we.

Speaker 4 (34:22):
Should have brought I'm telling you you gotta have you
day because I'm the card. These cars, I'm not I'm
not even trying to be funny, but these cars they
invoke conversations that most people don't even think about it.
And it's not even that it's not something that they want.
It's just thoughts that people just don't even think about.
For instance, I'm gonna give you an example. One of

(34:44):
the cars in this I have like several different sets
different games. Well, one of the cars said, if we
get married and your father comes to our home, my father.

Speaker 3 (34:54):
As in being a woman right comes to our home,
and it's disrespectful to you. Who is my husband?

Speaker 5 (35:02):
Right?

Speaker 3 (35:03):
Whose side I'm taking?

Speaker 5 (35:04):
You?

Speaker 1 (35:05):
Put who's up and get shot in my house?

Speaker 2 (35:07):
You better get that, nigga. I'm just saying, they don't
even matter. You ain't gotta worry about coming to stand up.

Speaker 3 (35:12):
No, but I get what you saying just because you
know where you come from.

Speaker 4 (35:17):
But as the point, the point of the cards is,
it's to show the level of respect that you will
have for your priests, protected provider.

Speaker 3 (35:23):
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (35:24):
Like it's because guess what if she's saying, Oh, I'm
going with my daddy all day, How in the world
I replace your father as your husband?

Speaker 1 (35:33):
Right?

Speaker 3 (35:33):
How in the world is that? But that's again you
get to have those conversations.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
And a lot of times you and this is a
good point.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
Yeah, this is the other part of this. Does this
tell you whether or not she gonna respect you for real?
And that's that's the truth. A lot of the issues
that men have with women is lack of respect and adration.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
Yes, correct, No, correct, But back to my point.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
A woman will come in a relationship, right and they
still no matter what, when they pour into you, they
feel like they poured They've they've filled you up. They
feel like you're supposed to see the woman that I am.
You should change for.

Speaker 4 (36:15):
Me, not so much you should change for me. There
should be uh, there should be a want to make
me happy.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
To hold up. But if I don't make you happy
with me being me, I would never make you happy.
I'm in agreement with it, because if I turn into
a fake meigg, You're gonna feel that I'm being fake.
That's a lie.

Speaker 3 (36:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
If I start doing things outside of my norm for you,
that's me. Now go ahead, now, go ahead.

Speaker 3 (36:39):
So let's let's let's back this up. Let's keep it
a up.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
Go ahead.

Speaker 3 (36:42):
So if you're with a woman, right, yeah.

Speaker 4 (36:45):
She doing all of these things cultivating you, all of
this stuff, right, things that you wouldn't normally do, because
it ain't nothing that was ever in your spectrum. Is
not something like you grew up seeing necessarily, but it's
something that means something I heard like for instance, say
you what a woman who always out in like high society.

(37:05):
You never necessarily been in high society, you never been
to like none of that different.

Speaker 3 (37:10):
That's still a change.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
But you know what I'm saying, that's not really changing.

Speaker 3 (37:13):
That's just.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
Let me, let me explain to you what I'm trying
to say.

Speaker 3 (37:17):
Something else. I give what you're saying.

Speaker 1 (37:18):
No, what I'm saying is that's that's my woman elevating me.

Speaker 3 (37:21):
But I can look at that at the elevation. That's change.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
No, I can look at that in that way. I
agree with you on that.

Speaker 2 (37:26):
Now that I'm funny, I'm funny if you if you're
showing me something different that's gonna help me be a
better meet, then that's cool. I'm saying, if you, if
I do, if I negotiate my nun negotiables for.

Speaker 3 (37:38):
You, what's your non negotiables? I'm telling One of the
reason I'm saying that is because.

Speaker 4 (37:45):
Again I go back to me, I've been in relationships
where I negotiated my non negotiable, but I negotiated my
non negotiable because I saw the potential in it being okay.
And maybe why it was a non negotiable in a
different situation is because I felt like this about you
get what I'm saying, yeah versus okay. For instance, what
I was gonna say as a point is you may

(38:07):
not have been like the flowers and candy, the rose
pedal type of dude, right, but it's something that you
want to give your girl this experience that may not
have been who you were, and that may be something
she yearning for, but not necessarily something she's say because
she don't necessarily see that in you, like you know,
see you doing that that's not who you are.

Speaker 3 (38:24):
Maybe that make you seem like you simple, like one.

Speaker 1 (38:26):
Of the no.

Speaker 4 (38:27):
But if it's something that you if it's something that
she's like, babe, you know, I just appreciate the things
that have been going on.

Speaker 3 (38:35):
I really would love to have like a romantic day.

Speaker 4 (38:38):
Because the other side of it is she also has
to be able to communicate. I'm a communicator, so I'm
gonna be like little Boo, like I was thinking about,
let's do a staycation.

Speaker 3 (38:46):
I wouldn't mind doing that. I tell you what, I'm curious.

Speaker 4 (38:49):
I want you to plan something or me on the backside,
I'm a plan something and then tell you to outdo
me because me and like competition.

Speaker 1 (38:56):
Olah, for sure, I agree with that. That's different, but it's.

Speaker 4 (38:59):
Still agent something that most people aren't. When she elevates
you into doing stuff like I'm.

Speaker 2 (39:05):
Not saying I'm not saying just what I'd use wrong
words like okay, because that's a closed minded person who
don't want to grow.

Speaker 3 (39:10):
But that's a lot of people.

Speaker 4 (39:12):
Yeah, a lot of times what the issue come in
is your closed minded to say I don't want to
do this because I ain't never seen this. Don't no
matter where I'm coming from, do stuff like this, And
you're questioning somebody that's trying to elevate you at the
end of the day.

Speaker 3 (39:24):
Elevation is expanding.

Speaker 4 (39:26):
Your mind, introduce you to something you ain't never necessarily
or even had the thought process of. But when you
do do it, then they starts saying, dang, I never
even thought I could be here.

Speaker 2 (39:36):
But the right woman, if you got the right woman,
you fuck with her, she you gonna you willing to
do whatever it is to make her happy.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
Aside of outside.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
Of changing your character, I'm speaking on characters, Okay, character
like this, say Vincent, I'm the type of nigga I'm
gonna always have me another spot regardless. I don't give
a fuck who I'm wow because I'm just the type
of nigga I have to remove myself.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
I have to remove I have to have my peace.

Speaker 4 (39:58):
So, but why you don't have your piece at that
place where you're I'm just saying it don't matter. I'm
just curious because I'm a self sabotage or sometimes it
may not even be her, that's the truth.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
I'm just a retarded nigga.

Speaker 2 (40:07):
Sometimes I'm just keeping a real So before I let
you let you see this something I always want with
this nigga, this nigga always going through it because I
don't want to poor.

Speaker 1 (40:17):
I don't want to do things to you that you
don't deserve, or say things or but that's a conversation the.

Speaker 2 (40:24):
Energy I'm saying, But it's the conversation. But it happens
so often that I don't even want to wanting around you.

Speaker 4 (40:31):
But this is the thing though, happening so often. Right,
that's one thing. But again having the conversation, because it's
one thing. If you be like, maybe I got another spot,
because sometimes I just.

Speaker 3 (40:41):
Be needing a moment. It's for you. If that's if
it's really your girl. You may not agree with what
I'm about.

Speaker 4 (40:48):
To say, but you may have to give her a
certain level of security in that, which mean like what
so if as a man, you're telling me like I
got another spot, but you like you can't never come
over there, you know. But that's what I'm saying. A
woman who really understands, like that's just how he is.

(41:08):
Like I know people who married who do not stay
in the same house with their husband. They love each other,
they get together, they don't sleep with nobody else.

Speaker 3 (41:15):
It's just that. Shoot, my grandmama and her husband do
not sleep in the same bad. Yeah, he snorts, she
don't like it. It is what it is. When they
get together and do what they do. They get together,
do what they do.

Speaker 4 (41:26):
She love respect all of these things with him, And
so again, I just think that it's a conversation. A
lot of times we're scared to have conversations that you
need in order to build a real relationship, and then
you walking around saying, nah, she just not a one.

Speaker 3 (41:39):
Nah he just not a one.

Speaker 4 (41:40):
He don't understand. But you never even try to educate
a person to see because back to your point, if
she the one, if she the one, you gonna want
to make her happy, and vice versa.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
To say, some people you can't make happy.

Speaker 3 (41:54):
Though those people ain't happy with theirselves.

Speaker 1 (41:56):
That's what I'm trying to tell. Some people you can't
make happy.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
Some people just always gonna find some people are pestimistic
and the optimist.

Speaker 1 (42:02):
So you know what I'm saying at the end of.

Speaker 3 (42:03):
The day, But they both are necessary exactly.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
But at the end of the day, if if, if,
if I was in a relationship, just say me, if
I was a relationship with you and you told me
the same thing, I said, like, hey, well I'm bipolar.
M H and sitting in the house. Sitting in his
house triggered me. I got a spot right here.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
This is why I be at woo.

Speaker 2 (42:22):
I'm just gonna go over here and get me some
time for you know what I'm saying. I ain't gonna
stay out or whatever. I'm just over here. This is
where I'm at, like an office.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
So okay, this is my question. You tell me that
you tell me that, no I'm saying, you tell me
that this.

Speaker 4 (42:34):
Is my spot, like and I say, all right, that's fine,
I don't have no problem with that, and then say
something going on. It's been a couple of days. You
done checked in, Like, hey baby, I'm good. I just
want to make sure blah blah blah. Right, I know
people that are bipolar, so you need somebody to check you.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
And cause you can call me at only a time,
you can send me food, you could come over, you
can whatever that get me supposed.

Speaker 1 (42:55):
But go home right, whatever you want to do.

Speaker 4 (42:58):
My next point was if you good with me making
sure you got food and checking in, because that's the
nurturer in me.

Speaker 3 (43:04):
If as long as I know you good and you all.

Speaker 1 (43:06):
Right, I'm not saying I'm going to go hide from you.

Speaker 3 (43:09):
No, not that, okay, I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
I'm just I don't want to keep looking at your
ass all day.

Speaker 2 (43:14):
I want to I want to see you when I
get home in love on your I don't want to all.

Speaker 4 (43:18):
Day because to me, I want to sit in there
look at you all there either though, That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (43:22):
I think I think that takes. I think that that
take that.

Speaker 2 (43:25):
All we doing now is picking flaws from each other
because everybody got flaws, everybody.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
So we sitting around like man fight the way that
whole be out there, you just gonna keep finding. It's
if that, if.

Speaker 3 (43:37):
That's if that's the case, this is just my opinion.

Speaker 1 (43:39):
Though.

Speaker 3 (43:40):
If that's the case, it's not in a real connection anyway.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
I don't give a damn who you connected with. Bro.
You sitting around the motherfucker every day all day that
you should.

Speaker 3 (43:47):
Sit around nobody every day, That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (43:50):
So I'm saying, if that's the case, y'all need some
time apart, because you need some kind of time to
be able to miss and all of these different things.
That's why sometimes when people take breaks and that relationship,
I understand it because you need to see if this
really will work for you, because if it's not work
worth for you, let's not waste each other time.

Speaker 3 (44:06):
Time is the one thing you can't get back.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
But that ain't just being biased on relationship. I'm like
that with my friends, with my business partners, with everybody.
Like some days I go days when I even askwer
my phone and people be like, what's wrong with this nigga?

Speaker 3 (44:18):
Like excuse me, send a small sigal or somebody.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
That's what I'm saying. But I'm just sometimes just blink out.

Speaker 4 (44:23):
Yeah, well that's understandable. But that's a conversation. Most people
just assume that you should be.

Speaker 3 (44:29):
Able to just take it. Everybody is different.

Speaker 4 (44:31):
If people are well versed in who you are, you
know what Bank can't respond to back today?

Speaker 3 (44:36):
He probably have them one of the mamas. All right,
I'm gonna hit you in the morning. I right, can
you good?

Speaker 1 (44:39):
Yeah? Just yeah, Bro, You're gonna be all right.

Speaker 2 (44:42):
Motherfuckers snap you out of if they know you, like Bro,
y'all see you over there, retard everything good.

Speaker 1 (44:46):
I'm praying for you, and then I'm pick up what's up?

Speaker 4 (44:49):
Hell?

Speaker 1 (44:49):
Yeah, I'm back. Yeah, it's simple shit it's medicine. Some
shit be medicine for niggas for sure.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
Like but if you don't understand that, you just and
you automatically feel like cause because mental health real, oh
very much, and we all have a bunch of undiednosed problems.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
Agree that we don't even know we got Agree And.

Speaker 4 (45:07):
I know.

Speaker 2 (45:09):
Me to bro, I don't read every every symptom of everything.
And I got that, you know what I'm saying, like
real shit, Like no matter what, we just PTSD anything.

Speaker 1 (45:20):
Anything, have we got it all?

Speaker 3 (45:22):
The difference is is that now there is verbage or
wording for it, and it wasn't.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
It was life. Yes, agree exactly.

Speaker 2 (45:30):
So at the end of the day, if a motherfucker
sit around you all day, they take that person when
they love you so much, some people take that personal.

Speaker 4 (45:39):
I think people do take it personal because they feel
like they feel unwanted or unneeded because most people need
one of the other.

Speaker 3 (45:47):
Won't or need that. Most people need it in their relationships.
They got to have one or the other.

Speaker 4 (45:54):
And I think that again it goes back to your
ability one to grow, because if you grow and you
start looking at it like this ain't even personal and
only reason I can say this is because I had
to get out of a place of taking things so
personal because it was like, this really ain't got nothing
to do with me.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
They're dealing with something on their own side. But this
is a good thing. Do you know how many people
ain't never even giving that a thought?

Speaker 4 (46:16):
Like this person really off here fighting for their mental health,
or fighting to be able to pay their bills, dealing
with their baby daddy or their girlfriend, and you taking
something personal. But what I always say, and I've been
saying this since I started like mindset speaking on it
in is if you can put yourself down in a
situation and think about how you felt in the moment

(46:36):
of you going through something when you isolated, not talking
to people. If you can drop yourself down in it,
it's way easier to respect other people's distance because they
don't have nothing to do with you.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
Fact because you know you ain't getting that to nobody.

Speaker 4 (46:50):
But that's a part now. I also feel like that's
a gift of country. Sometimes you feel in some kind
of way because of something that's unspoken, But if you
treat people right, you don't have this exactly.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
That's what I'm saying. I like I don't have no
problem like I pick up with all my people where
we left off at. Yeah, Bro, I don't feel nigga
gonna be on some sucking ship. I don't feel like that.

Speaker 4 (47:11):
But that's the thing though some people have never experienced
real relationships like that.

Speaker 3 (47:16):
That's the thing.

Speaker 4 (47:17):
I feel like the world in general would be a
better place if we all understand we all come from
so many different backgrounds, all of these difference.

Speaker 1 (47:26):
That's why the ship called perspectives. Yeah, because you could
be right and I could be wrong in your eyes.

Speaker 4 (47:31):
And we both right right, And the other side of
it is is being open to understanding of different perspectives.
Closed mindedness, and you say this a little bit earlier,
closed mindedness is only going to leave you just like that,
closed off and oftentimes by yourself.

Speaker 1 (47:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:48):
See the part about it is man with me and
we're gonna turn this shit to therapy.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
The part about this shit with me is I feel
better by myself.

Speaker 3 (48:01):
That's what that. I'm like that.

Speaker 1 (48:04):
So like in the club radio, I don't gotta do nothing.
I could just ride and talk to me. Yeah, yeah, bro,
you know what I'm saying. Like it's something wrong, bro,
And it's that thing.

Speaker 3 (48:17):
So it's so funny. I am very much a people person.

Speaker 1 (48:21):
Hold on, Si, bro on recording, Bro shot the camera at.

Speaker 6 (48:27):
One time, Bron, you know what time it is happening?

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Free time? All right, bro, my nigga money man, you
said what I was.

Speaker 4 (48:40):
Saying, Like, I just feel like so like I'm very social,
Yeah I am. I love being around people. I like
to entertain because I'm naturally a nurturer, so I can
be in groups and all of that.

Speaker 3 (48:53):
But I also am a recluse.

Speaker 1 (48:56):
Too. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (48:57):
So like when I was talking to you about the
shows and stuff, like I can go and shut down
and shut down for a whole weekend. I don't have
to talk to nobody. I can literally see it, ketch
up on some TV, ketch up on some sleep and
some me time and be Okay. A lot of people
cannot do that, Like, you know, you see that little thing.

Speaker 3 (49:13):
Online out of time.

Speaker 4 (49:14):
If you wanna get to the next level, or you
wanna show yourself, drop off, you know, drop out of
site for six.

Speaker 3 (49:20):
Months and stuff like that.

Speaker 4 (49:22):
Like some people can't do that because not having other
human interaction messes them up.

Speaker 3 (49:27):
And that's fine.

Speaker 4 (49:28):
But again I go back to saying, we have to
understand that everybody is different. Everybody Donna went through something
and some people have such bad, bad demn issues. And
that goes back to why I said that about a
card game, because you find these things out and you
can know whether or not you want to deal with it.
People's answers. It's only so much faking you can do.
And that's just the truth, because when you trite the

(49:49):
right nerves, it's gonna tell you, wait a minute, she
can't never be alone. She gonna need to she wan
the codes some the phone. She gotta be able to
be right down on my hip no where I'm at.
Most people who are natural can't take that. It's like
you really are bugging out, like every time it's a
temperature chick. You're not talking to me today. You don't
love me any more, you don't want to be with
me any more.

Speaker 3 (50:09):
Like that would drop me absolutely nook. If this what
it is, this is what it is.

Speaker 4 (50:14):
Only time I'm ever doing a temperature check in a
relationship is if something is off and I'm going to say,
are you good? Like how you ask like is your
mental good? I'm very well aware that sometimes things can happen.
You can be having stressing at your job. And what
I have found with a great deal of being is
I don't want to brain stress home. And as a man,

(50:36):
society has already said like, y'all carried all of this weight.
But it's like if nobody teaches you how to balance
the way, or if nobody ever teaches you that, babe,
when you get home, lay that way at the door.

Speaker 3 (50:46):
You can pick that up on your way out. This
is your safe space.

Speaker 4 (50:49):
This is where you come in and let it all relax.
This your sanctuary. This is where you come in and
find your peace.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
So okay, all right, I'm coming home. How at home
looked when I walk in the door stretched out, i'
streched out, howl home.

Speaker 1 (51:04):
Look when I walk through the door.

Speaker 4 (51:06):
Home, look when it is probably gonna be hay, honey
on a hug, Especially if I feel like you coming
in from stress, because you can pick it up. If
anybody you really connected to you can tell something that's off,
you can't really affix it. I'm being like, so I
me in a relationship, anybody had dated me will take this.

Speaker 3 (51:23):
I am a very much a caterer to you.

Speaker 4 (51:28):
So you coming in, I already got a shower on
out to lay it out your sleeping clothes or whatever
your you know, however you lounge.

Speaker 1 (51:36):
Nigga, ain't stay on those loan shirts on and.

Speaker 4 (51:40):
I'm gonna put I'm a loan shirt no, no, no,
But I'm a pajama girl like I. I think that
that's important. A lot of times most people didn't grow
up actually wearing pajamas. So a nice lounge something because
you may not.

Speaker 3 (51:53):
You may not be one to go get in the bed.
You might want to go play the game.

Speaker 4 (51:56):
If the game is a thing that you like, you
might want to go outside and it's smoke is your thing,
you might want to I want to make sure you
straight your.

Speaker 3 (52:03):
Yeah, so where you can loud, you can get out.

Speaker 4 (52:07):
Later day down, because at the end of the day,
I don't want you to come in still holding the day.
I gotta start decompressing and being able to build what
everybody else came in to take.

Speaker 3 (52:18):
Whatever your thing is as your woman, I'm gonna know that.

Speaker 4 (52:20):
That's what it is, okay, making sure that those things
are the See if you're hungry, if you want something
to eat, or if you don't want anything to eat,
what is it that you you know, wanted to do,
or I can even take them step further if you like.
Bay Like it's just been a long day, I really
just want to lay down and get the game. I'm
again very much a hostess. So I got fluffy throws,

(52:41):
waded blankets. All right, honey, go downstairs and you do that.
We got kids, so hey, dad's home. House needs to
be quiet. I'm already like that. At a certain time,
my house gotta shut down because when he come in,
then my attention has to be to him, so I
can make sure, Hey, boo, you good, what you want
to do? We finished the TV. We finna cook whatever,

(53:01):
We're finna do aant to make sure. And if you
not in the move for none of that, you're just
gonna go watch the game.

Speaker 3 (53:05):
That's fine. I know how to be by myself.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
Okay, let's talk about the flip side of that. Okay, right,
he has let you down, he's disappointed you. How the
house looks now the same? That's p I fuck with that, yeah,
because this is the thing.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
I fuck with that.

Speaker 3 (53:18):
People let you down.

Speaker 1 (53:19):
Either walk away or.

Speaker 3 (53:22):
People let you down.

Speaker 4 (53:23):
I'm not always gonna I'm not always going to get
it right either, I can't get down on you when
you let me down if I want you to be
able to be there, you know what I'm saying. And
on the other side of it. So for me now
they don't change because this is the thing ladies, we

(53:44):
gotta get out of the place, and this is something
for me personally. This is a personal k ism for sure,
Like this is me is I don't feel like you
can build up with the same.

Speaker 3 (53:55):
Mouth you turned down and you ain't got a way.

Speaker 4 (53:58):
Oh look, I don't feel like you can build with
the same mouth that you tell down.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
With baby, and you only have one mouth.

Speaker 3 (54:12):
So it's like, how can this is? I think that
this is where su I'm.

Speaker 4 (54:16):
Gonna come from in a lot of relationships. Hell this
he I'm not really a custol now to have my cousin, Yes,
it's just not.

Speaker 3 (54:23):
I don't think his lady light. So that's just my thing, right,
everybody to eat his own this beat. But you can't
say you're a f nigga.

Speaker 4 (54:32):
You can't say this to him or he ain't this
I can't stand you, or that's why I don't even
like when we do this, but then you get back
with him because forever.

Speaker 3 (54:41):
In his mind, exactly what you said is what he's saying.

Speaker 4 (54:45):
And he don't know if when you say I love you,
by you you my one, like if that's what you feel,
or if you really.

Speaker 3 (54:52):
Thank you nigga, like that's just the truth.

Speaker 1 (54:54):
So which.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
Man wanna hold on to the same stuff?

Speaker 1 (54:59):
So I'm aware, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (55:01):
I'm aware.

Speaker 4 (55:02):
So that's why I say, like I can't caress you
and whisper sweet nothings in your ear and kiss on
you and all.

Speaker 1 (55:08):
Of the things that.

Speaker 4 (55:10):
Exactly unless you're in the mood and you allowed me
to do the things, but they will never be the
same for you in your mind.

Speaker 3 (55:16):
I just don't play like that.

Speaker 1 (55:18):
Yeah, I just don't.

Speaker 3 (55:19):
And I and don't get me wrong, Like I get it.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
There are some people like they you saying you have
but you just don't know.

Speaker 3 (55:24):
Mom, Oh no, I never have.

Speaker 1 (55:25):
You never have.

Speaker 3 (55:25):
I'll never It's never never.

Speaker 4 (55:29):
That ain't never been my thing because I saw it
like my mom when she was married. It was volatile,
you get what I'm saying, Like they fighting, he jumping
on her, like just different things.

Speaker 5 (55:40):
Right.

Speaker 4 (55:41):
I just never wanted that. But what I've always realized
is if you talk to somebody that you love in
a way of somebody that you hate.

Speaker 3 (55:50):
Where do they fight a balance? Which one do they believe?

Speaker 1 (55:53):
They say love and hate it's the same emotion.

Speaker 4 (55:55):
It is they they they're both invoked the same emotion.
The outcome is different. The outcome is different. If I
if I just like planning seeds, I can go and
plant weeds or I can go plant flowers.

Speaker 3 (56:13):
Both of them will grow with water sunshine. Well, which
one is prettier.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
So if you're doing both of you trying to plant
you step, Yeah, you're trying to plant a seed for
a flower, and the goddamn and you just have a
yeah French, your exotic ship. And now they said communication
is the key right to a success relationship, which you

(56:40):
think the most common break down a communication is between
women lack of it. But okay, what if you got
a communicator, right that that that that knows how to communicate.
Communication also is actually hearing a person. Yes you know
what I'm saying, Like people got to understand that we
could talk all day, but you you can sometimes talk

(57:01):
hear me and I talk and don't hear you.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
Yeah, right, So that's not proper communication.

Speaker 3 (57:06):
No, it's not.

Speaker 4 (57:07):
But this is the other side of that too. We're
talking right me and you're having a conversation. In times
you said certain things, I'd be like explaining that exactly
right me too. Most people won't say explained. You'll take
in how you took it, and it may not mean
exactly what the person was trying to say. That's why

(57:28):
I'm quick to say, like, explain that, because I don't
want to answer based on my perception, because my perception
is a difference from what your real reality is.

Speaker 2 (57:36):
If I don't know your reality, let me tell you
some of what people get upset with me at. Because
I can say something, ask you get what I'm saying.
They be like, yeah, yeah, what am I saying?

Speaker 3 (57:47):
People?

Speaker 4 (57:47):
You know why people do that though, woll because nobody
ever want to look stupid?

Speaker 1 (57:50):
What do you mean I'm asking you?

Speaker 4 (57:51):
Like, if I am a defense mechanism of people who
don't want to come across slow they didn't get it
and out of and out of shame or lack of
or not wanting to be shamed or feel shame, they'd
be like yeah, And now when you ask, does very
same you are trying to reflect shine on you?

Speaker 3 (58:14):
You can't respond.

Speaker 4 (58:16):
No.

Speaker 2 (58:16):
Yeah, like, if I break some down to a person, right,
let me let me say it again for the camera.
If I break some down to a person, my true feelings,
how I feel, and then I because I know people
receive things different because of their perspective.

Speaker 1 (58:29):
So I asked you like, did you get what I'm saying?
And they be like, yeah, I got it. I heard you. No,
I know you heard me. But what am I saying?

Speaker 3 (58:36):
Like I heard hearing you, hearing you and understanding this difference.

Speaker 2 (58:39):
Exactly because I want. I want to know, because I
want to need type niggas. I could tell you something
and then I'm gonna watch in the future to see
that you get it, because it's gonna come a time
again that if you.

Speaker 1 (58:51):
Do that same shit. I already told you that, that's
a deal breaking for me.

Speaker 2 (58:55):
So I'm gonna make sure that you get what I'm saying,
so it won't be no understanding me, no misunderstanding when it.

Speaker 1 (59:01):
Gets to that point.

Speaker 2 (59:02):
And I don't say nothing else to you ever in life.
You get what I'm saying, so I want to make
sure you got it.

Speaker 4 (59:07):
But that's the thing I go back to saying. People
won't ask because they don't really understand. Okay, communication is
necessary right for relationships. Most people don't know how to
communicate people. This is a sad situation, but it's the truth.
If you think about your parent, right when you talk
to your kids, you breaking down, you correcting different things.

Speaker 3 (59:31):
Then month later, week later, they do the same things.
Did you not hear what I said? People listen to
the same way kids do.

Speaker 4 (59:39):
Especially people who have not learned how to effectively communicate
and have conversations. So they heard the first part of
what you said, don't die in the middle courge you
at the end because you took a pause and was
like you understand what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (59:52):
Yeah, I understand.

Speaker 4 (59:53):
I'm just saying they missed completely what you said. And
this is the other reason why I say explain that
a little bit, or like I just want to make
sure that I have it the other side of it.
And this is something you been in therapy. I feel
it in therapy, they say, especially if you got to
like a couple therapy and things like that. They say,

(01:00:13):
what I when somebody tell you something in therapy, like
say you're going to couples therapy, because that's what it
was from and it was like, hey, honey, I feel
unseen by you right this, And they'll say, what did
you hear him say?

Speaker 3 (01:00:31):
Or what did you hear her say? Because it was
something that I said, and they were like, she feels
like I don't see her. No, what she's saying is
this is what I meant by it.

Speaker 4 (01:00:41):
But a lot of people don't have the same ability
to say, wait a minute, she's not saying I don't
look at her. She's saying she don't feel nurtured or
cared for a balue like I get dressed, I'm faxing
to go out the door, and you ain't like dang boo,
you look good and slap me on the butt.

Speaker 1 (01:00:57):
Like because that's a thing like for me, And now
I get exactly yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:01:03):
I want it like I'm gonna hear me, I'm gonna
pour into you because when you hit the streets, that's great.

Speaker 3 (01:01:10):
But their compliment is a bonus.

Speaker 4 (01:01:13):
I already said on the right place where people mess
up here because you didn't pour her before she left,
and now she went out of the house and got it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
And got it non for show, fat no, I get
it non for show.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
I'm over though I'm overly even even with just not
even my spouse, even with anybody I'm over because I
know how good it feels to receive that.

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
But you know what I'm saying, So that's why.

Speaker 3 (01:01:34):
I get it as yourself.

Speaker 4 (01:01:36):
Go back to what I said, If you treat people
how you want to be treated, the reciprocation of what
you get from them gonna always be It's gonna always
be beautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:01:48):
A good conversation, it's a great conversation. So basically, basically.

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
I see people get mad at me again because I
make you repeat your of like what do you mean?

Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
It's like.

Speaker 2 (01:02:03):
Like you're trying to catch me up and something ain't
trying to get I'm trying to make sure I understand.

Speaker 4 (01:02:06):
But you do understand that people who feel like you're
trying to catch them up is always because nine times
out of ten they trying to have something. Would you
have an issue with explaining this is the thing. I
don't care what nobody say. If you need me to
explain something I said.

Speaker 1 (01:02:21):
I write it down.

Speaker 3 (01:02:23):
But it's because you want to get a better understanding
of me.

Speaker 4 (01:02:26):
When you want to get a better understand of me,
that tells me there's something that I'm saying that is
a value to you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:31):
Yes, people who you are a value to me if
I'm talking to you exactly.

Speaker 4 (01:02:35):
But this is the thing, because people don't value themselves
or what they say. They feel like, oh man, they
just trying to make me feel stupid, They just trying
to trip me up, or whatever the case may be.

Speaker 3 (01:02:47):
No, that's what you feel like, cause that ain't.

Speaker 4 (01:02:49):
Why I asked you. I wouldn't ask you to repeat it.
If I didn't care about what you said, I will
say the same thing you said. Yeah I heard you
because I wasn't listening. You get what I'm saying, Like,
that's the difference. But if you don't you yourself like that,
everybody else that you come in contact with you feel
as though they devalue you when.

Speaker 3 (01:03:06):
You came in on depletion.

Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
Oh baby, nah, So what qualities?

Speaker 2 (01:03:14):
What's the first thing you think a person need to
work on before they try to be an idol with
somebody else?

Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
Try to be with somebody else?

Speaker 3 (01:03:20):
Self acceptance?

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
Self acceptance, Like you got to really know who you
are and.

Speaker 3 (01:03:25):
Be okay with it. Like, for lack of a better way,
I'm a person like.

Speaker 4 (01:03:33):
You know, and I love my skin and all that,
But there are some nights that I get out the shower,
I take a quick pad out, and I just want
to go get in the bed.

Speaker 3 (01:03:42):
Right. Some people don't like that, like you just went
and got a bed. You didn't aill up, you didn't
do that. I smell great, like, but this is what
I like to do. I'm just being honest.

Speaker 4 (01:03:50):
Or I may just want to lay in the bed
all day if I run a lot, if there's a
day I don't have nothing to do, I'm gonna lay
in the bed and I'm going to be okay. Now,
if you need something, I would get out of the bed,
make sure you're good, all of that stuff. I'm going
to get back in the bed.

Speaker 3 (01:04:07):
You know what I'm saying. I say I say people
love the thought of me, not the essence of me. Wow,
And that's that's the part.

Speaker 4 (01:04:16):
It's like, wait a minute, but she be out when
she actually look good, DA, D D all these different things.
But it's more important than me to have a happy
home than to be happy in the street, because I
ain't never been for the street.

Speaker 3 (01:04:26):
I know the streets, I just ain't never been for him.
That's a difference. Difference I feel like a lot of
people is familiar and some people to come.

Speaker 1 (01:04:37):
You think every some people just don't belong in relationships, huh.

Speaker 3 (01:04:43):
I think it's a relationship for everybody, just as.

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
Long as you're honest.

Speaker 3 (01:04:49):
As long as your honest.

Speaker 1 (01:04:50):
Yeah, some people don't belong in this.

Speaker 2 (01:04:53):
I don't think nobody belongs in the same relationship as
another motherfucker.

Speaker 1 (01:04:57):
Like you can't be in the same relationship as your friend.

Speaker 4 (01:04:59):
But it's a thing who now you're rick, we feel
to really have a good conception. So this is my issue,
and this is my issue honestly with social media. Social
media has made us so naturally. I feel like people are.

Speaker 3 (01:05:17):
Uh, what's the word I want to use.

Speaker 4 (01:05:20):
I feel like naturally people compete, right, It's just it's
a thing comparison, comparison, for sure. I have an issue
with how social media has messed with people mindsets to
think that what they.

Speaker 3 (01:05:34):
See online is everyday life.

Speaker 1 (01:05:36):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (01:05:37):
So somebody was just saying this.

Speaker 4 (01:05:39):
It was like a mean that was going around that
was like, everybody want to be Beyonce, but nobody want
to have want to give the sacrifices that Beyonce gave.

Speaker 3 (01:05:47):
That makes sense.

Speaker 4 (01:05:49):
I feel like, when you know your own purpose and path,
you're no longer looking to be or to compete or
compare yourself to somebody else because your path your path right.

Speaker 3 (01:06:01):
But people get in a relationship and be like, Ooh,
I don't want to do it.

Speaker 4 (01:06:06):
If he can't buy me, no burking, if he can't
buy me no role lis, if he can't do this,
if he can't do that. But then you want to say,
you know what happened to all of you know, the gentleman,
the southern men, you know, the old fashion men.

Speaker 3 (01:06:20):
Well, you don't want to do it.

Speaker 4 (01:06:22):
The old fashioned women is willing to do I always
say asking no, whole lot of questions.

Speaker 1 (01:06:26):
I can't ask for granddadd if you don't want to
be grandmother, And.

Speaker 3 (01:06:30):
Guess what you can't ask for uncle if you don't
want to be auntie.

Speaker 4 (01:06:33):
Facts, And a lot of times you have these expectations.
And let me say this because I had expectations, but
I had expectations and weren't willing to give on the
side of.

Speaker 3 (01:06:46):
What them expectations was gonna cost me.

Speaker 4 (01:06:50):
And a lot of times what the issue comes in
with that is okay, you say, like I'm natural, I
am an alpha female, but I also know how to
step back out of it to allow the alpha man
in my life to be there. That was a process
because I went I'm just being honest, because I went
through having to be a strong black woman, a single mom,

(01:07:11):
like I had to go through all of those things,
and then you sit up here telling me that how
I was doing things was dysfunctional.

Speaker 3 (01:07:20):
But that's how I survived.

Speaker 4 (01:07:21):
So basically, when you're in the fense mode, it comes
across as though you're attacking how I had to survive.

Speaker 3 (01:07:28):
This is where I have an issue with people.

Speaker 4 (01:07:30):
You're mad at somebody telling you that how you you're
feeling like somebody telling you that how you survive was wrong,
and that's not what they're telling you. That was how
you had to survive in that time. But if you're
going to elevate, you have to change these things.

Speaker 3 (01:07:42):
You're no longer in survival mode. You can't drive in
survival mode when you're in thrive facts, you just can't
do it. But most people can't switch that up.

Speaker 4 (01:07:54):
I feel like everything I've ever gone through in life
was to elevate me to the next thing, and a
second I started believing it like that I saw elevation.
But when I kept looking at things like so Miss Sophia.
All my life, I had to fight everything. Everything was
trying to get by the bed was a fight. Trying

(01:08:15):
to win was a fight.

Speaker 3 (01:08:17):
Everything was a fight.

Speaker 4 (01:08:18):
And when I changed my mindset that all I do
is win, it's gonna Everything is a win.

Speaker 3 (01:08:24):
Everything is a listen. Everything is to get me to
my next level.

Speaker 4 (01:08:27):
I had to start speaking of things, and everything that
I spoke, I began to see most people can't do that.

Speaker 3 (01:08:32):
Like there's certain things I don't even want people to
say around me.

Speaker 4 (01:08:36):
If it ain't one thing, it's another ship up talking
to me. But now you can cause those things to happen.
I believe that words have power, and I'm telling you
they gotta go somewhere so ef it don't go out
like a frisbee.

Speaker 3 (01:08:47):
It's gonna come back like a boomerang.

Speaker 1 (01:08:50):
I prefer the freeze me too.

Speaker 2 (01:08:53):
What do you think the biggest challenges for men to
be vulnerable and emotional and stuff with it?

Speaker 4 (01:09:00):
With people saying it's a punk if you cry, keep
your feelings crying all the time, I think it's a
beautiful thing.

Speaker 3 (01:09:06):
Yeah, I'm cry one of the most turned on, but
it turned on to me, not in a bad way.

Speaker 4 (01:09:13):
But the issue, and the sad part is is that
you a run across women who say you want a
man who is in touch with their feelings and their
emotions and then car.

Speaker 3 (01:09:22):
Him a pump. Yeah, make that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (01:09:26):
You're right.

Speaker 4 (01:09:30):
So, I mean, I think that it's important for you
to be in touch with your feelings. But if nobody
give you a place to be able to be vulnerable,
then what you do?

Speaker 1 (01:09:39):
But you gotta think.

Speaker 2 (01:09:40):
I think I was cleansing my soul, like because I
went through a state like of like five months I
couldn't but just cry for no reason. Yeah, me too,
because I felt better after that. And then my partner
passed and I cried a lot after that too. But
I feel good though I ain't even gonna lie like
I feel good and I don't give a because I
know ain't soft.

Speaker 1 (01:10:01):
I know ain't going for nothing.

Speaker 3 (01:10:02):
But that's because you have a knowledge of yourself.

Speaker 4 (01:10:04):
Yeah, negative things have a totally different impact than self
loving things. Negative things cut and they have to heal.
Soft things you have to continue to do it. You
imagine you hit something that's soft, it's soft and it
bounced back. You hit something that's hard, you're gonna break

(01:10:26):
some flesh, you gonna you hear what I'm saying, And
a lot of times that healing people don't even want
to have that because society and I ral has made
it seem like you gotta go through hard things in
order to be able to build. But at some point
you gotta be okay to allow the soft things in
because it shouldn't be hard always.

Speaker 2 (01:10:43):
Why do you think women these days feel like a
confident nigga or a nigga with boundaries, or a nigga
that that know what he wants, a nigga that know itself,
like he's sassin.

Speaker 3 (01:10:55):
I hear you say that out of time, and I
don't really understand what sexy.

Speaker 2 (01:10:58):
I don't either, I just be hearing it now on Instagram.
Like women be like if a dude say, you know
what I'm saying, Like, like, who you're accountable? If a
dude hold a woman accountable? These days, because I'll.

Speaker 1 (01:11:09):
Be having a conversation on this podcast you know what
I'm saying. Yeah, But they be like that's sassy, and
I'm trying to understand that, Like what makes a man.

Speaker 4 (01:11:20):
Says, But I go back to saying, like a lot
of times people be using those as saying those words
and stuff like that, trying to equate it to what
they're seeing.

Speaker 3 (01:11:32):
But you're not being honest about what you want a relationship.

Speaker 4 (01:11:34):
Go back to this point you said you shouldn't be
looking for your relationship look like your girlfriend relationship right with.

Speaker 3 (01:11:40):
My girlfriend, except I might not accept you get what
I'm saying. But people be trying to get.

Speaker 4 (01:11:45):
And look the same, have the same things going on.
If that was the case, everybody would be married.

Speaker 3 (01:11:53):
This is the truth. Everybody would be married.

Speaker 4 (01:11:55):
It would not be the divorce rate that we have,
and everybody wilt be walking around instead of trying to
have a hot girl Samma figuring out who is gonna
be with you doing cuffing season after coming season?

Speaker 3 (01:12:05):
You looking for somebody else for New Years? Like, it's
just damn, that's just the truth.

Speaker 4 (01:12:10):
I know so many people I'm going into the New
Years that's all right, knew me. I'm single, blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (01:12:16):
And now all of the posts is I'm looking for
somebody for February of fourteen.

Speaker 4 (01:12:19):
Like, baby, if you're looking for somebody for one day
you're going to have just that, Like what you're projecting
to say that you want is exactly what you're gonna get.
Somebody that's gonna get you a gift for February at
fourteen and be cheating on you on fabruard fifteen.

Speaker 1 (01:12:32):
He ain't really cheating cause that's who he is and
that's what you want.

Speaker 3 (01:12:37):
But that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:12:37):
Yes, I go back to saying, like, that's why you
have to be intentional about what you really want and
don't say that you're okay with something that you're not
okay with. That's why I feel like going back to
what you said about women thinking men saying said, you
know why, it's because men I got a little bit
more hip to.

Speaker 3 (01:12:56):
People getting run the game on them.

Speaker 1 (01:12:57):
Yep, yep.

Speaker 4 (01:12:59):
Because one thing about it, as women, when we come
to a knowledge of self, you start realizing, like, he
ain't really gonna do what he's saying he gonna do
like that that women's intuition, it's like and a lot
of times, and I think that this is why sometimes
people have issues is they don't trust theirself. So when
you don't trust yourself, everything you're going to second guess

(01:13:19):
no matter what it is, and you will drive yourself crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:13:22):
Let me tell you.

Speaker 4 (01:13:23):
Something, It don't matter how good you love him. It
don't matter how good you throwing on him. It does
not matter if that.

Speaker 3 (01:13:29):
Ain't who he is, It just ain't who is.

Speaker 1 (01:13:32):
All of them doing it good, all of them not
doing good. I'm saying all of them that you pick
doing it good man good, you feel good.

Speaker 4 (01:13:42):
The one that's doing it good is because that's the
profession that they've taken them understanding by doing it like
I'm just keeping it them up, like they understand that
doing it good is holding some people because can I
be real?

Speaker 3 (01:13:54):
The one that they're doing it good too.

Speaker 4 (01:13:57):
Ain't necessarily getting at home because every time she may
or he disappoint her, instead of her deciding to leave
or an addressing it and still showing him that you
know what, even though you disappointed me and I'm upset,
I still love you and I'm still going to show
up as who I said that I am to you, right, Yeah,
but you don't want to talk to him, don't touch me.

Speaker 3 (01:14:18):
I don't want this. I don't do that what I
believe And.

Speaker 4 (01:14:22):
Ladies, you may not like it and frankly, my dear,
I do not care. I ain't never If it get hard,
it is my duty, yeah, to attend to it, because that.

Speaker 3 (01:14:34):
That you don't do, somebody gonna do it. I can't
wait to listen, and that a fact.

Speaker 1 (01:14:39):
The ain't gonna try to show out, show out.

Speaker 3 (01:14:41):
Let me tell you why those of us who know,
we like those of.

Speaker 4 (01:14:45):
Us who know, people out there watching. They looking for
a dude that we deal with to get can slipping
just so you can say you had my due or
what I'm clear about.

Speaker 3 (01:14:56):
You can't have nothing that rightfully belong to me.

Speaker 1 (01:14:58):
The facts. That's a word with a word. Let's mindset.

Speaker 3 (01:15:07):
Everything.

Speaker 1 (01:15:08):
Confidence, I must aruthentity, necessary, resilience.

Speaker 3 (01:15:20):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (01:15:21):
Resilience, strength, transformation, evolution, relationship, reciprocal.

Speaker 1 (01:15:41):
Empowerment, empowering purpose.

Speaker 3 (01:15:51):
I want to say one word.

Speaker 1 (01:15:53):
Say what you want to say.

Speaker 5 (01:15:54):
Everybody got one facts.

Speaker 1 (01:15:57):
Vulnerability, growth, communication, I must connection. Currency, Nah, that's money
for real, gratitude, gratitude.

Speaker 6 (01:16:25):
Mm hm, gratefulness, self love, foundational legacy, history and American fashion.

Speaker 3 (01:16:57):
I'm glad I got the first world came.

Speaker 5 (01:17:00):
Selective style.

Speaker 3 (01:17:08):
M style, individualistic.

Speaker 1 (01:17:18):
H image, brand, influence, purpose, balance, necessary motivation, h.

Speaker 3 (01:17:42):
Mm hmm, motivation, mental.

Speaker 5 (01:17:48):
Growth, elevation.

Speaker 1 (01:17:55):
Vision.

Speaker 5 (01:17:57):
Oh, that's a big one.

Speaker 3 (01:17:58):
My borships been preaching on visang.

Speaker 5 (01:18:05):
I don't have one word for vision.

Speaker 1 (01:18:07):
Can I say this though, say whatever you want to say.

Speaker 4 (01:18:10):
Vision is necessary, but vision in sight are different. It's
something from my visions. I can't take credit for this.

Speaker 3 (01:18:16):
But it was so good.

Speaker 4 (01:18:17):
He like literally been doing like this whole sequence on this.
But a lot of people see but have no vision.
And where there is no vision of people perish and people.

Speaker 3 (01:18:27):
Are wondering why they're not going and getting further and
all of that, they don't have no vision.

Speaker 1 (01:18:33):
We're gonna come back to that leadership, servitude. Success.

Speaker 3 (01:18:47):
I can't think of the word, but I'll tell you
what my thought is. Success is subjective. That is that's
the word. Thank you. That's exactly what I was trying
to say.

Speaker 5 (01:19:00):
Energy, energy, empowering, strength, vulnerability.

Speaker 1 (01:19:19):
Chemic coal, that girl, perspective relative. Let's go back to vision,
Yeah said what now?

Speaker 3 (01:19:32):
So I should have been on this amazing.

Speaker 4 (01:19:36):
We're building So our church has been around for like
fourteen years, right, and if you grew up in church,
like you see people that have building funds like and
they ain't never got no building like all of these
different things. I go to a very forward moving I mean,
matter of fact, I don't go too I'm connected to

(01:19:57):
a very for moving mission U New Faith Christian Church. Okay,
I love my vision because he oh, he's an X
street dude and he took stepped in the purpose. He
knew that God that had a collin on his life.
But what I love is is that I feel like
everybody that go to our church either came out of

(01:20:20):
the streets or just had different things to go on
in their life.

Speaker 3 (01:20:23):
Right, So as we've been building the vision, the vision.

Speaker 4 (01:20:27):
That God gave him for a ministry when he started
fourteen years ago was to have ten locations, a senior living,
a school, blah blah blah. So we fourteen years here, right,
we got eight locations, got a school, we're fen to
break ground on elementary school like all of those things. Now,
most of the people who go to our church are
first time church schores, like they just you know, got started.

(01:20:52):
So what He's been trying to teach us is is
you really take the time to write the vision for
your life, Like what do you say see yourself doing
a lot of times you hear people say all the
time like I don't necessarily know my purpose, but your
purpose is the very thing that you could do that
second nature, I know naturally that my purpose is helping
people to move forward, row whatever those cases may be.

(01:21:16):
And so basically what he has sold us is that
a lot of people only use site site as in
just what I can see, and if I don't see it,
I can't believe it. But vision is saying I believe
that there is greater and that I can get to it.
And the only way I can get to it is
I'm not distracted by what I see, because what you

(01:21:39):
see in front of you ain't where you're going. But
if what you see in front of you stop you,
you'll never get.

Speaker 3 (01:21:44):
To where you was meant to be.

Speaker 5 (01:21:46):
Journey man, embrace it them.

Speaker 4 (01:21:48):
Some people scared to get on it because it means
you're gonna have to have go over some hurdles, you're
gonna have to deny sell sometimes, and those at the
things that are a lot of times people's comfort zone,
and my thing, what comfort zone is a comfortable place
they still don't give or reap no benefit, ain't really comfortable.

Speaker 2 (01:22:11):
Facts getting to the books of the week. Okay, Learning
to Love Me Unapologetic? Yeah, I address everybody. Check my footwork.

Speaker 1 (01:22:23):
That's all you, right, that's all me. What it Five
ways to dress yourself Confident? What is it?

Speaker 3 (01:22:28):
Confidently?

Speaker 4 (01:22:29):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:22:30):
That was my first e book. But the Learning to
Love Me Unapologetically, that book.

Speaker 4 (01:22:35):
Came during me going through my journey, right, And what
I realized is is so many people saying, oh, I'm
so unapologetically me blah blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (01:22:44):
But you ain't never apologize to the person you heard
the words yourself.

Speaker 4 (01:22:48):
Yeah, unapologetic. I am so unapologetic. You just can't take me. No,
you can't take you. You're not honest with who you are.
You want other people to feel this and that about you.
You want to intimidate. I don't want to intimidate. I
want to collab, connect, help, push. I don't want you

(01:23:10):
to be intimidated. I don't want you to be intimidated.
To approach me, to speak to me now at all times.
I want you to be respectful. But I carry myself
with respect.

Speaker 3 (01:23:19):
So getting it is not a hard thing.

Speaker 4 (01:23:21):
But people are requiring things from people that they don't
require of their self facts. So you mad at me
because I carry myself to a certain thing. I've heard
people say so many times in my life, she just
thinks she better than people. And I used to say, no,
I don't. I don't think that.

Speaker 3 (01:23:41):
But if that's your perception, that's your reality.

Speaker 1 (01:23:44):
Tell you, I can't wait till nixa.

Speaker 3 (01:23:45):
You think you I am, and that's that's your reality.

Speaker 4 (01:23:50):
Because really, all you taught me is that you aspire
to think you better than somebody because that's how you
feel you. People project their thoughts and things, and not
just their thoughts but their on desires on you.

Speaker 1 (01:24:03):
Nah, I agree with that. So what's Nick? What's next
for you?

Speaker 3 (01:24:07):
Oh my god?

Speaker 4 (01:24:08):
Okay, so what's next? You know we talked about fashion,
So if you follow me on social media, I have
my shapewear line coming out. I'm super excited about it.

Speaker 1 (01:24:22):
Congratulations, thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:24:23):
So it's so funny because people say, well, how you
want to do mindset and you want to do this
and I'll go together. You've consistently heard me talk.

Speaker 3 (01:24:31):
About and having it together. That's just the truth. I
got to a shapewear right now.

Speaker 1 (01:24:38):
Keep it together.

Speaker 4 (01:24:39):
Please believe it because Liten you can't be this stick
in the thighs and this big in the butt and
then not jiggle in some kind of way because it's real,
nobody and just keeping it the butt. I come from
bottom of heaven wheremen it's just the truth. But for me,
the shapewear it's called Curvey's. Curvey's is a line that

(01:25:01):
was created for everybody. Everybody is in everybody type. So
I don't care.

Speaker 3 (01:25:06):
If you are Apple, a pair of triangle or inverted triangle,
it don't matter what it is. I got some shapewear
for you, and I go all the way up to
six X.

Speaker 4 (01:25:15):
I want to help people get into a place where
you feel good in your clothes.

Speaker 3 (01:25:20):
And like I said, it's like a symphony. You move
with your clothes should move with you, not have you
stuck somewhere trying to pull them apart.

Speaker 1 (01:25:27):
So as a whole, what is it?

Speaker 3 (01:25:28):
It's everything.

Speaker 4 (01:25:29):
So like to today, I got on boots so you
can't really see, but I got on what I wear
every day and it is like a one piece jumpsuit. Listen, ladies,
it is great because I ain't mindful that you have
to go to the bathroom. If y'all remember back in
the day when it had the shadewear and you couldn't
go to the bathroom. Once you got in it, you
were stuck. No, if I had to go to the bathroom,

(01:25:50):
I can go pull my pants down. When I squat,
it's gonna open up, open up enough for me to
do number one, number two, clean.

Speaker 3 (01:25:57):
Up and get it on.

Speaker 4 (01:25:58):
And it is for lack of a better way, but
I have to say it like this. This is definitely
not like but it's definitely fat couture proof because some
people say that I get that all the time and
be like girl, But I gotta be like okay, because
at the end of the day I started. I started

(01:26:19):
developing this line when I was close to four hundred pounds.
Like you know what I'm saying, Like, I have done this,
I've done the real deal research. Most of the pieces
come with straps because half of the issue that people
have is that you pull it up, it's either gonna
go up or come down, so it's oozing out the
top and it's oozing out the bottom. No, I'm gonna
have it where it's gonna relax, You're gonna be smooth,

(01:26:40):
and all of what he sees here to me, this
is where modesty has left when it comes to like women, ladies,
however you want to do is I feel like modesty
leaves a bit of mystery, and most men want to
get kit. They really are the curious cat and they

(01:27:03):
want to be able to see. So I want you
to be wondering what's underneath them. And if it's all
put together in your clothes, he can all the magic
worlds go look like ostra clothes. And by the time
you get me out of my clothes, you already a
feeling little. I'm just putting the ice onm cake.

Speaker 3 (01:27:18):
So I think that that's like, I just think that
that's it.

Speaker 4 (01:27:23):
People say out the time, like as I've been developing
this school now bout four years, finally ready to get
it to market, and I've had the pieces, but I
wanted to do like trial runs with my girlfriends finding
out how they take care of it, because that's the difference.

Speaker 3 (01:27:38):
Somebody may not take care of it properly.

Speaker 4 (01:27:40):
Let me see how this is gonna work so I
can go back to my manufacturer like, hey, this didn't
work for them. I need this, you know what I'm saying,
Because it's going to be worldwide. So for me, I
went through all of those things. So for me at
this point, I'm just like, I want you to be
able to have something. They'd be like, yeah, I got
on Curvis, I can see I can tell you out

(01:28:01):
on Curve. It's no dimples, no dance, no, none of that. Now,
there's nothing wrong with that. I just don't feel like
it's necessary for nobody to see it outside of who
you want to see you nicked. Now, if you want
everybody to see you naked, Curvey is not for you.
But if you want to look like it's all put together,
that's great, and it's not. Oh that's the point I
was gonna make. People was like, why did I not
release this like workout, you know, because people be in

(01:28:24):
the gym with the all of that stuff. No, some
people don't want to go to the gym, that's just fat.
Some people not interested, but they still want to look
good in their clothes. I'm not trying to force you
to do nothing.

Speaker 3 (01:28:35):
You don't want to do. All I want you to
do is look good when you put your clothes on.

Speaker 1 (01:28:40):
That put people in the gym. Put it on.

Speaker 4 (01:28:43):
Yeah, I have pieces that you go to the gym
I have a pair of leggings that I went to
the gym because it induces heat.

Speaker 3 (01:28:48):
So it's literally sucking in and a great thing that
I can honestly say.

Speaker 4 (01:28:52):
It's literally like walking around in like some cardio if
you're walking around in it, because it does suck you
in somewhere, you're definitely gonna come down. Because all of
the people who have done the trial. I did a
try for like two years. Everybody has did it within
three to four months. They needed a smaller one, so
that's good.

Speaker 1 (01:29:10):
Well, I appreciate you coming through. You gotta bring the
cards next time you come. I am.

Speaker 3 (01:29:13):
I promise you I'm bringing the cards because that's gonna
be an inter.

Speaker 1 (01:29:19):
Nah, for sure. Tell them where to follow you at
follow me.

Speaker 3 (01:29:23):
Yes, definitely.

Speaker 4 (01:29:23):
Get the books unapologies Learn to Love You unapologetically. All
of my books are on Amazon and or on my website,
which is kmiccold dot com. I'm camic Cold absolutely everywhere
k M I c O L E. I always made
the joke because you were like where they came a
cole come from?

Speaker 3 (01:29:40):
Is that like I met him?

Speaker 5 (01:29:41):
Like?

Speaker 3 (01:29:41):
No, it is on my driver's license. KA actually stands
for Courtney.

Speaker 4 (01:29:46):
Uh. That's my first initial and McCole is my real
middle name. So I am came a cold And it's
funny because I always say people disrespected Courtney, so I
had to abbreviate her.

Speaker 1 (01:30:01):
While they disrespect them. Yeah, that's really shit.

Speaker 2 (01:30:05):
Great Hounsome make sure y'all gon like to strive and
come in tap in. My dog came a cold man
to the Big Fact Network, so I appreciate you. Another
fic episode of Perspectives with Big Bank.

Speaker 1 (01:30:19):
Follow on Instagram at Big Bank Ato yo yo. Don't
miss an episode of Perspective with Bank.

Speaker 2 (01:30:27):
Perspective with Bank or production of the Black Effect podcast
Network and our executi producers are Dollar Bishop, Chanel Collins
and produced by Aaron A.

Speaker 1 (01:30:34):
King Howard What Up Game.

Speaker 2 (01:30:35):
For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit to iHeart Radio,
Apple Podcasts wherever you get your favorite shows. Make sure
you follow a Big Bank ATL Perspective with Bank with
a K.

Speaker 1 (01:30:44):
Make sure you like to strive. Comment to the Big
Fat Network pay

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PWB Replay* | The Essence of Womanhood with K. Micole

Episode Transcript

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}PWB Replay* | The Essence of Womanhood with K. Micole