The Essence of Womanhood with K. Micole

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
It gets no better than this. You are now in
June to respect us with big bang, Let's get straight
to it.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
A peer hard starts with understanding yourself and others. Welcome
to the perspective a bank today, I got my friend
came a cold in the building.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
What's up, queen?

Speaker 3 (00:19):
What's up?

Speaker 1 (00:20):
Bang? How you feeling?

Speaker 3 (00:22):
I just say king, because that's really how I be
really addressing.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
I appreciate that. What's up queen?

Speaker 3 (00:27):
Ah, it's good. I'm excited to be here. I'm excited
for this perspective conversation.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
I'm excited to have you where you're mentally. At first,
I always do a mental check where you're mentally, To.

Speaker 3 (00:37):
Be honest, my mental is in a great place. I
would say my mental is thriving. I think a lot
of times that people don't allow themselves to be human,
and they don't allow of mentors to thrive. Instead, they
kind of push it to the background and just hope
that everything will come together. So I would say mine
is thriving and making space for what's coming.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
Uh uh.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
I've seen somewhere where you like the mindset transformation plug. Yeah,
what that means, let's explain that to us.

Speaker 3 (01:06):
So I say I'm the mindset plug. So you know
I'm actually or I have been celebrity stylists, been in
the industry for a long time. I say, the industry's
magiver like the female Ma guiy, I'm gonna figure it out, right.
But I always said I was a plug whenever you
needed something to make sure you're looking. Stuff was good.
As I went through my own journey, I realized that

(01:28):
mindset was the number one thing that you needed outside
of a spiritual relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:33):
And I feel like I'm a mindset plug because I
can tell you my truth and I can understand yours
in order to help you to elevate. And I think
that that's what made me the plug.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
Okay, that's dope.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
I says, speak about your journey, though you say you've
been in for a long time, Speak about your journey,
how you start, where you come from, you.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
Know, okay, journey as far as where I come from.
So I am originally a Mississippi girl, supercuntry girl. But
I was raised here in Atlanta on the West Side,
and I always say I am a country girl at
my core, but I'm definitely, you know, a city girl,

(02:15):
like not a city girl like that, not like the
city girls. By no means I'm much a lady. Let
me put that exclaim, I'm a lady, no shaite to nobody.
That's great, that's just not my brain. But yeah, I
was raised with a single mother who did everything. It's crazy.
It wasn't until her death that I kind of understood
her better. But for me, I think that that was

(02:37):
a part of my journey, and it also helped me
to be more respectful of the need of a man,
not just in a home, but in the lives of women.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Some facts, what makes you a woman not because you're
a female, what makes you a woman.

Speaker 3 (02:51):
I think what made me a woman is the fact
that I can be a great follower and submit, but
I also can take the reins if I ever need
to lead. And I also have the ability to nurture.
And I think that that's one of the pieces that
a lot of women don't I guess grasp what with
the word that I would say, like, they don't tap

(03:12):
into their ability to nurture. I think that's one of
the greatest gifts that a woman ever had.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
You was you always like that or you have to
tap in?

Speaker 3 (03:20):
I think I always been a nurturer. I have to
be honest. I think I've always been a nurturer. I
think during my journey before I kind of got out
of the people pleasing, trying to be and things like that.
I was always a nurturer, but I was mishandled, that
makes sense. But then when I realized my own worth,

(03:41):
the value of me, and that I really was a
prized I think that that's when still nurturing, but just
not being mishandled.

Speaker 2 (03:49):
What you think made you led you to be mishandled, though,
because you know that's a choice.

Speaker 3 (03:55):
Being mishandled definitely what led me to it is just
wanted to belong and wanted to have So like I said,
I grew up with a single mom, right, and it
wasn't until being an adult that I even realized that
there was a yearning to have a male figure in
my life. Does that make sense? And so I think
for me it was like my dad didn't pick me.

(04:19):
He helped to create me, but he didn't pick me.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (04:23):
And I feel like a lot of women that I
talked to because I go and I speak in different places, right,
but I think a lot of women haven't either tapped
in or won't even be honest to the fact that
the necessity of having a man and I'm not gonna
say validate, but be able to speak into your life
and feel chosen. I think all of us want to
be chosen.

Speaker 1 (04:42):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
So so with that, you said chasing that you kind
of what was going for anything at first.

Speaker 3 (04:52):
Anything that seemed like it remotely would be okay with me.
Or like a lot of us, women do go and
find something that we can fix there and they'll seem
to be appreciative of what we gave, not realizing if
you go try to fit and this is an analogy
because people gonna comfort with me with this, but if
you go fix a straight dog, if the straight dogs

(05:14):
not used to having a home and all of the
great things that it could be, you can't turn the
straight dog into a house out if that's not what
they want to be.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah, you don't think enough love and make a nigga
feel like enough love warm.

Speaker 3 (05:29):
You know me? I think that it can if you
want to change. I think one of the biggest things
is it's wanting to change. And you know something to me,
you talk about all times just choices. If you make
the choice to change. Some people are gonna say, you
know what, forget trying to be out there in the street.
I want to be warm. I want somebody that's gonna
make sure I'm good, like checking on me, rub my head,

(05:49):
rub my back, speaking words into me. And then this
song gonna be like, Man, sometimes I be missing the street.
I might can be out a couple of nights. It's
just what you choose.

Speaker 1 (05:59):
How did you what led you to like your career choice.

Speaker 3 (06:04):
I think it was purpose. I think it was always purpose.
As far as on the beauty fashion side, I always
liked dressing. I liked clothes like, I liked all of that.
But the other side was you know you and I
talk about like weight loss journeys and different things like that. Right,
So for me, I always wanted people to look good,

(06:26):
and I think that sometimes people just didn't know how
to look good and not know how to put stuff
on or how to dress their body types. Because more
than anything, I'm a dress your body type type of person.
You can't wear everything.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
Everybody can't wear the same thing.

Speaker 3 (06:40):
And so one of the biggest issues that I feel
like I was running into with people is you see
something in the store you go buy the look well
what they about in the store or what they have
on a mannequin that's on the same mannequin, no matter where.
Their story is right, but it's not. It's literally cookie
cutter for those sizes and based upon you know, buying

(07:01):
statistics and stuff like that, they may carry that from
an extra smile to a two or three X. All
they did was add extra fabric. But they didn't think
about hips, curves, curves, all of that. Like, so I
just feel like sometimes people need to like understand, Like
I know when they had like the low rise Jean
tree and I was just thinking, like that's not for you.

(07:22):
If your sides hangover or your stomach start midway through
your midrill sign, it's say what you doing? But I
also feel like people didn't know how to tell folks
the truth. I ain't gonna let you look crazy, Like
one of the things in me being in the industry,
and you notice, like you know how you'll go out

(07:42):
and you'll see like a group of girls and it
may be one big friend and see I was the
big friend. But I was a pretty big friend. For
lack of a better way, I always looked good. If
I had to have two three girls on. It was
gonna I was gonna be a band. But some people
they'll let their big friend be like, oh god, it's
a large go ahead and put that on right. And
I'm like, I would be the girl who would come

(08:04):
out of the bathroom id of gave my ear rings
to a girl. I DoD of gave my belt to
a girl, because even if I stripped down to no accessories,
I still looked good.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:14):
I don't understand how you could be out your friends
and it's just like no babotage. Yeah, cause to me,
that's not that. Ain't girl power? To me, like, I'm
a girl's girl, you get what I'm saying. So I
never understood it, and I've seen it happen so many times.
I've even seen it with small girls. Ain't gonna just
say plus sized women. No, I've even seen it with
small girl. And it's like, your friend is a pigmy,

(08:34):
You're really the prettier one out of friends, but your
friend letting you walk around looking crazy, Like to me,
that in a friend Damn sabotage, sabotage. And some people
set theirselves up for self sabotage just because you want
to be chosen in a group, and I feel like
it goes back to the same thing or what I
said with just not having father.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
Damn. So what's the climate on women these days? Though? Climate?

Speaker 3 (09:01):
Explain like.

Speaker 2 (09:04):
Because you from down south, right, yeah? So women are
women different than what we what you used to now? Absolutely,
so what's the climate?

Speaker 1 (09:12):
Like? What what's what's the difference?

Speaker 3 (09:16):
Okay, he's so fun I was having this conversation with
older woman last night. So I'm officially an unty. I'm
okay with it.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
Me too.

Speaker 3 (09:25):
Yeah, I'm an unty baby, but the aunties is winning.
I'm not trying to be funny, but it's the truth.
And for me, I just feel like the essence of
a lady is just not what it is no more.
It's like it's everything literally, a'll hang out lips, see
everything and listen before y'all come from me. I'm all
about body positivity, but everything ain't for everybody. Yeah, And

(09:47):
I'm so sick of people trying to make it like
you either fast shame or body shame in somebody because
that's just not what has to be out.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
You know.

Speaker 3 (09:56):
That's just my opinion, And I'm okay to be an aunty,
But I think the necessity of the untease is to
teach the young girls like modesty is okay mm hm,
and you're still gonna be sixy. I got on full
joging pants, boots and a jacket, and I still feel
sexy as if I was uphire butt Nika. It's like,
that's the difference. And I think that people try to

(10:19):
use the ability to walk around niked as confidence, but
it's not, because this is how I feel. This is
a public service announcement directly from kmic Cole. If you
got to tug, pull or readjust every time you out
you're not comfortable, ooh, you'll keep putting up your pants
and you gotta keep snad And no, baby, if I

(10:40):
stand up, it's gonna be in place. When I sit down,
it's gonna be in place. Like it's It's a difference.
And that goes back to the same thing I said
about buying things from stores. Can you buy things that
work for you? Yes, if you understand the cut and
the put together and all of those things. But you're
gonna buy something and stretch it out and say, no,
this is what it's supposed to look like. It's not.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
Oh, so your clothes suppost really lay on you perfectly.

Speaker 3 (11:02):
Yes, yeah, yes, and they should move with you. It
should be literally a symphony of your clothes moving, like
literally being at the symphony. It should move like motion,
like music, like the ocean. That's how I should move.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
It's like, how did you get into that? How you
get into fashion? No?

Speaker 3 (11:19):
I think I kind of deep dived into wanting to
make people look and feel better. And I'll kind of
explain that. So being a plus sized woman for a
long time, right, I never like hearing people be like, oh,
you're cute for a big girl. That's just the truth.

(11:42):
People will say that, no, bool, I'm cute. But because
my self esteemed won't where it needed to be. I
took that as a confident. But then it made me
kind of like trying to work it out, Like every
time I had you was gonna see me and I
have to say nothing. I never have been that person
where I feel like I gotta be allowed to be seen.
I don't care if I'm in the back of the
room or down the street, somebody to see me. But

(12:02):
that came with time of being able to be like
wait a minute, standing your truth. You ge know, what
I'm saying. So at any rate, I liked getting people dressed.
I like that. I high moment of people be like
dang like even when I do like closet rehabs and
things like that, I love when people be like I
would have never put that together, but you about it, like,
let me show you how to. And a lot of

(12:23):
people have such great jewels inside their own closet you
and don't want to spend the money to have it.
Let me show you how you can wear it, versus
you going every time you gotta go somewhere, you gotta
go buy some more clothes, you gotta figure something out,
and then you can't wear it.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
But one time, so you're saying, you show them how
to remix. Yeah, oh nah, I got a whole closet
full of the suit downstairs. IM gonna tell I'm gonna
get them for you remix. I need remix remix.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
That's the truth.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
But I think that that's where people at the end
of the day, it don't matter whose brand I have on.
I like brands just and labels like anybody else. But
this is the thing I wear the close people not
trying to say like, oh well, who who look do
you have all who they like? Where did you get
that from? I wanted to fit you And if I
think it can fit them how it fit me, then

(13:11):
I'm gonna tell them. And if I don't think that
can you know I have a great suggestion for something
that can work with you. Even when I do like
intakes with clients, I say, tell me who you want
to look like? Like that you admire? Okay, so then
I'm gonna figure out how to give you looks that
adapt to your body type that can work for you
like that. You get what I'm saying, Like you can't
tell me you Ana look like look Kim in the

(13:32):
nineties and you look like this old in the two thousands,
Like I gotta make the two match. You know what
I'm saying, Like that's the difference. And I feel like
if it's honest with yourself, you can actually have That's
why I say when it comes to like stylin that's
how I call myself a visual brand architect. Yeah, because

(13:53):
I'm rebuilding and I'm gonna help you get the foundation
of what you need. Because this is the thing. If
you foundation is strong, everything else is great.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
You see that all the time, Like why show you
with at you see that a lot.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
But then they're mad because it's like, why are you
looking at me like I'm good and this that if
you gotta explain it, you don't feeling.

Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yeah, that's just the truth. Yeah, you old poet.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
Hey, I see you always speaking about family, Like why
is family so important to you?

Speaker 3 (14:31):
You're trying to make me crap. I think that family
legacy and lineage is important because I feel like you
gotta know where you come from to elevate and take
it further, like you know, you hear people all the
time to be like you know, I'm a generational curse breaker.

(14:51):
I'm gonna do this. I want this for my family.
I'm building legacy and all that. But you don't talk
to your cousin.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
I don't talk to my cousin.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
It's not good. Nah, that's not good. And I'm gonna
tell you why. I get what you're saying, because guess what,
it's we all got people in our family we don't
necessarily prefer to deal with on a regular basis.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
But but family, do you think I'm sorry, y'all, do
you think family and relatives are the same. I don't
think that's the same like I talked to my family
every day, I talk to you every day almost yeah,
pretty much just.

Speaker 3 (15:25):
What I'm saying. What I'm saying. I didn't mind seting
money on this. It's so funny the difference between family
and family and relationship or relative It was really what
it would kind of equate to a lot of people
think you supposed to be close to your aunties and uncles,
but if you never had a relationship with them, you

(15:45):
are trying to get That's what it was inherited relationships.
I can't inherit a relationship from my mom or if
me and my auntie didn't really get along. Facts, you
get what I'm saying. But the way families or you know, generations,
probably to us, it's like, no, that's your auntie, that's
your cousin, that's your dads, that's your dad. My daughter's
got aunties and uncles who ain't got no blood relationship

(16:08):
but their family, and if anything ever happened to me,
I know they're going to be good. So I definitely
agree my family is my family. I like. For me,
for instance, I have sisters that were born we came
from the same womb, and we're sisters and I love them.
And then I have sisters that I got from my
godmother who I love and listen, I'm gonna ride or die,

(16:31):
fight and kill for them the same way I will
for the others. There has been a disconnect before because
this side they grew up together, but I've been around
them almost thirty years. These I grew up with, and
I'm the oldest, you know what I'm saying. So it's like, dang,
how you just go over there and make it seem
like you know, I'm like, no, all of these are
my siblings, and I'm I'm liable to go off on

(16:55):
a person who be like, oh, oh, I thought that
was your real sister. It is, yeah, don't separate because
you feel some kind of way. I've actually had somebody
I was in the movies and a lady was like, oh,
I tried to tell my husband that wasn't your real sister,
that was just your you know, play sister. I was like, yeah,
I don't really play about her. So I was really

(17:18):
fought off, Like this person is in ministry and stuff
like my family and ministry. So you know, I'm just
looking and I'm gonna always be respectful because at the
end of the day, I'm a walking billboard to my
brand and my name. So but in my mind, I
was thinking, who do you think you are? That was
so rude? How dare you come up to somebody and
say that because you don't know people's relationship.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
So you feel like you made your daughter's a reflection
of you on purpose.

Speaker 3 (17:46):
I made my daughters a reflection of themselves. Okay, And
I'm gonna tell you why. I have to lay that
because I went so I have an eighteen year old
year old who just turned eighteen in January sixts I
have a fifteen year old that it's about to be sixteen,
and then I have a six year old that's going
on forty.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
So you get it.

Speaker 3 (18:11):
But I think for the longest, I just wanted well
mannered children, Like if you raising children, that's kind of
the thing you know, you want them to be where behaved.
As I went through my self discovery journey, what I
came to realize was I didn't want many means. I
wanted victims, and so they are very different. The other

(18:38):
side of it is they are all still images of me,
and they actually helped me to get to know myself differently.
Because all of it and it's crazy. But even when
I have wanted to be upset with them, I have
to remember where they come from. So I think when
you again a knowledge yourself help you understand your children differently.
I got one that's super artsy, like, oh my god,

(19:01):
she do everything. She actually started a picture she wanted
me to bring for you. I'm gonna bring it back
that she was doing. She's an amazing artist. She just
got a full ride to Pratt Institute, one of the
top ten art schools in the world. I'm so excited
and I ain't got to buy nothing but blankets for
her room, so that's a beautiful thing. And then my
middle daughter is an athlete. She's super into a fashion

(19:24):
and style, but she into like what's popular. And then
my Seaghiow or finnaby Sea Shi role, she just really
feel like she just mom like I'm good, like I'm
just I'm just so good. And when I say that
to say, I feel like I created or I helped
in the rearing, because I'll never take away the amazing

(19:49):
people I put in their lives to help to sew
into them, because I didn't do it by myself, like
I was a single mom all of those things. But
I had a village and I'm grateful for it because
it's a win for all of us. And I think
that that's what the issue come in with like people
and even rearing children. It's like, can't about to tell
you nothing about your child, can't no about to do
this and all of that, but then you crying at

(20:10):
night time because little Ray Ray won't come home, your
daughter done ran away, all of these things, but you
close it off where nobody can help or assist you
to evolve as a parent as a person.

Speaker 1 (20:23):
So how do you deal with like.

Speaker 2 (20:27):
When y'all do have like disagreements because it's a bunch
of girls. There's three girls, four girls, four women women.
How do y'all deal with that?

Speaker 4 (20:37):
Right?

Speaker 3 (20:38):
So one of the things that we can't do is
holler at each other. And I come from a holler
that has been a really hard because I'm not naturally aggressive.
But when I'm irritated, because I feel like and it's
something that I can say my mom even passed now
when I'm irritated your children. You have a different expectation
for your children. So when you're frustrated or if I'm

(21:01):
frustrated with them. I'm always looking at them at the
place of like you act like this something different. My
expectations ain't never changed. So then when you're feeling away,
it's like, well, mam, it didn't really take out of that.
Actually it shouldn't have taken any of it because you
knew I was coming upstairs and the landing needs to
be swept because I don't want to come on stairs.
You know how if you're coming up stairs, you see

(21:23):
like eye level, I see hair like you know. Just
it's things like that, and I'm not necessarily OCD, but
it's just like, let's keep a good home because as
a mine, as a family, like if we take care
of our stuff, we don't have no problem. And if
you waiting to me for me to tell you, I
have a problem with it because if I saw you
saw so it's normally you know you're right or you know,

(21:47):
everybody silid. Then you come back and you want to apologize.
I'm good. I feel like everybody needs that time. They
don't matter that these are children. They know how to
disrespect me because I'm still a yes ma'am, no, ma'am.
I don't care how old you are. That's how I
was raised. That's what I believe.

Speaker 1 (22:01):
Okay, that's the balance.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
From your perspective, What do you think how big do
you think mindset playing like relationships?

Speaker 1 (22:11):
What part do you think you play the.

Speaker 3 (22:13):
Biggest part because of your mindset not together, your communication
gonna be out And every time somebody say something to
you in this relationship, you I take this from me
right before I got my mindset together and got myself together, right,
every time somebody would say something that wasn't necessarily critiquing,

(22:35):
but trying to help me to evolve, me to be
a better person, me to be able to look from
a different perspective, I feel like it was an attack. Yeah,
if you always in defense, how you gonna fight and
grow together? Two don't go together? Right? But where my
mindset elevated and realized, hold on, we can't build together
if we can't get on the same way. Lit And

(22:56):
this is the thing some people say, you have to
agree to go together. You can have an understanding, instill
a girl together. It might not necessarily like it, but
that won't necessarily keep y'all from growing. Because I can
see and say, okay, you know what he wasn't trying
to be funny. I'm taking it because this is some
unhealed area of my life, and either I can deal

(23:16):
with it and heal from it and let that be
a learning thing, or I can use this as a
way to drive a wedge or something I always use
as an example is people consistently sweep things under the
rug and then trip on the rug and wonder why
they tripped.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
So, so do you think it's the person or it
was you?

Speaker 2 (23:38):
Like you know, you know, because you could receive something
from different people.

Speaker 3 (23:42):
Different for most people is reality, but your perception is
literally connected to your trauma or how you've been raised,
what you've gone through, like your life. So you can
perceive somebody trying to be funny that wasn't That's just
how they talk, that's how they speak. So yeah, I
definitely say that it was me.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
Yeah, yeah for sure.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
But could you, like, could you receive the same thing
from somebody else, like I signed.

Speaker 3 (24:08):
A relationship, different level of respect what you mean? So
I feel like you can take stuff from people who
you don't think are trying to be harmful or hurtful
to you, Yeah, whereas people who you not You're not
sure if they're on your team for real. Oh okay,
it's like you you kind of sigh eyeing it.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (24:26):
But the reason that people side our things like that
because you always think somebody after you. If you really
get to a place where you realize whether they after
me or not, I'm protecting and all things that are
will to happen will happen, and everything that I ain't
wont you stop acting like that?

Speaker 2 (24:40):
I think I think it's some truth. I think it's
even truth to hate. I think it's truth to even
it's some truth to somebody that's trying to be funny,
you know what I'm saying, Like most.

Speaker 3 (24:52):
Jokes still have a level of honesty to exactly.

Speaker 2 (24:56):
Even somebody trying to tear you down, they could be
tearing you down with your truth. So you gotta take
shit in like though, even though you feel fucked up,
it feel fucked up because it's kind.

Speaker 3 (25:07):
Of true what the truth of the matter is. And
I always say this. You hear the saying iron shocking iron,
iron on shocking iron in the place it's already sharp
and as you're sharpening, if one area is sharper than
the other, that dull place is going to cut you,
it's going to be some cutting in the sharpen. And
I think if people got out of the place of

(25:29):
being cut and understanding that the cutting is necessary to
cut away some things, to add some things, then your
perspective how you would sive things where people would be different.
But I think everybody and it's unfortunate, but I think
so many people walk around in the fence mode, always
ready for war, like you come from me, let's.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Go, yeah, where you think they come from?

Speaker 3 (25:52):
Childhood? In life, most people are walking around with unhealed
childhood trauma.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
But you got a lot of people that's good, people
that still got fucked over so much that they be like, man,
fuck that.

Speaker 3 (26:05):
It's funny.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
It like you got some people that jump off the
porch like this was a nice lady or a nice man,
and then they run into a motherfucker, unhealed motherfucker or.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
Straight off that don't want don't want no harm, and.

Speaker 2 (26:18):
Then they turn You see them slowly turned to something
like they never was.

Speaker 3 (26:24):
This's the thing I feel like, Now this is not
popular opinion, and it's okay, but I feel like we
all have things that can either be lying darming in
us or be in us.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
Some people can get it at you, and that's what
it is. That's what it is. Yeah, not some facts.

Speaker 2 (26:42):
I believe that it was there, but nobody had triggered it.

Speaker 3 (26:45):
Nobody never triggered it, just like yeah, you gonna have somebody,
never cheat it never nothing. Always lawyer, man, old woman,
always lawyer. And then they literally get hurt so bad
that it triggers something that's in line doing it, and
you're like, I'm good, I'm good on all this. This
is what I'm gonna do, and if you don't like it,
it's fine. Now. Do I believe that even if there's

(27:08):
something that's trigger than it happened, that they'll be happy. No,
But it goes back to self preservation. Even people who
haven't went through their own self discouraged journey ain't like
really one hundred with theyself. Still everybody is self preserving,
like I'm gonna make sure I'm okay. Even if I'm
making sure I'm okay in a bad situation, it's better

(27:29):
than what I was in. So I just feel like
it's just again, all of this stuff is based on choices,
and sometimes people don't choose to heal because in having
to choose to heal, you have to sometimes.

Speaker 1 (27:42):
Look in the mirror.

Speaker 3 (27:43):
Yeah, and what you see in a mirror, Like y'all
listen that everybody that I've been into shopping malls and stores,
how you look sometimes in the store, and how you
look when you get home.

Speaker 1 (27:56):
Yeah, cause they got a mirror looking different.

Speaker 2 (27:58):
But that mirror on that kind of man, the motherfucker
ain't got that got them three D on it.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
But I take that back.

Speaker 3 (28:08):
But see, I can always when it comes to fashion
out and mindset, I can always take it back to
that because this is the thing. You'll get home and
you'll swear they tricked you, Like this fits so good.
When I was here and all of these different things,
it never fit. You were in the move to buy,
you thought that this looked good. You tried to know,
and then when you got to the light of your home,
your comfort place.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
Reality, when you got back to reality, yep, now, no facts,
he No, it's a notable disconnect between men and women
in relationships. And you know what I'm saying, dating and stuff.
What do you think the disconnect is? And what do
you think we can do?

Speaker 1 (28:45):
The bridge the.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
Gap, bridge gap choices. I just everything for me gonna
always be choices. Do I think it's a disconnect, Yes,
But I think the disconnect is I was just as
telling somebody this. I feel like that connect, if we
just be honest, is men will want a specific.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
Thing, right what they want?

Speaker 3 (29:08):
You want a nice looking woman, her body look good.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (29:12):
I'm just just my go ahead what I'm saying. What
they want a nice.

Speaker 3 (29:15):
Looking body, look good. You know, she represents you well
in the streets all of these things where you can
have that, but she probably not gonna be able to
have a good intellectual conversation. And ladies, I'm not saying
that this is you. This is just an example, but
that could be it. But then you got this girl
who struck your ego just like how you like it.
She check on you, she talks to you, all of

(29:35):
these things, but she don't necessarily look like what you
want to have in the street. A dude will go
and set her for this, keep a conversation going over here,
versus going and cultivating and loving on her for her
to be able to give you the exact same look.

Speaker 1 (29:48):
But nah, yeah, you're right.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
But sometimes the women who do that in the beginning,
they do that in the beginning, then turn out to
be crazy.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
The difference is, you know what I'm saying, Like she.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
Do all that you put that wood in, ornt she different? Now?

Speaker 3 (30:03):
The difference is the difference is that's not who she is.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
I'm saying. But they all know how to act like
that's who they is. Though am I right or wrong?

Speaker 3 (30:12):
Everybody knows how to act.

Speaker 2 (30:13):
That's what I'm saying, Like from the beginning to get
what you want. From the beginning, you know exactly what
to do.

Speaker 1 (30:19):
She's nurtured, she hear me. She's the one. You know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (30:24):
She's the one.

Speaker 1 (30:25):
She checks on me, She's the one. She's She got
this straight.

Speaker 3 (30:29):
But not common.

Speaker 2 (30:30):
She got this straight dog comfortable. This nigga don't want
to be a straight dog no more. As soon as
he get in there and do what he do and
make her feel the way she feels like a button
or something just click.

Speaker 3 (30:42):
Sometimes sometimes I'm in agreement, but that's not true because
this is the thing. She know what she's trying to
do to get you. And then this is the and
I think there's a problem on both ends. You do
what it takes to get them, but not what it
take to keep him exactly. But this again, it is

(31:03):
a choice. Like I even I can say this in relationships,
being more intentional, people getting in and then you get comfortable.
That's just a fact. That is a natural thing. You
get comfortable and then it's like that boy, I know
I love him, That girl I know I love him.
She knows I miss her? Like why not take the
step of being intentional? And I feel like if you

(31:24):
treat a person in a relationship, how you treat yourself.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
We won't let me say this.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
I'm glad that. Listen, you meet a guy, right and
you're pouring into him. But you know what kind of
nigga this is?

Speaker 1 (31:43):
Am I right? A wrong?

Speaker 2 (31:43):
You know what kind of nigga this is? It's kind
of he kind of I gotta keep one eye on him, right,
all right, But I'm pouring into this nigga.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
I like him. Sooner or later once we get in there,
we finally get together.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
A woman tends to think that this guy is gonna
automatic turn and to who she wishes him to be.

Speaker 3 (32:02):
Okay, but if you go in wishing for him to be.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
No, you don't go ahead wishing to be you think
you're gonna love him into being who you want him
to be.

Speaker 3 (32:11):
No, that doesn't work. I've done it.

Speaker 2 (32:12):
That's what I'm trying to tell you. But I'm saying,
but that's the typical. That's the typical what I see.
You know what I'm saying. A woman with me and
her nigga and part she like, I gave you everything.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
I done everything. I've been nurturing you.

Speaker 3 (32:23):
I need to do what that same thing. I did
everything for you. I was there out of these different things.
Be there.

Speaker 2 (32:30):
I don't smell for you to be never what you were.
When you change, that's what I'm mad about. Bitch, don't
excuse me. Don't come in here and be this way
and then because that's what I want.

Speaker 1 (32:42):
So then when you switch that up, now I'm upset.

Speaker 2 (32:44):
I'm not gonna ask you to switch something else up.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (32:48):
A woman wants both that go both way.

Speaker 1 (32:51):
Yes, oh yes, okay, go ahead, go ahead.

Speaker 3 (32:53):
So I'm coming from the women's women's perspective. Okay, when
a man, and I've seen this happened, a man pour
into her. She finally started loving and feeling herself, and
she realized, this is really he not what I want okay,
and vice versa. It's not really what I want. You
thought that that's what you wanted. And I think that
that's one of the issues of why or one of

(33:14):
the reasons or why it's so important to know who
you are, number one and be honest about what you
with because you'll go in and you'll start a foundation
with a person think that everything is good, but then
a lot of semen. So you know, I'm like Jane Channel,
actually maybe go to back to school to get into
the construction thing. So sometime between fashion and building, those

(33:37):
normal where my knowledge come from. But I say, you
decided that you wanted to go and start put in
uh two by fours and building, and a concrete was
still with you didn't lie it to cure the way
that they needed to, and now you mad because you
want to build on shaky foundation.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
Correct.

Speaker 3 (33:55):
People don't have real conversations like I'm a big uh
we talked about this, but I'm a big card game person.
So like the cars that have like the different questions
and stuff like that, I feel like in the first
few days, y'all need to be having these hard questions
because then let's stop playing with you.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
But niggas, but niggas and females will answer the questions
to the person that they're talking to. I'm just telling you.

Speaker 3 (34:22):
Right now we should have brought I'm telling you you
gotta have you day because the card. These cars, I'm
not I'm not even trying to be funny, but these
cars they invoke conversations that most people don't even think
about it. And it's not even that it's not something
that they want. It's just thoughts that people just don't
even think about. For instance, I'm gonna give you an example.

(34:43):
One of the cars in this I have like several
different sets different games. Well, one of the cars said,
if we get married and your father comes to our home,
my father as in being a woman right comes to
our home, and it's disrespectful to you. Who is my
husband right? Whose side I'm taking you?

Speaker 1 (35:05):
Put who's up and get shot in my house?

Speaker 2 (35:08):
You better get this, nigga. I'm just saying, they don't
even matter. You ain't gotta worry about coming stand up.

Speaker 3 (35:12):
No, but I get what you saying just because you
know where you come from. But as the point, the
point of the cars is, it's to show the level
of respect that you will have for your priests, protected provider.
That's what I'm saying. Like it's because guess what if
she's saying, Oh, I'm going with my daddy all day,
How in the world I replace your father as your husband?

Speaker 1 (35:33):
Right?

Speaker 3 (35:33):
How in the world is that? But that's again you
get to have those conversations and a lot of times.

Speaker 1 (35:38):
You and this is a good point.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
Yeah, this is the other part of this. Does this
tell you whether or not she gonna respect you for real?
And that's that's the truth. A lot of the issues
that men have with women is lack of respect and admiration.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
Yes, correct, No, correct, But back to my point.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
A woman will come in a relationship, right and they
still no matter what, when they pour into you, they
feel like they poured they they filled you up. They
feel like you're supposed to see the woman that I am.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
You should change for.

Speaker 3 (36:15):
Me, not so much. You should change for me. There
should be uh, there should be a want to make
me happy too.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
Hold up, but if I don't make you happy with
me being me, I would never make you happy.

Speaker 2 (36:26):
I'm in agreement with it, because if I turn into
a fake meig, You're gonna feel that I'm being.

Speaker 1 (36:30):
Fake, that's a lie. Yeah. If I start doing things
outside of my norm for you, that's me. Now go ahead,
now go ahead.

Speaker 3 (36:39):
So let's let's let's back this up. Let's keep it
a up.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
Go ahead.

Speaker 3 (36:42):
So if you're with a woman, right, yeah, she doing
all of these things cultivating you, all of this stuff, right,
things that you wouldn't normally do, because it ain't nothing
that was ever in your spectrum. It's not something like
you grew up seeing necessarily, but it's something that means
something I heard, like for instance, say you what a
woman who always out in like high society. You never

(37:06):
necessarily been in high society, you never been to like
none of that's different. That's still a change.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
But you know what I'm saying, that's not really changing.
That's just let me, let me explain to you what
I'm trying to say.

Speaker 3 (37:17):
Something else.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
I give what you're saying. No, what I'm saying is
that's that's my woman elevating me. But I can look
at that at the elevation.

Speaker 3 (37:23):
That's change.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
No, I can look at that in that way. I
agree with you on that. Now that I'm funny.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
I'm funny if you if you're showing me something different
that's gonna help me be a better meet, then that's cool.
I'm saying, if you, if I do, if I negotiate
my nun negotiables for you, what's your non negotiables?

Speaker 3 (37:41):
I'm telling One of the reason I'm saying that is
because again I go back to me, I've been in
relationships where I negotiated my non negotiable, but I negotiated
my non negotiable because I saw the potential in it
being okay. And maybe why it was a non negotiable
in a different situation is because I felt like this
about you get what I'm saying, yeah versus okay. For instance,

(38:04):
what I was gonna say as a point is you
may not have been like the flowers and candy, the
rose pedal type of dude, right, but it's something that
you want to give your girl this experience that may
not have been who you were, and that may be
something she yearning for, but not necessarily something she's say
because she don't necessarily see that in you, like you know,
see you doing that that's not who you are. Maybe

(38:24):
that make you seem like you simple, like one of
the no. But if it's something that you if it's
something that she's like, Mabe, you know, I just appreciate
the things that have been going on. I really would
love to have like a romantic day. Because the other
side of it is she also has to be able
to communicate. I'm a communicator, so I'm gonna be like
little Boo, like I was thinking about, let's do a staycation.

(38:46):
I wouldn't mind doing that. I tell you what, I'm curious.
I want you to plan something or me on the backside,
I'm a plan something and then tell you to outdo
me because me and like competition.

Speaker 1 (38:56):
Oh lah, for sure, I agree with that. That's different,
but it's.

Speaker 3 (38:59):
Still agent something that most people aren't. When she elevates
you into doing stuff like.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
I'm not saying, I'm not saying just what I'd use
wrong words like okay, because that's a closed minded person
who don't want to grow.

Speaker 3 (39:10):
But that's a lot of people. Yeah Na, A lot
of times what the issue come in is your closed
minded to say I don't want to do this because
I ain't never seen this. Don't no matter where I'm
coming from, do stuff like this, And you're questioning somebody
that's trying to elevate you at the end of the day,
elevation is expanding your mind, introduce you to something you
ain't never necessarily or even had the thought process of.

(39:31):
But when you do do it, then it starts saying, dang,
I never even thought I could.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
Be but the right woman.

Speaker 2 (39:36):
If you got the right woman, you fuck with her,
she you gonna you willing to do whatever it is
to make her happy. Aside of outside of changing your character,
I'm speaking on characters. Okay, like this, say Vincent, I'm
the type of nigga I'm gonna always have me another
spot regardless. I don't give a fuck who I'm wow
because I'm just a type of nigga. I have to
remove myself. I have to remove I have.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
To have my peace.

Speaker 3 (39:58):
So, but why you don't have your piece at that
place where you're I'm just saying it don't matter.

Speaker 2 (40:01):
I'm just curious because I'm a self sabotage or sometimes
it may.

Speaker 1 (40:05):
Not even be her, that's the truth. I'm just a
retarded nigga.

Speaker 2 (40:07):
Sometimes I'm just keeping a real So before I let you,
let you see this something I always want with this nigga,
This nigga always going through it because I don't want
to pour, I don't want to.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
Do things to you that you don't deserve, or.

Speaker 3 (40:22):
Say things or but that's a conversation.

Speaker 2 (40:24):
The energy I'm saying, But it's the conversation. But it
happens so often that I don't even want to wanting
around you.

Speaker 3 (40:31):
But this is the thing though, happening so often. Right,
that's one thing. But again having the conversation, because it's
one thing. If you be like, maybe I got another spot,
because sometimes I just be needing a moment. It's for you.
If that's if it's really your girl. You may not
agree with what I'm about to say, but you may

(40:52):
have to give her a certain level of security in that,
which mean like what so if as a man, you're
telling me like I got another spot, but you like
you can't never come over there, you know. But that's
what I'm saying. A woman who really understands, like that's
just how he is. Like I know people who married
who do not stay in the same house with their husband.
They love each other, they get together, they don't sleep

(41:14):
with nobody else. It's just that. Shoot, my grandmama and
her husband do not sleep in the same bad Yeah,
he snorts, she don't like it. It is what it is.
When they get together and do what they do. They
get together, do what they do. She love respect all
of these things with him, And so again, I just
think that it's a conversation. A lot of times we're
scared to have conversations that you need in order to

(41:35):
build a real relationship, and then you walking around saying, nah,
she just not a one. Nah he just not a one.
He don't understand. But you never even try to educate
a person to see because back to your point, if
she the one, if she the one, you gonna want
to make her happy, and vice versa, she.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
Gonna want to say. Some people you can't make happy.

Speaker 3 (41:54):
Though those people ain't happy with theirselves.

Speaker 1 (41:56):
That's what I'm trying to tell. Some people you can't
make happy.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
Some people just always gonna find some people are pestimistic
and the optimistic.

Speaker 1 (42:02):
So you know what I'm saying at the end.

Speaker 3 (42:03):
Of the day, but they both are necessary exactly.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
But at the end of the day, if if, if,
if I.

Speaker 2 (42:08):
Was in a relationship, just say me, if I was
a relationship with you and you told me the same thing,
I said, like, hey, well, I'm bipolar m h and
sitting in the house. Sitting in his house triggered me.
I got a spot right here. This is why I
be at woo. I'm just gonna go over here and
get me some time for you know what I'm saying.
I ain't gonna stay out or whatever. I'm just over here.
This is where I'm at, like an office.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
So okay, this is my question. You tell me that
you tell me that, no I'm saying, you tell me
that this is my spot, like and I say, all right,
that's fine, I don't have no problem with that, and
then say something going on. It's been a couple of days.
You done checked in, Like, hey baby, I'm good. I
just want to make sure blah blah blah. Right, I
know people that are bipolar, so you need somebody to

(42:50):
check you.

Speaker 1 (42:50):
And you can call me at only a time.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
You can send me food, you could come over, you
can whatever. That wasn't get me supposed, but go home
right whatever you want to do.

Speaker 3 (42:58):
My next was if you good with me making sure
you got food and checking in, because that's the nurturer
in me. If as long as I know you good
and you all right, I'm not.

Speaker 1 (43:07):
Saying I'm going to go hide from you. No, not that, okay,
I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
I'm just I don't want to keep looking at your
ass all day. I want to I want to see
you when I get home in love on you. I
don't want to all day because to me, I.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
Want to sit in there look at you all there.

Speaker 1 (43:21):
Either though, that's what I'm saying. I think I think
that takes.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
I think that that take that all we doing now
is picking flaws from each other because everybody got flaws, everybody.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
So we sitting around like, man't fight the way the
whole be out there. You just gonna keep finding it.

Speaker 3 (43:35):
That's the thing. If that's if that's If that's the case,
this is just my opinion. Though if that's the case,
it's not in a real connection anyway.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
Man, I don't give a damn who you connected with. Bro.
You sitting around the motherfucker every day all day.

Speaker 3 (43:47):
That you should sit around nobody every day, That's what
I'm saying. So I'm saying, if that's the case, y'all
need some time apart, because you need some kind of
time to be able to miss and all of these
different things. That's why sometimes when people take breaks and
that relationship. I understand it because you need to see
if this really will work for you, because if it's
not work worth for you, let's not waste each other time.
Time is the one thing you can't get back.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
But that ain't just being biased on relationship. I'm like
that with my friends, with my business.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
Partners, with everybody.

Speaker 2 (44:14):
Like some days I go days when I even answer
my phone and people be like, what's wrong with this nigga?

Speaker 3 (44:18):
Like, excuse me, send a small sigal or somebody.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
That's what I'm saying. But I'm just sometimes just blink out.

Speaker 3 (44:23):
Yeah, well that's understandable, but that's a conversation. Most people
just assume that you should be able to just take it.
Everybody is different. If people are well versed in who
you are, you know what Bank ain't responding to back today?
He probably have them one of the mamas. All right,
I'm gonna hit you in the morning. I right, can
you good?

Speaker 1 (44:39):
Yeah? Just yeah, Bro, You're gonna be all right.

Speaker 2 (44:42):
Motherfuckers snap you out of if they know you, like Bro,
y'all see you over there, retard everything good.

Speaker 1 (44:46):
I'm praying for you, and then I'm pick up what's up?

Speaker 3 (44:49):
Hell?

Speaker 1 (44:49):
Yeah? I'm back. Yeah, it's simple shit. It's medicine. Some
shit be medicine for niggas for sure.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
Like but if you don't understand that, you just and
you automatically feel like cause because mental health real, oh
very much. And we all have a bunch of undied
thosed problems agree that we don't even know we got
agree And I know me to bro I don't read
every every symptom of everything. And I got that, you

(45:15):
know what I'm saying, Like real shit, Like no matter what,
we just PTSD anything.

Speaker 1 (45:20):
Anything, have we got it all.

Speaker 3 (45:22):
The difference is is that now there is verbage or
wording for it, and it wasn't. It was life.

Speaker 1 (45:28):
Yes, I agree exactly.

Speaker 2 (45:30):
So at the end of the day, if a motherfucker
sit around you all day, they take that person when
they love you so much, some people take that personal.

Speaker 3 (45:39):
I think people do take it personal because they feel
like they feel unwanted or unneeded because most people need
one of the other. Won't or need that. Most people
need it in their relationships. They got to have one
or the other. And I think that again it goes
back to your ability one to grow, because if you
grow and you start looking at it like this ain't

(46:01):
even personal. And only reason I can say this is
because I had to get out of a place of
taking things so personal because it was like this really
ain't got nothing to do with me. They dealing with
something on their own side. But this is a good thing.
Do you know how many people ain't never even giving
that a thought? Like this person really off here fighting
for their mental health, or fighting to be able to
pay their bills, dealing with their baby daddy or their girlfriend,

(46:24):
and you taking something personal. But what I always say,
and I've been saying this since I started like mindset
speaking on it in is if you can put yourself
down in a situation and think about how you felt
in the moment of you going through something when you isolated,
not talking to people. If you can drop yourself down
in it, it's way easier to respect other people's distance

(46:46):
because they don't have nothing to do with you, in.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
Fact, because you know you ain't getting that to nobody.

Speaker 3 (46:50):
But that's a part now. I also feel like that's
a gift of country. Sometimes you feel in some kind
of way because of something that's unspoken, But if you
treat people right, you don't.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
Have this exactly that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (47:01):
I like, I don't have no problem, Like I pick
up with all my people where we left off at.

Speaker 1 (47:05):
Yeah, bro, I don't feel nigga gonna be on some
sucking ship. I don't feel like that.

Speaker 3 (47:11):
But that's the thing though some people have never experienced
real relationships like that. That's the thing. I feel like
the world in general would be a better place if
we all understand we all come from so many different backgrounds,
all of these difference.

Speaker 1 (47:26):
That's why the ship called perspectives.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
Yeah, because you could be right and I could be
wrong in your eyes and we both right right.

Speaker 3 (47:33):
And the other side of it is is being open
to understanding of different perspectives. Closed mindedness, and you say
this a little bit earlier, closed mindedness is only going
to leave you just like that, closed off and oftentimes
by yourself.

Speaker 1 (47:46):
Damn.

Speaker 2 (47:48):
See the part about it is man with me and
we're gonna turn this shit to therapy. The part about
this shit with me is I feel better by myself.

Speaker 3 (48:01):
That's what that. I'm like that. So like in the club.

Speaker 2 (48:07):
Radio, I don't gotta do nothing. I could just ride
and talk to me. Yeah, yeah, bro, you know what
I'm saying like it's something wrong.

Speaker 1 (48:15):
Bro, it's that thing.

Speaker 3 (48:17):
So it's so funny. I am very much a people person.

Speaker 2 (48:21):
Hold on, Sai, bro on recording, bro shot the camera
at one time, Bron, you.

Speaker 3 (48:29):
Know the time it is happening.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Free time, all right, Bro, my nigga money man, you
said what I.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
Was saying, Like, I just feel like so like I'm
very social, Yeah I am. I love being around people.
I like to entertain because I'm naturally a nurturer, so
I can be in groups and all of that. But
I also am a recluse.

Speaker 1 (48:56):
Too. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:57):
So like when I was talking to you about the
shows and stuff, like I can go and shut down
and shut down for a whole weekend. I don't have
to talk to nobody. I can literally see it, ketch
up on some TV, ketch up on some sleep and
some me time and be okay. A lot of people
cannot do that, Like, you know, you see that little
thing online out of time. If you wanna get to
the next level, or you wanna show yourself drop off,

(49:19):
you know, drop out of site for six months and
stuff like that. Like some people can't do that because
not having other human interaction messes them up. And that's fine.
But again I go back to saying, we have to
understand that everybody is different. Everybody Donna went through something
and some people have such bad, bad demn issues. And
that goes back to why I said that about a
card game, because you find these things out and you

(49:41):
can know whether or not you want to deal with it.
People's answers. It's only so much faking you can do.
And that's just the truth, because when you trite the
right nerves, it's gonna tell you, wait a minute, she
can't never be alone. She gonna need to she wan
the codes some the phone. She gotta be able to
be right down on my hip no where I'm at.
Most people who are natural can't take that. It's like

(50:03):
you really are bugging out, like every time it's a
temperature chick. You're not talking to me today, you don't
love me any more, you don't want to be with
me any more. Like that would drop me absolutely nook.
If this what it is, This is what it is.
Only time I'm ever doing a temperature check in a
relationship is if something is off, and I'm going to say,
are you good? Like how you ask like, is your

(50:23):
mental good I'm very well aware that sometimes things can happen.
You can be having stressing at your job. And what
I have found with a great deal of being is
I don't want to brain stress home. And as a man,
society has already said, like, y'all carried all of this weight.
But it's like if nobody teaches you how to balance
the way, or if nobody ever teaches you that, babe,

(50:44):
when you get home, lay that way at the door.
You can pick that up on your way out. This
is your safe space. This is where you come in
and let it all relax. This your sanctuary. This is
where you come in and find your peace.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
So okay, all right, I'm coming home.

Speaker 1 (51:01):
How at home? Looked when I walk in the door?
Stretched out', stretched out howl?

Speaker 3 (51:04):
Home?

Speaker 1 (51:04):
Look when I walk through the door home.

Speaker 3 (51:06):
Look when you it is probably gonna be hay, honey
on the hug, especially if I feel like you coming
in from stress, because you can pick it up. If
anybody you really connected to you can tell something that
is off, you can't really fix it. I'm being like,
so I me in a relationship, anybody had dated me
will take this. I am a very much a caterer

(51:27):
to you. So you coming in, I already got a
shower on outa lay it out, your sleeping clothes or
whatever your you know, however you lounge.

Speaker 1 (51:36):
Nigga, ain't stay on those loan shirts on and.

Speaker 3 (51:40):
I'm gonna put you I'm a loan shirt no, no, no,
but I'm a pajama girl like I. I think that
that's important. A lot of times most people didn't grow
up actually wearing pajamas. So a nice lounge something because
you may not. You may not be one to go
get in the bed. You might want to go play
the game. If the game is a thing that you like,
you might want to go outside, and it's smoke is
your thing, you might want to I want to make

(52:01):
sure you straight your loose. Yeah, so where you can loud,
you can get out later day down because at the
end of the day, I don't want you to come
in still holding the day. I gotta start decompressing and
being able to build what everybody else came in to take.
Whatever your thing is at your woman, I'm gonna know
that that's what it is, okay, making sure that those

(52:23):
things are the See if you're hungry, if you want
something to eat or if you don't want anything to eat,
what is it that you you know, wanted to do?
Or I can even take them step further if you
like bay like it's just been a long day. I
really just want to lay down and get the game.
I'm again very much a hostess. So I got fluffy throws,
waded blankets. All right, honey, go downstairs and you do that.

(52:44):
We got kids, so hey, dad's home house needs to
be quiet. I'm already like that. At a certain time,
my house gotta shut down because when he come in,
then my attention has to be to him. So I
can make sure. Hey, boo, you good, what you want
to do? We finished the TV, We finna cook whatever
we're finna do. I want to make sure. And if
you not in the move for none of that, you're
just gonna go watch the game. That's fine. I know

(53:06):
how to be by myself.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
Okay, let's talk about the flip side of that. Right,
he has let you down, he's disappointed you. How the
house looks now.

Speaker 3 (53:13):
The same, that's p I fuck with that, yeah, because
this is the thing.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
I fuck with that.

Speaker 3 (53:18):
People let you down.

Speaker 1 (53:19):
Either walk away or.

Speaker 3 (53:22):
People let you down. I'm not always gonna I'm not
always going to get it right either. I can't get
down on you when you let me down if I
want you to be able to be there, you know
what I'm saying. And on the other side of it.
So for me now, they don't change because this is
the thing ladies, we gotta get out of the place,

(53:45):
and this is something for me personally. This is a
personal k ism for sure, Like this is me is
I don't feel like you can build up with the
same mouth you turned down and you ain't got a way.
Oh look, I don't feel like you can build with
the same mouth that you tear down with baby, and

(54:10):
you only have one mouth. So it's like, how can
this is? I think that this is where I'm gonna
come from in a lot of relationships. Hell this he
I'm not really a custling now to have my cousin, Yes,
it's just not. I don't think his lady light. So
that's just my thing. Right. Everybody to eat his own
this beat. But you can't say you're a f nigga.

(54:32):
You can't say this to him or he ain't this.
I can't stand you or that's why I don't even
like when we do this, but then you get back
with him because forever, in his mind, exactly what you
said is what he's saying. And he don't know if
when you say I love you, by you, you my one,
like if that's what you feel, or if you really
thank you nigga, like that's just the truth.

Speaker 1 (54:54):
So which.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
Man wanna hold on to the same stuff?

Speaker 1 (54:59):
So I'm aware, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (55:01):
I'm aware. So that's why I say, like I can't
caress you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear and
kiss on you and all of the things that exactly
unless you're in the mood and you allowed me to
do the things, but they will never be the same
for you in your mind. I just don't play like that. Yeah,
I just don't. And I and don't get me wrong,
Like I get it. There are some people like.

Speaker 1 (55:22):
They you say that you have but you just don't know.

Speaker 3 (55:24):
Mom, Oh no, I never have.

Speaker 1 (55:25):
You never have.

Speaker 3 (55:25):
I'll never that's differ never never. That ain't never been
my thing because I saw it like my mom when
she was married, it was volatile, you get what I'm saying,
Like they fighting, he jumping on her, like just different things. Right.
I just never wanted that But what I've always realized
is if you talk to somebody that you love in

(55:47):
a way of somebody that you hate, where do they
fight a balance? Which one do they believe?

Speaker 1 (55:53):
They say love hate. It's the same emotion.

Speaker 3 (55:55):
It is they they they're both invoked the same emotion.
The outcome is different. The outcome is different. If I
if I just like planning seeds, I can go and
plant weeds or I can go plant flowers. Both of
them will grow with water sunshine. Well, which one is prettier.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
So if you're doing both of you trying to plant
you step. Yeah, you're trying to plant a seed for
a flower and a goddamn and you have a yeah French,
your exotic ship. And now they say communication is the
key right to a successful relationship, which you think the

(56:40):
most common break down a communication is between women lack
of it? But okay, what if you got a communicator
right that that that that knows how to communicate. Communication
also is actually hearing a person. Yes you know what
I'm saying. Like, people got to understand that we could
talk all day, but you you can sometimes talk hear

(57:01):
me and I talk and.

Speaker 1 (57:02):
Don't hear you. Yeah, right, So that's not proper communication.

Speaker 3 (57:06):
No, it's not. But this is the other side of
that too. We're talking right me and you're having a conversation.
In times you said certain things, I'd be like, explaining.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
That exactly right me too.

Speaker 3 (57:18):
Most people won't say explained. You'll take in how you
took it, and it may not mean exactly what the
person was trying to say. That's why I'm quick to say, like,
explain that, because I don't want to answer based on
my perception, because my perception is a difference from what
your real reality is. If I don't know your reality.

Speaker 2 (57:38):
Let me tell you some of what people get upset
with me at. Because I can say something, ask you
get what I'm saying, they be like, yeah, yeah, what
am I saying?

Speaker 3 (57:47):
People? You know why people do that? Though, woll because
nobody ever want to look stupid?

Speaker 1 (57:50):
What do you mean I'm asking you? Like if I.

Speaker 3 (57:54):
A defense mechanism of people who don't want to come
across slow they didn't get it and out of and
out of shame or lack of or not wanting to
be shamed or feel shame, they'd be like yeah, And
now when you ask, does very same you are trying
to reflect shine on you. You can't respond.

Speaker 4 (58:16):
No.

Speaker 2 (58:16):
Yeah, Like, if I break some down to a person, right,
let me let me say it again for the camera.
If I break some down to a person, my true feelings,
how I feel, and then I because I know people
receive things different because of their perspective. So I asked
you like, did you get what I'm saying? And they
be like, yeah, I got it.

Speaker 1 (58:33):
I heard you. No, I know you heard me. But
what am I saying? Like I heard.

Speaker 3 (58:37):
Hearing you, hearing you and understanding this difference.

Speaker 2 (58:39):
Exactly because I want. I want to know, because I
want to need type niggas. I could tell you something
and then I'm gonna watch in the future to see
that you get it, because it's gonna come a time
again that if you do that same shit. I already
told you that, that's a deal breaking for me. So
I'm gonna make sure that you get what I'm saying
so it won't be no understanding. I mean no misunderstanding

(59:01):
when it gets to that point. And I don't say
nothing else to you ever in life. You get what
I'm saying, So I want to make sure you got it.

Speaker 3 (59:07):
But that's the thing I go back to saying people
won't ask because they don't really understand. Okay, communication is necessary,
right or relationships. Most people don't know how to communicate people.
This is a sad situation, but it's the truth. If
you think about your parent, right when you talk to
your kids, you breaking down, you correcting different things. Then

(59:32):
month later, week later, they do the same things. Did
you not hear what I said? People listen to the
same way kids do, especially people who have not learned
how to effectively communicate and have conversations. So they heard
the first part of what you said, don't die in
the middle courge you at the end because you took
a pause and was like you understand what I'm saying. Yeah,

(59:53):
I understand. I'm just saying they missed completely what you said.
And this is the other reason why I say explain
that a little bit, or like I just want to
make sure that I have it the other side of it.
And this is something you been in therapy. I feel
it in therapy, they say, especially if you got to
like a couple therapy and things like that. They say,

(01:00:13):
what I when somebody tell you something in therapy, like
say you're going to couple sterpy because that's what it
was from. And it was like, hey, honey, I feel
unseen by you right this, And they'll say, what did
you hear him say? Or what did you hear her say?
Because it was something that I said, and they were like,

(01:00:36):
she feels like I don't see her. No, what she's
saying is this is what I meant by it. But
a lot of people don't have the same ability to say,
wait a minute. She not saying I don't look at her.
She's saying she don't feel nurtured or cared for a
balue like I get dressed, I'm faxing to go out
the door, and you ain't like dang boo, you look
good and slap me on the butt, like because that's

(01:00:59):
the thing for me. And now I get exactly, yeah,
I want it like I'm gonna hear me, I'm gonna
pour into you because when you hit the streets, that's great.
But their compliment is a bonus already saying on the
right place where people mess up here because you didn't
pour her before she left, and now she went out
of the house.

Speaker 2 (01:01:20):
And got it and got it non for show, be fat, no,
I get it non for show. I'm over though, I'm overly,
even even with just not even my spouse, even with anybody.
I'm over because I know how good it feels to
receive that.

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
But you know what I'm saying, So that's why I get.

Speaker 3 (01:01:34):
It as yourself and go back to what I said,
If you treat people how you want to be treated,
the reciprocation of what you get from them gonna always
be It's gonna always be beautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:01:48):
A good conversation, it's a great conversation. So basically, basically.

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
I see people get mad at me again because I
make you repeat your of like what do you mean?
It's like like you're trying to catch me up and
something ain't trying to cat I'm trying to make sure
I understand.

Speaker 3 (01:02:06):
But you do understand that people who feel like you're
trying to catch them up is always because nine times
out of ten they trying to have something. Would you
have an issue with explaining this is the thing. I
don't care what nobody say. If you need me to
explain something I said.

Speaker 1 (01:02:21):
I write it down.

Speaker 3 (01:02:23):
But it's because you want to get a better understanding
of me. When you want to get a better understand
of me, that tells me there's something that I'm saying
that is a value to you.

Speaker 2 (01:02:31):
Yes, people who you are a value to me if
I'm talking to you exactly.

Speaker 3 (01:02:35):
But this is the thing, because people don't value themselves
or what they say. They feel like, oh man, they
just trying to make me feel stupid, They just trying
to trip me up, or whatever the case may be. No,
that's what you feel like, cause that ain't why I
asked you. I wouldn't ask you to repeat it. If
I didn't care about what you said, I would say
the same thing you said. Yeah I heard you because

(01:02:56):
I wasn't listening. You get what I'm saying, Like, that's
the difference. But if you don't you yourself like that,
everybody else that you come in contact with you feel
as though they devalue you when you came in on depletion.

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
Oh baby, nah, So what qualities? What's the first thing
you think a person need to work on before they
try to be an idol with somebody else?

Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
Try to be with somebody else?

Speaker 3 (01:03:20):
Self acceptance?

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
Self acceptance, Like you got to really know who you are.

Speaker 3 (01:03:25):
And be okay with it. Like, for lack of a
better way, I'm a person like you know, and I
love my skin and all that, but there are some
nights that I get out the shower, I take a
quick pad out and I just want to go get
in the bed. Right. Some people don't like that, like
you just went and got a bed. You didn't aill up,

(01:03:46):
you didn't do that. I smell great, like, but this
is what I like to do. I'm just being honest.
Or I may just want to lay in the bed
all day. If I run a lot, if there's a
day I don't have nothing to do, I'm gonna lay
in the bed and I'm going to be Okay. Now,
if you need something, I would get out of the bed,
make sure you're good, all of that stuff. I'm going
to get back in the bed. You know what I'm saying.

(01:04:08):
I say I say people love the thought of me,
not the essence of me. Wow, And that's that's the part.
It's like, wait a minute, but she be out when
she be actually look good? Da da da da, all
these different things. But it's more important than me to
have a happy home than to be happy in the street.
Cause I ain't never been for the street. I know
the streets. I just ain't never been for him. That's

(01:04:31):
a difference.

Speaker 1 (01:04:32):
Difference.

Speaker 3 (01:04:33):
I feel like a lot of people is familiar and
some people to come.

Speaker 2 (01:04:37):
You think every some people just don't belong in relationships, huh.

Speaker 3 (01:04:43):
I think it's a relationship for everybody, just as long
as you're honest. As long as your honest.

Speaker 1 (01:04:50):
Yeah, some people don't belong in this.

Speaker 2 (01:04:53):
I don't think nobody belongs in the same relationship as
another motherfucker, Like you can't be in the same relationship
as your friend.

Speaker 3 (01:04:59):
But it's a thing who now you're reckon. We feel
to really have a good conception. So this is my issue,
and this is my issue honestly with social media. Social
media has made us so naturally. I feel like people
are uh, what's the word I want to use. I

(01:05:20):
feel like naturally people compete, right, It's just it's a
thing comparison, comparison, for sure. I have an issue with
how social media has messed with people mindsets to think
that what they see online is everyday life.

Speaker 1 (01:05:36):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (01:05:37):
So somebody was just saying this. It was like a
mean that was going around that was like, everybody want
to be Beyonce, but nobody want to have want to
give the sacrifices that Beyonce gave. That makes sense. I
feel like when you know your own purpose and path,
you're no longer looking to be or to compete or

(01:05:57):
compare yourself to somebody else because your path your path right.
But people get in a relationship and be like, Ooh,
I don't want to do it. If he can't buy me,
no burking, if he can't buy me no role lis,
if he can't do this, if he can't do that.
But then you want to say, you know what happened
to all of you know, the gentleman, the southern men,

(01:06:18):
you know, the old fashion men. Well, you don't want
to do it. The old fashioned women is willing to
do away asking no whole lot of questions.

Speaker 1 (01:06:26):
I can't ask for granddadd if you don't want to
be grandmother.

Speaker 3 (01:06:30):
And guess what you can't ask for uncle if you
don't want to be auntie. Facts, And a lot of
times you have these expectations. And let me say this
because I had expectations. But I had expectations and weren't
willing to give on the side of what them expectations
was gonna cost me. And a lot of times what

(01:06:51):
the issue comes in with that is okay. You say
like I'm natural, I am an alpha female, but I
also know how to step back out of it to
allow the alpha man in my life to be there.
That was a process because I went I'm just being honest,
because I went through having to be a strong black woman,
a single mom, like I had to go through all

(01:07:13):
of those things, and then you sit up here telling
me that how I was doing things was dysfunctional, but
that's how I survived. So basically, when you're in the
fense mode, it comes across as though you're attacking how
I had to survive. This is where I have an
issue with people. You're mad at somebody telling you that
how you you're feeling like somebody telling you that how

(01:07:35):
you survive was wrong, and that's not what they're telling you.
That was how you had to survive in that time.
But if you're going to elevate, you have to change
these things. You're no longer in survival mode. You can't
drive in survival mode when you're in thrive facts, you
just can't do it. But most people can't switch that up.
I feel like everything I've ever gone through in life

(01:07:57):
was to elevate me to the next thing, and a
second I started believing it like that, I saw elevation.
But when I kept looking at things like so Miss Sophia.
All my life, I had to fight everything.

Speaker 1 (01:08:12):
Everything was a fight.

Speaker 3 (01:08:13):
Trying to get by the bed was a fight, Trying
to win was a fight. Everything was a fight. And
when I changed my mindset that all I do is win,
it's gonna Everything is a win. Everything is a listen.
Everything is to get me to my next level. I
had to start speaking of things, and everything that I spoke,
I began to see most people can't do that. Like
there's certain things I don't even want people to say

(01:08:34):
around me. If it ain't one thing, that's another ship
up talking to me. But now you can cause those
things to happen. I believe that words have power, and
I'm telling you they gotta go somewhere. So either it
don't go out like a frisbee, it's gonna come back
like a boomerang. I prefer the freeze me too.

Speaker 2 (01:08:53):
What do you think the biggest challenges for men to
be vulnerable and emotional and stuff with it?

Speaker 3 (01:09:00):
With people saying that it's a punk if you cry,
keep your feelings crying all the time, I think it's
a beautiful thing. Yeah, I'm one of the most, but
most It turned on to me, not in a bad way.
But the issue, and the sad part is is that
you a run across women who say you want a
man who is in touch with their feelings and their

(01:09:21):
emotions and then car him a pump. Yeah, make that
makes sense.

Speaker 1 (01:09:26):
You're right.

Speaker 3 (01:09:30):
So, I mean, I think that it's important for you
to be in touch with your feelings. But if nobody
give you a place to be able to be vulnerable,
then what you do.

Speaker 1 (01:09:39):
But you gotta think.

Speaker 2 (01:09:41):
I think I was cleansing my soul, like because I
went through a state like of like five months I
couldn't but just cry for no reason. Yeah, me too,
because I felt better after that and then my partner
passed and I cried a lot after that too. But
I feel good though I ain't even gonna lie like
I feel good and I don't give a because I
know ain't soft.

Speaker 1 (01:10:01):
I know ain't going for nothing.

Speaker 3 (01:10:02):
But that's because you have a knowledge of yourself. Yeah,
negative things have a totally different impact than self loving things.
Negative things cut and they have to heal. Soft things
you have to continue to do it. You imagine you
hit something that's soft, it's soft and it bounced back.

(01:10:24):
You hit something that's hard, You're gonna break some flesh.
You gonna You hear what I'm saying, And a lot
of times that healing people don't even want to have
that because society and I ral has made it seem
like you gotta go through hard things in order to
be able to build. But at some point you gotta
be okay to allow the soft things in because it
shouldn't be hard always.

Speaker 2 (01:10:43):
Why do you think women these days feel like a
confident nigga or a nigga with boundaries, or a nigga
that that know what you want, a nigga that know
itself like he's sassin.

Speaker 3 (01:10:55):
I hear you say that out of time, and I
don't really understand what sexy.

Speaker 2 (01:10:58):
I don't either, I just be hearing it now on Instagram,
Like women be like if a dude say, you know
what I'm saying, like whole you're accountable. If a dude
hold a woman accountable. These days, because I be having
a conversation on.

Speaker 1 (01:11:10):
This podcast, you know what I'm saying, Yeah, But they
be like.

Speaker 2 (01:11:16):
That's sassy, and I'm trying to understand that, like what
makes a man sassion?

Speaker 3 (01:11:21):
But I go back to saying, like a lot of
times people be using those as saying those words and
stuff like that, trying to equate it to what they're seeing.
But you're not being honest about what you want a relationship.
Go back to this point you said you shouldn't be
looking for your relationship look like your girlfriend relationship right
with my girlfriend, except I might not accept you get

(01:11:43):
what I'm saying, Well, people be trying to get and
look the same, have the same things going on. If
that was the case, everybody would be married. This is
the truth. Everybody would be married. It would not be
the divorce rate that we have, and everybody want to
be walking around instead of trying to have a hot
girl Samma figuring out who is gonna be with you

(01:12:04):
doing cuffing season after covering season? You looking for somebody
else for New Years? Like, it's just damn, that's just
the truth. I know so many people I'm going into
the New Years, that's all right, knew me. I'm single,
blah blah blah. And now all of the posts is
I'm looking for somebody for February of fourteen. Like, baby,
if you're looking for somebody for one day, you're going
to have just that. Like what you're projecting to say

(01:12:25):
that you want is exactly what you're gonna get. Somebody
that's gonna get you a gift for February at fourteen
and be cheating on you on Fabruard fifteen.

Speaker 1 (01:12:32):
He ain't really cheating. That's who he is, and that's
what you want.

Speaker 3 (01:12:37):
But that's what I'm saying. That's I go back to saying, like,
that's why you have to be intentional about what you
really want and don't say that you're okay with something
that you're not okay with. That's why I feel like
going back to what you said about women thinking men
saying said, you know why, it's because men I got
a little bit more hip to people getting run the
game on them.

Speaker 1 (01:12:57):
Yep, yep.

Speaker 3 (01:12:59):
Because one thing about it, as women, when we come
to a knowledge of self, you start realizing, like, he
ain't really gonna do what he's saying he gonna do
like that that women's intuition, it's like and a lot
of times, and I think that this is why sometimes
people have issues is they don't trust theirself. So when
you don't trust yourself. Everything. You're going to second guess

(01:13:19):
no matter what it is, and you will drive yourself crazy.
Let me tell you something, It don't matter how good
you love him. It don't matter how good you throwing
on him. It does not matter if that ain't who
he is, It just ain't who.

Speaker 1 (01:13:32):
All of them doing it good, all of them not
doing good. I'm saying all of them that you pick
doing it good man good, you feel good.

Speaker 3 (01:13:42):
The one that's doing it good is because that's the
profession that they've taken them understanding by doing it like
I'm just keeping it the up, like they understand that
doing it good is holding some people because can.

Speaker 1 (01:13:51):
I be real?

Speaker 3 (01:13:54):
The one that they're doing it good too, ain't necessarily
getting at home because every time she made or he
disappoint her, instead of her deciding to leave or an
addressing it and still showing him that you know what,
even though you disappointed me and I'm upset, I still
love you and I'm still going to show up as
who I said that I am to you. Right, Yeah,

(01:14:15):
but you don't want to talk to him, don't touch me.
I don't want this. I don't do that. What I believe,
and ladies, you may not like it, and frankly, my dear,
I do not care. I ain't never if it get hard,
it is my duty, yeah, to attend to it. Because
that that you don't do, somebody gonna do it.

Speaker 2 (01:14:36):
I can't wait to listen and matter fact, the ain't
gonna try to show out show out.

Speaker 3 (01:14:41):
Let me tell you why those of us who know,
we like those of us who know, people out there watching.
They looking for a dude that we deal with to
get com slipping just so you can say you had
my due or what I'm clear about. You can't have
nothing that rightfully belong to me.

Speaker 1 (01:14:58):
The facts, that's a word with a word.

Speaker 2 (01:15:05):
Mindset everything, Confidence, I must uthentity, necessary, resilience.

Speaker 3 (01:15:20):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (01:15:21):
Resilience, strength, transformation, evolution, relationship, reciprocal.

Speaker 1 (01:15:41):
Empowerment, empowering purpose.

Speaker 3 (01:15:51):
I want to say one word, say what you want
to say. Everybody got one facts.

Speaker 1 (01:15:57):
Vulnerability, growth, communication, I must connection. Currency, Nah, that's money
for real, gratitude.

Speaker 3 (01:16:19):
Gratitude mm hmm.

Speaker 5 (01:16:29):
Gratitude, gratefulness, self love, foundational legacy, history and American fashion.

Speaker 3 (01:16:57):
I'm glad I got the first world came.

Speaker 4 (01:17:00):
Selective style style individualistic.

Speaker 1 (01:17:18):
Image, brand influence, purpose, balance, necessary, motivation.

Speaker 3 (01:17:40):
M hm m m motivation, mental.

Speaker 1 (01:17:48):
Growth, elevation. Vision.

Speaker 3 (01:17:57):
Oh that's a big one. My borships been preaching on visang.
I don't have one word for vision. Can I say
this though?

Speaker 1 (01:18:07):
Say whatever you want to say.

Speaker 3 (01:18:10):
Vision is necessary, but vision in sight are different. It's
something from my visions. I can't take credit for this,
but it was so good. He like literally been doing
like this whole sequence on this. But a lot of
people see but have no vision. And where there is
no vision of people perish and people are wondering why
they're not going and getting further and all of that

(01:18:32):
they don't have no vision.

Speaker 1 (01:18:33):
We're gonna come back to that leadership, servitude. Success.

Speaker 3 (01:18:47):
I can't think of the word, but I'll tell you
what my thought is. Success is subjective. That is that's
the word. Thank you. That's exactly what I was trying
to say. Energy, energy, empowering, strength, vulnerability.

Speaker 1 (01:19:19):
Chemic coal, that girl, perspective relative. Let's go back to vision.
Yeah said what now, so.

Speaker 3 (01:19:32):
I baould have been on this amazing we're building. So
our church has been around for like fourteen years, right,
and if you grew up in church like you see
people that have building funds like and they ain't never
got no building, like all of these different things. I
go to a very forward moving I mean, matter of fact,

(01:19:55):
I don't go too I'm connected to a very for
moving mission U New Faith Christian Church. Okay, I love
my vision because he oh, he's an X street dude
and he took stepped in the purpose. He knew that
God that had a collin on his life. But what
I love is is that I feel like everybody that

(01:20:18):
go to our church either came out of the streets
or just had different things to go on in their life.

Speaker 1 (01:20:23):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:20:23):
So as we've been building the vision, the vision that
God gave him for a ministry when he started fourteen
years ago was to have ten locations, a senior living,
a school, blah blah blah. So we fourteen years here, right,
we got eight locations, got a school. We're fen to
break ground on the elementary school, like all of those things. Now,

(01:20:45):
most of the people who go to our church are
first time church schores, like they just you know, got started.
So what He's been trying to teach us is is
you really take the time to write the vision for
your life. Like, what do you say see yourself doing
a lot of times you hear people say all the
time like I don't necessarily know my purpose, but your
purpose is the very thing that you could do that

(01:21:07):
second nature, I know naturally that my purpose is helping
people to move forward, row whatever those cases may be.
And so basically what he has sold us is that
a lot of people only use site site as in
just what I can see, and if I don't see it,
I can't believe it. But vision is saying I believe

(01:21:30):
that there is greater and that I can get to it.
And the only way I can get to it is
I'm not distracted by what I see facts because what
you see in front of you ain't where you're going.
But if what you see in front of you stop you,
you'll never get to where you was meant to beat
journey Man, embrace it them. Some people scared to get
on it because it means you're gonna have to have

(01:21:52):
go over some hurdles, you're gonna have to deny sell
sometimes and those at the things that are a lot
of times people's comfort zone, and my thing, what comfort
zone is a comfortable place. They still don't give or
reap no benefit. Ain't really comfortable.

Speaker 1 (01:22:11):
Facts getting to the books of the week.

Speaker 3 (01:22:15):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:22:17):
Learning to Love Me Unapologetically, Yeah, I address everybody, check
my footwork.

Speaker 1 (01:22:23):
That's all you, right, that's all me? What it Five
Ways to dress yourself Confident? What is it?

Speaker 3 (01:22:28):
Confidently? Yeah? That was my first e book. But the
Learning to Love Me Unapologetically, that book came during me
going through my journey, right, And what I realized is
is so many people say, oh, I'm so unapologetically me
blah blah blah blah blah. But you ain't never apologize
to the person you heard the words yourself. Yeah, unapologetic.

(01:22:52):
I am so unapologizic. You just can't take me. No,
you can't take you. You're not honest with who you are.
You want other people to feel this and that about you.
You want to intimidate. I don't want to intimidate. I
want to collab, connect, help, push. I don't want you
to be intimidated. I don't want you to be intimidated

(01:23:13):
to approach me, to speak to me now at all times,
I want you to be respectful. But I carry myself
with respect. So getting it is not a hard thing.
But people are requiring things from people that they don't
require of their self.

Speaker 1 (01:23:26):
Facts.

Speaker 3 (01:23:26):
So you mad at me because I carry myself to
a certain thing. I heard people say so many times
in my life. She just thinks she better than people.
And I used to say, no, I don't. I don't
think that. But if that's your perception, that's your reality.

Speaker 1 (01:23:44):
Tell you, I can't wait till NIXA. You think you I.

Speaker 3 (01:23:46):
Am, and that's that's your reality. Because really, all you
taught me is that you aspire to think you better
than somebody because that's how you feel you. People project
their thoughts and things, and not just their thoughts but
their on desires on you.

Speaker 1 (01:24:03):
Nah. I agree with that. So what's nick? What's next
for you?

Speaker 3 (01:24:07):
Oh my god? Okay, so what's next? You know we
talked about fashion, So if you follow me on social media,
I have my shapewear line coming out. I'm super excited
about it.

Speaker 1 (01:24:22):
Congratulations, thank you.

Speaker 3 (01:24:23):
So it's so funny because people say, well, how you
want to do mindset and you want to do this
and I'll go together. You've consistently heard me talk about
and having it together. That's just the truth. I got
to a shapewear right.

Speaker 1 (01:24:37):
Now keep it together.

Speaker 3 (01:24:39):
Please believe it because this SI. You can't be this
stick in the thighs and this big in the butt
and then not jiggle in some kind of way because
it's real. Nobody and just keeping it the butt. I
come from bottom of heaven wheremen it's just the truth.
But for me. The shapewear it's called Curvey's. Curvey's is

(01:24:59):
a line that was created for everybody. Everybody is in
everybody type, So I don't care if you are Apple,
a pair of triangle or inverted triangle, it don't matter
what it is. I got some shapewear for you, and
I go all the way up to six X. I
want to help people get into a place where you
feel good in your clothes. And like I said, it's

(01:25:21):
like a symphony. You move with your clothes should move
with you, not have you stuck somewhere trying to pull
them apart. So as a whole, it's everything. So like
to today, I got on boots so you can't really see,
but I got on what I wear every day and
it is like a one piece jumpsuit. Listen, ladies, it
is great because I ain't mindful that you have to

(01:25:41):
go to the bathroom. If y'all remember back in the
day when it had the shadewear and you couldn't go
to the bathroom. Once you got in it, you were stuck. No,
if I had to go to the bathroom, I can
go pull my pants down. When I squat, it's gonna
open up, open up enough for me to do number one,
number two, clean up and get it on. And it
is for lack of a better way, but I have
to say it like this. This is definitely not life

(01:26:03):
but it's definitely fat couture proof because some people say
that I get that all the time and it's like girl,
But I gotta be like, okay, because at the end
of the day I started. I started developing this line
when I was close to four hundred pounds. Like you
know what I'm saying, I have done this. I've done

(01:26:25):
the real deal research. Most of the pieces come with
straps because half of the issue that people have is
that you pull it up, it's either gonna go up
or come down, so it's oozing out the top and
it's oozing out the bottom. No, I'm gonna have it
where it's gonna relax. You're gonna be smooth, and all
of what he sees here to me. This is where
modesty has left when it comes to like women, ladies,

(01:26:47):
however you want to do it is. I feel like
modesty leaves a bit of mystery, and most men get kit.
They really are the curious cat and they want to
be able to see. So I want you to be
wondering what's underneath them. And if it's all put together

(01:27:11):
in your clothes, he can all the magic worlds go
look like ostra clothes. And by the time you get
me out of my clothes, you already a feeling little.
I'm just putting the ice onm cake. So I think
that that's like, I just think that that's it. People
say out the time, like as I've been developing this
school now by four years, finally ready to get it
to market, and I've had the pieces, but I wanted

(01:27:32):
to do like trial runs with my girlfriends finding out
how they take care of it, because that's the difference.
Somebody may not take care of it properly. Let me
see how this is gonna work so I can go
back to my manufacturer like, hey, this didn't work for them.
I need this, you know what I'm saying, because it's
going to be worldwide. So for me, I went through
all of those things. So for me at this point,

(01:27:53):
I'm just like, I want you to be able to
have something. They'd be like, yeah, I got on Curvis,
I can see I can tell you out on Curve.
It's no dimples, no dance, no, none of that. Now,
there's nothing wrong with that. I just don't feel like
it's necessary for nobody to see it outside of who
you want to see you nicked. Now, if you want
everybody to see you naked, Curvey is not for you.

(01:28:13):
But if you want to look like it's all put together,
that's great, and it's not. Oh that's the point I
was gonna make. People was like, why did I not
release this like workout, you know, because people be in
the gym with the all of that stuff. No, some
people don't want to go to the gym, that's just fat.
Some people not interested, but they still want to look
good in their clothes. I'm not trying to force you

(01:28:34):
to do nothing you don't want to do. All I
want you to do is look good when you put
your clothes.

Speaker 1 (01:28:39):
On that coult people in the gym put it on.

Speaker 3 (01:28:43):
Yeah, I have pieces that you go to the gym.
I have a pair of leggings that I went to
the gym because it induces heat. So it's literally sucking
in and a great thing that I can honestly say.
It's literally like walking around in like some cardio if
you're walking around in it, because it does suck you
in somewhere, you're definitely gonna come down. Because all of
the people who have done the trial. I did a
try for like two years. Everybody has did it within

(01:29:06):
three to four months. They needed a smaller one, so
that's good.

Speaker 1 (01:29:10):
Well, I appreciate you coming through. You gotta bring the
card next time you come, I am.

Speaker 3 (01:29:13):
I promise you I'm bringing the cards because that's gonna
be an inter.

Speaker 1 (01:29:19):
Nah for sure. Tell them where to follow you at
follow me.

Speaker 3 (01:29:23):
Yes, definitely get the books unapologies Learn to Love You Unapologetically.
All of my books are on Amazon and or on
my website, which is kmiccold dot com. I'm camic cold
absolutely everywhere k M I c O L E. I
always made the joke because you were like where they
came a cole come from? Is that like I met him?

Speaker 1 (01:29:41):
Like?

Speaker 3 (01:29:41):
No, it is on my driver's license KA actually stands
for Courtney. Uh, that's my first initial and McCole is
my real middle name. So I am came a cold
And it's funny because I always say people disrespected Courtney,
so I had to abbreviate.

Speaker 1 (01:29:59):
Her while they disrespect them. Yeah, that's really shit.

Speaker 2 (01:30:05):
Great hounsome make sure y'all gonna like to strive and
come in tap in. My dog came a cold man
to the Big Fact Network, so I appreciate you. Another
fic episode of Perspectives with Big Bank.

Speaker 1 (01:30:19):
Follow on Instagram at Big Bank Ato yo yo.

Speaker 2 (01:30:25):
Don't miss an episode of Perspective with Bank. Perspective with
Bank or production of the Black Effect podcast Network and
our executi producers are Dollar Bishop, Chanel Collins and produced
by Aaron A.

Speaker 1 (01:30:34):
King Howard What Up Game.

Speaker 2 (01:30:35):
For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit to iHeart Radio,
Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your favorite shows. Make sure
you follow a Big Bank ATL Perspective with Bank with
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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}The Essence of Womanhood with K. Micole