April 4, 2022 • 32 mins
How do you keep the sparks alive in a romantic relationship? Well, Gam’s husband, Rodney, joins her on the mic to discuss just that. Gam and Rodney talk about what to expect when you take your relationship to the next level and even share what reality show they would like to go on.
Guest Information:
@iamrodneynorris Rodney's Instagram
Host Information:
@gammynorris Gammy's Instagram
@gammynorris_ Gammy's Twitter
@gammynorris Gammy’s TikTok
#PositivelyGam
Listening and loving the show? Please be sure to rate and review.
Have a question or topic you want us to discuss on Positively Gam? Email us at:
positivelygam@redtabletalk.com
Positively GAM is produced by Westbrook audio, EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS Fallon Jethroe, Adrienne Banfield Norris and Jada Pinkett Smith. CO-EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Sim Hoti. ASSOCIATE PRODUCER Irene Bischofberger. EDITOR AND AUDIO MIXER Calvin Bailiff. Theme song by dbeatz. POSITIVELY GAM is in partnership with iHeartRadio.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I have a little experience with this because when
we first met, you had a dog in the bed,
but that was Busy. Busy is a chihuahua, and he
only got in the bed. He only got in the
bed first thing in the morning. He didn't sleep in
the bed with me. It doesn't matter. He was in
the bed and he wouldn't even let the dog in
the bedroom. Guys, like he had the dog had to
(00:23):
sleep in the kitchen. Now, what's up, everybody. I'm Gammy
and I'm her husband Rodney, and this is positively damn
look at this now. Okay, So guys, I have a
(00:46):
new sometimes cohost my popular demand. I don't know if
my feelings should be heard or what, but I wasn't enough.
They actually wanted Rodney. That's right, you know how it is.
How do you feel about that, babe? For you just
I mean another thing we get to do together. So
(01:07):
that always makes me feel good. You know. I'm happy
that I have this opportunity to work with you and
that the people thought enough of me to ask for
me to come back so here I am. Yeah, I'm excited.
We're gonna give this a shot and see how it goes. Now,
just to let you know, guys, he's not gonna be
here all the time, but we're glad to have him
(01:28):
when he is. This first segment, we're gonna be talking
about keeping the spark alive in a marriage, and we
know a little bit about that. You have to do
a disclaimer. We're not professionals, and we don't and we've
only been buried for five years. It sounds like we've
been we've got the couple, but we've got the two
(01:52):
point five twice, so we're good. Yeah, we're good. So
New York University delivered to those of reality saying, the
honey phase wears off after thirty months, which is like
two and a half years, and initially high level of
marital satisfaction steadily decreased after that period of time for
(02:12):
most couples, according to this study. So what are you
feeling about that? I can see how that can happen.
I think typically people get into marriage for for a
lot of the wrong reasons. And if you like anything,
if you go into something for the wrong reason, at
(02:33):
some point, it's gonna be like oops, exactly, it's gonna
you know, the newness is gonna wear off, and then
you're left with who you came into this thing with
and if you haven't done any what we call work,
then it's going to be obvious. Well, let me ask
you this, Rodney, because for me, like you were my
(02:55):
fourth husband, um, and I remember people asking me why
I even wanted to get married again because we obviously
are past the age of you know, procreation, so we
weren't getting married because we wouldn't have kids and build
a family. That part of our lives was over, and
(03:17):
people didn't even really understand, well, what is the need
to get married why? And for me, um, you know,
I like being married. I enjoy being married. I enjoyed
the partnership and the camaraderie, the companionship that's afforded with marriage.
And for you, you had never been married before, So
(03:40):
what was the reason for you most of the reasons
that you just mentioned, I like that too, and the
opportunity to build on that beyond just a relationship, but
a partnership in a marriage was was you know, enticing
to me? It was interesting to me, and I think
(04:00):
all of those reasons, but you're still the same person.
So after a certain amount of time, the newness wears
off and then all the problems that you had in
the relationship are the problems you have in the marriage
unless unless you do some soul searching and some what
about what's the world? I'm like, well, just do some
(04:22):
self self evaluation and you know, kind of take responsibility
for wanting to make things better. But and a lot
of people do that beforehand, to a lot of people
will have marriage counseling and and do some work before marriage.
Because this, this is the thing for me. I think
(04:42):
people don't realize there's such a like this fairy tale
idea about what marriage is all about, you know, and
it's people get all excited about, particularly women, particularly women
very excited and thrilled about the wedding. And I have
(05:05):
to tell you, I love weddings. I love weddings, so
we get real caught up in that. But at the
end of the day, even you know, I mean, even
this being your fourth marriage, you were still pretty excited
about the wedding. And I was like, just tell me
where it is and I'll show up. But you were,
(05:26):
you know, you were, you were very excited about it.
I love a good wedding. I love and the fact
that it rained to rental rain on our wedding day.
I was devastating. I cried all morning. But anyway, but anyway,
back to your original I forgot what I'm saying now. Well,
you were saying, people get caught up in the whole
(05:46):
mystique of but it really is not about the wedding.
It's about the marriage. So you really have to, you know,
be sure that that's what you want, and be well,
I guess you can't, can't, will really be sure, but
be careful, be thoughtful, be conscious of the decision that
(06:07):
you're making, because it is supposed to be a lifelong commitment,
and that's a long time. It's an awfully long time
for people that are talking about getting married at one
and like you got your whole life ahead of you early,
I think it's way too early. So I don't know,
(06:32):
but how to keep the spark alive? I think for
for us to like, you know, when you get to
be our age, it's a big difference. It's a big difference.
Like we're not swinging from the chandeliers having sex, guys.
I mean, you know, we're swinging from table lamps now
(06:54):
floor lamps. But it's there's it's so much more than
just sex and That's what people have to recognize, you know,
because after a while the sex may get a little
old and you get old. If you stay together, and
it's not gonna be just your pretty little face and
(07:16):
you're a pretty little figure and his handsome physique. You
have to have more than that in a relationship if
it's really gonna last. How about you have to really
like the person that you're marrying. It's not just about, Oh,
I love him so much. Do you like his ass? Yeah?
(07:38):
I agree. I think that's what helps our relationship or
our marriage works so well, is that we actually like
each other a lot, like and we enjoy being together.
You're my best friend, and I used to be yours
before you added all these other skating people into seven
people in your life, but used my best friend. You're
(08:02):
still my best friend, but it would be better if
you would come stepping with me. But that's what helps
our relationship work, is that we enjoy doing everything together.
And you know, it wasn't always that way for me.
When I was younger. I wanted to be with my boys,
you know, like I would be with you know in
a relationship, and I go to the movie and go
to dinner, but I really enjoyed having a lot of
(08:24):
spending a lot of time with the guys, and as
I got older, that kind of, you know, it kind
of changed and and now I don't really need that
as much. I just needed somebody to share my life
with and have them share theirs with me. So I
think that's why our relationship and our marriage works so well,
(08:45):
because you came into it kind of the same way.
I think one of the ways to stay connected is
to have like hobbies that and things that you enjoy together.
Right now, the major thing that we love, I didn't
think anybody would love it more than me. I'm a
(09:07):
movie fan. I always want to go to the movies.
Rodney enjoys that more than I do. I didn't think
that that would ever happen. Like, if we're not going
to the movies every single week, that's a problem. But
other than that, I feel like it's we don't really
have like a hobby that we do together, like something
(09:30):
that we're passionate about, Like I'm very passionate about stepping
now roller skating, I'm kind of obsessed with that. And
we did say that we were going to think about
starting to try to learn golfing, But how important do
you actually think that is. I agree with you, I
think it's important. I think we bonded on a lot
(09:51):
of other areas, so I kinda didn't didn't fall in
love with stepping. I roller skated when I was younger,
So that I mean, I'll go, but I'm not as
pumped up about it or as passionate about it as
you are. You want to go every twice a week,
like I can't rollerskape twice a week like I'll go,
(10:14):
you know, every other Thursday or something. But so you
just have a lot more energy than me to very
energetic for my be quite honest, and I hate to
say this, but you have a lot more energy than me,
and you always want to be going and doing something,
and I'm content just kind of chilling in, you know,
(10:38):
doing standing kind of our routine. And that can be
a good or a bad thing. Some routines are good,
and some routines after a while become a routine, and
it can be detrimental to the to the relationship of
the marriage. Do you think that there's been any big
(11:05):
change in you since since you've got married or since
you've got married. I know, for me, I've had to
do some changing over time in this marriage, and not
that I didn't do it in my other marriages, but
we're gonna focus on this. You know, are married. So
(11:29):
I definitely felt the need to go back into therapy
and and try to do some personal work on myself
because there was definitely an issue with how we communicated. Yes,
and let me just say guys that Mr Nars had
(11:50):
to get me all the way together, all the way together.
You want to talk a little bit about that, or
is what I've said enough, well you might want to
expound on that a little bit. Well, I mean, I
just felt like at the end of the day, I
was not really responding to you in a respectful manner,
(12:12):
particularly well only when I was angry, right and upset,
and I can be snappish, and you know cause and
I don't think I wasn't crazy enough to call you
out your name, but I was like cussing and just yelling.
(12:33):
And when I get angry, I get loud. You know, No,
it's a reason I'm upset. I'm upset. But you know,
your thing was you have to learn how to be
able to have a discussion Number one without being so
emotional about everything and getting angry about everything even if
(12:56):
you don't disagree. You have to learn how to communicate
about everything being such a huge, you know, argument, right,
And you know, I saw for you that that was
a defense mechanism, that was baggage that you had brought
into the relationship from previous situations. So it's just a
(13:17):
matter of identifying it. And I didn't respond in that
way because I'm not a person who argues. But I'm
also not a person who's going to allow people to
treat me in a less than respectful way either, And
and that's kind of the middle ground that we found, Like, Okay,
I understand that this is how you communicate, but that's
(13:42):
not acceptable to me, and we have to find a
better way than this. Yeah, I mean, I'm a I'm
a working progress. It used to happen every single time,
and then I would walk off, and then later on
a few hours later, you you would come back and say,
I mean you always thought about it, and you would
(14:04):
come back and be like, you know, and we could
have that conversation that we couldn't have earlier because you
would take the emotion out of it later on. Yeah,
And I mean, it just works better if you can
take the emotion out of things. But you always felt
like anything I said was an attack. Yeah, and you know,
I'm like, that's that's not how I meant it, that's
not what this is. So let's start from that point.
(14:28):
And I feel like even though I was doing that,
I feel like I was pretty good with I never
had a problem apologizing, you know, because I typically it
doesn't take me long to like, like you tripping, you
know what I mean. It doesn't take me long to
realize that that's not necessary, you know, or when I'm wrong,
(14:53):
to admit that I'm wrong. What about you? Which changes
do you feel like you've you made or you've had
to make. I think I'm a lot less selfish. Like
I lived by myself for a very long time, so
very long, very long time, so I you know, and
(15:13):
and doing that, I had become pretty selfish. I did
what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.
And that was one of the reasons I lived by
myself because I enjoyed that freedom to do that. And
I kind of lived that bachelor life for a long time. So,
you know, even without realizing it, I had some selfishness
(15:35):
that I had incorporated in my life and the decisions
that you would make correct and putting myself first, and
those decisions sometimes hurt other people. I think the growth
that I've had in this marriage has forced me, not
allowed me, but forced me to not be as selfish
(15:57):
and make decisions based off because everything is us, so
it's not just me, So I have to every decision
I'm making, every thought I have is based on us,
so I'm always coming from that place and my decision making.
So it changed me in that way. So I'm not
as selfish because I'm always thinking of everything I do
(16:19):
is based on us. Okay, So that's that's one of
the things. And I think, you know, I've become a
better person, a better father, a better businessman, like everything
I've you know, because of that unselfishness. I've incorporated that
into all other areas of my life, and I've I've
(16:40):
become not only a better husband, but I've become a
better person as a result of that. Yeah, I would agree.
I think the work that I've done on myself too
is all in trying to make me a better person,
you know, And we definitely one of the questions that
we have was do we resolve our disagreements before we
(17:03):
go to bed, and I would say, yes, we do
not go to bed angry like we've never done, and
we don't walk around not speaking to one another like
we just we just don't don't like that. We're not
even gonna go a whole day like we It might
be a couple of hours, but yeah, we don't because
(17:25):
everybody needs space, you know, everybody needs space to step
back and kind of figure out what's happening, what's going
on here. But to just stay angry that does not
feel good. And you know, I'm not We're not trying
to paint that picture like we have this perfect marriage,
but we don't like one of the things that and
(17:48):
you know, just thinking about it when you were saying that,
is that the other day we were having an issue
and I can't remember what it was, but we were
upset with one another. And then like, and I think
I was upset with you and and it's something that
maybe I thought I felt like you did. And then
maybe like an hour later, I came back and apologize
(18:11):
to you because I just didn't. And I'm like, why
am I apologizing? You know she did it, but I
just didn't want to linger in that energy. But it
was something that I've done in response to something that
you did, and I came back and apologized to you.
He's getting the very like confused face right there, because
(18:31):
I have no idea what he's talking about, not not
a clue. But I could whatever, I apologize, apologize for
something that I did. Okay, I know, for something for
responding in a way to something that you did. But
that's the kind of stuff we do, is what I'm saying,
Like we we won't remain mad. We'll typically come back like, look,
(18:53):
you know, all right, it's been an hour or two.
Let's talk about whatever that was that we were upset
about earlier. But I tell you what, I tell you
one thing that you did the other day. I was
upset with somebody else. I was upset with another situation. Yeah,
and I took it out on you. And you picked
(19:17):
up on that immediately. You recognize that it was displaced anger,
you know, And that is number one being very in
tune to your partner and knowing your partner. Yeah, because
I didn't even I didn't even recognize it because you
(19:39):
had asked me what was wrong, and I was like nothing, nothing,
you know, and then you know something happened. I snapped
at you, and that's the situation. I'm talking back. But
I also came back and was talking about how I
snapped back, and you know, I didn't linger in it
with of both he said, that's the beat, so I ain't,
(20:05):
you know. So it's that kind of thing. It's those
kind of things that I think, particularly at our age,
like if we we do, we can't be arguing and
carrying all. We are not in high school. We got
no time. There are certain obligations that come with the ring,
(20:32):
and you know, as a man or a woman, you
need to, you know, make sure that you're ready to
take on that responsibility of the obligations because it's not
just you know, funning games all the time. It's it's
work involved in And if you're not ready to do that,
then just stay in the relationship and rite it out
like that, um, Because if you're a cheetah before you
(20:56):
get married, you're gonna be a cheetah in the marriage.
If you're a liar, you're gonna be lying in all
of that in the marriage. So necessarily, Bay, I so
disagree with that. I think that if you're willing to
make the changes you will. But that's my point. You
need to recognize that this is a responsibility and obligation,
(21:17):
and you can't you won't be successful bringing those personality
traits into that. I agree, I agree, but I don't
agree with if you were a cheater beforehand, because I
agree to I'm just saying if you were, if you
don't change those behaviors, then yeah, then you'll you'll bring
(21:40):
all of that into the marriage and it won't be successful,
right right, right right. Just being able to sit down
with with an unbiased person just gives you an opportunity
to kind of hear yourselves think about, you know, your
ideas and your own steps of what marriage is really about,
(22:02):
and to just kind of make sure that you're both
on the same page, because a lot of times you're
not talking about you know, you're so caught up and
being in love, have you really thought about what living
together and that kind of commitment really means. And you'd
be surprised how different people think of what marriage is
(22:26):
and what each of their expectations might be. If I'm
making sense, like just a different idea of of what
the responsibilities are and what that commitment means like, how
many people are actually sitting down and having the conversation
about monogamy you were just talking about, you know, cheating
(22:49):
because it's an expectation. There's a marriage. The standard idea
of marriage is that we're getting married and you and
I are in a relationship that doesn't include anybody else
sexually specifically, But you have to have that discussion. You
have to have that discussion. You can't assume that everybody
(23:13):
is in agreement with that for just that reason. And
if it's not something that you both want, it doesn't
mean you can't get married. It means that you need
to agree and figure out what that what those boundaries
are gonna be in your marriage, because guess who's in
your marriage. The two of you, not everybody else, but
(23:39):
the two of you have to agree on what marriage
means to you and be okay with that right any aspect,
any aspect of the marriage. When it comes to finances,
people assume that the husband is going to be the breadwinner.
That's not necessarily going to be the case. And so
(24:00):
I just think like in this day and age, it's
so important for you guys to be able to sit
down and talk about what your marriage means to you
based on your own standards, not what everybody else thinks
a marriage should be. Right, there's no cookie cutter. That
(24:20):
cookie cutter ship doesn't work anymore. It's done. It doesn't
work for everybody. Yeah, I think it's a reasonable expectation
that people not I can expect that they're not going
to be in a polyamorous relationship marriage and that because
that's because that's been the way it's been four thousands
(24:42):
of years. Well, without as without a discussion, I'm assumed
that that's what I'm getting. Unless the person comes to
me and says, well, you know what assumed me? This
is what I want to have, it makes an ass
that you and me and you'll end up in divorce
s courts. Have the conversation, have the conversation. And it's
so difficult for people to talk about sex, babe, even couples.
(25:06):
It is difficult, it is challenging, it's uncomfortable. But it
doesn't mean that you shouldn't have the conversation. That's all
I'm saying. You gotta be We talked about that, We
talked about that before we got married. Is this what
we really want? Do we want to be in a monogamous,
committed relationship. We talked about that and we decided, yes
(25:31):
we did. We didn't want to do that, but we
had the conversation, and I just don't think people are
doing it, and it's important. It's important. One of the
biggest reasons people get divorced money and infidelity. One in
every two marriages ends in divorce. So I know already
(25:53):
against you to begin with that. That means if there's
two people in the room, that two couples in the room,
one of them ain't gonna make it. Maker making that
almost sounds like when I was in recovery. When I
left recovery, they were like when I love the treatment,
stead of like some of you just ain't gonna make it. Yeah,
they were right at that time. I didn't make it.
(26:14):
But anyway, moving along this ah another subject, Yes it is.
We have some questions from some of our listeners. Who
is your favorite TV married couple. My favorite TV married
(26:39):
couple is Carrie and Doug hefron In from King of Queen.
Oh my goodness, Okay, all right, they are hilarious and
they are just regular people living regular lives, working regular
jobs and trying to figure it out as they go. Okay,
I'm it's real. So for me, I mean it's it's
(27:02):
a comedy, so of course it's funny, but it's also
like real situations that there and yeah, okay, well I
don't really have one, but I guess if I if
I had to pick, I would probably pick I don't know,
Phil and and Vive from Fresh Prince maybe or or
(27:24):
Rainbow and Dre from Blackish. Would you ever go on
reality TV? And if so, which one? So the only thing?
I probably Well, I would go on Husbands of Hollywood,
but I don't know if that, oh yeah, I forgot
about husbands. Would probably yeah, that's coming back. Actually I
(27:48):
would do that, and I'm open to creating one if
anybody has any ideas the Adrian and Rod Show, or
as you like to call yourself, rock Rock Okay, so
for me, you can't give yourself a nickname, right, well,
(28:09):
you do all the time, So for me, it would
be And at first I was like reality, I don't reality,
But the truth of the matter is it would be
several Atlanta House World. Yes, because I'm I'm obsessed with
Candy Burst Candy first, I think she is so fantastic
(28:32):
and so I just think she's a really smart businesswoman.
That's my obsession with with Candy Burst. What about if
we went on Black Love. Oh yeah, we like that
show Black Love. We're here. The other show I would
do would be I love RuPaul RuPaul's Drag Ways. I
(28:55):
probably don't know about the enough about the drag game
to be a judge, but that's what I would be
saying with Legendary. I love that show. But the show
that I think that you think that I really need
to be on is tidying up with Marie Condo because
I can be a little bit messy. Particularly Marie Condo
(29:17):
is a an expert in organizing, organizing things. You know.
I would love for her to come and organize my
closet and teach me how to keep my desk area
straight because my desk area is just always a mess,
like I hold on to two stuff, pieces of paper
(29:41):
and all of that. So I think that I would
really benefit from And then I cannot what am I
thinking about. My top show would be saying yes to
the dress? What am I doing say yes to the dress?
I love all things wedding. I need to be a
consultant for a day Randy, where are you? We don't
(30:06):
have enough drama in our life to have a reality show.
Now we probably don't. That's enough, you probably don't. But
we do have some challenges that we have to deal with,
like you know, us living on two separate you know,
cos we're constantly flying back and forth. That's how we
live our lives. That's been quite a challenge. But that's
(30:29):
for another that's for another show and for the right price,
I'll cut your ass out. No, don't do that, never,
And that's our show for this week of positively gam.
(30:50):
You can follow me online at Gammy Norris and you
can follow me at I Am Rodney Norris. You can
submit your questions to positively Gam at red table talk
dot com for a chance to hear me answer them
on a future episode. Also help us out by leaving
a five star review on Apple Podcasts and by hitting
(31:10):
the follow button I Heart Radio, Stay rapil y'all. Positively
gam is produced by Red Table Talk Podcast and I
Heart Radio. Executive producers are Adrian Vanfield, Nari's Balin Jethro
(31:30):
and Jada Pinkett Smith. Our audio engineer is Calvin Bailiff,
and our associate producer is Irene Bischoff Burger. Our theme
song is produced by D Beats
So I have a little experience with this because when
we first met, you had a dog in the bed,
but that was Busy. Busy is a chihuahua, and he
only got in the bed. He only got in the
bed first thing in the morning. He didn't sleep in
the bed with me. It doesn't matter. He was in
the bed and he wouldn't even let the dog in
the bedroom. Guys, like he had the dog had to
(00:23):
sleep in the kitchen. Now, what's up, everybody. I'm Gammy
and I'm her husband Rodney, and this is positively damn
look at this now. Okay, So guys, I have a
(00:46):
new sometimes cohost my popular demand. I don't know if
my feelings should be heard or what, but I wasn't enough.
They actually wanted Rodney. That's right, you know how it is.
How do you feel about that, babe? For you just
I mean another thing we get to do together. So
(01:07):
that always makes me feel good. You know. I'm happy
that I have this opportunity to work with you and
that the people thought enough of me to ask for
me to come back so here I am. Yeah, I'm excited.
We're gonna give this a shot and see how it goes. Now,
just to let you know, guys, he's not gonna be
here all the time, but we're glad to have him
(01:28):
when he is. This first segment, we're gonna be talking
about keeping the spark alive in a marriage, and we
know a little bit about that. You have to do
a disclaimer. We're not professionals, and we don't and we've
only been buried for five years. It sounds like we've
been we've got the couple, but we've got the two
(01:52):
point five twice, so we're good. Yeah, we're good. So
New York University delivered to those of reality saying, the
honey phase wears off after thirty months, which is like
two and a half years, and initially high level of
marital satisfaction steadily decreased after that period of time for
(02:12):
most couples, according to this study. So what are you
feeling about that? I can see how that can happen.
I think typically people get into marriage for for a
lot of the wrong reasons. And if you like anything,
if you go into something for the wrong reason, at
(02:33):
some point, it's gonna be like oops, exactly, it's gonna
you know, the newness is gonna wear off, and then
you're left with who you came into this thing with
and if you haven't done any what we call work,
then it's going to be obvious. Well, let me ask
you this, Rodney, because for me, like you were my
(02:55):
fourth husband, um, and I remember people asking me why
I even wanted to get married again because we obviously
are past the age of you know, procreation, so we
weren't getting married because we wouldn't have kids and build
a family. That part of our lives was over, and
(03:17):
people didn't even really understand, well, what is the need
to get married why? And for me, um, you know,
I like being married. I enjoy being married. I enjoyed
the partnership and the camaraderie, the companionship that's afforded with marriage.
And for you, you had never been married before, So
(03:40):
what was the reason for you most of the reasons
that you just mentioned, I like that too, and the
opportunity to build on that beyond just a relationship, but
a partnership in a marriage was was you know, enticing
to me? It was interesting to me, and I think
(04:00):
all of those reasons, but you're still the same person.
So after a certain amount of time, the newness wears
off and then all the problems that you had in
the relationship are the problems you have in the marriage
unless unless you do some soul searching and some what
about what's the world? I'm like, well, just do some
(04:22):
self self evaluation and you know, kind of take responsibility
for wanting to make things better. But and a lot
of people do that beforehand, to a lot of people
will have marriage counseling and and do some work before marriage.
Because this, this is the thing for me. I think
(04:42):
people don't realize there's such a like this fairy tale
idea about what marriage is all about, you know, and
it's people get all excited about, particularly women, particularly women
very excited and thrilled about the wedding. And I have
(05:05):
to tell you, I love weddings. I love weddings, so
we get real caught up in that. But at the
end of the day, even you know, I mean, even
this being your fourth marriage, you were still pretty excited
about the wedding. And I was like, just tell me
where it is and I'll show up. But you were,
(05:26):
you know, you were, you were very excited about it.
I love a good wedding. I love and the fact
that it rained to rental rain on our wedding day.
I was devastating. I cried all morning. But anyway, but anyway,
back to your original I forgot what I'm saying now. Well,
you were saying, people get caught up in the whole
(05:46):
mystique of but it really is not about the wedding.
It's about the marriage. So you really have to, you know,
be sure that that's what you want, and be well,
I guess you can't, can't, will really be sure, but
be careful, be thoughtful, be conscious of the decision that
(06:07):
you're making, because it is supposed to be a lifelong commitment,
and that's a long time. It's an awfully long time
for people that are talking about getting married at one
and like you got your whole life ahead of you early,
I think it's way too early. So I don't know,
(06:32):
but how to keep the spark alive? I think for
for us to like, you know, when you get to
be our age, it's a big difference. It's a big difference.
Like we're not swinging from the chandeliers having sex, guys.
I mean, you know, we're swinging from table lamps now
(06:54):
floor lamps. But it's there's it's so much more than
just sex and That's what people have to recognize, you know,
because after a while the sex may get a little
old and you get old. If you stay together, and
it's not gonna be just your pretty little face and
(07:16):
you're a pretty little figure and his handsome physique. You
have to have more than that in a relationship if
it's really gonna last. How about you have to really
like the person that you're marrying. It's not just about, Oh,
I love him so much. Do you like his ass? Yeah?
(07:38):
I agree. I think that's what helps our relationship or
our marriage works so well, is that we actually like
each other a lot, like and we enjoy being together.
You're my best friend, and I used to be yours
before you added all these other skating people into seven
people in your life, but used my best friend. You're
(08:02):
still my best friend, but it would be better if
you would come stepping with me. But that's what helps
our relationship work, is that we enjoy doing everything together.
And you know, it wasn't always that way for me.
When I was younger. I wanted to be with my boys,
you know, like I would be with you know in
a relationship, and I go to the movie and go
to dinner, but I really enjoyed having a lot of
(08:24):
spending a lot of time with the guys, and as
I got older, that kind of, you know, it kind
of changed and and now I don't really need that
as much. I just needed somebody to share my life
with and have them share theirs with me. So I
think that's why our relationship and our marriage works so well,
(08:45):
because you came into it kind of the same way.
I think one of the ways to stay connected is
to have like hobbies that and things that you enjoy together.
Right now, the major thing that we love, I didn't
think anybody would love it more than me. I'm a
(09:07):
movie fan. I always want to go to the movies.
Rodney enjoys that more than I do. I didn't think
that that would ever happen. Like, if we're not going
to the movies every single week, that's a problem. But
other than that, I feel like it's we don't really
have like a hobby that we do together, like something
(09:30):
that we're passionate about, Like I'm very passionate about stepping
now roller skating, I'm kind of obsessed with that. And
we did say that we were going to think about
starting to try to learn golfing, But how important do
you actually think that is. I agree with you, I
think it's important. I think we bonded on a lot
(09:51):
of other areas, so I kinda didn't didn't fall in
love with stepping. I roller skated when I was younger,
So that I mean, I'll go, but I'm not as
pumped up about it or as passionate about it as
you are. You want to go every twice a week,
like I can't rollerskape twice a week like I'll go,
(10:14):
you know, every other Thursday or something. But so you
just have a lot more energy than me to very
energetic for my be quite honest, and I hate to
say this, but you have a lot more energy than me,
and you always want to be going and doing something,
and I'm content just kind of chilling in, you know,
(10:38):
doing standing kind of our routine. And that can be
a good or a bad thing. Some routines are good,
and some routines after a while become a routine, and
it can be detrimental to the to the relationship of
the marriage. Do you think that there's been any big
(11:05):
change in you since since you've got married or since
you've got married. I know, for me, I've had to
do some changing over time in this marriage, and not
that I didn't do it in my other marriages, but
we're gonna focus on this. You know, are married. So
(11:29):
I definitely felt the need to go back into therapy
and and try to do some personal work on myself
because there was definitely an issue with how we communicated. Yes,
and let me just say guys that Mr Nars had
(11:50):
to get me all the way together, all the way together.
You want to talk a little bit about that, or
is what I've said enough, well you might want to
expound on that a little bit. Well, I mean, I
just felt like at the end of the day, I
was not really responding to you in a respectful manner,
(12:12):
particularly well only when I was angry, right and upset,
and I can be snappish, and you know cause and
I don't think I wasn't crazy enough to call you
out your name, but I was like cussing and just yelling.
(12:33):
And when I get angry, I get loud. You know, No,
it's a reason I'm upset. I'm upset. But you know,
your thing was you have to learn how to be
able to have a discussion Number one without being so
emotional about everything and getting angry about everything even if
(12:56):
you don't disagree. You have to learn how to communicate
about everything being such a huge, you know, argument, right,
And you know, I saw for you that that was
a defense mechanism, that was baggage that you had brought
into the relationship from previous situations. So it's just a
(13:17):
matter of identifying it. And I didn't respond in that
way because I'm not a person who argues. But I'm
also not a person who's going to allow people to
treat me in a less than respectful way either, And
and that's kind of the middle ground that we found, Like, Okay,
I understand that this is how you communicate, but that's
(13:42):
not acceptable to me, and we have to find a
better way than this. Yeah, I mean, I'm a I'm
a working progress. It used to happen every single time,
and then I would walk off, and then later on
a few hours later, you you would come back and say,
I mean you always thought about it, and you would
(14:04):
come back and be like, you know, and we could
have that conversation that we couldn't have earlier because you
would take the emotion out of it later on. Yeah,
And I mean, it just works better if you can
take the emotion out of things. But you always felt
like anything I said was an attack. Yeah, and you know,
I'm like, that's that's not how I meant it, that's
not what this is. So let's start from that point.
(14:28):
And I feel like even though I was doing that,
I feel like I was pretty good with I never
had a problem apologizing, you know, because I typically it
doesn't take me long to like, like you tripping, you
know what I mean. It doesn't take me long to
realize that that's not necessary, you know, or when I'm wrong,
(14:53):
to admit that I'm wrong. What about you? Which changes
do you feel like you've you made or you've had
to make. I think I'm a lot less selfish. Like
I lived by myself for a very long time, so
very long, very long time, so I you know, and
(15:13):
and doing that, I had become pretty selfish. I did
what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.
And that was one of the reasons I lived by
myself because I enjoyed that freedom to do that. And
I kind of lived that bachelor life for a long time. So,
you know, even without realizing it, I had some selfishness
(15:35):
that I had incorporated in my life and the decisions
that you would make correct and putting myself first, and
those decisions sometimes hurt other people. I think the growth
that I've had in this marriage has forced me, not
allowed me, but forced me to not be as selfish
(15:57):
and make decisions based off because everything is us, so
it's not just me, So I have to every decision
I'm making, every thought I have is based on us,
so I'm always coming from that place and my decision making.
So it changed me in that way. So I'm not
as selfish because I'm always thinking of everything I do
(16:19):
is based on us. Okay, So that's that's one of
the things. And I think, you know, I've become a
better person, a better father, a better businessman, like everything
I've you know, because of that unselfishness. I've incorporated that
into all other areas of my life, and I've I've
(16:40):
become not only a better husband, but I've become a
better person as a result of that. Yeah, I would agree.
I think the work that I've done on myself too
is all in trying to make me a better person,
you know, And we definitely one of the questions that
we have was do we resolve our disagreements before we
(17:03):
go to bed, and I would say, yes, we do
not go to bed angry like we've never done, and
we don't walk around not speaking to one another like
we just we just don't don't like that. We're not
even gonna go a whole day like we It might
be a couple of hours, but yeah, we don't because
(17:25):
everybody needs space, you know, everybody needs space to step
back and kind of figure out what's happening, what's going
on here. But to just stay angry that does not
feel good. And you know, I'm not We're not trying
to paint that picture like we have this perfect marriage,
but we don't like one of the things that and
(17:48):
you know, just thinking about it when you were saying that,
is that the other day we were having an issue
and I can't remember what it was, but we were
upset with one another. And then like, and I think
I was upset with you and and it's something that
maybe I thought I felt like you did. And then
maybe like an hour later, I came back and apologize
(18:11):
to you because I just didn't. And I'm like, why
am I apologizing? You know she did it, but I
just didn't want to linger in that energy. But it
was something that I've done in response to something that
you did, and I came back and apologized to you.
He's getting the very like confused face right there, because
(18:31):
I have no idea what he's talking about, not not
a clue. But I could whatever, I apologize, apologize for
something that I did. Okay, I know, for something for
responding in a way to something that you did. But
that's the kind of stuff we do, is what I'm saying,
Like we we won't remain mad. We'll typically come back like, look,
(18:53):
you know, all right, it's been an hour or two.
Let's talk about whatever that was that we were upset
about earlier. But I tell you what, I tell you
one thing that you did the other day. I was
upset with somebody else. I was upset with another situation. Yeah,
and I took it out on you. And you picked
(19:17):
up on that immediately. You recognize that it was displaced anger,
you know, And that is number one being very in
tune to your partner and knowing your partner. Yeah, because
I didn't even I didn't even recognize it because you
(19:39):
had asked me what was wrong, and I was like nothing, nothing,
you know, and then you know something happened. I snapped
at you, and that's the situation. I'm talking back. But
I also came back and was talking about how I
snapped back, and you know, I didn't linger in it
with of both he said, that's the beat, so I ain't,
(20:05):
you know. So it's that kind of thing. It's those
kind of things that I think, particularly at our age,
like if we we do, we can't be arguing and
carrying all. We are not in high school. We got
no time. There are certain obligations that come with the ring,
(20:32):
and you know, as a man or a woman, you
need to, you know, make sure that you're ready to
take on that responsibility of the obligations because it's not
just you know, funning games all the time. It's it's
work involved in And if you're not ready to do that,
then just stay in the relationship and rite it out
like that, um, Because if you're a cheetah before you
(20:56):
get married, you're gonna be a cheetah in the marriage.
If you're a liar, you're gonna be lying in all
of that in the marriage. So necessarily, Bay, I so
disagree with that. I think that if you're willing to
make the changes you will. But that's my point. You
need to recognize that this is a responsibility and obligation,
(21:17):
and you can't you won't be successful bringing those personality
traits into that. I agree, I agree, but I don't
agree with if you were a cheater beforehand, because I
agree to I'm just saying if you were, if you
don't change those behaviors, then yeah, then you'll you'll bring
(21:40):
all of that into the marriage and it won't be successful,
right right, right right. Just being able to sit down
with with an unbiased person just gives you an opportunity
to kind of hear yourselves think about, you know, your
ideas and your own steps of what marriage is really about,
(22:02):
and to just kind of make sure that you're both
on the same page, because a lot of times you're
not talking about you know, you're so caught up and
being in love, have you really thought about what living
together and that kind of commitment really means. And you'd
be surprised how different people think of what marriage is
(22:26):
and what each of their expectations might be. If I'm
making sense, like just a different idea of of what
the responsibilities are and what that commitment means like, how
many people are actually sitting down and having the conversation
about monogamy you were just talking about, you know, cheating
(22:49):
because it's an expectation. There's a marriage. The standard idea
of marriage is that we're getting married and you and
I are in a relationship that doesn't include anybody else
sexually specifically, But you have to have that discussion. You
have to have that discussion. You can't assume that everybody
(23:13):
is in agreement with that for just that reason. And
if it's not something that you both want, it doesn't
mean you can't get married. It means that you need
to agree and figure out what that what those boundaries
are gonna be in your marriage, because guess who's in
your marriage. The two of you, not everybody else, but
(23:39):
the two of you have to agree on what marriage
means to you and be okay with that right any aspect,
any aspect of the marriage. When it comes to finances,
people assume that the husband is going to be the breadwinner.
That's not necessarily going to be the case. And so
(24:00):
I just think like in this day and age, it's
so important for you guys to be able to sit
down and talk about what your marriage means to you
based on your own standards, not what everybody else thinks
a marriage should be. Right, there's no cookie cutter. That
(24:20):
cookie cutter ship doesn't work anymore. It's done. It doesn't
work for everybody. Yeah, I think it's a reasonable expectation
that people not I can expect that they're not going
to be in a polyamorous relationship marriage and that because
that's because that's been the way it's been four thousands
(24:42):
of years. Well, without as without a discussion, I'm assumed
that that's what I'm getting. Unless the person comes to
me and says, well, you know what assumed me? This
is what I want to have, it makes an ass
that you and me and you'll end up in divorce
s courts. Have the conversation, have the conversation. And it's
so difficult for people to talk about sex, babe, even couples.
(25:06):
It is difficult, it is challenging, it's uncomfortable. But it
doesn't mean that you shouldn't have the conversation. That's all
I'm saying. You gotta be We talked about that, We
talked about that before we got married. Is this what
we really want? Do we want to be in a monogamous,
committed relationship. We talked about that and we decided, yes
(25:31):
we did. We didn't want to do that, but we
had the conversation, and I just don't think people are
doing it, and it's important. It's important. One of the
biggest reasons people get divorced money and infidelity. One in
every two marriages ends in divorce. So I know already
(25:53):
against you to begin with that. That means if there's
two people in the room, that two couples in the room,
one of them ain't gonna make it. Maker making that
almost sounds like when I was in recovery. When I
left recovery, they were like when I love the treatment,
stead of like some of you just ain't gonna make it. Yeah,
they were right at that time. I didn't make it.
(26:14):
But anyway, moving along this ah another subject, Yes it is.
We have some questions from some of our listeners. Who
is your favorite TV married couple. My favorite TV married
(26:39):
couple is Carrie and Doug hefron In from King of Queen.
Oh my goodness, Okay, all right, they are hilarious and
they are just regular people living regular lives, working regular
jobs and trying to figure it out as they go. Okay,
I'm it's real. So for me, I mean it's it's
(27:02):
a comedy, so of course it's funny, but it's also
like real situations that there and yeah, okay, well I
don't really have one, but I guess if I if
I had to pick, I would probably pick I don't know,
Phil and and Vive from Fresh Prince maybe or or
(27:24):
Rainbow and Dre from Blackish. Would you ever go on
reality TV? And if so, which one? So the only thing?
I probably Well, I would go on Husbands of Hollywood,
but I don't know if that, oh yeah, I forgot
about husbands. Would probably yeah, that's coming back. Actually I
(27:48):
would do that, and I'm open to creating one if
anybody has any ideas the Adrian and Rod Show, or
as you like to call yourself, rock Rock Okay, so
for me, you can't give yourself a nickname, right, well,
(28:09):
you do all the time, So for me, it would
be And at first I was like reality, I don't reality,
But the truth of the matter is it would be
several Atlanta House World. Yes, because I'm I'm obsessed with
Candy Burst Candy first, I think she is so fantastic
(28:32):
and so I just think she's a really smart businesswoman.
That's my obsession with with Candy Burst. What about if
we went on Black Love. Oh yeah, we like that
show Black Love. We're here. The other show I would
do would be I love RuPaul RuPaul's Drag Ways. I
(28:55):
probably don't know about the enough about the drag game
to be a judge, but that's what I would be
saying with Legendary. I love that show. But the show
that I think that you think that I really need
to be on is tidying up with Marie Condo because
I can be a little bit messy. Particularly Marie Condo
(29:17):
is a an expert in organizing, organizing things. You know.
I would love for her to come and organize my
closet and teach me how to keep my desk area
straight because my desk area is just always a mess,
like I hold on to two stuff, pieces of paper
(29:41):
and all of that. So I think that I would
really benefit from And then I cannot what am I
thinking about. My top show would be saying yes to
the dress? What am I doing say yes to the dress?
I love all things wedding. I need to be a
consultant for a day Randy, where are you? We don't
(30:06):
have enough drama in our life to have a reality show.
Now we probably don't. That's enough, you probably don't. But
we do have some challenges that we have to deal with,
like you know, us living on two separate you know,
cos we're constantly flying back and forth. That's how we
live our lives. That's been quite a challenge. But that's
(30:29):
for another that's for another show and for the right price,
I'll cut your ass out. No, don't do that, never,
And that's our show for this week of positively gam.
(30:50):
You can follow me online at Gammy Norris and you
can follow me at I Am Rodney Norris. You can
submit your questions to positively Gam at red table talk
dot com for a chance to hear me answer them
on a future episode. Also help us out by leaving
a five star review on Apple Podcasts and by hitting
(31:10):
the follow button I Heart Radio, Stay rapil y'all. Positively
gam is produced by Red Table Talk Podcast and I
Heart Radio. Executive producers are Adrian Vanfield, Nari's Balin Jethro
(31:30):
and Jada Pinkett Smith. Our audio engineer is Calvin Bailiff,
and our associate producer is Irene Bischoff Burger. Our theme
song is produced by D Beats
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!