August 2, 2022 • 36 mins
Gam and her two friends Wendi & Sybil hold nothing back as they talk about the different struggles and joys they are encountering as they get older.
Guest Information:
Wendi Gordon
Sybil Imani
Host Information:
@gammynorris Gammy's Instagram
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@gammynorris Gammy's Facebook
@gammynorris Gammy’s TikTok
#PositivelyGam
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
What's up everybody, Um, Damny and this is Positivity Gave.
I'm really excited today because today's episode, I have two
of my really good friends, Wendy Gordon and Sibyl Imani.
They were both on the show. Last season we talked
about retirement and then un retiring. Today we're gonna talk
(00:30):
about getting real and the different struggles that we're having
with getting older. Wendy and Sybil have been my friends
for years. Wendy and I met years ago when we
were both managers at Kaiser Permanente, and then Sybil and
I have been friends for decades. We are all struggling
(00:52):
a little bit, I think, and I feel like I
don't know. I feel like I am really trying to
embrace aging. But do you guys feel like you're embracing
it or that the transition is just really difficult for you? What?
What about you? Wendy? The transition is definitely difficult for
(01:13):
me because I don't when I hear that number, it's
hard for me to comprehend that. I'm I've been on
this earth for six decades, so I've had a hard
time accepting that fact and recognizing what that really means.
So yes, I am having some trouble with embracing it.
(01:35):
I'm trying to change my attitude about it because I
don't There are ways that I don't feel sixty. But
on the other hand, I do feel sixty because you know,
I'm feeling it physically. You know, I had struggles with menopause,
which I've pretty much gotten that taken care of. Now.
(01:57):
I feel a lot better about that. But my memory,
you know, just different things that are occurring that did
not occur a decade ago. Yeah, what about you symbol? Yeah, Adrian, First,
thank you for inviting us back to positively gam And yes,
(02:18):
I am struggling with that inner self, that inner child,
that youthful spirit that I have. And then recognizing that
my presentation is sixty four. It's sixty four, and what
does that mean? How do I abridge that energy that
I think I have that's in my brain? Okay, because
it is in my brain, and when I try to
(02:41):
put things in gear, I'm finding that I can't do
all the things that I used to do in the
way that I used to do them. And then you
talked about menopause. You know, I experienced menopause early, and
so the residual effects for me is that weight gain
(03:04):
around the middle. Oh God, nerve, you absolutely hit a
nerve because let me tell you what it's been. It's
been like for me too because people and people. I
know I'm gonna get some feedback on this, I know it.
But it's not fair. It's not fair because this is
(03:24):
what happened. Jada put out that that photo of me
coming out of the water that was five years ago. Guys,
I was sixty three at the time. I am sixty eight,
and you know, I don't look like that anymore. And
that's all people remember. That's all people see. And I've
(03:46):
been held to the standard of having these fantastic abs
and that's great, and I did and I still have
them underneath this little layer of fat nap okay. And
the thing is, I actually am not mad that I
have gained a little bit of weight because it gives
(04:07):
me a little hip, you know, and it gives me
a little bit more curb. But that's that flat ab
that I've always wanted and always loved is eluding me now.
It is elusive and the only way to get it
because you can't lose weight. You can't lose weight in
(04:31):
just your abs. There's no such things. So if I'm
gonna lose weight, I'm gonna lose weight everywhere, and then
I'm gonna lose that roundness in my hips that now
I happen to enjoy. But I have to tell you
that I had this conversation with Rodney the other night
because I was complaining about the same thing. I cannot
lose this, you know, this weight around my middle and
(04:52):
he was like, Adrian, you are sixty eight years old,
and it's okay, Yes, it's okay. What makes you think
that you have to be the poster woman a fitness
for sixty and over? Nobody, nobody gave you that charge
(05:15):
except for you. You've given yourself right, right, And there's
nothing wrong with giving yourself. I don't think there's anything
wrong with giving yourself a charge or picturing yourself in
a certain way. And it is so individual and individualizing.
When I listened to you, Adrian, I'm saying to myself, okay,
(05:37):
flat ass. I don't know that I have experienced that
since I was in my twenties. To be really you know,
to be really honest, right, So what first world problems? Right?
I can't when I look at you, and I know
we're not supposed to compare ourselves, and I'm not comparing myself.
But when I hear that's your issue, and then I
(05:57):
think about what my issue is, I'm like, that may
never that will never happen. It's just, you know, I
started going back to the gym and my trainer just
really this month. And I woke up this morning and
got on the scale and it was up by two pounds.
(06:18):
And when I tell you that, that threw me for
a loop, and I felt so defeated, because as I've aged,
it's harder to get the pounds off period. It's just
harder between menopause. I started me menopausal symptoms at and
just kind of wrapped that up, you know, with my
(06:38):
doctor at sixty right, just this summer. Okay, So for
twelve years I was deprived of a lot of things. Okay,
I was not in a good place mentally or physically,
you know, in terms of what menopause does. And so
now I'm trying to get it. I had lost a
(06:59):
lot of way and then I actually put twenty pounds
back on. I'm like, who, how does that happen? It's
not like I'm engorging myself, you know, so that has
been discouraging and then waking up this morning and dealing
with that, it was very difficult for me to get
in my car and drive to that gym and work
out because it's not easy for me. It's not I
(07:21):
find it to be very difficulty. You're in a routine
that you've been in ever since I've known you, which
I've admired and haven't been able to master. So I'm
dealing with that also. Yeah, and actually for me now,
I am not in that routine anymore because I have
this issue with my hip, so I have not been
(07:42):
in the gym like I have previously been all year,
you know, but I have, you know, arthritis in my
hip that's really bad and I'm actually considering getting a
hit replacement. And so it is really of a cad
for me now to you know, I can't work out
(08:03):
the way I'm used to working out, and it really
working out was a big part of my life. I
actually enjoyed it. I know most people don't, but it
was a really big part of my life and I
really enjoyed it. So like dealing with that, it's struggling, y'all. Struggling,
and I'm not happy. Right. These are things that we
(08:23):
grieve right when our body works against us because I
have arthritis in my knee and I have to get
quarterisone shots now and when I go and I'm telling
the train and listen, I can't be jumping off of
boxes and all of this kind of stuff and running
on treadmills. I cannot do that anymore. And you grieve it,
you really do. It's wow, like I'm not moving the
(08:45):
way I used to, and that's reality. And when you're
around a lot of young people that are vibrant, like
um Sybil was saying, you feel it, you want to
do it, but the body says, I don't think so exactly.
And I have a difficult time saying no because I'm
used to doing it and I think that I still
(09:05):
should be able to do it, and I end up
injuring myself. What about you, Sybil? Well, you know, one
of the things that I believe is that I'm still
in this transitional period of accepting the fact that physically aging,
and while things may not actually appear the way I
would like them too, some of it is workable, some
(09:28):
of the some of it I can work on I too,
just scheduled a trainer from when I make it back
to Baltimore, Okay, to get some things in shape. Quote unquote. However,
one of the things that I have begun to practice
is exercises in loving my body and looking at it
(09:49):
as it is, because those changes that have come, all
of that extra padding, can be beautiful if I see
it that way. It goes back to that old saying
beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, because the
body image thing as we age, especially if you still
have that youthful spirit, you're not settled, you're not just complacent,
(10:13):
you know, can really create a conflict. So I look at,
you know, all these curves, and and I look at
famous art and nude art, and you know, back then
those ladies had curves and they were beautiful. So I'm
beautiful too, just like I am. You know. It comes
(10:33):
down to a level of self acceptance for me, you know,
because the other thing is I don't want to get
and this is just me. I don't want to get
caught up into changing my body for somebody else, because
sixty four is sixty four all day long. It can
be cute, it can be pretty, but it's still going
(10:53):
to be sixty four. And as Rodney said, some of
that comes with that maturing that takes place physically. You know,
that's one of the things that I really work on. Okay,
anything that changes as a plus, But as it is today,
I'm gonna love it as it is today. You know.
That's one of the things that I look at with agency.
(11:15):
That's why you're my sponsor. Girl. I needn't hear that
because I'm not. I haven't been feeling very positive, positively, positively,
positively complaining ask game, right, But you know that is
a good that's a healthy attitude to have to embrace
(11:38):
where we are and and for the most part, embracing
you know, like recognizing that, Okay, I'm starting from here, right,
so I am. Really I have no choice but to
embrace where I am. You know, I have a picture
in my mind of where I would like to be.
The main thing for me is to just try to
(12:00):
remain as healthy as I possibly can and get myself
into a healthy routine, which is what I struggle with.
It's the routine of it all. So I appreciate your
perspective on that because we can learn a lot from
just self acceptance right with the realities of what is,
(12:22):
because that's not going to change. What about technology, You
guys having any issues when it comes to all this technology. Actually,
that's one of the reasons why. Of course, you know,
I had the opportunity with red table Talk, and I
retired because of that. But I was already on my
way out the door because at the hospital, all of
that computer I just you know, I was not full time,
(12:46):
and it just seemed every time I came back to work,
there was a new form to fill out on the
computer for the patient assessments, and it just technologically it
was just becoming overwhelming for me. I couldn't keep up.
Was spending more time trying to chart on the damn
computer than I was actually giving patient care. And that
(13:08):
was problematic for me. I didn't feel like a nurse anymore,
got it? Everything is everything is computerized. I'm like, where
is my hands on nursing care? I'm too busy worrying
about getting all this stuff recorded. My memory can't ship stuff.
(13:29):
What is happening as somebody else has got to be
having some challenges with memory, most definitely, most definitely having
trouble with memory. Putting my phone down and then looking
all over for it. I lost some money the other night,
about two weeks ago. I lost an envelope full of
cash that I never carried, but I had to get
(13:52):
some out, you know, to tip people at the hair
salon and all this stuff. Right, So I go in
my room to get the cash to put in my
purse to go to the nail salon. I go to
the nail salona, get everything done, and when I go
to tip her, there's no money in my purse. So
I said, okay, I left it home. I come home,
(14:16):
I can't find the money. I'm all over the place
looking for this money. Looking for this money, I spiral.
I'm spiraling all the way down. My husband is trying
to help me trace your stuff. I'm tracing my stuff,
I know. So finally that night, probably I was going
to bed. It was a Friday night, and I was
(14:37):
going to bed. Maybe it almost midnight. I go in
my closet to get, you know, my pajamas, and there's
the money sitting on a shelf in my closet, like
right there. Hey, And I'm like, what happened? So then
I thought about it. I said, yes, I did come
in my room. To get the money out of the drawer,
(14:58):
but I went in the close it to get my
flip flops to go to they got the money on
the shop and completely forgot that step. But it it
took me out and I started thinking about my great grandmother.
Back then they called it senility, right, it wasn't we
didn't have Alzheimer's and dementia. And I'm saying, oh, they
(15:20):
it skips a generation. So that really means that my
mother should have it. But she's fine. She's eighty two,
so maybe now I'm gonna be This is the early
onset of dementia. I know. I worried, A yeah, I worry.
I watched my mother live with fear of Alzheimer's and
(15:42):
dementia because it ran through her siblings, and at times
I find myself experiencing that same fear. But the thing
with me is I'm an analyst by trade, and so
a lot of times that's the window that I see
things through. You talked about technology and being overwhelmed. Oh
(16:06):
my god, Okay, I'm just blessed to have three young
people that I can pick up the phone and call
them and ask, you know, how do I do this? No?
You can't tell me. You have to come show me
because I can't do it. You know, I didn't even
get an iPhone until one went to college and said,
(16:28):
you need to get an iPhone because that's the reception
that we have here and technology is very overwhelming. But
also remember that with you know, advances and technology, we
are all on information overload. We are on information overload.
So when I'm on the phone and I'm looking for
(16:51):
my phone, yes, I gotta give myself a pass, okay,
because there are a million other things going on at
the same time that I'm looking for the phone. The
same with you looking for that envelope. Your mind was
going a million miles a minute. Yes, I find myself
(17:15):
forgetting things that I would not normally forget or second
guessing did I lock the door? You know, did I
flush the toilet? You know, those kinds of things. You
know that it's automatic, but because we're you know, working
(17:35):
with so much information, we may not focus on those
little things, you know, and technology, technology adds to that.
How much time do you spend scrolling? Too much? Probably
too much because that's easy, because that's what it is.
It's scrolling, right, You don't have to think about anything.
(17:55):
I have struggled with technology since technology existed. Really, I
can learn a system to do my work, but I
live with a technology husband, so he is way ahead
of everything. So as soon as I learned how to
work the television or how to you know, set my
(18:17):
phone to play my mute, He's moved on. So I
have to ask him. I depend on him for everything,
and I own my own business now, which everything is
done in the computer, and I'm still antiquated with things.
I'm not even using the technology in my system that
I use for note taking and you know, for sending
(18:38):
clients information and getting information back, because it's too overwhelming.
So I'm still writing things down, sending emails. Someone sent me.
I sent my clients some paperwork and then they wrote
back saying, well, can I send this back using docu
(18:58):
sign So I'm like, yeah, I've heard of that, but
I said, look, as long as I can print it,
as long as I can print it, and you know,
you can said it however you want to. But I
was like, what is that? And am I going to
be able to use it? Yes? Technology has not been
my friend from the very beginning. Okay, so you guys
(19:29):
have not moved out of the area. Right, I've had
two moves in my adult years. I've moved from Baltimore
to Las Vegas back to Baltimore, and now I'm in California.
Have you guys had any difficulties or experience even the
(19:52):
need to make new friends and developed new relationships, because
I find that a bit challenging. And I don't know
whether that has anything to do with aging, but well,
I think that I don't know. As I'm aging, it's
(20:15):
a little bit more challenging to build new relationships based
on authenticity, you know, people not I'm talking about going
beyond the superficial, the surface type relationships. I'm finding that
a little bit more challenging. And I think it's because
I'm looking at the clock. I'm looking at the true
(20:38):
friendships that I have that evolved over years, over experiences,
and so when I meet new people, it's we really
if we don't click right away, it's a rat because
we'll have time. Yeah, you know, because yeah, I'm looking
(21:00):
at the clock. You know, I'm looking at the clock,
and I'm looking at the change in interest, you know,
the things that I'm interested in doing, you know, And
so that requires me to acclimate to a whole new
group of people in some instances, and it's a little
challenging because as we age, we are more guarded, they
(21:23):
are more layers, you know, to get to that real person.
And I'm like a quick, fast person, and so a
lot of people get kicked to the side with me
because I just don't think I have the time for that,
you know, Wendy, Well, I think I don't know that
really has anything to do with age. Honestly, I think
(21:46):
that it has a lot to do with personality. I
have never really had trouble, you know, meeting people, but
I've not had an interest in making a lot of
new friends as as uh Sibol set. You know, like
even when you and I met Adrian, you know, we
were both adults and we clicked for whatever reason we clicked.
(22:09):
I think that has to do with authenticity. You know,
at the time that we met, I was pregnant and
Jada was pregnant, and I think, you know, we talked
on the phone or whatever, and then we actually met
in person because we weren't at the same center and
something just clicked. And I think that happens sometimes, but
not very often. When you think about how old you
(22:32):
are now, right, do you really have a need to
meet new people that you've moved And I would think,
you know, yes, that does have something to do with it.
So you would meet people doing the things that you love.
You love to dance, you like to go to the gym,
so you might meet some people there, but are they
really friends? Are they acquaintances? You know. I think that's
(22:53):
a whole different conversation to have about how that whole
thing works. You have your fanly, so your cup is
being filled by the people who are already in your life.
You have to just assess whether or not you have
a need to meet new people to become really close to.
So I'm not sure that has a lot to do
(23:15):
with age or just where you are in your station
in life, you know, and how you define fulfillment, you know,
in your relationships. I'm looking more at the quality of
my relationships versus the quantity at this point. And if
I ever do leave Maryland and go and you know,
and move somewhere else to retire, I'm not sure that
(23:37):
it would be of a lot of interest to me.
As long as I have you know, my family, you
know that I connect with on a constant basis and
the friendships that I choose to maintain because I feel like,
almost like we talked a lot of it's all been
like downhill with We're making this sound like it's like
(24:03):
aging is awful, and it really isn't. It really isn't.
So so I think we need to say some positive things.
There's a lot of wisdom, but I'm still having an
awful lot of fun. I swear to God with all
(24:24):
my eggs and pains, with all of my you know,
just you know, dissatisfaction that at the end of the
day is temporary. If you think that I'm sitting around
sweating about this little bit of extra fat around my belly,
I absolutely am not. Okay, absolutely not, because at the
end of the day, it is what it is, you know,
(24:44):
And I really am just really trying to focus on
enjoying my life. Girl. That is really what I'm trying
to do is enjoy my life. Right. I agree, I'm
trying to do the same thing. And I am. I
actually am enjoying my life. And that goes back to
(25:04):
the quality of my relationships. You know, where I am
in my marriage, you know, like my grandson in love, yes,
in love with him. I mean, and you were so
stressed about them moving to Atlanta, Whendy, and it has
worked out to ye. Absolutely. It gives me somewhere to
(25:28):
go and they're probably thing, Yes, they are there. Yeah,
they're very well. We have a place to go, and
we love it when they come home. They were just
here this past weekend. And I'm surrounded by a really
great group of young people that this generation gen excell
(25:50):
uh millennials. They are doing things gen Z whatever alphabet
it is, but you know, they are embracing life in
a different way. And I learned a lot from the
people that are around me, and that keeps my energy
going because it's like, yeah, I'm trying to keep up.
I'm trying to keep up. And my niece told me,
(26:11):
she said, look when I had a sixtieth birthday party
and with dancing and carrying on like I was twenty, Yeah,
it does hit different. Yeah, but I'm still trying. I'm
still trying exactly what about to simple Well, you know,
(26:31):
I am loving, loving, loving this aging process. Wendy. I
love that you talked about family and being surrounded by
family uh and close friends. And I'm very close with
my children. I have seven grandchildren and one on the way.
That is why I am in California right now, Okay,
(26:56):
to continue bonding with one of my grandkids, the only
one actually that is not growing up with me, and
you know, in the same city. Yeah, not growing up
with me in the same city. And I love that. Yes,
I'm able to impart some wisdom. But you talked about
(27:17):
those younger people, and when I tell you, I am
learning more and more from my daughters every day on
how to change my perspective, on how to recognize at
the end of the day that is not even worth
your energy, you know. And I am just loving my
(27:40):
life right now. You know, I've aged, I've retired from
a career. I have a little thing on the side
that I do when I want, however many hours that
I want. You know, I'm able to be valued. You know.
There is a lot that comes with aging that is positive.
(28:01):
You know. I don't know. I'm happy. I'm happy. I
wake up every day and the sun is shining. I
don't care it's shining in me. I don't care what's
going on out there, you know, And every day it
is an opportunity to reset, you know, whatever happened yesterday,
that's gone. You know, I'm blessed to still be here,
you know, and to be sixty four because you know,
(28:23):
at sixty sixty four and sixty eight look around to
your to your left, absolutely, because people don't even believe
it when you actually tell people your age. Really, yeah, exactly,
And as long as they keep saying that, I'm good,
(28:43):
that's good that at the end of the day, regardless
of all the obstacles and minor struggles we maybe him,
there's more joy in aging than anything. And I whatever
is going on, I'm glad that I have you ladies
to share and talk with. I want to leave you
with the thought I always look at my Facebook memories,
(29:05):
you know, things that people write are things that I've written.
And and in March and ten, I don't even know
where I got this, but I copied it and it
says there are four things that you cannot recover in life.
The stone after it's thrown, the word after it's said,
the occasion after it's missed, and the time after it's gone.
(29:27):
So we're blessed with time. Right, We're still here, vibrant. Yes,
we have our challenges, but happy to be here and
blessed with an abundant life. Right. I think we can
all say that we are living a vibrant and abundant life,
and I'm very grateful for that. I'm very grateful for that.
(29:48):
I'm glad to still be standing here at this time
in our lives. Thank you for that, Wendy, that was
a good one. Okay, so we're gonna end with the segment.
Wouldn't you like to know before you go? Wendy and Sybil,
(30:12):
I have a couple of questions. We're gonna start with you, Sybil. Okay,
what book are you currently reading? I am reading The
six nineteen Project by Nicole Hannah Jones, and it is
about the presence of the African American here on the
(30:35):
American soil and how what we've been taught. It's not
how it was. It's a little suspect. Yes, yes, it's
very heavy because i'm reading it to it's not an
easy read. But it is such an important read and
so we would definitely recommend it for everyone, yes, to
(30:57):
pick it up, and not just Black Americans. Not it's
black Americans. It's very eye opening. Okay, what is one
thing you want to get off your chest? One thing
that I want to get off my chest is that
I want to continue to love my body until I
don't and not feed into the trend of surgery. Mm hmm. Okay,
(31:23):
that's a good one. Okay. What's a model that you
live by? A model that I live by that I
renew every day is love heals all. Okay, I like that.
I like that. Okay, when do you turn? What are
you reading right now? Well, I would be lying if
(31:45):
I said that I was actively reading a book because
I don't find the time to stick with it because
of what I'm doing for my work. Do you do
audio books? No? I don't. We'll see most of the
time I'm online with people on Zoom all day long,
so that that puts me on overload. So after that,
(32:07):
I really don't want to hear anything else and I
don't have If I start reading, I'll fall asleep. Seriously.
But what I am reading is it's like a like
a devotional and it's called Focus, and it's by Claire
Cherry Reeves and it's how one word a week will
transform your life. So the whole premise of this is
(32:32):
to focus on one word a week, So it could
be anything, kindness, position, determination and it just gives you
some things to think about. So this started with the
women's ministry at my church. So that's what I commit
myself too. You know, just in terms of reading, I
would like to read more, but I really find it
(32:55):
difficult to get it in. Most of the time when
I'm reading, I'm on the play or something like that.
It's the same for me. I do most of my
reading on the plane. I don't have I don't know
how well. I don't have time to just sit down
and read and be and it I will fall asleep.
But I do. I read on the plane. I read
when I take vacation and I'm on the plane all
the time, by the way, I'm flying all the time,
(33:17):
or and I love listening to audiobooks, but when I'm
really trying to learn something that I have to read it.
What is one thing you want to get off your chest.
I am such a stickler for customer service, okay, and
the lack of customer service that continues to exist. It's
(33:42):
very irritating for me. So I praise people when I
get the service that is expected. And I'm just finding
that it's almost a lost art for people. And I
think we need to pay attention to that because we
are consumers and there's a human aspect of interaction. I know, technology,
(34:06):
you know, has taken over and all these things, but
people I find just don't have patience, They don't have
what it takes to just serve others. So that's just
it's just something that's a source of irritation for me,
and I wish I could teach classes on it because
it's necessary. It's still very necessary, and every now and
(34:26):
then when you get a person that is cognizant of
it and gives you that, it's just very refreshing. So
that now that's a whole conversation. Actually it is. That's
a whole conversation because I think people, you know, kids now,
this generation, this new generation, they're growing up with all
this technology, and they don't even know how to communicate.
(34:50):
They don't know how to Yeah, they don't know how
to engage and communicate, you know exactly, Yes, yeah, all right,
what some model you live by, The journey of a
thousand miles begins with the first step. Yes, that's a
model that I live by. Yes, can't get anywhere unless
(35:11):
you take the first step, exactly, you know what it
has been a joy. You guys have really filled me
up and given me so much today. I love both
of you so much. Thank you for joining, and we
love you and we love thank you for even and
I didn't say it at the beginning of Sybil Step,
but thank you for inviting me again. Absolute fun. Absolutely
(35:33):
we'll have to hook up and have lunch when the
next time I come to Baltimore. Wendy, we haven't Yes, okay, okay,
And that's it for our show this week of Positively Damn.
(35:53):
You can follow me online at gammy Narris also help
us out by leaving a five star review on podcast
and by hitting the follow button on I Heart Radio.
Stay great for y'all, Thank you, and d find a
new welf you. Positively gam is produced by Red Table
Talk Podcast and I Heart Radio. Executive producers are Adrian Banfield,
(36:19):
Naris Balin, Jethro and Jada Pickett Smith. Our audio engineer
is Calvin Bailiff, and our associate producer is Irene Bischoff Burger.
Our theme song is produced by d Beats
What's up everybody, Um, Damny and this is Positivity Gave.
I'm really excited today because today's episode, I have two
of my really good friends, Wendy Gordon and Sibyl Imani.
They were both on the show. Last season we talked
about retirement and then un retiring. Today we're gonna talk
(00:30):
about getting real and the different struggles that we're having
with getting older. Wendy and Sybil have been my friends
for years. Wendy and I met years ago when we
were both managers at Kaiser Permanente, and then Sybil and
I have been friends for decades. We are all struggling
(00:52):
a little bit, I think, and I feel like I
don't know. I feel like I am really trying to
embrace aging. But do you guys feel like you're embracing
it or that the transition is just really difficult for you? What?
What about you? Wendy? The transition is definitely difficult for
(01:13):
me because I don't when I hear that number, it's
hard for me to comprehend that. I'm I've been on
this earth for six decades, so I've had a hard
time accepting that fact and recognizing what that really means.
So yes, I am having some trouble with embracing it.
(01:35):
I'm trying to change my attitude about it because I
don't There are ways that I don't feel sixty. But
on the other hand, I do feel sixty because you know,
I'm feeling it physically. You know, I had struggles with menopause,
which I've pretty much gotten that taken care of. Now.
(01:57):
I feel a lot better about that. But my memory,
you know, just different things that are occurring that did
not occur a decade ago. Yeah, what about you symbol? Yeah, Adrian, First,
thank you for inviting us back to positively gam And yes,
(02:18):
I am struggling with that inner self, that inner child,
that youthful spirit that I have. And then recognizing that
my presentation is sixty four. It's sixty four, and what
does that mean? How do I abridge that energy that
I think I have that's in my brain? Okay, because
it is in my brain, and when I try to
(02:41):
put things in gear, I'm finding that I can't do
all the things that I used to do in the
way that I used to do them. And then you
talked about menopause. You know, I experienced menopause early, and
so the residual effects for me is that weight gain
(03:04):
around the middle. Oh God, nerve, you absolutely hit a
nerve because let me tell you what it's been. It's
been like for me too because people and people. I
know I'm gonna get some feedback on this, I know it.
But it's not fair. It's not fair because this is
(03:24):
what happened. Jada put out that that photo of me
coming out of the water that was five years ago. Guys,
I was sixty three at the time. I am sixty eight,
and you know, I don't look like that anymore. And
that's all people remember. That's all people see. And I've
(03:46):
been held to the standard of having these fantastic abs
and that's great, and I did and I still have
them underneath this little layer of fat nap okay. And
the thing is, I actually am not mad that I
have gained a little bit of weight because it gives
(04:07):
me a little hip, you know, and it gives me
a little bit more curb. But that's that flat ab
that I've always wanted and always loved is eluding me now.
It is elusive and the only way to get it
because you can't lose weight. You can't lose weight in
(04:31):
just your abs. There's no such things. So if I'm
gonna lose weight, I'm gonna lose weight everywhere, and then
I'm gonna lose that roundness in my hips that now
I happen to enjoy. But I have to tell you
that I had this conversation with Rodney the other night
because I was complaining about the same thing. I cannot
lose this, you know, this weight around my middle and
(04:52):
he was like, Adrian, you are sixty eight years old,
and it's okay, Yes, it's okay. What makes you think
that you have to be the poster woman a fitness
for sixty and over? Nobody, nobody gave you that charge
(05:15):
except for you. You've given yourself right, right, And there's
nothing wrong with giving yourself. I don't think there's anything
wrong with giving yourself a charge or picturing yourself in
a certain way. And it is so individual and individualizing.
When I listened to you, Adrian, I'm saying to myself, okay,
(05:37):
flat ass. I don't know that I have experienced that
since I was in my twenties. To be really you know,
to be really honest, right, So what first world problems? Right?
I can't when I look at you, and I know
we're not supposed to compare ourselves, and I'm not comparing myself.
But when I hear that's your issue, and then I
(05:57):
think about what my issue is, I'm like, that may
never that will never happen. It's just, you know, I
started going back to the gym and my trainer just
really this month. And I woke up this morning and
got on the scale and it was up by two pounds.
(06:18):
And when I tell you that, that threw me for
a loop, and I felt so defeated, because as I've aged,
it's harder to get the pounds off period. It's just
harder between menopause. I started me menopausal symptoms at and
just kind of wrapped that up, you know, with my
(06:38):
doctor at sixty right, just this summer. Okay, So for
twelve years I was deprived of a lot of things. Okay,
I was not in a good place mentally or physically,
you know, in terms of what menopause does. And so
now I'm trying to get it. I had lost a
(06:59):
lot of way and then I actually put twenty pounds
back on. I'm like, who, how does that happen? It's
not like I'm engorging myself, you know, so that has
been discouraging and then waking up this morning and dealing
with that, it was very difficult for me to get
in my car and drive to that gym and work
out because it's not easy for me. It's not I
(07:21):
find it to be very difficulty. You're in a routine
that you've been in ever since I've known you, which
I've admired and haven't been able to master. So I'm
dealing with that also. Yeah, and actually for me now,
I am not in that routine anymore because I have
this issue with my hip, so I have not been
(07:42):
in the gym like I have previously been all year,
you know, but I have, you know, arthritis in my
hip that's really bad and I'm actually considering getting a
hit replacement. And so it is really of a cad
for me now to you know, I can't work out
(08:03):
the way I'm used to working out, and it really
working out was a big part of my life. I
actually enjoyed it. I know most people don't, but it
was a really big part of my life and I
really enjoyed it. So like dealing with that, it's struggling, y'all. Struggling,
and I'm not happy. Right. These are things that we
(08:23):
grieve right when our body works against us because I
have arthritis in my knee and I have to get
quarterisone shots now and when I go and I'm telling
the train and listen, I can't be jumping off of
boxes and all of this kind of stuff and running
on treadmills. I cannot do that anymore. And you grieve it,
you really do. It's wow, like I'm not moving the
(08:45):
way I used to, and that's reality. And when you're
around a lot of young people that are vibrant, like
um Sybil was saying, you feel it, you want to
do it, but the body says, I don't think so exactly.
And I have a difficult time saying no because I'm
used to doing it and I think that I still
(09:05):
should be able to do it, and I end up
injuring myself. What about you, Sybil? Well, you know, one
of the things that I believe is that I'm still
in this transitional period of accepting the fact that physically aging,
and while things may not actually appear the way I
would like them too, some of it is workable, some
(09:28):
of the some of it I can work on I too,
just scheduled a trainer from when I make it back
to Baltimore, Okay, to get some things in shape. Quote unquote. However,
one of the things that I have begun to practice
is exercises in loving my body and looking at it
(09:49):
as it is, because those changes that have come, all
of that extra padding, can be beautiful if I see
it that way. It goes back to that old saying
beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, because the
body image thing as we age, especially if you still
have that youthful spirit, you're not settled, you're not just complacent,
(10:13):
you know, can really create a conflict. So I look at,
you know, all these curves, and and I look at
famous art and nude art, and you know, back then
those ladies had curves and they were beautiful. So I'm
beautiful too, just like I am. You know. It comes
(10:33):
down to a level of self acceptance for me, you know,
because the other thing is I don't want to get
and this is just me. I don't want to get
caught up into changing my body for somebody else, because
sixty four is sixty four all day long. It can
be cute, it can be pretty, but it's still going
(10:53):
to be sixty four. And as Rodney said, some of
that comes with that maturing that takes place physically. You know,
that's one of the things that I really work on. Okay,
anything that changes as a plus, But as it is today,
I'm gonna love it as it is today. You know.
That's one of the things that I look at with agency.
(11:15):
That's why you're my sponsor. Girl. I needn't hear that
because I'm not. I haven't been feeling very positive, positively, positively,
positively complaining ask game, right, But you know that is
a good that's a healthy attitude to have to embrace
(11:38):
where we are and and for the most part, embracing
you know, like recognizing that, Okay, I'm starting from here, right,
so I am. Really I have no choice but to
embrace where I am. You know, I have a picture
in my mind of where I would like to be.
The main thing for me is to just try to
(12:00):
remain as healthy as I possibly can and get myself
into a healthy routine, which is what I struggle with.
It's the routine of it all. So I appreciate your
perspective on that because we can learn a lot from
just self acceptance right with the realities of what is,
(12:22):
because that's not going to change. What about technology, You
guys having any issues when it comes to all this technology. Actually,
that's one of the reasons why. Of course, you know,
I had the opportunity with red table Talk, and I
retired because of that. But I was already on my
way out the door because at the hospital, all of
that computer I just you know, I was not full time,
(12:46):
and it just seemed every time I came back to work,
there was a new form to fill out on the
computer for the patient assessments, and it just technologically it
was just becoming overwhelming for me. I couldn't keep up.
Was spending more time trying to chart on the damn
computer than I was actually giving patient care. And that
(13:08):
was problematic for me. I didn't feel like a nurse anymore,
got it? Everything is everything is computerized. I'm like, where
is my hands on nursing care? I'm too busy worrying
about getting all this stuff recorded. My memory can't ship stuff.
(13:29):
What is happening as somebody else has got to be
having some challenges with memory, most definitely, most definitely having
trouble with memory. Putting my phone down and then looking
all over for it. I lost some money the other night,
about two weeks ago. I lost an envelope full of
cash that I never carried, but I had to get
(13:52):
some out, you know, to tip people at the hair
salon and all this stuff. Right, So I go in
my room to get the cash to put in my
purse to go to the nail salon. I go to
the nail salona, get everything done, and when I go
to tip her, there's no money in my purse. So
I said, okay, I left it home. I come home,
(14:16):
I can't find the money. I'm all over the place
looking for this money. Looking for this money, I spiral.
I'm spiraling all the way down. My husband is trying
to help me trace your stuff. I'm tracing my stuff,
I know. So finally that night, probably I was going
to bed. It was a Friday night, and I was
(14:37):
going to bed. Maybe it almost midnight. I go in
my closet to get, you know, my pajamas, and there's
the money sitting on a shelf in my closet, like
right there. Hey, And I'm like, what happened? So then
I thought about it. I said, yes, I did come
in my room. To get the money out of the drawer,
(14:58):
but I went in the close it to get my
flip flops to go to they got the money on
the shop and completely forgot that step. But it it
took me out and I started thinking about my great grandmother.
Back then they called it senility, right, it wasn't we
didn't have Alzheimer's and dementia. And I'm saying, oh, they
(15:20):
it skips a generation. So that really means that my
mother should have it. But she's fine. She's eighty two,
so maybe now I'm gonna be This is the early
onset of dementia. I know. I worried, A yeah, I worry.
I watched my mother live with fear of Alzheimer's and
(15:42):
dementia because it ran through her siblings, and at times
I find myself experiencing that same fear. But the thing
with me is I'm an analyst by trade, and so
a lot of times that's the window that I see
things through. You talked about technology and being overwhelmed. Oh
(16:06):
my god, Okay, I'm just blessed to have three young
people that I can pick up the phone and call
them and ask, you know, how do I do this? No?
You can't tell me. You have to come show me
because I can't do it. You know, I didn't even
get an iPhone until one went to college and said,
(16:28):
you need to get an iPhone because that's the reception
that we have here and technology is very overwhelming. But
also remember that with you know, advances and technology, we
are all on information overload. We are on information overload.
So when I'm on the phone and I'm looking for
(16:51):
my phone, yes, I gotta give myself a pass, okay,
because there are a million other things going on at
the same time that I'm looking for the phone. The
same with you looking for that envelope. Your mind was
going a million miles a minute. Yes, I find myself
(17:15):
forgetting things that I would not normally forget or second
guessing did I lock the door? You know, did I
flush the toilet? You know, those kinds of things. You
know that it's automatic, but because we're you know, working
(17:35):
with so much information, we may not focus on those
little things, you know, and technology, technology adds to that.
How much time do you spend scrolling? Too much? Probably
too much because that's easy, because that's what it is.
It's scrolling, right, You don't have to think about anything.
(17:55):
I have struggled with technology since technology existed. Really, I
can learn a system to do my work, but I
live with a technology husband, so he is way ahead
of everything. So as soon as I learned how to
work the television or how to you know, set my
(18:17):
phone to play my mute, He's moved on. So I
have to ask him. I depend on him for everything,
and I own my own business now, which everything is
done in the computer, and I'm still antiquated with things.
I'm not even using the technology in my system that
I use for note taking and you know, for sending
(18:38):
clients information and getting information back, because it's too overwhelming.
So I'm still writing things down, sending emails. Someone sent me.
I sent my clients some paperwork and then they wrote
back saying, well, can I send this back using docu
(18:58):
sign So I'm like, yeah, I've heard of that, but
I said, look, as long as I can print it,
as long as I can print it, and you know,
you can said it however you want to. But I
was like, what is that? And am I going to
be able to use it? Yes? Technology has not been
my friend from the very beginning. Okay, so you guys
(19:29):
have not moved out of the area. Right, I've had
two moves in my adult years. I've moved from Baltimore
to Las Vegas back to Baltimore, and now I'm in California.
Have you guys had any difficulties or experience even the
(19:52):
need to make new friends and developed new relationships, because
I find that a bit challenging. And I don't know
whether that has anything to do with aging, but well,
I think that I don't know. As I'm aging, it's
(20:15):
a little bit more challenging to build new relationships based
on authenticity, you know, people not I'm talking about going
beyond the superficial, the surface type relationships. I'm finding that
a little bit more challenging. And I think it's because
I'm looking at the clock. I'm looking at the true
(20:38):
friendships that I have that evolved over years, over experiences,
and so when I meet new people, it's we really
if we don't click right away, it's a rat because
we'll have time. Yeah, you know, because yeah, I'm looking
(21:00):
at the clock. You know, I'm looking at the clock,
and I'm looking at the change in interest, you know,
the things that I'm interested in doing, you know, And
so that requires me to acclimate to a whole new
group of people in some instances, and it's a little
challenging because as we age, we are more guarded, they
(21:23):
are more layers, you know, to get to that real person.
And I'm like a quick, fast person, and so a
lot of people get kicked to the side with me
because I just don't think I have the time for that,
you know, Wendy, Well, I think I don't know that
really has anything to do with age. Honestly, I think
(21:46):
that it has a lot to do with personality. I
have never really had trouble, you know, meeting people, but
I've not had an interest in making a lot of
new friends as as uh Sibol set. You know, like
even when you and I met Adrian, you know, we
were both adults and we clicked for whatever reason we clicked.
(22:09):
I think that has to do with authenticity. You know,
at the time that we met, I was pregnant and
Jada was pregnant, and I think, you know, we talked
on the phone or whatever, and then we actually met
in person because we weren't at the same center and
something just clicked. And I think that happens sometimes, but
not very often. When you think about how old you
(22:32):
are now, right, do you really have a need to
meet new people that you've moved And I would think,
you know, yes, that does have something to do with it.
So you would meet people doing the things that you love.
You love to dance, you like to go to the gym,
so you might meet some people there, but are they
really friends? Are they acquaintances? You know. I think that's
(22:53):
a whole different conversation to have about how that whole
thing works. You have your fanly, so your cup is
being filled by the people who are already in your life.
You have to just assess whether or not you have
a need to meet new people to become really close to.
So I'm not sure that has a lot to do
(23:15):
with age or just where you are in your station
in life, you know, and how you define fulfillment, you know,
in your relationships. I'm looking more at the quality of
my relationships versus the quantity at this point. And if
I ever do leave Maryland and go and you know,
and move somewhere else to retire, I'm not sure that
(23:37):
it would be of a lot of interest to me.
As long as I have you know, my family, you
know that I connect with on a constant basis and
the friendships that I choose to maintain because I feel like,
almost like we talked a lot of it's all been
like downhill with We're making this sound like it's like
(24:03):
aging is awful, and it really isn't. It really isn't.
So so I think we need to say some positive things.
There's a lot of wisdom, but I'm still having an
awful lot of fun. I swear to God with all
(24:24):
my eggs and pains, with all of my you know,
just you know, dissatisfaction that at the end of the
day is temporary. If you think that I'm sitting around
sweating about this little bit of extra fat around my belly,
I absolutely am not. Okay, absolutely not, because at the
end of the day, it is what it is, you know,
(24:44):
And I really am just really trying to focus on
enjoying my life. Girl. That is really what I'm trying
to do is enjoy my life. Right. I agree, I'm
trying to do the same thing. And I am. I
actually am enjoying my life. And that goes back to
(25:04):
the quality of my relationships. You know, where I am
in my marriage, you know, like my grandson in love, yes,
in love with him. I mean, and you were so
stressed about them moving to Atlanta, Whendy, and it has
worked out to ye. Absolutely. It gives me somewhere to
(25:28):
go and they're probably thing, Yes, they are there. Yeah,
they're very well. We have a place to go, and
we love it when they come home. They were just
here this past weekend. And I'm surrounded by a really
great group of young people that this generation gen excell
(25:50):
uh millennials. They are doing things gen Z whatever alphabet
it is, but you know, they are embracing life in
a different way. And I learned a lot from the
people that are around me, and that keeps my energy
going because it's like, yeah, I'm trying to keep up.
I'm trying to keep up. And my niece told me,
(26:11):
she said, look when I had a sixtieth birthday party
and with dancing and carrying on like I was twenty, Yeah,
it does hit different. Yeah, but I'm still trying. I'm
still trying exactly what about to simple Well, you know,
(26:31):
I am loving, loving, loving this aging process. Wendy. I
love that you talked about family and being surrounded by
family uh and close friends. And I'm very close with
my children. I have seven grandchildren and one on the way.
That is why I am in California right now, Okay,
(26:56):
to continue bonding with one of my grandkids, the only
one actually that is not growing up with me, and
you know, in the same city. Yeah, not growing up
with me in the same city. And I love that. Yes,
I'm able to impart some wisdom. But you talked about
(27:17):
those younger people, and when I tell you, I am
learning more and more from my daughters every day on
how to change my perspective, on how to recognize at
the end of the day that is not even worth
your energy, you know. And I am just loving my
(27:40):
life right now. You know, I've aged, I've retired from
a career. I have a little thing on the side
that I do when I want, however many hours that
I want. You know, I'm able to be valued. You know.
There is a lot that comes with aging that is positive.
(28:01):
You know. I don't know. I'm happy. I'm happy. I
wake up every day and the sun is shining. I
don't care it's shining in me. I don't care what's
going on out there, you know, And every day it
is an opportunity to reset, you know, whatever happened yesterday,
that's gone. You know, I'm blessed to still be here,
you know, and to be sixty four because you know,
(28:23):
at sixty sixty four and sixty eight look around to
your to your left, absolutely, because people don't even believe
it when you actually tell people your age. Really, yeah, exactly,
And as long as they keep saying that, I'm good,
(28:43):
that's good that at the end of the day, regardless
of all the obstacles and minor struggles we maybe him,
there's more joy in aging than anything. And I whatever
is going on, I'm glad that I have you ladies
to share and talk with. I want to leave you
with the thought I always look at my Facebook memories,
(29:05):
you know, things that people write are things that I've written.
And and in March and ten, I don't even know
where I got this, but I copied it and it
says there are four things that you cannot recover in life.
The stone after it's thrown, the word after it's said,
the occasion after it's missed, and the time after it's gone.
(29:27):
So we're blessed with time. Right, We're still here, vibrant. Yes,
we have our challenges, but happy to be here and
blessed with an abundant life. Right. I think we can
all say that we are living a vibrant and abundant life,
and I'm very grateful for that. I'm very grateful for that.
(29:48):
I'm glad to still be standing here at this time
in our lives. Thank you for that, Wendy, that was
a good one. Okay, so we're gonna end with the segment.
Wouldn't you like to know before you go? Wendy and Sybil,
(30:12):
I have a couple of questions. We're gonna start with you, Sybil. Okay,
what book are you currently reading? I am reading The
six nineteen Project by Nicole Hannah Jones, and it is
about the presence of the African American here on the
(30:35):
American soil and how what we've been taught. It's not
how it was. It's a little suspect. Yes, yes, it's
very heavy because i'm reading it to it's not an
easy read. But it is such an important read and
so we would definitely recommend it for everyone, yes, to
(30:57):
pick it up, and not just Black Americans. Not it's
black Americans. It's very eye opening. Okay, what is one
thing you want to get off your chest? One thing
that I want to get off my chest is that
I want to continue to love my body until I
don't and not feed into the trend of surgery. Mm hmm. Okay,
(31:23):
that's a good one. Okay. What's a model that you
live by? A model that I live by that I
renew every day is love heals all. Okay, I like that.
I like that. Okay, when do you turn? What are
you reading right now? Well, I would be lying if
(31:45):
I said that I was actively reading a book because
I don't find the time to stick with it because
of what I'm doing for my work. Do you do
audio books? No? I don't. We'll see most of the
time I'm online with people on Zoom all day long,
so that that puts me on overload. So after that,
(32:07):
I really don't want to hear anything else and I
don't have If I start reading, I'll fall asleep. Seriously.
But what I am reading is it's like a like
a devotional and it's called Focus, and it's by Claire
Cherry Reeves and it's how one word a week will
transform your life. So the whole premise of this is
(32:32):
to focus on one word a week, So it could
be anything, kindness, position, determination and it just gives you
some things to think about. So this started with the
women's ministry at my church. So that's what I commit
myself too. You know, just in terms of reading, I
would like to read more, but I really find it
(32:55):
difficult to get it in. Most of the time when
I'm reading, I'm on the play or something like that.
It's the same for me. I do most of my
reading on the plane. I don't have I don't know
how well. I don't have time to just sit down
and read and be and it I will fall asleep.
But I do. I read on the plane. I read
when I take vacation and I'm on the plane all
the time, by the way, I'm flying all the time,
(33:17):
or and I love listening to audiobooks, but when I'm
really trying to learn something that I have to read it.
What is one thing you want to get off your chest.
I am such a stickler for customer service, okay, and
the lack of customer service that continues to exist. It's
(33:42):
very irritating for me. So I praise people when I
get the service that is expected. And I'm just finding
that it's almost a lost art for people. And I
think we need to pay attention to that because we
are consumers and there's a human aspect of interaction. I know, technology,
(34:06):
you know, has taken over and all these things, but
people I find just don't have patience, They don't have
what it takes to just serve others. So that's just
it's just something that's a source of irritation for me,
and I wish I could teach classes on it because
it's necessary. It's still very necessary, and every now and
(34:26):
then when you get a person that is cognizant of
it and gives you that, it's just very refreshing. So
that now that's a whole conversation. Actually it is. That's
a whole conversation because I think people, you know, kids now,
this generation, this new generation, they're growing up with all
this technology, and they don't even know how to communicate.
(34:50):
They don't know how to Yeah, they don't know how
to engage and communicate, you know exactly, Yes, yeah, all right,
what some model you live by, The journey of a
thousand miles begins with the first step. Yes, that's a
model that I live by. Yes, can't get anywhere unless
(35:11):
you take the first step, exactly, you know what it
has been a joy. You guys have really filled me
up and given me so much today. I love both
of you so much. Thank you for joining, and we
love you and we love thank you for even and
I didn't say it at the beginning of Sybil Step,
but thank you for inviting me again. Absolute fun. Absolutely
(35:33):
we'll have to hook up and have lunch when the
next time I come to Baltimore. Wendy, we haven't Yes, okay, okay,
And that's it for our show this week of Positively Damn.
(35:53):
You can follow me online at gammy Narris also help
us out by leaving a five star review on podcast
and by hitting the follow button on I Heart Radio.
Stay great for y'all, Thank you, and d find a
new welf you. Positively gam is produced by Red Table
Talk Podcast and I Heart Radio. Executive producers are Adrian Banfield,
(36:19):
Naris Balin, Jethro and Jada Pickett Smith. Our audio engineer
is Calvin Bailiff, and our associate producer is Irene Bischoff Burger.
Our theme song is produced by d Beats
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