Andre Butler

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, this is Andre Butler, pastor of Faith Experienced Church.
You're listening to the Faith Experience podcast. Thank you for
joining us. We hope that this message helps you engage
your faith and experience the future God has for you.
Of course, today we're continuing our series Blue Table Talk,
and as we said last week, God loves families. He

(00:23):
actually wants your family life to beat one of the
best parts of your life. But the fact is that
for many of us, that is not our reality. We
have broken hearts, we have broken families, we have broken children.
And the reason why that's the case for so many
is because we've been infected by ideas about family that

(00:43):
are actually the opposite of God's. In fact, that's why
the name of the series is Blue Table Talk, because
there was a pretty popular show called Red Table Talk
that espouse a lot of ideas about dating and marriage
and parenting that frankly, we're not right. Those ideas were
completely the opposite of what God says you're supposed to do.

(01:07):
And I think it's important for us to actually pay
attention to what God has to say about these things,
as He is the creator of dating and marriage and
parenting and the like. In fact, if you look around,
you can see very clearly that the world's way is
simply not working. It's causing people to be heard, it's
causing marriages to fall apart, it's causing children to be

(01:30):
raised in the environment where they don't have a father,
or they're not loved, or they're not encouraged, or they're
so broken by what they saw in their families that
they are not able to go forward and be who
God wants them to be. And so what we're doing
in this series is going to God's word, the Bible,
because that is the one source of truth that will

(01:50):
help you to have the family life that you want
to have. And last week we began by just looking
at the fact that the red table Talk way of
looking at family is to say it's all about me,
to be focused on what your needs are, to be
focused on whether or not you're getting what you want
out of your relationships. But the Blue table Talk way
of doing things, God's way is to say, it's not

(02:13):
about me, it's about we. It's to recognize that love
gives first. Today we're going to talk about something a
little different. In fact, let's just say it this way.
Let's talk about dating. Let's talk about dating. Of course,
anytime you say anything about dating, you know some people
kind they're kind of grown. Because dating and this day

(02:34):
and age can be tough. It can be frustrating, It
can be confusing, it can be crushing. You can even
wreck your life by how you handle your dating life
if you do it the wrong way. In fact, let
me read to you what Proverbs chapter fourteen says. In
verse twelve, it says, there is a way that seems

(02:55):
right to a man, but its end is the way
of death. The NIV translation says, in the end it
leads to death. So you see, there is a way
that seems right to a man. Here's how you should date,
here's how you should operate as a husband or a wife,
et cetera, et cetera. And that's the red table way

(03:17):
of dating. That's god the World's way. But the end
result of that is death. It causes negative results in
your life. And then there's a good way of doing that,
God's way. And so I want to just compare the two,
and let's actually just see which one is better. In fact,

(03:38):
somebody say that, say better, turn a neighbor and ask
them to say the same thing. Or say to them
better online, go ahead and put better into comments. We
want to see which way is the better way. And
I know, if you're a Christian you may say I
already know the answer, but okay, you may not be
a Christian and you.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
May need to see this for yourself.

Speaker 1 (03:55):
And even if you are a Christian, if it's if
it's true, it'll approve itself out. So let's find out
today what is better. And you know what, one of
things that might help you with this is understanding that
there is such a thing as better. Right, If I
have a steak and I happen to love eating steaks,
I can try to cut that steak one or two ways.

(04:16):
I can use this kind of knife and I'm gonna
be cutting for a while, or I can use this
kind of knife and you know what, that deck is
gonna be cut pretty quickly. And if you're trying to date,
you're trying to find the love of your life, you
want to have the marriage where you live happily ever after, Well,
you can do it this way or you can do

(04:36):
it this way. We're gonna find out today which way
is better, which one is this way, and which one
is this way? So to help you with this, I'm
gonna actually jump around a Bible story found in Genesis
chapter twenty four, And just to help you with this story,
I'm wanna give you a little bit of the details.
Abraham is a very rich man by this time, he's

(04:57):
an older man. He realizes that he's not gonna be
around forever. He has a son by the name of Isaac,
and it appears that he starts thinking about Isaac's future.
Isaac is unmarried. He wants Isaac to have a wife.
So what he does, which of course is different than today,
He has one of his servants come to him and
swear that he's gonna find Isaac his wife, but he

(05:21):
had to follow certain criteria. We'll get into that criteria
in a little while. And so the servant leaves. He
heads to the town that he believes holds Isaac's wife,
and he prays to God and outcomes this woman named Rebecca,
who seems to meet that criteria. He of course talks
to Rebecca, talks to her family, and eventually she makes

(05:43):
a decision to come back with him, and she and
Isaac meet and they get married and they live happily
ever after. And so there's a couple of things we
can get from that story that's going to help us today.
So let me start with number one. Once again, we're debating.
We're talking about, Okay, what's better the red table talk
away of dating or the blue table talk way. Well,

(06:05):
the red table talk way of dating says, play the field,
play the field. In other words, you know, enjoy casual sex,
have as many boyfriends and girlfriends as you want, sleep
with as many people as you want. You know, sow
your wild oats, they used to say in older times.

(06:28):
Of course, a lot of people's college experience is just
that they went to college, They went to a bunch
of parties, they had a lot of partners, and then
later on in life they remember all of that. That's
kind of the red table talk way of doing things,
whereas the blue table talk away is to value your purity.

(06:48):
So what does the Bible have to say about these things? Well,
Genesis twenty four, let's go back to the story. In
verse fifteen, it says, then it happened before you get
finished speaking that behold, Rebecca, who was born to Bethew,
or son of Milka, the wife of Ney, or Abraham's brother,
came out with her picture on her shoulder.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
Now, the young woman was.

Speaker 1 (07:04):
Very beautiful to behold, a virgin, no man had known her.
So notice that the woman that eventually is paired up
with Isaac was a woman who had been a virgin.

Speaker 2 (07:17):
No man had known her.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
So Rebecca was sexually pure, and that's why God was
able to pair her with the man of God. If
you look at First Corinthians, chapter six and verse eighteen,
it says run from sexual sin. No other sin so
clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual
immorality is a sin against your own body. So the

(07:43):
Bible teaches that you actually should run away from sexual sin.
You know, I've read the Bible many times over my life,
and I don't remember seeing any other script in the
Bible where God tells his people who have his power
and his authority and his word to run from anything.
But God says run from sexual sin. Why because it

(08:04):
is dangerous and as the scripture says here, there's something
unique about this sin. This is a sin where you're
actually sinning against your own body. It impacts your health.
Obviously we're familiar with STDs, but it impacts you even
in more ways than that physically, not to mention emotionally
and spiritually. And so God's word is telling us that

(08:26):
you should not engage in casual sex. You should save
sex for marriage. In fact, Hebrews thirteen tells us that
that the marriage bed is undefiled, but hormongers and adulterers
those are people who are are involved in sexual sin
that includes pornography as well as you know, dating, Some
are sleeping with someone you're not married to, says.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
Those people will be judged.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
So God's way is to value your purity, not to
just get engaged in casual sex. You know, a friend
of mine, a pastor friend of mine, at this he said,
God has called you to be holy, not whole like.
And I think that's pretty good. That's a really good example,
because anybody can go and sleep with whoever they want

(09:09):
to sleep with, but it takes somebody special to control
themselves and to keep themselves pure as they wait for
the person God has for them. And let me say
something else, There really is no such thing as casual sex.
It's always serious and it has serious consequences. And if
you're somebody who happens to be a follower of Jesus,
you know it breaks God's heart. And if it breaks

(09:30):
God's heart, why do you think it fulfill your heart? Now,
the best way is to operate with purity. That's God's way,
saving yourself for that special someone God has for you,
so that when you have sex, you don't feel guilty.
You're not afraid of getting some disease, or afraid of
of heartbreak or any other other type of fears that

(09:51):
spring up when you have that type of sex. And
when you have that sex with the person you're married to,
you can be intoxicated in love with them and it
can be totally fulfilling. So which way is better? Well,
I think God's way is better. The blue table talk
way all right, number two red table talk way of
doing things says this, play the game. The blue table

(10:15):
talk way is play to win. What do you mean
by that, pastor? Well, in Genesis twenty four to seventeen,
it says the servant ran to meet her and said,
please let me drink a little water from your picture. Now,
notice that when he saw Rebecca, the servant ran to
meet her.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
She didn't run to meet him.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
And part of what we see in the world today
is this idea that it's all right. In fact, it
is even encouraged for women to chase men. I was
to have the privilege of being a part of the
Essence Festival. This is probably about a decade ago in Atlanta,
and I was putting a room full of women, and
I was in a panel and the question was asked,

(10:59):
is it a pro for a woman to approach the
man for the purpose of beating him?

Speaker 2 (11:03):
To chase a man?

Speaker 1 (11:04):
And overwhelmingly all say yeah, Even the woman on the
panel say yeah, that's appropriate. Yep, that's how I got
my man, etcetera, etcetera. And I was a lone voice
in the room, also the only man in the room,
and that said, no, that's not appropriate. You know, God
didn't make you to be the hunter. God made you
to be the hunted. And if you start approaching the
man and you're the one chasing him, he's gonna lose

(11:25):
respect for you, and your relationship is gonna get started
off on the wrong foot.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
And you know what, That's what the.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
Bible teaches in Proverbs eighteen, verse twenty two, he that
finds a wife finds a good thing. But notice this,
he that finds a wife, not she that finds a husband.
In fact, one of my favorite scriptus in the Bible
is in Judges chapter twenty one. I won't get too
deep into the story, but the bottom line is that
God needed his men of one particular tribe to have wives,

(11:53):
and so he told those men, through the men of
God of his time, to go hide in the bushes,
and when the women come out to dancing their dances
before the Lord, jump up and catch you a wife
and carry her home. And so I can picture that
to this day, these men in the bushes waiting for
these women to come out, and then you know, trying
to see which one they like, and then running and

(12:14):
grabbing her and then running away. And that's the picture though,
of what's supposed to how this is supposed to work.
The way it's supposed to work is that the men
chase the women, not the women chase the men. And
this is why I say play the game versus play
to win, because what's supposed to happen is that you've
got to if you're gonna play to win. You understand

(12:35):
the purpose of dating is marriage. It is not just
to have a good time. It is not just to
have somebody in my arm. It's not just to have
somebody I sleep with. And it also not just not
just doing this my way, because you know, if I
decide to get on a basketball court right now and
I want to use a football.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
You know, I got a problem.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
Right I'm not gonna be able to win because I'm
trying to play according to my rules. And a lot
of people do that and dating, they come up with
all these rules, you know, of what's supposed to happen,
what's not supposed to happen, what he's supposed to know,
what she's supposed to know, you know, And what happens
is when you do all of that, you play all
those games, you're actually hurting yourself. You might be playing
the game, but you're not playing to win. And what

(13:15):
you're gonna find is you're not gonna have the kind
of relationship that you want to have in the long term.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
Let me go a step farther with this.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
In Genesis twenty four and verse thirty seven, he says, now,
my master made me swear you should not take a
wife or my son from the daughters of the Canaanites,
in whose land I dwell. Then he jumps down to
verse forty nine, and now if you will deal kindly
and truly with my master, tell me, and if not,
tell me that I may turn to the right hand

(13:45):
or to the left. Notice what's happening here. This individual,
this servant, states his intentions. He immediately lets this family
know I am here to get a wife for Isaac.
And at the end end of that speech, he says, now,
let me know, tell me if this is going to happen.
And one of the other issues that we have in

(14:07):
relationships is people don't state their intentions. I've watched this
happen with a number of females where you know, some
guy is calling them, talking to them on the phone
for a while, they begin to get emotionally connected to
that guy, but he never actually states his intentions, and
so what happens is he just kind of floats away

(14:28):
and her heart is broken. And you know he's doing
that because he's being up cowardly about it, because he
you know, he's not sure yet, and he's not willing
to take the step to tell her that he's not
sure yet. And that is not fair, that is not right.
When you are interested in a woman, you need to
let her know. This is why I'm talking to you.

(14:49):
This is what I'm thinking you're not promising to marry her.
You might simply be saying, hey, I just want to
be friends and let's see if it goes to leads
to something. But you need to be clear about your
intentions with women rather than playing with their feelings, and
women do the same thing. That's why I love the
second half of the scripture because he's saying, now tell me,

(15:10):
because sometimes what women will do is that they'll have
a guy reaching out to them and talking to them,
and they'll continue to have conversations with this guy, text messages, FaceTime,
all of that kind of stuff without being honest with him,
without letting him know that he actually doesn't have a chance.
What she's basically doing is using him to feel wanted,

(15:33):
using him to get attention until the one she really
wants gives her attention. That's wrong. That's the red table
talk way of doing things. And when you do things
like that, when you sow that kind of seed, you're
going to reap the kind of harvest you don't want
to reap in your future.

Speaker 2 (15:49):
No, God's way is to be very clear upfront.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
The purpose of me approaching you is because I'm interested
in you, and I want to see where this goes.
Or Hey, I appreciate that you approached me. I appreciate
that you're interested, but I'm not interested. This isn't gonna
work for me. Listen, he gave you the he flattered you,
ladies by approaching you. Give him the respect that he
deserves by letting him know what the deal really is.

(16:17):
That's the right way of doing things. That's the blue
table talk way of dating. All right, Let's go on
to number three. Pick a mate. That's the red table
talk way of doing things. I get to pick who
I'm going to marry or wait for great that's God's
way of doing things. When you let God pick who
you're gonna marry, that's a tough one, right. Genesis twenty four,

(16:41):
once again, let's back up a little bit in the
story and we're gonna read about what Abraham said to
this servant. He said, the Lord God of Heaven, who
took me from my father's house and from the land
of my family, and who spoke to me and swore
to me, saying to your descendants, I give this land.
He will send his angel before you, and you shall

(17:04):
take a wife for my son from there. So notice
that Abraham is saying that God is going to get
involved in this match making process. He actually mentions a
match making angel that would be sent before this servant

(17:25):
that would go find the person that God had in
mind for Isaac. And I want you to notice that
God did have someone in.

Speaker 2 (17:34):
Mind for Isaac.

Speaker 1 (17:35):
In fact, verse fourteen says, now, let it be that
the young woman to whom I say, please let down
your picture that I may drink, And she says, drink,
and I will also give your camels a drink. Let
her be the one you have appointed. Noticed that word
for your servant, Isaac. And by this I will know

(17:56):
that you have shown kindness.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
To my master. So notice that word appointed.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
So God had somebody that he had appointed to be
Isaac's wife, somebody that he had already prepared to be
the one that will become a part of this legendary family.
God has someone in mind for him, and God has
somebody in mind for you. There's somebody out there right

(18:23):
now that God is preparing to be the person that
you need. And you know what, God knows who's best
for you. God knows who will fit your future best.
God knows who will make you happy. And at some
point you got to make a decision to not go
with whoever you think is best that's the way the

(18:46):
world does things, and go with who God thinks his best.
Jeremiah ten twenty three says, Oh Lord, I know the
way of man is not in himself. It is not
in man who walks to direct his own steps. The
New Living Translation says, we are not able to plan
our own course.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
Notice what the Bible was telling us here.

Speaker 1 (19:10):
You may be grown, have a couple degrees, make a
lot of money, but you're actually not qualified to determine
the course of your life.

Speaker 2 (19:20):
You just don't have it in there.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
Hurt a great illustration by Keith Moore once he talked
about you know, you looking through a file cabinet for
a file, and you look to it, through it from
the front, and then you go all the way from
this in this direction, go to back, and you go
through it again and you pick stuff out, and eventually
you got to come to the conclusion it ain't in there.
And that same thing is true concerning that the wisdom
of God, or the wisdom necessary for you to decide

(19:43):
the direction of your life, and that would include the
wisdom for you to decide who it is that God
has in mind for you.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
You need to recognize.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
That God is the one who's the ultimate matchmaker. You
can always pick somebody on your own, but it's not
gonna be it's not that's the cause of the results
you want. But if you go with God's direction, well,
now you're going to have the opportunity to have the
kind of marriage and family life that you want to have.
You know, I've been on a number of road trips,
and recently I've been on a road trip to take

(20:13):
my child to a volleyball tournament. And one of the
things that happens is I always use Siri. And I
use Siri because I know where I want to go,
but I'm not sure how to get there. So I
listen to Siri. I let her tell me which way
to go, and I follow those directions and I get there.
And you know what God has given us our own
Siri on the inside. His name is a Holy Spirit.

(20:34):
And if we'll follow the leading of the Holy Spirit,
and we'll follow what He's written in the Word of
God God to get us to where we want to
get to. That is the person that is the love
of our life. And so we've got to recognize that
God knows best. His way is for you to not
just grab the first person that you think is qualified,
but for you to wait for the great person that

(20:55):
God has for you. And one thing that's going to
help you in that process is to do with this
serve and did let's reverse twelve again. Then he said, Oh, Lord,
God of my master Abraham, please give me success this
day and show kindness to my master Abraham. Behold, I
stand here by the well of water, and the daughters
of the men in the city are coming out the

(21:16):
draw water. Now let it be that the young woman
to whom I say, please let down your picture that
I may drink, And she says, drink, and I will
also give your camels a drink.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
Let her be the one you have appointed for your servant, Isaac.

Speaker 1 (21:30):
And by this I will know that you have shown
kindness to my master. So notice what this servant did
as he was going through this process. He prayed, and
he of course prayed according to his time. And his
time people didn't have God living in them, you know,
And so one of the ways they were able to

(21:52):
determine whether or not something was of God or not
was that they would put out what is called a fleece,
and basically what that means they will say, God, if
this happens, that I know it was you. And if
it doesn't happen, I know it wasn't you. So he's
basically saying, God, this is how I'll know it's you
when the woman says this and she does this. Nowadays,
we do have the Bible, we have the leading of

(22:14):
the Holy Spirit, and we can access the leading of
the Holy Spirit, in particular through prayer. When you are
dating someone, you need to make sure you're praying throughout
that process.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
And why what am I praying for?

Speaker 1 (22:27):
You're praying so that you can get to the same
place this guy was trying to get to.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
He says, so I will.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
Know you want to get to the place where you
know that you know that you know this is the
one God has for me. That's the blue table talk
way of dating. That's God's way, all right. I think
that's already we can see that if we play the
field versus valuing our purity, we look at that, if
we look at playing the game versus playing to win,

(22:54):
if we look at picking a mate versus waiting for
great that God's way is somebody say it again, say
it better, put them in the comments better. God's way
is better. You would rather honestly stay pure, date for
marriage and get the great person God has for you,
then get what everybody in the world is getting right

(23:15):
now through their process, through the way they're dating. All right,
let's go on. Let's go to the last one for
the day. And this is a big one. Attraction rules
versus character matters. The red table talk way of dating,
the world's way of dating is for attraction to be

(23:38):
you know, kind of be king. If I'm attracted to
this person, That's ninety percent of the game. The blue
table talk way of dating. God's way is to look
at character, and character.

Speaker 2 (23:52):
Is ninety percent of the game.

Speaker 1 (23:54):
So let me show you what I mean when we
talk about God's way of looking at this And I
want to start in verse six again. Now, the young
woman was very beautiful to behold, a virgin. No man
hadn't known her. Of course, she went on to the
well and filled her picture and came up. Well, notice
what the Bible says about this young woman. She was
very beautiful to behold. I believe one translation says she

(24:18):
was stunningly beautiful.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
Well, pastor, why are you bringing that up?

Speaker 1 (24:22):
Because attraction does matter, and it does matter to God,
and there's a number of scriptures in the Bible that
talk about a woman's beauty, talks about a man being handsome.
In fact, Sam of Solomon is full of scriptures like that.
God does want you to be with someone you are

(24:42):
very attracted to. In fact, I would encourage you to
not even waste your time dating someone that you're not
unquestionably attracted to. Now, attraction is different from men than
it is for women. So you know, I remember saying
that once upon a time as a pastor, and some
woman got upset with me.

Speaker 2 (24:59):
Well, I don't want him to be cute. I like
him to be a little rough looking. I said, that's fine.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
I'm not talking about if he's cute or not. I'm
talking about if you're attracted to him or not. It's
important that you are unquestionably attracted to the person God
has for you. You know, a pastor friend of mine
once said something to me that her mother had taught her.
And she has said, if you don't want to tear
his clothes off, then don't even bother.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
And I thought, man, that's some good advice.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
You want that person that unquestionably they are gorgeous to you,
They are sexy to you. This is somebody that you
want to be with. That's a given, all right. Having
said that, that is the icing on the cake.

Speaker 2 (25:37):
You need. The icing. Cake doesn't taste as good without
the icing.

Speaker 1 (25:41):
But there is so much more to people than what
they look like or how attractive they are. The problem
with the world's way of dating is that so much
of it is built on what somebody looks like. And
what happens is you end up dating someone that looks
like an angel but acts like a devil. And it's

(26:02):
so important not to do that. I like something that
Jimmy Rollins said. He said, choose anointing over abs. You're
looking for the wrong thing. You want someone that will
will prayerfully lay hands on you, not put their hands
on you. Someone that will pray with you. So make
sure you're setting yourself up for what God has for you.

(26:23):
I like that anointing over apps. Oh, real talk, Kim
says this, Mary, don't marry the packaging, study the character.
We have too many expired products and well packaged containers.
So look, you want to make sure that the person
on the inside is great, not just that the person
on the outside looks great. So let's walk through that then,

(26:47):
and we're going to evaluate the character of the individual
that we want to date.

Speaker 2 (26:53):
What are we looking at. Let's go back to Genesis,
chapter twenty four and then verse two.

Speaker 1 (27:00):
So Abraham said to the oldest servan of his house,
who ruled over all that he had, Please put your
hand under my thigh, and I will make you swear
by the.

Speaker 2 (27:09):
Lord, the God of heaven and the God of the earth, that.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
You will not take a wife for my son from
the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, But
you shall go to my country and to my family
and take a wife for my son Isaac. Well, notice
that Abraham has this man swear to him. And of course,
thank God, we don't put our hand under somebody's thigh
to swear to somebody today. You know, you might lift

(27:34):
your hand and swear to something. But the reason why
he had him do this was because it was extremely
important that he got this right. And it's extremely important
that you get this right, that you marry somebody with
a high character. He of course told his servant that
he didn't want Isaac to be with the Canaanite woman.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
Well, was he racist? Did he have a problem with
Canaanite women. No, that wasn't.

Speaker 1 (27:57):
The issue wasn't where they came from or even what
they looked like. There was more to it than this.
Abraham understood those women were raising homes where they did
not serve his.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
God, and Abraham's family did. If you go back to.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
If you keep reading this chapter in Genesis twenty four,
you'll find out that one of the reasons why Rebecca
was her family was okay with her going to Isaac
was because they came to the conclusion that it was
a God thing, that this proceeded from the Lord. And
so Abraham understood that for Isaac to do what God
had called him to do, which was to be the

(28:34):
individual that would help usher in ultimately Jesus into the world,
he needed a wife that would serve God with him.
He needed a wife that would even take the step
of faith to come be with him.

Speaker 2 (28:48):
We'll talk about that more next week.

Speaker 1 (28:50):
And so Abraham wanted his son to have a God
fearing wife. And let me say that this very cleary
to those who are pan atent this today. You want
to marry somebody that's already a follower of Jesus, not
somebody that's rejecting Jesus. In fact, se Grintons, chapter six

(29:10):
and verse fourteen says, do not be unequally yoked together
with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And
what communion has light with darkness? And what a chord
has Christ with belile? Or what part has a believer
with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of
God with idols? For you are the temple of a

(29:32):
living God. As God has said, I will dwell in
them and walk among them. I will be their God,
and they shall be my people. Notice the words used
here fellowship, communion, a chord, part, agreement. What's God saying
if you have someone that is not a believer and

(29:53):
someone that is a believer, they can't have those things.
They can't really have fellowship, They can't really be in agreement,
for example, agreement how to raise the kids. They don't
have any part with each other, They can't really have
communion with each other. In fact, the Ambihi Bible says
it in this way, do not make mismade of alliances
with them, or come under a different yoke with them

(30:15):
inconsistent with your faith and the message translation says, don't
become partners with those who reject God. And the deepest way,
the most strong way that you can become a partner
with somebody is through marrying them. So believers do not
have any place dating unbelievers. And I can hear somebody

(30:39):
saying with Pastor, you're narrowing the dating pool their pastor, well,
you know, didn't Abraham narrow the dating pool. I mean,
Isaac was surrounded by Canaanite women. But Abraham said, you've
got to go get somebody from my city and my family.
And yet God had somebody for him. Listen, you don't
need a bunch of men or a bunch of women.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
You just need one. And God has somebody in mind
for you.

Speaker 1 (31:01):
But that's somebody is not someone that has rejected His son.

Speaker 2 (31:06):
Craig Rochel said this.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
He said, don't give someone your heart if God doesn't
have theirs. Don't compromise and try to build a life
of someone that has a different world view. What you
believe about scripture and about God matters more than you
can even imagine, and that's so true. It matters that
you marry someone that believes like you believe. That's going

(31:31):
to be a key for you having a type of
marriage that you want to have. And if you're thinking
about dating, well, the purpose of dating is marriage. So
why waste your time even dating someone that doesn't know Jesus.
God's choice for you will be somebody that has already
chosen him. Well, we're still talking about, you know, character mattering.

(31:52):
So let's go a step farther and look at Genesis
twenty four and verse fourteen. Somebody said, say better, God's
way is the better way. It's much better to find
somebody with strong character. And that's fine. That somebody that's fine, that's.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
Like the devil.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
Right, So we need to get this right with Genesis
twenty four, verse fourteen. Notice again what was prayed by
this servant. So now let it be that the young
woman to whom I say, please let down your picture
that I may drink, and she says, drink, and I
will also give your camels a drink. Let her be
the one you have appointed for your servant, Isaac. And

(32:32):
by this I will know that you've shown kindness to
my Master. I want you to notice that this servant
was chosen because he was wise, right, he was a
good steward over everything that belonged to Abraham. So God
knew this man, knew what to look for. And when
he began to pray to God about this woman, he

(32:56):
asked for some really interesting attributes. He said, I want
this woman to be the one that will say yes
when I ask for some water to drink, but not
only will say yes, not only will be kind to me,
but will also volunteer to give water to my camels,

(33:17):
meaning that this isn't just someone that is kind, but
this is someone that is a servant, someone that will
see a need and.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
Run to meet that need.

Speaker 1 (33:30):
And so he's praying this because he recognizes that, you know,
you want someone who is a servant to be your spouse.
And being a Christian is great, and if you're dating
somebody that's a Christian, that's a wonderful thing. That's a
good first step. But there's more to character than that.

(33:52):
Good character includes being somebody who is living to serve,
not just living to get. And we talked a little
bit about that last week, right, you know, in the
game of ping, Paul you got to serve to receive
right and in life God wants you to make sure
you're a good servant. Jesus said, who wants to be great,

(34:12):
let him serve. And so of course you need to
be a servant. And you're looking for somebody that's a servant.
You're looking for someone and particularly man, you're looking for
someone that is a sweet woman. And that's what she was.
She was someone that was kind and someone that was
a servant. How do we know that because think about it.

(34:34):
Can you imagine this guy showing up today at somebody's
house or and saying, hey, can I have a little
something to drink?

Speaker 2 (34:40):
You know?

Speaker 1 (34:40):
And he might get talked talked to, he might be
dogged out, talked about, etc. You know, can you imagine that?
And yet he walks up with this strange woman and
he says, can I have some water? And she's got
to take the water off of her shoulder and she's
got to give it to him, and she does it.
And then can you imagine, you know, in this day
and age, somebody you know, seeing the this man's camels

(35:00):
and actually saying can I.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
Help take care of your camels? I mean, who does that? Well?

Speaker 1 (35:06):
There are women like that. They're sweet women, and that's
what this man was looking for for Isaac, that's what
he found, and that's what you, as men of God
want to find as well. A sweet woman is a
woman who is naturally kind, not mean. She's a sweet woman,
not a sassy woman, not a sour woman, a sweet woman.

(35:28):
She's someone that is self less, somebody that has sweet lips.
You know. Proverbs thirty one to twenty six says about
that woman that in her mouth is the law of kindness.
So you're gonna find her using her words to build
up and encourage, not to tear down. That's the kind
of character you want, and your wife, and for the ladies.

(35:49):
You want a man that actually is strong. But not
strong physically. Now that's great, there's nothing wrong with that.
But you want a man that's strong emotionally. He's strong
enough enough to be meek, which means humble. The Bible
says about Moses, he was the humblest man in the world,
but he was also the most powerful man in the world.

(36:09):
You want a man who was strong enough to be
able to say no even to his.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
Own body, in his own flesh.

Speaker 1 (36:17):
You want a man who is strong enough to do
the right thing when it's hard to do, to keep
his word, even when it hurts him to do that.
You want a man who is strong enough to sacrifice
for you. That means he's a servant. This is what
you want. This is the type of character you are
looking for in the person that you are dating. Because

(36:38):
when you have that type of person, now you're on
the way to having an amazing marriage. There's another way
of looking at this. I want to take it to
Galatians chapter five, in verse twenty two. Before I read that, though,
I did run across a couple of great illustrations I
thought might help you, a couple of great quotes. One
guy said this, He says, yes, you're cute, but can
you pray? I thought that was funny, but it's a

(36:59):
good example of what we're talking about here. Right, you're cute,
but can you pray?

Speaker 2 (37:03):
How you act? Right? But one minutter said this.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
He said, don't ever date a man who doesn't know
how to get in God's presence.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
If God's not speaking to him, he won't know how
to handle you.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
The only way that I know how to do everything
in my life is I go to the one who
created the one I'm supposed to be with, And many
laders are trying to find a man outside of the
presence of God and drag him to the presence of God.
You'll never be able to get a man to go
where he wasn't already found. You'll never be able to
make him what you hope he is. That's why you
need to be praying for him and standing with him.

(37:36):
But you can't pull him there. So stop trying to
pick up a project find a man in his presence.

Speaker 2 (37:42):
I thought that was really good.

Speaker 1 (37:44):
That starts with finding somebody that's following God, but then
it continues with finding somebody that has already developed godly character.
Another individual said, this is a friend of miney pastors
and overseas. He said, listen to me, girls, what if
you were in a strange city and you lost your
purse and all your money. The one you want to
be stranded with in a strange city with no idea

(38:04):
and no money is the one that you know.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
Would figure it out quickly.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
The one that has the wit, the wiz and the
perseverance and the tenacity to fight for you, to protect you,
to preserve you, and immediately start preparing for you to
have a better future because he cares so much about you.
Make sure this is the kind of man you choose otherwise,
back away, put the fork down, push the plate away,
and say this meal is not for me, And well,

(38:31):
that's good, that's good. You want the person with high character.

Speaker 2 (38:37):
Well.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
Glatians chapter five and verse twenty two says this, but
the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness,
which is kindness, goodness, faith or faithfulness, meekness, temperance. Against
such there is no law. Well, the fruit of the

(38:59):
spear our actions right that believers who are mature in
Christ consistently do or perform. Somebody that is a mature believer,
somebody that has strong character. Is somebody that chooses to
walk in love and not hate. Somebody to choose to
walk in joy and not be depressed all the time.

(39:21):
Someone that choose to operate in peace and not be
anxious all the time. Someone that is long suffering towards
people instead of having a short fuse. Someone that is
good or just kind to people instead of being mean
to people. Somebody that is a giver instead of a taker.
Somebody that you can count on to do what they
said they're going to do and be where they need
to be. Somebody that is humble instead of arrogant, and

(39:41):
somebody that has self control instead of just doing whatever
they want, when they want, how they want, however they feel.
That's the kind of person that you want to be with.
And let me tell you something. If you're waiting for
the person God has for you, one of the best
things you can do is develop yourself in the fruit
of the spirit, become strong in that area. And let's

(40:03):
be honest, some of us need some real character work.
Some of us right now are a little broken down.
We're not where we should be. And that might be
why God hasn't sent to you the person God has
for you, because he's not sending them to you so
that you can tear them up. He's not sending them
to you so that you can operate in the opposite
of that fruit that I just mentioned and you end

(40:24):
up destroying things. He wants you to develop your character
so that you're walking in love and joy and peace.
You're kind, you're faithful, you have self control. Because now
you're a sweet woman, you're a strong man, You're somebody
that'll be a blessing to that person, and that's God's will.
The Proverbs thirty one Woman, the Bible says, we looked

(40:46):
at it last week. She's somebody that does her husband
good and not evil all the days of her life.
And that's what you want to be, that person that
will do them good and not evil. And so I'm
gonna say it again, one of the best things you
can do for your match is to develop in the
fruit of the spirit. And that's what you really want.

(41:06):
You want the person that's already developed themselves. You don't
want a date on potential because they might have the
potential to be something, but that potential may never be realized.
That's up to them, right they whether or not they
decide to keep their heart open before God, they decide
to get into the Word of God, they decide to pray,
and all those type of things that determines whether or

(41:28):
not they'll reach their potential. And even if you married
them tomorrow, you can't force them to do any of
those things. So if you marry somebody with untapped potential,
you might have to deal with who they are for
the rest of your life. But if you wait until
they become who God has called them to be. Now
you've got the kind of mate you want to have,

(41:48):
and let me read it once again. You want the
person that has strong character because that's the one that's
gonna give you the marriage and the family life you
want to live. Somebody said this, They said, when you
choose life partner, you're choosing a lot of things, including
your parenting partner and someone who would deeply influence your children,

(42:08):
your eating companion for about twenty thousand meals, your travel
companion for about one hundred vacations, your primary leisure time
and retirement friend, your career therapist, and someone who's day
you'll hear about eighteen thousand times. So you need to
be careful and make sure that attractions not what's driving you.

(42:29):
Character is. I want to mention one more story here
I think that really brings us home. My parents got
married at a very young age. I believe they were
eighteen and nineteen, and after about a year and a
half or two, God spoke to my father about going
to a ministry school in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. Now, if
you go to Broken Arrow, Oklahoma right now is country.

(42:52):
But back then it was really country and it wasn't
necessarily the kind of place you go to when you
look like I do.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
Right.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
So God had spoken to my father and at the time,
he was working at IBM and had a good job.
He seemed to be on track to really rise up
the company and eventually do very well in that company.
And yet God was saying, leave the company and go

(43:20):
to this Bible school. So when he told my mother, well,
she told him, well, I'm not going. She told him
me and Andre gonna stay here. And so he went
back to God and he said, well, God, I can't
go without her.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
And she went to God. And this is why this
is the key.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
She went to God and God told her, don't you
ever question again what I tell him to do. And
she decided that she was going to go to Rama
with my father and me. At the time they went
to Rama, my sister was born. They came home and
started Word of Faith International Christian Center of ministry that

(43:58):
has touched literally of lives. And none of that would
have happened if she didn't have the character and the
maturity necessary.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
To pray herself and to humble.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
Herself before God and her husband and go along with
the plan. There wouldn't be a Word of Faith there
wouldn't be an FX church. I wouldn't be doing what
I'm called to. I don't know what I'd be doing.
I might be selling drugs down eight mile right.

Speaker 2 (44:24):
Now, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
But all of it was tied to who my dad married.
I believe that's one reason why he put them together,
because he knew she had strong character even at twenty
one years old. That's why it's so important that you
find somebody that knows God, that loves God, that operates
in love and joy and peace and meekness.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Somebody that praised themselves. You want somebody that has.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
Their own prayer life before you marry them, because that
person has a lot to say about your future. They
can be someone that can hinder you I'm doing what
God's called you or do and being what God has
called you to be. In fact, they could even destroy
it if you're not careful. Or there can be someone
that propels you into the future God has for you.

(45:10):
They could be a big reason why you have done
everything God has called you to do, your everything God
wants you to be.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
Because they have walked with you through it.

Speaker 1 (45:20):
So let me take it one more scripture on first
Christian this chapter thirteen. I think we've already clearly proven
today there is a better way, right, God's way is better.
If you play the field, that's not gonna work too
great for you. But if you value your purity, that's better.
If you play the game, you might have a little fun,
you might get a little bit of what you want

(45:41):
out of it. But if you play to win, you
date to marry, you do it with integrity. That's better.
If you pick a mate, it's a flip of a coin.
You might find somebody that's pretty decent. You probably won't.
But if you wait for great you let God choose,
that's better. And if you decide that attract rules and

(46:01):
you're gonna marry somebody based on what they look like,
or even just date based on what somebody looks like
and not really pay attention to their character and their spirituality, man,
you're in trouble.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
But if you make sure that.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
You find somebody that's incredibly attractive but they also have
great godly character, well now you're in a position to
have the type of marriage that you want to have.
Verse quentient, Chapter thirteen and verse four. I want to
read this scripture with you thinking about the person that

(46:34):
you are either dating or you're hoping to date one day,
and the question to ask is can you put their
name in this opening of scripture? So love endoors long,
and it's patient and kind. Loving never is envious nor
boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does

(46:59):
not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited, arrogant and
inflated with pride. It is not rude or unmannerly, and
does not act unbecomingly. Love God's loving us does not
insist on his own rights or its own way, for
it is not self seeking. It is not touchy or
fretful or resentful. It takes no account to the evil

(47:22):
done to it. It pays no attention to a suffered wrong.
Love bears up under anything and everything that comes. Is
ever ready to believe the best of every person. Its
hopes are fateless under all circumstances, and it endures everything
without weakening. Love never fails, never fades out or becomes obsolete,

(47:44):
or comes to an end. You're looking for somebody like that,
But can I go a step farther? Can you put
your name in there? Because if you can, you just
may not be ready for God's choice for you. And
it's important that you take the time to develop your character,
to develop your walk with God so that you endure

(48:05):
long and be patient in kinds. That you're not the
type of person that is envious or jealous, So that
you're somebody that's not arrogant and self centered. So that
you're somebody that does not you know, it's not touchy
and gets angry easily, or is always having a long
list of everything.

Speaker 2 (48:23):
Somebody did to you.

Speaker 1 (48:24):
That you're somebody that believes the best of people instead
of always believe in the worst of people. Develop your
character so that you can have the type of marriage
and life that God wants you to have. And so
we're gonna pick up on the second half of this
next week. But I do want to mention that you know,
I can only touch so much in this series because

(48:44):
I want to talk about marriage and parenting and blended families,
and so I'm going to take in two weeks to
talk about dating. But if you want to know more
about it, I've written a book on this called They
Are Not And so this is available in our bookstore,
it's available on our website and of course we get
more in depth with the story we talked about and
some of the other things the Bible has to say
about it. So you can get a hold of this

(49:05):
and prepare yourself for where we're going to go next week,
because there's a couple of more ways that we can
see that God's way is better. So now, every headboudy,
every head closed in prayer. No I'm moving or walking
or talking unless you've been assigned to do so. If
it's someone here today that's saying, you know what, Pastor,
I've never actually chosen to follow Jesus, I've never gotten

(49:26):
on God's team. I don't know if I would have
died or day I would go to heaven. I want
you know God loves you more than you can even imagine.
In fact, one of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah thirty one.
It says that the Lord has loved you with an
ever lasting love, and that's why he has drawn you.
That's why he's chasing you. God's actually been chasing you

(49:48):
your whole life. He might be knocking on your heart
right now, and I want to challenge you to open
the door of your heart to say yes to him,
to try God and if you do that, you're gonna
find your life will never be the same again. So
if you've never done that before, I want to help
you make that decision today. Or you may be someone
that says, you know what, pastor, I made that decision

(50:09):
once upon a time, but for whatever reason, I'm far
from God again. Well, I want you to know God
still loves you. He's like the guy in Luke fifteen
who was sitting on the porch waiting for his wayward
son to come home. The Bible teaches, when he spied
his son a long way away, he took off from
that porch and he grabbed them and he hugged him
and he restored him. That's how God feels about you

(50:30):
right now. He wants to see you head home. He
wants you to make a decision to get right with him.
And if you'll make that decision today, he will embrace you.
He'll get you back on the right track. You'll still
be able to live the future God has for you.
The world says you got to clean yourself up and
then you can come to God. That's not what God says.
God says, come to me and I'll clean you up.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
And so that's you.

Speaker 1 (50:53):
I would love to help you today to get back
in right fellowship with God.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
To home, come home to Him.

Speaker 1 (50:58):
So I've given two very simple invitations, the first to
choose to follow Jesus to make heaven your home, the
second to get right with him or come home to God.
If either one of those invitations apply to you today,
if you want to say yes to God concerning either
one of those areas, I want to encourage you right
now to be bold and to lift your hand. Go
and lift your hand right now. And if you're watching

(51:20):
this online, I still encourage you to lift your hand
because it's not really about me seeing your hand, it's
about God seeing it.

Speaker 2 (51:27):
So lift your hand. Let them know.

Speaker 1 (51:28):
Yes, I'm ready. I'm ready to follow you Jesus. I'm
ready to make Heaven my home, or I'm ready to
come home to you. And if your hand is raised
or you know it should be raised, I want you
to pray a prayer with me from your heart and
then watch what God does in your life. In fact,
I'm going to ask everybody in the room to pray
it with me as well. So repeat after me, Heavenly Father,

(51:50):
in the name of Jesus. I come to you today
to give you my life. I believe that Jesus Christ
is the Son of God. I confess with my mouth
Jesus as Lord, and believe in my heart that God
has raised him from the dead. I repent of sin.
I'm sorry, Lord, I turn away from it, and I

(52:12):
receive you Lord. Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer,
for answering my prayer, and for saving me now. And Father,
we thank you for those that to pray this prayer
for the first time. We thank you that because they've
made this decision, they're a part of your family. We
thank you for those that have come home to you
as well, and that they are restored.

Speaker 2 (52:32):
I prayer that you.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
Help them, Father, to know you more and more, to
know you, to find freedom, to discover their purpose, and
to make a mark in this world. And we give
you the praising glory for it in Jesus' name a man.
Thank you for tuning in to another Faith Experience podcast,
Remember God as a future for you.