Andre Butler

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, this is Andre Butler, pastor of Faith Experienced Church.
You're listening to the Faith Experience podcast. Thank you for
joining us. We hope that this message helps you engage
your faith and experience the future God has for you.
And so Amus three, Verse three says can two walk
together except they be agreed. Now, if you were to

(00:22):
back up an Amus three, you find out that you know,
God is making a point. He's mentioning some facts of life.
And one of the facts of life is that you
know you can't walk together. You can't operate as a
unit if you don't have some agreement, right, all right,

(00:42):
you gotta agree on where you're going. You got to
agree on how we're getting there. You gotta agree on
our pace. To walk together, you must agree. And mayorg
is walking through life together. So for you to be

(01:04):
successful in marriage, you must learn to agree. You must
learn to walk in agreement. In fact, the word walk
here means to march, among other things. So you can
almost picture soldiers marching toward a destination. And for them
to march in step, they obviously have had to talk

(01:25):
about what we're going to do, how it's supposed to look.
They had to come to a place of agreement and
then they're able to pull it off. And the same
thing is true a marriage. For us to march through
life together successfully, we have to talk about the things

(01:46):
of our marriage. Another way of saying that is that
we have to learn how to talk it out. Somebody
say talk it out, turn it up and tell them
talk it out. You got to learn how to talk
it out. You must communicate well. To have a successful marriage.

(02:07):
You must not you maybe you can, and I mean
it's one of the things that maybe you could get
away with not being that great at noll. If you
don't learn how to talk it out, you will not
have a great marriage. Period. How can two walk together
except they be agreed, right, You can't. How can you

(02:32):
agree unless you talk about it? You can't. You must
communicate well. I got mister potato head up here today,
and mister potato head, depending on which version you have,
has a lot of different parts of his body. But

(02:54):
the one I want to talk about today is the lips.
Because you know, I don't care how how good they
look or how crazy they look if they do know
how to use their lips and you don't know how
to use your lips. This is it's not gonna work.
This might be the most important part of your marriage,

(03:16):
your lips, learning to talk, to communicate. Well. So I
want to give you some rules for talking it out,
and I want to start in Proverbs chapter eighteen. You

(03:37):
know when people say marriage is work, anybody ever heard
that statement? This is what they're talking about right here. Communication.
So number one rule, remember the power of words. Remember
the power of words. Proverse eighteen eight says the words

(04:03):
of a tail barrow are as wounds, and they go
down into the innermost parts of the belly of the belly.
Notice words wounds, words wounds. What's a womb? It's an injury. Right.

(04:25):
Of course, we are familiar with the physical wound, but
there are emotional wounds. Most people in this room are
probably still nursing an emotional wound. Now we're hoping that's
not the case, that you've allowed God to heal you.
But the world we live in is a world where
people hurt each other with their words all the time.

(04:48):
And what the Bible is showing us here is that
words can hurt. They go deep into you. In fact,
Verse twelve eighteen says, this there is one who speaks
like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of

(05:10):
the wise promotes health. It's the one who speaks like
the piercings of a sword. In other words, there are people,
and the idea here is that these are fools actually,
because notice the first half is the one who speaks
like the piercings, and the second half is the tongue
of the whys. You see that, So the first half
is the fool, the second half is the wise. And

(05:33):
so God has shown you though that words can cut
like a sword can cut. Words can wound like a
sword can wound. And God is actually telling us here
that we should not use our words to wound, but

(05:56):
we should actually use our words to heal, because just
like words can hurt, words can help. Just like words
can harm, words can heal. Words are really really powerful,
more than we actually realize. I mean, if I did

(06:20):
have a weapon on stage, it will get people's attention
because we realize how powerful that weapon is. And yet
your words sometimes wound worse than a gunshot would. They're
that powerful when we would sing as little kids. Sticks
and stones may break my bones, but words are never

(06:43):
hurting me. We lie sometimes you rather than grab a
stick and threw some stones at you. Then say it
and said the things that they said. Words are powerful.
This is why Ephesians four twenty nine says, let no
corrupt word proceed out of your mouth. No corrupt word.

(07:08):
But what is good for necessary edification, which means to
build up that they may minister or impart grace, or
that word means benefit to the hearer. So God is saying, listen,
your words should be used to build people up, never
to tear people down. Ever, this might say, ever, they

(07:35):
should never be Even when you have to correct, even
when you have to rebuke, you should find a way
to do it that is constructive, not destructive. Because God
did not give you words to hurt people with. God
gave you words to communicate with and to benefit other

(07:55):
people with. And so when you start talking about communicating
in marriage, you need to remember the power of your words,
because the wrong words can break your marriage apart. The
wrong words can stay with your spouse for years. The
wrong words can destroy your happily ever after. You know,

(08:21):
in basketball, if you watch the game, sometimes you'll see
a player get a technical foul. And often what happens
during the game is you know the player feels like
the referee has missed a call here or there, and
they might talk to the refs during the game and say, hey,
you miss this, you miss that, And but there comes
a point where they cross a line and and and

(08:46):
and there. The words they use become almost abusive in
some cases. And when when that happens, the rep says
technical foul, they start cussing at the ref or or
or you know, uh, you know, talking about the ref
and technical foul. And we've got to get rid of
the technical fouls in our marriages. We got to get

(09:11):
to the place where we realize that's beyond the boundaries
of what's acceptable. I don't get to say that to
my husband. I don't get to say that to my wife.
And you know, we get this at work, because there's
a way you will not talk to your boss because

(09:31):
you want to keep your job. Most of us get this.
If we're dealing with authority, the police pull you over,
you got enough sense to know what not to say.
But for some reason, we go home and talk to
the person that we're supposed to love the most and
the most disrespectful, harmful ways, and then wonder why they

(09:54):
don't love me. As much as they used to. Because
you have used your words to harm instead of to heal.
God wants you to use your words to bring health.
So when you talk about when you think about communicating
with your spouse and you begin to communicate with your spouse,

(10:15):
remember the power of words. Proverbs fifteen one says this.
It says a soft answer turns away wrath, but a
harsh word stirs up anger. I love how the message
translation says a soft answer, that's a gentle, tender answer,
even when they're coming at you. If you find a

(10:37):
way to give that soft, tender, gentle answer, it actually
diffuses anger. So it's kind of like you know, or
most of us have seen a TV show or a
movie where the police find a bomb and it's ticking down,
and what do they do. They bring in the bomb
squad and this thing is ticking down, or they don't

(10:58):
stop this. Soon it's going to be an explosion, but
the individual from the bomb squad is able to stop it.
That's what happens when your spouse is coming after you,
but you find a way to give the soft, tender,
gentle answer, you stop the explosion. Now, should they be
coming at you like that? No, but you can still

(11:20):
put a stop to this thing by using your words
the way God intended. But if you do the second
half of the scripture where it says a harsh word
stirs up anger, well, now you're gonna create a fire
that will be an explosion. In fact, the message translation says,
a sharp tongue kindles a temper fire. I like that

(11:43):
a temper fire is going to be an explosion here
because you're now using your words to harm. And what
do we typically do when somebody is harming us? We
fight back. Now, the Bible talks about don't offer railing
for railing and evil evil, But your natural, fleshly response

(12:05):
is if you harm, you come after me. I'm coming
after you. And then after I come after you, Well,
you didn't like that, You're gonna come after me, And
then after you come after me, I'm gonna Oh, I'm
gonna hit you even harder. I'm gonna come after you.
And before you know, we're both bleeding and nobody is
one and we've created harm in our marriage. God does

(12:28):
not want you to use your words to rile up
your partner. He wants you to use your words to
cool things down. He doesn't want you to use your
words to incite a war, but instead to bring peace.
Proverbs twenty verse three says this avoiding a fight is
a mark of honor. You see that, that's a mark

(12:53):
of honor. Only fools insist on quarreling. On the book
of Nehemiah, you'll find that he had an assignment from God,
but the people around the people of God were trying
their best to stop him from fu feeling that assignment.
So they kept launching attacks at me and Mayah and
God's people. And you know what he refused to do

(13:15):
to come down to their level. He refused to come
down to their level. He refused to duke it out
with them. He ultimately just ignored them. And that's the
decision you've got to make sometimes, even when your spouse
is coming after you or other people are that I'm
refusing to come down to that level. I'm not gonna
use my words in the way that God did not intend.

(13:39):
I'm gonna remember the power of my words. All right,
We're giving you four rules. Rule number two. Aim for
true communication. Aim for true communication. Somebody say talk it out.
You got to talk it out, and we're gonna get
into a little bit more of that in the moment.
But here's something that's really important. You got to understand

(14:02):
what communication really is. Communication doesn't happen just because somebody
said some words and somebody heard some words. That's not
true communication. True communication occurs when what is spoken by
the speaker is understood by the hearer. In fact, I

(14:27):
look at the definition for communication, it's the imparting or
interchange of falts, opinions, or information by speech, writing or signs.
I like the word imparting because that's what you're doing.
You're imparting a thought, You're imparting an idea, You're imparting
information or an opinion to the other individual with the

(14:49):
goal of them actually receiving it fully understanding it. And
so I say that because a lot of what we
consider communica our marriages really is in communication. It's just
talking at somebody or listening half listening to somebody. And

(15:12):
you can't be in agreement when we haven't really even communicated.
So you need to aim for true communication. Well, what
is it that keeps us from having true communication from
them hearing what I'm saying and fully understanding what I'm saying,
So we can come to agreement. Well, James, Chapter one,
verse nineteen really gives us something that helps us. It says,

(15:34):
understand this, my dear brothers and sisters. Notice this is
for everybody. Somebody say everybody, so it means everybody can
do this, everybody can be this. You must all be
quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to get angry.

(15:58):
Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to get angry.
Most people do the complete opposite of this scripture right,
slow to listen, quick to interrupt and speak, and quick
to get angry. What you say, Oh, I thought you
were saying. Am I right? And that's why there's no communication.

(16:26):
I didn't hear what you said. I interrupted you when
you were saying it, and then I got mad at
you even though you weren't saying anything. To get mad at.
We can't even have a conversation, and God is saying no.
You need to first of all, be quick to hear,
which means you are quick to truly hear what they

(16:46):
have to say, which requires you to do what we
said at the beginning of this series, be self less
instead of selfish. It's not all about you. It's not
all about how you feel or what you think or
your need to get something off your chest. If you

(17:07):
are trying to do this merriest thing the way God
wants it done, you must care about what they think
and how they feel and actually listen to understand God
actually wants you to be a good communicator, and to
be a good communicator, you got to learn to be

(17:28):
a great listener. And so when you're and true listening,
it happens when you're actually trying to understand what they're saying. First,
just thinking about how you're gonna respond to what they're saying.
You actually want to listen on three dimensions. Actually, Pastor Stanley,

(17:50):
it's got seconds. It is our small group a couple
years ago and I wrote it down. He said, you
want to listen to what a person says, what they
might mean by what they say, and listen to what
the holy ghost is saying. I'm trying to hear what
they're saying. I'm trying to give a sense of what
they're really trying to get across. And I'm gonna let
the holy ghosts talk to me so I can understand
what they're saying. I can get it. Because we can't

(18:13):
get into agreement and we can't have a good marriage.
If I don't notice the second thing he said, He said,
of course, to be slow to speak. So God wants
you to take your time in speaking. Why we just

(18:33):
finished talking about the power of your words. You say
the wrong thing, you can harm, you can hurt. You
say the right thing you can help. I mean, the
Bible talks a lot about how saying the right thing
creates wonderful results, like a word induce season, how sweet
it is. I mean, you can bring health, and you

(18:54):
could take the marriage to a whole other level. So
before you open your mouth, before you you use your lips,
God wants you to be slow to speak. He wants
you to think about what you're going to say so
that you choose your words wisely. This is why the

(19:15):
Bible says the multitude words or doesn't lack sin. People
that talk a lot sin a lot. That's what that means.
Because you're so many talking, it's just a matter of
time before something slips out. There shouldn't slip out, but
the way it slips out. And God is telling us here, no, no,
you need to be slow to speak so you can

(19:36):
hear them fully. In fact, let me mention that on
reproverbs eighteen thirteen. To you, it says, spouting off before
listening to the facts. It's both shameful and foolish. One
translation says he who answers the matter before he hears it,
it is folly and shame to him. One of the
problems we have is that we interrupt people. Right so,

(20:00):
you know, I'm trying to explain something to you, and
halfway between between, in the middle of my explanation, you
jump in, assuming you know where I'm going to go,
and you answer what you think I'm going to say,
and we end up on some crazy tangent when that's
not even what I was going to say, and we
spend five, ten, fifteen, twenty minutes trying to get back
to what I'm trying to say. And then right along

(20:21):
with that, because you're so quick to be angry, you're
upset and angry, and our fighting over something that I
wasn't even saying, or because you're a fool because the
Bible says you you don't even answer before you even
heard the whole matter. That's foolish, You're a fool, that's stupid.
I've had that happen to me professionally. I've had to
happen to me personally. I've done that to people. You know,

(20:43):
who interrupts people? Kids? That's what kids do you like
babying be mama baby. Yeah, it's immaturity, but we do
it all the time, and I think it's one of
the biggest impediments to affect their communication, interrupting people. Shut up.

(21:04):
I would say, you turn neighbor and telling them shut up,
but y'all do. Some of y'all do quick to anger,
so I won't do that. But come on, you just
gotta learn to shut up. Let them say what they
have to say, hear them fully, then you can speak.

(21:26):
What's the last one? He said? Slow to get angry? Yo?
Why does God want you to be slow to get angry?
We talked about that that a fused a couple of
weeks ago. How you know you can have a bomb,
and you can have a short fuse, and you can
have a very long fuse. You got a short fuse
and that thing is lit and it just it just
takes a few moments and boom. A long fuse is lit,

(21:48):
but it takes a while for there to be an explosion.
God doesn't want you to be a short fuse. He
doesn't want you to be the gun that doesn't have
the safety on. He wants you to be the one
that has a long fuse. It takes a lot for
you to get to that place. In fact, I mentioned
a couple of scriptures to you. Oh. The Bible says,
in Proverbs fourteen seventeen, the person that is soon angry

(22:09):
deals foolishly. Proverbs fourteen twenty nine says, a person that's
slow to wrath, though, is of great understanding. Proverbs sixteen
thirty two says the person that's slow to anger is
better than the mighty. So this is a superpower. When
you learn how to control your temper, When you learn
how to be somebody that is not touchy and fretful

(22:33):
and easily provoked, you become powerful. You become an individual
that is equipped to have wonderful relationships. People can feel
safe around you, They feel safe communicating with you. If
you feel like, how come thebody talks to me? How come? By?
Nobody tells them? How come? No one ever tells me anything.

(22:54):
It might be because of this, because people do not
like fe like at any moment you might pop off
on them, because nobody likes being berated. Accosted, attacked, and
it's even harder for Christians because we know we really
shouldn't attack back. It's Christian suffering. Christian suffering is fighting

(23:19):
against a temptation to sin. So you come after me.
If I wasn't a Christian, Oh, I'm gonna come after you.
But because I'm a Christian, I'm gonna bite my tongue.
And that hurts because I want to kill you. But
I love the Lord, so I got to listen to

(23:40):
your mess and not attack you. And since that's how
I have to live around you, I don't want to
be around you. I'm gonna find something else to do.
I'm gonna live on the rooftop rather than be in
a house with you. That's what happens in marriages. You

(24:01):
to learn to be slow to anger. And one reason
why God wants to be slow to anger is also
because we read one of those scriptures. When you're angry,
you make awful decisions. You say the wrong things, but
you also do the wrong things. You don't make decisions
based on emotions, period, you just don't do it. Emotions

(24:24):
can change, but sometimes your decisions can have long lasting consequences.
So one of the things we've got to do is
we've got to learn from the tourtoise tortois younbody ever
heard of the tortoise in the hair, right, the hair
takes off running man, and it's fastening. It looks like
it's gonna win this race. But eventually it gets tired,
and the tortoise just keeps on moving, just keeps on moving,

(24:48):
just keeps on moving. It's slow, it's deliberate, and then
at the end it wins. For some of us, the
answer to your communication issue is that you just need
to slow down. Stop talking so fast, stop jumping to conclusions,
stop getting so angry. Just take a chill pill. You

(25:09):
remember that, we just say that, take a chill pill,
chill out, relax, slow down. That's one of the best
things you can do to talk it out. Couple of
real tips here for true communication. Number one to help
you with those With those three things, ask questions, right,

(25:32):
so you know, ask opening the questions. If I'm trying
to understand what you're saying, I may ask you, okay,
you know, can you say that again? Oh? I may
ask us what's on your mind. That's a good way
to start a conversation. And while they're talking. What else
I'm trying to get them talking so I understand what's
in their heart. You know, couples would do really well

(25:52):
sometimes when you do start talking to each other to
ask early on, are you looking for advice or you
just want do you just want me to listen? And
this is something that men have to learn because sometimes
you know, men we like to give answers, and we're thinking,
she's talking to us to give answers, and we're trying
to give an answer because we love her. So there's

(26:13):
no bad intentions here. We just but she's not. That's
not always she's looking for She just doesn't need to listen.
So sometimes it's good to say, okay, okay, hold on,
do you just need a vent? Or are we looking
for some solutions? Ask questions something else that they help
you with this repeat back to them what they said.
You can't understand what they're saying sometimes, you know, particularly

(26:34):
many women, men and women speak different languages. Men are
from Mars, women are fro Venus right. Men speak Martian,
women speak Venutian. They speak different languages, and so you
know she'll say, hey, he will hear ze, So what
helps me to close the gap. Let me say back
to you what I think I just heard you say.

(26:56):
He goes this what you're saying, No, that's not what
I'm saying. Oh okay, what are you saying? You know
it hurts something that ORL. Roberts used to do when
he would in the workplace, he would give direction and
then say to a staff, now tell me that back,
as a way to avoid misunderstanding the other one. The
number three thing is we already talked about don't interrupt,

(27:18):
don't engage your tongue until you fully understand their viewpoint.
And then the last one we just finished talking about.
Think before you speak. You want to think about the hearer, right,
you want to minister grace to the hear man. We
just saw that scripture. Think about how the person I'm
talking to will be impacted by what I have to say.

(27:44):
Brian Johnson said this. He said, not everything that comes
across our minds needs to be said. Is wisdom to
know when to speak and when to hold our tongue.
Our goal should be to speak the truth and love,
always considering the well being of others. Proverbs twenty nine
to eleven says a fool vince all his feelings, but

(28:05):
a wise man holds them back. So these things help
you with true communication. You know, it is impossible to
communicate with someone who is quick to anger, right, It's

(28:30):
hard to communicate with somebody who listens with the intent
to find something to be angry about. They don't give
the benefit of the doubt. They immediately and you say, hey,
you must say because of this, I'm just saying ay. Right.
And the Bible says love doesn't take account to the
even done to it, which means it doesn't it Also

(28:53):
it believes the best of people. It doesn't look for
potential slights, and we do that and it creates real problems.
And actually we're in a day and age where you know,
we've gotten this concept that I think is really destructive
to our our marriages and to our relationships. And it's

(29:13):
that you need to validate my feelings. Oh got quiet
in this place? Red table talk? You gotta validate my feelings.
I don't feel validated. H Can I talk about it?

(29:33):
Since I got your attention, Let's talk about validating feelings
for a minute. Because Luke four four says that we're
to live by every word of God. Right, Am I right? Mansion.
I lived by better Lumba, by every word of God. Right.

(29:55):
So the marriage part of life is supposed to be
lived by the word of God, right, not by the
of either party, not by the logic of either party,
but the truth of God's words. So God's truth matters
more than feelings. Why is that because just because you
feel something doesn't make it truth. Well, that's my truth.

(30:21):
There is no your truth and their truth. There is truth.
I don't get to decide in math class that one
plus one equals three because that's my truth and that's
the world we live in now. Right It wasn't my truth, No,
I'm sorry, that is not the real world. If I
jump off the roof of this church, I'm going down.
That may not be my truth, but it's the truth.

(30:44):
That's the world we live in. It is cold in
Michigan right now. That may not be your truth, but
it is the truth. And part of the problem we
have in society is we have thrown out truth and
the name of all kinds of things, included our feelings.
Saying you don't agree with somebody is not minimizing their

(31:07):
feelings and saying that what they're saying their feelings may
be based on something that is not true. Sometimes feelings
need to be invalidated. Sometimes you need to check yourself
and get a hold of yourself, because see, emotions can
be wrong, they can be misguided, they can be led

(31:29):
by your flesh. They can be a sign of immaturity.
And if you just allow your emotions to run them up,
it can destroy your life and harm other people. I mean,
at what point do you take responsibility for your own feelings?
At what point do you realize that maybe I feel
this way because of me. Maybe it's because of what

(31:54):
I'm putting in my ears and my eyes and what
I'm thinking about, who I'm hanging out or hanging with,
what music I'm listening to. Maybe I have allowed my
thoughts to be warped, or maybe I'm just putting myself
in a position where Satan is able to pray on
me rather than walking and walking in forgiveness and believing
the best of people and the like. So we got

(32:17):
a problem because we gods to this place where we
are taking feelings and made them God and feelings can't
be the God in your situation. That cannot be the
foundation of your marriage. God's truth has to be at
some point, you got to be responsible for managing your
emotions like a big boy or big girl, rather than

(32:37):
throwing fits every time you get upset. God doesn't want
you run by your emotions, and he doesn't want anybody
in your life run by your emotions either. God gave
you feelings, but not to be your master. You're to
master your feelings. And so I'm bringing it up because

(32:59):
that's it's the other side of the quick to hear conversation.
I need to be quick to hear what you have
to say. I need to fully understand it. I need
to make sure you are fully heard. But that doesn't
mean I've got to agree with how you feel. And
it doesn't mean that you get to run my life
based on how you feel, because how you feel might

(33:21):
be your fault. Because a two year old throws a
fit in a grocery store based on how they feel.
Whose fault is that the two year old? I know,
I'm over time. I don't care. You're still gonna get out.

(33:42):
I'm having to take a little longer with this series anyway,
Come on right around, doesn't matter anymore, just your feelings.
You're in trouble and men have ruined their lives and
marriages over sex, and a lot of women have ruined
their lives and marriages over feelings. In fact, the vast
majority of people who file for divorce are women. People

(34:06):
don't know that. And as well, my love bank's empty,
my love bank's full. I get it. That's a part
of it. That's why we're talking about it. We're getting
into a recovering all basis. But sometimes you got to
look in the mirror and realize that maybe that some
of this, it might just be that I might need
to make some adjustments as well. All right, let's go

(34:31):
on to something else here. Now. One reason why it's
so important to be slow to get angry is when
somebody gets angry in a conversation, communication is over. You
might get that because the whole pum communication is to
fully understand what they're saying. But the minute I'm upset,

(34:55):
I am no longer listening to understand. Right, I'm basically
putting on the boxing gloves, sting ding, dumb dune don
or none. Right. And what you want to do in
a in amerriage relationship is stay out of the boxing ring.

(35:15):
That's why that sometimes it is appropriate to say time out.
Sometimes just it's appropriate to say, Hey, you know what,
let's just take a time out. What do we say.
I'm getting a little set, you're getting a little upset.
We're not can accomplish anything. Let's take a break, this

(35:36):
calm down, and then let's come back and have this
conversation again, following the rules of what we just finished
reading James Chapter one. Quick to hear, slow to speak,
slow to wrath, because the man that you enter into this,
this war, we're not going anywhere this. You know, I

(35:57):
don't know about you. I grew up loving the incredible Hall.
And the thing about the incredible Hulk is that you know,
if he starts turning green is over right. As soon
as you see that look and you start seeing little
green coming out of the skin, run and when you
find yourself yourself having a conversation, they start turning little green.

(36:17):
Time out, time out. Let's take a break. Maybe I
need to revisit the words I used, maybe I need
to revisit how I said it. But we need to
keep We need to give this a break. And it's
important because you know, when you get angry, we almost
sometimes like to act like what we say. And when
we do, when we're angry doesn't count when that's what

(36:38):
counts most, Like, well, I'm not accountable for that because
I was angry. No, that's not how this works. It's
when you're angry that you wreck buildings and you keep
people down. You act like the hawk, you destroy everything.
So you can't just allow yourself to get angry like that.
When you're angry, you know, you can make some decisions

(37:00):
that fully harm your life. A couple of years ago,
there was a football player by the name of Antonio Brown.
Great wide receiver, but he has some issues and Antonio
Brown was quick triggered. You know it, just any wrong,
you know, some little thing that happened, and he would
lose it. He would just lose his mind. And so
one day he's upset because he's not getting the ball,

(37:21):
and he decides he's done. He drips off his jersey.
He runs out in the middle of the end zone
with his shirt off, in the middle of game, doing
jumping jacks. Look like a fool. End of his career,
should be a Hall of Famer, may not get in
because he acted in anger. I ran across an article

(37:45):
on Detroit Repress that says simple disputes are leading to
gun violence too often in Detroit. What's happening quick triggered
people are shooting and killing people in't in their lives
because of what they're doing in anger. And that's too
often true in marriage. So it's better to avoid the

(38:07):
boxing ring and then come back and communicate. Then just
sit in the ring and duke it out with the
love of your life, all right, Matthew Chapter eighteen, I
know y'all doing all right? We're talking about talking to somebody,
say talk it out number three. I'm gonna pick it

(38:31):
up a little bit, address issues in a timely manner,
and truthfully address issues in a timely manner. I'm glad
I did this at this point because we need to
make sure that our words are used correctly. We to

(38:51):
make sure that we're aiming for true communication before we
actually start talking about some things. Can you see why?
Because here's an issue. I just something I learned, and
I'll read it to you really quickly. Matthew eighteen fifteen says,
mover of your brother sins against you, go and tell
him his fault between you and him alone. If he

(39:15):
hears you, you have gained your brother. So he's actually
talking about something that should we should all be doing.
Most people, most Christians, don't do this because we are
concerned that we go end up in a boxing ring.
We're concerned about the results. But healthy relationships have these conversations.

(39:42):
And I can tell you this something that I didn't
get until recently because my nature is, you know, as
I'm not combative by nature. I'm not confrontational by nature,
and so and I know myself, I have a long fuse.
But if I get to the end of the fus,
other people might cuss you out and I will cut you.

(40:05):
Anybody else like that, Like everybody ever tell you don't
mess with the quiet ones. That's why don't mess with
the quiet ones. I know myself, I cannot go there
because if I go there, I could show up on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube,
TikTok Detroit. You don't even know who I am, and

(40:25):
I'd be sitting up front pastor you know, stump somebody
at church. I mean, so for me, I would have
rather just leave it alone than talk about it. And
what that did for me was it caused me to
have relationships that just did not reach their potential in family, out, family,

(40:47):
all of that stuff, because I just said, well, you
know what, just just leave it alone, and that is
not God's way. God's way is not for you to
have a problem with what somebody did to you and
to not address it. Another scripture, Matthew five twenty three
twenty four says, so if you are presenting a sacrifice
at the altar and the temple and you suddenly remember

(41:10):
that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice at
the altar, go and be reconciled to that person. Then
come and offer your sacrifice to God. These are in red.
These are commands. A sacrifice to God is important. And
God is saying, you're about to give this sacrifice to

(41:32):
the Almighty God, and you remember that you and somebody
got an issue. Don't even give it yet. You go
deal with that first. I want your relationship restored and
strong before you try to come before me, because God
cares about how you treat people. If you treat them wrong,
that's to him. He's saying, well, you don't really care
about me. Goble says, how can you love God and

(41:55):
hate your brother? There's again, well we got an issue.
You did this, so you said this, and I didn't
like this. You know, and you know this in your
mind and in your heart. And but you're gonna try
to just go through life and pretend like it didn't happen.
That's not gonna work. That's called sweeping it under the rug.
Anybody ever clean your bedroom and you know, throw everything

(42:16):
in the closet, hoping mama won't look. What happens after
a while. Eventually you're gonna go from a room that
looks cook clean to a room that is overflowing with
what just came out of the closet. And that's what
happens in marriages, is that we don't address these issues.
That's all great TikTok, and it basically said that what
we do in marriages is that when somebody is upset,

(42:37):
we we we we find things that stupid questions to ask.
So instead of addressing the issue, we actually, you know,
do things like, hey, what was the stove in the
kitchen the last time you were in there? Yeah? Sure was,
and we keep it moving. How many that don't work.
What's gonna happen later on is that all those things

(42:59):
you put under the rug so I'll gonna come out
on an explosion. It is better to deal with issues
when they happen the appropriate way, which is to simply say, hey,
this is an issue. I have what happened, and give
them the opportunity to hear and understand and react now

(43:22):
about it. But doesn't say if you do that, they're
immediately gonna agree with you. It said you might win them,
it might work out, you might gain your brother, but
you may not. The Bible says, as much as liet
than you, as much as you control, live at peace
with all men. So you do your part, and you
address issues with your spouse when they happen, rather than

(43:44):
hiding those things. Love speaks up in a timely manner
and in the right way. And you're actually not doing
your spouse a favor. You're you're actually doing them a
disservice if you're holding something against them and you haven't
even told them. And the real tragedy is often we're

(44:04):
holding something against our spouse and they don't even know
they did it. They might have made an adjustment, they
might have apologized, you might have misunderstood something. You see
why you gotta talk it out because some couples lose
years over things that weren't even what they appeared to be.

(44:27):
I've experienced that, so it's really important to make sure
that you address issues in the time, no matter. And
then the last one. I'm gonna give it to you
at time, say really not the last ones. Maybe I
should just stop how y'all doing. I'm gonna give you

(44:56):
this last one. Remember how you communicate matters Class them
three nineteen says husbands love your wives and never treat
them harshly. Never treat them harshly. Proverb sixteen twenty one
says the wise in heart will be called prudent and
the sweetness of the lips increased learning. What's God talking

(45:19):
about here? How you talk to people? Anybody ever? Notice
how you say things matter? Like you could say, ladies.
You could say to your husband, baby, you know I
was trying to pick up this thing over here, and
you know I'm a little concerned about it hurting my back,
but I know you're big and strong, and can you
get that on me? Baby? He'd be like, oh, I

(45:41):
got your baby, I got that. You shouldn't even I
don't ever want you touch left that? Or will you
please pick that up? Why you always got me carry
stuff around the HOI? What's his response to? Excuse me?
I mean? Tone matters it matters, don't really matters. So

(46:02):
God says to men, don't be harsh with your wives.
In fact, he says the same thing about children. He says,
don't crush their spirits. Why because as men we have
to work to be gentle, because in general we just
come off rough. And so he said, Ah, that's your wife.
Watch your tone. Don't be harsh with her. The Bible

(46:25):
tells you to give honor to the wife. So in
how you speak to her needs to be it needs
to be done in a way that's honorable. Be a gentleman,
not a jerk. And then he's telling the wife. He
tells her to respect her husband if he's just five
thirty three, says wives, reverence your husband's right. Respect him. Well,

(46:48):
the number one way that's going to be demonstrated is
in how you talk to him. So on the same way,
you know, the Bible says, Sarah called Abraham Lord, that's respect, right,
So Sarah's not telling him off. You know, it's disrespectful
to a man mocking him, rolling your eyes, walking away

(47:10):
while he's in the middle of a conversation. That to
infuriate the most mild man you talking. He just that's disrespect.
And if you want a man to do anything for you,
I can take you the way to not get him
to do it. Disrespect him. He feels disrespected, he's gonna

(47:31):
have a very hard time hearing what you have to say.
So he's telling you to be very careful with how
you talk to people, because it matters. And in fact,
I'll throw one more thing out here is kind of deep.
But you remember the story of mike Hal and most
of us will call her Michelle, and the Bible king
David was dancing before the Lord and mad remember that story.

(47:51):
He's got the ark of the Covenant coming to his
home and he's dancing before the Lord. He's dancing out
of his clothes and everybody's celebrating it. And then his
wife's he's him, and she despises him in her heart.
And then she says to him when he comes in,
you know, look how respect for you look as king
on clothing yourself in front of all the women. And

(48:15):
David said, I was dancing before the Lord, and the
Bible says she was childless from that day forward, we
take disrespect too lightly. That woman lost the ability to
have children because she mocked her husband in the Old Testament,
a prophet of God came out. He was bald headed.
Some kids came running out and they began to mock him,

(48:38):
and they got killed by bears because they disrespected the office.
Now there's more to both of those stories, but I
just want you to get the point, like how you
talk to people, whether or not you respect them, is
really important. And you must talk to her life she's
a queen, and to him like he is a king,

(49:00):
not like they're at the bottom of your shoe. It matters.
Tone matters. Is your tone combative, is it corrective? Is
it corrosive or is it positive? Can it be constructive?
Because you know, most of us have seen movies where
you know something bad is gonna happen because of the music. Well,

(49:24):
you start looking around what's going on, because that music
is setting the environment for what's about to happen. And
when your words are combative and corrosive and disrespectful, when
you talk to them like that, complaining and critical, you're
creating a dark atmosphere environment for your marriage. Bad things
are going to happen. So watch your tone and let

(49:49):
me throw something else in here. You know what else
is a part of your tone, body language, volume. All
this stuff communicates to your spouse. All of this says
something to your spouse's So you got to get a
hold of this real simple concept. There's actually a really
nice way to say just about everything there really is.

(50:09):
This is why you're slow to speak. Let me take
a second and say, is there another way I can
say this? Even when Jesus corrected the church and revelation,
he U is a plus minus plus method. You're doing
this good. You could work on this, but you're doing
this good too. Is there a way for me to
communicate what I want to communicate in such a way

(50:31):
that they can actually hear me because I didn't disqualify
myself through the way I talk to them. Tone matters,
So make sure you're communicating with them the right way.
I am going to stop because I is glory. Y'all

(50:53):
get anything out of this. Every head by every God
closed in prayer, Please every headbouty, everybody closed in prayer.
There may be someone that will say, pastor you know
what you're talking about God's way of doing things, And
yet I don't know that if I would have died
to day, I would go to heaven. I want you

(51:13):
to know that God loves you more than you understand.
That's part of why we're even talking about this. Because
God cares about every part of your life, but he
cares most of all about your spirit, about your eternity.
He wants you to be a part of his family
and for heaven to be your home. And if you've

(51:34):
never made the decision to say yes to him to
make sure that you're a part of God's family, want
to help you with that today. Or you might be
someone that says, I made that decision once upon a time,
but I've gotten away from God. God still loves you.
He has great plans for your future, but you don't

(51:55):
need to make a decision to come home to him.
And if Ible was very clear in first Jound one
nine that if we as believers infest of our sins,
God is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse
us from all unrighteousness. The world says you got to
clean yourself up and then you can come to God.
God says, no, just come to me. I'll clean you up.
He'll forgive you, he'll cleanse you. He'll get you back

(52:15):
on the right track. But that starts with you making
a decision to get right with him. And so I've
given two real simple invitations to first to choose to
follow Jesus to make sure Heaven is your home. The
second to get right with him or come home to him.
If either one of those invitations apply to you today,
if you want to say yes to God concerning either
one of those areas, I want to encourage you right

(52:36):
now to be bold and to lift your hand. If
that's you today and you're saying, you know what, I
want to make sure Heaven is my home, lift your hand.
I see that in hand. Or if you're saying I
need to come back to God, lift your hand. We
love to pray with you. Help you with that, even
if you're on line somewhere, lift your hand, because it's
not really about me seeing it, it's about God saying it.

(52:56):
You're letting him know that you're ready. Well, if you
raise your hand or you know that you should have
raised your hand, I'm sure there's something to have a
little bit of a battle going on in their heart.
And if that's you, just say yes, You'll be glad
you did try God and watch what happens in your life.
But if that's you, you raise your hand, and you

(53:17):
know that you should have raised your hand. I want
you to do something else as well. I want you
to prayer prayer with me from your heart. I'm gonna
ask everybody to pray with you and then watch what
God does in your life. So repeat after me, Heavenly Father,
in the name of Jesus, I come to you today
to give you my life. I believe that Jesus Christ

(53:42):
is the son of God. I confess with my mouth
Jesus as Lord, and believe in my heart that God
has raising from the dead. I repent of sin. I'm sorry, Lord,
I turn away from it and I received you. Lord.
Thank your Lord for hearing my prayer, for answering my prayer,

(54:07):
and for saving me. Now, Father, we thank you for
those that prayer this prayer for the first time, and
anyone else that's chosen to come home to you. We
thank you that because of their decisions today, they're a
part of your family, which means all of your benefits
belong to them. So we ask that your power working
their lives, helping them to win in whatever situations that
they're facing. We pray Father that you help them to
know You to find freedom through their relationship with other believers,

(54:30):
to discover their god giving purpose and to make a
mark in this world. And we give you a praising
glory of four now in Jesus' name a man, come on,
give around the plaus those that made that decision today,
thank you for tuning in to another Faith Experience podcast.
Remember God as a future for you.