Andre Butler

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, this is Andre Butler, pastor of Faith Experienced Church.
You're listening to the Faith Experience podcast. Thank you for
joining us. We hope that this message helps you engage
your faith and experience the future God has for you. Well,
today we're continuing our serious Blue Table Talk because it's
helped anybody so far. Of course, we've been talking about

(00:23):
you know, God really cares about our family lives. I mean,
the Bible starts with the wedding and ends with a wedding.
So God cares about families and he wants our family
lives to be one of the best parts of our lives.
But there's so many people that that's not true. For
so many people are dealing with broken hearts, they have
broken marriages, they have broken children. And one of reasons

(00:46):
why is because we have been infected with ideas about
family that are simply contrary to God's word and simply
do not work. And that's where the title of this
series came from. There was a show on I Believe
Facebook watch that's still somewhat popular called Red Table Talk
that just espoused a lot of ideas about dating and
marriage and raising children that were completely the opposite of

(01:09):
what God's word says and simply just don't work. And
so what we've been doing in this series is actually
going to the Bible because that should be final authority
in our lives, right, is what God says should matter
more than anybody else.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
So we've been going to the Bible and seeing what
God says about those topics. And last week we began
to talk about the topic of communication, and I want
to take a few moments to go back over some
of that, and I'm going to dive into that a
little bit more today because I gave you guys too
much last week. I took two long so I want
to make sure you get it. And so last week

(01:44):
we learned that ultimately for you to have a successful marriage,
you must communicate. Well, the Bible says, how can two
walk together except they be agreed, right, And you can't
be agreed if you don't communicate. So we gave you
four rules for talking it out, as we called it,

(02:04):
and the first rule was to remember the power of words.
We found out that words can harm and words can heal.
They can row people up or they can cool people down,
and that God wants our words to be constructive words,
not destructive words. He wants our words to produce peace

(02:26):
and not war.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
And something I came.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
Across this week that I thought was really good is
that communication is never about you. It's always about those
you're speaking to. And that's something to remember. And then
number two, we looked at the fact that we need
to aim for true communication, aim for true communication, and

(02:48):
we found out that true communication occurs when what is
spoken by the speaker is fully understood by the hear.
Just because words have been spoken or heard physical with
physical ears doesn't mean that communication has occurred. It just
means that somebody was talking and someone might have been listening.
But communication occurs when what is being spoken is fully

(03:12):
understood by the speaker. And so for us to successfully communicate,
we have to do what the Bible says in James
Chapter one, in verse nineteen. We need to be quick
to hear, a quick slow to speak, and slow to wrath.
And we mentioned last week most people do the opposite.
We're slow to hear, we're quick to interrupt, and we're
quick to get angry. And you can see if you

(03:34):
do that, there won't be any real communication because you're
not actually hearing what the individual is saying you're not
trying to understand what they're saying. And so we gave
you some tests for true communication. We found a number one,
you should ask questions when the individual's speaking to you.
Number two, it's good to repeat back to them what

(03:55):
they said. Number three, don't interrupt because when you you're
assuming what they're going to say and you're not hearing
what they're trying to say.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
And then number four, think before you speak.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
Sometimes, if you can help it, pray before you say.
And then number five, be slow to get angry, because
it is impossible to communicate with someone who is quick
to anger, someone who listens with the intent to find
something to be angry about, versus listening with the intent
to hear and understand. As we said last week, love
believes the best of the speaker. They take account no

(04:30):
account of the evil done to them, so that means
they're not actively looking for anything that could be a
potential slight.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
And this week I was reminded of a great.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
Quote from Jerry Anne Savell, Jerry Savelle's daughter, and she said,
this is a good confession. I am not easily irritated
nor quick to take offense. It's a good daily confession
to help you to be slow to be angry. And
we also mentioned it's not a bad idea to call
time out sometimes when someone gets upset that because real

(05:00):
communication does not happen in that environment when somebody's upset,
when somebody's fired up, we might need to take a
time out and then come back and have this conversation
following the rules of James chapter one, because what you
want is a conversation, not an argument. And then number
three we said we want to address issues in a

(05:22):
timely manner, that love speaks up in a timely manner
and in the right way. We looked at Matthew eighteen fifteen.
We found that scripture that says, if you know someone
has done you wrong, you should go and tell them. Now,
of course we've learned to tell them in love, but
you should go and tell them.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
It talks about.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Even before you give an offering, if you realize there's
an issue with you and someone else, go and.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
Be reconciled to them.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
And so it's important to not just sweep things under
the rug, because eventually that's just going to turn into
something bigger, but to actually address issues when they come
up the right way, be honest with your spouse in love,
and that will help you. Now I want to jump
in and start teaching a little bitsy you all ready.

(06:08):
So Matthew, Chapter five, I'm gonna stick with this point
for a moment, addressing issues in a timely manner, because
there was another part to this, and that is to
address them truthfully. And there's a need for honesty in
your communication. So let me look at Matthew five, verse
thirty seven. First of all, it says, but let your

(06:30):
communication be yay, yay, nay nay, for whatsoever is more
than these cometh of evil? The message translation says, just
say yes and no. When you manipulate words to get
your own way, you go wrong. Now this is Jesus speaking,

(06:55):
and he's actually addressing a practice of that time, which
was that people would very quickly and lightly swear to something. Well,
I swear by Heaven, I swear by earth, I swear
by this, And he was basically telling them that really
you shouldn't do that, that really you're yea should just
be aay, and your name should just be nay.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
You should just be.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
Known as a person of your word, so you don't
even have to swear by anything, because we know if
you say yes, you mean it, and if you say no,
you mean it. If you say you're going to do something,
you do it, and if you say you're not, you
do it. And so that was the point of what
he was saying, was to make sure that you know

(07:39):
when you speak, you say what you mean and mean
what you say. But there's another part of this that
I really kind of want to point to, and it
was a word in one of those scriptures that I
think is important, and the word is manipulate. Manipulate because
this is a communication challenge that couples sometimes deal with.

(08:03):
And I'm actually going to define manipulate to you for
a moment. To manipulate means to manage or influence skillfully,
especially in an unfair manner, to manipulate feelings all thrown
through words, attitudes, and actions. So to manipulate is to
manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner, referring

(08:25):
to manipulating people's feelings all thrown through words, attitudes, and actions.
When I grew up, we used to call this playing games,
and it's something to watch out for.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
Doing this.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
To get them to do this, saying this to get
them to say this, and you're playing games to manipulate
your spouse into meeting your sometimes insecure emotional needs.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
And that's wrong. I mean, know what that's wrong.

Speaker 1 (09:11):
Is wrong. Often it involves deception. And who is the
author of deception?

Speaker 2 (09:18):
Who is it? Satan? Right?

Speaker 1 (09:21):
I mean the Bible literally calls him that. That is
what he does. That's his only real weapon is to
deceive people, to get you to think something is true
that is not true. And so anytime we lie or
we deceive, we're acting like the devil. And God hates that.

(09:42):
That's why he takes lying so seriously. Do you remember
the story in Acts chapter five, there was a move
of God going on. People were selling their extra houses
and lands and taking the money, and they were giving
it to the church. And the Bible says a man
by the name of Antonius and then his wife by
the name of a Fire both decided to lie about

(10:03):
what they sold their property for. And they came before
Peter and they were giving this offering, trying to look spiritual. Well,
we sold this property for this amount of money, and
we're sewing all of it. And Peter said, why are
you lying to the Holy Spirit, and both of them
dropped dead. First the husband came he lied, he dropped dead,

(10:24):
and the Bible says, you know, just when they finished
burying him, the wife came in told the same lie,
she dropped dead. How many believe the church stopped lying
at that point, at least for a minute.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
Come on, am I right? Anybody? I don't know about you.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
If I was lying, I'd be like, okay, I lied,
I lied.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
I'm not holy.

Speaker 1 (10:42):
Right, I mean, God doesn't take lying lightly, and we
lie in relationships too often.

Speaker 2 (10:47):
What's wrong? Nothing? Seriously, what's wrong? Nothing? It's fine, I'm okay,
but you know it's not true, and.

Speaker 1 (10:59):
It's a hinderance to communication. In fact, I came across
a really funny tweet the other day. Y'all put that
up on the screen, and I had to read it
off to you. I just thought this was great for us, says,
boys literally have zero excuses for not having communication skills,
because I've seen y'all play video games together and you describe.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
Where you're at like is life or death? Here's a response.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
That's because our teammates actually communicate back. It wouldn't work
as well if we said, hey, Jason, are you pinned down?
And he responded with, don't worry about it. It's fine.
You should have been over here anyways. But whatever, I'm
not upset or anything. That's funny because it's true, right,

(11:40):
that's not being truthful. And manipulation is probably a step
worse than that because it often includes some type of
punishment as well if you don't do what they wanted
you to do. And so this is something you have
to watch out for. And I'll say this, don't get
mad at me, but you know, ladies typically do. There's
more than guys typically. Now, there are definitely some guys

(12:04):
that love to play games, so don't get me wrong,
but there's sometimes ladies take a pride and well, you know,
I got him to do this, and I got him
to do that, and I got him you know, and
they like to do that. Now, it's immature, ladies, but
it is something that that is a part of life,
and you want to watch out for that.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
You want to watch.

Speaker 1 (12:26):
Out for the uh, he loves me, he loved me,
not game. You may remember those old cartoons and you
have a character and they have a pedal rose pedal and.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
They be in love. He loves me hmm, he loves me,
not he loves me hm. That is.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
Not a good idea that's coming from insecurity. And what
it typically happens is that if he does this, he
loves me, and if he doesn't, he doesn't. And you
create difficulties in trouble because you're trying to manipulate them
into meeting your emotional need. And it's just dangerous because

(13:14):
what happens is sometimes part of the problem is they
know what you're doing. Now, some guys are just dumb.
Some girls are too. They don't get it, they don't
know it. You can play them, but if they are
not and they know what you're doing, it calls them
to lose respect for you. You're insulting their intelligence, and

(13:38):
worst of all, you're demonstrating that you care so little
for them that you would attempt to harm them emotionally
to meet your emotional needs. So it's better to let
your AABA in your ABNA use it in that way.
And sometimes what happens in relationships is that you know,

(13:59):
we try to manipulate each other through our attitudes and actions.
You know, well, you're not gonna do what I want,
so i'ma have an attitude I'm gonna do this, I'm
gonna do that, and and particularly when it's coming from
the wife, you know, that is the complete opposite of submission.
Submission says I may not agree with you, but i'm

(14:20):
gonna I'm gonna go along with this and honor in fact,
if you made a decision.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
We made a decision.

Speaker 1 (14:27):
But when you don't agree with it, so you have
an attitude because of it, or you're a plan, you're
giving them the silent treatment, or you're you're holding back
love and affection because of it, that's actually rebellion. And
the Bible says rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft.
So you know, you have to remember that if you're

(14:48):
the wife or any leader eater leadership scision, it happens
as a pastor, happens as I deal with this, sometimes
with people that work at a church or serving a church.
It happens with teachers and students. It happened with police
officers and citizens. Anywhere there's an authority and a submission
type of relationship. You know, you have to remember that
you don't get to call the shots. You know, you

(15:11):
get to communicate, you get to counsel but you don't
get to lead. And sometimes ladies joke around, well, he
may be the head, but I'm the neck. You don't
get to shadow lead either, You're not theck. And so
you got to remember that God's way is the best way,

(15:31):
and even if you don't like something, find a way
to submit. Like Sarah, did you know Abraham came up
with a crazy idea, right, I'm gonna leave everybody and
everything and go to a land that I don't even
know about. And the Bible says that she was a
meek of a meek and quiet spirit.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
She called him lord.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
She went along with it, and there were definitely moments
where it looked like it was the wrong decision, but
guess what ended being the right decision. And so you
have to remember that. You know, it's important to trust
God's order. It's also important to have some humility because
if you were in charge, you'd mess.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
Up sometimes too. I didn't get one amen there.

Speaker 1 (16:09):
I thought at least the guys would say amen, you know,
but then again that was probably pretty smart that you didn't.
So so you want to be very careful to not
manipulate people, you know, trying to manipulate them into meeting
your emotional needs or to doing what you want them
to do, because that is a bad idea.

Speaker 2 (16:28):
And it hurts the relationship. All right.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
Number four, we just came out swinging to day talking
about the four rule of five rules for talking it out.
Number four, Remember how you communicate matters. Remember how you
communicate matters. Let's go to proverb sixteen for a moment,
verse twenty one. Oh yeah, let me just keep it moving.

(16:54):
I got other stuff, but I want to be careful
time wise, So the why is in a horror will
be called prudent, and sweetness of the lips increases learning.
Sweetness somebody says sweet lips, sweet lips increase learning. The

(17:15):
new living translation says pleasant words are persuasive. So why
is this in the Bible? Well, notice that God is
telling you about the whys in heart. They're the ones
that are considered prudent, They're the ones that are considered intelligent.
And then this is all on the same scripture because
what you're seeing here is the wise know how to

(17:35):
have sweet lips.

Speaker 2 (17:39):
They know how to speak to people.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
Because how you communicate with somebody is extremely important. In fact,
I came across a quote from actually Mike Todd, he said,
check how your tone is expressed when you're communicating a need.
A slight change could make all the difference. And it's true.
You know, somebody saying something to you the wrong way

(18:07):
has a very good chance of cutting off any real communication.
They say the same thing to you the right way,
it might open up communication. And I think tone is
so important because it communicates respect or disrespect. If I
respect you, I'm a find way to say this in
a way that demonstrates that if I don't, then I'm

(18:28):
just gonna attack you. And so the Bible is telling
us here that a wise man or woman uses sweet lips.
In fact, sweetness impacts whether or not they will hear, learn,
and apply what you say. That's what this means when
it says and the sweetness of the lips increases learning.

(18:49):
In other words, if you speak with sweet lips, it
actually leads to the other person hearing and gaining something
from it. Now, contrast that with Proverbs eighteen nineteen, where
it says a brother offended is hard to be one.
I mean, if you speak you could be totally right,
But if you speak in a way that offends, then
there's no way they're going to be one to what

(19:09):
you're trying to say. So the difference between them understanding
and maybe even changing, or them being upset and digging
in their.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
Heels is how you speak to them. That's the difference.

Speaker 1 (19:24):
So if you want the result that you're aiming for,
then you should make a point of speaking with them
with sweet lips. Somebody say sweet lips, And this is
a Bible for a reason, right, I mean, why did
God put this in the Bible? Because when you talk
to people, God wants you to have a sweet tone, not.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
A sour tone. Right.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
God doesn't want you to be accusatory. He doesn't want
you to preate. He wants you to find a way
to even build up. Even when Jesus gave correction in
the Book of Revelation, he used a plus minus plus method.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
Right, he's gonna correct.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
There's a way to do where you can still build
them up and your correction is constructive. Then they're more
likely to hear what you have to say. But you
need to learn the lesson of actually using sweet lips.
How you say in view things matter. You can say
things with kindness and believe the best of people, or

(20:22):
you can say things with contention and believe the worst
of them. It could be the same message, but because
of how you said it and how you approached.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
It, it can actually be unheard.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
And this is really important when it comes to men
and women because you know, men, as we talked about,
they need respect and the main way that a woman
demonstrates respect is how she talks to him.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
And so when a woman approaches a.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
Man, let's just say as a way they used to
say it with their dukes up.

Speaker 2 (20:56):
Some of all that. What do you mean with the
dukes with her hands?

Speaker 1 (20:59):
Let's say that, Okay, when she approaches him like that verbally,
Now I'm not talking about physically, don't take this and
take it to create something and put it online.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
And I mean, you look like I'm saying something I'm not.

Speaker 1 (21:10):
When she does this, he automatically is gonna be like this, Right,
She's coming to him with her duke's up. He's gonna
have his dukes up, or he's gonna withdraw from the
relationships so he doesn't end up like this, right, He's
like we talked about it last week, when and marriage,
you want to not end up in the boxing ring, right,

(21:31):
So he'll withdraw. But if that same woman approaches him
in her femininity, if she approaches him sweetly, he's farmer
open to hear same message and the same thing as
Shoe and you can do.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
By his verses with women.

Speaker 1 (21:47):
That's why the Bible says Colossom three for men not
to be harsh with their wives, because that plays a
role in how she feels and how successful the couple
can communicate and how great marriage can actually be. There
is a sweet way to really do or say anything.

(22:11):
So sometimes before you speak. It's why it's good to
to to think before you speak. We gave you one
of those ruts, those those tips. Sometimes why before you speak,
you might want to ask yourself, what's the sweet way
to say this? Because your goal isn't to fight. It's
not just to get something off your chest. It's not
to it's to actually move us forward. Right now, we're

(22:38):
in a day and age now where people use this
all the time, text message and email and the like,
and I want to encourage you to avoid deep text
or a deep text message or email conversations with your spouse.
When I was in college, I remember us doing an
exercise and if I remember all of it completely, correctly.

(23:03):
You know, they showed us the difference between something being
put in an email versus someone saying it to you.
And whatever you put in an email comes across harsher
because the person they almost can create in their own
mind how you're saying it. And the other problem with

(23:29):
things by text and email, it is a significant space
for things to be misunderstood because you don't hear their tone,
you don't see their body language, you don't always know
the context right. And the other problem with this is
that people tend to say things on this they will

(23:52):
never say to your face. Anybody ever noticed that online?
I think it was Might and this said, you know
some of these people that they're always texting and tweeting
these messages need to be punched in the face.

Speaker 2 (24:06):
It sounds like Mike Tyson, I sound like my tyson aybot.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
And the idea is they get you know, you got
all these keyboard warriors. So you end up saying something
you would never actually say to their face. And then
that's the case, why are you saying it? You might
want to say it a different way. So it's important
to remember how you communicate matters. All right, here's a
new one number five, y'all get anything out of this.

(24:34):
Admit when you're wrong, and forgive when they are. Admit
when you're wrong, and forgive when they are when they
are so Luke chapter fifteen. Most of us know the
story of Luke chapter fifteen. This is the prodigal son.
The prodigal son decided one day that he wanted his

(24:56):
inheritance from his father. He was giving his in urriitance.
Then he went to a far country and wasted it.
The Bible says, in riots his living, we might say
some messy living, right, he was doing all kinds of
stuff he shouldn't been doing. In fact, his brother says
later something about him wasting his living with prostitutes. Now
I don't know if that was actually true or not.

(25:16):
His brother might have just had prostitutes on his mind.
But anyway, the Bible says, the guy has all this money.
It implies he had all this money, he goes and
waste the money, party in or doing whatever he was doing,
and then a famine hissed the land. He's out of money,
so now he has to go get a job, and
he ends up working for one of the individuals of

(25:38):
that land, and he ends up basically feeding the individual's pigs,
and he's being paid so little, if at all, that
he is hungry, so hungry that he's watching the pigs
eat and he's wishing he could eat their food. And
the Bible says one day he came to himself, how man,
some times need to come to ourselves. As he says,

(26:00):
he came to a census. He said, man, even my
dad's servants have enough bread. In fact, they have extra bread.
So I'm gonna go home, and I'm gonna tell my
dad I am sorry.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
I sinned. And that's what he did.

Speaker 1 (26:14):
And in verse twenty one, we can read that his
son said to him, father, I have sinned against both
Heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of
being called your son. If you know the rest of
the story, we know his father basically ignored him welcoming
home as a son. They had a feast celebrating his return.

(26:36):
But I just want you to notice that this man
came to himself. He recognized it on his own that
he was wrong. When's the last time you recognize your
error on your own where it didn't take somebody pointing
out to you that you were wrong, when you actually
listened to your conscience, which was telling you you were

(26:56):
wrong all along. When's the last time that you apologized
before the situation forced you to?

Speaker 2 (27:05):
Can you apologize first?

Speaker 1 (27:08):
I came across an article not too long ago, and
it was about Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley.

Speaker 2 (27:13):
There was a time they were.

Speaker 1 (27:14):
Very close and Charles said something in his role as
a basketball analyst that was critical of how Michael Jordan
was managing his team, the Charlotte Hornets, and they had
a falling out. This was years ago, and so there
was an article about it recently where a journalist brought

(27:37):
it up to Charles and he talked about what happened,
and it ended up by saying that they have been
in the same room multiple times now without speaking, and
Charles basically said, well, it's up to him, and in fact,
like I said it right, he says, yeah, that would
be on his end. And so basically, these guys who

(28:01):
were really great friends, who really should be enjoying life
together are separate because neither one of them are.

Speaker 2 (28:08):
Man enough.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
To try to reconcile to say it, I'm sorry, and
that is not how we should be operating in our relationships.
This guy came to himself. Then he said, I have sinned.
Not you have sinned. He didn't make excuses with dad.

(28:32):
If you had see all, that's pride. Oh, that's pride.
In fact, I like something that Keith Morsel just at
a conference in Phoenix with the Word of Faith Ministery
of Association.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
He said, I have sinned. I messed up. I missed.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
God is honesty. When's the last time you said that?
And when you say it, put a period on the
end of it. I messed up. But if you hadn't, Ah,
if you had a that's pride. Your pride can't take

(29:08):
admitting that you're not perfect, that you messed up.

Speaker 2 (29:14):
Pride tells a lie, Humility tells the truth.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
As we said a couple weeks ago, Mike Murdock said,
this arrogance never apologizes. Anybody have relationship with people like
that in your life that you know you can never
get them to apologize. And yet for there to be
a healthy relationship, there needs to be apologies.

Speaker 2 (29:37):
So I don't care who you're married to.

Speaker 1 (29:39):
Unless it's Jesus himself, they're gonna be times where they're
gonna mess up. And unless you're Jesus There're gonna be
times when you mess up, so we must learn how
to apologize and accept the apology.

Speaker 2 (29:57):
Carrie new Hoff Suggess.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
He says, healthy leaders own their own, own their shortcomings,
admit their mistakes and apologize, apologize and correct their course.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
So what's an apology? Can I can?

Speaker 1 (30:12):
I give you this definition? I can see y'all eleven,
this message today, y'all just from now, but.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
It'll help you. Is it's helping anybody?

Speaker 1 (30:20):
An apology is a written or spoken expression, expression expression,
not just a feeling of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow
for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another. So it's
an expression of regret of what you caused.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
You know what.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
Apology is not making up without acknowledging it. I mean
you last week it came across a really funny funny
TikTok TikTok. It was kind of funny, I mean, and
it's it was said married couples never apologized after an argument.
We just ask dumb questions to get back on good terms,

(31:04):
Like was the stove in the kitchen when you went
in there? What are we doing being cowards? Prideful? If
your apology is not making up without a verbal acknowledgement
of wrong.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
That's called sweeping it under the drug. That's swing a.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
Seed and it will come back again and be even bigger.
And one of the things you need to learn to
do in your relationship with your spouse is learned to
speak their apology language. What is it that I need
to do that helps them to see I'm taking responsibility
for this, I am sorry. This is important because some

(31:49):
people feel like and I've got people in my life
that I've seen this, you know, I've experienced this personally
where they won't never admit they did wrong, but what
they'll do is they'll go out of the way to
do something for you. And that's somehow a shadow way
of saying I was wrong, And for me personally, that
does nothing.

Speaker 2 (32:11):
Nothing because the problem with.

Speaker 1 (32:15):
That type of apology or a lack of apology is
that trust needs to be rebuilt, right. I need to
be able to trust that you're not going to repeat
that behavior. But I cannot trust you if you don't
even demonstrate that you know it's wrong. And so if

(32:36):
you can't even say I was wrong, I'm sorry, that's
gonna cause me to I may still maintain relationship with you.
I'm not gonna cut you off, but I'm already a
little bit farther from you in my heart because I
can't trust you with my heart. I don't know that
you won't do the same thing next week. And there

(32:57):
is a faithfulness principle in the Bible. He that is
faithful in that which is least is faithful over much.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
This is why you.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
Don't just turn around and become best friends with somebody
that just stabbed you in the back. God's not requiring
that of you. God's requiring that you forgive them. But
God is not requiring for you to act like they
never did what they did. Even God requires trust to
be rebuilt. He watches your relation, your relationship with him
and sees if you will be faithful for what you've

(33:26):
been given. And so you want that. You want when
trust has been broken, You want the individual to acknowledge it,
and you want to acknowledge it when you have done that,
because it gives you a road toward trust being rebuilt,
and for you to have a successful marriage. We got
to have that trust.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
So it's important to admit when you're wrong. It is
a healthy relationship.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
Practice to say I was wrong, I'm sorry, And it's
good to look in the mirror and sometimes determine what
adjustments you need to make.

Speaker 2 (34:04):
And be willing to do just that.

Speaker 1 (34:06):
How many other scriptures that say admit it first John
one ninet. If we confess our sins, He's faithful and
just to forgive us and cleanse us from all and righteousness.
Proverbs twenty eight thirteen. He that confesses and forsakes his
sins shall have mercy. God expects you to confess it
to him, And God does expect you to be the
type of person that will acknowledge when you mess up

(34:29):
with other people. In fact, the Bible tells's confess our
faults one to another, even when you didn't do anything
to the person you're talking to. So sweeping a under
the rug will not help. But here's the other side
of that. March Chapter eleven, verse twenty five. Jesus is
talking about praying. You might remember Mark eleven, twenty three

(34:50):
and twenty four. Speak of the mountain by faith, and
it'll move. When you pray, believe you receive it, you
shall have it. Huge faith scriptures. We can change our
world with our o faith unless we don't do verse
twenty five, which says, what when you are praying first,
what forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
Anyone?

Speaker 1 (35:17):
Well, I can forgive this person for this level of problem.
But I can't forgive this person. I can't forgive my daddy,
he left when I was two years old. I can't forgive.
And sometimes this is painful to hear. But even we
got to learn to forgive that person that rapes you
because it's not for them, it's for you. And so

(35:40):
Jesus is telling us here, man, when you're praying before me,
you're asking.

Speaker 2 (35:44):
God to bless you and take care of you.

Speaker 1 (35:45):
Know, financial needs you may have, or believe God for
a husband or a wife, or you know you want
a job, or you want God to do anything. You've
got to make sure your heart is clear of unforgiveness.
You got to make sure fear of clear unforgiveness.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
Part of that is because you know that helps you
to be free.

Speaker 1 (36:09):
Jimmy Evans says, forgiveness doesn't make them right, It just
makes me free. Part of that is because if you're
an unforgiveness, you are in sin. But they did this
to me, They did that to me that may have
been sin, but two wrongs don't make it right. And
when you're in sin, it is hard for you to
believe God more or less received from God. I don't

(36:32):
feel life forgiving. And we're doing our a freedom group
right now. I'm leading the freedom group here in the
church and and we're having a good time with that.
Want everybody in your church to go through the freedom group.
It is amazing. And we talked about unforgiveness maybe last
week and they said this, They said, we prefer to
wait until we feel like forgiving. But if our lives
are dictated by our feelings, and we will always live

(36:53):
according to the reality of this world. But if we
dare to believe God and choose first to forgive, our
feelings will follow our decision. Then instead of merely reacting
to what happens to us, we can choose to live
in the tree of life.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
Remember choice, his.

Speaker 1 (37:09):
Lead feelings follow, choice, his lead feelings follow. Now Remember
Peter going went to Jesus. He's trying to be spiritually
sent me in Jesus, how many times should I forgive
my brother till seventy times seven? Till seven times seven?
I think it was till seven times. I'm sorry, And
he's trying to be spiritual, right, like Jesus, I'm the
man I will forgive somebody for the same thing seven times.

(37:33):
And he thinking Jesus is gonna be like, yeah, good job, Peter,
you growing you develop it. And Jesus was like, till
seven times seventy And remember Peter asked, how many times
do I forgive someone for the same offense? In other words,
they did it, and then they did it again, and
then again, and then again, and then again and then
again and then again, and I forgave him every single time.

(37:55):
And Jesus like, seven times is not enough. And he
was saying, seventy times seven, so you can count to
four hundred and ninety or the four hundred and ninety
first time murder them, right. He was given the idea
that you should be forgiving them, which means to pardon.
It actually means to release a debt. Remember that the
Lord's prayer forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven

(38:17):
our debtors. So basically, they did you wrong and you
feel like they owe you because of what they did,
and God is saying you need to forgive that debt.
They don't owe you anything. They're not accountable to anything.
And he's saying you ought to forgive four to seven
times seventy. Well, here's the thing about marriage. The person
who canna have to forgive the most in your life

(38:38):
by far, is the love.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
Of your life. Because they're human. They're gonna have bad days.

Speaker 1 (38:46):
Sometimes they may have a good day, but they say
the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, and so do you.
So if you're gonna have a successful marriage, you must
learn to forgive. And part of forgiving is given the
benefit of the doubt. The Bible talks believing the best
of one another. That's what loved us. So it's it's
not assuming you did this for this reason.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
It's the opposite.

Speaker 1 (39:08):
It's like, you know what, maybe you I'm gonna take
it like you had a bad day. I forgive you,
and it's like it never happened.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
And guess what us.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
Love doesn't do. It doesn't keep a long list of wrongs,
right one griendin is thirteen talks about doesn't It takes
no account of the evil done to it. So love
does not go back and say you did this in
nineteen seventy two, and you did this in nineteen eighty seven,
and you did this in two thousand and two, and
you did this in twenty ten, and you did three
You got this long list because you know what, if
we're building lists, everybody's got a list against you. We're

(39:41):
gonna build lists as a couple. We can do that
all day. Thank God for the blood. Anybody happy for
the blood?

Speaker 2 (39:50):
Thank God.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
God washes away all of our sins, and God expects
us to treat each other like he treats us. He
remembers our sins, no more or all right, song song
Asilomon in chapter four, I'm actually gonna stop pretty quickly here,
try to get.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
Back to pre normal amount of time. Y'all get anything
out of this.

Speaker 1 (40:09):
Somebody says sweet lips, turned out and telling them to
have sweet lips. God wanted you to have sweet lips.
Songs Solomon, chapter four. This is really where we want
to get to.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
You know.

Speaker 1 (40:27):
I was at a conference a couple of months ago.
Kenneth Copeland was speaking, and he was talking about his
marriage to Gloria Copeland, and he was, of course recurring,
referring to the fact that they've been married for sixty years.
I think it was it was it was a real
amount of time, fifty sixty years. And he said something

(40:48):
that just caught my attention. He said, we have never
had an argument. He called it, never had an argument
or a us because you know he's from Texas. And
I went, that is the goal. We have conversations, but

(41:10):
we don't have arguments. This is how they want to
talk to each other. Ultimately, this is what marriage supposed
to look like. Song of Solomon, Chapter four, verse seven.
Notice what she says about him or he says about her.
You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful

(41:31):
beyond compare.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
Absolutely flawless, ladies. How does that make you feel? Your
man says that to you, be like, really.

Speaker 1 (41:46):
Notice what he says about her. And I'm gonna tell
you a great book to read, Mary Couples is called
Intimacy Ignited. And he literally walks through the book of
Song of Solomon scripture by scripture. It's written by two
couples who've been studying the book for forty years. The
best marriage book you will ever read is Song of

(42:06):
Solomon by far one Song Solomon in chapter five, verse ten,
Notice what she says, My dear lover glows with health
red blooded radiant. He's one in a million. There's no
one quite like him. Fellas, how does that make you
feel in your woman that you says you are one

(42:27):
and a million?

Speaker 2 (42:28):
Baby? Ain't nobody like you? You? The man you him? Fellas,
You're like what you want? What can I buy for you? Baby?

Speaker 1 (42:45):
This is really how God intended us to use our
words in a marriage, relationship, building in each other up,
loving them each other. If we do have to address
the things, we do address them, but we do it
the right way.

Speaker 2 (43:02):
And we are in love.

Speaker 1 (43:05):
I like something that my pastor friend, Pastor stand Scott,
he spoken here a couple of times. He said this
in one of our small groups that I have with
some other pastors. He said, our goal with communication is
this to say what we mean, and mean what we
say that are yes, but yes, and are no be no.
That there'll be no communic no corrupt communication coming out

(43:26):
of our mouths, and we communicate.

Speaker 2 (43:29):
With love and respect. That's the goal.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
Master the art of communicating well with your spouse, and
not just your spouse, but people in general have sweet lips.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
Make that your habit and watch what God does with
your marriage.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
He man, I'm a stop there, I'm on time. Somebody
was praying in the Holy Ghost today. Y'all, y'all must
have prayed this morning. Look at that.

Speaker 2 (43:57):
Come on now, I'm gonna.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
Look your hands toward have unless you thank God for
the word of God. We always thank God for his
word because it is a light and to our path
shows us how to live.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
How to operate.

Speaker 1 (44:09):
So, Father, we thank you for your word. We thank
you for making it clear to us. I pray that
you keep speaking to us individually and as couples, showing
us where we need to apply it right now in
our lives. And I pray, Father, right now that you
just bring comfort to hearts in this place today, of
comfort to hearts that are watching us online, individuals, couples

(44:34):
that are hurting because of the words that have been spoken.
You said you heal the broken hearted. We asked that
you do that today and then strengthen us with might
to do what your word says, to forgive, to believe
the best, to use sweet words to operate in unity

(45:00):
you intended. Let me thank you for it, Father in
Jesus name, So be it now. Every head bout, everybody
closed in prayer, no one moving or walking or talking
unless you've been assigned to do so. So there might
be someone that says, Pastor, you know what, I've never
even become a part of God's family. I've never chosen

(45:23):
to believe in or follow Jesus. I don't know if
I would have died today that I would find myself
in heaven. I mean, God loves you more than you understand,
and He's offered something to you that is invaluable. The
Bible says, if any man be in Christ, he's a
new creature. All things have passed away, all things have

(45:48):
become new. You become the righteousness of God, have right
standing with God. God sees you as though you never
send when you choose, when you make the decision to
follow Jesus, God wants to give you a fresh start

(46:08):
and to a future that's more than you even expected.
But that begins with you making a decision to follow Jesus,
to give him your life like he gave you his.
If you've never done that, want to help you to
do that today. Some of those might stay have made
that decision one day, Pastor, but somewhere along the line
of God, away from God. I was kind of like
that prodigal son with. Just like that prodigal son, you

(46:28):
can come home to God. Bible says that we, as
believers confess of our sins. God is faithful and just
to forgive us and cleanse us from all and righteousness.
You're ready to come home to God today. He's ready
to welcome you home, just like that father did in
that story. He'll forgive you, cleanse you, get you right
back on track to the future he has for you.

(46:50):
Today's your day to do that. Don't play with your
eternity like that. Don't play with your life. You already
know doing it the other way doesn't work.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
Come home to God. God. If you're ready to do that,
we want to help you to do that as well.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
And so I've given two invitations, the first to choose
to follow Jesus, the second to get right with him
or come home to him.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
If either one of.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
Those invitations apply to you today, if you want to
say yes to God concerning either one of those areas,
I want to encourage you right now to be bold
and to lift your hand. Go lift your hand right now.
We're gonna pray with you. We're gonna help you welcome
to the future God has for you. I see that hand.
If you're online as well, just gohead lift your hand.
It is not really about me singing it. It's about
God seeing it. You're letting them know I'm ready. So

(47:31):
lift your hand. I see this hand here as well.
God has an amazing future for you, but he won't
force it on you. You gotta say yes, I'll accept it. Well,
if you raise your hand or you know that you
should have raised your hand, I'm gonna ask you to
do something else as well, and that is simply to
pray a prayer with me. And I'm gonna ask everybody

(47:53):
else to pray this prayer with you. And as you
pray it from your heart, watch what God does in
your life. So repeat after me, Heavenly Father, in the
name of Jesus. I come to you today to give
you my life. I believe that Jesus Christ is the
son of God. I confess with my mouth Jesus as Lord,

(48:16):
and believe in my heart that God has raised him
from the dead.

Speaker 2 (48:21):
I repent of sin.

Speaker 1 (48:23):
I'm sorry, Lord, I turn away from it, and I
receive you Lord. Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer,
for answering my prayer, and for saving me. Now and Fatherly,
we thank you for those that to pray this prayer
for the first time and those who chosen to come
home to you.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
We think you that because of their decision.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
They're a part of your family, which means all of
your benefits belong to them, and so we ask that
your power working their lives, helping them to win, to
overcome in whatever situations that they're facing.

Speaker 2 (48:53):
Father, we pray that.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
You help them to know You, to find freedom, to
discover their purpose, and to make a mark in this world.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
And we give you to praise and.

Speaker 1 (48:59):
Word for it all in Jesus' name a man. Come on,
get around applause those and made that decision great decisions.
We're excited for you. Thank you for tuning in to
another Faith Experience podcast. Remember God as a future for you.