December 9, 2025 • 25 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:11):
Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, let.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Me ask you a question. Do you have memories that
are so painful and difficult if you become an expert
at actually shoving them down so you don't have to
think about them? Would you like freedom from that pain?
Would you like to see some real positive results come
out of the suffering in your life? Today, I'm going
to share four insights that can transform how you respond
(00:35):
to suffering. That's today.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
If you only had three hundred and sixty five days
left to live, what would you pass on to those
you love most? Not your money or possessions, right, it
would be wisdom, faith, and values that would sustain them
long after you're gone.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Well.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Today, on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram confronts a
sobering reality, we've spent more time planning our financial inheritance
than are spiritual one. He challenges us to intentionally transfer
what matters most, starting with the hardest lesson of all
spoiler alert, Life is gonna hurt, betray, and test those
we love. The question isn't whether they'll face suffering, but
(01:15):
whether we've equipped them to respond with faith. And then,
just after today's message, Chip will explain a fabulous opportunity
to participate in the match that's available right now. When
you give to living on the edge, it'll be doubled
in size and impact. Well, back to the series, leaving
a legacy that lasts.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Forever transferable Concept number one and this may sound strange,
but teach them to suffer well. Teach them to suffer well.
We have raised a generation of people. When they think
of suffering, the only concept they can think of is
(01:53):
how to get out of it, how to limit it,
and how to avoid it. Those whom you love, how
will they respond to suffering? Because they're going to get
it right. Someone's going to walk out on them. Someone's
going to betray him, someone's going to talk about them.
Someone's going to steal their money. Some of them are
going to have a kid that dies prematurely. So are
(02:15):
they prepared? I mean, in your spiritual will, do you
have Phase number one? I will teach them to suffer well.
Now I'm going to give some real practical ways about
how to do that. Before I do, I want to
ask you a question. How do you respond to suffering?
How do you respond to injustice? How are you responding
(02:39):
to some things your ex mate has done to you.
How have you responded to the false accusations that were
made about you at work or at church? How have
you responded to a physical infirmity that just seems unfair?
And no matter what you do, you just can't get
your health back. Because here's the deal, here's how, here's
(02:59):
how life works. A disciple is not above his teacher.
And when a disciple was fully trained Luke six' forty,
he'll be just like his teacher. And I would like
to say that the way you do this as you write,
learn to suffer. Well, I went to you know this
seminar and here's the notes, and here's how it works.
(03:22):
But I got news for you. You know how they're going
to you know how they're going to respond to their
suffering the way they watch you. You cannot impart what
you don't possess. Modeling everything we're going to talk about
will be the most powerful means of communication, because far
more is caught than is ever taught. And so I've
asked myself, so when I am suffering? Do I blame others?
(03:46):
Do I whine? Am I the topic of conversations? I'm
a victim. It's difficult. He ran out on me. This
guy did this to me. I can't believe this. It's
it's Hollywood's fault, it's the education's fault, it's the president's fault,
it's Congress's fault. Well, now it's a Supreme courts wine wine,
wine victim, victim victim? Is that how you respond or
(04:06):
is it denial? I'm just not gonna think about this.
I'm not gonna talk about this. I'm just gonna bury it.
Or is it anger, bitterness, lashing out? Or is it guilt?
You know some people respond to suffering. I know I
did something terrible. I'm the most terrible person in the world.
It's all my fault. I mean, you know, there's the
whole cosmos, but it's really all your fault. And then
(04:28):
you live with this guilt and then you pass that
on and your kids or disciples or grandkids or friends.
They suffer in the way they watch you. And if
you're a whiner, they whine, if they feel guilty, like
watch you, they feel guilty. If you're a blamer and
a screamer and a bitterer and a denier, that's what
you're gonna produce. So as much as we're going to
(04:49):
talk about how to pass on the things that matter most.
There's going to be a pretty heavy duty application about
asking a pretty gut level question is boy, I need
to suffer well. I need to manage my wealth wisely.
I need to work into the Lord. I need to
make great decisions right. I need to be what I
want them to become. Now that's sobering, but here's the deal.
(05:14):
You can't do it right. I can't either. It's impossible.
But Christ can do it in you, and Christ can
do it through you. And sometimes we listen to these
commands of God and it's like God, I can't do that. Yay.
I mean I'm thinking, now you're on the right track.
So I need the strength of your word. I need
(05:36):
the community of your people. I need to ask, I
need to trust. I need to take steps. And when
you do that, you can, by the power and the
grace of God, suffer well. And they will watch that.
It's not you, but it's the Christ in you empowering
you to do that. And that's really what you want
to pass on. Right now, let's get real practical in
(05:58):
terms of Okay, okay, I got the theology. Now how
does this work? I mean, you know, roll up the
sleeves with me. How do you grow through suffering? Okay,
I know I need to do it. I need to
pass this on to kids and disciples, to co workers,
church members, men's groups. Okay, how do you do it?
Let me give you, you know, four real practical ways.
Number one, teach them to face it. To identify what
(06:22):
they're concerned about. Teach them to face it. I mean,
it sounds so basic. Help them to identify and here's
the keyword, what they're concerned about. We all tend to repress,
we all tend to avoid, we all tend to deny
things that are difficult. And when we just do, we
just push them down. And all the psychologists will tell us,
(06:43):
as we push down hard things, ninety five percent of
all depression is anger turned inward. A lot of our migraines,
a lot of our stomach problems, a lot of our
health issues are we suffer and I don't want to
face it, and so I put shit down. And that's
a pattern. You don't talk about that in things. You
(07:05):
don't share anything you don't ever you know, in other words,
anything you say where you're being honest about where you're struggling,
like Hey, no complaining in this house. Hey, we're gonna
be positive around here. Well, you need to be positive,
but you also need to be honest. Help them think
about it, help them talk about it, help them write
it down. One of the most powerful questions I know,
(07:26):
and around our supper table growing up and with my
wife on a regular basis, we still do this little exercise.
Ask them this question, what are you concerned about? And then,
by the way, don't fix it, don't interrupt, and don't
tell them that you shouldn't be concerned about that. Everything's
gonna be okay, duh, that's not helpful. The goal is
not that you fix it. What are you concerned about? Ah? Nothing?
(07:49):
Well no, no, I mean just tell me. I mean,
say it's one of the kids, a teenager. What are
you concerned about? I don't know. Well, I mean you're
in football trials. Are you concerned you might not make it? Yeah? Maybe?
Well how's it going?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
No?
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Very good? Well, how come I dropped a bunch of
passes in practice? Well how are you feeling about that? Well,
you know this young kid, he's only a freshman man,
he was catching him. And what are you concerned about?
And they shut up? What are you concerned about? What else?
What else? What else? I've grown kids now and they
have little kids, and I'm learning this. There's this new world.
I like to hang out with my boys, and I've
(08:25):
always been able to kind of talk, and we play
basketball and do stuff, and then we'd be sweating. We'd
sit down and talk. Well, now they got these little kids,
and every time around little kids, little kids, little kids. Look, look,
you know, I haven't had a meaningful adult conversation with
my sons in like a year and a half. I mean,
you know, A snippet here, a snippet here. And Teresa
and I were talking about this, and so she came
(08:45):
up with this plan, I'll have everyone over for dinner.
And then I don't know, it wasn't like a don't
It wasn't as well planned as I'm going to make
this sound. But the girls were kind of doing the
dishes and this and that, and we cleaned things up
and they were in one room and somehow me and
two of my sons ended up in the kitchen around
one of those little counters, and we've been talking. It's
not like it's always superficial, but I'm kind of one
(09:07):
of those language of love, guys. I want to know
what's really going on, you know, and when we don't
get there, I just feel like we're going through the motions.
And so it was a simple question. I turned to
my oldest son. I said, you know here in California,
you moved out here a while. Who's your best friend?
And I mean his face just changed. He goes, Dad,
(09:27):
I don't have best friend because I've started this new business.
I got two young kids, I got an awesome wife.
He said, Dad, I'm working from morning tonight. I'm putting
in all these hours. And you know, this guy wants
to go surfing, and this guy can be kind of spiritual.
There's seven different people, but I don't have a guy
in any name. Two good guys that were real friends
that we can go deep spiritually, that want to go
somewhere with their life, that want to be committed to
their wife and want to be a good dad. I
(09:48):
don't have that guy here. And then we got down
to life. And then as we talked a little bit,
I said to my other son, who's who's a pastor?
And I said, what's the biggest challenge you're facing right now?
And he gave me a little, you know, twenty five
percent response, and then his other brother kind of had
(10:10):
to leave. And there's dynamics always I think forever with brothers,
and these guys are close and all that. And as
they left, he started to share it. I realized he
and I got talking, and they left. I didn't get
to say goodbye, and he began for the next hour
to unfold the biggest challenges in his heart, his ministry.
And for an hour, man, we talked at a level
(10:32):
that I haven't talked to him in a year.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
We'll hear more from chip Ingram's message in just a moment. First,
we're inviting you to multiply your year end donation to
an exciting match that's active right now.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
I'm sure you're watching the trend and it is so exciting.
I mean, all across our high schools and college campuses,
there is a spiritual awakening taking place young men in particular.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
They're finding Jesus respond is right now, living on the
edge is ready.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
There's never been a more important time to disciple the
next generation. God is moving. We've created the resources, we
have the game plan, thirty.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Years of God's faithfulness, lots more to accomplish.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
God has sustained Living on the Edge for three decades
because people like you said yes. Now we're asking again,
but with the twist, Living on the Edge meets young
people in the digital spaces where they actually live.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Because of the match, your donation will be matched dollar
for dollar in the month of December. Will you give
to the next generation?
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Our most fruitful years are ahead, and when you support
this match, you're not funding yesterday's methods. You're investing in
a discipleship strategy that actually reaches the smartphone generation right
where they are.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Double the impact of your gift at Livingontheedge dot org.
From this series called Leaving a Legacy that Lasts Forever again,
our Bible teacher Chip.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Ingram teach them to face it and identify what they're
concerned about. Second, pray honestly about it and pray with them.
You need to model this. They can't hear all your good,
theologically sanitized, cleaned up prayers. Oh Lord, I know that
you are in control, and that though it's a car
wreck and they stole our money and will be in
(12:23):
the hospital and then canceled, aren't yours. I just want
to tell you, I just praise the Lord. I just
want to tell you, Lord that I know you're in
You know, when's the last time they heard you say? God?
I'm ticked off and it's unfair and why? And I
you know, I've met with you and I love you
and my priorities in order, and this I don't get it.
(12:45):
I don't get it. When's the last time they heard
you pray the way Jobe praise? Hey? Tell you what? Lord?
Come on right now, let's argue about it. Man, I've
kept myself pure right now, right now, God, or one
of the lament soalms? Why have you forsake me? Where
are you? God? You've been unfaithful. I'm upset, I'm hurt.
I mean, you hear David pray. He says stuff to God.
(13:07):
You know what he can handle it. You need to vent.
I mean reverently. But I'll tell you what. God is
near to those who call upon him Psalm one forty
five eighteen, to those who call upon Him in truth.
And then God spoke to Job, didn't he? And boy,
Job got a lot bigger God. And most of David's
(13:31):
psalms end with and yet, oh Lord, when I look back,
you've been faithful, and I thank you and I praise you,
and I didn't understand, but I had to share this.
I had to get this out. That's how you learn
to suffer well. Hebrews describes Jesus who in his days
on earth with loud groaning and cries, calling out to God.
(13:59):
When's a last time you actually wept in the presence
of the Lord. When's the last time you prayed with
someone you cried together? This is very, very important. Third
help them to share where they're suffering with someone they
trust as wonderful as you are and as wonderful as
(14:21):
I am. Of course, sometimes you're not the right person
to help them. Sometimes it's an area and it's a concern,
and they they need someone else, and so you need
to say, hey, point him to some mentors that are
older or wiser. I praise God and my kids were
(14:44):
teenagers that there was a youth pastor that was godly
that they would tell stuff to him they'd never tell
to me. There's times where one of my sons had
a mentor in our church and he happened to be
a counselor. And you know what, there are some issues
that you know he was working through I kind of
think I know what some of them might be, but
the kind you're not really excited to share with your
(15:05):
dad and this guy and he they'd meet and drink
coffee and talk and share and then go surfing. And
I've watched my daughter with you know, Godly women involved
in ministry just make connections. You know, what you want
to do is help orchestrate what God's doing, but you
don't have to do it all. So mentors second is peers,
(15:25):
and part of that is is let them in on
your struggles. I was talking with my son who's a
songwriter and producer, and by God's grace, he's become extraordinarily
successful and he's now experiencing Oh my lands. This person
from American Idol wants to write music for me because
she's a Christian. But I'm already booked. So I'm working
(15:47):
from seven until four, and she's going to fly in
for two days and from six to two in the morning,
I'm going to write with her. And well, then this
has happened, and this is happening, and God, Dad, what
do you do when the blessing of God is success?
My priorities get totally that I'm exhausted. I got to
build in some and when we talked on the phone
for forty five minutes about hey, son, been there and
done that. Let me just tell you something. Those great
(16:10):
opportunities are are not like they're never going to come
around again. It's a faith issue. And for people that
are wired like you and me, Satan puts the brakes
on some people to discourage him, and for people like
us that I don't think the breaks will work, he
just pushes on the gas pedal and he gets people
like you and me so overloaded doing really good things
that we crash. So and then I shared some crashes,
(16:36):
and then finally there's times where we need to direct
them to a pastor or a professional counselor everybody gets stuck.
And if you've ever been to one, make sure your kids,
grandkids disciples. When I teach on marriage, I always try
in the first session to let everybody know in the
first year and half of my marriage I had to
go to marriage counseling, and then about five years later
I had to go back again. I just want to
get that out on the table, because somehow they think
(16:57):
that if you really love God and you try really hard,
we'd never need outside help. You need outside help when
you're stuck. I mean, if I'm putting in a window,
and I know a little bit about putting in windows,
and I go on to home depot and I get this,
and I get this, and I get stuck, I don't go,
oh my gosh, Well, I got to figure this all
out myself. I'm gonna go down and say, hey, you know,
is there someone like with an orange vest that really
knows about windows? Well, buddy, we've told you all that
(17:18):
you know. Look, here's the name of Anderson Windows. This
guy's a pro. Haven't got out of your house. He's
got to fix the thing that you messed up. I
try to do windows. I can't do windows. So am
I ashamed to ask an expert to get help when
I'm stuck? Of course, not your kids, your disciples, your grandkids,
your friends. They need to know there's a time where
(17:39):
go to a pastor, go to professional counselor, and then
finally help them align specific scripture with their specific situation. Now,
I'm gonna give you some things here, and a lot
of them are not in your notes, So I'll try
and go slow. This is the key in terms of
you want to match what are they going through with truth?
(18:00):
Because it's as you trust the promises of God. That's
what faith is, by the way, and it's by faith
we experience God's grace and suffering. Imagine suffering is sort
of like this overarching you know, sort of like rainbow,
but underneath of it there may be four or five,
maybe far more. There's different reasons we suffer. And if
(18:21):
I suffer for this reason, here's the passage that I want. Okay,
tracking with me, So let me give you just four
or five examples. First, say let's say I have a
negative circumstances or a trial. Okay, the economy goes down.
I had money, whether it's in retirement for college education,
and it's gone. Here's the passage James, Chapter one, verses
(18:43):
two to four. Consider it all joy when you counter
various trials, knowing the testing of your faith produces endurance.
Let endurance have its perfect result. That you might be
lacking in nothing. So it's external circumstances. Okay, choose to
have this kind of attitude. Realize there's the process God's
going to take you through. Or Second, how about refining
(19:05):
your character? You know you haven't done anything wrong. You're suffering.
It doesn't make sense, but you sense you're really growing
Romans five, verses one to five. Therefore, having justified by faith,
we have peace with God, and we exalt in hope
with the glory of God. And we exalt not only
in this but in our what tribulation, knowing that tribulation
produces about perseverance, and perseverance proven character. Proven character produces hope,
(19:28):
and hope produces love. As the Holy Spirit is poured
into our life. There's certain times you're suffering because you're
so precious in God's eyes that he's allowing a process
of drawing you in intimacy and suffering. So you responding
gratitude of God's work. A third time, you suffer as
(19:48):
spiritual opposition. I mean, you're man, you're making tracks for God.
You're sharing your faith. You've taken a new step of faith.
You're getting in the Bible. You're taking a risk. You're
saying God, I'm going to do some stuff with my time,
my money, and you are doing some things that is
exposing the darkness. Well. Ephesians chapter six ten through eighteen
(20:09):
teaches you how to deal with that kind of difficulty.
In suffering in spiritual warfare, or sometimes what it's persecution.
You know, you stood up for Christ and man, you're
getting all this flack on a college campus. You're getting
all this flack at work, or you lose your job
because you know you're a doctor and you won't do
the abortion, or you're a legal person and you won't
lie about something in a situation. The passage two Timothy
(20:32):
three twelve the promises for all those who desire to
live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.
And then finally, there's times where you're suffering because like me,
you make some bad choices right, or you just sin.
You know, you say what you shouldn't have said, You
thought what you shouldn't have thought, you did what you
(20:53):
knew was wrong, and then there's consequences. And then you
want to go to Rome's chapter six where it talks
about presenting your man, and then Fris Corinthians ten thirteen,
where no temptation has taken you but such as common man.
But God will with the temptation provide a way of escape.
Then you might be able to endure it. So what
you want to do is begin to coach the kids coach,
(21:14):
the disciple coach, the grandkid coach, the lady coach, the guy.
What you want to pass on is here is suffering.
There's at least five different reasons, maybe more. And here's
the promise you can hang on to. And here's the
truth to apply very specifically, life message, very simple. Suffering
is normal. That's what you want them to get. That's
(21:36):
the message. When they're suffering. They want to say, oh,
this is normal. It's not fun, but it's normal. It
will be experienced by all. It will either make or
break those we love, and so teach them to suffer well.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
This is Living on the Edge with chip Ingram. Chip
is presenting a practical teaching series called Leaving a Legacy
that Lasts Forever. If today's message inspired you to learn
more about guiding your children and grandchildren, it'll point you
to a highly practical resource called effective Parenting in a
Defective World. This study guide includes a code to stream
(22:15):
chips video teaching online, plus MP three's of the complete series.
You'll find all the details at Livingontheedge dot org. Well
Chip parenting is not for the fate of heart, and
these days grandparents often find themselves in roles they've never
expected as a guiding light for their grandkids.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Thanks so much, Dave. You know, I hear from grandparents
all the time that are actually heartbroken. Their grandkids grew
up in the church or maybe even Christian school. They're
now in college, or they've graduated starting their careers and
their face seems literally fading from the picture. Or I
hear grandparents all the time and say, I don't get it.
They grew up in church, but now they're living with
(22:56):
their boyfriend or girlfriend, or they've changed their sexual identity,
and I feel hopeless. I'm praying, but I don't know
what to do. I don't know how to have a
spiritual conversation. And then they meet us at Living on
the Edge, and at Living on the Edge, we've become
the bridge. Grandparents are listening, and we've been teaching them
how to engage around today's questions with biblical answers and
(23:20):
finding ways to really connect, to build a bridge to
their gang kids, to talk their language, and to really listen.
When you support this match, you're equipping the older generation
to pass the baton of faith to the younger. Your
gift today, are you ready? It secures tomorrow's impact. Because
of this match, whatever you give is instantly doubled, but
(23:43):
only during this campaign window where you make the most
strategic gift ever. Our best days aren't behind us, They're ahead,
and you're a part of that story.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Living on the Edge is uniquely postured to help parents, grandparents,
and their families, all only in North America, but all
around the world as well. All but standing in the
way to succeed in this mission are the resources to
do so. As you feel God nudging you to respond,
please follow his leading. Whatever amount He places on your
heart will be multiplied by two because of the match.
(24:17):
To give right now, go to Living Onbeedge dot org
or call us at Triple eight three three three six
zero zero three to send a check in the mail
right to Living on the Edge PO Box three thousand
and seven, Atlanta, Georgia, three zero zero two four. You
can also call Triple eight three three three six zero
(24:37):
zero three, or just visit Living Onbeedge dot org. So
what's the purpose of our career to chase a pheck?
I'm Dave DREWI inviting you to hear Chipping Gram's answer
Thursday on Living on the Edge
Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, let.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Me ask you a question. Do you have memories that
are so painful and difficult if you become an expert
at actually shoving them down so you don't have to
think about them? Would you like freedom from that pain?
Would you like to see some real positive results come
out of the suffering in your life? Today, I'm going
to share four insights that can transform how you respond
(00:35):
to suffering. That's today.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
If you only had three hundred and sixty five days
left to live, what would you pass on to those
you love most? Not your money or possessions, right, it
would be wisdom, faith, and values that would sustain them
long after you're gone.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Well.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Today, on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram confronts a
sobering reality, we've spent more time planning our financial inheritance
than are spiritual one. He challenges us to intentionally transfer
what matters most, starting with the hardest lesson of all
spoiler alert, Life is gonna hurt, betray, and test those
we love. The question isn't whether they'll face suffering, but
(01:15):
whether we've equipped them to respond with faith. And then,
just after today's message, Chip will explain a fabulous opportunity
to participate in the match that's available right now. When
you give to living on the edge, it'll be doubled
in size and impact. Well, back to the series, leaving
a legacy that lasts.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Forever transferable Concept number one and this may sound strange,
but teach them to suffer well. Teach them to suffer well.
We have raised a generation of people. When they think
of suffering, the only concept they can think of is
(01:53):
how to get out of it, how to limit it,
and how to avoid it. Those whom you love, how
will they respond to suffering? Because they're going to get
it right. Someone's going to walk out on them. Someone's
going to betray him, someone's going to talk about them.
Someone's going to steal their money. Some of them are
going to have a kid that dies prematurely. So are
(02:15):
they prepared? I mean, in your spiritual will, do you
have Phase number one? I will teach them to suffer well.
Now I'm going to give some real practical ways about
how to do that. Before I do, I want to
ask you a question. How do you respond to suffering?
How do you respond to injustice? How are you responding
(02:39):
to some things your ex mate has done to you.
How have you responded to the false accusations that were
made about you at work or at church? How have
you responded to a physical infirmity that just seems unfair?
And no matter what you do, you just can't get
your health back. Because here's the deal, here's how, here's
(02:59):
how life works. A disciple is not above his teacher.
And when a disciple was fully trained Luke six' forty,
he'll be just like his teacher. And I would like
to say that the way you do this as you write,
learn to suffer. Well, I went to you know this
seminar and here's the notes, and here's how it works.
(03:22):
But I got news for you. You know how they're going
to you know how they're going to respond to their
suffering the way they watch you. You cannot impart what
you don't possess. Modeling everything we're going to talk about
will be the most powerful means of communication, because far
more is caught than is ever taught. And so I've
asked myself, so when I am suffering? Do I blame others?
(03:46):
Do I whine? Am I the topic of conversations? I'm
a victim. It's difficult. He ran out on me. This
guy did this to me. I can't believe this. It's
it's Hollywood's fault, it's the education's fault, it's the president's fault,
it's Congress's fault. Well, now it's a Supreme courts wine wine,
wine victim, victim victim? Is that how you respond or
(04:06):
is it denial? I'm just not gonna think about this.
I'm not gonna talk about this. I'm just gonna bury it.
Or is it anger, bitterness, lashing out? Or is it guilt?
You know some people respond to suffering. I know I
did something terrible. I'm the most terrible person in the world.
It's all my fault. I mean, you know, there's the
whole cosmos, but it's really all your fault. And then
(04:28):
you live with this guilt and then you pass that
on and your kids or disciples or grandkids or friends.
They suffer in the way they watch you. And if
you're a whiner, they whine, if they feel guilty, like
watch you, they feel guilty. If you're a blamer and
a screamer and a bitterer and a denier, that's what
you're gonna produce. So as much as we're going to
(04:49):
talk about how to pass on the things that matter most.
There's going to be a pretty heavy duty application about
asking a pretty gut level question is boy, I need
to suffer well. I need to manage my wealth wisely.
I need to work into the Lord. I need to
make great decisions right. I need to be what I
want them to become. Now that's sobering, but here's the deal.
(05:14):
You can't do it right. I can't either. It's impossible.
But Christ can do it in you, and Christ can
do it through you. And sometimes we listen to these
commands of God and it's like God, I can't do that. Yay.
I mean I'm thinking, now you're on the right track.
So I need the strength of your word. I need
(05:36):
the community of your people. I need to ask, I
need to trust. I need to take steps. And when
you do that, you can, by the power and the
grace of God, suffer well. And they will watch that.
It's not you, but it's the Christ in you empowering
you to do that. And that's really what you want
to pass on. Right now, let's get real practical in
(05:58):
terms of Okay, okay, I got the theology. Now how
does this work? I mean, you know, roll up the
sleeves with me. How do you grow through suffering? Okay,
I know I need to do it. I need to
pass this on to kids and disciples, to co workers,
church members, men's groups. Okay, how do you do it?
Let me give you, you know, four real practical ways.
Number one, teach them to face it. To identify what
(06:22):
they're concerned about. Teach them to face it. I mean,
it sounds so basic. Help them to identify and here's
the keyword, what they're concerned about. We all tend to repress,
we all tend to avoid, we all tend to deny
things that are difficult. And when we just do, we
just push them down. And all the psychologists will tell us,
(06:43):
as we push down hard things, ninety five percent of
all depression is anger turned inward. A lot of our migraines,
a lot of our stomach problems, a lot of our
health issues are we suffer and I don't want to
face it, and so I put shit down. And that's
a pattern. You don't talk about that in things. You
(07:05):
don't share anything you don't ever you know, in other words,
anything you say where you're being honest about where you're struggling,
like Hey, no complaining in this house. Hey, we're gonna
be positive around here. Well, you need to be positive,
but you also need to be honest. Help them think
about it, help them talk about it, help them write
it down. One of the most powerful questions I know,
(07:26):
and around our supper table growing up and with my
wife on a regular basis, we still do this little exercise.
Ask them this question, what are you concerned about? And then,
by the way, don't fix it, don't interrupt, and don't
tell them that you shouldn't be concerned about that. Everything's
gonna be okay, duh, that's not helpful. The goal is
not that you fix it. What are you concerned about? Ah? Nothing?
(07:49):
Well no, no, I mean just tell me. I mean,
say it's one of the kids, a teenager. What are
you concerned about? I don't know. Well, I mean you're
in football trials. Are you concerned you might not make it? Yeah? Maybe?
Well how's it going?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
No?
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Very good? Well, how come I dropped a bunch of
passes in practice? Well how are you feeling about that? Well,
you know this young kid, he's only a freshman man,
he was catching him. And what are you concerned about?
And they shut up? What are you concerned about? What else?
What else? What else? I've grown kids now and they
have little kids, and I'm learning this. There's this new world.
I like to hang out with my boys, and I've
(08:25):
always been able to kind of talk, and we play
basketball and do stuff, and then we'd be sweating. We'd
sit down and talk. Well, now they got these little kids,
and every time around little kids, little kids, little kids. Look, look,
you know, I haven't had a meaningful adult conversation with
my sons in like a year and a half. I mean,
you know, A snippet here, a snippet here. And Teresa
and I were talking about this, and so she came
(08:45):
up with this plan, I'll have everyone over for dinner.
And then I don't know, it wasn't like a don't
It wasn't as well planned as I'm going to make
this sound. But the girls were kind of doing the
dishes and this and that, and we cleaned things up
and they were in one room and somehow me and
two of my sons ended up in the kitchen around
one of those little counters, and we've been talking. It's
not like it's always superficial, but I'm kind of one
(09:07):
of those language of love, guys. I want to know
what's really going on, you know, and when we don't
get there, I just feel like we're going through the motions.
And so it was a simple question. I turned to
my oldest son. I said, you know here in California,
you moved out here a while. Who's your best friend?
And I mean his face just changed. He goes, Dad,
(09:27):
I don't have best friend because I've started this new business.
I got two young kids, I got an awesome wife.
He said, Dad, I'm working from morning tonight. I'm putting
in all these hours. And you know, this guy wants
to go surfing, and this guy can be kind of spiritual.
There's seven different people, but I don't have a guy
in any name. Two good guys that were real friends
that we can go deep spiritually, that want to go
somewhere with their life, that want to be committed to
their wife and want to be a good dad. I
(09:48):
don't have that guy here. And then we got down
to life. And then as we talked a little bit,
I said to my other son, who's who's a pastor?
And I said, what's the biggest challenge you're facing right now?
And he gave me a little, you know, twenty five
percent response, and then his other brother kind of had
(10:10):
to leave. And there's dynamics always I think forever with brothers,
and these guys are close and all that. And as
they left, he started to share it. I realized he
and I got talking, and they left. I didn't get
to say goodbye, and he began for the next hour
to unfold the biggest challenges in his heart, his ministry.
And for an hour, man, we talked at a level
(10:32):
that I haven't talked to him in a year.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
We'll hear more from chip Ingram's message in just a moment. First,
we're inviting you to multiply your year end donation to
an exciting match that's active right now.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
I'm sure you're watching the trend and it is so exciting.
I mean, all across our high schools and college campuses,
there is a spiritual awakening taking place young men in particular.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
They're finding Jesus respond is right now, living on the
edge is ready.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
There's never been a more important time to disciple the
next generation. God is moving. We've created the resources, we
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Years of God's faithfulness, lots more to accomplish.
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God has sustained Living on the Edge for three decades
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but with the twist, Living on the Edge meets young
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Because of the match, your donation will be matched dollar
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Speaker 2 (11:36):
Our most fruitful years are ahead, and when you support
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where they are.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Double the impact of your gift at Livingontheedge dot org.
From this series called Leaving a Legacy that Lasts Forever again,
our Bible teacher Chip.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Ingram teach them to face it and identify what they're
concerned about. Second, pray honestly about it and pray with them.
You need to model this. They can't hear all your good,
theologically sanitized, cleaned up prayers. Oh Lord, I know that
you are in control, and that though it's a car
wreck and they stole our money and will be in
(12:23):
the hospital and then canceled, aren't yours. I just want
to tell you, I just praise the Lord. I just
want to tell you, Lord that I know you're in
You know, when's the last time they heard you say? God?
I'm ticked off and it's unfair and why? And I
you know, I've met with you and I love you
and my priorities in order, and this I don't get it.
(12:45):
I don't get it. When's the last time they heard
you pray the way Jobe praise? Hey? Tell you what? Lord?
Come on right now, let's argue about it. Man, I've
kept myself pure right now, right now, God, or one
of the lament soalms? Why have you forsake me? Where
are you? God? You've been unfaithful. I'm upset, I'm hurt.
I mean, you hear David pray. He says stuff to God.
(13:07):
You know what he can handle it. You need to vent.
I mean reverently. But I'll tell you what. God is
near to those who call upon him Psalm one forty
five eighteen, to those who call upon Him in truth.
And then God spoke to Job, didn't he? And boy,
Job got a lot bigger God. And most of David's
(13:31):
psalms end with and yet, oh Lord, when I look back,
you've been faithful, and I thank you and I praise you,
and I didn't understand, but I had to share this.
I had to get this out. That's how you learn
to suffer well. Hebrews describes Jesus who in his days
on earth with loud groaning and cries, calling out to God.
(13:59):
When's a last time you actually wept in the presence
of the Lord. When's the last time you prayed with
someone you cried together? This is very, very important. Third
help them to share where they're suffering with someone they
trust as wonderful as you are and as wonderful as
(14:21):
I am. Of course, sometimes you're not the right person
to help them. Sometimes it's an area and it's a concern,
and they they need someone else, and so you need
to say, hey, point him to some mentors that are
older or wiser. I praise God and my kids were
(14:44):
teenagers that there was a youth pastor that was godly
that they would tell stuff to him they'd never tell
to me. There's times where one of my sons had
a mentor in our church and he happened to be
a counselor. And you know what, there are some issues
that you know he was working through I kind of
think I know what some of them might be, but
the kind you're not really excited to share with your
(15:05):
dad and this guy and he they'd meet and drink
coffee and talk and share and then go surfing. And
I've watched my daughter with you know, Godly women involved
in ministry just make connections. You know, what you want
to do is help orchestrate what God's doing, but you
don't have to do it all. So mentors second is peers,
(15:25):
and part of that is is let them in on
your struggles. I was talking with my son who's a
songwriter and producer, and by God's grace, he's become extraordinarily
successful and he's now experiencing Oh my lands. This person
from American Idol wants to write music for me because
she's a Christian. But I'm already booked. So I'm working
(15:47):
from seven until four, and she's going to fly in
for two days and from six to two in the morning,
I'm going to write with her. And well, then this
has happened, and this is happening, and God, Dad, what
do you do when the blessing of God is success?
My priorities get totally that I'm exhausted. I got to
build in some and when we talked on the phone
for forty five minutes about hey, son, been there and
done that. Let me just tell you something. Those great
(16:10):
opportunities are are not like they're never going to come
around again. It's a faith issue. And for people that
are wired like you and me, Satan puts the brakes
on some people to discourage him, and for people like
us that I don't think the breaks will work, he
just pushes on the gas pedal and he gets people
like you and me so overloaded doing really good things
that we crash. So and then I shared some crashes,
(16:36):
and then finally there's times where we need to direct
them to a pastor or a professional counselor everybody gets stuck.
And if you've ever been to one, make sure your kids,
grandkids disciples. When I teach on marriage, I always try
in the first session to let everybody know in the
first year and half of my marriage I had to
go to marriage counseling, and then about five years later
I had to go back again. I just want to
get that out on the table, because somehow they think
(16:57):
that if you really love God and you try really hard,
we'd never need outside help. You need outside help when
you're stuck. I mean, if I'm putting in a window,
and I know a little bit about putting in windows,
and I go on to home depot and I get this,
and I get this, and I get stuck, I don't go,
oh my gosh, Well, I got to figure this all
out myself. I'm gonna go down and say, hey, you know,
is there someone like with an orange vest that really
knows about windows? Well, buddy, we've told you all that
(17:18):
you know. Look, here's the name of Anderson Windows. This
guy's a pro. Haven't got out of your house. He's
got to fix the thing that you messed up. I
try to do windows. I can't do windows. So am
I ashamed to ask an expert to get help when
I'm stuck? Of course, not your kids, your disciples, your grandkids,
your friends. They need to know there's a time where
(17:39):
go to a pastor, go to professional counselor, and then
finally help them align specific scripture with their specific situation. Now,
I'm gonna give you some things here, and a lot
of them are not in your notes, So I'll try
and go slow. This is the key in terms of
you want to match what are they going through with truth?
(18:00):
Because it's as you trust the promises of God. That's
what faith is, by the way, and it's by faith
we experience God's grace and suffering. Imagine suffering is sort
of like this overarching you know, sort of like rainbow,
but underneath of it there may be four or five,
maybe far more. There's different reasons we suffer. And if
(18:21):
I suffer for this reason, here's the passage that I want. Okay,
tracking with me, So let me give you just four
or five examples. First, say let's say I have a
negative circumstances or a trial. Okay, the economy goes down.
I had money, whether it's in retirement for college education,
and it's gone. Here's the passage James, Chapter one, verses
(18:43):
two to four. Consider it all joy when you counter
various trials, knowing the testing of your faith produces endurance.
Let endurance have its perfect result. That you might be
lacking in nothing. So it's external circumstances. Okay, choose to
have this kind of attitude. Realize there's the process God's
going to take you through. Or Second, how about refining
(19:05):
your character? You know you haven't done anything wrong. You're suffering.
It doesn't make sense, but you sense you're really growing
Romans five, verses one to five. Therefore, having justified by faith,
we have peace with God, and we exalt in hope
with the glory of God. And we exalt not only
in this but in our what tribulation, knowing that tribulation
produces about perseverance, and perseverance proven character. Proven character produces hope,
(19:28):
and hope produces love. As the Holy Spirit is poured
into our life. There's certain times you're suffering because you're
so precious in God's eyes that he's allowing a process
of drawing you in intimacy and suffering. So you responding
gratitude of God's work. A third time, you suffer as
(19:48):
spiritual opposition. I mean, you're man, you're making tracks for God.
You're sharing your faith. You've taken a new step of faith.
You're getting in the Bible. You're taking a risk. You're
saying God, I'm going to do some stuff with my time,
my money, and you are doing some things that is
exposing the darkness. Well. Ephesians chapter six ten through eighteen
(20:09):
teaches you how to deal with that kind of difficulty.
In suffering in spiritual warfare, or sometimes what it's persecution.
You know, you stood up for Christ and man, you're
getting all this flack on a college campus. You're getting
all this flack at work, or you lose your job
because you know you're a doctor and you won't do
the abortion, or you're a legal person and you won't
lie about something in a situation. The passage two Timothy
(20:32):
three twelve the promises for all those who desire to
live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.
And then finally, there's times where you're suffering because like me,
you make some bad choices right, or you just sin.
You know, you say what you shouldn't have said, You
thought what you shouldn't have thought, you did what you
(20:53):
knew was wrong, and then there's consequences. And then you
want to go to Rome's chapter six where it talks
about presenting your man, and then Fris Corinthians ten thirteen,
where no temptation has taken you but such as common man.
But God will with the temptation provide a way of escape.
Then you might be able to endure it. So what
you want to do is begin to coach the kids coach,
(21:14):
the disciple coach, the grandkid coach, the lady coach, the guy.
What you want to pass on is here is suffering.
There's at least five different reasons, maybe more. And here's
the promise you can hang on to. And here's the
truth to apply very specifically, life message, very simple. Suffering
is normal. That's what you want them to get. That's
(21:36):
the message. When they're suffering. They want to say, oh,
this is normal. It's not fun, but it's normal. It
will be experienced by all. It will either make or
break those we love, and so teach them to suffer well.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
This is Living on the Edge with chip Ingram. Chip
is presenting a practical teaching series called Leaving a Legacy
that Lasts Forever. If today's message inspired you to learn
more about guiding your children and grandchildren, it'll point you
to a highly practical resource called effective Parenting in a
Defective World. This study guide includes a code to stream
(22:15):
chips video teaching online, plus MP three's of the complete series.
You'll find all the details at Livingontheedge dot org. Well
Chip parenting is not for the fate of heart, and
these days grandparents often find themselves in roles they've never
expected as a guiding light for their grandkids.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Thanks so much, Dave. You know, I hear from grandparents
all the time that are actually heartbroken. Their grandkids grew
up in the church or maybe even Christian school. They're
now in college, or they've graduated starting their careers and
their face seems literally fading from the picture. Or I
hear grandparents all the time and say, I don't get it.
They grew up in church, but now they're living with
(22:56):
their boyfriend or girlfriend, or they've changed their sexual identity,
and I feel hopeless. I'm praying, but I don't know
what to do. I don't know how to have a
spiritual conversation. And then they meet us at Living on
the Edge, and at Living on the Edge, we've become
the bridge. Grandparents are listening, and we've been teaching them
how to engage around today's questions with biblical answers and
(23:20):
finding ways to really connect, to build a bridge to
their gang kids, to talk their language, and to really listen.
When you support this match, you're equipping the older generation
to pass the baton of faith to the younger. Your
gift today, are you ready? It secures tomorrow's impact. Because
of this match, whatever you give is instantly doubled, but
(23:43):
only during this campaign window where you make the most
strategic gift ever. Our best days aren't behind us, They're ahead,
and you're a part of that story.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Living on the Edge is uniquely postured to help parents, grandparents,
and their families, all only in North America, but all
around the world as well. All but standing in the
way to succeed in this mission are the resources to
do so. As you feel God nudging you to respond,
please follow his leading. Whatever amount He places on your
heart will be multiplied by two because of the match.
(24:17):
To give right now, go to Living Onbeedge dot org
or call us at Triple eight three three three six
zero zero three to send a check in the mail
right to Living on the Edge PO Box three thousand
and seven, Atlanta, Georgia, three zero zero two four. You
can also call Triple eight three three three six zero
(24:37):
zero three, or just visit Living Onbeedge dot org. So
what's the purpose of our career to chase a pheck?
I'm Dave DREWI inviting you to hear Chipping Gram's answer
Thursday on Living on the Edge
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