February 6, 2025 • 36 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Mike Kai Radio broadcast here on prey
dot com. Thank you for joining us today for an
incredible word. Lean in, listen, close, and don't forget to
click the heart to save this message. To know more
about Mike Ki, head to mike Kai dot TV. Let's
jump into today's message.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
It's good to have everybody. Lisa, are you excited about
this series?
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Yeah, I'm excited about this series called The Secret Sauce,
And it's really not just about marriage, just about relationships.
And you think about it. We're all in some kind
of relationship, whether we're married, whether we have friends, whether
we have family members, we have coworkers, So you think
about it. Even though today's is really pretty much the
Secret Sauce for marriages, and you might be thinking, like
(00:48):
Mike was saying, if you're single, you know, it's really
just more wisdom and actually you would be prepared to
understand what marriage is all about, and how crucial that
in that Christian marriages survive, right, like literally survive. And
that's why we're our prayer is that everybody will be
quit to understand what marriage.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Is all about, especially in a world like today where
it's coming against marriages has been for the longest time.
Then I want to congratulate those of you who are
fighting for your marriage are happily married, and congratulations, and
squeeze the hand of your spouse if you're right next
to them, or give them a little nudge on the knee,
you know, a little love tap, because it's very, very
important that you stay together and you stay strong. So
when we decided to do this topic on calling it
(01:31):
the Secret Sauce, again, it's not just about marriage, but
marriage up front, marriage in the middle, marriage at the end,
and in between. We're gonna mix it up because I
don't want you to think, oh, we're not talking about
marriage again. Well, we're going to go more intense on
marriage conversations and we're going to go deeper rather than
on this this level. It's gonna be great, But I
want to talk to you about something that's important, So
the secret Sauce. So why is it called the secret sauce.
(01:52):
It's called the secret sauce because when you think about it,
there are companies, there are restaurants, there are mom and
pop operations that have closed, but they've hung on to
the secret recipe and never gave it to somebody, because
normally when you sell the restaurant, you give your secret
sauce recipe with that. Whatever your mo Chico chicken is,
whatever your chicken Tiki masala is if you're Indian, or
(02:12):
whatever it is, you hand off that secret herbs and
spices to the next generation or the person that's buying.
But I've also heard of companies that have never given
away their secret recipe have closed their doors and will
never be able to enjoy that again. So what I've
always shared with my staff is no matter what I know,
whatever I learn, I never hold it to myself. I'm
(02:33):
always giving them whatever the secret sauce is, on sermon prep,
on leadership, on finances, whatever it is, I don't want
to take it with me. I want to give it
all away and share it. And so hopefully twenty seven
years of marriage, and we're believing for even greater years
ahead on twenty seven amazing years, we're going to share
what we learned as our secret sauce. So anyway, and
(02:56):
you get more at the marriage conversations, you get more
on that sauce.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
You guys probably have some secret saucy exactly as well.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Saucy very saucy. So here it is. So I want
to open up with Mark chapter ten. In your bibles.
In Mark chapter ten, verse six to nine, we need
to lay a biblical foundation on biblical marriage. Okay, so
Mark ten, verse six is, but God made them male
and female from the beginning of creation. So this explains
why a man leaves his father and mother and is
(03:24):
joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
And since they are no longer two but one, let
no one split apart what God has joined together. So
the biblical foundation of marriage is a male and a female.
Can't get around that. That's a biblical definition. So that's
what he talks about. That's what God intended from the
very beginning. But when we make these marital vows that
(03:45):
we make with one another, that's very important. So at
the end of my bible here, this is a Bible
that I've had for a long time, probably fifteen to
twenty years. It's already gone through several versions. I've got
all kinds of highlights. These are all the colors in it,
and by then I got to use different colors. So
this this Bible fell apart, so I had to send
it to a company in California, and they totally they
(04:06):
glued back my pages, they ironed it out, they copied
what needed to be copied. Is this is an heirloom.
This is precious to me. But at the end, when
I do weddings, and I don't do a lot anymore,
but when I do do them, in the end, I
tell the couples, come on, you got to do your
own vowels to one another. Don't be chicken. Do your
own vows to one another, look each other in the eye,
write it down, memorize it or even read it. And
(04:28):
then at the end, and even if they up to
or not, at the end, I have them repeat after me.
And this is my cheat sheet at the back of
my bible, where I have them repeat after me. We've
taken these vows, the repeat after me vows and when
we've broken them down into four simple categories, tonight, what's
so brilliant? Yeah, that's not my idea, but brilliant amazing.
(04:50):
I kind of had something to do with anyway. And
these are the vowels and the vows. I hope you
have them on the screen. And the vows are this
is I blank, take you blank, okay, whatever your blank
name is to be my my husband or your lawfully
wedded wife. To have and to hold, they say it.
They repeat, to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness
(05:11):
and in health, to love and to cherish, as long
as we both shall live. Pretty close to what I've
gotten in my Bible. But I want everybody to repeat
after me, just say this, say I take you whatever.
But anyway, moving right along, Okay, repeat this part after me.
To have and to hold, from this day forward, for
(05:32):
better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness
and in health, to love and to cherish as long
as we both shall live. That's the vows. And we
take vows all the time. So there are vows that
we make publicly, and these are one of those vows
where you take a marriage value. You make them publicly
(05:54):
in front of all your friends and in front of
all your family, and they're all listening in, they're all
taking photos, they're remembering that moment, everything that you're doing
right now, how beautiful you look, what Aloha's shirt, what dress,
what gown. But then there are vows that we make
silently to ourselves, Vows that we make as children. I'll
never let them do that to me again. Vows that
(06:14):
we make even as adults, we make vows. Those are
those are important, and sometimes those vows need to be broken.
We need to break some vows that we've made even
before we got married, even in our marriage. But these
vows between a man and a woman, between a husband
and a wife, are more important than ever. I'm looking
at a couple that I did there waiting a year
and a half ago, and in the second row, Connor
(06:37):
and his beautiful wife Marissa, and I did their Did
I do these vows? I did these vows? Right? Did
you do your own vows as well? Good? You weren't chicken? Congratulations,
so proud of you. Right? And these are very very important.
And I tell them a new couple, if you ever
hold those vows, don't throw them away, frame them.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
I just want to say that, you know, we think
about I know there's quite a bit of you who
may not be married, but we look at this. You know,
it's always great to glean from people who's been married
for a long time, like I. Just the other day
I met a couple I was at calling them all
actually yesterday waiting for my daughter done with school. Call
them all, call them all.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Okay, are you from Comana? I didn't go to I
didn't go to camp school. Our cameraman's from come excuse me, Yes.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
He is, and he will correct me. Yeah, he threw
up to me. And so, you know, and it's hard
to get a table right because there's less tables. And
then finally a table opened up and it's like it
was the two chairs and I was sitting there and
it was kind of weird. But somebody, one lady came
and go, can I share your table with you? And
I'm like, that's COVID.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
I wouldn't have shared the table.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
And then so I was like, okay, that's kind of
that's kind of rude. And so when another couple just
came by again and she was in a wheelchair and
her husband was, you know, wheeling her and that, and
so at first I said.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
No, wow, and I felt that that's savage, I know.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
And she's sitting on a handicapped sitting on a handicapped table,
which is for.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Them exactly even more savage.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
That's what he told me.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Sitting at the wrong table.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
He told me, well, that's a handicapped table. And I said, oh, yes.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Hey, well one glad, He corrected you. Yes, can't keep going?
Keep the picture up?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Can I just finish the story?
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Yes? I know it's a long story, but anyway, and
so put that picture back up.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
So I'm sitting there and I'm thinking, okay, well they're
going to be eating their lunch while I'm studying for
this message. And I'm like, oh, I just started a conversation.
And I say, so, how long have you been married?
And they said fifty five years? And I figot, okay, well,
I'm studying on the secret sauce of a marriage? I said,
so what is the secret sauce? And he's like what, wow, Well,
(08:52):
you know I never really thought about it. You just
you just do it. You just you just stay married.
You know, you never would think about not staying married.
And he says, then he tell me, you know, the
greatest thing is my wife. My wife. I wouldn't have
been able to do this without my wife. And you know,
and she just suffered a stroke or I don't know
how long ago, but to see them like the way
(09:15):
he served her right, you know, wheeling her at Cahola Mall,
Cahala ma al and just having and buying her lunch.
And she's sitting there she wants to have a conversation,
but she can't because she just had a stroke. But
I'm just sitting there thinking, Wow, I wish we could
all can see ourselves. Wow, fifty years celebrating fifty five
(09:36):
years together, and whether one of us is in a
wheelchair or not, or you know whatever, it is like
she had her makeup bonds. She looked amazing, She looked beautiful,
And I told her, you are so beautiful, and I said,
it's because your husband cherished you. Your husband, you know,
really loved on you, because I can tell. And one
(09:58):
thing when he left says, you know also once he
says one more thing, he says, make sure you share
your values to your children. And I was like, what
great advice I want to I wasna just go bring
him here and preach, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
But right, you know that that photo just reminds me
of my grandmother and grandfather, my dad's my dad's side.
We grew up on the Big Island. My grandmother when
I was a little, when I was before I was born,
she had a stroke and we called her. Her name
was Beatrice, so we just called her be Kai Bi
Kai had a stroke before I was born, and as
far as I can remember, she was always bedridden and
(10:34):
my grandfather, George Kai would always take care of her.
And I'm talking about from bedpans to dinner. My my
Papa George took care of my grandmother and he was
always faithful to her, loved her, took good care of her,
and the longevity of that marriage to this day. I
honestly can say this that my grandmother was a smoker
and she smoked like crazy. She smoked like a chimney,
(10:56):
to be honest with you, and Papa George took care
of her. And I always thought, Papaa, when I'm like
fifteen seventeen years old, white let her smoke so much.
The only thing that gave her satisfaction in life at
that time of her life, of course her grandkids. And
so honestly, her cigarette smoking actually hastened my grandfather's death
(11:16):
because Papa George ended up dying of emphysema because of
Grandma's smoking. And when you look at that, it's sad,
but it's really love. That was love that kept them
together all those years. And I look at that story,
and I look at this story. The key ingredients to
a thriving marriage or even lasting is Number one is continuity.
Everybody write that down in your notes. Continuity, continuity, continuity
(11:40):
is to have and to hold from this day forward.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
And you think about it, says this day forward. And
often when we do weddings, you know, we know that
they become one on their wedding day, and this day forward,
it's almost like there is a continuity, continued continuity, continuity, continuity,
(12:04):
you know, moving forward, and it's really there's an action
to it. There's a movement towards something. For you, it
is and so when you think about it, says in
Genesis two twenty four, that is why a man leaves
his father and mother and is united to his wife
and they become one flesh. And I just did a
(12:26):
wedding too, just last week with Michelle Morikamie and she
and Jason just got married, and you know, just seeing
this young couple make a vow to see that from
this day forward, their life is going to change tremendously.
And I even remember telling her parents because I'm very
close to Brian and Lois. I said, Brian and Lois
(12:49):
capture this moment because you're not going to have it again.
This is your only day that you're giving your daughter away.
So go into the emotion. Jump all in, you know,
go for it because this is all you have. This
is it. And even I told j C and Michelle
the bride in the groom, you know, because we always
(13:11):
hold back. You know, it's like it's our wedding day.
I don't want to tear because I want good pictures.
I'm scared my lasts is gonna fall off off. And
but I told them I had to kind of talk
to him at rehearsal. I said, remember, this is not
just an event, and this is this is not any
this is not a party for people. It is for
(13:32):
you before God, because you're gonna make a vow, and
I want you to capture this moment because when you
step and when you leave that altar, you are mister
and missus forever, and you're moving forward. You're not gonna
move back. Oh, there's Lois and Brian up there, there
they are. And I told Brian, I said, you know what,
(13:53):
can you just cry? Just cry? Stop holding back, you know,
And He's like, I'm not gonna cry. I'm not gonna cry.
And the next thing you know, he's walking his daughter done,
and I'm like, okay, he's crying. Everyone is crying. But
it's literally it's you know, when you leave your mom
and your father and you're being united to your wife,
you become one flesh. That is a step for It's.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Called leaving and cleaving. You have to leave and cleave.
And so oftentimes we we leave, but we still we're
not cleaving. And so when we had a hard you
had a hard time with that. I was already gone
for my parents, and but you had a hard time.
You always wanted to go back to mom and dad.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Yes, because they had better food.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
And I was the cook you were.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Yeah, I wasn't a great cook, and you are, mom.
Can you make some extra? Can I just come over
and eat and take it home?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
So the leaving and cleaving, let's let's hit that for
a moment, because when you leave and you cleave, you're
basically saying I no longer can come here as a
place of an escape place. I can't come back. You're fighting,
You're staying home, You're not going to sleep at your parents'
house again. That's it. You got to fight both sides.
You cannot go back and use that as a trump
(15:03):
card to say that, well, I'm gonna go to my
mom and Dad's no, no, you got to You gotta
hang in there unless it's something super bad like physical physical.
But I'm talking about you gotta work it out, you
gotta work through it because you can. There's a leaving
and cleaving. That's why I go back to Genesis two,
verse twenty four up on the screen. That is why
a man leaves his father and mother, and a woman
leaves her father and mother and is joined and united
(15:24):
to his wife or her husband, and they become one fleshed.
There's a leaving in the cleaving, very important in their continuity.
But oftentimes in that continuity within that sometimes people will say, oh,
I think I made a mistake. I did not marry
my soulmate. Now let me talk to you about soul
may let me tell you about the lie of the
soulmate's baloney. Okay, the soul maate thing is is not
(15:45):
it's a lie. It sounds really nice, Santa Claus, the
easter bunny sounds cute, you know what I'm talking about.
But really, the soulmate comes from Greek mythology. And when
Greek mythology mythology, Zeus was upset that human beings had
four arms and four legs, and so what he did
was as a way to get back to them so
they wouldn't get more powerful, he cut them in half
(16:06):
in Greek mythology. So they were all over the earth
looking to find their fit, and when they did, they
found what they call their soulmates. Now that's wrapped in
Greek mythology. That's not grap that's not wrapped in Biblical Christianity.
Biblical Christianity says, I mean, soulmate means needle in a haystack,
you know what I'm saying. And I think I got
(16:27):
the wrong needle in that wrong haystack. And now all
of a sudden you think got a six billion people
throughout the world that there is that one. I would
say that any man or woman that come together, that
are in love with one another, that found love with
one another, working through it can make it happen. And
it takes hard work. It takes absolute hard work. There's
(16:47):
no pixie dusts. It doesn't there's no magic to it.
You know what I mean. It means hard work in
order to stay together. You have something written about that,
you want to read that that quote.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Yes, it says you know, this is a lie. It
isn't magic, it isn't a fairy tale. It's not a
love song. And it's it's not a Broadway musical. That's
not what it's all about. Love is actually work. It's daily, difficult,
sometimes montaneous work. But more than that, love is a decision.
It is a choice. It is a choice to move forward,
(17:21):
is a choice to stay married, and it is a
choice to endure and to fight and to forgive and
compromise and not leave. And you know this is you
know when you think about you know, one of my
passions is to see marriages succeed. You know, I've because
I've witnessed so many marriages that survive through their struggles
(17:43):
that even with infidelity. You know, when there's two people
who are seeking after God and are willing to do
what God says to love, to forgive, to have mercy,
to have grace, I think we can conquer any sin.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Right.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
It's to God's love. And to see two believers, a
married couple fight through moving towards moving forward, it's like
it can be done. It's not like if sin had
happened in a marriage, you stop and we're done. It's
not that that's that's not how it works. That's that relationship.
Imagine if all your friends right, if they did something wrong,
(18:18):
Oh you're done. Oh you know, you're done. Just imagine
how many people is done with you. And so when
you think about a marriage, there was a vow, there
was a commitment that is made before God. And honestly,
it's that conscious reality knowing that I am making a
vow with God in front of people and these are
(18:41):
my witnesses that reminds me of this vow that I
had made.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
That vow goes all the way back to the Book
of Ruth where Ruth said to Boaz, your people will
be by people. Your God will be my God. And
that is a vow that Ruth made to Boas. And
that is the vowel that we make with one another
in front of God. And that's the vowel. And sometimes
vows are not easy to keep, that's why they're called vows.
They're not easy to keep. But you fight for those
(19:06):
vows that you made and you've pushed through no matter
how difficult the season gets. Number One, it's continuity. Not
only do you have to have continuity, but number two,
you have to have consistency. Consistencies. You cannot be radically
inconsistent in marriage, like I can't totally surprise you, like
I never thought saw that coming from you. Right, you
can't be like that's so inconsistent with you. I want
(19:26):
to be consistent. I don't want to be inconsistent. So
it means for better, for words, for richard, for poor,
for sickness, and in health. That's what it means. And
it's in those times that God begins to create this
perseverance in you, because there's going to be times you're
gonna have to push through the frustration or the challenges
in a season of your marriage. In other words, it's
the same Christian life in the Christian life. According to
(19:49):
this book by Gary what's his name small, No, not
very small, but the book is called Sacred Marriage, and
he said this marriage wasn't meant to make you happy,
marriage was actually meant to make holy. What is that
if you're marrying someone for happiness, that you make me happy,
there might be a time they make you unhappy. And
you got to make sure that there is necessarily marrying
(20:11):
on feeling. You're marrying on common sense, and you're marrying
because you feel called to them. There's a difference. There's
a difference, and so when you go through those times,
you can endure. In James Chapter one, verse three to four,
James writes to Christians, and we could apply it to marriage.
He says, to your brothers and sisters, when troubles of
any kind, if I say any kind, any kind, any
(20:31):
kind of troubles in your marriage also come your way,
consider it an opportunity for great joy. Why because for
you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance
has a chance to grow. So let it grow. And
when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect
and complete, needing nothing. And so that's what you're looking for.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
And I got to say, marriage, your faith will be tested. Yeah, okay,
your faith will be tested like no other. And that's
actually a good thing. Even think about it, all these
challenges that you go through in a marriage in your family,
think of it as opportunities to improve, opportunities to see
God's work, opportunities to get on your knees, opportunities to
(21:14):
get closer to the Lord. Instead of seeing the issues
and the problems as Oh my gosh, this will never end.
I'm so frustrated, But seize the moment. And when you
think about consistency, I'm going to tell you, tell every
one of you, consistency means consistency and loving consistency and
forgiving consistency and having grace mercy with one another. That's
(21:38):
going to be your constant thing in marriage, and that
will never change. If you keep that consistent, There's going
to be fruit out of your consistency because when you
know to remain consistent, you have to keep practicing it.
And one other thing is one of the things that
you want to be consistent with. One thing with Mike
and I years ago, in the beginning years of a marriage. Okay,
(21:59):
so it was my birthday and it was you know,
it was on a Sunday, and he sent somebody else
to go get me my birthday cake, and so he
got I like chantilly cake.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
I was delegating, Okay, I like delegator.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
But he bought the Zippy's chantilly cake. Chantilly it is
what it was. A no no, okay. So I didn't
want to bum me. I didn't want to bum him out.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
I wanted to get my zip backed I want to
get my cake all at one.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Shot, so I want I don't want to bum him out. Okay,
all right, it's the thought that counts. He got me
a birthday cake. But the next day I had to
tell him the truth because I told myself, we've ont
to been marrying me seven years. I said, I'm not
going to go through the next fifty six years not
having the right cake. So next day I told him,
(22:49):
I said, Honey, I don't want to sound, you know,
like a like a queenie, but I really don't like
any other cake besides Liliha Bakery. It has to be
lee h Bakery Shantilli Cake.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
You know how bad the parking is that bakery. You
know you got to stand in line and take a
number at Liliha Bakery.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
And Liliah Bakery is one of the best bakeries in Hawaii.
And I said, I grew up with that. It's a
tradition my mom would. My mom then bought that cake
every single year for all our birthdays, and you're ruining it.
And I need you to make sure next year you
get me Shantilly cake and do not send someone else
to go buy it. Buy it yourself. Ever, since then,
(23:32):
he's been very consistent.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
You know. The thing is congratulations, give her hand everybody.
That's good. But the problem was she never explained those
expectations to me before we got married. No, I think
I know you didn't. I would have got you know,
you told me like Schantilly cake. You didn't say Lia
Bakery specifically, so you needed to communicate better. I needed
maybe I needed to listen better. But the expectations were
(23:55):
like and here's the other part though, but you don't
ask for a lot.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
You're like low maintenance, so that when I was like,
oh easy, then I can get you that.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Get that. But yeah, I'll get you that.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
But it was I like consistency, right, I'm you're very consistent.
You know. I love things in order. That one year
was all was out of order.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
And anyway, So I think the most the lesson that
we're learning here is explain what your expectations are up front, Okay,
I'm sure they're reasonable, and then communicate those expectations so
that way your expectations are met, because we get hurt
when we have unmet expectations. Sometimes we think that you
(24:43):
can read our minds, or I can read your mind.
I can't read your mind. So you have to tell
me what you really want. Tell me what you want,
what you really really want. I'll tell you what I want,
what I really really want. Let me not right, communic cases, whatever.
But you've you don't tell me what your expectations are,
then I'm going to ask you what are your expectations?
(25:04):
Because I don't want an argument. I don't want to
let you down. I want you to be happy. I
know it's your birthday. We're going to party like it's
your birthday. I'm just throwing out on songs right now, everybody,
But think about that for a moment. It is the expectations,
the communication of that expectations, and make it clear.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Very clear, very clear. Yes and Romans, Chapter five, verse
three to five. It says we can rejoice too when
we run into problems and trials, for we know that
they help us develop endurance, and endurance develops strength of character,
and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this
hope will lead to disappointment, will not lead to disappointment?
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Yes, And this hope not to lead disappointment. So that's
why you say your expectations so it doesn't lead to
disappointment and communicate that yes, I look how I'll tie
that together? Pretty awesome? All right? Here, Okay, here's number three,
number three.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Third one is cultivation, Yes, cultivating your marriage.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
That's cherish.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Cherish you think about cultivating, you know, it's really it's
constant pursuit of one another. It's you know, when you
think about being married for twenty seven, twenty seven years,
like Mike is still chasing me around the whole house,
you know, he is continually, Yeah, chasing like that, running, pursuing.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Pursuing one of the come on, I'm pursuing you, but
not chasing you.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Chase me. But it's you think about it, it's cultivating.
You know, what are you cultivating in a marriage? What
have you cultivated? What have you put in? What have
you put out?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
You know?
Speaker 3 (26:43):
And a lot of it is how to love and
to cherish one another. It's how to honor, how do
we respect one another? And I think respect is such
a big one. I think after you've been married for years,
sometimes you naturally just accept disrespect and I that and
sometimes the marriages and I'm like, wait, okay, I know
you've been married for so many years, but I don't
(27:05):
think you can still talk to him or her that way,
you know, because I think when I think about cultivating,
like I God was showing me a lot through the
years of marriage, Like sometimes I want to look at
my husband and I want to see something different, you know,
I don't want to wake up and go, here's the
same guy. You know, I'll look for different things. You know,
(27:27):
I'll be like looking for a freckle, looking for something
that I haven't noticed before, you know, and and for
many years, you know, I'm studying you. And because I
told myself, we don't study each other enough. I think
as couples, we don't study the behaviors of each other.
(27:47):
We don't study what they see, what they like, what
are they listening to, what do they like to taste,
what's going on in their head? Because I think sometimes
we go so fast in our marriage, like we don't
take time to just really kind of be with each
other and pursue one another, you know. And I think
(28:09):
about cultivating. Cultivating takes time. It takes time sowing and
then when you sow and you sew and you plant,
you know, then you get to reap the harvest. But
if you cultivate nothing. If you cultivate, no time, no energies,
no creativity into the marriage, then you're going to get
(28:32):
what you get, you know. And I told myself, We
told each other that after the kids are gone, it
should be the best years of our lives. It shouldn't
be the oh my gosh, what are we going to
do now there's kids are gone. And I've seen couples
who do this. They'll look at each other when the
(28:52):
kids are all gone. In college, they're at the dinner table,
they don't know what to say because they haven't cultivated
from day one. You have to cultivate year after year
after year. It's like any relationship with God, relationship with people.
If you don't cultivate it, you don't spend time, you
(29:13):
don't invest, you don't pour in, and all you do
is take, take, take. Eventually it's gets on balance.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Well, the great thing about this is it's like a garden.
So you can let your garden get overrun with weeds
and ignore it. Like I got. I got a garden
in the back and it's growing like wild right right now.
And I don't want to use round up because we
heard about round up, So I got to go pull
it up. So I got to go pull up all
the weeds that are choking up all my taro and
my sweet potato, you know I'm talking about, And I
(29:42):
have to cultivate that. But you have to fertilize. You
have to add good seed, good soil, good water. And
that's the cultivation of a marriage. That it's important that
you remove the weeds. In second sway, in Song of Solomon,
it says, catch for us the foxes, all the little
foxes that steal or or what is the word it
(30:03):
eat away at the garden of our love. I think
I quoted it correctly. We'll see, But here it is.
There are foxes that they look cute, but these foxes
actually are eating away at the root, and not just
the fruit. They're eating away at the fruit of that vineyard.
And they also go after the roots. They're subterraneous, so
they get underneath and they look cute, but they're actually
eating away at the roots. So what you have to
(30:25):
do is you can't what are the foxes in your marriage,
or in your relationship or in your family that you
got to catch them and eradicate it in order for
you to create the best beautiful marriage garden that you want,
and those are the things. What is it? Is it time?
Is it stress? Is it? Is it outside influences, whatever
it is? Wrong, friends, family input that might not be helpful.
(30:48):
Whatever it is, whatever it is, there's helpful family input,
and there's great friends for your marriage, but they're on
the other hand, there are ones that can be destructive.
So you have to be able to uproot and pull
those things and then put a fence around your garden.
Because I got this dog and he wants to get
in and he uproots everything. So I have to create
this little fence so he can't get in and eat
away at the roots. He goes for the root and
(31:09):
take away my bananas, you know I'm talking about, and
cut down my banana tree before the thing can bloom.
So these are the different things. What is because the
devil would love nothing more excuse me, the devil? Who
the devil? If first fiveral saw it, everybody after, what
are they talking about? Nothing? The devil would love nothing
more to do than to eat away at your marriage.
(31:30):
So he'll eat away with it with unforgiveness, with resentment,
with offense, with bitterness, and distraction. I think those are
the big distraction is a big one in the past
five years and especially the last year. But what he
wants to do is eat away at it. But what
we won't do is allow him to do that, because
what we're going to do is we're going to cultivate
(31:52):
the best, most amazing marriages possible. And that takes work,
that takes prayer, that takes forgiveness, that takes love. And
the fourth one we head to this and it's Covenant,
and that's why Frank's on the stage right now. Covenant,
the fourth one for as long as we both shall live.
Talk about that real quick.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
You think about it, Covenant is it's a promise. It's
a vow that I promise, and it's really deeper and
it's actually stronger than that. And you know when every
time a covenant was made between God and people, there
was a sacrifice that was made. And you think about it.
Being married, there's a lot of sacrificing and a lot
of people think sacrifice. What you mean, Oh, no, if
(32:34):
you want to be in a relationship, you want to
be in a.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Marriage, you will sacrifice. Career choices, yes, places that you
want to live, things that you would want to do, Yes,
and even sometimes things that are unhealthy for your marriage
that you've grew up with or you think it were
fine and you have to sacrifice that. You have to
put that on the altar. And there are actually good
things that you're going to put on the alter, good
things that you're going to sacrifice. You're going to sacrifice
(32:58):
good things. But I believe if you sacrifice that for
the betterment of your marriage, God will either bring it
back in a different way, bring it back stronger or
better than ever before, or a different version that you
needed to give up, or better replacement that you needed
to give up in order to make this marriage amazing
for as long as you both shall live. It's a covenant.
It's not a contract. It's a covenant. The covenant is
(33:20):
made between each other and before God. And when we
make that covenant before God, it's easier to hold on
to those vowels that you make because are the most
important vows that you will make here on earth. The
first one is to follow God. The second one is
to love one another as Christ, love the Church. That's
the most important thing. We're going to get into Ephesians
five on another time, because that's really deep about the
(33:41):
roles of a husband and a wife. Next week we're
going to talk about another relational secret sauce, not about marriage,
but join us in marriage conversation. Is that this week,
this next week, following week, the following week. Okay, good,
all right, it's going to be great. So with that,
can we pray for everybody?
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Okay, would you just open up your hearts, your minds
right now online, right now. I'm hoping that this minister
to people was this good. Thank you, thank you, Praise God.
We're gonna pray. Father. We just come before you now
in the name of Jesus, and we need your presence.
We need your help. We need you in our relationships
with our family and our friends. But right now we're
(34:20):
praying specifically for your intervention in marriages. Father, for walls
that have been built up over the years that need
to be melted down, so to speak, or walls that
needed to come down. Lord, I pray that you'd break
through walls, walls of unforgiveness or unengaged. Father. I pray
that you'd wake up and you'd awaken love once again. Father,
(34:42):
that you would stoke the fire of marriage, stoke the
fires of love in people. Respecting one another and honoring
each other. And Father, I thank you Lord for the
marriages here today. Father, I thank you for marriages that
are watching us online. Father, that they would become stronger,
better than ever before, that they would invest in one
another and invest in becoming better wives and better husband's. Lord. So, Father,
(35:06):
we thank you for the ultimate picture that you've given
us of marriage. It is between the church and the bridegroom.
Jesus Christ. May we remember that you died and you
sacrificed your life for the Church, which is the body
of Christ, which is us. You lay down your life
for us. You laid down your life for us so
that we would have everlasting life as a result. And Father,
(35:29):
I pray that as husbands lay down their lives for
their wives, and wives would respect and honor their husbands.
The biblical word for submission is to respect and to honor, Father,
that that would take place in our marriages. And Father,
we pray for your special blessing and favor upon each
relationship here today, not just marriages, but on relationships as
(35:51):
a whole. Father, we thank you for who you are,
are you doing in our lives. We love you, Lord,
We bless you in Jesus' name, and everybody said Amen.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Thank you for listening to the Mike Chai radio broadcast
here on pray dot com. We hope you are encouraged
by today's message. You can find leadership books, webinars, masterclasses
and more resources at Mikechi dot tv. And remember you
can find the Mike Chi channel here on pray dot com.
Until next time, May God continue to bless you
Welcome to the Mike Kai Radio broadcast here on prey
dot com. Thank you for joining us today for an
incredible word. Lean in, listen, close, and don't forget to
click the heart to save this message. To know more
about Mike Ki, head to mike Kai dot TV. Let's
jump into today's message.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
It's good to have everybody. Lisa, are you excited about
this series?
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Yeah, I'm excited about this series called The Secret Sauce,
And it's really not just about marriage, just about relationships.
And you think about it. We're all in some kind
of relationship, whether we're married, whether we have friends, whether
we have family members, we have coworkers, So you think
about it. Even though today's is really pretty much the
Secret Sauce for marriages, and you might be thinking, like
(00:48):
Mike was saying, if you're single, you know, it's really
just more wisdom and actually you would be prepared to
understand what marriage is all about, and how crucial that
in that Christian marriages survive, right, like literally survive. And
that's why we're our prayer is that everybody will be
quit to understand what marriage.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Is all about, especially in a world like today where
it's coming against marriages has been for the longest time.
Then I want to congratulate those of you who are
fighting for your marriage are happily married, and congratulations, and
squeeze the hand of your spouse if you're right next
to them, or give them a little nudge on the knee,
you know, a little love tap, because it's very, very
important that you stay together and you stay strong. So
when we decided to do this topic on calling it
(01:31):
the Secret Sauce, again, it's not just about marriage, but
marriage up front, marriage in the middle, marriage at the end,
and in between. We're gonna mix it up because I
don't want you to think, oh, we're not talking about
marriage again. Well, we're going to go more intense on
marriage conversations and we're going to go deeper rather than
on this this level. It's gonna be great, But I
want to talk to you about something that's important, So
the secret Sauce. So why is it called the secret sauce.
(01:52):
It's called the secret sauce because when you think about it,
there are companies, there are restaurants, there are mom and
pop operations that have closed, but they've hung on to
the secret recipe and never gave it to somebody, because
normally when you sell the restaurant, you give your secret
sauce recipe with that. Whatever your mo Chico chicken is,
whatever your chicken Tiki masala is if you're Indian, or
(02:12):
whatever it is, you hand off that secret herbs and
spices to the next generation or the person that's buying.
But I've also heard of companies that have never given
away their secret recipe have closed their doors and will
never be able to enjoy that again. So what I've
always shared with my staff is no matter what I know,
whatever I learn, I never hold it to myself. I'm
(02:33):
always giving them whatever the secret sauce is, on sermon prep,
on leadership, on finances, whatever it is, I don't want
to take it with me. I want to give it
all away and share it. And so hopefully twenty seven
years of marriage, and we're believing for even greater years
ahead on twenty seven amazing years, we're going to share
what we learned as our secret sauce. So anyway, and
(02:56):
you get more at the marriage conversations, you get more
on that sauce.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
You guys probably have some secret saucy exactly as well.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Saucy very saucy. So here it is. So I want
to open up with Mark chapter ten. In your bibles.
In Mark chapter ten, verse six to nine, we need
to lay a biblical foundation on biblical marriage. Okay, so
Mark ten, verse six is, but God made them male
and female from the beginning of creation. So this explains
why a man leaves his father and mother and is
(03:24):
joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
And since they are no longer two but one, let
no one split apart what God has joined together. So
the biblical foundation of marriage is a male and a female.
Can't get around that. That's a biblical definition. So that's
what he talks about. That's what God intended from the
very beginning. But when we make these marital vows that
(03:45):
we make with one another, that's very important. So at
the end of my bible here, this is a Bible
that I've had for a long time, probably fifteen to
twenty years. It's already gone through several versions. I've got
all kinds of highlights. These are all the colors in it,
and by then I got to use different colors. So
this this Bible fell apart, so I had to send
it to a company in California, and they totally they
(04:06):
glued back my pages, they ironed it out, they copied
what needed to be copied. Is this is an heirloom.
This is precious to me. But at the end, when
I do weddings, and I don't do a lot anymore,
but when I do do them, in the end, I
tell the couples, come on, you got to do your
own vowels to one another. Don't be chicken. Do your
own vows to one another, look each other in the eye,
write it down, memorize it or even read it. And
(04:28):
then at the end, and even if they up to
or not, at the end, I have them repeat after me.
And this is my cheat sheet at the back of
my bible, where I have them repeat after me. We've
taken these vows, the repeat after me vows and when
we've broken them down into four simple categories, tonight, what's
so brilliant? Yeah, that's not my idea, but brilliant amazing.
(04:50):
I kind of had something to do with anyway. And
these are the vowels and the vows. I hope you
have them on the screen. And the vows are this
is I blank, take you blank, okay, whatever your blank
name is to be my my husband or your lawfully
wedded wife. To have and to hold, they say it.
They repeat, to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness
(05:11):
and in health, to love and to cherish, as long
as we both shall live. Pretty close to what I've
gotten in my Bible. But I want everybody to repeat
after me, just say this, say I take you whatever.
But anyway, moving right along, Okay, repeat this part after me.
To have and to hold, from this day forward, for
(05:32):
better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness
and in health, to love and to cherish as long
as we both shall live. That's the vows. And we
take vows all the time. So there are vows that
we make publicly, and these are one of those vows
where you take a marriage value. You make them publicly
(05:54):
in front of all your friends and in front of
all your family, and they're all listening in, they're all
taking photos, they're remembering that moment, everything that you're doing
right now, how beautiful you look, what Aloha's shirt, what dress,
what gown. But then there are vows that we make
silently to ourselves, Vows that we make as children. I'll
never let them do that to me again. Vows that
(06:14):
we make even as adults, we make vows. Those are
those are important, and sometimes those vows need to be broken.
We need to break some vows that we've made even
before we got married, even in our marriage. But these
vows between a man and a woman, between a husband
and a wife, are more important than ever. I'm looking
at a couple that I did there waiting a year
and a half ago, and in the second row, Connor
(06:37):
and his beautiful wife Marissa, and I did their Did
I do these vows? I did these vows? Right? Did
you do your own vows as well? Good? You weren't chicken? Congratulations,
so proud of you. Right? And these are very very important.
And I tell them a new couple, if you ever
hold those vows, don't throw them away, frame them.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
I just want to say that, you know, we think
about I know there's quite a bit of you who
may not be married, but we look at this. You know,
it's always great to glean from people who's been married
for a long time, like I. Just the other day
I met a couple I was at calling them all
actually yesterday waiting for my daughter done with school. Call
them all, call them all.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Okay, are you from Comana? I didn't go to I
didn't go to camp school. Our cameraman's from come excuse me, Yes.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
He is, and he will correct me. Yeah, he threw
up to me. And so, you know, and it's hard
to get a table right because there's less tables. And
then finally a table opened up and it's like it
was the two chairs and I was sitting there and
it was kind of weird. But somebody, one lady came
and go, can I share your table with you? And
I'm like, that's COVID.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
I wouldn't have shared the table.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
And then so I was like, okay, that's kind of
that's kind of rude. And so when another couple just
came by again and she was in a wheelchair and
her husband was, you know, wheeling her and that, and
so at first I said.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
No, wow, and I felt that that's savage, I know.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
And she's sitting on a handicapped sitting on a handicapped table,
which is for.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Them exactly even more savage.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
That's what he told me.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Sitting at the wrong table.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
He told me, well, that's a handicapped table. And I said, oh, yes.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Hey, well one glad, He corrected you. Yes, can't keep going?
Keep the picture up?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Can I just finish the story?
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Yes? I know it's a long story, but anyway, and
so put that picture back up.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
So I'm sitting there and I'm thinking, okay, well they're
going to be eating their lunch while I'm studying for
this message. And I'm like, oh, I just started a conversation.
And I say, so, how long have you been married?
And they said fifty five years? And I figot, okay, well,
I'm studying on the secret sauce of a marriage? I said,
so what is the secret sauce? And he's like what, wow, Well,
(08:52):
you know I never really thought about it. You just
you just do it. You just you just stay married.
You know, you never would think about not staying married.
And he says, then he tell me, you know, the
greatest thing is my wife. My wife. I wouldn't have
been able to do this without my wife. And you know,
and she just suffered a stroke or I don't know
how long ago, but to see them like the way
(09:15):
he served her right, you know, wheeling her at Cahola Mall,
Cahala ma al and just having and buying her lunch.
And she's sitting there she wants to have a conversation,
but she can't because she just had a stroke. But
I'm just sitting there thinking, Wow, I wish we could
all can see ourselves. Wow, fifty years celebrating fifty five
(09:36):
years together, and whether one of us is in a
wheelchair or not, or you know whatever, it is like
she had her makeup bonds. She looked amazing, She looked beautiful,
And I told her, you are so beautiful, and I said,
it's because your husband cherished you. Your husband, you know,
really loved on you, because I can tell. And one
(09:58):
thing when he left says, you know also once he
says one more thing, he says, make sure you share
your values to your children. And I was like, what
great advice I want to I wasna just go bring
him here and preach, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
But right, you know that that photo just reminds me
of my grandmother and grandfather, my dad's my dad's side.
We grew up on the Big Island. My grandmother when
I was a little, when I was before I was born,
she had a stroke and we called her. Her name
was Beatrice, so we just called her be Kai Bi
Kai had a stroke before I was born, and as
far as I can remember, she was always bedridden and
(10:34):
my grandfather, George Kai would always take care of her.
And I'm talking about from bedpans to dinner. My my
Papa George took care of my grandmother and he was
always faithful to her, loved her, took good care of her,
and the longevity of that marriage to this day. I
honestly can say this that my grandmother was a smoker
and she smoked like crazy. She smoked like a chimney,
(10:56):
to be honest with you, and Papa George took care
of her. And I always thought, Papaa, when I'm like
fifteen seventeen years old, white let her smoke so much.
The only thing that gave her satisfaction in life at
that time of her life, of course her grandkids. And
so honestly, her cigarette smoking actually hastened my grandfather's death
(11:16):
because Papa George ended up dying of emphysema because of
Grandma's smoking. And when you look at that, it's sad,
but it's really love. That was love that kept them
together all those years. And I look at that story,
and I look at this story. The key ingredients to
a thriving marriage or even lasting is Number one is continuity.
Everybody write that down in your notes. Continuity, continuity, continuity
(11:40):
is to have and to hold from this day forward.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
And you think about it, says this day forward. And
often when we do weddings, you know, we know that
they become one on their wedding day, and this day forward,
it's almost like there is a continuity, continued continuity, continuity, continuity,
(12:04):
you know, moving forward, and it's really there's an action
to it. There's a movement towards something. For you, it
is and so when you think about it, says in
Genesis two twenty four, that is why a man leaves
his father and mother and is united to his wife
and they become one flesh. And I just did a
(12:26):
wedding too, just last week with Michelle Morikamie and she
and Jason just got married, and you know, just seeing
this young couple make a vow to see that from
this day forward, their life is going to change tremendously.
And I even remember telling her parents because I'm very
close to Brian and Lois. I said, Brian and Lois
(12:49):
capture this moment because you're not going to have it again.
This is your only day that you're giving your daughter away.
So go into the emotion. Jump all in, you know,
go for it because this is all you have. This
is it. And even I told j C and Michelle
the bride in the groom, you know, because we always
(13:11):
hold back. You know, it's like it's our wedding day.
I don't want to tear because I want good pictures.
I'm scared my lasts is gonna fall off off. And
but I told them I had to kind of talk
to him at rehearsal. I said, remember, this is not
just an event, and this is this is not any
this is not a party for people. It is for
(13:32):
you before God, because you're gonna make a vow, and
I want you to capture this moment because when you
step and when you leave that altar, you are mister
and missus forever, and you're moving forward. You're not gonna
move back. Oh, there's Lois and Brian up there, there
they are. And I told Brian, I said, you know what,
(13:53):
can you just cry? Just cry? Stop holding back, you know,
And He's like, I'm not gonna cry. I'm not gonna cry.
And the next thing you know, he's walking his daughter done,
and I'm like, okay, he's crying. Everyone is crying. But
it's literally it's you know, when you leave your mom
and your father and you're being united to your wife,
you become one flesh. That is a step for It's.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Called leaving and cleaving. You have to leave and cleave.
And so oftentimes we we leave, but we still we're
not cleaving. And so when we had a hard you
had a hard time with that. I was already gone
for my parents, and but you had a hard time.
You always wanted to go back to mom and dad.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Yes, because they had better food.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
And I was the cook you were.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Yeah, I wasn't a great cook, and you are, mom.
Can you make some extra? Can I just come over
and eat and take it home?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
So the leaving and cleaving, let's let's hit that for
a moment, because when you leave and you cleave, you're
basically saying I no longer can come here as a
place of an escape place. I can't come back. You're fighting,
You're staying home, You're not going to sleep at your parents'
house again. That's it. You got to fight both sides.
You cannot go back and use that as a trump
(15:03):
card to say that, well, I'm gonna go to my
mom and Dad's no, no, you got to You gotta
hang in there unless it's something super bad like physical physical.
But I'm talking about you gotta work it out, you
gotta work through it because you can. There's a leaving
and cleaving. That's why I go back to Genesis two,
verse twenty four up on the screen. That is why
a man leaves his father and mother, and a woman
leaves her father and mother and is joined and united
(15:24):
to his wife or her husband, and they become one fleshed.
There's a leaving in the cleaving, very important in their continuity.
But oftentimes in that continuity within that sometimes people will say, oh,
I think I made a mistake. I did not marry
my soulmate. Now let me talk to you about soul
may let me tell you about the lie of the
soulmate's baloney. Okay, the soul maate thing is is not
(15:45):
it's a lie. It sounds really nice, Santa Claus, the
easter bunny sounds cute, you know what I'm talking about.
But really, the soulmate comes from Greek mythology. And when
Greek mythology mythology, Zeus was upset that human beings had
four arms and four legs, and so what he did
was as a way to get back to them so
they wouldn't get more powerful, he cut them in half
(16:06):
in Greek mythology. So they were all over the earth
looking to find their fit, and when they did, they
found what they call their soulmates. Now that's wrapped in
Greek mythology. That's not grap that's not wrapped in Biblical Christianity.
Biblical Christianity says, I mean, soulmate means needle in a haystack,
you know what I'm saying. And I think I got
(16:27):
the wrong needle in that wrong haystack. And now all
of a sudden you think got a six billion people
throughout the world that there is that one. I would
say that any man or woman that come together, that
are in love with one another, that found love with
one another, working through it can make it happen. And
it takes hard work. It takes absolute hard work. There's
(16:47):
no pixie dusts. It doesn't there's no magic to it.
You know what I mean. It means hard work in
order to stay together. You have something written about that,
you want to read that that quote.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Yes, it says you know, this is a lie. It
isn't magic, it isn't a fairy tale. It's not a
love song. And it's it's not a Broadway musical. That's
not what it's all about. Love is actually work. It's daily, difficult,
sometimes montaneous work. But more than that, love is a decision.
It is a choice. It is a choice to move forward,
(17:21):
is a choice to stay married, and it is a
choice to endure and to fight and to forgive and
compromise and not leave. And you know this is you
know when you think about you know, one of my
passions is to see marriages succeed. You know, I've because
I've witnessed so many marriages that survive through their struggles
(17:43):
that even with infidelity. You know, when there's two people
who are seeking after God and are willing to do
what God says to love, to forgive, to have mercy,
to have grace, I think we can conquer any sin.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Right.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
It's to God's love. And to see two believers, a
married couple fight through moving towards moving forward, it's like
it can be done. It's not like if sin had
happened in a marriage, you stop and we're done. It's
not that that's that's not how it works. That's that relationship.
Imagine if all your friends right, if they did something wrong,
(18:18):
Oh you're done. Oh you know, you're done. Just imagine
how many people is done with you. And so when
you think about a marriage, there was a vow, there
was a commitment that is made before God. And honestly,
it's that conscious reality knowing that I am making a
vow with God in front of people and these are
(18:41):
my witnesses that reminds me of this vow that I
had made.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
That vow goes all the way back to the Book
of Ruth where Ruth said to Boaz, your people will
be by people. Your God will be my God. And
that is a vow that Ruth made to Boas. And
that is the vowel that we make with one another
in front of God. And that's the vowel. And sometimes
vows are not easy to keep, that's why they're called vows.
They're not easy to keep. But you fight for those
(19:06):
vows that you made and you've pushed through no matter
how difficult the season gets. Number One, it's continuity. Not
only do you have to have continuity, but number two,
you have to have consistency. Consistencies. You cannot be radically
inconsistent in marriage, like I can't totally surprise you, like
I never thought saw that coming from you. Right, you
can't be like that's so inconsistent with you. I want
(19:26):
to be consistent. I don't want to be inconsistent. So
it means for better, for words, for richard, for poor,
for sickness, and in health. That's what it means. And
it's in those times that God begins to create this
perseverance in you, because there's going to be times you're
gonna have to push through the frustration or the challenges
in a season of your marriage. In other words, it's
the same Christian life in the Christian life. According to
(19:49):
this book by Gary what's his name small, No, not
very small, but the book is called Sacred Marriage, and
he said this marriage wasn't meant to make you happy,
marriage was actually meant to make holy. What is that
if you're marrying someone for happiness, that you make me happy,
there might be a time they make you unhappy. And
you got to make sure that there is necessarily marrying
(20:11):
on feeling. You're marrying on common sense, and you're marrying
because you feel called to them. There's a difference. There's
a difference, and so when you go through those times,
you can endure. In James Chapter one, verse three to four,
James writes to Christians, and we could apply it to marriage.
He says, to your brothers and sisters, when troubles of
any kind, if I say any kind, any kind, any
(20:31):
kind of troubles in your marriage also come your way,
consider it an opportunity for great joy. Why because for
you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance
has a chance to grow. So let it grow. And
when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect
and complete, needing nothing. And so that's what you're looking for.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
And I got to say, marriage, your faith will be tested. Yeah, okay,
your faith will be tested like no other. And that's
actually a good thing. Even think about it, all these
challenges that you go through in a marriage in your family,
think of it as opportunities to improve, opportunities to see
God's work, opportunities to get on your knees, opportunities to
(21:14):
get closer to the Lord. Instead of seeing the issues
and the problems as Oh my gosh, this will never end.
I'm so frustrated, But seize the moment. And when you
think about consistency, I'm going to tell you, tell every
one of you, consistency means consistency and loving consistency and
forgiving consistency and having grace mercy with one another. That's
(21:38):
going to be your constant thing in marriage, and that
will never change. If you keep that consistent, There's going
to be fruit out of your consistency because when you
know to remain consistent, you have to keep practicing it.
And one other thing is one of the things that
you want to be consistent with. One thing with Mike
and I years ago, in the beginning years of a marriage. Okay,
(21:59):
so it was my birthday and it was you know,
it was on a Sunday, and he sent somebody else
to go get me my birthday cake, and so he
got I like chantilly cake.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
I was delegating, Okay, I like delegator.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
But he bought the Zippy's chantilly cake. Chantilly it is
what it was. A no no, okay. So I didn't
want to bum me. I didn't want to bum him out.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
I wanted to get my zip backed I want to
get my cake all at one.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Shot, so I want I don't want to bum him out. Okay,
all right, it's the thought that counts. He got me
a birthday cake. But the next day I had to
tell him the truth because I told myself, we've ont
to been marrying me seven years. I said, I'm not
going to go through the next fifty six years not
having the right cake. So next day I told him,
(22:49):
I said, Honey, I don't want to sound, you know,
like a like a queenie, but I really don't like
any other cake besides Liliha Bakery. It has to be
lee h Bakery Shantilli Cake.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
You know how bad the parking is that bakery. You
know you got to stand in line and take a
number at Liliha Bakery.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
And Liliah Bakery is one of the best bakeries in Hawaii.
And I said, I grew up with that. It's a
tradition my mom would. My mom then bought that cake
every single year for all our birthdays, and you're ruining it.
And I need you to make sure next year you
get me Shantilly cake and do not send someone else
to go buy it. Buy it yourself. Ever, since then,
(23:32):
he's been very consistent.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
You know. The thing is congratulations, give her hand everybody.
That's good. But the problem was she never explained those
expectations to me before we got married. No, I think
I know you didn't. I would have got you know,
you told me like Schantilly cake. You didn't say Lia
Bakery specifically, so you needed to communicate better. I needed
maybe I needed to listen better. But the expectations were
(23:55):
like and here's the other part though, but you don't
ask for a lot.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
You're like low maintenance, so that when I was like,
oh easy, then I can get you that.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Get that. But yeah, I'll get you that.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
But it was I like consistency, right, I'm you're very consistent.
You know. I love things in order. That one year
was all was out of order.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
And anyway, So I think the most the lesson that
we're learning here is explain what your expectations are up front, Okay,
I'm sure they're reasonable, and then communicate those expectations so
that way your expectations are met, because we get hurt
when we have unmet expectations. Sometimes we think that you
(24:43):
can read our minds, or I can read your mind.
I can't read your mind. So you have to tell
me what you really want. Tell me what you want,
what you really really want. I'll tell you what I want,
what I really really want. Let me not right, communic cases, whatever.
But you've you don't tell me what your expectations are,
then I'm going to ask you what are your expectations?
(25:04):
Because I don't want an argument. I don't want to
let you down. I want you to be happy. I
know it's your birthday. We're going to party like it's
your birthday. I'm just throwing out on songs right now, everybody,
But think about that for a moment. It is the expectations,
the communication of that expectations, and make it clear.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Very clear, very clear. Yes and Romans, Chapter five, verse
three to five. It says we can rejoice too when
we run into problems and trials, for we know that
they help us develop endurance, and endurance develops strength of character,
and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this
hope will lead to disappointment, will not lead to disappointment?
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Yes, And this hope not to lead disappointment. So that's
why you say your expectations so it doesn't lead to
disappointment and communicate that yes, I look how I'll tie
that together? Pretty awesome? All right? Here, Okay, here's number three,
number three.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Third one is cultivation, Yes, cultivating your marriage.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
That's cherish.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Cherish you think about cultivating, you know, it's really it's
constant pursuit of one another. It's you know, when you
think about being married for twenty seven, twenty seven years,
like Mike is still chasing me around the whole house,
you know, he is continually, Yeah, chasing like that, running, pursuing.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Pursuing one of the come on, I'm pursuing you, but
not chasing you.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Chase me. But it's you think about it, it's cultivating.
You know, what are you cultivating in a marriage? What
have you cultivated? What have you put in? What have
you put out?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
You know?
Speaker 3 (26:43):
And a lot of it is how to love and
to cherish one another. It's how to honor, how do
we respect one another? And I think respect is such
a big one. I think after you've been married for years,
sometimes you naturally just accept disrespect and I that and
sometimes the marriages and I'm like, wait, okay, I know
you've been married for so many years, but I don't
(27:05):
think you can still talk to him or her that way,
you know, because I think when I think about cultivating,
like I God was showing me a lot through the
years of marriage, Like sometimes I want to look at
my husband and I want to see something different, you know,
I don't want to wake up and go, here's the
same guy. You know, I'll look for different things. You know,
(27:27):
I'll be like looking for a freckle, looking for something
that I haven't noticed before, you know, and and for
many years, you know, I'm studying you. And because I
told myself, we don't study each other enough. I think
as couples, we don't study the behaviors of each other.
(27:47):
We don't study what they see, what they like, what
are they listening to, what do they like to taste,
what's going on in their head? Because I think sometimes
we go so fast in our marriage, like we don't
take time to just really kind of be with each
other and pursue one another, you know. And I think
(28:09):
about cultivating. Cultivating takes time. It takes time sowing and
then when you sow and you sew and you plant,
you know, then you get to reap the harvest. But
if you cultivate nothing. If you cultivate, no time, no energies,
no creativity into the marriage, then you're going to get
(28:32):
what you get, you know. And I told myself, We
told each other that after the kids are gone, it
should be the best years of our lives. It shouldn't
be the oh my gosh, what are we going to
do now there's kids are gone. And I've seen couples
who do this. They'll look at each other when the
(28:52):
kids are all gone. In college, they're at the dinner table,
they don't know what to say because they haven't cultivated
from day one. You have to cultivate year after year
after year. It's like any relationship with God, relationship with people.
If you don't cultivate it, you don't spend time, you
(29:13):
don't invest, you don't pour in, and all you do
is take, take, take. Eventually it's gets on balance.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Well, the great thing about this is it's like a garden.
So you can let your garden get overrun with weeds
and ignore it. Like I got. I got a garden
in the back and it's growing like wild right right now.
And I don't want to use round up because we
heard about round up, So I got to go pull
it up. So I got to go pull up all
the weeds that are choking up all my taro and
my sweet potato, you know I'm talking about, And I
(29:42):
have to cultivate that. But you have to fertilize. You
have to add good seed, good soil, good water. And
that's the cultivation of a marriage. That it's important that
you remove the weeds. In second sway, in Song of Solomon,
it says, catch for us the foxes, all the little
foxes that steal or or what is the word it
(30:03):
eat away at the garden of our love. I think
I quoted it correctly. We'll see, But here it is.
There are foxes that they look cute, but these foxes
actually are eating away at the root, and not just
the fruit. They're eating away at the fruit of that vineyard.
And they also go after the roots. They're subterraneous, so
they get underneath and they look cute, but they're actually
eating away at the roots. So what you have to
(30:25):
do is you can't what are the foxes in your marriage,
or in your relationship or in your family that you
got to catch them and eradicate it in order for
you to create the best beautiful marriage garden that you want,
and those are the things. What is it? Is it time?
Is it stress? Is it? Is it outside influences, whatever
it is? Wrong, friends, family input that might not be helpful.
(30:48):
Whatever it is, whatever it is, there's helpful family input,
and there's great friends for your marriage, but they're on
the other hand, there are ones that can be destructive.
So you have to be able to uproot and pull
those things and then put a fence around your garden.
Because I got this dog and he wants to get
in and he uproots everything. So I have to create
this little fence so he can't get in and eat
away at the roots. He goes for the root and
(31:09):
take away my bananas, you know I'm talking about, and
cut down my banana tree before the thing can bloom.
So these are the different things. What is because the
devil would love nothing more excuse me, the devil? Who
the devil? If first fiveral saw it, everybody after, what
are they talking about? Nothing? The devil would love nothing
more to do than to eat away at your marriage.
(31:30):
So he'll eat away with it with unforgiveness, with resentment,
with offense, with bitterness, and distraction. I think those are
the big distraction is a big one in the past
five years and especially the last year. But what he
wants to do is eat away at it. But what
we won't do is allow him to do that, because
what we're going to do is we're going to cultivate
(31:52):
the best, most amazing marriages possible. And that takes work,
that takes prayer, that takes forgiveness, that takes love. And
the fourth one we head to this and it's Covenant,
and that's why Frank's on the stage right now. Covenant,
the fourth one for as long as we both shall live.
Talk about that real quick.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
You think about it, Covenant is it's a promise. It's
a vow that I promise, and it's really deeper and
it's actually stronger than that. And you know when every
time a covenant was made between God and people, there
was a sacrifice that was made. And you think about it.
Being married, there's a lot of sacrificing and a lot
of people think sacrifice. What you mean, Oh, no, if
(32:34):
you want to be in a relationship, you want to
be in a.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Marriage, you will sacrifice. Career choices, yes, places that you
want to live, things that you would want to do, Yes,
and even sometimes things that are unhealthy for your marriage
that you've grew up with or you think it were
fine and you have to sacrifice that. You have to
put that on the altar. And there are actually good
things that you're going to put on the alter, good
things that you're going to sacrifice. You're going to sacrifice
(32:58):
good things. But I believe if you sacrifice that for
the betterment of your marriage, God will either bring it
back in a different way, bring it back stronger or
better than ever before, or a different version that you
needed to give up, or better replacement that you needed
to give up in order to make this marriage amazing
for as long as you both shall live. It's a covenant.
It's not a contract. It's a covenant. The covenant is
(33:20):
made between each other and before God. And when we
make that covenant before God, it's easier to hold on
to those vowels that you make because are the most
important vows that you will make here on earth. The
first one is to follow God. The second one is
to love one another as Christ, love the Church. That's
the most important thing. We're going to get into Ephesians
five on another time, because that's really deep about the
(33:41):
roles of a husband and a wife. Next week we're
going to talk about another relational secret sauce, not about marriage,
but join us in marriage conversation. Is that this week,
this next week, following week, the following week. Okay, good,
all right, it's going to be great. So with that,
can we pray for everybody?
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Okay, would you just open up your hearts, your minds
right now online, right now. I'm hoping that this minister
to people was this good. Thank you, thank you, Praise God.
We're gonna pray. Father. We just come before you now
in the name of Jesus, and we need your presence.
We need your help. We need you in our relationships
with our family and our friends. But right now we're
(34:20):
praying specifically for your intervention in marriages. Father, for walls
that have been built up over the years that need
to be melted down, so to speak, or walls that
needed to come down. Lord, I pray that you'd break
through walls, walls of unforgiveness or unengaged. Father. I pray
that you'd wake up and you'd awaken love once again. Father,
(34:42):
that you would stoke the fire of marriage, stoke the
fires of love in people. Respecting one another and honoring
each other. And Father, I thank you Lord for the
marriages here today. Father, I thank you for marriages that
are watching us online. Father, that they would become stronger,
better than ever before, that they would invest in one
another and invest in becoming better wives and better husband's. Lord. So, Father,
(35:06):
we thank you for the ultimate picture that you've given
us of marriage. It is between the church and the bridegroom.
Jesus Christ. May we remember that you died and you
sacrificed your life for the Church, which is the body
of Christ, which is us. You lay down your life
for us. You laid down your life for us so
that we would have everlasting life as a result. And Father,
(35:29):
I pray that as husbands lay down their lives for
their wives, and wives would respect and honor their husbands.
The biblical word for submission is to respect and to honor, Father,
that that would take place in our marriages. And Father,
we pray for your special blessing and favor upon each
relationship here today, not just marriages, but on relationships as
(35:51):
a whole. Father, we thank you for who you are,
are you doing in our lives. We love you, Lord,
We bless you in Jesus' name, and everybody said Amen.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Thank you for listening to the Mike Chai radio broadcast
here on pray dot com. We hope you are encouraged
by today's message. You can find leadership books, webinars, masterclasses
and more resources at Mikechi dot tv. And remember you
can find the Mike Chi channel here on pray dot com.
Until next time, May God continue to bless you
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