January 4, 2021 • 46 mins
"What exactly is a New Years Resolution? It's a "To Do" List for the First Week of January."
"Can't break your New Year's Resolution...If you don't make any."
"My New Year's Resolution...is to have No New Year's Resolutions."
AJ, Cheryl and Rene look forward to 2021.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm pretty Hey, everybody, welcome to pretty messed Up. I
(00:21):
heart Radio, Happy, share Bear and Nana. Oh I like that.
I like the New Year. Knew you name? Yes, that's
your name name. Love it and I'm still share Bear
your share bear indefinitely. Okay, perfects the cutest, mosteary name.
Holy shit, you guys. We made it. We made it,
(00:42):
and I still have my Christmas decorations up. No, look, hello,
so do I I mean all the lights are still made?
What we made it too? Made? Oh? Yes, yes, yes
it is with it senior moment. Hold on, Happy New Year,
be freaking new Year. Everybody. Hold no, we don't actually
(01:05):
I like well no, Like I was singing earlier, I
was thinking, it's the end of the world. That's how
we felt. I don't know. Actually, you know what. I
just did a YouTube video and I talked about all
the Instead of focusing on the negative and the pandemic,
I talked about everything that happened in that was a
positive in my life, including you guys, and dancing with
(01:25):
the stars and um, you know, starting so many different companies.
I thought was great. To be quite honest, if you
really sit down and yeah, I have to agree like,
you know, when I finished tour back in March of
you know, I didn't I didn't know what was going
to happen. I didn't know, if you know, tour was
(01:46):
even going to resume, and we kept hearing mixed things
and then next thing, you know, three days later, we're
in We're in lockdown for the first time. March nineteenth,
my freaking daughter's birthday, which this year we are going
to celebrate lyrics birthday and go ham because she has
missed her birthday now two times. So like, we gotta
(02:09):
really jazz it up. But like, honestly I can. I
can totally relate with you. Cheryl is like you know
we uh you know, I we we we all launched
the you Know podcast. I got a year sober. I
got to spend time with my kids and my wife
and my family. Um, I mean the best physical, mental,
(02:30):
and like health I've ever been in my life. Like, so, yeah,
did have a lot of highlights. I sometimes find myself
excuse me, I sometimes find myself up down playing how
good has been for me and my family because I
know people are suffering, people are losing their jobs, all
(02:51):
kinds of stuff, and I find myself saying no, I
had a good year. The truth is I've had an
amazing year like this. This podcast alone, to me, was
like other people are trying to figure out what they're
going to do, and it's like, oh, I get to
hang out with my friends and talk, laugh and discuss
serious stuff and then discuss, you know, funny stuff and
(03:14):
are you kidding me? I know, And we're just sitting
here and just talking and like we're having an actual,
real conversation that some people like. For us, the three
of us, it's so easy to talk about this stuff, right,
which is I'm we're very blessed to be able to
um open up. But yeah, I just did a lot
of reflecting you guys, and it was crazy how long
my list was of positives as it should be, as
(03:35):
it should be. I think I am finally going to yeah,
let's talk about what you're manifesting. I'm well, I'm finally
going to embrace the world of the TikTok um. You know,
I remember in our trailer. In my trailer, remember we
were trying to figure out how to work this TikTok thing.
Like you know, a lot of people don't know, but
(03:56):
I've I've been off of social media personally on my
on all my devices for two years because of how
distracting it is and wanting to just focus on my
kids and not be engulfed in my phone. But now
with launching a new solo record and launching all these
things and other businesses, you know, TikTok is taking over everything.
(04:19):
TikTok is the new everything. It's the new Twitter, is
the new Instagram. And Renee and I talked about this yesterday.
It's like, you know, we don't really post videos, and
we don't really like we're not active in it, but
we love to watch the stupidity and the hilarity that
is on there because people are getting really creative, being
stuck in from brit like too for the same thing,
(04:41):
get entertained by it. And what I'm really blown away
by is how, like Midwestern moms that are hilarious in
their groups, I'm sure of groups of people are suddenly
posting these little things that are hilarious. And if it
weren't for let's say so media, they would be funny
(05:01):
at work, or they would be funny around their house
and their friends. Here, all of a sudden, they're getting
millions of views saying just they're very funny and they're short,
so for people with no attention span. But Renee, what
are you manifesting? What's your new Yest resolution? Bro? I
don't like to say resolution for some reason. It scares me.
I like manifesting better. My friend Tom Fly used to
(05:24):
say the only New Year's resolution he ever stuck too
was the one when he said, I'll never make another
New Year's resolution. Yeah, right, I know. I feel like
you put a lot of pressure on yourself, you know.
For me, it's probably the same things every day for me, honestly,
Like I always pray that I could be the best
(05:45):
dad that I can be, that I could be the
best friend that I can be, best husband that I
can be, not to say perfect for the best husband,
best friend is not all about you, but so you know,
I just have very general, general sort of aspirations which
are stay out of my own way. Like I'm the
(06:08):
one that gets in my own lit all the time.
So for me, it's always how do I get out
of the way so I could be in the stream
of life and when that happens. And I'm not worried
about setting goals or and and nothing wrong with setting goals.
But I just feel like as long as I could
stay out out of my own way, everything's going to
work out. Just that's just feeling. That's huge. I mean,
(06:30):
that's a big thing. It's it's every day. It's it's
daily work. And you know, I'm I'm the same with
you Rene. It's like, how can I also be a
better wife? How can I be a better listener? Um?
So we don't talk over each other. I'm really going
to try that for them. That's going to be I'm
gonna be manifesting that to make sure that you guys
can actually hear us talk individually. Um. Yeah. So and
(06:52):
then also, I have this dance program you guys that
I'm really excited about that I've been working on for
the last like four or five years, and I haven't
had the ball als. I guess you could say, to
launch it for some reason. I was wondering, like what
what's holding me back? And it's all this like spear
Obviously it's all fear based and um it's basically a
ballroom dance program, no partner needed, um. And it's a
(07:13):
basically to help you change your mood. So some days
you wake up feeling like crap and you're depressed or
you're down on yourself. You can put on the one
step at a time app and you and under like
three minutes, you can learn a cha cha and it'll
get you into that happy state. Or you can do
like a samba that I'll get you more into like
um understanding, like spatial awareness in your body. Or you
(07:35):
have rumba that's getting you more intimate for your hot
date tonight, you know, stuff like that. Doing this, I'm
glad because you And I'm the reason why I'm telling
you guys is because I have I need to be accountable, right, No,
but I'm glad you're doing it because when you first
told me about this, I'm like, that's genius and that's
going to help a lot of people. And then that
was the last that we even talked about it, and
(07:55):
now you're finally going to do it, and I'm I'm
just so overwhelmed. I do I do have to chime
in on that that that, to me is an insanely
good idea, right, the idea that dance because we're all dancers, right,
even though mine was back in the day, but was
(08:19):
there like, is there anything more meditative and freeing up
of any negativity than when you're one with the music,
in the flow dancing. I remember times people would say,
oh I like that move. You didn't. You're like, I
have no idea what movie you're talking about, because you're
(08:39):
in that like fourth state of consciousness, like you're almost
having that flow state, right, yes, yes, yes, yes, absolutely,
like a oneness with the universe. Right. And so the
idea that you're taking what's your wheelhouse, which is dance,
and using it to help people sort of do what
I just said, get out of your own way, get
(08:59):
out negative, out of your head, of your head exactly.
So right on, I mean, I really wanted to do
something like based off of its therapeutic right. Dancing has
always been therapeutic for me. But I'm not a therapist,
so I have to be careful with my wording. I'm
not going to say that this is a therapeutic. I
can say it's a therapeutic experience. I can't say that
it's dance therapy. You know what I'm saying. So this
(09:20):
is not an exercise program. This is more for your
mental state. Yeah, cathartic, right, it can be cathartic like
something because look It's something for everyone. You know. It
doesn't matter how old you are, it doesn't matter what
your background is. Even if you're not a dancer, you
could become one by doing this, and you might find
something in yourself that you didn't know was there. And
(09:41):
you're doing the comfort of your own home, especially with
this pandemic, like you don't need a lot of space.
Ballroom is not just for two people. You can do
it by yourself. It's for me, Um, I have to
say my if you want to call it a resolution
or not, but for me, Um is finally getting through
my twelve steps. The one thing I've never done, the
one thing I've never been able to actually accomplish, is
(10:03):
to finally get through all twelve steps in my You know,
in my program of recovery, what step you're on now?
Almost step four? Been on step four for freaking twenty years. No.
But the good thing is is that I know from
those friends of mine that have gotten through the steps,
how much more their life has changed for the better.
(10:26):
Even more My life has already changed for the better
this whole past year, and I can only imagine how
much better it's going to be when I finally get
through all twelve steps and then can finally you know,
sponsor another addict, which is terrifies me, but it also
excites me. So speaking of speaking of addiction too, So
(10:48):
what do you guys, now that we've had a couple
of weeks to marinate in it? I guess, um, am
I in addict? Do you think or do you think?
I have an addicted personality? I have thought I would
love please share renewe names. I have thoughts. So I
tried to say this during the podcast um with Dr
(11:09):
Wexler on and one thing that I know over you know,
twenty plus years of being in these circles, is that
addiction truly is a self diagnosed disease, right because you
could find plenty of people they will tell you you're
not and I that used to happen to me. I
(11:31):
would say, you guys, I might have trouble with my
drink and they're like, Nah, come on stop it, you're
not You're not homeless, you're not this, you're not that.
And the truth is I didn't understand what alcoholism is
or addiction was, and it goes far beyond um being
you know, downtown l a drop out of a paper bag,
(11:54):
it's there for me. It's once I start, I can't stop.
I've lost the capacity to control my drinking and using.
I don't use socially. I don't say, let me just
have a little martini and oh no, you know, I
remember I would be I'd walk down hotel um hallways
(12:16):
and people would push their tray out and there would
be like half a glass of wine still they pushed
it out, and I'm like, Okay, well they're not alcoholics
because I've never pushed out No. You know, uh, bottles
or glasses would still liquor in it, you know what
I mean. So if there was a pill that could
(12:36):
get me as drunk as I was getting with like
maybe fifteen vodka sodas, I would take it. I don't
really like the act of drinking or peeing every two seconds. Yeah,
I can't stand the taste of alcohol. So I think
I'm an addict. So I'm diagnosing myself. I am an addict.
I need to not be around I mean, I could
be around it, I just once I start, then I'm like,
(12:56):
might as well, I've already messed it up. I might
as well just go ahead and finish and get completely out.
I've lost the capacity to control my drinking and using.
And one of the biggest self delusions for a real
alcoholic addict is that we could once again learn to
drink like normal people, right just as an excuse to
(13:18):
pick up a drink again. I tried that so many times,
and I'll tell you, once you break the seal, it
didn't matter. I wanted to get completely drunk. You know.
The other thing that was said about that was if
it's not ruining your life completely, what does that mean
the definition of that. It was ruining my life for sure.
I was. I was acting like an idiot. I was
(13:40):
disconnecting from the world. At the end. I wouldn't even
leave to go be social. It was just like, oh,
I just want to drink by myself. It's the So,
you know, I think there's so many different characteristics of
what an addict does. But I think looking from the
outside in, you can't You don't know what people do
behind closed doors. You don't know how how it affects
me mentally, Like I started playing games and tricks on myself,
(14:02):
you know what I mean. So it's like the end
of the day that is for me, that is hitting
rock bottom, and there's another thing that was talked about,
which again I disagree with uh that if you could
just stop cold turkey, you're not one. In my opinion,
that's a thousand percent wrong. I've known too many people,
including myself, that was able to stop cold Turkey and
(14:25):
go for a while without it. The minute I picked
up again, it was on again, it was on. In fact,
it would be worse when I picked up because my
voice they was saying, you're not supposed to be doing this, Renee,
So I'd have to drink more and I'd have to
drink just to just to quiet that voice. Right, So
I've lost the capacity to control my drinking and using
(14:46):
absolutely check mark, I've lost. Um. I was able to
stop cold Turkey, yet I'm still an alcoholic because when
I picked up, I drink till to get blasted. That
comedian what's his name, John mulvaney, No mullaney, John Molly,
the comedian, right, he stopped called turkey for fourteen years
(15:07):
and now he's back in Reham. So, so that dispels
this notion that if you can stop called turkey you're
not one. That's a thousand percent roight. Yeah. And also
it's alcoholism like I think people need to know this.
Um is it a disease? Is addiction a disease? What
what is the difference I guess between the two. Well,
(15:27):
it's recognized as a disease by the medical board, you know.
And I used to alcoholism, right, Yes, I used to
quibble with it. Am I am? I not. Was I
born this way, was mature nurture. But the truth is
is what I say today is disease, disorder, whatever name
you want to put on it, I have it. They said,
(15:48):
they say, showing not an alcoholic, you're not actively drinking.
I said, but alcoholism is a disease. Yeah, it's what
you think about My bandmates, you know, like they always
told me, like, well, dude, we don't we don't. Maybe
don't think that you're an alcoholic. You just have to
try to, like, you know, really control your drinking. You
just got to not go you know, zero two a
(16:09):
thousand miles an hour. And I'm like, guys, I that's
not how my brain works, that's not how I work.
People that do that. If that was the case, then no,
I would not classify myself as an alcoholic. If I
could drink responsibly and drink casually not to the point
of black out, the point of in my hotel room
(16:32):
by myself. Oh oh is me piece of shit? Is um?
All the other things that come with that. That's what
I have. Just that's why a self diagnosis, which I
completely agree with you because only that's right. People that
don't understand the disease only understand what they understand, which is,
you know, I just I just cut it off and
(16:52):
that's it. That's like me telling someone in let's say
over eaters anonymous, I just stopped eating when I'm full
and I leave it at that. That's like acting like
they that the issue is that it's gluttony, or the
issue is that they don't have self will. To me,
that's another one of the biggest misconceptions. People that don't
(17:15):
understand alcoholism say yourself will it just asn't strong enough
when I say stop, I stop, and I will argue
the opposite. People. Alcoholics have a self will way bigger
and stronger than most people, because most people, when they
slam their face into a wall, will walk around the wall.
(17:37):
We're like through it. This time, I'm gonna go through
and you're bleeding every total it's broken. Yeah, you're like stop,
don't do it again. You're like, watch this totally. But
that has a lot to do with the personality trait
of like fighting that fighter that I'm gonna not stop,
like go go hard or go home right, and I
do right. So now we're getting into other personality traits,
(17:59):
which is like when people say to me, I bet
you can't stop watch me. You know, like it's like
that competitive that the thing that we have is now
getting foggy with alcoholism and addiction. And a lot of
alcoholics shared that trait, a lot of them that refused
to lose, right, refused to lose, And that's what kept
us out there so long. It was this That's why
(18:20):
a could be sober for so many years right without
it's yeah, it's like, you know, just just just being stubborn,
you know. But to the end, degreed. Since we're talking
about this, I just want to give a shout out
and um a big virtual hug to my girl Christytigue.
Congratulations on four weeks so amazing. That is phenomenal, um.
(18:44):
And it's interesting talking about what we're talking about because
you know, what I was reading about, what she was
describing is exactly what is you know, I'm sure in
the case for all of us. She was like, okay,
after you know, while I'm in the makeup cheer, I'm
getting my hair done, I don't really, I'm gonna have
one glass of wine. Then it became a glass of
wine before the award shows the glass and wine during work,
(19:06):
and then it's like next thing, you know, it's two bottles,
and it's you know, it's a it's a progressive disease.
It's a slow roller coaster ride, and you know, for
her to recognize it, hats off. And also, mind you,
Oh my god, I love Chrissie. We go way back.
We did some I did some sports illustrated. I wasn't
in it, like I'm not, I don't look like a
(19:27):
beautiful supermodel. But definitely I love Chrissy. We've we've hung
out a few times. But what's even like for me,
which is so I'm so proud of her, is the
fact that she's doing this, and she's doing this when
she just had a miscarriage, you know, and she's facing
her fear and facing her real emotions without numbing with alcohol,
which would be the easy way out right now, right,
it would be let's just drink my pain away and
(19:49):
we'll deal with it later and it'll come back even worse.
She's actually feeling her real feelings and I'm just so
proud of you, crazy. I tell you, three hours podcast
with her would be sick three days. It would be
three day to talk about and I would totally tease
her at the fact that she literally when when they
were doing uh the show lip Sync Battle and they
(20:11):
were filming it. When when Nick and I did the show,
I thought it was a joke and I went into
her dressing room because she wanted to get a quick
picture and she literally has a poster of her husband
and then three posters of me, which is the most
uncomfortable thing. And she's a big McDonald's fan, as am I.
(20:32):
She was getting down on some nuggets and I was like,
she's amazing. I think I love you even more. Yeah.
I just does not care at all, and she's so
real and ron she shares everything that's badass. Okay, I
got a random question now that we're here, if any
of us were too take a class, like a how
to class really quick? What what class would it be?
(20:55):
Something totally that you've always wanted to do, but you've
never given the time to do cook race car drive cooking.
I would like to learn to do the dishes. Oh,
I'll teach you that. Do you have a good dishwasher
cooking for me? I really badly want to learn how
to like but I'm but I'm talking like to like no,
(21:16):
but like how to do it like you know sushi too,
I mean, like sushi is really hard, though, a J.
I know, and I don't want to, like, you know,
make anyone sick. Um. I definitely want a race car drive.
I want someone to take me. I want to just
learn how to really drive like a race car driver.
You already kind of drive like one I've seen you drive.
(21:38):
They have schools for that, they do, they do do it.
I want Danika Patrick to come on and show me
private lesson. I'll teach you how to chat for race
car driving lessons though for sure, a J. You were
going to say you'd like to take golf lessons. No,
you've done this already, already got this alright. Alright, gonna
(22:00):
take a break, and when we come back, we're gonna
die back into some more questions for each other, some
juicy ones. All right, you guys, we are back, and
we have a couple more questions that we want to
(22:20):
ask each other, and I'm curious to see what the
answers are for these. So you want to ask first one. Yes,
So not to like be a Debbie Downer or anything,
but let's start with up. So describe a time that
you guys felt the loneliest renee renee so um. For me,
I always go back to this one point. It was
(22:42):
in my previous marriage and things just weren't things were wrong,
it didn't feel right, and I always had this crazy
idea in the back of my head, which I don't anymore,
by the way, and that that was I always felt
that if I wanted to feel good enough, I'd have
to move back to Mexico, Like, only then can I
(23:03):
feel level with everybody. So so I I just I
took off um flew to El Paso, uh Texas too,
because there was no direct flight to get to where
I was trying to get to, and I had to
spend the night. And it's called shot shoot Huadi is
(23:23):
right across the border in this little fleabag motel and
and and I missed my flight, so I had to
spend the night in this literally fleabag motel with like
just everything around it. And I just remember sitting there
and I was laying in bed there and I got
(23:46):
hungry and they had like this little kind of like
restaurant there. Uh and that's really overstating it. And I
went there and there's like four tables. Nobody's there. Um.
I could hear someone in the kitchen, that's excuse me?
Is there anything? Like? No, we're closed. And I just
(24:06):
remember at that moment feeling like what the hell am
I doing with my life? Like it just if for
whatever reason, the situation that me fleeing, you know, at
the moment the United States to go back to Mexico,
all of this without a real sort of conscious idea
of why why I was doing this? Um And for
(24:28):
whatever reason that has that's always stayed with me. I've
always felt that that was the absolute most disconnected from
humanity I ever felt. But if you were doing it now,
with like all the work you've been doing, would you
still feel Only you think, no, I don't, Okay. The
beautiful thing about sobriety, the beautiful thing about getting rid
(24:51):
of all that baggage that used to create a mythology
that I'm not good enough meant that I would always
feel lonely in a crowded space. Right since I've been
able to flush out all that crap, I no longer
feel lonely. I love being with my family, and if
(25:15):
they're all gone and I'm home by myself, I don't
feel I don't feel the way I used to. You know,
it used to be like cold walls and ceiling coming
down and darkness to Thank god, I don't feel that
way anymore. And that's why I no longer miss the
escape of a drug or alcohol, you know, so loneliness today.
(25:38):
Thank god, I don't feel that anymore. But that was
the loneliest point in my life. So how about you,
guys sharing? How about you? Ajum wow um. You know,
like I never feel lonely. I never feel lonely because
because of all the voices in my head, so many,
(25:59):
so many um No, I think for for me probably
would have been um kind of at the at like
the height of my disease. Um when I was still
living in Florida. I was still living in Orlando, and
I had this and I and I and I say
(26:20):
this not to be uh bragging, but it needs to
be put into perspective. I was literally living in a mansion.
I was nine thousand square foot house by myself on
a lake I had, you know, like it was just
this absolutely breathtaking house with nine bedrooms, two of which
(26:42):
had furniture, the others had nothing but dirty clothes. Um,
you know, bags, fast food containers. It was disgusting. Oh yeah, no,
I know. I I prefaced by saying this was the
dark kiss time of my life ever. Um, and I
(27:05):
literally literally, you know, I was sitting there up all
night one night and I walked out to my dock
and I sat down, and it was so hauntingly quiet.
But I I just I've never felt more alone. And
my mom lived two miles down the street, you know. Um,
(27:26):
I did have some friends that lived close by, but
I just chose to just kind of just be by
myself and I and I never felt more empty, more disconnected,
more angry at everyone and everything. Like I was mad
at the world and I thought everybody was out to
get me. I didn't think for one second that it
(27:48):
was that it was something that was internal that needed
to be resolved. I thought it was external ship. But
if you were to do that now, would you still
feel only now I actually enjoy a little bit of
just daddy time. You know, when I get um Um.
It's interesting. My wife and I joke about this. We
(28:08):
joked about it last night. Is that you know I
used to wake up at two three in the afternoon
because I was either hungover or I was just you know.
It was just bad. And I'm the first one to rise.
Now I'm up at five thirty every morning and I
have my I have my coffee, I got my sig.
I sit outside. It's quiet, the sun's not even completely
(28:29):
up yet, and it's just nice and piece of the
time myself. I love it. I love it. Um. I
felt the loneliest. So I did a lot of traveling
alone for ball. But when I competed, UM and I
was in between like partners, and I just you know,
I went through quite a lot of dance partners, more
than you know what's normal, I guess. UM. And I
(28:51):
moved to Utah with actually one of my um really
good friends, and at the time we had like a
little fight, I remember, and Um, I was moving to
Utah for him because that's where he's from. And I
went to uvs C. I went to Utah Valley State College,
and I just felt like I just didn't fit in.
You know. It was a bunch of like lots of
very nice people, um, but like I just felt like
(29:12):
there was a weird layer of like, um, no one's
being real real right, Like it's a Monday through Saturday,
like we're all partying together, and then like it was Sunday,
it was you know, God's Day, which is great, but
then it was like Sundays were like ghost town. Chick
fil A wasn't even open. There was nothing open, right,
So I was like by myself in my apartment, um,
and it was not a great apartment. And I just
(29:34):
remember like getting all these knocks about people trying to
convert me into being a Mormon, and I was just
like I get me out of here. And then I
moved to Denmark, UM, which was also very lonely because
in Denmark when you lived there for the winter, there's
hardly any sunlight, right, so people is the highest depression
rate is in Denmark. People are staring at their light bulbs,
their lamps because like there's zero sun anyway, go ahead.
(29:55):
Loneliness is an inside job totally. If you can't be
with yourself off, if you if you don't love yourself,
you're not going to ever feel like you're not lonely.
That's right, That's that's the thing. When I first got sober,
I remember telling Pablo, my mentor, I said, man, this
whole serenity thing is boring. He said, you're not serene,
(30:18):
You're bored. And you know what that means. You can't
stand being with yourself totally. So it's just super interesting.
I have a question. I wanted to ask you guys,
what's the most trouble you ever got in as kids? Oh?
I was just talking about that yesterday. Yeah, I got
a shoplifted. I'll tell you my shoplifting story later. Too
much for one day, too much, j What what's the
(30:40):
most trouble you got in as a kid? Okay, not
a kid, because kid, because as a kid, I didn't
get into trouble. It was literally the worst thing I
did as a child was called my mother a witch
and not even not even the B word, just a
witch and like she was crying. We're at this jewelry
(31:01):
store called Loria's, which was an East Coast thing, but
hands down the worst thing I've ever done. Um So,
we we were on tour we were in uh, somewhere
in eastern Europe, I want to say, uh, like somewhere
near Russia. Um. And it was Thanksgiving. We're celebrating Thanksgiving
(31:24):
away from our families. Um. We we flew a Turkey
in so that we so that us in our crew
could at least have some kind of normalcy. And I
was drinking at the dinner and I was like, you
know what, screw this, I'm going out. This is this
is so depressing. So I go to a strip club
and I get annihilated, annihilated, and I go to the bathroom.
(31:48):
I black out, face first into the toilet. My security
comes in, he wakes me up. He's like, dude, it's
time to go. None of my credit cards worked to
pay the ten thousand dollar bill that I had ran
up with buying bottles and bottles for the dancers and
bottles and bottles for people coming in. So the club
(32:11):
owner says, look, you're not leaving until you pay. And
I'm like, dude, I don't know what you don't want
me to do. My credit cards you're maxing out. I
can't pay you. He's like, you're not leaving. This is
like the Russian mob. So now I so. Now, my
security is like, look, can I get him back to
the hotel. I'll take his cards, I'll try to go
(32:32):
to every so he, my poor security, probably a gun
point I don't know, went to different a t M
s just trying to find enough cash. He was able
to get half of the cash. So I stayed awake,
paranoid in my room, called my accountants back in l
A and said, you need to wire me five grand
(32:53):
right now. Don't ask questions. I need it now, and
they luckily did. An hour before we're supposed to leave
the hotel, these guys were parked in front of the
hotel in their car waiting yes. And I'm sitting there
like shipping bricks, going, oh my god, you're gonna get killed.
How do I explain this if we don't get the money,
(33:14):
we're trying to leave, and they get out of their
car in front of all the boys, in front of
all of our team, the Russian mobs like, Kevin, here,
here's the thing, right, Like I was terrified, that the
most terrified, especially there by the way they are not
playing around. I'm really entertained right now. You need to
(33:37):
answer the question, my friend. Well, look, first I wanted
to say that it's funny that I know that people
want to get to know all of us better, right,
and this is if we were having dinner together. These
are the kind of stories they were telling out. But
that is what makes awesome listening, right, That's what makes
us pretty messed up. And you know what, even though
(33:59):
it's one, guys, were still pretty man really comfortable with you.
We are definitely earning our street cred. All you guys,
We're gonna take a quick break and I have to
hear Renee's too when we get back. Yes, when we
come back, we're gonna hear Renee's and then we're gonna
answer y'all's emails because I really want to hear Rene's.
I I've heard a lot of renew stories, but I'm
hoping it's one I haven't heard. Okay, I can't top
(34:21):
Pablo Escot. Yes you can. We'll be right back you guys,
all right, and we are back. Okay, before we go
into everyone's emails, Renee, finish it up. What is the
(34:44):
the most insane crazy thing you did? Younger? Last week?
This was whatever the question was, what do you remember
driver rescue? Rescue? That's pretty crazy. The most trouble I
remember getting into was um, I was like thirteen years old.
My mom sent me to go pick up something at
(35:05):
the grocery store, which was two blocks away. So I
rode my bike, same thing. We didn't have a bunch
of money, and there was this little care I bought
what I needed to have my bag, and then I
walked back inside. You know, beyond the beyond the cash registers,
they had a carousel of toys right, and I always
wanted this little um parachute guy right like you just
(35:28):
just a guy with a parachute. So I, thinking I
was super clever, I put the bag right underneath the carousel,
like right next to it, and I acted like I
was looking through the toys. And then oops, one felt
oh my god, it landed right in the right in
the bag right, And I'm like, I can always say
that it was an accident. So I grabbed the bag.
(35:49):
I started to walk out. Before I get out the door,
I'll never forget this, there was this, uh mirror window,
and the mirror window opened and the guy stuck his
head out and he grabbed that guy. So they swarmed
on me. They grabbed me, They took me upstairs. Um.
They remember, they threw me into this like a bench
(36:10):
seat from like an old pickup truck with springs sticking out,
and they really wanted to scare me, right, They threw
me down there like your your thief and this and
then blah blah blah. And then the manager, uh said
he knew my parents, and he said, he said, we're
gonna go talk to your parents. So he rode me
(36:30):
on my bike. I was on the handlebars for the
longest two blocks of my life, just thinking, Oh my god,
I'm in so much freaking trouble. We get to our apartment.
The door was locked. I knocked on the door and
my mom swings the door open with a crazy look
in her eyes. I was like, oh my god, how
she find out? Did they call her ahead? And she goes,
(36:52):
she looks at me, and the manager was standing to
my right. She didn't see him. And she swings the
door open and she goes, you are in so much trouble.
I'm like, yeah, I know, and she goes, you've been staring.
You've been looking at your dad's Playboy magazines again, right,
And I was like, um, mine, we've got bigger fish
to find did you ever tell her? Tell her? What
(37:17):
did he tell her? Was right next to me, He
was right there, so he told her so. But it
was one of those things where I thought should have
just la that that I shop you know, shop lifting.
And then she was so mad. But she was mad
because she found my dad's Playboy magazine under my bed,
and I have the manager here that's going to tell
(37:40):
her I committed. It was a bad day for me.
She said, go to your room and wait till your
dad gets home. And again, now I'm laying in bed
thirteen years old looking at the Playboy. I was going
to say that, but I like, trying to relax your mind.
(38:01):
She took it back. But again, I remember being terrified
for my dad to come home. He didn't care so
much about the Playboy, but he was. He was mad
at the embarrassment that I stole something, and I was
hoping the manager was all your mom's expression was like, oh,
he'sn't gonna get in trouble anyway, and then leave. Yeah, no, no,
(38:22):
no no. She I got the double difference. You could
have done a bargain. You could have been like, yo, man,
I got five Playboy magazines. Yeah, we could work something
out here. But I could talk about this type of
stuff forever. Yeah, she And I'm telling you, guys, I
think going forward, these are the things. I know. You've
got a lot of stories, Cheryl, and I know a
(38:44):
J and I a J on his own, has a
lot us together have a lot And so I honestly
think that that's the awesome part to let people know
the stupid things were done. I guess we should. We
should make it a second and on the show, just
like something that nobody knows. Stupid things, stupid things that
you've done, you know, because again that's part of the recovery, right, Yes,
(39:07):
it is all right you guys. So we are going
to get to what we always love every week. We
love you guys sending in questions. Please continue to do so.
We love your feedback, We love your questions, and as always,
hit that subscribe button and give us your friends about
it to you guys. Yes, yes, thank you all. So
this this first question is from Brittany and it's for Cheryl.
(39:29):
I'm gonna ask you share better. Okay, it's a little
it's like a four parter, but you know, uh, first
of all, have you found a way to forgive your
abuser if yes, how she says she's been carrying her
anger and resentment for the better part of twenty years,
but she doesn't know how to forgive someone who isn't sorry. Okay, Brittany,
(39:50):
So I actually did did a podcast, um a couple
of months ago. Katherine Schwarzenegger did this podcast about forgiveness,
and she has written a book. She's done basically a
lot of studies on, you know, forgiving, and through my
therapy and years of therapy over a decade. Now you know,
I've realized that forgiveness isn't the act of forgiving that person, Um,
(40:14):
isn't the act of okay, Well, why should I forgive
someone who isn't sorry? It's for yourself. So you forgive
for yourself so that you can shut that door and
stop letting it define who you are in the present moment.
You know, it's important to forgive for yourself. You're not
saying that it's okay to the abuser who abused you.
(40:34):
It's you're saying that to yourself. It's you forgive because
you don't want to hold onto resentment. You know, we
we live a lot one life, you know, and and
we don't know what cards we've been dealt as far
as you know when that's going to be over, And
so why live with resentment in your heart and and
let it still affect you? Then I feel like that
(40:54):
abuser winds. You know. They say resentment are very corrosive,
right to ourselves, like when we have a resentment, They say,
resentments are like drinking the poison and waiting for the
other person to die. Totally right, and so, but it
is very corrosive. Resentments are Uh, we can't afford to
(41:18):
live with them. It eats me alive. It actually eats
me alive from the most precious commodity we have, which
is right here, right now, right. One more question, Okay,
I'll ask it all right, Pick pick between those two,
whichever one you want? Um, okay, Veronica. I met my
best friend when I was eleven and he was twelve.
(41:39):
We are now forty two. He has tried to get
sober so many times, with the most recent attempt lasting
five days. I want to be supportive, but I feel
so helpless and I worry about him every single day.
Is there is there anything someone did or said that
you found at all useful on your path to sobriety
a j. Yeah. The gentlemen that is sharing this podcast
(42:02):
with us sends me um years and years and years ago. Um,
something that has never left my brain and I still
apply it's too not only my recovery, but just daily life,
which is the only way around is through um and
the only way out is through out you know. Yeah.
(42:25):
But the gist of it is basically, we have to
go through certain things in our life, whether they're easy hard, um,
you know, to really get to the roots of the
actual problem. You can't just take the easy way out. Um.
You know. I know I tried many many times to
(42:46):
get the easy way out, um, which every time would
just come back and smack me in the face. Oh yeah,
I mean I almost lost my marriage over stuff like that.
And you know, but to be honest, um, you know,
I think you just being there, Veronica and being supportive
(43:09):
is a great thing. But again, at the end of
the day, neither you nor I nor anybody can make
your friends stop. They have to want to do it
on their own. That's the number one thing I can
tell you. The thing that I heard from people that
actually helped me the most is when they said to me,
(43:30):
look you don't have to stop drinking, but I can't.
I can't continue on this journey with you. I have
to disconnect. That's when that's when I started thinking, holy crap,
things are getting bad. Because as long as people are
there and it's okay, but in constantly love you, it
is tough love and an alcoholic as long as they
(43:51):
think they still have room to dance, they will dance.
It's not until people close to them start saying, you
know what, I can't co sign this BS with you.
I can't, I can't enable you. You know, I tell
you this is a problem with like it's a problem
actually currently with me and my family. Um, but this
is a whole another discussion. But you're so right, Renee,
(44:11):
well on the button, bro. But yeah, it is. It's tough.
You just said it to love. It's hard to do.
Is I'm starting to believe tough. They call it tough
love because it's tough to do, but it's love though,
it's actually real love. It's when you when you give
them and when you don't do that right and you're
totally what's that word I'm trying to think of? Yes,
(44:34):
you're yes, yes. So my suggestion would be that. It's like,
at some point you have to just have an honest
they call it come to Jesus moment and say, look,
I love you. I love you so much, I'm gonna
have to disconnect. That's your advice. But that's what my
wife ended up doing, you know, is that she's like, look,
(44:54):
I can't control what he's gonna do. He's gonna go
on the road, he's gonna do what he's gonna do.
You know, you're you're obviously worried that you're gonna get
that phone call, that it's the absolute worst phone call.
But then you know, it's like, there's only so much
you can do if you have to disconnect, and if
you really love him, then you have to basically put
(45:15):
that boundary up because at the end of the day,
you know, he has to know what Some people don't
know what they have until they lose them. Right, they
call you love something, set it free, and if it
doesn't come back, you hunt it down and kill it.
I hope you take it. They call that detaching with
love exactly. Very difficult to do. Yes, it's easy to enable,
very easy. Well, good luck for Ronica, and thank you Brittany.
(45:37):
Well guys, that is all the time we have for
the first episode of Happy Freaking New Year. Is gonna
be a freaking fantastic year. Make it the best today,
you guys, God bless you all, and until next time.
This is Pretty Messed Up on I Heart Radio, follow
(46:00):
Pretty Messed Up on I her Radio, or subscribe wherever
you listen to podcasts. H
I'm pretty Hey, everybody, welcome to pretty messed Up. I
(00:21):
heart Radio, Happy, share Bear and Nana. Oh I like that.
I like the New Year. Knew you name? Yes, that's
your name name. Love it and I'm still share Bear
your share bear indefinitely. Okay, perfects the cutest, mosteary name.
Holy shit, you guys. We made it. We made it,
(00:42):
and I still have my Christmas decorations up. No, look, hello,
so do I I mean all the lights are still made?
What we made it too? Made? Oh? Yes, yes, yes
it is with it senior moment. Hold on, Happy New Year,
be freaking new Year. Everybody. Hold no, we don't actually
(01:05):
I like well no, Like I was singing earlier, I
was thinking, it's the end of the world. That's how
we felt. I don't know. Actually, you know what. I
just did a YouTube video and I talked about all
the Instead of focusing on the negative and the pandemic,
I talked about everything that happened in that was a
positive in my life, including you guys, and dancing with
(01:25):
the stars and um, you know, starting so many different companies.
I thought was great. To be quite honest, if you
really sit down and yeah, I have to agree like,
you know, when I finished tour back in March of
you know, I didn't I didn't know what was going
to happen. I didn't know, if you know, tour was
(01:46):
even going to resume, and we kept hearing mixed things
and then next thing, you know, three days later, we're
in We're in lockdown for the first time. March nineteenth,
my freaking daughter's birthday, which this year we are going
to celebrate lyrics birthday and go ham because she has
missed her birthday now two times. So like, we gotta
(02:09):
really jazz it up. But like, honestly I can. I
can totally relate with you. Cheryl is like you know
we uh you know, I we we we all launched
the you Know podcast. I got a year sober. I
got to spend time with my kids and my wife
and my family. Um, I mean the best physical, mental,
(02:30):
and like health I've ever been in my life. Like, so, yeah,
did have a lot of highlights. I sometimes find myself
excuse me, I sometimes find myself up down playing how
good has been for me and my family because I
know people are suffering, people are losing their jobs, all
(02:51):
kinds of stuff, and I find myself saying no, I
had a good year. The truth is I've had an
amazing year like this. This podcast alone, to me, was
like other people are trying to figure out what they're
going to do, and it's like, oh, I get to
hang out with my friends and talk, laugh and discuss
serious stuff and then discuss, you know, funny stuff and
(03:14):
are you kidding me? I know, And we're just sitting
here and just talking and like we're having an actual,
real conversation that some people like. For us, the three
of us, it's so easy to talk about this stuff, right,
which is I'm we're very blessed to be able to
um open up. But yeah, I just did a lot
of reflecting you guys, and it was crazy how long
my list was of positives as it should be, as
(03:35):
it should be. I think I am finally going to yeah,
let's talk about what you're manifesting. I'm well, I'm finally
going to embrace the world of the TikTok um. You know,
I remember in our trailer. In my trailer, remember we
were trying to figure out how to work this TikTok thing.
Like you know, a lot of people don't know, but
(03:56):
I've I've been off of social media personally on my
on all my devices for two years because of how
distracting it is and wanting to just focus on my
kids and not be engulfed in my phone. But now
with launching a new solo record and launching all these
things and other businesses, you know, TikTok is taking over everything.
(04:19):
TikTok is the new everything. It's the new Twitter, is
the new Instagram. And Renee and I talked about this yesterday.
It's like, you know, we don't really post videos, and
we don't really like we're not active in it, but
we love to watch the stupidity and the hilarity that
is on there because people are getting really creative, being
stuck in from brit like too for the same thing,
(04:41):
get entertained by it. And what I'm really blown away
by is how, like Midwestern moms that are hilarious in
their groups, I'm sure of groups of people are suddenly
posting these little things that are hilarious. And if it
weren't for let's say so media, they would be funny
(05:01):
at work, or they would be funny around their house
and their friends. Here, all of a sudden, they're getting
millions of views saying just they're very funny and they're short,
so for people with no attention span. But Renee, what
are you manifesting? What's your new Yest resolution? Bro? I
don't like to say resolution for some reason. It scares me.
I like manifesting better. My friend Tom Fly used to
(05:24):
say the only New Year's resolution he ever stuck too
was the one when he said, I'll never make another
New Year's resolution. Yeah, right, I know. I feel like
you put a lot of pressure on yourself, you know.
For me, it's probably the same things every day for me, honestly,
Like I always pray that I could be the best
(05:45):
dad that I can be, that I could be the
best friend that I can be, best husband that I
can be, not to say perfect for the best husband,
best friend is not all about you, but so you know,
I just have very general, general sort of aspirations which
are stay out of my own way. Like I'm the
(06:08):
one that gets in my own lit all the time.
So for me, it's always how do I get out
of the way so I could be in the stream
of life and when that happens. And I'm not worried
about setting goals or and and nothing wrong with setting goals.
But I just feel like as long as I could
stay out out of my own way, everything's going to
work out. Just that's just feeling. That's huge. I mean,
(06:30):
that's a big thing. It's it's every day. It's it's
daily work. And you know, I'm I'm the same with
you Rene. It's like, how can I also be a
better wife? How can I be a better listener? Um?
So we don't talk over each other. I'm really going
to try that for them. That's going to be I'm
gonna be manifesting that to make sure that you guys
can actually hear us talk individually. Um. Yeah. So and
(06:52):
then also, I have this dance program you guys that
I'm really excited about that I've been working on for
the last like four or five years, and I haven't
had the ball als. I guess you could say, to
launch it for some reason. I was wondering, like what
what's holding me back? And it's all this like spear
Obviously it's all fear based and um it's basically a
ballroom dance program, no partner needed, um. And it's a
(07:13):
basically to help you change your mood. So some days
you wake up feeling like crap and you're depressed or
you're down on yourself. You can put on the one
step at a time app and you and under like
three minutes, you can learn a cha cha and it'll
get you into that happy state. Or you can do
like a samba that I'll get you more into like
um understanding, like spatial awareness in your body. Or you
(07:35):
have rumba that's getting you more intimate for your hot
date tonight, you know, stuff like that. Doing this, I'm
glad because you And I'm the reason why I'm telling
you guys is because I have I need to be accountable, right, No,
but I'm glad you're doing it because when you first
told me about this, I'm like, that's genius and that's
going to help a lot of people. And then that
was the last that we even talked about it, and
(07:55):
now you're finally going to do it, and I'm I'm
just so overwhelmed. I do I do have to chime
in on that that that, to me is an insanely
good idea, right, the idea that dance because we're all dancers, right,
even though mine was back in the day, but was
(08:19):
there like, is there anything more meditative and freeing up
of any negativity than when you're one with the music,
in the flow dancing. I remember times people would say,
oh I like that move. You didn't. You're like, I
have no idea what movie you're talking about, because you're
(08:39):
in that like fourth state of consciousness, like you're almost
having that flow state, right, yes, yes, yes, yes, absolutely,
like a oneness with the universe. Right. And so the
idea that you're taking what's your wheelhouse, which is dance,
and using it to help people sort of do what
I just said, get out of your own way, get
(08:59):
out negative, out of your head, of your head exactly.
So right on, I mean, I really wanted to do
something like based off of its therapeutic right. Dancing has
always been therapeutic for me. But I'm not a therapist,
so I have to be careful with my wording. I'm
not going to say that this is a therapeutic. I
can say it's a therapeutic experience. I can't say that
it's dance therapy. You know what I'm saying. So this
(09:20):
is not an exercise program. This is more for your
mental state. Yeah, cathartic, right, it can be cathartic like
something because look It's something for everyone. You know. It
doesn't matter how old you are, it doesn't matter what
your background is. Even if you're not a dancer, you
could become one by doing this, and you might find
something in yourself that you didn't know was there. And
(09:41):
you're doing the comfort of your own home, especially with
this pandemic, like you don't need a lot of space.
Ballroom is not just for two people. You can do
it by yourself. It's for me, Um, I have to
say my if you want to call it a resolution
or not, but for me, Um is finally getting through
my twelve steps. The one thing I've never done, the
one thing I've never been able to actually accomplish, is
(10:03):
to finally get through all twelve steps in my You know,
in my program of recovery, what step you're on now?
Almost step four? Been on step four for freaking twenty years. No.
But the good thing is is that I know from
those friends of mine that have gotten through the steps,
how much more their life has changed for the better.
(10:26):
Even more My life has already changed for the better
this whole past year, and I can only imagine how
much better it's going to be when I finally get
through all twelve steps and then can finally you know,
sponsor another addict, which is terrifies me, but it also
excites me. So speaking of speaking of addiction too, So
(10:48):
what do you guys, now that we've had a couple
of weeks to marinate in it? I guess, um, am
I in addict? Do you think or do you think?
I have an addicted personality? I have thought I would
love please share renewe names. I have thoughts. So I
tried to say this during the podcast um with Dr
(11:09):
Wexler on and one thing that I know over you know,
twenty plus years of being in these circles, is that
addiction truly is a self diagnosed disease, right because you
could find plenty of people they will tell you you're
not and I that used to happen to me. I
(11:31):
would say, you guys, I might have trouble with my
drink and they're like, Nah, come on stop it, you're
not You're not homeless, you're not this, you're not that.
And the truth is I didn't understand what alcoholism is
or addiction was, and it goes far beyond um being
you know, downtown l a drop out of a paper bag,
(11:54):
it's there for me. It's once I start, I can't stop.
I've lost the capacity to control my drinking and using.
I don't use socially. I don't say, let me just
have a little martini and oh no, you know, I
remember I would be I'd walk down hotel um hallways
(12:16):
and people would push their tray out and there would
be like half a glass of wine still they pushed
it out, and I'm like, Okay, well they're not alcoholics
because I've never pushed out No. You know, uh, bottles
or glasses would still liquor in it, you know what
I mean. So if there was a pill that could
(12:36):
get me as drunk as I was getting with like
maybe fifteen vodka sodas, I would take it. I don't
really like the act of drinking or peeing every two seconds. Yeah,
I can't stand the taste of alcohol. So I think
I'm an addict. So I'm diagnosing myself. I am an addict.
I need to not be around I mean, I could
be around it, I just once I start, then I'm like,
(12:56):
might as well, I've already messed it up. I might
as well just go ahead and finish and get completely out.
I've lost the capacity to control my drinking and using.
And one of the biggest self delusions for a real
alcoholic addict is that we could once again learn to
drink like normal people, right just as an excuse to
(13:18):
pick up a drink again. I tried that so many times,
and I'll tell you, once you break the seal, it
didn't matter. I wanted to get completely drunk. You know.
The other thing that was said about that was if
it's not ruining your life completely, what does that mean
the definition of that. It was ruining my life for sure.
I was. I was acting like an idiot. I was
(13:40):
disconnecting from the world. At the end. I wouldn't even
leave to go be social. It was just like, oh,
I just want to drink by myself. It's the So,
you know, I think there's so many different characteristics of
what an addict does. But I think looking from the
outside in, you can't You don't know what people do
behind closed doors. You don't know how how it affects
me mentally, Like I started playing games and tricks on myself,
(14:02):
you know what I mean. So it's like the end
of the day that is for me, that is hitting
rock bottom, and there's another thing that was talked about,
which again I disagree with uh that if you could
just stop cold turkey, you're not one. In my opinion,
that's a thousand percent wrong. I've known too many people,
including myself, that was able to stop cold Turkey and
(14:25):
go for a while without it. The minute I picked
up again, it was on again, it was on. In fact,
it would be worse when I picked up because my
voice they was saying, you're not supposed to be doing this, Renee,
So I'd have to drink more and I'd have to
drink just to just to quiet that voice. Right, So
I've lost the capacity to control my drinking and using
(14:46):
absolutely check mark, I've lost. Um. I was able to
stop cold Turkey, yet I'm still an alcoholic because when
I picked up, I drink till to get blasted. That
comedian what's his name, John mulvaney, No mullaney, John Molly,
the comedian, right, he stopped called turkey for fourteen years
(15:07):
and now he's back in Reham. So, so that dispels
this notion that if you can stop called turkey you're
not one. That's a thousand percent roight. Yeah. And also
it's alcoholism like I think people need to know this.
Um is it a disease? Is addiction a disease? What
what is the difference I guess between the two. Well,
(15:27):
it's recognized as a disease by the medical board, you know.
And I used to alcoholism, right, Yes, I used to
quibble with it. Am I am? I not. Was I
born this way, was mature nurture. But the truth is
is what I say today is disease, disorder, whatever name
you want to put on it, I have it. They said,
(15:48):
they say, showing not an alcoholic, you're not actively drinking.
I said, but alcoholism is a disease. Yeah, it's what
you think about My bandmates, you know, like they always
told me, like, well, dude, we don't we don't. Maybe
don't think that you're an alcoholic. You just have to
try to, like, you know, really control your drinking. You
just got to not go you know, zero two a
(16:09):
thousand miles an hour. And I'm like, guys, I that's
not how my brain works, that's not how I work.
People that do that. If that was the case, then no,
I would not classify myself as an alcoholic. If I
could drink responsibly and drink casually not to the point
of black out, the point of in my hotel room
(16:32):
by myself. Oh oh is me piece of shit? Is um?
All the other things that come with that. That's what
I have. Just that's why a self diagnosis, which I
completely agree with you because only that's right. People that
don't understand the disease only understand what they understand, which is,
you know, I just I just cut it off and
(16:52):
that's it. That's like me telling someone in let's say
over eaters anonymous, I just stopped eating when I'm full
and I leave it at that. That's like acting like
they that the issue is that it's gluttony, or the
issue is that they don't have self will. To me,
that's another one of the biggest misconceptions. People that don't
(17:15):
understand alcoholism say yourself will it just asn't strong enough
when I say stop, I stop, and I will argue
the opposite. People. Alcoholics have a self will way bigger
and stronger than most people, because most people, when they
slam their face into a wall, will walk around the wall.
(17:37):
We're like through it. This time, I'm gonna go through
and you're bleeding every total it's broken. Yeah, you're like stop,
don't do it again. You're like, watch this totally. But
that has a lot to do with the personality trait
of like fighting that fighter that I'm gonna not stop,
like go go hard or go home right, and I
do right. So now we're getting into other personality traits,
(17:59):
which is like when people say to me, I bet
you can't stop watch me. You know, like it's like
that competitive that the thing that we have is now
getting foggy with alcoholism and addiction. And a lot of
alcoholics shared that trait, a lot of them that refused
to lose, right, refused to lose, And that's what kept
us out there so long. It was this That's why
(18:20):
a could be sober for so many years right without
it's yeah, it's like, you know, just just just being stubborn,
you know. But to the end, degreed. Since we're talking
about this, I just want to give a shout out
and um a big virtual hug to my girl Christytigue.
Congratulations on four weeks so amazing. That is phenomenal, um.
(18:44):
And it's interesting talking about what we're talking about because
you know, what I was reading about, what she was
describing is exactly what is you know, I'm sure in
the case for all of us. She was like, okay,
after you know, while I'm in the makeup cheer, I'm
getting my hair done, I don't really, I'm gonna have
one glass of wine. Then it became a glass of
wine before the award shows the glass and wine during work,
(19:06):
and then it's like next thing, you know, it's two bottles,
and it's you know, it's a it's a progressive disease.
It's a slow roller coaster ride, and you know, for
her to recognize it, hats off. And also, mind you,
Oh my god, I love Chrissie. We go way back.
We did some I did some sports illustrated. I wasn't
in it, like I'm not, I don't look like a
(19:27):
beautiful supermodel. But definitely I love Chrissy. We've we've hung
out a few times. But what's even like for me,
which is so I'm so proud of her, is the
fact that she's doing this, and she's doing this when
she just had a miscarriage, you know, and she's facing
her fear and facing her real emotions without numbing with alcohol,
which would be the easy way out right now, right,
it would be let's just drink my pain away and
(19:49):
we'll deal with it later and it'll come back even worse.
She's actually feeling her real feelings and I'm just so
proud of you, crazy. I tell you, three hours podcast
with her would be sick three days. It would be
three day to talk about and I would totally tease
her at the fact that she literally when when they
were doing uh the show lip Sync Battle and they
(20:11):
were filming it. When when Nick and I did the show,
I thought it was a joke and I went into
her dressing room because she wanted to get a quick
picture and she literally has a poster of her husband
and then three posters of me, which is the most
uncomfortable thing. And she's a big McDonald's fan, as am I.
(20:32):
She was getting down on some nuggets and I was like,
she's amazing. I think I love you even more. Yeah.
I just does not care at all, and she's so
real and ron she shares everything that's badass. Okay, I
got a random question now that we're here, if any
of us were too take a class, like a how
to class really quick? What what class would it be?
(20:55):
Something totally that you've always wanted to do, but you've
never given the time to do cook race car drive cooking.
I would like to learn to do the dishes. Oh,
I'll teach you that. Do you have a good dishwasher
cooking for me? I really badly want to learn how
to like but I'm but I'm talking like to like no,
(21:16):
but like how to do it like you know sushi too,
I mean, like sushi is really hard, though, a J.
I know, and I don't want to, like, you know,
make anyone sick. Um. I definitely want a race car drive.
I want someone to take me. I want to just
learn how to really drive like a race car driver.
You already kind of drive like one I've seen you drive.
(21:38):
They have schools for that, they do, they do do it.
I want Danika Patrick to come on and show me
private lesson. I'll teach you how to chat for race
car driving lessons though for sure, a J. You were
going to say you'd like to take golf lessons. No,
you've done this already, already got this alright. Alright, gonna
(22:00):
take a break, and when we come back, we're gonna
die back into some more questions for each other, some
juicy ones. All right, you guys, we are back, and
we have a couple more questions that we want to
(22:20):
ask each other, and I'm curious to see what the
answers are for these. So you want to ask first one. Yes,
So not to like be a Debbie Downer or anything,
but let's start with up. So describe a time that
you guys felt the loneliest renee renee so um. For me,
I always go back to this one point. It was
(22:42):
in my previous marriage and things just weren't things were wrong,
it didn't feel right, and I always had this crazy
idea in the back of my head, which I don't anymore,
by the way, and that that was I always felt
that if I wanted to feel good enough, I'd have
to move back to Mexico, Like, only then can I
(23:03):
feel level with everybody. So so I I just I
took off um flew to El Paso, uh Texas too,
because there was no direct flight to get to where
I was trying to get to, and I had to
spend the night. And it's called shot shoot Huadi is
(23:23):
right across the border in this little fleabag motel and
and and I missed my flight, so I had to
spend the night in this literally fleabag motel with like
just everything around it. And I just remember sitting there
and I was laying in bed there and I got
(23:46):
hungry and they had like this little kind of like
restaurant there. Uh and that's really overstating it. And I
went there and there's like four tables. Nobody's there. Um.
I could hear someone in the kitchen, that's excuse me?
Is there anything? Like? No, we're closed. And I just
(24:06):
remember at that moment feeling like what the hell am
I doing with my life? Like it just if for
whatever reason, the situation that me fleeing, you know, at
the moment the United States to go back to Mexico,
all of this without a real sort of conscious idea
of why why I was doing this? Um And for
(24:28):
whatever reason that has that's always stayed with me. I've
always felt that that was the absolute most disconnected from
humanity I ever felt. But if you were doing it now,
with like all the work you've been doing, would you
still feel Only you think, no, I don't, Okay. The
beautiful thing about sobriety, the beautiful thing about getting rid
(24:51):
of all that baggage that used to create a mythology
that I'm not good enough meant that I would always
feel lonely in a crowded space. Right since I've been
able to flush out all that crap, I no longer
feel lonely. I love being with my family, and if
(25:15):
they're all gone and I'm home by myself, I don't
feel I don't feel the way I used to. You know,
it used to be like cold walls and ceiling coming
down and darkness to Thank god, I don't feel that
way anymore. And that's why I no longer miss the
escape of a drug or alcohol, you know, so loneliness today.
(25:38):
Thank god, I don't feel that anymore. But that was
the loneliest point in my life. So how about you,
guys sharing? How about you? Ajum wow um. You know,
like I never feel lonely. I never feel lonely because
because of all the voices in my head, so many,
(25:59):
so many um No, I think for for me probably
would have been um kind of at the at like
the height of my disease. Um when I was still
living in Florida. I was still living in Orlando, and
I had this and I and I and I say
(26:20):
this not to be uh bragging, but it needs to
be put into perspective. I was literally living in a mansion.
I was nine thousand square foot house by myself on
a lake I had, you know, like it was just
this absolutely breathtaking house with nine bedrooms, two of which
(26:42):
had furniture, the others had nothing but dirty clothes. Um,
you know, bags, fast food containers. It was disgusting. Oh yeah, no,
I know. I I prefaced by saying this was the
dark kiss time of my life ever. Um, and I
(27:05):
literally literally, you know, I was sitting there up all
night one night and I walked out to my dock
and I sat down, and it was so hauntingly quiet.
But I I just I've never felt more alone. And
my mom lived two miles down the street, you know. Um,
(27:26):
I did have some friends that lived close by, but
I just chose to just kind of just be by
myself and I and I never felt more empty, more disconnected,
more angry at everyone and everything. Like I was mad
at the world and I thought everybody was out to
get me. I didn't think for one second that it
(27:48):
was that it was something that was internal that needed
to be resolved. I thought it was external ship. But
if you were to do that now, would you still
feel only now I actually enjoy a little bit of
just daddy time. You know, when I get um Um.
It's interesting. My wife and I joke about this. We
(28:08):
joked about it last night. Is that you know I
used to wake up at two three in the afternoon
because I was either hungover or I was just you know.
It was just bad. And I'm the first one to rise.
Now I'm up at five thirty every morning and I
have my I have my coffee, I got my sig.
I sit outside. It's quiet, the sun's not even completely
(28:29):
up yet, and it's just nice and piece of the
time myself. I love it. I love it. Um. I
felt the loneliest. So I did a lot of traveling
alone for ball. But when I competed, UM and I
was in between like partners, and I just you know,
I went through quite a lot of dance partners, more
than you know what's normal, I guess. UM. And I
(28:51):
moved to Utah with actually one of my um really
good friends, and at the time we had like a
little fight, I remember, and Um, I was moving to
Utah for him because that's where he's from. And I
went to uvs C. I went to Utah Valley State College,
and I just felt like I just didn't fit in.
You know. It was a bunch of like lots of
very nice people, um, but like I just felt like
(29:12):
there was a weird layer of like, um, no one's
being real real right, Like it's a Monday through Saturday,
like we're all partying together, and then like it was Sunday,
it was you know, God's Day, which is great, but
then it was like Sundays were like ghost town. Chick
fil A wasn't even open. There was nothing open, right,
So I was like by myself in my apartment, um,
and it was not a great apartment. And I just
(29:34):
remember like getting all these knocks about people trying to
convert me into being a Mormon, and I was just
like I get me out of here. And then I
moved to Denmark, UM, which was also very lonely because
in Denmark when you lived there for the winter, there's
hardly any sunlight, right, so people is the highest depression
rate is in Denmark. People are staring at their light bulbs,
their lamps because like there's zero sun anyway, go ahead.
(29:55):
Loneliness is an inside job totally. If you can't be
with yourself off, if you if you don't love yourself,
you're not going to ever feel like you're not lonely.
That's right, That's that's the thing. When I first got sober,
I remember telling Pablo, my mentor, I said, man, this
whole serenity thing is boring. He said, you're not serene,
(30:18):
You're bored. And you know what that means. You can't
stand being with yourself totally. So it's just super interesting.
I have a question. I wanted to ask you guys,
what's the most trouble you ever got in as kids? Oh?
I was just talking about that yesterday. Yeah, I got
a shoplifted. I'll tell you my shoplifting story later. Too
much for one day, too much, j What what's the
(30:40):
most trouble you got in as a kid? Okay, not
a kid, because kid, because as a kid, I didn't
get into trouble. It was literally the worst thing I
did as a child was called my mother a witch
and not even not even the B word, just a
witch and like she was crying. We're at this jewelry
(31:01):
store called Loria's, which was an East Coast thing, but
hands down the worst thing I've ever done. Um So,
we we were on tour we were in uh, somewhere
in eastern Europe, I want to say, uh, like somewhere
near Russia. Um. And it was Thanksgiving. We're celebrating Thanksgiving
(31:24):
away from our families. Um. We we flew a Turkey
in so that we so that us in our crew
could at least have some kind of normalcy. And I
was drinking at the dinner and I was like, you
know what, screw this, I'm going out. This is this
is so depressing. So I go to a strip club
and I get annihilated, annihilated, and I go to the bathroom.
(31:48):
I black out, face first into the toilet. My security
comes in, he wakes me up. He's like, dude, it's
time to go. None of my credit cards worked to
pay the ten thousand dollar bill that I had ran
up with buying bottles and bottles for the dancers and
bottles and bottles for people coming in. So the club
(32:11):
owner says, look, you're not leaving until you pay. And
I'm like, dude, I don't know what you don't want
me to do. My credit cards you're maxing out. I
can't pay you. He's like, you're not leaving. This is
like the Russian mob. So now I so. Now, my
security is like, look, can I get him back to
the hotel. I'll take his cards, I'll try to go
(32:32):
to every so he, my poor security, probably a gun
point I don't know, went to different a t M
s just trying to find enough cash. He was able
to get half of the cash. So I stayed awake,
paranoid in my room, called my accountants back in l
A and said, you need to wire me five grand
(32:53):
right now. Don't ask questions. I need it now, and
they luckily did. An hour before we're supposed to leave
the hotel, these guys were parked in front of the
hotel in their car waiting yes. And I'm sitting there
like shipping bricks, going, oh my god, you're gonna get killed.
How do I explain this if we don't get the money,
(33:14):
we're trying to leave, and they get out of their
car in front of all the boys, in front of
all of our team, the Russian mobs like, Kevin, here,
here's the thing, right, Like I was terrified, that the
most terrified, especially there by the way they are not
playing around. I'm really entertained right now. You need to
(33:37):
answer the question, my friend. Well, look, first I wanted
to say that it's funny that I know that people
want to get to know all of us better, right,
and this is if we were having dinner together. These
are the kind of stories they were telling out. But
that is what makes awesome listening, right, That's what makes
us pretty messed up. And you know what, even though
(33:59):
it's one, guys, were still pretty man really comfortable with you.
We are definitely earning our street cred. All you guys,
We're gonna take a quick break and I have to
hear Renee's too when we get back. Yes, when we
come back, we're gonna hear Renee's and then we're gonna
answer y'all's emails because I really want to hear Rene's.
I I've heard a lot of renew stories, but I'm
hoping it's one I haven't heard. Okay, I can't top
(34:21):
Pablo Escot. Yes you can. We'll be right back you guys,
all right, and we are back. Okay, before we go
into everyone's emails, Renee, finish it up. What is the
(34:44):
the most insane crazy thing you did? Younger? Last week?
This was whatever the question was, what do you remember
driver rescue? Rescue? That's pretty crazy. The most trouble I
remember getting into was um, I was like thirteen years old.
My mom sent me to go pick up something at
(35:05):
the grocery store, which was two blocks away. So I
rode my bike, same thing. We didn't have a bunch
of money, and there was this little care I bought
what I needed to have my bag, and then I
walked back inside. You know, beyond the beyond the cash registers,
they had a carousel of toys right, and I always
wanted this little um parachute guy right like you just
(35:28):
just a guy with a parachute. So I, thinking I
was super clever, I put the bag right underneath the carousel,
like right next to it, and I acted like I
was looking through the toys. And then oops, one felt
oh my god, it landed right in the right in
the bag right, And I'm like, I can always say
that it was an accident. So I grabbed the bag.
(35:49):
I started to walk out. Before I get out the door,
I'll never forget this, there was this, uh mirror window,
and the mirror window opened and the guy stuck his
head out and he grabbed that guy. So they swarmed
on me. They grabbed me, They took me upstairs. Um.
They remember, they threw me into this like a bench
(36:10):
seat from like an old pickup truck with springs sticking out,
and they really wanted to scare me, right, They threw
me down there like your your thief and this and
then blah blah blah. And then the manager, uh said
he knew my parents, and he said, he said, we're
gonna go talk to your parents. So he rode me
(36:30):
on my bike. I was on the handlebars for the
longest two blocks of my life, just thinking, Oh my god,
I'm in so much freaking trouble. We get to our apartment.
The door was locked. I knocked on the door and
my mom swings the door open with a crazy look
in her eyes. I was like, oh my god, how
she find out? Did they call her ahead? And she goes,
(36:52):
she looks at me, and the manager was standing to
my right. She didn't see him. And she swings the
door open and she goes, you are in so much trouble.
I'm like, yeah, I know, and she goes, you've been staring.
You've been looking at your dad's Playboy magazines again, right,
And I was like, um, mine, we've got bigger fish
to find did you ever tell her? Tell her? What
(37:17):
did he tell her? Was right next to me, He
was right there, so he told her so. But it
was one of those things where I thought should have
just la that that I shop you know, shop lifting.
And then she was so mad. But she was mad
because she found my dad's Playboy magazine under my bed,
and I have the manager here that's going to tell
(37:40):
her I committed. It was a bad day for me.
She said, go to your room and wait till your
dad gets home. And again, now I'm laying in bed
thirteen years old looking at the Playboy. I was going
to say that, but I like, trying to relax your mind.
(38:01):
She took it back. But again, I remember being terrified
for my dad to come home. He didn't care so
much about the Playboy, but he was. He was mad
at the embarrassment that I stole something, and I was
hoping the manager was all your mom's expression was like, oh,
he'sn't gonna get in trouble anyway, and then leave. Yeah, no, no,
(38:22):
no no. She I got the double difference. You could
have done a bargain. You could have been like, yo, man,
I got five Playboy magazines. Yeah, we could work something
out here. But I could talk about this type of
stuff forever. Yeah, she And I'm telling you, guys, I
think going forward, these are the things. I know. You've
got a lot of stories, Cheryl, and I know a
(38:44):
J and I a J on his own, has a
lot us together have a lot And so I honestly
think that that's the awesome part to let people know
the stupid things were done. I guess we should. We
should make it a second and on the show, just
like something that nobody knows. Stupid things, stupid things that
you've done, you know, because again that's part of the recovery, right, Yes,
(39:07):
it is all right you guys. So we are going
to get to what we always love every week. We
love you guys sending in questions. Please continue to do so.
We love your feedback, We love your questions, and as always,
hit that subscribe button and give us your friends about
it to you guys. Yes, yes, thank you all. So
this this first question is from Brittany and it's for Cheryl.
(39:29):
I'm gonna ask you share better. Okay, it's a little
it's like a four parter, but you know, uh, first
of all, have you found a way to forgive your
abuser if yes, how she says she's been carrying her
anger and resentment for the better part of twenty years,
but she doesn't know how to forgive someone who isn't sorry. Okay, Brittany,
(39:50):
So I actually did did a podcast, um a couple
of months ago. Katherine Schwarzenegger did this podcast about forgiveness,
and she has written a book. She's done basically a
lot of studies on, you know, forgiving, and through my
therapy and years of therapy over a decade. Now you know,
I've realized that forgiveness isn't the act of forgiving that person, Um,
(40:14):
isn't the act of okay, Well, why should I forgive
someone who isn't sorry? It's for yourself. So you forgive
for yourself so that you can shut that door and
stop letting it define who you are in the present moment.
You know, it's important to forgive for yourself. You're not
saying that it's okay to the abuser who abused you.
(40:34):
It's you're saying that to yourself. It's you forgive because
you don't want to hold onto resentment. You know, we
we live a lot one life, you know, and and
we don't know what cards we've been dealt as far
as you know when that's going to be over, And
so why live with resentment in your heart and and
let it still affect you? Then I feel like that
(40:54):
abuser winds. You know. They say resentment are very corrosive,
right to ourselves, like when we have a resentment, They say,
resentments are like drinking the poison and waiting for the
other person to die. Totally right, and so, but it
is very corrosive. Resentments are Uh, we can't afford to
(41:18):
live with them. It eats me alive. It actually eats
me alive from the most precious commodity we have, which
is right here, right now, right. One more question, Okay,
I'll ask it all right, Pick pick between those two,
whichever one you want? Um, okay, Veronica. I met my
best friend when I was eleven and he was twelve.
(41:39):
We are now forty two. He has tried to get
sober so many times, with the most recent attempt lasting
five days. I want to be supportive, but I feel
so helpless and I worry about him every single day.
Is there is there anything someone did or said that
you found at all useful on your path to sobriety
a j. Yeah. The gentlemen that is sharing this podcast
(42:02):
with us sends me um years and years and years ago. Um,
something that has never left my brain and I still
apply it's too not only my recovery, but just daily life,
which is the only way around is through um and
the only way out is through out you know. Yeah.
(42:25):
But the gist of it is basically, we have to
go through certain things in our life, whether they're easy hard, um,
you know, to really get to the roots of the
actual problem. You can't just take the easy way out. Um.
You know. I know I tried many many times to
(42:46):
get the easy way out, um, which every time would
just come back and smack me in the face. Oh yeah,
I mean I almost lost my marriage over stuff like that.
And you know, but to be honest, um, you know,
I think you just being there, Veronica and being supportive
(43:09):
is a great thing. But again, at the end of
the day, neither you nor I nor anybody can make
your friends stop. They have to want to do it
on their own. That's the number one thing I can
tell you. The thing that I heard from people that
actually helped me the most is when they said to me,
(43:30):
look you don't have to stop drinking, but I can't.
I can't continue on this journey with you. I have
to disconnect. That's when that's when I started thinking, holy crap,
things are getting bad. Because as long as people are
there and it's okay, but in constantly love you, it
is tough love and an alcoholic as long as they
(43:51):
think they still have room to dance, they will dance.
It's not until people close to them start saying, you
know what, I can't co sign this BS with you.
I can't, I can't enable you. You know, I tell
you this is a problem with like it's a problem
actually currently with me and my family. Um, but this
is a whole another discussion. But you're so right, Renee,
(44:11):
well on the button, bro. But yeah, it is. It's tough.
You just said it to love. It's hard to do.
Is I'm starting to believe tough. They call it tough
love because it's tough to do, but it's love though,
it's actually real love. It's when you when you give
them and when you don't do that right and you're
totally what's that word I'm trying to think of? Yes,
(44:34):
you're yes, yes. So my suggestion would be that. It's like,
at some point you have to just have an honest
they call it come to Jesus moment and say, look,
I love you. I love you so much, I'm gonna
have to disconnect. That's your advice. But that's what my
wife ended up doing, you know, is that she's like, look,
(44:54):
I can't control what he's gonna do. He's gonna go
on the road, he's gonna do what he's gonna do.
You know, you're you're obviously worried that you're gonna get
that phone call, that it's the absolute worst phone call.
But then you know, it's like, there's only so much
you can do if you have to disconnect, and if
you really love him, then you have to basically put
(45:15):
that boundary up because at the end of the day,
you know, he has to know what Some people don't
know what they have until they lose them. Right, they
call you love something, set it free, and if it
doesn't come back, you hunt it down and kill it.
I hope you take it. They call that detaching with
love exactly. Very difficult to do. Yes, it's easy to enable,
very easy. Well, good luck for Ronica, and thank you Brittany.
(45:37):
Well guys, that is all the time we have for
the first episode of Happy Freaking New Year. Is gonna
be a freaking fantastic year. Make it the best today,
you guys, God bless you all, and until next time.
This is Pretty Messed Up on I Heart Radio, follow
(46:00):
Pretty Messed Up on I her Radio, or subscribe wherever
you listen to podcasts. H
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