Big Bang Breakthrough

She is a Big Bang Theory star, neuroscientist, author and so much more! Mayim Bialik shares advice, wisdom and laughs.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm pretty bad. Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of

(00:20):
Pretty Messed Up on I Heart Radio. Um, it's your goofy,
goofy brother from another mother. It's a j and my
two favorite people in the entire world share bear Cheryl
Burke and Senor Well, and your wife and kids. Obviously
they're your top favorite. Well yeah, I mean my kids

(00:43):
and my Well. It's it's funny because my wife was
my favorite. Then we had Eva and she was my favorite.
Then we have Lyric. Now both my girls are ranked
number one. They're like, you know, tied, so mummy, Mummy
gets it. It's fine, It's totally fine. Happy again. Guys.
How you guys doing I mean, I know how you're

(01:04):
doing a j? Uh? How is doing a j is?
Not doing well? Um, I'm sober. Let's just say that
before we freak anybody out. It's not that but um
my my furry companion, my best but my writer die
Homie Azzi. Uh, he's fourteen years old. Um, Unfortunately he

(01:26):
has cancer in both of his lungs. Um and I
I saw, I saw it on his face two days
ago that it's it's time. So um, I am gonna
have to put him down and it's it's been pretty
pretty grueling, pretty hillacious. But at the same time, you know,

(01:51):
I've I've spoke to Renee about this, and I spoke
to my wife about this and a lot of of
my sober friends. You know that when I lost my
first dog, Bernie, he was five to also cancer, I
was so not sober. I was drunk before I took
him to the vet. I was drunk after two days later.
I put myself back in treatment. Um. You know, this

(02:13):
time around sober, I'm feeling everything. Uh, but most importantly,
I'm able to be present for for Aussie, for my family,
for myself. We get sober, right, it doesn't mean that
life stops. It doesn't mean that we don't end up
getting these curveballs. We don't let people die. Different things happen,

(02:36):
you know. And for me, I'm so proud of a
j that we talked every day. We talked lots of
times a day, and we talked about sobriety a lot
of the times. And and and I'll say to them,
how are you feeling? You know, is the back of
your head telling you, oh, this is a perfect opportunity
right now to have a drink who would blame me, right,

(02:57):
and because I've been through that, you know, and so
I feel so proud and optimistic for a J to
be walking through a very tough thing. It's one of
the toughest things we know. We love our dogs so much,
and uh, he's walking through it with grace, with dignity,

(03:18):
sober and that we can live with, right, we can
live with that. And he's doing the most loving thing
he could do for his best. But let me tell you,
it's so hard. My husband right now is currently going
through it. Um, we're gonna have to also put our
dog down soon, but it's so tempting to just medicate
the dog right and not like put him down right away.

(03:40):
What you're doing is so brave a J. I'm so
proud of you that you're feeling your feelings and that
you are, you know, talking about it because that is
part of the recovery, and you're staying sober and you're
for the first time feeling the feeling of grief and loss.
It's interesting because when we did the show you and I, Cheryl,
you know, was the first time I really started like

(04:03):
feeling my feelings, leaning into the uncomfortable, not being able
to run and hide in a corner or at a bar,
or with a straw up my nose. You know, I
had to feel so like you know, that's been the
ongoing kind of cohesive journey that's been happening since we
did the show together, and it's continuing into my everyday

(04:24):
life now, you know, months after we finished the show.
But there is one last thing I'm gonna say about
it and then I'm gonna let it go, which is,
you know, my my dog is an Australian Shepherd, which
are one of the top five smartest breeds out there,
and they are you know, obviously people know that they
are hurting dogs. So one of the things I'm gonna
miss the most, besides all of his just great energy,

(04:47):
is when you met him for the first time, he
would stick his butt in your face and he was
hurting you. But to most people, they were like, what
is your dog doing? And he also liked it if
he discratched his ass and he would up at you
and he would just be smiling, like, keep on scratching,
keep scratching. So I think I'm gonna try to take
that character trait on with me, and that's how I'm

(05:08):
going to greet people from now on totally, especially in
this world of COVID, you know, not people are doing elbows,
fist bumps. I'm just gonna put my butt in your face.
That's how I'm gonna say hi to you, either left
or right, butt cheek, right, I mean, well both of
my butt cheeks don't don't really equal even one butt cheek.
But that's okay. Still, it's still better. I think it's
better that you do that as opposed to putting your

(05:31):
face in people's butts. Yeah that oh good good, Yes,
that is true. That is true. Yeah, well isn't that
what's going to happen though? Really? If that, I mean maybe,
I mean that could be how how we end up
greeting ourselves down. Yeah, well you know I'm sending I'm
sending you love a j and strength and um. You know,
if you want to ever call me and just let

(05:52):
it all out and I'm here for you, you know
my number. Oh I'll be I'll be calling a lot
of people tomorrow. Believe I'm gonna send you meditations. You
know we're go Yes, yes I do. So we have
a really really amazing show today, guys. Um, yeah, I
mean look, I I grew up watching this amazingly talented

(06:15):
woman on which which was one of my favorite shows
growing up, a TV show called Blossom. Um I was
brother in law was on it, Yes, Nce, Yes, and
like and to see the journey that this amazing woman
has been on and what she has accomplished is is

(06:39):
it's just astounding. I mean a PhD in neuroscience. It's neuroscience,
and she's a freaking scientist. We should introduce her as
a doctor, you know, yes, doctor, and that's our first
scientist right on the podcast. That's pretty definitely our first. Okay,

(07:00):
really really quickly before we get her on. So Renee
and I were on the golf course. This was a
couple of years ago, and it was just him and
I and we got put together with these two random guys.
Come to find out they were actual rocket scientists. Okay, now, okay,
so rocket scientists, right, some of the smartest people in

(07:22):
the entire world. We leave the tea box. But we
got to back it up, Okay, okay, because this is
the best story. So you we got put with these
random two guys and they were like, oh, what do
you guys doing? Like we're we're actually rocket scientists, and
then he said what do you what do? They said,
what do you guys do? I said, well, he's an entertainer.

(07:44):
I'm a director song right, and it goes, well, that's
really impressive, and I said, but you know, people don't
die if we don't do our jobs right right, yeah,
people will die. Now, go ahead, a J pick it up.
So all four of us tea off. We get into
our golf carts. These guys are in front of us again,
rocket scientists. They drive off and both their golf bags

(08:06):
fall out of the cart. They didn't strap them in.
They forgot to stop. So I'm sitting there going, damn it.
If you first strap your your golf clubs in, what
do you what else are you forgetting to strap onto
the rocket that might be saving our lives? Strap on
in general? Just kidding? Yeah, well yeah, whoa, whoa, that's amazing.

(08:28):
Did you guys like, did you talk about it that
talk about how the rocket scientists? And they didn't really
want to talk about it, not in detail where we
could understand it. But I've always been fascinated. We went
to JPL together, a J, didn't we? Yes, we did, Yes,
we went to j PL. Did a tour jet propulsion laboratory.
That's how I know where they built the Mars rover

(08:50):
all that stuff and took us through a whole It
was for me, it was like porn. Like we're not
closet nerds, by the way. We are. We are outspoken weirds.
And I love it. So our guest today, Oh my god,

(09:18):
she's a doctor, she's an actress, she's a mom. She's
literally freaking amazing buro scientist, doctor miam be all. It's
a lot of us. Hi, how's it going. I'm such

(09:39):
a huge fan. I'm actually fanning out right now. I
can't help it. I'm literally yes, no, no, wait, all
all three of us seriously, like we were just talking
about you. You are the actual wonder woman. Yes, we
all want to be We all want to be you.
When I grow up, I want to be you. Literally,

(09:59):
thank you. Well, it's so nice to meet you all.
Thank you for doing. Happy New Year, by the way,
Happy year. That's not the last year. Yes, thank god,
kiss it. It's all good, your lord. Yeah, I know.
So it's this whole world. My my brother in law.
Did um blossom with you, Joey Lawrence. I'm married, I'm

(10:20):
married to Matthew Lawrence. You are married to made Yes, Maddie,
he's downstairs. Actually, yeah, congratulations, thank you. I followed your nuptials.
I mean, and it's so awesome. I didn't even connect it.
It's nice to meet you too. You're awesome, So thank you. Yes, yeah,

(10:42):
you go ahead, Renee, introduce yourself. So I'm the one
that it seems like shouldn't be here. My name is
Rene um No. But it's true. You've got Cheryl from
Dancing with the Stars, You've got a Backstreet Boy, and
then you've got dude with the hat on right stop it. So,

(11:03):
but what we do here write a lot. I watched
your trailer and it's perfect what you said about just
about heritage traumas, how it affects your daily life, all
of that. This is kind of what we sort of
do in a sort of fun, kind of silly way
because all of us are in recovery, right, all of

(11:27):
us are part of the program. And so when we
found out that we have a scientist coming on, like,
we love your work as an actress, but as a scientist,
we were like, we could get into some awesome stuff,
you know, and listen. Yeah, well, that's awesome, and I

(11:48):
really I appreciate you doing this. UM. I appreciate it
existing UM, and I'm a person I tend to be
very quiet about it. I've sat in many rooms, so
I speak program langue age and UM. Many of those
nearest and dearest to me, UM are sober alcoholics and
sober addicts, and UM, it's a language I've become very

(12:08):
familiar with and I'm very comfortable with. So I think
the more we talk about it in ways that people
see that it affects all of us. UM, I think
the more we can create change. So I really appreciate
just having the opportunity to be here with with y'all.
That's awesome and that and you want to talk to
us about your podcast and UM that's coming out January twelve, right, Yeah,

(12:30):
coming up soon. So is it going to be all
about mental health or is it gonna be more about
mental health? It's all mental health. It's it's mental health.
But I'll be honest, almost every guest we've had on
comes from addiction or the sober or is struggling. Um.
People want to talk about Yeah, people want to talk
about it. And apparently people want to talk to me
about it's awesome, which I'm you're credible, no, But I

(12:55):
think it's also just like there's a certain kind of
person who wants to go deep and I new and um,
you know, yes, for sure, working in neuropsychiatry and working
as a scientist qualifies me in many ways. But um also,
you know, the family disease of alcoholism, it affects many,
many people, many people. It's the ship is real. So

(13:17):
um yeah, it's been a very interesting journey. We're calling
it my in biolox breakdown because I just wanted to
say welcome to my breakdown, and I said, like, life
is about falling down nine times and getting up ten. Like,
you know, it's interesting because you know, obviously we all
know how played out. But I think now now more

(13:40):
than ever, you know, because people were stuck at home,
because people had to start looking at themselves in the mirror,
start looking inward. Now it's it's coming across as not
so much taboo anymore. It could talk about it because
now people have an outlet. I love the people. I

(14:01):
love the people who never thought they had any problems.
They were like, life is amazing, and then hit and
all of us who like a twelve step program. We're like, oh,
we got this, Like I got this year, So what
are you doing? I got I got people to call,
I got meetings. I can sit at every hour of
the day, like just we'll tell you how we do
it over here and I can tell them this. But yeah,

(14:24):
we got this. There's something therapists are making lots of
money right out, Well, there is something to be said.
Having sort of crashed and burned before, right, we were
able to create, like learn how to deal with things
where now our friends are friends that are not in
any kind of program are like coming to us, you know,

(14:45):
like we have the only arc that's floating. You know,
it's a messed up arc, Like my art is not perfect. Yeah,
there's a couple holes. Okay, there's some holes. I gotta
like tape it up. No, But the fact is like
just you know, I read an article I think it
was Psychology Today, like you know, like a website that
is reputable in the in the psych and sort of

(15:08):
you know, popular psych World, And it was an article
about what people with twelve step programs get about everyone
can learn and it was very very interesting, like to
be able to say even if I don't do it
perfect and even like it doesn't mean that I'm perfect,
but it means like I have a path, I have
a higher power, I have a notion of like there

(15:28):
are things working that I don't understand, and I'm powerless
over everything that's not in my hulah, like and every
day it's gonna be. It never stops right, Like you're
constantly growing and you have to want to do that
and be curious. Oh yeah, I'm I'm a prime I'm
a prime example of you know, I got sober December

(15:49):
of two, two thousand nineteen, and literally stage sober through
and finally got a year sober. I mean, I've been
in and out of the rooms for over twenty years,
but it's like without recovery, without having my my same

(16:10):
group on zoom every day, without reaching out to other addicts,
and without being you know, okay, with the fact that
I'm not okay. Sometimes there's no way in hell I
would have made it through twenty like I was. You know,
both both Cheryl and Renee know that my dog of
fourteen years, I have to put him down tomorrow and

(16:30):
it's absolutely killing me. But I'm present today. I'm able
to be you know, be there for my family, to
be there for my kids. I have two girls, eight
and three that they're you know, my oldest. This morning,
it really really hit her, like it really hit her
like a ton of bricks, and it's like, you know,

(16:51):
trying to explain that to an eight year old. It's
the most it's been the most challenging thing for me
since my kids were born. Um, you know, and even
trying to you know, these past few months. You know,
when I celebrated my one year, my daughter was like, so,
I thought your birthday was in January, Dad, And I'm like,

(17:12):
is a little different birthday? You let me? You know,
So trying to explain to my eight year old what
an alcoholic is and what type of mental health did
I've dealt with for the last you know, four thirty
plus years of my life. And she she gets it,
you know, to a certain degree, obviously, but you know,
it's it's been an interesting year, I think for a

(17:34):
lot of us. And I want to ask you, like,
how how did you navigate through? Like you you're closest
family everyone, how did you navigate? I mean, you know, well,
first of all, congratulations on a year. Also that is
the anniversary of John Lennon's assassination is anniversary. So that's

(17:58):
just very interesting that you said that day I was
writing an article about it today. I don't keep that
information always in my head. It was literally just in
my head. Um, you know, I'll be honest. We we
kind of bumped along. Um. You know, I I already
had anxiety. Um, I already have you know. I've suffered
through depression pretty much my whole life. Um. I used

(18:21):
to have panic attacks, like proper panic disorder. Um, that's
mostly gone away. I'm on the O C D spectrum,
like I'm all the colors of the rainbow. Um. So
you know, add that together with anticipatory fear with you know,
a president who, no matter which the political divide you're on,
brought a lot of confusion to many of our lives.

(18:41):
And I'll leave it at that, like just confusion. If
nothing else, Who do you trust? I thought you could
trust the CDC, but then every time the White House
spoke to the CDC, they changed their mind about totally.
So that made me nervous. So when you add that
to a template that is already like up here, like
my baseline is not here. My baselines right about here. Um,

(19:02):
it's it was. You know, my sleep was disrupted, my
digestion was disrupted. Things like meditation and yoga which I
had been doing like they fell away like and then
of course like then I'm spiritually depleted. Um, you know
there are there are women in my program and in
my life that we basically buckled down. We started meeting

(19:24):
twice a week, whereas we used to meet once a
month and then we would see each other at other
meetings twice a week. We we were like, this is it,
and people who had kind of been like in and
out and it's like we're in now, decided to start
doing like we did a book study with you know,
some of the literature from program, and like we just

(19:45):
buckled down and we got to know each other differently.
And since my social life basically stopped because it wasn't
going out or doing anything like, it became clear to
me how important the relationships are with people who want
to find action at that level and they want to
talk about you want to talk about growth, you want
to talk about recovery, Like can I wake up grateful?

(20:07):
What's your gratitude list for today? What are we doing
today to make today manageable. So honestly, I lean I
lean hard on that. And you know, we don't even
see my mom, Like we see her outside with a mask,
like ten feet away, Like my mom lives, you know,
ten minutes from me, and she's my dad died five

(20:27):
years ago. She was just getting used to like being
on her own, and now we can't. You know, she
was taking community college classes. She has to do them online.
Like it's just the year was crazy. Um. And then yeah,
a lot of people kind of started falling apart because
especially those people who were like, yeah, everything's great in
my marriage, Well, how did we put you in a

(20:47):
house with that person all day and you can't leave?
It's not so perfect anymore. You're so right, J and
I have have a friend, uh it. I had a
baby during all of this. And then there's the no sleep,
right that you can't go anywhere, And it was getting

(21:08):
the best of him, do you know? It was to
definitely getting the best of him. And he's someone that
works a real strong program. He really does. He I
love what he always has to say. I love the
way he walks everything. But it was this perfect storm
of like no sleep, the chaos that we're talking about
the confused is there's no ending and that's that's that's

(21:33):
the same one in sight thing is hard and and
also for those of us who have a religious or
spiritual program, like no one wants to hear from us
there's a plan. Thing isn't here. I'm in the middle
of a miracle. People don't want to hear that because
it's very, very scary. But you know, I know a
lot of people who have, Like we lost a lot

(21:53):
in our community. And one of the first things I
thought when we went into lockdown is what do all
the what all the addicts and alcoho all its do
Because getting out of your house for sobriety is very
important for some people, it's not. And the fact that
there are meetings online is amazing and it's changed program
because we're like, maybe this is a good way to

(22:14):
get recovery without having to I mean, look, I love
to be home, don't get me wrong, Like I'm I have,
but there's something there is a tangible A tangible meeting
is something you know, there is something to be said
about that. I mean, I I look, I'm I'm I'm
on the road and usually like ten months out of

(22:34):
the year. So for me, this is like the greatest
gift for my kids right now because I get to
be home. I get to help my wife because she's
freaking wonder woman holding down the fort when I'm gone.
And you know, now she's gonna listen to your opinions.
She does, she does, but I mean, look, she she
you know her and I have definitely we've gravitated more now,

(22:58):
especially with me being sober. You go past a year back,
you know, this was almost the end, like I was.
You know, she was putting out, you know, leaving me
in which you know, if I were her, I would
have left me years ago. But you know, I mean,
but she always saw through there, you know, all the
muck in the garbage that I was leaving behind me.

(23:20):
And you know, literally we got back off the road
March sixteenth. Three days later we go into lockdown on
my youngest daughter's birthday. We're supposed to go to Disney,
so she got the raw in the stick. And then
literally like a day later, we started this freaking Zoom meeting.
And it's been like who knew to invest in Zoom
back in the day? Good god, It's like Google, Oh

(23:45):
my god, I mean and ring light and light actually, yeah, yeah,
lots of them. I'm getting back to the sort of
nuttiness that's been happening, whether it's social unrest, civil unrest.

(24:12):
Um Like for me, I lost a brother to suicide, right,
and and I know not not during It's kind of
lucky missed out on all that. But um, there's something
to be said to talking to someone who's been there, right.
To me, that's like talking to like minded individuals. We

(24:34):
share our experiences, our strength of hope, and and to
me that's the one thing that's gotten me through this
knowing that I'm not the only one. Well and also
you know, to that point, it's not just talking, but
it's listening, yes, you know, because so many people I mean,
I remember and you know, in terms of I don't

(24:55):
want to not acknowledge the complete overturn of society because
of you know, racial injustice, which is systemic and has
been a problem since my parents were protesting it in
the nineteen sixties. Um, and that turned this year upside
down in a lot of ways as well, because the
amount of rage that so many of us are now feeling. Um,

(25:18):
it adds to all of that, It adds to the
anxiety and like that feeling of like how do we
get out of this? Like why are we still talking
about this? Like it's the same problem because we haven't
fixed it and we keep shoving it under. So that's
sense of amity also has It's taught us all to
listen more like when Dave Chappelle came out with his
special and he was like, you don't need me to

(25:39):
speak about what's happening because the streets are speaking, like
listen to listen to what's happening. And I think even
on an interpersonal level, like especially for those of us
who are used to being out of the house and
we work and we do this, how about it you're
alone with your thoughts, Like how about if it's just
you and whoever's in your immediate home and you got

(26:00):
nowhere to go, sometimes you have to shut up, you know,
like shut up and listen. Listen. It's the scariest thing.
I mean, just you know, for me, I was numbing
for the last however many years I was drinking and
when I stopped two years ago, um, it was pretty
it was scary, but like then you realize, you know,
after meditation, I've been therapy since I was five years old,
you know, you just like it's actually much easier to

(26:22):
feel the feelings at that moment than it is to
UM because it just comes back like a hundred times worse.
Oh yeah, they say, if you want to, if you
want to find out why you're using, stop using, right, Yeah, exactly,
I have a question for you, UM, Dr Balic, Right,
you can call my own. But yeah, okay, love that.

(26:43):
I feel like I know you, Thank you, maam. Um.
Long term effects, right, we know that there's a generation
from the Great Depression. We know there's generations that survived
World War two, World War One. What do you think,
as as a sort of neuroscientists, will be sort of
the long lasting effects of this generation the Great pandemic? Yeah,

(27:08):
I look, I think it's depends. We don't know what
it's going to look like next. And I think that's
also what's so frustrating for so many of us. UM.
What I do know, and this is also what I'm
learning about, you know, from a mental health perspective in particular, UM,
is that we will continue to see the effects of
this UM beyond this generation as well, because when you

(27:30):
look at what this country has been through, it's not
just the pandemic, which we were told was coming for
many years. Um, it's not just the pandemic. It is
the economic instability that we're in, and it is the
overturn of a society that is now dealing with the
fact that seventy million people are okay with the platform

(27:51):
of someone that tends to not support black people, gay people,
you know, round people like so, yeah, we have a
very divided kind So when you add all of those things,
you get I mean, what what what I interpret as
a kind of prolonged stress, and it means that more

(28:12):
people are going to turn to drugs and alcohol. I
can't tell you how many friends of I can't tell
you how many friends of mine who I don't even
know if they're alcoholics. It's not for me to name them.
Oh I've been drinking heavily. Oh I've been smoking pot
every day at noon. Like that's not necessary. Like that
stuff doesn't go away when this, you know, when this
year ends. Those people also are are more likely to

(28:33):
not have coping mechanisms to deal with children, to deal
with the stress of being unemployed. So like, this is
this ripple effect that we see, and it's one of
the reasons that I started my podcast is like, it's
a human right to have access to mental health. It
is a human right to know what you're feeling. People
don't even know, Like why am I having trouble sleeping
and eating? You're anxious, dude, Like the world is collapsing.

(28:57):
I totally hear you of that. Right, the fact that
we don't even have that information, that's what leads to
this generation suffering greatly. But the learning is we're already
in a mental health pandemic, like we've been in it.
We've been right, we've been in a racism pandemic, Like

(29:17):
we're in all of that. And you know, a lot
of like the kind of like hippie dippie out there
people are like twenty was a year of transformation, and like,
I guess it's true. There's a lot of really sick
truths that we had to learn. And if you are
a person on the liberal progressive end, many of us
are shocked that so many people are okay with what's
been going on, like startling. I just feel like they

(29:38):
need to be in the education, Like when it comes
to kindergarten through senior, being a senior in high school,
you have to teach it at schools, you know, you
have to have an open conversation in your homes, like
it's just not talked about. And it's shocking to me,
you know, in terms of the sort of passed down
dysfunctions let's call it, right, or I think about World
War Two, men and and women that went over fought

(30:02):
watch saw witness the most horrendous things and you come
you come home, you're supposed to pick up, get married,
have kids and all that trauma. Right, And then same
with with let's say, I don't I don't think this
country has ever fully healed from the Civil War. And
it's evident now, you know, And and we keep we

(30:24):
keep having wars that keep sending also typically vulnerable populations
by the dozens and hundreds of thousands into places in
the world where they are experiencing trauma. And we've learned
like the word PTSD, you know, was unknown to many
of us until people started coming home from Iraq from
Afghanistan and we realized, oh, you can't witness those things

(30:48):
and be unchanged, you know, and where's the support. And
it's not until you know, things to get so bad.
It's very American. Things have to get so so bad
before we'll admit that there's a problem. Totally, there's been
a problem, and there exactly, but like why we had
to wait the exactly? Yeah, Well it's like people getting scared.

(31:11):
You know, when you get back into a corner and
you have to face your fears, you have to face
your indifferences, You have to face your's, your your insecurities,
and your addictions and your depressions and your anxieties all
these things. You know, people people come out with their
claws out because they don't want to face that. They
don't want to have to deal with it. But it's

(31:32):
it's almost inevitable. Like you said, it's never been put
to rest since you know, a hundred years ago. It's
never been put to rest. And who's to say that
it ever will be put to rest. But there is
ways to cope with it and to face it head on. Yeah,
we have to do better. And I believe when it
comes to mental health. Um, I do believe. And you

(31:53):
know a lot of people might say this sounds idealistic,
but I would like to see a government and a
set of policy the protect the mental health of individuals,
including those who are suffering from addiction. The fact that
people still think that, like you know, alcoholism is just
a set of badge. You're not drinking, it's it's a
disease people. So do you are you speaking openly like

(32:15):
with your family about mental health And did your family
when you were growing up as well, did they talk
about it openly or no? One's totally about it. And
it's like that's how we got here, and no, no
one's talked about it. We didn't, we didn't call it that,
you know, Like I mean, I come from My grandparents
were immigrants to this country, and the things that they witnessed,
like don't get over that, you know, and especially my

(32:37):
grandparents on my mom's side, Like they were not educated people,
you know. I mean, that's just the truth. They were,
you know, they were tailors and sweatshop workers, and my
great grandparents were cigarette peddlers, you know, like on the street.
So like when you take someone with that kind of
background and then they witnessed the programs that precede the
Holocaust and they are fleeing and separated from their siblings

(33:00):
and half of your siblings died, Like you don't get
over those things. So that's that intergenerational trauma. So it'll
it'll come out in a lot of ways, you know,
in on my mom's side, like we didn't nobody had
money for alcohol, so it didn't look like alcoholism, you know,
but it'll look like every other is um you know.
And and the mental health you know, I come by

(33:20):
my mental health challenge is very very earnestly. You know.
I grew up in a house that was recovering from
generations of trauma and trying to figure it out. We
didn't have a lot of money. There was always a
lot of stress. You know. I grew up in a
really really loving home and a really creative home, but
my parents struggled a lot, and it it weighs on you,

(33:42):
especially as a child. And I was the child that
would fix everything, you know. So what that looks like
is then you take it on, and I mean that's
how it kind of build. No one talked about it.
No one talked about it, Like I didn't notice say
to the family member, this is what's going on in
my home. Can someone please send some assistance? Like no
one talked about it. We even didn't talk about cancer.
Back then. You would whisper it if someone cancer, you know,

(34:04):
you felt did you feel like there was something wrong
or did you feel did you know at a young
age that well, and here's the neuroscience answer. The sad
thing is it feels normal slipping in. So I can't
say it felt good, but you don't know that it
should feel good, you know what I mean? Like what
is right? You just like you make it work, and

(34:28):
that's what we all do, like you make it work.
So it wasn't until really I left my parents home
at nineteen to go to college. This was after Blossom
that things started feeling like they were caving in because
you took away my my my sad, happy, sick little family,
Like you took me away from the thing that was
normal to me, and then you're like out in the

(34:49):
big bad world. And you know, I was used to
fixing things like what's my worth if I'm not fixing
their relationship or I'm not dealing with this, So you know,
then you start, you know, used to writing I got married,
and you know, you try and piece it all together,
but it just accumulates. You know, it's like it's like
p It'll come out even if you try to hold

(35:09):
it in. So I have a question really quick. Sorry, sorry,
I'm just curious, like, was there anybody in your family
that was that wasn't crazy? Well, no, no, that was
that was in the entertainment world or that you know,
that that what drove you to want to go into
that world knowing that all this other stuff was happening

(35:31):
in your life, because usually the world of acting is
the last place anybody wants to go when there's crazy
ship going on. No, I have a I have a
very you know, unusual story, and that like you know,
child actors usually think of like Joey Lawrence and the
Lawrence you know, who have been in it since they're
very little. I was a very late bloomer. I liked

(35:52):
being on stage. And I'm sure you know, any psychologist
would have a field day with why it felt safe
to be on the stage. And I don't know if
you you know, relate to that. You know, it's like
you can hide on the stage and you have a
different persona and you get to make people happy, and
you know that they're happy because they say like move on,

(36:12):
you know, like you got it perfect. So it's not
that I was doing it for the praise. I was
doing it for that feeling of like I like to
be part of something that's right, Like this feels right
and we move on and I don't even have to
decide if it's right because you tell me that's like
the perfect thing for me. So I started acting at
eleven just because like, oh, I've seen kids in commercials

(36:33):
and like, I love being in in theater classes. I
had no idea it was going to end up having
my own television show at fourteen. Like that was not
what life was going to look like. So yeah, then
take a family that was already having all this stuff
and money theme and that stretched it was. It was
a therapeutic in a way. Was being on stage therapeutic

(36:55):
kind of? But like my mom was with me, so
like with like, and I can totally relate to what
you're saying because like you know, when I'm on stage,
that's my safe place, that's my bubble. And yet you know,
but the second I walked off stage, I was this
insecure kid that like, you know, trying to bend over backwards,

(37:15):
super codependent. I want you to like me off stage?
How do I do that? So I'm gonna go to
the bar. I'm gonna I'm gonna get drunk. I'm gonna
party with you guys. I'm gonna show you guys, I'm
I'm a rock star and blalah blah, you know. And
I was just tucking down the actual you know we
were and going back to what you were saying, my

(37:35):
m we came here, we immigrated from Mexico, we came
here on a visa overstate, our welcome, lived in my
grandmother's garage, and we all started whispering because we were
no longer here legally right. And that's to me when
the I call it piece of shit is um kicked

(37:56):
in right where it just baked in where I started
thinking I was not good enough no matter what. I
always thought that moving back to Mexico was the answer,
Like if I want to feel good enough, I have
to go back to my solution. Yes, exactly, exactly. But
my question to you is, did is that what lead

(38:19):
you into neuralscience? Like yeah, yeah, I wanted out. I
wanted to be where and and look, you know, being
on Blossom was unbelievable. But that wasn't like my life plan,
Like I wasn't planning on being a famous system because
I don't like being seen that way, Like being recognized
is uncomfortable for me. It always makes me feel weird.

(38:42):
And yeah, I'm a total I'm an introvert who lives
my life as an extrovert. So I wanted to be
where it wasn't about what could I do for you,
but what's in my brain and what can I what
can I offer as as an academic. And you know,
my parents for first generation Americans, and you know they
were teachers. They were English teachers and public school teachers.
I went to public school my whole life. So I

(39:04):
wanted to be rich professor. I wanted to teach, and
I wanted to understand the brain and the system and
the things that were interesting to me. Um. But also
my interest really always was in working with individuals with
special needs or mental health challenges. And I ended up
my thesis was an obsessive compulsive disorder. UM. So I
I ended up getting to resonate in a field that

(39:25):
was very close to my heart as it were. Um
And yeah, but that's exactly why I wanted to hide
a different place. So I became a workaholic, Like that's
the thing activity. Yeah, it's the it's the God shaped poll.
You can do whatever you want. And I told it
with school, you know totally. Are you currently in therapy
are you? Um? Oh, of course. That's the other thing

(39:48):
that got me through. Um, I'm I'm like old school.
I've been I've been in therapy, yes, since I'm seventeen
or so. And I've been with my current therapist. It's
awkward to say I've been with her for twenty years.
And it's not because she can't fix me. It's because
classical psychotherapy does believe in building a scaffold of a
relationship that continues to of all. Um. And there are

(40:10):
times when I've gone twice a week. I've spoken to
her three times a week sometimes. Um. But yeah, during
during the quarantine, I would do two sessions. I really
I do, like one in the middle of the week
and then one on the weekend. Um. You know back
in the day it was like a phone session was
so weird zoom therapy like if it's it's like, this
is what we've got and um, it's really weird to

(40:31):
get to see one wall of her home because anything
she likes crystals. That But that's that's the other thing
I can't I can't go without it. I need that processing,
that grounding, I need that humility. I need someone to say,
what's your part in it? What? What do you need

(40:55):
to work on? And like my whole life. If I
can stop you know, saying you you you to whoever
I'm upset, my life much better. I totally, totally, I am.
I love that you said you wanted people to see
you for what's you know. There's great sponge between our
ears and and I love that because, um, I have

(41:19):
an eight year I have a nine year old daughter.
Only one child I had late in life obviously, and
I always used to fantasize and say, if I ever
have a kid, I want them to be inquisitive. I
want them to ask the questions that dada. And so
the other day her her friend, her friends called her

(41:39):
a nerd and she said, thank you, she said, you know,
she said, do you know Elon Musk is a nerd?
Do you know Steve Jobs was a nerd? And I
was like, I was so proud. I was like, you
said that to them? She goes, yeah, she goes, I
love being a nerd. So to listen to you talk
about academia, talk about things that are beyond the superficiality, right, Uh,

(42:04):
I'm so excited to know there's people like you in
this world that my daughter can look up to and say,
that's the path want to. I was gonna say, I
wish my children would feel the same way. They think
I'm the lamest momel No, but I think it's really
I think it's it's so ironically cool that you know,
a show like Big Bang Theory and it's about science

(42:28):
and all these things, and yet I'm sitting there going,
there's an actual scientist on the show, like an actual
it's not made up, it's not it's it's not put
into the script. She actually is like the smartest person
on the set right now, Like she is, like, you
know what, I'm telling the most educated specifically, and I

(42:52):
and I do have to say because somebody sent it
to me. Um, you know, there was a video going
around of I'm not sure if it was everyone in
the cast, but there was a viral like flash mob
that happened after the last episode and you guys danced
to one of our songs, larger than Life, and I
was like, this is the this is life, this is

(43:14):
everything right now, because I was a huge fan of
the show and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is real,
right now I was. I was. I was fan girling
out for both the fact that you guys picked our song.
Kayley Kyle Quoto gets the credit because she would always
like pick the songs. The choreography was so complicated and
we were so um. Kayley Quoto's sister, Brica is a

(43:37):
is a choreographer, so she would come and we would
all be like, I mean, like, I'm an old lady,
I've had two kids, like sweating, you guys killed it.
You guys did a fantastic job. I just want to
say thank you because well, I mean, I'm I'm a
fan as well. I'm I'm forty five, and I was
super into like Elvis Costello, and I was like this,

(43:58):
like quirky girl, but I grew up with your music
and to this day that's still what I want to sing.
It's so I'm so honored that I get to talk
to you and also like to connect on this level
is really really fun. You know what science science? Just
quickly I was going to say, what science for me?

(44:19):
Does it gives me hope? That's one thing? Right. We
We took my daughter to go see Neil deGrasse Tyson
right here at the Kodak Theater and the line was
so long, and you had every shade, you had, every age,
you had everybody. And I looked around, thinking, they're all
here to listen to an astrophysicist, and I could just

(44:43):
feel that everybody there wasn't that tension. Everyone was just
you know, had had that common sort of curiosity to
learn about science. Right, So every time I look at scientists,
I think, they don't they don't bother to get bogged
down with racism, that they've come bigger fish to fry.

(45:05):
You know, it's true. I mean it gives me hope too,
because like, science is real. It's no, it's not so real.
It's not it's something to debate, Like, I mean, there
are things that we debate, but like, science is real,
and it gives me hope to especially when I see
people of color who are in the sciences, Like it
makes a big difference when I see women who are
in the sciences populations that have been underrepresented. It's important

(45:28):
also for it especially helps young people to understand we
all were placed here with the same capacities and the
same abilities. But yes, access to health care, access to education,
access to medical care, access to good nutrition, those things
make that it definitely affects the brain. I mean, come
only on top of your podcast, which I'm very excited

(45:50):
to hear UM talk to us about Called Me Cat. Um. Yeah,
I decided to do a show after Bank Theory. Would
have love to retire. It definitely still need to work
and that makes sense because people have mortgages and health
insurance and you know life. Um and Call Me Cat
is an American adaptation of the BBC show Miranda. He's

(46:11):
about a very very unusual, eccentric woman and Jim Parsons
company had the rights to this, and I thought he
was just asking for my opinion, like what do you
think about this? And I said, I think it's a
great project and I wish you luck with it, and
he said, no, I'm asking you to be part of it. Um.
I think I'm a very annoying person, but obviously I
didn't annoy Jim Parsons enough for him not to work
with me. So um, we we have this show, which

(46:34):
is very playful. It's very fun. We're not trying to
break down any barriers of television genre like we're a sitcom.
It's what I do, um, and it's about a thirty
nine year old woman who owns a cat cafe. She
gives up her career teaching math because her passion is
UM to be a people person. And she's quirky and
she's strange, and she talks to the camera because that's
one of her friends. Essentially, UM, we have a fantastic

(46:57):
supporting cast UM Seyenne Jackson and Less Jordan's who exploded
on Instagram, UM Kyla Pratt and Julian Ghant and Susie
Kurtz plays my mom. And honestly, I think we'd like
each other even if we hated each other, because we're
just so excited to be with other humans. Besides our
families are Yeah. We we've literally done six episodes. We
have six more. We've been delayed this week because of

(47:20):
Los Angeles being Los Angeles. UM, shooting during COVID is
not easy. So whenever someone is like, well I don't
like this about the show, I was like, we filmed
it during COVID. Yeah, I have to push back, though,
I have to push back on you being annoying. That's yeah,
how is that possible? Because I'm sent here thinking this

(47:40):
podcast has to end. I want I don't want to
a million other questions for you stay here the rest
of the day. This is really delightful. I would, well,
we can do this again. I think that that exists
in the universe, and you're gonna come on my podcast.
I really want to talk more to you. I really
want to hear more of your story. And UM, so
grateful that we could do this. Uh. You know, it's

(48:03):
a weird way to interact with people, but it's also
really comfortable because it's not like we're at a cocktail
party where it's like thank god we get to talk,
you know. And someday, someday, hopefully soon, when even the
three of us can get into a studio and you know,
continue to show we can, we can absolutely totch off
for some neurosizes. You got to get all of us

(48:24):
together once it's say you let me pretend that I
got you. You can come up with you all day,
come up with the TikTok dance like the neuro Yes,
oh my god, right, yeah, I will get my fifteen
year old on it. Okay, that would be fantastic. Doesn't
like that stuff? Oh you are an absolute dream, my dear, seriously,

(48:51):
and yeah, you're really a pleasure. So everyone can check
out Calming Cat on Fox and then your podcast, Um
I am Bolex Breakdown There you are, um comes out
January twelve. I can't wait. I already subscribe to the channel,
can you yet? I definitely did subscribe last night. Yeah yeah,
and you have your YouTube channel. What do you talk
about on your YouTube channel? Yeah, well, we're actually going
to broadcast our podcast on camera. So um this is

(49:13):
actually my podcast studio. So we're available obviously on Spotify
and anywhere that you want to get podcasts. But if
you'd like to see in person, I have a co
pilot who sits right over there, and we dressed like
twins every episode. We're a Dwarves. So yeah, are you?
The YouTube channel is also where you can watch it.
So cool, cool, friendly neighborhood Canadian. Gotta love it all
the way. Awesome. Thank you so much, my dear, and

(49:37):
so much success. Matt gives him, gives you, gives his
love and make sure to return. That's funny. Thank you,
thank you, bye bye, all right you guys, thank you
to our amazing guests. Uh my ombiolic. Wow, she is

(49:57):
just I mean literally like seriously, she's blew me away.
Not only as a person, as a scientist, as a
human being. But uh, she's such a huge inspiration to
everyone out there, so go check out all of her
stuff that she has going on. It's going to be
fantastic and uh, we will see you guys and talk

(50:17):
to you guys again very soon. So thank you for
tuning in on I hear radio. This is pretty messed up.
Follow Pretty Messed Up on her radio, or subscribe wherever
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