How Messed Up Was That?

AJ and Cheryl were eliminated! WTF! That is pretty messed up!

AJ, Cheryl, and Rene talk about how they are feeling and what happens now.

Then, the Bachelorette hangs with the Backstreet Boy. Kaitlyn Bristowe is here. Kaitlyn opens up about her own journey and life struggles she has had to face head on.

Do not miss hearing AJ and Kaitlyn discuss meeting for the first time.

And, there is even a BSB duet between Kaitlyn and AJ!

Link to Pretty Messed Up's Live Virtual Event: https://www.events.loopedlive.com/prettymessedup

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm pretty up. Hey, everybody, welcome to Pretty Messed Up

(00:21):
podcast on My Heart Radio. I am a J. McLean
and I'm officially share Bear Forever. Yes you are, and
I'm Renee. And Tonight's episode it's a little extra pretty
messed up. It's so messed up, guys. My heart, my
heart is broken. I'm pretty messed up pretty like literally,

(00:44):
I should be like one eyed Willie right now, because
I'm like, oh God, here comes Tuesday. Now, I'm like
so ready just to talk about it. Yeah, let's get
down and dirty, shall we. Let's talk about it just
to dress the elephant. But before well, yeah, go ahead,
you hand, and then I want to tell you how
I feel about you guys. So obviously tonight was I

(01:06):
think up. It was pretty messed up. I mean, there's
no other ways say it. We got eliminated, we got
the boot. It was here's the part that I don't understand,
and obviously I'm maybe not meant to understand. So we
know what happened with our routine clearly, but uh, we

(01:28):
were able to escape with the two extra points. Going
head to head with Johnny Weir, Johnny got a perfect
score and yet some Johnny was in the bottom two
with myself and Cheryl doesn't make that that's so confusing
to me. It's like when me in Juan Pablo got
perfect sixty and we got eliminated. It just happens. So

(01:52):
go ahead and listen. I will say this to everybody
out there, uh that has been voting for Cheryl and
I since day one. We greatly appreciate it. Thank you
all um for allowing seriously continue the journey for as
long as we did, and for letting us just talk
about our stories and like, I've never been so vulnerable
in all the fifteen years I've been doing the show, right,

(02:14):
So thank you for making it a safe environment. I
guess for me to open up and for a j
to open up. Yeah, and you know what, um two
times too. Yes, I have zero regrets. And to be honest, UM,
you know, I think the way that we left was

(02:35):
done graciously. It was it was emotional. I mean I
started to get a little I think we need to
give the audience though they deserve a play by play.
Let's really get into detail here, like talk about you
know the day, like this morning, how did we feel,
you know, how did you feel a j this Viennese
waltz by the way. I thought for sure it was
going to be your breakout dance because like we just
rehearsed the crap out of it all, like we never

(02:57):
messed up, not even during blocking, not even like really
during we whearsals, like during the week and just during
the Life show. You did an amazing dress rehearsal. It
was good, it was great. Like I was like, for sure,
you're gonna get at least one ten and then you know,
sh it happens. Literally ship happens. It's a live show. No,
but I mean look at the end of the day,
like you said, it's a live show. But what happened

(03:18):
a j I. So basically what I think happened, which
we talked about, is some of our pre show things
we didn't do which we always do, which is really
get that ground dead feeling, that that physical connection, what energy,
like we do energy where we like push each other's

(03:38):
like wait into our hands. But we've done. We did
the prayer like we have like our checklist of things
you know where it's like and then we warmed up. Well,
what we didn't do was I asked, I do remember
asking AJ like should we you know, warm up. I
didn't want we were trying to approach it to where like, Okay,
a J you got this, like stop overthinking it. So
maybe we shouldn't warm up like so crazy that we
normally do. I think at also did not do us

(04:01):
any favors as well, Like I can just only take
the responsibility, right, Like we can only say responsibility of ourselves.
There's no point of like pointing fingers or blaming because
really I think that if you were to look at
the pattern of things, yes, we were not a hundred
percent connected, yet we were Like also, just the day
was so crazy. I didn't even talk to my husband
once during the whole day today because of the two

(04:23):
dances for the first time. And I've always said that
when you start to do two dances, right, you're just
exhausted because you have to put in double the hours
of whatever it already is, which is like a four
or five hour day times too basically, and then you
really have to just like just separates, right, you start
to see the separation between like the finalists and you know,
the rest of the competition. But it's not so much

(04:45):
that with a J. It's literally we just messed up. Yeah,
I mean, they're really but a mistake exactly exactly. But
here is the one thing that I will say, and
I will take this to my grave, and I am
beyond proud of both of us for is Okay, we
messed up, but we got back and we finished fighting strong.

(05:11):
Because if it's your last drive kick ever, and that's what.
But I'm just talking about the actual Viennese waltz, like oh,
and then you know, Cheryl was saying to me, Renee,
we were back in the trailer about to do press.
It's like there's this weird confusion as to how this
show is like laid out now compared to what she's
experienced the best. And this this all stems from, like

(05:33):
if people are asking him if I'm retiring, like and
so my whole thing it's not about the show or
me getting older as much as it is this frustration
that a j um has mentioned. It's it's it's about like,
is this show still the show I signed up for?
I'm I'm strictly a ballroom dancer, right like I did.
I never went to a performing arts school. I didn't

(05:53):
learn jazz, I didn't learn ballet, don't sing, don't want
to hear you don't definitely don't want to hear me sing,
and you don't want to hear me. So that and
within the ballroom world and within the show and how
it was for the at least the first decade, it
was about ballroom strictly ballroom. So it was like with
that comes technique, and it comes like um different, I guess, uh,

(06:15):
curriculums right, Like we cannot break hold in the quick step,
cannot break hold and tango and we have to be
in the correct frame, we have to do certain steps.
And when um Len Goodman was on the show, he
was a former judge and so he definitely was that
person who would just nail it down like, sorry, you
guys didn't have body contact, you were not you broke frame,

(06:36):
you did a lift, you did a heal lead when
you're supposed to do a total lead. You know, It's
like he was able to call this stuff out. But
now um Derek has taken that place, and I think
he's doing an amazing job. But then I wonder, like
if I look at other people's quick steps, let's say,
compared to our quick steps, our quick step, it's very different.
They break hold and then they come back and then
they break hold. But I had no idea when did

(06:58):
the rules change? And so therefore we're getting basically penalized
right by staying in hold and maybe not creating as
much energy. But then people are getting praise for breaking hold.
So therefore you can't like, I don't know where my
place is on the show anymore. Yeah, like she said
to me tonight, she goes technically the minute after the

(07:22):
little mess up, the next thing was the actual start
of the actual waltz. Like, as far as that was
the Viennese waltz, they should have judged you on your
Viennese waltz, not the intro. Yeah, exactly, the intro was
just a little extra sauce from the taco. Mind you,
you did mess up. They should have given you a
nine or an eight at the very least, which the
other two did except carry on seven. I think really

(07:44):
just put the nail on the coffin. And also what
I didn't really understand was she finally seemed like she
was happy that I opened my chest and that my
frame was good, and that like I finally did big
and then we get a seven. So well, so what
I want is say is this first of all a j.
You know how proud I am of you doing doing

(08:06):
this sober and early sobriety. It's monumental. Cheryl, you too,
you know you stopped diving into escapism through you know,
drinking or whatever the cases. You guys face this thing
head on. You guys are um ah, That's what I'm

(08:27):
the most proud of you guys for is the fact
that you are two sober people that you know, some
some of the other contestants might go off right after
the show and drink and do whatever they want, you know,
and it's look, if you can get away with it,
that's awesome, right, But but you guys don't have that
escape anymore. And the truth is that you you're both

(08:50):
listening to you are are so gracious. You're so gracious
in defeat, right And to me, the fact that you
guys can look at it and say, Okay, yeah, whatever,
we messed up. That all that to me, that's maturity
to be able to say yeah, we messed up and
not take it beyond that. Right No, yeah, no, no, no no,

(09:13):
you can't blame yes all the all the rough Uh. Rather,
I should say all the grind before everything happens is understandable,
but to be able to say, okay, you know what,
there were some mistakes. They did change the goal post
here and there. But to me, that's what's the most commendable,
you know, because obviously you're both very talented. A J

(09:35):
is a talented you know, entertainer on stage, you're very
talented dancer, and you know, keeping things in perspective. The
way you guys do, to me is most of the battle.
Do you know, No nobody died tonight. You know. It's like,
I'm sure you'll look back at it, AJ once your
feet stop hurting and and be you know, be glad

(09:57):
that yet, Yeah, exactly, and be glad you did it.
I mean what I mean, that's the thing. It's not
so much the end result, right, Like it's harder. I
think it's hard for in this moment, but like and
when you look at it, like in a month from now, right,
it's going to be like, wow, what an enjoyable experience.
It wasn't like we had one week less with each other.

(10:17):
It's really not about like getting holding that disgusting fake
plastic mirrorble right that falls apart after a year in
your hand. It's not about that when it's about the journey.
Like the longer the journey, the better. I think. Um,
we are as people in a way because we've learned
so much. But this is very rare, this partnership, this
type of chemistry I've had with a j Very rarely

(10:39):
do I learn from my partners, you know what I mean.
It's just it's a one way thing. Yeah, And look,
I can tell you right now, and it's not even
been twenty four hours. I don't regret a single, a
single thing because not doing yourself, because god damn, that
would have been slash. That would have been your freaking
I was excited about my salsa because I did so

(11:01):
well with my samba. I did so well with my samba.
The Latin dance just like really come out of me.
And yeah, but look it's and I already choregraphed both
your quick step that you would have had next week
and your salsa already had your freestyle in mind. God
damn it. Maybe I should stop planning so far ahead.
It's okay. Bottom line is the most important thing that

(11:24):
I will take from this that I've shared, you know
earlier tonight when we depress, is again being able to
really be in touch with my emotions now more than
I ever have been, to be able to be vulnerable,
to be rigorously honest, to really kind of do all
the things that are asked of me, and going when
you think you can't go anymore exactly, and literally continuing

(11:47):
to push yourself to strive to be the best you
can be. You're a little relieved, though, come on, you
gotta admit. I'm just gonna say you look a little
relieved to I'll be honest, you seem more relaxed. I
don't think I'm just at that tipping point you know,
where you're like, God, you're so upset, right, And then
I'm just like, in a way, I'm asking it. I mean,

(12:07):
I don't really know how I feel. I haven't had
a quiet time, like any minutes to myself yet. Um,
but I'm going to feel like ship tomorrow, I'll tell
you that much. It's gonna be. I'm gonna be depressed. Well,
that's that's when we need to keep in perspective. Yes,
you're you're a human being and you you have it
happens every yeel totally, But again, when we put in perspective,
you know what I mean, it's like but it's not

(12:28):
the result. I'm depressed, but it's that's go go go
that that um like schedule. Well, well yeah, because you've
had your adrenaline going for a long time and all
of a sudden there's no there's no adrenaline and breaks
and there is a little withdrawal. Right, I think that
to you before, where we would go on tour for

(12:50):
a year and a half and then you come off
tour and you literally go into a clinical depression. And
now me seriously, as soon as the lights would drop,
the crow would go crazy. Do you guys remember what
crowds were? Yeah, exactly right, and you get used to
that every night, you get used to it. Okay, guys,
So I think we just have to hash it out

(13:11):
and talk about the elephant in the room. A J
go Dumbo, Dumbo. Dumbo is Dumbo back at you, l
thank you go for it. You know what. I wish
I knew what what it is, but I've kind of
heard little whispers through the air. There's been there's been
some rumors floating around which tabloids every season on this show.

(13:35):
I'm sure it happens for the last however many almost
thirty seasons. Yes, and I've been a center, front row
and center for them. Read the articles. But yeah, that's
basically talking about there being some kind of a little
hot and headvers hot quarrels Leb and right. Just because

(13:57):
they dry hop on TV, guys, doesn't mean it's real.
It does it mean that, you know, like they did
use a bed in their last performance, the one that
they may or may not use normally. Does it mean
it's Gleb's bed. Yes, it's it's it's a it's a rental.
It's a dirty rental. It's a dirty rental from the
prop shop. No, but seriously, so you know this is

(14:18):
this is the whole thing, right when you're in this
world of Hollywood, you do reality shows, and um, this
stuff does happen because ballroom dance sport people dry hump
and they're like, oh, they're having sex, they're having sex.
But like when you see a sex scene in a movie,
like do you think that they're actually really having sex?
But but let's be real, I'm sure sometimes it does

(14:41):
lead to h absolutely not denying that not necessarily. What
do you mean why not during the show for day
that would be a different network, that would be like
if that was on the Disney Channel. Maybe not during
the show, but yes, we are affiliated with Disney. However,
sh it happens, but not say anything has happened with them.
I'm just saying right now, like it's just a big

(15:03):
deal because Gleb and his wife are separating. Um, I've
known them for a while. They're both in the competitive
dance world scene. I've known his wife as well, and
they're beautiful kids, and I'm just I send my love
to you know, Gleb and his family. This can't be
easy for anybody right now, especially when you have kids involved,

(15:23):
so that they're divorced in the timing of their divorce
kind of is fueling this room, is what you're saying. That,
and something's going on between the two of them Dance
Beyond the Rumba and Krishell basically said something on her
Instagram that you know that it has nothing to do
with her really and that she just wishes the family

(15:43):
well and blah blah blah. She denied all dirty dancing. Yes, no,
Patrick Swayze, he's going on over here. I mean even that,
that's fine. You're just drying hoping just for a second,
if you guys will allow me. Um. A lot of
your fans a j reach out to me through Instagram.
They direct message me, and there was one that I

(16:05):
just thought was so beautiful. If you guys mind if here,
it's right here, someone hold on. Okay, it says, Renee,
you are amazing. Okay, that's not the one. Hold on, kiddy,
I'm kidding. That was a joke. Okay, it says can
you please pass it along? His his millions of fans
are so proud of the work he's put in, both

(16:27):
on and off the dance floor. He's been through hell
and back, and so many are inspired by his strength.
I love him as a pop star, but I love
him even more for who he is as a family man.
And I know his girls are beaming with pride. I
just thought, you know, that puts it into perspective for me.

(16:48):
You know, look, I did this. I did this show
for my kids and my wife and for myself to
step outside of my comfort zone. Yes. Do I dance, Yes?
Do I perform? Yes? Do I sing? Yes? Have I
ever touched a ballroom floor? No? But anything hardwood is

(17:10):
a ballroom floor. What I said, anything hardwood is a
ballroom floor. So you may have touched it. I might
have touched it, Um, but the journey that I've taken
with you, Cheryl, and just the the relationships that I made,

(17:30):
friendships I made, and the inner work that whether you
knew you helped with or didn't know. I know, I've
told you, but you have, Renee. Our conversations have helped UM,
my ct W family. UM. You know who you are,

(17:51):
UM and my amazing except for Johan. Johan's exempt from
that because he's just He's Canadian. No, I'm kidding, UM,
but Renee, I want to thank you for being um
a J's rock during this whole experience. Seriously, Like I mean,
I can't tell you that you know, I'm pretty I'm
pretty harsh, you know sometimes, but that's because I just

(18:13):
I believe in A J. And I pushed him to
um a point where you know, it got like it
was up and down, up and down. But if you know,
thank God for you, because I know every I knew
that it was gonna be he was gonna walk back
into the rehearsal room with a better mindset because he
was able to, uh, you know, turn to you and
thank you for for that, Thank you for saying that

(18:34):
you know for us, what we do to stay sober
is we help out another person. Right, my, My, My
mentor said, look, here's the thing. Keep your hand on
my shoulder and follow me with my lantern, and little
by little, your lantern will come on. That's what I
say to a J for dancing. Wow. And then he said,

(18:56):
and then you have to let someone put their hand
on your shoulder. That's how it continues. And you know, um,
I do so I don't think too much, like that's
awesome that you say that. I don't think too I
don't stop to think about it. It's almost like a
muscle memory or in. But but two nights ago, um,

(19:18):
something happened and uh, I got a phone call, right,
And I look at my phone and it says a
J's mom Denise. Right, that's how it's in my phone.
It says a J's mom, Denise. And my first thought
was terror. I hadn't heard from a J in a
couple of hours, and I just thought like, oh my god,

(19:38):
because you know, my own tragedies from my brothers that
passed away, like I still sometimes like, oh my god.
The PTSD that I'm sure I gave you sometime, well,
you know, it's just like I So anyways, I talked
to her and literally we've talked on the phone three
times maybe since I've known a j I'm and we've

(20:00):
talked in person a lot. But it was and I said,
oh my god, it's a joking. And she's like, no, no,
I'm fine. Sorry, Maybe I should have texted you first,
tell you. Look, I'm going to call you. Everything's okay.
And so but the point is that she she she
started crying. It wasn't for this reason. She told me
she needed help with a person. I said, of course,

(20:21):
I'll talk to them. But then she she got very
serious and she started crying, and she said, I'm so
happy to see a j um sober and wanting it
and this and then and and she said thank you.
And for me, it's humbling to have her say that,
but it it feels so good to note that his
mom is finally kind of relieved that she won't get

(20:46):
a call, you know, just like, but thank you so
much for saying that, thank you, thank you. We're going
to continue this whole thing, you guys, I'm definitely not
on the go anymore. Stars, don't get it twisted, pretty.
We're going to be pretty we started this. I mean,

(21:06):
I have to say once again, you know Amy Sugarman,
who's behind all of this, she cast us, literally the
three of us right to do a podcast together because
of our stories that are that are parallel in a way,
but like different what different age groups different, you know,
it's like we've all gone through it in a different way.
And um, you know, originally I was supposed to do

(21:26):
one by myself. I'm sure you guys were going to
do whatever it was. We crossed paths for a reason.
And I'm so grateful to Amy and to you know,
this whole experience. But I just want everyone to know
that this is still continuing because this was a continuation.
This wasn't just for Dancing with the Stars. Yeah, And
I'll be honest with you guys. I have a feeling
you guys fans are going to be really excited to

(21:48):
hear things that has nothing to do and I'm excited
to learn. I want to learn again. I want to
like learn about that mental health. I want to learn
about how our brain works. I want to have these
guests on, like Emily fle Toure, who I've got a
J McClean, a J. McLean of course I have to
say your last name all so weird. I'm like, what
I think I'm reading your name on the zoom aj

(22:09):
mr A J. McClean. All of a sudden I turned
into this weird person. Um. Yeah, So I would love
to have people on that are not necessarily celebrities, you
know what I mean, Like not like Hollywood stars, more
like scientists. Absolutely love that. I love that you love.
It's time to now expand and broaden our horizons. But yes,
just so everybody knows out there a world out there

(22:30):
other than ballroom. On the of November, we are doing
a very special live podcast, so you guys will get
to actually talk to us, meet us obviously virtually, but
you guys will get to actually experience the podcast with

(22:51):
us live on November. So anything, yes, literally, because there
are things that are at to doubt and here they're
going to hear it all, just like we were live
doing our vats Waltz. This is gonna be live. Sh
It's gonna come out and that's it. Can't raise it.

(23:12):
For all the details for our live event, please visit
our instagram at Pretty Messed Up Podcast. You you did
something that it was cracking me up earlier, and is
that the universal sort of signal for retiring you kind
of like acted like yeah, that was as because these
lashes are not obviously natural, So retiring for me means

(23:36):
take off the fake lashes down. Let me tell you
what the thing is. And I know what it's littering,
but like I just it's a ritual. So every time
I come home from CBS, because we tape at CBS
on Genesee and Beverly, I literally rip my lashes off
at the same spot for the last fifteen years and
I throw I threw him out the window as a
like you know how act screams out. I think they're

(23:59):
edible or at least by a degradeable definitely edible, and
I don't know if they're but listen, whoever walks by
that area will have some free lashes for like at
least a couple of years or getting some yeah, or
burden nest it would be really but there might be
a whole burden as far as retiring goes. As now,

(24:21):
I know it's always I get very emotionally invested obviously,
so as of right now, I just don't know where
the show is heading, you know, And for me. I
know where I like to stay in my lane. And
if I don't feel confident um teaching somebody a certain
style of dance that I haven't studied, this doesn't make
sense anymore. You know. If it's if this is no
longer a ballroom show, I don't think I can be

(24:43):
a part of it. I just won't. I just won't
do it. It's not you know, there's so many dancers
out there that should also have this experience, and so
if it's turning into something different other than ballroom, then
we need to, you know, regroup. But my question was,
if that's your sort of signal for retirement or is
that like an inner circle thing that I hadn't because,

(25:10):
honest to God, that should be that should be an
international entertainment. Hanging up your shoes. I'm done taking off
the lash. Only lash in m m A. If if
a fighter takes off his gloves in the octagon, that
usually means that's this is my last fight. I swear

(25:33):
to I think we could make that a thing or
should just do this? I think it should be a thing.
Drop all right, you guys listen. So when we come
back from break, we're going to have a very special
guest who was one of my my buddies on who

(25:54):
was because I'm no longer there and yeah, still a
buddy though, still a buddy, Yeah, still a buddy for life,
the beautiful Caitlin Bristow. When we come back from the break, Hey, everybody, uh,

(26:16):
welcome back to the show. Uh. We have a very
very special guest on our show tonight. Um. Beautiful, beautiful
young lady, very talented, young lady, strong, young lady. Uh,
Miss Caitlin Bristow, Welcome to the Wow. That was a

(26:37):
very nice interest. Thank you. I appreciate you, guys. So Caitlin,
you obviously know myself and you know Cheryl Is is
actually share Bear on the show. That's her nickname, share
Bear Ye and our third host on the show, Mr
Rune Alizondo, Welcome, Welcome. Hi Ki, nice to meet you,

(27:00):
to have you here joining us. Yeah, thank you for
having me. He's got a very soothing voice. Yeah, I
was gonna makes you just want to go to sleep. Yeah,
just in a good way, in a good way, in
a good way. It is very common. You should hear
him on the golf course. Though it's definitely the polar
opposite a bit yeah comes out. I feel that. Yeah,

(27:24):
how are you feeling right now, Caitlin? I mean, what
a freaking great night? Right? Well, can we talk about
how I'm sad? First of all? No, let's talk about
the good stuff. Let's talk about seriously and how sweet?
Is she? Very sweet? That is very sweet? But let's
start with a positive. Let's start with you, Caitlin. I mean, honestly,

(27:44):
I am so proud of you, because I know this
has been like an issue, right, Like it's been like
so frustrating and probably super discouraging just to like you're
putting You're all out there, right, You're not like you
half asking it, right, Yeah, I don't even know how
to even just as a performer and don't know like
and you don't have how do you have asked anything? Right?
But like obviously it's something that has been bothering I

(28:07):
guess the judges, right, Um, how has how have you
dealt with that? And it has not just been one week,
It's been like the last couple of weeks. Yeah. The
first the first time, you know, I was kind of
on like cruise control the first few episodes because I
was like, Okay, I can dance, I can pick us up.
It's challenging. It's more challenging than I thought. But I
can go out there and put the smile on and

(28:29):
I everyone can tell I love being out there, and
it was great. And then when it came to the
pasadobla was apparently my nightmare dance because everyone's like, you
gotta hit hard and you've got an attack and blah blah,
and I'm like, well, this is the perfect opportunity, this
is the perfect dance to attack and hit it. And
so I thought I did that, and I came out
of there being like, yeah, I did exactly what I

(28:53):
hid that, you know, I did that, And then it
was like, no, you didn't. Actually it was probably one
of the worst dances I'm gonna throw night, And I
was like what And so then mentally get all in
your head and no totally, and then it was kind
of spiral from there for a couple of weeks of
just like what what And it's it's like you said,
it's discouraging and you feel defeated, and especially because I

(29:15):
don't think people don't understand the seven days a week
like we're putting. We're not just like on our coffee break,
let's do a pasado, Like this is intense, This is
like Survivor meats Dancing with the Stars, and like we
put our hearts and souls. I mean, you moved from Nashville?
Is that right to come here to Los Angeles? I
mean that alone. I was listening to your podcast with
your boyfriend or fiance my boyfriend boyfriend. Yeah, yeah, she's

(29:43):
got him, she's got him looking in totally. But by
the way, the fact that he's here with you, I heard,
like I heard your guys conversation and mind you, I
feel the same way about Los Angeles, right, Like it's
really like uh maybe maybe not, like I'm just like really,
I'm a California girl, but like I get the sacrifice
and stay with me, j Everyone's sacrifices a little part
of their lives for this show, And um, I don't

(30:04):
think people really understand that you want to talk to
us about it, Like, what has this experience been for
you so far? Really? Yeah, it's I mean it's demanding
in so many ways, physically, mentally, time consuming, and people
obviously only see you know, two hours of however, many
different couples every Monday night and like a mini little too. No,

(30:27):
not even two minute, one minute clip in the studio
and they'll just show us doing a couple of moves.
And that's why I think Artem got frustrated at all.
The judges kept being like, wee, you're a great dancer,
so we need to see more from me. He's like,
it's not like she just walks in here with a
cup of team Like, yeah, I dreamt about this choreography.
How do you what do you think? Ardem Kalin? I

(30:49):
can completely relate because from week one the pressure was
on me. I felt from week one like, Okay, you're
a Backstreet boy. You perform for you know of thousands
of millions of people around the world for the past
almost thirty years. This should be a cakewalk. You're like
a front runner, You're all these things. And my brain

(31:10):
was already like, whoa hold on, I haven't even met
my partner yet, and you're already putting these things into
my head. And you know, I mean, look, we we
know the three of us here. We know how much blood, sweat,
and tears go into this. You know. I literally told
Cheryl tonight before we were doing press, I was on

(31:31):
the phone with my oldest daughter and she was really sad,
and she's like, oh, Dad, I'm really bummed, what what happened?
And I've and I feel so bad for you, and
you know, aunt Cheryl, she called her Aunt Cheryl, and
then you know, I told her what happened, and she's like, well, Dad,
you did really really well, I'm really proud of you.
In the same breath, can you take me to school
tomorrow morning? So like reality is back because I know

(31:55):
that my kids have really missed me, my wife has
missed me, because like back in the beginning of those
first couple of weeks, it was five days on one
day off that was that was tolerable. Seven days a week.
You know, it's and it's not even just the dancing,
it's all the in between. Just do they tell you
guys this when they try and woo you into the show,
to like, oh you have every day off if you'd like,

(32:16):
oh yeah, well Nick Nick was telling me obviously when
he did the show five years ago, he was like
there was certain certain nights, like going into the next
day where he would just tell Sharna, I can't come
in tomorrow I physically and mentor to take a break.
I'd be like a j no, I know you would
never ever let that happen. My god. No, there's no

(32:39):
days off here, No, no, no, I mean that's on
your own risk. I mean, like if you want to
go and well though like you want, you want so
badly to put in that work because you know that
every hour counts for Monday night. You know, like I was,
if you would have seen us what to do was
that Saturday matter day? Arden was like, I don't feel

(33:02):
good about this. I don't feel good about where we're at.
You're struggling in this way, and then you know, Monday
we get all tents, but like you just don't know
what it's going to be, especially with all the hair
and the makeup, of the lighting and the costumes when
that all comes together. But still you never know. It's
just so many ups and downs, and you want to
put it every time. Yeah, every week. Its like I

(33:23):
might die actually, but then I don't, right, do you know?
I was going to introduce this just a different layer
of this where I haven't had a chance to talk
to a j since you know, normally we he calls
me after the show and I hadn't heard from him.
But I just wanted to say that the other layer

(33:44):
in this is that for a J, he's early in
sobriety and and and I don't I know you've had
an experience with with having to get off of valium, right,
and so you know what I'm talking about, Cheryl is
what I'm talking about. You're like an exposed nerve early
on and then to say, okay, go out and do

(34:06):
dancing with the Star. I promise it's going to be
a great experience. And so for me, I just wanted
to say to you, a J, how proud I am
of you to to see this head on without diving
into you know what we all used to do, you know,
which is you know, the fastest quickest relief from anxiety

(34:28):
is a pill or a drink, and you you didn't.
So I'm so proud of you. I mean, he just
celebrated eleven months yesterday or yes yesterday, yes congratulation months.
So I was telling my husband this to today. I
was like, normally I would be going straight to the
bar because of the disappointment, right like that's what I

(34:48):
would just numb, like totally why not? And then I'd
feel like crap the next day, and then I would
just do it again, and then it would just be
an escalating thing. And then just downhill slope, can do
you do you do you mind talking a little bit
about know it was valium right for you? Yeah, that
the man benzo diazepines are like one of the most
evil things to get off of you. Well, And I

(35:10):
feel like nobody really warned me about it, Like nobody
had the conversation with me about like I'm sure they
were all printed out on the paper when you get
the prescription, but like I was twenty, I don't remember
six or something and going through such a hard time,
and the doctor just kind of looked at me and

(35:31):
I filled out the form about going through this hard
time in my depression, and he was like, oh, yeah, here,
like without even hesitation, just gave them to me. And
I was in such a dark place that I was like, Okay,
well I'll try anything. And I wasn't even like I
was kind of someone who didn't even like to take advil,
and so for me, I was like, well, I'll give
it a shot because this is you know, my hell

(35:53):
right now. And so I took one and I was
absolutely numb, didn't feel anything, got to sleep, got to relax,
to just feel like I was on another I was like,
oh well I could right now I don't feeling so
then you just go down that spiral absolutely, then you
get physically addicted, and then you're addicted. Yeah yeah to me. Yeah.

(36:14):
Benzos especially right the valium xan x out of andoz renee.
What are benzos like for those of Benzo diazepine is
the classification of anti anxiety drugs. It so is those
numbing drugs, like the numbing like it ins and narcos,
you know, those are the pain killers, are like the

(36:35):
narcos and the oxycontent and all that this is those
are pain killers. These are anti anxiety drugs. Likeners well
yeah yeah yeah for some people, yeah and and so,
so what's crazy about that drug is that it works
so beautifully. At first It's just for me. It was

(36:55):
like I felt like I woke up in heaven. But
and then try getting off of them. So anyone that
tells me they were on on Benzo's valium and got
off of it, man applause because it's one of the
hardest things in the world to do to get and
how did you get into So do you want to
give us a backstory about like how that all happened.

(37:18):
I think I had lived, like, I don't know, I guess,
a pretty normal easy life and I just hadn't been
through like anything really hard until I was nineteen and
I lost one of my best friends. And my way
with that was I moved away. I just didn't stay
in my hometown. I chased after my dreams, a really

(37:38):
healthy way of dealing with a traumatic loss. Um that
loss was very different from me when I went through
a heartbreak where I gave up my dreams of dancing.
I quit my job, I moved away from family, I
moved all the way to Germany to follow somebody else's career.
I had nothing, I asked myself. I couldn't work. I

(38:00):
was a nine hour time difference from my family, who
I was so close to. I was just like a
shell of myself. And he basically ended it with me
being like, you're miserable here. You can't get anything going here, Like,
you have much more in store for you than to
chase after my dreams with me. Um he was in
a tough place because he was in the NHL, but
he had to give up his dreams and signed in

(38:21):
Germany because of an injury. Like it just wasn't a
good time or place for both of us. And when
I left there, I had no home to go back to,
I had no UM job to go back to, I
had no money I had to I felt like I
was at an age where I should have had my
stuff together, but I didn't. UM. I had to move

(38:41):
back in with my parents, and plus I just lost
what I thought was the love of my life, like
I thought we were gonna get married, and it was
just the worst heartbreak I've ever been through. And I
just didn't even know who I was yet. And so
for me to go to the doctor and even admit
that I was going through depression was hard for me.
And then to admit that I had you been put
on these pills where I could not get off of them.

(39:03):
It was just like, what is happening to me? Who
is this person anymore? And it was I don't know
how long I was doing that, but a couple of
months where I think it was my mom She was
just like, this isn't you and we need to do
something about it. And I felt the same way, and
it was it was a definite struggle, like even I
was on a different one too. I don't even know

(39:24):
what it was. It was another anti suppression, and it
was like I couldn't even sleep when I tried to
come off of it. If I like moved my head
one way, my vision would take a while to catch
up to me. I was dizzy, I was. It was awful.
It was awful. Year. How long how long after you
stopped valium did you start feeling normal again? How long

(39:46):
did that take? It was? Well, it's so hard to
say because I was still just in such a bad place.
But to move on from that, probably a couple of weeks.
Was it like a whole detox? Like did it hurt
to get off of it? Yeah? I don't think it was.
I mean I wasn't on it very long, but long
enough for it to be a problem to stop, um,
to not go get that refill and to write I

(40:08):
was Yeah, I was very lucky to have my family
and friends there for me during that, and I was
living with my parents, so um, it did take me, like, honestly, probably,
if I'm being honest, a week. Yeah, I was just wondering.
So you weren't on them very long, because you know,

(40:29):
a long time on them It does take for some
people up to a year ye feeling comfortable again. Yeah, okay,
to me, that's the worst one. Okay, So that was
a very different experience for me. It probably took me
a week to like really fight the urge to go
get more, to like get through the feeling sick of
not having it, even the anxiety of not having it

(40:52):
in front of me. Yeah, it was one of the
worst parts of that that I can relate to that
right there, knowing that it's easily accessible because you know,
I was talking to my wife earlier. We have a
friend that's here and we're talking about benzos, and our
friend Brianna said, Oh, I have like three zanex I've
had for like a year. I said, that's how you

(41:13):
know you're not yet? Yeah, right, if you have something
in your purse three year, Yeah, I said, I would
never get down to three. That's the difference. You know, three,
I'd be in a panic, a full blown panic. You know.
So do you how did you get out of this, Caitlin.
Was it just like a mental switch or was it
like through meditation or it was a lot. I started

(41:35):
going to therapy um and seeing the benefits of seeing
a therapist. I still to this day go see one
even when I'm like in the best place of life,
because I yes, that's when you should go. Yes, it's
so true. Everyone should be in therapy, you guys. I
love I love the fact that it's not what it
used to be. Right. It used to be this thing
no one wanted to talk about the therapy. Something's wrong

(41:58):
with me. Man. You it's a beautiful thing to be
able to get your head on straight, and it just
shows it shows your commitment to yourself and your strength yourself.
And I think that's like, I mean, that's when I
talk to people about this and they're open with it,
I just I'm drawn to them because I see their

(42:18):
confidence and their willingness to Yeah, exactly, I love it.
It's like for people who don't think they have to
go to therapy, you need to get out there, right.
And the more people like you, guys who are you know,
celebrities are open about it, it takes away that stigma
for people to go get help. You know, there's there's

(42:41):
no shame in getting help. Man. We've everybody has a childhood,
everybody has traumas, everybody has stuff they got to work through.
I'm a little on the fence about psychiatrists. Though, yeah,
I mean, but that's the whole that's the whole point
of this of this podcast is you know, obviously all
three of us have different paths, but and we've all
walked different walks, but the one common thing we all

(43:03):
have from is you know, drugs and alcohol, mental issues
and depression and this, that and the other. And the
one thing that we really try to strive for on
this show, I think more than anything is Look, none
of us are doctors. We're not going to tell anybody
what they need or don't need. But by saying what

(43:24):
we've done and making it more relatable to everybody out
there that you know, look, we all put our pants
on the same way, we all bleed the same blood,
but that makes no sense. We all shoot out of
the same hole. Hold on, no, But it's like, you know,

(43:46):
there is the common thread and that we just want
to you know, by by you even saying these things, Caitlin,
it shows your experience, strength and hope. And that's what
we want from this show is to help everybody out there,
even if it's you know, one person from this episode
might go ship. You know, I dealt with valium once
or I dealt with this once and man, I can

(44:08):
totally relate to that how hard it was to get
off of it, or maybe they're still doing it. They
don't know how to get off of it, you know
what I mean. So, j this is not as deep
as what you just said, deep as the conversation. We
just say it right now. Yeah, So that I started
imagining that I was like out of one butt hole though,
but like just imagine that's why I couldn't stop. That's

(44:30):
one large butt hole going. It's okay, you're you're in
good company. I have like the most inappropriate sense of
humor I know. But that's the only way. Is it
weird that that's the only time I laugh is when
someone just does something so inappropriate or says something it's

(44:50):
inappropriate away. Yeah, but that's that's a that's a nice
icebreaker to like, you know, to like open up to
the elephant in the room. Literally, you guys talk about
laughter is the best. I swear, laughter is the absolute best. Yeah,
And wherever it comes from, like if you have a
sixth sense of humor or like a weird it doesn't matter.
That's I mean, that's the thing you're saying within you know,

(45:14):
we all have this history and we can all talk
about it openly. It's that's the best part to me
about having a platform is getting the compliment of being
relatable if I'm talking about something like either embarrassing or
something that I'm feeling vulnerable about your period. Oh my gosh,
the amount I talked about my period and have people do.

(45:34):
Come on, guy, I felt so alone, and I'm like,
what right, it's it's it's a beautiful thing. I forgot.
I forgot what movie it was, but there's a very
famous movie and I and I can't think of what
it is. But one of the one of the craziest
lines in the whole film is I never trust something
that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die. What the hell?

(45:58):
I'm like, that's so crazy. So, Caitlin, I have to ask,
since since you live in, in my opinion, one of
my all time favorite cities in the entire world, um, Nashville, Tennessee.
I spent the better part of two and a half
years in Nashville when I was working on a solo
country record, which is no longer the case. I've moved

(46:20):
back into where I belong I feel, truthfully, which is
in pop and R and B and soul and funk,
but coming from you know, Canada and like moving to Nashville,
I mean it's a it's a it's polar opposite. It's
although there might be some similarities, but what is your
favorite thing about Nashville? Honest to god, um um? I

(46:42):
just feel like, first of all, it's a city that's
so full of talent and humble people, Like everybody everybody
has talent, but everybody is so humble and rooting for
each other even though they're all in the same small
pool fighting from the same thing. I feel like everyone's
rooting for each other, and it's just this incredible vibe,
big city field but still has this small town sense

(47:06):
to it with like you can still like I feel
like I could easily go to my neighbor and ask
her for a cup of sugar and it would be
like such a normal thing there totally. Although do you
feel that it's starting to become this shot I felt
the last time I was there, which was maybe about
six to eight months ago, I started feeling like it's

(47:26):
it's slowly turning into like a like a southern l
a like it's it's starting to become much more commercialized
and not as much of that hometown feel unless you're
in like Brentwood or Green Hills, you know, but you know,
and then Franklin obviously it's like super upper upper scale.
But then you go to like down near like De Mambrion,

(47:49):
and you're like downtown and you're in the thick of it.
That's where it feels the most wrong. Yes, um, like
you know, you can literally walk I don't walk bar
to bar, but you could walk bar to bar. Yeah,
and see back in our day and see. But like
one of my first times there, I kid you not,
I walked out of a bar, walked to the bar
next door. Out of nowhere, Tom Petty yeah, sits in

(48:12):
and does a random set. An hour later, like thirty
in the morning, I walked down two more bars. The
Dixie Chicks just walk in into a set. And that's
that's a Tuesday night in Nashville. So true. It's insane.
It's that's amazing, just buzzing, buzzing with talent. Have you
been to Varago yet? Oh? It's my favorite Varago. Oh
it's the best restaurant there is, my favorite. And then

(48:36):
and then they opened up a new one called oku,
which is um because you know it's not it's hard
to find good sushi in Nashville. And then did it
a little better. Speaking of speaking of music, though, Caitlin
you are Did you release your song already? Yeah? I did.
I released. This is like mind blowing to me that

(48:56):
I'm talking like a j about releasing music. I love that. Yeah, No,
it's I did. I just from when I moved to
Nashville UM and podcasting, I met so many country artists
and kind of became friends with people, and then I
was in a singer and songwriters and then I just

(49:16):
started following falling in love with the process. I took
song voice lessons just because I loved doing it um.
And then eventually I'm just sitting in a songwriting circle
and writing and recording and I love it. Wait, that's
so Nashville now. And I ended up in ming. It's amazing.
Wasn't being a singer? Wasn't on your trajectory as a kid.

(49:38):
Not really. I it was more like a hobby that
I love to do. I grew up from a little
kid until I don't even until I graduated high school
that I was in theater. I always did musical theater
and I was singing and dancing and so that makes
you right, I should do a duet. So hey, I'm

(50:02):
totally down. I think I just want to share with
Renee and Cheryl how you and I unofficially met. Unofficially met.
Where Where were we flying in from? I think it
was l A, Actually was it was? Okay? Yeah, So

(50:23):
I literally a bunch of my friends, like later that afternoon,
we're blowing me up, like going that that are huge
fans of the Bachelorette and this, that and the other,
and they're freaking out there and I'm like, what is
your deal there? Like do you realize who just tweeted
about you? And I'm like, no, why, And so I
go on my Twitter feeding I'm like, wait a minute.

(50:43):
She was She was sitting behind me. So Kaylin was
sitting behind me on a flight, and I was sitting
next to a complete stranger and this gentleman and I
were literally just having a conversation talking about our wives,
our kids, how much we love our families, and just
all of this great stuff. And she was just like
live tweeting and stop, I want that. These guys are

(51:05):
so sweet and so it was like one of those
Jerry McGwire moments. Yeah, but I did, and I didn't
know it was a J in front of me. You
were just listening to them talk like, I mean, it
was just me. It was two random strangers, and I
just was like treading the whole thing going. These two
men are giving me hope. They're city actually love their

(51:26):
wives and their kids and their pictures of their families.
And it was just like a long flight too, and
you guys were just having the nicest conversation. And A
J's voice is pretty pretty. I mean he talks to
the diaphragm, that guy. I mean, it does tend to
project quite a bit airplane noise or not, like you
can hear him. It's so you got up. I love

(51:46):
the back of your head, not knowing anything, not knowing
that was the picture I saw. I'm like, so many
recognized your tattoo and they're like a from the Bastary Boys,
And I was like, sure, how long ago is this?
Like to two years ago? Like two years ago, back
when we could fly And you said you've been to
three Backstreet Boy concerts. That's still I've been to. Did

(52:12):
you go when we were in Nashville last year? No,
I went to one when you were in Canada, and
then I went to your Vegas show. Nice, who's your favorite? Bay? Okay,
I'm not the like he used to be Brian. It
was Ryan for a very long time when I was younger,
and then we went in Vegas it became a j
nice Okay. So then okay that then this is a

(52:34):
perfect segue into uh, what is it? It's it's murder
murder mary kill? Okay, kill? Okay, So out of the
backs boys, murder mary kill, who's it going to be?
Come on, come on now, don't get them confused. Yes,
I would justin Joey, Joey, Chris. I would marry Brian still, okay,

(53:03):
I would wait, what are my other options? Kiss? Kiss, kill,
kiss and kill and kill? Okay? I would yess Kevin
because he's really grown on me. He's become quite the
hands and fella. Oh my god. So there's only three
of us left. I'm in the kill party. You're gonna
get to die you on the dance floor that you

(53:26):
already did. Just kidding, basically technically that already happened. So
we just got killed. Does happen your dream? Just this reality? God? Damnit?

(53:47):
Whole ozing right now and just literally black Heart is
crying salt and alcohol on all your blisters from all
your freaking whatever rum the walks I had. I know,
it's great, this is great. Cal. I just want to
ask you, just as far as the show goes, if
you could go back up to this point, if you

(54:09):
could go back, would you do anything differently, like, as
far as you know, pick a different dance for that week.
I would go back, and I would make Artem do
more social media fun stuff with me, like the costume
changes you guys, do you you can take it over.
He's not into it seriously, of course. Listen, Caitlin, do

(54:32):
you know that Artem used to live You know, I've
known Artem since we were like twelve thirty when he
first moved. He didn't tell you that, like he know
he so. My family is from the Bay Area, and
when Artem first moved to the to the States, he
stayed with me. We've known each other since like we
were twelve thirteen, like literally from Moscow to San Francisco

(54:53):
and my parents poolhouse. Yeah I didn't. We go way back,
way back, way back. Yeah. And he's such a great
he's a really great guy. I mean this guy, I mean,
arta wouldn't hurt a fly. So he's the nicest well
I mean, but like he really is. His heart is
so nice, but he doesn't like social media. J asked

(55:16):
that question the other day, says, I wonder if every
pro is as hard. I'm just a little quiet mouse
normal as I just know, because I just I am curious,
like because look, this is this is us coming into

(55:38):
their house. So you know what I mean, So they've
been doing this for a long time. There's rules, there's
teaching methods, there's person there's well maybe there's not rules.
I don't know, just based on how things went tonight,
I don't know what kind of rules are. But no,
but like honestly, you know that that kind of doesn't

(55:59):
shock me, to be honest with you, because I just
assumed that all the pros they've got their moments where
you know, plus who's to say what is that doesn't
doesn't you know, instigate a little bit. I mean, I
am such an annoying partner sometimes like no, you're not,
No I am. He even said in an interview tonight,
somebody was how great of a partners Caitlin and he goes, well,

(56:22):
I'm not gonna lie, like it depends on the day.
And I was like, that's a lot for Artom to say.
Like Artem is such a quiet like he's so quiet,
but he's lately been like coming out of it. He
really has, he really has. He really has blossomed since
I met him on like the first week, Like he
really has, like he's he I mean, look, I do

(56:44):
love you, Cheryl, but Artem was the one that really
helped us when when we're going head to head that day,
like you know what I mean, other people, Artem really
came with it with SpongeBob and all that stuff, Like
he really did help. Literally, I spilled green tea on
my new white pants and I was pissed and I
was just so not into it. Plus I don't know
anything about ballroom. So there you go, ladies and gents.

(57:07):
It's true. I'd be surprised if she's even seen Jurassic Partment.
I can read, though I can a little dyslexic, but
I definitely can read. I don't understand what I'm saying,
but I can read it. I'd be a great teleprompter reader,
if there was such a thing there is. I mean
there is, it's called a host. I guess you should

(57:28):
do that. I got a podcast. So how badly do
you want to win this thing? Caitlin, honest to go,
you better win this thing. Girlfriend. I said the other
day that I want I want farm of Golden Retrievers,
and I if you knew my level for golden Retrievers,
I just I think because and I don't know if

(57:48):
you can agree with this, but when you get so
this on the competition and you realize how much work
you put into it, it's like matters more. You're like,
I've worked so hard and that close and I mean
especially for a performer or someone that this is like
in your blood. I feel like you feel like you

(58:09):
put that pressure on. It's like it's it's like our
version of the Olympics you guys every year literally, like
for especially with the pro dancers, it's like, you know,
especially for those that may have not one yet, you know,
this is a chance. And now it's only once a year.
I supposed to two times a year. Um and if
you put we literally I put my marriage on whole,
like we do not this is it laser focus? Is

(58:31):
it fair to say, Caitlin that you wanted so badly
you'd be willing to kill a job only you know,
but you had poke holes in your in uh in
Jason's condom. Right, what you said if you win dancing
so basically not used one or what's the point? Does

(58:54):
at least enjoy the process? So, Caitlin, what you're saying
is you want it that way, is what you're saying.
I just gotta I just gotta say this full disclosure,
just because I feel and you know, you and I
have talked about this, Sheryl Um. I think I'm not

(59:18):
saying that your journey has been easy for for for
any of us, but I feel in my opinion that
it may be a little easier for the female celebs
on the show celebs period. But the procell disagree with you. Yeah,

(59:39):
I don't accept leader's right. I don't have to lead,
Brian Nick, how are you're Kevin around the damn dance floor?
I just do my ship and I'm good right now.
I feel like if I were to dance with my
wife and you know, for like our ten year wedding anniversary,
which you're all of you are to be invited and

(01:00:01):
dancing in by the way, I would at least know
what a freaking frame is, and I could actually frame
my woman. Yeah, can we back up just a second? Um,
Caitlyn started to sing your song. Why don't you guys
do a little bit of it? Do one of those
one of those those that is over zoom when we

(01:00:23):
all have different like connections. I just heard you. You
have a voice seven angel. Okay, look you guys, can
I know it'll sink it started and you can come
in on Nick's part of the first verse if you
know the words? What if I don't? Also, he's got
a very high voice. What if you guys just do
the course unison? Okay, we'll sing it together. Here's the key,

(01:00:45):
hold on, let me. It's not going to be the
original key because it's freaking late and I can't get
there right now, So we'll do Uh tell me why,
har tell me ain't nothing but this day? Tell me

(01:01:06):
why I'm the backup dancer. Clearly, Renee get in on
this won it? Yeah? Okay, guys, this is great, perfect,

(01:01:28):
perfect ending. But anyway, I love you, Caitlin, You're awesome.
I'm rooting for you. Go get that mirror ball one
step at a time. Though you got this this I
on the prize, lots of holes and condoms. Let's go. Um,
everyone could listen to Off the Vine. We're gonna definitely
be doing your podcast. I hope this week anytime, just

(01:01:50):
like every day next week. It's that weird. We're changing.
We're changing the name. We're changing the name to one
butt hole. It's no longer I love the one what
hole holio? But holio anyway, everyone can listen. Yes, yes,
please you so much for having me on, Cheryl. I
have just been inspired by you since you, like since

(01:02:11):
I first started. Yes, I always love you, love you
and a j that just goes out saying I've always
been a huge fan day I'm now a big fan
of yours and um, thank you. And then Ada, I'm
like genuinely shocked and sad that you're not there anymore.
You're energy and everything about your guys presence will be

(01:02:32):
missed because you should have seen me up in the balcony.
I was like, uh no, no, this is not happening. No,
I was so love you. Thank you. You guys are
all so we'll be rooting for you. I'll be there Monday.
And now Alexis is going to switch over from rooting
for me back to rooting for you. So she was
rooting for her the whole time. Secret she wasn't rooting

(01:02:55):
for me. We love you. Thank you so much for
your time. Is awesome. Thank you guys so much for
tuning in for another episode of Pretty Messed Up. It's

(01:03:18):
been a pretty sad night, but it's okay. Life goes
on and uh this Michelle Pass. I want to thank
Caitlin Bristow for being our guest tonight. Uh girl, take
this thing all the way, babe, take that mirror ball home.
You got this, um So we'll see you guys next week.
So thank you guys again for tuning into Pretty Messed Up.
On my heart you guys, so at first, I want

(01:03:41):
to say that again. I'm kind of excited that if
frees up our podcast to get into a bunch of
other things now, right besides d W T S but
a J I was waiting till the end of till
you got eliminated actually to tell you next week there's
a really awesome surprise. Okay, that's all I can say
right now. You're fox trotting on the golf course that

(01:04:05):
I come out all of a sudden, I'm learning how
to golf. I was gonna say, we need to do that. Actually,
we need to make you on. Come with us on
the course. I'll drive the little thing. Well, film the
golf cart, will film it off. A j does not
have your normal golf cart just so yeah, my golf

(01:04:25):
cart is like, what are you talking about about a
normal golf cart? Okay? His goes at Yes, and you
please tell Renee how I drive like a race car driver. No,
she's not allowed the driver's side in my golf cart.
But you could could literally kill yourself. We should do it, though,
kid this side. Let's go to the golf course. Well,

(01:04:49):
let's do that too, let's start there. Okay, great, I'm
gonna be a race car driver. It's never too late. Yeah. Hey,
hey guys, it's a podcast full of just great. Yeah.
I can't talk. I love you guys. Thanks for voting.
Great show, you guys. Follow Pretty Messed Up on I
Heart Radio, or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.