June 28, 2021 • 46 mins
Cheryl has been struggling and is leaning on AJ and Rene for help and support.
The three also discuss the explosive testimony of Britney Spears and it's impact.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm pretty bad. Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of
(00:20):
Pretty Messed Up on iHeart Radio. I'm your host, Adie
McLean with my beautiful co host, a Vision in Green.
I did call you a lepricn Cheryl Burke, and the
handsome and debonair l Capitan himself, Renee Alisando. Welcome, Welcome.
(00:42):
You have to do the intros from now on. I
think I'm just kidding. Oh my god, is he starting
to get a little burnt out? You think he's just like, yeah,
you know, it's just very like I just would like
some like shocking intros once in a while. You don't.
I mean I could do that, Lapina, I could do that,
but I don't know what might come out. That's what
I mean. Power of editing, right right, all right, So look,
(01:08):
we're just gonna die right in. It's it's no news
to anyone unless you're living under a rock. Um, the
situation going on with my home girl Britney Spears and
the Conservator ship battle that is happening. Uh, that happened
that literally kind of came to a head last week. Um,
(01:32):
you know, we want to we want to talk about
it because in the world of mental health watching from
a distance, right, and that's what we talked about. So yeah,
and also I just heard one of her podcasts, like
not hers, but like a fans and it's so mind boggling,
Like how crazy this is? It is? I mean, look,
at the end of the day, you know, let's let's
(01:54):
journey back, Um, probably what fourteen years ago. Um, you know,
before the conservators ship started. Uh, when the whole public
kind of moment happened when she shaved her head and
she you know, kind of went off on the on
the paparazzi and all of these things, and you know
(02:18):
that that was kind of the catalyst for this whole conservatorship. Um.
But you know, look, was it really when when I
met Brittany. Brittany was living in the same apartment complex
as me when she was doing the Mickey Mouse Club
back in the day with Christina Aguilera, Gosling, J T
(02:42):
and J c Um and like literally I would see
her walking to her apartment and she was the sweetest,
sweetest girl. Um. And you know, look, obviously I I
could speak for myself. I was four team and Backstreet
Boys started and you know, I I don't even know
(03:05):
how old she was. I'm pretty sure maybe maybe like
a year younger than me or two years younger than
me when she was on Mickey Mouse Club. And it's like,
you know, as a young person boy or girl kind
of thrust into this business. It is it. I mean it,
it makes your head spin. It's out of this world.
(03:26):
But you know, I would compare the level of insanity
with Brittany too. What happened to Princess Diana? What has
happened to a lot of people with the paparazzi and
the the breathing down your neck and literally not having
(03:47):
an ounce of space to live a normal life. I
mean literally, you know, to the point where her music videos,
her song subject matter turned to basically a cry for help,
you know, I mean, piece of Me, all of these songs,
you know. So it's it's sad to see what has
(04:10):
transpired over the last thirteen years. UM me personally, UM,
I don't agree with it, but that's just my personal opinion. Again,
I don't agree with the conservatorship lasting as long as
it has um but again, full disclosure, I only know
(04:31):
one side of it, you know what I mean, So
I I don't know what is going through the parents minds.
I don't know what is going through the family's minds.
But at the same time, in my opinion, I think
it should have ended a while ago and or at
least gotten dumbed down a bit. But all of the
(04:55):
public knowledge that's come out recently about you know that,
all of the things that she has said, it's it's sad,
it's so sad, and it's to me, it just doesn't
seem fair. And you know, I do hope that the
resolute is that this poor girl can can can finally
(05:18):
have her life back, even if she never touches stage again,
tours again, none, none of that. Just to be able
to go to the grocery store by yourself, drive yourself,
go pick up groceries, spend some time with your kids,
and be able to go get a physical if you feel,
(05:38):
you know, sick, and you yeah, exactly exactly. I mean, like, look,
what is it. What's the definition of a conservatorship? I mean, really,
that only happens if somebody can't think for themselves or
if they're very like elders. Right, Um, I don't think again,
like you said, a J I don't. We don't know
the other side. But and you're trying to control somebody's money,
(06:02):
who who has earned every single penny of it. It's
just a little if. Even if she's not mentally stable,
that's irrelevant. Like she could do whatever she wants with
her money. She could do whatever she wants and for
it to be controlled is a little shady, That's all
I'm saying. It's just my opinion. I don't know both sides,
(06:22):
but either way, she's an adult, she's thirty nine, and honestly,
you you know, she can't even take out the I U.
D that have us put inside of her. That is
so that is just not okay to me. I agree
with you guys it. You know, from a distance, the
whole the whole thing feels un unfair. And we do
(06:43):
have to say, you've all said it, we don't know
the full story, right, It's easy from a distance to
draw conclusion of what we think should be done. For me,
I really wanted to really open the whole thing more
to words, the sacrifices the young entertainers end up making
(07:05):
that sometimes leads them into the deep end. You know,
for you, a j drugs and alcohol became a haven,
a safe place for a while away from all that
pressure I imagine, right, and and for you too, Cheryl,
I imagine you grew up on stage. Let's call it
what it is. You grew up on stage. You didn't
live a normal life. And then it's I can not
(07:29):
even imagine what it's like to day in and day
out being a competition. You have to get better, you
have to we you have to do this, and so
you're never good enough. So then you find wine or
whatever it was, and it just gets rid of that
that that, you know, stress for a while, right, And
so I feel like I've had front row seats to
(07:52):
you know, uh, being with Janet for many years, and
the level of stress when you feel it's a constant race.
When you feel that constantly, it's it's like looking at
the billboard charts where your ticket sales on concerts and
all that stuff. And I just think that the sad
(08:13):
part is is how we do see people sometimes break
under pressure and it has to be public, right, not
because they choose it to be. But I would like
to ask you a question. You both of your question, like, what,
besides the drinking and the drugging, what was some of
(08:36):
the most stressful times in your careers? That's the question
right there. I mean, for me, it's competition. I would fake.
I would fake throwing up in the bathroom stall, and
I would make I would make sure my mom would
hear me, because I had so much anxiety as a teenager,
and every time before competitions, I would just psych myself
(08:59):
out and my mom would you know, she already entered
us in the competition. Like we traveled to god knows
where we could be in Europe, and I'm like here
faking my sickness because I can't handle my anxiety and
there's competitions about twice a week all year around. So
I mean, I think for me it was more so
uh acceptance from my peers, like there was never really
(09:22):
any I mean, look, yes, my schedule was stressful, you know,
multiple shows a week, traveling, living out of a suitcase
comes with just natural stress. But really for me, it
was more about you know, external validation and just being
being accepted by everyone else because I didn't I didn't
(09:43):
like myself. I didn't think I deserved to have the
notoriety that was that was blessed in my life and
the success that was given that was earned. You know,
I don't I back then, I didn't think that that
that I was worthy of it. So in in you know,
having that thought pattern, what do I do. I go
(10:06):
and I try to get in with the in crowd,
and I try to do all this that and the other,
and the in crowd, in my mind, were the partiers.
Were the people that were, you know, who's who's gonna
fit you know, foot the biggest bill at the club,
who's gonna buy all the bottle service, Who's gonna who's
gonna make sure that we got drugs in the hotel
room that night? You know, I was the one because
(10:30):
this is before, right, yeah, before, I mean I didn't.
I mean I was a late bloomer as as as
people know, I didn't really start getting Cuckoo's Nest until
about But you know, but when I was a kid,
when I was younger, I mean I was fourteen when
the group started, so fourteen to like one, I was
just doing whatever anybody said, you know, like our label pointed,
(10:55):
I just went that way, our management pointed, I went
that way. I never asked questions, I never bad it,
and I I just did what I was told. But
you were the head, You're like the O G right,
the first. Yeah, I am, I am the O g um.
But you know, again, what what I think is interesting
in comparing to what's happening with Brittany is like, now, look,
(11:15):
this is I'm gonna preface by saying it's not the
case for everyone, but a lot of people that I've
seen that that have come in and out of my life,
that have suffered from drugs and alcohol or mental health
issues or whatever the case is in that world, by
doing the work, they have come out the other side.
(11:36):
Now again, not all of them. Some of them don't
don't do that. Well, if you don't do the work,
obviously we know how how that's gonna go. And then
or there's been other ones sadly that relapsed once and
ended up o'dein. But again, who's to say exactly what
what level Brittany was at when this conservator ship started,
(12:00):
and just too just for all all of our listeners
that may or may not know what conservatorship is. It
is referred to as a guardianship, generally described as a
situation in which a court appoints someone, often a spouse, parent, attorney,
or other qualified adults, to make decisions for another adult
who is considered unable to do so for themselves, and
(12:23):
that is what is right. I mean, like she's been
forced to take lithium. She's been supposedly, they said that
she can't hang out with certain people, including her a
friends as well in the program that obviously help her
stay sober. And um, it's crazy because if she can
talk for herself, she could definitely make decisions I think,
for herself. Whether or not those are sound sound decisions.
(12:48):
Whether her parents disagree agree is irrelevant. So lithium right
is for bipolarity. Right. If someone is truly bipolar, they
need to be on lithium. The thing is, I don't
know if she's bipolar. I don't know if they're medicating
her to control her. That's the thing. We don't know
that now. I do know that bipolarity is a very
(13:09):
serious mental disorder that causes people to kill themselves, right
social depression. They go from manic they think they could
conquer the world, uh to absolute don't deserve to live
and they bounce back and forth. That's the thing. Is
she bipolar? I don't know? Like you know, like these
(13:33):
are for me. The questions are like as far as
Brittney goes, I don't know enough about it to draw conclusions.
But well, yeah, yeah, like look there, without knowing all
the details, Let's just put Brittany aside for a second. Right,
If somebody were to say to me that mom, and
I'm not starting rumors I have, this is just complete.
(13:56):
This is just an example. If somebody says that Mom,
when she goes into depression, she talks about wanting to
kill herself and her kids, right at that point you'd
be you'd think, oh, we gotta protect her from herself.
But because I don't know anything like that about Brittany,
you said it earlier. Um, I think the question I
(14:18):
think we have is is she suffering from something that
where she needs to be protected from herself or are
people using all of this as an excuse to exploit her,
like using her mental healthy? Mean yeah, but pretending and
think about it, Both scenarios are equally tragic. Right. If
(14:39):
let's say she is mentally ill to the point of
she's in a danger to herself or to other people,
that's a tragedy. If she happens to be sort of
the one sane person in the psych word that says, you, guys,
I'm not crazy, but no one believes you. Right, that's
tragic too. I mean, like we also don't. No, I
(15:00):
mean I saw some documentary about Brittany and when she
would do when she was shaved her head and all
of that, Like it's almost like it kind of went
towards the fact that like, no wonder she did that
because this paparazzi, I mean I can't even imagine, right,
like the the same paparazzi guy or the same group
just consistently following her wherever she goes. And then I
think she had her kids with her in the car.
(15:20):
So like we just never know the reasoning, right, Yeah,
I mean, like for me, I never experienced that level
of insanity as far as like the paparazzi, you know.
But again I also was a bit of an introvert
at the height of our career, where because I couldn't
(15:41):
go anywhere, I couldn't leave my house, you know, to
go to the mall without being bombarded. So instead of
putting myself in that situation, I just never left my house.
And that was just you know that that was adding
to the stress that I put on my brain and
I just sit at home and drink and do drugs
and just not be bothered with it, you know. But
(16:03):
and what's so crazy is now here we are twenty
eight years later, and the paparazzi and all of these
things for Backstreet are now more more crazy or crazier
now than they've ever been, which is which just blows
my mind. Like it's like you guys were like twenty
eight years late. But all right, whatever, you know, but
(16:26):
look at the end of the day, the truth will
come out, bottom line whatever that is. What did you guys?
What did she say about her eight friends? You guys
saw it. I didn't. So as far as the A
A thing goes, Uh, you know, Brittany said that she
did meetings for two years, three meetings a week, and
(16:47):
that has been told that she cannot have any contact
with any of the women that she met in these meetings,
any of the friends that she made the fellowship in
these meetings. Um, she's been told that she cannot have contact.
And I think that's bullshit, because, honest to God, the
fellowship in the program of A A or any of
our programs is key fellowship to be able to be
(17:11):
there for one another and lean on each other. So
I think that's b s. Wow. So if she if
let's just say, for a second, assumed that she is
an alcoholic or a drug addict. Right, let's just for
a second, because if she's mentioning a that means she's
accepted that she's had a problem with drinking and drugging, right,
(17:32):
or drinking or I don't know. I don't think it's
her choice regardless. So but but if she said that
she's not allowed to talk to her a friend, that's
tragic because if she accepts that she has a problem,
is willing to get help, but then is limited to
(17:53):
the amount of help. Because for us a j you know,
this fellowship is one of the key things to our
sobriety is being able to talk to our people that
like minded individuals that help keep us afloat. Do you
know that's to me, that's one of the key things
where when I get to hang out with my friends
(18:16):
that are sober and they're having a good time, and
we're having a good time and there's no drugs or
alcohol anywhere in the picture, that we draw so much
strength from like minded individuals. So that's tragic if she's
not being allowed to seek help. But we don't we
don't even know if she even wanted to go to
a a because again, like I think everything is controlled right,
(18:37):
or if she's even had that, come to Jesus, like
I do have a problem. I hope she has had that.
If she does have a problem, if she mentioned, if
she mentioned not being allowed to talk to her friends,
that seems like she's admitting that she needs to talk
to them. But the question I have about that statement
is and again not knowing the full information, but just
(18:58):
where my mind goes is O K. So you're not
allowed to speak to your fellowship, but and you're in
a program? Are you in a program because before you
had a problem, or you're in a program now because
of all the meds that they've put you on to
supposedly quote unquote keep you sane? Have you like so that? Look, again,
(19:20):
there's so many variables to this situation, but most importantly,
most importantly, here is a young woman who is a mom,
who is a very talented young woman who I believe
deserves a chance at a normal life, and and and
(19:41):
and I believe has every right to say what she
is saying. Now. This is her body, this is her mind,
this is her spirit, And I am one hundred million
percent on the free Brittany train because I completely agree
with it, and I think, look, all of us should
pray for Brittany and uh and also and look, also
(20:05):
pray for her family because you know, again I can't
even imagine as a parent what is going through her
mom and her dad's mind, you know, watching her grow
up in this business and have the highs and lows.
My mom has seen me go through it, you know, fortunately,
(20:27):
God willing I stay sober. My children never have to
see me go through that and then them go through it.
So again, I want to put out a prayer for
all of them, both sides her and her parents and
her the whole entire gang, because again we don't know.
We don't know because she can't be forced to work
(20:48):
like that is a fact, Like we know that she's
been forced to work, right, Like the girl needs to break.
She wants to go to Hawaii with her boyfriend and
driving the car when he's driving, just give it to her, yea.
And you know, for me, I also feel the need
to say that all of us that have hit rock
bottom because of addiction at one point from you know,
(21:12):
you look at us and you're like, yeah, they need
to be locked up. You know, it's just we're we're
like crazy by definition because we're doing crazy. Yeah, well
we're doing crazy things because right we're we're using drugs,
we're getting in trouble, we're using more drugs, and yes,
all of us at one point look like they need
(21:33):
to be like locked up at right. And but so
here's the thing, Like, yeah, if she does have uh
an addiction problem, then get help for the addiction. You
don't need to take over her life. You don't need
to the conservatorship and all this other stuff. So if
that's the case, I end up feeling for anyone. Look,
(21:56):
Brittany happens to be famous, but AJ and I know
a lot of people that are not famous that end
up struggling in the exact same way. And for us,
we're like, dude, just come join us, hang out with
us for a while. Okay, well let's talk about that.
Let's let's do did I talked to you earlier this week?
Remember when are you going to come join us? But
(22:19):
remember we're supposed to talk about it even more so
we can talk we're talking about it now, let's talk
about it. I think we have to go to break first,
So maybe let's take a break and then we're gonna
get it. Because now I'm like, wait, why wasn't I
part of this conversation? An emergency? All right, listen, We're
gonna take a break, and when we come back, I'm
curious to hear the rest of this conversation and we
(22:41):
might be getting to share bearer to join the fold. Um,
We're gonna take a break and we'll be right back
here on I Heart Radio. Pretty messed up a right,
you guys were back from our little break here, and
(23:03):
I am dying to know, as a fly on the
wall right here, what this conversation was that was had
between the two of you. I want to know what's
going Rene can say the second half, not the first half.
But okay, so this is like when my one opportunity
to make you jealous a j I'm I'm I'm already
jealous that I wasn't part of this conversation. I was
(23:27):
lucky enough to get a call from Cheryl and her sister,
and we chatted for a little while and then she's like, hey,
when can I join your your guys. The first I
asked if there was enough room still or if the
invite was still an open invite. Yeah, like always. So
the look, no joking, Cheryl, come hang with us. I
(23:51):
swear to you. It's it's like a spiritual cup of
coffee like that. If you're feeling a little bit kind
of you, feeling a little bit down, Uh, you come,
you hang with people. You hear us tell our stories,
what we're dealing with on the day. And um, I'll
(24:11):
give you an example. Yesterday was the first day we
put our dog, Bubbles in the pool. Right now, Here's
the thing. It's his first time in the pool, and
all we did was guide him towards the steps and
he was able to dog paddle, get up the steps,
(24:32):
get out of the pool. That's all we do. We
guide you towards the steps. No, it's great, but I
don't know the pad totally. No. And by the way, look,
I've been feeling like drinking again a lot lately, and
I realized, like, look, I don't know how long our
podcast hopefully will last forever, but I've realized when I
was in Hawaii, how codependent I am on the two
(24:53):
of you in a way, because I look forward to
like these conversations of sobriety of like just a j
let's say, talk king about like euro ups and downs
in life and how it's been rough at times. And
then like you rene just being like that voice of God.
And then I just like for some reason, I was
thinking of like what if this is all over one day?
And I had so much anxiety. And then I think
(25:15):
my husband just like we had a bottle of champagne
delivered to our room because of our anniversary. They didn't
obviously didn't know. I didn't. I don't drink, but then
Matt had like a little bit And never ever have
I been triggered the last two and a half years
until that day, and I was like a home my God.
And then I went to friend's birthday party, same thing.
And then of course people who are not sober or
(25:37):
who are not in the program, you know, I feel
like I get bullied into drinking. Um, and so like
a lot of them don't understand maybe that that like you.
But look, I used to do that when I was
when I was drinking, I would always bully people, but
bully people more that we're drinking, right like that we're
already drinking. But um, I just I remember just like
it was scared me because my sister was with me
(25:57):
and I was just like, oh my gosh, Nicole, I
just like I'm two seconds away. Like and that's the thing.
It's like, if I start, I just can't have one
and I might as well just like just go into
like this rabbit hole for a couple of weeks. No
one will find me. And with all like a lot,
I have a lot of personal stuff going on right
now at the moment, and so um, it's been very
I'm like on I feel like I'm walking a really
(26:20):
tight rope at the moment. So I feel like I
definitely therapy is not working right now. So this is
a very serious subject. Okay, And since we do have
a podcast and we do talk about sobriety, would be
a good time right here to sort of put a
little light on this. Okay. I'm an alcoholic. That means
I've lost the capacity to control my drinking and using.
(26:42):
That's it. It doesn't mean I'm a bad person. It
means I have this disease, disorder whatever you want to
call it, where once I start, I can't stop, which
simply means I can't guarantee you or anyone else if
I have one glass of wine, I don't know if
it's gonna if I'll wake up tomorrow going holy crap,
why did I do that? Or you guys won't see
me for a year, or I'll die because then I'll
(27:04):
go to drugs, which is my thing too. So there
the disease of alcoholism, sooner or later starts coming around
if we're not doing something on a daily basis to
remind ourselves that we have this disease. What will happen
if we do drink? Which is our circle that AJ
(27:24):
and I do, you know, pretty much every date. Today
we we didn't do it because we had a late podcast.
But um, but there will come a time. There will
come a time where it crosses your mind, like but
it's never crossed my mind, Renee now, But there will
come a time. That's what I'm so, there comes a
(27:46):
time where where we're in a bit of a weekend
state because we're not There's an old saying that says,
we can't just stop drinking. We have to replace it
with something. If we don't replace it with something, painting, well,
diamond painting to a point. But now that didn't even help.
(28:07):
So I have to be around like minded individuals that
tell me their story that that remind me what's happened
to them in the past, and I'm like all that tried.
It's so easy to forget why I stopped. It's so
easy to forget. I didn't stop because I was on
a winning streak. I didn't stop because everything was going awesome.
(28:29):
I stopped because it stopped working for me. Right, So
that it is very important. I think I'm so dependent
on you guys in a way, because like I think
you're my only real sober friends and that are in
a program that like just you know, you guys have
that vocabulary that is so relatable for me. That I'm
not around you guys, then I start to like, but I,
(28:54):
up until this this go around, I wasn't doing what
is guested and I and so I was doomed to
fail every single time I tried to do this on
my terms. It doesn't work on my terms. So let's
(29:14):
let's do Let's get back for for our view, our listeners,
Let's get back to the A. B. C's here, Right.
I drank because I didn't I wasn't comfortable with my
life or in my own skin. It was a great
way to escape my reality. Right, So once I stopped,
(29:37):
I was left with that reality that I was trying
to escape. So our goal, in our in our program,
our goal, and it's laid out beautifully, is to sort
through all that stuff that made me feel less than right.
But that means that I can't just hang out with
(29:58):
sober people. I have to do what the long term
sobriety people did, which is and I'm going to talk
like the A, B, C. S I, which is what
A J had to finally start doing, which is the steps. Right,
the steps are laid out perfectly. There's twelve of them,
and they're designed to flush your plumbing out. They're designed
(30:21):
to get rid of all the garbage that I was
carrying around for most of my life that made me
think I'm not good enough. Right, I could act like
I'm good enough, but underneath I was like, if you
knew who I was, I wouldn't you wouldn't want to
be my friend. Do the steps talk about like is
(30:41):
there part of um when you guys are like, I
don't really know the program, right, I'm familiar with the steps,
but do you also talk about like trauma and how
trauma plays a big deal in people, prediction, all of that,
and if I look I it would be totally unfair
for me to mention a particular gentleman, that is, someone
that helped me so much. If I told you the
(31:03):
traumas and a J knows this that this man went
through and got sober and didn't drink and died sober,
you would be like, Holy Mother of God, if he
got through that trauma, I can get through anything like literally,
when I tell you, I can just give you a glimpse,
(31:23):
which was he woke up wrapped in plastic naked in
a dumpster next to a dead body in Hollywood, and
that was nowhere near the worst thing that ever happened
to him. He was you, guys, don't discuss this, but Renee,
would you be my sponsor? Ye? So, look, we could
talk about that off the air. No, no, but listen
(31:46):
to the program. No no, we'll talk about that off
the air. But I have to tell you I am
so f and excited to hear you right now. Listen. Now,
I've been held accountable right because I'm telling everybody. But
here's the thing, Cheryl, nothing excites me more than somebody
that's willing to do what a J and I have done,
(32:09):
because what ends up happening is like we're up on
a hill and we're looking across to the other side
that you can't see yet, and we're like, oh my god,
the view so beautiful. And then you're you're you're on
the other side, going I don't know if I want
to climb the hill. You're like, dude, we promise you
come up here. It's unbelievable to imagine this, Cheryl, to
(32:30):
feel comfortable in your own skin, imagine not having that
anxiety waking up with doom and gloom a while. But
but here's the thing. There's no time limit, but it's
all contingent on doing the work. That's how often do
you guys do this every day? You said, we do
this every day every day. What's required? Okay, So what's
(32:56):
required is that you want to do something differently. That's it.
That's it, and being open to what we've done. And
I promise you you start coming and you start hearing
these other people's stories, you get pumped. You get pumped
in the same way the peloton instructor pumps you up.
(33:16):
I mean, Cheryl, as they say in the you know
in the book, and as we've heard around the rooms.
You know, the best thing about this is, you know,
all that's asked of you is to show up and too,
you know, the desire to stop drinking. That's it. Just
(33:39):
for today's half of that. That's it. I mean, look,
you know, I mean I was literally it's crazy because
you know, I still don't really understand the concept of algorithms, right,
I'm learning. But literally last night, before I went to bed,
I was on my TikTok. I was, you know, having
(34:01):
my nightly smoke and what we know whatever, and my
my little my little cup of Joe and this page
pops up and it's all about sobriety and it's all
these interviews from all these different people, whether they're actors, actresses, directors, doctors, whatever.
And I was just like a I was blown away
(34:23):
that it just popped up in my feed. Um. But
at the same time, I was like, I went through
every single There was thirty six videos on this page.
I watched every single one and it was like my my,
my brain almost exploded because even though it was thirty
six different people, they all said the same thing, that
(34:46):
that they all knew that they were at the end
of their rope and that you know they they they
knew that that bye bye by doing what is suggested
and and again there's no time limit. You know, there
are there are people that have taken years to do
the steps. I'm one of them. I'm still doing steps.
(35:10):
Is a zoom or are you guys doing in person now? Zoom?
But we're going to start trying to put at least
once a week, uh in person? Mean, but I want
to get back to you for a second. Okay, first,
I really need to commend you for saying this on
our podcast. I've been thinking about drinking. Most people, a
lot of people won't say it, and I have to
(35:34):
say it. I will drink. But that's amazing that you're
willing to ask. And I really am so happy that
you are reaching out to us so that you don't
have to prove to yourself once again when you drink,
bad things happen. Don't totally And thank you guys for listening. Yeah,
I know this is probably not part of the schedule
(35:55):
of the podcast, but that's the best part about this.
That's that's what this is. That's what we are. We're look,
we're family, We're in this together thing and that is
that fellowship that we always talk about because, honest to God,
I mean, look, we all want the same common goal,
which is to continue our lives sober and experience life
(36:18):
on such a beautiful plane and not hide anymore and
not let our demons win because they won for a
long time. And there's so much more freedom that I've experienced,
so much freedom in sobriety. Like I thought I had
freedom when I was out doing whatever I wanted. That's
(36:41):
not freedom. This is freedom what I'm living today. That's
just for me. So what's the next step, Guys? Should
we talk offline or do we just just show up? Look,
here's the thing. Let's all you and I. Let's have
a phone conversation and I'll talk to you through what's
coming up next. But I swear I'm so nervous. I
(37:01):
am seriously, I'm my aren't bits are sweating? Can I
tell you something? It's normal to feel that way, right,
because my biggest fear in getting sober was wait a minute,
I don't know what you guys have done. I have
social anxiety, right, I'm really nervous about how many people
are there now. I imagine getting to a place I've
(37:23):
seen over two decades now, I've seen people that have
gone from social anxiety to being public speakers. Yeah, it's
that I don't speak in public. I just can't be
around people for some reason that I that that are close.
Like I can dance in front of millions, but I can't.
It's weird. But here's the thing. Look, I mean look
like like we said we are, we're pretty much on
(37:47):
the precipice of physically having the meeting. There are some
of us that are not local, that are in other countries.
It does make me feel better that we would do.
Maybe I should start at with doing zoom first. That's good.
Whatever is look, whatever is going to be comfortable for
you. You You start that way, you get to know the squad.
It's a good as squad. And and then we go
(38:10):
from there. You know, here the thing is Cheryl again,
for the real goal in getting sober is not just
to stop drinking, is to be able to fill in
that emptiness that we've walked around for so long. Right,
(38:30):
this teaches us we get these tools that help us
get through life, Like A J says all the time,
getting through life on life's terms. It doesn't it doesn't
guarantee as that people aren't gonna die. It doesn't guarantee
as that things aren't going to go our way. But
what it does do is it gives us the tools
(38:52):
to deal with whatever happens without having to feel like
a horse trapped in a burning barn. Totally, you know. Yeah,
And that's exactly how I've been feeling. Because I'm excited
and I'm going to call you. I'm calling you after
the meeting. By the I mean after this, I'm calling
if you want a three way we meet me in there,
(39:13):
are you guys? We're gonna take another break. This is
King Rad. I'm so stoked, right, I can't be happier.
I mean, this is like an early birthday present, Christmas
present for me, for me, for you, because your birthday
is coming up next Yeah. I am so stoked. Cheryl h. July. Yeah,
I will be fifty nine. Get out of here and
(39:38):
he acts like he's twelve. All right, you guys, wait,
this is my birthday present, like for you to say
to us live on air, you guys, I want to
be I want to take this to the next step. Wow.
Normally I I I'm really good about reading what the
show is I didn't, so to me, this is what
(39:58):
the show is supposed to be. I just feel like
I had to say it, or else I would never go.
I admire you so much for that. I really do
what you do, and I promise you you're gonna live
a life beyond your wildest dreams if you do the
things that. We're gonna need you, guys. Though. If I
go back to Dancing the Stars, I'm definitely gonna need you, guys.
(40:19):
But you're gonna love it. You're gonna help you in
every aspect, relationships, your friendships, you're dancing. I mean, it
would have been nice had you done this before I
was your partner. But it's okay, it's fine. But you
know what, this is why you were my partner, Renee,
Renee a j because I would have not. I don't
think it would have been the same. This is exactly
(40:40):
how it was meant to be. Everything happens for a reason.
I want. I'm gonna go throw up really quick. All right.
Well we're gonna take a break while you go throw up,
and we'll be right back. All right, you guys, we
(41:01):
are back on I Heart Radio. Pretty messed up, so listen.
First of all, share, bear the door the hell out
of you. I'm proud of you. This is massive. Um. Obviously,
the show that we had planned for you guys kinda
took a little side farm, but it was meant to
(41:21):
be the way that it transpired. Uh So, unfortunately we
don't have time for all of your great questions, but
please as always send us those questions. Always hit that
subscribe button, give us five stars. We love you guys.
We do want to answer one question from Danetta. Uh.
It says a j if you could switch faces with
(41:45):
one of your bandmates, who's would it be? And why? Oh? Wow? Okay,
Um all right Danetta, UM, I'm gonna say and this
and and and fellas, which I don't even know if
the boys listened to the show, but if they do, whatever,
they know, I have no filter. I wouldn't trade faces,
(42:08):
but I would trade hair with Kevin. I have been
so jealous of Kevin's nick ass hair for twenty eight years.
I have to pay for my In fact, I am
gonna be going back under the knife, uh in August, yes,
to have my second procedure. So that's gonna be a
(42:30):
fun one. We should definitely do a podcast right after
while I'm still kind of like, I don't know what's happening. Yeah,
and my head's numb. Yeah. That one. Don't worry about it, Okay,
So that we do have another one from Christina, Uh,
will there be an episode with Renee's wife? She would
(42:53):
do it in a heartbeat. You you know her, well,
she's pretty funny, but I don't. She's like you, but
I don't know what would come out of her mouth,
and it's it's scared, talk about scared. I would that,
Oh my god, what is she gonna say? I think
I think that's that's all the more reason why we
(43:14):
should have bread on the show totally. We should have
all your and your kids take over one week as
well a podcast. Oh my gosh, could you imagine? Just
Lyric wouldn't let anybody talk to guys? Guys, guys, guys. Okay.
One last question from Christina for share Bear. Is there
a type of dance that you would love the opportunity
(43:34):
to learn. I'm going to assume that you don't already know. No,
I don't. I mean, I don't really, So I went
to Argentina to learn how to Argentine tango in the
middle of like a season right because they added that dance.
Now we know how to fake it, but we don't
really know. And I can speak for myself, I don't
really know how to Flamenco dance. So I would love
to go spend like the summer in Spain and learn
(43:55):
from like an amazing like Flamenco dancer how to really
do instead of faking it. I think you would. They
can teach you. I think that was That's what it
was my past life for sure. I think Flamenco would you.
You would crush it because you have such a strong energy,
right and and the way they the way they clap
in the way defeat, yeah, defeat, and the way Cheryl can,
(44:22):
like Cheryl can isolate that, you know, those freaking hips
and it's it's it's kind of mesmerizing. I'm not gonna lie.
Like when I'd see her doing her little moments, like
when we were doing certain routines that involved something similar,
I was like, I wow, I can't do that, Cheryl.
(44:43):
Fun little fact, my uncle Hugo was the number one
Flamenco guitarist and all of Mexico, and he would tour
the world with this amazing Flamenco dancer named Pilar Jay.
I went to see them perform at place in Mexico
City called Bays Artists and it changed my life. I
(45:06):
was like, what I took my sister to Spain and
all we did was go see Flamenco dancers. It was powerful,
is it? You know? Unless unless I'm wrong, So Spain
when it was when it was inhabited by the North Africans,
the Moors, they brought in that Arabic sound into that's
(45:30):
the roots of Flamenco comes from, like the Arabic sound.
So yeah, he taught me that. So it's not something
And that's your fun fact for the day on Pretty
Messed Up. All right, you guys listen everybody out there
that's tuning in, Thank you guys as always for tuning in.
(45:52):
Like I said, hit that subscribe button, give us five stars.
We love you guys. And again, Cheryl, I of you, babe,
so proud of you. Can't wait to hop on the horn.
And everybody out there stays safe. Life's finally starting to
get back to some kind of normal and uh, You'll
be safe out there until next time. On I Heart Radio,
(46:15):
Pretty Messed Up Deuces follow Pretty Messed Up on i
Hear Radio, or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.
I'm pretty bad. Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of
(00:20):
Pretty Messed Up on iHeart Radio. I'm your host, Adie
McLean with my beautiful co host, a Vision in Green.
I did call you a lepricn Cheryl Burke, and the
handsome and debonair l Capitan himself, Renee Alisando. Welcome, Welcome.
(00:42):
You have to do the intros from now on. I
think I'm just kidding. Oh my god, is he starting
to get a little burnt out? You think he's just like, yeah,
you know, it's just very like I just would like
some like shocking intros once in a while. You don't.
I mean I could do that, Lapina, I could do that,
but I don't know what might come out. That's what
I mean. Power of editing, right right, all right, So look,
(01:08):
we're just gonna die right in. It's it's no news
to anyone unless you're living under a rock. Um, the
situation going on with my home girl Britney Spears and
the Conservator ship battle that is happening. Uh, that happened
that literally kind of came to a head last week. Um,
(01:32):
you know, we want to we want to talk about
it because in the world of mental health watching from
a distance, right, and that's what we talked about. So yeah,
and also I just heard one of her podcasts, like
not hers, but like a fans and it's so mind boggling,
Like how crazy this is? It is? I mean, look,
at the end of the day, you know, let's let's
(01:54):
journey back, Um, probably what fourteen years ago. Um, you know,
before the conservators ship started. Uh, when the whole public
kind of moment happened when she shaved her head and
she you know, kind of went off on the on
the paparazzi and all of these things, and you know
(02:18):
that that was kind of the catalyst for this whole conservatorship. Um.
But you know, look, was it really when when I
met Brittany. Brittany was living in the same apartment complex
as me when she was doing the Mickey Mouse Club
back in the day with Christina Aguilera, Gosling, J T
(02:42):
and J c Um and like literally I would see
her walking to her apartment and she was the sweetest,
sweetest girl. Um. And you know, look, obviously I I
could speak for myself. I was four team and Backstreet
Boys started and you know, I I don't even know
(03:05):
how old she was. I'm pretty sure maybe maybe like
a year younger than me or two years younger than
me when she was on Mickey Mouse Club. And it's like,
you know, as a young person boy or girl kind
of thrust into this business. It is it. I mean it,
it makes your head spin. It's out of this world.
(03:26):
But you know, I would compare the level of insanity
with Brittany too. What happened to Princess Diana? What has
happened to a lot of people with the paparazzi and
the the breathing down your neck and literally not having
(03:47):
an ounce of space to live a normal life. I
mean literally, you know, to the point where her music videos,
her song subject matter turned to basically a cry for help,
you know, I mean, piece of Me, all of these songs,
you know. So it's it's sad to see what has
(04:10):
transpired over the last thirteen years. UM me personally, UM,
I don't agree with it, but that's just my personal opinion. Again,
I don't agree with the conservatorship lasting as long as
it has um but again, full disclosure, I only know
(04:31):
one side of it, you know what I mean, So
I I don't know what is going through the parents minds.
I don't know what is going through the family's minds.
But at the same time, in my opinion, I think
it should have ended a while ago and or at
least gotten dumbed down a bit. But all of the
(04:55):
public knowledge that's come out recently about you know that,
all of the things that she has said, it's it's sad,
it's so sad, and it's to me, it just doesn't
seem fair. And you know, I do hope that the
resolute is that this poor girl can can can finally
(05:18):
have her life back, even if she never touches stage again,
tours again, none, none of that. Just to be able
to go to the grocery store by yourself, drive yourself,
go pick up groceries, spend some time with your kids,
and be able to go get a physical if you feel,
(05:38):
you know, sick, and you yeah, exactly exactly. I mean, like, look,
what is it. What's the definition of a conservatorship? I mean, really,
that only happens if somebody can't think for themselves or
if they're very like elders. Right, Um, I don't think again,
like you said, a J I don't. We don't know
the other side. But and you're trying to control somebody's money,
(06:02):
who who has earned every single penny of it. It's
just a little if. Even if she's not mentally stable,
that's irrelevant. Like she could do whatever she wants with
her money. She could do whatever she wants and for
it to be controlled is a little shady, That's all
I'm saying. It's just my opinion. I don't know both sides,
(06:22):
but either way, she's an adult, she's thirty nine, and honestly,
you you know, she can't even take out the I U.
D that have us put inside of her. That is
so that is just not okay to me. I agree
with you guys it. You know, from a distance, the
whole the whole thing feels un unfair. And we do
(06:43):
have to say, you've all said it, we don't know
the full story, right, It's easy from a distance to
draw conclusion of what we think should be done. For me,
I really wanted to really open the whole thing more
to words, the sacrifices the young entertainers end up making
(07:05):
that sometimes leads them into the deep end. You know,
for you, a j drugs and alcohol became a haven,
a safe place for a while away from all that
pressure I imagine, right, and and for you too, Cheryl,
I imagine you grew up on stage. Let's call it
what it is. You grew up on stage. You didn't
live a normal life. And then it's I can not
(07:29):
even imagine what it's like to day in and day
out being a competition. You have to get better, you
have to we you have to do this, and so
you're never good enough. So then you find wine or
whatever it was, and it just gets rid of that
that that, you know, stress for a while, right, And
so I feel like I've had front row seats to
(07:52):
you know, uh, being with Janet for many years, and
the level of stress when you feel it's a constant race.
When you feel that constantly, it's it's like looking at
the billboard charts where your ticket sales on concerts and
all that stuff. And I just think that the sad
(08:13):
part is is how we do see people sometimes break
under pressure and it has to be public, right, not
because they choose it to be. But I would like
to ask you a question. You both of your question, like, what,
besides the drinking and the drugging, what was some of
(08:36):
the most stressful times in your careers? That's the question
right there. I mean, for me, it's competition. I would fake.
I would fake throwing up in the bathroom stall, and
I would make I would make sure my mom would
hear me, because I had so much anxiety as a teenager,
and every time before competitions, I would just psych myself
(08:59):
out and my mom would you know, she already entered
us in the competition. Like we traveled to god knows
where we could be in Europe, and I'm like here
faking my sickness because I can't handle my anxiety and
there's competitions about twice a week all year around. So
I mean, I think for me it was more so
uh acceptance from my peers, like there was never really
(09:22):
any I mean, look, yes, my schedule was stressful, you know,
multiple shows a week, traveling, living out of a suitcase
comes with just natural stress. But really for me, it
was more about you know, external validation and just being
being accepted by everyone else because I didn't I didn't
(09:43):
like myself. I didn't think I deserved to have the
notoriety that was that was blessed in my life and
the success that was given that was earned. You know,
I don't I back then, I didn't think that that
that I was worthy of it. So in in you know,
having that thought pattern, what do I do. I go
(10:06):
and I try to get in with the in crowd,
and I try to do all this that and the other,
and the in crowd, in my mind, were the partiers.
Were the people that were, you know, who's who's gonna
fit you know, foot the biggest bill at the club,
who's gonna buy all the bottle service, Who's gonna who's
gonna make sure that we got drugs in the hotel
room that night? You know, I was the one because
(10:30):
this is before, right, yeah, before, I mean I didn't.
I mean I was a late bloomer as as as
people know, I didn't really start getting Cuckoo's Nest until
about But you know, but when I was a kid,
when I was younger, I mean I was fourteen when
the group started, so fourteen to like one, I was
just doing whatever anybody said, you know, like our label pointed,
(10:55):
I just went that way, our management pointed, I went
that way. I never asked questions, I never bad it,
and I I just did what I was told. But
you were the head, You're like the O G right,
the first. Yeah, I am, I am the O g um.
But you know, again, what what I think is interesting
in comparing to what's happening with Brittany is like, now, look,
(11:15):
this is I'm gonna preface by saying it's not the
case for everyone, but a lot of people that I've
seen that that have come in and out of my life,
that have suffered from drugs and alcohol or mental health
issues or whatever the case is in that world, by
doing the work, they have come out the other side.
(11:36):
Now again, not all of them. Some of them don't
don't do that. Well, if you don't do the work,
obviously we know how how that's gonna go. And then
or there's been other ones sadly that relapsed once and
ended up o'dein. But again, who's to say exactly what
what level Brittany was at when this conservator ship started,
(12:00):
and just too just for all all of our listeners
that may or may not know what conservatorship is. It
is referred to as a guardianship, generally described as a
situation in which a court appoints someone, often a spouse, parent, attorney,
or other qualified adults, to make decisions for another adult
who is considered unable to do so for themselves, and
(12:23):
that is what is right. I mean, like she's been
forced to take lithium. She's been supposedly, they said that
she can't hang out with certain people, including her a
friends as well in the program that obviously help her
stay sober. And um, it's crazy because if she can
talk for herself, she could definitely make decisions I think,
for herself. Whether or not those are sound sound decisions.
(12:48):
Whether her parents disagree agree is irrelevant. So lithium right
is for bipolarity. Right. If someone is truly bipolar, they
need to be on lithium. The thing is, I don't
know if she's bipolar. I don't know if they're medicating
her to control her. That's the thing. We don't know
that now. I do know that bipolarity is a very
(13:09):
serious mental disorder that causes people to kill themselves, right
social depression. They go from manic they think they could
conquer the world, uh to absolute don't deserve to live
and they bounce back and forth. That's the thing. Is
she bipolar? I don't know? Like you know, like these
(13:33):
are for me. The questions are like as far as
Brittney goes, I don't know enough about it to draw conclusions.
But well, yeah, yeah, like look there, without knowing all
the details, Let's just put Brittany aside for a second. Right,
If somebody were to say to me that mom, and
I'm not starting rumors I have, this is just complete.
(13:56):
This is just an example. If somebody says that Mom,
when she goes into depression, she talks about wanting to
kill herself and her kids, right at that point you'd
be you'd think, oh, we gotta protect her from herself.
But because I don't know anything like that about Brittany,
you said it earlier. Um, I think the question I
(14:18):
think we have is is she suffering from something that
where she needs to be protected from herself or are
people using all of this as an excuse to exploit her,
like using her mental healthy? Mean yeah, but pretending and
think about it, Both scenarios are equally tragic. Right. If
(14:39):
let's say she is mentally ill to the point of
she's in a danger to herself or to other people,
that's a tragedy. If she happens to be sort of
the one sane person in the psych word that says, you, guys,
I'm not crazy, but no one believes you. Right, that's
tragic too. I mean, like we also don't. No, I
(15:00):
mean I saw some documentary about Brittany and when she
would do when she was shaved her head and all
of that, Like it's almost like it kind of went
towards the fact that like, no wonder she did that
because this paparazzi, I mean I can't even imagine, right,
like the the same paparazzi guy or the same group
just consistently following her wherever she goes. And then I
think she had her kids with her in the car.
(15:20):
So like we just never know the reasoning, right, Yeah,
I mean, like for me, I never experienced that level
of insanity as far as like the paparazzi, you know.
But again I also was a bit of an introvert
at the height of our career, where because I couldn't
(15:41):
go anywhere, I couldn't leave my house, you know, to
go to the mall without being bombarded. So instead of
putting myself in that situation, I just never left my house.
And that was just you know that that was adding
to the stress that I put on my brain and
I just sit at home and drink and do drugs
and just not be bothered with it, you know. But
(16:03):
and what's so crazy is now here we are twenty
eight years later, and the paparazzi and all of these
things for Backstreet are now more more crazy or crazier
now than they've ever been, which is which just blows
my mind. Like it's like you guys were like twenty
eight years late. But all right, whatever, you know, but
(16:26):
look at the end of the day, the truth will
come out, bottom line whatever that is. What did you guys?
What did she say about her eight friends? You guys
saw it. I didn't. So as far as the A
A thing goes, Uh, you know, Brittany said that she
did meetings for two years, three meetings a week, and
(16:47):
that has been told that she cannot have any contact
with any of the women that she met in these meetings,
any of the friends that she made the fellowship in
these meetings. Um, she's been told that she cannot have contact.
And I think that's bullshit, because, honest to God, the
fellowship in the program of A A or any of
our programs is key fellowship to be able to be
(17:11):
there for one another and lean on each other. So
I think that's b s. Wow. So if she if
let's just say, for a second, assumed that she is
an alcoholic or a drug addict. Right, let's just for
a second, because if she's mentioning a that means she's
accepted that she's had a problem with drinking and drugging, right,
(17:32):
or drinking or I don't know. I don't think it's
her choice regardless. So but but if she said that
she's not allowed to talk to her a friend, that's
tragic because if she accepts that she has a problem,
is willing to get help, but then is limited to
(17:53):
the amount of help. Because for us a j you know,
this fellowship is one of the key things to our
sobriety is being able to talk to our people that
like minded individuals that help keep us afloat. Do you
know that's to me, that's one of the key things
where when I get to hang out with my friends
(18:16):
that are sober and they're having a good time, and
we're having a good time and there's no drugs or
alcohol anywhere in the picture, that we draw so much
strength from like minded individuals. So that's tragic if she's
not being allowed to seek help. But we don't we
don't even know if she even wanted to go to
a a because again, like I think everything is controlled right,
(18:37):
or if she's even had that, come to Jesus, like
I do have a problem. I hope she has had that.
If she does have a problem, if she mentioned, if
she mentioned not being allowed to talk to her friends,
that seems like she's admitting that she needs to talk
to them. But the question I have about that statement
is and again not knowing the full information, but just
(18:58):
where my mind goes is O K. So you're not
allowed to speak to your fellowship, but and you're in
a program? Are you in a program because before you
had a problem, or you're in a program now because
of all the meds that they've put you on to
supposedly quote unquote keep you sane? Have you like so that? Look, again,
(19:20):
there's so many variables to this situation, but most importantly,
most importantly, here is a young woman who is a mom,
who is a very talented young woman who I believe
deserves a chance at a normal life, and and and
(19:41):
and I believe has every right to say what she
is saying. Now. This is her body, this is her mind,
this is her spirit, And I am one hundred million
percent on the free Brittany train because I completely agree
with it, and I think, look, all of us should
pray for Brittany and uh and also and look, also
(20:05):
pray for her family because you know, again I can't
even imagine as a parent what is going through her
mom and her dad's mind, you know, watching her grow
up in this business and have the highs and lows.
My mom has seen me go through it, you know, fortunately,
(20:27):
God willing I stay sober. My children never have to
see me go through that and then them go through it.
So again, I want to put out a prayer for
all of them, both sides her and her parents and
her the whole entire gang, because again we don't know.
We don't know because she can't be forced to work
(20:48):
like that is a fact, Like we know that she's
been forced to work, right, Like the girl needs to break.
She wants to go to Hawaii with her boyfriend and
driving the car when he's driving, just give it to her, yea.
And you know, for me, I also feel the need
to say that all of us that have hit rock
bottom because of addiction at one point from you know,
(21:12):
you look at us and you're like, yeah, they need
to be locked up. You know, it's just we're we're
like crazy by definition because we're doing crazy. Yeah, well
we're doing crazy things because right we're we're using drugs,
we're getting in trouble, we're using more drugs, and yes,
all of us at one point look like they need
(21:33):
to be like locked up at right. And but so
here's the thing, Like, yeah, if she does have uh
an addiction problem, then get help for the addiction. You
don't need to take over her life. You don't need
to the conservatorship and all this other stuff. So if
that's the case, I end up feeling for anyone. Look,
(21:56):
Brittany happens to be famous, but AJ and I know
a lot of people that are not famous that end
up struggling in the exact same way. And for us,
we're like, dude, just come join us, hang out with
us for a while. Okay, well let's talk about that.
Let's let's do did I talked to you earlier this week?
Remember when are you going to come join us? But
(22:19):
remember we're supposed to talk about it even more so
we can talk we're talking about it now, let's talk
about it. I think we have to go to break first,
So maybe let's take a break and then we're gonna
get it. Because now I'm like, wait, why wasn't I
part of this conversation? An emergency? All right, listen, We're
gonna take a break, and when we come back, I'm
curious to hear the rest of this conversation and we
(22:41):
might be getting to share bearer to join the fold. Um,
We're gonna take a break and we'll be right back
here on I Heart Radio. Pretty messed up a right,
you guys were back from our little break here, and
(23:03):
I am dying to know, as a fly on the
wall right here, what this conversation was that was had
between the two of you. I want to know what's
going Rene can say the second half, not the first half.
But okay, so this is like when my one opportunity
to make you jealous a j I'm I'm I'm already
jealous that I wasn't part of this conversation. I was
(23:27):
lucky enough to get a call from Cheryl and her sister,
and we chatted for a little while and then she's like, hey,
when can I join your your guys. The first I
asked if there was enough room still or if the
invite was still an open invite. Yeah, like always. So
the look, no joking, Cheryl, come hang with us. I
(23:51):
swear to you. It's it's like a spiritual cup of
coffee like that. If you're feeling a little bit kind
of you, feeling a little bit down, Uh, you come,
you hang with people. You hear us tell our stories,
what we're dealing with on the day. And um, I'll
(24:11):
give you an example. Yesterday was the first day we
put our dog, Bubbles in the pool. Right now, Here's
the thing. It's his first time in the pool, and
all we did was guide him towards the steps and
he was able to dog paddle, get up the steps,
(24:32):
get out of the pool. That's all we do. We
guide you towards the steps. No, it's great, but I
don't know the pad totally. No. And by the way, look,
I've been feeling like drinking again a lot lately, and
I realized, like, look, I don't know how long our
podcast hopefully will last forever, but I've realized when I
was in Hawaii, how codependent I am on the two
(24:53):
of you in a way, because I look forward to
like these conversations of sobriety of like just a j
let's say, talk king about like euro ups and downs
in life and how it's been rough at times. And
then like you rene just being like that voice of God.
And then I just like for some reason, I was
thinking of like what if this is all over one day?
And I had so much anxiety. And then I think
(25:15):
my husband just like we had a bottle of champagne
delivered to our room because of our anniversary. They didn't
obviously didn't know. I didn't. I don't drink, but then
Matt had like a little bit And never ever have
I been triggered the last two and a half years
until that day, and I was like a home my God.
And then I went to friend's birthday party, same thing.
And then of course people who are not sober or
(25:37):
who are not in the program, you know, I feel
like I get bullied into drinking. Um, and so like
a lot of them don't understand maybe that that like you.
But look, I used to do that when I was
when I was drinking, I would always bully people, but
bully people more that we're drinking, right like that we're
already drinking. But um, I just I remember just like
it was scared me because my sister was with me
(25:57):
and I was just like, oh my gosh, Nicole, I
just like I'm two seconds away. Like and that's the thing.
It's like, if I start, I just can't have one
and I might as well just like just go into
like this rabbit hole for a couple of weeks. No
one will find me. And with all like a lot,
I have a lot of personal stuff going on right
now at the moment, and so um, it's been very
I'm like on I feel like I'm walking a really
(26:20):
tight rope at the moment. So I feel like I
definitely therapy is not working right now. So this is
a very serious subject. Okay, And since we do have
a podcast and we do talk about sobriety, would be
a good time right here to sort of put a
little light on this. Okay. I'm an alcoholic. That means
I've lost the capacity to control my drinking and using.
(26:42):
That's it. It doesn't mean I'm a bad person. It
means I have this disease, disorder whatever you want to
call it, where once I start, I can't stop, which
simply means I can't guarantee you or anyone else if
I have one glass of wine, I don't know if
it's gonna if I'll wake up tomorrow going holy crap,
why did I do that? Or you guys won't see
me for a year, or I'll die because then I'll
(27:04):
go to drugs, which is my thing too. So there
the disease of alcoholism, sooner or later starts coming around
if we're not doing something on a daily basis to
remind ourselves that we have this disease. What will happen
if we do drink? Which is our circle that AJ
(27:24):
and I do, you know, pretty much every date. Today
we we didn't do it because we had a late podcast.
But um, but there will come a time. There will
come a time where it crosses your mind, like but
it's never crossed my mind, Renee now, But there will
come a time. That's what I'm so, there comes a
(27:46):
time where where we're in a bit of a weekend
state because we're not There's an old saying that says,
we can't just stop drinking. We have to replace it
with something. If we don't replace it with something, painting, well,
diamond painting to a point. But now that didn't even help.
(28:07):
So I have to be around like minded individuals that
tell me their story that that remind me what's happened
to them in the past, and I'm like all that tried.
It's so easy to forget why I stopped. It's so
easy to forget. I didn't stop because I was on
a winning streak. I didn't stop because everything was going awesome.
(28:29):
I stopped because it stopped working for me. Right, So
that it is very important. I think I'm so dependent
on you guys in a way, because like I think
you're my only real sober friends and that are in
a program that like just you know, you guys have
that vocabulary that is so relatable for me. That I'm
not around you guys, then I start to like, but I,
(28:54):
up until this this go around, I wasn't doing what
is guested and I and so I was doomed to
fail every single time I tried to do this on
my terms. It doesn't work on my terms. So let's
(29:14):
let's do Let's get back for for our view, our listeners,
Let's get back to the A. B. C's here, Right.
I drank because I didn't I wasn't comfortable with my
life or in my own skin. It was a great
way to escape my reality. Right, So once I stopped,
(29:37):
I was left with that reality that I was trying
to escape. So our goal, in our in our program,
our goal, and it's laid out beautifully, is to sort
through all that stuff that made me feel less than right.
But that means that I can't just hang out with
(29:58):
sober people. I have to do what the long term
sobriety people did, which is and I'm going to talk
like the A, B, C. S I, which is what
A J had to finally start doing, which is the steps. Right,
the steps are laid out perfectly. There's twelve of them,
and they're designed to flush your plumbing out. They're designed
(30:21):
to get rid of all the garbage that I was
carrying around for most of my life that made me
think I'm not good enough. Right, I could act like
I'm good enough, but underneath I was like, if you
knew who I was, I wouldn't you wouldn't want to
be my friend. Do the steps talk about like is
(30:41):
there part of um when you guys are like, I
don't really know the program, right, I'm familiar with the steps,
but do you also talk about like trauma and how
trauma plays a big deal in people, prediction, all of that,
and if I look I it would be totally unfair
for me to mention a particular gentleman, that is, someone
that helped me so much. If I told you the
(31:03):
traumas and a J knows this that this man went
through and got sober and didn't drink and died sober,
you would be like, Holy Mother of God, if he
got through that trauma, I can get through anything like literally,
when I tell you, I can just give you a glimpse,
(31:23):
which was he woke up wrapped in plastic naked in
a dumpster next to a dead body in Hollywood, and
that was nowhere near the worst thing that ever happened
to him. He was you, guys, don't discuss this, but Renee,
would you be my sponsor? Ye? So, look, we could
talk about that off the air. No, no, but listen
(31:46):
to the program. No no, we'll talk about that off
the air. But I have to tell you I am
so f and excited to hear you right now. Listen. Now,
I've been held accountable right because I'm telling everybody. But
here's the thing, Cheryl, nothing excites me more than somebody
that's willing to do what a J and I have done,
(32:09):
because what ends up happening is like we're up on
a hill and we're looking across to the other side
that you can't see yet, and we're like, oh my god,
the view so beautiful. And then you're you're you're on
the other side, going I don't know if I want
to climb the hill. You're like, dude, we promise you
come up here. It's unbelievable to imagine this, Cheryl, to
(32:30):
feel comfortable in your own skin, imagine not having that
anxiety waking up with doom and gloom a while. But
but here's the thing. There's no time limit, but it's
all contingent on doing the work. That's how often do
you guys do this every day? You said, we do
this every day every day. What's required? Okay, So what's
(32:56):
required is that you want to do something differently. That's it.
That's it, and being open to what we've done. And
I promise you you start coming and you start hearing
these other people's stories, you get pumped. You get pumped
in the same way the peloton instructor pumps you up.
(33:16):
I mean, Cheryl, as they say in the you know
in the book, and as we've heard around the rooms.
You know, the best thing about this is, you know,
all that's asked of you is to show up and too,
you know, the desire to stop drinking. That's it. Just
(33:39):
for today's half of that. That's it. I mean, look,
you know, I mean I was literally it's crazy because
you know, I still don't really understand the concept of algorithms, right,
I'm learning. But literally last night, before I went to bed,
I was on my TikTok. I was, you know, having
(34:01):
my nightly smoke and what we know whatever, and my
my little my little cup of Joe and this page
pops up and it's all about sobriety and it's all
these interviews from all these different people, whether they're actors, actresses, directors, doctors, whatever.
And I was just like a I was blown away
(34:23):
that it just popped up in my feed. Um. But
at the same time, I was like, I went through
every single There was thirty six videos on this page.
I watched every single one and it was like my my,
my brain almost exploded because even though it was thirty
six different people, they all said the same thing, that
(34:46):
that they all knew that they were at the end
of their rope and that you know they they they
knew that that bye bye by doing what is suggested
and and again there's no time limit. You know, there
are there are people that have taken years to do
the steps. I'm one of them. I'm still doing steps.
(35:10):
Is a zoom or are you guys doing in person now? Zoom?
But we're going to start trying to put at least
once a week, uh in person? Mean, but I want
to get back to you for a second. Okay, first,
I really need to commend you for saying this on
our podcast. I've been thinking about drinking. Most people, a
lot of people won't say it, and I have to
(35:34):
say it. I will drink. But that's amazing that you're
willing to ask. And I really am so happy that
you are reaching out to us so that you don't
have to prove to yourself once again when you drink,
bad things happen. Don't totally And thank you guys for listening. Yeah,
I know this is probably not part of the schedule
(35:55):
of the podcast, but that's the best part about this.
That's that's what this is. That's what we are. We're look,
we're family, We're in this together thing and that is
that fellowship that we always talk about because, honest to God,
I mean, look, we all want the same common goal,
which is to continue our lives sober and experience life
(36:18):
on such a beautiful plane and not hide anymore and
not let our demons win because they won for a
long time. And there's so much more freedom that I've experienced,
so much freedom in sobriety. Like I thought I had
freedom when I was out doing whatever I wanted. That's
(36:41):
not freedom. This is freedom what I'm living today. That's
just for me. So what's the next step, Guys? Should
we talk offline or do we just just show up? Look,
here's the thing. Let's all you and I. Let's have
a phone conversation and I'll talk to you through what's
coming up next. But I swear I'm so nervous. I
(37:01):
am seriously, I'm my aren't bits are sweating? Can I
tell you something? It's normal to feel that way, right,
because my biggest fear in getting sober was wait a minute,
I don't know what you guys have done. I have
social anxiety, right, I'm really nervous about how many people
are there now. I imagine getting to a place I've
(37:23):
seen over two decades now, I've seen people that have
gone from social anxiety to being public speakers. Yeah, it's
that I don't speak in public. I just can't be
around people for some reason that I that that are close.
Like I can dance in front of millions, but I can't.
It's weird. But here's the thing. Look, I mean look
like like we said we are, we're pretty much on
(37:47):
the precipice of physically having the meeting. There are some
of us that are not local, that are in other countries.
It does make me feel better that we would do.
Maybe I should start at with doing zoom first. That's good.
Whatever is look, whatever is going to be comfortable for
you. You You start that way, you get to know the squad.
It's a good as squad. And and then we go
(38:10):
from there. You know, here the thing is Cheryl again,
for the real goal in getting sober is not just
to stop drinking, is to be able to fill in
that emptiness that we've walked around for so long. Right,
(38:30):
this teaches us we get these tools that help us
get through life, Like A J says all the time,
getting through life on life's terms. It doesn't it doesn't
guarantee as that people aren't gonna die. It doesn't guarantee
as that things aren't going to go our way. But
what it does do is it gives us the tools
(38:52):
to deal with whatever happens without having to feel like
a horse trapped in a burning barn. Totally, you know. Yeah,
And that's exactly how I've been feeling. Because I'm excited
and I'm going to call you. I'm calling you after
the meeting. By the I mean after this, I'm calling
if you want a three way we meet me in there,
(39:13):
are you guys? We're gonna take another break. This is
King Rad. I'm so stoked, right, I can't be happier.
I mean, this is like an early birthday present, Christmas
present for me, for me, for you, because your birthday
is coming up next Yeah. I am so stoked. Cheryl h. July. Yeah,
I will be fifty nine. Get out of here and
(39:38):
he acts like he's twelve. All right, you guys, wait,
this is my birthday present, like for you to say
to us live on air, you guys, I want to
be I want to take this to the next step. Wow.
Normally I I I'm really good about reading what the
show is I didn't, so to me, this is what
(39:58):
the show is supposed to be. I just feel like
I had to say it, or else I would never go.
I admire you so much for that. I really do
what you do, and I promise you you're gonna live
a life beyond your wildest dreams if you do the
things that. We're gonna need you, guys. Though. If I
go back to Dancing the Stars, I'm definitely gonna need you, guys.
(40:19):
But you're gonna love it. You're gonna help you in
every aspect, relationships, your friendships, you're dancing. I mean, it
would have been nice had you done this before I
was your partner. But it's okay, it's fine. But you
know what, this is why you were my partner, Renee,
Renee a j because I would have not. I don't
think it would have been the same. This is exactly
(40:40):
how it was meant to be. Everything happens for a reason.
I want. I'm gonna go throw up really quick. All right.
Well we're gonna take a break while you go throw up,
and we'll be right back. All right, you guys, we
(41:01):
are back on I Heart Radio. Pretty messed up, so listen.
First of all, share, bear the door the hell out
of you. I'm proud of you. This is massive. Um. Obviously,
the show that we had planned for you guys kinda
took a little side farm, but it was meant to
(41:21):
be the way that it transpired. Uh So, unfortunately we
don't have time for all of your great questions, but
please as always send us those questions. Always hit that
subscribe button, give us five stars. We love you guys.
We do want to answer one question from Danetta. Uh.
It says a j if you could switch faces with
(41:45):
one of your bandmates, who's would it be? And why? Oh? Wow? Okay,
Um all right Danetta, UM, I'm gonna say and this
and and and fellas, which I don't even know if
the boys listened to the show, but if they do, whatever,
they know, I have no filter. I wouldn't trade faces,
(42:08):
but I would trade hair with Kevin. I have been
so jealous of Kevin's nick ass hair for twenty eight years.
I have to pay for my In fact, I am
gonna be going back under the knife, uh in August, yes,
to have my second procedure. So that's gonna be a
(42:30):
fun one. We should definitely do a podcast right after
while I'm still kind of like, I don't know what's happening. Yeah,
and my head's numb. Yeah. That one. Don't worry about it, Okay,
So that we do have another one from Christina, Uh,
will there be an episode with Renee's wife? She would
(42:53):
do it in a heartbeat. You you know her, well,
she's pretty funny, but I don't. She's like you, but
I don't know what would come out of her mouth,
and it's it's scared, talk about scared. I would that,
Oh my god, what is she gonna say? I think
I think that's that's all the more reason why we
(43:14):
should have bread on the show totally. We should have
all your and your kids take over one week as
well a podcast. Oh my gosh, could you imagine? Just
Lyric wouldn't let anybody talk to guys? Guys, guys, guys. Okay.
One last question from Christina for share Bear. Is there
a type of dance that you would love the opportunity
(43:34):
to learn. I'm going to assume that you don't already know. No,
I don't. I mean, I don't really, So I went
to Argentina to learn how to Argentine tango in the
middle of like a season right because they added that dance.
Now we know how to fake it, but we don't
really know. And I can speak for myself, I don't
really know how to Flamenco dance. So I would love
to go spend like the summer in Spain and learn
(43:55):
from like an amazing like Flamenco dancer how to really
do instead of faking it. I think you would. They
can teach you. I think that was That's what it
was my past life for sure. I think Flamenco would you.
You would crush it because you have such a strong energy,
right and and the way they the way they clap
in the way defeat, yeah, defeat, and the way Cheryl can,
(44:22):
like Cheryl can isolate that, you know, those freaking hips
and it's it's it's kind of mesmerizing. I'm not gonna lie.
Like when I'd see her doing her little moments, like
when we were doing certain routines that involved something similar,
I was like, I wow, I can't do that, Cheryl.
(44:43):
Fun little fact, my uncle Hugo was the number one
Flamenco guitarist and all of Mexico, and he would tour
the world with this amazing Flamenco dancer named Pilar Jay.
I went to see them perform at place in Mexico
City called Bays Artists and it changed my life. I
(45:06):
was like, what I took my sister to Spain and
all we did was go see Flamenco dancers. It was powerful,
is it? You know? Unless unless I'm wrong, So Spain
when it was when it was inhabited by the North Africans,
the Moors, they brought in that Arabic sound into that's
(45:30):
the roots of Flamenco comes from, like the Arabic sound.
So yeah, he taught me that. So it's not something
And that's your fun fact for the day on Pretty
Messed Up. All right, you guys listen everybody out there
that's tuning in, Thank you guys as always for tuning in.
(45:52):
Like I said, hit that subscribe button, give us five stars.
We love you guys. And again, Cheryl, I of you, babe,
so proud of you. Can't wait to hop on the horn.
And everybody out there stays safe. Life's finally starting to
get back to some kind of normal and uh, You'll
be safe out there until next time. On I Heart Radio,
(46:15):
Pretty Messed Up Deuces follow Pretty Messed Up on i
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