August 12, 2025 • 41 mins
In Part 2, Eboné’s guest goes deeper—sharing the moment she had her first drink, how she was drawn into the world of dancing, and the trauma of being assaulted. She speaks candidly about the hard truths that led her toward sobriety, revealing the harsh reality of addiction’s grip and the fierce courage it took to reclaim her life.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebina, a space where no
question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views
shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain, and empower.
From the laughs to the lessons, Just remember tough times
don't last, but professional homegirls do enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener discretion is advice. What's
our professional homegirls? It is shagarra Ebine here and I
hope all is cute.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Now.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
I know y'all are feening for part two. Okay, y'all
been calling me, y'all been emailing me, dming me, texting me,
like all of the above. Okay, so before we.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
Start a part two, let's do a little key cute.
Let me update you on a couple of things.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
So, if I haven't told y'all this already, and if
I haven't, my apologies because your girl been working like
a two dollar home and I'm not gonna plain it
because this is the things that I definitely been praying for.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
So I am hosting an event called Sisters on the
Vineyard on August twelfth at Marthus Vineyard, and Baby, I
am beyond excited Okay. You know, one of my prayers
lately has been for God to send me opportunities that
truly aligned with his vision for me, and this is
definitely one of them. Plus there's gonna be a lot
(01:26):
of important people there, so you know, one thing I'm
gonna do, baby, the step is gonna step. And I
would definitely keep y'all posted on how it goes. But
I'm really, really really excited about this, and I'm not
even nervous, Like I feel really good about this, Like
I know I'm walking in my purpose because it feels
so good, y'all. And if you never heard of Marthus Vineyard,
you know, it's this beautiful island off the coast of
(01:47):
Massachusetts and it's known for it as beautiful town. It's
stunning beaches, and it's just a favorite getaway spot for celebrities,
politicians and you know, books with some coins who just
want to relax, but an upscale vive. Like to me,
I feel like it's like the Black Hamptons but better. Okay,
and listen, I even wanted to go to Marx's vineon
(02:08):
for a thousand years. I've always heard about Marcus Vineyard
because you know, we knew Yorkers, but I really got
engulfed in it when I was reading Sunny Houstin's book,
Somemmer on the Bluff, y'all, when I tell you, this
book is so good, like I have to get the
next two because it's a trilogy, but it was so good.
And even though it's a fiction book, she talks about
(02:29):
real places to visit if you ever go to the vineyard.
So I'm super excited to make my lists out and
to definitely go. And so I'm just like, oh hey, y'all,
my outfits, Oh my god, Like I feel like it's
the first day of school, and I got all my
stuff laid out the night before, Like I got even
matching panties and brawls to go with my outfice.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Like I'm that excited, y'all. So like I.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Cannot wait, okay, And I got my fresh bus down,
I got my manny and petty.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
You know, I got a face and oh my god.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
They may give you all a secret if you want
your skin, if you want your makeup to look like
skin when you get a facial, get Demmer plane in, y'all.
Like Denmer Planning would definitely like make a big difference
in how your makeup look and pretty much what dermer
plane is. And I do not recommend that you do
this at home. Go to someone that is a license professional.
(03:21):
But pretty much they use like a scalpel and they
like shave off your the hair off your face. And
I'm a very hairy person, so I can tell when
there's a lot of hair on my face because my
makeup doesn't sit right, and I know how to beat
my face down right, and I use only the best
products for this face because this is my money maker.
So once my guy ap preest, he got my face together, like,
(03:43):
oh my god, like my skin felt so good.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
Right, But I'm gonna tell y'all how.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
God be looking out for his favorite daughter, because I
had my facial at four and I was like, oh,
you know what, let me just go get my face.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
You're done.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
And then afterwards, I gotta go to the print shop
because you know, I'm I want to be putting like
thank you cards inside of each of the each of
the attendees bags, and I'm like, I need to get
this done today because I'm literally like running around all
the way up into the trip, right, and so I'm like,
let me just go to the print shop. And also
we not only do I need to go to print
shop for that, but we're also prepared for the Professional
(04:18):
Homegirl coloring book series, both volumes three and four, which
I would keep you posting on that. So I'm just like,
I just had like a lot of stuff to do,
like y'all when I tell you, I've been going to
bed almost every night at one or two o'clock in
the morning, either working on this website. I had like
a family emergency. I also had were working on these
coloring books. Like it's just so many moving pieces I got,
(04:40):
And even though I'm like exhausted, I'm still like, I'm
really excited because I just cannot wait for you all
to see Wester com in the next couple of months,
Like when I tell you we Indo twenty twenty six
for a fucking bang word to my mother.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Okay, but AnyWho. So I get to the Prince Shop
around five fifty.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
And I don't know, I just got the press shop
closed at eight, like it's a weekend, right, but I
got verified figures was to open the door. I saw
it at the close at six, so I was like,
oh shit, I'm gonna have to lay it on this
niggas because I see a nigga sit down. So I said,
come in, I can see his face and he like,
here we go with this bitch. So we both got
these faces on and I was like, you know what,
I'm gonna killing with kindness because if it's one thing
(05:21):
I can guarantee you if you always leave with your
heart and not with your ego, nine times, I tend
things are gonna work in your favorite.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
So I was like, hey, how you doing?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
And then he hit me back with what So I said, Hey,
how you doing and he was like I'm good.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
I said, oh okay.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
So you know, I told him like, hey, I need
one hundred and twenty five copies on nice paper and
y'all the way he looked at me like I know,
you fucking lie.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
But I kept asleep.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
You know.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
I was like, you know, I have a really big
event that I'm hosting is at the Vineyard. He didn't
know what the vineyard was, so I explained to him,
you know, is it really big place with black the
rich people, black rich people like I'm super excited opportunity
for me.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
I didn't need this paper prints tonight, So what's my option.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
So he was like, well, you we closing it like
eight minutes, like you should have came or put the
order in online.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
And I was like, I need have no time. I
have to go get a face show.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I have to do this, like I'm really being a girl, right,
but I'm also like laying on him thick, and I'm
also like poutent, like just being a girl. And so
I was like, well, like what can I do? Like
it's there another place that can go to, like a stables.
So he looked at me and I was like, oh,
Moncey gave me that look I have him. So he
was like, well, you know, if you you should have
came earlier because it's gonna take thirty minutes for the
(06:31):
print of the warm up and then if I give
you the price now, it's gonna be a lot of money.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
So I'm like, how much money could it be?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Just need one hundred and twenty five papers and it's
in black and white, right, And so he was like, well,
it's gonna be two hundred dollars. Not granted I didn't
want to spend no fucking two hundred dollars, but I
really need these papers to be printed out right, and
I could have did it at home, but I don't
have any nice paper at home, and it's my fault
because I could have just went to Amazon and ordered
some shit, but I just don't have time. Right, everybody
can't be Beyonce. So I was like, what two hundred dollars?
(07:00):
So I'm thinking, I'm just like, fuck it. It is
what it is. So right before I was about to
pull the trigger and I could say anything else, he said,
you know what I said. What he was like, give
me forty dollars, and I got you, baby the way
I hit that cash ap so fast.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
So shout out to that young man, okay.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
And no I ain't saying his name, and no I'm
not gonna say what he work at because I don't
condone that. Okay, However, I do believe in entrepreneurship, So
young man, do what you gotta do. Just make sure
you read the room, okay. So I cannot wait to
provide y'all with a recap. Please make sure you follow
me at the Professional Homegirl and at Pretty Private Podcast
so y'all can see what is going on while I'm
there in real time. But I'm super super excited about
(07:41):
this opportunity, So shout out to sisters on them vineyard.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Now let's get into part two.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
So my guess we're gonna pick up right where we
left off that and she's gonna share when she had.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
Her first drink, which was crazy, y'all.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
And how she found herself in the world of shripping. Yeah,
she was a whole shrip of y'all. And then also,
you know, end this conversation and we don't talk about
her journey towards sobriety, and just like, I'm really really
super proud of her, y'all. You know, we definitely talked
about the moments that shaped her decisions, the highs and
the lows that came with this lifestyle, with her also
being arrested numerous times, which we was laughing because it
(08:17):
was like girl, but there's also just the turning points
that made her realize that.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
She wanted something different for her life.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
So I really do hope that you all enjoyed this
conversation and get ready, because alcohol almost killed me.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Part two starts. Now, take us back to the moment
when you had your first drink, Like, where were you,
who were you with? How old were you?
Speaker 2 (08:39):
So let me just say this too, because I know
you mentioned. I know you mentioned that you used to
hang out with your homegirl because her mom owned the store.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Her grandma.
Speaker 6 (08:46):
Yeah, but that wasn't where I have a first drink.
I have my first drink with a family member.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
And let me just say this.
Speaker 6 (08:52):
I that first like the beauty of the first drink
or that first drink was. It was a mixed drink
with an uncle in Florida. It was a Long Island
and I was about fourteen.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
Oh Long Island at fourteen.
Speaker 6 (09:09):
Wait, hold on, let me finish, Let me finish, because
I know you're gonna have a question.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Listen.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
No, no, no, no, no, I'll have a question. I have a statement.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
A fourteen year old drinking a Long Island is fucking
crazy because I can't even drink it.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Off. First off, didn't drink the whole thing.
Speaker 6 (09:25):
Listen, listen, my uncle, listen, because we're not gonna do
Uncle Jake like that.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
No, no, no, I'm not saying.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
I'm just saying that for that to be your first
choice of drink, like as an almost pushing forty woman,
a Long Island is very.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
It's a lot st That's what Uncle Jake was that's
what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
So to get into a fourteen year old, it's fucking crazy.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Was different every day.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
The drink is still to drink, sirs, because I'm the
when I was a kid, I mean, of course you
used to drink with your family members, because I remember
wh I school, my friend's house, my one of my
childhood best friend's house, and they used to get us
drinks all the time. We used think it was funny
this and that we'll have cool, we'll spike it, all
this other stuff. So, but a Long Island iced tea
is crazy.
Speaker 6 (10:06):
But let me tell you how it went. He offered
me a sip. I took a sip, didn't like it.
That was it like, it wasn't it was no, It
wasn't one of those things where it was like like
I sat in stories and I've heard how people first
drink was the one that did it was like right,
it's like that was just the intro. But again, because
the taste was off, like the setting was off.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
It was just like, that's not that really.
Speaker 6 (10:31):
Was like because we were in town for a wedding,
so just be honest, I didn't even really know my
uncle like that.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
It's like I drank a little bit of it. I'm like,
I'm good.
Speaker 6 (10:38):
At that point in time, I had just got in
a cell phone. I was more concerned with calling my
friend back home and just gossiping about spring break.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
So but anyway, with Sydney and I, you know, started
hanging out.
Speaker 4 (10:51):
And who is Sidney?
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Sidney was the girl whose grandmother on the package.
Speaker 6 (10:56):
But again, like I said, at that point in time,
alcohol was just a big I'm more so like to
have it around so I could use it. So one
thing I've learned, excuse me, in life and just with addiction.
Addiction and vices are too things like they will make
people go like if I know your vices, I know
how to get you up, I know how to get
you down.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
I know how to make you come close, I know
how to make you stay away.
Speaker 6 (11:19):
So it's be like, oh man, like they like to drink,
like I'm have like I should have this around, and
I should have this around turned into like oh yeah,
I'm taking shots, and then with me making different career
choices to be you know, in adult entertainment. Just things
like this, like the drinking didn't pick up then, but
I was always in these like adult alcoholic settings, and
(11:42):
so it was like I always was kind of like comfortable.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
It's like people around me drink.
Speaker 6 (11:46):
Whatever the case may be, untol and I say, until
it was like.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
My trauma started catching up to me.
Speaker 6 (11:54):
It was like, you know, for me being in a
relaylationship with someone and like I'm gonna.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Just keep it real.
Speaker 6 (12:03):
You know, you hear about people talking about being raised
on love and being raised on survival. There's no feeling
like realizing you've been raised on survival when you're in
a relationship with someone that's been raised off love. Yeah,
because it's like we're gonna come. We we operate two
very very different ways. Like for instance, you know, it's
(12:24):
just so many different things going Like it's just so
many different things going on, and it's like, you know,
I remember in that relationship was when like I said,
I was with another alcoholic So it was like the
celebratory reasons, and like every time he would get off work,
it would be like he would always have a bottle,
always have a bottle. I always have And I remember
(12:44):
like when it seemed like one bottle wasn't enough, so
he would grab two bottles and I'm talking like I'm
talking about straight liquor, like we're taking shots, like we
are not taking no mixed drinks. And like the craziest
thing was we used to have a friend. He used
to irritate me because it was like he used to
drink like us, to the point where it was like, oh,
we got to hide the bottle because like you, he'd
like he'd be like, don't worry, I make my own drink,
(13:06):
and it'd be like, no, no, that's not what that means.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
What's up, y'all?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
It's Shagara ebn a here, and be sure to follow
me on Instagram and TikTok at pretty private podcasts, and
don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel at the
Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back to the show. So wait,
so would you say during this period time because I
do want to fast forward to where we're at now
in this journey, But what you say during this time
(13:35):
this is when everything intensified because at this time you
moved to Atlanta and now you're working at the strip club.
Speaker 6 (13:40):
Right, So yeah, yeah, so we've kind of jumped forward
but jumped back. So I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna
tell you this, or I guess I would say this.
What ended up happening to me was it was like
I was drinking like I would drink over a lot
of traumatic stuff, like for essence, I think you've heard
my previous interviewer I speak about having an abortion and uh,
(14:02):
excuse me, excuse me when I was when I was assaulted,
because it kind of kind of just all goes, wait.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Let's go, let's let's go ahead, let's move back. Then,
So how did you get introduce to the Shrip club?
Speaker 6 (14:14):
Then?
Speaker 3 (14:14):
So I got introduced to dancing through a dead end job.
Speaker 6 (14:17):
I was working at this place in North Carolina called
Marketplace Small.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
These girls came in.
Speaker 6 (14:23):
It was kind of like, it's so funny because at
the time I had never seen Players Club, but it
was kind of like that, like they came in, they
were in a world of they own and they're just like, yo, like.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
We work at the club down the street.
Speaker 6 (14:34):
You know, if you're trying to get money, have a
good time, get out of doing this, come, I'll let us.
And I'm like, oh, I know, yeah. And it was honestly,
I feel like it was the best and the worst
thing that could have happened, because again, you know, started dancing.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
It was going great.
Speaker 6 (14:52):
Unfortunately got assaulted right and that was like, you know that.
I feel like that was one of those things when
it happened, and I feel like if things would I'm
just I never know, like I only know what I know.
So long story short, I feel like the worst part
of my thought was just really feeling like I never
(15:13):
I didn't have anybody like when I needed them the most,
meaning like, so after I'm at the hospital, rape kid
just been done, and I called my mom and I'm like, hey,
you know, something really bad happened last night.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
I was raped.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
She and at this time did she know you was
working at the club?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
I think she just like I had moved out at
this time. I don't know. I don't know if you
knew exactly what was going on.
Speaker 6 (15:39):
I was living and I was still in North Carolina,
wasn't at home, so it was just kind of like vague, Okay.
So I was just like, I'm like, hey, you know,
I was just raped. I'm like, is there anybody you
can come pick me up from the hospital? And my
mom pretty much told me, She's like, I'm at work,
you don't have to call somebody else. Wow, And I
feel like you know, oh ible, our first day meeting.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
But it's like I've never gotten an apology for that.
I've never gotten anything other than what, other than like
I was at work and I just I couldn't go
in and ask.
Speaker 6 (16:15):
And it's like like I've heard so many different.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Rationalizations of that answer.
Speaker 6 (16:23):
And for me being a working individual like me being
in food, like food is my passion and to me,
there's no way I could align myself or my personal
values with an employer that wouldn't allow me to go
see by my child, like.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
You know what I'm saying, like like like especially if
my child has told me that they have.
Speaker 5 (16:42):
Been rape like this, Yeah, I don't think any employer
would be like no, you're still to stay like no, girl,
go take care of your baby.
Speaker 6 (16:55):
And then it would be like you would want like
I just just always had me to be like and
you would want to work for them, like you would
be comfortable like like this, like that's how you get
down like cause because to me, it's just like I
couldn't even look like what it So it would be
like for me, I could have a really rough day
(17:15):
and I would think about that.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Situation and it would be like my addiction would be
talking to me.
Speaker 6 (17:19):
Like, damn, bitch, your own mom didn'ty want come get you?
Speaker 3 (17:23):
You got rape shit, pull up, you deserve it. And
it would be like those types of tapes and that
type of mentality and just like, man, I never got
an apology for this, Like man, like you know, just
those will be those type of things.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
And I feel likediction would just start talking to you.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Crazy and again, you know, not.
Speaker 6 (17:46):
Having a therapist, not getting treatment, and then self medicating
with alcohol and drugs and it blurring the line because
it's like you know, sometimes you know, you start out drinking,
you know, you start feeling good and then you know,
you hear a song and it just takes.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
You all the way back and then you know, and.
Speaker 6 (18:04):
It's like, you know, you're starting to lose your validity
because you're you're leaning on these exterior crutches that are
really really bad. And you know, again, like I told you,
people will see you going down the drain.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
And because if.
Speaker 6 (18:19):
I decided to talk to you about your alcoholism is
going to turn a mirror around on me, I might
not just say anything because it's like and that's that's
the boat.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
A lot of people find themselves in.
Speaker 6 (18:29):
They'd be like, well, I was gonna say something, but
you know, I know I'd be drinking too, and so
and it's like, so did.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
You have to find out who was sauce at you? Like,
did they ever? Cause this happened after you left work,
right from.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
This happened in like a long time ago. They were prosecuted,
they went to jail.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
Oh so you didn't find out Okay, good? Did you
know them?
Speaker 6 (18:51):
No?
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Thank god?
Speaker 6 (18:52):
Oh wow, No, I didn't know them, And you know, fortunately,
like that was a lie. And it was one of
those things where it's like I kind of sometimes wish
like that would have been the thing where I was like,
you know what, I've been through a lot. I should
go to somebody's treatment center. I should check in, I
should hill. But I was like, shit, made it.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Out alive, trying to go to Atlanta, like right, right, right,
So talk about the transition to Atlanta, because this is
when you met the guy who was also an alcoholic
and he was abusive towards you. That was actually a
different person, but he would they I've dealt with a
lot of alcoholics. Yeah, So I came to Atlanta and
one of the reasons I came to Atlanta was because
(19:34):
my best friend at the time she was living down here,
and like, for lack of better terms to me, because
mom was amazing, Like ms Pam was a mom, Like
she was really nice. Like I just remember there would
be times where like my head would be in her
lap and she'd be like braiding my hair and like
we'd be watching something on TV.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Like it would never even be anything like that cool,
but like she just had the time. Like I remember like.
Speaker 6 (20:00):
And this and this is gonna just to show the
difference in like the homes and the life style. I
remember when I had was living with Tamika and like
when I had met this guy that I was getting
ready in this relationship with and being like I remember
coming home and being like, yo.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
I met this dude when get ready to go out,
and her mom was like, no, you're.
Speaker 6 (20:18):
Not, Like he can either come over and meet this
family or I don't know what.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
To tell you, but like I don't.
Speaker 6 (20:24):
She's like, You're not just gonna be going with somebody.
He could be Jack the Ripper, he could be anything.
And I just remember her being like ms Pam, I
get what you're saying, but like what's it's like. I
just always think back to that relationship being like missus Pam, like,
what's the worst that could happen?
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Nay, ask me why I got these braces on?
Speaker 5 (20:46):
Girl?
Speaker 4 (20:47):
Why you got them braces on?
Speaker 6 (20:49):
Because when I was in a domestic when I was
in a relationship with that person, they knocked out one two,
I lost two teeth, and I'm getting ready to get
an implant put in. But before you get your implant
put in, they got to make sure your teeth are straight.
So I had to get these braces before the implant.
So to say that relationship was rocky would be an understatement.
(21:12):
And I feel like from the shame and just everything
that came out of that, it only made the addiction
like that much stronger because I remember I remember looking
at myself one time and just being like damn, like,
how do we get here and just be a little
more transparent? This person was involved on like the wrong
(21:33):
side of the lass, So you know, I was finding
myself in just different things, doing different things, and you know,
just dealing with the guilt and the shame of all
of that.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
So it was just like a really really dark dark time.
Speaker 6 (21:49):
Like it was just like I just looked back on
those times it was just like bad because it would
be like even like all like just being honest with you,
like the bows, the shopping, the restaurants, like there's I
feel like there's no feeling like going to some place
you liked and wondering if they can tell you have
a black eye.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
M So what would you say you you got to
your rock bottom moment?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Like what encouraged you? I know you said that earlier.
Your friend was the one who said that.
Speaker 4 (22:18):
You know that was your rock bottom moment.
Speaker 6 (22:20):
So my bottom again was Jarvis coming to me being
like I think you're talented, I think you're special, but
I think you also have a drinking problem. Like I
think it's something where if you do not take a
hold of this is said to take you, like it's.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Gonna take you out.
Speaker 6 (22:38):
And it took somebody really saying that to me, and
I'm just like, I'm like, Jarvis, last night was crazy,
but ain't no need no PSA.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
He's like, I take my mom in the rehab. He
was like either I can help you or you can
help yourself on but he's like I can't.
Speaker 6 (22:51):
I can't have this in my life, like I can't
even do this, and I'm thinking, like, I can't lose you,
like I love your food, You're such an inspiration, Like
what's going on, And I'm just like, you know, I
made a deal myself. I was like, you know what
worst case scenario we'll get. I'm like, we'll give them
thirty days. Thirty days, I'll sit it down, whatever case
may be, and I will.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Come back better than ever.
Speaker 6 (23:16):
I had a whole game plan, and luckily for me, y'all,
like day five of being in Detox, you know, someone
spoke at at AA meeting in Detox, and what she
said really really touched me, because I feel like sometimes
when you're in those in those places, you're ready for
somebody to jump down and give you like the third
degree and tell you like how you've been fing up
(23:38):
and like you know what I'm saying, like da da
da da dad.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
But she actually spinned it around. But I remember one
of the things she had said that was so so
impactful to me there.
Speaker 6 (23:49):
She was like, if y'all take nothing with you now,
I want you to know that you guys are some
of the most resourceful people in Atlanta. And I remember
looking at her being like what you mean was source.
She was like, she was like, don't you know these
are the same. She's like, I already know what type
of people y'all are. Y'all would wake up, broke, make up,
a couple of phone calls, You getting ready to go,
make it the deposit, like you're gonna have the cash.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Like you guys are doers. You are dreamers. Like you
are beyond resourceful, like you make water come out of rocks,
you move the room.
Speaker 6 (24:19):
You're a shape shifter, like you change things. And it
was like it hit me. It was like, oh my gosh,
I damn. And she's like, she's like, the only thing
is you've just been applying your addiction in the wrong method.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
And I was like damn.
Speaker 6 (24:32):
She's like, imagine if you took this same tenacity, this
same mania and applied it to your success.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
And I was like damn. She's like, you wouldn't even
be here.
Speaker 6 (24:42):
And it was like I started thinking like, oh my gosh,
like I really wouldn't.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Like sometimes it's like that's really what she what it takes.
Speaker 6 (24:51):
And I also really credit like the last time I
went to jail, like there was this officer in there
and she like just being honest with you every day.
Every time I ever got locked up, I always ended
up having to get put in like the little like
the cel to.
Speaker 7 (25:06):
So seven times come on now. But anyway, right.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
The last time I was locked up, you know, she
walked over.
Speaker 6 (25:17):
She was like, I was like, what what do you want?
She was like, let me ask you something. She's like,
what are you doing here?
Speaker 3 (25:24):
I said, what do you mean when I'm locked up?
He said no. She was like, I can look at
you and tell you cut from a different cloth. She's like,
what are you doing in here? What are you running from?
Speaker 6 (25:34):
She's like, I don't know what you're calling, what your
ministry is, but you're playing with God and yourself.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
She was like tight, she was like.
Speaker 7 (25:41):
Tighten up.
Speaker 6 (25:42):
She was like don't, don't, don't. She's like you better
than that, Like that's all she kept saying. And it
was like at that point in time, like I knew,
Like I knew, I'm like.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
What am I doing? What is going on?
Speaker 6 (25:55):
And I feel like sometimes you got to get to
those positions, and I just feel like, for me personally,
I'm blessed that in both of those times when I
feel like the Lord spoke to me.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
One. I feel like it was motivational.
Speaker 6 (26:09):
Between the second time, it was like it was like
a wake up call because I'm like, it's just like.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
How you ask me how many times have you been
to jail?
Speaker 6 (26:17):
They started to get started to get very very frequent,
and like one thing people don't realize about, like sometimes
going to jail, like a lot can happen between holding
and you going upstairs.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Yeah, meaning like.
Speaker 6 (26:30):
Something like extra charges, Like you just see everything going on.
Speaker 4 (26:34):
So wait, we almost finished with your story. But what
you've been in jail for?
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Let me tell you what I've been drinking. Then disorderly conducts.
The batteries boom boom boom, Like they started coming real real, real,
real quick. Also, when I had been involved in.
Speaker 6 (26:54):
A previous relationship, I just had some other little runnings
with the laws. So like I said, disortedly conducts, they
getting the disortedly conducts battery?
Speaker 3 (27:06):
What was another? What was another one? Because I had
a lot of stuff, Like I had so.
Speaker 6 (27:11):
Much stuff expunge and so many people a little programmed.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
I had a couple of weed charges. Yeah, that's what
it was. Two weeks matter. It's funny because I was just.
Speaker 6 (27:19):
Thinking I saw them cancel bonnar Roue a couple of
days ago, and like, I remember I got it erected
on the way to bonnar Roue, Like this is the
last time I say is I always? I had a
joke when I was an active addiction, like, what are
the four worst words you could ever say out a
first stake?
Speaker 3 (27:35):
I'm out on bond? Like I never get it.
Speaker 6 (27:40):
Like I was on a first day and we had
got pulled over and he was like, why are you
looking like that. I was like, I'm gonna just let
you know I'm out on bond. He was like, what
does that mean? I was like, I just got out
of jail.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
He was like, what.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
That funny?
Speaker 6 (27:52):
Because the cop was like I was just telling y'all
to turn your lights on, and he's rollbops and he
was like, what you get out of jail for?
Speaker 3 (27:58):
I was like, take me home.
Speaker 6 (28:04):
So here we are.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
You have been sober for six years now, yes, So
what would you say has been the hardest part of
your journey towards sobriety.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
The hardest part is the people that I just knew.
Speaker 6 (28:25):
I knew they were gonna be standing there. I knew
they would be cheering for me. Evan, they are gone.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
The way I thought my life.
Speaker 6 (28:35):
Would look is completely different. And what I say, completely different,
It is amazing. If you had told me I would
be owning two vehicles, having an apartment, an amazing job
in my own.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
Business, I'll be like what.
Speaker 6 (28:50):
But if you also told me I would get sober
and through sobriety, I would realize my self worth and
really demand higher from everyone in my circle, and when
they didn't give it to me, a boundary had to
be put in place.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
I would look at you and be like, how does
that happen?
Speaker 6 (29:08):
And for me it was like I really really really
really wanted that relationship with my mom to work so
much so that I've you know, went up for like
mediation through treatment, Like We've had a lot of just
different incredible opportunities broad to us, and every single time
(29:31):
my mom has been like, you know, I definitely want
to see but I don't want to see you in
front of a doctor, so like I just you know,
And it's been very very.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
Heartbreaking because.
Speaker 6 (29:49):
I feel like one of my greatest accomplishments by someone
who was very very important in my life has not
even been seen.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
And it hurts all the time.
Speaker 6 (30:04):
However, the people that guy has placed along my journey
and place.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Life have been so incredible, have been so amazing, Like.
Speaker 6 (30:17):
My sponsor, Like, just to be honest, just to be
transparent with you, about my third year sober, when I
was really coming into money, I was getting ready to
go work the Masters, but before that, I wanted to
go and visit my mom because I had seen her
sober and never seen her sober. And you know, I
(30:39):
remember my mom she was just like, you know, she's
really frustrated with just some decisions I've been making and
just other things.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
And out of frustration she told me, she was like
I really tried.
Speaker 6 (30:48):
Hard, you know, with you know, with you and with
what I wanted you to be, and you know it
seems like you don't want that, so you know what,
just to stay out of my life.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
Oh wow.
Speaker 6 (31:00):
And I remember being like, oh my god, what am
I gonna do like this, Like no, I got sober,
Like I've done so much work, like you never even
came to see me in red.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
I'm like all these things were happening, and.
Speaker 6 (31:18):
Like I called my sponsor because I'm like, I don't
know what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
Like what's gonna happen like and my sponsor assured me.
Speaker 6 (31:28):
She was like, I'm gonna hold your hand and I'm
gonna walk with you inch by inch through that pain.
And she's like, and I will look in your eyes
and I promise you this. You don't never have to
put no drink on top of that shit if you
don't want to.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
And I'm sorry I got cursed.
Speaker 6 (31:45):
But that's just that's exactly how she meant it, and
that's exactly what she said. I will hold your hand
through all of this pain and you won't ever have
to put an alcohol als of alcohol on top of this.
And to me, being a person in long term recovery,
that means more than any of those Oh I wish
I could take every pain away, any of them quotes,
(32:06):
any of that baby, I will take that all day,
because what that means for me is that even.
Speaker 8 (32:12):
Though it's gonna be tough, even though these feelings gonna
be sticky, it's gonna be nasty, like, You're gonna be
there and we're gonna get through this positively, and we
don't have to put no type of substance on top
of this.
Speaker 6 (32:23):
When we come out on the other side, like we're
gonna come out on the other side.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
And like my.
Speaker 6 (32:27):
Sponsor has been there with me day in and day out.
And I tell people like, that's just being honest with you.
That's some of the reallys shit I ever heard. Like
that's more real than any of that street stuff or
this or any any of that.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
So and God would give you exactly what you need
because I always feel like a lot of times like
I don't have a lot of support from any family members.
And the one person I did she's no longer here.
But I sometimes I used to be like I used
to feel so alone and just lonely, but now here
I am and I'm like, wow, Like, guy has really
blessed me with some amazing people in my.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
Life that are not my family.
Speaker 6 (33:07):
Yeah, and I've really had to just kind of like
lean on that, and you know, for just a long story,
not long story short, but like someone in my importance
and my family, my circle that means a lot to me.
When I was one of my amazing jobs I got
when I got out of treatment, I was working at
four Seasons and unfortunately my coworker passed like passed away,
(33:30):
and you know, not al ways say the beauty of that,
but like I've spent so much time with his family,
like we celebrate Christmas together, holidays.
Speaker 4 (33:39):
Said, I think that's amazing.
Speaker 6 (33:41):
We've been to you know, the Atlanta United soccer game
and just recently, you know, I was expressing to her
because again, like my sobriety is super important and it's
just being honest. Sometimes it's like when you get to
different milestones, it's like you have like a celebration in
AA and so I asked her. I was like, I
(34:04):
was like, I know, you know, you're not my family
or anything, but I would really mean a lot to
be if you would give me my six year chip
and you know, kind of excuse me.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
His mother wrote me back and she's like, Laura, we
look at you as family. I would be honored to
do that. You know, I appreciate you, you know in
my life.
Speaker 6 (34:21):
And it's like, for so long, that's really all I
wanted was somebody just to see the value and the
things that are important to me be able to but
just embrace what I've got going on, because again, like
I said, you know, the wildness was like I didn't
even touch on this, but like my mom stopped talking
(34:42):
to me while I was in rehab.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
So there have been like.
Speaker 6 (34:48):
So many things to kind of like uncover and kind
of climb over and like really really just champion and
like one of the things that I discovered in some
of this. And it's really kind of just as bittersweet
as like sometimes and this is gonna sound just interesting,
it's like, as much as it may make sense for
(35:12):
you to be well, there are people that benefit from
you being sick. Oh absolutely, you know benefit from you not.
Speaker 4 (35:20):
To you're doing better than them, regardless of who they
are to you.
Speaker 6 (35:24):
And sometimes it becomes really just unfortunate when I think
it's like the people that you would be your biggest
cheerleaders or like super close to you and be really
really happy to see you taking this new life, like
I said, like they're not there.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
Yeah. Do you ever get tempted to have a drink?
Speaker 1 (35:45):
Again?
Speaker 3 (35:46):
The famous question? So Eban Nay. We have this thing
in the program called playing.
Speaker 6 (35:52):
Out the tape, And so for me, like if I
play out the tape, I ain't never been no one umoso,
one shot, one drink, nothing. And as much as I
would like to feel like, oh yeah, I could be
that person, Like that's never been my story. Like I
have a couple of drinks and I go get a
(36:13):
bottle and then God forbid, I sometimes.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
Go to jail.
Speaker 6 (36:16):
So it's just like for the life that I have,
romanticizing that, like I really can't play into that. And
it's like I've really had to really invest in what
I like, meaning like I love green smoothies, so that
means like I have spinich in my fridge ice, so
like when I get up, I make green sloothies.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
I love.
Speaker 6 (36:38):
I took one earlier, these like little health shots now ebony,
these are running in the poorhouse, but like I love
these because it's like it's wellness, it's a shot of flavor.
It's still kind of it's kind of you know, you know,
(36:58):
but it's it's the good kind. Really just had to
embrace like the things that I like, because, like I said,
like for so long, you know, it was I don't
like the way this medicine feels, but like everybody else
likes how I perform, so I'm take it. And it's
like now I have to just like listen to my
own voice. And I know, like as much as it
(37:18):
if I no matter how great that Craven may be
like I know what my disease look like.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 6 (37:26):
I was like I was never that cute girl like
have a couple of drinks, Like I was that girl
that was like I would hit my head on the
bar like it would be like it would be serious consequences,
like I like, I like I've had some ket nights
like that.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
But it's just like again and playing out the tape.
I just.
Speaker 6 (37:48):
I don't again because I've also been doing like the
they you know, work, I just don't have this, like
I don't have the same I'm not carrying the same
bags because.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Now you know how to cope with your try I'm
a better without using alcohol as a copa mechanism.
Speaker 6 (38:04):
And then it's like the support system is also different,
like yeah, like I said, my sponsor, she is amazing,
Like we've had some incredible holidays, Like I look forward
to the stuff she said to give me for Christmas,
And you know what I'm saying, cook at it like
I'm a chef, so I cook for her often, and
you know that has been It's just been so enriching
(38:24):
because I feel like when you get sober, those are
the things that you don't expect. You just think like
all of them get sober and like everything like my
life's gonna come back together and it kind of gets
turned inside out.
Speaker 4 (38:36):
Yeah, but I'm super proud of you.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
I'm really happy that we were able to have this
conversation and now you have allowed me to be a
part of your journey. So I really appreciate it.
Speaker 6 (38:46):
But oh, go ahead, I'm not gonna say anything because
I know I know our long windes, so I already
know what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
Yeah, I'm like girl, but and also have a flight
to catch, however, but no, seriously, I'm going to Paris, yeah,
along for a week?
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Are you going by yourself?
Speaker 4 (39:09):
No, I'm going with my childhood friends.
Speaker 3 (39:12):
Oh I love that for you you yes.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you. But no, seriously,
I really really enjoyed this conversation. I mean, this is
why I created my platform because I feel like stories
like this is the epitome of storylines becoming lifelines. So
I really do appreciate you sharing your story. And if
you can speak to the version of yourself who took
the first drink at fourteen, what would you say to
(39:35):
her now.
Speaker 4 (39:37):
Drinking long al of nice tease.
Speaker 6 (39:41):
Get ready, everything's gonna change what's been sent to break you.
It's gonna make you stronger than ever. It is going
to hurt. It's gonna hurt like hell. Everybody's gonna leave everybody. Yes,
everybody is gonna lead, but you are gonna learn they
(40:02):
were never there to begin with us. You got this.
It's gonna be hard, but the journey is worth it.
I see you at the.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Time and on nothing. No, that's what I'm talking about, sus.
When I come to Atlanta, I'm gonna definitely hit you up,
but I'm super proud of you.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
Please do.
Speaker 6 (40:18):
I would love to cook for you like that's like,
that's and I would love to eat.
Speaker 4 (40:21):
So I cooked for the.
Speaker 6 (40:23):
First Lady of the United States, like I know, I'd
be all around the place, but my hands is no joke.
Speaker 4 (40:28):
Oh nice, nice, No, I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm gonna
hit you up. I'm gonna hit you up.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
But to the listeners, if you have any questions, comments
and concerns, please make sure to email me and hello
at the PHG podcast dot com.
Speaker 4 (40:40):
And this was so amazing.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
I'm really happy that we were able to do this
because child took us by three thousand times to try
to connect.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
I was like I was detering to make your work look.
I got the member, I D and password right here.
Speaker 8 (40:54):
I yes.
Speaker 4 (40:56):
So until next time, everyone lay.
Speaker 3 (41:01):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Pretty Private is a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget
to subscribe and rate the show, and you can connect
with me on social media at Pretty Private Podcasts
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebina, a space where no
question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views
shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain, and empower.
From the laughs to the lessons, Just remember tough times
don't last, but professional homegirls do enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener discretion is advice. What's
our professional homegirls? It is shagarra Ebine here and I
hope all is cute.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Now.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
I know y'all are feening for part two. Okay, y'all
been calling me, y'all been emailing me, dming me, texting me,
like all of the above. Okay, so before we.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
Start a part two, let's do a little key cute.
Let me update you on a couple of things.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
So, if I haven't told y'all this already, and if
I haven't, my apologies because your girl been working like
a two dollar home and I'm not gonna plain it
because this is the things that I definitely been praying for.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
So I am hosting an event called Sisters on the
Vineyard on August twelfth at Marthus Vineyard, and Baby, I
am beyond excited Okay. You know, one of my prayers
lately has been for God to send me opportunities that
truly aligned with his vision for me, and this is
definitely one of them. Plus there's gonna be a lot
(01:26):
of important people there, so you know, one thing I'm
gonna do, baby, the step is gonna step. And I
would definitely keep y'all posted on how it goes. But
I'm really, really really excited about this, and I'm not
even nervous, Like I feel really good about this, Like
I know I'm walking in my purpose because it feels
so good, y'all. And if you never heard of Marthus Vineyard,
you know, it's this beautiful island off the coast of
(01:47):
Massachusetts and it's known for it as beautiful town. It's
stunning beaches, and it's just a favorite getaway spot for celebrities,
politicians and you know, books with some coins who just
want to relax, but an upscale vive. Like to me,
I feel like it's like the Black Hamptons but better. Okay,
and listen, I even wanted to go to Marx's vineon
(02:08):
for a thousand years. I've always heard about Marcus Vineyard
because you know, we knew Yorkers, but I really got
engulfed in it when I was reading Sunny Houstin's book,
Somemmer on the Bluff, y'all, when I tell you, this
book is so good, like I have to get the
next two because it's a trilogy, but it was so good.
And even though it's a fiction book, she talks about
(02:29):
real places to visit if you ever go to the vineyard.
So I'm super excited to make my lists out and
to definitely go. And so I'm just like, oh hey, y'all,
my outfits, Oh my god, Like I feel like it's
the first day of school, and I got all my
stuff laid out the night before, Like I got even
matching panties and brawls to go with my outfice.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Like I'm that excited, y'all. So like I.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Cannot wait, okay, And I got my fresh bus down,
I got my manny and petty.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
You know, I got a face and oh my god.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
They may give you all a secret if you want
your skin, if you want your makeup to look like
skin when you get a facial, get Demmer plane in, y'all.
Like Denmer Planning would definitely like make a big difference
in how your makeup look and pretty much what dermer
plane is. And I do not recommend that you do
this at home. Go to someone that is a license professional.
(03:21):
But pretty much they use like a scalpel and they
like shave off your the hair off your face. And
I'm a very hairy person, so I can tell when
there's a lot of hair on my face because my
makeup doesn't sit right, and I know how to beat
my face down right, and I use only the best
products for this face because this is my money maker.
So once my guy ap preest, he got my face together, like,
(03:43):
oh my god, like my skin felt so good.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
Right, But I'm gonna tell y'all how.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
God be looking out for his favorite daughter, because I
had my facial at four and I was like, oh,
you know what, let me just go get my face.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
You're done.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
And then afterwards, I gotta go to the print shop
because you know, I'm I want to be putting like
thank you cards inside of each of the each of
the attendees bags, and I'm like, I need to get
this done today because I'm literally like running around all
the way up into the trip, right, and so I'm like,
let me just go to the print shop. And also
we not only do I need to go to print
shop for that, but we're also prepared for the Professional
(04:18):
Homegirl coloring book series, both volumes three and four, which
I would keep you posting on that. So I'm just like,
I just had like a lot of stuff to do,
like y'all when I tell you, I've been going to
bed almost every night at one or two o'clock in
the morning, either working on this website. I had like
a family emergency. I also had were working on these
coloring books. Like it's just so many moving pieces I got,
(04:40):
And even though I'm like exhausted, I'm still like, I'm
really excited because I just cannot wait for you all
to see Wester com in the next couple of months,
Like when I tell you we Indo twenty twenty six
for a fucking bang word to my mother.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Okay, but AnyWho. So I get to the Prince Shop
around five fifty.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
And I don't know, I just got the press shop
closed at eight, like it's a weekend, right, but I
got verified figures was to open the door. I saw
it at the close at six, so I was like,
oh shit, I'm gonna have to lay it on this
niggas because I see a nigga sit down. So I said,
come in, I can see his face and he like,
here we go with this bitch. So we both got
these faces on and I was like, you know what,
I'm gonna killing with kindness because if it's one thing
(05:21):
I can guarantee you if you always leave with your
heart and not with your ego, nine times, I tend
things are gonna work in your favorite.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
So I was like, hey, how you doing?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
And then he hit me back with what So I said, Hey,
how you doing and he was like I'm good.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
I said, oh okay.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
So you know, I told him like, hey, I need
one hundred and twenty five copies on nice paper and
y'all the way he looked at me like I know,
you fucking lie.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
But I kept asleep.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
You know.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
I was like, you know, I have a really big
event that I'm hosting is at the Vineyard. He didn't
know what the vineyard was, so I explained to him,
you know, is it really big place with black the
rich people, black rich people like I'm super excited opportunity
for me.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
I didn't need this paper prints tonight, So what's my option.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
So he was like, well, you we closing it like
eight minutes, like you should have came or put the
order in online.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
And I was like, I need have no time. I
have to go get a face show.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I have to do this, like I'm really being a girl, right,
but I'm also like laying on him thick, and I'm
also like poutent, like just being a girl. And so
I was like, well, like what can I do? Like
it's there another place that can go to, like a stables.
So he looked at me and I was like, oh,
Moncey gave me that look I have him. So he
was like, well, you know, if you you should have
came earlier because it's gonna take thirty minutes for the
(06:31):
print of the warm up and then if I give
you the price now, it's gonna be a lot of money.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
So I'm like, how much money could it be?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Just need one hundred and twenty five papers and it's
in black and white, right, And so he was like, well,
it's gonna be two hundred dollars. Not granted I didn't
want to spend no fucking two hundred dollars, but I
really need these papers to be printed out right, and
I could have did it at home, but I don't
have any nice paper at home, and it's my fault
because I could have just went to Amazon and ordered
some shit, but I just don't have time. Right, everybody
can't be Beyonce. So I was like, what two hundred dollars?
(07:00):
So I'm thinking, I'm just like, fuck it. It is
what it is. So right before I was about to
pull the trigger and I could say anything else, he said,
you know what I said. What he was like, give
me forty dollars, and I got you, baby the way
I hit that cash ap so fast.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
So shout out to that young man, okay.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
And no I ain't saying his name, and no I'm
not gonna say what he work at because I don't
condone that. Okay, However, I do believe in entrepreneurship, So
young man, do what you gotta do. Just make sure
you read the room, okay. So I cannot wait to
provide y'all with a recap. Please make sure you follow
me at the Professional Homegirl and at Pretty Private Podcast
so y'all can see what is going on while I'm
there in real time. But I'm super super excited about
(07:41):
this opportunity, So shout out to sisters on them vineyard.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Now let's get into part two.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
So my guess we're gonna pick up right where we
left off that and she's gonna share when she had.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
Her first drink, which was crazy, y'all.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
And how she found herself in the world of shripping. Yeah,
she was a whole shrip of y'all. And then also,
you know, end this conversation and we don't talk about
her journey towards sobriety, and just like, I'm really really
super proud of her, y'all. You know, we definitely talked
about the moments that shaped her decisions, the highs and
the lows that came with this lifestyle, with her also
being arrested numerous times, which we was laughing because it
(08:17):
was like girl, but there's also just the turning points
that made her realize that.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
She wanted something different for her life.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
So I really do hope that you all enjoyed this
conversation and get ready, because alcohol almost killed me.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Part two starts. Now, take us back to the moment
when you had your first drink, Like, where were you,
who were you with? How old were you?
Speaker 2 (08:39):
So let me just say this too, because I know
you mentioned. I know you mentioned that you used to
hang out with your homegirl because her mom owned the store.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Her grandma.
Speaker 6 (08:46):
Yeah, but that wasn't where I have a first drink.
I have my first drink with a family member.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
And let me just say this.
Speaker 6 (08:52):
I that first like the beauty of the first drink
or that first drink was. It was a mixed drink
with an uncle in Florida. It was a Long Island
and I was about fourteen.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
Oh Long Island at fourteen.
Speaker 6 (09:09):
Wait, hold on, let me finish, Let me finish, because
I know you're gonna have a question.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Listen.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
No, no, no, no, no, I'll have a question. I have a statement.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
A fourteen year old drinking a Long Island is fucking
crazy because I can't even drink it.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Off. First off, didn't drink the whole thing.
Speaker 6 (09:25):
Listen, listen, my uncle, listen, because we're not gonna do
Uncle Jake like that.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
No, no, no, I'm not saying.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
I'm just saying that for that to be your first
choice of drink, like as an almost pushing forty woman,
a Long Island is very.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
It's a lot st That's what Uncle Jake was that's
what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
So to get into a fourteen year old, it's fucking crazy.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Was different every day.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
The drink is still to drink, sirs, because I'm the
when I was a kid, I mean, of course you
used to drink with your family members, because I remember
wh I school, my friend's house, my one of my
childhood best friend's house, and they used to get us
drinks all the time. We used think it was funny
this and that we'll have cool, we'll spike it, all
this other stuff. So, but a Long Island iced tea
is crazy.
Speaker 6 (10:06):
But let me tell you how it went. He offered
me a sip. I took a sip, didn't like it.
That was it like, it wasn't it was no, It
wasn't one of those things where it was like like
I sat in stories and I've heard how people first
drink was the one that did it was like right,
it's like that was just the intro. But again, because
the taste was off, like the setting was off.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
It was just like, that's not that really.
Speaker 6 (10:31):
Was like because we were in town for a wedding,
so just be honest, I didn't even really know my
uncle like that.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
It's like I drank a little bit of it. I'm like,
I'm good.
Speaker 6 (10:38):
At that point in time, I had just got in
a cell phone. I was more concerned with calling my
friend back home and just gossiping about spring break.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
So but anyway, with Sydney and I, you know, started
hanging out.
Speaker 4 (10:51):
And who is Sidney?
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Sidney was the girl whose grandmother on the package.
Speaker 6 (10:56):
But again, like I said, at that point in time,
alcohol was just a big I'm more so like to
have it around so I could use it. So one
thing I've learned, excuse me, in life and just with addiction.
Addiction and vices are too things like they will make
people go like if I know your vices, I know
how to get you up, I know how to get
you down.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
I know how to make you come close, I know
how to make you stay away.
Speaker 6 (11:19):
So it's be like, oh man, like they like to drink,
like I'm have like I should have this around, and
I should have this around turned into like oh yeah,
I'm taking shots, and then with me making different career
choices to be you know, in adult entertainment. Just things
like this, like the drinking didn't pick up then, but
I was always in these like adult alcoholic settings, and
(11:42):
so it was like I always was kind of like comfortable.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
It's like people around me drink.
Speaker 6 (11:46):
Whatever the case may be, untol and I say, until
it was like.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
My trauma started catching up to me.
Speaker 6 (11:54):
It was like, you know, for me being in a
relaylationship with someone and like I'm gonna.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Just keep it real.
Speaker 6 (12:03):
You know, you hear about people talking about being raised
on love and being raised on survival. There's no feeling
like realizing you've been raised on survival when you're in
a relationship with someone that's been raised off love. Yeah,
because it's like we're gonna come. We we operate two
very very different ways. Like for instance, you know, it's
(12:24):
just so many different things going Like it's just so
many different things going on, and it's like, you know,
I remember in that relationship was when like I said,
I was with another alcoholic So it was like the
celebratory reasons, and like every time he would get off work,
it would be like he would always have a bottle,
always have a bottle. I always have And I remember
(12:44):
like when it seemed like one bottle wasn't enough, so
he would grab two bottles and I'm talking like I'm
talking about straight liquor, like we're taking shots, like we
are not taking no mixed drinks. And like the craziest
thing was we used to have a friend. He used
to irritate me because it was like he used to
drink like us, to the point where it was like, oh,
we got to hide the bottle because like you, he'd
like he'd be like, don't worry, I make my own drink,
(13:06):
and it'd be like, no, no, that's not what that means.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
What's up, y'all?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
It's Shagara ebn a here, and be sure to follow
me on Instagram and TikTok at pretty private podcasts, and
don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel at the
Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back to the show. So wait,
so would you say during this period time because I
do want to fast forward to where we're at now
in this journey, But what you say during this time
(13:35):
this is when everything intensified because at this time you
moved to Atlanta and now you're working at the strip club.
Speaker 6 (13:40):
Right, So yeah, yeah, so we've kind of jumped forward
but jumped back. So I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna
tell you this, or I guess I would say this.
What ended up happening to me was it was like
I was drinking like I would drink over a lot
of traumatic stuff, like for essence, I think you've heard
my previous interviewer I speak about having an abortion and uh,
(14:02):
excuse me, excuse me when I was when I was assaulted,
because it kind of kind of just all goes, wait.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Let's go, let's let's go ahead, let's move back. Then,
So how did you get introduce to the Shrip club?
Speaker 6 (14:14):
Then?
Speaker 3 (14:14):
So I got introduced to dancing through a dead end job.
Speaker 6 (14:17):
I was working at this place in North Carolina called
Marketplace Small.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
These girls came in.
Speaker 6 (14:23):
It was kind of like, it's so funny because at
the time I had never seen Players Club, but it
was kind of like that, like they came in, they
were in a world of they own and they're just like, yo, like.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
We work at the club down the street.
Speaker 6 (14:34):
You know, if you're trying to get money, have a
good time, get out of doing this, come, I'll let us.
And I'm like, oh, I know, yeah. And it was honestly,
I feel like it was the best and the worst
thing that could have happened, because again, you know, started dancing.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
It was going great.
Speaker 6 (14:52):
Unfortunately got assaulted right and that was like, you know that.
I feel like that was one of those things when
it happened, and I feel like if things would I'm
just I never know, like I only know what I know.
So long story short, I feel like the worst part
of my thought was just really feeling like I never
(15:13):
I didn't have anybody like when I needed them the most,
meaning like, so after I'm at the hospital, rape kid
just been done, and I called my mom and I'm like, hey,
you know, something really bad happened last night.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
I was raped.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
She and at this time did she know you was
working at the club?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
I think she just like I had moved out at
this time. I don't know. I don't know if you
knew exactly what was going on.
Speaker 6 (15:39):
I was living and I was still in North Carolina,
wasn't at home, so it was just kind of like vague, Okay.
So I was just like, I'm like, hey, you know,
I was just raped. I'm like, is there anybody you
can come pick me up from the hospital? And my
mom pretty much told me, She's like, I'm at work,
you don't have to call somebody else. Wow, And I
feel like you know, oh ible, our first day meeting.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
But it's like I've never gotten an apology for that.
I've never gotten anything other than what, other than like
I was at work and I just I couldn't go
in and ask.
Speaker 6 (16:15):
And it's like like I've heard so many different.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Rationalizations of that answer.
Speaker 6 (16:23):
And for me being a working individual like me being
in food, like food is my passion and to me,
there's no way I could align myself or my personal
values with an employer that wouldn't allow me to go
see by my child, like.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
You know what I'm saying, like like like especially if
my child has told me that they have.
Speaker 5 (16:42):
Been rape like this, Yeah, I don't think any employer
would be like no, you're still to stay like no, girl,
go take care of your baby.
Speaker 6 (16:55):
And then it would be like you would want like
I just just always had me to be like and
you would want to work for them, like you would
be comfortable like like this, like that's how you get
down like cause because to me, it's just like I
couldn't even look like what it So it would be
like for me, I could have a really rough day
(17:15):
and I would think about that.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Situation and it would be like my addiction would be
talking to me.
Speaker 6 (17:19):
Like, damn, bitch, your own mom didn'ty want come get you?
Speaker 3 (17:23):
You got rape shit, pull up, you deserve it. And
it would be like those types of tapes and that
type of mentality and just like, man, I never got
an apology for this, Like man, like you know, just
those will be those type of things.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
And I feel likediction would just start talking to you.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Crazy and again, you know, not.
Speaker 6 (17:46):
Having a therapist, not getting treatment, and then self medicating
with alcohol and drugs and it blurring the line because
it's like you know, sometimes you know, you start out drinking,
you know, you start feeling good and then you know,
you hear a song and it just takes.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
You all the way back and then you know, and.
Speaker 6 (18:04):
It's like, you know, you're starting to lose your validity
because you're you're leaning on these exterior crutches that are
really really bad. And you know, again, like I told you,
people will see you going down the drain.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
And because if.
Speaker 6 (18:19):
I decided to talk to you about your alcoholism is
going to turn a mirror around on me, I might
not just say anything because it's like and that's that's
the boat.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
A lot of people find themselves in.
Speaker 6 (18:29):
They'd be like, well, I was gonna say something, but
you know, I know I'd be drinking too, and so
and it's like, so did.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
You have to find out who was sauce at you? Like,
did they ever? Cause this happened after you left work,
right from.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
This happened in like a long time ago. They were prosecuted,
they went to jail.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
Oh so you didn't find out Okay, good? Did you
know them?
Speaker 6 (18:51):
No?
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Thank god?
Speaker 6 (18:52):
Oh wow, No, I didn't know them, And you know, fortunately,
like that was a lie. And it was one of
those things where it's like I kind of sometimes wish
like that would have been the thing where I was like,
you know what, I've been through a lot. I should
go to somebody's treatment center. I should check in, I
should hill. But I was like, shit, made it.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Out alive, trying to go to Atlanta, like right, right, right,
So talk about the transition to Atlanta, because this is
when you met the guy who was also an alcoholic
and he was abusive towards you. That was actually a
different person, but he would they I've dealt with a
lot of alcoholics. Yeah, So I came to Atlanta and
one of the reasons I came to Atlanta was because
(19:34):
my best friend at the time she was living down here,
and like, for lack of better terms to me, because
mom was amazing, Like ms Pam was a mom, Like
she was really nice. Like I just remember there would
be times where like my head would be in her
lap and she'd be like braiding my hair and like
we'd be watching something on TV.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Like it would never even be anything like that cool,
but like she just had the time. Like I remember like.
Speaker 6 (20:00):
And this and this is gonna just to show the
difference in like the homes and the life style. I
remember when I had was living with Tamika and like
when I had met this guy that I was getting
ready in this relationship with and being like I remember
coming home and being like, yo.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
I met this dude when get ready to go out,
and her mom was like, no, you're.
Speaker 6 (20:18):
Not, Like he can either come over and meet this
family or I don't know what.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
To tell you, but like I don't.
Speaker 6 (20:24):
She's like, You're not just gonna be going with somebody.
He could be Jack the Ripper, he could be anything.
And I just remember her being like ms Pam, I
get what you're saying, but like what's it's like. I
just always think back to that relationship being like missus Pam, like,
what's the worst that could happen?
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Nay, ask me why I got these braces on?
Speaker 5 (20:46):
Girl?
Speaker 4 (20:47):
Why you got them braces on?
Speaker 6 (20:49):
Because when I was in a domestic when I was
in a relationship with that person, they knocked out one two,
I lost two teeth, and I'm getting ready to get
an implant put in. But before you get your implant
put in, they got to make sure your teeth are straight.
So I had to get these braces before the implant.
So to say that relationship was rocky would be an understatement.
(21:12):
And I feel like from the shame and just everything
that came out of that, it only made the addiction
like that much stronger because I remember I remember looking
at myself one time and just being like damn, like,
how do we get here and just be a little
more transparent? This person was involved on like the wrong
(21:33):
side of the lass, So you know, I was finding
myself in just different things, doing different things, and you know,
just dealing with the guilt and the shame of all
of that.
Speaker 3 (21:45):
So it was just like a really really dark dark time.
Speaker 6 (21:49):
Like it was just like I just looked back on
those times it was just like bad because it would
be like even like all like just being honest with you,
like the bows, the shopping, the restaurants, like there's I
feel like there's no feeling like going to some place
you liked and wondering if they can tell you have
a black eye.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
M So what would you say you you got to
your rock bottom moment?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Like what encouraged you? I know you said that earlier.
Your friend was the one who said that.
Speaker 4 (22:18):
You know that was your rock bottom moment.
Speaker 6 (22:20):
So my bottom again was Jarvis coming to me being
like I think you're talented, I think you're special, but
I think you also have a drinking problem. Like I
think it's something where if you do not take a
hold of this is said to take you, like it's.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Gonna take you out.
Speaker 6 (22:38):
And it took somebody really saying that to me, and
I'm just like, I'm like, Jarvis, last night was crazy,
but ain't no need no PSA.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
He's like, I take my mom in the rehab. He
was like either I can help you or you can
help yourself on but he's like I can't.
Speaker 6 (22:51):
I can't have this in my life, like I can't
even do this, and I'm thinking, like, I can't lose you,
like I love your food, You're such an inspiration, Like
what's going on, And I'm just like, you know, I
made a deal myself. I was like, you know what
worst case scenario we'll get. I'm like, we'll give them
thirty days. Thirty days, I'll sit it down, whatever case
may be, and I will.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Come back better than ever.
Speaker 6 (23:16):
I had a whole game plan, and luckily for me, y'all,
like day five of being in Detox, you know, someone
spoke at at AA meeting in Detox, and what she
said really really touched me, because I feel like sometimes
when you're in those in those places, you're ready for
somebody to jump down and give you like the third
degree and tell you like how you've been fing up
(23:38):
and like you know what I'm saying, like da da
da da dad.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
But she actually spinned it around. But I remember one
of the things she had said that was so so
impactful to me there.
Speaker 6 (23:49):
She was like, if y'all take nothing with you now,
I want you to know that you guys are some
of the most resourceful people in Atlanta. And I remember
looking at her being like what you mean was source.
She was like, she was like, don't you know these
are the same. She's like, I already know what type
of people y'all are. Y'all would wake up, broke, make up,
a couple of phone calls, You getting ready to go,
make it the deposit, like you're gonna have the cash.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Like you guys are doers. You are dreamers. Like you
are beyond resourceful, like you make water come out of rocks,
you move the room.
Speaker 6 (24:19):
You're a shape shifter, like you change things. And it
was like it hit me. It was like, oh my gosh,
I damn. And she's like, she's like, the only thing
is you've just been applying your addiction in the wrong method.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
And I was like damn.
Speaker 6 (24:32):
She's like, imagine if you took this same tenacity, this
same mania and applied it to your success.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
And I was like damn. She's like, you wouldn't even
be here.
Speaker 6 (24:42):
And it was like I started thinking like, oh my gosh,
like I really wouldn't.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Like sometimes it's like that's really what she what it takes.
Speaker 6 (24:51):
And I also really credit like the last time I
went to jail, like there was this officer in there
and she like just being honest with you every day.
Every time I ever got locked up, I always ended
up having to get put in like the little like
the cel to.
Speaker 7 (25:06):
So seven times come on now. But anyway, right.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
The last time I was locked up, you know, she
walked over.
Speaker 6 (25:17):
She was like, I was like, what what do you want?
She was like, let me ask you something. She's like,
what are you doing here?
Speaker 3 (25:24):
I said, what do you mean when I'm locked up?
He said no. She was like, I can look at
you and tell you cut from a different cloth. She's like,
what are you doing in here? What are you running from?
Speaker 6 (25:34):
She's like, I don't know what you're calling, what your
ministry is, but you're playing with God and yourself.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
She was like tight, she was like.
Speaker 7 (25:41):
Tighten up.
Speaker 6 (25:42):
She was like don't, don't, don't. She's like you better
than that, Like that's all she kept saying. And it
was like at that point in time, like I knew,
Like I knew, I'm like.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
What am I doing? What is going on?
Speaker 6 (25:55):
And I feel like sometimes you got to get to
those positions, and I just feel like, for me personally,
I'm blessed that in both of those times when I
feel like the Lord spoke to me.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
One. I feel like it was motivational.
Speaker 6 (26:09):
Between the second time, it was like it was like
a wake up call because I'm like, it's just like.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
How you ask me how many times have you been
to jail?
Speaker 6 (26:17):
They started to get started to get very very frequent,
and like one thing people don't realize about, like sometimes
going to jail, like a lot can happen between holding
and you going upstairs.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Yeah, meaning like.
Speaker 6 (26:30):
Something like extra charges, Like you just see everything going on.
Speaker 4 (26:34):
So wait, we almost finished with your story. But what
you've been in jail for?
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Let me tell you what I've been drinking. Then disorderly conducts.
The batteries boom boom boom, Like they started coming real real, real,
real quick. Also, when I had been involved in.
Speaker 6 (26:54):
A previous relationship, I just had some other little runnings
with the laws. So like I said, disortedly conducts, they
getting the disortedly conducts battery?
Speaker 3 (27:06):
What was another? What was another one? Because I had
a lot of stuff, Like I had so.
Speaker 6 (27:11):
Much stuff expunge and so many people a little programmed.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
I had a couple of weed charges. Yeah, that's what
it was. Two weeks matter. It's funny because I was just.
Speaker 6 (27:19):
Thinking I saw them cancel bonnar Roue a couple of
days ago, and like, I remember I got it erected
on the way to bonnar Roue, Like this is the
last time I say is I always? I had a
joke when I was an active addiction, like, what are
the four worst words you could ever say out a
first stake?
Speaker 3 (27:35):
I'm out on bond? Like I never get it.
Speaker 6 (27:40):
Like I was on a first day and we had
got pulled over and he was like, why are you
looking like that. I was like, I'm gonna just let
you know I'm out on bond. He was like, what
does that mean? I was like, I just got out
of jail.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
He was like, what.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
That funny?
Speaker 6 (27:52):
Because the cop was like I was just telling y'all
to turn your lights on, and he's rollbops and he
was like, what you get out of jail for?
Speaker 3 (27:58):
I was like, take me home.
Speaker 6 (28:04):
So here we are.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
You have been sober for six years now, yes, So
what would you say has been the hardest part of
your journey towards sobriety.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
The hardest part is the people that I just knew.
Speaker 6 (28:25):
I knew they were gonna be standing there. I knew
they would be cheering for me. Evan, they are gone.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
The way I thought my life.
Speaker 6 (28:35):
Would look is completely different. And what I say, completely different,
It is amazing. If you had told me I would
be owning two vehicles, having an apartment, an amazing job
in my own.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
Business, I'll be like what.
Speaker 6 (28:50):
But if you also told me I would get sober
and through sobriety, I would realize my self worth and
really demand higher from everyone in my circle, and when
they didn't give it to me, a boundary had to
be put in place.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
I would look at you and be like, how does
that happen?
Speaker 6 (29:08):
And for me it was like I really really really
really wanted that relationship with my mom to work so
much so that I've you know, went up for like
mediation through treatment, Like We've had a lot of just
different incredible opportunities broad to us, and every single time
(29:31):
my mom has been like, you know, I definitely want
to see but I don't want to see you in
front of a doctor, so like I just you know,
And it's been very very.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
Heartbreaking because.
Speaker 6 (29:49):
I feel like one of my greatest accomplishments by someone
who was very very important in my life has not
even been seen.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
And it hurts all the time.
Speaker 6 (30:04):
However, the people that guy has placed along my journey
and place.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Life have been so incredible, have been so amazing, Like.
Speaker 6 (30:17):
My sponsor, Like, just to be honest, just to be
transparent with you, about my third year sober, when I
was really coming into money, I was getting ready to
go work the Masters, but before that, I wanted to
go and visit my mom because I had seen her
sober and never seen her sober. And you know, I
(30:39):
remember my mom she was just like, you know, she's
really frustrated with just some decisions I've been making and
just other things.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
And out of frustration she told me, she was like
I really tried.
Speaker 6 (30:48):
Hard, you know, with you know, with you and with
what I wanted you to be, and you know it
seems like you don't want that, so you know what,
just to stay out of my life.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
Oh wow.
Speaker 6 (31:00):
And I remember being like, oh my god, what am
I gonna do like this, Like no, I got sober,
Like I've done so much work, like you never even
came to see me in red.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
I'm like all these things were happening, and.
Speaker 6 (31:18):
Like I called my sponsor because I'm like, I don't
know what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
Like what's gonna happen like and my sponsor assured me.
Speaker 6 (31:28):
She was like, I'm gonna hold your hand and I'm
gonna walk with you inch by inch through that pain.
And she's like, and I will look in your eyes
and I promise you this. You don't never have to
put no drink on top of that shit if you
don't want to.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
And I'm sorry I got cursed.
Speaker 6 (31:45):
But that's just that's exactly how she meant it, and
that's exactly what she said. I will hold your hand
through all of this pain and you won't ever have
to put an alcohol als of alcohol on top of this.
And to me, being a person in long term recovery,
that means more than any of those Oh I wish
I could take every pain away, any of them quotes,
(32:06):
any of that baby, I will take that all day,
because what that means for me is that even.
Speaker 8 (32:12):
Though it's gonna be tough, even though these feelings gonna
be sticky, it's gonna be nasty, like, You're gonna be
there and we're gonna get through this positively, and we
don't have to put no type of substance on top
of this.
Speaker 6 (32:23):
When we come out on the other side, like we're
gonna come out on the other side.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
And like my.
Speaker 6 (32:27):
Sponsor has been there with me day in and day out.
And I tell people like, that's just being honest with you.
That's some of the reallys shit I ever heard. Like
that's more real than any of that street stuff or
this or any any of that.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
So and God would give you exactly what you need
because I always feel like a lot of times like
I don't have a lot of support from any family members.
And the one person I did she's no longer here.
But I sometimes I used to be like I used
to feel so alone and just lonely, but now here
I am and I'm like, wow, Like, guy has really
blessed me with some amazing people in my.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
Life that are not my family.
Speaker 6 (33:07):
Yeah, and I've really had to just kind of like
lean on that, and you know, for just a long story,
not long story short, but like someone in my importance
and my family, my circle that means a lot to me.
When I was one of my amazing jobs I got
when I got out of treatment, I was working at
four Seasons and unfortunately my coworker passed like passed away,
(33:30):
and you know, not al ways say the beauty of that,
but like I've spent so much time with his family,
like we celebrate Christmas together, holidays.
Speaker 4 (33:39):
Said, I think that's amazing.
Speaker 6 (33:41):
We've been to you know, the Atlanta United soccer game
and just recently, you know, I was expressing to her
because again, like my sobriety is super important and it's
just being honest. Sometimes it's like when you get to
different milestones, it's like you have like a celebration in
AA and so I asked her. I was like, I
(34:04):
was like, I know, you know, you're not my family
or anything, but I would really mean a lot to
be if you would give me my six year chip
and you know, kind of excuse me.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
His mother wrote me back and she's like, Laura, we
look at you as family. I would be honored to
do that. You know, I appreciate you, you know in
my life.
Speaker 6 (34:21):
And it's like, for so long, that's really all I
wanted was somebody just to see the value and the
things that are important to me be able to but
just embrace what I've got going on, because again, like
I said, you know, the wildness was like I didn't
even touch on this, but like my mom stopped talking
(34:42):
to me while I was in rehab.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
So there have been like.
Speaker 6 (34:48):
So many things to kind of like uncover and kind
of climb over and like really really just champion and
like one of the things that I discovered in some
of this. And it's really kind of just as bittersweet
as like sometimes and this is gonna sound just interesting,
it's like, as much as it may make sense for
(35:12):
you to be well, there are people that benefit from
you being sick. Oh absolutely, you know benefit from you not.
Speaker 4 (35:20):
To you're doing better than them, regardless of who they
are to you.
Speaker 6 (35:24):
And sometimes it becomes really just unfortunate when I think
it's like the people that you would be your biggest
cheerleaders or like super close to you and be really
really happy to see you taking this new life, like
I said, like they're not there.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
Yeah. Do you ever get tempted to have a drink?
Speaker 1 (35:45):
Again?
Speaker 3 (35:46):
The famous question? So Eban Nay. We have this thing
in the program called playing.
Speaker 6 (35:52):
Out the tape, And so for me, like if I
play out the tape, I ain't never been no one umoso,
one shot, one drink, nothing. And as much as I
would like to feel like, oh yeah, I could be
that person, Like that's never been my story. Like I
have a couple of drinks and I go get a
(36:13):
bottle and then God forbid, I sometimes.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
Go to jail.
Speaker 6 (36:16):
So it's just like for the life that I have,
romanticizing that, like I really can't play into that. And
it's like I've really had to really invest in what
I like, meaning like I love green smoothies, so that
means like I have spinich in my fridge ice, so
like when I get up, I make green sloothies.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
I love.
Speaker 6 (36:38):
I took one earlier, these like little health shots now ebony,
these are running in the poorhouse, but like I love
these because it's like it's wellness, it's a shot of flavor.
It's still kind of it's kind of you know, you know,
(36:58):
but it's it's the good kind. Really just had to
embrace like the things that I like, because, like I said,
like for so long, you know, it was I don't
like the way this medicine feels, but like everybody else
likes how I perform, so I'm take it. And it's
like now I have to just like listen to my
own voice. And I know, like as much as it
(37:18):
if I no matter how great that Craven may be
like I know what my disease look like.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 6 (37:26):
I was like I was never that cute girl like
have a couple of drinks, Like I was that girl
that was like I would hit my head on the
bar like it would be like it would be serious consequences,
like I like, I like I've had some ket nights
like that.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
But it's just like again and playing out the tape.
I just.
Speaker 6 (37:48):
I don't again because I've also been doing like the
they you know, work, I just don't have this, like
I don't have the same I'm not carrying the same
bags because.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Now you know how to cope with your try I'm
a better without using alcohol as a copa mechanism.
Speaker 6 (38:04):
And then it's like the support system is also different,
like yeah, like I said, my sponsor, she is amazing,
Like we've had some incredible holidays, Like I look forward
to the stuff she said to give me for Christmas,
And you know what I'm saying, cook at it like
I'm a chef, so I cook for her often, and
you know that has been It's just been so enriching
(38:24):
because I feel like when you get sober, those are
the things that you don't expect. You just think like
all of them get sober and like everything like my
life's gonna come back together and it kind of gets
turned inside out.
Speaker 4 (38:36):
Yeah, but I'm super proud of you.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
I'm really happy that we were able to have this
conversation and now you have allowed me to be a
part of your journey. So I really appreciate it.
Speaker 6 (38:46):
But oh, go ahead, I'm not gonna say anything because
I know I know our long windes, so I already
know what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
Yeah, I'm like girl, but and also have a flight
to catch, however, but no, seriously, I'm going to Paris, yeah,
along for a week?
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Are you going by yourself?
Speaker 4 (39:09):
No, I'm going with my childhood friends.
Speaker 3 (39:12):
Oh I love that for you you yes.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you. But no, seriously,
I really really enjoyed this conversation. I mean, this is
why I created my platform because I feel like stories
like this is the epitome of storylines becoming lifelines. So
I really do appreciate you sharing your story. And if
you can speak to the version of yourself who took
the first drink at fourteen, what would you say to
(39:35):
her now.
Speaker 4 (39:37):
Drinking long al of nice tease.
Speaker 6 (39:41):
Get ready, everything's gonna change what's been sent to break you.
It's gonna make you stronger than ever. It is going
to hurt. It's gonna hurt like hell. Everybody's gonna leave everybody. Yes,
everybody is gonna lead, but you are gonna learn they
(40:02):
were never there to begin with us. You got this.
It's gonna be hard, but the journey is worth it.
I see you at the.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Time and on nothing. No, that's what I'm talking about, sus.
When I come to Atlanta, I'm gonna definitely hit you up,
but I'm super proud of you.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
Please do.
Speaker 6 (40:18):
I would love to cook for you like that's like,
that's and I would love to eat.
Speaker 4 (40:21):
So I cooked for the.
Speaker 6 (40:23):
First Lady of the United States, like I know, I'd
be all around the place, but my hands is no joke.
Speaker 4 (40:28):
Oh nice, nice, No, I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm gonna
hit you up. I'm gonna hit you up.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
But to the listeners, if you have any questions, comments
and concerns, please make sure to email me and hello
at the PHG podcast dot com.
Speaker 4 (40:40):
And this was so amazing.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
I'm really happy that we were able to do this
because child took us by three thousand times to try
to connect.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
I was like I was detering to make your work look.
I got the member, I D and password right here.
Speaker 8 (40:54):
I yes.
Speaker 4 (40:56):
So until next time, everyone lay.
Speaker 3 (41:01):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Pretty Private is a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget
to subscribe and rate the show, and you can connect
with me on social media at Pretty Private Podcasts
Host
Eboné Almon
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