81. I Survived The Pulse NightClub Shooting

I had the pleasure of interviewing one of the survivors of The Pulse Nightclub Shooting, the deadliest shootings in U.S history. She shares details of that night, overcoming survivor's remorse, and her thoughts on gun violence in America. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Professional. Hey,

(00:37):
Professional home Girls and it's your girl eban a from
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(00:58):
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(01:18):
www dot patreon dot com. Forward slash the PSC podcast Now.
Please keep in mind that all of my guests aren't honest.
So let's begin this week's episode. Yuess, how are you feeling?
I am good. I am good, I am good. I'm
actually doing great good. I'm like, why are you hesitating? No? No, no,
it was good. I wanted to make sure I heard you.

(01:39):
It was like some kind of static situation happening, but
it's cool now Okay, yeah, no, but I've been great. Good. Well,
I'm just gonna say thank you so much for sharing
your story on being a survivor from one of the
most deadly students in the United States history, the post
nightclub shooting that occur in Atlanta, Florida, on June eleven. Yeah,

(01:59):
is that you June twelve? The shooting happened at pm mmm,
because I was like, it was from like two o'clock
in the morning to like six o'clock. Yeah, by the
time they got us out of there was like six am,
six am, but when I looked at the clock, it
was eight o'clock. But that was when I finally got

(02:20):
to the hospital and they put me into an actual
room because I wasn't like this emergency sit area because
the hospital went on't like a lockdown. So like what
happened was it's like, let's start from the beginning. Yes,
so so you're up from Philly. Yes, So what made
you your cousin and your best friend go to Florida?

(02:42):
So it was actually, um, it was a vacation. So
like my family does, like, um, we haven't done one since,
but like our my family does this like annual vacation
thing every year, and so what ended up happening was, like,
you know, my aunt was like, we're going to Orlando.
It's an easy vacation. And my cousin was actually she
was graduated from high school that same year, so and

(03:04):
that with all in that same breath, we were like,
oh yeah, vacations in the following week because she graduated
June three, So we were like, oh yeah, we're going
on vacation earlier this year. So we had booking you know,
um condo out there and kissing me and um, you know,
we just that was our trip because it was an
easy trip and it was cheaper to do that rather

(03:24):
us do our big like us doing a like our
regular big trips like cruises and like going over the
likes of the West Coast and things like that, because um,
she was going away and then we was just trying
to get her ready for college without you know, still
having fun, without saving he's not also saving a whole
bunch of money. So we just decided to go on
do our regular vacation and we went to we were
going to go to Inlando. We went a few years prior,

(03:45):
but we were so young, we didn't get a chance
to do it. Yeah, so now we're growing trying to
turn up. Yeah, I was actually twenty years old and
my old friend she was twenty and my cousin had
just thirty team, so we were older now, so we
could actually do a little bit more so without any restrictions.
So you know, we were really excited. So, um, I

(04:05):
actually invited my Wilford to come onto the vacation with
us because she's never been on a family vacation. So
we decided to take her because we were like, you know, hey,
like come experiences. We do this every year. We talked
about it, we showed their pictures from previously, so she
was just as excited as we were year every year. Um,
so we were trying to go, but I was gonna
act you so pretty this is I understand if I

(04:28):
wanted to have like a family get together because also
she was your cousin was going away for college, so
this is probably the last thing that I was gonna
be able to hang out with each other. Ye before
everybody go there separate ways. Yeah, yeah, So did you
hear about Polst nightclub before or just what's your first
time going it? Was our first time going. So we're
happy because we were down there. We did are we
got there. I think we weren't there for we weren't
even there for forty eight hours. Let um. I think

(04:50):
when we got down there, we were like, hey, look
give us like our first day, like our first full
day there. So um, that night we were just like, yo,
let's want something to do. My cousin was like, let's
find something to do. I said, I really want to
stay in the house. I worked over time. I'm tired,
so you know, she was like, no, we gotta do something.
We're on vacation. This sad too, sir, Sorry, do you

(05:11):
know what? You're right? So we was my cousin and
her mom decided to go and google some places to go,
and what ended up happening was, um, they end up
coming across the club. My cousin was like, you listen,
let's go to the club. And then no, at home,
we went to the Clouds over at home, we always
go to the clubs here. So um, we were like,
you know, let's go to the club. So we found

(05:32):
posts before we got there. We didn't know that it
was lgbt Q plus Positive club. We didn't know that.
So what happened was and we didn't care like that.
But don't best though, they are the best clubs. I
tell people that all the time because I hate going
the regular clubs and the girls being there looking cute
but just want to sit there. I'm not I didn't
come spend this money to get into pain this cup

(05:53):
of charge to come sit in the corner and look que.
That's just not what it is for me. So you know,
we're like to dance, I'll sweat my hair, are all
kinds of stuff like that's that's just who we were.
So um my cousin's like, let's go here, and they
gotta get ratings on social media, I mean on like
a Google search engine. They like they got good ratings.
Let's go. I'm a r bet. So we get there.

(06:14):
We were able to get there. The cover charge was
like ten bucks or something like there was something. Yeah,
So it was like we ran in there, but they,
you know, to make sure because we want twenty one.
So we couldn't get no drinks. So what they did
was they like stamped our hands with these big stuff
In a minute, oh my god, they like scaped our
hands with like these big, huge like markers, and it
was like excess, like big exces marker, and they were like,

(06:38):
I have no drinking for you know, there was like
did y'all there was like you know, when we got
in the door to late, the woman at the door
was just like, you guys are so pretty, don't come
in here and starting no trouble. Y'all look like y'all
moved to the neighborhood and all kinds of stuff. But
we told him he was like, we actually are. We're
coming off a vacation. Um, my old friend. She actually
ended up getting in with one of the young ladies

(06:59):
she like a plus one ticket from because it wasn't
a bit that night. We didn't know it was like
a night or something. Yeah it was. Yeah, it was
late at night and she had like a plus one ticket.
So when she got the plus one ticket, we actually
went into them went into the club. She got in
for free, so she didn't actually have to pay her
cover charge was like the NUS that like. So but

(07:21):
then like the girl was like, I can't end up
coming by myself when our friends like you know, flaked
on me, So you know, I'm just gonna give it away.
So that's how we got there. We did for her
for a little while and then like you know, she
kind of went her separates and I think she went
into somebody in the club like you know that. So
when y'all was there, I was having fun, Like, yeah,
we had a freaking blaged because I think I saw pictures.

(07:44):
It was like mad people there. Yeah, so that night
was in terms like you know, the younger terms lit Okay,
we had so much fun. It was and it had
like different sections in the club. So like at one
point we were like watching like the Joy act, like
the Drags performed on stage and do like the impersonations
and stuff. I think they had j Lo there that night,

(08:06):
and yeah, girl, yes, we had so much fun. So
they had like the impersonated in that night. She was dancing.
I mean it was fabulous, Like we loved it. So
we was there saying it all like you know, like
the get guys and everything. We had a fall. I
actually still got something. I got their numbers to this day,
like we had a ball. So then like that was

(08:28):
one part of the club. They played like Lastino music.
If you went in the bank, they paid like play
like the Island and Caribbean music. On the patio area,
and then if you went into the other side, they
had like like regular music, like the little mo stuff
that you hear like right now, like Hardy b and
all the other stuff. Like they had all of that playing.
So it was literally like a fabulous night, Like we

(08:48):
had awesome, awesome, awesome time. We danced until our legs
turned it and everything. So then two hours later y'all
decided to leave. And what happened between or after that time,
So what end that happening was my old friend she
had came up to me and asked me, if you

(09:10):
know how will we get home? I said, well, I
was just going to pay for a ride share to
go home. So it was about thirty bucks. I wasn't complaining.
We were in the house, it was like thirty minutes.
It was like thirty minutes. So we're gonna pay for
a ride here to get us back over to where
we were. So, um, the Ryan Shares. We when we
ordered the uber the moment that I stepped to the

(09:32):
side of the order the uber, because that's how she
is when she actually get home. You know, we just
hear like these popping noises and like we were like
we're in the world. So at first nobody thought nothing
another but then the state they we we figured out
they were gunshots were from Philly, like you know that
she wasn't This wasn't nothing new for us, but we
was like what in the same name, Like what is
going on it? So you know, we were actually like

(09:54):
we're here, the the noises, the gun noises and everything,
and you hear the entire here like my like you
hear everybody starts screaming, and like my friend and my
cousin like they like, you know, they dropped to the
ground and I'm like, I'm looking at them in like
confusion because I'm like, what is going on? Like we
I really did not understand what was going on. I

(10:15):
thought this was some something part of the song. Because again,
it was like three or four DJs in the house,
so it's like it was like super loud. It was
super loud. So when you didn't hear the noises, but
when you heard the people scream, that was the confirmation.
So my old friend and my cousin they ended up
running out. The crazy thing about that is that they
ended up running out of the side exit door that

(10:39):
we were standing right next to. We were there the
majority of them, like towards the end of the night,
which is pretty much the majority of the night, and
like they ended up running out and I was still
standing in confusion, like when is going on? So I
knew it got real when the gun shot started to
fly past me, because now I'm starting to feel it
and you see people running into areas and I'm like,

(11:01):
oh my god, and my I remember looking to my
right and my cousin and my old friend is yelling
like te we gotta go, we gotta go, and I'm like,
oh my life. Everything was like a slow motion for me. Um,
you probably had like a body experience, like what is
going on? I did. I definitely did. I definitely did. Um.
It was completely like naturally yeah, and like you know, again,

(11:25):
I hate to say it, but I'm from Philly. This
is nothing new to me. So we used to be
when we were here. The gun shots. It's so sad.
But when you hear the gun shots in Philly, the
first thing, you sit there and just shake your head.
At first, you may duck a little bit, but if
you don't see it coming your way, you're just gonna
stand there. You're not gonna move about it. Yeah, and
that's the sad part about it. So it was just like,

(11:47):
you know, I'm not really like confused with when they
were like yelling in my face and I came back
to myself. I ended up turning around and running into
the bathroom store and not running out the side and
the door. And it was like, it's such a frantic
because it caught me off guard, Like I didn't really
expect us to like end up in a bathroom stall.

(12:09):
I'm this exit door has been sending by us all
night and people have was going in and out of
it all night, like you know, the smoke, cigarettes, whatever,
and like I did not run out of that door.
Like that was one of the parts that stuck with
me for a very very very very you're right now
running out the door, Um I do. I still do,
and I did, but it's no longer a thing where

(12:31):
it was. It's hurts. It hurts me more like at
one point I went through survivor skill like that that
was a heavy burden and carry I got blamed for
my cousin's death, so I know we're gonna I got
some questions about that too. Um so you went into
the bathroom your cousin and your best friend went outside.
So when did they come back inside? When they came back, right,
So that's what I was saying when they came back

(12:53):
and ring and yelling in my face like TV gotta go.
When I talked to right and ran into the bathroom,
so they were behind me. So that that's how we
ended up in the bathroom stall. So I know the bathroom.
I mean if we all met the club, so the
bathrooms like regular sized bathroom. And after watching several of
your interviews, you was like it was like fifteen people
packed in one bathroomd yes. And it was then they

(13:13):
called it the head to catch because that's the big
stall the bathroom, right, so you gott moving maneuver around.
We were in that particular stall, and it was a
whole bunch of us like land on top of each other. Damn.
And then at this point you, your cousin and your
best friend was shot. Where were you all shot at?
Because I know you were shot in your stomach right again,
my stomach and my arm, So my stomach in my arm.

(13:35):
What ended up happening, It was we were in the
when we were in into the bathroom, you could hear
it was a guy that was holding the door, so
like it was a couple of it was a guy
holding the door. We was all in the bedroom like
like trying to get everybody be quiet because we wasn't sure.
My old friend she was texting at the time, like

(13:55):
you know, like she was snapchatt and she was like,
this is not really happening right now. See, we cannot
believe this is where she was like that you was
the fireworks to try to get us out of the
clouds were already lading. We was not like none of
us ticket serious at all. We were saying like blissing,
like having so much fun like so we really didn't

(14:16):
pay no attention. So she was like, you know, I
can't believe that they're really doing this. But then we
heard the gun shots getting so much closer. So then
that's when we were like trying to get people to
like be quiet. You heard everybody like saying so because
we were the last people in the stall, we were
the first people you saw. So it was all three

(14:36):
of us laying on top of other people. And then
it was the guy holding the store and it was
a lady in the corner of it, and you could
hear the gun shots getting louder and louder and louder,
and they started to sound like they were like right
in the bathroom at that moment, but they weren't. When
they did come into the bathroom, he kicked You hear
him break the locks off the doors. So he kicks

(14:58):
the stall doors. You know they had the watchlocks. He
kicked the stall door locked off, and he shot and
killed people in the first two stalls because it was
only three stalls in that bathroom. Was here to cap
stoving and two small, like small regular ones. He kicked
the doors open and started to shoot those in the stalls,
and you could see the smoke in the bathroom. I mean,

(15:20):
it was insane. And then he got to the second
stall and he did the same thing. But when he
got to the second stall before he could get to
our stall, because it was somebody holding the door. Um,
you know, he was trying to open the door. But
all you're hearing at me and say it's dead my
guns gym. So we was like I looked at my cousin,
I look at my friend. We're looking at each other.

(15:41):
We're standing back. I know she's seen me seeing huh.
So because y'all thinking the same thing, because we're thinking
the same thing. When he said his gun was g in.
The first ranction was to jump him. Let's run bun,
let's bum Russian. But when they died, the door got
the memo of what we were supposed to be doing.
He was like, when he opened the door, I'm like,

(16:01):
you know, we're gonna bumb rushroom. We go bum brush them.
We didn't not know that man had another gun, and
that's how we got shot. But my girlfriend, where she
was laying, how she ended up with the bullets to
her legs is because her legs were under the other
stall and he was just randomly shooting. So how she
was shot she's laying, Diana. Yeah, she was in a

(16:24):
diagonal position, so that's how she ended up getting shot
in her legs. I'm seeing it right in my head. Really, yeah,
it was. It was definitely a situation. So it was
just like it was unbelievable though, like this is not
something that like everyday person would experience, Like this is
something you see in the movies, like exactly, So you know,

(16:48):
she was laying a certain way, that is how she
got shot in her legs. When the guy opened the art.
When he got finally got our stall door open, he
shot me and everybody else that was laid in in
front of me. When he got done shooting my cousin
and myself, we jumped up and closed the Death from
store door. So like when we went to slam the

(17:10):
door shut. Um. She I was like, you know, I
stood there and I remember standing straight up and I
stuck my nail, like my hand inside of my bullet
move because I remember feeling that pressure. Because when I
got hit, it was like I couldn't breathe. It hurt it,
but it felt more like pressure rather than pain. I

(17:30):
had more pressure than pain. It was like somebody dropped
something extremely heavy on me. So when I stood up,
I stuck my hand and the thing and it like
in my like wound, and I ran to close the door.
She's holding the door. She said, please stop shooting your
you're being weird. You're being weird. Please stop shooting. And
we just closed the door and he never he didn't

(17:50):
try to budget move it, cooking open nothing. Um, but
left that out. That was a point where you said,
because you sense that he said why he was doing this,
like he was telling y'all. Yeah, he did. So that
was later on down the line after we didn't laid
there for about maybe three hours, because I know she
was negotiating with him, but you also said something that

(18:13):
y'all was kind of looking at you to, like staring
at each other. Yeah, So what happened was at that
moment um my present and myself, we were laying there
for a while. We were talking to each other and
think that's where you got that from. And she was like,
we gotta get out of here. I wish we never
came here. She was like kind of blame herself for
coming in mad, like you know and all that, and
I said, don't blame myself. Were getting out of here.

(18:34):
So I'm like, even if I gotta get myself up
to get out of here, we're getting out of here.
Anybody who knows me like you messed with me in mind,
I was like, we have a problem. So and it
was like it was really hard to know that it
was nothing that I could really do for her, so
but like in my mind I was gonna get up
and fight this man like that. That's mentally what I
was going through. So what happened was we were laying

(18:55):
there for a while, he came in and he was like,
you know, he goes into this ran about how he
does have a problem with black people. He knows what
we've been through with slavery, and how he is doing
this for his country and because they're filling people over
in Iraq and on kiting. He started speaking on his
nine sense about that, and you know he was you know,

(19:16):
he pledged the Islam and it was it was it
was a thing. Like we was just you know, he
asked this, so we knew about that shooting that occurred
in South Carolina, um it and we were just like yeah,
So we were just not to piss him off. But
like phones and stuff was going like ringing. They just
kept bringing and he was like, who phone is that?

(19:37):
He was like, it's something out there, so fat that's
out there. It was out there. So we were trying
not to make him mad at than what he was.
But you can hear that his gun, the gun that
he originally came in with, was completely jammed. So you
hear him rustling with it trying to get it on Jim.
I mean the gun was completely broken at this point
because he was really fighting with it and he couldn't
get in a jam, and it was it was a

(20:00):
situation and like you know, being in there and like
I'm I remember grabbing my old friend's leg and like
you know, trying to make sure she was okay, and
I think I grabbed too hard. It was hurt, and
so she just put her hand up like I'm okay.
And I remember looking over at a young man who
I believe his name was Tevin Um. He was like,
you know, because the guy tried to come through the
store doing that, the craziest thing I could have done

(20:21):
was putting my hand up and slamming the door shut.
I don't know why or what made me do that,
but I just was trying to him coming in and
out of that bathroom. So I just slammed the bathroom
door shut, and the dit remember him looking at me
and saying a good job or whatever. And then after that,
you know, that was really it for everybody in the store.
And we was in there for so long. People fell asleep,

(20:42):
they were snoring. What, yes, it was it was real
like that's how long we were in there. And he
didn't do anything. He didn't do anything. He just sat
there in the bathroom. He was on the phone with
the police officers. They were trying to negotiate with him.
He didn't have him on speaker, but he was talking,
you know, you gotta stop bothering my country. And I
read back and all this other stuff and like we

(21:02):
were like, oh wow, like this man show you specifically
come to a gate club to prove that point, Like
you know, it's like none of that you think about
it in hindsight, like you you came always to a
gate club to do that. So it was then we
found out later than the down line and I heard
he was yeah, because I heard doing some research that
he was going to the club frequently. Yeah, he was

(21:22):
a frequent visitor. We heard that too. We don't even
how true that is. We don't live there, so we
don't so yeah, so like when we heard that, I
was like, I'm not surprised because specifically he came on
this night. So but he's also but they said there's
all people some of the like the clubgoers would say,
like you know, they they've seen him visit the club before.

(21:43):
This isn't his first rodeo there. Yeah, so like you know,
again we don't know because we don't live there. But
we also as we was doing research as like you know,
we got better than an't grow like him through the story.
You know, we started to look into like why, like
what made him do this? And he was you know,
they were saying like his his family had a problem
with good people. Um, they were saying that we um,

(22:07):
he was gating himself. It was under cover and like
a whole it was like a whole thing. But again
we don't know that to be true. We don't notice. Man,
we was just there on a whim and got hurt.
Like that's what that was for us. We just wanted
trying to understand how they this declared. The sad thing
about this entire process is my cousin even though she

(22:28):
was a basketball like phenomenon, like she was amazing, like
you know, even though that was her thing, she also
was going to school for criminology and she wanted to
study war criminals do the things that they do. God
doing that like not being able to do that. Well,
I want to touch on this part because I noticed

(22:49):
you said that your cousin was on top of you
and you were saying how like you felt her weight
getting heavy? Yeah, so that was a um so what
in't that pappen? It was My cousin was saying her
back was total. She wanted to move. I told her
now she wanted to get up, and I kept telling
her now when she was like my back room, and

(23:11):
I said, if you move, you gotta be crazy quiet
like you. It's it's gotta be you gotta I don't
even want to hear you. You gotta be crazy quiet.
We was laying by this point, we was laying in
like a blood everywhere. The bathroom was completely black and red.
Bad to y'all. Body hurting because y'all was in the
bathroom for a couple of hours. Believe it or not,
we didn't feel anything at this point. If he came

(23:33):
and shot us again, like you know, for me, if
he came and shot me again, I wouldn't felt it.
That's how That's how long we've been sitting there. So
what ended up occurring at that point, So my cousin
she got on my back. I let her get switched
positions on my back and she laying on top of me.
So I told her to be really quiet, and I
remember reaching back and grabbed her and she kept tapping

(23:53):
me like you know, I'm sorry, I'm good. So like
my hand stayed back there most of the time to
hold her because I just wanted to make sure she
was sitting where she was at. So and I'm just like,
you know, not being able to move because we don't
stay in this one position. And there was actually and
part of the reason why my legs fell asleep was
that there was a lady that was behind me who

(24:13):
was laying on my legs, and that was part of
me the while they were sleeping. On top of the
fact that the bullet didn't probably paralyzed me for that moment,
so um, but there's somebody else that was laying on
top of me. And I remember reaching back and grabbing
my cousin and I just kept tapping her bridge to you.
She was okay, yeah. So then I remember because now
at this point, it's just me laying in front of
the stall. So you know, how like we're go into something.

(24:35):
Most public platforms, like they had the stall, you could
just see people's feet. You could see him pacing back
and forth in the bathroom, just casing, trying to get
that gun and jam. But he would stop doing that
for a minute. I think he would do it a game.
And it was just a bunch of weird stuff. Um
so uh and what asked he was doing that? He um.

(24:57):
I remember him looking down and he just looked under
the stall and he laughed like you know, he kind
of chuckled a little bit. He was like oh yeah,
like as if this was something that he was used
to doing. So yeah, so like him looking didn't me
dead in my face? My mom mos reaction was to
sit there and play dead like I died with my

(25:18):
eyes open like that. I just getting moved. I didn't blank.
I don't even breathe, um because like the fear was
he was gonna shoot me in my face, like yeah,
you know, I just had to sit there and you know,
he just was like old gear and it just it's
definitely a situation that again, like I said, naturally everyday person,
but this is something you were seeing a movie, like

(25:38):
a scary movie or like something like that. This is
this was never something to um no, but I couldn't
even imagine, like you even you're telling the story and
just thinking about when I was in my research, I
was thinking about when it actually happened, and when I
first heard about it, I was like, yo, like this
is fucking bucked, Like this is scary. Yeah, and so

(25:59):
like I never thought I would every like, so it's
crazy they save your history repeats itself. My father was
shot at twenty one, twenty one the stomach and you
were showing your stomach and I was shoting my stomach
it twenty today, was saying, like, you know, my dad
was like, it's crazy how history repeats itself, and like
you know you always think, like you know, this would

(26:19):
never happened to me. I would never have to be
a person telling this story. Um, and you know, having
to share my story and just understand. I clicked, like
you don't understand that this is something that's a part
of my life and it doesn't make my life. So
it was either sit in one space or don't or
do or you sit in on stage of that and
I chose not to because, like I went through, it

(26:40):
was a whirlwin after that situation, it wasn't just post
itself m hm. So it ended up being a situation
where I was being blamed for my cousin's dad, and yeah,
that was that was kind of messed up. But before
we go, I don't ask you one my question about
to standoff because I know that the shooter and the police.
We're standing off for like three three hours and then

(27:01):
eventually they killed them. Yes, so it wasn't three hours.
It was a few minutes, like they keep saying, yeah,
three out three because that's how how long it was
before the police came in. Um. So what happened was
we as we're laying there, it's like crazy quiet, like
you can hear a pen, mice, everything, um, anything that

(27:23):
would hit that floor, you can hear it and it
would vibrate through the whole floor because that's how quiet
it was. So what happened was we hear these bombs
go off. Now you hear these like explosions, so you're like, whoa,
Like at this point you hear people like, oh my god,
like you're here to heavy breathing. Now you hear it
like it's a lot. So you hear this this explosion,

(27:48):
and then you hear a second one and it gets
much closer. So now we are extremely scared because we
don't know where is this coming from. Right now, this
man was definitely in the bathroom when he was on
the phone with the police officers talking about how he
had enough explosives to light a city block. So we
were thinking he now detonated these bombs, but we were

(28:09):
I quickly realized it wasn't him because he started to
run around like he was in frantic inside of the bathroom.
So what happened was he before before they let off
that third explosion? You hear them say after the second one,
you know, anybody who can hear this or hear us,
please get close to the wall. And you anybody who

(28:31):
could hear move, see, breathe anything you heard the move,
get it because close to the wall as you possibly can,
because that's how they were coming into the building. Well,
that third explosion just so happened to be our bathrooms,
thore and the third explosion. When that third explosion came,
you see him run straight into the bathroom with us.

(28:55):
What he ran straight into the bathroom with us? And
what happened was he I don't like this this part.
This part is where it gets really touchy because it's like,
you know, I was in disbelief for a long time.
So somebody must have moved in the stall and you
heard him say hey you and he shoot three more times.

(29:19):
This is the part where you're asking me about my
cousin's body getting heavy. That was that moment, So in
my mind he didn't shoot her. I think she passed out,
but I know he shot three more times, but my
mind is done doing something else. He didn't shoot her
like she was alive with me the whole time. When

(29:39):
he after he shot killed her, that explosion happened and
he came running out of the stall with him and
the cops started getting engaging into the fire like the
whole like, you know, back and forth, And at that moment,
it was just like wow, you know what I mean,

(30:00):
because now it's bullets ricocheting off her places and we're
right there, so I get burnt up. The bullets is
flying skinned my skin and it hurt, like you know,
I'm trying to hide my arms and stuff, trying from
getting burnt because I'm feeling that they're hot. So um.
After that, after you hear him that, you hear him

(30:22):
yell like he's down, he's dying, He's down, they come
and and they start pulling people out the store. I
remember hearing my old friends screaming to the top of
her loans because they had to snatch her up. And
because obviously she can't walk, she does no longer has
a knee, so you know, they snatched her right up
and they put her they pull her out of the store.

(30:42):
I pulled get I pulled myself off the floor because
they wanted us to put our hands up. I pulled
myself off the floor and I flipped my cousin around
because I just kept saying, God, you're gonna give me
the strength to get off this floor. And I got
up and I pulled my cousin up because now the
bear froom. The packs bus that, so now the floor
is filling up. So I flipped her up and pick
her head up, and I'm shaking there like Carri, please

(31:05):
get up, get up, get up there here we can
believe we can leave. Get up. And she's breathing still.
And the guy that was sitting in front of me,
who was whose name is Richard e he Um, he
was like, calm down, calm down. He was so calm
it was freaky crazy. But he's been in that soll
the whole time with us and he was never shocked,

(31:27):
so he was like, calm down, calm down. He was like,
she's still breathing. It's okay, she's still breathing. So in
my mind, I'm the happiest person because I might earn
she's breathing, but out I need heard of respond to him, right.
So I'm pulling her and I said that, you know.
They were like, can you get up? And I'm like no,
but can you take my Please take my sister, because
that's what I kept saying at night, Please take my sister.
Please take my sister. Thinking in my mind, if I

(31:47):
tell him that this is my sibling, they move quicker,
even though it's just still my my blood relative. But
like you know, if I figure if I say that
like as much, they will understand. So I'm trying to
get them to respond to me, like, you know, please
take my sister, like we're gonna get her, and I'm
pulling her because I'm not letting her go. So they
had to like try me off of her in order
for me to come out the wall. So they pulled

(32:08):
me out of the wall. I remember them having to
lift my legs because I physically couldn't move them. I
remember them pulling me out of the wall, listing my legs,
and what happened was that they after they pulled my
legs out of the wall, I kept telling that my
phone dropped out of my bra because I had my phone,
my I d um everything and my bra said please

(32:29):
get my phone, get my phone, and it felt it
was like we'll get it, we'll get it, um and
I at the time said please get my sister. I
kept trying to turn around, and I remember them pulling
my arms like they were kind of dragging me a
bit because I couldn't walk, and I said I'm going
to pass out. I said, I'm going to pass out.
They were like you no, no, you can't pass out
on the Please don't pass out on it. And I

(32:50):
remember just closing my eyes for that quick moment and
falling out and like they were carrying me. They had
to sling me so that they slung me onto a
pickup trunk. And when they did that, it was like
I instantly like jumped back out of it. I'm just like,
get my sister. And I tried to climb over the
truck as it was moving, but like nobody, you can't

(33:10):
do that, and like you got people in the back
trying to grab me, and I'm like, get off me,
Please get my sister. So like I'm trying to climb
off the truck. So then the truck gets us to
wherever we ended up. I don't even remember where we
were going to the club now. I still couldn't tell
you what street they turned down to put us where.

(33:30):
I don't know where I was at. I just remember
them pulling us out, and I remember saying, camera people outside.
They cut all my clothes off outside because they were
trying to figure out where all my bleeding was coming from.
So like they cut white pants and I was like,
my god, yeah, they were prestining white, like a pure
white pants. They were no longer white that moment. So um,

(33:54):
they cut all my clothes off outside and I remember
seeing the camera people and I said, tell them to
stop recording. This is not a recording moment, like, and
they were like, you know, you can see the police
run over there and try to get them, like enough
was enough. You know, they were news people, so you
can see them trying to stop them from a court
in the chaos, and I remember them pulling me into
the thing and I can't. I just kept saying, please

(34:15):
get my sister, Please get my sister, Please get my sister.
That's all I kept saying, Like this it that's all
I said, Please get my sister. I was like, I
hear one of my sisters. She's screaming, which they had
she was on the other side, and I remember that
I never saw her, but I knew who it was.
They had my old friend at the time. I knew
who it was because I'm like, that's one of them,
where's the other? Want to need the other one? I

(34:36):
need the other one. They're like, we're gonna get her.
They're gonna get her, and you could just see like
the hurt and like the E M T s faces
because it was just like them looking at me and
I'm just like please, and I'm like I'm grabbing them
like please, like I can't. I don't know what to do.
And do you think at that moment that you knew
that she didn't make it? No? No, you know what

(34:57):
what secured that for me was when they all and
said they found her and she was at the corner's
office or the where the more, Yeah, the corners off
yet that that's when I figured her. Let's figure that out.
But that's but I still didn't believe it then because
it was like, we can't find her, and I told
them people in the hospital, but if y'all didn't find her,

(35:19):
I was gonna get up and do it myself because
I felt like they didn't know what they were doing.
So I want to try to get up. You had
to see how they bought mushed into this room to
stop me from getting out of his dead So and
I'm just like, y'all not moving fast enough for me,
Like y're telling me that the girl's dead. This is bull,
this is so. Then this whole process was just you know,

(35:43):
I get in there, and then after sitting in this
this this room for hours, hours, I mean hours on end. Um,
I had the lay flat. They didn't allow me to
stand up. Um, they didn't allow me to do anything. Uh,
they didn't want me to sit straight, like sit up
on an angle. Um, I had to stay flat. So

(36:06):
I've been laying there for hours, looking at the ceiling
and blackness, and I remember being poked with a bunch
of needles. Um they sent me through the MRA machine.
That was the first time I ever been in you know,
that was the first time I've ever been in one
of those. And um, they they they kept sticking me

(36:30):
with these needles. I remember my there was this needle
they stick you it before they stick you inside of
the MRA. Before they were just they just needed to
see where the boom where the bullet wound went, because
they knew it was there. They just need to see
where they were. And so that's or at least that's
what they explained to me later down in the hospital,
like down a lot in the hospital. Um so after that,

(36:51):
I just I finally got to see my mom and
she just sat on the bed and I said, all
like I asked, was where was they at? There was
nothing else to talk about. I just want to know
where they were. I could care less. I was fine.
I just want to know where my cousin was and
where my old friend at the time was. I just
wanted to know what they were. I said, they bored
her here, but I don't know where she is. And
MYLNG was like, I think they transferred her to a

(37:13):
different hospital, but they still hanging down Care. It was
like there too. A day went by and that's when
we found out Care didn't make it. I watched a
lot of your interviews, and UM, I mean this, this
story because I touched on your cousin was really heartbreaking,
and I felt like you thought you were responsible for
her death. I did, Why why is that? Well that's

(37:36):
what survivor's give is, right, So what it was is there,
I'm like I shouldn't let her move, I should have
been I felt like I should have did a lot more. Again,
I'm from really and like you messed with me and
mind as we have a problem. So how anybody who
knew me knew I was a fire cracker, so like
you can't there were certain things, there were certain limits
that you couldn't cross with me without me blowing up.

(37:58):
So she just like me and not being able to
do anything at that moment was a lot on me.
That was a lot of pressure with me, and it
was something I couldn't sleep, I didn't eat, I didn't
do anything, I didn't go anywhere, Like it was really
it was a lot of pressure with me and I
had I took that and I guess, you know, her

(38:19):
family was just needed someone to blame. But yeah, you know,
so it didn't make it no better when they were
blaming me for because they stopped talking to you. Oh yeah,
oh yeah, what's the whole story about that? But I'm
a digressive on that. They didn't just start speaking to me,
But that was a whole another process. Oh, that type
of process. It was a whole another process. They didn't

(38:41):
just stopped breaking to me. Somebody just to give you
a piece of it. Somebody, I guess later down a
lot of somebody babilized her car, spring painted it, read,
bust out the windows. And the instant thing was to
blame us. But the night that that happened, I wasn't
even in Philadelphia mm hm hm. So that it was

(39:02):
a process, but that's just a piece of it. That's
not all left it. I went through a World winner thing.
Ain't know what's so funny? When, um, do I want
to interview him? I don't want touching your family business
because this is you know, it's a private situation. But
I know. I was watching one of the interviews and
I can see how her mom was looking at you,
and I can tell that she felt a way. Yeah,
everybody said, everybody said that. And she was telling one

(39:30):
of her aunts that, um, I don't understand how she
was with her. She didn't do anything. And then one
of the aunts was around again from Philly. There's a
lot more than I know that a lot of people
don't think I would know, but um, she was going
around telling people around here that she should have pulled
her out of the wall with her and all this
other stuff. Yeah, but I think people need to also

(39:50):
understand and realize, like when you're any type of situation,
you don't know what you're gonna do, you know what
I'm saying. I need that it's easier for people to
be like, well, I usually you that did that, But
when you're in that extra moment, you don't know how
your body gonna respond to that ship Like, that's a
scary as situation, you know what I'm saying. And I
think it was honorable that your cousin came back to

(40:12):
make sure you're good, because that was something that we
would that I would have done, but see there was
we would have. I wasn't in the right state. That's
why I went through that process, that sam virus guilt.
That's why I went through that because a lot of
people didn't know that I was, like, you know, in
the type of state where I'm like, I was just
completely confused. I didn't know. It wasn't like I would

(40:32):
have allowed it to happened to her, And the fact
that they thought that I did showed me how they
really felt. And like I learned down the law let
it down a line that it took something like that
for me to understand who they truly were. It took
them to lose their daughter, and like, we we don't
beef now, I just don't. We're just not just because

(40:54):
I understand they lost a daughter and actually him, because
I haven't been in the experience. But I just didn't
like how everything went about. When they was blaming you
for what happened to her daughter. Everybody said that. Everybody
said that, oh, you had to see it, when, um,
when I did the I'm sure you've seen me so yeah.
So when I put that out there that I was

(41:16):
blamed for her death, yeah, I mean that started a
whole heap of trouble too, untikeaping Reil and I was like, yes,
like it was not your fault, you know, I'm just saying, Yeah,
she said, for giving them for who they may not know,
for who they may yeah, what they do, Yeah, and
for what they do. And that's what she told me.

(41:37):
There was a lot of stuff that I wish she
would have put out there on camera, but they had
to make sure they touched on everyone that was in
that series. Um so, but it was a lot more
than who told me too, as well as leave them
where they are many people where they yeah, and leave
them And she told me that and so ended up
turning what turned out, what what ended up happening was

(41:59):
that with that well, she also she said to me,
you just have that. You gotta you gotta keep you,
gotta stay strong. I'm just continue to go. She said,
your cousin loved you, and just know that. And like
I know that, I knew that I would. There was
no doubt in my mind that she didn't love me.
But it was getting so bad. I was questioning her too.
And she's dead and gone and that and that's the

(42:22):
part where a lot of people did not understand. I
was questioning her too, and she's dead and going, so
and I can't only imagine questions like why you're not me?
Or why did you? Like? Yeah, like it's so because
I be watching a certain stuff and like doing reaching
stuff and like vinus, remorse is a real thing. It's
a real thing and when you experience something like that.

(42:45):
Until you experience it, you'll never understand it. It's a
real thing. But you'll never understand that process unless it
is something that you go through. And I'm definitely a
product of that, like you never understand until it shoot
and you really being mad that they're no longer here. Yeah,
I was, Oh, I was high, it said. It was
just like you know, it was like and why do
I have to go through this? Like what did I
do so bad? But it was all a part of

(43:07):
my journey and I learned that later than the line.
So and but it's just it was just something that
I didn't expect to happen to me, and like this
is family, This was something that was supposed to bring
us closer to more than anything. That is not what happened.
That is not what happened. And what with that whole process,
it was still like you know, we were like I said,

(43:29):
we don't speak today, nor being my old friend. That
was good. Oh I'd about to ask you that about
you and her still speaking. No, we no longer speak.
It's not that situation post was a problem. I looked
at it, and people get hurt every day, right, it

(43:50):
wasn't about me being shot. It's the stuff that emotionally
took place after. And so with me and her then
we had we already had our issues. But that's what happens.
Like you girl lived with me like, of course you
had rocky rolls with everyone, but I said that girl family,
I would never go anywhere. There was the stuff that
she did after the fact that made me no longer
speak to her. We have gotten into a fight. Yeah,

(44:12):
we we went through a lot, and that's just a
piece of everything that I went through with her. Um.
She actually ended up marrying my cousin UM, which cousin's
brother UM, which was weird because the whole situation things
took place, and what they put me through just to
be together. It was weird. But they won't tell that story,

(44:34):
and that's the part that makes me want to strangle
both of them. But you know, it's it's just like,
you know, I have to move on from this entire situation,
so I moved forward. Um, good luck to them and
whatever they decided to do. They can milk this story
and whatever they want to do with it, but I
moved on. I see where you're going with that. You
don't even have to say much on that part. Yeah,

(44:58):
So what would you like the listeners to know about
your cousin? She was amazing, right she Um. She definitely
embodied a role model that she was really smart. Yes,
she definitely she was acceptually smarts graduated. Topic she was
at the she was number three hour class. Um. She
putty much that all heasy bees um, very very rare

(45:21):
with the bees um depending on the time pragm of
what it was about. Um. She definitely got accepted from
point of kid school. She had a couple of pool rides.
She was definitely on her way to start up. When
it came to basketball, um, she was. She scored a
thousand points, but she actually because it was some kind
of limitation and scoring a thousand points back then, I'm

(45:42):
not sure how that works. Outn't play basketball, so it
was something about they couldn't record that she scored over
a thousand points. She was well over a thousand points,
but she was a thousand point score and being put
a thousand point score as a point guard was a lot.
So I don't I don't understand how that works. But
that was something. But that was she was awarded. She

(46:02):
the w n b A recognized her. They gave her
so much. The school gave her a lot um a
lot of recognition. They did articles, so many stories, articles,
and I can only like I can just that's only
a piece of what they've done for her. Um, it
was a lot. It was a lot, and she was
an amazing person. And definitely it's not too many people

(46:25):
who genuinely care about people. And if you do have people,
they didn't care about you and love you for who
you are, whether they blevelated than not gold onto. Yeah
these niggas, No, I'm serious, Like, I don't think people
understand the value of like relationships, Like when you find
good people, you gotta hold onto people because you don't
know when God's gonna pull that number. You don't know

(46:47):
what can happen. Like, you really gotta value people. And
even if you all have the part rate for whatever reason,
make sure you leave a blace. Don't don't leave with
that whole like, oh we we hadn't gotten to a
bad falling out. Ain't nothing that bad in the wound
that you can't resolve, yea, And depending on the circumstance
and what it is, have a conversation and get it

(47:10):
right there. That's it. Don't go go forward, just keep
just move on if that's the case. But at least
clearing the air sometimes it's a good thing. And I
had to do that with my old friend too, Like
we had to clear the air, but we could never
be friends again. I want to see her eat, just
not at my table with me, especially not writing no
book about me. Yeah I saw she had a book

(47:31):
out too, or she's working. Yeah, so up. So it's
the whole thing was like her talk from the momy
saying I would spread rumors about it, but not one
time did she reach out to me. I can show
you and poom it to you because I don't believe nothing.
I'm one of them. I would pull a receipt from
ninety three and I was born at ninety five, like

(47:53):
that's that's me so and it was just she when
she did that, it was like, we can't. We can't
hang the fact that you never came to me and
talked to me as an adult about what was going on.
We could never again. Like I just said, she, I
want to see her eat, just not at my table.

(48:14):
And and that actually is a bar to pop setting
um and um. I choose not to h I choose
not to deal with it. Um. And in the light
of being like angry, I'm gonna move more. Like I
definitely said that you are be You have to control
your tongue when you are certain emotions, especially when it

(48:34):
comes to anger, because they're there. At one point, I'm like,
I was so mad everybody was about to catch these hands.
Everybody they were gonna catch more than these hands that
they kept playing with me. And that's and that's and
that's how I felt. But it was like for what
my mom taught me very well, and she said to me,
you can either stay here you play this victim roll,

(48:56):
or you can get up and make something out of it.
And that's what I did. I can't just stay there.
Have you been back to the wh I know the
answer to this, but have you been back to the
nightclub since the shot? Yes, yep, I have. Um. They
actually flewed me out there to come back to the
glove so and we when I took my guy sister

(49:16):
with me and she, uh, that was her first time
because it affected her a lot because she was supposed
to be on a vacation with me, so like it.
She couldn't make it because she had already used her
time for her honeymoon and all this other stuff and
it was like everything was just like all over the place,
So she didn't go, but it was it took a
lot out of her and never realized how much it
affected other people around me. True, I never realized that

(49:38):
until I spoke for her. She explained it to me
for the first time. So I was just like, I
never would have known that because it was I was
too focused on trying to get myself together, like you know,
which is fair, like you had your own healing that
you had to go. But they were a part of
the healing process. So I understood what she meant. But
I was just like, still, like, you know, I never
understand how much it affected me until that moment. Is

(50:00):
it hard for you to go out to clubs? Now? No?
I went, Um, we actually went to a bar, but
now a few months after, But no, it was like
it was actually almost a year later, Um, because it
was Yeah, it wasn't a few months after. It was
almost a year later. We went to a bar. But

(50:21):
that's because my cousin knew the area she needed, He
knew the people that worked there, he knew what is
what around that area. So and he said, if you
feel uncomfortable, we can go home. I will not be
mad at you if you want to go home. And
I said, that's fine. So but he stayed, and it
was his third thing we gave him. Definitely wanted to

(50:41):
so he could have gi himself. But we definitely had
a good time. So after the shooting, the shooter's wife
was acquitted on her charges because she stated that she
didn't know anything about it. What are your thoughts on that?
She's a liar? Yea? How'd been saying, how did these
women not are they're seeking with the devil? Yeah? She

(51:02):
she she claimed she did not know, um that what
was going on. She claimed she did, but she's lying,
she's lying. She's a life, she was a wife, a
big time life. And she tried to pull that I've
been abused all my life victim card, and I'm just like,
but you stayed with him for this long and then

(51:23):
now all of a sudden he's and he's a deep crap.
Now you want to run. And I felt like, you know,
even if it was a domestic violence case, there was
no they didn't see any reports of that, right, so,
and that was the problem for me. And they said,
they call they've seen her outside um getting from her.
She was at the club, and she called like, they said,

(51:44):
they've seen her getting into a car and leaving. So
she dropped him off. That's what we would feeling like.
But you know, I'm a digressive that situation because I
don't know. But she's reaping every part of this. I
know she was because she's the one to blame because
she knew he was gonna do it. That's the problem.
And like, you know, let's be real, in the black community,

(52:06):
you've got charge for going to the store the wrong way.
So I let you know, you get killed. Some skitles
about the Arizona iced tea, but we're gonna leave that
alone because nobody asked me. So it was just like,
you know, my whole thing is is that you know,
people who get up like you know, who are accomplished

(52:26):
of this and who knew this information and did not
share it to authorities get locked up for this or
for much much much smaller, get killed for much, much
much smaller. And the fact that she just was this
was just dropped. And I think it had everything to
do with the fact that this club was a gay club,
and that was the part that did not sit well
with me, and nobody nobody took their time to try

(52:49):
to see how or they didn't hand the right people
in this case, they didn't had the right people on
this case, and I felt like nobody used their brains
when it came to charging this woman when it when
this with now, So, do you feel like justice was served? No? No,
I don't. I don't feel like anything was served, right.
I feel like we are we we got the butt

(53:12):
end of the sting. I do. I feel like we
got the bat end of the state. Because there was
no justice for post. We had to create our own justice.
We hadn't use That's what I had to do, turn
my playing into a game. As my cousin would say,
like you know, she she used to say that all
the time. So I just had to use it because
it was like, we've got no justice for what happened. So,

(53:35):
which is how I got tied into being a gun
violence activists because there are people out here, not just myself,
who don't receive justice for the things that happened to them.
What do you think it's a message that's being sent
out to the world when um, I don't even said
that the killers name because he don't want he doesn't

(53:57):
exactly when his wife is free or when the nigga
that shot at the church they succumbed to ask him
if he wanted the burger, Like, what do you think
they're sending out there to the world about gun violence? Privileges,
keep right, privileges. Key, that's what they send it onto
the world. Privilege is kick you as long as you white,

(54:18):
is right, and you know, and then you can do
things like this and get away with it. And it's like,
you know, it's as small as that, like you know,
you can do things and get away with it, but
you know there are reasons. But this is why I
feel the way I feel when it comes to fighting
for justice for you know, for gun violence and everything else,
because this is the type of stuff that happens. And

(54:40):
like you know, they said, the message that they send
out to the world is that you can do whatever
you want, and especially in America, anything goes as long
as you, you know, don't look like anybody who was
about a few charge dartor then copper or so. And
that's and that's something that's where they sent out and

(55:01):
you know, especially you know, they found upon the gay community,
so you know, anybody who it does identify with that
brown of people, you can do what you want. I
also saw one of your interviews that another one of
your Cousins was killed due to dun bars right after
the nightclub shooting, right one month later. Yeah. Yeah, at

(55:27):
the end of July, he was shot and killed. He
was shot seven times. Seven seven Oh, I mean still
damn yeah yeah, so he was shot seven times. Um.
It was nothing but street beef. Um. And it was
really unfortunate because it's like I had just saw him
a few days before he was killed, and I was

(55:49):
fussing at him because he was on a bike, a
motorcycle and fell off the darn motorcycle and scratched the
skate set. So to see him in the cascade because
he was Muslim, you know, they don't do like the
whole a bombing process or anything like that. When you
see the gun means as is one in the space.
He had a few in his face and the rest
of in his chest. Mm hmm. Yeah. So, what are

(56:13):
your thoughts on the n r A, especially since you
experienced gun violence and just being from like we are,
from neighborhoods, especially a lot of my listeners and from
the neighborhoods that a lot of people have gun So
what are your thoughts about that. I'm not I'm not
I'm still progunned because I do believe at the moment
that America decided that they wanted to bang the guns,
let's say that were the thing. Was really not, but

(56:34):
let's say it was the thing. If America decided that
they wanted to being done like that, that we America
would be in term more because of the the stuff
that our leaders have brought up. Um, I think it
is definitely a protection because there are some some severely
crazy people out there and sometimes you know, the gun

(56:55):
is your only option in some cases. Um, I've seen
people who have been you know if child hazing people
and they still came charging at them with weapons and
it's you know, trying not that you don't want to
kill someone, you want to stop them in their tracks,
and you know, just learning to shoot, but not to kill.
You know, you want to if you're gonna shoot the kid.
That's that's all theas behavior. That's not that's not steep

(57:16):
behavior here. So it's just like it's it's so weird.
It's a weird situation. I am pro gunn. However, I
do believe that nr A has very They have so
many like um, mixing creamage is what I'm gonna call
them like gout a loopose and I feel like it
only applies to those with money or those who look

(57:40):
like the inside of your pod. So it's just like,
I feel like that when it comes down to the
n RRA and some of their rules, then protect there
not there they don't protect the people at the same
time as well as it just protects their guns as
they can have their guns. And that's like, you know,
and they haven't been able to purchase assault rifles um

(58:02):
that are used in war is beyond a mess to me. Yeah,
that's beyond my comprehensive And you know, being being a
part of a boarding a border visor for an organization
in dccret pad fund where they endorse candidates to who
fight for our people, especially when it comes to gun
violence and how they're they're going to address then. And

(58:26):
we also we fight to get the white white people
in office for who deserves the seats to sit in.
So it's just like, you know, being a part of
that process of talking to the senators and sharing that
story with them and understanding like, you know, this man
killed forty nine people with an assault right and the
people fifty three people with handguns and whatever else you

(58:48):
may have had. So it's just like there's has got
to be some limitations. They need to be stripped, background checks,
they need to be psychological checks. These people need to
see therapists before they're able to purchase a gun of
any current. I don't care if it's a small a
peace shooter. Like you know, this is something that that
that's not talked about often at all. So and that

(59:12):
and that's one of our biggest issues, like the psychological
evaluations like palm example, the shooter for Post he has
some mental issues that trust, they knew he had mental
issues that they allowed him to purchase because he used
to work in security as our security guard. And this
man still was able to purchase. How him being able
to purchase and assault right for that's using war. It's

(59:35):
completely insane to me. Yeah, that's that's that's beyond like
so that don't even make sense, Like, no, it doesn't.
But this is a thing. This is this is a thing.
So the goal is to let's fight for commissence gun
reform because obviously we all realize that commissen is just
say that kind absolutely not child And I learned that too,

(59:55):
So you know, being knowing this information and trying to
apply it every little thing that you do. Commersence isn't
really common, but also knowing that you know this is
this commisence need to be applied to some of the
most uh some of the most biggest situations that we
had faced in that country. Now mm hmm um, that's
not at least there are some steps that you took

(01:00:17):
towards your healing. Who the village, Yeah, I spent I
spent a lot of time hitting to reevaluate myself and
who I was because I I quickly forgot who I
was and what I'm what I fought for all my life.
Let's not being underdog and to not not put myself

(01:00:40):
in situations where I feel like I'm gonna be busting
or anything like that. So I had to remember who
I was for a second and all and I've ever done. So.
My whole thing was, let me fight to get myself
out of this. I heard the car on that dark
place and crawl out of it. But a doctor and
let take a village of said my god sister, her

(01:01:01):
husband and her family. It took other extended friends and
family that I had. It took my fame and my
family in this as well that I actually like um
to help me to get me through this process. So
it was a lot. But you know, I remember that
makeup artistry was my thing. Like I never knew how

(01:01:24):
much I loved it until I got right back to it.
I got right back to it in September that same
year I did I did a fashion show, and I
never knew how much I loved my crash until that moment.
It's like I when I'm in there, like when I'm
doing makeup, I have tunnel vision. There's and I don't
see nothing else but that. And I've seen your work.
You can be the face chick. Thank you, thank you.

(01:01:45):
And I've been doing it since. I was actually a
makeup artist long before the shooting. I was actually started
to make up September two thousand and fifteen. Mm. So
those few years later, as you go back, I got,
I had opportunities work on an amazing protect and things
like that. It does since then, I realized as my
healing process was going on, sharing my story was a

(01:02:07):
big part of that and my system. I had to
get it out of my system. You're not some time
to talk something so much. You're just like Jesus Christ, right,
and but that helped. It helped, and that um, it
doesn't justifying him, but helped the whole lot. So sharing
my story and that's how UM the Global Ethos Awards

(01:02:27):
was first. UM. I was sitting here in my at
my god sister's house and we were having a conversation
at like ten o'clock at night, and I was like,
you know, I want to do something that's really rememberable.
And it started out as mere talking about my birthday
and I want up thinking about Haim and a birthday
on the spirit of Philadelphia and not sure if you're
head yet, but it's a boat here in philadelph cool
ship here in Philadelphia that's soon appeared like pens landon

(01:02:49):
and um, and I was thinking about him a big
all white party. I say, now, it's appreciate everybody that's there.
Right then I was like, you know, I found to
hold the love white baby. Okay. So I was like,
you know, what, how about I do one thing I
do want to do it Coast to Galla. She said, okay,
what do you want to host the galaport? I said,

(01:03:10):
what were the gala before? And I said, well, I
want to honor people at this stuff. She said, okay,
for what I said. You know what, I'm gonna an
an after this because a lot of times they they
often are unseen and I noticed. So what happens is,
you know, or they've seen this problem people, those people
you see protesting outside of them buildings or outside of
the white like the White House or on the steps

(01:03:31):
of the the Senator's affice or something like that, like
you know, they get and they're they not noticed all
the time, or they're been considered like annoying or pet
or pest and things like that. But that's not what
it is. These people have since they're trying to tell
you something. It's crazy that they pay activists more attention now,
more than ever since the entire Black Lives movement moment
matter kind of illuminated since the killing of George Floyd,

(01:03:53):
even though this has been going on for decades since
lay yes, since long propping long before that, and it's
just like, you know, since this has been a thing
and it's been illuminated, now they're paying more attention to it.
But our goal is to make sure they think it's
a proper recognition for what they're for. So next year
and during one I could officially say that we're hosting

(01:04:15):
a gala to hono those and we already had how
people who are and lying for the awards because the
awards Galar was actually supposed to take a year. This
take place this year made their two thousand and twenty.
But yeah, but Kay posted because I would attend absolutely, Yeah,
so posted for sure. Well, I am super proud of you,

(01:04:38):
like when I met Philly because I love going to
Philly when yeah, so when I meant Philly, I'm gonna
definitely hit you up so we can meet in person.
But like, I know your story is going to like
encourage or inspire so many people to keep going. Like, yeah,
I think you're doing amazing things. I know your cousin
is proud of you, and I'm just super proud all you, Like,

(01:05:00):
thank you so much. I really appreciate that absolutely, Like
you've had people cheering for you today and you don't
even know it. So like, just keep going to my listeners.
If you have any questions, comments, or y'all just want
to say, hey, girl have if you want to know
more about my guests, please email me a hello at
the PhD podcast dot com And until next time, everyone,

(01:05:21):
Later later