Confessions Of A BBW Pornstar

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before
we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that
the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those
of the host and guests and are intended for educational
and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is
off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can
be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to

(00:22):
celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color,
providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will
be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a
reminder that tough times don't last, but professional homegirls do
enjoy the show.

Speaker 2 (00:52):
Hey, professional Homegirls, Eshagurabine here and we are throwing it
back to a PhD rewind episode that is hands down
and my top five, y'all, And listen that says a
lot because we are approaching three hundred episodes and I
recorded this back in twenty nineteen, So listen when I

(01:12):
tell y'all, y'all are about to be cracking up because
my guess is shits and giggles. My guest gets really
about her experiences in the porn industry as a BBW
porn star. She opens up about the challenges, the stereotypes,
and the behind the scenes realities of being a plus
size performer. We dive into body confidence, representation and what

(01:34):
it takes to SUCCEEE in the industry that often has.

Speaker 3 (01:37):
Narrow beauty standards.

Speaker 2 (01:39):
This episode is raw and it is definitely one of
those ones. So get ready because I'm a BBW porn star.
Starts now, how did you get your start in poor?

Speaker 3 (01:52):
Well, to begin, I was my aunt told me I
do everything, so why not tried to get in a magazine?

Speaker 2 (02:02):
But what do you mean by everything?

Speaker 3 (02:04):
Like I do photo shoots? You know what I'm saying.
I mean like, I'm not ashamed, I'm not a you know,
if I'm gonna do, I do photo shoots. I had
a stripper come to my city and it was quite
a few of them, and I met him. We talked
for a while. He told me about canny and everything else.
So I was like, you know, I wasn't really ready
for I didn't know much about how you do cannan

(02:25):
or anything like that at the time. So then he said, well,
why don't we do a photo shoot? So I did
the photo shoot. He gave me the photos back. It
took like two weeks or something. I forgot all about
the photos.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
You know.

Speaker 3 (02:36):
I was like, Okay, he just done took the photos
and doing whatever he wanted to do with them, you
know what I mean. So finally, I guess because he
was in college also, but he was a male stripper
and we did the photo shoot. I also, in the
process of waiting for him to give me the photos
of the photos back, I had begun a relationship with

(02:57):
one of my children's football coaches and he started talking
to me about the cam thing, And.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
Wait, what is that it is?

Speaker 3 (03:09):
It's like cam like you cam you talk to fans people,
they like my free cam streammates. It's different ones. It's
like it's a thousands upon thousands of CAMMI sites. So
there's there's things like cam models. That's what it's called
being a cam model. And there are male and female
cam models. You know what I'm saying. It's not just

(03:30):
for women. Some sites only cater to women, but then
you have a lot that you know, catered to both.
And you know, so you know you can do it
with alone or with someone else, you know, but they
have to be a member, you know, a member of
the site. You know, someone who's working for the site.
Like they have to have their W two's, and like

(03:51):
you pay taxes on all of this nothing. Yeah, everything
we pay taxes on, you know. So but anyway, she well,
you know, excuse me. The football coach the he was
the assistant, let me get it straight, assistant football coach
of my daughter, because my daughter was the first female
football player, you know, being here in my city. So

(04:15):
and she was, you know, for the kids leagues and stuff.
So me and him talked and he was talking to
me about, you know, all of it and everything. Also,
but the like I said, the stripper knew had a
little more deep detail. He knew more about it, I
guess because he had been involved in it. And so
at that point, the football coach started trying to take

(04:39):
pictures of me. Also, you know, he took a couple,
but his photography wasn't on point, and I like, then
that wasn't then he called itself doing some little photos
of me giving him head. You know, I actually seen
those photos and they are horrendous. They're horrendous. I actually

(05:02):
have them on my laptop and I never showed them
to nobody because they're gross. They just don't look right.
I didn't look right. My parents wasn't right. And it
was in between the me testing the waters on the
type of hairstyles and what was attractive to the audience,
you know, and when I compared it, like it's times

(05:22):
where I've put on a black wig and people were like, uh.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
Uh, so you was going resach pretty much.

Speaker 3 (05:29):
Yeah, I was doing all of that. So with me
doing all of that and my aunt saying, well, you're
doing all this, you're doing all of this, you might
as well try to get into a magazine. But she
never thought I'd take it as far as I have,
you know what I'm saying, Because I did try to
get in a magazine, but I wasn't. I'm like, I'm
not about to go out here buying magazine, you know

(05:49):
what I'm saying. So I have an uncle who lives
across the street from me, and I know he's some
type of a freak.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
You know.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
I see all the different type of women he'd be
taking in out the house and stuff, you know. So
I know one day he had particularly asked me, did
I have any magazines over here? I know, goddamn pornographic magazines.
You know, at the time that he was asking me,
I had another job, Like I said, I you know,
my daughter was doing the football. You know what I'm saying.

(06:16):
I'm a mother, so you know what I mean. I
was wrapped up in so many other things, but also
had another job. I was self employed, you know what
I'm saying. And I was a childcare provider at the time.
So what they hell would I be doing with sex
magazines right laying around my house, you know what I'm saying,
And what I'm gonna be doing with them anyway?

Speaker 2 (06:37):
You know?

Speaker 3 (06:37):
In my mind, like I don't. I never been one
to watch porn I or look at magazines. I've been
in adult toy stores and all of that, but not
to bring I bring toys on.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
You know, So you never thought that you would be
doing what you're doing.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
No, not in no way, shape or form. But when
he asked me, it dawned.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
You know.

Speaker 3 (06:55):
I had remembered that in the back of my head.
So when my I was saying, get into you know,
you need to try to get into a magazine. Well,
of course I went over and knocked on his door
and asked him did he have it? After he asked me,
I'll remind you, I'm asking him, Well, let me see
what you got. He was like, well, I done used
all mind me not thinking you know what could be
all over the magazines. So he was like, well, let

(07:17):
me dig something out, and I bring him across the streets.
So he brought the magazines to me. When I tell you,
these magazines was ancient. It was the black and white ones,
like literally the ages was like like warped, and who
knows why they saw work. It could be worked because
of age or because if something else was on it,
you know what I'm saying. But I'm still not I'm

(07:39):
still looking in as a you know, you go back
to your childhood table of contents. So I looking at
the magazines like these are fat white women, you know
what I'm saying, And it's just really some of the
pages stuck together. But I'm still trying to figure out
there has to be a phone number or email. God,
the magazine is like before I was born, probably you

(08:01):
know what I meaning. So remind you this is my
step uncle. He's much older than me, you know what
I mean. So I'm still not thinking. All I'm thinking
is table of content. So I'm looking it's emails. But
you know, like I said, the magazines was old. I
did try the emails. I did try the phone numbers.
From that point on, I finally received those photos from

(08:22):
the stripper. He pulled up. I was outside with all
the kids, you know what I'm saying. He had me
a DVD and I came in the house and you know,
after the kids left and everything. You know, like I said,
I was doing daycare and once I got my kids,
you know, wind down and everything. I came in and
I looked at the DVD and I was blowed away

(08:44):
by the photos. The bad part with the photos is
I was tipsy as hell, So some of them you
could tell I was tipsy, but my makeup was still
on point, and I'm weird all emotions on my face.
So my emotion was I was hot as hell because
I was not tipsy, but drawn fucked up, you know
what I'm saying. And so, but I was still impressed

(09:08):
by the photos compared to the other ones that the
football assistant football coach took, so I was really excited
about it. So I showed them to my aunt and
I showed the the regular pictures, not nothing sexual because
there really wasn't any visual where you could see like
open body parts, you know what I'm saying, open or nothing.
It was erotic, you know what I mean. It was

(09:29):
more erotic photos, you know what I'm saying. I was
still fully clothed, I you know what I mean. The
most that came out was my breast, you know what
I mean. There wasn't any like butt naked. You could
see my butt, you know, but that's it. Nothing where
you know, too bad, nothing busting, you know, the clid
out or nothing like that. So you know, my I
seen them and she liked them or whatever. I showed

(09:50):
them to a couple other people and then I went
on I can't even remember the BBW search something. It
was a website. So I put a couple of photos
up there. I was contacted by a black producer out
of North Carolina. When he contacted me, we spoke back
and forth. Now at this time, I was on social

(10:12):
services by this time, you know, because it wasn't that
many kids in daycare, so I had no choice but
to go and apply. Because I'm still a mother. I
still got to take care of my kids one way
or younger. And I have a big ass house and
not trying to lose my house, you know what I'm saying.
So I had like two kids in daycare who parents
weren't really paying, you know, but I didn't want to

(10:34):
leave let the kids go. You get attached to people kids,
you know what I'm saying. Right, So, and it was
like if I didn't keep them, who would you know,
still struggling, but I still apply for social services. So
you know I'm gonna budget. I'm barely making it. So
I so what I'm I saying, Oh, I went on

(10:54):
ahead and like I said, put those pictures on this site.
The black producer contact when he contacted me, we talked
for a long time, all still talking to him. You know,
he's just one person that actually gave me the time
of day. But you know, you can't believe everything that
glitter ain't gold. And just because I see he got
all these little DVDs and this, that and the other.

(11:15):
He's still saying he wants to shoot me, but he
has you know, this girl and that girl he's working
or it's always some type of fucking excuse, you know
what I'm saying. So I started googling things, and this
is something that I had to educate myself on and
when I tell you, day after day, night after night,
day after day, like it was to me like a job.

(11:36):
And remind you of that, too many kids in daycare.
So any spare time that I had, this is what
I did.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
It seems like you was like very like once is persistent,
like once a got in your head, it was you
ran with it.

Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yeah, I couldn't stop, you know what I'm saying. It
was just like it wouldn't leave my mind. You know,
I got so many compliments in it on on on
that site. And now remind you, at this time, I
didn't have Facebook. I still had that MySpace shit and
I was bored with that. And my kids used to
have Facebook, and I used to get on them because
I used to be mad. I'm like, he's old ass ment.

(12:11):
So I made my kids shut their facebooks down because
they looked at like older men were. Why you got
all these old men on your on your Facebook? Ya?
So at this point, I now I gotta after making
them shut their Facebook down, I have to go back
to them to ask them to teach me about Facebook.
This crazy, you know what I'm saying. So I put

(12:31):
some of those basic photos up or whatever. Not a
whole lot, just a few. And eventually I got contacted
by another guy who is actually the owner of a
what was the owner of a club in the DC
area or I am still talking to the guy from

(12:51):
h North Carolina and the one from the club. He
told me that he does photos and he owned the club,
and this, that and the other, never telling me out
a wife, you know what I'm saying. Anyway, me and
him talked for quite some time. He ended up coming
to my city, coming to Buffalo. He ended up coming here.
When he came here, he came with a woman and

(13:13):
another guy. Now I didn't have no idea that the
other guy actually lived in my city. I never knew him,
never seen them. I'm not I wasn't the type of
person like hanging in straights or whatever. So they picked
me up, came to my home, picked me up, took
me to a hotel, did a photo shoot. We did
a no, a really nice photo shoot. Me being the
type of person I am like, I thought he was

(13:33):
fine as hell. You know, I'm flirting with him. I
don't know this his wife, and she never let knowing
that it is his wife, she never said nothing. And
then eventually the other guy that was with them, he
ended up making a comment the then I put two
and two together, you know what I'm saying, so, and
they ended up we did finish the photo shoot out.
The pictures were lovely. There's some of the pictures that

(13:56):
people see online now they're stilled up. So remind you.
I'm still talking to the guy from North Carolina now,
the one that I did that came here and I
did the photo shoot with. They gave me a paper
to side. I ain't know none about a contract or anything,
you know what I'm saying. It was one page, but
it was pretty basic and it was more like it

(14:18):
was what I learned was content exchange. They could use
the photos what they wanted to use it for, and
I could use it. You know. Nobody received any money
for it, you know, either way. But then after I
signed it, I go in the bathroom, change my clothes,
put my you know, my regular clothes back on, and
they tell me that they've been doing photoshoots of girls

(14:41):
from DC all the way to Buffalo, and nobody does
the camera justice. None of the big girls they've been photoing,
I mean taking photos of did the camera Justice at
the time, and I was like wow, I said, well,
you know, me thinking, well, you must be looking for
bump bitches or something. You know, bitches that ain't even
trying to put it theyself together or whatever. So he

(15:01):
was like, well, they just haven't been working out. So
they told me that since they have my photos, they're
going to make me the face of their club. And
I was like, are you kidding? Now? At this point,
I'm like, that's fucked up. Had they told me that
before that, I would have been on some other type
of shit, right, funny thing, you know what I'm saying.
But again me not knowing and no one ever teaching

(15:24):
me anything. What else, you know, what was I supposed
to do? So at that point, again, I'm still talking
to North Carolina. Man, I'm trying to get in the
porn at this point. Fuck them pictures. You know, they
were gorgeous pictures and all that, but I didn't know
no better. They got over on me, I thought at
the time. You know, now to this day, I only

(15:45):
been in that club one time, you know what I'm saying,
one time ever, but I was the face of their
you know, that's kind of fucked up. But I was
the face of their club, photos of me all over
the club.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
I'm the kind of club was it?

Speaker 3 (15:58):
It was a bar up the fire club, you know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
So, so who wasn't that introduces getting ready.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
To go to I ended up finally being contacted by
Like I said, I had my photos on that one site,
and I was still talking to that North Carolina man
with all the promises he gonna he gonna gonna shoot me,
you know, he gonna send for me this that you
know this when I tell you this one on about
ten months and I just started getting like fuck it,

(16:32):
but still googling stuff because I'm like, it's gotta be
another way around, you know. So I ended up contacting
Evasive Angels and the man who owned that name was
T T Boy. I had seen little stuff online about him,
you know what I'm saying when I could, because you know,

(16:52):
I always had kids around, so when I could, excuse me,
I had seen, you know, little stuff, So I seen it.
I knew he had had a raspy voice, like it
sounded like it was as she like. So after I'll
calling his phone, leaving messages with the secretary, emailing him,
sitting him hella pictures. Mind got who sets of pictures? Now?

(17:15):
Like I got like over six hundred pictures. You know
what I'm saying between two different people. So I'm like, okay, fine,
ain't nothing gonna happen. I had It was the beginning
of the month. I had paid all my bills. I
getting ready to go to the grocery store. I'm in
a cab, a taxi. I'm getting ready to get in

(17:36):
a taxi. Before I get a taxi, my phone rings.
It's a man talking about Hi this TT boy who.
I said, listen, you know, excuse my langues. Well, listen, motherfuckers,
I cut like a seller. Yeah, listen, motherfucker, stop playing
on my goddamn phone. This TG boy. I'm like, who,

(18:02):
And I'm not thinking because remind you, I just sent
the man a message. I didn't think and why was
I supposed to remember? His name was even d D boy,
you know what I mean. So he kept I kept
hanging up on him, and he kept calling. So once
I get in the cab and I'm right at the
door of the grocery store, he calls back. Now, fucking
live it because I see the number. Now I'm starting

(18:24):
to remember the number, like this motherfucker, don't stop playing
on my goddamn phone. Not only money I have is
the money, you know, like my food stamps at the time,
and the money to get you know, household things. Me
and me and my two youngest are in the cab
were getting out. I'm trying to pay the cab driver.
This motherfucker won't stop calling me, so eventually I let

(18:46):
him go ahead and talk, and he started telling me
he wanted me in Miami on a certain day. He
gave me the date. You know, he was like, we'll
pay you paid for your travel. I'm begetting I didn't
know nothing about nothing you pay for. You want me
to pay for my motherfucking travel and my hotel. But
he's telling me he's gonna give me half of the

(19:09):
hotel when I get there, in half on the travel
and pay me to shoot. I'm thinking to myself, this
don't make no kind of goddamn sense, right, because pay
for it all. Do you know what I found out
By the time I came into the business, all those
type of things changed because especially for the big girls,

(19:29):
the big you know, the black bbw's in this. You know,
I mean, being a BBW, you know, porn star, They've
made it so hard for us. You know, the girls
before me, A lot of them before me, not all,
but a lot. But anyway, So once I go grocery shop,
and now I'm at the grocery store and I'm stressed
the fuck out because I don't know who this is.
So I get back home, I contact the man from

(19:49):
North Carolina. Little do I know, he had been shooting
girls in North Carolina and selling the content to TT Boy,
so he was for me with him. So after I
told him who he was, and he once kept asking
me what the number was, you know, and I'm like, shit,
you could be telling me any old motherfucker thing. It
seemed like everybody giving me the run rote you. So

(20:13):
I ended up. He asked what was the phone num.
I didn't want to give him the whole number because
if it was him, you know what I'm saying, that
ain't writing me to do nothing like that. So I
gave him the last couple digits and he was like,
that is t T Boy, And I'm like, the fuck
are you kidding me? But I'm still skied, you know
what I'm saying. So I call him back after I
go online. Now at this point, now I know it's
really him. I'm like, Okay, this is my chance to

(20:35):
get in. But I really don't have no money because
I'd have paid all my bills. You know what I'm saying,
I'm gonna limited income. I paid all my bills, I
did all of that, the win grocery shopping. I look
up flights from him telling me where he needed me
to be at this that he other. I looked up flights,
I looked up hotels. That shit. The flight alone was

(20:55):
eight hundred dollars and I gotta pay it up front
and you gonna give me half of it back. You
know what I'm saying, I know you. You say you're real,
and he's saying that it's really you. But I don't know.
They could be on some kidnap a bit shit him. Yeah,
you know what I'm saying, I'm stressed out. Like he'll

(21:15):
remind you. It is six o'clock in the evening. He
told me he needed an answer from me by midnight.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, you don't know what you're walking through.

Speaker 3 (21:25):
I'm saying, I'm buying myself. I don't know nobody. He
had granted my eye, telling me go do this, go
do that go get in a magazine. But I'm trying
to take it a step further, you know what I'm saying,
because it really wasn't too much to you. It was
too hard to figure out the magazine situation. It seemed
to be a little I got more information about movies,
but couldn't get the right get to the right people,

(21:46):
you know.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
So so how'd you get up there?

Speaker 3 (21:50):
I didn't go.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (21:52):
I called him and I told him, like this my situation,
Like I didn't have any money to be paying up
front or anything like that. I really didn't. I just
paid my bills and I had, you know, went to
the store. You know, I gotta buy a tissue, and
you know, you gotta budget your shit out. See, I'm
a mother before I'm anything. You understand what I'm saying.

(22:12):
I mean, my kids come first always, Uh they should. Yeah,
so my home and my kids without either one of these,
I'm gonna be fucked up. So I ended up not going.

(22:33):
I ended up passing it on and he told me, then,
well then maybe next time we can do some business.
I'm gonna keep your information and you know, we can
do something again or whatever. So I'm like, okay. So
after that, a few days later, I ended up talking
to the North Carolina guy and he was like, why
didn't you go? That was the best opportunity, you know,

(22:54):
And I'm telling him, I don't know if any of
you motherfuckers is really real, you know what I'm saying,
because you ain't sent for me yet. So finally, finally
the North Carolina guy ended up sending for me. It
was during some type of rainstorm or something they had
going on in North Carolina. So I was still shook
because now I'm still going off with the motherfucker I

(23:14):
don't know, you know what I'm saying. He ended up
paying for my travel, paid for the room, you know,
little clothes and playroom or whatever. The mal talent didn't
show up the first day, so he ended up keeping
me another day. Now remind you, this was all on
the contingencies of what they called content exchange. After he
explained everything to me, I started learning more and by

(23:37):
the time he had sent for me, had started having
conversations with other producers and they were all saying the
same thing. At this time. At that time, bbw's weren't
making a lot.

Speaker 2 (23:48):
Why do you think they'll make a lot of money.

Speaker 3 (23:50):
Because the bbw's beforehand fucked the game up. They would
get the money in advance runoff, don't you know what,
they'll get the money. The producers or the companies would
send them the money to book the ticket. They wouldn't
show up. It was just before I came into the business,

(24:11):
Like I just came in everything. Everything was fucked up
by the time I got.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
Involved in the industry.

Speaker 3 (24:19):
I've been in seven years, okay, okay, yeah, so I
would say eight nine years ago was when things eight
and a half years ago, Well, I guess when things
started going bad, you know what I mean. And there
was like black Tail Magazine, and like the main people
who actually went out the way and who promoted and

(24:40):
hired the black big girls. They like, you know, Internet came.
You had the man from Blacktail magazine. He died. From
what I understand, I never got a chance to meet him,
the original Blacktail magazine. He died just before I came
in the building. He hired all the new girls, made
sure they stayed paid, made sure they had good gigs,
you know. Like I said, t T Boy, he was

(25:02):
the only one him, And there was another one I
can't think of his name, right now. But there was
another magazine, I mean, another company that was shooting the
big girls too, But then they all started coming down
because of Internet on the prices like when I tell
you offering five hundred shit like that. So my best,

(25:24):
my best deal at that time was what Evasive Angels
was trying to give me. And I was scared to go,
you know what I'm saying. So, like I said, I went.
I shot with the the company from North Carolina. Everything
was fine. The second day the male talent came, I
did the scene. I had a few little issues. I

(25:44):
did the scene totally sober. That was one issue, because
my nerves was a wreck to be.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
This was the first time that you had thts with
the male talent mm hm, and you did it sober, yep.
But you wanted to see how I was gonna be
though I didn't.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
First of all, the man like he paid for the room.
I went down there still on very little money, just
a little money to sleep for emergencies. So you know,
if anything happened, like I said, the company, the man,
the producer, he paid for my travel, you know, well
excuals me mega bus, you know that long ass ride.
He paid for all of that. You know what I'm saying.
He pay for the hotel, you pay for my food

(26:21):
and stuff. But he doesn't drink or smoke or you know,
I don't smoke nothing, you know what I'm saying. But
he don't drink or whatever. He don't do nothing. So
you know, he wasn't buying no damn liquor, you know
what I mean. He made that real clear, you know.
But then as berth, since I was, I couldn't have
had no damn liquor, you know what I mean. I

(26:42):
ended up going to the store and I did buy
a beer. But by the time the male Tanley got
off in his regular job, because most people have a
regular job in this industry, by the time he got
out his regular job and got there and they came
like in the last minute, they called me. The producer
called and was like, okay, we're on our way. I
had to run get dressed. I come out the bathroom.

(27:02):
Like they got the keys to get in the room,
remind us in their name. So when I come out
the bathroom, there there, you know what I'm saying, the
mele talent comes in, he uses the bathroom, we start shooting.

Speaker 2 (27:14):
How was that experience.

Speaker 3 (27:17):
It was Okay, I felt like I still have a
relationship with the mel talent. You know what I'm saying.
He comes to my city because he drives truck or
whatever too, so when he comes up here, you know,
we I go see him and you know, we talking,
you know, to spend time talking and stuff or whatever.
You know. It was I felt kind of it felt strange.

(27:39):
And don't get it twisted. I've slept with motherfuckers. I
ain't know it before, you know what I'm saying. But
it was different for the camera and everything. Yeah, I
knew how to I know how to be seductive, you
know what I mean. I know that I have the
eyes you know when I'm looking, I know, you know.

(28:00):
It's just you just can't stare into the camera, you
know what I mean. You gotta act like you don't
know what's going on. But then there was little incidents
where the male talent but he had like bleeding bleeding
like it was little ship that I was like, okay,
this is something wrong. He had shaved and cut like

(28:22):
on his butt, so there was like a little bit
of drop of not drop, a little like a little
line of blood or whatever on.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
This nde.

Speaker 3 (28:31):
It. It did because automatically I'm like, okay, this one
fucking gay, which don't get it fucked up. There's you know,
I have a lot of gay friends, you know what
I'm saying. So it's not that's not the that's not
the situation. The situation is you're fucking me right yeah,
and you bleeding like you're bleeding from your asshole. What's
going on? You know what I mean. So I'm paranoid

(28:53):
like a motherfucker. But he was really cute, he was
really nice. He was you know what I'm saying. He
was He's all right, he was all right, you know
what I mean. Dick big as hell, you know what
I mean. But I mean, it ain't even about the
dick being real big, it's how you use it, you know.
I run it to some issues with my leg, Like

(29:13):
that's what I just went through now. But I just
ran it through some issues with one of my legs
where I realized, like I have a problem, like with
a nerve, so a certain way that he would hit me,
you know what I'm saying, when he's fucking me, that
my leg felt like it was given out. It was
like an aching but it felt back. It was like
every time he pumps, he hit a nerve from the back.

(29:34):
It hurt it so bad, you know what I'm saying.
It hurt it so fucking bad. Then when we did it,
you know what I'm saying, you know, just regular missionary style,
I had to kick him off of me because he
was hurting me, you know what I mean. And but
I can't let the camera know. I just literally just
you know, you, threw my legs back, pushed them off

(29:55):
of him, I mean off of me, pushed him off
of me. So, you know, from that point on after
doing that scene, before I even left there, I had
been speaking to a trainee here in my city that
was friends with my sister, but to school with my
little sister, and he had a website or she However,
I don't want to do the pronouns wrong. You know,

(30:16):
she's say she had a website, you know, So I
ended up asking her even before I left my city.
I asked her, could you contact your website people and
ask them if they could, you know, give me a
call or whatever. So they never called me on my
way down, and now, oh I was gonna be able
to put on it. At that time, remind you before
going to North Carolina, was some pictures, no idea. I'm

(30:40):
still trying to do things on my own. I'm knowing
I need to have somewhere to just put everything at
because I know I can't put all of this on Facebook.
You know what I'm saying. I need to have motherfuckers
keep asking me for more and more pictures. I don't
want to be sitting motherfucker's pictures in the inbox. I
know that you're supposed to get paid for it.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
Well I'm gonna ask you. Were you getting paid to Sidney.

Speaker 3 (31:01):
No, That's why I wasn't sending him. That's why I
wanted a website. You know what I'm saying. That's why
I wanted a website, so that you have to pay
like any other website. You gotta pay the joint. You
know what I mean. You gotta pay the seat. So
he ended like I said, I didn't get no call
from the webmaster on the way there. I got the
call just before I started shooting, while everyone was in

(31:25):
the room. And it's a reminder. It's the hotel room.
We're all in the room, and I told the man
I'll call him back. I'm doing my first scene. So
I ended up calling him back. You know, we talked.
He told me, once I get everything, you know, send
him one fifty. And you know, he said, he'll start
the splash page right now. Just send him a couple

(31:45):
of pictures. So after the scene was over, I sent
him a couple of pictures so he could do the
splash page that very first page, and I picked. He
sent me three different ones. I picked, and I ended
up sending him all the photos. He put all the photos.
So I got a uh, but I don't got my
I don't finish the scene. Now, this is what I'm

(32:07):
talking about about. I don't know, motherfuckers, I don't know
the game. You are go again, so now get I
come all the way. I stay in North Carolina for
like five days. Remind you, I finished the scene on
the second day, so I ended up staying there a
couple of days more. You know, I ended up coming home.

Speaker 2 (32:23):
Did you get paid for that scene?

Speaker 3 (32:25):
No? It was content exchange.

Speaker 4 (32:27):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (32:28):
It was a content exchange where he could put it
on his stuff and I could use it. Remind you,
I need the scene. I got a sight, you know
what I mean. I went down there knowing I need
something to prove that I can do porn. See if
everyone could do it, everyone would be a real porn
star and not a in your bedroom with the camera

(32:50):
with you and your man with your cell phone. You
know what I'm saying. If everyone could do it, everyone
would be nominees, a war would attend these shows, would
be invited to do things, would be on some of
the products, and some of the things. You know what
I'm saying, would get endorsements. If everyone could do it,

(33:10):
It's a big difference from doing in your bedroom by yourself.
And who gives a fuck you would? You know whoever?

Speaker 2 (33:19):
You know?

Speaker 3 (33:19):
I know they have all the other the free sites
where people are putting all those up. And I'm not
taking nothing from porn hub or anything else, because hell,
I got some half a minute shit up on porn
Hub too, you know what I'm saying. But I don't
keep I don't indulge in constantly putting stuff up there
because I prefer I want to be paid correctly, not
not a half a penny or a penny for a movie.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
Do you get paid more for certain things?

Speaker 3 (33:46):
You get paid more for DP, which I don't do
double penetration. I don't feel like my shit is big
enough for all that. I feel like it's gonna bust through.
You cannot put a dick in my ass and in
my coochie have to say that's too much. I'm not
real big there, so I just feel like it's gonna bus.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
Open girl me too.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
You know those in aintal are the biggest for you know,
female ainal and double penetration. So I guess I ain't
gonna never get no double penetration money because I'm just.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
Not doing it. How much double penetration.

Speaker 3 (34:24):
I don't know, but I know it's the largest amount.
I don't I don't neither know because I'm not doing
it right. I'm not doing it. It's not for me.
Ain'tal is hard enough, you know what I'm saying. So
that's not I'm not gonna get it for me.

Speaker 2 (34:39):
Yeah, when I was watching the documentary and how like
they try to stay away from antal, like they wait
until they got a couple of years. Yeah, and then
when they do do it, it's like they ask me out literally.

Speaker 3 (34:54):
Yeah, you're not going to and by the time you
do it. That's why I don't do it. Girls that
do it and they have their and stuff like that.
I just choose not to do it. I've done ain'tal,
you know. I mean, I've done anal in my private life,
of course, but that's been like with my baby daddies
or something like that. But as far as in the industry,

(35:15):
I've only done two antal scenes.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
Is there a thing you wouldn't do besides those two?

Speaker 3 (35:21):
I don't. I don't do dps. I don't do cream pies,
which is girl, that's the that's the slang for the
Caucasian people, cream pies. Girl, that's come in you. I
don't do that. First of all, I have an issue
with anything dripping out of me like that. For seventy
do you know what I'm saying? Only thing should come

(35:42):
out of a woman is her own body. I feel
that's just how I feel on her own. You know,
your own juices and your period. I just don't like
all the drainage, you know what I mean? I don't
know because I'm single now. I don't like the smell afterwards.
I mean, each is sown, but I feel like, come

(36:02):
make your pussy steak.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
Yeah, but I did. When I was with my research,
I noticed that a lot of I guess in the industry.
They don't condone condoms.

Speaker 3 (36:12):
They don't condone them. No, because we're we're tested, like
depending on who you're working with. Me myself, I use
talent testing services and.

Speaker 2 (36:23):
I won't watch I saw that.

Speaker 3 (36:25):
I won't work with you if you don't use talent
testing services, and I won't work with you if your
test is two weeks and all that. Oh, I mean
each his own, you know, I mean you're when you
go through talent testing services, they have it set up
where two weeks and lets you know when your two
week mark comes, your three week mark comes, your four

(36:46):
week market then they say you need to be tested.

Speaker 2 (36:48):
Against because I think you have that on your site.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm real. I broadcast mine. I put
it out there, and it's not even just for me
to put it out there, because the world will know
if you went to these sites and you know what
I'm saying, and you typed in my name and you
know my information or whatever. I broad as myself right there.

(37:11):
I'm not ashamed. You know what I'm saying. I don't
give a fuck. I raised my kids and never was
a secret from my family. You know what I'm saying.
I got like one or two people my family who'd
be telling me, Oh, you don't gotta do this, and
you don't gotta do that. Ain't nobody making me do it?
You know? I do it because I want to do it,
and I do it because I'm good at it, and

(37:32):
I do it because I've built this brand, you know
what I'm saying, and it is. It's not an everlasting
thing that I'm gonna do t I know, but I
started it. I feel like I conquered it. I came
in and I blew through it. I got some of
those paid scenes when nobody else was getting them at
a certain at a certain point, I own my own

(37:53):
I own a lot of my rights too, you know
what I'm saying. I shot with some people that a
lot of people that when BDW said they were never
when they said that they weren't male talent. Okay, For one,
Wesley Pipes, I worked with him. He wasn't working with
big girls anymore at the point that I worked with him.

(38:15):
You know what I'm saying. I got hired by a
company from Cali. I told a friend of mine, which
is another male talent, that I did my very first
antal scene with me and him were like like.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
Huh is he dead girl?

Speaker 3 (38:37):
But it like this. He's good at what he does,
but it's the camera. He's basic. Like you know what
I mean, guys, But he's great. He's a great porn star,
a great talent, and I mean that.

Speaker 2 (38:54):
I know.

Speaker 3 (38:54):
People call him the shit talker you always got. I
got guys who'll be like, yeah, he talked too much,
but Joe I asked to sit there and listen and
laugh along. He has humor in what he does. But
he's very, very good. He's very he will teach you
what you don't know. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
He's I'm pretty sure you learned a lot about yourself,
actually too.

Speaker 3 (39:15):
Yeah, I learned a lot. Actually. The first time I
squirted was with him. I didn't know. I've had an
ex used to didn't never tell me that, like when
I'm riding his face or something, that I'll be squirtling.
I didn't know he'll get busy cleaning it all up.
So I did. I didn't know shit, you know what

(39:36):
I'm saying. And I because that was my people, you
know what I'm saying. So when I was asked to
do these things with Wesley, you know. I guess they
took it to him and wanted to make sure that
I was what he wanted to work with. And I
was a fresh face, you know what I'm saying. I
was even though I had been in the industry for

(39:57):
like two years, I was still considered a fresh face.
I didn't. I still limit who I work with, Like
a lot of the girls are just going and working
with Tom Dick and Harry. I'm very choosy and there's
been a lot of people who have asked me to
work with them, and I told them no. You know
what I'm saying, I just have issues with a lot

(40:17):
of because it has to be beneficial for me. Just
because you work with Jane, Elisa and Kelly, don't mean
that that's what I want on my shit. Don't mean
that I you know what I mean. You might look
good on camera with gunshot wounds and stab marks on
Laura's site, but I don't want those stabbed up motherfucker

(40:39):
on my site. I feel like I do enough for
that with the stretch marks and on it.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
Yeah, when I was on your page, I feel like,
well I was on your site because I can do
my research. I feel like most of the men kind
of like you got like they kind of they don't
look alike, but they kind of like they don't look crazy.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
Yeah, I'm real picky. I'm very very picky on who
I deal with. And I know a lot of people,
like you know, there's a particular company and I love him.
His name is Ken from BBW Highway shouts out to him.
You know what I'm saying. Ken runs quite a like
about two or three different companies. He's you know, he

(41:16):
still shoots the big girls. Then now he's into just
the girls with the big booties, you know, different type
of stuff, you know, and with him he is, he
shot some stuff for me, but he's like as far
as companies, like he started telling people. This is recently
is when I really realized that he knew that I
took what I do seriously. And we were in Vegas

(41:39):
and someone came in and they were doing like a
weekend a marathon shoot during av in a wartime, and
I was staying at the house like he rented, like
a mansion or whatever. So that first night that I
was there, since I came in so late, he picked
me up from the airport and I stayed at the house
so that following morning, I'm getting dressed, soul, I can
go do my testing while I'm out in Vegas and

(42:00):
someone comes in and the guy sees me and he's like,
oh my god, is that her? Wait a minute, wait,
wait what's her name? And he told her mind or whatever.
And then the guy was like, well, if she shooting.
By this time, I'm walking in the room, but I
hear everything. He was like, Yo, you know, she really
ain't ain't shooting, but I'm sure she will shoot, but
you know you gotta pay her.

Speaker 2 (42:20):
Right do you have do you have some prices for things.

Speaker 3 (42:25):
Depending on if I for certain companies like now the
manager that I have now, because remind you that the
people who did come to Buffalo with the wife and everything,
they ended up being my managers. They ended up I
ended up. But he didn't know anybody, He ain't know
anybody me and m ended up in a relationship. In

(42:47):
the whole fucking nine it went, you know, it went
totally to the left. It went where shouldn't have went,
you know what I'm saying. And now my manager who
I have now, we were friends for a long time
and I ended up telling him, like you know, he
was handling certain things. Because men in this industry are vultures.

(43:09):
They take advantage of the girls. And it's the black men.
I love my brothers, but a lot of the producers
in this industry, especially the East Coast producers, take advantage
of the girls. You know what I'm saying, They really
really do a lot of them. You know, they're just

(43:29):
not into helping the girls with anything. Like I just
don't think it makes any sense for you to sin
tell a girl to come to your city or whatever
to shoot you not paying her. It's gonna be content exchange. Yeah,
you know. But see some of these girls don't even
have websites, don't know how to set up clip stores,

(43:49):
don't have you know, don't have anywhere to post their
stuff at. And the thing these days is because of
the way the Internet has tooken over so much. Either
your gonna get paid by your company or you're gonna
decide to do your own website and own your material.
You know what I'm saying. If you own your material,

(44:11):
I mean there's good and there's bad. You can get
paid by this company. You don't get paid one time.
You gotta remember that that's it. This is not a
you get paid back to back. You know you're gonna
keep getting the check, and that's not how it works.

Speaker 2 (44:34):
Has ever been a scene when you didn't feel comfortable
doing it and you're just like, nah, I'm not doing it.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
I had a scene when she's a sweet lady. I
think it was the worst, one of my worst scenes.
I've had three scenes that I feel I shouldn't have
ever did, and one was I loved the lady. Once again,
it wasn't her, it was her melting. And I don't

(45:00):
give people no I don't care. I do name drop
when it comes to this kind of stuff because they
know how I feel. I worked for a bussy baby douse.
Everybody loves the scene. I hate the scene. I hate
the scene. And I think because before you get ready,
even though you don't have time to get to know
a person, this particular man that I worked with for her,

(45:24):
I had time to get to know him for maybe
a year before she ended up, you know what I'm saying,
contacting me and asking me to shoot with her. I
tried to get on her site for years and she
kept denying me. She said I didn't have enough attributes.
Whatever the fuck that is.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
Yeah, what does she mean?

Speaker 3 (45:46):
I guess my ass wasn't big enough. My titties ain't
on the floor, you know what I'm saying. Like, you know,
but I have a different look like a lot of
the girls in the industry look alike, you know what
I'm saying. And I don't feel like I look like
any of them. And I'm saying even like we all
got little pouches or whatever. You know, well I got
a big pouch, but whatever of a big girl. But

(46:11):
at that time, I was shooting back to back to
back to back for a company called PYT out of
New York. And his name is pretty So I was
shooting for him NonStop, back to back to back to
the back, you know. And I think because they had
a big BBW party going on out there for pipes,

(46:33):
I went and It's like at that point when I
was going out there, I had like six people different
companies that wanted to shoot with me, all at the
same time. And that's when she jumped on the bandwagon
and was like, I'm like, oh, now you want to
work with the bitch that don't have enough attributes. So
at that point my price played in my benefit, you

(46:57):
know what I'm saying, But then I also had I
knew that the bbw's fucked the game up they did,
you know, versus it before it got so bad where
everything needed to be content exchange or whatever. But she
was pretty good. She paid me. She kept trying to
get me to do anal and I would have done anal,
but the male talent rubbed me wrong. Remind you, I

(47:19):
have been talking to this man for a year before that,
and I didn't want to go to the location that
she wanted me to come to. So I said, the
only reason, only way that we would do the shooting.
She had to come to me because I ain't too
keen about getting on the trains in New York City
by myself, you know what I'm saying. At that point,
I was like, shit, I ain't trying to get ribed.
I ain't trying to you know, I was going through it,

(47:40):
so can She ended up coming to my room or whatever.
She had him come to the room. Do you know
this motherfucker came in my room and didn't even speak
to me. And maybe I'm old fashioned or something, but
when he came out, I was like, Hey, he didn't
even speak to me. He wouldn't you know, he talked
to her. Literally, it's just me, him and her in
the room. He would not beat to me in no way,

(48:01):
shape or formed. What kind of fucking bullshit is this?
I felt totally disrespected, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (48:07):
He said that.

Speaker 3 (48:08):
He didn't say, I said, what kind of bullshit is
all right?

Speaker 2 (48:11):
Because he was being rude.

Speaker 3 (48:12):
I thought that was real rude. But I'm trying for
a year, right, I was trying to be professional about it,
you know, and not go off because normally I'll cut
you the fuck out. You know what I'm saying, This
is my motherfucker room. She ain't paid for this room,
yet she's paying me. You know what I'm saying. She's

(48:32):
a wonderful you know, a wonderful young lady, beautiful woman, beautiful,
pretty as hell, you know what I'm saying, Very easy
to get along with, easy to work with. But him,
there was absolutely no chemistry because of his attitude. So
I was totally turned off. Then the motherfucker came out
the bathroom. I didn't know what the fuck he had on.

(48:54):
I didn't understand it. He was not At this point,
not only is you ugly inside, to me, you look
like a fucking idiot on our side walking out here
with all these goddamn stripes and colors and stripes going
this way, colors going that way. What is going on?
And I'm like, what do you got on? He said,
all the girls like it? I said, on what?

Speaker 2 (49:16):
Not?

Speaker 3 (49:16):
On earth? So anyways, we end up doing the shoot.
That is when I really really came to my mind,
like I didn't never have any problems, you know, I
tested detail and testing all the time. But that's when
I started finding out that girls in the industry truly

(49:38):
was sucking dicks. Some of them, not gonna say all
of them. Some of them would be okay with giving
head without a condom, but fucking with the condom one.
To me, it makes no sense the mouth you getting
you with them? You know what I'm saying. And I
don't want nothing neither place.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
Well, I know that you said you got you get
tested on tested often? Has there ever been a time
that you've been afraid of getting any stvs?

Speaker 3 (50:06):
There was a guy, Actually that's not that same weekend
it was all? Was it that? No, wasn't that same
weekend when I was There was another weekend when in
New York and there was a fairly new talent that
my people used before. He was the only one out
of the whole group that I may use a condom
because his test was late. And I'm not with it.

(50:28):
If I feel any type of way and I can't
find a pattern of testing, you know what I'm saying,
You're gonna do talent testing services. Your stuff stays on record,
you know what I mean. I just don't. I don't
take chances. I'm not into you know motherfuckers like, well,
can I just go to my doctor? Hell no, yeah,
you can do that, and I'm gonna look at it.

(50:49):
But I need you to go today, right. I need
it to be if you got tested and we know
a month before I'm gonna need you to you go
to your doctor for that month before, you know, while
we prepare ourselves and you know, before we come up
to that date of the time of shooting. You know,
you can have a pattern of you know, I need
I would like to see a pattern of cleanliness, you

(51:11):
know what I'm saying. But when it comes time to
do this shoot, you need to be going at least
those three days before it's time for us to do
that shoot. I'm really not big one a person who's
been tested thirty days ago. I feel that that's a problem,
and I don't feel that you're serious about your craft. Yeah,

(51:31):
because it's bad enough within three days. A motherfucker can
can fuck the world in three days.

Speaker 2 (51:36):
Yeah, lit alone one day.

Speaker 3 (51:38):
So and that's why when it's something from my website,
I watch it. I watch your social media, you know
what I'm saying. I watch the different shit, the comments
that go up, the comments that the stats you put up.
I watch because I need to see. I need to
see what type of lifestyle you actually living. I watch

(51:59):
you lives. I do all of that, you know what
I mean, because I want to see if you're promiscuous.

Speaker 2 (52:06):
Is sex even pleasurable for you anymore? Though?

Speaker 3 (52:08):
Yes it is when I'm with somebody I want to
be with m But is.

Speaker 2 (52:12):
It hard for you to open up to somebody and
let them know exactly what you like another profession that
you're in.

Speaker 3 (52:18):
No, because most people already know. Most people already No,
Like in my city, they're watching my movies. They already
know who I am. I got a large fan I
got fans here. I don't feel like my city supports
like they should. I don't. But so does a new

(52:39):
movie come and I put it out that there's a
new movie. You know what I'm saying there constantly, Well,
let me get it, let me get it. You know
what I'm saying. I know for a fact that there's
a lot of my movies that are being bootlegged in
my city because if it's not authentic and it didn't
come from some of the places here that is actually
selling it, that I would you know, you know, do

(53:00):
business with in my city. Anything that comes from me,
I am burnt onto the CD. Wow, that's not the
sticky tape shit that they put on the you know,
the front of the seat. No, burnt on. I pay
the money for me to be burnt on because I
feel that it's a keepsake. You know what I'm saying.

(53:20):
This has come this authentic, and it's not just like
my face. No, there's a body part, a titty, titty
in my mouth, my pussy as in my pussy.

Speaker 2 (53:30):
I was on your website. I was like, oh, she
she's busting it up a bit open, like I said. Okay,
So I'm pretty sure there have been time that you've
been out on the street and people can't come up
to you and be like, Hey, that's so and so,
so and so well.

Speaker 3 (53:46):
In my regular everyday life. This is funny, as you're saying,
it's because my graphics artist always complains about it. I
am the most dressed down person when I tell you,
I walk two blocks to the Family Dollar or you
know what I'm saying. Everybody on my street knows about
the industry, except for the new family that moved over here.
But I walked to Family Dollar. I put a scarf

(54:09):
on my head, and I always look, you know, my
piercing in my eyebrow. I put the scarf on where
I constantly be pulling it over it because I don't
want everybody to know, you know what I mean. I
want to be able to walk to the store and
be dressed down. But the one thing I don't want
them to do is see me off guard and realize
who I am and start taking pictures you know what

(54:30):
I'm saying, and put it on social media because I'm
looking busted. Yeah, I ain't got all that makeup on.
And that's the one thing that people seem to think
is that we wake up like that.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
Yo. You know, It's so funny because when I'm out
like the most part I'm always on, but when I'm
all like, I have to put on shades and stuff
because I do not want people seeing me like they're like,
sometimes you just want to be to yourself. Yeah, and
then mama, and you say no to a picture or
like you say no, it's not feeling like you're not
feeling well, filling off to speak to somebody. They people
say you.

Speaker 3 (55:00):
Oh yeah, yes they do.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
I'm just tired.

Speaker 3 (55:06):
I mean, I got on jog apions T shirt. Look
at fuck a person push up bra because these these
puppies ain't sitting up saying hello now without a push
up bra, you know. So I wear sports bra at work.
You know what I'm saying. I'm going to hold these
motherfuckers downs. They don't get in a way, you know,

(55:27):
and I did. It was crazy because there was a
deaf guy that actually knew who I was. They started
discussing it, and I had a guy at my job
that I was. I was this. I ain't gonna lie. I'm
very attracted to him, very attracted to him, you know
what I'm saying. And every time he touches me, it's
just like, oh, I get that, you know, that little

(55:47):
feeling feeling. Yeah. So when he's like one day and
grabbing my arm or some ship and trying to talk
to me, and I was like, oh, and like I'll
say little things. I'm like, oh, I need a fucking massage.
My back hurt. It's so bad. He like, I can
massage you. And then he make a little you know, stop,
don't play with me, boy, because I'll suck around and
take it. Okay, you know he knows too. They though

(56:10):
the death Boy did a little sign language one day
and I noticed it. Yo, the black dude he knew
about who I was. Awesome me and him. I disgusted
he knew, you know, but I know he never he
hadn't told anyone. The death Boy says something to him
about it, and the black dude he had just turned.

(56:31):
He was like ya, and I'm like, talk about what
he said. He knows who you are. And I'm like,
oh the fuck here we go. So here I go.
I'm coming. You know what I'm saying down the hall
And I just went reached down and shook his hand.
Yes it's me. I just nodded up now yup and
shook his head. And then he put his hands up
asked to say zip. His mouth was closed. He'll never

(56:51):
say nothing about him shop.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
What do your kids do? Yeah, yep, oh aw mm hmm.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
That kid's support. I've took in my youngest with me
to a convention a couple of years ago. She's eighty,
but when she was eighteen, I took her to a
convention because she does hear and does makeup. And it's
easier when I got someone with me. Because I do
so much. I have really came to a realization like

(57:22):
I need an intern. You know what I'm saying. I
need help. It's hard when you got shots. I got appearances,
and then I gotta be at the convention and a
period there too, in these heels. Then I gotta rush
back to the room, change clothes, take a shower, trying

(57:44):
to look through my suitcase for figure out what outfit
I want to wear. I got fifty When I say,
I take everything, including the kitchen, sink, in the tub,
in the shower head too. I have one suitcase all
the time with nothing but shoots. Oh wow, you know
what I'm saying, Because that's the difference from me and
a lot of the other girls. I like. My wardrobe

(58:07):
is so very important. My shoe game is on fucking point.
I like shoes and things that nobody else is wearing.
Most of these girls, most of the girls wear the
same thing, you know, the stretchy outfit that you get
for twelve or fifteen dollars out the hairstore, you know,
with the with the holes and the fishing their holes

(58:28):
or whatever. You know what I mean. I like things
that stand out that's gonna make you look double take.
You know what I'm saying. I like to look different,
you know, so my shoe game and my outfit is
very important, you know you, Like I said, everyone looks alike,
and I don't want to be looking nor act just
like anyone else. I am me and I'm different. You know,

(58:49):
some people could say I, you know, like the shoes.
That'd be like, how are you walking in those? One
foot in front of the other, bitch. You know what
I'm saying. You know, I get a lot of ems
on the clothing and the shoes and different stuff like that.
You know, a lot of big girls can stand and
know what I call whole heels. You know what I'm saying.
They are wearing the fat heels, which ain't nothing wrong

(59:10):
with the fat heels. But what works for my body
is what I wear right, And I don't think that
you Yeah, that's how I've made my image, you know,
talking about my clothing and stuff. I went to Texas
and a radio show wanted me to come in and
before I didn't even know they what. They asked me
for interview. When I got to Texas to come into

(59:33):
the studio and they would do the interview. But the
day before I left, they called me talking about they
want to they all want to know what I'm weary,
what I'm going to be bringing, what type of shoes.
That's what brought me to the light that these people
really like my style, right, you know what I mean.
So I'm just different differently.

Speaker 2 (59:52):
What's next after form?

Speaker 3 (59:54):
Well for you, I am in the process of getting
ready to start trying to write a book. I've spoke
to you know, a few people, and one person the price,
he told me, because my life. I mean, I'm not
no eighteen year old, seventy year old, you know what
I'm saying. So I've had so much happen to me

(01:00:15):
in my life. When I say a lot, a lot,
from being molested to being rapes abused. You know what
I'm saying, by the kids, fathers. You know what I'm saying.
You know, drugs, I've done it, I've been through it.
I did stake time. I mean, I've had so much.
So it's like I'm writing it down. I'll go crazy

(01:00:35):
trying to do that. So what someone told me to
do after speaking to this this company about me writing
the book and stuff, they told me to just verbally
record it, right, you know what I'm saying, Just record
and then they'll go through and listen to the tapes.
That's a lot of damn tapes.

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
Well listen, you pay them then you.

Speaker 3 (01:00:57):
I could never do that, so so that ends. I'm
also getting ready to release. I have the the the
promos from my eyelashes and stuff. So I got that.
I've got, I've chosen the boxes that I want to use.
I'm saying because I've already been branded. You know, I'm

(01:01:18):
already on a rated X energy drink. I am a
face of an energy drink. My whole body is on
an energy drink Can Nice. You know that's the You
will see that on the website too, you know what
I mean. The picture that's actually you know what I mean.
The the logo and all that rated X that's on
the website because yeah, because I am on their can

(01:01:40):
like literally on there, you know. So and it's crazy
that I'm going to be talking about that because the
same person who owns that ken in that company is
actually running for an office in New York City. Wow,
like everyone had a pass. And you know what I'm saying,
But you can't let your future define what you're you

(01:02:02):
know what I'm saying, Whatever you did in your past,
you know, do you.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
Think that the things that happened to you as well?
I don't know the age, but being molested in raven abuse,
you think the hug allot to do what you being
a porn thar.

Speaker 3 (01:02:17):
I think with me knowing how to do certain things,
it's because you had to be taught, right, m you know,
And that I see the person regular who molested me.
Really it's my and I'm really not that I told
you when before we decided to do this, when you

(01:02:39):
contacted me, like, there is no shame in my game.
And I don't know how I'm gonna go about it,
but that will be part of some chapter of my book.
My sister's father, you know what I'm saying. And you know,
I love my mother, you know what I'm saying. And
I was raised by you know, between my mother and
my grandmother. But at the end of the day, I've,

(01:03:00):
like my mother.

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
Knew how is your relationship with her?

Speaker 3 (01:03:03):
Now? It's not good at all? Right, Like she sends
my mother lives in Virginia, and she sends me, you know, cards,
sends my kids cards. You know what I'm saying. She
talked to the kids whenever she want whatever, you know,
But as far as me and her, I can't. I
just can't, you know, when you tell your child things

(01:03:24):
like you just try to take my man and you
and I'm eleven, twelve years old. Yeah, and I've told
you what was going on, you know what I'm saying.
And you know I didn't. I wasn't the first one
to tell her. My my sister's godmother told her, you know.
And I ran away, ended up getting picked up and

(01:03:47):
was you know, placed in a facility, and my mother
came to see me. And I refuse to leave with
them because I knew what I was going back to, right,
you know what I'm saying. I refuse to leave. She
comes in with the very motherfucker that's doing it to
me and not tell her about it. And she's in
the facility telling me that I'm just trying to break
them up and I'm trying to take her mand and
I'm telling you that, you know, I'm twelve years old.

Speaker 2 (01:04:09):
Yeah, I definitely had to play a part, because if
you're telling somebody or something's going on with you, that's
being done by being done by somebody that she has
a relationship with, Like and I'm twelve years old, Yeah,
I seeing.

Speaker 3 (01:04:21):
You that relationship literally, you know how like when you're
if you have a closet in your room, you know,
that's how close our bedrooms was me and my mother.
You can't tell me on a daily basis that you
didn't know. Yeah, And I'm being threatened with, you know,
like if I'm you, if I'm sneaking out the house

(01:04:43):
my mother at work and I'm going to see your
little boy or whatever, and he's coming by the house
when she's gone, and him telling me, well, I'm gonna
if you don't do this, I'm gonna tell that you
did this. You was going to see that boy, you
was going to you know whatever. Whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:04:57):
And you're twelve years old, so you're a done. You're scared.

Speaker 3 (01:05:01):
Yeah, so I'm going along with it, right, you know,
but me not me knowing it's wrong, but nobody listening
to me. But this is my only way, you know
what I'm saying, because like my mother, you know, I
don't want to be put out on the street right
at twelve years old, Like what am I supposed to do?
And so when I ran away, like the last time,

(01:05:22):
I was like it, it was like it, I just
refused to come home. So I've been raising myself literally,
you know what I'm saying. To be honest, I've been
raising myself even though I lived in a house with
my mother or whatever. Pretty much ten years old, I've
been pretty much on my own. So I was ten
years old, I've been taking care of somebody's kids, my sisters,

(01:05:42):
all my brothers, you know, my father's kids, all of
that since I was ten years old, you know what
I'm saying. So you know, when you're thinking you're gonna
be put outside, and shit, you don't got no choice,
you know what I mean. You have to do what
you have to do, you know. And I was at twelve,
and you know it just I feel like I perfected

(01:06:03):
the craft because I was taunted. Wow, you know what
I'm saying, and you know I was I had to do.

Speaker 2 (01:06:11):
Do you ever think about it? If things wouldn't happen
to you, that she probably went down a different.

Speaker 3 (01:06:14):
Path, you know what I do? Like I started picking
older men. Yeah, My oldest daughter's father is seven and
a half years older than me, and I feel to
this day he's a fucking ped of file. I feel
like he is too, because he was seven and a
half years older than me. He was holding my hand
at seven years old. I was put in positions I

(01:06:36):
feel that a child should never have been put in.
I kill a rock. I was very protective of my girls,
you know what I'm saying, especially my youngest too. My
oldest is you know, much older, you know what I mean,
but my youngest two very I didn't have boyfriends, you
know what I'm saying. Like by twenty six, twenty seven
years old, I ain't have niggas up at my motherfucking house. Listen,

(01:06:59):
I didn't even win. My brothers would be here along
with my kids, would be here, but my other houses
along with my kids. I questioned it because I was
blessed by the very person that I loved to death,
the very person who defended me when my mother was
getting ready to whoop me, or you know what I'm saying,
the very person that I trusted more than anybody, you

(01:07:24):
know what I'm saying, And the very person who fucked
the shit out of a little girl. Yeah, you know.
So you know, I do believe that when I finally
left home, you know, with my oldest daughter's father, I
do believe that had I not been chasing behind them,
to me, it was looking for love and all the

(01:07:44):
wrong places. Had I not been chasing behind him, I
would have stayed in school and did what I needed
to do. I was on honor roll, you know what
I'm saying. I was doing great. I had a few
fuck ups, like cans of beer to school and drinking
it in the lunch room, doing stupid. She against suspended

(01:08:08):
for a dumb shit. I don't even ask what made
my ask. But when I step back and think of
some of the ship I did, I still think it
was reaching out. I needed help, you know, and.

Speaker 2 (01:08:23):
You would just find articulated the best way you knew how.

Speaker 3 (01:08:26):
Yeah, I needed help, you know, and and and I
didn't have nobody to help me or to tell me
nothing like literally a kid raising herself.

Speaker 2 (01:08:36):
You know, do you have any regrets?

Speaker 3 (01:08:40):
You know what, I love all my kids, but I
don't wish kids. I could never do it again. You know,
my oldest daughter's father, I truly regret, regret him because
I feel like, had I not been looking for loving
all the rough places, But who's the same. If it
wasn't him, it wasn't something gonna be someone else. But
I think that he took a lot of self esteem

(01:09:03):
from me. I feel like when he manipulated me, I
was still a kid, you know what I'm saying. I
felt like he was taking care of me. But then
the abuse. You know what I'm saying. I did what
I learned, what I was taught, like the abuse, seeing
abuse and being abused, and like, this motherfucker really did

(01:09:24):
things to me that you know, nobody should ever Hell,
the first car I ever bought was for him. Yeah,
you know what I'm saying. It was because I thought
this motherfucker loved me. I thought when a motherfucker beat
your ass, that that was what you're supposed to you
know what I mean, You're supposed to stay because my
mother did it right, you know, I feel like I

(01:09:46):
broke the cycle because out of every woman on my
mother's side of the family, they stayed down to my grandmother,
they stayed. That's all I knew was to get your
ass beat. You know what I'm saying. I'm getting beat
down at home. I'm getting beat down, you know what
I'm saying by the man that I think I love.

(01:10:07):
You know what I mean all of that. Yeah, granted
he took me in, but hell, I wouldn't have got
put out if I wasn't creeping off with him, right,
you know what I'm saying. So it was just like
it's a it's a psychle O saying it's a psycho.
And this is why I've really I as far as
you know, as far as my kids, I didn't really

(01:10:30):
have men living in my household, you know, as my
When my oldest daughter left home and she was out
the house, I finally started dating again, and I was
so scared. You know, I was terrified because I still
had to work. I have money put up, but I
still kept on working. But I was still scared to
leave my kids with that motherfucker. Right. So it was

(01:10:50):
a constant, every day, constant asking questions. You know what
I'm saying, did he touch you? Did anybody? You know?
I would do things to my kids like you.

Speaker 2 (01:10:59):
Know, that's one of those things that you was asking
because you want somebody to ask you that.

Speaker 3 (01:11:04):
Yeah, nobody reached out. It wasn't really. I just was
protective and I had to make choices like damn, can
I go to work or do I I don't not
to blame him for what was done to me, you
know what I'm saying. But I don't trust nobody with
no kids like that. In church, everyone is not holy. Yeah,

(01:11:25):
you know, everyone is not the You know, it's not
safe to leave your kids around. But it was like, Okay,
he's living in my house. I take care of his
daughter and my own kids, but I gotta go to work.
It's choices you have to make, and I you know,
and I was grateful. I'm grateful that God blessed my
kids enough to know to you know, cause I'm to

(01:11:46):
be able. They can come to mimmy and tell Mimmy,
don't be used to always tell them, you know, you don't.
Never got to be scared of up or something. But
they're gonna kill me. Shit. I got a double bear
of sawt off for each and everyone looks up teddy
bullets to this thing. I double bear sawt off, you know,
saying to send in my house with me.

Speaker 4 (01:12:01):
Now that's my man and on that note, that's my
If y'all have any questions, any concerns, any comments, you.

Speaker 2 (01:12:15):
Want to get to know my guests, mar this it
has been literally one of my favorite episodes. Please email
me at hello at the Professional Hoomegirl dot com and
until next time, guys later. The Professional Homegirl podcast is

(01:12:39):
a production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more
podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to
subscribe and rate the show, and you can connect with
me on social media at the PAHG podcast

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Host

Eboné Almon

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

The Breakfast Club

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Confessions Of A BBW Pornstar