July 22, 2025 • 52 mins
In this Pretty Open series episode, Part 1 of Eboné’s conversation with the DL Whisperer, he shares his personal journey dating men on the down-low and what inspired him to support women facing similar experiences. Together, they discuss the prevalence of DL men in the industry, the emotional impact of relationships with men living double lives, and the common patterns he’s observed among DL men.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebine, a space where no
question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views
shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain and empower.
From the laughs to the lessons. Just remember, tough times
don't last, but professional home girls do enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
What's up, y'all? I hope all is cute? Ishagara Ebinez
here and welcome back to Pretty Private Now. This week
on the show, I had the absolute pleasure of sitting
down with DL Whisper, someone who's shed in light on
conversations most people are too afraid to have. Now, in
part one of our conversations, we dive into his personal
(00:48):
journey with DL men and how those experiences led him
to create a platform that not only informs, but also
challenges the way we think about DL culture, black relationships,
and taboo topics within our community. So get ready, because
my conversation with d L Whisper starts now. All right,
(01:09):
to my guests, thank you so much for being a guest.
I'm pretty Private. How are you doing. How you feeling?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Yeah, I'm feeling great. It's Sunday, it's early, this is
my rome time, early in the morning. So I feel great.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, shah, he got me recording on a Sunday on
the Lord's Day. I said, I know that's right. Well,
for those who may not know, I love your work.
I discover you on one of my favorite YouTubers, Storm
and Row shout out to him, and I was just
so intrigued with what you're doing because I feel like
you're literally doing God's work and being very informative, very helpful,
(01:42):
very insightful, and I can only imagine the flag that
you do receive from certain people. But before we start,
can you please let people know what is a download men?
Speaker 3 (01:54):
So a download man is the man that either has
been with men, has desires to be women or I
mean essentially, either he wants to be with men or
he has been with men and he's secretly doing it,
but he's keeping this heterosexual identity. So essentially dating women,
marrying women, but sleeping with men secretly. That's the cutting
(02:16):
draw difference.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Right, So would you say there's a difference between a
download man and a closet man because I feel like
it's a very thin line.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Right.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
I just made a video about that because I feel
like it's semantics technically, and I hate semantics. So I
know people are like, oh, I respect the closeted man,
but I'm like, it's technically the same thing. Like the
only difference is we assume a closetive man isn't pursuing
women and that they're just only pursuing men. But people
just don't know about their sexuality. But I don't know
(02:47):
many closetive men, because that's the street is gay people
with paul it.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
But exactly That's how I was like, let me ask
this question because I feel like the line is very
thin between the two.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
To me, it's the same, but people are Samani, so
I just let them they want to use it. Because
even the whole gay and by like men are either
gay or they're straight. I don't do by like. It's
just keep it cut and dry, like I don't like
the semantics of it all.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
We both on all fours.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Yeah, So, because a lot of people have been asking, like,
what's the difference, So I'm just like, I don't really
talk about it because there's really no difference because regardless,
you're not going to know if a man is if
he's sleeping with women, or if you think that he's straight,
you're not going to know he's secretly with men, regardless
of if he's closeted ordel. So they both do the
same thing. It's just one where so mean is not
(03:39):
is not affecting women.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yeah, so what inspire you to start helping women detect
men who identify as or who are downlaw Because I
was reading listen to your videos and stuff, and I'm like, wow,
like you've been doing this for a very long time.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Yeah, So what originally inspired me, I guess you could
say is because Okay, when I like, I always tell
people I was never with download men as like you
see some people do it for like competition. I guess
you could say, I don't approach men, So if a
man approached me, I was never going to assume he
was download This is where that closeted comes into waiting.
I'm assume you're closeted, but then I find out you're
(04:17):
into women, and all it is. Now I know that
you're download so it makes it a lot different. And
I wasn't too privy about the dating, so I didn't
look at it as a bad thing. When men told
me that they were down load, It's like, okay, that's
your sexuality that has nothing to do with me. So
by me not really knowing what download was, throughout dating,
I you know, I learned what it was, and I
learned the way that they moved and like I always
(04:39):
tell people, like, there was instances where my life was
almost taken, so where my life was almost.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Pack yeah, oh wow, So I was listening to that video.
We don't have to say the name. But did you
try to like confront him or.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
I tried to leave him actually because I had essentially,
you know, after a couple of years, I'm okay, are
we getting married? At this point, It's like it's been
five years, Like what are we doing yet? What we're doing?
So he was like, we're never gonna get married, like
his parents were going through a divorce. It was a
lot of stuff. So for me, I'm done. But then,
you know how it was a month later, it was
(05:15):
late at night, we was texting. I let him come over.
Shit didn't go how I needed to go, and he
couldn't get hard. Like so when he couldn't get hard,
I'm like, well, this is a sign from God that
we're not even supposed to be right here, right now,
right not get hard?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Aside from god cha.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
So I was trying to. I was just telling him like, well,
this is a sign, and he just couldn't you know.
And then I was growing on social media. So he
had built this paranoia in his head that somehow when
we are completely done, since I was leaving him, that
I was going to go do story times and you know,
exposed him, right, I told him after five years, don't
you think after so many things that had happened, if
(05:53):
I was going to expose you, I would have done that.
But see that's when I realized like their paranoia had
it had nothing to do what they had with him
thinking that his secret could even be exposed because I
knew his secret, and not with you because usually you
don't see gay me and leaving the DL man. So
even me doing that was like a big like oh wow,
(06:14):
like you're leaving me, Like yo, like I'm done I started.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
So how did it end.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
With all of that? Like he tried to you know,
kill me. He ended up going to jail. I ended
up exposing him against the police wishes, and then I
got dogs. Then that that was the end. I never
saw him again. We had one conversation since besides him
boxing me. But that was it because once we get
physical and then, like I know people when they hear like, oh,
(06:41):
he tried to save my life, like I'm not playing
like when I take knives, candles biting, like just none
stopped fighting for like thirty minutes. And if you're from
Atlanta or you living, it's taking Atlanta police forever to
get somewhere, like if I want to if I like
I always tell people, if I couldn't have defended myself,
I wouldn't even be And when the police got there,
(07:01):
they're like, don't expose him, like you don't know what
that's gonna do to his mental life.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Well, the police was encouraging not to expose him.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Yo, They was encouraging me to essentially allow him to
do all of which he did to me because they
only took him to jail because I pressed the issue,
Like they weren't even gonna take him to jail. He
was driving with no license, DUIs all of this. Then
they didn't give a vote. He had stole my wallet,
my iPad, all of this, Like they're arresting him and
they're taking out all of my shit and they're like, oh,
(07:27):
because they thought I was lying, they didn't believe. From
that point, I was like, okay, because I had never
been in a situation with the police and a deal man.
And then I realized like this wasn't what I thought. Yeah,
and then that's when I'm like, okay. Even as far
as the women, like, you know, I had a dal
gut that I was talking to me and his baby
(07:48):
mamas kept getting in to it and stuff. So I
was like, you know, for me, I wanted to help
women because I was, like I said, I was a
little bit younger, so I was more so deefing with them,
like we're going back and forth. Whereas like I always
tell the DL dudes now because I still talk to
some of them just you know, because meh, but I'll
be letting them know I should have went against you,
(08:09):
not have been beefing with women. Even though women were
beefing with me, like they were approaching me, but I
still should have thought, like, maybe I should team up
with them because the man.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Is been their own because essentially he's playing us.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Both, thank you, And it wasn't that's always I didn't
be with so many women about men that well they
beef with me. But it's the fact that people be
surprised because they'll think that when women hear that their
man is ll that that's it. And it's like, you know,
a lot of them don't leave. They'll just just like
they'll be for the women they're gonna be with that
gay boy.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Which I am so surprised that in twenty twenty five
we are still going through this. I know, like, it's
very shocking to me.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
I'll see why though, why they want somebody people don't
know how to go. And I was like that too,
So I was willing to accept literally anything, because like
I always tell my family, like it played into how
I was raised. Let's always tell people how people are
raised playing such a big part in who they become.
So once I started going to therapy and realizing a
(09:09):
lot of my toxic traits, that that made me not
even going to be with del man because it made
me realize, like their whole existence is a lot, it's
a lot like there there, everything is victimalized. And then
once I saw when I came to everybody with what
happened to me, and I saw everybody's reaction, I was
just like a little shocked because people didn't have sympathy,
not that I wanted it, but it was like he
(09:32):
became the victim. Mm. They become the victims. And I'm
just like, are people like I understand it's not okay
to expose somebody's sexuality, but the things that.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
They do but also don't force my hand.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
That's why I say, like, if you would have never
attacked me, you would have never got exposed. And then
from there when somebody tried to save your life, and
that's the serious matter. So like I always tell people,
I should have got off social media, but I had
my mental breakdown that I was gonna have regardless, I
had it on social media, which is how all of
these other men got exposed because I was pierced, like
(10:06):
you know, because some of them were reaching out blaming
me too. So I'm just like everybody blaming me for
actions that somebody else done. Like at the end of
the day, I can't make somebody attack me and try
to kill me.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Yeah, And how were you raised? Cause I think you
make that's a really good point. I always say that
childhood makes a break your adulthood.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
So I was raised like split like when I was
with my mother, very toxic, but when I was with
my great grandmother, very Christian, very like I feel like
I contribute most of my personality and the good part
sent me to my great grandmother.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
But my mom always have an old soul.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
They're like, I'm always toxic. So that's always tell people
like that toxicness is in there because me, my mom
was very, very toxic. And like I always tell people,
it was this one do dude, and he the one
who made me even realize to start self reflecting it
because he wasn't a bad person, and I guess you
don't say he was posted, but you know, I kind
(11:03):
of treated him terribly and that was the first time
I ever got cut off by anybody. So it made
me start reflecting that. I realized, like, the way that
you're treating people, this is not love. But I thought
it was love because like like I said, oh, people
on from you'll get cussed out, be everything, and then
you're okay. Yeah, you'll fight because scream, say some of
(11:24):
the most hateful ship and then you're okay.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
But that's how that's how I grew up.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Yeah, but that's toxic, right some people. I was with
a man that had never got cussed out, his mama,
had never coasted to him, so when I'm cussing him out,
calling him all types of bitches and he couldn't take it, and.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I'm just like, who are you talking to to me?
Speaker 3 (11:45):
This just to love? Like I mean, when you get mad,
you say ship sometimes that I had to realize that's
that's not love, you know, so that's always say like
it was a combination. That's why I never I'm not
mad at THEO man because they helped me likelearn a
lot about myself in the world in general. Because I
know we can't say no names, but maybe when we're
not recording, I'll tell you some stories. But the amount
(12:08):
of men that are DL is crazy celebrity wise. Yeah,
oh yeah, And people always think I'm like, I like Atlanta.
Now that's how I said, I'll tell you so we'll
talk about that after. But yo, that's why I'm like,
I had TV shows in college all of this, so
the DM thing has always been something that you know,
(12:30):
I've been you know, kind of trying to help people
with because with the TV shows that was going to
help people, but a DL man stopped. So, you know,
so when I realized, like, Okay, I don't really need
a TV show or I don't need other platforms or
other people to help me spread this information. I can
just literally record a video. So once I really got
(12:50):
into that and I finally decided like I didn't care
what my job thought because I've always worked in public education,
so you know, working at it.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
You definitely give me educated like you pull out them
notes and you get to teach it. I just know
that's right.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
But you know this one because this is part of
why I off my job because this is too controversial.
Yeah I knew that's why I wasn't associating my name
with it, but once I got thoughts again and people
associated it to my name, I didn't really have a choice,
so yeah, I go with it. And that's why I
was like, for me, it just made me realize, like,
this is what I'm supposed to be doing because this
(13:29):
had nothing. I was the best at my job. Nobody
else could do financial head and still can't do it
how I do it. But it's the fact that this
right here me helping women. And think about it, I
worked with all black women managed by black women, and
they were the ones who got rid of me because
of this type of content. And I'm just like you
would have thought they would have been more appreciative because
(13:50):
I'm literally just trying to help women in.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
General, and what does this have to do with mine?
Nine to five?
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Right? Well, they said they didn't want this to reflect
on them, because again it makes sense like people coming
up at the school, like, you know, they I got it.
That's why I was like for a long time, I
didn't really help women publicly, like I've always helped my friends.
Like if they send me a dude, do you think
he gave, I'm gonna let them know, Like you baby
daddy doing some questionable stuff, I'm gonna let you know
(14:17):
like I've always That's why I say, like, essentially now
I'm just giving women on the internet the same advice
that I give women in my everyday life, like my
best friends, than my acquaintances and just women because I mean,
like I always say, I've never been the type of
gay guy that felt like in competition with women, hated
women because for me, you know, I was about to say,
(14:39):
because it's a lot of women that feel like they
go through that, but I'm like, I know that only
man and I know that you're a woman. If a
man he doesn't want me for the reasons that he
wants you, so there's no competition. Ever, you're complete different things.
So I feel like with knowing that it was never
because a lot of gay men have women mentalities where
everybody is all competition, Like he didn't weigh everybody in
(15:01):
this fight. It's just the one started because I mean,
they could never compete with women. But you can't feel
with some of them that.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
What's up, y'all? It's Chagara Embna here and be sure
to follow me on Instagram and TikTok at pretty private
podcasts and don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel
at the Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back to the show.
Listen quick story time. So I was in Paris, right,
I want to go see Beyonce perform, and I met
(15:35):
this guy through a friend that was with me, and
come to find out he was gay. I feel like
this was the Nigga version of me, like for real,
like we had such a good time. So it was
another guy that we noticed this in the same rooms
with us whatever, and I feel like he was like
maybe not on the DL but probably just not fully out.
(15:55):
And the only reason why I said this is because
when he saw me. When I tell you he was
staring at me, and I ain't gonna lie. The nigga
was fine, So I'm like, is he gay or does
he like me? Or you know what I'm saying. So
eventually we went to some other spots or whatever, and
it was predominantly where you know the girls was at.
And I see him with a nigga, so I'm like,
(16:16):
and he saw me, so I can tell he got
a little uncomfortable. But I was like, no, I'd be
cool to snap because I'm like, shit, everybody want this
nigga because he was fine. And so I was telling
my homeboy and he was like, because the guy ended
up following me on Instagram, so I follow him back whatever,
and I was telling my homeboy. He was like, well
send me his page, and he's like I made the
best bitch win. And I was like, child, But it's
(16:38):
so true what you're saying that, like a lot of
these men, like I could just tell how tense he got,
like every time he would see me with our mutual friends,
like he would not be comfortable. But when I walk
away and I watch him from like, you know, him
not knowing, I'm like, look at this nigga. I'm like boy,
just be cray. It's twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
Five and it's all in there here for the most part.
That's what they don't get. They think everybody is just
judging them, which a lot of them know that. Now
a lot of them also know a woman isn't going
to want them if she knows that he's in man,
So a lot of them have an attraction for women.
Like I mean, listen, I like, I always tell people
I wouldn't be with a woman, but I can look
(17:16):
at a woman and find a woman attractor. So they
are going to be men that are going to go
further than that, and they still might not want to
be with a woman. And some dl men actually wants
to be with women, but they just have these secret
little kinks for men. So that's always kind of got
to know where you're at with a man, because I mean,
is any man in straights? I think that's kind of
(17:36):
like a defect at this point. If a man is straight,
it's defective because we're are the straight men well maybe
not online. Let me be clear, there are straight men
very small it's the very small percentage.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Because I can find no man child or no man
ain't found me. Would you make a good point because
I had a conversation with this with one of my
other guests and her stories with finding out that her
husband was on the d L and I think he
had as and she lived in Atlanta, right, and she
was saying how she don't believe that no man is straight.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
Well in Atlanta, Now that's one of the capitals. If
you're in Houston, Atlanta, New York, Miami, New York.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
I'm in New York.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Okay, I hope you're not in like none of the Burroughs.
They're none of the Burrows.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
No, you think all of them.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Gay, don't and don't let them be Puerto Rican.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Come on, I know about the poppies now.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
But listen, who do you think like the poppies? The niggas?
The niggas? I know, that's all. I'm like. If it's
a bunch of them, and it's a bunch of niggas somewhere,
you gotta start watching. That's why I told women about
the app store going because I mean, at this point,
these DM men are so lazy that of course they're
going to go to an app and just get on
here person two hundred feet away, Bratlorer, It's easy so.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
You didn't think that the white man's where is that
I really want to be with a nigga.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
But I think you'll have more transparency with a white man.
But I think I always tell women like I wouldn't
at this point in time, I would not put all
of my eggs and especially one basket. But especially not
just black men, you know, because I think that the
amount of Black men that have not been conquered by
(19:25):
white supremacy and all of the other bullshit that has
been thrown at our community, I think that they're already
taken for starters, and it's such a small number that
you're gonna be picking for needles in a haystack. So
it's like open it up because a lot of other
men will appreciate. I mean, I think in general, a
straight man isn't gonna be so concerned about race. But
(19:46):
they're also not gonna be self hating. So let's make
that clear. Because it's like always look people about intiracial dating.
You just top to weed out those people, Like if
you meet a black man that doesn't tate black women,
big red flag. If you meet a white yeah, black
think you you came from somebody. But how can you
not like self hating people. That's the prerecordit for a
man to be deals. So as long as you're those men,
(20:09):
a white man that oh I don't date white women,
I only want black women. Okay, so you have a fetish, Okay, cool,
if you're cool with being a fetish. Let's always tell
people just know what you're getting yourself into when you're
dating certain ethnic groups, because you have to know.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
How that's a fact. Do you think that some of
these men are addicted to living a double life?
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Are they addicted or can they just get away with
it easily? I'm not even gonna. I do think some
of them are, but I think it's more so I
ain't and I don't give them no excuses. But it's
like a society thing because even though, like I tell people,
I know plenty of people like sports players, let's let's
do sports specifically that if the world was to find
(20:51):
out there dyl they're off of the team, like they
will never play again if it's confirmed. Now, if it's
just a rumor and it's no proof or nothing there,
but I feel like society just do it does demonize
people that are not straight in certain positions. So let's
always stay like, you have to know what type of
man you're dating. If you're dating a man that like,
if you're dating a coach, I coaches need a wife
(21:12):
and kids to make that whole esthetic work, like you know,
the image work. So you have to know which type
of man. Like when you're in these music industries, podcast,
anything with fine arts or the media, you need a
lot of men that are gonna need beards. They're gonna know.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
That's so crazy that you said that. Because one of
my homeboys, he works in the industry, and he was like, girl,
he said, you ain't gonna get no man in this industry.
He was like, in you and media, he said, either
they gay or horse. He was like, you're not gonna
find anybody. And I was like, for real, he was like,
and that's who was telling me, Like, you might as
well just get your white man I see you, or
get a other Indian man. He was like, because you
(21:49):
ain't gonna get no nigga. All these niggas are either
gay or they nasty.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Because, especially for black men, because we are the apendey
of masculinity, a lot of them when they're getting to
these heights they have they're having and I hate to
bring race into it, but I have to. They're having
to go through these white men that are going to
make them do things that are humiliating, the meaning that
makes them hate themselves because the whole, the whole objective
is for black men, especially to not feel good about themselves,
(22:16):
like all of this. Look what that repression is like.
Look how you always see where the athlete gets with
that white woman and then look what always end up happening.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Yeah, but back to slavery. That's how they used to
break the household down. They break the man down. Right,
Come on, now, one thing about professional homegirls. We know something.
Now you break the man down, and once he break
the man down, then everybody else in the household follows
because the man is ahead of the household. And once
you take that from a man, his dignity, that's it.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
And see this is and this is the good part
black women. It didn't work on black women because I
feel like they what happened. It worked on black men,
But it made black women stronger. Let's always tell black women, like,
when you're here some why they call it you stronger,
that those are used to make you think that you
being stronger, independent is bad, but you had to be
because you couldn't depend on your men facts. They didn't
(23:10):
want you to. They didn't want you all to be
stronger independent. But I'm like, that's what's holding the black community. Oh,
it's black women. Like if black women had been conquered
by men, or they let black men conquer them, the
whole Black community is going to be done. It's not
standing on black men. Like, think about any time there's
a political movement, who's at the forefront black men or
black women. Anytime there's any anything, anything is women because
(23:35):
black men are cowards. Yeah, child, when you go back
to the racism and all of that, that's always tell
people like the dh thing is so much deeper than
just that, because I was like, even like when we
get into the STDs that they put in this community,
I was like, everything that they've done to break the
black community, it's somewhat work, But what they didn't account
for is that it affected their communities too.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
It is exactly, and that's when it becomes a problem.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
That's when it becomes a problem. And that's why now
it's more so about just elitists, like they don't care
now they always knew that all white people would not
have the same white supremacy like the elite people of
the society.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
End of time. But then when those white kids start
doing drugs and getting high and over those opios. Oh,
it was an epidemic. It was a problem.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
And that's why I say, I hate to make it
so black and white, but don't get integrated for seventy
five years, so we have to go back to Like
if you go back, so now you're like, I mean,
it started black and white. You were either white or
you were colored or move lot of them. So that's
always so I'm not making it black and white, but
that's where it started because like even with the LGBT,
(24:45):
I don't ever consider myself a part of LGBC because
if you look at how the LGBT community was formed,
it was stormed for white people, so they didn't hate themselves.
Because if you go back, so before we were colonized
African people. Because the men love to bring up Africans
when they want to talk about piercings and other girly
things that they're doing to beautify they stuff. But if
you go back and really study, all African cultures had
(25:08):
to or they felt like their people were too spirited
where they had a male spirit, woman's spirit, Like sexuality
wasn't a thing. I was like white people started putting
everything into categories and everything, like think about it, like
if we would have never been colonized, it would be
no straight, gay or whatever. People just were people. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Yeah, and then you also mentioned in one of your
videos that you felt like the community wasn't really fucking
with you.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
They don't.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Oh they still don't.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Why is that using about the gay community, right?
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (25:39):
Or the LB because they don't like to hear the truth.
Like as you can see, like I'm not I'm not
gonna say get things about people. I'm gonna just speak
the truth. And they try to disconnect the DL men
from the community, and like I always tell them, like
DL men are literally just gay men. So I know
people love to say, well they're making gay men look bad.
Well this is where gay men need to say accountablit. See.
(26:00):
That's why I honestly thought when I started this whole process,
I'm like, Okay, there's gonna be so many other people
that are gonna come in and add their information.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
This was not that.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
Yeah, it was so much negative from and from like
the trans community, the gay community, the bay community, or
the buy community really don't count because they're so small.
I don't even think it's no openly by men. Yeah yeah,
but yeah. So they were just upset because they felt
like a lot of them did tell me like they
felt like I was holding up a mirror and they
(26:31):
didn't like seeing essentially themselves and some people it was
just traumatic, and I get it. It's a traumatic experience,
like for women, it's a traumatic experience for some gay men.
Like it's tru that's always say like DM, men don't
help anybody but themselves. So that's why I was confused
on like everybody teamed up against me because they don't
help nobody. Like I've never heard somebody say a do
(26:52):
man came into their life and brought them so much joy?
Have you? I like that?
Speaker 2 (27:00):
That's so funny.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Yo.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
One thing about this podcast, I didn't have so many
different conversations because another woman who I was talking to,
we were talking about her journey with her being promiscuous,
and she were talking about the down low men and
she was saying how she was at a party with
her homeboy and her homeboy saw her friend with a
nigga at Homebo was like, I know that nigga from somewhere,
I don't know where. You already smil him. So she
(27:24):
was like, well, how you know him? Because he had
just got out of jail. Come to find out, the
nigga was fucking with his jail bunkie and he was like.
She was like, well, we need to go tell my homegirl.
So he went to go tell her. Homegirl was like, hey, like,
you know, I'm not trying to be mess or anything.
I'm just looking out for you. I just want you
to know what your man been doing when he was
in jail. And the nigga denied it, and she believed
(27:47):
her man obviously, but then until the jail monkey had
called him and stepped to her like a woman, and
she still didn't believe it. And I'm like, girl, you
cannot want a man some people.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
I'm telling you some people like literally, because you know,
I helped women too, so I talked to so many women.
I'm telling you, some women want a man that bad,
like to the point that I mean it ain't even
have to getting to know too much. But like I
always say, these dal men are perverted, they're dding. So
some women will let's just say put others at risk
(28:27):
to keep these men, like maybe their kids. And so
because you know, like I said, I don't want to
trigger nobody, but so let's always say like some women
will do a lot to keep a man.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Is that particular story you're thinking about.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Yeah, But because this this one girl I was talking
to essentially her man, who already she was calling me
to ask, you know, is he deal, et cetera. But
when we started getting into it, and she was just
telling me some instances where you know, he's naked and
hard in front of her daughters and he's picking the
kids up hard and they're naked and just a whole
(29:00):
whole lot of nickedness and weird, you know. But she
was saying that he was telling her, well, me and
my dad done this pretty much my whole life. And
I was just I was just like, you see him
and his dad done it their whole life. He doesn't,
he doesn't see it's something wrong here. And that's all
I was Like a lot of men that urdl have
(29:20):
been touched and they haven't talked about it. I mean
not to say that that's gonna make somebody be d ill,
but I think a lot of men have went through
some type of assault that they just don't talk about
because they don't think that even if it's a woman
that has done it, they don't want to talk about it.
Let's always say like when she was telling me that,
and I hear a lot of perverted stories that involve
kids or animals, and like that for me be red
(29:43):
flags like animal. Yeah, like this girl, her Man she
was doing something with horses, like she was a horse
rider or you know whatever they do, whatever you call it.
Dis her Man made her stop working with the horses
because he thought she would fuck a horse. And I
was just like, girl the beast reality, the fact that
he even got that thought in his mind, the fact
that he really pushed the issue, that's serious to make
(30:06):
you start working horses. I was like, something's off there
with him. She still wants him, he doesn't really.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Want her horse.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
The thing is, she flew all the way from Norway
to America. He showed me some pictures. I was like,
you could do so much better than him. I was like, listen,
you don't know how white supremacy and how white man.
I was like, you over here worried about this white man.
That's the red neck and a trailer park that's doing
melting fettermines with his dad, thinking you're gonna fuck a
horse like I was just like, girl, you should have
(30:40):
stayed in Norway. I'm like, you could have had any
white man. And this is what you think is like
you know, I'm like, yo, you don't know the culture.
And that's always telling people know the culture. She was like,
I don't like Norwegian guys. Like okay, I'm like, I still.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
You stillhead, thank you?
Speaker 3 (30:57):
She was like, well his body like who can but.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
See, this is why we gotta hold our sisters accountable,
because it's like, come on, girl, you you can't be
this fucking slow. Like I'm not I don't never judge anybody,
but sometimes i'd be like, girl, yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:10):
It's right now. I hear a lot of women that
be thinking just because the man got a big dick
that somehow that's supposed to mean something. It's like, it's
dick paying your bills. Is dick making you feel good? Right?
That come with all of these other problems, and you
might endow with some fevers, some apes, and some chills,
so it's likely worth it. And I'm not saying that
(31:33):
no it's true because I ain't he making me so
mad or he's so cute, Like okay, you're gonna he's
so cute into an incurable STD Like numbers, women are
five times more likely to catch HIV if they're dealing
with men that are sleeping with men. There's seventy eight
percent more likely to have catch sti's if they do
(31:54):
with a man that'll sleep on men. So it's like
it's your number, your chances are gonna increase significantly hot.
So that's always felt them like this is not something
you kind of want to play with because see me
as a gay man, I know that these men don't
get tested because a lot of women will be a
man and they're never going to get tested together. Their
man is never getting tested. He's relying on her to
(32:16):
get tested to tell him if he got something. I
would a man like that. So that's why I be saying,
like I think a lot of women be oblivious because
they're like, it can never be my man. And it's
like a lot of these men are like that, and
they think I just be being dramatic. It's like no,
because even people always say I done had so many
male friends that were straight. I show me a straight
(32:36):
man at this point, and I try not to say
that out loud because I still have some male friends
that I am presuming or straight that haven't tried to
house it with me yet. But again, show me a
straight man, because I don't know man that are one
hundred percent straight. That's all. When people ask me like,
what you what is a straight man?
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Like?
Speaker 3 (32:54):
Tell us who you think is straight? I have to
think really hard. The only person that almost that has
me somewhere convinced this Terrence Howard. And I mean because
of what, you know, what happened recently when they were
trying to get him to play Marvin Gaye.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
And how do you feel about that?
Speaker 3 (33:10):
I saw, okay, boom, this goes back into the white people.
Instead of getting a gay man to play Marvin Gaye,
since you know there's gonna be gay scenes, you want
to see the fantasy of a straight man, and they
want to break that straight man down because imagine if
he kissing a man at doing all of this on screen,
what is that gonna do to his masculinity or even
though it's already probably fragile, it's gonna break you're And
(33:33):
they were just trying to do that because he they
know that he's straight. Like he said about his empire
Rold that was really hit like how he felt. And
I'm not mad at him be homophobic. I mean, I
don't know, like me, be what you want to be.
I mean, I think those straight men are going to
be a little bit homophobic because I mean, I'm sure
they can't file them the gay shit. I wouldn't expect
them who they're not gay, So what it is like
(33:56):
it's ignorance. Ultimately, homophobia is just again some man, like
it's just ignorance, like they just don't understand that they
don't and they shouldn't they're not gay. But I feel like,
again it's always gonna be that those type of things
that happen, Like think about it every black man, especially
that we hear about getting into the industry. Oh, I
had to put on the drift or I had to
do this, so I had to do that something that
(34:17):
would compromise their masculinity and that they didn't want to do.
Like even with will Smill Seven Degrees of Power, he
was gay at telling that that movie though, because a
lot of people don't know that movie, so they don't
know when they when they be forced to do this
type of stuff and it really beat them though, because
we don't have to talk on bline because.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
This too is too I'm just saying, but do you
think he's gay?
Speaker 3 (34:42):
Yes? Are you you? You are you? Are you?
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Have you?
Speaker 3 (34:49):
Okay, it's no ask asked me. I'm saying, like you
don't have you?
Speaker 1 (34:54):
I mean, do you.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
I don't keep up with him all the way, but
even from the like the stuff, because when I was
doing research on him, because you know, people asked me
to look into people, all of them videos he got
kissing his son in the mouth done. I was done
with it, Like all is too much, that movie, all
in the videos kissing his son in the mouth, all
of that stuff with August Austina became a little blurry on.
(35:17):
If August I've seen it was.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
There, I wouldn't know you could. That's not because I
wasn't expecting August to be gay. That took me. That
was a wild card. Yeah, I mean I see now
looking back, but when we first was introduced to him,
like I don't know, it's just I didn't.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
See it that he's in the industry. Think of like really.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Everybody in the industry is gay.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
Okay, I want you to tell me somebody in the
industry that you think is straight, and then we're gonna
see just just throw out a name that you think
of a straight man that you think is in the industry.
Have you I've done a video on him. If you're
going my YouTube that that's the last person I'm going
to think it straight. When you look into all of
this stuff, to all of these other men that that
football player man that he was living with his perversion,
(36:02):
he literally feels all of the boxes out to be
a deal man. And like I said, when you do
all of your research, I don't think he's straight at all.
Like I honestly think these type of men that have
a lot of status of power, he could have never
kept it without having the woman that everybody essentially wants.
Let's always say you're gonna have those women that are
gonna be great beards like and I'm sorry I keep
(36:23):
saying they like you couldn't have those people. But yeah,
I think he essentially became a beard because if you
really pay attention, it was before they were the same
age almost like underage. Like it's a lot of stuff
that get kind of Murky there he been around too
many people, him and Diddy. It's too many connections for me,
as a person that has too much logic to think
(36:43):
that all of these things alies. Even if you look
at some of the old interviews Wendy Williams and all
of these other people from back in the day, they've
been saying some of this stuff. It's just nobody was
really listening. So when I started putting new facts and
old facts together, it all made sense.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
So who do you think is straight in the industry?
Speaker 3 (37:06):
Who do I think is straight in the industry? I
don't think nobody's straight because even I'm telling you they're
not going to Let's just talk about this every man
that you see in the industry, what is their ultimate
They're all chasing money, right mm hmm, Okay, who has
money and power? Who has the money in power? Though?
Who are they gonna have to go through? Because even
jay Z, we see that he's over the NFL. He's
(37:28):
pretty powerful. He can get people out of jail and everything.
But what just happened to him, he got a little
bit humbled for a second. To let him know, like, Okay,
you're not above the program m. That's what I say, like,
it's always gonna still be a white man at the top.
No black man is gonna bang the Vanguard family. If
you look into it's five families that essentially operate all
(37:50):
of the wealth in the America, and if you look
at how the thirteen colonies perform from the Europeans and
all of that, those families then connect back to that,
like it's country is the shit that will be able
to get through. Let's always say like they're gonna have
to go through, and it's never gonna work because those
white men always they're going to make them do things
that they might not want to do.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
That's fucking crazy. That's what I believe it though, I
really do believe. I do believe because even when you
think of all these people who just can't pop out
of nowhere and they just like they it and I'm
just like wow, Like I'm like, Ebane, you can't be
so hard on yourself because the game is rigged.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
It's rick, thank you, It's rig because you're unless you're
willing to essentially at this point in the game, unless
you're willing to be like because I can just tell
like you're a classy woman, you carry yourself, intelligence and grace.
They don't like that. They want you to be showing
these other black women that you need to be shaking
your eyes and doing that bad so and tell you like,
(38:49):
and I hate to say, but that's what they want
the black community. They want women to feel like this.
I was like the amount of women that be at
baddies auditions and fighting and ship Now, I was like,
they want that they got sixty grade and all of
these other people going to school. They want women to
think that, especially Black women. That's how y'all are. It
used to be a time where we would be arguing
(39:10):
about education. I still argue about stuff like that because
I'm hardly educated. People are not caring about.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
That now at all.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
You get used to facts the same people for doing
certain shit, for not being women.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Yes. So I had a moment and I share this
with my audience before where I had like experienced extreme
burned out. And I've been doing this for seven years
and I'm just like, yo, Like, I feel like like
my show was fucking good. Like even you were telling
me like your show comes from a different perspective, You're
not afraid to talk about things like I feel like
like we I talk about a lot of different things
within our community. But you know, obviously I make it fun,
(39:45):
put the medicine and candy. But I'm like, damn, like
I feel like I should be further ahead. But I'm like,
it just feels like I need to be on a
handstand popping my fucking pussy and shaking my ass because
I see other people and I know comparisons a thief
for joy and I'm not comparing myself to anybody, because
you know, I work really hard, but I'm just like, damn,
like what do I gotta do to get to the
next level? Like I feel like I should be having
all these opportunities, and I just like sometimes I get
(40:07):
break crumbs and I'm like, yo, it's not fair.
Speaker 3 (40:11):
And that's and that's why I always tell people like
I try to fight for women because patriarchy, whit like,
it's so many things that especially Black women are Here's
so many layers that you have to go through, and
like you said, you should be further and you've been
doing this so like I when I was watching your videos,
I was asking myself why you weren't further either, But
(40:31):
I already do the answer, because if you just even
compared to the white woman that came out of nowhere
that I don't have to stay her name, what the
fuck is she doing? But guess what, she's more palasable
for media because, like I always tell people, if you
look at media, media controls culture and society, so they
(40:52):
want certain things. So by you being so classy and
essentially they only want one Tamern Hall. Mm, they want
one Tameron Hall. Like you see, Jennifer Hudson couldn't be tammering.
She had to be Jenniferson act so Dixie on her
show that I don't like it because I mean, I
always be laughing, but I'm like, this is not Jennifer
huss Like they donned her down so much for that show.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
That's why I said, as well, because I'm like Jennifer,
she got to be a little bit more quicker than
this like he is.
Speaker 3 (41:19):
We've heard her interviews. That's not Jenniferston, that's all. It's
like literally, but she's working for a company, so you
know she gotta do what she gotta do right, right child.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
How you ever met a download man who regret the
way he was living his life?
Speaker 3 (41:34):
A lot of them always say they regretted, Like I
think a lot of them feel shame at some point
or another. Why they disassociate from the actions because they
know that they know that's just wrong. They know. That's
why even all of the men that I've ever exposed, like,
they never be mad at me. They always say like,
I understand because they know, like, did you put me
through a fucking lot? Yeah, not like that's not an
(41:57):
easy life. Just always say like, and for me to
will willingly being it's crazy. That's why I say, like,
women unwillingly being it and it take you to such
a low place in life. So that's always I thought, like, Okay,
I can help people avoid this because by me being
from a small town and dating after I turned eighteen,
cause it's always tell people they always like, well, I
(42:17):
was messing with dollo men in high school, you were fast,
you were grown. I didn't start dating until I got
to college. I need to, so it's like I started,
and that's why people be like, you're too grown for this,
and it's like, well, bitch, I've only been dating for
a few years technically, right right, So it's like I'm
still new to dating. So I had to figure shit
out and I saw somebody that was probably telling me
(42:38):
what I'm telling people in a real way and showing
I probably would have just never even had to figure
out all of those things from DL man or you know,
learn that. But I am glad that I had some
of those experiences because DO men are everywhere. Like when
I was in college, the dean of students, I'm at
the dean of students getting told with a girl about
a DO man, and the deena students is a DL man,
(43:00):
which worked in my favorite because he understood what was
going on because I was going against some sexual harassment.
I was up against some charges, like criminal charges because
this girl had thought I was sucking her man, but
really she was sucking my man, so then she it
was snowball effect. But luckily and I didn't want to
expose the dude. But of course once police get involved,
that you're coming out of the ploset.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Yeah, because I'm not going down for you niggas.
Speaker 3 (43:25):
That's what we're gonna draw the line. So that's when
I started telling the truth and I'm like, do I
need to get the receipts? But he was the ill
so he understood why I hadn't, you know, told the
girl the truth and how this situation got where it
got because I would never tell the girl the truths,
like we had had to sit down. I essentially just
told her I didn't know her man. He wasn't her man,
like he was her old man man. So it's like
(43:48):
he technically was your man, but he's not your man
of war. So I didn't think I really owe her that,
even though in reality, I'm like, had I just went
ahead and told her the truth, it probably would have
made the situation better. But then even when she found
out the truth, she told all of these other people.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
So that's not cool.
Speaker 3 (44:04):
Yeah. So I was like, sometimes anytime I've ever been
with a d O man and I found out he
had a woman, I always go to the woman. But
there has yet to be a woman that was resceptive
and that didn't turn it into drama trying to fight
or you know, trying to beef about a man that,
like I always tell women, if he wants me you,
there's no competition, just like if you want you, I
(44:25):
don't see no competition. Like they can't be a woman
who's like ping us against each other, because they'll do
that with two women too. They don't care. They just
don't want them to be in the wrong. They want
to take all of the attention off them. And how
people arguing and beefing because that makes them feel good.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
Yeah, how many men would you said that you've been
with have been a download?
Speaker 3 (44:47):
Oh and let me clarify something. When I say date,
that does not mean fuck. People can't And I gotta
say that because a lot of people want to hear
that you dated a lot of men. They think so
because I did used to be a sugar baby, So
I am gonna includ sugar add at least like two
(45:09):
hundred like on dates personal still have phone numbers. Some
some of them are in the industry. That's why I say,
like in Atlanta, I wasn't playing because if some things
people don't catch on my page. But I had this
video a woman got on crip like her ex husband
was like first sugar added when I got there and
(45:30):
I was, you know, getting into college and shit. So
that's always say like there's so many people that you
just would never expect.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Wow, you about to have me Like these cookies are
for good baby.
Speaker 3 (45:43):
I mean, but Atlanta is a hot spot for guess
I mean, yeah, but I do agree like women because
a lot of these men, especially now that there's trans
women too, they're gonna play semantics with that. Now, you
ax man, you ever been with men? No, because he's
he technically is gonna say no because he's only into
transforming or he's only dealing with trans women.
Speaker 2 (46:05):
So yeah, are you ever afraid? Like because of the
work that you're doing, I mean, cause you're popping, you
got a large following, you know that people feel comfortable
they don't like Yeah, so like you know, and then
you're you're cute, you're young, you know, you're building a
(46:26):
life for yourself. So are you ever afraid for your safety?
Speaker 3 (46:30):
Well, I guess because I mean somebody already tried to
take my life. But and in general, I will say this,
any nigga that's ever tried me that got his ass
to be the only the only way. And niggas notice,
because I'm not no little nigga. I'm six four, very like,
I'll beat the fuck out of you. So the only
way they're gonna if a nigga shoot me. But even
when they come to shooting, and they can't even shoot,
(46:52):
like I didn't have to pull out a gun. So
like that's always feel like people don't realize that if
you think I'm gonna lay down and let you do
something to me, you're crazy. And I typically live in
gated communities like my my home, they can't, so you know,
I like, I always tell people you're gonna do something
at the effort, and you're gonna do something. You won't
(47:12):
catch me in the club. You're not gonna catch me
at too many spaces that you know. I just you know.
So I'm like, I really don't be worried. And if
somebody does something to me behind this information, then that
might have just been my destiny. That's talking about it.
I mean, I feel like if because I'm spiritual, so
I feel like if I've been protected all of this time,
all of this while throughout my whole life, because a
(47:33):
lot of shit has happened to me in my life,
like the d L shit go all the way back
to childhood. So I feel like if I've been protected
this long, it's for reason.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Yeah yeah, listen, I told you.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
Yeah, So that's why I And that's how I be
feeling like I'm doing because I'm happy about it too.
Like I like helping people. I like educating people, and
I'm like, tell, this topic is so important because a
lot of people either a don't know much and women
don't be suspecting it.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:02):
People always like, well, you think every man is del
or not. I'm sorry to cut you off, but I
just want I don't think every man is the ill.
But when people have to realize a lot of these
men are terrible people. That's why I was like, my process,
even if your man is not DL by everything that
I tell you, if he does all of the shit
that I say, he's the horrible person. So he's at
(48:22):
quite easily old man. So you shouldn't be with him
regardless because if he's acting like them, you probably don't. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
No, that's a fact. That's a fact. So let's talk
about some behavioral patterns and personality traits. What are some
personality traits that you observe and download men?
Speaker 3 (48:37):
Okay, so first narcissism, which again let me let me clarify,
because I mean a lot of men are narcissistic. So,
like I always tell women, every DL man is a narcissist,
but not all narcissists men are deal because to me,
I mean there's a lot of men that are narcissistic.
But right after that they have to be misogynistic. And
(48:58):
like I always tell, women gave me misogyny. Even some
women have internalizes, so you know misogyny. You know when
you can tell when a man hates women, he's gonna
always put them down. He's never gonna have anything good
to say, he's gonna make hate these generalizations women don't
want nothing but money from men, or all women ain't shit,
or you know those type of men. And then impulsivity.
(49:21):
Those are the top three because the impulses, that's what
getting them in trouble. A lot of d O men
they'll not act on their impulses for time periods, but
they always have that time where they slip and I
got to go either sleep with a man or a
trans woman, or you're at a bowpouse, or you're doing
something solatious and it might be eight months before you
do something else. But those imposts always come back, and
(49:44):
they can't control, like control his imposts because being impostive,
that gets literally that the word in itself, like the
definition of impostive. So you know that's the big problem
because they're so indecisive. And again when they want something
and men usually are just sexual preachers. So I always
(50:07):
say men pick all of their friends everything. Most men
do everything based off of attraction. So you got to
put them in the right circumstances and they'll go yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
And when it comes to the behavioral patterns, I thought
you you was on point with us, because I agree
anger is a reflection of self hate. If a nigga's
always fucking angry something they right, right, or he want.
Speaker 3 (50:31):
That princess treatment, or he's angry because you're not treating
him like or you know, because I always say, like,
no straight man is going to sit around and want
a woman to take care of him. No, No, he's
not going to be mad that you won't send him
money for lunch and surprised. Right, So let's always say
like some of these personalities like that should be obvious.
(50:53):
But the narcissists, the impulsivity, and the misogyny, because when
you put all of those things together again, and that
helps make a dyl man. Because if you hate women,
you can't control your imposts and you think that the
world falls around you and that you're invincible. What is
gonna hold you back from doing whatever you want?
Speaker 2 (51:12):
Well? Child, This concludes part one of this week's episode,
and y'all, Part two is really where we get into
some things, so please make sure you subscribe to the
show so you don't miss it. And also, if you
think this episode will resonate with someone, please send it
their way. Okay, spread love, it's the Brooklyn way. And
(51:32):
if you have any comments, questions, or concerns or you
want to say hey, gir hey, shoot me an email
at Hello at the psgpodcast dot com. Y'all, I really
really hope you enjoyed this week's episode and I cannot
wait for you all to hear part two. So until
next time, everyone later. Pretty Private is a production of
(51:57):
the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcast from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate
the show, and you can connect with me on social
media at Pretty Private Podcasts.
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebine, a space where no
question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views
shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain and empower.
From the laughs to the lessons. Just remember, tough times
don't last, but professional home girls do enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
What's up, y'all? I hope all is cute? Ishagara Ebinez
here and welcome back to Pretty Private Now. This week
on the show, I had the absolute pleasure of sitting
down with DL Whisper, someone who's shed in light on
conversations most people are too afraid to have. Now, in
part one of our conversations, we dive into his personal
(00:48):
journey with DL men and how those experiences led him
to create a platform that not only informs, but also
challenges the way we think about DL culture, black relationships,
and taboo topics within our community. So get ready, because
my conversation with d L Whisper starts now. All right,
(01:09):
to my guests, thank you so much for being a guest.
I'm pretty Private. How are you doing. How you feeling?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Yeah, I'm feeling great. It's Sunday, it's early, this is
my rome time, early in the morning. So I feel great.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, shah, he got me recording on a Sunday on
the Lord's Day. I said, I know that's right. Well,
for those who may not know, I love your work.
I discover you on one of my favorite YouTubers, Storm
and Row shout out to him, and I was just
so intrigued with what you're doing because I feel like
you're literally doing God's work and being very informative, very helpful,
(01:42):
very insightful, and I can only imagine the flag that
you do receive from certain people. But before we start,
can you please let people know what is a download men?
Speaker 3 (01:54):
So a download man is the man that either has
been with men, has desires to be women or I
mean essentially, either he wants to be with men or
he has been with men and he's secretly doing it,
but he's keeping this heterosexual identity. So essentially dating women,
marrying women, but sleeping with men secretly. That's the cutting
(02:16):
draw difference.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Right, So would you say there's a difference between a
download man and a closet man because I feel like
it's a very thin line.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Right.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
I just made a video about that because I feel
like it's semantics technically, and I hate semantics. So I
know people are like, oh, I respect the closeted man,
but I'm like, it's technically the same thing. Like the
only difference is we assume a closetive man isn't pursuing
women and that they're just only pursuing men. But people
just don't know about their sexuality. But I don't know
(02:47):
many closetive men, because that's the street is gay people
with paul it.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
But exactly That's how I was like, let me ask
this question because I feel like the line is very
thin between the two.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
To me, it's the same, but people are Samani, so
I just let them they want to use it. Because
even the whole gay and by like men are either
gay or they're straight. I don't do by like. It's
just keep it cut and dry, like I don't like
the semantics of it all.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
We both on all fours.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Yeah, So, because a lot of people have been asking, like,
what's the difference, So I'm just like, I don't really
talk about it because there's really no difference because regardless,
you're not going to know if a man is if
he's sleeping with women, or if you think that he's straight,
you're not going to know he's secretly with men, regardless
of if he's closeted ordel. So they both do the
same thing. It's just one where so mean is not
(03:39):
is not affecting women.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yeah, so what inspire you to start helping women detect
men who identify as or who are downlaw Because I
was reading listen to your videos and stuff, and I'm like, wow,
like you've been doing this for a very long time.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Yeah, So what originally inspired me, I guess you could
say is because Okay, when I like, I always tell
people I was never with download men as like you
see some people do it for like competition. I guess
you could say, I don't approach men, So if a
man approached me, I was never going to assume he
was download This is where that closeted comes into waiting.
I'm assume you're closeted, but then I find out you're
(04:17):
into women, and all it is. Now I know that
you're download so it makes it a lot different. And
I wasn't too privy about the dating, so I didn't
look at it as a bad thing. When men told
me that they were down load, It's like, okay, that's
your sexuality that has nothing to do with me. So
by me not really knowing what download was, throughout dating,
I you know, I learned what it was, and I
learned the way that they moved and like I always
(04:39):
tell people, like, there was instances where my life was
almost taken, so where my life was almost.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Pack yeah, oh wow, So I was listening to that video.
We don't have to say the name. But did you
try to like confront him or.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
I tried to leave him actually because I had essentially,
you know, after a couple of years, I'm okay, are
we getting married? At this point, It's like it's been
five years, Like what are we doing yet? What we're doing?
So he was like, we're never gonna get married, like
his parents were going through a divorce. It was a
lot of stuff. So for me, I'm done. But then,
you know how it was a month later, it was
(05:15):
late at night, we was texting. I let him come over.
Shit didn't go how I needed to go, and he
couldn't get hard. Like so when he couldn't get hard,
I'm like, well, this is a sign from God that
we're not even supposed to be right here, right now,
right not get hard?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Aside from god cha.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
So I was trying to. I was just telling him like, well,
this is a sign, and he just couldn't you know.
And then I was growing on social media. So he
had built this paranoia in his head that somehow when
we are completely done, since I was leaving him, that
I was going to go do story times and you know,
exposed him, right, I told him after five years, don't
you think after so many things that had happened, if
(05:53):
I was going to expose you, I would have done that.
But see that's when I realized like their paranoia had
it had nothing to do what they had with him
thinking that his secret could even be exposed because I
knew his secret, and not with you because usually you
don't see gay me and leaving the DL man. So
even me doing that was like a big like oh wow,
(06:14):
like you're leaving me, Like yo, like I'm done I started.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
So how did it end.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
With all of that? Like he tried to you know,
kill me. He ended up going to jail. I ended
up exposing him against the police wishes, and then I
got dogs. Then that that was the end. I never
saw him again. We had one conversation since besides him
boxing me. But that was it because once we get
physical and then, like I know people when they hear like, oh,
(06:41):
he tried to save my life, like I'm not playing
like when I take knives, candles biting, like just none
stopped fighting for like thirty minutes. And if you're from
Atlanta or you living, it's taking Atlanta police forever to
get somewhere, like if I want to if I like
I always tell people, if I couldn't have defended myself,
I wouldn't even be And when the police got there,
(07:01):
they're like, don't expose him, like you don't know what
that's gonna do to his mental life.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Well, the police was encouraging not to expose him.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Yo, They was encouraging me to essentially allow him to
do all of which he did to me because they
only took him to jail because I pressed the issue,
Like they weren't even gonna take him to jail. He
was driving with no license, DUIs all of this. Then
they didn't give a vote. He had stole my wallet,
my iPad, all of this, Like they're arresting him and
they're taking out all of my shit and they're like, oh,
(07:27):
because they thought I was lying, they didn't believe. From
that point, I was like, okay, because I had never
been in a situation with the police and a deal man.
And then I realized like this wasn't what I thought. Yeah,
and then that's when I'm like, okay. Even as far
as the women, like, you know, I had a dal
gut that I was talking to me and his baby
(07:48):
mamas kept getting in to it and stuff. So I
was like, you know, for me, I wanted to help
women because I was, like I said, I was a
little bit younger, so I was more so deefing with them,
like we're going back and forth. Whereas like I always
tell the DL dudes now because I still talk to
some of them just you know, because meh, but I'll
be letting them know I should have went against you,
(08:09):
not have been beefing with women. Even though women were
beefing with me, like they were approaching me, but I
still should have thought, like, maybe I should team up
with them because the man.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Is been their own because essentially he's playing us.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Both, thank you, And it wasn't that's always I didn't
be with so many women about men that well they
beef with me. But it's the fact that people be
surprised because they'll think that when women hear that their
man is ll that that's it. And it's like, you know,
a lot of them don't leave. They'll just just like
they'll be for the women they're gonna be with that
gay boy.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Which I am so surprised that in twenty twenty five
we are still going through this. I know, like, it's
very shocking to me.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
I'll see why though, why they want somebody people don't
know how to go. And I was like that too,
So I was willing to accept literally anything, because like
I always tell my family, like it played into how
I was raised. Let's always tell people how people are
raised playing such a big part in who they become.
So once I started going to therapy and realizing a
(09:09):
lot of my toxic traits, that that made me not
even going to be with del man because it made
me realize, like their whole existence is a lot, it's
a lot like there there, everything is victimalized. And then
once I saw when I came to everybody with what
happened to me, and I saw everybody's reaction, I was
just like a little shocked because people didn't have sympathy,
not that I wanted it, but it was like he
(09:32):
became the victim. Mm. They become the victims. And I'm
just like, are people like I understand it's not okay
to expose somebody's sexuality, but the things that.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
They do but also don't force my hand.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
That's why I say, like, if you would have never
attacked me, you would have never got exposed. And then
from there when somebody tried to save your life, and
that's the serious matter. So like I always tell people,
I should have got off social media, but I had
my mental breakdown that I was gonna have regardless, I
had it on social media, which is how all of
these other men got exposed because I was pierced, like
(10:06):
you know, because some of them were reaching out blaming
me too. So I'm just like everybody blaming me for
actions that somebody else done. Like at the end of
the day, I can't make somebody attack me and try
to kill me.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Yeah, And how were you raised? Cause I think you
make that's a really good point. I always say that
childhood makes a break your adulthood.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
So I was raised like split like when I was
with my mother, very toxic, but when I was with
my great grandmother, very Christian, very like I feel like
I contribute most of my personality and the good part
sent me to my great grandmother.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
But my mom always have an old soul.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
They're like, I'm always toxic. So that's always tell people
like that toxicness is in there because me, my mom
was very, very toxic. And like I always tell people,
it was this one do dude, and he the one
who made me even realize to start self reflecting it
because he wasn't a bad person, and I guess you
don't say he was posted, but you know, I kind
(11:03):
of treated him terribly and that was the first time
I ever got cut off by anybody. So it made
me start reflecting that. I realized, like, the way that
you're treating people, this is not love. But I thought
it was love because like like I said, oh, people
on from you'll get cussed out, be everything, and then
you're okay. Yeah, you'll fight because scream, say some of
(11:24):
the most hateful ship and then you're okay.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
But that's how that's how I grew up.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Yeah, but that's toxic, right some people. I was with
a man that had never got cussed out, his mama,
had never coasted to him, so when I'm cussing him out,
calling him all types of bitches and he couldn't take it, and.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I'm just like, who are you talking to to me?
Speaker 3 (11:45):
This just to love? Like I mean, when you get mad,
you say ship sometimes that I had to realize that's
that's not love, you know, so that's always say like
it was a combination. That's why I never I'm not
mad at THEO man because they helped me likelearn a
lot about myself in the world in general. Because I
know we can't say no names, but maybe when we're
not recording, I'll tell you some stories. But the amount
(12:08):
of men that are DL is crazy celebrity wise. Yeah,
oh yeah, And people always think I'm like, I like Atlanta.
Now that's how I said, I'll tell you so we'll
talk about that after. But yo, that's why I'm like,
I had TV shows in college all of this, so
the DM thing has always been something that you know,
(12:30):
I've been you know, kind of trying to help people
with because with the TV shows that was going to
help people, but a DL man stopped. So, you know,
so when I realized, like, Okay, I don't really need
a TV show or I don't need other platforms or
other people to help me spread this information. I can
just literally record a video. So once I really got
(12:50):
into that and I finally decided like I didn't care
what my job thought because I've always worked in public education,
so you know, working at it.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
You definitely give me educated like you pull out them
notes and you get to teach it. I just know
that's right.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
But you know this one because this is part of
why I off my job because this is too controversial.
Yeah I knew that's why I wasn't associating my name
with it, but once I got thoughts again and people
associated it to my name, I didn't really have a choice,
so yeah, I go with it. And that's why I
was like, for me, it just made me realize, like,
this is what I'm supposed to be doing because this
(13:29):
had nothing. I was the best at my job. Nobody
else could do financial head and still can't do it
how I do it. But it's the fact that this
right here me helping women. And think about it, I
worked with all black women managed by black women, and
they were the ones who got rid of me because
of this type of content. And I'm just like you
would have thought they would have been more appreciative because
(13:50):
I'm literally just trying to help women in.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
General, and what does this have to do with mine?
Nine to five?
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Right? Well, they said they didn't want this to reflect
on them, because again it makes sense like people coming
up at the school, like, you know, they I got it.
That's why I was like for a long time, I
didn't really help women publicly, like I've always helped my friends.
Like if they send me a dude, do you think
he gave, I'm gonna let them know, Like you baby
daddy doing some questionable stuff, I'm gonna let you know
(14:17):
like I've always That's why I say, like, essentially now
I'm just giving women on the internet the same advice
that I give women in my everyday life, like my
best friends, than my acquaintances and just women because I mean,
like I always say, I've never been the type of
gay guy that felt like in competition with women, hated
women because for me, you know, I was about to say,
(14:39):
because it's a lot of women that feel like they
go through that, but I'm like, I know that only
man and I know that you're a woman. If a
man he doesn't want me for the reasons that he
wants you, so there's no competition. Ever, you're complete different things.
So I feel like with knowing that it was never
because a lot of gay men have women mentalities where
everybody is all competition, Like he didn't weigh everybody in
(15:01):
this fight. It's just the one started because I mean,
they could never compete with women. But you can't feel
with some of them that.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
What's up, y'all? It's Chagara Embna here and be sure
to follow me on Instagram and TikTok at pretty private
podcasts and don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel
at the Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back to the show.
Listen quick story time. So I was in Paris, right,
I want to go see Beyonce perform, and I met
(15:35):
this guy through a friend that was with me, and
come to find out he was gay. I feel like
this was the Nigga version of me, like for real,
like we had such a good time. So it was
another guy that we noticed this in the same rooms
with us whatever, and I feel like he was like
maybe not on the DL but probably just not fully out.
(15:55):
And the only reason why I said this is because
when he saw me. When I tell you he was
staring at me, and I ain't gonna lie. The nigga
was fine, So I'm like, is he gay or does
he like me? Or you know what I'm saying. So
eventually we went to some other spots or whatever, and
it was predominantly where you know the girls was at.
And I see him with a nigga, so I'm like,
(16:16):
and he saw me, so I can tell he got
a little uncomfortable. But I was like, no, I'd be
cool to snap because I'm like, shit, everybody want this
nigga because he was fine. And so I was telling
my homeboy and he was like, because the guy ended
up following me on Instagram, so I follow him back whatever,
and I was telling my homeboy. He was like, well
send me his page, and he's like I made the
best bitch win. And I was like, child, But it's
(16:38):
so true what you're saying that, like a lot of
these men, like I could just tell how tense he got,
like every time he would see me with our mutual friends,
like he would not be comfortable. But when I walk
away and I watch him from like, you know, him
not knowing, I'm like, look at this nigga. I'm like boy,
just be cray. It's twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
Five and it's all in there here for the most part.
That's what they don't get. They think everybody is just
judging them, which a lot of them know that. Now
a lot of them also know a woman isn't going
to want them if she knows that he's in man,
So a lot of them have an attraction for women.
Like I mean, listen, I like, I always tell people
I wouldn't be with a woman, but I can look
(17:16):
at a woman and find a woman attractor. So they
are going to be men that are going to go
further than that, and they still might not want to
be with a woman. And some dl men actually wants
to be with women, but they just have these secret
little kinks for men. So that's always kind of got
to know where you're at with a man, because I mean,
is any man in straights? I think that's kind of
(17:36):
like a defect at this point. If a man is straight,
it's defective because we're are the straight men well maybe
not online. Let me be clear, there are straight men
very small it's the very small percentage.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Because I can find no man child or no man
ain't found me. Would you make a good point because
I had a conversation with this with one of my
other guests and her stories with finding out that her
husband was on the d L and I think he
had as and she lived in Atlanta, right, and she
was saying how she don't believe that no man is straight.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
Well in Atlanta, Now that's one of the capitals. If
you're in Houston, Atlanta, New York, Miami, New York.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
I'm in New York.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Okay, I hope you're not in like none of the Burroughs.
They're none of the Burrows.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
No, you think all of them.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Gay, don't and don't let them be Puerto Rican.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Come on, I know about the poppies now.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
But listen, who do you think like the poppies? The niggas?
The niggas? I know, that's all. I'm like. If it's
a bunch of them, and it's a bunch of niggas somewhere,
you gotta start watching. That's why I told women about
the app store going because I mean, at this point,
these DM men are so lazy that of course they're
going to go to an app and just get on
here person two hundred feet away, Bratlorer, It's easy so.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
You didn't think that the white man's where is that
I really want to be with a nigga.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
But I think you'll have more transparency with a white man.
But I think I always tell women like I wouldn't
at this point in time, I would not put all
of my eggs and especially one basket. But especially not
just black men, you know, because I think that the
amount of Black men that have not been conquered by
(19:25):
white supremacy and all of the other bullshit that has
been thrown at our community, I think that they're already
taken for starters, and it's such a small number that
you're gonna be picking for needles in a haystack. So
it's like open it up because a lot of other
men will appreciate. I mean, I think in general, a
straight man isn't gonna be so concerned about race. But
(19:46):
they're also not gonna be self hating. So let's make
that clear. Because it's like always look people about intiracial dating.
You just top to weed out those people, Like if
you meet a black man that doesn't tate black women,
big red flag. If you meet a white yeah, black
think you you came from somebody. But how can you
not like self hating people. That's the prerecordit for a
man to be deals. So as long as you're those men,
(20:09):
a white man that oh I don't date white women,
I only want black women. Okay, so you have a fetish, Okay, cool,
if you're cool with being a fetish. Let's always tell
people just know what you're getting yourself into when you're
dating certain ethnic groups, because you have to know.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
How that's a fact. Do you think that some of
these men are addicted to living a double life?
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Are they addicted or can they just get away with
it easily? I'm not even gonna. I do think some
of them are, but I think it's more so I
ain't and I don't give them no excuses. But it's
like a society thing because even though, like I tell people,
I know plenty of people like sports players, let's let's
do sports specifically that if the world was to find
(20:51):
out there dyl they're off of the team, like they
will never play again if it's confirmed. Now, if it's
just a rumor and it's no proof or nothing there,
but I feel like society just do it does demonize
people that are not straight in certain positions. So let's
always stay like, you have to know what type of
man you're dating. If you're dating a man that like,
if you're dating a coach, I coaches need a wife
(21:12):
and kids to make that whole esthetic work, like you know,
the image work. So you have to know which type
of man. Like when you're in these music industries, podcast,
anything with fine arts or the media, you need a
lot of men that are gonna need beards. They're gonna know.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
That's so crazy that you said that. Because one of
my homeboys, he works in the industry, and he was like, girl,
he said, you ain't gonna get no man in this industry.
He was like, in you and media, he said, either
they gay or horse. He was like, you're not gonna
find anybody. And I was like, for real, he was like,
and that's who was telling me, Like, you might as
well just get your white man I see you, or
get a other Indian man. He was like, because you
(21:49):
ain't gonna get no nigga. All these niggas are either
gay or they nasty.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Because, especially for black men, because we are the apendey
of masculinity, a lot of them when they're getting to
these heights they have they're having and I hate to
bring race into it, but I have to. They're having
to go through these white men that are going to
make them do things that are humiliating, the meaning that
makes them hate themselves because the whole, the whole objective
is for black men, especially to not feel good about themselves,
(22:16):
like all of this. Look what that repression is like.
Look how you always see where the athlete gets with
that white woman and then look what always end up happening.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Yeah, but back to slavery. That's how they used to
break the household down. They break the man down. Right,
Come on, now, one thing about professional homegirls. We know something.
Now you break the man down, and once he break
the man down, then everybody else in the household follows
because the man is ahead of the household. And once
you take that from a man, his dignity, that's it.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
And see this is and this is the good part
black women. It didn't work on black women because I
feel like they what happened. It worked on black men,
But it made black women stronger. Let's always tell black women, like,
when you're here some why they call it you stronger,
that those are used to make you think that you
being stronger, independent is bad, but you had to be
because you couldn't depend on your men facts. They didn't
(23:10):
want you to. They didn't want you all to be
stronger independent. But I'm like, that's what's holding the black community. Oh,
it's black women. Like if black women had been conquered
by men, or they let black men conquer them, the
whole Black community is going to be done. It's not
standing on black men. Like, think about any time there's
a political movement, who's at the forefront black men or
black women. Anytime there's any anything, anything is women because
(23:35):
black men are cowards. Yeah, child, when you go back
to the racism and all of that, that's always tell
people like the dh thing is so much deeper than
just that, because I was like, even like when we
get into the STDs that they put in this community,
I was like, everything that they've done to break the
black community, it's somewhat work, But what they didn't account
for is that it affected their communities too.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
It is exactly, and that's when it becomes a problem.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
That's when it becomes a problem. And that's why now
it's more so about just elitists, like they don't care
now they always knew that all white people would not
have the same white supremacy like the elite people of
the society.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
End of time. But then when those white kids start
doing drugs and getting high and over those opios. Oh,
it was an epidemic. It was a problem.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
And that's why I say, I hate to make it
so black and white, but don't get integrated for seventy
five years, so we have to go back to Like
if you go back, so now you're like, I mean,
it started black and white. You were either white or
you were colored or move lot of them. So that's
always so I'm not making it black and white, but
that's where it started because like even with the LGBT,
(24:45):
I don't ever consider myself a part of LGBC because
if you look at how the LGBT community was formed,
it was stormed for white people, so they didn't hate themselves.
Because if you go back, so before we were colonized
African people. Because the men love to bring up Africans
when they want to talk about piercings and other girly
things that they're doing to beautify they stuff. But if
you go back and really study, all African cultures had
(25:08):
to or they felt like their people were too spirited
where they had a male spirit, woman's spirit, Like sexuality
wasn't a thing. I was like white people started putting
everything into categories and everything, like think about it, like
if we would have never been colonized, it would be
no straight, gay or whatever. People just were people. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Yeah, and then you also mentioned in one of your
videos that you felt like the community wasn't really fucking
with you.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
They don't.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Oh they still don't.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Why is that using about the gay community, right?
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (25:39):
Or the LB because they don't like to hear the truth.
Like as you can see, like I'm not I'm not
gonna say get things about people. I'm gonna just speak
the truth. And they try to disconnect the DL men
from the community, and like I always tell them, like
DL men are literally just gay men. So I know
people love to say, well they're making gay men look bad.
Well this is where gay men need to say accountablit. See.
(26:00):
That's why I honestly thought when I started this whole process,
I'm like, Okay, there's gonna be so many other people
that are gonna come in and add their information.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
This was not that.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
Yeah, it was so much negative from and from like
the trans community, the gay community, the bay community, or
the buy community really don't count because they're so small.
I don't even think it's no openly by men. Yeah yeah,
but yeah. So they were just upset because they felt
like a lot of them did tell me like they
felt like I was holding up a mirror and they
(26:31):
didn't like seeing essentially themselves and some people it was
just traumatic, and I get it. It's a traumatic experience,
like for women, it's a traumatic experience for some gay men.
Like it's tru that's always say like DM, men don't
help anybody but themselves. So that's why I was confused
on like everybody teamed up against me because they don't
help nobody. Like I've never heard somebody say a do
(26:52):
man came into their life and brought them so much joy?
Have you? I like that?
Speaker 2 (27:00):
That's so funny.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Yo.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
One thing about this podcast, I didn't have so many
different conversations because another woman who I was talking to,
we were talking about her journey with her being promiscuous,
and she were talking about the down low men and
she was saying how she was at a party with
her homeboy and her homeboy saw her friend with a
nigga at Homebo was like, I know that nigga from somewhere,
I don't know where. You already smil him. So she
(27:24):
was like, well, how you know him? Because he had
just got out of jail. Come to find out, the
nigga was fucking with his jail bunkie and he was like.
She was like, well, we need to go tell my homegirl.
So he went to go tell her. Homegirl was like, hey, like,
you know, I'm not trying to be mess or anything.
I'm just looking out for you. I just want you
to know what your man been doing when he was
in jail. And the nigga denied it, and she believed
(27:47):
her man obviously, but then until the jail monkey had
called him and stepped to her like a woman, and
she still didn't believe it. And I'm like, girl, you
cannot want a man some people.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
I'm telling you some people like literally, because you know,
I helped women too, so I talked to so many women.
I'm telling you, some women want a man that bad,
like to the point that I mean it ain't even
have to getting to know too much. But like I
always say, these dal men are perverted, they're dding. So
some women will let's just say put others at risk
(28:27):
to keep these men, like maybe their kids. And so
because you know, like I said, I don't want to
trigger nobody, but so let's always say like some women
will do a lot to keep a man.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Is that particular story you're thinking about.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Yeah, But because this this one girl I was talking
to essentially her man, who already she was calling me
to ask, you know, is he deal, et cetera. But
when we started getting into it, and she was just
telling me some instances where you know, he's naked and
hard in front of her daughters and he's picking the
kids up hard and they're naked and just a whole
(29:00):
whole lot of nickedness and weird, you know. But she
was saying that he was telling her, well, me and
my dad done this pretty much my whole life. And
I was just I was just like, you see him
and his dad done it their whole life. He doesn't,
he doesn't see it's something wrong here. And that's all
I was Like a lot of men that urdl have
(29:20):
been touched and they haven't talked about it. I mean
not to say that that's gonna make somebody be d ill,
but I think a lot of men have went through
some type of assault that they just don't talk about
because they don't think that even if it's a woman
that has done it, they don't want to talk about it.
Let's always say like when she was telling me that,
and I hear a lot of perverted stories that involve
kids or animals, and like that for me be red
(29:43):
flags like animal. Yeah, like this girl, her Man she
was doing something with horses, like she was a horse
rider or you know whatever they do, whatever you call it.
Dis her Man made her stop working with the horses
because he thought she would fuck a horse. And I
was just like, girl the beast reality, the fact that
he even got that thought in his mind, the fact
that he really pushed the issue, that's serious to make
(30:06):
you start working horses. I was like, something's off there
with him. She still wants him, he doesn't really.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Want her horse.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
The thing is, she flew all the way from Norway
to America. He showed me some pictures. I was like,
you could do so much better than him. I was like, listen,
you don't know how white supremacy and how white man.
I was like, you over here worried about this white man.
That's the red neck and a trailer park that's doing
melting fettermines with his dad, thinking you're gonna fuck a
horse like I was just like, girl, you should have
(30:40):
stayed in Norway. I'm like, you could have had any
white man. And this is what you think is like
you know, I'm like, yo, you don't know the culture.
And that's always telling people know the culture. She was like,
I don't like Norwegian guys. Like okay, I'm like, I still.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
You stillhead, thank you?
Speaker 3 (30:57):
She was like, well his body like who can but.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
See, this is why we gotta hold our sisters accountable,
because it's like, come on, girl, you you can't be
this fucking slow. Like I'm not I don't never judge anybody,
but sometimes i'd be like, girl, yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:10):
It's right now. I hear a lot of women that
be thinking just because the man got a big dick
that somehow that's supposed to mean something. It's like, it's
dick paying your bills. Is dick making you feel good? Right?
That come with all of these other problems, and you
might endow with some fevers, some apes, and some chills,
so it's likely worth it. And I'm not saying that
(31:33):
no it's true because I ain't he making me so
mad or he's so cute, Like okay, you're gonna he's
so cute into an incurable STD Like numbers, women are
five times more likely to catch HIV if they're dealing
with men that are sleeping with men. There's seventy eight
percent more likely to have catch sti's if they do
(31:54):
with a man that'll sleep on men. So it's like
it's your number, your chances are gonna increase significantly hot.
So that's always felt them like this is not something
you kind of want to play with because see me
as a gay man, I know that these men don't
get tested because a lot of women will be a
man and they're never going to get tested together. Their
man is never getting tested. He's relying on her to
(32:16):
get tested to tell him if he got something. I
would a man like that. So that's why I be saying,
like I think a lot of women be oblivious because
they're like, it can never be my man. And it's
like a lot of these men are like that, and
they think I just be being dramatic. It's like no,
because even people always say I done had so many
male friends that were straight. I show me a straight
(32:36):
man at this point, and I try not to say
that out loud because I still have some male friends
that I am presuming or straight that haven't tried to
house it with me yet. But again, show me a
straight man, because I don't know man that are one
hundred percent straight. That's all. When people ask me like,
what you what is a straight man?
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Like?
Speaker 3 (32:54):
Tell us who you think is straight? I have to
think really hard. The only person that almost that has
me somewhere convinced this Terrence Howard. And I mean because
of what, you know, what happened recently when they were
trying to get him to play Marvin Gaye.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
And how do you feel about that?
Speaker 3 (33:10):
I saw, okay, boom, this goes back into the white people.
Instead of getting a gay man to play Marvin Gaye,
since you know there's gonna be gay scenes, you want
to see the fantasy of a straight man, and they
want to break that straight man down because imagine if
he kissing a man at doing all of this on screen,
what is that gonna do to his masculinity or even
though it's already probably fragile, it's gonna break you're And
(33:33):
they were just trying to do that because he they
know that he's straight. Like he said about his empire
Rold that was really hit like how he felt. And
I'm not mad at him be homophobic. I mean, I
don't know, like me, be what you want to be.
I mean, I think those straight men are going to
be a little bit homophobic because I mean, I'm sure
they can't file them the gay shit. I wouldn't expect
them who they're not gay, So what it is like
(33:56):
it's ignorance. Ultimately, homophobia is just again some man, like
it's just ignorance, like they just don't understand that they
don't and they shouldn't they're not gay. But I feel like,
again it's always gonna be that those type of things
that happen, Like think about it every black man, especially
that we hear about getting into the industry. Oh, I
had to put on the drift or I had to
do this, so I had to do that something that
(34:17):
would compromise their masculinity and that they didn't want to do.
Like even with will Smill Seven Degrees of Power, he
was gay at telling that that movie though, because a
lot of people don't know that movie, so they don't
know when they when they be forced to do this
type of stuff and it really beat them though, because
we don't have to talk on bline because.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
This too is too I'm just saying, but do you
think he's gay?
Speaker 3 (34:42):
Yes? Are you you? You are you? Are you?
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Have you?
Speaker 3 (34:49):
Okay, it's no ask asked me. I'm saying, like you
don't have you?
Speaker 1 (34:54):
I mean, do you.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
I don't keep up with him all the way, but
even from the like the stuff, because when I was
doing research on him, because you know, people asked me
to look into people, all of them videos he got
kissing his son in the mouth done. I was done
with it, Like all is too much, that movie, all
in the videos kissing his son in the mouth, all
of that stuff with August Austina became a little blurry on.
(35:17):
If August I've seen it was.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
There, I wouldn't know you could. That's not because I
wasn't expecting August to be gay. That took me. That
was a wild card. Yeah, I mean I see now
looking back, but when we first was introduced to him,
like I don't know, it's just I didn't.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
See it that he's in the industry. Think of like really.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Everybody in the industry is gay.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
Okay, I want you to tell me somebody in the
industry that you think is straight, and then we're gonna
see just just throw out a name that you think
of a straight man that you think is in the industry.
Have you I've done a video on him. If you're
going my YouTube that that's the last person I'm going
to think it straight. When you look into all of
this stuff, to all of these other men that that
football player man that he was living with his perversion,
(36:02):
he literally feels all of the boxes out to be
a deal man. And like I said, when you do
all of your research, I don't think he's straight at all.
Like I honestly think these type of men that have
a lot of status of power, he could have never
kept it without having the woman that everybody essentially wants.
Let's always say you're gonna have those women that are
gonna be great beards like and I'm sorry I keep
(36:23):
saying they like you couldn't have those people. But yeah,
I think he essentially became a beard because if you
really pay attention, it was before they were the same
age almost like underage. Like it's a lot of stuff
that get kind of Murky there he been around too
many people, him and Diddy. It's too many connections for me,
as a person that has too much logic to think
(36:43):
that all of these things alies. Even if you look
at some of the old interviews Wendy Williams and all
of these other people from back in the day, they've
been saying some of this stuff. It's just nobody was
really listening. So when I started putting new facts and
old facts together, it all made sense.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
So who do you think is straight in the industry?
Speaker 3 (37:06):
Who do I think is straight in the industry? I
don't think nobody's straight because even I'm telling you they're
not going to Let's just talk about this every man
that you see in the industry, what is their ultimate
They're all chasing money, right mm hmm, Okay, who has
money and power? Who has the money in power? Though?
Who are they gonna have to go through? Because even
jay Z, we see that he's over the NFL. He's
(37:28):
pretty powerful. He can get people out of jail and everything.
But what just happened to him, he got a little
bit humbled for a second. To let him know, like, Okay,
you're not above the program m. That's what I say, like,
it's always gonna still be a white man at the top.
No black man is gonna bang the Vanguard family. If
you look into it's five families that essentially operate all
(37:50):
of the wealth in the America, and if you look
at how the thirteen colonies perform from the Europeans and
all of that, those families then connect back to that,
like it's country is the shit that will be able
to get through. Let's always say like they're gonna have
to go through, and it's never gonna work because those
white men always they're going to make them do things
that they might not want to do.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
That's fucking crazy. That's what I believe it though, I
really do believe. I do believe because even when you
think of all these people who just can't pop out
of nowhere and they just like they it and I'm
just like wow, Like I'm like, Ebane, you can't be
so hard on yourself because the game is rigged.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
It's rick, thank you, It's rig because you're unless you're
willing to essentially at this point in the game, unless
you're willing to be like because I can just tell
like you're a classy woman, you carry yourself, intelligence and grace.
They don't like that. They want you to be showing
these other black women that you need to be shaking
your eyes and doing that bad so and tell you like,
(38:49):
and I hate to say, but that's what they want
the black community. They want women to feel like this.
I was like the amount of women that be at
baddies auditions and fighting and ship Now, I was like,
they want that they got sixty grade and all of
these other people going to school. They want women to
think that, especially Black women. That's how y'all are. It
used to be a time where we would be arguing
(39:10):
about education. I still argue about stuff like that because
I'm hardly educated. People are not caring about.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
That now at all.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
You get used to facts the same people for doing
certain shit, for not being women.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Yes. So I had a moment and I share this
with my audience before where I had like experienced extreme
burned out. And I've been doing this for seven years
and I'm just like, yo, Like, I feel like like
my show was fucking good. Like even you were telling
me like your show comes from a different perspective, You're
not afraid to talk about things like I feel like
like we I talk about a lot of different things
within our community. But you know, obviously I make it fun,
(39:45):
put the medicine and candy. But I'm like, damn, like
I feel like I should be further ahead. But I'm like,
it just feels like I need to be on a
handstand popping my fucking pussy and shaking my ass because
I see other people and I know comparisons a thief
for joy and I'm not comparing myself to anybody, because
you know, I work really hard, but I'm just like, damn,
like what do I gotta do to get to the
next level? Like I feel like I should be having
all these opportunities, and I just like sometimes I get
(40:07):
break crumbs and I'm like, yo, it's not fair.
Speaker 3 (40:11):
And that's and that's why I always tell people like
I try to fight for women because patriarchy, whit like,
it's so many things that especially Black women are Here's
so many layers that you have to go through, and
like you said, you should be further and you've been
doing this so like I when I was watching your videos,
I was asking myself why you weren't further either, But
(40:31):
I already do the answer, because if you just even
compared to the white woman that came out of nowhere
that I don't have to stay her name, what the
fuck is she doing? But guess what, she's more palasable
for media because, like I always tell people, if you
look at media, media controls culture and society, so they
(40:52):
want certain things. So by you being so classy and
essentially they only want one Tamern Hall. Mm, they want
one Tameron Hall. Like you see, Jennifer Hudson couldn't be tammering.
She had to be Jenniferson act so Dixie on her
show that I don't like it because I mean, I
always be laughing, but I'm like, this is not Jennifer
huss Like they donned her down so much for that show.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
That's why I said, as well, because I'm like Jennifer,
she got to be a little bit more quicker than
this like he is.
Speaker 3 (41:19):
We've heard her interviews. That's not Jenniferston, that's all. It's
like literally, but she's working for a company, so you
know she gotta do what she gotta do right, right child.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
How you ever met a download man who regret the
way he was living his life?
Speaker 3 (41:34):
A lot of them always say they regretted, Like I
think a lot of them feel shame at some point
or another. Why they disassociate from the actions because they
know that they know that's just wrong. They know. That's
why even all of the men that I've ever exposed, like,
they never be mad at me. They always say like,
I understand because they know, like, did you put me
through a fucking lot? Yeah, not like that's not an
(41:57):
easy life. Just always say like, and for me to
will willingly being it's crazy. That's why I say, like,
women unwillingly being it and it take you to such
a low place in life. So that's always I thought, like, Okay,
I can help people avoid this because by me being
from a small town and dating after I turned eighteen,
cause it's always tell people they always like, well, I
(42:17):
was messing with dollo men in high school, you were fast,
you were grown. I didn't start dating until I got
to college. I need to, so it's like I started,
and that's why people be like, you're too grown for this,
and it's like, well, bitch, I've only been dating for
a few years technically, right right, So it's like I'm
still new to dating. So I had to figure shit
out and I saw somebody that was probably telling me
(42:38):
what I'm telling people in a real way and showing
I probably would have just never even had to figure
out all of those things from DL man or you know,
learn that. But I am glad that I had some
of those experiences because DO men are everywhere. Like when
I was in college, the dean of students, I'm at
the dean of students getting told with a girl about
a DO man, and the deena students is a DL man,
(43:00):
which worked in my favorite because he understood what was
going on because I was going against some sexual harassment.
I was up against some charges, like criminal charges because
this girl had thought I was sucking her man, but
really she was sucking my man, so then she it
was snowball effect. But luckily and I didn't want to
expose the dude. But of course once police get involved,
that you're coming out of the ploset.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Yeah, because I'm not going down for you niggas.
Speaker 3 (43:25):
That's what we're gonna draw the line. So that's when
I started telling the truth and I'm like, do I
need to get the receipts? But he was the ill
so he understood why I hadn't, you know, told the
girl the truth and how this situation got where it
got because I would never tell the girl the truths,
like we had had to sit down. I essentially just
told her I didn't know her man. He wasn't her man,
like he was her old man man. So it's like
(43:48):
he technically was your man, but he's not your man
of war. So I didn't think I really owe her that,
even though in reality, I'm like, had I just went
ahead and told her the truth, it probably would have
made the situation better. But then even when she found
out the truth, she told all of these other people.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
So that's not cool.
Speaker 3 (44:04):
Yeah. So I was like, sometimes anytime I've ever been
with a d O man and I found out he
had a woman, I always go to the woman. But
there has yet to be a woman that was resceptive
and that didn't turn it into drama trying to fight
or you know, trying to beef about a man that,
like I always tell women, if he wants me you,
there's no competition, just like if you want you, I
(44:25):
don't see no competition. Like they can't be a woman
who's like ping us against each other, because they'll do
that with two women too. They don't care. They just
don't want them to be in the wrong. They want
to take all of the attention off them. And how
people arguing and beefing because that makes them feel good.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
Yeah, how many men would you said that you've been
with have been a download?
Speaker 3 (44:47):
Oh and let me clarify something. When I say date,
that does not mean fuck. People can't And I gotta
say that because a lot of people want to hear
that you dated a lot of men. They think so
because I did used to be a sugar baby, So
I am gonna includ sugar add at least like two
(45:09):
hundred like on dates personal still have phone numbers. Some
some of them are in the industry. That's why I say,
like in Atlanta, I wasn't playing because if some things
people don't catch on my page. But I had this
video a woman got on crip like her ex husband
was like first sugar added when I got there and
(45:30):
I was, you know, getting into college and shit. So
that's always say like there's so many people that you
just would never expect.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Wow, you about to have me Like these cookies are
for good baby.
Speaker 3 (45:43):
I mean, but Atlanta is a hot spot for guess
I mean, yeah, but I do agree like women because
a lot of these men, especially now that there's trans
women too, they're gonna play semantics with that. Now, you
ax man, you ever been with men? No, because he's
he technically is gonna say no because he's only into
transforming or he's only dealing with trans women.
Speaker 2 (46:05):
So yeah, are you ever afraid? Like because of the
work that you're doing, I mean, cause you're popping, you
got a large following, you know that people feel comfortable
they don't like Yeah, so like you know, and then
you're you're cute, you're young, you know, you're building a
(46:26):
life for yourself. So are you ever afraid for your safety?
Speaker 3 (46:30):
Well, I guess because I mean somebody already tried to
take my life. But and in general, I will say this,
any nigga that's ever tried me that got his ass
to be the only the only way. And niggas notice,
because I'm not no little nigga. I'm six four, very like,
I'll beat the fuck out of you. So the only
way they're gonna if a nigga shoot me. But even
when they come to shooting, and they can't even shoot,
(46:52):
like I didn't have to pull out a gun. So
like that's always feel like people don't realize that if
you think I'm gonna lay down and let you do
something to me, you're crazy. And I typically live in
gated communities like my my home, they can't, so you know,
I like, I always tell people you're gonna do something
at the effort, and you're gonna do something. You won't
(47:12):
catch me in the club. You're not gonna catch me
at too many spaces that you know. I just you know.
So I'm like, I really don't be worried. And if
somebody does something to me behind this information, then that
might have just been my destiny. That's talking about it.
I mean, I feel like if because I'm spiritual, so
I feel like if I've been protected all of this time,
all of this while throughout my whole life, because a
(47:33):
lot of shit has happened to me in my life,
like the d L shit go all the way back
to childhood. So I feel like if I've been protected
this long, it's for reason.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Yeah yeah, listen, I told you.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
Yeah, So that's why I And that's how I be
feeling like I'm doing because I'm happy about it too.
Like I like helping people. I like educating people, and
I'm like, tell, this topic is so important because a
lot of people either a don't know much and women
don't be suspecting it.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:02):
People always like, well, you think every man is del
or not. I'm sorry to cut you off, but I
just want I don't think every man is the ill.
But when people have to realize a lot of these
men are terrible people. That's why I was like, my process,
even if your man is not DL by everything that
I tell you, if he does all of the shit
that I say, he's the horrible person. So he's at
(48:22):
quite easily old man. So you shouldn't be with him
regardless because if he's acting like them, you probably don't. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
No, that's a fact. That's a fact. So let's talk
about some behavioral patterns and personality traits. What are some
personality traits that you observe and download men?
Speaker 3 (48:37):
Okay, so first narcissism, which again let me let me clarify,
because I mean a lot of men are narcissistic. So,
like I always tell women, every DL man is a narcissist,
but not all narcissists men are deal because to me,
I mean there's a lot of men that are narcissistic.
But right after that they have to be misogynistic. And
(48:58):
like I always tell, women gave me misogyny. Even some
women have internalizes, so you know misogyny. You know when
you can tell when a man hates women, he's gonna
always put them down. He's never gonna have anything good
to say, he's gonna make hate these generalizations women don't
want nothing but money from men, or all women ain't shit,
or you know those type of men. And then impulsivity.
(49:21):
Those are the top three because the impulses, that's what
getting them in trouble. A lot of d O men
they'll not act on their impulses for time periods, but
they always have that time where they slip and I
got to go either sleep with a man or a
trans woman, or you're at a bowpouse, or you're doing
something solatious and it might be eight months before you
do something else. But those imposts always come back, and
(49:44):
they can't control, like control his imposts because being impostive,
that gets literally that the word in itself, like the
definition of impostive. So you know that's the big problem
because they're so indecisive. And again when they want something
and men usually are just sexual preachers. So I always
(50:07):
say men pick all of their friends everything. Most men
do everything based off of attraction. So you got to
put them in the right circumstances and they'll go yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
And when it comes to the behavioral patterns, I thought
you you was on point with us, because I agree
anger is a reflection of self hate. If a nigga's
always fucking angry something they right, right, or he want.
Speaker 3 (50:31):
That princess treatment, or he's angry because you're not treating
him like or you know, because I always say, like,
no straight man is going to sit around and want
a woman to take care of him. No, No, he's
not going to be mad that you won't send him
money for lunch and surprised. Right, So let's always say
like some of these personalities like that should be obvious.
(50:53):
But the narcissists, the impulsivity, and the misogyny, because when
you put all of those things together again, and that
helps make a dyl man. Because if you hate women,
you can't control your imposts and you think that the
world falls around you and that you're invincible. What is
gonna hold you back from doing whatever you want?
Speaker 2 (51:12):
Well? Child, This concludes part one of this week's episode,
and y'all, Part two is really where we get into
some things, so please make sure you subscribe to the
show so you don't miss it. And also, if you
think this episode will resonate with someone, please send it
their way. Okay, spread love, it's the Brooklyn way. And
(51:32):
if you have any comments, questions, or concerns or you
want to say hey, gir hey, shoot me an email
at Hello at the psgpodcast dot com. Y'all, I really
really hope you enjoyed this week's episode and I cannot
wait for you all to hear part two. So until
next time, everyone later. Pretty Private is a production of
(51:57):
the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcast from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate
the show, and you can connect with me on social
media at Pretty Private Podcasts.
Host
Eboné Almon
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