November 26, 2024 • 45 mins
In this week’s episode of The Professional Homegirl Podcast, Eboné has the honor of speaking with the anonymous author of Pussy Prayers: Sacred and Sensual Rituals for Wild Women of Color. Together, they dive into a transformative conversation about body positivity, healing from childhood trauma, and how the author’s personal journey inspired the creation of this empowering book.
They also explore the importance of self-love, the art of listening to your body, and the power of sacred rituals to nurture both physical and emotional well-being. This episode highlights the profound connection between body healing, spirituality, and reclaiming your sensual power. Plus, they dive into the rich history of the vagina and why it’s considered one of the most powerful gifts to the world.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before
we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that
the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those
of the hosts and guests and are intended for educational
and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is
off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can
be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to
(00:22):
celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color,
providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will
be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a
reminder that tough times don't last, but professional Homegirls do
enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hey, professional Homegirls, Ishigara Ebinez here and we are back.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Is holiday season. It is time to eat, it's time
to relax, it is time to be merry.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
So with that being said, with Thanksgiving around the corner,
we are taking a moment to reflect and give thanks
to the number one thing that we have that they
want our pussies Okay, And what better way to do
that with a phg rewind episode. This week, we're revisiting
one of my favorite conversations from twenty twenty. I cannot
believe y'all was twenty twenty. It's about to be six
(01:23):
years in January, and I'm like, wow, the fact that
I have I keep going, like where on my finding
all these conversations at But hey, as long as you
got breath, you always have options, right. So I have
the pleasure of speaking with this incredible and anonymous author
behind Pussy Prayers, Sacred and Central Rituals for Wild Women
of Color. We explore the powerful things of her book,
(01:44):
unpacking the sacred power of pussy while breaking down the
stigma surrounding it. I don't know about y'all, but like,
especially with me being from the South when I was
growing up and even now, like I mean, I stay
pussy now, but I just feel like there was such
a huge dark stigma around the word, and like if
you said it, you was fast.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
We had like a nasty like.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I don't know, I have a very negative connotation with it.
I don't know if y'all had that same experience, but
I definitely remember, you know, not being able to say
the py word because it wasn't ladylike right. However, hands down,
this episode is just one of the many amazing conversations
I had with my guest today, And she's actually been
(02:25):
on the podcast for all three of her books, and
every single conversation was fired. Okay, So if you haven't already,
I highly recommend going back and listening to all of
our conversations. And if you're also interested in any of
her books, please make sure to email me and hello
at thepsgpodcast dot com and I will send you a
direct link to her books. So as we celebrate gratitude
(02:49):
this week, let's honor the journey of reclaiming our identities
and embracing our sacred selves. Because if you don't hold
yourself down professional home girl, who will tell me who?
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Exactly?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
But no, all jokes aside, y'all know how much I
love y'all my professional homegirls. So have a happy Thanksgiving
and let's rewind to this transformative dialogue starting now. So
I am super excited about this week's episode. I am
interviewing the author and she is a mountain us so
I was like, oooh, make my job a little bit
(03:26):
more easier. She is the writer of Pussy Prayers, sacred
and sensual rituals for a wild.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Women of color.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
This book is amazing, and I'm so excited that finally
to get to have an interview with you so we
can talk about this because there's so much like stigma
around the word pussy.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
So how you feel me? Yes?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
So my first question, what did you write this book?
What was the inspiration behind it?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
I don't know how uh woo woo is spiritual your audiences,
but now we woke and we very spiritual, so either way,
all right. So I did not elect to write this book.
I actually got a I believe, like a terror reading
or something. And the issue was that I was having
(04:18):
problems at work, and I realized that somehow I was
always having problems at work, and so I just wanted
to understand, like, you know, am I in the wrong place?
What am I supposed to be doing? Just terrible terrible
management leadership. I always felt like I was taking via
taking advantage of always felt like, you know, I was
(04:42):
doing my best and doing what I was supposed to do,
but still would be subject to consequences and bad evaluations
and all these kinds of things. And so I just
didn't really understand what I was supposed to be doing.
And when I got that tarror reading. She was like, oh,
you're supposed to be writing books. And this was maybe
(05:05):
twenty sixteen, maybe early twenty seventeen. So I'm like, bugs,
I don't what am I writing about. I don't have
anything to discuss in a book, like I've never considered that.
She's just like, well, your your ancestors are like you
need to be writing, and you need to be writing
this book and that's going to give you everything you
(05:27):
need and you won't have to worry about no job.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I was like, oh wow, I mean yeah, about what
four point five posts on every platform?
Speaker 3 (05:35):
So okay. But see I didn't know that. So twenty seventeen,
I'm sitting there like book, like, what are you talking about?
Like I don't I'm not about say, write no book.
I don't know what y'all want for me, I whatever.
So of course I sit on it. I don't do
anything with it. But I read something and it said
(05:56):
I think it was a poem or an article, but
it says something about like prayers to the almighty pussy
or something like that, and I was like, huh, pussy prayers.
That sounds it. Just I wrote down, you know the name,
and I didn't do anything else with it. Of course,
(06:17):
I continue to be hardheaded, and I didn't write this book.
It's well until twenty eighteen, I have not written this book,
and I'm still like at this point, I can't even
find a job, and I'm just like, what is going on?
Like I need to eat, I need to pay my bills,
Like what is wrong in this same prairie? Well like
sow that look, that book is how You're gonna eat?
(06:39):
And I was just like, no, like stop, like, stop
playing with me. I'm not doing this book. But I
guess got to rock bottom round about October twenty eighteen,
and I was like, no, what, it can't hurt. Let's
just do it. And so I wrote one version of
(07:00):
it and it was okay around maybe August or September
of twenty eighteen, and I just knew that I needed
to put in I guess, my own story and just
different things that I experienced and learned over the years.
And around October twenty eighteen, I kind of revised it,
(07:22):
added a lot more things that people have been asking
or conversations that I'd been seeing, and yeah, that's just
kind of history. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
I like the fact that because I've been following your
community for a while. I like the fact that you
kind of like share a little insight into into who
you are and your own relationship with your own pussy.
Well we could talk about later, but I thought that
was really good because it kind of helped for me
as a reader get an idea of why did you
write this book? And now I understand how and how
you connected your story with a lot of our own stories.
(07:55):
So I thought that was dope. So I had to
borrow this question from your bookcause I thought this question
was really good. It had me thinking who taught you
about it was? What it meant to be a woman,
and when did you learn and how did it make
you feel about womanhood? I thought that was such a
good question.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Man.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
So so I used to be a teacher, so I'm
very good at questions, but answering them who, that's a
big question.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
I wrote it because I was like, I don't have
to answer that, that's for them. So who? Okay, who
taught me? Nobody? Really? I think, my that's a real
last answer. I know. I didn't have any like explicit conversations.
I didn't have any like you know, mommy daughter, we
(08:44):
go to lunch or something, and we had like, no,
we didn't do none of that. Like I think, I
learned by experiencing, and I learned by example, both good
example and bad example. And I just kind of figured
out for myself like what kind of person I was
(09:05):
going to be. And then thankfully I grew up in
the age of the Internet at Google and had to
go a computer at home, so you know, I got
to look up some things when I was confused or
had a question or had heard something at school and
(09:26):
been like, what are they talking about? What is that?
So I attribute my my learning to experience and to
the great people at Google dot com.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah, facts, Well, when were the signs that jer pussy
was telling that you needed to reconnect with it or
reconnect with her?
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Should I say? So? So many? I just I knew
that I did not have a healthy relationship with my
body for a number of reasons. But also I realized
that I was just having different symptoms and like things
(10:10):
happening that weren't happening before. And so pretty early on,
I think that was maybe twelve or thirteen, I was
diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. And so what is it?
For those who don't know for those who don't know, it's, oh,
it's so much. It's in simple as times. It's when
(10:33):
you are growing cysts on your ovaries. The cysts are
not cancerous or anything, but they just grow there. Almost
every woman grows cysts at one point or another, but
they typically go away. For people with PCOS, that's not
what happens. They stay. They disrupt hormones. It also affects
(10:54):
things like your blood, sugar, your heart. I mean, PCOS
is as a beast. It affects everything. So but that's it.
Oh yeah, you really got to stay on top of it,
and so I didn't. That's another way that I kind
of reconnected with myself because doctors don't really know what
(11:18):
it is or why you even get it. You know,
I was fine up until middle school, high school, when
suddenly I stopped getting a period, and I was like, well,
I'm not pregnant, so what's happening. And so just learning
over the years all the different symptoms and ways that
it can manifest and I just felt like that was
(11:39):
just a sign like, Yeah, you need to tap back in.
You need to be more intentional with your body, You
need to be very careful with your body, and especially
now with this condition, Like there's just things you cannot do,
There's just things you cannot consume. There's just things that
you cannot you know, practice whatever, Like you just have
to be more intentional about how you treat your body.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
One of my favorite things that I really liked about
your book is you went down the history of how
powerful and how Suplicity was being worshiped throughout the year,
So you don't have to go into great detail, but
just to give those like a background of that particular part.
Because I was sticking up to myself like damn, like
that is so true, Like I don't think that a
lot of women know how powerful their regina is or
(12:26):
just the history of it.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
So I'm really into like history specifically like anthropology and
just the study of humans, humankind, how we got to
be who we are now. So one of my favorite
things to do is to deep dive on different topics
or whatever. And I really like the topic of religion,
(12:51):
and so I was just you know, going through like
we know, what are the you know, who are the
forefathers of our current day? You know religions and what
did they do and you know the first humans on Earth,
did they have religion, just random nerdy questions like that.
That's what I do in my first house. So I was,
(13:12):
you know, doing my little nerdy Google shout out to
Google again and I came across these like cave drawings,
and they seemed to be in a number of places
all over the world, but they were very clearly vaginas,
So people were just peyton vaginas all over. Cave walls
(13:38):
were way way way way back when, and when you
think about it, I mean, this is primitive life, this
is ancient human life. You see new people coming out
of this person's whole, and then they come out and
grow up and become a person, and we do it
all over again. That was doubably magic, you know what
(14:01):
I'm saying. Like, before you knew anything about science and
you know, births and things like that, you're just like,
whoa like, brand new people come out of there. That's crazy.
So naturally that's something that they revere, something that they
worship because everybody couldn't do it. And when they did,
you know, that's how their families grew, that's our communities grew,
(14:22):
that's how countries grew. And so this vagina became something
that was to be honored, to be revered, to be respected,
because you know, there was no life without it. So
following that just kind of wear down, right. I wluent
that a rabbit hole of just how women were worshiped
(14:46):
all over the world. You know, simultaneously they didn't even
really have contact with each other, but they were all
doing the same thing. If you go from you know,
Native Americans to people who were living out and like
the Asian kin Shineta Australia, like all these different groups
of people were recognizing and honoring the same thing. And
(15:10):
that's evident in what they left behind, which is figurines
that were usually shaped like very voluptuous women, large breasts,
large bellies, and these cave paintings, these cave paintings that
had the same sort of voluptuous figures or just straight
up vaginas. There were also these like figurines and like
(15:36):
paintings that they call Sheila Sheila n gigs or something
like that, where it is an exaggerated figure of a
woman spreading her like squatting and spreading her vagina. And
we know that that's how women gave birth before birth
(15:57):
was medicalized, and they made you lay down in a
bed in the hospital and all of that you squatted,
that baby came and you know, and so these figurines
just symbolized this was something that was special, this was
something that was important. You have to consider that people
wasn't just making art for art's sake. That just wasn't happening.
(16:17):
We needed to eat, we needed to take care of,
you know, our people, and that was that. So if
they made the time to paint something or carve something,
it was really, really, really important.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
So why do you think that there are so much
negative connotation around the word pussy, Because even when I
was growing up, I used to hate saying that word.
So it's like, but then I was thinking to myself, like,
especially after once I finished reading your book, I was like,
why did I hate that word so much?
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Like where did they come from? M h, It's cultural,
it's cultural. It's just you know, I think it has
a lot to do with maybe like ways that we
were raised or just things that we were taught were
proper or improper. A lot of respectability goes into the
words that we choose to use. And so I knew
(17:16):
that using the word pussy would be controversial provocatives, like
especially with the prayer right, people would be like what
is she? Who is this? And what are they doing?
I actually see people in different Facebook groups who of
course don't know that I wrote it, and they're like,
what is this? Like if anybody read this, what is this?
(17:38):
And I just laughed because I'm like, oh goodness, it's fine.
If it's not what you're thinking, it's okay. But I
think that people just are uncomfortable. I mean, people are
uncomfortable with vagina, people are uncomfortable with all kinds of word.
They're just uncomfortable with the female anatomy. So I don't
really think it's so much of the word pussy, even
(18:00):
though it's been like I don't know, then rap songs
with then you know, pooring be where, it's everywhere, and
so people kind of associated with you know, crass and
you know, just disgusting things. But it doesn't have to
be that, Like the same way people can reclaim other
words and you know, use them in a way that
(18:22):
feels empowering. We can use pussy. Listen.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
So I don't know if you had a chance to
listen to this episode. I did an episode with one
of my guests and she was talking about how sex
is painful. So as we doing the interview, and I
have a relationship with with my guests, we're like really
good friends, says, we're doing an interview, she came out
and said how she was molested when she was younger hissed,
(18:48):
and I was like, oh, so maybe that had a
Maybe that has a reason why you're not able to
like fully enjoy says, because the trauma that you endeared
and then you shared your own trauma within the book.
So how so how can someone trauma affect the relationship
with the vagina Because I don't think people can put
I don't think people realize, like certain things in your childhood,
(19:08):
they it does affect your adulthood, you.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Know, absolutely absolutely, And if you don't, uh, you know,
process that and move past it and heal from it,
it will continue to manifest in various ways. You know.
I can't be certain, of course, but I really always
felt like this PCOS was a manifestation of the hurt,
(19:33):
the trauma, the ignoring, the disgust that I had at
my own body. And I also realized that like when
I am in a good place, I'm feeling good about
myself and I'm taking care of myself. It's almost like
I don't have it. I don't have any of the symptoms,
and I'm good. And when I fall off from that,
(19:54):
you know, my body reminds me, hey, you're not doing
what you're supposed to do. And so I I just
think that the body has ways of reminding us that
it needs more attention. You need to be more intentional,
you need to be more careful, You need to heal
in whatever way that that makes sense for you. I
think that very very many people with vaginas have experienced
(20:18):
some sort of trauma, some sort of something that caused
them shame, something that caused them embarrassment, something that caused
them some negative feelings that made them kind of detach
and ignore that part of them. And I mean it
can manifest mentally, it can manifest emotionally. It means really like,
(20:40):
if you're disconnected from yourselves, you know, how can you
really share that with a partner? How can you really,
you know, experience pleasure when you haven't healed that part
of yourself. And I think that we try to skip
over that and a lot of time we try to
use sex and other things as a means of ignoring
(21:03):
and like you know, I don't have to think about it.
It's okay, we're just gonna do this, and it's a distraction,
but sooner or later, those same feelings and those same
symptoms will rise back up. So I just really think
that anybody who has experienced those things, they are painful,
they are traumatic. It's awful who work trying to heal
(21:25):
them and get past them, but it's necessary work. So
one of some ways that you think that we can
take better care of our vaginas. So I think first jobs,
get your papers out. I mean, so I think of
everything from you know, three different planes mental, emotional, spiritual,
(21:49):
and physical. And so my first thing is always physical.
But you can touch what is tangible, what you can see,
because I feel like that affects our mental and our
mental in turn affects our spiritual. So if I was
going to give anybody any advice, and I'm nobody's doctor,
(22:10):
let's just put that out there in case you try
something that I said and you're like, that did work
for me, None of my business. This was just a suggestion.
I think that first, being mindful about what you eat.
I'm never going to tell anybody how they should eat.
You know that things affect you differently. Stop eating those, like,
(22:31):
stop doing that to your body. If you know that
you eat things sometimes and it throws off your pas,
probably limit those. Don't do that. Fat cells. Water, water, water, water,
so much water. Drink water, real water, not sugar water,
not kool aid, not sweet tea, like actual, factual water.
(22:51):
Your body needs water. Your vagina especially needs water. After that,
I mean, you can get into kind of herb remedies.
I personally like herbal teas, so I drink like red
raspberry leaf tea, nettle tea. Those cheese have properties that
(23:12):
really help with your just your reproductive area in general.
And then I like to drink teas they don't necessarily
have caffeine, but just to really hydrate my body because
you know, you want that thing wet, so provide so
(23:33):
they don't just do that by itself. You got to
give it something to work with, so you gotta really
make sure that you're hydrated. I think that once you
do that and you start to see those changes, you know,
it kind of changes your mental like oh okay, Like
I see how I need to engage with you. I
see how I need to treat you in order for
you to respond the way I want you to respond.
(23:56):
I am a big fan of Jonie. Steam is that
the vaginal stemen. Oh I was going to ask you
about that. Okay, gig go ahead. Yeah, I'm a I'm
a big fan, big, big fan. And you know it's
a little tricky if you're doing it yourself. I actually
do recommend seeing a professional. There are like professional folks
(24:20):
who will do them for you. They can come to
your house or you can go to their space, just
so that you don't hurt yourself and that you kind
of learn what you're doing. But once you know that,
you can absolutely do them at home. And I have
some tips in the book on how to do them
at home. But please be careful because steam can be
too hot and it can burn you, and that is
(24:42):
the last place you want to be burned. But those
herbal properties can really really help you when they just
kind of are able to travel up into the vagina
and kind of bring down and sweat out anything that
shouldn't be there.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
So what the you're sitting on like a pot or
something right, or like squatting over it?
Speaker 3 (25:05):
You can like sit oh, we don't want to sit
on it, but you want to sit over it, so
I know that when I got them done professionally, I
sat on like a stool or a seat that had
a cold cut out, and the pot was underneath the seat,
so a good amount of space between you know, makushi
and this hot steam, but enough to be able to
(25:27):
feel it. And then some people want to do them
in the toilet, which is okay if you put a
bowl or a pot just inside with toilet bowl and
then sit over the toilet bowl. But I would recommend,
you know, again, be careful with that steam, because that's
not pleasant when you're trying to have ye aigiana fallen off. Okay,
(25:49):
And then there are some folks who will just like
put a pot on the floor and just kind of
get on their knees and squat over it if they can,
and you know, whatever works for folks. But that probably
was the first time where I was like, oh, they're
specific herbal you know, medicine and like technique for how
(26:12):
to engage with this part of my body. So that's
one of my favorite things.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Yeah, I've been trying to look for a place because
I'm in New York, but I guess I'm also sketchy
on certain people so I have to read my reviews
and stuff that's something intimate and I need that thing
to be working.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
So yes, yes, yes, I'm sure New York has some
some good folks. I'm sure if I find a place shaw,
I'll let y'all know. I'd be the test on me.
I would be more worried about like some of those
smaller towns and towns that aren't quite as you know,
progressive and liberal like they they'll still say private part
(26:50):
and that. I was like, Oh, I don't know, I
don't know, but you know, there are folks online you
can always give. You know, if you find a professional
and they're not necessarily in your area, you can always
ask them for recommendations or just tips on how to
do it yourself, or even tips on how to get
trained and startified to do it so that you can
(27:11):
do it in your area, if that's something that you
feel like you're interested in. Another thing I like about
your book is you talked about the importance of pleasing yourself.
I think a lot of people, especially women, get a
little uncomfortable when it comes to like masturbation, just like
getting to know your body. Why do you think that,
because I feel like if you don't know your body,
how can you have somebody else know your body? It
(27:33):
is this idea that touching yourself or you know, sexuality
in general, especially for women, is nasty. It's you know,
you should do that. That means you're I don't know fast,
you're a whole, You're this, you're that. And so, like
I said, when you when you are coming up and
(27:55):
you're learning about what it needs to be a woman
and what it needs to habit vagina and all these
kinds of things, you really do pick up on the
things around you. And if what you're picking up is oh,
that's bad and that's nasty and you know, God gonna
get me or whatever it is that you're picking up,
do you really carry that wish you even if it's subconscious.
(28:17):
So I feel like people just need to do their
inner work to really unpack why they feel so disgusted,
why they feel this aversion to their own bodies, and
who taught them that somebody else is supposed to be
the expert on your body. I remember being in college
(28:40):
and just listening to the conversations that some of the
girls would have like, oh, well, I figure he would
just know ax y and z and I'm like says,
he's had a penis for like twenty years, Why would
you know anything about ifs to be not act up right,
I expect him to be the expert on penis. He's
(29:03):
headed for decades, he's headed his whole life. I expect
him to know that. I don't expect him to know
nothing about what I got, Like, what, how does that
even make sense?
Speaker 2 (29:14):
But that was deep where Daddy Brown, like, why do
we think that ain't supposed to know how to put
us off the back?
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Because we're taught that men are you know, taught and
encouraged to be sexual to sow their royal o's, it's
okay for them to be having sex, you know, even
at early ages. It's okay for them to be out
here doing these things. My question is always if it's
okay for them to have sex, but it's not okay
for girls to have sex, Who exactly are the men
supposed to have sex with? Like that just doesn't what
(29:44):
are we supposed to do? So it's just a mess
and people just need to unpack their own issues with
their own bodies. And honestly, some of that does come
from trauma. Some of that does come from, you know,
feeling feelings of disgust or a version because of things
happened to you. And like I said, like you have
to unpact that you have to work through that in
(30:05):
order to come to a better place and a better
understanding of yourself. So if that means going to therapy,
then go to therapy. If that means finding a whole tradition.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Do that.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
And you also talked about the importance of having a
sister circle, which I thought that was amazing, like a
really good core of women that you can rely on
and that you can build with.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
Yes, I am a proponent of sisterhood. I will say
from the rooftop, sisterhood is damn near my religion. Like
I heard one of my elders say that one time,
and I was like, yes, actually yes, Like sisterhood is it,
Like it's everything. Sisterhood can literally provide you with everything
(30:56):
that you ever needed or wanted. It is the most
fulfilling thing to know that you have a group of
people behind you who know you, who you've been vulnerable with,
who have seen all of you good and bad, and
they got you like no matter what, Like you don't
have to worry about them, you know, telling your business.
(31:18):
You don't have to worry about them bringing stuff up
and holding it over your head, shit with you starting stuff.
You don't have to worry about feeling like you asking
stupid questions, or you're in situations that nobody else has
been in, like nine times out of ten, you are
not the only one. And having a group of folks
around you, and not even a big group, but just
having people around you who you can share those experiences
(31:40):
with and somebody can say.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Oh, girl, I'll get that last year, or get it
happened to me too, or yeah, I experienced that, and
it makes you feel so much less alone out here
and so much more normal.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
It's amazing. Like, I think that people prioritize romantic love
and that's kind of their end all be y'all, I
want to husband, and I want to you know whatever.
But honestly, like that's sister love is probably some of
the most intimate love your ever books fits serious act.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
I mean, it's nothing like having like conversations with another
woman that you can really trust and I especially if
they already been through it and you can just tell
they know how vulnerable you is, so they just let
you have it like, this is what you can do.
I'm gonna help you do this. Yeah, all for this person,
like like that shit is really important. I think a
lot of women sometimes misses the essence of having a
sisterhood for.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
Real and even making it intergenerational. Like the first kind
of sisterhood that I had, we were around the same age.
So there were things that you know, we could help
each other with, but there were other things that we're like, Mmmm,
we haven't been there yet, we haven't gotten that yet.
But when I joined different communities and I realized, you know,
I'm no longer playing the big sister role that I'm
(32:52):
used to playing, Like now I'm the little sister, like
the move little sister, Like these women are old enough
to be my mama, my grandma, and they've given me
that real, that truth, Like it's the level I want.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Another thing that I loved about your book is she
gave us affirmations about when you need to reaffirm your
power in your vagina. One of my favorite ones that
you wrote, and I always say this to myself, is
I am proud of myself for what I survived.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
What is your top three? When I saw that, I
was like yes, girl, I can't even say it's like
picking a favorite child. Like those those affirmations came straight
out of my brain. I didn't get them from anywhere.
I didn't copy them, paste them from anywhere. Like everything
(33:44):
that I wrote in that section came straight from me.
And honestly, I don't even know if it was me,
you know what I mean? Like I feel like I
just was kind of getting a download. I remember the
day that I wrote them. I was sitting in I
think narrow or somewhere, and I was just going like
it was just coming out, coming out, coming out. So
(34:06):
all of those are probably things that I needed to
hear and things that my myself and my pussy needed
to hear. And because I needed to hear it, I
just knew that there were other people who needed to
hear it as well. So wait, what is your relationship
like with your pussy? Now? Who's her? We have a
good old time. We have a good old time. We
(34:32):
are getting there. It is the by no means perfect,
but like we getting there. We're working some things out,
you know, And no, I'm human. I fall off. I
do stuff I'm know I ain't supposed to do. I
eat stuff I'm not a't supposed to eat, and they'd
be like, Okay, play games if you want. These are
the results. Stupid games, get stupid prizes. Now you have
a yeast infection. Good look, And it's just being more
(34:56):
mindful of that. But like I'm we're good. We're good,
Like I have no complaints. She's good, like you know,
And I just feel like it has spilled over into
other parts of my life, you know, like I have
no problems connecting with people. I'm in an amazing relationship.
(35:18):
I you know, manifest things like it's nothing like as
soon as I decide I want something, boom is there.
And I don't think that that's just a coincidence, you
know what I mean? No, that's amazing. What do you think?
How can we instilled in each other? Her power for
our pussys is because I think a lot of women
(35:39):
don't know that the power is within them. It's like
I said, unpacking what you've been taught and figuring out
really what you believe and where did that come from.
That's something that I had to do and it was
really really powerful, just thinking through my thoughts, journaling and
(36:00):
just getting down so that I could see it in
front of me, like I just needed to see it
in front of me, like, what is in there? What
is in my brain that is, you know, making me
think certain things? And after our journal, going back through
it and saying, Okay, where did that come from? Where
did I learn that? Where did I hear that? What
made me believe that? What have I experienced that made
(36:23):
me think that this was true? And once I could
pull those kinds of things out, it was like, well,
that's a lie, and that's a lie, and that's not true,
you know. And so my logical brain could take over
and be like, no, none of this is correct, you know.
And then I have to think, who does it benefit
for me to believe these terrible things about myself? Who
(36:45):
does it benefit for me to not know how much
power that I had? And we know the society that
we live in. If women really knew how much power
they had, whole shit would be on fire, like the
world would be in our whole revolution. But it benefits
the folks in power. It benefits patriarchy, it benefits capitalism,
(37:09):
it benefits racism, it benefits sexism. For us to sit
and believe that we are the lesser of any pain
and that we are, you know, incompetent and incapable and
too emotional and all these kinds of things you have
to really go through. And when you realize that, you
(37:29):
think that where did this come from? And who does
it benefit for me to think that? Because the damn
sure don't benefit me. So who was getting the benefit
of me thinking so low of myself? And how do
I dig myself out of this?
Speaker 2 (37:41):
And a long time game stories were told to us
about us. We didn't tell this to ourselves, and that's
why we believe it because somebody, let's say, our mom
or our dad projected this image unto us. And that's
why we have all these goddamn issues now because of
what somebody else told us.
Speaker 3 (37:56):
And it's because somebody's told them. I had to realize
that too. I was like, you know, a lot of
my unpacking has to do with my relationship with my
mother and really homing through that, and that is that's
a mind field right there, but it really I really
had to really what am I trying to say? I
(38:17):
guess receive her with empathy and compassion because I know
that what she's giving me is what was given to her,
and I know that what was given to her, was
probably given to her mother, and on and on and on.
So M it's that generational trauma, that generational you know,
(38:37):
misinformation misteaching that we now this generation have to really
work to unpack or we're going to pass that down
or we're gonna end up having children who are like, no,
you're wrong, and I don't know why I'm saying this
to me, like you're completely wrong, And that's part of
(38:59):
the g a rational divide that we have now. It's
like these older people are like all these young people
they so they so this, they so that, and it's like, no,
we're just learning that what y'all taught us was wrong.
We don't blame you, but we also need you to
understand we're not going to abide by this anymore and
we're actually gonna work within what we know to be true.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
What a word? Well No, In fact, Yo, I had
therapy today and one of the topics we talked about
was my relationship with my bomb and it's just like, Yo,
you know, I used to be so fucking angry with
the things that she taught me and the things that
I experienced. But you know, after going through therapy and stuff,
and just realizing that, you know, you can't fought for something,
(39:43):
you can't fault somebody for the for what they only had,
Like she don't limited amount of resources, so she she
could but what she had. And it took me a
long time to like understand that. It's like, I'm glad
now that I have the resources, and I do want
to take better care myself mentally because I don't want
to pass certain things down to my daughter. I would
(40:04):
say her, I feel uncomfortable about if you want to
please your stuff when you get to a certain age,
then do it. I rather you do it then you
have somebody else do it exactly, just loving yourself more,
you know, mm hmm. And I I have also thought
about that as well, as I get to an age
where I'm like.
Speaker 3 (40:21):
Okay, girl, we need to start thinking about if we're
gonna do this parenthood thing or not. And I'm like,
you know, how am I gonna address certain things? How
am I gonna You know, my partner will be like, yo,
what if you know, are we gonna let our daughter
have her boyfriends or whoever in the house? And I
(40:42):
was like, I'd rather it happen in the house than
out behind some building like I used to be. Like, listen, okay,
I would rather than be in a safe space. I
would rather than be somewhere where they have resources and
access to, you know, safety and things like that, than
to be somewhere get caught. Now, y'all got to sign
up on the sex Offend the list because y'all trying
to do stuff in a playground in the dark, like
(41:04):
you know, Granden, much rather provide that safe space. And
I know that that is radical. I know that there
are people who are like I ain't nobody doing nothing
in my house but me, and I'm just like, but okay,
we got to get past the fact that our children
go up and their sexual beings. It's okay, Like the
times are different, it's different. We don't have to we
(41:26):
don't have to do this. We don't have to be
afraid for them. But what we can do is teach them.
And I would much rather that knowledge come from me
and from sources that can be trusted. Then they little
dumb friends, and they little dumb boyfriends, they and their
worlds like people who don't know a darned thing trying
to tell my child, you know, what to do with
(41:47):
their body and what's okay and what's not Like I
would much rather my child not have to get on
Google to figure out what's going on. So I plan
on being very open, very different than my parents were,
very different than my grandparents were to my mom. And
I mean, we just gonna see. If it don't work,
(42:08):
I try.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Now.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
I own my child busting it open now.
Speaker 5 (42:16):
No, I mean, you know, and there are conversations you
can have around what you know, respectful of your body,
respectful of your time, respectful of you know, the person
that you are.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
And also if you decided that's what you want to do.
I don't own you. There's nothing that I could do
to make you not do that. All I can do
is arm you with information and arm you with self
love and self confidence and everything that you need to
go out in this world and not be you know,
(42:49):
led astray by somebody's ask your child, So.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
What last, but not least, I think it's only right
that you lead us into a prayer and reminding us
that the power that we look for sometimes is right
there between our legs. Our reginas, can you please lead
us into a prayer?
Speaker 3 (43:12):
M hmm, okay oho, I got to pull out my preacher.
My preacher had all right.
Speaker 6 (43:22):
So first getting honor to all of the ancestral mothers,
our fore mothers, all the way back to the first
woman who squatted down and gave birth to the first
person who will populate the world.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
We give thanks, We honor your power. We know that
that power lives within us. We know that we are
born from that power, and there's no way for us
to be let us straight from it. All we have
to do is tap back in. We give thanks to
our bodies. We get thanks to our minds. We get
thanks to our spirits who have brought us here and
(44:01):
let us down. The journey that we're on, led you
to this podcast, led you to my book, so that
you can tap back into your natural power. I wish
for everyone within the sound of my voice, like my
godmother says, ecstasy, abundance and bliss. I pray that you
(44:25):
find your power. I pray that you take the time
to see what your body needs and do what it needs,
and be consistent with that so that you can be
your highest self. I shay, who child, I don't know
where y'all gonna get a prayer like this.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
Listen, y'all, please make sure y'all support my girl Pussy Prayers,
sacred and sensual rituals for wild women of color. She
is anonymous to support her. I'm telling y'all this book
is really good. I'm gonna have the link in the
show notes and if if you have any questions, comments, discerns,
please make sure to email me at Hello at the
pgpodcast dot com And until next time, guys later. The
(45:13):
Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black Effect
Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show, and you
can connect with me on social media at the PHG
podcast
Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before
we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that
the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those
of the hosts and guests and are intended for educational
and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is
off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can
be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to
(00:22):
celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color,
providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will
be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a
reminder that tough times don't last, but professional Homegirls do
enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hey, professional Homegirls, Ishigara Ebinez here and we are back.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Is holiday season. It is time to eat, it's time
to relax, it is time to be merry.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
So with that being said, with Thanksgiving around the corner,
we are taking a moment to reflect and give thanks
to the number one thing that we have that they
want our pussies Okay, And what better way to do
that with a phg rewind episode. This week, we're revisiting
one of my favorite conversations from twenty twenty. I cannot
believe y'all was twenty twenty. It's about to be six
(01:23):
years in January, and I'm like, wow, the fact that
I have I keep going, like where on my finding
all these conversations at But hey, as long as you
got breath, you always have options, right. So I have
the pleasure of speaking with this incredible and anonymous author
behind Pussy Prayers, Sacred and Central Rituals for Wild Women
of Color. We explore the powerful things of her book,
(01:44):
unpacking the sacred power of pussy while breaking down the
stigma surrounding it. I don't know about y'all, but like,
especially with me being from the South when I was
growing up and even now, like I mean, I stay
pussy now, but I just feel like there was such
a huge dark stigma around the word, and like if
you said it, you was fast.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
We had like a nasty like.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I don't know, I have a very negative connotation with it.
I don't know if y'all had that same experience, but
I definitely remember, you know, not being able to say
the py word because it wasn't ladylike right. However, hands down,
this episode is just one of the many amazing conversations
I had with my guest today, And she's actually been
(02:25):
on the podcast for all three of her books, and
every single conversation was fired. Okay, So if you haven't already,
I highly recommend going back and listening to all of
our conversations. And if you're also interested in any of
her books, please make sure to email me and hello
at thepsgpodcast dot com and I will send you a
direct link to her books. So as we celebrate gratitude
(02:49):
this week, let's honor the journey of reclaiming our identities
and embracing our sacred selves. Because if you don't hold
yourself down professional home girl, who will tell me who?
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Exactly?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
But no, all jokes aside, y'all know how much I
love y'all my professional homegirls. So have a happy Thanksgiving
and let's rewind to this transformative dialogue starting now. So
I am super excited about this week's episode. I am
interviewing the author and she is a mountain us so
I was like, oooh, make my job a little bit
(03:26):
more easier. She is the writer of Pussy Prayers, sacred
and sensual rituals for a wild.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Women of color.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
This book is amazing, and I'm so excited that finally
to get to have an interview with you so we
can talk about this because there's so much like stigma
around the word pussy.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
So how you feel me? Yes?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
So my first question, what did you write this book?
What was the inspiration behind it?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
I don't know how uh woo woo is spiritual your audiences,
but now we woke and we very spiritual, so either way,
all right. So I did not elect to write this book.
I actually got a I believe, like a terror reading
or something. And the issue was that I was having
(04:18):
problems at work, and I realized that somehow I was
always having problems at work, and so I just wanted
to understand, like, you know, am I in the wrong place?
What am I supposed to be doing? Just terrible terrible
management leadership. I always felt like I was taking via
taking advantage of always felt like, you know, I was
(04:42):
doing my best and doing what I was supposed to do,
but still would be subject to consequences and bad evaluations
and all these kinds of things. And so I just
didn't really understand what I was supposed to be doing.
And when I got that tarror reading. She was like, oh,
you're supposed to be writing books. And this was maybe
(05:05):
twenty sixteen, maybe early twenty seventeen. So I'm like, bugs,
I don't what am I writing about. I don't have
anything to discuss in a book, like I've never considered that.
She's just like, well, your your ancestors are like you
need to be writing, and you need to be writing
this book and that's going to give you everything you
(05:27):
need and you won't have to worry about no job.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I was like, oh wow, I mean yeah, about what
four point five posts on every platform?
Speaker 3 (05:35):
So okay. But see I didn't know that. So twenty seventeen,
I'm sitting there like book, like, what are you talking about?
Like I don't I'm not about say, write no book.
I don't know what y'all want for me, I whatever.
So of course I sit on it. I don't do
anything with it. But I read something and it said
(05:56):
I think it was a poem or an article, but
it says something about like prayers to the almighty pussy
or something like that, and I was like, huh, pussy prayers.
That sounds it. Just I wrote down, you know the name,
and I didn't do anything else with it. Of course,
(06:17):
I continue to be hardheaded, and I didn't write this book.
It's well until twenty eighteen, I have not written this book,
and I'm still like at this point, I can't even
find a job, and I'm just like, what is going on?
Like I need to eat, I need to pay my bills,
Like what is wrong in this same prairie? Well like
sow that look, that book is how You're gonna eat?
(06:39):
And I was just like, no, like stop, like, stop
playing with me. I'm not doing this book. But I
guess got to rock bottom round about October twenty eighteen,
and I was like, no, what, it can't hurt. Let's
just do it. And so I wrote one version of
(07:00):
it and it was okay around maybe August or September
of twenty eighteen, and I just knew that I needed
to put in I guess, my own story and just
different things that I experienced and learned over the years.
And around October twenty eighteen, I kind of revised it,
(07:22):
added a lot more things that people have been asking
or conversations that I'd been seeing, and yeah, that's just
kind of history. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
I like the fact that because I've been following your
community for a while. I like the fact that you
kind of like share a little insight into into who
you are and your own relationship with your own pussy.
Well we could talk about later, but I thought that
was really good because it kind of helped for me
as a reader get an idea of why did you
write this book? And now I understand how and how
you connected your story with a lot of our own stories.
(07:55):
So I thought that was dope. So I had to
borrow this question from your bookcause I thought this question
was really good. It had me thinking who taught you
about it was? What it meant to be a woman,
and when did you learn and how did it make
you feel about womanhood? I thought that was such a
good question.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Man.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
So so I used to be a teacher, so I'm
very good at questions, but answering them who, that's a
big question.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
I wrote it because I was like, I don't have
to answer that, that's for them. So who? Okay, who
taught me? Nobody? Really? I think, my that's a real
last answer. I know. I didn't have any like explicit conversations.
I didn't have any like you know, mommy daughter, we
(08:44):
go to lunch or something, and we had like, no,
we didn't do none of that. Like I think, I
learned by experiencing, and I learned by example, both good
example and bad example. And I just kind of figured
out for myself like what kind of person I was
(09:05):
going to be. And then thankfully I grew up in
the age of the Internet at Google and had to
go a computer at home, so you know, I got
to look up some things when I was confused or
had a question or had heard something at school and
(09:26):
been like, what are they talking about? What is that?
So I attribute my my learning to experience and to
the great people at Google dot com.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah, facts, Well, when were the signs that jer pussy
was telling that you needed to reconnect with it or
reconnect with her?
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Should I say? So? So many? I just I knew
that I did not have a healthy relationship with my
body for a number of reasons. But also I realized
that I was just having different symptoms and like things
(10:10):
happening that weren't happening before. And so pretty early on,
I think that was maybe twelve or thirteen, I was
diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. And so what is it?
For those who don't know for those who don't know, it's, oh,
it's so much. It's in simple as times. It's when
(10:33):
you are growing cysts on your ovaries. The cysts are
not cancerous or anything, but they just grow there. Almost
every woman grows cysts at one point or another, but
they typically go away. For people with PCOS, that's not
what happens. They stay. They disrupt hormones. It also affects
(10:54):
things like your blood, sugar, your heart. I mean, PCOS
is as a beast. It affects everything. So but that's it.
Oh yeah, you really got to stay on top of it,
and so I didn't. That's another way that I kind
of reconnected with myself because doctors don't really know what
(11:18):
it is or why you even get it. You know,
I was fine up until middle school, high school, when
suddenly I stopped getting a period, and I was like, well,
I'm not pregnant, so what's happening. And so just learning
over the years all the different symptoms and ways that
it can manifest and I just felt like that was
(11:39):
just a sign like, Yeah, you need to tap back in.
You need to be more intentional with your body, You
need to be very careful with your body, and especially
now with this condition, Like there's just things you cannot do,
There's just things you cannot consume. There's just things that
you cannot you know, practice whatever, Like you just have
to be more intentional about how you treat your body.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
One of my favorite things that I really liked about
your book is you went down the history of how
powerful and how Suplicity was being worshiped throughout the year,
So you don't have to go into great detail, but
just to give those like a background of that particular part.
Because I was sticking up to myself like damn, like
that is so true, Like I don't think that a
lot of women know how powerful their regina is or
(12:26):
just the history of it.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
So I'm really into like history specifically like anthropology and
just the study of humans, humankind, how we got to
be who we are now. So one of my favorite
things to do is to deep dive on different topics
or whatever. And I really like the topic of religion,
(12:51):
and so I was just you know, going through like
we know, what are the you know, who are the
forefathers of our current day? You know religions and what
did they do and you know the first humans on Earth,
did they have religion, just random nerdy questions like that.
That's what I do in my first house. So I was,
(13:12):
you know, doing my little nerdy Google shout out to
Google again and I came across these like cave drawings,
and they seemed to be in a number of places
all over the world, but they were very clearly vaginas,
So people were just peyton vaginas all over. Cave walls
(13:38):
were way way way way back when, and when you
think about it, I mean, this is primitive life, this
is ancient human life. You see new people coming out
of this person's whole, and then they come out and
grow up and become a person, and we do it
all over again. That was doubably magic, you know what
(14:01):
I'm saying. Like, before you knew anything about science and
you know, births and things like that, you're just like,
whoa like, brand new people come out of there. That's crazy.
So naturally that's something that they revere, something that they
worship because everybody couldn't do it. And when they did,
you know, that's how their families grew, that's our communities grew,
(14:22):
that's how countries grew. And so this vagina became something
that was to be honored, to be revered, to be respected,
because you know, there was no life without it. So
following that just kind of wear down, right. I wluent
that a rabbit hole of just how women were worshiped
(14:46):
all over the world. You know, simultaneously they didn't even
really have contact with each other, but they were all
doing the same thing. If you go from you know,
Native Americans to people who were living out and like
the Asian kin Shineta Australia, like all these different groups
of people were recognizing and honoring the same thing. And
(15:10):
that's evident in what they left behind, which is figurines
that were usually shaped like very voluptuous women, large breasts,
large bellies, and these cave paintings, these cave paintings that
had the same sort of voluptuous figures or just straight
up vaginas. There were also these like figurines and like
(15:36):
paintings that they call Sheila Sheila n gigs or something
like that, where it is an exaggerated figure of a
woman spreading her like squatting and spreading her vagina. And
we know that that's how women gave birth before birth
(15:57):
was medicalized, and they made you lay down in a
bed in the hospital and all of that you squatted,
that baby came and you know, and so these figurines
just symbolized this was something that was special, this was
something that was important. You have to consider that people
wasn't just making art for art's sake. That just wasn't happening.
(16:17):
We needed to eat, we needed to take care of,
you know, our people, and that was that. So if
they made the time to paint something or carve something,
it was really, really, really important.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
So why do you think that there are so much
negative connotation around the word pussy, Because even when I
was growing up, I used to hate saying that word.
So it's like, but then I was thinking to myself, like,
especially after once I finished reading your book, I was like,
why did I hate that word so much?
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Like where did they come from? M h, It's cultural,
it's cultural. It's just you know, I think it has
a lot to do with maybe like ways that we
were raised or just things that we were taught were
proper or improper. A lot of respectability goes into the
words that we choose to use. And so I knew
(17:16):
that using the word pussy would be controversial provocatives, like
especially with the prayer right, people would be like what
is she? Who is this? And what are they doing?
I actually see people in different Facebook groups who of
course don't know that I wrote it, and they're like,
what is this? Like if anybody read this, what is this?
(17:38):
And I just laughed because I'm like, oh goodness, it's fine.
If it's not what you're thinking, it's okay. But I
think that people just are uncomfortable. I mean, people are
uncomfortable with vagina, people are uncomfortable with all kinds of word.
They're just uncomfortable with the female anatomy. So I don't
really think it's so much of the word pussy, even
(18:00):
though it's been like I don't know, then rap songs
with then you know, pooring be where, it's everywhere, and
so people kind of associated with you know, crass and
you know, just disgusting things. But it doesn't have to
be that, Like the same way people can reclaim other
words and you know, use them in a way that
(18:22):
feels empowering. We can use pussy. Listen.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
So I don't know if you had a chance to
listen to this episode. I did an episode with one
of my guests and she was talking about how sex
is painful. So as we doing the interview, and I
have a relationship with with my guests, we're like really
good friends, says, we're doing an interview, she came out
and said how she was molested when she was younger hissed,
(18:48):
and I was like, oh, so maybe that had a
Maybe that has a reason why you're not able to
like fully enjoy says, because the trauma that you endeared
and then you shared your own trauma within the book.
So how so how can someone trauma affect the relationship
with the vagina Because I don't think people can put
I don't think people realize, like certain things in your childhood,
(19:08):
they it does affect your adulthood, you.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Know, absolutely absolutely, And if you don't, uh, you know,
process that and move past it and heal from it,
it will continue to manifest in various ways. You know.
I can't be certain, of course, but I really always
felt like this PCOS was a manifestation of the hurt,
(19:33):
the trauma, the ignoring, the disgust that I had at
my own body. And I also realized that like when
I am in a good place, I'm feeling good about
myself and I'm taking care of myself. It's almost like
I don't have it. I don't have any of the symptoms,
and I'm good. And when I fall off from that,
(19:54):
you know, my body reminds me, hey, you're not doing
what you're supposed to do. And so I I just
think that the body has ways of reminding us that
it needs more attention. You need to be more intentional,
you need to be more careful, You need to heal
in whatever way that that makes sense for you. I
think that very very many people with vaginas have experienced
(20:18):
some sort of trauma, some sort of something that caused
them shame, something that caused them embarrassment, something that caused
them some negative feelings that made them kind of detach
and ignore that part of them. And I mean it
can manifest mentally, it can manifest emotionally. It means really like,
(20:40):
if you're disconnected from yourselves, you know, how can you
really share that with a partner? How can you really,
you know, experience pleasure when you haven't healed that part
of yourself. And I think that we try to skip
over that and a lot of time we try to
use sex and other things as a means of ignoring
(21:03):
and like you know, I don't have to think about it.
It's okay, we're just gonna do this, and it's a distraction,
but sooner or later, those same feelings and those same
symptoms will rise back up. So I just really think
that anybody who has experienced those things, they are painful,
they are traumatic. It's awful who work trying to heal
(21:25):
them and get past them, but it's necessary work. So
one of some ways that you think that we can
take better care of our vaginas. So I think first jobs,
get your papers out. I mean, so I think of
everything from you know, three different planes mental, emotional, spiritual,
(21:49):
and physical. And so my first thing is always physical.
But you can touch what is tangible, what you can see,
because I feel like that affects our mental and our
mental in turn affects our spiritual. So if I was
going to give anybody any advice, and I'm nobody's doctor,
(22:10):
let's just put that out there in case you try
something that I said and you're like, that did work
for me, None of my business. This was just a suggestion.
I think that first, being mindful about what you eat.
I'm never going to tell anybody how they should eat.
You know that things affect you differently. Stop eating those, like,
(22:31):
stop doing that to your body. If you know that
you eat things sometimes and it throws off your pas,
probably limit those. Don't do that. Fat cells. Water, water, water, water,
so much water. Drink water, real water, not sugar water,
not kool aid, not sweet tea, like actual, factual water.
(22:51):
Your body needs water. Your vagina especially needs water. After that,
I mean, you can get into kind of herb remedies.
I personally like herbal teas, so I drink like red
raspberry leaf tea, nettle tea. Those cheese have properties that
(23:12):
really help with your just your reproductive area in general.
And then I like to drink teas they don't necessarily
have caffeine, but just to really hydrate my body because
you know, you want that thing wet, so provide so
(23:33):
they don't just do that by itself. You got to
give it something to work with, so you gotta really
make sure that you're hydrated. I think that once you
do that and you start to see those changes, you know,
it kind of changes your mental like oh okay, Like
I see how I need to engage with you. I
see how I need to treat you in order for
you to respond the way I want you to respond.
(23:56):
I am a big fan of Jonie. Steam is that
the vaginal stemen. Oh I was going to ask you
about that. Okay, gig go ahead. Yeah, I'm a I'm
a big fan, big, big fan. And you know it's
a little tricky if you're doing it yourself. I actually
do recommend seeing a professional. There are like professional folks
(24:20):
who will do them for you. They can come to
your house or you can go to their space, just
so that you don't hurt yourself and that you kind
of learn what you're doing. But once you know that,
you can absolutely do them at home. And I have
some tips in the book on how to do them
at home. But please be careful because steam can be
too hot and it can burn you, and that is
(24:42):
the last place you want to be burned. But those
herbal properties can really really help you when they just
kind of are able to travel up into the vagina
and kind of bring down and sweat out anything that
shouldn't be there.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
So what the you're sitting on like a pot or
something right, or like squatting over it?
Speaker 3 (25:05):
You can like sit oh, we don't want to sit
on it, but you want to sit over it, so
I know that when I got them done professionally, I
sat on like a stool or a seat that had
a cold cut out, and the pot was underneath the seat,
so a good amount of space between you know, makushi
and this hot steam, but enough to be able to
(25:27):
feel it. And then some people want to do them
in the toilet, which is okay if you put a
bowl or a pot just inside with toilet bowl and
then sit over the toilet bowl. But I would recommend,
you know, again, be careful with that steam, because that's
not pleasant when you're trying to have ye aigiana fallen off. Okay,
(25:49):
And then there are some folks who will just like
put a pot on the floor and just kind of
get on their knees and squat over it if they can,
and you know, whatever works for folks. But that probably
was the first time where I was like, oh, they're
specific herbal you know, medicine and like technique for how
(26:12):
to engage with this part of my body. So that's
one of my favorite things.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Yeah, I've been trying to look for a place because
I'm in New York, but I guess I'm also sketchy
on certain people so I have to read my reviews
and stuff that's something intimate and I need that thing
to be working.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
So yes, yes, yes, I'm sure New York has some
some good folks. I'm sure if I find a place shaw,
I'll let y'all know. I'd be the test on me.
I would be more worried about like some of those
smaller towns and towns that aren't quite as you know,
progressive and liberal like they they'll still say private part
(26:50):
and that. I was like, Oh, I don't know, I
don't know, but you know, there are folks online you
can always give. You know, if you find a professional
and they're not necessarily in your area, you can always
ask them for recommendations or just tips on how to
do it yourself, or even tips on how to get
trained and startified to do it so that you can
(27:11):
do it in your area, if that's something that you
feel like you're interested in. Another thing I like about
your book is you talked about the importance of pleasing yourself.
I think a lot of people, especially women, get a
little uncomfortable when it comes to like masturbation, just like
getting to know your body. Why do you think that,
because I feel like if you don't know your body,
how can you have somebody else know your body? It
(27:33):
is this idea that touching yourself or you know, sexuality
in general, especially for women, is nasty. It's you know,
you should do that. That means you're I don't know fast,
you're a whole, You're this, you're that. And so, like
I said, when you when you are coming up and
(27:55):
you're learning about what it needs to be a woman
and what it needs to habit vagina and all these
kinds of things, you really do pick up on the
things around you. And if what you're picking up is oh,
that's bad and that's nasty and you know, God gonna
get me or whatever it is that you're picking up,
do you really carry that wish you even if it's subconscious.
(28:17):
So I feel like people just need to do their
inner work to really unpack why they feel so disgusted,
why they feel this aversion to their own bodies, and
who taught them that somebody else is supposed to be
the expert on your body. I remember being in college
(28:40):
and just listening to the conversations that some of the
girls would have like, oh, well, I figure he would
just know ax y and z and I'm like says,
he's had a penis for like twenty years, Why would
you know anything about ifs to be not act up right,
I expect him to be the expert on penis. He's
(29:03):
headed for decades, he's headed his whole life. I expect
him to know that. I don't expect him to know
nothing about what I got, Like, what, how does that
even make sense?
Speaker 2 (29:14):
But that was deep where Daddy Brown, like, why do
we think that ain't supposed to know how to put
us off the back?
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Because we're taught that men are you know, taught and
encouraged to be sexual to sow their royal o's, it's
okay for them to be having sex, you know, even
at early ages. It's okay for them to be out
here doing these things. My question is always if it's
okay for them to have sex, but it's not okay
for girls to have sex, Who exactly are the men
supposed to have sex with? Like that just doesn't what
(29:44):
are we supposed to do? So it's just a mess
and people just need to unpack their own issues with
their own bodies. And honestly, some of that does come
from trauma. Some of that does come from, you know,
feeling feelings of disgust or a version because of things
happened to you. And like I said, like you have
to unpact that you have to work through that in
(30:05):
order to come to a better place and a better
understanding of yourself. So if that means going to therapy,
then go to therapy. If that means finding a whole tradition.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Do that.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
And you also talked about the importance of having a
sister circle, which I thought that was amazing, like a
really good core of women that you can rely on
and that you can build with.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
Yes, I am a proponent of sisterhood. I will say
from the rooftop, sisterhood is damn near my religion. Like
I heard one of my elders say that one time,
and I was like, yes, actually yes, Like sisterhood is it,
Like it's everything. Sisterhood can literally provide you with everything
(30:56):
that you ever needed or wanted. It is the most
fulfilling thing to know that you have a group of
people behind you who know you, who you've been vulnerable with,
who have seen all of you good and bad, and
they got you like no matter what, Like you don't
have to worry about them, you know, telling your business.
(31:18):
You don't have to worry about them bringing stuff up
and holding it over your head, shit with you starting stuff.
You don't have to worry about feeling like you asking
stupid questions, or you're in situations that nobody else has
been in, like nine times out of ten, you are
not the only one. And having a group of folks
around you, and not even a big group, but just
having people around you who you can share those experiences
(31:40):
with and somebody can say.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Oh, girl, I'll get that last year, or get it
happened to me too, or yeah, I experienced that, and
it makes you feel so much less alone out here
and so much more normal.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
It's amazing. Like, I think that people prioritize romantic love
and that's kind of their end all be y'all, I
want to husband, and I want to you know whatever.
But honestly, like that's sister love is probably some of
the most intimate love your ever books fits serious act.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
I mean, it's nothing like having like conversations with another
woman that you can really trust and I especially if
they already been through it and you can just tell
they know how vulnerable you is, so they just let
you have it like, this is what you can do.
I'm gonna help you do this. Yeah, all for this person,
like like that shit is really important. I think a
lot of women sometimes misses the essence of having a
sisterhood for.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
Real and even making it intergenerational. Like the first kind
of sisterhood that I had, we were around the same age.
So there were things that you know, we could help
each other with, but there were other things that we're like, Mmmm,
we haven't been there yet, we haven't gotten that yet.
But when I joined different communities and I realized, you know,
I'm no longer playing the big sister role that I'm
(32:52):
used to playing, Like now I'm the little sister, like
the move little sister, Like these women are old enough
to be my mama, my grandma, and they've given me
that real, that truth, Like it's the level I want.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Another thing that I loved about your book is she
gave us affirmations about when you need to reaffirm your
power in your vagina. One of my favorite ones that
you wrote, and I always say this to myself, is
I am proud of myself for what I survived.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
What is your top three? When I saw that, I
was like yes, girl, I can't even say it's like
picking a favorite child. Like those those affirmations came straight
out of my brain. I didn't get them from anywhere.
I didn't copy them, paste them from anywhere. Like everything
(33:44):
that I wrote in that section came straight from me.
And honestly, I don't even know if it was me,
you know what I mean? Like I feel like I
just was kind of getting a download. I remember the
day that I wrote them. I was sitting in I
think narrow or somewhere, and I was just going like
it was just coming out, coming out, coming out. So
(34:06):
all of those are probably things that I needed to
hear and things that my myself and my pussy needed
to hear. And because I needed to hear it, I
just knew that there were other people who needed to
hear it as well. So wait, what is your relationship
like with your pussy? Now? Who's her? We have a
good old time. We have a good old time. We
(34:32):
are getting there. It is the by no means perfect,
but like we getting there. We're working some things out,
you know, And no, I'm human. I fall off. I
do stuff I'm know I ain't supposed to do. I
eat stuff I'm not a't supposed to eat, and they'd
be like, Okay, play games if you want. These are
the results. Stupid games, get stupid prizes. Now you have
a yeast infection. Good look, And it's just being more
(34:56):
mindful of that. But like I'm we're good. We're good,
Like I have no complaints. She's good, like you know,
And I just feel like it has spilled over into
other parts of my life, you know, like I have
no problems connecting with people. I'm in an amazing relationship.
(35:18):
I you know, manifest things like it's nothing like as
soon as I decide I want something, boom is there.
And I don't think that that's just a coincidence, you
know what I mean? No, that's amazing. What do you think?
How can we instilled in each other? Her power for
our pussys is because I think a lot of women
(35:39):
don't know that the power is within them. It's like
I said, unpacking what you've been taught and figuring out
really what you believe and where did that come from.
That's something that I had to do and it was
really really powerful, just thinking through my thoughts, journaling and
(36:00):
just getting down so that I could see it in
front of me, like I just needed to see it
in front of me, like, what is in there? What
is in my brain that is, you know, making me
think certain things? And after our journal, going back through
it and saying, Okay, where did that come from? Where
did I learn that? Where did I hear that? What
made me believe that? What have I experienced that made
(36:23):
me think that this was true? And once I could
pull those kinds of things out, it was like, well,
that's a lie, and that's a lie, and that's not true,
you know. And so my logical brain could take over
and be like, no, none of this is correct, you know.
And then I have to think, who does it benefit
for me to believe these terrible things about myself? Who
(36:45):
does it benefit for me to not know how much
power that I had? And we know the society that
we live in. If women really knew how much power
they had, whole shit would be on fire, like the
world would be in our whole revolution. But it benefits
the folks in power. It benefits patriarchy, it benefits capitalism,
(37:09):
it benefits racism, it benefits sexism. For us to sit
and believe that we are the lesser of any pain
and that we are, you know, incompetent and incapable and
too emotional and all these kinds of things you have
to really go through. And when you realize that, you
(37:29):
think that where did this come from? And who does
it benefit for me to think that? Because the damn
sure don't benefit me. So who was getting the benefit
of me thinking so low of myself? And how do
I dig myself out of this?
Speaker 2 (37:41):
And a long time game stories were told to us
about us. We didn't tell this to ourselves, and that's
why we believe it because somebody, let's say, our mom
or our dad projected this image unto us. And that's
why we have all these goddamn issues now because of
what somebody else told us.
Speaker 3 (37:56):
And it's because somebody's told them. I had to realize
that too. I was like, you know, a lot of
my unpacking has to do with my relationship with my
mother and really homing through that, and that is that's
a mind field right there, but it really I really
had to really what am I trying to say? I
(38:17):
guess receive her with empathy and compassion because I know
that what she's giving me is what was given to her,
and I know that what was given to her, was
probably given to her mother, and on and on and on.
So M it's that generational trauma, that generational you know,
(38:37):
misinformation misteaching that we now this generation have to really
work to unpack or we're going to pass that down
or we're gonna end up having children who are like, no,
you're wrong, and I don't know why I'm saying this
to me, like you're completely wrong, And that's part of
(38:59):
the g a rational divide that we have now. It's
like these older people are like all these young people
they so they so this, they so that, and it's like, no,
we're just learning that what y'all taught us was wrong.
We don't blame you, but we also need you to
understand we're not going to abide by this anymore and
we're actually gonna work within what we know to be true.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
What a word? Well No, In fact, Yo, I had
therapy today and one of the topics we talked about
was my relationship with my bomb and it's just like, Yo,
you know, I used to be so fucking angry with
the things that she taught me and the things that
I experienced. But you know, after going through therapy and stuff,
and just realizing that, you know, you can't fought for something,
(39:43):
you can't fault somebody for the for what they only had,
Like she don't limited amount of resources, so she she
could but what she had. And it took me a
long time to like understand that. It's like, I'm glad
now that I have the resources, and I do want
to take better care myself mentally because I don't want
to pass certain things down to my daughter. I would
(40:04):
say her, I feel uncomfortable about if you want to
please your stuff when you get to a certain age,
then do it. I rather you do it then you
have somebody else do it exactly, just loving yourself more,
you know, mm hmm. And I I have also thought
about that as well, as I get to an age
where I'm like.
Speaker 3 (40:21):
Okay, girl, we need to start thinking about if we're
gonna do this parenthood thing or not. And I'm like,
you know, how am I gonna address certain things? How
am I gonna You know, my partner will be like, yo,
what if you know, are we gonna let our daughter
have her boyfriends or whoever in the house? And I
(40:42):
was like, I'd rather it happen in the house than
out behind some building like I used to be. Like, listen, okay,
I would rather than be in a safe space. I
would rather than be somewhere where they have resources and
access to, you know, safety and things like that, than
to be somewhere get caught. Now, y'all got to sign
up on the sex Offend the list because y'all trying
to do stuff in a playground in the dark, like
(41:04):
you know, Granden, much rather provide that safe space. And
I know that that is radical. I know that there
are people who are like I ain't nobody doing nothing
in my house but me, and I'm just like, but okay,
we got to get past the fact that our children
go up and their sexual beings. It's okay, Like the
times are different, it's different. We don't have to we
(41:26):
don't have to do this. We don't have to be
afraid for them. But what we can do is teach them.
And I would much rather that knowledge come from me
and from sources that can be trusted. Then they little
dumb friends, and they little dumb boyfriends, they and their
worlds like people who don't know a darned thing trying
to tell my child, you know, what to do with
(41:47):
their body and what's okay and what's not Like I
would much rather my child not have to get on
Google to figure out what's going on. So I plan
on being very open, very different than my parents were,
very different than my grandparents were to my mom. And
I mean, we just gonna see. If it don't work,
(42:08):
I try.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Now.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
I own my child busting it open now.
Speaker 5 (42:16):
No, I mean, you know, and there are conversations you
can have around what you know, respectful of your body,
respectful of your time, respectful of you know, the person
that you are.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
And also if you decided that's what you want to do.
I don't own you. There's nothing that I could do
to make you not do that. All I can do
is arm you with information and arm you with self
love and self confidence and everything that you need to
go out in this world and not be you know,
(42:49):
led astray by somebody's ask your child, So.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
What last, but not least, I think it's only right
that you lead us into a prayer and reminding us
that the power that we look for sometimes is right
there between our legs. Our reginas, can you please lead
us into a prayer?
Speaker 3 (43:12):
M hmm, okay oho, I got to pull out my preacher.
My preacher had all right.
Speaker 6 (43:22):
So first getting honor to all of the ancestral mothers,
our fore mothers, all the way back to the first
woman who squatted down and gave birth to the first
person who will populate the world.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
We give thanks, We honor your power. We know that
that power lives within us. We know that we are
born from that power, and there's no way for us
to be let us straight from it. All we have
to do is tap back in. We give thanks to
our bodies. We get thanks to our minds. We get
thanks to our spirits who have brought us here and
(44:01):
let us down. The journey that we're on, led you
to this podcast, led you to my book, so that
you can tap back into your natural power. I wish
for everyone within the sound of my voice, like my
godmother says, ecstasy, abundance and bliss. I pray that you
(44:25):
find your power. I pray that you take the time
to see what your body needs and do what it needs,
and be consistent with that so that you can be
your highest self. I shay, who child, I don't know
where y'all gonna get a prayer like this.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
Listen, y'all, please make sure y'all support my girl Pussy Prayers,
sacred and sensual rituals for wild women of color. She
is anonymous to support her. I'm telling y'all this book
is really good. I'm gonna have the link in the
show notes and if if you have any questions, comments, discerns,
please make sure to email me at Hello at the
pgpodcast dot com And until next time, guys later. The
(45:13):
Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black Effect
Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show, and you
can connect with me on social media at the PHG
podcast
Host
Eboné Almon
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
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Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.