August 19, 2025 • 59 mins
Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions of sexual abuse and cult experiences. Listener discretion is advised.
In this intense episode of Pretty Private, Eboné sits down with a guest who shares the harrowing reality of growing up in a sex cult. She discusses the complex family dynamics, including her grandfather’s role as the authority figure, her grandmother’s awareness, and the sexual abuse she endured from her mother and stepfather.
Tune in for Part 1—an unflinching look at survival, family secrets, and the fight to take back control.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebina, a space where no
question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views
shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain, and empower.
From the laughs to the lessons. Just remember, tough times
don't last, but professional home girls do enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener discretion is advice.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
What's up, y'all?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Inshagarra Ebine here and I hope all is cute. Okay,
welcome back to another episode of Pretty Private with eb
and A. Now, before we dive into this week's episode,
y'all know, I got to catch all up on my
trip to Marcus Vineyard. Okay, now listen, I have to
go back. Like those four days I spent there just
(00:53):
weren't enough time for me to be able to enjoy
the oland the way that I would have liked to
enjoy the Alan Like. So, you know, I had this
hosting gig, which, let me tell you, I body, I
did such an amazing job. And let me tell y'all something,
manifestation is real. Manifestation is real, y'all. One of my
prayers that I had for myself is the book more
(01:15):
host than martyringe gigs because you know, look at the
other girls that's doing this, they be doing it for
a while, and I'm like, you know, I'm witty, I'm smart,
I'm pretty.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
You know, I can do this, and so I really
enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
And how I know that I am working walking in
my purpose because not only does it feel good, you know,
I feel very confident, but also you know, I'm walking
down the streets in the finger and everybody just kept
stopping me, telling me how much of a great job
I did, asking me for my information, trying to book
me things of this nature. So you know, I was
(01:46):
really excited about, you know, my just being able to
say that I hosted an event at the Vineyard. So
shout out to Sisters on the Vineyard for having me there.
It was really really so much fun. But I also
feel like, especially if I'm working, I just need minimum
a week. Four days was just not enough time. And
(02:08):
just to give y'all just some behind the scenes like
whenever I do have a gig, right, I don't drink
like days before the actual event, stars like I'm like
rehearsing a live shout out to my friend and maryor
he was definitely helped me prough for this event because sometimes,
like you know, I'm from New York, but I'm also
from the South, so the down South accent be fighting
(02:29):
with my New York lingo and it's just like, ah,
so I have to really like take my time and
articulate and just you know, I want to make it
feel as natural as possible. And then plus I need
eight hours of sleep, like I need to be fully
rested so I can feel and look my absolute best.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
You know.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
So once the event was old with, I really only
had like a day and a half to like explore
Marx's vineyard, and you know, I made the best out
of it.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
You know.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
I had a lobster row, which was delicious, and I
don't know what they putting it on.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
I don't know what's no lobsters in Massachusetts, but I'm
telling y'all right now, hands down, that was one of
the best lobster rows I ever had, and it was
so big.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
I was like wow, loss.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
And then also I got ice cream from Mad Mathers,
which is like a staple at March to Spniard. I
had mint chocolate chup ice cream, which is my favorite flavor.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
So that was yummy.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
And then last but not least, I actually had time
to make it to an HBCU party where I met
some of my fellow Tigers from the real TSU d
Tennessee State University, so shout out to them. And it
was just a really good a really good time, Like
I was able to connect with some of the locals.
They was giving me advice on when to come back
(03:47):
and also some business owners, which really inspired me to
want to build more with this community. So next time,
I definitely want to check out Eedgartown, which I heard
was a vibe. I want to hit the beach for
the Polar Bear swim. I just do so much more
because there's so much to do on an Allen And
what I also thought was really cool and convenient was
(04:08):
that this year the buses were free. So just to
give your heads up if you do decide to go
to the vineyard, especially during August, because there's so much
going on, so much black excellence in MARKEDUS Vineyard in
the month of August. Ubers are super expensive. Like I
felt comfortable enough taking a bus back and forth, obviously
when it got late. I would not recommend taking a
(04:29):
bus unless you live close by to your bus stop,
but I did not. I was staying like ten fifteen
minutes away from Oak Bluffs, which was not dead at all,
but you know, safety first. But the bus was super convenient,
Like I really enjoyed it and it was just kind
of cool just to sight see, you know. So I'm
absolutely going back next year, and I'm definitely staying longer.
(04:52):
Now I have an exciting announcement to make which I've
been working so hard on and I cannot wait for
you all to see. Is that of the Professional Homegirl
coloring books. It's finally here. Yes, but my new listeners,
here's the backstory. So a few years ago I came
out with Volume one during the pandemic, and the reason
(05:13):
why is because I wanted to create a coloring book
that blended storytelling, art and technology all into one and honestly,
like I love to read. So I was in bookstores
like crazy during the pandemic, or when we could go
inside of the bookstores.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
And y'all do coloring books.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
It was just mad boring, Like if it was a
geometric shape, it was a suswa afro or some damn flowers,
and it's like come on now, like give me some
riz like the kids would saying. So I wanted to
make my color room book a true reflection of the
people we saw in our neighborhoods. And y'all is so
freaking fire. And what makes it really special is that
(05:50):
this coloring book is interactive, so each page has a
QR cult so when you scan it, you get the
story that goes with the illustration that you're listening to
from the show.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
So it's super super cool.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
And then we also got some new editions that I'm
going to talk about later on because we will have
an episode talking about the process of the coloring book
with my illustrator shot out to tip.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
So I'm super excited for you all to experience this.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
And it also this is one is for all the
parents that were bullying me, because when I have these
coloring and books, you know, these coloring books were initially
for adults, and so you know, we had some little
spicy content in it. However, the parents wanted something for
their teenagers to be able to interact because they thought
it was important for there are children to see themselves
(06:34):
and books as well. So I created a coloring book
that is suitable for sixteen and up. Now, if they
listen to other episodes the things they ain't gonna be
listening to that they't know me. It's only supposed to
be the episodes that goes with that particular page. But
you know, the theme is about pivoting for me this
year and really sticking to it. So one of the
(06:56):
reasons why I love this coloring book because it highlights
both traditions no career paths and the entrepreneurship to remind
all of us that our dreams are valid and you
can do whatever your heart desires. So I'm telling y'all,
this coming book is so freaking cool. I cannot wait
for you all to see it. You can pre order
it now, so please make sure it's to support and
grab your copy using the link in the show notes below. Now,
(07:20):
for this week's episode, I really wanted to ease y'all
into it because this episode is really heavy. Okay, My
guest opens up about her experience growing up in a
sex cult, taking those inside her childhood, sharing what life
was really like in that environment and the control and
manipulation she endured, and how you shape her understanding the family.
(07:41):
So y'all, really, really, if it's too much, you please
please take care of your mental health. But this episode,
as always, I feel like it's necessary because these are
things that are going on within our community and not
enough people are speaking about it. So I hope you
enjoyed this week's episode Because I was born into a
sex cult.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Part one starts now, all right, to my guests, thank
you so much for being on the show. How you doing,
How you feeling?
Speaker 5 (08:07):
I'm like, dad, how are you? You know?
Speaker 3 (08:09):
I feel really cute.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
I went out for brunch for one of my friends
and we met somebody else and it was really nice.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
And did he pay for it? I was like, okay,
I gotta talk ran, I got.
Speaker 5 (08:19):
To talk for free meal. You know what doesn't happened
to me? What last weekend? I went out.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
This was actually my first time going out to a
hookah line since talking in Houston. And he paid for
it too, So I was like, okay, listen, good night.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
When you want a God's favorite things just come to
you in abundance. So I was like, but I thought,
I was so shocked, But he's one of those guys
that's like super nice, Like you know how you feel
like you could tell.
Speaker 5 (08:43):
He was raised right? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Yeah, do you like doing hookah.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
Actually, no, I didn't even do the Yeah, I'll do
hookah either, it makes me feel nauseous, so I really
went for the vibe.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Yeah, it's a good vibe though with some dreams some music.
Speaker 5 (08:59):
Yeah, yep.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Well I would tell you that off the air, but
I'm really excited to have you on. I think that
your story is definitely changing a lot of people lives.
Like I just can't even imagine some of the things
that you still have to deal with on a daily basis,
because everything is still current as far as like you
trying to locate your daughter, your family or relationship with
them and things of that nature. Yes, So, how has
(09:23):
it been since you've been telling your story, Like, what
has that been like? Because I can only imagine the
pushback you've been receiving.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
Yes, so honestly, it's been overwhelming. It was overwhelming at first.
I feel like.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
It definitely made me feel like it know that I
had a voice and that it mattered absolutely, because I
feel like trapping any mess really helped me get my
story out there, not knowing what it was going to do.
This is just me propping my phone up, telling my story,
and then that reaching thirty thousand people and then someone saying, hey,
(10:04):
we want to give you a platform.
Speaker 5 (10:06):
And then I'm getting dms.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
I'm getting so many messages and people reaching out that
has similar stories or that just want to give you know.
Speaker 5 (10:17):
Kind words. So I've it's been liberating to say.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
That's a good word.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Yes, Are you shocked by the amount of people that's
probably reaching out to you saying that they have a
story similar to yours?
Speaker 5 (10:30):
I am?
Speaker 4 (10:31):
I am. I feel like I've always known that being
a woman can be dangerous in this world, but I
never knew how similar stories can be, you know, as
far as even down to the relationship with my mother,
the relationship with my siblings, what happens to outside relationships,
(10:55):
like what your trauma, how your trauma affects those relationships.
Even the similarities in that is you know, not even
I can't even say ironic, because yeah, I think it's
so worldwide, you know, like a universal knowing that being
a woman in today's world, it's a lot.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
It is.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
It's not easy, especially when you're being a Brownie.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
So that's why one of the main reasons why I
wanted to build my platform, because I feel like as
black women black and brown women. I feel like we
are taught at a very young age to mask and
I just don't think that there was a platform at
the time where we can really just be our true,
authentic selves and get our shit off without being judged,
because I feel like society has this has this way
(11:40):
of thinking of how black women should be, and that's
just not the case. Black womanhood looks so different from
so many of us. So that's why I'm really excited
to have you on because I can just only imagine
how your dms look right now, your emails crazy. Yeah,
So when you think about telling your story, what's the
most important thing you want people to take away from it?
Speaker 4 (12:02):
I feel like the most important thing that anybody should
take from this is you never know, just keep walking
in it because you never know what it may lead you,
you know what me Like I said, propping my phone up,
never knowing that I would even get this opportunity. So
(12:22):
thank you for having me on. But for sure, it's
and always keep fighting.
Speaker 5 (12:28):
You know.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Everybody got they shit, everybody go through shit. But that
don't mean give up, you know, because there's been plenty
of times, even with me being in Houston for the
last eight months, it's been an adjustment, you know, it's
been an adjustment me. Coming from Michigan to Houston is adjustment.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
Yeah, a huge difference.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
And so and I'm a person who I think I
battle with accepting change.
Speaker 5 (12:51):
Sometimes I can take.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Me a minute.
Speaker 5 (12:54):
I do it.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I am brace changed, But for me to get to
that point, it's a challenge.
Speaker 5 (12:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have to settle into it. Mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
You know, when I was watching one of your interviews
and I watched your YouTube videos, for people who don't
know much about trauma, what do you wish they understood
about how they could be hidden even in families that
look well put together. Because I feel like when I
was younger, I went through a lot with my mother,
very abusive towards me, but I didn't look like it
because I was a smart kid. I was put together
in things of that nature. And I think that's a
(13:25):
misconception when it comes to things that kids are dealing
with at home.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
Absolutely, I think the biggest misconception is we.
Speaker 5 (13:36):
Do, unfortunately have smart criminals in the world.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
And so when I say that, I mean, of course
we know the typical you know, mom who may be
on drugs and since the child of school and you
can just clearly tell there's something wrong.
Speaker 5 (13:50):
But there is people who.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
Are calculated and they say they're not going to send
their child to school looking any kind of way, and
they're going to put them in an extra curricular ACTI
why because narcissists like to look good. So my child
being good makes me look good. So sometimes it's not
always about the child, it's about the image of what
it does to me.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
Because you notice when those children.
Speaker 4 (14:14):
Mess up, the parent does not want to take the
flame of the suck up child. Yeah, Like, I don't
know what the hell wrong with her now right? She
was the ship when she walked acrost stage. I don't
know what the fuck happened now.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Right, right?
Speaker 4 (14:27):
Right?
Speaker 2 (14:28):
So what land you to finally speak out about what
was going on with you? Because, if I'm not mistaken,
you came out about your story maybe eight years ago?
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
No?
Speaker 5 (14:37):
Eight months ago? Oh wow? Eight months ago? Wow?
Speaker 3 (14:42):
So what made you come out and tell your story?
So that's like so recent?
Speaker 4 (14:48):
It is?
Speaker 5 (14:49):
It is? All of this is, all of this happened
pretty fast.
Speaker 4 (14:54):
Like I uploaded those videos eight months ago and then
it was like a trapping. Anonymous reached out, but I
was still moving and stuff, so I needed to get
some time and settlement. But after that everything started to roll.
Speaker 5 (15:09):
So mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
And it did something trigger you to start just telling
your stories on YouTube or did you just feel like
it was time?
Speaker 5 (15:16):
Okay? So with YouTube, I had I've been doing YouTube
for a year now, and I'm trying. I was trying
to find my niggage.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
So I was doing story time, getting ready with me,
I was cooking, I was just doing all kind of
videos because I wanted to see what my audience wanted
from me. And so I've always played with storytimes. If
you go to my channel, you'll see I have some
story times before that one. But I was feeling like
(15:45):
I'm not being my authentic self and I'm gonna be
honest with you.
Speaker 5 (15:48):
I battle like when I'm not being professional.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
I battled with how much of myself I didn't show
or I want to show to YouTube and to people
who watch me. And with me going into marketing and
wanting to be in a business woman, I want to
make sure I protect my image and not have things
out there that I don't want to be out there.
Speaker 5 (16:10):
Right, But I told myself.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
You know what, Well, I I know that I'm not
being as authentic in my videos as I feel for right, Yes,
I'm I'm just going to give them a real video,
a raw video how I feel.
Speaker 5 (16:25):
I'm not gonna filter it. It is what it is.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
And so I'm like, but I can't just put this
all in one video. I have to do it in parts.
It has to be like a story. Yeah, And so
I came up with the I'm gonna do it in
like a five part series and I'm going to just
no filter. And that is what got me attraction on
my on my channel, so that let me know that's
(16:50):
what they do want to see. They don't want to
see something filtered because I felt like I was editing
my videos so much and trying to get it to
be perfect when carecater personality is what makes people want
to watch you.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Now, granted you came out eight months ago, but was
this the first time you ever told anybody just in general?
Speaker 5 (17:12):
No.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
I felt like a lot of people in my family
knew parts of the story, but this is the first
time that I put it out there in the sequence
that I did. And this is the first time I
told a mass of people, but of course my immediate
family knows about the things that I spoke about prior
to me uploaded the videos. And I can only imagine
what the reception was from your family, because some of
(17:34):
your family members were saying that you was crazy and
you was making all of this up, and I was
just like, what do you have to gain from the
type of trauma that you're speaking about? And you know what,
it's funny to me and what like is the most
eye opening thing?
Speaker 5 (17:49):
And all of this even about those comments.
Speaker 4 (17:53):
When I came out eight months ago on my channel,
my voice did not matter because they thought that those
videos were gonna go nowhere, that no one was gonna
watch them. So before I started to get any attention
from my story, you didn't care. You didn't comment on
any videos, you didn't say I was crazy because you
(18:13):
thought my voice did not matter. But God said, hold on, now,
this is my baby, and some voice matters, and people
I want to.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Hear what she has to say.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
So I feel like, now all of a sudden, I'm crazy.
Why wasn't that crazy eight months ago? Why didn't Why
you know I have family members contacting some of the
platforms I've been on and just just doing all kind
of crazy things and I'm just like, well, where was
this energery eight months ago?
Speaker 5 (18:41):
So that lets me know this is not a concern.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
This is you trying to, you know, get clout off
of something that is actually very important and it should
not be played with at all.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
What's up, y'all, it's your girl of Ana here, and
be sure to follow me on Instagram and TikTok at
pretty private podcasts, and don't forget to subscribe to my
YouTube channel at the Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back
to the show. Have anybody in your family came out
to you and said that they are a survivor as
well and they shared their story with you.
Speaker 4 (19:18):
No, I feel like in our family, we know we
have family secrets.
Speaker 5 (19:24):
Of course every family does.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
But before I've come out, I had already known about
certain situations in my family prior to me that every
pretty much everyone knows about.
Speaker 5 (19:35):
It's just you know, people just keep moving on. I guess.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Now, for people who are unfamiliar with cults, especially ones
that's from inside of families, can you explain how the
dynamic worked in your family.
Speaker 5 (19:47):
As far as the cult like the hierarchy of things. Yeah,
it's so.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
My grandfather and then before you know, my aunts and
everyone got married. My mom was the only one with kids,
and unfortunately my father passed away, so they were all
in relation with my grandfather, which had had been a
process before I was even born, so they were he
(20:15):
had already had relationships and pedophilia going on before.
Speaker 5 (20:19):
I even got there. So as I got older, they
kind of train.
Speaker 4 (20:24):
You and teach you what to do, what not to do,
what to say, what not to say.
Speaker 5 (20:29):
What happens in this house stays in this house.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
And he has to approve of whoever you're with. So
the men that were married into my family was not
like you could just if my grandfather didn't like him,
they weren't being with him, and.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
He probably wanted to mold the men in the family too.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
Absolutely, because you have to think about it, you know,
as a man, it's these things are going on with
my grand with my granddaughter, and there's going to be
signs for the for the magnitude of the things that
were happening to me, there were signs. So there's no
way that this little girls around all these adults and
(21:11):
no one is seeing this, right, so that means that
he's incahoots with the husband. Now even my to my
I think one of my the comments that you're speaking
on is my aunt saying.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
That I was crazy.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Well, her whole marriage was with my grandfather. She never
experienced her marriage outside of living with them. I mean, granted,
her husband wasn't a military military at first, and he
did go off to Germany, but when she came back
for that seven eight years, she had all her kids there,
her husband there, and they all lived together, so that
(21:48):
she'd tell you a little bit about.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
How things were.
Speaker 4 (21:54):
Yo.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
You ever seen this movie. I don't know how I
came across this movie. It was a movie of a
black family. And I believe that the son, you know
what I'm talking about. The son, he was the son
of one of the aunts, and he was pretty much
making the documentary because the grandfather was sleeping with all
of his daughters, and he was messing around with the daughters,
(22:17):
and it got to a point where one of the
daughters got really hurt. She got hurt, but she was
afraid because if she would have went to the hospital,
they would have been privy to other things that was
going on with the house and the women were arguing
over the sisters was arguing over the dad. They was
in love with the dad, and then the mom she
knew about it, but she stayed. But then the dad
(22:38):
ended up leaving the mom and he started a whole
nother family with his white family and was doing the
same thing. And I was just like, this is fucking crazy.
Speaker 5 (22:46):
Yeah, that is identical.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
I don't know if you got a chance to watch
each part, but in one of the five part series
that I have on my channel, I go into a
confrontation where my aunt is sitting at the kitchen table
to my grandmother and they're arguing over my grandfather and
he put us out the house that day.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Where do you think if grandfather got this from? Like,
is this something that has always been done in his family?
Speaker 5 (23:10):
I'm not sure. I'm not that's a good question.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
Only you know, when people ask me questions like that,
I always tell them only they have the answers to
those questions.
Speaker 5 (23:21):
But another example that I will give is.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
Think about when it comes to how well things are hidden,
and when it comes to how we have smart criminals,
think about the douggers. Think about how perfect that looked.
I don't know Douggs, the Duggers that have nineteen kids
in county.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Oh wow, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 5 (23:45):
Yes yes.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
I don't know if you've seen that documentary of all
the secrets in pedophilia that went on in their family,
but an incest that went on in their family. But
just think about if you watch TC and watch that show,
how you would never think that any of those things
(24:06):
are going on, which is one of the reasons they
lost the show.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
M you know, ain't no networking get behind that?
Speaker 5 (24:15):
Oh no, not at all.
Speaker 4 (24:16):
So or you know another example, and this is this
is what this is what blinds people. Let's think about
Ted Bundy for example, right, you would never think had
a family, well educated.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
He was good, lucky, good job.
Speaker 5 (24:34):
Yeah, yes, but this is this is what's crazy. Because
he was good looking.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
It it kind of blinded people from the tragedy, the tragedy,
the crazy things he was doing, like killing people, murdering
women like so it just shows you how the world works,
you know, being good looking and being educated and putting
on a show show because that's what he was doing.
(25:01):
I think he had multiple personalities, honestly, No, he was
a book out for sure. Yeah, it was blinding people.
And so that goes back to my original point. If
you are not well equipped to have the eye for
things when it comes to children.
Speaker 5 (25:18):
And trauma, you may never see it and it could
be right in your face.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
Yeah, why do you think.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
You know, it's one thing for his children to obey him,
But why do you think your grandma allowed that to happen?
Speaker 5 (25:31):
Honestly, I think that it was.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
Maybe it's fearful of not being having security. I think
back in those times, and she's told me stories like
I remember her telling me a story of her going
back to her mom, telling her mom some things that
you know, was bothering her in her marriage, and she.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
Told her, oh, it's going to be okay, go back home.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
So stending her back home into whatever, And I feel
that break, And I think that just goes back to
kind of like an example being since to bring you
up examples, how when Anime tried to run away and
her mama called Ike and told him, you know, so
(26:18):
even when you tried to get away.
Speaker 5 (26:20):
They back then, it was about security.
Speaker 4 (26:22):
It was about making sure that you know, you and
these kids have a home right now. The thing I
think it gets sick when it's a continuation of things,
and honestly, I don't have sympathy for that anymore because
I feel like I don't even have children yet, but
(26:45):
I have two nephews, I have a niece, I have
three sisters, and I couldn't imagine holding my head down
allowing anything to happen to them and saying I'm gonna
just go on and go with the flow.
Speaker 5 (26:57):
I'm mama gonna fight today.
Speaker 4 (26:59):
Yeah, Mama is going to fight today, and we're gonna
get up out of this. I'm not going to allow
that to happen. And then when you think about what
it's done to you, when you see the the the
wounds that it's put on you, you know you want to
protect your daughter and the generations to come from that.
So I'm not sure why she will continue to do
(27:20):
something like that, but I think.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
You make a good point when it comes to security,
because also with security comes fearfulness. And I feel like
there when I was looking at your story during research,
I feel like there were times where she was trying
her best, or I don't know if it was her best,
but I do feel like she tried, but he would
beat her up really bad because I think because I
remember you were sharing a story about how he raped
(27:43):
your older sister and she was he beat up so
bad she couldn't even move.
Speaker 4 (27:50):
So I've always seen and I've always seen my grandmother.
Speaker 5 (27:59):
I always started was respect, yeah, but I.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
As I got older, I started to see it was
maybe a little bit of I'm not even gonna say fear,
because I think she had overcome that by then. When
I started to see things, I would just say I'm tired,
like I'm just gonna stay, you know.
Speaker 5 (28:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
And don't get me wrong, it's hard to say because
they have had times where they've taken breaks in their marriage,
and he's been with another family and been on with.
Speaker 5 (28:29):
Someone else, got a divorce and everything.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
And so my thaying is, what, even if all of
that happened with your kids or whatever made you whatever
you want to go tell your mom at night, what
made you get back into it after getting divorced, after
him leaving and want to be with another family.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
But he said him and your grandma got divorced.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
They got divorced, yeah, at one point, and he went
off and was with the whole another woman and a
whole different family.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
Oh wow, so disappoint at this point, this is a choice.
Speaker 5 (29:01):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
Yeah, yeah, so that is you know, as you get
older and you start taking the titles off of people
and looking at them as people. You know, yes, your grandma,
but shit, you know, yes your mom, but I would
never I can't even look. You don't see eye to
eye with me as a woman. I would never do
the things or accept the things that you accept. And
(29:23):
I understand circumstances, but at some point, yeah, my daughter
would not be able to pass and look at the polygraph,
some of those questions should have never been able to
be passed and been truthful, right, And for them to
deny and say they don't want to take one to
(29:44):
me even more astonishing.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
You know when you look back, because you talk about
hearing your grandmother and your aunt, are you over your
grandfather and looking back like where do you? What were
your thoughts like even seeing yourself in that moment?
Speaker 5 (30:00):
Because that is crazy? So what? Okay?
Speaker 4 (30:06):
So the original it all started because my grandfather raped
my older sister. Once everything happened, you know, there were
conversations that were had. All I kept hearing was the
word rape, rape, rape. I didn't know what it meant,
so and I was I've always been a person that
(30:29):
looked up to my older sister and wanted to do
everything she do.
Speaker 5 (30:31):
She grabbed a red juice. I'm grabbing a red juice.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
That was me because that's all, you know, right, I.
Speaker 4 (30:36):
Admired her, always had, and so I'm like, you know,
I keep hearing his words. So I'm like, I want
to get raped too. I'm gonna, you know, not even
knowing what.
Speaker 5 (30:45):
I'm saying, I say that.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
My grandmother's like, Okay, now they can't go back over
to their dad's side because they're basically trying to figure
out how to protect my grandfather. I know I've said
this word. My dad's mom were with trauma all day.
She manages multiple women shows her.
Speaker 5 (31:04):
So she would have spotted. She would have spotted it.
Speaker 4 (31:07):
So now they're like, Okay, we need to figure out
how to get them away from them. So something happened
between me and a cousin on my dad's side, But
it was no, it was more like it was an
inappropriate situation.
Speaker 5 (31:26):
I'm not even gonna.
Speaker 4 (31:27):
Say it was even close to the magnitude to what.
Speaker 5 (31:31):
You know we would experience.
Speaker 4 (31:33):
Right.
Speaker 5 (31:34):
We were just two kids, unattended.
Speaker 4 (31:36):
So she's like, okay, well we're going to use that
situation and we're going to say they can't come over
there anymore. So my mom did say, and I'm fair.
Speaker 5 (31:47):
In this situation. I say the truth.
Speaker 4 (31:49):
She did say, that's the only thing they have left
to their dad. I really don't want to take them away.
At first, she did, That's what she said at first.
But so my aunt sitting there crying, crying like, you know,
my dad, I can't go to jail for this.
Speaker 5 (32:04):
At us, she gonna go over there. She talked too much.
She can go over there and tell the people, you know.
So she like, we gotta kill her, We have to
kill her. She's looking at me myself.
Speaker 4 (32:12):
My mom start crying, like, were not killing my daughter?
Da da, So my So, all of this is going on.
My grandmother's standing in front of the oven. Where would
your grandfather at my grandfather's upstairs. And if you've ever
been to my house, any of my high school friends,
you all know my grandfather always stayed upstairs, or he said,
at the first chair at the kitchen table. So my
(32:34):
grandmother looked at my aunt and said, you know, you
are balling and crying doing all of this. You would
think this is somebody you were in relation, you know,
having relations with, Like, is what is wrong with you?
Like she was beating on the table and just screaming
and doing a lot of things that like this show man.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
Right, But do your grandma not know what was going on?
She do know what's going on, but I guess she
was a shocked, like girl.
Speaker 4 (32:57):
No, I think at one point whatever relations they were
having had stalled, had stalled because that's his as they
got older, you know, you're getting boyfriends, you're getting you know,
So that's why he has to be in liking of
whoever you're with, because he he has to have an
attachment to you.
Speaker 5 (33:16):
Just say, her man didn't like her dad. She ain't
gonna be around her father as much. You know what
I'm trying to say.
Speaker 4 (33:21):
Right, right, So so my grandfather. So she told my grandmother,
you know, that is her man, that's her man. Like
she like, you're right, Nope, that's my man. So my
grandmother like, okay, well we're gonna see about that. She said,
she she called him, she said TC she called him downstairs,
and my my aunt hop said from the table, and
she says, I'm sick of this shit. You know, you're
(33:42):
gonna have to choose a da da da, you know.
So they both crying and he kicked me, my mom,
my sister, my grandmother kicked us all out of the
house that day and she told him, she told her
little do you know he bought this house for me
because we had just he had just bought the house
that we were arguing in, And she said, yeah, he
bought this house for me, and yeah, that's that's the
(34:03):
same house that she's.
Speaker 5 (34:04):
In right now now.
Speaker 4 (34:05):
One of my family members, her daughter, she was like, oh, yeah,
she's mad because my grandfather gave us this house. And
I'm just like, girl, First of all, I would never
be mad about that, And secondly, that has nothing to
do with the allegations.
Speaker 5 (34:22):
It's a distraction to what.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
I'm picture is right, you know what I'm about a
house girl, right, and I'm.
Speaker 5 (34:29):
Singing with no kids. I don't need no help, right,
I'm living my life. Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
It's about him sexually abusing every woman in this family.
Speaker 5 (34:38):
Exactly right.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
It's so heartbreaking, it is.
Speaker 5 (34:42):
And I've learned to block that out because.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Everything because you're deflecting. Now, that's what that is.
Speaker 5 (34:49):
It's deflecting everything. Is a deflection. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
And I even remember you saying that you never saw it,
but you heard your grandfather be on intimate with your aunts.
Speaker 5 (34:59):
Absolutely, my sister did, I did my mom did? We? Yeah? Definitely? Wow, definitely.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
You know there's a special place in hell for niggas
like that. Yo, Because I interviewed this other lady, and
the funny thing is she from Detroit. I'm gonna give
you her name because you never know, y'all might have
some type of connection. But her I think the men
and her family were sleeping with all of the kids.
And her mom is actually her sister. Yes, like ih,
(35:32):
so I give you her information. A really cool woman,
like super down on earth, like so all the cousins
and stuff was born out of incest.
Speaker 5 (35:40):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
And I asked her because you know, obviously respectfully, because
I really do respect her. But she doesn't look like
anything was wrong with her. She was like yeah, she said,
I'm the one that wasn't affected.
Speaker 5 (35:55):
Wow. Yeah, that's a story to tell.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
Yeah, I'm surprised that any of the aunts or anybody
get pregnant by your grandfather.
Speaker 4 (36:05):
Not that I'm aware of. They know not to give
me no information, right.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
Because we know where you're gonna go tell like as
you should.
Speaker 5 (36:16):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
Now you would say that the older women would coach
the younger women or the younger girls in the family.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
So what would that look.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Like, because did you feel like it was normal or
did they feel or did they teach you that this
is another way of expressing love.
Speaker 4 (36:31):
They teach you that you don't get to tell him no,
the word not doesn't exist in this house.
Speaker 5 (36:36):
It is what one of the things that they would say.
Speaker 4 (36:40):
And then when they would for unicate and do weird shit,
they would call it indulging. I'm not sure what that with.
I really think it was some demonic things going on.
Speaker 5 (36:51):
To be honest with you.
Speaker 3 (36:52):
Yo, she said the same thing.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
I swear to God, I'm gonna see I'm gonna send
you the video. I mean, I'm gona send you the
clip for you to listen to the show, and then
I'm gonna get y'all in, y'all, get y'all connected. But yeah,
she said the same thing.
Speaker 4 (37:06):
Yeah, they would call it indulging and just even down
to I think that to me the most traumatic. I
think the most heartbreaking thing for me is the most traumatic,
most I can't things I can't even describe in words
as far as trauma, and everything I can even name
(37:32):
is my mom and her husband. Like my mother cost
me the most trauma, and that to me, when I
look at my knees and I look out how much
I love her and what I do for her, and
I shake the world up for her, I just don't.
It lets me know that the love that my mom
has for me or had for me was never a
(37:55):
mother daughter relationship. And that was because you cannot have
a mother daughter relationship with someone that your husband wants
to be with or fantasizes about or is molesting and
raping and then impregnates. You don't look at her as
a daughter at that point. So it's like, you know,
(38:16):
my father's deceased, he drowned, and like Michigan when I
was eight months, and my mom just completely is gone
in the mind or maybe this is just who she is,
and when I have conversations with hers, I want to
be fair, So I'm like, I'm not even gonna tell
the story. I let my aunt, I let my mother
and whoever have a voice. If you do feel like
(38:37):
it's something that you want to say or that you
know a piece that maybe I don't know that you
want to let him know to add in there whatever,
because I'm coming with truth.
Speaker 5 (38:46):
I didn't have to do that, you know, I didn't
have to be that fair.
Speaker 3 (38:50):
What's your relationship like with your mom now? Like, do
y'all still keep in contact?
Speaker 5 (38:53):
Absolutely?
Speaker 4 (38:54):
Not?
Speaker 5 (38:54):
Girl help, No. No.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
The only reason why I ask because I do feel
like one thing I.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Will say, just after watching your interviews and like doing
research on you, you are fair like you want somebody, You
want people, all the parties involved to come up and
be like, if I'm not telling the truth, then say
I want to share this platform with you. So that's
the reason why I ask, because I do feel like
there were times with your mom that, even though I
don't condone what she did, like I feel like she
was battling with the decisions that she was making because
(39:21):
she knew it wasn't right.
Speaker 4 (39:22):
My mama was battling those decisions like a motherfucker.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Yeah, That's why I asked, Like did she reach out
to you or something or just like I don't know,
because I really feel like she knows this is not right.
Speaker 5 (39:36):
I think she do too.
Speaker 4 (39:37):
But the thing is is, again, the love for your
daughter should trump anybody else.
Speaker 5 (39:42):
All of these happened. But this is the thing.
Speaker 4 (39:44):
You cannot really come out and say, my daughter is right, yes,
because you're just as wrong as.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
That, because that's men that you had a part in it, exactly.
Speaker 4 (39:52):
So she doesn't even even if she grew and she said, hey,
I love my daughter, I don't know what was wrong, whatever,
you still couldn't just be that way even if you
wanted to, because now you you know, zero point one
finger three pointed back at you at this.
Speaker 5 (40:08):
Point, right right?
Speaker 3 (40:11):
And then is your grandfather still alive?
Speaker 4 (40:14):
My grandfather? Yeah, yeah, he's still alive. And that's who
she's protecting too, her father, her parents.
Speaker 5 (40:20):
Right.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
Do you think it's still going on to this day.
Speaker 5 (40:28):
I think she has a weird love for my grandfather.
My mom love my mom had you.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
Know, incess relationships with my grandfather for a while that
I feel like me, okay, so me, my mom and
my sister, and I'm just gonna say my sister's husband too,
because he was he was a part of the face time.
Speaker 5 (40:46):
We were all on face time and.
Speaker 4 (40:50):
We were just going to talk about everything that happened,
and she just started to her and my sister really
have a right. They really never really got along, so
they just going at it. So normally every time they
go at it, I'm more quiet. I'm just kind of
breaking them up. So on FaceTime, I'm like quiet, I'm
just like, hey, you know, y'all chill out.
Speaker 5 (41:12):
And my mom like, that's.
Speaker 4 (41:13):
My dad, that's my daddy, that's mine and he got
money and it's plenty more of that where that came from.
And I mean she's talking like she's talking to somebody
about her men, like what do you mean that's your daddy?
And because I guess my sister, my grandfather had loned
my sister some money, and she's.
Speaker 5 (41:29):
Like, give my daddy's money back. It's plenty more where
that came from. And we got this and that's my dad,
not yours, And I'm.
Speaker 4 (41:37):
Like, what the hell is wrong with So now I'm
really quiet because I'm evaluating my mama at this point,
like what the fuck is over there wrong with you?
Speaker 3 (41:44):
Right?
Speaker 4 (41:45):
And then she just really they just started cussing each
other out, and my sister's crying because at this point,
I am hurt because I know that my.
Speaker 5 (41:54):
Mom don't got no love for my sister.
Speaker 4 (41:58):
The where she's coming at her no love there, and
I think there's no love there, not because she don't
love I think my mom love her grandkids.
Speaker 5 (42:06):
I do think that.
Speaker 4 (42:07):
I think that I think there's some sort of love there,
but I think that she don't love my sister at all.
The way she came to her on that phone and
talking to her like that and not even paying attention
to the focus of the call is everything that's going
on on the recording.
Speaker 5 (42:24):
She also said she was going to.
Speaker 4 (42:26):
Die by die behind whatever, you know, die with those secrets.
She's never going to come out. She's never going to
tell the truth. She's never gonna say it. She's going
to protect her dad, her parents because she's just as
far at fault as they are. Wow.
Speaker 5 (42:40):
So that leaves me standing alone. But God told me,
hell not.
Speaker 3 (42:43):
Now, you're never alone. That's a fact you.
Speaker 4 (42:45):
Are, yes, And then boom, I'm talking to you and I'm.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
Yeah, because God is blessing you with so many big
platforms and the way. That's why I was like, we
got to make this happen because there's so many people
who lives.
Speaker 3 (42:58):
Are you going to change?
Speaker 2 (42:59):
And like, we gotta get this out there more because
the fact that incest is so is the fact that
it is still going on to this day, like right
in our faces. Like it's a really scary but necessary
conversation to have.
Speaker 5 (43:14):
It is.
Speaker 4 (43:15):
And I'm gonna say this to the women in the
world from me being in a situation like this. When
you have children, you cannot date only for you, right.
Speaker 5 (43:27):
Facts you have to date for you and your kids.
Speaker 4 (43:31):
Reason being, if I'm dating someone and red flex come
up and they affect me, they only affect me, right,
these are memories I'll tell my daughter when I'm with
my true king. Right, But when you have kids and
maybe one of his red flex may be pedophilia. And
then now this random person that you're dating is you
(43:53):
know that trauma is not on your children if you're
not paying attention. So you kind of gotta watch for
you have around your kids and you and your kids.
So if you meet him somewhere and then I find place,
keep it moving.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Yeah, So you share that your beasts beginning very early
in your life. Are there certain memories that still stay
with you to this day? And do you find it harder?
Do you find it hard to like revisit because I
can only imagine, like having conversations with myself other platforms,
like it has to be triggering at times, like do
you do.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
Things to prepare for these conversations.
Speaker 4 (44:27):
I'm saying silence in darkness, like I put all the
lights off. I'll I know, I isolate myself, Like that's
what really gives me peace, because I have a lot
going on in my mind, you know, I be you
know this is.
Speaker 5 (44:48):
It has been a lot the last year.
Speaker 4 (44:50):
I'll say, yeah, and so I would just in prayer,
you know, And that's really what I do. And if
I they need some type of counsel, I have a
lot of resources on campus that a lot of professors
that I'm cool with mentors, so I can definitely go
talk to them.
Speaker 5 (45:08):
So that's pretty much what I do. And as far
as these conversations, I don't really prepare.
Speaker 4 (45:12):
Because I feel like it's so raw and so real
for me that it flows out naturally. Right.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
Yeah, right, And I know you're very active at your school.
So what are the professors and stuff say when they
found out about your story or just your your college friends. Yes,
so they were extremely supportive, extremely supportives my girl.
Speaker 3 (45:34):
Yes, the Southern University, not the real TSU. The Tennessee State.
Speaker 4 (45:43):
But they're not supportive. They have shared it with their colleagues.
We've had talked about getting me on KTSU. Yeah, so
it's it's been liberating.
Speaker 5 (45:56):
They've been so supportive my peers.
Speaker 4 (45:58):
Like they've had people on campus have come to me
and say, hey, I would like to come on your channel.
So it's it's gotten me attraction that at school there
like is that that rod that was on that interview? Right?
Speaker 5 (46:10):
Right? But yeah, so supportive.
Speaker 4 (46:13):
I really appreciate them just having my back.
Speaker 5 (46:17):
Honestly.
Speaker 3 (46:18):
Now, how old were you when the abuse started?
Speaker 5 (46:21):
Four?
Speaker 3 (46:21):
It started at four, and now you're thirty. Yes, And
when did the abuse end?
Speaker 5 (46:29):
Middle school? Like six, sixth grade? Seventh grade?
Speaker 4 (46:33):
Oh wow, because he went to the military. Uh, when
I was in seventh grade.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
And at that time, do you think anybody outside of
the family noticed anything or.
Speaker 5 (46:43):
Like absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 4 (46:48):
So this may be a little Tami, but you know,
one of the major things is so he went he
went to camp, came back, and my mom went to
the graduation. Now this is back in the oh, I
don't know, I would say six o seven oh seven.
Speaker 5 (47:10):
I'm gonna say, oh, seven oh eight.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
She gets a camporder and takes it and she's she's
recording the graduation.
Speaker 5 (47:20):
So we didn't go.
Speaker 4 (47:21):
So I'm watching the graduation or whatever, and this is
my first time having anybody around me that had any
type of military experience, so I thought it was actually cool, right,
So I'm watching it or whatever, and.
Speaker 5 (47:39):
There's multiple videos of it.
Speaker 4 (47:41):
So a video pops up of them having sex enchanting
my name. So this is back when, And I just
want to be clear because I don't know. People think
I was just watching my mama tapes. Now, this back
when before we even had iPhones and flip phones and
all that. This is when we still had the rumors
of the kicks and shit. So I didn't really know
(48:02):
how to get back to the original video. And then
we know black mamas know when you've been in touch station.
Speaker 5 (48:09):
So I'm like, I don't want to know. I've seen it.
I watched it.
Speaker 4 (48:11):
If I'm trying to go back to find the graduate
the military graduation. But I tell my grandmother, I said, Granny,
you know, I seen this and it sounded like they
were saying my name, you know. So my aunt is there,
and she said, so she my aunt didn't look surprised,
(48:33):
so she said, I told her, I don't know if
my grandmother talked to her or whatever whatever the case
may be.
Speaker 5 (48:38):
But now I'm looking back.
Speaker 4 (48:40):
Even that, like I was a kid then I was
only eleven, so you know, but even that moment should
have been a CPS moment.
Speaker 5 (48:47):
That should have been a moment.
Speaker 3 (48:51):
Intimate with your nigga.
Speaker 5 (48:53):
Yes, and then.
Speaker 4 (48:56):
Leading to how I even got impregnated, because you know,
when I'm in sixth grade, You're not just coming in
my room and raping me.
Speaker 5 (49:02):
It's not going down like that, right, So I would
always lock my door.
Speaker 4 (49:08):
And one day I woke up and I could blurrily
see them and like it's almost like I was coming
out of like a deep sleep, kind of blurry, but
I saw them leaving out, and my underwear were down,
and there was a substance on me going to my
grandmother again my aunt. I could tell there's some type
of guilt or anger there because she's screaming at my grandmother, like,
(49:28):
you know, saying, like you know she loved you so much,
you need to stop lying. I heard you tell her
the truth, She said, you know what the substance was,
You know what it is she said, and they're giving
her the same things y'all gave to us, which is
chloroform and prepple fall. And that's how I even know
the names of the medication, because she they were arguing
about the medication that day. That that day that you know,
(49:52):
I came in and told her about the substance. So
my aunt told me, when you go home tonight, don't
go to sleep.
Speaker 5 (49:57):
Stay up. They're coming to your room. Stay up. So
that's exactly what I did. I stayed up the.
Speaker 4 (50:03):
On Behold, I came in my room, so I said,
why are y'all coming in my room? Oh, we just
wanted to make sure you were sleeping, okay, sleeping okay like,
So that's when I started to and that's when me
and my mom relationship really weakened because I knew I
couldn't trust her at that point, I knew that I
was totally.
Speaker 5 (50:20):
Not safe with her at all.
Speaker 4 (50:24):
And not long after that, my sister and I'm jumping,
but my sister moved out, I would say, when she
was in the ninth grade and never came back.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
So you m h was he messing with her as well?
Speaker 4 (50:45):
No, My that was my sister had an experience with
a total different man. So my sister went through the
same things I went through, but it was with a
prior boyfriend to her the man she's with now.
Speaker 3 (50:57):
Because your mom was allowing men to come and have
sex with y'all.
Speaker 4 (51:01):
Oh absolutely made my sister like my older sister. She
would make her sit out and watch porn videos and
all kind of stuff. And even then, like even back,
like I will say, I'm.
Speaker 5 (51:18):
The person that tried to fight. Didn't have a lot
of leeway, which was my dad's mother.
Speaker 4 (51:24):
We were taken away from them for seven years, and
my grandmother never trusted my mother with us. I don't
think she really. I think she understood grieving more than
my mother did. And I think that my grandmother because
my grandmother has lost my father at twenty one, but
my uncle, her youngest son, also got hit by a
(51:47):
car the six so she understands grieving. And I think
she tried to help my mom. I know she tried
to help my mom as much as she could. She's
put her in homes, got her cars, you know, pay
for every cheerleading camp, band, camp, school clothes, always has exactly.
But my mom felt like my grandmother was in her
(52:07):
business every time she would speak on you know, who
is this man that you're with and whatever guilty and
so you know, it's just and even things like my
my family would and that's another thing.
Speaker 5 (52:19):
My dad's side and my mom always fought.
Speaker 4 (52:21):
Like my when I was like in second grade, my
mom and my aunt got into a fight, and I knew,
I knew, I knew I was alone all my life.
Speaker 5 (52:31):
I knew something was wrong with my mom and.
Speaker 4 (52:33):
My life because my after my mom and my aunt
was fighting, she said, that's why your brother did. But
I'm thinking in my mind, like isn't that my dad?
So I'm standing there just looking that would that kind
of grew me up like that, that timent at that moment,
because my mom did used to tell me, oh, she
loves my dad and all these things. So when she
said that, it kind of just really made me look
(52:57):
at my mom different so young like that Mimi.
Speaker 5 (53:01):
No, that was just like what the hell? You know?
And maybe it was the other DNA and me.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
Right, I just couldn't imagine, like I think about like
what you said earlier, like like I love my nieces, right,
and I just couldn't imagine allowing something to happen to
any child in my presence, and like you share some
stories about how she will just hold you back while
her husband would take advantage of you, And to me,
I'm just like, what the hell does your father do
(53:26):
to you to break you like that to the point
where you have no soul?
Speaker 5 (53:30):
Yeah, because that's a.
Speaker 2 (53:34):
Different type of evil, Like that's that's it's really fucked up.
Speaker 5 (53:41):
It is the majority of that happening Alba crossing apartments.
Speaker 4 (53:44):
In the spek in Michigan, And that was a horrific
time to me just because like.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
And the fact that you remember everything is so vividly.
Speaker 4 (53:58):
It's so vivid because it was so scary and so
traumatic for me at the time, Like it's something that
would that visual will never leave me. But I never understood,
like I will never understand how mother can hold her
baby's hands down and her feet down and allow him
to beat her or you know, even when I spoke
on I didn't speak on this in my five fight series,
(54:19):
but I spoke on this, and I think it was
the ones in order for an interview, putting the luge
down there, you know, in my bathroom area and telling
me she know it doesn't hurt because she put the
whole bottle. You know, things like that are things that
will never leave me, or even going to the extent,
and I'm just being honest because this is where I'm real.
Speaker 5 (54:41):
Of me pushing my face in his ain'tal area.
Speaker 4 (54:45):
Things like that, you know, those are things that will
never leave me.
Speaker 5 (54:51):
And those are I think memories and just wounds.
Speaker 4 (54:56):
That I think forever changed that relationship before it even
got to blossom and bloom.
Speaker 5 (55:03):
And I think that my mom sees that now.
Speaker 4 (55:06):
I think, yeah, it's way too late, girl, and you
want to it's too late, and you know I have
I understand now that there's mentors, there's other women who
have a similar story that it is farther than I
am that could help me, you know, like coaches. There's
so many other women that have reached out and that's
there for me that I just need guidance at this point.
(55:30):
You know, thank you for bringing me here, and that's why,
that's why I'm still gonna be a child of God
and say I love you forgiving me life, but I
don't respect you as a mother, as a woman, and
we do not see I die.
Speaker 3 (55:45):
Yeah, no, it's a fact.
Speaker 2 (55:46):
Listen, I don't have no relationship with my mother because
of the things that she has done to me. But
I also believe that, you know, mothering can come in
different ways. Doesn't have to come from a person who
gave you birth. So mothering can be from your homegirl,
it can be from an older woman, somebody at school,
like you can get mother. Sometimes you can get mother
from a man, you know what I'm saying. So I
definitely agree with you on that. Another thing that you
(56:08):
mentioned in your story that on top of you being
drug she was still in the drugs from the hospital
she was working at.
Speaker 5 (56:15):
Yes, she was working. She was working in the Northwood.
Speaker 4 (56:24):
And that is a psychiatric hospital and stealing the sedate
of drugs.
Speaker 5 (56:31):
And it was a.
Speaker 4 (56:33):
Coreformis assumptance that you can put like on the cloth.
So that was and I had one of those doors,
like those ninety doors you can get in with a
butter knife. Yeah, so that's how they was getting in
my room and I was already sleep. So then when
you put that under their nose, it puts them in
a deeper sleep. I don't know if you've ever seen
the movie Taken, Yeah, and do you remember.
Speaker 5 (56:54):
She was under the bed.
Speaker 4 (56:56):
They put it that towel over her face and she
woke up in that room.
Speaker 5 (57:00):
That's a real thing.
Speaker 4 (57:01):
And I want people to know that this is when
people what do you think, these directors and these people
who are in the industry, when they make these movies,
they get the ideas from somewhere, you know, we axactly
and so these even if you're at a party, there's
so many college women that can say, Hey, I'm a
(57:21):
survivor of getting a roofie in my drink and not
knowing what happened. You know, So these sex drugs and
date rape drugs, and you know they're real.
Speaker 5 (57:33):
And and and it's.
Speaker 4 (57:35):
And honestly, what this is now called what the turn?
Because what was going on, it's sex trafficking. If I'm
having a baby at twelve in the house, there's people
men raping little girls. This is just a sex callt
sex trafficking situation going on.
Speaker 5 (57:53):
And I think back then.
Speaker 4 (57:56):
People were not looking for it because it sounds so
unheard of. And now that we know that this is
a billion dollar business today in the United States, there
is a girl being taken taken every second.
Speaker 3 (58:10):
Every every second.
Speaker 4 (58:11):
Yes, So I mean, watch your kids make sure when
you know that you watch your kids, that you have
relationships with the teachers and with their coaches, because it matters.
Speaker 2 (58:23):
This concludes part one of this week's episode, Who Child.
I know y'all are going to be emailing me and
dming me and texting me, so please let me know
what you think about this week's episode. I am definitely
looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Part two will be
dropping next week, same time, same place, and until next time, everyone, take.
Speaker 3 (58:45):
Care of yourself later.
Speaker 2 (58:53):
Pretty Private is a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
Speaker 3 (58:57):
For more podcasts from.
Speaker 2 (58:58):
iHeartRadio, this is the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe
and rate the show, and you can connect with me
on social media at Pretty Private Podcasts
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebina, a space where no
question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views
shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain, and empower.
From the laughs to the lessons. Just remember, tough times
don't last, but professional home girls do enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener discretion is advice.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
What's up, y'all?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Inshagarra Ebine here and I hope all is cute. Okay,
welcome back to another episode of Pretty Private with eb
and A. Now, before we dive into this week's episode,
y'all know, I got to catch all up on my
trip to Marcus Vineyard. Okay, now listen, I have to
go back. Like those four days I spent there just
(00:53):
weren't enough time for me to be able to enjoy
the oland the way that I would have liked to
enjoy the Alan Like. So, you know, I had this
hosting gig, which, let me tell you, I body, I
did such an amazing job. And let me tell y'all something,
manifestation is real. Manifestation is real, y'all. One of my
prayers that I had for myself is the book more
(01:15):
host than martyringe gigs because you know, look at the
other girls that's doing this, they be doing it for
a while, and I'm like, you know, I'm witty, I'm smart,
I'm pretty.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
You know, I can do this, and so I really
enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
And how I know that I am working walking in
my purpose because not only does it feel good, you know,
I feel very confident, but also you know, I'm walking
down the streets in the finger and everybody just kept
stopping me, telling me how much of a great job
I did, asking me for my information, trying to book
me things of this nature. So you know, I was
(01:46):
really excited about, you know, my just being able to
say that I hosted an event at the Vineyard. So
shout out to Sisters on the Vineyard for having me there.
It was really really so much fun. But I also
feel like, especially if I'm working, I just need minimum
a week. Four days was just not enough time. And
(02:08):
just to give y'all just some behind the scenes like
whenever I do have a gig, right, I don't drink
like days before the actual event, stars like I'm like
rehearsing a live shout out to my friend and maryor
he was definitely helped me prough for this event because sometimes,
like you know, I'm from New York, but I'm also
from the South, so the down South accent be fighting
(02:29):
with my New York lingo and it's just like, ah,
so I have to really like take my time and
articulate and just you know, I want to make it
feel as natural as possible. And then plus I need
eight hours of sleep, like I need to be fully
rested so I can feel and look my absolute best.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
You know.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
So once the event was old with, I really only
had like a day and a half to like explore
Marx's vineyard, and you know, I made the best out
of it.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
You know.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
I had a lobster row, which was delicious, and I
don't know what they putting it on.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
I don't know what's no lobsters in Massachusetts, but I'm
telling y'all right now, hands down, that was one of
the best lobster rows I ever had, and it was
so big.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
I was like wow, loss.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
And then also I got ice cream from Mad Mathers,
which is like a staple at March to Spniard. I
had mint chocolate chup ice cream, which is my favorite flavor.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
So that was yummy.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
And then last but not least, I actually had time
to make it to an HBCU party where I met
some of my fellow Tigers from the real TSU d
Tennessee State University, so shout out to them. And it
was just a really good a really good time, Like
I was able to connect with some of the locals.
They was giving me advice on when to come back
(03:47):
and also some business owners, which really inspired me to
want to build more with this community. So next time,
I definitely want to check out Eedgartown, which I heard
was a vibe. I want to hit the beach for
the Polar Bear swim. I just do so much more
because there's so much to do on an Allen And
what I also thought was really cool and convenient was
(04:08):
that this year the buses were free. So just to
give your heads up if you do decide to go
to the vineyard, especially during August, because there's so much
going on, so much black excellence in MARKEDUS Vineyard in
the month of August. Ubers are super expensive. Like I
felt comfortable enough taking a bus back and forth, obviously
when it got late. I would not recommend taking a
(04:29):
bus unless you live close by to your bus stop,
but I did not. I was staying like ten fifteen
minutes away from Oak Bluffs, which was not dead at all,
but you know, safety first. But the bus was super convenient,
Like I really enjoyed it and it was just kind
of cool just to sight see, you know. So I'm
absolutely going back next year, and I'm definitely staying longer.
(04:52):
Now I have an exciting announcement to make which I've
been working so hard on and I cannot wait for
you all to see. Is that of the Professional Homegirl
coloring books. It's finally here. Yes, but my new listeners,
here's the backstory. So a few years ago I came
out with Volume one during the pandemic, and the reason
(05:13):
why is because I wanted to create a coloring book
that blended storytelling, art and technology all into one and honestly,
like I love to read. So I was in bookstores
like crazy during the pandemic, or when we could go
inside of the bookstores.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
And y'all do coloring books.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
It was just mad boring, Like if it was a
geometric shape, it was a suswa afro or some damn flowers,
and it's like come on now, like give me some
riz like the kids would saying. So I wanted to
make my color room book a true reflection of the
people we saw in our neighborhoods. And y'all is so
freaking fire. And what makes it really special is that
(05:50):
this coloring book is interactive, so each page has a
QR cult so when you scan it, you get the
story that goes with the illustration that you're listening to
from the show.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
So it's super super cool.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
And then we also got some new editions that I'm
going to talk about later on because we will have
an episode talking about the process of the coloring book
with my illustrator shot out to tip.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
So I'm super excited for you all to experience this.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
And it also this is one is for all the
parents that were bullying me, because when I have these
coloring and books, you know, these coloring books were initially
for adults, and so you know, we had some little
spicy content in it. However, the parents wanted something for
their teenagers to be able to interact because they thought
it was important for there are children to see themselves
(06:34):
and books as well. So I created a coloring book
that is suitable for sixteen and up. Now, if they
listen to other episodes the things they ain't gonna be
listening to that they't know me. It's only supposed to
be the episodes that goes with that particular page. But
you know, the theme is about pivoting for me this
year and really sticking to it. So one of the
(06:56):
reasons why I love this coloring book because it highlights
both traditions no career paths and the entrepreneurship to remind
all of us that our dreams are valid and you
can do whatever your heart desires. So I'm telling y'all,
this coming book is so freaking cool. I cannot wait
for you all to see it. You can pre order
it now, so please make sure it's to support and
grab your copy using the link in the show notes below. Now,
(07:20):
for this week's episode, I really wanted to ease y'all
into it because this episode is really heavy. Okay, My
guest opens up about her experience growing up in a
sex cult, taking those inside her childhood, sharing what life
was really like in that environment and the control and
manipulation she endured, and how you shape her understanding the family.
(07:41):
So y'all, really, really, if it's too much, you please
please take care of your mental health. But this episode,
as always, I feel like it's necessary because these are
things that are going on within our community and not
enough people are speaking about it. So I hope you
enjoyed this week's episode Because I was born into a
sex cult.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Part one starts now, all right, to my guests, thank
you so much for being on the show. How you doing,
How you feeling?
Speaker 5 (08:07):
I'm like, dad, how are you? You know?
Speaker 3 (08:09):
I feel really cute.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
I went out for brunch for one of my friends
and we met somebody else and it was really nice.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
And did he pay for it? I was like, okay,
I gotta talk ran, I got.
Speaker 5 (08:19):
To talk for free meal. You know what doesn't happened
to me? What last weekend? I went out.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
This was actually my first time going out to a
hookah line since talking in Houston. And he paid for
it too, So I was like, okay, listen, good night.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
When you want a God's favorite things just come to
you in abundance. So I was like, but I thought,
I was so shocked, But he's one of those guys
that's like super nice, Like you know how you feel
like you could tell.
Speaker 5 (08:43):
He was raised right? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Yeah, do you like doing hookah.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
Actually, no, I didn't even do the Yeah, I'll do
hookah either, it makes me feel nauseous, so I really
went for the vibe.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Yeah, it's a good vibe though with some dreams some music.
Speaker 5 (08:59):
Yeah, yep.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Well I would tell you that off the air, but
I'm really excited to have you on. I think that
your story is definitely changing a lot of people lives.
Like I just can't even imagine some of the things
that you still have to deal with on a daily basis,
because everything is still current as far as like you
trying to locate your daughter, your family or relationship with
them and things of that nature. Yes, So, how has
(09:23):
it been since you've been telling your story, Like, what
has that been like? Because I can only imagine the
pushback you've been receiving.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
Yes, so honestly, it's been overwhelming. It was overwhelming at first.
I feel like.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
It definitely made me feel like it know that I
had a voice and that it mattered absolutely, because I
feel like trapping any mess really helped me get my
story out there, not knowing what it was going to do.
This is just me propping my phone up, telling my story,
and then that reaching thirty thousand people and then someone saying, hey,
(10:04):
we want to give you a platform.
Speaker 5 (10:06):
And then I'm getting dms.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
I'm getting so many messages and people reaching out that
has similar stories or that just want to give you know.
Speaker 5 (10:17):
Kind words. So I've it's been liberating to say.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
That's a good word.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Yes, Are you shocked by the amount of people that's
probably reaching out to you saying that they have a
story similar to yours?
Speaker 5 (10:30):
I am?
Speaker 4 (10:31):
I am. I feel like I've always known that being
a woman can be dangerous in this world, but I
never knew how similar stories can be, you know, as
far as even down to the relationship with my mother,
the relationship with my siblings, what happens to outside relationships,
(10:55):
like what your trauma, how your trauma affects those relationships.
Even the similarities in that is you know, not even
I can't even say ironic, because yeah, I think it's
so worldwide, you know, like a universal knowing that being
a woman in today's world, it's a lot.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
It is.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
It's not easy, especially when you're being a Brownie.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
So that's why one of the main reasons why I
wanted to build my platform, because I feel like as
black women black and brown women. I feel like we
are taught at a very young age to mask and
I just don't think that there was a platform at
the time where we can really just be our true,
authentic selves and get our shit off without being judged,
because I feel like society has this has this way
(11:40):
of thinking of how black women should be, and that's
just not the case. Black womanhood looks so different from
so many of us. So that's why I'm really excited
to have you on because I can just only imagine
how your dms look right now, your emails crazy. Yeah,
So when you think about telling your story, what's the
most important thing you want people to take away from it?
Speaker 4 (12:02):
I feel like the most important thing that anybody should
take from this is you never know, just keep walking
in it because you never know what it may lead you,
you know what me Like I said, propping my phone up,
never knowing that I would even get this opportunity. So
(12:22):
thank you for having me on. But for sure, it's
and always keep fighting.
Speaker 5 (12:28):
You know.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Everybody got they shit, everybody go through shit. But that
don't mean give up, you know, because there's been plenty
of times, even with me being in Houston for the
last eight months, it's been an adjustment, you know, it's
been an adjustment me. Coming from Michigan to Houston is adjustment.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
Yeah, a huge difference.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
And so and I'm a person who I think I
battle with accepting change.
Speaker 5 (12:51):
Sometimes I can take.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Me a minute.
Speaker 5 (12:54):
I do it.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I am brace changed, But for me to get to
that point, it's a challenge.
Speaker 5 (12:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have to settle into it. Mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
You know, when I was watching one of your interviews
and I watched your YouTube videos, for people who don't
know much about trauma, what do you wish they understood
about how they could be hidden even in families that
look well put together. Because I feel like when I
was younger, I went through a lot with my mother,
very abusive towards me, but I didn't look like it
because I was a smart kid. I was put together
in things of that nature. And I think that's a
(13:25):
misconception when it comes to things that kids are dealing
with at home.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
Absolutely, I think the biggest misconception is we.
Speaker 5 (13:36):
Do, unfortunately have smart criminals in the world.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
And so when I say that, I mean, of course
we know the typical you know, mom who may be
on drugs and since the child of school and you
can just clearly tell there's something wrong.
Speaker 5 (13:50):
But there is people who.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
Are calculated and they say they're not going to send
their child to school looking any kind of way, and
they're going to put them in an extra curricular ACTI
why because narcissists like to look good. So my child
being good makes me look good. So sometimes it's not
always about the child, it's about the image of what
it does to me.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
Because you notice when those children.
Speaker 4 (14:14):
Mess up, the parent does not want to take the
flame of the suck up child. Yeah, Like, I don't
know what the hell wrong with her now right? She
was the ship when she walked acrost stage. I don't
know what the fuck happened now.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Right, right?
Speaker 4 (14:27):
Right?
Speaker 2 (14:28):
So what land you to finally speak out about what
was going on with you? Because, if I'm not mistaken,
you came out about your story maybe eight years ago?
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
No?
Speaker 5 (14:37):
Eight months ago? Oh wow? Eight months ago? Wow?
Speaker 3 (14:42):
So what made you come out and tell your story?
So that's like so recent?
Speaker 4 (14:48):
It is?
Speaker 5 (14:49):
It is? All of this is, all of this happened
pretty fast.
Speaker 4 (14:54):
Like I uploaded those videos eight months ago and then
it was like a trapping. Anonymous reached out, but I
was still moving and stuff, so I needed to get
some time and settlement. But after that everything started to roll.
Speaker 5 (15:09):
So mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
And it did something trigger you to start just telling
your stories on YouTube or did you just feel like
it was time?
Speaker 5 (15:16):
Okay? So with YouTube, I had I've been doing YouTube
for a year now, and I'm trying. I was trying
to find my niggage.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
So I was doing story time, getting ready with me,
I was cooking, I was just doing all kind of
videos because I wanted to see what my audience wanted
from me. And so I've always played with storytimes. If
you go to my channel, you'll see I have some
story times before that one. But I was feeling like
(15:45):
I'm not being my authentic self and I'm gonna be
honest with you.
Speaker 5 (15:48):
I battle like when I'm not being professional.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
I battled with how much of myself I didn't show
or I want to show to YouTube and to people
who watch me. And with me going into marketing and
wanting to be in a business woman, I want to
make sure I protect my image and not have things
out there that I don't want to be out there.
Speaker 5 (16:10):
Right, But I told myself.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
You know what, Well, I I know that I'm not
being as authentic in my videos as I feel for right, Yes,
I'm I'm just going to give them a real video,
a raw video how I feel.
Speaker 5 (16:25):
I'm not gonna filter it. It is what it is.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
And so I'm like, but I can't just put this
all in one video. I have to do it in parts.
It has to be like a story. Yeah, And so
I came up with the I'm gonna do it in
like a five part series and I'm going to just
no filter. And that is what got me attraction on
my on my channel, so that let me know that's
(16:50):
what they do want to see. They don't want to
see something filtered because I felt like I was editing
my videos so much and trying to get it to
be perfect when carecater personality is what makes people want
to watch you.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Now, granted you came out eight months ago, but was
this the first time you ever told anybody just in general?
Speaker 5 (17:12):
No.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
I felt like a lot of people in my family
knew parts of the story, but this is the first
time that I put it out there in the sequence
that I did. And this is the first time I
told a mass of people, but of course my immediate
family knows about the things that I spoke about prior
to me uploaded the videos. And I can only imagine
what the reception was from your family, because some of
(17:34):
your family members were saying that you was crazy and
you was making all of this up, and I was
just like, what do you have to gain from the
type of trauma that you're speaking about? And you know what,
it's funny to me and what like is the most
eye opening thing?
Speaker 5 (17:49):
And all of this even about those comments.
Speaker 4 (17:53):
When I came out eight months ago on my channel,
my voice did not matter because they thought that those
videos were gonna go nowhere, that no one was gonna
watch them. So before I started to get any attention
from my story, you didn't care. You didn't comment on
any videos, you didn't say I was crazy because you
(18:13):
thought my voice did not matter. But God said, hold on, now,
this is my baby, and some voice matters, and people
I want to.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Hear what she has to say.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
So I feel like, now all of a sudden, I'm crazy.
Why wasn't that crazy eight months ago? Why didn't Why
you know I have family members contacting some of the
platforms I've been on and just just doing all kind
of crazy things and I'm just like, well, where was
this energery eight months ago?
Speaker 5 (18:41):
So that lets me know this is not a concern.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
This is you trying to, you know, get clout off
of something that is actually very important and it should
not be played with at all.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
What's up, y'all, it's your girl of Ana here, and
be sure to follow me on Instagram and TikTok at
pretty private podcasts, and don't forget to subscribe to my
YouTube channel at the Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back
to the show. Have anybody in your family came out
to you and said that they are a survivor as
well and they shared their story with you.
Speaker 4 (19:18):
No, I feel like in our family, we know we
have family secrets.
Speaker 5 (19:24):
Of course every family does.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
But before I've come out, I had already known about
certain situations in my family prior to me that every
pretty much everyone knows about.
Speaker 5 (19:35):
It's just you know, people just keep moving on. I guess.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Now, for people who are unfamiliar with cults, especially ones
that's from inside of families, can you explain how the
dynamic worked in your family.
Speaker 5 (19:47):
As far as the cult like the hierarchy of things. Yeah,
it's so.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
My grandfather and then before you know, my aunts and
everyone got married. My mom was the only one with kids,
and unfortunately my father passed away, so they were all
in relation with my grandfather, which had had been a
process before I was even born, so they were he
(20:15):
had already had relationships and pedophilia going on before.
Speaker 5 (20:19):
I even got there. So as I got older, they
kind of train.
Speaker 4 (20:24):
You and teach you what to do, what not to do,
what to say, what not to say.
Speaker 5 (20:29):
What happens in this house stays in this house.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
And he has to approve of whoever you're with. So
the men that were married into my family was not
like you could just if my grandfather didn't like him,
they weren't being with him, and.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
He probably wanted to mold the men in the family too.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
Absolutely, because you have to think about it, you know,
as a man, it's these things are going on with
my grand with my granddaughter, and there's going to be
signs for the for the magnitude of the things that
were happening to me, there were signs. So there's no
way that this little girls around all these adults and
(21:11):
no one is seeing this, right, so that means that
he's incahoots with the husband. Now even my to my
I think one of my the comments that you're speaking
on is my aunt saying.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
That I was crazy.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Well, her whole marriage was with my grandfather. She never
experienced her marriage outside of living with them. I mean, granted,
her husband wasn't a military military at first, and he
did go off to Germany, but when she came back
for that seven eight years, she had all her kids there,
her husband there, and they all lived together, so that
(21:48):
she'd tell you a little bit about.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
How things were.
Speaker 4 (21:54):
Yo.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
You ever seen this movie. I don't know how I
came across this movie. It was a movie of a
black family. And I believe that the son, you know
what I'm talking about. The son, he was the son
of one of the aunts, and he was pretty much
making the documentary because the grandfather was sleeping with all
of his daughters, and he was messing around with the daughters,
(22:17):
and it got to a point where one of the
daughters got really hurt. She got hurt, but she was
afraid because if she would have went to the hospital,
they would have been privy to other things that was
going on with the house and the women were arguing
over the sisters was arguing over the dad. They was
in love with the dad, and then the mom she
knew about it, but she stayed. But then the dad
(22:38):
ended up leaving the mom and he started a whole
nother family with his white family and was doing the
same thing. And I was just like, this is fucking crazy.
Speaker 5 (22:46):
Yeah, that is identical.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
I don't know if you got a chance to watch
each part, but in one of the five part series
that I have on my channel, I go into a
confrontation where my aunt is sitting at the kitchen table
to my grandmother and they're arguing over my grandfather and
he put us out the house that day.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Where do you think if grandfather got this from? Like,
is this something that has always been done in his family?
Speaker 5 (23:10):
I'm not sure. I'm not that's a good question.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
Only you know, when people ask me questions like that,
I always tell them only they have the answers to
those questions.
Speaker 5 (23:21):
But another example that I will give is.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
Think about when it comes to how well things are hidden,
and when it comes to how we have smart criminals,
think about the douggers. Think about how perfect that looked.
I don't know Douggs, the Duggers that have nineteen kids
in county.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Oh wow, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 5 (23:45):
Yes yes.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
I don't know if you've seen that documentary of all
the secrets in pedophilia that went on in their family,
but an incest that went on in their family. But
just think about if you watch TC and watch that show,
how you would never think that any of those things
(24:06):
are going on, which is one of the reasons they
lost the show.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
M you know, ain't no networking get behind that?
Speaker 5 (24:15):
Oh no, not at all.
Speaker 4 (24:16):
So or you know another example, and this is this
is what this is what blinds people. Let's think about
Ted Bundy for example, right, you would never think had
a family, well educated.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
He was good, lucky, good job.
Speaker 5 (24:34):
Yeah, yes, but this is this is what's crazy. Because
he was good looking.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
It it kind of blinded people from the tragedy, the tragedy,
the crazy things he was doing, like killing people, murdering
women like so it just shows you how the world works,
you know, being good looking and being educated and putting
on a show show because that's what he was doing.
(25:01):
I think he had multiple personalities, honestly, No, he was
a book out for sure. Yeah, it was blinding people.
And so that goes back to my original point. If
you are not well equipped to have the eye for
things when it comes to children.
Speaker 5 (25:18):
And trauma, you may never see it and it could
be right in your face.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
Yeah, why do you think.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
You know, it's one thing for his children to obey him,
But why do you think your grandma allowed that to happen?
Speaker 5 (25:31):
Honestly, I think that it was.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
Maybe it's fearful of not being having security. I think
back in those times, and she's told me stories like
I remember her telling me a story of her going
back to her mom, telling her mom some things that
you know, was bothering her in her marriage, and she.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
Told her, oh, it's going to be okay, go back home.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
So stending her back home into whatever, And I feel
that break, And I think that just goes back to
kind of like an example being since to bring you
up examples, how when Anime tried to run away and
her mama called Ike and told him, you know, so
(26:18):
even when you tried to get away.
Speaker 5 (26:20):
They back then, it was about security.
Speaker 4 (26:22):
It was about making sure that you know, you and
these kids have a home right now. The thing I
think it gets sick when it's a continuation of things,
and honestly, I don't have sympathy for that anymore because
I feel like I don't even have children yet, but
(26:45):
I have two nephews, I have a niece, I have
three sisters, and I couldn't imagine holding my head down
allowing anything to happen to them and saying I'm gonna
just go on and go with the flow.
Speaker 5 (26:57):
I'm mama gonna fight today.
Speaker 4 (26:59):
Yeah, Mama is going to fight today, and we're gonna
get up out of this. I'm not going to allow
that to happen. And then when you think about what
it's done to you, when you see the the the
wounds that it's put on you, you know you want to
protect your daughter and the generations to come from that.
So I'm not sure why she will continue to do
(27:20):
something like that, but I think.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
You make a good point when it comes to security,
because also with security comes fearfulness. And I feel like
there when I was looking at your story during research,
I feel like there were times where she was trying
her best, or I don't know if it was her best,
but I do feel like she tried, but he would
beat her up really bad because I think because I
remember you were sharing a story about how he raped
(27:43):
your older sister and she was he beat up so
bad she couldn't even move.
Speaker 4 (27:50):
So I've always seen and I've always seen my grandmother.
Speaker 5 (27:59):
I always started was respect, yeah, but I.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
As I got older, I started to see it was
maybe a little bit of I'm not even gonna say fear,
because I think she had overcome that by then. When
I started to see things, I would just say I'm tired,
like I'm just gonna stay, you know.
Speaker 5 (28:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
And don't get me wrong, it's hard to say because
they have had times where they've taken breaks in their marriage,
and he's been with another family and been on with.
Speaker 5 (28:29):
Someone else, got a divorce and everything.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
And so my thaying is, what, even if all of
that happened with your kids or whatever made you whatever
you want to go tell your mom at night, what
made you get back into it after getting divorced, after
him leaving and want to be with another family.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
But he said him and your grandma got divorced.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
They got divorced, yeah, at one point, and he went
off and was with the whole another woman and a
whole different family.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
Oh wow, so disappoint at this point, this is a choice.
Speaker 5 (29:01):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
Yeah, yeah, so that is you know, as you get
older and you start taking the titles off of people
and looking at them as people. You know, yes, your grandma,
but shit, you know, yes your mom, but I would
never I can't even look. You don't see eye to
eye with me as a woman. I would never do
the things or accept the things that you accept. And
(29:23):
I understand circumstances, but at some point, yeah, my daughter
would not be able to pass and look at the polygraph,
some of those questions should have never been able to
be passed and been truthful, right, And for them to
deny and say they don't want to take one to
(29:44):
me even more astonishing.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
You know when you look back, because you talk about
hearing your grandmother and your aunt, are you over your
grandfather and looking back like where do you? What were
your thoughts like even seeing yourself in that moment?
Speaker 5 (30:00):
Because that is crazy? So what? Okay?
Speaker 4 (30:06):
So the original it all started because my grandfather raped
my older sister. Once everything happened, you know, there were
conversations that were had. All I kept hearing was the
word rape, rape, rape. I didn't know what it meant,
so and I was I've always been a person that
(30:29):
looked up to my older sister and wanted to do
everything she do.
Speaker 5 (30:31):
She grabbed a red juice. I'm grabbing a red juice.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
That was me because that's all, you know, right, I.
Speaker 4 (30:36):
Admired her, always had, and so I'm like, you know,
I keep hearing his words. So I'm like, I want
to get raped too. I'm gonna, you know, not even
knowing what.
Speaker 5 (30:45):
I'm saying, I say that.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
My grandmother's like, Okay, now they can't go back over
to their dad's side because they're basically trying to figure
out how to protect my grandfather. I know I've said
this word. My dad's mom were with trauma all day.
She manages multiple women shows her.
Speaker 5 (31:04):
So she would have spotted. She would have spotted it.
Speaker 4 (31:07):
So now they're like, Okay, we need to figure out
how to get them away from them. So something happened
between me and a cousin on my dad's side, But
it was no, it was more like it was an
inappropriate situation.
Speaker 5 (31:26):
I'm not even gonna.
Speaker 4 (31:27):
Say it was even close to the magnitude to what.
Speaker 5 (31:31):
You know we would experience.
Speaker 4 (31:33):
Right.
Speaker 5 (31:34):
We were just two kids, unattended.
Speaker 4 (31:36):
So she's like, okay, well we're going to use that
situation and we're going to say they can't come over
there anymore. So my mom did say, and I'm fair.
Speaker 5 (31:47):
In this situation. I say the truth.
Speaker 4 (31:49):
She did say, that's the only thing they have left
to their dad. I really don't want to take them away.
At first, she did, That's what she said at first.
But so my aunt sitting there crying, crying like, you know,
my dad, I can't go to jail for this.
Speaker 5 (32:04):
At us, she gonna go over there. She talked too much.
She can go over there and tell the people, you know.
So she like, we gotta kill her, We have to
kill her. She's looking at me myself.
Speaker 4 (32:12):
My mom start crying, like, were not killing my daughter?
Da da, So my So, all of this is going on.
My grandmother's standing in front of the oven. Where would
your grandfather at my grandfather's upstairs. And if you've ever
been to my house, any of my high school friends,
you all know my grandfather always stayed upstairs, or he said,
at the first chair at the kitchen table. So my
(32:34):
grandmother looked at my aunt and said, you know, you
are balling and crying doing all of this. You would
think this is somebody you were in relation, you know,
having relations with, Like, is what is wrong with you?
Like she was beating on the table and just screaming
and doing a lot of things that like this show man.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
Right, But do your grandma not know what was going on?
She do know what's going on, but I guess she
was a shocked, like girl.
Speaker 4 (32:57):
No, I think at one point whatever relations they were
having had stalled, had stalled because that's his as they
got older, you know, you're getting boyfriends, you're getting you know,
So that's why he has to be in liking of
whoever you're with, because he he has to have an
attachment to you.
Speaker 5 (33:16):
Just say, her man didn't like her dad. She ain't
gonna be around her father as much. You know what
I'm trying to say.
Speaker 4 (33:21):
Right, right, So so my grandfather. So she told my grandmother,
you know, that is her man, that's her man. Like
she like, you're right, Nope, that's my man. So my
grandmother like, okay, well we're gonna see about that. She said,
she she called him, she said TC she called him downstairs,
and my my aunt hop said from the table, and
she says, I'm sick of this shit. You know, you're
(33:42):
gonna have to choose a da da da, you know.
So they both crying and he kicked me, my mom,
my sister, my grandmother kicked us all out of the
house that day and she told him, she told her
little do you know he bought this house for me
because we had just he had just bought the house
that we were arguing in, And she said, yeah, he
bought this house for me, and yeah, that's that's the
(34:03):
same house that she's.
Speaker 5 (34:04):
In right now now.
Speaker 4 (34:05):
One of my family members, her daughter, she was like, oh, yeah,
she's mad because my grandfather gave us this house. And
I'm just like, girl, First of all, I would never
be mad about that, And secondly, that has nothing to
do with the allegations.
Speaker 5 (34:22):
It's a distraction to what.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
I'm picture is right, you know what I'm about a
house girl, right, and I'm.
Speaker 5 (34:29):
Singing with no kids. I don't need no help, right,
I'm living my life. Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
It's about him sexually abusing every woman in this family.
Speaker 5 (34:38):
Exactly right.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
It's so heartbreaking, it is.
Speaker 5 (34:42):
And I've learned to block that out because.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Everything because you're deflecting. Now, that's what that is.
Speaker 5 (34:49):
It's deflecting everything. Is a deflection. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
And I even remember you saying that you never saw it,
but you heard your grandfather be on intimate with your aunts.
Speaker 5 (34:59):
Absolutely, my sister did, I did my mom did? We? Yeah? Definitely? Wow, definitely.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
You know there's a special place in hell for niggas
like that. Yo, Because I interviewed this other lady, and
the funny thing is she from Detroit. I'm gonna give
you her name because you never know, y'all might have
some type of connection. But her I think the men
and her family were sleeping with all of the kids.
And her mom is actually her sister. Yes, like ih,
(35:32):
so I give you her information. A really cool woman,
like super down on earth, like so all the cousins
and stuff was born out of incest.
Speaker 5 (35:40):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
And I asked her because you know, obviously respectfully, because
I really do respect her. But she doesn't look like
anything was wrong with her. She was like yeah, she said,
I'm the one that wasn't affected.
Speaker 5 (35:55):
Wow. Yeah, that's a story to tell.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
Yeah, I'm surprised that any of the aunts or anybody
get pregnant by your grandfather.
Speaker 4 (36:05):
Not that I'm aware of. They know not to give
me no information, right.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
Because we know where you're gonna go tell like as
you should.
Speaker 5 (36:16):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
Now you would say that the older women would coach
the younger women or the younger girls in the family.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
So what would that look.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Like, because did you feel like it was normal or
did they feel or did they teach you that this
is another way of expressing love.
Speaker 4 (36:31):
They teach you that you don't get to tell him no,
the word not doesn't exist in this house.
Speaker 5 (36:36):
It is what one of the things that they would say.
Speaker 4 (36:40):
And then when they would for unicate and do weird shit,
they would call it indulging. I'm not sure what that with.
I really think it was some demonic things going on.
Speaker 5 (36:51):
To be honest with you.
Speaker 3 (36:52):
Yo, she said the same thing.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
I swear to God, I'm gonna see I'm gonna send
you the video. I mean, I'm gona send you the
clip for you to listen to the show, and then
I'm gonna get y'all in, y'all, get y'all connected. But yeah,
she said the same thing.
Speaker 4 (37:06):
Yeah, they would call it indulging and just even down
to I think that to me the most traumatic. I
think the most heartbreaking thing for me is the most traumatic,
most I can't things I can't even describe in words
as far as trauma, and everything I can even name
(37:32):
is my mom and her husband. Like my mother cost
me the most trauma, and that to me, when I
look at my knees and I look out how much
I love her and what I do for her, and
I shake the world up for her, I just don't.
It lets me know that the love that my mom
has for me or had for me was never a
(37:55):
mother daughter relationship. And that was because you cannot have
a mother daughter relationship with someone that your husband wants
to be with or fantasizes about or is molesting and
raping and then impregnates. You don't look at her as
a daughter at that point. So it's like, you know,
(38:16):
my father's deceased, he drowned, and like Michigan when I
was eight months, and my mom just completely is gone
in the mind or maybe this is just who she is,
and when I have conversations with hers, I want to
be fair, So I'm like, I'm not even gonna tell
the story. I let my aunt, I let my mother
and whoever have a voice. If you do feel like
(38:37):
it's something that you want to say or that you
know a piece that maybe I don't know that you
want to let him know to add in there whatever,
because I'm coming with truth.
Speaker 5 (38:46):
I didn't have to do that, you know, I didn't
have to be that fair.
Speaker 3 (38:50):
What's your relationship like with your mom now? Like, do
y'all still keep in contact?
Speaker 5 (38:53):
Absolutely?
Speaker 4 (38:54):
Not?
Speaker 5 (38:54):
Girl help, No. No.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
The only reason why I ask because I do feel
like one thing I.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Will say, just after watching your interviews and like doing
research on you, you are fair like you want somebody, You
want people, all the parties involved to come up and
be like, if I'm not telling the truth, then say
I want to share this platform with you. So that's
the reason why I ask, because I do feel like
there were times with your mom that, even though I
don't condone what she did, like I feel like she
was battling with the decisions that she was making because
(39:21):
she knew it wasn't right.
Speaker 4 (39:22):
My mama was battling those decisions like a motherfucker.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Yeah, That's why I asked, Like did she reach out
to you or something or just like I don't know,
because I really feel like she knows this is not right.
Speaker 5 (39:36):
I think she do too.
Speaker 4 (39:37):
But the thing is is, again, the love for your
daughter should trump anybody else.
Speaker 5 (39:42):
All of these happened. But this is the thing.
Speaker 4 (39:44):
You cannot really come out and say, my daughter is right, yes,
because you're just as wrong as.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
That, because that's men that you had a part in it, exactly.
Speaker 4 (39:52):
So she doesn't even even if she grew and she said, hey,
I love my daughter, I don't know what was wrong, whatever,
you still couldn't just be that way even if you
wanted to, because now you you know, zero point one
finger three pointed back at you at this.
Speaker 5 (40:08):
Point, right right?
Speaker 3 (40:11):
And then is your grandfather still alive?
Speaker 4 (40:14):
My grandfather? Yeah, yeah, he's still alive. And that's who
she's protecting too, her father, her parents.
Speaker 5 (40:20):
Right.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
Do you think it's still going on to this day.
Speaker 5 (40:28):
I think she has a weird love for my grandfather.
My mom love my mom had you.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
Know, incess relationships with my grandfather for a while that
I feel like me, okay, so me, my mom and
my sister, and I'm just gonna say my sister's husband too,
because he was he was a part of the face time.
Speaker 5 (40:46):
We were all on face time and.
Speaker 4 (40:50):
We were just going to talk about everything that happened,
and she just started to her and my sister really
have a right. They really never really got along, so
they just going at it. So normally every time they
go at it, I'm more quiet. I'm just kind of
breaking them up. So on FaceTime, I'm like quiet, I'm
just like, hey, you know, y'all chill out.
Speaker 5 (41:12):
And my mom like, that's.
Speaker 4 (41:13):
My dad, that's my daddy, that's mine and he got
money and it's plenty more of that where that came from.
And I mean she's talking like she's talking to somebody
about her men, like what do you mean that's your daddy?
And because I guess my sister, my grandfather had loned
my sister some money, and she's.
Speaker 5 (41:29):
Like, give my daddy's money back. It's plenty more where
that came from. And we got this and that's my dad,
not yours, And I'm.
Speaker 4 (41:37):
Like, what the hell is wrong with So now I'm
really quiet because I'm evaluating my mama at this point,
like what the fuck is over there wrong with you?
Speaker 3 (41:44):
Right?
Speaker 4 (41:45):
And then she just really they just started cussing each
other out, and my sister's crying because at this point,
I am hurt because I know that my.
Speaker 5 (41:54):
Mom don't got no love for my sister.
Speaker 4 (41:58):
The where she's coming at her no love there, and
I think there's no love there, not because she don't
love I think my mom love her grandkids.
Speaker 5 (42:06):
I do think that.
Speaker 4 (42:07):
I think that I think there's some sort of love there,
but I think that she don't love my sister at all.
The way she came to her on that phone and
talking to her like that and not even paying attention
to the focus of the call is everything that's going
on on the recording.
Speaker 5 (42:24):
She also said she was going to.
Speaker 4 (42:26):
Die by die behind whatever, you know, die with those secrets.
She's never going to come out. She's never going to
tell the truth. She's never gonna say it. She's going
to protect her dad, her parents because she's just as
far at fault as they are. Wow.
Speaker 5 (42:40):
So that leaves me standing alone. But God told me,
hell not.
Speaker 3 (42:43):
Now, you're never alone. That's a fact you.
Speaker 4 (42:45):
Are, yes, And then boom, I'm talking to you and I'm.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
Yeah, because God is blessing you with so many big
platforms and the way. That's why I was like, we
got to make this happen because there's so many people
who lives.
Speaker 3 (42:58):
Are you going to change?
Speaker 2 (42:59):
And like, we gotta get this out there more because
the fact that incest is so is the fact that
it is still going on to this day, like right
in our faces. Like it's a really scary but necessary
conversation to have.
Speaker 5 (43:14):
It is.
Speaker 4 (43:15):
And I'm gonna say this to the women in the
world from me being in a situation like this. When
you have children, you cannot date only for you, right.
Speaker 5 (43:27):
Facts you have to date for you and your kids.
Speaker 4 (43:31):
Reason being, if I'm dating someone and red flex come
up and they affect me, they only affect me, right,
these are memories I'll tell my daughter when I'm with
my true king. Right, But when you have kids and
maybe one of his red flex may be pedophilia. And
then now this random person that you're dating is you
(43:53):
know that trauma is not on your children if you're
not paying attention. So you kind of gotta watch for
you have around your kids and you and your kids.
So if you meet him somewhere and then I find place,
keep it moving.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Yeah, So you share that your beasts beginning very early
in your life. Are there certain memories that still stay
with you to this day? And do you find it harder?
Do you find it hard to like revisit because I
can only imagine, like having conversations with myself other platforms,
like it has to be triggering at times, like do
you do.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
Things to prepare for these conversations.
Speaker 4 (44:27):
I'm saying silence in darkness, like I put all the
lights off. I'll I know, I isolate myself, Like that's
what really gives me peace, because I have a lot
going on in my mind, you know, I be you
know this is.
Speaker 5 (44:48):
It has been a lot the last year.
Speaker 4 (44:50):
I'll say, yeah, and so I would just in prayer,
you know, And that's really what I do. And if
I they need some type of counsel, I have a
lot of resources on campus that a lot of professors
that I'm cool with mentors, so I can definitely go
talk to them.
Speaker 5 (45:08):
So that's pretty much what I do. And as far
as these conversations, I don't really prepare.
Speaker 4 (45:12):
Because I feel like it's so raw and so real
for me that it flows out naturally. Right.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
Yeah, right, And I know you're very active at your school.
So what are the professors and stuff say when they
found out about your story or just your your college friends. Yes,
so they were extremely supportive, extremely supportives my girl.
Speaker 3 (45:34):
Yes, the Southern University, not the real TSU. The Tennessee State.
Speaker 4 (45:43):
But they're not supportive. They have shared it with their colleagues.
We've had talked about getting me on KTSU. Yeah, so
it's it's been liberating.
Speaker 5 (45:56):
They've been so supportive my peers.
Speaker 4 (45:58):
Like they've had people on campus have come to me
and say, hey, I would like to come on your channel.
So it's it's gotten me attraction that at school there
like is that that rod that was on that interview? Right?
Speaker 5 (46:10):
Right? But yeah, so supportive.
Speaker 4 (46:13):
I really appreciate them just having my back.
Speaker 5 (46:17):
Honestly.
Speaker 3 (46:18):
Now, how old were you when the abuse started?
Speaker 5 (46:21):
Four?
Speaker 3 (46:21):
It started at four, and now you're thirty. Yes, And
when did the abuse end?
Speaker 5 (46:29):
Middle school? Like six, sixth grade? Seventh grade?
Speaker 4 (46:33):
Oh wow, because he went to the military. Uh, when
I was in seventh grade.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
And at that time, do you think anybody outside of
the family noticed anything or.
Speaker 5 (46:43):
Like absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 4 (46:48):
So this may be a little Tami, but you know,
one of the major things is so he went he
went to camp, came back, and my mom went to
the graduation. Now this is back in the oh, I
don't know, I would say six o seven oh seven.
Speaker 5 (47:10):
I'm gonna say, oh, seven oh eight.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
She gets a camporder and takes it and she's she's
recording the graduation.
Speaker 5 (47:20):
So we didn't go.
Speaker 4 (47:21):
So I'm watching the graduation or whatever, and this is
my first time having anybody around me that had any
type of military experience, so I thought it was actually cool, right,
So I'm watching it or whatever, and.
Speaker 5 (47:39):
There's multiple videos of it.
Speaker 4 (47:41):
So a video pops up of them having sex enchanting
my name. So this is back when, And I just
want to be clear because I don't know. People think
I was just watching my mama tapes. Now, this back
when before we even had iPhones and flip phones and
all that. This is when we still had the rumors
of the kicks and shit. So I didn't really know
(48:02):
how to get back to the original video. And then
we know black mamas know when you've been in touch station.
Speaker 5 (48:09):
So I'm like, I don't want to know. I've seen it.
I watched it.
Speaker 4 (48:11):
If I'm trying to go back to find the graduate
the military graduation. But I tell my grandmother, I said, Granny,
you know, I seen this and it sounded like they
were saying my name, you know. So my aunt is there,
and she said, so she my aunt didn't look surprised,
(48:33):
so she said, I told her, I don't know if
my grandmother talked to her or whatever whatever the case
may be.
Speaker 5 (48:38):
But now I'm looking back.
Speaker 4 (48:40):
Even that, like I was a kid then I was
only eleven, so you know, but even that moment should
have been a CPS moment.
Speaker 5 (48:47):
That should have been a moment.
Speaker 3 (48:51):
Intimate with your nigga.
Speaker 5 (48:53):
Yes, and then.
Speaker 4 (48:56):
Leading to how I even got impregnated, because you know,
when I'm in sixth grade, You're not just coming in
my room and raping me.
Speaker 5 (49:02):
It's not going down like that, right, So I would
always lock my door.
Speaker 4 (49:08):
And one day I woke up and I could blurrily
see them and like it's almost like I was coming
out of like a deep sleep, kind of blurry, but
I saw them leaving out, and my underwear were down,
and there was a substance on me going to my
grandmother again my aunt. I could tell there's some type
of guilt or anger there because she's screaming at my grandmother, like,
(49:28):
you know, saying, like you know she loved you so much,
you need to stop lying. I heard you tell her
the truth, She said, you know what the substance was,
You know what it is she said, and they're giving
her the same things y'all gave to us, which is
chloroform and prepple fall. And that's how I even know
the names of the medication, because she they were arguing
about the medication that day. That that day that you know,
(49:52):
I came in and told her about the substance. So
my aunt told me, when you go home tonight, don't
go to sleep.
Speaker 5 (49:57):
Stay up. They're coming to your room. Stay up. So
that's exactly what I did. I stayed up the.
Speaker 4 (50:03):
On Behold, I came in my room, so I said,
why are y'all coming in my room? Oh, we just
wanted to make sure you were sleeping, okay, sleeping okay like,
So that's when I started to and that's when me
and my mom relationship really weakened because I knew I
couldn't trust her at that point, I knew that I
was totally.
Speaker 5 (50:20):
Not safe with her at all.
Speaker 4 (50:24):
And not long after that, my sister and I'm jumping,
but my sister moved out, I would say, when she
was in the ninth grade and never came back.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
So you m h was he messing with her as well?
Speaker 4 (50:45):
No, My that was my sister had an experience with
a total different man. So my sister went through the
same things I went through, but it was with a
prior boyfriend to her the man she's with now.
Speaker 3 (50:57):
Because your mom was allowing men to come and have
sex with y'all.
Speaker 4 (51:01):
Oh absolutely made my sister like my older sister. She
would make her sit out and watch porn videos and
all kind of stuff. And even then, like even back,
like I will say, I'm.
Speaker 5 (51:18):
The person that tried to fight. Didn't have a lot
of leeway, which was my dad's mother.
Speaker 4 (51:24):
We were taken away from them for seven years, and
my grandmother never trusted my mother with us. I don't
think she really. I think she understood grieving more than
my mother did. And I think that my grandmother because
my grandmother has lost my father at twenty one, but
my uncle, her youngest son, also got hit by a
(51:47):
car the six so she understands grieving. And I think
she tried to help my mom. I know she tried
to help my mom as much as she could. She's
put her in homes, got her cars, you know, pay
for every cheerleading camp, band, camp, school clothes, always has exactly.
But my mom felt like my grandmother was in her
(52:07):
business every time she would speak on you know, who
is this man that you're with and whatever guilty and
so you know, it's just and even things like my
my family would and that's another thing.
Speaker 5 (52:19):
My dad's side and my mom always fought.
Speaker 4 (52:21):
Like my when I was like in second grade, my
mom and my aunt got into a fight, and I knew,
I knew, I knew I was alone all my life.
Speaker 5 (52:31):
I knew something was wrong with my mom and.
Speaker 4 (52:33):
My life because my after my mom and my aunt
was fighting, she said, that's why your brother did. But
I'm thinking in my mind, like isn't that my dad?
So I'm standing there just looking that would that kind
of grew me up like that, that timent at that moment,
because my mom did used to tell me, oh, she
loves my dad and all these things. So when she
said that, it kind of just really made me look
(52:57):
at my mom different so young like that Mimi.
Speaker 5 (53:01):
No, that was just like what the hell? You know?
And maybe it was the other DNA and me.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
Right, I just couldn't imagine, like I think about like
what you said earlier, like like I love my nieces, right,
and I just couldn't imagine allowing something to happen to
any child in my presence, and like you share some
stories about how she will just hold you back while
her husband would take advantage of you, And to me,
I'm just like, what the hell does your father do
(53:26):
to you to break you like that to the point
where you have no soul?
Speaker 5 (53:30):
Yeah, because that's a.
Speaker 2 (53:34):
Different type of evil, Like that's that's it's really fucked up.
Speaker 5 (53:41):
It is the majority of that happening Alba crossing apartments.
Speaker 4 (53:44):
In the spek in Michigan, And that was a horrific
time to me just because like.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
And the fact that you remember everything is so vividly.
Speaker 4 (53:58):
It's so vivid because it was so scary and so
traumatic for me at the time, Like it's something that
would that visual will never leave me. But I never understood,
like I will never understand how mother can hold her
baby's hands down and her feet down and allow him
to beat her or you know, even when I spoke
on I didn't speak on this in my five fight series,
(54:19):
but I spoke on this, and I think it was
the ones in order for an interview, putting the luge
down there, you know, in my bathroom area and telling
me she know it doesn't hurt because she put the
whole bottle. You know, things like that are things that
will never leave me, or even going to the extent,
and I'm just being honest because this is where I'm real.
Speaker 5 (54:41):
Of me pushing my face in his ain'tal area.
Speaker 4 (54:45):
Things like that, you know, those are things that will
never leave me.
Speaker 5 (54:51):
And those are I think memories and just wounds.
Speaker 4 (54:56):
That I think forever changed that relationship before it even
got to blossom and bloom.
Speaker 5 (55:03):
And I think that my mom sees that now.
Speaker 4 (55:06):
I think, yeah, it's way too late, girl, and you
want to it's too late, and you know I have
I understand now that there's mentors, there's other women who
have a similar story that it is farther than I
am that could help me, you know, like coaches. There's
so many other women that have reached out and that's
there for me that I just need guidance at this point.
(55:30):
You know, thank you for bringing me here, and that's why,
that's why I'm still gonna be a child of God
and say I love you forgiving me life, but I
don't respect you as a mother, as a woman, and
we do not see I die.
Speaker 3 (55:45):
Yeah, no, it's a fact.
Speaker 2 (55:46):
Listen, I don't have no relationship with my mother because
of the things that she has done to me. But
I also believe that, you know, mothering can come in
different ways. Doesn't have to come from a person who
gave you birth. So mothering can be from your homegirl,
it can be from an older woman, somebody at school,
like you can get mother. Sometimes you can get mother
from a man, you know what I'm saying. So I
definitely agree with you on that. Another thing that you
(56:08):
mentioned in your story that on top of you being
drug she was still in the drugs from the hospital
she was working at.
Speaker 5 (56:15):
Yes, she was working. She was working in the Northwood.
Speaker 4 (56:24):
And that is a psychiatric hospital and stealing the sedate
of drugs.
Speaker 5 (56:31):
And it was a.
Speaker 4 (56:33):
Coreformis assumptance that you can put like on the cloth.
So that was and I had one of those doors,
like those ninety doors you can get in with a
butter knife. Yeah, so that's how they was getting in
my room and I was already sleep. So then when
you put that under their nose, it puts them in
a deeper sleep. I don't know if you've ever seen
the movie Taken, Yeah, and do you remember.
Speaker 5 (56:54):
She was under the bed.
Speaker 4 (56:56):
They put it that towel over her face and she
woke up in that room.
Speaker 5 (57:00):
That's a real thing.
Speaker 4 (57:01):
And I want people to know that this is when
people what do you think, these directors and these people
who are in the industry, when they make these movies,
they get the ideas from somewhere, you know, we axactly
and so these even if you're at a party, there's
so many college women that can say, Hey, I'm a
(57:21):
survivor of getting a roofie in my drink and not
knowing what happened. You know, So these sex drugs and
date rape drugs, and you know they're real.
Speaker 5 (57:33):
And and and it's.
Speaker 4 (57:35):
And honestly, what this is now called what the turn?
Because what was going on, it's sex trafficking. If I'm
having a baby at twelve in the house, there's people
men raping little girls. This is just a sex callt
sex trafficking situation going on.
Speaker 5 (57:53):
And I think back then.
Speaker 4 (57:56):
People were not looking for it because it sounds so
unheard of. And now that we know that this is
a billion dollar business today in the United States, there
is a girl being taken taken every second.
Speaker 3 (58:10):
Every every second.
Speaker 4 (58:11):
Yes, So I mean, watch your kids make sure when
you know that you watch your kids, that you have
relationships with the teachers and with their coaches, because it matters.
Speaker 2 (58:23):
This concludes part one of this week's episode, Who Child.
I know y'all are going to be emailing me and
dming me and texting me, so please let me know
what you think about this week's episode. I am definitely
looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Part two will be
dropping next week, same time, same place, and until next time, everyone, take.
Speaker 3 (58:45):
Care of yourself later.
Speaker 2 (58:53):
Pretty Private is a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
Speaker 3 (58:57):
For more podcasts from.
Speaker 2 (58:58):
iHeartRadio, this is the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe
and rate the show, and you can connect with me
on social media at Pretty Private Podcasts
Host
Eboné Almon
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