December 24, 2021 • 22 mins
It's been another crazy year. So time for another holiday episode on gift giving. I'm joined by Dr. Mary Eberhardinger who adapted her award winning PhD dissertation into a book about the rhetoric and philosophy of gifts. This conversation is holiday casual so grab a drink and get ready for the airing of grievances.
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A Rhetoric and Philosophy of Gifts
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Prodigy is the production of I Heart Radio. Happy Holidays Everyone.
I decided to put together an episode that goes a
bit later on the academia, a bit heavier on the alcohol,
and gets into the real reason for the season, presents.
Many Christmas. Ago, I went to buy a doll for
(00:21):
my son. I reached for the last one I had,
but so did another match. As I rained blows upon him,
I realized that had to be another way out of that.
All holiday was born a Festivus for the rest of us.
(00:41):
I'm joined by Dr Mary eber Hardinger for an episode
on gift giving. Mary and I had mutual friends in
high school and went to the same university. She went
on to get her PhD in rhetoric with the focus
in philosophy of communication. Her thesis won the Distinguished Dissertation
Award at Duquesne University, so she adapted it into a book.
(01:02):
There's a link and off promo code in the show notes.
The book is dense with intellectual information, but we decided
to keep this conversation more casual. So put on your
stretchy pants, grab a glass of wine, and get ready
for the airing of grievances. Festivals begins with the airing
(01:25):
of grievances. I got a lot of problems with your people.
You're gonna hear about it. We're both from Charlotte, and
I'm going back next week, but you are not. Yeah no,
I mean my Filmily is going to Ashville anyway. But
(01:46):
I was gonna ask you, what is the real meaning
for the season, connecting with yourself, with with with people,
pets included. I grew up in UM Christian Catholic or
ented family UM from Baltimore. We moved to Charlotte in
the nineties and gifts were a big deal. We're a
(02:08):
big part of our traditions. And it's funny. I have
a little brother. He's two years younger than me. I'm
thirty five. He has a fifteen year old You know,
I watched her grow up and she observed our traditions.
Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the people are giving and
wrapping and doing this exchange. On Christmas Morning, she would
(02:29):
take knickknacks off the shelf and she's fine and take
newspaper and wrap them up and and she would give
a knickknack to each my family members on Christmas Morning.
It's just literally knickknacks around our house, and she just
wanted to participate in the way she could. It's what
we observe as small children and the manner in the
(02:52):
way of giving, and so it was a really sweet
thing she used to do. Then we grow up though, right, yeah, yeah,
then we grow up. That's actually what I was going
to go into is like what your philosophy on gifts
giving is now, because you know, when your family gets large,
it's like, oh, I'm gonna go out and like buy
like forty gifts through people. And so we sort of
took on the philosophy at some point like we'll just
(03:13):
give to the kids and you know, and I like
that one because the kids are the ones who I
feel like enjoy it the most. Anyway. So I think
this year I might have to give people gifts of
a donation to the Human Fund. Um, it's just a
much better cause. A donation has been made in your
name to the Human Fund? What is that? The Human Fund?
(03:34):
Money for people? So I have a step grandmother and
sometimes we're all kind of there at the grandparents house
and there's a silent just nonspoken. I will say, competition
over who can make Grandma cry first with the enormity
and wonder of the gift, Like who has the best gift?
(03:56):
Is gonna make grandma cry first? And one year of
my my aunts, who who got her Pavarotti tickets? She
won game over that year was was opera tickets and
just no one could compete with that. Oh man, I'd
be like, Grandma, I love you so much, but I
can't afford a gift, and so I made you this.
(04:18):
So the tears were a signal of validating the thoughtfulness
and the greatness of the gift, and that happens. If
you can like evoke tears, then are you doing like
the best job in the room. I don't know, how
do you feel about that? Or you've ever witnessed someone
cry over a gift? Well, kids, for sure, they're like
(04:41):
I said Drago, But I would ask have you ever regifted? Yes? Guilty, guilty?
And yes I wrote a book on gift, but it
doesn't mean I adhere to ethical standards of the real
gift isn't re gifting the most efficient thing really, you know,
(05:03):
because the person gets the pleasure from giving it to you,
and then you get to give it somebody else. The pleasure. Yeah, yeah,
it's really I mean, is it a funner thing to
give or to receive? And hey, if you're not satisfied,
I think you have the right to do what you
please with it. And re gifting is is a modern
(05:25):
option that a lot of us do. So giving is
way more pleasurable than receiving, right, I would think so.
At the same time, doesn't it feel good too to
also receive. That's a vulnerable position to receive. No, well,
especially because like in my family, like we got the
whole will get kids things, and then people will buy
(05:47):
me stuff and give me a gift and I'm like,
damn it, I thought we weren't doing that. And um,
when you have a family member or whatever, and you
like you buy them something you know, you know they
really like, and you wrap it and stuff you're gonna
seem open. I mean to me that it's like just
way more of a process than just like receiving a gift,
you know it is. Do you have a favorite gift
or least favorite gift that you ever received, maybe as
(06:10):
a kid or you know, as an adult. Yeah. Absolutely.
One year from my birthday, I received a half dead
house plant um or you can call it half alive.
It sits on your desk and I don't know how
long the plant was on her area before it was
decided to be handed over to me. That I did
(06:32):
my best with it. And but it's okay. It's a thought,
it's a gesture, and I was thought of and that
is what's important. Maybe they just wanted to get rid
of it. Yeah, it was like sitting on their shelves. Yeah,
I can clean out a bunch of junk I need
to get rid of, just like wrapping it. One of
the best gifts I ever received was a Japanese chin
female puppy, but it came in a close tie with
(06:55):
a Japanese rice cooker, a Japanese what puppy. I have
two Japanese chin dogs, one male, one female, and one
year downstairs. They want to be with me right now.
I'm looking it up. This pretty change my life. M hmm.
That's a fancy looking dog. They're not cheap and um,
(07:20):
it's like a piece of Japan because I lived there
for a few years and I really wanted a part
of Japan with me at all times. And this is
a perfect companion breed. It's kind of they're kind of
like cats. So someone for my birthday gave me the dog.
That's a risky gift right there. Yeah, like giving someone
(07:43):
a puppy, you know, is responsibility, right It's it's a
bit of a burden, But that's awesome. Well, yeah, some
gifts can be burdened some like the gift of a horse.
You have to take care of it. There's going to
be vet bills. Um, it's expensive, but it is given
in the gesture of a gift. So that was one
(08:05):
of the best things I've ever received. But again, it
came in a close tie with a Japanese rice cooker,
which it cooks perfect rice that tastes almost like pasta,
and it goes well with any any dish. You have
highly recommend Japanese technology rice cooker. Editing this episode and
(08:30):
this bit just made me laugh. The gift of her dog,
it came in a close tie with a rice cooker.
She seemed so passionate about this Japanese rice cooker that
I looked him up and the reviews are phenomenal, but
they're not cheap. Regular rice cookers are around thirty dollars
on Amazon, while the Japanese ones range from two to
(08:56):
do you remember when Um the Japanese the Prime Minister
gave Putin the puppy and he was like holding it
by the scruff of the neck, and Putin's like, I
guess like he's a notorious like dog person, which is
weird because he totally seems like um sociopath to be
able to do all the like Russian spy stuff that
he does. But I know, what's the tradition in Japan
(09:17):
for Christmas? Uh and like gifts and stuff. A lot
of my inspiration for for writing the book and the dissertation,
which is really the same thing, was living in Japan
and noticing the gift giving practices and traditions that they do,
and it's very much used as a way to diffuse
(09:39):
relationships forge new friendships. It's just a huge nonverbal gesture.
So they're considered a high context culture, which means that
they rely on nonwords more than the literal nous of words.
So if you compare it to the US, we are
considered a low context culture, which means that we rely
(10:04):
on the kind of the verbosity the literal verbal words
or written words to to understand a point. But with
with Japan, they are observing body language, the context, the environment,
how people feel. Gift is one of these objects that
(10:24):
that that communicates things that words can't communicate. So gifts
are given in the beginning of business relationships. If you
start a new job, you give a gift to your boss,
to the second person in power, to maybe something very
small to like the whole staff. But the key is
not leaving people out. That sounds so stressful, Holy crap. Yes, yes, yes,
(10:48):
there's pressure to to have something to give to sometimes
the whole staff room. So it's got to be small,
usually edible, something from your hometown. Yeah, even if you
like on the weekend, if you if you're fortunate enough
to go to the beach, maybe you go to Okinawa,
which is like the Hawaii of Japan for for a weekend.
(11:09):
But then you come back to the workplace. People would
often have a small like piece of candy or something
sweet from the beach, and it's just kind of anonymously
placed on each person's desk, and it's a sign. I
will say, off collectivism and let's think of the group.
(11:30):
And we were like, you know, someone was lucky enough
to take a trip to the beach over the weekend,
we we better share just a small piece of what
we experienced with everybody. That's the number one place that
I want to travel to because I love sushi, I
love ramen, and I mean, I'm sure the culture is amazing,
it's beautiful, I'm sure, but I want to get the
(11:53):
sushi that's fresh right out of the ocean, and um
all the ramen. It's really good. So one, my dog's
just entered. Okay, that's fine. My dog's in here too.
Do you guys have any like food traditions? I mean,
like food is seems to be such a big part
of like the holiday tradition, Like do you guys do
You're welcome to grab the dog and hold hold the
dog up and bring it into the podcast. We will
(12:16):
have to put a picture of this dog in the show.
Notes me, Okay, oh, this is oh man, that's cute. Okay,
that's pretty cute. Here he's going to be here. That's
why you k I. Oh, that is a cool name.
(12:38):
Actually it means snow. Okay, cool, that's a sweet name.
It's fun to say, thank you. So yeah, the food
the food thing. Do you guys have any like food traditions.
He's got a little mohawk, I'm sorry. Come back to
the dog. And they I see a bunch of them
with the little mohawk, like they got the white stripe
on the top and then black on the side. That's weird.
(13:00):
It's like part of their breech rate. It's like a skunk.
But but like some people have criticized him and said
that he looks like something called predator. That that kind
of was rude, rude things say to me. His next boyfriend,
he was an ext boyfriend. He was jealous over over
(13:21):
this little one. He's like, your dog looks like Predator.
I'm like, bye, yeah, right, oh my goodness. That would
be the quickest way for yeah, for me to end
a relationship would be to insult my dog. What if
a girl came in your home and made fun of
(13:42):
your dog. Well, they always say like they say like, oh,
she has a lazy eye, And I'm like, it's not lazy,
it's just tired, right right, just shut up. Well, hmm,
I love dogs. But we'll put a picture of you, key.
And what's your other dog's name? So her name is Suki? Okay,
(14:02):
and oh my goodness, you got the other one too, Oh,
Oh my goodness, Yuki And Suki their lovers. This one
was the okay, yeah, yeah, she's a little chunky. It's
just a little chunky, like in a good way. Yeah.
So do you guys have any food traditions like Christmas?
(14:23):
These days my mom goes to Costco, gets a hand,
does it easy for herself. It's efficient, yeah, efficient growing
up with, like I will say, Polish German Esque tradition.
You know, some sour kraw some some Polish sausage. Um.
These days, it's just people are kind of getting tired
(14:44):
and they just want to get it done. But not
nothing too crazy. I don't come from like a Ukrainian
family or something. Oh, we're Italian, so I would do
the dinner of the Seven Fishes where there has to be.
In fact, my dad shared a Google dog the other
day with to like count up the different fishes that
we would have. The Feast of the Seven Fishes is
(15:09):
an Italian American tradition where on Christmas Eve you eat
at least seven different types of seafood. There's an origin
to it that I won't get into, but some of
the most commonly used dishes or things like okma salad, smelts,
stuff called Marie lobster and salted cod. That's nowadays. You know,
there's so many like little nieces and nephews running around
trying to like pook me and stuff. And you know,
(15:31):
when I bring my dog, she don't like kids, so
she keeps them away from me, which is nice. But
you can't bring your dog, well, no, I do, and
the kids just can't come near me when she's around
because she hates kids. I don't know what it is,
but she's just like, no, you get to a certain age,
you're cool, but like blow that age, No, not happening.
She's a special she's special. She has her preferences. One
(15:55):
thing I did want to ask about was, which I
found really interesting, was like, what your thoughts on gifts
as soft power. I had a landlord when I was younger,
who I was like, I know, it sounds weird. I
was going to do a website for him for like
his building company or something, and we're having a dinner
and he was talking about how he used gifts to
get leverage over people, and I was like left the
(16:16):
meeting being like wow, this this this guy is crazy.
Um he seems like very very narcissistic, like to be
thinking it out like that. But I mean, like, you
know what, I'm tempted to do stuff like that, like, oh,
I wonderfully if I get my boss this gift, like
it will, But then I'm also like I could create
this like weird sort of a balanced situation, and um,
I was just curious, like what you found them with
(16:38):
your research about it. The person who has the giving
hand is the hand and power. So Japan once gave
Vladimir Putin the gift of a dog. It was an
Akita dog, and he loved it. For the first time
in a long time. The Japanese people saw Vladimir Putin
(16:59):
smile and they were pleased, and they thought that, okay,
he's receiving our gift. There should be smooth kind of
negotiation waters ahead. This is going to be good for
us in the years to come. So like years later,
Japan actually attempted again to give another gift to Putin,
another dog, and this time around Putin rejected the gift.
(17:24):
He said, no, I'll take it, I know, and like
something about like Putin was afraid that the dogs would
like reproduce or like had like a listening to vice.
He basically said no to the gift. So you only
got the one niece, So that means she probably gets
a bunch of stuff and a bunch of good stuff.
What she what she asked for this year? She doesn't
(17:47):
ask specifically, but I got I bought her a massage gun,
like something that the automatically massage is your body. Oh,
my dad likes that stuff too. Yeah, the d he's
the worst gift receiver of all time. But we'll talk
about receiver, right, there's an art to the receiving. It's
too too handling and right acknowledging and thinking, Yeah, so
(18:13):
I'm curious what your dad done? Is your dad from Italy? Uh?
Not directly, you know, because he's a second second or
third second generation. Well, if he ever asks for anything,
which he rarely does, don't get me to anything, don't
get me anything, like what do you want? And then
it's like always something like a really expensive it's saying
people just get him like whatever, and then you can
just tell you just tell you don't really like it,
(18:35):
and then you know, of course he brings it back.
So my dad's like the kind of guy. He loves
Costco and he'll go and he'll buy something and then
you know, like nine times out of ten he'll return it.
And I like to joke that he's just like rents
stuff from Costco. They got like a picture of him
up on there. He's like on the most wanted listing. Yes, yeah,
(18:57):
he's like he likes to brag about how long after
the return policy he can return it. Oh, he's a
nice guy. But second generation is pretty close to you're
keeping some of those I don't know tendencies. And yeah,
my mom and dad both speak it supposed speak Italian.
How about you. No, I'm like Brad Pitt and glorious bastards.
(19:25):
Um get your tree up? Is that a real tree
or a fake tree? Absolutely fake? Do you have a tree? Sorry?
I don't have a tree. And you know, people might
get mad at me. But I did like this frasier
for candle Um in celebration, But uh, I don't know.
(19:45):
I do like it, like the tree and the lights
and stuff. It just feels, you know, like warm and
cozy and homie. But you know, I feel like a
good maybe takeaway for this year is with all the
stuff that's been going on, and you know, all the
shipping delays and all that stuff, it's like, maybe just
don't feel bad if you don't give someone any gifts,
like give them the gift of compliment or something, or
(20:06):
maybe you know, maybe alcohol or something like that, some cookies. Um,
but yeah, you know it's nice to be able to
like spend time with your family, you know, in a
responsible way. Um, we don't get to see them so
much anymore. But you're not going to Asheville right this year.
It's a story. Man. We don't have to we don't
have to talk about No. No, it's really fine. It's
just so it probably makes me look bad. My sister
(20:29):
has like a new baby, and so my parents were
the very first time ever, we're like, oh, we'll pay
for ender to get my dog to get like pet
sitting at here. And I was like, no, she's coming
with me because she's like she's like my emotional sport dog, right,
and so I wanted her and and she's like, oh,
we'll pay for er to get pet sitting in Asheville.
I'm like, no, just be with me at all times.
(20:50):
And so there were working and so to sort of
teach them a lesson to not do that, I was like,
we don't want maybe I'll just stay at home. But also,
you know, I kind of want to stay at home,
but I might go up Christmas Eve. Who knows. It's
not too far. It's just like three hours. I get it.
I get it. Yeah. Who would be interested in your book?
(21:10):
Because it does read quite academic, you know, it's really intelligent.
Who would be the type of people whould be interested
in it? People who are interested in Okay, public diplomacy,
soft power, japan philosophy, communication. I mean like it's very philosophical.
The book, it's all about giving something Thanks to Dr
(21:36):
Mary eber Hardinger. You can find a link to her
book with a thirty off promo code and her socials
in the show notes. But you gotta move quick because
the promo code will expire. Next episode is on the
Dark Forest, an unidentified aerial phenomena. I've been working on
this one for a long time and I'm really excited
that it's about to come out. Anyway, I gotta go
(21:57):
prepare for the Feats of Strength. Have a wonderful holiday,
and now it is festive Us rolls on, we come
to the Fates of Strength. Fill you'll pity George. Fest
of Us is not all one. Some of the stuff
this Let's run bow very special thanks to Gianna for
(22:19):
voicing the intro. Even though Ender is still suspicious of her,
She's the only person I actually got a gift for
this Christmas. Prodigy is the production of I Heart Radio.
For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the I
heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Prodigy is the production of I Heart Radio. Happy Holidays Everyone.
I decided to put together an episode that goes a
bit later on the academia, a bit heavier on the alcohol,
and gets into the real reason for the season, presents.
Many Christmas. Ago, I went to buy a doll for
(00:21):
my son. I reached for the last one I had,
but so did another match. As I rained blows upon him,
I realized that had to be another way out of that.
All holiday was born a Festivus for the rest of us.
(00:41):
I'm joined by Dr Mary eber Hardinger for an episode
on gift giving. Mary and I had mutual friends in
high school and went to the same university. She went
on to get her PhD in rhetoric with the focus
in philosophy of communication. Her thesis won the Distinguished Dissertation
Award at Duquesne University, so she adapted it into a book.
(01:02):
There's a link and off promo code in the show notes.
The book is dense with intellectual information, but we decided
to keep this conversation more casual. So put on your
stretchy pants, grab a glass of wine, and get ready
for the airing of grievances. Festivals begins with the airing
(01:25):
of grievances. I got a lot of problems with your people.
You're gonna hear about it. We're both from Charlotte, and
I'm going back next week, but you are not. Yeah no,
I mean my Filmily is going to Ashville anyway. But
(01:46):
I was gonna ask you, what is the real meaning
for the season, connecting with yourself, with with with people,
pets included. I grew up in UM Christian Catholic or
ented family UM from Baltimore. We moved to Charlotte in
the nineties and gifts were a big deal. We're a
(02:08):
big part of our traditions. And it's funny. I have
a little brother. He's two years younger than me. I'm
thirty five. He has a fifteen year old You know,
I watched her grow up and she observed our traditions.
Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the people are giving and
wrapping and doing this exchange. On Christmas Morning, she would
(02:29):
take knickknacks off the shelf and she's fine and take
newspaper and wrap them up and and she would give
a knickknack to each my family members on Christmas Morning.
It's just literally knickknacks around our house, and she just
wanted to participate in the way she could. It's what
we observe as small children and the manner in the
(02:52):
way of giving, and so it was a really sweet
thing she used to do. Then we grow up though, right, yeah, yeah,
then we grow up. That's actually what I was going
to go into is like what your philosophy on gifts
giving is now, because you know, when your family gets large,
it's like, oh, I'm gonna go out and like buy
like forty gifts through people. And so we sort of
took on the philosophy at some point like we'll just
(03:13):
give to the kids and you know, and I like
that one because the kids are the ones who I
feel like enjoy it the most. Anyway. So I think
this year I might have to give people gifts of
a donation to the Human Fund. Um, it's just a
much better cause. A donation has been made in your
name to the Human Fund? What is that? The Human Fund?
(03:34):
Money for people? So I have a step grandmother and
sometimes we're all kind of there at the grandparents house
and there's a silent just nonspoken. I will say, competition
over who can make Grandma cry first with the enormity
and wonder of the gift, Like who has the best gift?
(03:56):
Is gonna make grandma cry first? And one year of
my my aunts, who who got her Pavarotti tickets? She
won game over that year was was opera tickets and
just no one could compete with that. Oh man, I'd
be like, Grandma, I love you so much, but I
can't afford a gift, and so I made you this.
(04:18):
So the tears were a signal of validating the thoughtfulness
and the greatness of the gift, and that happens. If
you can like evoke tears, then are you doing like
the best job in the room. I don't know, how
do you feel about that? Or you've ever witnessed someone
cry over a gift? Well, kids, for sure, they're like
(04:41):
I said Drago, But I would ask have you ever regifted? Yes? Guilty, guilty?
And yes I wrote a book on gift, but it
doesn't mean I adhere to ethical standards of the real
gift isn't re gifting the most efficient thing really, you know,
(05:03):
because the person gets the pleasure from giving it to you,
and then you get to give it somebody else. The pleasure. Yeah, yeah,
it's really I mean, is it a funner thing to
give or to receive? And hey, if you're not satisfied,
I think you have the right to do what you
please with it. And re gifting is is a modern
(05:25):
option that a lot of us do. So giving is
way more pleasurable than receiving, right, I would think so.
At the same time, doesn't it feel good too to
also receive. That's a vulnerable position to receive. No, well,
especially because like in my family, like we got the
whole will get kids things, and then people will buy
(05:47):
me stuff and give me a gift and I'm like,
damn it, I thought we weren't doing that. And um,
when you have a family member or whatever, and you
like you buy them something you know, you know they
really like, and you wrap it and stuff you're gonna
seem open. I mean to me that it's like just
way more of a process than just like receiving a gift,
you know it is. Do you have a favorite gift
or least favorite gift that you ever received, maybe as
(06:10):
a kid or you know, as an adult. Yeah. Absolutely.
One year from my birthday, I received a half dead
house plant um or you can call it half alive.
It sits on your desk and I don't know how
long the plant was on her area before it was
decided to be handed over to me. That I did
(06:32):
my best with it. And but it's okay. It's a thought,
it's a gesture, and I was thought of and that
is what's important. Maybe they just wanted to get rid
of it. Yeah, it was like sitting on their shelves. Yeah,
I can clean out a bunch of junk I need
to get rid of, just like wrapping it. One of
the best gifts I ever received was a Japanese chin
female puppy, but it came in a close tie with
(06:55):
a Japanese rice cooker, a Japanese what puppy. I have
two Japanese chin dogs, one male, one female, and one
year downstairs. They want to be with me right now.
I'm looking it up. This pretty change my life. M hmm.
That's a fancy looking dog. They're not cheap and um,
(07:20):
it's like a piece of Japan because I lived there
for a few years and I really wanted a part
of Japan with me at all times. And this is
a perfect companion breed. It's kind of they're kind of
like cats. So someone for my birthday gave me the dog.
That's a risky gift right there. Yeah, like giving someone
(07:43):
a puppy, you know, is responsibility, right It's it's a
bit of a burden, But that's awesome. Well, yeah, some
gifts can be burdened some like the gift of a horse.
You have to take care of it. There's going to
be vet bills. Um, it's expensive, but it is given
in the gesture of a gift. So that was one
(08:05):
of the best things I've ever received. But again, it
came in a close tie with a Japanese rice cooker,
which it cooks perfect rice that tastes almost like pasta,
and it goes well with any any dish. You have
highly recommend Japanese technology rice cooker. Editing this episode and
(08:30):
this bit just made me laugh. The gift of her dog,
it came in a close tie with a rice cooker.
She seemed so passionate about this Japanese rice cooker that
I looked him up and the reviews are phenomenal, but
they're not cheap. Regular rice cookers are around thirty dollars
on Amazon, while the Japanese ones range from two to
(08:56):
do you remember when Um the Japanese the Prime Minister
gave Putin the puppy and he was like holding it
by the scruff of the neck, and Putin's like, I
guess like he's a notorious like dog person, which is
weird because he totally seems like um sociopath to be
able to do all the like Russian spy stuff that
he does. But I know, what's the tradition in Japan
(09:17):
for Christmas? Uh and like gifts and stuff. A lot
of my inspiration for for writing the book and the dissertation,
which is really the same thing, was living in Japan
and noticing the gift giving practices and traditions that they do,
and it's very much used as a way to diffuse
(09:39):
relationships forge new friendships. It's just a huge nonverbal gesture.
So they're considered a high context culture, which means that
they rely on nonwords more than the literal nous of words.
So if you compare it to the US, we are
considered a low context culture, which means that we rely
(10:04):
on the kind of the verbosity the literal verbal words
or written words to to understand a point. But with
with Japan, they are observing body language, the context, the environment,
how people feel. Gift is one of these objects that
(10:24):
that that communicates things that words can't communicate. So gifts
are given in the beginning of business relationships. If you
start a new job, you give a gift to your boss,
to the second person in power, to maybe something very
small to like the whole staff. But the key is
not leaving people out. That sounds so stressful, Holy crap. Yes, yes, yes,
(10:48):
there's pressure to to have something to give to sometimes
the whole staff room. So it's got to be small,
usually edible, something from your hometown. Yeah, even if you
like on the weekend, if you if you're fortunate enough
to go to the beach, maybe you go to Okinawa,
which is like the Hawaii of Japan for for a weekend.
(11:09):
But then you come back to the workplace. People would
often have a small like piece of candy or something
sweet from the beach, and it's just kind of anonymously
placed on each person's desk, and it's a sign. I
will say, off collectivism and let's think of the group.
(11:30):
And we were like, you know, someone was lucky enough
to take a trip to the beach over the weekend,
we we better share just a small piece of what
we experienced with everybody. That's the number one place that
I want to travel to because I love sushi, I
love ramen, and I mean, I'm sure the culture is amazing,
it's beautiful, I'm sure, but I want to get the
(11:53):
sushi that's fresh right out of the ocean, and um
all the ramen. It's really good. So one, my dog's
just entered. Okay, that's fine. My dog's in here too.
Do you guys have any like food traditions? I mean,
like food is seems to be such a big part
of like the holiday tradition, Like do you guys do
You're welcome to grab the dog and hold hold the
dog up and bring it into the podcast. We will
(12:16):
have to put a picture of this dog in the show.
Notes me, Okay, oh, this is oh man, that's cute. Okay,
that's pretty cute. Here he's going to be here. That's
why you k I. Oh, that is a cool name.
(12:38):
Actually it means snow. Okay, cool, that's a sweet name.
It's fun to say, thank you. So yeah, the food
the food thing. Do you guys have any like food traditions.
He's got a little mohawk, I'm sorry. Come back to
the dog. And they I see a bunch of them
with the little mohawk, like they got the white stripe
on the top and then black on the side. That's weird.
(13:00):
It's like part of their breech rate. It's like a skunk.
But but like some people have criticized him and said
that he looks like something called predator. That that kind
of was rude, rude things say to me. His next boyfriend,
he was an ext boyfriend. He was jealous over over
(13:21):
this little one. He's like, your dog looks like Predator.
I'm like, bye, yeah, right, oh my goodness. That would
be the quickest way for yeah, for me to end
a relationship would be to insult my dog. What if
a girl came in your home and made fun of
(13:42):
your dog. Well, they always say like they say like, oh,
she has a lazy eye, And I'm like, it's not lazy,
it's just tired, right right, just shut up. Well, hmm,
I love dogs. But we'll put a picture of you, key.
And what's your other dog's name? So her name is Suki? Okay,
(14:02):
and oh my goodness, you got the other one too, Oh,
Oh my goodness, Yuki And Suki their lovers. This one
was the okay, yeah, yeah, she's a little chunky. It's
just a little chunky, like in a good way. Yeah.
So do you guys have any food traditions like Christmas?
(14:23):
These days my mom goes to Costco, gets a hand,
does it easy for herself. It's efficient, yeah, efficient growing
up with, like I will say, Polish German Esque tradition.
You know, some sour kraw some some Polish sausage. Um.
These days, it's just people are kind of getting tired
(14:44):
and they just want to get it done. But not
nothing too crazy. I don't come from like a Ukrainian
family or something. Oh, we're Italian, so I would do
the dinner of the Seven Fishes where there has to be.
In fact, my dad shared a Google dog the other
day with to like count up the different fishes that
we would have. The Feast of the Seven Fishes is
(15:09):
an Italian American tradition where on Christmas Eve you eat
at least seven different types of seafood. There's an origin
to it that I won't get into, but some of
the most commonly used dishes or things like okma salad, smelts,
stuff called Marie lobster and salted cod. That's nowadays. You know,
there's so many like little nieces and nephews running around
trying to like pook me and stuff. And you know,
(15:31):
when I bring my dog, she don't like kids, so
she keeps them away from me, which is nice. But
you can't bring your dog, well, no, I do, and
the kids just can't come near me when she's around
because she hates kids. I don't know what it is,
but she's just like, no, you get to a certain age,
you're cool, but like blow that age, No, not happening.
She's a special she's special. She has her preferences. One
(15:55):
thing I did want to ask about was, which I
found really interesting, was like, what your thoughts on gifts
as soft power. I had a landlord when I was younger,
who I was like, I know, it sounds weird. I
was going to do a website for him for like
his building company or something, and we're having a dinner
and he was talking about how he used gifts to
get leverage over people, and I was like left the
(16:16):
meeting being like wow, this this this guy is crazy.
Um he seems like very very narcissistic, like to be
thinking it out like that. But I mean, like, you
know what, I'm tempted to do stuff like that, like, oh,
I wonderfully if I get my boss this gift, like
it will, But then I'm also like I could create
this like weird sort of a balanced situation, and um,
I was just curious, like what you found them with
(16:38):
your research about it. The person who has the giving
hand is the hand and power. So Japan once gave
Vladimir Putin the gift of a dog. It was an
Akita dog, and he loved it. For the first time
in a long time. The Japanese people saw Vladimir Putin
(16:59):
smile and they were pleased, and they thought that, okay,
he's receiving our gift. There should be smooth kind of
negotiation waters ahead. This is going to be good for
us in the years to come. So like years later,
Japan actually attempted again to give another gift to Putin,
another dog, and this time around Putin rejected the gift.
(17:24):
He said, no, I'll take it, I know, and like
something about like Putin was afraid that the dogs would
like reproduce or like had like a listening to vice.
He basically said no to the gift. So you only
got the one niece, So that means she probably gets
a bunch of stuff and a bunch of good stuff.
What she what she asked for this year? She doesn't
(17:47):
ask specifically, but I got I bought her a massage gun,
like something that the automatically massage is your body. Oh,
my dad likes that stuff too. Yeah, the d he's
the worst gift receiver of all time. But we'll talk
about receiver, right, there's an art to the receiving. It's
too too handling and right acknowledging and thinking, Yeah, so
(18:13):
I'm curious what your dad done? Is your dad from Italy? Uh?
Not directly, you know, because he's a second second or
third second generation. Well, if he ever asks for anything,
which he rarely does, don't get me to anything, don't
get me anything, like what do you want? And then
it's like always something like a really expensive it's saying
people just get him like whatever, and then you can
just tell you just tell you don't really like it,
(18:35):
and then you know, of course he brings it back.
So my dad's like the kind of guy. He loves
Costco and he'll go and he'll buy something and then
you know, like nine times out of ten he'll return it.
And I like to joke that he's just like rents
stuff from Costco. They got like a picture of him
up on there. He's like on the most wanted listing. Yes, yeah,
(18:57):
he's like he likes to brag about how long after
the return policy he can return it. Oh, he's a
nice guy. But second generation is pretty close to you're
keeping some of those I don't know tendencies. And yeah,
my mom and dad both speak it supposed speak Italian.
How about you. No, I'm like Brad Pitt and glorious bastards.
(19:25):
Um get your tree up? Is that a real tree
or a fake tree? Absolutely fake? Do you have a tree? Sorry?
I don't have a tree. And you know, people might
get mad at me. But I did like this frasier
for candle Um in celebration, But uh, I don't know.
(19:45):
I do like it, like the tree and the lights
and stuff. It just feels, you know, like warm and
cozy and homie. But you know, I feel like a
good maybe takeaway for this year is with all the
stuff that's been going on, and you know, all the
shipping delays and all that stuff, it's like, maybe just
don't feel bad if you don't give someone any gifts,
like give them the gift of compliment or something, or
(20:06):
maybe you know, maybe alcohol or something like that, some cookies. Um,
but yeah, you know it's nice to be able to
like spend time with your family, you know, in a
responsible way. Um, we don't get to see them so
much anymore. But you're not going to Asheville right this year.
It's a story. Man. We don't have to we don't
have to talk about No. No, it's really fine. It's
just so it probably makes me look bad. My sister
(20:29):
has like a new baby, and so my parents were
the very first time ever, we're like, oh, we'll pay
for ender to get my dog to get like pet
sitting at here. And I was like, no, she's coming
with me because she's like she's like my emotional sport dog, right,
and so I wanted her and and she's like, oh,
we'll pay for er to get pet sitting in Asheville.
I'm like, no, just be with me at all times.
(20:50):
And so there were working and so to sort of
teach them a lesson to not do that, I was like,
we don't want maybe I'll just stay at home. But also,
you know, I kind of want to stay at home,
but I might go up Christmas Eve. Who knows. It's
not too far. It's just like three hours. I get it.
I get it. Yeah. Who would be interested in your book?
(21:10):
Because it does read quite academic, you know, it's really intelligent.
Who would be the type of people whould be interested
in it? People who are interested in Okay, public diplomacy,
soft power, japan philosophy, communication. I mean like it's very philosophical.
The book, it's all about giving something Thanks to Dr
(21:36):
Mary eber Hardinger. You can find a link to her
book with a thirty off promo code and her socials
in the show notes. But you gotta move quick because
the promo code will expire. Next episode is on the
Dark Forest, an unidentified aerial phenomena. I've been working on
this one for a long time and I'm really excited
that it's about to come out. Anyway, I gotta go
(21:57):
prepare for the Feats of Strength. Have a wonderful holiday,
and now it is festive Us rolls on, we come
to the Fates of Strength. Fill you'll pity George. Fest
of Us is not all one. Some of the stuff
this Let's run bow very special thanks to Gianna for
(22:19):
voicing the intro. Even though Ender is still suspicious of her,
She's the only person I actually got a gift for
this Christmas. Prodigy is the production of I Heart Radio.
For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the I
heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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