September 13, 2021 • 33 mins
Starting a new relationship can be rough, regardless of whether it's a love interest or a new friend! So what do you talk about? Your deepest thoughts or the weather? Hear what the lads have to say on this weeks episode of Prompt Us!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Prompt Us is a production of I Heart Radio. Lead
us off Gabriel Raphael Condo. That one was for free.
I just glorious intro. You're like, yeah, you're welcome everybody.
Because of course Zach left that in. It was too
(00:21):
beautiful to not cut out. So I love that that
was the same exacts, like we'll talk about it. That
was the same audio. That was the audio saying there
would normally do a clap. The burp was the audio.
Oh my god. I love how we can talk about
like investing and we can talk about like self help
looking off to yourself. But like that's how we saw
(00:43):
a podcast. I also love that we pressed record before
deciding on the prompt for this episode. Listen, it's all
in the moment, it's we'll just what's happening now. So
welcome back to the Promptu podcast. Everybody. My name is Gabriel,
and I'm ready to grow you guys and learn with
you guys today. And I'm here joined with my other
(01:04):
co hosts, Chad and Zach. Boys, how are we doing.
We're doing well. Thank you for asking. Gabe. You're welcome.
Thank you. How about you, Zach? I'm doing good, Okay, everyone,
Zach real quick. If you're watching on YouTube, you can
see this a lot better. But he basically just like,
I'm good. She just his head went up and laughed,
(01:27):
and then he came right back down. You know what
I heard about something you just said about laughing at
your own jokes. I saw this thing where it's just like, dang,
I laugh at all my jokes. I am my target market,
like I am my audience. I am my demographic. I
am my demographic. That's so funny. I am rolling deep
(01:47):
in the demographic right now. So one second, my boys,
while Zack is going to check on that, we just
want to encourage you go over to prompt this podcast
dot com where you can submit your prompts, because yeah,
we've gotten like hundreds and hundreds of these things while
we were on that. How long was the break, It
was like a few weeks. I think a few week.
We got like six hundred prompts in there, and so
(02:09):
we just first off, we thank you for submitting them.
Thank you for being loyal and just sending in the
prompts to appreciate it. Thanks for being lawyer and sending
in the prompts lawyer loyal. I've sounded in Australian. We yeah,
there we go. So go to prompt ust podcast dot
com to submit your prompts. You can send an audio
one and if you happen to plug yourself, we won't
be mad. I think it's kind of funny. You won't
(02:31):
be mad if you shout out your Instagram handle. Yeah,
but just keep in mind if you shout yourself out,
people may go try to find you, and that could
be good or bad, and they might roast you in
the comments every week. So can you can you imagine
if someone's like, hey, I'm a six foot one bro
who just loves to live, loves to live, laugh and
(02:54):
love my My Instagram is this? Can you do a
topic of how to find the one? And then all
these girls, gosh, all these girls are gonna go find
this thing. Gosh, dude, It's like I'm actually like a
part time model and I love goodness? All right, Zach
attack Zach is back? Is she hanging out with these
(03:18):
Scotty Scotty is up here? She's my dog. Scott's gonna
be ice. So if you hear any like glass breaking,
it's just the ice, that's okay. And she's joining us
for this podcast. She's joining us. She's pretty chilled though.
She was letting me know that my new camera was here,
which if you listen to the last podcast we hack, yes,
we do, just change our shirts from between recording. Yeah, well, dude,
(03:41):
we should film this podcast in dude R podcast. Okay, honestly,
if we were all together, I would be doing that. No, no,
that was already a thing that remember we talked about
this ages ago that we sit around a table one
it's four seats. One of the seats has a three
sixty camera on it, and then you go to VR
(04:02):
headset on and have a conversation together and like a VR.
That would be so sick, dude, that would be imagine
hiring out a coffee shop. So like just like using
a coffee shop for the morning and doing that. So
it felt like you're in Wow. So Zach already plugged
to go to the website and cement a prompt. Heck,
d so do you know what prompt we're actually doing
(04:23):
this episode? Now? What what prompt do we do? In chad? Okay,
I'll pick the prompt. Today's prompt is a good one,
you all, it is? What is slash isn't appropriate? To
talk about on our first date? Sent in from Bethany
from Ireland and so from Ireland. From Ireland. Oh oh
(04:49):
so what are your talents? I can do a pretty
good Irish accent? Oh yeah, do it alright? What is
or isn't appropriate to say on what was it on
your first date? In your first date? You should totally
talk about your exes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely do that
and talk about all the baggage that you have and
(05:11):
how much money you make, what you have in savings,
probably give them your Social Security and well you don't
have that, so that one's off the table. There. Which
medications you're on? Yeah, Zack, do you have any jee connected?
This is too much for the podcast three minutes. Oh
(05:32):
my god. Podcast. This is just the end, the last
one we do. This is it? But you know what's
Can I actually ask you guys though, because I can't
remember what I talked about with Chelsea on our first
dates because we already knew each other for three years
we had flex But you're welcome. So I just wanted
to know when you guys were dating, what would be
(05:52):
this that you would talk about. Yeah, we're out here,
just out here. Mary, my best friend that was his
honorable dat or impression. This is what you talking about.
Oh my gosh, all right, chat, we need to chill out.
It's getting late here while we're recording this, and we
need to let Zach talk. What were you saying for
(06:14):
three years or for three years? And no, I just
I just want to know, like, what would be the
things when when you guys were pursuing your your wives,
How did your wives when you were pursuing your wives,
what did you what did you talk about? What did
you feel like? Was like, oh, this is the best
thing to chat about with this person, dude, you I
went all day one. I went in like I was like,
(06:39):
this is a girl from Australia. She's in town for
like a little bit. Oh my gosh, my freaking alarming.
I didn't even this time. That's my alarm that literally
says go to bed. When I'm telling you, I'm telling you,
I'm like, this is my bedtime, right. I totally laughed
at a sex joke that was like in the windowed
and he started laughing. Was that why you're laughing, Zack?
(07:04):
Yes you are. Look at him if you're watching YouTube.
It was just like, you know, my first date I
went all, Oh my gosh, we're talking about the conversation.
We need to get Guys were like, so far into
the podcast already we haven't said crap, legit, all right,
I'm going we So Jess and I on our first day,
(07:25):
I was like, Okay, this girl's Australian and she's gone back.
I didn't want to waste time with like hanging out
with this girl for three weeks and then like not
really know you know what I mean. Like I was like, Okay,
I'm gonna I'm gonna see So I went in and
we had like really good conversations and it was like
fun and stuff. But I I actually did talk about
(07:47):
like my last relationship and certain things like that, and
just like kind of like what my view on marriage
was where I saw like dating in my quest for marriage,
I guess you would say, and just kind of like
talk about the things, not like going really deep into
(08:08):
the story with my ex and you know, all like
that sort of stuff, but just kind of putting in
I don't know, like just having the conversation about my
perspective on marriage and what I saw as the way
I would pursue a relationship and not even with her.
It was more like a conversation of like, oh, you know,
(08:31):
how do you like, what is your view on like
dating and like dating towards marriage or whatever, Just like
actually having a conversation about it rather than like, you know,
if we're going to start doing this thing. Because we
were just grabbing lunch, there's no we never had a
conversation about dating ever, So I wasn't going to go
in there and talk about like, you know, so since
we're you know, kind of have the hots for each
(08:51):
other right now, you know, lip bite kind of thing
shout out here with the best pro shop had. Yeah,
you took it, um, but you know what I mean,
Like I just I went in just trying to have
like a good conversation with her to kind of gauge
where her head space was. And it turned out great.
(09:14):
Like she she literally told her mom that she was
going to marry me after our first time hanging up
freaking balling. Prophetic, I said, prophetic, not pathetic by the
way it kind of sounded the other way. Prophetics. Thanks.
I like that because not a lot of people have
the confidence to do that. And I get that, Like,
(09:36):
you know, when Torrey and I we had our First
of all, I thought it was a date. She didn't
think it was a date. But that's you know, you
can go watch the video Society classic, right. Um. But
we we talked about some serious stuff. We talked about
our faith, we talked about things were passionate about, but
we also left room for, like, you know, not very
(09:56):
serious topics. Just that way you can kind of get
to know the person a little bit better. And if
it's cool with you' all, actually have a list of
questions that you could ask somebody on a first date
if you give them the practice stuff just to work
through this bad boy or dot me to pick one
and if you guys want to say anything about it
and then go from there, just dude, work through it,
(10:17):
work through start from top towow. How many points do
you have, and we have to make sure we go
out of order. Dude, I'm so bad at that. So
we got to bring it. Okay, So what do you
think about this question? So what have you been learning lately?
That's a good question. That's a good question because if
they say nothing, you can narrow it. If you know
(10:38):
the person a little better, you can probably narrow it
down with like what's what have you been learning. And
if you know they're like really into photography and they're
getting a photography major, you can like ask them specifically
about that, so it starts like a good conversation. Or
if they're like, like, Chad, you were in seminary? You
know what I mean? What have you been? What is
it like? Top three best things you like about someone? There? Yeah?
(11:01):
You know? Yeah? And another one is what's something how's
your walk impurity going? So here's another one. I do
like this question a lot. What's something about you? I
wouldn't guess right away? That's a fun question. She's a gamer?
(11:24):
She's yes, she's a gamer. You know a lot of
people wouldn't guess that. I'm obsessed with anime, right, Like
I started learning Japanese because I first off, if you're
an anime fan, you know this. You never watched the
dubbed diversion. You watched the sub diversion, right, So I'm
just reading the subtitles instead of listening to this dubbed
voice that doesn't work. But I started learning like coney
(11:45):
uh like this. You know, I started actually learning this
because I'm so passionate about it. But people wouldn't look
at me see Scalp. People wouldn't look at me and
think like, oh, yeah, this guy loves Naruto, this guy
loves Rooney Kinchen. Anyways, next question, I like that, do
you have any dream travel destinations? And remember these are
that's actually really that actually is really good because I
(12:07):
feel like most people would say like, oh, yeah, I
want to travel whatever, but there's people out there that
like literally don't care about traveling. And if that's something
that's like heavy on your bucket listen or don't you
know what I mean? And you're like, oh my gosh,
I want to travel with my husband one day and
go to a bunch of places around the world. And
that person just doesn't you want, really care about traveling.
(12:28):
That's gonna be a tough one to deal with, you know. Yeah,
these are a great way for you to get to
know the person. But if you look like what's underneath
the answer, just what you're saying, you can perceive a
lot just aligning on things together. And another one is
tell me about one of your favorite days that you've had. Wow,
I think that's fire. You're on a first date with someone,
it's like, tell me about one of your favorite days
(12:49):
that you had like this one the day I got married,
Oh lord, when I had my triplets, you know, And
there's always up a one, which is what do you
like to do for fun? That's one because I think
it's important on the first date to get people talking
about things they are excited about. You know, people don't
like to talk about the news, right, it's just depressing.
(13:12):
What was that last one? You just said, what do
you like to do for fun? What do you like
to do? F one? Oh, it's very close, and I
received that. I received that. If that joke were not
about F one, I would say it's lame. But I
thought that joke was pretty fun. Oh my gosh, I'm
so sorry. I think it really added to the podcast.
Put up next question. Oh my god. This is actually
(13:37):
kind of a set of questions, and we love these because,
you know, it's tell me some of your favorite books
or TV shows or movies. And of course, don't ask
like that like it's an interview, but say, hey, have
you read any good books that you love lately? Or
or the same for TV shows and movies, because again,
people love to talk about things that they love and
they love to share the things that they love. So
have some of yours prepared to answer to because they're
(13:58):
likely going to ask you the same question back and
what about you? Yeah, and if they don't ask that,
then that could be signed that maybe they're not it's
interesting learning more about you. Um, this is one that
I thought was really thoughtful. Is a sign that they're selfish?
They're not the one I um just out from under oath.
(14:21):
Here's another one. They're selfish and not interested. And you
don't waste your time. Waste your time, you know, and
we I do want to just say that if someone
wants to be with you, they will move things in
their life to be with you. You don't need to
be someone's second option. Let's go right next. Okay, the
(14:41):
best for I can't do that. I was just about
to do it. Tell me a bit about your family
and who has been influential in your life, isn't that?
I think that's so thoughtfully good. That's really good, you know,
because then you get to hear about their family dynamics,
and then you know, oh, this person doesn't have the
best history their father. Don't talk about that, you know
what I mean? Like? Like, um, another one is where
(15:05):
are you from? And what was like growing up there. Now,
of course, work these in the conversation in a natural way.
Don't like check off these lists on your phone. But
now my favorite. He was like, okay, then you're taking
notes answer you'll you'll likely ask one of these questions
and you'll talk on it for fifteen twenty minutes and
not even make it to another one. Who knows. But
(15:25):
but this is my favorite kind of conversation starter. By
the way, and I did a video on this, so
I'm sorry, that's why I have all these notes in
my phones. I was about to say, I was like, dude,
you did not just write that down in like thirty seconds. Yeah.
So we did a whole series on dating. I'll tell
you it was Actually I'm not trying to plug our
YouTube channel, but I posted this thing. It was way
better than this podcast note. But so so, I I
(15:47):
posted this this thing about um about people to post
their their bad day experiences. In the amount of people
never had a first date blew my mind. And I'm
not throwing shade at all. There is an overwhelming amount
of people that's like, I'm still waiting on a first date.
And so that's when toring there, like we need to
do it a series on dating. That way people can
(16:07):
learn different things and that where they feel confident. Anyways,
that's when we started. That's why I have these questions.
But this one is actually between you and Zach. This
is my favorite things. This is when you when you're
a little bit more comfortable with the person, but you
play between Zack and I first date. Yeah, so this
is your this is live right now. Your word word
association is Oh my gosh, this is so fun. Wait
(16:30):
is it? Is it the game where you say a
word at the same time you say a word, then
he has to say something that comes to mind that
kind of plays off of that a little bit. Then
then you do, and then he does, and you see
how far you can go? All right, are you guys ready?
Candle right now? All right? Who wants to go first?
I'll go first? All right, go m Legos, Star Wars,
(16:54):
Mandalorian Baby Yoda. Everyone. Can I be Jedi Saber Light,
(17:15):
Jesus the Cross? Wait? No, no, dude, have you not
Have you not played the really fun version of that game?
Okay I thought that was fun. No, no, no, no no
version Okay, chat me and you were playing this? Guys?
Do this at home? This is one of the funniest
(17:36):
freaking games. We would I would do this for hours
with like Seb and Jessa. Chad look at me and
just say the first word on three that comes to
your mind, and we both say a word at the
same time, and we've taken what each other says, and
we count down to three again, and we keep trying
to get closer and closer to get to the same word.
All right, Ready, three to one pot butter, okay, podcast
(18:02):
and peanut butter. Alright, alright, three to one part bean.
Pod Bean is like a host of podcasts, this because Bean,
it's like a nut right yeah, okay, he said podcast,
I said, pod Bean. I'm coming your way. Oh my gosh,
um oh okay, um okay, ready three to one protein beans,
(18:28):
green beans and protein shake. Alright, alright, ready, you're getting
you right, Okay, okay, okay, ready you have three to
one healthy. We did it. We did How do we do?
(18:49):
That's what I'm saying. That's right. That was a lot
more fun. That's that. Wow. Oh my hand hurt from that.
Oh my gosh. Right now, you can't say that exact
bleep that out. You can't see that. I had to
(19:10):
do it. Oh my god, we're just too excited. Oh
my gosh. Oh the dogs are here. All the dogs
come here, all the dogs. That's my wife, my love.
Oh my gosh. I think you know, I think we
need to cut to an eyebreak. Like I didn't have
a good segway for it. We just need to do it, okay, Alright. Anyways,
(19:35):
So that's that's the word association game. It's fun because
it's interactive, it's a fun thing to do, and it's
a way for you to connect with somebody and have
just a fun conversation because you know, dating should be fun.
It's like I love the whole intense part of it
in terms of, like, hey, I date for marriage, right.
I think all three of us feel that way, and
(19:55):
so for me, I like I also I'm like, okay,
I'm dating for marriage. These are my my dating boundaries
right here. But also here's I want to play word
association with me? No legit though. That's like like friendships
are not Like there's like the really deep parts. And
that's part of where we started this podcast, right because
like we have so much fun together, but like the
(20:16):
stupid little whatever conversations that we have that are like
kind of dumb and pointless, like oh, we talked about
f one or legos or whatever all of a sudden
leaving days it's the most meaningful for that half over
half of y'all's word association was star Wars that he
(20:36):
transitioned it no, but anyway that all those types of
conversations turn just like randomly can turn into these really fruitful,
meaningful discussions and kind of having that in a relationship
as well being able to like connect on all those
levels of like stupid, silly, we just have fun together
(20:58):
and laugh together, we live, laugh, love together, you know,
but then also like being able to be serious and
have those deep conversations and stuff like that. That's right, dude, Chad,
when you were listening all those things, I feel like,
you know, I need to do these more with Chelsea
because even just like the word association game is, like,
you know, we might be sitting at a coffee shop
(21:18):
and you don't always have to be talking, but sometimes
it's nice to just talk about nothing in the same
way and exactly what you said, Gabe, like, it's nice
to dive in deep and I'm a sucker at this.
I'm like Chelse let's talk about finances and let's talk
about what are you gonna do for work next? And
it's like, but also I know that for our for
Chelsea and his friendship, as as a married couple, we
need to just have those silly moments as well. It's
(21:40):
not just about the grind or crushing it. So anyway,
I just I just love that. Um, do you Boways
have some things that you that you recommend not to
do on a date because I fully recommend not Yeah, yeah, no,
just there's a lot of things I don't recommend, but
I want to know what you don't recommend. Chad has
a list for that I do. I have have a
were bullet point list. So let's start. I'm going to
(22:03):
check it twice. I'm gonna find out who's been dating
or not. Okay, sorry, So so okay, here's your first one,
Chad Masters, this is coming Dude Down podcast near you.
So so I'm just gonna see you when you're dating.
(22:23):
He knows when you're playing the word association game. So
there's there's like four main don'ts that I recommend. The
first one is really obvious. It's don't be on your phone.
Just don't do it, put it on silent, put it
in your pocket or in a bag, or leaving the
car face down on the table. If you have it,
there's no real if this is a first date or
(22:45):
even you know, I mean even date night for torre night,
Like why are we why do we have our phones?
Were there to connect with this person? And what we're
saying whenever we put our phone on the table where
we have it available to us is like, hey, your
time is important to me unless this goes off. I
just want you to of that your time is important
unless this goes off, So check that out. Next one
is is you don't need to talk about controversial topics.
(23:08):
We all have amazing thoughts and opinions on these things,
but as you're getting to know somebody like you don't
need to talk about supersensitive things because you don't know
everything about them and it could really rub someone the
wrong way before they actually know your heart. If someone
knows your opinions before they know your heart, that's not
a good look. And that was a sound bite if
I've ever heard one. Another one is freaking wow, I
(23:34):
m Another one is is don't talk about your past
relationships until you're ready. You know, Tory and I talked
about our past relationships and there's been a lot of
healing in that, but we didn't do it right away.
I mean, you especially don't want to talk bad about them,
because what good does that do for anybody to to
just oh, yeah, that person they sucked, you know what
I mean? Like, of course, if someone hurts you, that hurt, right,
(23:56):
but it's not going to help anything, you know, to
speak ill of that person. And so we really recommend
I actually wrote, so when do you think is a
good time to talk about past relationships as far as
like the stages of Yeah, I think it's number one.
I think it's important to talk about it at a
healthy time. There's been times where I was traveling for work,
(24:18):
right and I land from an airplane like eleven pm,
and then I called Tories. I'm getting to the hotel
and then a topic comes up. I'm exhausted from traveling,
she's tired, whatever, And then I we're getting right for bed,
and then we bring up the topic of like a
past relationship. That's not a good time to talk about
your past relationships because you're likely to be more emotional,
you're tired, you're cranky, whatever. So make sure that you
(24:41):
create a healthy space to bring up sensitive topics, because
it can be hard to talk about your past, especially
if you have one that's like mine or like tories
where it's not just like the easiest thing to talk about,
you know, like your history. You know. Um, now, granted,
your past is a part of your history. That's why
it's called his story. So this is something that it's
(25:02):
a part of us. But it needs to be done
in a controlled atmosphere for sure, because it can make
people's brains go a little wild. And so for me,
I would I would really encourage you to be with
this person for a few months before you start bringing
that stuff up. Are youthing interesting? I don't know if
I don't know if I would recommend being with a
person for that long of a period of time before
(25:25):
before that comes up. Yeah, Because like if you're spending
multiple months with someone and then all of a sudden
there's like this crazy thing that happens that you're like,
oh my gosh, I wouldn't have gotten into this if
find you that or not that you'd be judging them
by their past or whatever, but there could be like
something you don't know, everyone's stories different, everyone's situations different,
(25:45):
but like I think, being transparent and honest as close
to the front as possible in a healthy way, because
like a few months is like you're deep in a relationship. Well,
I mean you were, but a lot of people don't
date as fast as we That's that's true, and so
it just depends on that in perspective of like our audience,
(26:08):
you know, I mean there's people that do, like for
tor I date for a few years, you know, and
so in in like that kind of even I mean
even still though that like that's a nothing that that's
not a long time to them, Like a few years
and a few years, you know what I mean, But
a few months not knowing something and still investing a
lot of that time, like a few months is still.
(26:29):
It also depends on how often you hang out, too,
because if you're only hanging out once a month, a
few months is yeah, you know what I mean. It's
really about your frequency of connecting with each other. Or
if you're hanging out all day every day, it's gonna
come up in about a week, you know what I mean.
But if it's if it's something that you only get
to see each other on weekends when someone's like in town,
(26:49):
then it may take a little longer. So I think
it's just make sure that you're emotionally connected enough to
receive each other's pass and baggage well, rather than in
it scare you off. It's okay, I've spent enough time
to get to know this person's heart. That way I
can receive this person's stuff without judgment or without fear. Right, Yeah, No,
(27:10):
I think that's actually really yeah, because I agree with you,
because I mean Tory and I were also on the
on the speed dating thing too. I mean we moved
pretty quickly. You moved really fast, dude. Well I was
just trying to not do long distance for another year.
No things? Yeah, facts? And then can I just can
I add to that real creek? No? No, you're the
tech guys act? Yes, right, Yeah, that makes sense. It
(27:41):
was just like an immediate note and I was like
cool because you were asking like can I add? It
was like, dude, you'r is your podcast? Oh no, delight,
I just don't want to, Like I didn't want to anyway.
What I was going to say, what I was gonna say,
and what I was gonna act. We need to go
to add here. I think it's important what you guys
(28:01):
are saying because it's something I think people don't talk
about a lot, which is like how vulnerable you are
with new people and even outsiding or the scope even
outside sorry, the scope of dating, Like how vulnerable are
you with people? And I found for myself that I
would be I used to be as a younger person.
I'm pretty young now, but you know when I was,
when I was a teenager and I was like dating
or I was like, oh I'm getting to know girls
(28:22):
or whatever, it was like I was so vulnerable because
it was it defined me. The things that were that
damaged me defined me publicly and outwardly. And I think
it's just something to be aware of, like is what
you're telling a person because it's something that's still you're
still journeying through that you're still trying to deal with,
or are you telling them because you're like, hey, this
is where I'm at and I'm and I'm past it
(28:43):
or I'm working towards I just think those things really
helped give context when you do talk about those things,
because I know for me, like it didn't take long
for me to tell Chelsea, like, oh, I had to
really like my parents got divorced, and my relationship with
like dating is really kind of like rocky, and I'm
trying to work that out it But that didn't happen
for a few weeks because I was like, I'm still
(29:04):
working through this, So I just I don't know. I
just feel like I wanted to add that because it's like,
if you say you're the person who wants to share that,
it's just about asking where you're you're at with it
before you tell that person. Are you comfortable with telling
that person that um and how detrimental it will be
on a relationship if you don't tell them for a year.
I think there was that thing you said O gave
(29:24):
about student learned debt. Imagine not telling someone for three
years and then you get married, Like, by the way,
here's my a d K of debt. Obviously you never
want that to happen. That sounds awful, But in the
same way, it's like, hey, you should you be getting married?
You know someone has someone cheated on you before? Should
you be thinking about getting married next week? Or do
(29:44):
you still have things to kind of process and deal with.
I just think those asking you if you're on the
other end where you're about to talk about it, asking yourself.
Those questions I just think are really important. Yeah, I
like that. It feels like there's a big difference between
being vulnerable and being transparent, Like there's you can be
you can be transparent early in a relationship without being
super vulnerable and inviting that person into what you're working through,
(30:09):
which is a good thing to be transparent because it
is I love to each other's passwords whatever, like we're
Transparency is like key to a healthy relationship. But you
can also not be vulnerable if you don't if that
person isn't ready to speak into situations or help you
those situations or whatever it may be. And so I
do think it's a good tip to definitely be transparent
(30:30):
on things, But that doesn't mean that you need to
open yourself up, like open the wound, you know what
I mean, if you're still processing and healing. I mean,
I think it goes back to you. Yeah, and I
think it goes back to I mean I mentioned before,
like when Jess and I had the conversation, we weren't
talking about it as if we were going to date.
We were just having a conversation about dating about dating
(30:53):
about our view on marriage just just and that was
just like I just wanted to know her view on it.
Obviously with with the mindset of like dewey a line,
but I'm not having the conversation of like I need
you to help me work through my pain of my
previous relationship and like pulling her into this position of relationship.
But we were just having the conversation about what's your
(31:14):
view on marriage. There's my view on marriage. I actually
had this happened in the past, and you know there's
some I have some whatever some I guess. I mean
even in the conversation though I didn't even probably didn't
work as I was like, yeah, I kind of have
like some trust issues with stuff because I you know,
I had this past experience. But it was just from
a kind of like a friend to friend point of
(31:35):
view where we're just having a conversation about it rather
than yeah, rather than pulling each other into each other's baggage. Yeah,
I love that because you know, I'm with you. I
remember whenever to when I've really first started, like this
is like okay, we're starting to date. I was like,
I need to tell her about my pastor pornography. I
gotta tell her. And I contacted some friends, which, by
(31:56):
the way, I love these guys, but they were like,
you know, you're not even officially dating yet, and you
know you're about to just like put that on the table,
you know. But I remember calling her and I was like, Hey,
I need to talk to you about something. I was
walking around, I remember my old town home in Los Angeles.
I was walking around, nervous, anxious, pasting all this stuff,
and I said, hey, I just want you to know
(32:17):
that in the past I've struggled with pornography, and but
I just want you to know that this is just
a it's a piece of me, but it doesn't define me.
And so I just want you to know that I
am working on this. I have accountability, I have this
this and I want you to know know that I want
to be transparent about this. But it's I didn't invite
her into like the solution part of it. It was
(32:38):
good for her. You're not putting you're not putting the
weight on her. You're just making her aware of the
situation and information. Yeah. Absolutely, And then I guess as
we get ready to close out, I have one more tip.
If that's helpful dude laying on us. The tip is,
don't have expectations of who you want this person to be. Now,
(32:58):
you can have hopes and everything, but if you start
expecting this person to react and respond to every single
thing you say or do in a certain way, you're
just trying to make them in your own image. You're
not allowing them to be who they are and how
God's made them perfectly in his image, not your own image.
Also approaching that relationship to serve you rather than you
to serve them. And we all know how Gabe feels
(33:20):
about expectations. Don't get me started. Get me started from
I mentioned the word expectations and he's like cringing his
lip like quiver and he was like, I'm like, yo,
what's up? Guys? Thank you so much for watching this
episode of prompt Us. Make sure to go to promptus
podcast dot com sement your own prompts and we will
(33:42):
see you in the next one. From Us is a
production of iHeart Radio. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio,
visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
get your podcasts.
Prompt Us is a production of I Heart Radio. Lead
us off Gabriel Raphael Condo. That one was for free.
I just glorious intro. You're like, yeah, you're welcome everybody.
Because of course Zach left that in. It was too
(00:21):
beautiful to not cut out. So I love that that
was the same exacts, like we'll talk about it. That
was the same audio. That was the audio saying there
would normally do a clap. The burp was the audio.
Oh my god. I love how we can talk about
like investing and we can talk about like self help
looking off to yourself. But like that's how we saw
(00:43):
a podcast. I also love that we pressed record before
deciding on the prompt for this episode. Listen, it's all
in the moment, it's we'll just what's happening now. So
welcome back to the Promptu podcast. Everybody. My name is Gabriel,
and I'm ready to grow you guys and learn with
you guys today. And I'm here joined with my other
(01:04):
co hosts, Chad and Zach. Boys, how are we doing.
We're doing well. Thank you for asking. Gabe. You're welcome.
Thank you. How about you, Zach? I'm doing good, Okay, everyone,
Zach real quick. If you're watching on YouTube, you can
see this a lot better. But he basically just like,
I'm good. She just his head went up and laughed,
(01:27):
and then he came right back down. You know what
I heard about something you just said about laughing at
your own jokes. I saw this thing where it's just like, dang,
I laugh at all my jokes. I am my target market,
like I am my audience. I am my demographic. I
am my demographic. That's so funny. I am rolling deep
(01:47):
in the demographic right now. So one second, my boys,
while Zack is going to check on that, we just
want to encourage you go over to prompt this podcast
dot com where you can submit your prompts, because yeah,
we've gotten like hundreds and hundreds of these things while
we were on that. How long was the break, It
was like a few weeks. I think a few week.
We got like six hundred prompts in there, and so
(02:09):
we just first off, we thank you for submitting them.
Thank you for being loyal and just sending in the
prompts to appreciate it. Thanks for being lawyer and sending
in the prompts lawyer loyal. I've sounded in Australian. We yeah,
there we go. So go to prompt ust podcast dot
com to submit your prompts. You can send an audio
one and if you happen to plug yourself, we won't
be mad. I think it's kind of funny. You won't
(02:31):
be mad if you shout out your Instagram handle. Yeah,
but just keep in mind if you shout yourself out,
people may go try to find you, and that could
be good or bad, and they might roast you in
the comments every week. So can you can you imagine
if someone's like, hey, I'm a six foot one bro
who just loves to live, loves to live, laugh and
(02:54):
love my My Instagram is this? Can you do a
topic of how to find the one? And then all
these girls, gosh, all these girls are gonna go find
this thing. Gosh, dude, It's like I'm actually like a
part time model and I love goodness? All right, Zach
attack Zach is back? Is she hanging out with these
(03:18):
Scotty Scotty is up here? She's my dog. Scott's gonna
be ice. So if you hear any like glass breaking,
it's just the ice, that's okay. And she's joining us
for this podcast. She's joining us. She's pretty chilled though.
She was letting me know that my new camera was here,
which if you listen to the last podcast we hack, yes,
we do, just change our shirts from between recording. Yeah, well, dude,
(03:41):
we should film this podcast in dude R podcast. Okay, honestly,
if we were all together, I would be doing that. No, no,
that was already a thing that remember we talked about
this ages ago that we sit around a table one
it's four seats. One of the seats has a three
sixty camera on it, and then you go to VR
(04:02):
headset on and have a conversation together and like a VR.
That would be so sick, dude, that would be imagine
hiring out a coffee shop. So like just like using
a coffee shop for the morning and doing that. So
it felt like you're in Wow. So Zach already plugged
to go to the website and cement a prompt. Heck,
d so do you know what prompt we're actually doing
(04:23):
this episode? Now? What what prompt do we do? In chad? Okay,
I'll pick the prompt. Today's prompt is a good one,
you all, it is? What is slash isn't appropriate? To
talk about on our first date? Sent in from Bethany
from Ireland and so from Ireland. From Ireland. Oh oh
(04:49):
so what are your talents? I can do a pretty
good Irish accent? Oh yeah, do it alright? What is
or isn't appropriate to say on what was it on
your first date? In your first date? You should totally
talk about your exes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely do that
and talk about all the baggage that you have and
(05:11):
how much money you make, what you have in savings,
probably give them your Social Security and well you don't
have that, so that one's off the table. There. Which
medications you're on? Yeah, Zack, do you have any jee connected?
This is too much for the podcast three minutes. Oh
(05:32):
my god. Podcast. This is just the end, the last
one we do. This is it? But you know what's
Can I actually ask you guys though, because I can't
remember what I talked about with Chelsea on our first
dates because we already knew each other for three years
we had flex But you're welcome. So I just wanted
to know when you guys were dating, what would be
(05:52):
this that you would talk about. Yeah, we're out here,
just out here. Mary, my best friend that was his
honorable dat or impression. This is what you talking about.
Oh my gosh, all right, chat, we need to chill out.
It's getting late here while we're recording this, and we
need to let Zach talk. What were you saying for
(06:14):
three years or for three years? And no, I just
I just want to know, like, what would be the
things when when you guys were pursuing your your wives,
How did your wives when you were pursuing your wives,
what did you what did you talk about? What did
you feel like? Was like, oh, this is the best
thing to chat about with this person, dude, you I
went all day one. I went in like I was like,
(06:39):
this is a girl from Australia. She's in town for
like a little bit. Oh my gosh, my freaking alarming.
I didn't even this time. That's my alarm that literally
says go to bed. When I'm telling you, I'm telling you,
I'm like, this is my bedtime, right. I totally laughed
at a sex joke that was like in the windowed
and he started laughing. Was that why you're laughing, Zack?
(07:04):
Yes you are. Look at him if you're watching YouTube.
It was just like, you know, my first date I
went all, Oh my gosh, we're talking about the conversation.
We need to get Guys were like, so far into
the podcast already we haven't said crap, legit, all right,
I'm going we So Jess and I on our first day,
(07:25):
I was like, Okay, this girl's Australian and she's gone back.
I didn't want to waste time with like hanging out
with this girl for three weeks and then like not
really know you know what I mean. Like I was like, Okay,
I'm gonna I'm gonna see So I went in and
we had like really good conversations and it was like
fun and stuff. But I I actually did talk about
(07:47):
like my last relationship and certain things like that, and
just like kind of like what my view on marriage
was where I saw like dating in my quest for marriage,
I guess you would say, and just kind of like
talk about the things, not like going really deep into
(08:08):
the story with my ex and you know, all like
that sort of stuff, but just kind of putting in
I don't know, like just having the conversation about my
perspective on marriage and what I saw as the way
I would pursue a relationship and not even with her.
It was more like a conversation of like, oh, you know,
(08:31):
how do you like, what is your view on like
dating and like dating towards marriage or whatever, Just like
actually having a conversation about it rather than like, you know,
if we're going to start doing this thing. Because we
were just grabbing lunch, there's no we never had a
conversation about dating ever, So I wasn't going to go
in there and talk about like, you know, so since
we're you know, kind of have the hots for each
(08:51):
other right now, you know, lip bite kind of thing
shout out here with the best pro shop had. Yeah,
you took it, um, but you know what I mean,
Like I just I went in just trying to have
like a good conversation with her to kind of gauge
where her head space was. And it turned out great.
(09:14):
Like she she literally told her mom that she was
going to marry me after our first time hanging up
freaking balling. Prophetic, I said, prophetic, not pathetic by the
way it kind of sounded the other way. Prophetics. Thanks.
I like that because not a lot of people have
the confidence to do that. And I get that, Like,
(09:36):
you know, when Torrey and I we had our First
of all, I thought it was a date. She didn't
think it was a date. But that's you know, you
can go watch the video Society classic, right. Um. But
we we talked about some serious stuff. We talked about
our faith, we talked about things were passionate about, but
we also left room for, like, you know, not very
(09:56):
serious topics. Just that way you can kind of get
to know the person a little bit better. And if
it's cool with you' all, actually have a list of
questions that you could ask somebody on a first date
if you give them the practice stuff just to work
through this bad boy or dot me to pick one
and if you guys want to say anything about it
and then go from there, just dude, work through it,
(10:17):
work through start from top towow. How many points do
you have, and we have to make sure we go
out of order. Dude, I'm so bad at that. So
we got to bring it. Okay, So what do you
think about this question? So what have you been learning lately?
That's a good question. That's a good question because if
they say nothing, you can narrow it. If you know
(10:38):
the person a little better, you can probably narrow it
down with like what's what have you been learning. And
if you know they're like really into photography and they're
getting a photography major, you can like ask them specifically
about that, so it starts like a good conversation. Or
if they're like, like, Chad, you were in seminary? You
know what I mean? What have you been? What is
it like? Top three best things you like about someone? There? Yeah?
(11:01):
You know? Yeah? And another one is what's something how's
your walk impurity going? So here's another one. I do
like this question a lot. What's something about you? I
wouldn't guess right away? That's a fun question. She's a gamer?
(11:24):
She's yes, she's a gamer. You know a lot of
people wouldn't guess that. I'm obsessed with anime, right, Like
I started learning Japanese because I first off, if you're
an anime fan, you know this. You never watched the
dubbed diversion. You watched the sub diversion, right, So I'm
just reading the subtitles instead of listening to this dubbed
voice that doesn't work. But I started learning like coney
(11:45):
uh like this. You know, I started actually learning this
because I'm so passionate about it. But people wouldn't look
at me see Scalp. People wouldn't look at me and
think like, oh, yeah, this guy loves Naruto, this guy
loves Rooney Kinchen. Anyways, next question, I like that, do
you have any dream travel destinations? And remember these are
that's actually really that actually is really good because I
(12:07):
feel like most people would say like, oh, yeah, I
want to travel whatever, but there's people out there that
like literally don't care about traveling. And if that's something
that's like heavy on your bucket listen or don't you
know what I mean? And you're like, oh my gosh,
I want to travel with my husband one day and
go to a bunch of places around the world. And
that person just doesn't you want, really care about traveling.
(12:28):
That's gonna be a tough one to deal with, you know. Yeah,
these are a great way for you to get to
know the person. But if you look like what's underneath
the answer, just what you're saying, you can perceive a
lot just aligning on things together. And another one is
tell me about one of your favorite days that you've had. Wow,
I think that's fire. You're on a first date with someone,
it's like, tell me about one of your favorite days
(12:49):
that you had like this one the day I got married,
Oh lord, when I had my triplets, you know, And
there's always up a one, which is what do you
like to do for fun? That's one because I think
it's important on the first date to get people talking
about things they are excited about. You know, people don't
like to talk about the news, right, it's just depressing.
(13:12):
What was that last one? You just said, what do
you like to do for fun? What do you like
to do? F one? Oh, it's very close, and I
received that. I received that. If that joke were not
about F one, I would say it's lame. But I
thought that joke was pretty fun. Oh my gosh, I'm
so sorry. I think it really added to the podcast.
Put up next question. Oh my god. This is actually
(13:37):
kind of a set of questions, and we love these because,
you know, it's tell me some of your favorite books
or TV shows or movies. And of course, don't ask
like that like it's an interview, but say, hey, have
you read any good books that you love lately? Or
or the same for TV shows and movies, because again,
people love to talk about things that they love and
they love to share the things that they love. So
have some of yours prepared to answer to because they're
(13:58):
likely going to ask you the same question back and
what about you? Yeah, and if they don't ask that,
then that could be signed that maybe they're not it's
interesting learning more about you. Um, this is one that
I thought was really thoughtful. Is a sign that they're selfish?
They're not the one I um just out from under oath.
(14:21):
Here's another one. They're selfish and not interested. And you
don't waste your time. Waste your time, you know, and
we I do want to just say that if someone
wants to be with you, they will move things in
their life to be with you. You don't need to
be someone's second option. Let's go right next. Okay, the
(14:41):
best for I can't do that. I was just about
to do it. Tell me a bit about your family
and who has been influential in your life, isn't that?
I think that's so thoughtfully good. That's really good, you know,
because then you get to hear about their family dynamics,
and then you know, oh, this person doesn't have the
best history their father. Don't talk about that, you know
what I mean? Like? Like, um, another one is where
(15:05):
are you from? And what was like growing up there. Now,
of course, work these in the conversation in a natural way.
Don't like check off these lists on your phone. But
now my favorite. He was like, okay, then you're taking
notes answer you'll you'll likely ask one of these questions
and you'll talk on it for fifteen twenty minutes and
not even make it to another one. Who knows. But
(15:25):
but this is my favorite kind of conversation starter. By
the way, and I did a video on this, so
I'm sorry, that's why I have all these notes in
my phones. I was about to say, I was like, dude,
you did not just write that down in like thirty seconds. Yeah.
So we did a whole series on dating. I'll tell
you it was Actually I'm not trying to plug our
YouTube channel, but I posted this thing. It was way
better than this podcast note. But so so, I I
(15:47):
posted this this thing about um about people to post
their their bad day experiences. In the amount of people
never had a first date blew my mind. And I'm
not throwing shade at all. There is an overwhelming amount
of people that's like, I'm still waiting on a first date.
And so that's when toring there, like we need to
do it a series on dating. That way people can
(16:07):
learn different things and that where they feel confident. Anyways,
that's when we started. That's why I have these questions.
But this one is actually between you and Zach. This
is my favorite things. This is when you when you're
a little bit more comfortable with the person, but you
play between Zack and I first date. Yeah, so this
is your this is live right now. Your word word
association is Oh my gosh, this is so fun. Wait
(16:30):
is it? Is it the game where you say a
word at the same time you say a word, then
he has to say something that comes to mind that
kind of plays off of that a little bit. Then
then you do, and then he does, and you see
how far you can go? All right, are you guys ready?
Candle right now? All right? Who wants to go first?
I'll go first? All right, go m Legos, Star Wars,
(16:54):
Mandalorian Baby Yoda. Everyone. Can I be Jedi Saber Light,
(17:15):
Jesus the Cross? Wait? No, no, dude, have you not
Have you not played the really fun version of that game?
Okay I thought that was fun. No, no, no, no no
version Okay, chat me and you were playing this? Guys?
Do this at home? This is one of the funniest
(17:36):
freaking games. We would I would do this for hours
with like Seb and Jessa. Chad look at me and
just say the first word on three that comes to
your mind, and we both say a word at the
same time, and we've taken what each other says, and
we count down to three again, and we keep trying
to get closer and closer to get to the same word.
All right, Ready, three to one pot butter, okay, podcast
(18:02):
and peanut butter. Alright, alright, three to one part bean.
Pod Bean is like a host of podcasts, this because Bean,
it's like a nut right yeah, okay, he said podcast,
I said, pod Bean. I'm coming your way. Oh my gosh,
um oh okay, um okay, ready three to one protein beans,
(18:28):
green beans and protein shake. Alright, alright, ready, you're getting
you right, Okay, okay, okay, ready you have three to
one healthy. We did it. We did How do we do?
(18:49):
That's what I'm saying. That's right. That was a lot
more fun. That's that. Wow. Oh my hand hurt from that.
Oh my gosh. Right now, you can't say that exact
bleep that out. You can't see that. I had to
(19:10):
do it. Oh my god, we're just too excited. Oh
my gosh. Oh the dogs are here. All the dogs
come here, all the dogs. That's my wife, my love.
Oh my gosh. I think you know, I think we
need to cut to an eyebreak. Like I didn't have
a good segway for it. We just need to do it, okay, Alright. Anyways,
(19:35):
So that's that's the word association game. It's fun because
it's interactive, it's a fun thing to do, and it's
a way for you to connect with somebody and have
just a fun conversation because you know, dating should be fun.
It's like I love the whole intense part of it
in terms of, like, hey, I date for marriage, right.
I think all three of us feel that way, and
(19:55):
so for me, I like I also I'm like, okay,
I'm dating for marriage. These are my my dating boundaries
right here. But also here's I want to play word
association with me? No legit though. That's like like friendships
are not Like there's like the really deep parts. And
that's part of where we started this podcast, right because
like we have so much fun together, but like the
(20:16):
stupid little whatever conversations that we have that are like
kind of dumb and pointless, like oh, we talked about
f one or legos or whatever all of a sudden
leaving days it's the most meaningful for that half over
half of y'all's word association was star Wars that he
(20:36):
transitioned it no, but anyway that all those types of
conversations turn just like randomly can turn into these really fruitful,
meaningful discussions and kind of having that in a relationship
as well being able to like connect on all those
levels of like stupid, silly, we just have fun together
(20:58):
and laugh together, we live, laugh, love together, you know,
but then also like being able to be serious and
have those deep conversations and stuff like that. That's right, dude, Chad,
when you were listening all those things, I feel like,
you know, I need to do these more with Chelsea
because even just like the word association game is, like,
you know, we might be sitting at a coffee shop
(21:18):
and you don't always have to be talking, but sometimes
it's nice to just talk about nothing in the same
way and exactly what you said, Gabe, like, it's nice
to dive in deep and I'm a sucker at this.
I'm like Chelse let's talk about finances and let's talk
about what are you gonna do for work next? And
it's like, but also I know that for our for
Chelsea and his friendship, as as a married couple, we
need to just have those silly moments as well. It's
(21:40):
not just about the grind or crushing it. So anyway,
I just I just love that. Um, do you Boways
have some things that you that you recommend not to
do on a date because I fully recommend not Yeah, yeah, no,
just there's a lot of things I don't recommend, but
I want to know what you don't recommend. Chad has
a list for that I do. I have have a
were bullet point list. So let's start. I'm going to
(22:03):
check it twice. I'm gonna find out who's been dating
or not. Okay, sorry, So so okay, here's your first one,
Chad Masters, this is coming Dude Down podcast near you.
So so I'm just gonna see you when you're dating.
(22:23):
He knows when you're playing the word association game. So
there's there's like four main don'ts that I recommend. The
first one is really obvious. It's don't be on your phone.
Just don't do it, put it on silent, put it
in your pocket or in a bag, or leaving the
car face down on the table. If you have it,
there's no real if this is a first date or
(22:45):
even you know, I mean even date night for torre night,
Like why are we why do we have our phones?
Were there to connect with this person? And what we're
saying whenever we put our phone on the table where
we have it available to us is like, hey, your
time is important to me unless this goes off. I
just want you to of that your time is important
unless this goes off, So check that out. Next one
is is you don't need to talk about controversial topics.
(23:08):
We all have amazing thoughts and opinions on these things,
but as you're getting to know somebody like you don't
need to talk about supersensitive things because you don't know
everything about them and it could really rub someone the
wrong way before they actually know your heart. If someone
knows your opinions before they know your heart, that's not
a good look. And that was a sound bite if
I've ever heard one. Another one is freaking wow, I
(23:34):
m Another one is is don't talk about your past
relationships until you're ready. You know, Tory and I talked
about our past relationships and there's been a lot of
healing in that, but we didn't do it right away.
I mean, you especially don't want to talk bad about them,
because what good does that do for anybody to to
just oh, yeah, that person they sucked, you know what
I mean? Like, of course, if someone hurts you, that hurt, right,
(23:56):
but it's not going to help anything, you know, to
speak ill of that person. And so we really recommend
I actually wrote, so when do you think is a
good time to talk about past relationships as far as
like the stages of Yeah, I think it's number one.
I think it's important to talk about it at a
healthy time. There's been times where I was traveling for work,
(24:18):
right and I land from an airplane like eleven pm,
and then I called Tories. I'm getting to the hotel
and then a topic comes up. I'm exhausted from traveling,
she's tired, whatever, And then I we're getting right for bed,
and then we bring up the topic of like a
past relationship. That's not a good time to talk about
your past relationships because you're likely to be more emotional,
you're tired, you're cranky, whatever. So make sure that you
(24:41):
create a healthy space to bring up sensitive topics, because
it can be hard to talk about your past, especially
if you have one that's like mine or like tories
where it's not just like the easiest thing to talk about,
you know, like your history. You know. Um, now, granted,
your past is a part of your history. That's why
it's called his story. So this is something that it's
(25:02):
a part of us. But it needs to be done
in a controlled atmosphere for sure, because it can make
people's brains go a little wild. And so for me,
I would I would really encourage you to be with
this person for a few months before you start bringing
that stuff up. Are youthing interesting? I don't know if
I don't know if I would recommend being with a
person for that long of a period of time before
(25:25):
before that comes up. Yeah, Because like if you're spending
multiple months with someone and then all of a sudden
there's like this crazy thing that happens that you're like,
oh my gosh, I wouldn't have gotten into this if
find you that or not that you'd be judging them
by their past or whatever, but there could be like
something you don't know, everyone's stories different, everyone's situations different,
(25:45):
but like I think, being transparent and honest as close
to the front as possible in a healthy way, because
like a few months is like you're deep in a relationship. Well,
I mean you were, but a lot of people don't
date as fast as we That's that's true, and so
it just depends on that in perspective of like our audience,
(26:08):
you know, I mean there's people that do, like for
tor I date for a few years, you know, and
so in in like that kind of even I mean
even still though that like that's a nothing that that's
not a long time to them, Like a few years
and a few years, you know what I mean, But
a few months not knowing something and still investing a
lot of that time, like a few months is still.
(26:29):
It also depends on how often you hang out, too,
because if you're only hanging out once a month, a
few months is yeah, you know what I mean. It's
really about your frequency of connecting with each other. Or
if you're hanging out all day every day, it's gonna
come up in about a week, you know what I mean.
But if it's if it's something that you only get
to see each other on weekends when someone's like in town,
(26:49):
then it may take a little longer. So I think
it's just make sure that you're emotionally connected enough to
receive each other's pass and baggage well, rather than in
it scare you off. It's okay, I've spent enough time
to get to know this person's heart. That way I
can receive this person's stuff without judgment or without fear. Right, Yeah, No,
(27:10):
I think that's actually really yeah, because I agree with you,
because I mean Tory and I were also on the
on the speed dating thing too. I mean we moved
pretty quickly. You moved really fast, dude. Well I was
just trying to not do long distance for another year.
No things? Yeah, facts? And then can I just can
I add to that real creek? No? No, you're the
tech guys act? Yes, right, Yeah, that makes sense. It
(27:41):
was just like an immediate note and I was like
cool because you were asking like can I add? It
was like, dude, you'r is your podcast? Oh no, delight,
I just don't want to, Like I didn't want to anyway.
What I was going to say, what I was gonna say,
and what I was gonna act. We need to go
to add here. I think it's important what you guys
(28:01):
are saying because it's something I think people don't talk
about a lot, which is like how vulnerable you are
with new people and even outsiding or the scope even
outside sorry, the scope of dating, Like how vulnerable are
you with people? And I found for myself that I
would be I used to be as a younger person.
I'm pretty young now, but you know when I was,
when I was a teenager and I was like dating
or I was like, oh I'm getting to know girls
(28:22):
or whatever, it was like I was so vulnerable because
it was it defined me. The things that were that
damaged me defined me publicly and outwardly. And I think
it's just something to be aware of, like is what
you're telling a person because it's something that's still you're
still journeying through that you're still trying to deal with,
or are you telling them because you're like, hey, this
is where I'm at and I'm and I'm past it
(28:43):
or I'm working towards I just think those things really
helped give context when you do talk about those things,
because I know for me, like it didn't take long
for me to tell Chelsea, like, oh, I had to
really like my parents got divorced, and my relationship with
like dating is really kind of like rocky, and I'm
trying to work that out it But that didn't happen
for a few weeks because I was like, I'm still
(29:04):
working through this, So I just I don't know. I
just feel like I wanted to add that because it's like,
if you say you're the person who wants to share that,
it's just about asking where you're you're at with it
before you tell that person. Are you comfortable with telling
that person that um and how detrimental it will be
on a relationship if you don't tell them for a year.
I think there was that thing you said O gave
(29:24):
about student learned debt. Imagine not telling someone for three
years and then you get married, Like, by the way,
here's my a d K of debt. Obviously you never
want that to happen. That sounds awful, But in the
same way, it's like, hey, you should you be getting married?
You know someone has someone cheated on you before? Should
you be thinking about getting married next week? Or do
(29:44):
you still have things to kind of process and deal with.
I just think those asking you if you're on the
other end where you're about to talk about it, asking yourself.
Those questions I just think are really important. Yeah, I
like that. It feels like there's a big difference between
being vulnerable and being transparent, Like there's you can be
you can be transparent early in a relationship without being
super vulnerable and inviting that person into what you're working through,
(30:09):
which is a good thing to be transparent because it
is I love to each other's passwords whatever, like we're
Transparency is like key to a healthy relationship. But you
can also not be vulnerable if you don't if that
person isn't ready to speak into situations or help you
those situations or whatever it may be. And so I
do think it's a good tip to definitely be transparent
(30:30):
on things, But that doesn't mean that you need to
open yourself up, like open the wound, you know what
I mean, if you're still processing and healing. I mean,
I think it goes back to you. Yeah, and I
think it goes back to I mean I mentioned before,
like when Jess and I had the conversation, we weren't
talking about it as if we were going to date.
We were just having a conversation about dating about dating
(30:53):
about our view on marriage just just and that was
just like I just wanted to know her view on it.
Obviously with with the mindset of like dewey a line,
but I'm not having the conversation of like I need
you to help me work through my pain of my
previous relationship and like pulling her into this position of relationship.
But we were just having the conversation about what's your
(31:14):
view on marriage. There's my view on marriage. I actually
had this happened in the past, and you know there's
some I have some whatever some I guess. I mean
even in the conversation though I didn't even probably didn't
work as I was like, yeah, I kind of have
like some trust issues with stuff because I you know,
I had this past experience. But it was just from
a kind of like a friend to friend point of
(31:35):
view where we're just having a conversation about it rather
than yeah, rather than pulling each other into each other's baggage. Yeah,
I love that because you know, I'm with you. I
remember whenever to when I've really first started, like this
is like okay, we're starting to date. I was like,
I need to tell her about my pastor pornography. I
gotta tell her. And I contacted some friends, which, by
(31:56):
the way, I love these guys, but they were like,
you know, you're not even officially dating yet, and you
know you're about to just like put that on the table,
you know. But I remember calling her and I was like, Hey,
I need to talk to you about something. I was
walking around, I remember my old town home in Los Angeles.
I was walking around, nervous, anxious, pasting all this stuff,
and I said, hey, I just want you to know
(32:17):
that in the past I've struggled with pornography, and but
I just want you to know that this is just
a it's a piece of me, but it doesn't define me.
And so I just want you to know that I
am working on this. I have accountability, I have this
this and I want you to know know that I want
to be transparent about this. But it's I didn't invite
her into like the solution part of it. It was
(32:38):
good for her. You're not putting you're not putting the
weight on her. You're just making her aware of the
situation and information. Yeah. Absolutely, And then I guess as
we get ready to close out, I have one more tip.
If that's helpful dude laying on us. The tip is,
don't have expectations of who you want this person to be. Now,
(32:58):
you can have hopes and everything, but if you start
expecting this person to react and respond to every single
thing you say or do in a certain way, you're
just trying to make them in your own image. You're
not allowing them to be who they are and how
God's made them perfectly in his image, not your own image.
Also approaching that relationship to serve you rather than you
to serve them. And we all know how Gabe feels
(33:20):
about expectations. Don't get me started. Get me started from
I mentioned the word expectations and he's like cringing his
lip like quiver and he was like, I'm like, yo,
what's up? Guys? Thank you so much for watching this
episode of prompt Us. Make sure to go to promptus
podcast dot com sement your own prompts and we will
(33:42):
see you in the next one. From Us is a
production of iHeart Radio. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio,
visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
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