SOS with Divorce Coach Samantha Boss

No one gives you a handbook when you decide to call it quits, but TikTok divorce coach Samantha Boss is the closest thing! Luckily for Michelle, Samantha watches the ‘The Valley’ and has some words of wisdom on how to handle her high-conflict divorce.

From playing the blame game, to being shocked by her ex’s accusations, Samantha gets real with Michelle about her marriage missteps. Plus, find out why you SHOULDN’T say nice things about your ex in front of your kids, and what you can do to avoid going broke during a nasty court battle.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hi everyone, thanks for coming back for another episode of
my podcast, Pursuit of Sassiness. I have been very open
about my life coach and how he's helped me, and
today I'm joined by a different kind of life coach,
one who specializes in divorce and high conflict co parenting.
You may come across her advice clips on TikTok I did.

(00:28):
She has a podcast called Divorce with Sam and Leah,
and she just so happens to be a fan of
the Valley, so I couldn't wait to chat with her.
Welcome Divorce Coach. Samantha. Hi, Samantha, Hi, I'm a show.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
I have to be honest. I just binge watched all
of the after shows.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Okay, I you're ahead of me because I've seen all
of the episodes, but I actually haven't seen the after
shows yet. I just have seen like the little clips
on Instagram.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
Ah, I have so much I want to say. I'm good.
I just got down to my beach house and it's
really crappy weather and it just started thunderstorming. So I'm
hoping that it's not on camera, but yeah, I'm excited.
You always look good and white. You're always in white.
On the show. I noticed because I again, I just
watched all of the episodes all like in the past

(01:17):
couple of days.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
So yeah, I have my go to outfit. It's just
a white T shirt and jeans. It just I tell you,
for everything.

Speaker 2 (01:25):
You don't have to think when you do that exactly,
you just know. It's like a uniform. I just got
my color analysis done a couple months ago, and when
I found out, it was a life changing experience because
then I think as women, especially single moms, you just
like know what to grab when you go shop, and
you know what colors to look for, you know what
looks good on you. I highly recommend it for everyone
to go get their color. And this is not mine,

(01:45):
but again I didn't have any clothes down here, but yeah,
getting your color analysis done. But yes, I just watched
all the shows. I just I love that you have
gave me this opportunity to come on. I'm super excited
to talk about divorce and co parenting and all the
things me too.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
So I just kind of binge your TikTok and I
found them very helpful and fascinating. I wish I had
known about it a year ago. That was very helpful
for me. So I want to start, first off, tell
us how long you've been helping couples through divorce and
how did all of that happen.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
Well, I was a teacher for first like I taught
high school driver's ed in health and pe and I
got divorced from my husband, my first husband, and it
was I thought it was going to be so simple,
and a lot of you know you on the show
was me. I was just like, why can't this be easier,
Why can't this just be simple? Like you and I
both know that we don't like each other, Like let's

(02:40):
just move on, you know, like drop the hatchet and
just like move on and progress. And it didn't go
that way. A lot of resistance from him, a lot
of like pointing fingers, and it drug our court case
out and it made it really, really ugly, which made
it ugly for the kids. My kids were one and
three at the time, and they're now twenty one and nineteen,
so they've had their whole lives being divorced kids. But
it was a really ugly divorce and it took a

(03:02):
toll on me. I was emotionally disregulated through most of it.
I made a lot of bad choices, just so distracted
with the co parenting journey. And I was really educated,
I was really smart. I came from a good family.
And I'm like, what is it about me that's making
this so difficult? Like is it him? Is it me?
Is it us? Is it the system? Like what is
It's so ugly? And I kept asking my mom like
why me? Like why does this? I see my friends

(03:23):
get divorced, you know their ex husbands aren't like mine,
Like what is going on? And it was just a
slow learning curve for me, like figuring out that it
was partly me, but it was a lot of his
personality that I just was refusing to accept. And I
met my now husband as I, you know, was on
my healing journey, and he said, you know, you really
need to teach people about divorce. So I just started

(03:44):
doing mediation at first, and I didn't I found that
joyful because I was helping people like come together, but
it wasn't my story because I didn't come together with
my ex husband and do anything amicably. So I wasn't
really living like my authentic self. So then when I
started helping one client at a time and being their
divorce coach, it was like all things just aligned, and
I felt really good because I was able to help
my former self and give my former self all those

(04:06):
tools that I, you know, give my clients of figuring out.
You know, sometimes it is you that you need to
adjust because you got to accept who you're dealing with.
And that's the big thing, is just really accepting. And
so as I went through my journey and my now husband,
we had two more kids, so I have four kids
and getting ready to do it with somebody who actually
loves me and respects me. It's a completely different feeling

(04:27):
than being in a loveless marriage it's just toxic, and
then going through a coprinting journey that's even worse than
the marriage.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
I love that that resonates with me a lot, I
feel like, right right absolutely kind of explain what a
divorce coach is.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
Yeah, a divorce coach is pretty much. I mean, if
I had my pick for everybody that's going through a divorce,
especially if you haven't like even a small thought that
it's going to be high conflict, and it can get
high conflict the beginning, middle or six years from now,
but if you think it's going to be high conflict.
A divorce coach is somebody that's going to listen to you,
validate you, give you strategy and direction, and really cut
your cost down with your attorney and be that person

(05:05):
that says, you know, hey, your attorney doesn't have a
lot of time to talk to you, so what are
all your questions? And then that divorce coach can type
up the questions in bullet form, kind of talk you
off the ledge of the emotional stuff and really just
take the stuff that really needs to be done by
attorneys to the attorney. So the divorce coach is kind
of like your best friend going through the whole process.
Somebody that's going to be educated about the system. Can't

(05:26):
give you legal advice, but can give you strategy, Like
I said, the strategy and just the no have of
like here's an option. Have you thought of this? What
about this boundary? Can we possibly try this instead of
what you're doing isn't really working with your ex? Maybe
we need to try something new interesting.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Someone who's watched the valley and you obviously see that
we're going through a divorce, what is some advice you
would give to me to.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
You personally, I would say your expectations are not Jesse's
on how you think co parenting should go, how you
think that you should treat each other, and things that
you should probably discuss in front of Isabella. I think
both of you have different expectations, but I think what
you both need to realize is you need to start
expecting the same behaviors that you guys have probably showcased

(06:12):
the whole time you were married. You know, nobody's gonna
change when they get divorced. They're actually gonna become worse
because there's always one person, if not both. That kind
of wants some validation on you're the reason this broke up.
You're the reason this is a problem. Everybody likes to
fingerpoint and they want other people to agree that that's
the problem. That's the problem. But I think too many
times in co parenting we're expecting our own behavior out

(06:34):
of our ex Well, I wouldn't talk about you to
our child, so you shouldn't do that. And I can
guarantee most people are talking mad to their children about
their other co parent. And so I think it's a
matter of lowering your expectations, I mean, gut or level,
lower your expectations of that other co parent, but start
expecting the same pattern of behavior that you see over

(06:55):
and over and over again and become less shocked by it.
Less Oh my god, I can't believe, you know, my
ex did this, But more so, watch the pattern and
then start preparing yourself to accept the pattern so that
it doesn't influence you as a parent.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
You know.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
I think that was my biggest problem. I kept going,
oh my gosh, I can't believe my ex said that
to my kids. I can't believe my ex said that
to the community, to the bank teller at the bank,
like what the hell? And then I would be so
rattled that I would come home and be a dysregulated
parent because I'm so bothered by like the audacity, like
the nerve, are you kidding me? And then I'm just
this triggered mom at home, like I'm so go play,

(07:32):
just go, like I need to think or I need
to do that, you know. And I was pushing my
children away or being out, you know, really loud with
them because I was just emotionally disregulated. But he loved
to have me there because then I was being mean,
being mean to my child, my children, because I was
so just like oh, frustrated that then he would be like, oh,
his mom mean to you? Well, I mean, yeah, she

(07:53):
does yell at us a little bit. Yeah, So he
knew that I would fall into the pattern every single
time until I learned boundaries self control. Just because things
happen to me or get said about me, it doesn't
mean it has to affect me. I mean, that's other
people's opinion. We all know we shouldn't give it about that, right,
But he was trying to get me bothered with my children,
and it worked for eight years. I was totally oblivious

(08:15):
to how to fix it. Totally oblivious. So in a nutshell,
that's what I would say. I think you need to
lower your expectations, and I think you need to start
expecting behaviors that you've witnessed not once, not twice, but
just in a show that's only a few minutes of
your life I could see ten times again, you know,
start expecting those behaviors.

Speaker 1 (08:31):
That is so interesting because I wish I knew that
before and I am just now learning how to navigate
and deal with that because I was very frustrated, like, yeah,
obviously this is to me, it's common sense. You do
these things, you don't do these things. And I was
just like, hello, we want what's best for our daughter.
And it's just a cycle of exactly what you said.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
Yeah, it just repeats itself. And when you but you
have to realize, like when you, anybody gets a divorce,
you know, ends a marriage, makes that decision, we don't
jump straight to healthy co parenting. There is a middle
ground of uneasiness, relearning things, figuring out. You know, we
are not a team anymore. We're separate people, but yet
we do have a child together, so we want to

(09:17):
be on the same team. But yet I don't like you,
so I don't want to be on your There's just
a lot of learning curve. You know, you guys chose
to do it on TV. I give you credit for that,
where most people are struggling in the privacy of their
own homes, you know. So I'm watching it and I'm
I know all these things. You know, how you reacted
in certain moments, and how he you know, went over
the top in certain moments. You guys were showcasing that

(09:38):
middle phase on national.

Speaker 1 (09:39):
Television exactly, and it's so wild and now watching it back,
I'm like, wow, that is one of the hardest things
anybody has to go through in life, like a nasty
divorce and then let alone just at a layer of
showcasing it on national television.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
Right, I mean, a divorce is one thing, it's like death.
But then when you throw children in the mix as well.
You know, anybody can get divorced and fight over money,
but when you have a child, especially a very young
only child, right to deal with and you're doing it
on national television, I mean to give you guys credit
for doing it. When you're in the hurt phase, you
say things that maybe your ten years away self won't say,
or your six years of self you know a way

(10:16):
won't say. But you guys showed that. And that's what
everybody that's listening that's going through a divorce and co parenting.
It's not as easy as just like I want my
marriage to end and I want to be a single,
happy co parent. There is this The middle phase could
be six months to a year or two. For me,
it was eight years of figuring out what does this
look like now that I'm a single parent and I'm
dealing with somebody that hates me. A lot that is

(10:39):
very upset, is very bitter, is very angry, has not
worked through anything in their past or their present, giving
a facade that they have. You know, wants me to
be the bad guy, and that's fine in his story.
I sure, I'm sure I am the worst enemy and
the worst person in his story. But in reality, I'm
living it every single day.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
Yeah, I agree with you. You're like speaking my mind. You're
seeing it out loud.

Speaker 2 (11:03):
Right.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
So what is the biggest mistake you see people making
when it comes to co parenting.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
I think one of the longest, long term mistakes that
people make. There's two, and I would say the first
one has to deal with children, is giving your narrative
to children prematurely before their age appropriate. And I'm talking
age appropriate is like twenties and thirty year olds. That's
when you start telling your kids, maybe about your marriage,
maybe about the past. I see too many co parents

(11:36):
start off small and they say casual, little burner sentences
in front of their children that they think are just
funny or or sarcastic or condescending a little bit in
front of their children. Maybe it's just an earshot. Kids
over playing in the corner, somebody comes over and somebody
asks about the divorce, asked about co parenting. That parent
looks over, sees the child is busy, distracted playing and
they start casually bashing on the parent in front of

(11:58):
the child. Then slowly but sure. Maybe it's a conversation
where it's right before drop off and pick up, and
there's something that's said to the child like, oh, you
better make sure mom buys you shoes because I pay
her enough in child support, so I'm not buying little
subtle things where the child is listening negatively about the
other parent. So one parent doesn't have a filter, doesn't

(12:19):
have any you know, brains to just not talk about
the other parent. I see this happen all the time
with kids of parents just talk about each other to
the children or in front of the children, and the
children are absorbing that and they internalize that my children
are proof and product of that. And then the second
mistake I would say that most co parents make is
they just don't have boundaries with the other co parent,
and they feel like that they allow that parent to

(12:42):
come into their life too much, come into their home
as a single parent make decisions because you know, I
for a long time felt like, well I have to
do that was my ex husband's going to get mad,
He's going to take me to court again. I have
to do that. Otherwise he's going to tell the kids
that I'm a bad parent. I have to do that.
Like he got to parent my children in my home
without even being there because I was so scared of him.
I was scared of disappointing him, scared of making a

(13:02):
mad scared of what he would tell the whole friack
in town because he ran his mouth all over the time,
and so I was didn't have any boundaries with I
had the right to do what I wanted to do,
and he can do what he wants to do. And
coparing just isn't for everybody. Coparating is a very small percentage.
Most of us are counterparenting or just parallel parenting in
our own home. And I do what I want with
my children, and he does what he wants with the

(13:23):
children during his time, and we don't mix. We don't
mix at all. And that's why a good parenting plan
is really essential.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
Well, something that I will say about myself if is
that I've done a really good job because I do
think of my daughter, and I do think even though
there are moments that I hate him and can't stand him.
If she asked me a question, no matter what the
question is about her dad, I say nothing but positive
things about him, and I will never say anything negative

(13:51):
or make her aware of our situation. That was just
really important to me.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
I would advise this. I would advise neutral or nothing.
So instead instead of giving falsees because I was the
falsehood girl mom too for eight years, you know, I
would be like, Oh, Dad loves you, Oh Dad's this,
you know, Let's send a picture to Dad. I was
his number one promoter, number one. Nobody could beat me
at promoting this guy, except for maybe his own mother.

(14:18):
And so I'm over here promoting him to my children.
He's the greatest. Let's send a picture. He cares about you,
he loves you. Dad loves you Dad. And here's where
our therapists, because we had a lot of therapy throughout
this whole journey. My therapist was like, you're promoting a
man that does nothing but bash on you to those
same children. You are go Dad, and he's over there
like mom to those same kids. So they're very confused

(14:41):
as to why are you promoting a man that hates
your guts? And those are the words that my nine
year old said to me eventually at one time, and
it all kind of made sense. And my therapist was like,
do me a favor. Just stay neutral. Uh huh, sounds
great or nothing but to promote falsely. And this is
a term that a lot of co parents use. Great dad,
horrible husband, great dad, horrible co parent. I'm sorry, you

(15:03):
can't be a great dad. If you're bashing on the
other parent of that child, you're not. You're not a
good dad. If you're willing to throw the mother of
that child under the bus the first chance you get
because to be a dad.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
And that's why I always say I'm the mother of
your child, because I.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
Agree with that. But it's not clicking with somebody like that.
It's not clicking with anybody who has an ego issue
or a personality trait that doesn't allow them to empathize
with that key word, mother of my child. Loyalty. You
broke the loyalty. You divorced him. He's done. He will
never be loyal to you. And that fact does not

(15:39):
matter to him. It matters to you. He's the father
of your child. My ex husband. As much as I
don't like the man, I never bashed on him either,
because I didn't need to. I knew two things. Number One,
he was never going away, but number two, they were
going to figure it out soon enough. I didn't need
to say anything, so I kept my mouth shut. And
that was under the advice of a really great therapist
that I had when I first started. And I think
it's just this concept that we have to get away

(16:01):
from promoting someone that isn't promoting us. So we just
need to lay low and just be neutral, and we
always need to be the truth teller, always the truth teller.
Because here's the big picture in all of this. The
only thing that ever matters in a divorce and coparating
journey with children, the only thing that matters is your
relationship with Isabelle. That's it lifelong. That relationship is going

(16:23):
to go on for how many more years? Forty to fifty? Yeah,
and what you say and do now impacts that forty
or fifty years. My daughter's downstairs right now, she's nineteen
years old, home from college. We're going to have the
best summer we've ever had. We're going to concerts on
the beach, like it's going to be amazing. Why because
I cut my head down. I kept my mouth shut.
I didn't say anything about her dad, and she figured

(16:44):
it out all on her own and made her decision
of who she wanted to be around for the rest
of her adult life. That was her choice because I
kept my mouth shut. That's why I say I think
too many people try to get their children to figure
it out too early, and then there's going to be
some resentment or there's it's going to be a why
were you so nice to somebody that mistreated you, which
is what I did, and it later produces people pleasing children,

(17:06):
which can be very problematic, very problematic. So I would
just advise, like, I'm all for the positivity, but just
make sure it's genuine, because she's gonna be able to
smell a mile away pretty soon. Yeah, and she'll be like,
that's funny. He doesn't say anything nice about you, And
I don't know if he does or not because we're
not in his home. But we just need to be
neutral or nothing. Uh huh, yep, your dad neutral or nothing.

(17:26):
But we don't bash because it's not worth it. We
don't have to.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
Yeah, we don't have to. Well, that helps me because
I was very positive or I am very positive. But
I like what you're saying and it makes perfect sense.

Speaker 2 (17:37):
And here's the other thing. Stop and really listen, and
this is a test. And my therapist again, kudos to
my therapist, bar She was amazing. She was my child
psychologist for my kids. She helped me every step of
the way because she knew what I was dealing with.
She said this, She goes, try to take a whole week,
never mentioned dad, do not be the one. Then initiates
dad's name, and see how the child actually brings it

(18:01):
up when they're home with you, and you will be
surprised when she's with you she could possibly not bring
up Dad. Very often, you're the one inserting because of
your insecurities that you have a divorce kid, and you
feel bad, so you want to make sure that you're
not the problem. You want to make sure you're promoting
her well. You want to make sure she feels that
you're not the issue. So sometimes we over insert the
person when in reality, here's what my kids were telling

(18:21):
the therapist. We just want to break from dad, and
mom keeps bringing him up, Mom keeps promoting him, Mom
keeps talking about him, Mom keeps telling us to call
him and draw him pictures and all take it to
daddy's house. You know, all this. We just want to
break from that whole mom dad thing. When we're with her,
we want to be with her. When we're with him,
we want to be with him. But we know he'll
never stop talking about her and obsessing with what she's

(18:43):
doing and who she's with and how much money she
spends and all this things. But when were with her,
can we just like have peace? Please? And again, I
never thought of it from that perspective because I wanted
them to see I'm not like him. I don't bash
on him. But they were just like, we want to
break from all the just drama.

Speaker 1 (18:58):
Yeah, And I tried my best to do that. And
that's why, you know, it is hard to navigate being
on TV and doing that, because it's like there are
moments where I'm quiet and I keep to myself because
I'm still in the back of my mind thinking of
my daughter.

Speaker 2 (19:14):
Yeah, she'll watch it and so you know when she's
older and you know everything anybody going through divorce and
I see this on TikTok a lot, in social media
sites and reels where people are putting their stuff out there.
About the other parent. Your kids will grow up and
they will watch all of this stuff eventually. I mean,
to see mine, you'd have to actually like pull out
a file and go read it. I mean, I'm forty six,

(19:34):
so nothing is like digitalized, you know from my case,
thank goodness, But it's this you can really do have
to be mindful that everything's out there everywhere. I mean,
everything that Jesse has said is out there forever, you know,
and it will never go away. And again it's that
ego of like being hurt speaks before what your child,
remembering what your child will hear, So.

Speaker 1 (19:55):
You think he's still hurt.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
I think. I think most anybody that does doesn't have
closure or a good support system or good background on
dealing with emotions in a positive way, stay hurt for
a long time, and they will use that hurt as
the excuse to lash out, yeah, instead of just admitting
that their feelings are hurt or instead of you know,

(20:18):
I think I think personally, I think he's after a win.
He wants to hear you say you cheated. He wants
to hear you say you're the reason he wants to hear.
And my business partner, Iiah we run a membership group
for moms. We could give it who cheated, and I'm
not saying you did, But when it comes to cheating,
we hear our clients all the time like, but he's
the one that cheated and she's the one that cheated,
and we're like, who cares? The marriage failed way before

(20:39):
that cheat happened. The marriage was crumbling way before that happened.
So why are you so gung ho on that? Why
don't you really look at maybe how you participated in
why the marriage failed. Why did you emotionally detach? Why
did you physically detached? Why did you financially hide things?
Like there was a lot more going on before that moment,
But people that have you know, troubled childhoods or trauma

(21:00):
from past, you know, other relationships, hold on to that
moment that's visual instead of all the little moments that
happened behind the scenes. Yeah, it's personality differences, and I
think that's what you need to remember into co parenting
in anybody. The personality you married is not who you divorce,
or it's just a worse version of them, and you
can't the divorce isn't going to cure their personality or

(21:22):
get you away from it, you are still going to
have to deal with that type of personality. And I'm
not saying Jesse's personality is wrong, but it's a wrong
fit for you. And so it didn't work out. You know,
another woman may want him to be that way and
that extravagant and that lead and that you know, over
the top kind of personality. I would run from that,
and you ran from that, right, So I mean, he's
gonna find his person But that doesn't mean you're a

(21:45):
good fit, you know, But in co parenting, that personality
did not change. Yeah, did not change at all.

Speaker 1 (21:51):
And I've heard you talk a lot about boundaries. For me,
I was I had so much anxiety because it was
just so much text and back in fourth and I
didn't even understand which is such an easy concept to
have boundaries, Like what do you advise like.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
I'm all for the amicable divorce. I'm all for the
people that can put their bitterness aside, their feelings aside,
and go, you know what we're gonna do. This is
the kitchen table. We're gonna pay a two hundred dollar
fee and we're gonna be divorced smorrow. I give those
people credit. I also think they should go buy a
lottery ticket because it's a very small percentage of people.
So many people think that they will be able to
explain and the other person will receive and a goal

(22:31):
will be hit. Yeah, and I think the quicker we
can implement. There's such great tools out there now. You know,
you have all kinds of parenting apps to kind of
get you off of your phones and more into an
app where everything is documented. Lawyers can read it, judges
can read it. I think that's a first step. We
also have to realize we're in that retraining period. We
were married and we're not single yet. We're retraining them

(22:52):
on what our tolerance level is, what we will allow,
what we won't allow, and the only thing they know
is what worked before in the marriage. If I if
I text enough, if I threaten enough, if I you know, pout,
if I withdraw, she'll come back and she'll she'll give
me the answer that I want, or she'll engage with me,
you know. And I think when we get to that

(23:12):
heightened experience and they'll throw something a about the kids.
You know, we work real hard and we're like, I'm
not texting back, I'm not texting back I'm not. I'm not,
and then they throw something in like we're a bad mom,
or you won't let me talk to the child, or
I can't believe you're doing this. Isabelle, You're like, oh no,
that's not even the reason. Then what we do We
start texting back and forth to explain that's not the reason,
here's the reason. But to them, that's kryptonite. All they

(23:32):
wanted was a response from us. They don't care if
it's positive or negative. They just want the engagement. And
so again it's that retraining period, not only for them
but for us that we have to be okay with
letting them think whatever they want to think. As long
as I know my child is okay, I'm going to
implement a whole bunch of boundaries. If my child is
with me, I don't need to answer the phone. And
even if my child is with them, the only thing

(23:53):
I'm responding back to is a health concern or a
transportation issue. If it's anything other than that, I'm not responding.
I'm training them. My business hours for co pairing starts
again tomorrow at eight am. That's it. So if they
text me at nine to seven, I'm not responding my
business hours ended at five unless it's an emergency. But
if it's only about you know, transportation or health, those
are the only reasons I respond back. That's it.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
But it's what if one parent does not want to
use the apps and the other.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
Got to get it court ordered. Or you can do
the same thing in your text messages, you know, the
same thing. You can just say, even if it's on text.
You can just say, hey, look, I have co parenting
hours from eight am to five unless it falls under
these two categories. And then it's up to my discretion
whether I text back or not. And again when when
I don't respond back, I get sixteen more messages you
know whatever. I'm just documenting. I'm documenting, documenting, documenting, And

(24:44):
at the end of the day, if we're probably gonna
have to come back to court again if we don't
have a very good parenting plan, and when I do,
I'm gonna say, Judge, you know that parenting app that
I asked for last time? You denied us because he
didn't want to do it. Can you court order it now?
Because I have a stat sheet that says in the
past thirty days he has text messaged me seventy three
times at at one point, fourteen of them came in
a row. This is ridiculous and impacting my parenting time

(25:04):
with my child. I would like to switch to an
app so then you'll just have to show that it's
worthy to have. But again, I think the apps are
really critical for boundaries. But I think the boundary everybody
needs to realize isn't me telling my ex to not
come in my house or not call me, or you know,
not say things around my children. It's if you do
this behavior, here's what I will do in response. That's it.

(25:27):
You have to tell them. You know, if you text
me two more times or again after five o'clock, I
will not respond, and that's it. And you got to
hold that. I don't care what firing off text message
comes after that that threatening tone. You know, do what
you gotta do, is my comment to my ex Usman,
I'm gonna take you to court. Do what you gotta do,
but you're not gonna get me after seven o'clock. Sorry,
I know you want me, but you're not gonna get me.

(25:48):
You know, you have to realize always think from their
perspective too, and I think too many of us we
get so caught up, and I would never do that.
I would ever do that. Take that hat off for
a second, put his hat on. What childhood did he
go through, what's his parents experience, what divorces has he watched?
Who are his friends? What is his work environment? And
then put that hat on and go, Okay, he might
be bothered by six other things right now. And that's

(26:09):
why I'm getting this version of him. It's not always you,
it's sometimes just their environment or their background.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yeah, I really learned the hard way because everybody does.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
Everybody does, and I did too, eight year sister doing
it all wrong. And that's why I'm good at it
now because I've been in those shoes. Now. The only
thing you can do is a couple of things. Number One,
adjust implement new boundaries. Moving forward, You're not going to
get all of me anymore. You're going to get the
times that I want to give it to you. You're
going to give those sentences I'm gonna give you, know,
Gray Rock, whatever you want to do. The other thing
is just pass it along. You say, hey, I've been you.

(26:45):
I've wanted to send that text, I've wanted to respond back.
I've wanted to meet at the kitchen table. Just don't
do it. I've you already hired an attorney. Have the
attorney do it. You were like, you know, he keeps
calling my lawyer, and it's costing me more and more money.
They know that people like this, and I'm not saying
Jesse specifically, but anybody that's of high conflict would rather
give all the money to the attorneys and waste it
all than to know that you're gonna walk away with

(27:06):
a dime. I see all my clients who get high
attorney bills because their ex keeps calling and sending their
attorney over to their attorney, and it just racks up
a bill, racks up two hundred three hundred thousand dollars
divorces just so the ex wife doesn't get anything.

Speaker 1 (27:20):
I know. And at the end, that's just taking away
from I.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
Don't see it that way. They don't see it that way.
They see you winning. It's not about the kid. They're
incapable of looking at anything from a child's perspective, and
I dare say that most of them no one looked
at their perspective when they were a child, and so
they're following a pattern. And I don't know Jesse's history.
I'm not a therapist. I'm not saying this happened to
him or anything. But a lot of people that don't

(27:46):
look from a child's perspective, we're also the child that
never got attention the way they should have got attention
as a child, and so they're not even bothered by
it that they don't see it that way at all. Yeah,
So patterns repeat themselves, no matter how smart weak can
we see the pattern? Watch the pattern and no, I
mean it's like clockwork with the moon. You'll see the
same pattern show up every month, like clockwork. And that's

(28:09):
why again, I recommend the Bingo card, I recommend having
divorce coaches. I recommend just getting ahead of it, watch
the pattern and accept this pattern's going to show up again.
But how am I going to respond to this pattern?

Speaker 1 (28:21):
Yeah? I've had to change and I'm now a better
person and I feel much better and I'm not feeling
peace anymore, way more peace than eight months ago, because
I'm just not allowing any of that right.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
And you're the only one that can control that. We
can never control a Jesse or an ex husband or
even an x Y. We can't control them. No lawyer
can control them, no judge can control them. The only
thing we can control is how we let it affect us.
That's it, you know, And because how it affects us
is how we show up as a parent. My kids
will tell you I was so emotionally disregulated those first

(28:54):
eight years. I lost eight years with my kids at
very young, single digit ages. I don't remember it. I've
blocked it all out. They remind me all the time
of how distant I was, because I was such in
the fog. I was so in the why is this
my life? Like, he's horrible, he's bashing on me, he's
take me back to court, I'm so broke, blah blah blah,
and I just I couldn't get with it. And finally
somebody said, have you ever just thought about taking care

(29:16):
of yourself and stop worrying about him in the situation?
And as soon as I started doing self care, self love, boundaries,
healing all of it, my whole life changed and I
had so much peace come over me and I went
back to being an awesome mom.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
Well, because that's the longest relationship you will have is
with your children, I.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
Know, and especially when they're so little. It's so important
to be present and like not worry about the things
that don't really matter.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
Really doesn't matter, none of that, none of the court
battle because the second as Belle's eighteen, there's no court
that's going to care what happens to her. That nobody's
going to care to her. In the judge's world, the
court's world, lawyer's world, nobody's going to care. And at eighteen,
she's able to say I like you, I like you,
or I don't like you and I really couldn't stand you.
For all eighteen years, she will get to decide what
she does. That's the like, that's the trophy we're looking for.

(30:03):
Is where do they come home to for Thanksgiving? That
first year of college? How do they spend Christmas when
they get engaged, who do they call the first birth
of their child? Who's in the room, who's in the
waiting room? Like, that's what everybody should be looking for,
not who wins the freaking restaurant or the retirement package.
Nobody gives it about that. You shouldn't anyways. You should
be caring about how your child will view you, and

(30:25):
how your child will love you, and what relationship you
will have on your child for the duration of their life.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
Yeah, that's all I think about all the time before
I go to bed. I'm like, I just want to
love Isabella. I want her to love me and just
be best friends when she grows up, And how can
I make that happen?

Speaker 2 (30:40):
Perfect? So then just start teaching her that she's going
to have to have a voice in all relationships she has.
And I'm not saying just specifically with her dad, with you,
with grandma and grandpa, with peers, with teachers, everybody that
comes in her life she's going to have because high
conflict people are everywhere. You're everywhere. It could be her
preschool teacher, it could be her neighbor.

Speaker 1 (30:59):
Guy.

Speaker 2 (30:59):
That's it's rude, Like, you're gonna have to teach her
her voice too, and her boundaries too with people. And
again that's where I think it just it's a real
slap in the face when your kids start throwing boundaries
out with people. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it took
me till thirty something to figure those out. But look
at you at seven, you got a boundary, Like that's
really awesome. That's where that builds that lifelong relationship because

(31:20):
she's gonna know you taught her that, and that's how
life skill.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
And another thing that you mentioned that I thought was
really interesting because I've done it both ways. I think
birthday conversations happen all the time. I have so many
people in putting and giving me their opinions on like, well,
you should be together for birthdays and have that one
day with your daughter. And so when we first separated,

(31:49):
we actually did do a little thing together. And when
I listened to your TikTok, it was very strange for
me because I went into his home and it was
just a very different you have.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
Yourself last, you know, in that situation, and she'll follow
that suit. And that's what I'll tell you about that.
My therapist, Barb, she was like, Yeah, you think you're
showing your kids that you'll always put them first, But
then what they're gonna follow that, and then they're gonna
put other people first before themselves. There's nothing wrong with
going to a child and saying, you know what, Mom's
gonna have a party and dad's gonna have a party.
I'm gonna have the one with all your friends, or

(32:21):
I'm gonna have the one with all the family, and
maybe Dad's gonna do the opposite or the same. Nobody
cares my kids. If I called them in here right
now without any any prompting me, and I said, would
you want a birthday party with both of us? She
would say hell to the no ever, no way, because
of that two different personalities. Who she was for her
dad was not who she was for me. So if
we were in the same room, she would have to
pick which parent do I please right now? And I'm

(32:43):
always gonna please the parents that's harder. So she would
have always pleased her dad because his personality was a
little bit different than how she showed up for me.
And I would never do that to her. Not to
mention kids love two parties, I mean, it's twice the
amount of joy and fun and it's and anybody that's
listening about holidays or about birthday, it's not about the
specific day. It's about the celebration and who's having a

(33:06):
birthday party. I'm sorry. If your kids' birthdays on a Tuesday,
you're not having a party on a Tuesday anyways. You're
having the party on the weekends. So like on your weekend,
you have a party in the following weekend, your ex
has the party, and kids are okay with that. They
want it to all be spaced out. They want to
just see both parents relaxed, And I just you got
to always remember, how you show up for yourself is

(33:27):
how your kids will show up later for themselves. So
if you're doing things to bend over backwards and be
flexible and be gumby and oh I'm the best co
parent in the world, you're akaa people pleaser, and your
child will eventually do all those same things. And you're
over there, like, man, stand up for yourself and you're like,
what's that look like. I don't even know what that
looks like. You've never shown me that you always do
what everybody else once you do, because that's what's best.

(33:49):
So be very mindful of that, because I again, I
did that for eight years thinking that I was going
to prove that I was not the problem, and I
was the problem because I was a people pleaser.

Speaker 1 (33:58):
I'm so glad you said that, because I learned just
from last year. I felt uncomfortable. I didn't feel myself.
I just I was like, this is not necessary. I'm
not doing that again in the future. And she recently
had a birthday, and on her actual birthday, I took
her to Disneyland. It was the best, just her and I,
completely different dynamic, and I'm like, she's fine, she's going
to see her dad. She saw her dad yesterday, and

(34:20):
then she saw her dad the following day, so it
was perfect.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
Yeah. Yeah, and I think again it goes back to
having a really clear parenting plans that you don't even
have to discuss with your ex any type of specifics.
It's just let's just follow the plan, you know. That
way we don't have to talk, especially around this emotional
time of her birthday where we're both kind of like
feeling a little bit of the guilt of the divorce
and stuff like, let's just follow what the plan says
and celebrate during our own time or whatever it lists there.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
Yeah. And so I'm fifty to fifty custody and goal
I actually, which is very naive of me. I didn't
know anything about legal beforehand. I just said, like, it
makes sense, fifty to fifty legal. But then I learned
the hard way that we need to be in agreement

(35:06):
about the most important things, such as hell and yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:10):
The four pillars education, extracurricular, medical, and religion. Those are
the four basic pillars in any state. California and most
all states will really say that you have to agree
on all four things. And it's really tricky when you
have somebody again that has maybe an issue with you,
and just anytime you say black, they say white. You know,
it's just they're going to go against camp. No, okay,

(35:31):
then what are we doing? You know? It comes up
with no ideas, just likes to say no to everything.
And that's why a really good parenting plan, especially if
you're in a state where a lot of people are
going towards fifty to fifty and joint parenting, you've got
to plan out all those things. You really have to
take a look at where's your child at and what
age you know, leaps are they going to go through,
and kind of predetermine all of those decisions because if not,

(35:51):
you're probably where you are where it's just legal joint,
you know, and you have to go back and bring
a mediator in every single time or call your lawyer
every single time that you two can agree. And I
really think that's just been a disservice that the system
is so flawed that people like me are out here
saying no, I've built something that will literally get you
no matter where your kid is when you get divorced,
all the way to eighteen. We predetermine all the choices,

(36:13):
so we could be done with each other and just
focus on her forever, and we don't have to keep
calling and mitigating, you know, and going and using lawyers
all the time. We can just actually move on with
our lives instead of keep reminding ourselves that we're divorced
and it's ugly.

Speaker 1 (36:26):
That's the best advice. Can you do a parenting plan after?

Speaker 2 (36:30):
Yeah, you can modify it. So so if you are
somebody that's listening and you're like, okay, I'm in the
divorce process, I ten out of ten recommend a couple things.
Number one, go take my class and at least learn
everything about what a parenting plan is, the four pillars.
But I also break down everything especially in dealing with
high conflict. Super cheap and affordable. It's only ninety seven dollars.
But learn as much as you can be the most
educated person in the room about all the options. Because

(36:51):
as you're hearing just me today, you're like, I didn't
know that was an option. I didn't know that was
an option. I don't want that for anybody, And lawyers
just don't have the time to like handhold you through
a lot. They're expecting you to come educated, all right, Well,
at least the good ones are expecting you to come educated.
The bad ones don't want you to be educated. But
you want to come and learn as much as possible.
But yes, my ideal client is somebody that's starting thinking
or just like really just talk to their attorney yesterday

(37:12):
and she wants a divorce or he wants a divorce.
I want to take a parenting plan and write it
from however old your kid is now, all the way
to high school, diapers, to diplomas, every major leap. Again,
like I said, my kids were one and three when
I got divorced. They're old kids now, they're in their twenties.
It's been doing this a decade. So every time I
get a difficult client situation, I adjust my templates, I
adjust all the work, I adjust my team. I coach
my team on a dune change. But you want to

(37:33):
be able to build a custom parenting plan that answers
all of those things. You know, are we doing private school?
Are we doing pre K? Are we doing after school
program before school? Are we doing a day camp in
the summertime? You know? Medical? Are we vaccinating? Are we
doing a slow vax? Are we doing novaks? Religious? Are
we baptizing? Are we not baptizing? Can she go on
a mission trip when she's fifteen? I don't know. We
want to plan everything out. Extracurriculars are the biggest one

(37:55):
to pay attention to, especially for you guys that get
divorced when your children are young. You're like, we'll always agree, No,
you won't. You won't agree whether your kid does a clarinet,
or she does volleyball camp, or she does travel softball. Like,
you want to make sure you kind of plan out
for all those scenarios. Well, if she does do this,
here's what the plan is. If she does do this,
here's you who has finals say she does this? Who

(38:15):
pays for it? Because if you don't do that, then
you're guaranteeing that you always have to call your lawyer
or always just give in to the other parent, And
that's just exhausting. Again, I'm all for peace and focusing
on my relationship for my child. If I have to
keep talking to my ex, that is not peace. If
I have to keep paying my attorney. I am not
at peace. So I want to lay all that out
and get that done. And why do I want it

(38:36):
done so early for the people listening, Because I want
you to then to use that and use that to
interview attorneys. I want you to do that and send
it over. Maybe you can't have a kitchen table divorce,
and you send that over to your ex and say, hey,
no matter where what state we're in, we have to
have a parenting plan because we have a child. Look
this over, give me your thoughts, make some edits. I
want to cut my costs down, yead. I want to

(38:57):
have the whole plan wrote out because I want to
be done and I want to move on with my life.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
Yeah. And even in the last twelve months, I've had
to deal with some big issues and that was part
of the back and forth because, for example, we were
having a disagreement between public and private school. We had
a big disagreement about Isabella needing surgery to get her
tonsils removed. Yes, put in here, and it was an

(39:22):
argument because we weren't I to eye on it. So
it took me months and months and months to try
to convince in order to get something done while she's.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
Over there getting fluid on her ears or hearing is
decreasing by the minute. And it's all because it's a
power trip on who gets the final say and who
gets this to push. And that's where you know, then
some parents like me, I just give it and be like, fine,
then we won't do it, you know, because I didn't
want to fight anymore. I didn't want to be confrontationally moore,
I didn't want to spend any more money. But then
it's like, but also, this is our freaking health, and

(39:53):
so now I do have to make this stance and
it's just this pissing match constantly, and it's so exhausting
to be a part of, so exhausted financially and emotionally
and mentally. But that's how they want you to show
up as that troubled, bothered, stressed out parent that makes
them happy. They're like giddy about that. And that's what's
sad about the whole thing is that both of you

(40:14):
have two different perspectives on what parenting and coparannting looks like. Yeah,
I don't think I don't think he has a clue
that what stuff like that does to you emotionally and
how you show up for her. I think there's a
complete detachment there, allowed to say and do what he wants,
and he has no idea how that's going to affect you,
and then how it affects Isabella because she is with
you fifty percent of that time.

Speaker 1 (40:35):
Very well said, because I think I was not in
a good place a year ago, and I was just
struggling every single day because I knew waking up it
was going to be a different argument or a different
back and forth, and it was draining.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
But do you know how much growth that is and
how many people I see that never say something like that,
like who I was for eight years. It's embarrassing to
say that I was a horrible parent for eight years.
I was detached, wasn't emotionally regulated, the worst stress I've
ever been in fight and flight for eight years. It's embarrassing,
but I learned so much from it. It's what makes
me good at this now because I could admit fault,

(41:10):
and my kids and I are so much better because
I was able to say, I've part of your childhood
totally on me. I played that part. There's healing there
for them where the avoidant parent who's gonna act like
they're still holier than now that they've never even crossed
the street. Wrong, That child's gonna look at them and
be like, you don't own anything, like my childhood was up,
Like you own part of that right? Nope, not never me.

(41:33):
You know that's gonna speak so much volume to them.
When your child becomes older, anybody's child becomes older, you
have to be able to sell reflect. If anybody thinks
they can go through a divorce and go into single
parenting and there's no muddy area where you up and
you do things wrong, you're delusional. You're delusional. You're reprogramming yourself.
You're somebody, you're not with anybody anymore. You're reprogramming. And

(41:54):
you chose to do it on national television, which I mean,
I'm still astonished. And it's not just you, you know Jack
Britain doing it too, Like it's crazy to put that
on television and you you held your head up. You
had some bad moments, not gonna lie, some ugly, ugly moments.
But again, as long as you can learn from him,
she's gonna learn from them. I mean, all you do
is show her that and then Shore this podcast. Yeah,

(42:15):
you know when she's older, when she's much much older.
I think it's just I know people really well. I
read people, and so watching that again now knowing what
I know, it was just I think again, you were
in that muddy water phace. You wanted everybody to see
what maybe you had kept a secret for eight ten
years of marriage, and it was all trying to come
out all at the same time, and people were trying
to catch up, and it made you look like you

(42:37):
were trying to spew too much. But you kept your
mouth shut for so long that nobody really knew how
bad it was. Right. And it's not to say he's
all to blame or you're all to blame, but again,
it's nobody's business. Really. You know what happened in your marriage.
It's over, it's done. We all need to move on.
And I feel like Jesse's trying to like, you have
to be like the ex for the for the marriage.
You got to take the loss for the marriage and

(42:58):
to me let him think that, Okay, yep, my fault,
totally my fault. I'm the reason that she doesn't have
two parents under the same home. I don't care what
he thinks. I think you were worried about his opinion
because you thought somehow thought, like all of us do
that if you could get him to think clearly, he'd stop.
He'd stop coming for you, he'd stop dragging you, he'd
stop making stupid ass remarks about you as a mother. Yeah, Nope,

(43:20):
he's never gonna stop. Accept him. This is who he is.
This is how he plays the game. It's a matter
of do you want to play the game or not. No,
you're gonna rise above. Let him sink his own ship.
Let him sink it. It's his relationship with Isabella. It's
not your guys's relationship anymore. You're not a three. Yeah,
I'm not a party of three. It's his relationship with Isabella.
That's it. He can sink that ship or he can
float it. But he's trying to sink your ship with her.

(43:42):
And that's where you got to be, like, who whoa boundary?
No fucking way are you coming over here sinking this ship. Nope,
you're not in my helm. I went to the links
of if my children wanted to talk about their dad,
go outside, stand on the porch, tell me in the garage,
tell me if we talk about the car, we'd roll
the windows down, like get that toxic out of here
that I'm like, I did not want him in my
home anymore once I learned about boundaries and healing and all, like, no,

(44:06):
I don't, I don't want it, Like this is a
peaceful place. Don't bring that right because they'd be like
Dad said, you did. Dad said, no, we're not playing
that game. We're not playing that. You got to protect
your peace. And if he wants to sink his ship,
that's on him. He can sink it. You can't stop it.
Anybody that's dealing anybody. This goes for anybody listening that's

(44:26):
dealing with a high conflict personality. Their friends and family
and peers and social group will never confront them because
they don't want to be the target. Right now, you're
his target, and they're okay with that because he's not
picking on anybody else but you. If they would have
jumped in, he would have boom been all over them
and picking on them and finding things in their life

(44:48):
about it and degrading them. Nobody wants to be his target.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
Exactly. Do you think there is ever going to be
a time where I'm not the target?

Speaker 2 (44:57):
Well, that I think. I think the only way you
will ever not be the target is if you just
don't allow him to get to you. He will always
come for you. My ex husband came for me for
eighteen years. You call him today, he'd still be like,
Sam is the fucking problem. He's probably still bashing on
me in his world, and that's fine, he's entitled to
do that. But no, I think he will always have
you as a target always, because there's such a He

(45:18):
gave so much, he thinks to you that you disloyal
took that away, You ended, You embarrassed him, You broke
up his marriage, his marriage and his eyes, you broke
up his family in his eyes. That you will always
be a target, and you have to accept that. I've
accepted that. All the girlfriends that my ex husband has had,
every one of them has come to me and said,
he's obsessed with you. Will not ever be obsessed with you.

(45:38):
He is so damaged by what you know, Brent ending
his marriage. I will always be a point of contingency
for my ex husband. I think Jesse is the same.
I think he will always be coming for you, but
it's just when you expect it it becomes more of
a laughable game of like get a life, like I
buy something new. That's the conversation you're having with all
your friends. Did you see that Michelle bought a new car?
Did you see Michelle moved in with her boyfrien? Int

(46:00):
Like what are you doing, Jess? What's going on in
your life? Talk about that? Nope, everything will be about
you forever. You just have to accept that. But my
problem with that, I see and again I read people
all the time, is that he will do that with
friends when they get sick of it, He'll start doing
this with Isabella. That's my fear is that I hope
he does not.

Speaker 1 (46:18):
I agree. I hope he does not, because I want
the best from But.

Speaker 2 (46:22):
He's going to be seeking validation because that's what he's
doing with peers. He's seeking validation all the time that
he's right and nobody's telling him he's wrong. So then
he's going to take it to the next level and
say those small little things in front of the child
and eventually get into bigger things. And he's going to
be looking to see if she agrees, and she will
because she'll be nice and she'll people please, which will
only make his ego bigger that she agrees with them,
and it's going to make it way worse for everybody.

(46:44):
Therapy therapy, therapy for child. She needs to be in
therapy so that she can have somebody that she can
bitch you and be like, gosh, I don't like it
when mom says this. I don't like it when dad
says this, and somebody can help guide her. I swear
by play therapy at young ages the right THERAPI. So
you got to shop around, You got to you got
to spend some money. You got to find somebody that's
been in the business a while to give her her

(47:04):
piece that she gets to talk and play and vent
and express herself without any ramifications or people pleasing.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
At what age would you recommend that my.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
Children started at single digits, like four or five, seven,
you know around there, Like they started and just played
and talked to the therapist and we stuck with her
for four years and then they went on to couch
therapy and life changing and anytime we hit a rough patch,
we're like, is this therapy time? Yep, let's go, you know,
and we talk it out. I want to stay in
the mom role, and I want all moms out there

(47:34):
and dad's out there. Stay in your lane. You're not
a therapist. Stay in your lane. Be mom. If your
kids struggling with emotions, anything mental, get them help, like,
stay in your lane and just be their parent and
guide them and support them. You don't need to adjust
anything that they're thinking. Let them work that out with
a professional. But yeah, that's my fear for you guys,
is that he's going to try to throw you under

(47:57):
her bus. Yeah, and the only thing you can do
to account that is to just show her who you are.
He may say, and again, I don't know that he's
gonna do this. He may say, your mom's a bitch,
have a great relationship with her. Your mom drinks too much,
watch your drinking in front of her. Your mom has
all these men around her. You don't, you know, Like
you just you counter everything that he's spewing. She's eventually

(48:17):
going to be like, yeah, I don't get that, you know,
I just I don't. I don't feel that She's never
done that to me. No, you know, but he's gonna
run his mouth. I have a feeling.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
I love that. Thank you so much for all advice,
because even that helps me, even though I've already been
in the process for over a year of trying to
get divorce.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
Yeah, there's nothing you're gonna do. He will always be
a target to him. You will always be. You just
have to accept your job, like, Okay.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
This is who I am, which I think I am
at that stage. I sometimes like give in a little bit,
but I've really tried to like just move forward in
life because now I have a boyfriend, I just moved
in with him. I want to just move forward with
life and be happy.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
Yep. And that's again, that's the the counter to the cryptonite.
You know, him engaging with you is what he wants,
and all you have to do is just show him
that you're at peace and you're happy. And yeah, you
can give into things because not everything is in ranking
order of high importance where he's gonna think that, you know,
you gave in on a doctor's woman and you let
him take hot. See, she doesn't want to go to
a doctor's woman. She's so lazy. She just wants to
be with her boyfriend, when in reality, you both going

(49:19):
it is going to cause more conflicts. So you're like,
you know what, for Isabella's sake, I'm gonna let him
take her, and I'll just find out from the nurse
of the doctor or Isabella that it went good. And
I'm good with that. Where he thinks she's so lazy
she let him believe whatever fictional story he wants to
do in his head, I don't really care. I'm gonna
be the target and the bad guy forever. Accept that role.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
I was trying to say, you are to not be
the bad guy in his eyes, when in the reality
is I knew I was in forever.

Speaker 2 (49:46):
Forever you will be and when you can accept that that.
That's only his viewpoint though, And I really don't even
care if there's ten more people attached to that. Let
those ten other people with him think that too. It's
between you and your creator, your universe, whoever you believe,
even that's the and your child that is the most
important person. Who I care what they think of me.
That's it. Those two people, myself actually three, whoever my

(50:08):
creator is, and my child. That's it. That's it. What
he thinks I could give twos about you know. That's it.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
Well, thank you so much. I really welcome to your experience.
It's very helpful.

Speaker 2 (50:22):
You're welcome. You're welcome. Anytime. I mean, I'm a faithful follower.
I started at vander Pump Rules and it just keeps
going and going and I am just obsessed.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
And again touch because there's a lot more episodes than I.

Speaker 2 (50:33):
Oh, I know, I can't wait. Wait all right, thank
you again, have a good day. Thank you too.

Speaker 1 (50:38):
Bye bye bye