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April 7, 2024 19 mins

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Speaker 1 (00:05):
This is Rachel Goes Rogue.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. This
is your host Rachel Savannah Lovis, and today I want
to talk about the iHeart Awards. It was an incredible
experience and then something more on a serious note, because

something has been weighing heavy on my heart and hasn't
been sitting well with me, so I want to get
into that as well. But first let's talk about the
experience doing the iHeart Awards, because it really exceeded my expectations.
I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but just there

was so much love and people that I got to
meet were very excited, and it just feels good to
be outliving again and experiencing LA in a new way.
So that's cool. And then on the more serious note,

so basically, if you followed me on Instagram and you
were watching the stories that I was posting, I was
posting a lot more than I normally do, which is great.
But I did the red carpet or the yellow carpet
in this case. And there's an article that was created

that did the iHeart Awards show sizzle or fizzle? Basically
like the Best Dressed in the worst Dressed and I
made the best dress list, and I got a little
bit petty because Katie and Dana were also at the

Word Show and I did see them there, and on
this article they were listed right after me as worst dressed,
not cohesive, and although they looked beautiful, that kinda I

don't know. I guess my ego got in the way
a little bit, and I encouraged Joe to post the
best and worst showing Katie and Dana, and then I
reposted it and it felt good in the moment, but

it has not been sitting while with me. As the
days go on, I am just thinking about it. And
I decided that that was not my best decision because
I am in this space of learning and growing and

also being kind and it's so easy to get on
the same level as some of these other people, but
that's not who I want to be. So so I

decided to reach out and apologize to Katie and Dana personally.
And I processed through this with my therapist too, because
it was weighing on me, and she was talking about, Okay,
what would accountability look like in this situation, and the

accountability would be for my actions that potentially and probably
hurt Katie and Dana because it was just so putty.
And so that's the reason why I reached out to them,
and the reason why I'm talking about it now is

because I think it's important to take ownership of our mistakes,
and we are all human. I'm human, so I'm giving
myself grace. I also recognize that hurt people hurt people,
and I clearly have some healing to do around this.

And it's also an eye opening experience because when you
are with somebody who has also been hurt by somebody,
it bonds you in a way and it creates a
situation that makes you more vulnerable to make bad decisions basically.

And that's not to place blame on Joe at all.
That is totally just me realizing that when I'm with
someone and we feel passionate about like a situation that
clearly my self esteem was hurt through things that have

been said by these specific people, and I saw it
as like an easy way to take a job back
at them, and it really is so easy to do
and it's not right. So so I just wanted to,

you know, take accountability for my actions and also like
normalize that it's okay to make mistakes as long as
you learn from them. I am doing my very best
to not do that again. I realize that this whole

system is I guess I'm trying to say. I don't
want to be a part of a system that hits
women against each other. I want to remove myself from
that type of equation because there is no need for that.

As women, we already go through hardships in life, and
we don't need to be tearing each other down in
order to feel better about ourselves. So I take ownership
in my part in that, and like I said, I'm

doing my best to not do that again.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
For anyone new here, Obviously, you're talking about Katie Maloney,
who is Dana.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
And that's one of my producers. She had some questions.
So Katie Maloney, Yes, we all know Katie from vander
Pump Roles. Dana has been a cast member on vander
Pump Roles for season eight. So Dana and Katie have
created their own podcast and it's with Nick Vile's new

podcast media company. And so I think they were doing
the carpet together because they do their podcast together.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
Did you talk to them at all? I did not.

Speaker 2 (08:07):
So I did see them on the carpet, and I
asked a friend who was with me if I should
go over there and say hi, just because it's always
awkward in those types of situations running into somebody who
you have a history with or don't get along with well.

And my friend was like, no, she said she wants
to light you on fire. No, don't go talk to her.
And I was like, Okay, you're probably right. I'll just
stay in my corner.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
Do you maybe wish you would have said hello?

Speaker 2 (08:51):
I'm not sure. I don't think so, just because I
know that I'm not received well by them. I mean
I could have said hi. In the worst case scenario
would be like I could see myself saying hi and
then then saying like, you know, rolling their eyes or

something and talking about me, which they're probably talking about
me anyway, honestly. But no, I felt like it wasn't
necessary for me to say hi. But if I continue
doing carpets like this and making appearances in LA, it's

probably likely that I will run into former cast members,
former castmates. So yeah, I'm not sure. If yeah, I
don't know, Maybe next time I will say hi.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
I think it's interesting that the article in itself does
what you're saying. You don't want to do best and
worst dress sizzle or fizzle. How did it feel to
be complimented and be on the best list?

Speaker 2 (10:12):
Oh yeah, I see what you're saying. Like, I just
don't think it's necessary to compare other people and rank
them that way, because we're all human and we're all
equal at the end of the day. And Katie and
Dana did look gorgeous on the carpet. I don't think

that they were worse dressed by any means. But to
answer your question, I mean it felt great to be
on the best Dressed list. I wasn't suspecting that there
was going to be like a list, so it was
a nice surprise seeing that and just getting that validation,

I guess. But if I was to be on the
worst dress list and I felt good in what I
was wearing and felt confident, I wouldn't take it so
personally because ultimately it's like what I'm wearing, So those

articles are just kind of silly anyway.

Speaker 1 (11:19):
Yeah, I will say there was articles that put Katie
on the best list too, so we can acknowledge that.
I think what I'm curious about is if she responded
to your text.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
Katie did not respond to my text. I didn't expect
her to. The text was more so for me to
take accountability in my wrongdoings and to just let her
know that I'm not going to do that again. And

I even told her in the text, like no need
to respond. It did, it was delivered. I don't think
that I'm blocked, even though I'm blocked on Instagram, I
don't think. I do think the text went through. So yeah, no,
she hasn't responded. But that's okay.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
And how do you feel now that you're talking about
it and that you, you know, apologized.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
I feel a lot better about it now, Like after
I sent that text, I felt immensely better, like a
weight was lifted off of my shoulders. And in recovery,
they say like keep your side of the street clean.
So that just means like owning up to your transgressions,

no matter how small they may be, in order to
make sure that you are becoming a better person. And
you can't change anybody else. So I felt like it
was a necessary step for me to take to make
sure that I am staying well in my recovery journey,
and also the reason why I'm sharing it now is

because I think it's important to I don't know if
I want to be a role model in the way
that I would like and continue to be in the
public eye, which who knows how long that will last,
but for right now I am then I would like

to continue to be vulnerable with the listeners because that
just shows that I am a human and I'm sure
we can all relate to something like this where the
ego gets the best of you and you have a
little slip up and then feel guilty afterwards, just owning that.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yeah, I mean, I think if you posted it publicly,
you might as well apologize publicly so people know that
you're acknowledging what it was.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yeah. I reposted Joe's post on my Instagram stories publicly,
so I feel like it's only appropriate to apologize publicly
as well as privately, because it was a public forum
and other people are consuming that. I think.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
My last question before we go is do you wish
there wasn't this sort of animosity or do you wish
that inside you you didn't like I understand why you
put it up. It's very relatable. Yes, it veers into
a little bit mean girl, But I understand it. Do
you sort of hate this sort of animosity like we're

you know, even having to think about someone being on
a red carpet that you don't want to just hug
and say hello too.

Speaker 2 (15:02):
Yeah, if there wasn't any conflict, that would be really nice.
I don't think it's necessary. I think we probably have
more similarities than we do differences, So yeah, I think

it would be nice to not have this unnecessary tension.
But I also recognize that we're all on our own path.
We're all on our own journey, and sometimes we need
to protect ourselves by not speaking to certain people. So yeah,

it's a tricky situation to be in. On another note,
I got involved with NAMI, which is the National Alliance
of Mental Illness, and you probably have heard about them
through the things that I posted for before. If you remember,

I hosted an auction selling off some of the most
coveted Vanderpump Rules Season ten things that I owned, like
the Tom Tom hoodie and the Lightning Bolt necklace, and
I donated all of the proceeds to NOAMI. I just

heard wonderful things about what their organization does for people
who have been diagnosed with mental illnesses their families and
providing those resources. So I just did a walk for
NOM in Tucson and it was really it was really incredible.

The woman running it kind of like organized everything and
she introduced me on stage and I was able to
speak about my experience. My goal in advocating for mental
health and getting involved with organizations like this is to

normalize the stigma that is still behind getting mental health
care and asking for help and going into treatment. It
was a very decision for me when I decided to
do that, and I think it's because we don't really
talk about it. It's kind of one of those taboo

things that if you've been through something like that, it's
not really your first conversation starter. So I'm working to
help normalize getting help, and I think talking about it
is a great way to do that. So just to

wrap this up, it's a shorter episode, but I feel
like there's underlying theme here of owning up to your
mistakes and that's the healthy thing to do, to make
amends with the people that you have wronged, and just

continuing to spread awareness to the causes that are near
and dear to my heart. Mental health being the one
that you know, really tugs at my heart strings because
I was in such a helpless, hopeless place at one point,

and with the resources that I was able to receive,
I have finally come out the other end, and so
now I'm able to use my voice to advocate for
mental health treatment and sharing my journey so we can
normalize the stay behind it all. Thank you so much

for listening to Rachel Ghos Rogue. Follow us on Instagram
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