Chapter 34: Rachel Goes On A Date

Rachel is getting ready to get back in the dating pool. It's time for her to face her past mistakes and see if she can do better.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
This is Rachel Go's Rogue. Welcome back to another episode
of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Levis,
and I am getting back into the dating world. I'm
hoping to manifest a fun summer fling with a good

(00:26):
quality guy. I have my producers here and it's an
exciting time.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
So, Rachel, it's been a year, we're about to talk
to a dating expert. How are you feeling about even
just doing this interview and then and dating now?

Speaker 1 (00:42):
I'm feeling ready today. Definitely. I feel like I've gotten
my life in order enough where I'm open to that.
I feel like it's time and I feel like summer
is a fun season to do that. There's so many
active to get involved with the hot weather, and yeah,

(01:06):
I'm looking forward to it.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
And what are you looking for and a guy to
go around?

Speaker 1 (01:11):
I'm looking for someone who is safe and reliable and
emotionally mature, emotionally stable, and someone who's going to treat
me right, fair enough.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
All right, Well, let's get into it. Let's see.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
I wanted to bring in a dating expert to guide
me and this re entry into the dating world and
to date in a healthy way. Hi Jake, Hi Rich,
thanks for joining me today. I'm very excited to have
you on as a guest.

Speaker 4 (01:43):
Excited to be here, my friend.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
I've been following you on social media and seeing some
of your your clips. You've been posting your relationship advice,
and I love how you're like, give me a call,
you know, we could talk about it. Love that.

Speaker 4 (01:58):
Yeah, I want to help as many table as I can.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
So you have a book out It's called How to
Achieve a ten out of ten Relationship? What is considered
a ten out of ten relationship?

Speaker 4 (02:12):
To you, it's basically, I would say, basically a perfect relationship. Now, okay,
saying that rache the word perfect kind of gets a
bit of a bad rap. People look at it as
a negative thing and nothing can be perfect, blah blah
blah blah. How I see perfect as I would say,
there's no room for improvement, Like you look at it
and go, I wouldn't want to change it. It seems

(02:33):
absolutely incredible to me. That's that's a ten out of ten.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
Are you in a ten out of ten relationship right now?

Speaker 4 (02:40):
And yeah?

Speaker 1 (02:41):
Of course? Okay, okay, so you're speaking from experience, Yeah,
that's incredible. I think a ten out of ten relationship
for me in that type of way would be like
growing together and helping each other grow together as a unit.
And you know, I haven't been in one of those

(03:01):
types of relationships before or yet, but I'm definitely like
looking into manifesting, like a fun summer fling that could
lead to something more serious. But right now, I'm kind
of like dating to expand my own experience and to

(03:22):
learn more about myself.

Speaker 4 (03:25):
But good good, You don't know how value dates?

Speaker 1 (03:28):
Yeah, well, uh yeah, I would love to go on
a high value date since my last dating experience, I
took a year off and I got back into dating,
but I was only dating one person and they were

(03:49):
high value dates. But maybe you can explain what a
high value date is to the listener, But you know,
I was just dating one person, and I was also
wondering from your perspective as a dating coach, I've heard
other dating coaches talk about having few people that you

(04:11):
date in the beginning and having kind of like this
Olympic lineup your first and third place contenders, and then
once you figure out who this person is and how
you feel around them, then you can choose to make
it exclusive. So what are your thoughts on all that.

Speaker 4 (04:32):
Yeah, you can kind of have a roster. So I
recommend by about the third date you're exclusive with somebody.
But before that third date, you can talk to multiple
people at once. So a normal person probably talks about
maybe five people at once without getting the stories confused.
If you just talk to one person once, it may

(04:53):
take years to find your ideal partner. But if you
have a bit of a roster and then you'd swap
them off. Now you don't and to sleep with all
five people. You don't even actually go on dates. It's
more just talking to them and seeing which one's a
good match kind of a thing. Yeah, that's the key. Now,
what a high value date is four parts to a
high vay date. All right, Now, it's very important you
don't to do high value high value dates, Rachel, properly.

(05:15):
So guys see you as a high value woman, They
see you as a better viable option to marry and
all that sort of stuff. Now, a high value date, basically,
in a nutshell, means a decent amount of effort. So
I want a guy to put in a decent amount
of effort if he wants to see you. Now, so
the four parth. The first part, he'll ask you on
a date, and he'll pick you up, open the car

(05:35):
door for you, do all this chivalry stuff, right, And
then usually I recommend it's doing some sort of fun activity. Now,
a fine activity can be basically anything. It can be
mini pipe part, it can be going on a boat,
it could be any anything, million different fund activities. And
then he takes you out to dinner. Okay, it pulls
out your chair for you. You have a beautiful evening.
He's a good conversationalist, he pays for everything, okay, and

(06:00):
then he takes your home and hopefully he did a
good enough job that you want to kiss him.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
Okay. In my recovery, right because I spent some time
at a treatment facility to work on you know, the
love addiction and falling too fast for a person without
getting to know them first and with like a dating plan.
I guess we're advised not to kiss on the first date.

(06:29):
And maybe this is like advice to someone that falls
too quickly. But what are your thoughts on that? I
see you're shaking your head.

Speaker 4 (06:37):
Now, we can't let fear derive our future. Okay, we
got to We got to do things the right way.
But at the same time we're too scared of love
and we put too many walls up. It's never going
to happen. So there's nothing wrong with fall in love.
We just got to do with the right person. We
want to fall in love. Being love is fantastic at

(06:58):
Jimmy and Tanner Ten's the best thing anyone can achieve,
but we just want to do it at the right pace.
So definitely want to kiss on the first date. If
you got a fantastic, beautiful, romantic date, the guy goes
in for a kiss and you do this, he's gonna
go Okay, no worries, he's not calling again. There's no
way why it's such a such a huge rejection. Okay,

(07:23):
you gotta you gotta not let fear run your life.
That's that's it's a key to failure.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Okay. Maybe then before committing to like a full on
date like that where it's an activity and a dinner,
I would probably want to get to know somebody like
on more of a personal friendship level. I think doing

(07:50):
a fun activity is awesome and definitely like a good
way to get to know somebody that's a little bit
more casual, and you know, I don't know, like I
want to be able to see how this person interacts
with their friends. So I feel like group dates are
a good idea or just no. Okay, you're shaking your

(08:12):
head no again, So why not a group date environment?

Speaker 4 (08:17):
It takes away the spock of romance? Okay, we got
to do it properly, right. If you're holding yourself back
too many, too many times, which I feel like you're doing,
the romance is never gonna happen. There's gonna be no spock,
there's gonna be no chemistry ignited. It's just it's supposed
to be romantic. Yeah, we can be afraid of romance.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
Well, I guess I kind of am a little afraid
of romance.

Speaker 4 (08:44):
What's the worst case in the career?

Speaker 1 (08:47):
The worst case scenario for me would be falling in
love with somebody that I don't someone who's not a
good quality person yep, and getting attached.

Speaker 4 (09:00):
Yeah, it's an important thing to realize. It takes a
lot more than love to make a relationship work. Okay,
So even if you do fall in love with somebody,
you have to fall out of love with them if
they're the wrong person. Okay, loving someone or not loving
someone as somewhat of a choice. It may not be
an immediate choice what you can feel, but you definitely

(09:22):
can try and master those emotions. Okay. Mastering emotions is
a fairly large part of achieving a ten out of
ten relationship because your emotions lead a lot of people
on the wrong path, fall in love with the wrong people,
give people too many chances, make excuses for bad people,
date lo vay people, day down, all this sort of stuff. Yeah,

(09:44):
it's pretty common. But if you master your emotions, so
your emotions work for you, you're in control. You lead
the journey. So you go, well, I don't care, I'm
going to do actions over emotions. I'm going to choose
who I want to be were We're going to choose
the best option. But then also fall in love with
the right person. Really make that intentional decision. You're in

(10:06):
control of who you get attached to. So a lot
of girls think if they sleep with a guy one time,
that they're going to be instantly attached and then they
can't break free from this guy. Not the case. You
definitely can. Okay, Yes, you may feel hurt emotions, but
you don't have to let that ruin your life. That's
just part of being a human for sure.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
I think for me, like falling into the unhealthy patterns
and you know, really making this person in the center
of my universe has been something that i've I'm more
prone to do and so for me, there is that
little fear piece that I will continue to do that.

Speaker 4 (10:51):
Yep, there's one solution I teach Rachel for cleaning type
people because I was like that as well. It's called
time over time. So what I teach in the first
month of dating somebody, you see them once a week
for the first month, maxillum. That's it. So you may
go on a date with them on Saturday night or

(11:11):
something if they want to see you any other night.
You're going, Nah, I'm busy, I'm doing my hobbies, I'm
going to do this, I'm doing that, I'm doing this,
I'm hanging out with my sister. You know, I'm busy,
but I'd love to see you on Saturday, just for
the first month. It's called time over time. You can
talk every day, Johnny can see each other once a week.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
Okay, Yeah, I feel like that's hard too, because when
you do enjoy somebody and you want to hang out
with them again because you enjoy their company. It's hard
to set that boundary for yourself and follow that through.
But if you're taking it seriously and know that, like,

(11:51):
all right, there's something to this and it's going to
protect myself in the long run, then I think that's
really good advice.

Speaker 4 (12:00):
And a big part of mastering their own emotions is
getting really good at setting boundaries with yourself. You know,
super super super important. Anyone listening, I want you to
really practice that time and of a time part is
super important because how you feel about the person and
what you know about them logically needs to go up
at the same pace. If you see someone every day

(12:21):
for the first two weeks, how you feel about them's
up here, but what you know about them is down here.
If you only see them once a month, it's reverse,
which is no good either. Once a week seems to
be a pretty good pace to feel and know about
them logically about the same pace, so very important.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
What kind of questions should you be asking on dates
to get to know somebody quicker?

Speaker 4 (12:44):
Yeah, ideally dates are supposed to be light and fluffy, okay,
so no deeper meaningful conversations no hard questions. Then it's
about having fun, billy attraction, embracing masculine femine energy, billing attraction,
making memories, stuff like that. It should be really light
and fluffy. So basically we just want to let let

(13:05):
go on the date, have a good time, let the
conversation flow naturally. You don't want to go on a
date with a whole bunch of preconceived questions, hard questions,
trying with the purpose of getting to know them, because
that's not the reason we go on dates. The reason
we go on dates is mainly just to have fun,
not to get to know anybody, not to see if
they're your ideal partner. That stuff's going to happen organically
all our purposes. We've got to stay on the purpose.

(13:27):
So I'm just going to go and have fun. That's it.
So I take my wife a data every week, and
my purpose is still just to have fun. It's not
to get to know her more. It's just to have fun.
In having fun and doing activities and going down to
dinner and do all that sort of stuff. You'll just
naturally the other stuff will take care of itself.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
Okay, you're familiar with Rachel's television background right in Rachel's situation.
While the rest of us were able to make mistakes
and do things, she did hers live on TV and
the two most known relationships were extremely toxic. Is there
a type person that attracts that kind of a guy.
Rachel's been working on herself tremendously.

Speaker 2 (14:06):
I can't help but wonder the guys that are the
not nice guys, that are the controlling guys, etc. Do
they seek out a tape and are there things that
you can give Rachel as far as tips for things
for her to look out for.

Speaker 4 (14:18):
Yeah, what I'm saying, great question, and yes they certainly do. Now,
you guys probably can think of some women who never
fall in with a bad crowd. They never hang out
with any guys who are assholes. They they always their
life goes really really well. Okay. Then there's other girls
who they go through twenty boyfriends, all of them are

(14:41):
absolutely terrible. She goes through abuse, all this really horrific
rrific stuff. But it's also a pattern. She's in, this
just pattern, this cycle which keeps going and going and going.
You can see some key differences sometimes in their behavior,
often a lack of confidence, fear, securities, low self esteem,

(15:02):
low self worth, all those type things. Guys who are
snakes or overly controlling, abusive type people. They don't like
people who have high self esteem by self worth because
they know they can't really get anywhere with that particular person. Okay,

(15:22):
So ideally, if you want to achieve a ten out
of ten, you've got to kind of become what you
want to attract, which means good confidence, self esteem, self worth,
get rid of any overthinking self sabotaging fears, insecurities, things
of that nature, building yourself up. There's lots of things
that I do to help people do this. It's very
very important. But then what we're looking for as well.

(15:44):
If you're a single female right now, you want to
find a guy who's masculine. Right, what does that mean?
A lot of girls see masculine men as the egotistical, arrogant, controlling,
abusive type guy. Right, that's quite the opposite of what
masculine energy really is. Masculine energy is about being good

(16:05):
with leadership, ambition, decisiveness, protection, things like that. A masculine
guy's very solid, reliable, he's not going to let you down.
He has high integrity, he says what he means, means
what he says, stuff like that you're always finding guys
really solid, not flashy, not flashy, but very solid and reliable, consistent. Yeah,

(16:26):
does that make sense?

Speaker 1 (16:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (16:28):
What about what tips can you give Rachel too?

Speaker 2 (16:32):
Like it's because the things that you're talking about do
take work, right, like not being insecure, not putting out
those kind of vibes.

Speaker 3 (16:38):
What are other things that you can encourage her?

Speaker 4 (16:42):
Yeah for sure. So there's there's two main parts to
improving yourself as a person. You've got internal and external motivators.
Internal motivators are things we say to ourselves, Okay, affirmations, reassurance,
things of that nature. Okay, the words we say to
ourselves are very important. Now, external motivators are also really important.
The people you hang out with, is your top five friends?

(17:04):
What hobbies do you do? How's work going? How are
you going with your environment? You're a media environment, your home,
your office, all that sort of stuff. Is it really
in good nature? Hows your health and fitness? All those
type of things. And then some other things which make
a really really big difference to our own mental strength
and mental health are things like social hobbies. Okay, so
I recommend everyone does two social hobbies per week. Okay,

(17:26):
I love doing karate, but there's tons of social hobbies,
but there's got to be social. That's the really really
important part. Also recommend hot and cold therapy, so do
an ice bas twice a week, sauns twice a week.
If you mix all that together with really meticulously going
through every external motivator your home, your friends, the people

(17:50):
in your life, getting rid of anything that's toxic only
letting in the good stuff, it's going to make a
big difference. Mixed with saying the right things to yourself
and ambitious chasing goals and doing hard challenges and then
a letting fear hold your back, it's a good way
to improve really fast.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
Okay. Yeah. And with the social hobbies, are you're doing
it for yourself, You're not doing it to meet someone.

Speaker 4 (18:13):
No, The chance of meeting someone out of social hobby
is pretty slim. It's not impossible, but it's pretty rare.
It's manly just for you. It's mainly for you to
grow as a person, become more interesting person, and be
part of a community, very very important for human beings.

Speaker 1 (18:31):
Okay, great, Yeah, I would say my social hobbies are dancing.
I love ballroom dancing, I love lane country dancing. And
then what else? I love hiking with my friends. I
feel like that's a social hobby because we're talking while

(18:52):
we're hiking. And what else? I feel like there's another one.
I'm considering getting into golf or tennis or pick a
ball this summer good could be fun. But right now
I'm not on dating apps and I don't have an
interest to get on them. What is the best way

(19:14):
to meet someone when, like you know, I'm also not
going to bars and I'm not drinking out socially, So
where do I need to position myself to find somebody
that's worthy of dating.

Speaker 4 (19:33):
It's going to be very hard not using that in
apps it is. It's going to be It's going to
be challenging, not impossible. I say, the open all possibilities.
So look, you may meet your ideal planner at a cafe,
or at a sport or a social hobby or walking
on the street. It's possible. But if you want to
go to approach, you the cold approach. So it's just

(19:55):
called cold approach, which we used to do fifteen years ago,
and you just walk up to a pretty goal and
you start talking. It's not really a thing that much
anymore because social media has kind of killed it. Not
social media, so online dating, because online dat has made
it very easy for men, So we don't want to
do the cold approach anymore because it's embarrassing. If you
want to go to do the cold approach, then you

(20:15):
really got to shine super bright, like a sunplower basically,
which are a lower him in, but you're really going
to shine really bright, so really embracing that feminine energy
and really shining. Online dating so much easier, Rachel, So
much easy.

Speaker 1 (20:32):
Okay, I don't know, maybe we could have a conversation
about this, because yeah, I've been very anti online dating
because well I was on this reality TV show and
I don't know, I just don't want to meet random
people and then just like judging them based off of
a profile photo and it just seems very I don't,

(20:56):
I don't know, I just haven't really considered it as
a serious option. But I guess like in today's day
and age, that is the norm. And maybe that also
explains why typically, like the guy will come up to
me and you know, ask me on a date, and
that's how I get into a dating experience, and I

(21:23):
feel like, now that I realize that I'm attracting narcissistic men,
maybe that's not the best scenario because the narcissistic men
are probably more likely to ask you on a date
in person than Oh yeah, a normal regular guy.

Speaker 4 (21:44):
I value masculine, solid eyes. They're not looking to pick
chicks up on the street. They're busy working their goals,
their hobbies, their ambitions, living their life to the fullest,
and they see a pretty good like, oh that's cool,
and that's where the thought stops. That's what's really good
about online dating, Rangel. It puts the pa in your hands.
See all these guys throughout your life, probably they have

(22:06):
chosen you, but you haven't chosen them. With online dating,
you're doing the choosing. So it puts the power back
in your hands and you can be a lot more picky.
It kind of works the same as social media. So
I imagine on Instagram or whatever, you probably get asked
out sometimes by guys or they hit you up on
stuff like that.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
No, but I have a more female following, so guys
are not in my dms.

Speaker 4 (22:29):
Okay, I'll find that hard to believe. I'm sure there's
some surely, but okay, it's.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
Like a little trickle, like not even a sprinkle, just
a little strip.

Speaker 4 (22:41):
Okay, surprising. Okay, So look, online dating is good just
because it puts a power in your hands and can
be really picky. So even I'll help you make your
profile one day if you want me to. But just
on the hinge, okay, set all your stuff right, nice photos.
You don't even have to go on any dates. Reach
just when you see a nice guy and he talks

(23:03):
to you, you talk back. You have a bit of
a conversation. See if you want to do a phone call.
Phone call goes well. See if you want to do
a FaceTime that goes well, Then he takes you out
on a nice day after that, if you want to
super easy.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
You mentioned earlier that dating is supposed to be the
first dates are supposed to be more fluff, right, But
online dating seems a little bit more technical to me
because you know, and I mean just being really honest,
and I'm a different generation than you guys, and that
connection at the beginning was what made you go to
the next level with somebody write some sort of a feeling,

(23:50):
which I don't think you'd get online.

Speaker 3 (23:52):
But that's my generation.

Speaker 2 (23:54):
But I have a lot of friends and people that
are online dating, and they experience a lot of fakeness.
You know, the guy says there's something or whatever, and
then when they get together it's completely different, you know.
And so for somebody like Rachel, who's really you know,
she's actually very open minded. She's not like a lot

(24:14):
of women that are like, oh, I'm looking for my soulmate.
I think she would much rather spend her time with
people of value that will eventually.

Speaker 3 (24:21):
Lead to that.

Speaker 2 (24:22):
But she's also open. She's young and fun and you know,
would like a nice date too. But I think there
needs to be some sort of advice where you can,
you know, rift through or cross out some of these people.
So I think it's it's hard for me to hear
you say the dating's supposed to be light and fluffy,
but yet how much time do you invest? And then

(24:43):
you said by the third date you should know if
you're exclusive, Like I believe you don't know somebody till
a year in So I mean seriously, like, yeah, think
you do, but in a year all the guards go down, right,
So what can what tips, like really hard tips can
you give Rachel to say, Okay, if you're you're going
to give online beating a try, like, how do you
balance Oh this is late and fluffy yet trying to

(25:06):
screen out some of the time wasters.

Speaker 4 (25:09):
So yes, it is. It is fairly technical and logical
going through online dating. It's kind of like shopping online
shopping basically, and it kind of does take the romance
out of a little bit. But what you're doing is
say you have, say Rachel easily will have a thousand matches, right,
She's going to have to get rid of a lot
of garbage. They'd be lessons zero one percent of people
who she actually wants to talk to. But that's okay,

(25:30):
that's just how it works. It's just a snapshot of
your community. So if you did a whole snapshot of
every guy within one hundred miles, that's everyone you're going
to see. So it's a lot of people. So the
majority of people you're just not going to be attracted to.
You got to swipe through them through and from then
eventually a guy talks to you and you're like, okay,
this guy to see he's pretty good. It seems like
a high a person, good looking. Then the conversation starts,

(25:51):
and then you can be light and fluffy. Okay, it's
about it's kind of a necessary thing these days, and
you're kind of looking at something thinking, well, it's not
as romantic as it used to be. Perhaps, I think
it's more logical these days, which is better. What I
see a lot of people in the past doing is
getting to relationships with people based on proximity and looks,

(26:12):
not based on anything real, okay, which is unwise. So
you meet someone at a bar, go, oh, yeah, this
person's good looking. I might go and date them. And
you're not a good match at all. Okay. So what
you're looking for with your ideal partner is chemistry, compatibility
X factor and can they do the job? And also
what you want to do as well, as you spend
some time making a good ideal partinal list as well,

(26:34):
so you know exactly what you're looking for, and then
you go out there dating and having fun and keeping
the dates light and fluffy. But in the back of
the mind you still have the goal, okay, the goal
of finding your ten out of ten, but that's not
at the forefront now. I know some people think the
generations has changed and online dating is for a lot
of young people. The majority of people I coach over

(26:56):
fifty and they all achieve ten out of ten on
Tinder and hinge Tinder.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
Really wow? Okay, yeah, I mean the last time I
had dating apps was in college.

Speaker 4 (27:09):
So it does work, Rachel, and I don't want fear
to hold you back. Okay, you can achieve a ten
out ten. You can achieve a ten out ten this
year if you're open to it.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
Well, I guess two questions like, is it going to
be weird if I'm like swiping on profiles and then
somebody does see me in person or I see them
in person?

Speaker 4 (27:30):
Well, what's it? What's it right now? When you're on
the street and someone says, oh, Rachel, I know you
and they talk to you, how does it feel? It's
sometimes a bit weird? Yeah, for sure, for sure, same
the same sort of thing. It's not I wouldn't ever
think it. It's not something to be impressed about because
it's not a bad thing. A lot of people have

(27:51):
this idea that online Danny's evil and bad and you're
a bad person and a slot and all this sort
of stuff. It's a lot of negative rubbish, and people go, well,
there's fake profiles and scammers and narcissists and blah blah
blah blah blah. There's people like that everywhere. It's just
you're you're seeing it more because it's right in front
of you on your screen. Okay, but you don't have

(28:12):
to engage with those people. No, no, no, no, no,
just get rid of the garbage fast. That's all.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
My family is telling me now that the best way
to date somebody is through like a friend referral or
for like, through family friends. And you're shaking your head, no,
why not.

Speaker 4 (28:30):
Statistically it just doesn't work. So friends setting you up.
So I've coached thousands of people, reached nine to nine
point nine percent of the cheap talent and use online dating,
and a few people have done it organically and almost
no one has done it via friends. I'll try to
put an analogy. You've got to you know, when you're
choosing what pizza you want to eat, you have to
choose what pizza you want to eat. If your friends

(28:51):
pick what pizza you want to eat, it may not
be exactly what you want. Okay, you really have to
do the choosing. That's the key to finding your ideal partner.
It's someone if you could pick out of ten thousand
people who you want to spend the rest of your
life with the next fifty years, who you want to
spend with, you want to give that option to somebody else.
You want to go through them and go really meticulously,
go this is the person I want to spend the

(29:12):
next fifty years with. Don't let someone else choose.

Speaker 1 (29:15):
Okay, So, on this online dating app, I'm assuming you're
not just going by looks. Is there like something that
you look in a hinge profile for when you're.

Speaker 4 (29:29):
You don't want to be too over anaical with just
looking at their profile, so it kind of is based
on looks in the first ten minutes, just to see
if there's just some sort of mutual attraction. Then you
might read his profile and then start talking to him
and just see how the conversation goes, and then just
go with the flow. Just have a more of just
see what happens type attitude. Talk to them, see what happens,

(29:53):
go with the flow, and if there's good compatibility, that
conversation will flow really well. You start talking about goals
with that up and you learn a bit more about them,
and then it just flows from there. It's best not
to overthink it too much.

Speaker 3 (30:06):
This thing about you know, by the third date you
should be exclusive? I just I can't.

Speaker 2 (30:13):
I mean, you'd have to really know somebody in three
dates to not want to date other people or make
some sort of a commitment to somebody.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
Why do you feel, like, how do you feel that happens?

Speaker 2 (30:28):
And why do you feel that after three dates you
wouldn't want to be exclusive with somebody?

Speaker 4 (30:33):
Yeah? So I think it's what's best first to define
what the difference between exclusive and official is. So exclusive
just simply means you're just not seeing anybody else, that's all, okay,
sub By a third date, you're going to be sleeping
with the person you're dating and talking to them every
day and creating the early stages of a relationship, building
the foundation if you will.

Speaker 3 (30:54):
Wait, did you say you are sleeping with them by
the third data? You're wow?

Speaker 4 (30:57):
Okay, yeah, of course. So it simply just means you're
just not seeing anybody else. That's all it means. That's it,
You're not there's no commitment. You're just going You're going
to give you a gift exclusivity. So you're going to
say something like, hey, look, I just want to let
you know I really like you. I'd leave the dating apps.
I'm just talking to you. You're the only person I

(31:18):
want to talk to. I think you're great. That's it.
You just give your gift exclusivity. You're not a boyfriend girlfriend,
you're not official. You're just you're just not seeing anybody else,
that's all. So you're just devoting your time to that
one person while still living a great life that you
already live. Okay, so you don't want to lose yourself
in the process. You're still going to do your social hobbies,
You're still going to do your time over time properly.
It'still got to live your life. You just met an

(31:39):
awesome person you want to start sharing time with official.
You usually become official with someone around the eight week mark. Okay,
now this is going to seem faster you guys as well.
But eight weeks is where you say I love you
and you become boyfriend girlfriend.

Speaker 3 (31:58):
Okay. If you heard a noise, I just fell off
my chair.

Speaker 4 (32:00):
But okay, I.

Speaker 3 (32:07):
Just I'm speechless on that one.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
I feel I mean, Okay, first of all, from a
female's perspective, are you working mostly with men or female.
And I asked that question because I would think that
most women, and Rachel tell me, if you think I'm
right or wrong on this, don't want to sleep with
somebody on the third date because whether how they're going
to feel about themselves and how other people are going

(32:32):
to judge them. So, you know, if you're just freely
sleeping around with people on a third date, that just
seems And I'm not even.

Speaker 3 (32:40):
That old fashion of a girl.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
I may be old, but I'm not that old fashioned,
and I'm not saying that sometimes it's not just for fun, right,
But I'm saying if you're like a one night's stand,
everybody's done that, right. But what I am saying is
if you are sort of dating to get to know people,
and to sleep with somebody on the third date, seems
a little bit quick.

Speaker 3 (32:56):
Because I don't know, Rachel, what do you think?

Speaker 1 (32:59):
I agree? Yeah, I mean there's a difference with intentionality
of like seeing someone and knowing like the expectations of
that relationship and that it's more of like a situationship
and being clear with that, and then like dating to
be in a committed relationship and taking that process a

(33:20):
little bit more seriously but also having fun with it.
I definitely wouldn't sleep with someone on the third date,
especially because you know, I already have a reputation. I
don't need people making assumptions about, you know, me being easy.
And I definitely want to know somebody well enough to

(33:45):
know that like, yeah, I don't know, Like I would
have to definitely feel safe with them and feel like
they're also not going to sleep around on me before
taking that stuff.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
Yeah, and to your point, Rachel, too, I feel like
the challenge is women put and even the most secure
women put a certain amount of their self worth on sexuality.
And so if you if you sleep with somebody on
the third date and they dog you and disappear, right,
because it just seems.

Speaker 1 (34:21):
Like that because the guys online that just want to
date to hook up, right, Okay, what are your thoughts
on all of this?

Speaker 4 (34:30):
Guys? What's full of the negativity and shame around sex?
What what are you doing? Look at look at this.
You're literally tying your self worth to sex. What what
is that? That's terrible to do? You're acting like you're
a commodity like a drama oil and you got to
run out. That's your self worth isn't tied to being

(34:51):
intimate with people. That is so such a shameful negative
view to have on sex. That's so sad. It makes
me really sad to see when girls have this attitude
around sex, which I were toward from a young age.
Sex is bad. If you sleep with someone, you're a slut.
Blah blah blah blah. Does that sound good to you, guys?

Speaker 1 (35:14):
That? Unfortunately, that is the world that we live in.
The amount of times that I've been called the.

Speaker 4 (35:20):
World you want to live?

Speaker 3 (35:22):
No, that is not good.

Speaker 4 (35:23):
You guys care too much about what others think about you.
That's the problem. It's not the world you're allowing yourself
to be shamed by others, okay, instead of being liberate,
liberated and living in your own freedom, you care what other
people think of you. It's not the world you're live in, okay.
It's the world you're allowing people in your life, allowing
people to shame you, which is absolutely ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (35:45):
I do agree that it is an empowerment thing right
to make those choices, and a security thing. However, society
still does shame women, and it's much more acceptable for
a man to sleep with as many people as they
want than a woman. And then in Rachel situation in particular,
I'm living her life in the public and do it.
The amount of hate mail and death threats and the

(36:06):
you know, the the vileness that people put on her,
including on her own show, right so right there with
the cast all the way out to the millions of
fans that reached out was vile and in reality, in
her entire time on that show, which was over six
year or seven years, she slept with two people. So like,
that's not even a big deal, right, She's twenty somethings.

(36:27):
She slept with two people, and everybody's making her out
to be a slut. So to say that that's not
the world we live in. I agree with you that
words are words, and what you allow people to say
or call you, that's up to you, right when you
give them the power. But they're nobody can nobody can
say that what she didn't go through, which was horror,
horrific of people judging her and shaming her and to

(36:50):
date still emailing her, shaming her.

Speaker 3 (36:53):
For being a lad when she's lived with two guys
in seven years.

Speaker 4 (36:57):
Yeah, there's a lot of heightas out there. There's a
lot of heights out there. I don't think the solution
to avoid hate is to live in fear and hide
under a rock and not live your life to the
fullest and let the power of other people's words hold
you back from living a full life, which I think
you're doing.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
Sure for sure. In my program, right, they say not
to sleep with somebody until like at least the two
month mark. And I tried this dating experience with the
new person that approached me and asked me on a date.
I intentionally wanted to take it slow because in the past,

(37:38):
I you know, it was like a one night stand
with James that turned into something more. And then with
Tom it was like it was a secret relationship that
I I was, you know, thinking with my heart and
not logically, and I wanted to have sex and we

(37:58):
did so, so it's maybe it's like a balancing act
of like, Okay, that may be a little extreme to
wait three months before sleeping with somebody, but it did
allow us to like get to know each other on
a deeper level, and I do enjoy deep conversations. There

(38:20):
was like a true connection there and it was hard
to abstain. But he is Christian, I'm not seeing him anymore,
but like he was kind of like, okay, this, this
is in alignment with my values, so he was kind
of all for it. But like we also had a

(38:41):
conversation about practicing safe sex before actually doing it.

Speaker 4 (38:45):
Are you still seeing this guy now, I'm not. No,
didn't work. He's just not near the.

Speaker 1 (38:51):
One or he told me one thing and his actions
were different. I asked him not to post on social
media because it was too soon in the relationship. We
were dating for a month.

Speaker 4 (39:03):
A month is too soon for social media.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
Right, Yeah, So when I went to Stagecoach for the weekend,
he updated his Facebook profile photo to picture of us,
and the media caught wind of that, and it was
just this whole thing. I had to end it, and
it was hot, you know. It was sad because we
had a good connection and good like conversation and he

(39:26):
was emotionally stable and emotionally intelligent obviously, like those are
standard things, but those were new things for me to experience,
and it just seemed like maybe he either had an
impulse control issue because we agreed not to do that,
or he wanted to post to like show me off.

Speaker 4 (39:48):
Maybe, But either way, if you guys agreed not to
do what he definitely shouldn't have done it. That's it's
not good.

Speaker 2 (39:55):
Yeah, that's another thing that's a little special to Rachel,
or not just Rachel, but anybody that's in the limelight.
You know, the problem is if you're me and I
date and break up and date and break up or whatever,
you know, day as many people as are, nobody's watching
me and caring. When you're in the public eye, it's
extra judgmental, right, and it's extra hurtful. And I hear
you a lot unclear about the empowerment of yourself and

(40:18):
you're giving that power away. But at the end of
the day, you know, it's a pretty it's a harsh
place to be. And so I think, you know, time
and choices, and look at what I do for a
living is try to shelter those truths from the the
outward eyes. But you know, the outward eyes find a

(40:38):
way to find out. So I do feel when you're
in the public eye you have to make a little
bit smarter, calculated choices because then you get publicly shamed
in the media, which is different from the average person.

Speaker 4 (40:51):
It's true, that is true, And then.

Speaker 2 (40:54):
One thing that I find interesting is you know, on
one hand with you, you seem you know, you are,
like you said, that light and fluffy feeling getting to
know people like kind of the natural. But on the
other hand, you are using a lot of methodology right
in You've got some timing things and some benchmarks, and

(41:14):
so maybe explain that sort of dichotomy. And look, everything's
a dichotomy really right, Like there is no one it's
one perfect solution. It's a combination of all those things.

Speaker 3 (41:23):
But because back in the day there was a book
called The Rules. I was telling Rachel about this the
other day.

Speaker 2 (41:31):
Do you know that book, Jake, not? Oh my gosh, Okay,
you should look at it for what you do, because
of something you said earlier about like the saturdays only
being available to Saturdays. The Rules was this whole thing
about not being available, not letting because the chase there
is still I mean, maybe I should ask you do
you believe the chase is still a valid thing, that
men enjoy the chase.

Speaker 4 (41:52):
To a certain degree, But you don't want to You
don't want apply too hot to get because any cre
it's a game and it's not real band. So it's
good of you create a little bit of chase, but
not too much, so you can play a little bit
hard to get, But some girls play too hard to
get and just it just a high day of guy
just goes ah, he doesn't waste the time. If a

(42:15):
girl is too much hard work a high day, you go,
I'll go, what the hell, Nah, I'm out of here,
and he'll just and he won't talk to you.

Speaker 1 (42:24):
I mean, you agreed that a month was too soon
to post on social media? How long would you eat?

Speaker 4 (42:30):
Eight to twelve weeks usually probably longer for a celebrity
rage because there's a different sort of circumstances, But even
one month for a normal person, that's way too fast
because you're really telling the whole world that you're with
that person. One month in that's too fast. Eight weeks
would be the absolute minimum.

Speaker 3 (42:48):
M m.

Speaker 1 (42:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (42:51):
And then Jake, you mentioned eight weeks that you tell
me what eight weeks was again?

Speaker 4 (42:56):
Yeah, eight weeks is for official saying I love you,
who become a boyfriend, girlfriend, just that sort of thing.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
Yeah, okay, and then what would you say your next
benchmark is before you actually get.

Speaker 4 (43:07):
Married, six months, six to nine months where you move
in together. Now just to clarify as well. I usually
recommend the woman moves into the man's house, or you
get a whole new house together. I don't recommend allowing
the man to move into.

Speaker 1 (43:22):
Your home, okay. And the reasoning.

Speaker 4 (43:25):
Masculine feminine energy. So when a man moves into a
woman's house, he feels less masculine, he feels like the
guest in her home. She becomes the masculine energy and
the leader. And unless the couple's really good with masculine energy,
I've seen it destroy a lot of attraction very quickly. Unfortunately.

Speaker 1 (43:46):
Do you think some of that is insecurity from the
guy's perspective, I'd.

Speaker 4 (43:51):
Probably call it biology, a's of biology which are insecure
and jealous. Probably, yep. But it's kind of how human
beings are, I suppose to a certain degree.

Speaker 3 (44:06):
And the six to nine months like what do you why?
Why do you pick those numbers?

Speaker 4 (44:10):
What's the just statistically? Statistically and things will work really well.
So when you meet your ideal partner, each step in
the timeline, you'll feel a need to take the next step. Okay,
So in other words, at the six month mark, you'll
love this person so much you'll go I can't live
without them. I need to see them every day. Like

(44:33):
you have that urge inside you emotionally, so you take
that next step. It's what I call emotional decisions.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
Are there specific red flags to look out for when
dating or what are your major red flags that you
talk to your scients about.

Speaker 4 (45:01):
Yeah, so you don't want to be too much of
a red flag hunter. But some bad red flags you
want to look out for. You don't really want to
look for them. They should come to you pretty easily,
should have to see them. But they're things like if
a guy has a lack of integrity, so integrity, like

(45:21):
this last guy out of lack of integrity. Guys with
integrity they mean what they say and they say what
they mean. Okay, So a guy has a lack of integrity,
that's a very bad sign. He wants to be he
needs to be masculine and solid okay, reliable. Also it
helps if they're a great communicator okay, good effect of communication,

(45:41):
and they're forward focused. Okay. When people are too focused
on the past, it's quite unattractive. There's a lot more
to it. But I don't want you to be too
much of a red flag hunter.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
Okay, My therapist would uh, I mean she she says
like yellow flags, she'll flag things as like when it
comes up, once you yellow flag it and get more
information to see if it's a red flag or if
it's more complicated, and actually, okay, okay, yeah, I think you.

Speaker 2 (46:19):
Have to remember in Rachel's situation again, where all the
rest of us could make as many mistakes as we
wanted to make in our twenties, Rachel was held accountable
for everything and blasted and publicized and everything else. And
so I think she's you know, this is nothing to
say with her maturity or mental level, but I think
she's got to kind of go back to some of

(46:39):
those things to experience that you know, we got to
do freely and she didn't. But what would you tell
women are things that a high value guy is looking for?

Speaker 4 (46:54):
A high value master man wants a feminine woman super easy, okay.
A feminine woman is nurturing, she's caring, she's supportive, she's joyous, okay,
she's somewhat not completely but somewhat has mastered her emotions.
Doesn't live in fear okay. And feminine energy also doesn't

(47:17):
live in the past. It lives in the present. Okay,
feminine energy is now being energy. It's about the present.
Masculine energy can somewhat be about the future and progression,
but feminine energy is very much about the present. It's
not about the past living in fear. It's not too
much about living in the future either. It's more about
the now. Okay, that's what men find very attractive in women.

(47:38):
It changes how you see them at different stages. But
you should see these traits immediately, even before you meet.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
So if you don't, and that's kind of where too,
the question of like the three date thing comes up.
What happens if you don't feel like you know the
person well enough and the you know three date worlds.
You have exceptions to your.

Speaker 4 (47:56):
Rules, maybe a little bit. But say you go on
three dates with someone you're not really sure whether you
want to stop seeing other people. They're probably just not
your ideal partner. It's probably not a strong enough X
factor in there. So you've got chemistry. You want to
read their close if youel the compatibility conversations going well.
The X factor is that Disney does your soul, Cubian Zara,
whatever you want to call it. That magic in the air,

(48:19):
it should it it's that's the progressor in relationships. It
keeps you looking forward and looking for the next step.
If it's not really there and you're like, they're probably
just not your.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
Ideal partner, okay, yeah, so then you can make decisions
pretty quickly and be like okay, no, like.

Speaker 4 (48:40):
If it's very yeah, if it's very easy to stick
to my timeline and you're like, no, rush, I don't
really feel like that. Maybe maybe next month they're not
your ideal partner. With your ideal partner, the X factor
is so strong that it's quite hard to stick to
the timeline. So even though eight weeks you go eight weeks,
that's so fast to say I love you to somebody
with your ideal and all the keys there and it's

(49:02):
absolutely perfect. It's actually quite hard to wipe that long.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
Okay, So is three dates the maximum you should be
with someone you're unsure about.

Speaker 4 (49:12):
If you're not sure you want to be with them
by the third or fourth day, it's probably not a
good match. You should go, yeah, this person's really, really,
really good. I definitely like seeing them a lot.

Speaker 1 (49:23):
Okay, it's hard for me not to have a fear
based mindset, and I apologize for being in that place. No,
I don't apologize for being in that place because it's
it's a trauma response. I've been through traumatic relationships where
I've lost myself. And the thing that was so attractive

(49:43):
to me was that X factor what you're describing that like,
oh my gosh, this is how I feel around this person.
And I felt like I was living in the moment,
where before I was living in the past or living
too far in the future. Sure, I felt like, oh
my gosh, this is what it feels like to live
in the moment and to really enjoy that and to like,

(50:07):
you know, it really broad in my perspective on all
of it, that was the most unhealthy relationship. And maybe
you know, I take responsibility in my part for not
having firm boundaries and like, no, you're not an available man,
and I need somebody who is available to me, And
so I can give myself a little bit of reassurance

(50:30):
dating now and knowing that I have my values in
alignment and it's gonna be okay. But right now I
feel like I need to date to get to know somebody,
to know that they are worth me letting go and
I can trust them so that I can live in

(50:51):
the moment. You know, does that make sense, because like I, yeah,
I need to vet somebody out. I need to get
to know them so that I know that they're a
reliable person for me to live in the moment and
I can trust that they have, you know, my best interest.
And it's it's a a you know, it goes both

(51:15):
ways in that way.

Speaker 4 (51:16):
Yeah. Yeah, the masculine femin energy. He really leans on
each other. Really well, have you ever considered that what
you did in the past wasn't wrong, just maybe the
person you were doing it with was wrong? For sure,
it seems like you buy me yourself a little bit
for the things that you did wrong, But it kind
of doesn't sound like you've done much wrong. Rage Maybe
it was he was just an asshole.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
Yeah, yeah, well it felt like it really it felt
like a relationship. It felt like we were doing all
the right things, like we would travel a man's family, Like, huh,
I was Maybe.

Speaker 4 (51:49):
You were doing everything right. A girls Girls seem to
get in this mindset where they blame themselves as something
goes wrong. They look at all the things they did
and they go, well, I did this wrong, this wrong.
Maybe it was the guy maybe it was just the
wrong person. It clearly was the wrong person for you.
He clearly was an ideal partner. Yeah, I'll put it
this way. If you do absolutely everything right that I teach,
very meticulously, logically, do it exactly right with the wrong person,

(52:13):
you're one hundred percent fail. If you do fifty percent
on what I do of what I say with the
right person, you'll be in a ten out of ten.
The person is the important part of erche, and it
sounds like you've got this history of wrong guys. Really,
another question I want to ask you, how do you
want to feel tomorrow? So there's seventy six main emotions, right,

(52:37):
lots of different emotions to choose from. How do you
want to.

Speaker 1 (52:40):
Feel tomorrow generally? Or if we're eating somebody, No, just
in general. Well, I want to feel safe, I want
to feel loved. I want to feel a part of
a community, like a sense of belonging.

Speaker 3 (52:57):
Ye.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
I want to feel optimistic for my future and connected.
I want to feel like I'm protected and a lot
of that is now spiritual for me, and like creating
that connection to my higher power and and having faith

(53:21):
that like everything is working out in my favor.

Speaker 4 (53:24):
And how much better does that feel? Rachel. Yeah, this
is called focus on what you want to achieve and
steady what you want to avoid. See, what are this
fear you're experiencing Earlier in the call, You're looking at
all the stuff you want to avoid, all the parts
of the parts of your past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past.
The past is gone. We only have tomorrow and now

(53:46):
the past. We can't do anything about the past. Okay.
The other thing to remember as well, we can go
through traumatic experiences without having trauma. We can let it go. Yes,
it's difficult, but we've got to let ourselves do that, okay,
And that's when we focus on what we want to
achieve now. So tomorrow I want to be enthusiastic and
loved and saved and feeling awesome. That's having that emotional goal.

(54:08):
So a good thing I get everyone to do before
we go to bed, write down how you want to
feel tomorrow. Have that emotional goal in place, and then
subconsciously you'll start making efforts logically on how to achieve
that actual emotional goal of how you actually do want
to feel. That's one of the first steps of mastering
your emotions. Just deciding, just deciding what you want to
feel and going, you know what, No, I don't want

(54:29):
to feel fearful. I want to feel enthusiastic. That's the
first step at really mastering your emotions. We're going, you
know what, my emotions work for me, another way around anymore.

Speaker 3 (54:39):
Jake, let's talk about love bombing. You said something love
bombing is a sign of emotional immaturity, and Rachel did
experience that with I beg to say three people.

Speaker 4 (54:52):
Yeah, yeah, So love bombing is super common. It's just
a sign of immaturity. Super common. Teenage boys, teenage girls,
they do it all the time. It's just it's just
a sign of immaturity. The difference between love bombing and
what's genuine love bombing is future focused. So it's someone saying, oh,
I can't wait to marry you and they just met you,
Like it's very very future focused. Genuine love interests. They're
talking about how much they like you, but it's in

(55:14):
the present, so they're talking about, you know, you're so beautiful,
I can't wait taking a date next week, Like they're
talking fairly present terms. Love bonging is just overly future focused,
just a sign of immaturity. But if a guy is
doing lots of love blobing behavior, he's also dangerous, so
you want to avoid that guy.

Speaker 1 (55:32):
Yeah, dangerous in the way that they can be manipulative.

Speaker 4 (55:36):
Correct, they can. And people who are overly immature are
also unpredictable and dangerous as well because they have the
role of foster emotions and they act kind of crazy
and toxic sometimes, which we want to avoid. A mascular
men's very solid, he's more like this. Immature guys are
like this.

Speaker 1 (55:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that's that's the place that
I need to be. I need like that stability in
my life and the the toxicity and the the I mean,

(56:16):
it seems like there is manipulation and power plays and
like ways to control and that is why I, you know,
I feel like in my dating experience now, I need
to build trust back up with myself and knowing that
I can choose somebody that's going to be loyal to

(56:36):
me and and truly loving and not manipulative and you
know those people out there.

Speaker 4 (56:44):
Yeah, he's a good question about trust. So I admit
someone on the street, for example, out of ten, so
I trust is a bit of a scale out of ten,
What would you trust them?

Speaker 1 (56:56):
Just off the bat zero.

Speaker 4 (57:01):
Zero's mistrust That means.

Speaker 1 (57:02):
You okay, So a five good?

Speaker 4 (57:05):
Five is five? Actually pretty good? I try to trust
people right immediately. A six out of ten.

Speaker 1 (57:11):
Just off the Actually that might be a lie. I do.
I am more like I do give people the benefit
of the doubt, and I maybe I project a little
bit too much, but I think that people have good
intentions and I want to be I want to believe that.
So meeting a random person on the street, I would
probably say like a seven being aware of it.

Speaker 4 (57:35):
Very good. Rachel, that's very very good. Maybe you trust
people better than you think.

Speaker 1 (57:40):
Yeah, probably good.

Speaker 4 (57:42):
That's good. Now all you need to do is just
be more picky. It can be hard, but more experiences
you go through it should also make you a better
judge a character as well, which makes it a bit easier.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
Yeah. Because I don't have much dating experience, and I
haven't been the chooser. I haven't been picking the men.

Speaker 4 (58:09):
Your journey's going to change a lot when you start
doing the choosing. Yeah, when you go to the supermarket,
you're choosing the cucumbers. The cucumbers aren't choosing you. Like
the more you choose the better it's going to be.

Speaker 3 (58:32):
Jay, Can we talk about the when to have the
I love you conversation?

Speaker 1 (58:36):
Yeah? Like, if you have these feelings like you're looking
at this person on this beautiful date that they took
you out, like to the mountains, and you're just looking
at them like, oh my gosh, I love this man,
do you? And it's only like a month? Then is
that too soon to say anything? Like? How do you

(58:57):
say I love you?

Speaker 4 (58:59):
So that's the perfect setting to say I love you? Definitely,
and it usually happens around the eight week mark. You
can say it around the one month mark, but I
usually recommend the two month mark. One month is not
too early, but I definitely won't do it any sooner.
But yeah, just the perfect occasion and then you just
look in each other's eyes and just say I love you,

(59:20):
and then hopefully it's reciprocated.

Speaker 1 (59:23):
Okay, So I mean you, it's just interesting your perspective
on the sex part, that you can have sex with
somebody only three weeks into dating them, and that's only
one date a week.

Speaker 4 (59:39):
I've got more statistics with surprise your age. So I've
coached thousands and thousands of people are the last six
years from all around the world. All around the world.
The majority of people who have helped achieve a ten
out of ten have slept with their ideal partner on
the first day, which I know is probably a are

(01:00:00):
in thought. And they're together for years, get married, have
beautiful families, they're together forever, and they just they don't
play any games and just go with how it feels.
What I like to teach people is I want you
to be intimate with someone. It feels right, that's it,
no timings, no rules. Intimacy is a spiritual, emotional type

(01:00:22):
thing anyway, It's very deep. So if it feels right
to it. If you get to a third date and
it doesn't feel right, don't do it just because the
third date, that's not being truthful to yourself. Okay, if
it feels right in the first date, do it. If
it doesn't feel right, don't do it. And that's the
same all the way through. Just trust yourself and your
own intuition to see how it feels. That's why I
want people to do. It makes it a lot more enjoyable,

(01:00:44):
and I think it's how it's supposed to be.

Speaker 3 (01:00:49):
I like this something else that you said, make sure
the most important thing you need in an ideal partner
is they're obsessed with you.

Speaker 4 (01:00:57):
Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Well, so when you write
your ideal plan list, I tell people the first sentence
on the list should be that they are obsessed with you,
so they think you are the best person in the world.
That makes everything a lot easier. Okay, trying to create
a ten out of ten with someone and they go, yeah,
she's okay, it's not gonna work. Okay, the guy kind

(01:01:17):
of needs to be obsessed with you and think you're
the prettiest girl in the world.

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
Okay, are there other things? Other tips like that for
your ideal list of person You want.

Speaker 4 (01:01:32):
To make sure intimacy is really really good conversations goes well.
You want compatibility so high that you guys never argue
and you're always on the same page about everything. That's
that's really really high compatibility, which makes relationships a lot
easier as well. So you're just always on the same page, or.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
If you're not on the same page, you can communicate
that effectively where it's not like an implosion or an
argument or like the power play.

Speaker 4 (01:01:58):
Yeah, turn out of ten relationships have zero arguments.

Speaker 1 (01:02:02):
You've given me a lot of advice and a lot
of good tips and support in this journey for me.
Do you have any like last closing remarks or any
advice for me to take with me on this next
phase in my life.

Speaker 4 (01:02:21):
I'd love to see an online dating Okay, I know
it's a scary thought. I hear every day. Online dating
is terrible. It's more how you use it. Online dating's
kind of just a tool, So let me know if
you want going to help you build your profile. Rage,
but look, some key tips for building your profile less
is more. Don't write too much, so with your bio,
for example, just write about food, just say I love

(01:02:42):
ice cream. Done like people write too much? Okay, it's
just it's too much, So just keep it really really short.
And how old are you at the moment?

Speaker 1 (01:02:51):
You're thirty one, I'm twenty nine. I'll be thirty in September.

Speaker 4 (01:02:57):
Okay, so you're twenty nine, so ideally, statistically the perfect
age gap is four years. But so ideally, anyway, you
want to date a guy who's between thirty and I
would set the age parameters on your dating app from
thirty to forty. Okay, that doesn't mean, you need a
data forty year old. Just i'd set the age parameters. Now,

(01:03:19):
what do you think of he as a child.

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
So the last guy I was seeing did have a child,
and that was my first experience dating someone who had
a kid, and she was only four, and I was
open to it. Like it surprised me at first when
he was telling me, and he told me immediately, and
I was like, oh, I guess we're at the age
now where people do have kids. It felt like he

(01:03:45):
had his life together in a good way, and he
moved out here to be close to his daughter, so
I know that he prioritized family, which was a green
flag for me. And he also took a lot of responsibility.
And he was like, you just be you, and you know,
my daughter just loves to spend time with you and

(01:04:08):
look up to somebody who's a positive role model. You
don't need to like step into the mother role or
anything like that.

Speaker 4 (01:04:14):
I love that. That's awesome. Okay, so that's good. That's good.
The other thing I'd say is I want to see
you have a bit more fun. Rachel wants to have
a bit more fun and focus more on the future
and less on the past. Okay, Okay, I know you

(01:04:36):
have an exciting past, Okay, a noteworthy past. Celever each
my past, but.

Speaker 1 (01:04:44):
Yeah, okay, wait, can we talk about that for a second.
Because when I speak to people and they asked me
what I do, and I say I have a podcast,
and they ask what the podcast is about, and it's
a great conversation started to kind of get into like
what I just went through and what I'm advocating for
and how I'm using my voice now, and I love

(01:05:07):
talking about that stuff. Is you know, like, how do
I approach dating? Like I love talking about my past
and from a place where it's like empowering to me
and sharing how I've overcome hardships. And I don't want
to talk about it too much too soon, either in

(01:05:30):
a relationship or in dating.

Speaker 4 (01:05:32):
I want you to more about the future and the
present now, okay, just in general, and barely talk about
the past at all. Okay, I know you're using your
past in somewhat of a positive light, but at the
same time, when you tell people about your past struggles
and how you've overcome them, all people see you for
as your past struggles. They judge you in your past struggles,

(01:05:54):
which isn't who you are now, Rich, I don't care
about your past, not even a little bit. Okay, I
care who you now and who you're going to be
in five years. Okay, your past doesn't define you. What
how you define yourself now defines you? Okay, which is
a hard thought for a lot of people to get
the head around. But I put my pants when I

(01:06:15):
was two years old. I'm not that person anymore, you
know what I mean? Like the past of the past,
it doesn't define me now. I define me now. I
decide who I want to be. Okay, So there's not
really much point in talking about the past. Do you
understand that? Like when you talk to people about your past,
they judge you for your past, even though you're not
that person anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:06:38):
I mean, I I talk about the past in reference
to how I'm how I'm living my life in the present.

Speaker 4 (01:06:52):
That's good. That makes sense, that's good. That is good.
Try talking just about the present in the future now
that Yeah, people are going to listen to you anyway
because you're interesting, You've got stuff to say regardless of
your past. You don't need to let it define you.
Like people that keeps. People are going to still listen

(01:07:13):
to you. Social media is good, your podcasts good. Your
past is your past. I think if you don't even
just talk about the president of the future, people will
love to listen. So you don't. It's your achievements that's good.
But what now?

Speaker 1 (01:07:28):
Yeah, yeah, a bit.

Speaker 4 (01:07:29):
More future focused. I know it's hard, but you're going
to find a lot more joy in it.

Speaker 1 (01:07:34):
Yeah. I've been using you know, like I've been sharing
my experience as like a resource for other people to
connect to because they've also experienced some unhealthy relationships. And
the advice that I give just from what I've found
out about myself and what I'm learning about myself is

(01:07:55):
by sharing that I'm helping other people and that feels
very rewarding to me. But I look at my past
as a way to learn and to grow, and it's
also information for me because those experiences now I'm able
to take into my present day with my new dating

(01:08:18):
experiences and be able to pick up the you know
what I want and what I don't want much faster
and be clear with my boundaries. And that takes practice too.

Speaker 4 (01:08:30):
It definitely does take practice. Another thing I recommend people
do is they make lots of lists so I love
making lists all the time. One list, which is really
fun to make is called a ten out of ten
me list. So this is a way to form your
identity on who you want to be. So a ten
out of ten me list. So basically you think, okay,
what's the perfect version of me?

Speaker 1 (01:08:52):
Like?

Speaker 4 (01:08:53):
What do they act like, what do they look like,
what do they do? What makes them a ten out
of ten person? And then basically you're going to have
a bit of a blueprint on how to become a
perfect version of yourself, how to become a ten out
ten version of yourself and give you something to work
towards for your entire life basically. So it's it's going
to build up your identity. So your identity is who
you want to be. A lot of people have created

(01:09:13):
identity for themselves subconsciously without intentionally putting the thought into
it about who do I even want to be, and
they're just sort of who they are just naturally okay.
But identity is built regardless, often by our environment around
us and experiences, but it doesn't have to be. It
can be built by who you want to be. But
you have to intentionally sit down and go, well, who
do I want to be So you're writ out your

(01:09:34):
ten out of ten me list, So that's good. Also,
hobby lists, ideal pinalists, non negotiable lists, goal lists, day
to day lists, week lists, all that sort of stuff
helps as well. I like making lists, so that helps
for me.

Speaker 1 (01:09:47):
The word perfect does carry some week because it feels like, oh,
if I'm not doing all of these things all the time,
then I'm not you know, like there's no way to
be perfect, and it's just a failing measure. But a
good reframe for me that I picked up is like,

(01:10:08):
what is my most favorite version of myself? Like I'm
gonna be my most favorite version of myself right now.

Speaker 4 (01:10:15):
Perfect.

Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
Yeah, And that really helps frame my mindset in a
way where it's like, yeah, I get to I get
to like clean my apartment right now, Like that's my
most favorite version of myself in this moment, you know,
getting all of the spots and like putting out flowers
and and doing all for whatever moment that may be.

Speaker 4 (01:10:40):
That fiber that fiberte energy that you just had, that's
feminine energy. Okay, that's feminine energy. In a nutshell, the
opposite of feminine energy is fear.

Speaker 1 (01:10:49):
M Yeah, Like there's only love. There's either love or
there's fear, and bear is the.

Speaker 4 (01:10:58):
Most expensive emotion. It's the most expensive emotional take from
you everything if you allow it to.

Speaker 1 (01:11:04):
I believe that for sure, Jake.

Speaker 3 (01:11:06):
What is your book about?

Speaker 4 (01:11:07):
I'll achieve a ten out of ten relationship guys. Good book.
It's just the basics of what I teach. Like, this
is the basics of what I teach. First chapter of
Masculine femine Energy. It's a big part of it, but
it comes communication, dating, all the general stuff. It's going
to be the basics. Okay. What I love about this
book is my wife is on the cover, which I
love so great. Great book. Link to that books in

(01:11:28):
my profile guys. Or as Rache said at the starticle,
you can book and a free call with me. Everyone
gets one free call if you want help. Don't call
just to say a lot, but if you actually want help,
everyone gets one free call. You can get the hard
copy book or audiobook. There's only two options I offer
on that one.

Speaker 1 (01:11:46):
Thank you, Jake. I feel like there's a lot of
big takeaways. I think the biggest one for me is
in today's day and age, it's the norm to be
online dating. Yeah, and maybe it's a little fantasy and
like old school mindset to think that I could meet

(01:12:06):
someone organically just out and about, But it just seems
like people aren't as willing to approach other people in
that way with the yeah, because the apps are like,
this is intentional and we're both signing up for this,
and in real life it's like, you know, no one's

(01:12:27):
wanting to be a bother to somebody else, So yeah,
that makes.

Speaker 4 (01:12:30):
Sense one hundred percent. Yeah, it's just the way it is. Unfortunately,
we all kind of have this idea in my mind
that it's going to be like a Disney movie like
Enchanted and you're going to meet your Prince Charming on
the street. It's not really a thing a lot of
people think. While I'm old school thinking thinking I'm going
to meet someone organically, very very few of those people

(01:12:54):
had achieved a ten out of ten. They had long
relationships at best were a six ten. So they may
have met organically, but their relationships were basically shit for
forty years. Okay, they make it work because they liked
sticking together, but it was in no way a ten

(01:13:15):
out of ten. So we overly romanticized previous generations, their
relationships weren't great.

Speaker 1 (01:13:21):
Should we like stop asking people how they met? Because
I feel like some people are like, oh, you know,
we met through a dating up, and like there's still
some like shame surrounding that, Whereas like when people asked
how I met the last the last guy I was dating,
I was like, oh, we met at a lan Country
dancing bar. You know, like it was like a cute

(01:13:42):
story to tell.

Speaker 4 (01:13:44):
Yeah, yeah, I probably should stop asking. It's doesn't really
matter anyway, does it. Yeah, if you could be in
a ten out ten my Christmas, I'd love that.

Speaker 1 (01:13:55):
I would love that too.

Speaker 4 (01:13:57):
Sharing chocolate in front of the fire, all that sort
of stuff. So Roman, take Michael Buble, what we want
to see. You gonna achieve it. You can achieve. We
just gotta. We gonna get you out there. At the
moment you're sort of holding yourself back, you know, we've
got to get you out there. Let's let's go. It's scary,
but you'd be okay. You got a whole support network. Yeah,

(01:14:21):
totally fine, And this time you're going to do the choosing.
So no more assholes, No more of these so many assholes,
No more of those guys. Let's let's find someone great.

Speaker 3 (01:14:28):
But that's the biggest takeaway Noholes. Yeah, there's that, But
no her doing the choosing, because I do think if
you look at all of her past relationship she was chosen,
she was love bombed, she was and she was young.

Speaker 2 (01:14:45):
No, I'm not letting her off the hook. She made
bad decisions and she's accountable for her part, but those
people definitely chose her, love bombed her, and then you know,
to a certain amount of newness and age and maybe
Naivita and Hope she went with them right and then
found the monster aside. But I feel like this, as

(01:15:06):
much as I am shocked about all the online dating stuff,
I think for her to have those those parameters and
the ability to choose is I think.

Speaker 3 (01:15:17):
That's going to be empowering for her.

Speaker 4 (01:15:19):
One I think one good thing. So online dating gets
a lot of slack, but I think one good thing
about it is it empowers women to choose and gives
them power. So many women get into relationships just because
they were chosen and sometimes almost even bullied into a relationship,
and they never really had a choice, They didn't choose anybody,
and then they just go, well, I guess I'm with

(01:15:40):
this guy and I'll learn to love him. Classic Beauty
and the Beast story. That's what it was about. So
but now it empowers women go now and now you
get to choose who you want to be with. It's
it's the way to go.

Speaker 1 (01:15:51):
Yeah, thank you so much, Jake, And we can find
you on Instagram. That's your handle again, I think it's.

Speaker 4 (01:15:59):
Jake Maddock and on TikTok I'm coach Jake Mattock. So
it's kind of confusing, but look, if you just type
in Jake Maddock, guys, you'll find me. It should shouldn't
be too hard. But Rach, thanks for a great interview,
great great questions. Relationships and love can be a very
heavy thing, an't like the conversations can be quite deep
and stir up a lot of emotions, yeah, but also

(01:16:22):
hopefully stet up a lot of enthusiasm and excitement for
the future too.

Speaker 1 (01:16:28):
Yes, thank you so much for coming on my pleasure.
Thanks guys, thank you so much for listening to Rachel
Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive
video content at Retel Goes Rogue Podcast