Rachel's "Going" Rogue

In her own words... Rachel shares her side.

The story continues January 8, 2024.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
This is Rachel Go's rogue. The day has finally come
where I get the chance to tell my own story
in my words, the good, the bad, the ugly, all
of it. I was involved with a horrible scandal, coined scandal.

(00:26):
I know what I did was morally wrong, and I
get it. I get the anger. It feels really good
to be back in La since everything blew up. This
is the place that I grew up, so it feels
like home. It's warm, I'm seeing some of my friends

(00:46):
that I haven't seen in a very long time. I
spent ninety days in a trauma therapy center without a phone,
with all new people and working with different therapists. I
started noticing a pattern in my behavior and I wanted
to change those things. I have completely removed myself from

(01:12):
the filming environment that is vander Pump Rules, and you
will not see me season eleven. I already made a
mistake by returning to season ten. Looking back at that season,
I was at my lowest of lows filming vander Pump
Rules after breaking off an engagement with James. That was
my first mistake because I should have taken the time

(01:36):
to heal and find a therapist and I did the
right thing by having a no contact policy with James.
But when we're working together and filming together and he's
flaunting his new girlfriend that he met three weeks after
I ended the engagement, that hurt, and there were so

(01:59):
many qui questions running through my mind, like did he
ever really love me? How is it possible to love
someone and then get over them so quickly? I was
drinking a ton Season ten, And this is not an excuse.
I'm just point blank like I was not in a
good mental space, and in knowing that I'm learning from

(02:21):
my mistakes. Looking back and seeing how much pain I
was in interacting with James on camera and seeing his
new girlfriend, I could only imagine the pain I would
cause by filming in the same environment with Arianna, Because
being involved with somebody's boyfriend while they're still in a

(02:45):
relationship is a huge betrayal and so painful as it is.
But then to continue working with these people and interacting
with them, maybe not even speaking, but like hearing about
what they're doing, and seeing your person that you loved

(03:06):
so much and thought that they loved you just as
much as you loved them, be conversing with this other person.
It would just be so catastrophic, and I didn't want
to do that to Arianna. I didn't want to put
her in that position with the cast I don't have

(03:31):
many boundaries, but physical violence is crossing a boundary for me,
and if you assault me, I will cut you out
of my life. I haven't heard from any of them,
and I don't really necessarily want to hear from any
of them, except for Tom did send me a happy
Birthday message on my Instagram via comment, and he couldn't

(03:55):
have reached out to me via text because I blocked
him the day that I got my phone back after treatment.
But he could have DMed me instead of making a
public comment. And I've been thinking about that a lot,
and I think for him because I'm just trying to
put myself in his shoes, like was he doing this
to be like spiteful or was he doing this to

(04:18):
be like I want the best for you, because it's
it seems like it could go either way. It was
a hard process for me to completely cut him out
of my life because the story I would tell myself
about our relationship that we had, it seems so special

(04:41):
and it seems so real. But when you look at
the cold, hard facts and write them down on a
piece of paper and see all of those red flags
clear as day that will break you out of your denial.
And once I was broken out of denial and realized

(05:02):
how manipulative he is, I couldn't put myself in a
situation where at my most vulnerable state, it would just
probably get me back into those old patterns that I'm
trying to break free from. Taking a step back and
removing myself from the chaos has allowed me to gain

(05:25):
some clarity, actually a lot of clarity on the situation.
I look back at season ten, Oh god, it is
a really difficult season to watch back because I'm just
cringing all of the things and all of the moments
that they caught on camera. It's really embarrassing. But I

(05:47):
see a girl that is going through pain and doesn't
have the right tools to tackle it, and she's coping
in the way that she feels like her knees are
being met by someone who's giving her adoration and attention.

(06:08):
And I really did not prioritize my friendships when I
got involved with Tom, and I regret that a lot.
Listen to Rachel Goes Road starting January eighth, on the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.