Mind Your Mentals

Gizelle and Robyn sit down with Myrja Paul, owner and Clinical Director of Sol Counseling & Consulting, to talk about finding balance and checking in on your mental health.

Follow Myrja's work on Instagram: @solcounseling

 Get in touch with the show: [e-mail]

 Follow Robyn on IG: @robyndixon10

 Follow Gizelle on IG: @gizellebryant

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Reasonably Shady, a production of The Black Effect
Podcast Network and I Heart Radio. Welcome to another episode
of Reasonably Shady. I'm your girl, Giselle Barryance. What's up everyone,

(00:22):
I'm Robin Dixon. Thank you so much for being here
with us. Hey games, Oh my gosh, thank you guys
for listening. I mean, jeez, you're out there. You love us.
We love you too. Yes, we do not take you
off for granted. Trust me, you have many, many, many,
many many choices of things to listen to. So the
fact that you pressed play on reasonably Shady means so much,

(00:43):
it does, you know. Actually, Robin and I had a
meeting this morning and we were informed that there are
like a million podcasts literally, like literally a million, and
they're growing and y'all keep coming back to us week
after weeks. So we definitely appreciate absolutely. Yes. Yes, Now,
without further ado, we got to her usually get into
our recently shady moment of the week, right, Okay, Well,

(01:13):
I am going to give it to um Germany kids.
Jermyn they have germs? Okay, yes, because so it's so crazy.
The past year and a half, my kids weren't sick ever,
because they were at home during a pandemic under eight
you know, stay at home, quarantine, virtual school, water, all

(01:35):
this stuff, now all it takes. We've been back in
school for a month less than right, and my kids
have been home for a week. Okay, wait wait wait wait,
but don't they wear a mask? And that's what I'm trying.
I asked my kids. I was like, how are y'all sick?
Where did you get these germs from? And wearing a mask?
And he was and both of them are like, well,
lunch is off the hook, people, just lunch is off

(01:58):
the joint. That's what the germs going. They are like,
everyone is walking around and talking to each other and hey,
you want to sit with me? And my kids are like, no,
I'm sitting and stay by myself and trust that way.
But you know, they're in the new school, the new
kids at school, trying to you know, be a friend
and all that type of stuff. So yeah, so they
both have strep, throat congestion, all the stuff, and I'm like, wow,

(02:21):
I forgot what it was like to actually like take
my kids to the doctor and take care of sick kids.
That's a whole another animal. Oh my god, it's the worst.
So who so who shady? The germs? Are your kids?
The Germany kids at my kids school? Okay, they're the shady.
Was were your kids sharing food? Because I understand that happens. No, no, no,

(02:43):
they don't do that. They don't do that. I'm sure.
I'm pretty sure they don't do that. But clearly it's fun.
I mean clearly they gave each other. Like Corey was
sick first on Friday and then on Monday, here comes
Carter with the day. So can what's the what's the
new protocols at the school? Because I know what my
kids school. If you get sick, you cannot go back

(03:05):
for I think it's a week. Yeah, so okay, so
the kids are well aware if you have any of
these symptoms, you know what, sore throat, running, nose, cough,
diary or whatever, then don't come to school. Right, So
they're already well aware. Headache, so you know they try it.
Oh I got a headache, boy, no, you don't stop.
So so they they're well aware that if they have

(03:25):
any of these symptoms, then they need to stay home
from school. Okay, So on Friday, when Corey had a
sore throat, I said, okay, stay home, I'm going to
take you to get COVID tested. This is my other mean,
can this be my shading moment of the week. This
can have a two part I love that. I love that.
So I go to this mobile testing place down the
street and the hours of the testing place were from

(03:48):
twelve to seven. Okay, okay, I got there at one thirty.
I got there before the tester got there. Yes, So
when I arrived, there was already a line literally like
around the corner, down the down the road, and the
people to do the testing weren't even there yet. Where
where were they on a lunch break? Late just I

(04:10):
don't know, just late. And so it was we were
there literally for like standing in line for two hours.
And okay, that's now. It's just like the rapid um No,
what was they do? The rapid and the pcry do both.
But it was insane. I'm like, people literally were lined
up ready to get their COVID tests and and spent

(04:31):
half of their day in the hot sun. Yeah, okay,
though those are the real shady people. Yeah, that's the
real shady people. So I did that to them, Okay,
but they can't go back unless they have a negative test,
right right, Yeah, so they have have a negative test.
So they have a negative test, but they had positive
strip tests. Okay, that'll be home for a minute. Good luck, mom,
good luck with that. All right. So let me tell

(04:53):
you about my my shady moment. So I had to go.
I was traveling. I was ad to go to New York.
So I just added to come home on like the
last train from New York to d C. I get
on the train, yes, get I get. I get on
the train. I get in my little seat, and I'm
like exhausted and all I want to do is close
my eyes and go to sleep. But for whatever reason,

(05:18):
two rows ahead of me was a full fledged loud
conversation with people. And this is like ten thirty at night,
like this is me. No, it wasn't robbing, but it
was like a loud conversation like yeah, girl, I know,
and that's right. And he did it, and I was like,
oh my god. So I would fall asleep a little
bit and then here they come, and I really wanted

(05:42):
to tell those people shut up, shut up. But guess
what you weren't in the quiet car. No I wasn't.
But but okay, this particular train is business class. It's
one car, okay, And I was in the business class car.
I didn't think to go to the quiet car because
that's not business class. That's that's for everybody. And I mean,
I could be with everybody, but I just didn't want

(06:03):
to be with everybody that night, right and close on them.
So that's so funny because I wrote that same train,
and I remember being on and I was. I was
on the train with my hairstylus and my makeup artist,
and I heard the lady behind us because we're chatting.
I heard the lady behind us say to the conductor
who's walking through, Um, excuse me, where is the quiet car? Yeah?

(06:24):
So you want to shady people on y'all train, okay,
And I'm trying to get the people to two rolls
ahead of me, shut the hell out because I want
to take a little nap, right, And that's try That's
that's what I know what training were on, because like
you probably didn't even get to your station until like
one thirty years more. It was very late. But these people,
thank god, got off at Philadelphia. Thank you so much.
You had like an hour. Yes, Billy took them away

(06:45):
from me. Thank you very much. But those were the
shady my week. Yes indeed. Alright, so this you have
some you have something that, um, you want to share
something with the people. Yes, yes, yes, yes, okay, So
before we get into our very important topic, I just
want to share some love. Um. You know, yes, we
called reasonably shady. We like to talk about shady stuff,

(07:06):
but I also like to share the love we received.
So we received an email from Erica. Her subject is
you never know how you're touching people. She said, Hey, ladies, First,
love the podcast. Love it. Thank you Erica. Next, I'm
not emailing to share my embarrassing sex moments or what
shallow reason I broke up with someone, she said. See,

(07:28):
I'm a real listener. But what I'm emailing for is
to say thank you. I've learned in my life that
you never know how you're touching someone. I'm a two
year breast cancer survivor and I'm currently short days away
from my wedding, and I've had a health scare that
could mean my cancer is back. I'm trusting God that
he will make everything okay, but of course I'm scared.

(07:50):
But in the midst of all of this, I'm sitting
here laughing at or with the two of you. So
in this moment, I stopped working to send this email
to say thank you for taking my mind off of
life right now. I also love the show. You guys
are the only franchise I watch. I'm over the others

(08:12):
potonac keep them coming. Congrats on everything and God's blessings
of health, love, increase, and prosperity to the Green Eye
Bandits and your family best Erica and Erica, I want
to say to you, thank you so much. That means
so much to us. And I am praying for you
and for your health. I wish you, you know, many

(08:33):
blessings in your marriage and I pray that your health
improves um so. And I hope our listeners can say
a prayer for Erica as well. Yes, oh my god.
And and that's actually you know, because I was going
through my d M S and I got called like
a bitch about four times. So stuff like that, like
nice notes just to let us know that we are
helping you, touching you. I mean, this is that's why

(08:55):
we do what we do right exactly, Yeah, for sure,
Like I mean, I can honestly say that the negativity
definitely is Um, it's not easy, you know, but it's like,
but when we hear from people positive notes like that,
I mean, so like, while we're brightening up your day,
you're also brightening up our day. So people coming, we
love you, yes, yes, yes, okay, So all right now,

(09:18):
A lot of times we don't talk about you know,
we laugh, we giggle, we do, we do our thing.
But you know, we definitely wanted to get to especially
with um the journey that Robin has been on, we
wanted to get into some mental health. So we put
a question out to you guys about the misconceptions of
mental health. And this episode is called mind your Mentals. Okay,
mind your Mentals. And because I'm not an expert, Robin's

(09:41):
not an expert, we did get an expert to come
and chat with us today. And yes, I'm going to
introduce our guests, but just to talk about like the
with the show, just me talking about, UM, how I
was feeling during COVID or my seasonal depression. Honestly, I
was floored by the response that I received from the viewers,

(10:01):
for people who said, thank you so much. You're verbalizing
everything that I feel, you know, thank you for representing
people like us. Thank you for making me feel human. Um.
And so I've realized how important it is to talk
about these things, you know, not just in your private
home or in your you know, with your trusted confidante,
but like you know, in a public setting, to make

(10:21):
people know that people like us who are on TV,
we're human as well. UM, and you know, just to
make this forum, in this topic a little bit bigger,
you know, so that people don't have to hesitate to
talk about mental health. And also to make it not
feel so taboo. You know, it's not, um a subject
in which we can't talk about. We definitely need to

(10:43):
talk about it, and we need to make it we
need to normalize it a bit. So please tell us
who I guess. So I'm going to introduce our guests,
and then we're gonna take a short pause. Okay, because
so so I just wanna, um let you all know,
Gazelle and I will now be sharing a microphone own.
Um we we um, since we are by residential, which means,

(11:07):
you know, sometimes we record at Gazelle's house and sometimes
we're at my house. UM, we forget a piece of equipment,
which would be called a third microphone for our guests.
So once we introduced our guests, She's gonna have one
microphone and then Giselle and I will share one. So
it might sound a little wonky, but you know where human,

(11:28):
so bear with us, all right. So, Mereja Paul is
the owner and clinical director of Soul Counseling and Consulting.
Merjor received her Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology from
the Pennsylvania State University and her Master of Science degree
and clinical Community Counseling from Johns Hopkins University OKAY credentials.

(11:50):
Mere is a licensed clinical professional counselor and is an
approved clinical supervisor by the Maryland Board of Professional Counselors
and Therapists. In April, Merjor open Soul Counseling and Consulting,
a group mental health practice that provides individual, family, and
couples counseling. Marriage's mission mission is to decrease the stigma

(12:13):
of mental health, particularly particularly in communities of color. Her
vision for the practice is to create a safe and
supportive place for clients to feel comfortable, heard, and understood.
Marriagor's goal is to help people feel empowered to live,
not merely exist or settle. She chose the name Soul

(12:36):
because the sun is a daily reminder that we two
can rise again from the darkness, that we two can
shine our own light. I love that. And before I
let Mirg to talk, I have to sing something. Marriage
is the sister of Carly, who is our director of operations. Okay,

(13:01):
so you all have heard us talk about Carly. Carly
is the one that kind of like handles our logistics.
She's helping us set up. She forgot to bring the
third microphone. Okay, I'm car and Carly is also like
my very good friend, like you've seen Carly on the show,
helping me out with a lot of my different ventures.
But I just want to say this. I found it
very comical. So I'm looking at our emails on the

(13:25):
reason the Reasonably Shady Emails, and I see this email
from our director of operations, Carly, to her sister mere
Ja that says, hello, miss Paul, we are I am
writing to confirm your appearance on the Reasonably Shady podcast
at dot. If you have any questions, please forward them

(13:50):
to to me whatever blah blah blah, sincerely Carly, the
director of Operations. And I was like what, I was like,
this girl is literally talking, literally talking to her sister
in a business manner. She takes her director of operations

(14:13):
job very seriously. Okay. I was dying, like, okay, if
that was me and I was talking about sister, I'd
be like, hey, girl, we're gonna see you on Friday
at four o'clock, alright, peace, Like what, yes, you gotta
keep it professional at all times. But were you like
sister No, I found it very professional, and I was

(14:33):
I was very proud of her, like I'm a professional woman.
Don't talk to me like I'm some regular chick off
the street business. Okay, okay, okay, I didn't want to
say that. Um, we're just soul counseling. It spelled s
o L, not so s o u L. I thought
that was like so like soul, Like, oh it isn't

(14:57):
soul s o l. That's so. That's son in Spans.
So that sun in Spanish. It's also like the root
word of like a lot of words with sun solstice
in French, so you know, trying to go back to
my my French roots, and no one can say so le.
So I was just like, never mind, you just keep
making us think. Yes, okay, so getting into it. So

(15:19):
with the misconceptions about mental health, a lot of people
said that they feel like they're weak right when they
go seek out counseling, they feel like they're quote crazy, Like,
you know, they don't want to feel like they have
mental issues. Are what are your thoughts on that? So
we get that a lot, right, And that's the whole
thing about the stigma. How you were saying, Robbin about

(15:41):
like making it, you know, just more normal normalizing it. Right.
So back in the day, it was for quote unquote
crazy people, right, it was for severe mental health issues.
They would go to the you know, psychiatric hospital and
things like that. And I don't know if we've really
changed from that. We're changing, you know, but it feels
like do you wait until like your arm is about

(16:04):
to fall off before you go to the doctor. It's like,
are you weak for going to your regular doctor for
your regular checkups? No? So I feel like we take
care of our body, you should also take care of
our mind. So that idea about it being for weak
people or just for crazy people. And you know, as
a therapist, we don't like to use the word crazy. Um,

(16:24):
but no, I feel like there are a lot of
different issues that people have, and don't wait until it's
too late or you're super struggling with something before you
go talk to somebody. Okay, but I'm sorry. A lot
of people used crazy, right, That's what they said, Like
I'm gonna feel crazy. That's for crazy people. So what
word should we be using because I don't feel comfortable

(16:46):
using that word. Sure, just say how you feel, right, So,
like if you say I'm gonna feel crazy for going
or do you feel like a crazy person? If you
feel like a crazy person, that's your word to use. Okay,
but you can say I'm feeling really anxious, I'm feeling
really overwhelmed, Like I feel like I just gotta get
like would you say on the show Rob and get
my life together? Like, you can just say how you feel.
You don't have to just go to the word crazy

(17:08):
to say how you're feeling like that. So, so when
would you say, like is there a point when people
should know like, Okay, I need to go talk to
someone because I'll be honest with me. I can. I
consider myself to be a very thick skinned person. I'm

(17:30):
very like, Okay, you know life isn't perfect. You know,
suck it, up, move on, it's in and I probably
don't spend the time to kind of like really sit
back and check in with myself. And so for you know,
people like me or even other people who who kind
of just you know, have this stigma in their mind
about mental health, when do you say, like, okay, I

(17:50):
need to now, I need to go talk to someone,
I need to check in. But it's just like, whatever
you're doing hasn't been working. So if whatever you're doing
is not working, then you try something different. Sometimes it's therapy,
sometimes it's something totally different. But if you're feeling like,
oh my gosh, I've been dealing with this for a
long time and whatever I'm doing is not working, be

(18:12):
open to trying something different. And therapy is not for everybody,
but you could try it and see if that works
for you. But the whole thing about thick skin and
being weak, it's just like like I said, I mean,
if you're if you're struggling with something, just to try
it out. Okay, So that that's that's good to know.
But let's let's back all the way up. So let's

(18:32):
say I'm feeling anxious, I'm feeling overwhelmed, which is easy
for me in my life because I have it's just
a lot going on. Would your recommendation be for me too,
first step seek therapy or would you recommend I don't know,
I go to the gym, I work out, I you know,

(18:54):
drink a glass of wine at night? Like what what
what are your steps before therapy for somebody to think
about or consider prior to going to therapy. Sure, So
here's the other thing too. When you talk to a therapist,
they're going to suggest things like that too. Right, it's
not all about this. It has to be so structured
and so serious. It could just be does he do

(19:16):
you have a schedule? Are you writing notes? Are you
going to sleep at the right time? Like sometimes the
therapist is just suggesting normal things like make sure you
are going to the gym, make sure you are going
to bed on time, make sure you are drinking your
water every day. Right, So, if you're not at that
place where you're like, uh, okay, I'm feeling anxious but
I'm not quite ready, reach out to friends and family.

(19:38):
Like that's what we do, right, We talked to our friends,
we talked to our family. Social media although it has
you know, it's pros and cons. Sometimes there's a lot
of resources on social media as well. Right, I'm sorry, record, Okay,
if we all go to social media to feel better
about ourselves pros and cons, that is not happen. Okay, resources, Right,

(20:02):
there are a lot of mental health Instagram pages, right,
So it's not just the shade room, it's not just
shoutouts to the shade your room, you know, for entertainment.
But there are other pages that are about mental health
and anxiety and motivational quotes and things like that. So again,
you know, pros and cons, but there's some resources on

(20:23):
there as well, right. And I feel, you know, for
some people who are maybe embarrassed to talk about their
struggles or they don't want to be judged by you know,
their family members or their you know friends or whatever
for what they're thinking or they're feeling. I think the
therapist is that great you know, mutual party. That's not biased.

(20:44):
They don't know you, they've seen it all their professional
they're all about the privacy and the hip of laws
and all that type of stuff. So even for someone
it's like if there's just anything that you're dealing with
in your life, whether it's just you know, a disagreement
with your sister or something. You know, A therapist is
always that neutral party that you can talk to that

(21:05):
you don't have to worry about being judged, because that's
what they do, you know. And it's unfortunate because so
many people live their lives and all they worry about
is being judged. So you know what I mean, It's
like they they worry about what people think and whether
it's the way they look, they dressed, their weight, you know,
their job there, whatever, their their relationships, like they're all

(21:27):
they care about is how they're being judged. And so
I think a therapist is a neutral party that you
don't have to worry about that. There's something special about that.
So some people are like, well, you're a stranger and
I don't know you. On the other hand, it's like, oh,
you're a stranger and I don't know you, right, oh,
which means you don't know me, which means I can
say whatever I need to say and be okay about it.

(21:50):
So there is that definitely like Okay, you don't know
all of my background. I'm telling you a little about
myself and you can kind of chime in from that
outside perspective. Think about when a company needs, you know,
just a shift or a chain, they hire an outside consultant, right.
They don't talk to people who are necessarily in the company.
They're like, let's go outside for someone who's like outside

(22:11):
the box looking in. So that's what a therapist does
for you. It's a different perspective. It's someone that does
not know you, and it's just like, Okay, you're not
gonna see me at the club. You know, well now
it's pandemic, but you know what I mean, Oh, you're
gonna see this therapist that club to day. But it's not.
I kind of I feel like a lot of people

(22:32):
feel that it's scary, right, they're really gonna sit down
with somebody that's a professional, that knows what they're talking about,
that knows when you lie in and can call you
on your ship. So that means that you have to
have a level of vulnerability to can sign up for this.
You do, you do, but in the very first conversation,

(22:55):
I'm not gonna sit here and ask you, in the
very first conversation your deepest, darkest secret. Like there's a
method to how we do things right. It's like, let's
get comfortable, let's build some rapport, let's get to know
each other, and you'd be surprised, like once you kind
of let your guard down a little bit, the things
that you say. I mean, I've had people say to
me like, oh my god, I haven't told anybody that
I can't believe I'm telling you this, Or you sit down,

(23:18):
you're just like, so, what's going on? And it's like
tears and you're like, oh, you've been holding that in
for a while. So yeah, of course it is about
being vulnerable, but it is also for the therapist to
kind of guide you and lead you and not start
with all right, tell me what what's going on? Was well,
come on, what why did you do that? What's no, Like,
let's ease into it, let's get comfortable, let's get to
know each other. Then third session, fourth session, fit session.

(23:41):
Then it's like, all right, now I'm gonna call you
out on your stuff. Okay. So, I mean, it's so interesting.
I'm looking through all the responses that we got and
and they all are or not all, but a lot
of them. It's like the misconception or the things that
they worry about is that there's something wrong with you,
that you're crazy, it's so like I was just really
looking through these um is there something would you say,
What is like the most common reason someone comes to

(24:05):
you or seeks with therapists? Well, you know now anxiety, right,
People who didn't have anxiety before, well now it's COVID,
and so we all kind of have a level of anxiety, right,
So that is I think everybody has anxiety even before COVID.
I don't think we named it as anxiety. I think
it was like I get stressed out, so so and

(24:27):
explain anxiety anxiety because that comes in different forms, very
different forms. So is it like worry. It could be worried, Sure,
it could be worried. It could be worried about everything,
or it could be worried about just something specific. Right.
It could be you have a need to control everything
and you're just like, oh, I'm just controlling, or I

(24:48):
just like to know the plan, I know what's going
on at all times. That could be a little bit
of anxiety kind of creeping in, like I need to
know what's going on so I can get my mind
right and then prepare for it. That's a little bit
of anxiety there too, And that's not a bad word.
I don't want people to say, oh, I have anxiety,
and it's just like now we're labeling you. You have
this diagnosis, something's wrong with you. We're using the word

(25:11):
that we're talking about mental health. But if you want
to stay stressed, if you want to say overwhelmed, fine,
you know, I don't want to be like it's a
stigma to label, but um yeah, it comes in different forms. Well.
I was just asking because people need to be able
to say to themselves when they are feeling whatever kind
of way they're they need to be able to label

(25:31):
it for themselves as opposed to just like wallowing in
it or not knowing what direction to go to get
out of it. Right. They need to understand what's going
on with themselves. That's why I was like, an anxiety
is never really explained, but you you gave a good explanation.
It's not always like a panic attack. Sometimes it is right,

(25:52):
but it's not always that right. It's like like I said,
and come out in different ways. It could be like
I'm not sleeping, well, i'm having bad dreamsames you know,
there's a little like feeling in in my chest or
in my belly, and I'm not really sure where that
comes from. Every time I'm about to go to work,
I had this like pit in my stomach. So I
like what you said about just kind of paying attention
to that and seeing what that is, naming it and

(26:14):
then take it from there. Right. I almost think they're
you guys almost need to come up with an alternate
word that's not therapy or mental health, you know what
I mean, because like when you hear the word therapy,
you think, Okay, there's something wrong with me and I
need to be rehabilitated for mental health, you know, the whole.
I'm crazy, I'm weak. So it's like I wish they're like,

(26:35):
what is another word that you all could like start
using so that people would know? Like you know, it's
like almost like you're checking you know, you're I don't.
I guess you start using hearing the accountable accountability partner
partner type stuff, but not so much that but more
of like a check in check in person. Yeah, Like

(26:56):
what can that be? Because I person, because I think
the word itself is what is misleading for people? Sure,
you know, um, I don't know what those words could
be because like I think, like I said, just personally,
I'm like, ain't not wrong with me? You know what
I'm saying, Like, yeah, I'm busy and I'm stressed, but
isn't everybody you know? So I think it's the actual

(27:19):
word therapy that makes it sound like you know, there's
something wrong with you versus you know, no, you just
have a lot going on. You need to check in,
you need to balance maybe like a balance coach, balance coach.
I might take that. Want to trademark that you might
take that balance coach that That's good though, because that's

(27:42):
what we do. We're trying to keep everything in balance
for you, right, A little bit of this, a little
bit of that, Yeah, that's good. I like, yeah, you
don't want to take that, I'll give you credit. Yes,
I'll give you credit for that. So okay, um, we
have just a couple more a couple more questions. Let's
talk about how social media plays a role in our

(28:06):
mental health. We touched on it and Giselle kind of
was you know, she got something to say, we need
to take a little bit deeper because I think it
does you know, yes, for people like Giselle and I
who who are on a public platform, but I know
that it affects the everyday person. Yes you know, yes, Okay, So,
like I was saying pros and cons right, benefits of

(28:29):
social media community, right, some sort of like online support, um,
motivational messages, inspiration, things like that. Think about during COVID
TikTok was our friend, like during quarantine, like the Internet
states undefeated, right, So like it provided comic relief and

(28:50):
such a stressful time, it was nice to just go
and see memes and do these TikTok challenges and things
like that, right, So social media can be our friend.
It could be nice, it could be a good thing.
Didn't get as many views as your tikto I'm not.
I'm glad because I was thinking about that. And then
there's also the issue of you're literally just looking at

(29:12):
filtered pictures of absolutely which can mess with your mind.
You know what your body looks like in a real
mirror with no filters, and then you're comparing yourself to
these images that you've seen all day that are perfect
and that's not reality. So like, how mentally are we
able to handle that well? I always say that to
take a break, you don't have to be on social

(29:34):
media all day. If you're on it and you're feeling
like this is not feeding my soul, this is not
making me happy, then take a break, or you know what,
start on following certain things. Sometimes you follow pages and
it's always cute for that moment, and then you're like,
you know what, I don't I don't want to hear
about all this gossip. I don't want to hear about
what's going on, or even like when the police brutality

(29:54):
stuff was happening, that's it's just too much, Like you're
allowed to say, this is too much. I I can't
deal with this right now. I'm shutting this down right
Or I also think it's okay to like see things
on social media and realize that, you know what, maybe
maybe not today. So let's just say, like Mother's Day
or Father's Day post what if you have a tumortuous
relationship with your parents or they're not here right, so

(30:16):
it's just like on that Sunday and Mother's Day, don't
don't don't do that to yourself, like pay attention to
what you actually need. It's not you being a hater.
It's not you like, oh, I don't want to hear
about all these No, just like it's okay. Or if
you're like, I don't know if you're trying to conceive
and you're having trouble conceiving and all you're seeing all
these baby posts, right, It's like that doesn't happen that

(30:37):
way where it's just like, how come all of a
sudden everybody but everybody's right COVID babies. Right. But it's like,
it's okay to say, you know what, I'm happy for
you and I'm also sad for me. You can have
two feelings at the same time. So is it okay
to just like straight up be selfish and and think
about what you need as opposed to what everybody expects

(31:02):
of you. Yes, please be selfish. Selfish is not a
bad word. It's not a curse word. It's not a
bad word. And even when we're thinking about going to therapy,
that is one hour usually one hour to yourself, right
where you don't have to worry about I'm monopolizing this conversation.
I didn't ask how she was doing. You know, I

(31:23):
talked to my friends all the time, and it could
be like a two hour conversation because the first hour
is catch me up on your stuff. Okay, is it
my turn? Okay? Now, let's go. It's just like sometimes
you wanna be like, girl, let me tell you what happened.
But your therapist there, there's like it's all about you.
It's all about you. That's true. That's a great point
because there I feel like, you know, when you are
like sometimes with a group of friends, you know, it's like, Okay,

(31:46):
I'm gonna listen. I don't want it to be about me,
and then everyone else is talking, and then and then
it turns into like, well, you don't share nothing, you
don't think it's just like but but I'm like, but
I'm listening you when me listening when we talk. And
then so I I always feel like I'm a listener,
Like I don't really not that I don't share, but
I recognize that other people maybe have the need to

(32:12):
get something off their chest more than I do, you know.
But but then but then there are times when it's like,
well damn, I I didn't share anything, so right, yeah,
So so that is true. It's like, you know, even
if you have a great group group of friends or
support systems, sometimes you can't get it all out to
them because it's not enough time, or because you know,

(32:34):
people cut you off or whatever. Yeah, I like that.
And the social media like what about the people who
will like post a picture using like a fake background,
Like they'll like pretend like they're like traveling. Yes, Like
how do we get them to stop? I don't see
have you in their life that that is a little

(32:56):
beyond what I do for my work. But um, but
just acknowledging that too, right, acknowledging that this you know
what social media is like, come into it knowing this
is entertainment, this is what it's for. And yes, the
constantly comparing yourself and all that stuff, just be mindful
of like, like you said, it's filtered. People are only

(33:18):
showing their best life right there, living their best life
on social media, and just kind of keep that in
mind that no one's going to share. Well, some people are,
but most people don't share. I'm downtrodden, I'm going through. No,
they're gonna share the smiley face. They're gonna share. You know,
I'm here, I'm there, I'm jet setting knowing damn well,
maybe like their credit card is maxed out because they

(33:38):
can do this. Sraff b Right, we don't know, we
don't know that, we don't know what's behind the scenes right,
speaking of broke broke, Um, your therapists, we have we
have heard and we have found that a very expensive
out here in these streets. Glad that up. And you know,
earlier in this conversation you said that you're gonna get
to know the people that you are counseling. So you're

(34:02):
not gonna get into that business until like, I don't
know session four, and I didn't paid you for session one,
two and three. So, um, how you know for your
everyday person that you know might not be able to
afford you? Guys, you know, what do you say to that?
So people sometimes don't realize that your insurance most of

(34:23):
your insurance companies pay for therapy. Oh really, yeah, that
is I'm so glad you brought this up because this
is really a misconception. People are just like, so, how
does this work? I don't give us a range of
like our session all right? Now, everybody's different, right, and
somebody who's you know, counseling a real housewife might charge something,

(34:44):
you know, just kidding. Price people are different. Depends on
your level of credentials, It depends on where your market is.
New York probably charges more than Alabama. Right to give
to it, give us the range to the just. I
would say a hundred up to a hundred to two

(35:05):
hundred could be the rain for our session, which is
like an hour, which is like an hour. Now, think
about when you use health insurance, whatever plan you have,
it's a copy. Anytime you see a specialist, your insurance
company pays, I don't know, eighty percent, you pay, twenty percent,
you come in, you pay your ten dollar copay. You
don't know where the rest of it go. Somebody is
paying these people. So are all of you all taking insurance?

(35:27):
Not all of us. So if you are, you know,
feeling like, oh this is steep, go through your insurance.
Find somebody who accepts your insurance. I did not know that.
I thought I was out of you know, I would
camp doesn't have to be and I would see that,
you know, when I when I had jobs and they
would send, um, you know, the packet of the health
insurance stuff, and I would see that in there. But

(35:49):
I just always felt like I don't need that, you
know what I mean? But I think, honestly, if it's
there and it's provided to you, and if you're someone
like me who thinks you don't need therapy because you're fine,
like still take a vantage of it. But it's it's
it's you should normally be in your regular just like
just you go to dermatologists, you go to the chiropract
or whatever it is, like you just you use your

(36:09):
health insurance the same thing. So how often, I mean,
I guess it really varies based on what's going on,
and but like how frequently should people just say, for
someone like, you know, like just people feeling anxiety, they're stressed,
you know, how often do you think they should come
to the most people their balanced coach? Most people start

(36:30):
once a week. That's kind of your typical forty five
to sixty minutes once a week. That's kind of typical
for most people. Sometimes though it's like like you said,
it's just kind of like I don't need to check in.
I just need to just you know, make sure that
I'm on the right path and I'm doing what I'm
supposed to be doing, you know, every two weeks. I
have clients now that are like on maintenance so to speak,

(36:53):
and they started seeing me once a week and then
it was like, okay, every other and it's like you're
doing pretty good, but you still kind of want me
around just in case. Once a month I had somebody
call the other days and be like, hey, I haven't
seen you in a while. I'm like, are you doing okay?
Everything's fine? Okay, Sure, come on you want to chat? Sure,
that's what I'm gonna start doing what I'm going once

(37:14):
a month, really find somebody. I mean, I feel like
we're just gonna talk. You might as well, you might
learn something about yourself. I haven't. Right now, what about
like couples? I'm so glad. Okay, can I call you

(37:38):
answer that question. Let me just say this. I've been
in some major couples therapy, y'all. Don't just say to
tag you years and years of couples therapy and me
and that Jamal Bryant now listen, it always helped us. Yes,
you know, he is a is a I think he's
trained per his profession to counsel. Right. So I always

(37:59):
felt like, we can't just have a regular conversation if
we haven't a problem, because you know all the tricks,
so we need to go to somebody else. And and
I was always just very happy because you know, he's
a black man. He was open to it. But it
always did push us to like another level. So I'm
an advocate of a couple of therapy. I just want
to say that, and I'll just share my experience. While

(38:21):
Want and I were married, or even before we got married,
he was like the typical black man that was like,
I don't need anyone to tell me how to feel
or what to think or what to do. So I think,
you know, a lot of times in a couple of
therapies there's a resistance from one partner that just thinks
like this cannot help this. They're like, I don't, like,

(38:44):
what can they tell me that I don't already know.
I'm glad you said that because no one's telling you
how to feel. I feel how you feel. I'm not
telling you how to feel. I might be exploring with
you what's behind that feeling? Where did that come from?
Even just basic communication, you think you're speaking the same language,
and it's just like, that's not what she said. Did
you hear what she said? Oh, that's not what he said.

(39:06):
So a couple of therapy, it's just like, can you
guys please start coming before you're about to divorce? Okay,
So I'm I just a little know I totally agree
with that, And I feel like, if you're gonna get married,
you should go before you get married, absolutely, because the
whole time y'all been dating, y'all have been talking the

(39:26):
same language. Yeah, y'all don't know what you'all talking about. Y'all.
It's always good to get like a third party or
like a bird's eye view on the relationship. And I
feel like, if you don't do that work in the beginning,
you damn sure you're gonna have to do it in
the end or it's just gonna be over. I think
you're forced to talk about certain topics. Right. You could

(39:46):
be dating somebody for four years. I know him, I
know him and met his mama, We went on vacation together,
I know how he travels. We talk about everything, and
it's just like, but there's that one thing that you're
not really comfortable saying because it might rock the boat,
old or whatever the case. Maybe you come to therapy
and it's kind of like the therapist might just bring
it up and you're like, oh, I guess we've gotta
talk about it, right. So I'm definitely an advocate for

(40:08):
premarital um, But yeah, I feel like the same thing
when we're talking about, you know, when should people go
to therapy. It's like, please don't come when you're at
your wits end and your bag is packed and you
have one ft out the door. You're like, you know
what the last before I can just check off this
box to say I tried everything. Fine, let's go to
the therapist when they go. So when do they go?

(40:31):
You should again, you should go before you get married.
Because I am a therapist. I'm like, just go, just
go when you don't even have a problem, just go
to check in and be good. We're still good. Everything good,
You still like me, I still like you great? And
then you move on right, not saying it has to
be weakly, but if you're feeling like, you know, when

(40:53):
you can tell something's off right, you're you're not connecting
as much. Maybe the intimacy has been affected it. You know,
there's a lot of change that has happened. Like you know,
when you feel a little bit off right, same thing
like with your health, you're like, you know what, something
just not right. So that's when you I'm gonna call
my doctor and see, like what's going on. Like I

(41:14):
feel like, for example, I just went to attrition this.
My something's not right. My blood sure goes up and
goes down. I have a headache. I don't like feeling
like this anymore. I don't like having a headache every day.
I don't know what it is, but maybe you can
tell me what's going on. I'm not gonna wait till
I'm like, I can't get out the bed. I'm crawling
to the car, but I gotta take myself to the doctor.

(41:34):
It's like, no, like you start feeling like something not right,
but we need a little check in. We need maybe
sure this is still good so you can keep going
and things don't just fester right, Like how many couples
do you know where it's just like, yeah, I've been
dealing with this for years and I just didn't know
how to say it, or I've said it and this
person is not listening to me. It's just like, Wow,

(41:56):
I wonder if we had sat down and talked about
this five years ago, could all of this been right?
And clearly, I'm sure the main issue that you see
is like the root cause of problems between couples communication
and so the therapist or the balance coach um helps
facilitate that communication. Yeah, so that's that's good. You know,

(42:18):
I'll keep that in mind. You know, Robin's going to therapy.
But I'm just here to tell y'all before they walk
down the out for the second time. No, this this
is really good. So I feel like so that we're
gonna recap a little bit. This is what I've learned today. One,
you can go through your insurance to get this thing paid.
So if you can go through your insurance, why wouldn't
you do it? Right? You know what I'm saying, Like,

(42:40):
and as you said, it is kind of a no brainer.
If you had a sore throat, your nose is running,
you're going to the doctor. So if you feel like
you you're waking up every morning and you're like in
a funk, don't nobody at work when to deal with
your funk? So get it together. And your friends don't
want to either. We love our friends, but you don't

(43:02):
want to be a burden to your friends either, because
your friends are busy, you know, have their own stuff, right,
And a lot of people hesitate to even talk to
their friends or their loved ones because they know she's busy.
I don't want to bother her. So now, but okay,
so let's talk about then the process of finding a therapist.
And then I just want to Okay, yes, we it's

(43:23):
covered by insurance, but what about people who don't have
insurance too? Are there, like, you know, maybe some sort
of community resources that they can find. Absolutely, there's always
some sort of program in the community for people who
don't have insurance or some sort of um sliding scale fee.
You know, there are resources out there right. So psychology today,
for example, has a directory of providers where you can

(43:45):
filter by what your insurance is, or filter by if
you don't have insurance, or gender, or you know, it's
okay to have certain preferences. Therapy for black girls. I
think it's a good one. If you're looking specifically for
a therapist of called LERT what is that. They have
an i G page. They have a website. It's basically
a provider directory, so you can go on there to

(44:07):
say if you if you are a black girl, or
if you want to talk to a black girl, you
can go on there and locate someone. There are lots
of resources. Again, we use to insurance for example, like
your insurance company will give you a list of providers
that they cover. UM so I have come across better
help dot Com, which I think is awesome because because

(44:27):
it's like a virtual balanced coaching, virtual therapy. Um, you
can do it, you know, I think by the telephone
or by a zoom or whatever your method of you know,
preferred communication isn't I think that's kind of good for people,
you know, kind of like me, who I don't like
to leave the house. So for me, if if if
it's like, Okay, I'm gonna go to therapy, I'm like,

(44:48):
oh my gosh, I gotta leave the house and go
sit in the room. Blah blah blah blah. So I
also think that's cool to find, um, you know, if
that's what works for you, look up online therapy. Absolutely
because of COVID, a lot of us are doing telehealth,
a lot of us are doing virtual therapy. And I'm
so glad this kind of came out because obviously pandemic

(45:10):
was not a good thing, but I think it also
taught us we can do things in a different way. Right,
how many of us are now working promote because it's like, oh,
y'all can't work remote? Well, actually we can't because we
had too so we kind of figured that out. But
that's what we found. When I started the company. We
got so many referrals because it was just like, you know,

(45:30):
especially living in this area, by the time you get
off the Metro and get in your car and all
this stuff, it's just like you're stressed out. You're stressed
out right, But now it's like, Okay, I work out,
you've got the anxiety. You know, I work nine to five.
I can log onto my virtual therapist right in the
comfort of my home. So, so are you doing telehealth?
I am doing telehealth? So we're doing both. Okay, So

(45:53):
I think you should you should tell people where they
if they say I want to talk to me or
to Paul, because I heard her on Reasonably Shady and
it sounds so balancing, so balancing. Well, I will say
this because I am now a CEO and clinical director
and all that good stuff. Thank you. I actually I don't.
I don't want any more clients. However, the what's she's saying,

(46:17):
She's saying she's busy. I'm a little busy. Now, I'm
a little busy. I'm a little busy. However, I have
an awesome team of therapists who work at my practice.
So how do they find your team. So we have
an i G page at Soul Counseling, so all counseling.
We have a website and we can give you all
the information www dot s o L Counseling and Consulting

(46:42):
dot com. Which my sister the d O O a
k A. Carly a k A. Robin's friend a k A.
Whatever she is that you know, particular day she she
built my website to go on to so she didn't
build a reasonably shading website. Well, jeeze, what is going
on here? Get yourself a sister, Like I do I

(47:06):
do want to talk about because you know, this kind
of blew me. I had a conversation with my kids,
and my kids are you know, high schoolers, they're in
between that fourteen to seventeen age range, and they're like, yeah,
everybody in schools and therapy, like what are you talking about?
So apparently it COVID pandemic last year, being at home

(47:31):
going to school hit them all very very hard. Are
you seeing that with these kids and are they getting
better now that they're back in school? Are they feeling
are they still feeling overwhelmed? And I felt like they
were feeling isolated, you know, because they didn't have you know,
we found clearly that they need social um outlet every day.

(47:52):
So what's going on with our teens? I think it's
like everyone, right, so you dealt with COVID either, just
to that now we're dealing with things are opening up,
we're back at work. Some of us were back at school,
so now we're dealing with adjusting to being back at school. Right.
So life is a constant adjustment, constant transition, which is

(48:15):
also shameless plug why it's okay to go to therapy
because maybe you were okay six months ago and then
something shifted and now it's like I don't know how
to deal with that. So, um, I'm glad the teams
are going. I'm glad they're opening up. I'm glad that,
you know, it's trending. Now. I'm glad with like athletes
like Simone Files and Naomi Osaka are talking about it

(48:36):
because they're young and so it's just like, okay, if
they're talking about it and they can do it, this
is okay and it doesn't have to be shameful. Right. So,
and I do want to say that, you know, I
when listening to my kids talk about you know, their
friends or whatever. I remember being that age and feeling
occasionally like off or depressed or anxious, over wound. Oh

(49:00):
my god, I felt my test you know, all kinds
of things that teams go through, hormones, all of that
and and not. And I dare not share that with
my parents, right, Like, if I even thought to share that,
they would either tell me to kick rocks, get over it,
go to your room, you know what I mean? Like,
there was no way that I would feel comfortable sharing

(49:23):
it with anybody. So to know that at least these
kids feel comfortable talking about it. They have each other,
they are all in it together, so to speak, is
a great thing. And I think that we all have
to be mindful that our brain, our mental stability, what
we think, how we feel is not taboo. It's not

(49:46):
for you to keep to yourself, like, we're all in
this thing called life together and find a therapist that
works for you. Right, We're all not these stuffy people
that are going to, you know, shake our finger at you. Like.
There are a lot of really cool, down to earth,
relatable therapists. So it's it's nice that the kids have
someone to go to that might be, you know, a

(50:06):
cool down to earth person. It's not always going to
be some old old white men, right, old white men
or worth therapist. That's what you see on TV for example,
you know. So it's just like, no, there are some
just really relatable, cool people that also have their stuff
going on to that can relate to you, but also
have the training to deal with whatever you're coming in with.
I definitely relate to you, justl just I remember being

(50:29):
a teenager and just being like mad for no reason,
like like just then I'd be like why am my mad?
Like why am I feeling like this? And there's like no, like,
it's just it's it's hormones. Really, it's hormones. It's the
changing in your body and your mind and just so
much going on. And so I think it is so
important for parents to be in tune to that with

(50:50):
their kids and not get so like, you know, thinking
that there's something wrong with them, but realized like they're
going through big changes in life for them, it's a
big change. You get defensive, what's wrong with you? Right?
We have we have everything you need? You have this house,
you know, you go school, what else what else you need?
It's like there are other things going on yesterday, right exactly, exactly, Yes,

(51:12):
that's important. We could talk about this, I think, for
you know, a whole another five minutes or so. But um,
this has been a great conversation. Do you have anything
else you want to close with or at or just
kind of going back to the misconceptions. I just also
want to put out there that you know, going to
therapy is not advice giving. It's not like you come

(51:33):
to me and then I say, Giselle, this is what
you should do, Now go ahead and do it. That's
not really what it's about. It's about exploring what's going on,
you know, helping you figure out what is going to
be the best choice for you. And if you decide
to do something that I don't necessarily agree with, that's okay.
We're gonna walk you through it, and I'm not going
to judge you for it, and I'll be here tomorrow

(51:54):
when you cry to say that, oh my gosh, shouldn't
have done that. That's what we're here for. Are you?
Can you prescribe medication? So I'm glad you asked that.
Everybody has a different like, what do you you know? Soiatrists?
Psychiatrists prescribes medication? Their actual medical doctors. Therapists do not
prescribe medication. We do talk therapy. Most psychiatrists don't do therapy.

(52:18):
You come in, you have a check in, how the
meds working for you? You're good, any side effects? Good
to see you. I'll see you in a month. Got it.
And I think, and you know, I think that's so
important for people to know the difference with that because
I think when they think therapy or mental health, they're
thinking medication and it's all the same. Were two different people. Okay,
that's important. Um. And this is my last little bone

(52:41):
to pick with our people. Okay, black people. We know
we love our people. Okay, seriously, guys like we the
worst because we think that therapy is is for not
for us. You know, we were taught and we're built
to be so strong to get over it, to keep

(53:02):
it moving, to not even deal with the day. You
gotta look for tomorrow. So like, no, we gotta stop
doing that. We gotta stop doing that to ourselves. We
got stop doing that to our children. It is okay
to take a time out and make sure that you
get your mind right. Grandma said get your mine right,
and she really meant it. What's called therapy. That behavior

(53:22):
of self sabotage. It really is to like think like
I'm tough, I got this, I don't need, you know,
and to talk to anyone, and I'm gonna keep it moving.
And then you're just bottling up all of the emotions
and the anxiety, stress and not learning any tools of
how to deal with it. It's okay that you have
these feelings, you are valid in that, but tell me
how to deal with this, right, all right? Well, I

(53:44):
hope somebody listening, more than one person has learned something
and it's motivated and you know, encouraged to go to therapy,
seek out a therapist, a balance coach, um, and you know,
and hopefully just just you know, I don't know, I
don't know. Is it like getting clarity or it as

(54:04):
sometimes getting clarity? It is sometimes getting clarity. I'm so
glad that you mentioned black people because you know, that
really is like what I said in my bio, right,
it's it's it's about reducing that stigma and making it comfortable.
And that's where I mentioned therapy for black girls for example,
or you know my you know, my team, we're all
of color, right, So it's like if you want someone
that looks like you, if you want someone that maybe

(54:27):
has a little bit of understanding about your background, you
can do that. If that's not for you, that's okay too.
But let's have more of more therapists that look like us,
and that way it makes it a little bit more
comfortable and that it's okay. You don't have to keep
everything inside or everything in your house, or just feel
like you can only talk about it with you know,
your pastor you know, shout out to the church. But

(54:50):
there are other resources out there besides that. Well, we
love you, and we thank you so much for stopping by.
We've learned so much, not only about therapy and you,
but about our d o O over there, our director
of operations, because she has not done anything for us
that she has done for you. But anyway, that's for
a whole another episode. This is our reasonably Shady episode,

(55:14):
and uh, throughout the course of your week, just find
a little reasonable and find a little shady. We love
y'all so much. Next week. Reasonably Shady is a production
of the Black Affect podcast Network. For more podcasts from
our Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app Apple

(55:35):
podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, and
you can connect with us on social media at Robin
Dixon ten, Giselle, briant and reasonably shady