Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's the j Shatty episode. Are you ready, Cara? I
am ready, just like about all right, here we go.
I'm gonna have giggle box. You know, this is a
punch drunk season. Now, all right, here we go. Hey, y'all, Hey,
what's up? And welcome to let's Red Table that I'm
Tracy t Row and I'm Clara Pressley. On the scale
(00:23):
of one to ten, Tracy, I mean, how ready are
you to talk about this episode in that brand new
book of Jay Satty's. I am super duper ready. I
am probably a nine point seven five. I'm I ready.
I'm ready. Okay, okay, come on here, talk about it?
(00:43):
Are you a ten? Am? Ten? I am ready to
talk about it. I like Ja Shetty. I'm glad he's
he might have been who has the most table he appearances.
He might be tough. I think he may be winning
before aside from Dr Ourphee. Maybe Dr Romney has been there.
Dr Romney. Yeah. Dr Romney may may have him beating
(01:05):
more table business. But he is definitely our top male
visit of the table for sure, with an exclusive this
time tell us about it. Oh my gosh, this book
is not even released yet, but we have copies and
I can't wait to break this book down for everyone.
We're gonna take a short break right now, but when
we get back, we'll break down the moments from Ja
(01:25):
Shetty's appearance on Red Table Talk that had us saying, wait,
what do alright? This is the part of the show
where we reveal which moments made us pause, We're one
(01:47):
and listen again because we all had to say, wait,
what what was that? Listen? It was a few of
this moment. Yeah, Gammy sharing that she fights to win
rather than to fix the problem. Ronnie says, I fight
to win. I fight to win instead of fighting too
(02:10):
like to solve the problem. I'm gonna let him break
it down. But it was so revealing for me. I
was like, wow, Okay. She didn't ever take she didn't
have to ask any questions about what the fighting styles were.
She was like, Okay, I know what mine is. I
want to be right, I want to want to win.
We knew that again, what's yours? Do you know what
(02:30):
yours as? I don't. I feel like I'm a lover
not a fighter. Yeah, I love I don't believe that's
in the book, but yeah, I did not read I'm
a love or not a fighter in the book as
the fighting style that definitely was not in the book
out that though, so maybe we can ask for an addendum.
(02:52):
And then he said in his book, Okay, every time
one of you loses, you both lose, and every time
the problem loses is you both win, which I think
that is phenomenal because if you are really truly attacking
the issue and the problem and not each other, then
you move forward. So I guess if you did a
(03:12):
very loose paraphrase, that would be I'm a lover, not
a fighter. That's where I met or the Great Escape
one said what I need from you is understand that
that's what I heard. How can we communicate if you
don't hear what I say? Come on? Come on? Ye
not new? What's your fighting style? Tracy? Oh, Gammy, I've
(03:36):
been locked up with Gamy the whole season five twins. Gamy.
Gamy is my spiritual twin. But now I'm gonna tell
you something. I have gotten better. Okay, I have gotten better.
The better coach I become, the better listener, I become,
the better focus I have on resolution. And so instead
of wanting to be right now, I want to I
want resolve. Listen, I hear that, because who has time
(04:00):
to argue? Right, love, We're not a fighter. I love that.
Another wait wet moment was Luma from the fan Wall
dropped the nugget of wisdom based on her own experience,
and she said, yeah, like, obviously, going through break up
is really hard. I honestly think the hardest part is
when you realize that them coming back is no longer
the solution for your pain, like they can't figure that
(04:23):
is for real? I felt that one in my spirit. Right,
have you ever said this? Realization words? Sage words? You
know a lot of times wisdom can come from having
a hard lesson, and those were some wise words. She
said that people can learn from that. For sure. That
was a white because I was like, oh, listen, A
(04:43):
few names immediately came to mind. I was like, no, right, wait,
a manicola if powers don't work anymore? We never felt
like that before. I have leaned in, come on here, no, listen.
It could be anything from a man to a Chick
fil a sandwich. Sometimes sometimes it's just not it anymore.
(05:08):
See all right? That was what not the man or
the sandwich? Okay, we're gonna come on here, don't quit
no more, just depends. All right, that's the way what
all is own? I think we can have a whole
separate conversation about definitely could that part as we say
(05:29):
at the virtual red table. From the red table, Now
here's the other. Wait what in addition to your weight? What?
From it? Could be a man or a chicken sandwich.
Willow saying she wants to just move in with her
friends and get a bunch of kids, always tell my girlfriends,
let's just move in together when we're old and get
a bunch of cats. I never do have do but
(05:53):
if we do have boyfriends, great, they can come over
sometimes we can see them whatever. But let's like be
together and not like, oh, we have to just be
old and gray with our significant other. She even took
Ja shetty. He was like, Willow, He said, wait what
he said? Wait? Would He was like, what does it
(06:16):
have to be? Cats? Like? What what do you have?
What she said? Or dogs? She did, but he had
to say, doesn't have to be can you now? Or
have you ever felt like this car where you like
you know what? I'm just done? Yes, okay. I did
not take long very much Willow very much. Well, I
feel you, Willow. The people out here, they lie to us.
They fairy tell us, I'm gonna get a shirt, say
(06:37):
fairy taling on it. They lie to us, she they leave,
They don't like us. Yeah, yeah, Willow. I felt just
moving with your friends and get some cats, okay, Dan,
whenever you have to do to preserve your peace. I
pray we all find the real love and whatever we
need out here. But the main thing about this book
that I liked was just the fact that we're gonna
(06:59):
be able to talk about some real steps and tap in,
go on the inside and learn how to love yourselves first.
So if Willow, if you need to learn how to
love yourself at the house with the cats, I feel you, well,
I'm gonna tell you something. I was also proud that
at the end of the episode, Willow got a phenomenal
compliment from Ja Shetty about how he has learned so
(07:19):
much from her, And I was just so proud because
there's some absolute wisdom in her youth and experience, and
she's got the benefit of being at the table. Imagine
how much we've learned this season. So she's right there
at the feet of it right in the part of it,
and I think of it. She's learning stuff all day
every day. Why's Willow wise? Willow? I like it? I
(07:41):
like it. All right, we're gonna take a quick break,
but when we get back, we'll dive into Ja Shett's
brand new book Eight Rules of Love and why we
think you should or shouldn't read this book yourself. Stay tuned.
All right, let's get into it. Trace See what did
you think of this book? L O V E no
(08:05):
pun intended love love this book from the beginning to
the end. It is chopped full of things you can
do for yourself so that you are shored up and ready.
And then it is completely aligned with love for self,
love for relations love for romantic, love for friends, love
(08:28):
for family. It applies all across the board. Now, there
are some specifics that talk about your romantic relationships, because
he would be remiss if he didn't include that. But
this is a book that if you are in a relationship,
if you're starting a relationship, if you want a relationship,
or you're leaving a relationship, you need this book. That's
(08:49):
what I think about it. How about that that I
love that? I love that and I like the aspect
of the book, and he talked to it, of course,
of the episode where we really romantic size and put
romantic love on a pedestal before any other love. I
don't want to do that anymore. I think it's I
think it's the wedding. I think the wedding weddings over time,
from the weddings in England, London and just all across
(09:12):
the world, and the Queen and the Who and the
fairy tales. Think that those romantic loves have overshadowed the
real love that we have day to day, from friendships
to parents to siblings, so and even of course it's
just the love of yourself. So yeah, I think you're
right there. It's been romanticized and for a reason, right,
that makes it indible, that makes it commercial, so that
(09:34):
we can as sales exactly exactly, and so it makes sense.
But I really believe if we were given an opportunity
to incorporate some course training in like in middle school,
you know, because we're not as simple as that. That part, yeah, right, Jake.
She says we've made being alone or loneliness the enemy,
(09:55):
completely disregarding the more positive term for being alon, which
is solitude. How do you find joy in your solitude? Car?
And then what does being alone and alone time mean
to you? Man? I love being alone more so now
and I did enjoy it before COVID. But thank you
(10:16):
COVID for reminding me. Maybe I don't need to be
around so many people. Maybe there is fun by myself, right.
I find joy in my solitude through affirmation. Shout out
to your affirmation cards, Tracy. I have a pack myself.
I enjoyed those reading. I enjoy movies with no other
(10:36):
conversation from anyone else, like my son because and I
actually tend to be the talker sometimes in a movie.
So you know, oh, a little self assessment. If I can,
I can rewind if if I need to. It's just
I can determine what I need and what I like.
So my alone time is super important to me. Allows
me to be creative as well. And you know, when
(10:57):
I get back around people, I enjoyed more because I
was able to step away. I think there's a common
misconception that people that are extroverts like us don't really
enjoy solitude, and I absolutely up. I mean I love it,
I adore it, I cherish it, and there are times
when I can go somewhere in the car and come
(11:18):
back when I'm by myself and just pull up in
the and it's like, Okay, let me just sit here
for a moment. Turn the car off and let me
just sit here. That was my outitude during COVID. I
had to still go somewhere, so I got in the car.
So out to everybody who sits in the car when
they get home as well. I know we are not alone.
But j Shett also explained in the book that it's
important to find balance between time together with your romantic partner,
(11:41):
Tom alone Tom, with our own friends, and time with
collective friends. How have you maintained the balance like this
in your life with Sweetie Tracy? Let me tell you something. Okay,
maintained may not be the word like Sweetie if she
heard that, she was like maintained? Who told you that? However,
(12:01):
I will say that there is a part of this
book that I love. In this the social calendar plan
that he has in there For those of you who
have busy schedules, like so many of us do. It's
important for you to spend time with your loved one,
but you know your friends are like, hey, don't leave
me out. So what I did to try to incorporate
(12:21):
some improved balance, I will say not maintain it, because
I don't think I maintain it as well. It's the
words for me. Language is super important for me. Well,
you know, it's been an ongoing thing because I keep going,
I need nothing. I stay super busy, and Sweetie is
super supportive. But she also has times when she's like,
(12:43):
look now, I do not want to be an afterthought here.
Do not make me a foregone conclusion. And we went
through a period of that, and so now Sunday is
by day. Okay, I love that Sunday is by day.
Sunday with the exception of we have some special arrangements
where we do something with collective friends or family, Sunday
is designated as by day. So that is how we've
(13:06):
had some restoration of balance. And it's made a difference
because it's not it doesn't even have to be anything big,
like it doesn't have to be the super date night,
it doesn't have to be anything fantastic like this week.
I literally Bay day we were just I was just
in bed. She was in the chair in the room,
just chilling and talking, and I was nodding off, but
it counted. Oh I'm glad that y'all have that, and
(13:28):
they're going to continue with right. So absolutely it has
been a real positive shift for us to have by
day pay sweetie, love you, grateful for you being patient.
Thank you so sweet. The Eight Rules of Love also
(13:51):
includes several step by step guys and questions you can
ask yourself today to start your journey to love, be
it romantic or in friendship. And we're going to try
some of these out. So, Cara, are you ready to
dig deep for the pod? I'm ready, just like spongebub
Let's go, let's go voice, Let's I love that, I
(14:18):
love that. You did an excellent job with that one. Alright,
so we know the first step in rule four, your
partner is your guru. We're gonna identify some of the
learning styles here, okay, So let's just do a quick
review of the learning styles and then we can talk
a little bit about all of them. Okay. The learning
styles are there's four hearing, vision, thought, and motion. Okay.
(14:40):
So the hearing style means that you like it when
you can take in new information through your ears. This
can be through listening to fantastic podcasts like this one,
audio books or Ted talks, right, so I like listening. However,
comma vision learning visually, vision learning is watching someone demonstrate
(15:05):
the skill or maybe following a diagram. Okay, so when
I hit the one that that you are resonating with,
let me know when he let me know, it's giving
vision already, I can tell you. Let's hear the rest.
Let's just say okay, okay, we'll come back to vision
because I'm with you there. Thought learning happens all internally
when you absorb information in your head. Might think like
(15:26):
reading a book on a topic of interest, taking notes
as you read and putting it into your own words.
That says, Car, I've seen you take notes. Definitely do
write things down. Yeah, I've seen you take notes. So then, finally,
motion learning means you learn by doing. You might want
to take a workshop where you get to try out
new skills as you acquire them. So now let's go back.
(15:48):
We had hearing, vision, thought, and motion. Which one is
your learning style? Car, I'm feeling vision and thought because
I am in my head a lot. I mean, even
with my consulting on the side, I specialize in brainstorming
sessions with clients. So clearly I envisioned and thought learning.
(16:10):
What about you, Tracy? Okay, So here's what's interesting that
you're a hybrid. I'm a hybrid too. When you said thought,
I thought, maybe so, but I see too many squirrels,
and I like as a coach. As a coach, I
have to stay focused. So when I'm with my client,
I do that. But here's for me what I am.
A hybrid of vision and motion. I do great when
(16:32):
I can see someone do it and I can try
to do it myself like professor YouTube, yes, or even
just instructing myself. And I've seen you and struck before,
so I as well. I like to be in front
of the class. Figure, I'd like to be in front
of the class and help them get it in real time.
So I feel that on motion. Yeah, those for a
(16:53):
learning style. It's good to know that though, because it
makes a difference when you know someone is a motion
learned her and you're with someone who's a hearing learner,
Like they're not gonna learn the same. That's night and day.
Don't you think? Oh? Absolutely chazy? What about you? Do
you know, sweeties? Learning style? And does she know yours? Okay?
That's a good question. So I would say, sweeties learning
(17:17):
style is absolutely visual. She's a vision learner, but also
hybrid though, because she does a really good job of listening.
So I'm gonna say she's a hybrid. Now, I would
say that if you ask her what my learning style is,
she's probably absolutely going to say motion, because yeah, because
(17:38):
she knows i'd like to, like I said, I am
one who will fix the dryer, who will try to
change the ice maker, because I'll go on YouTube and
look at the people who are the subject matter experts,
follow their video, and then go order the parts and
do it. And also because she knows I talk a
lot and won't ever really be quiet enough to hear
(17:58):
I believe I'm just gonna tab been real quick. I
want to say my son is probably a visual learner,
and and probably like myself, we both I don't think
we read the instructions at all. I believe we're just
seeing at the photo and then we have those extra
pieces left, like oh, right, this was that? I wonder
where this wet right missed it in the second step? Right? Okay,
(18:24):
all right, how has learning each other's styles helped your relationship?
Can you think of a time when maybe you've applied
it or like, oh, I know she would like this. Yeah,
you know, I think especially for us have been together
as long as we have the things you learn as
you go, he makes the journey a little bit smoother.
They're always going to be some bumpy roads when you're
in a relationship, but when you take time to make
(18:45):
the investment and say, oh, now I understand why this
is true for you, or what makes this true for you,
or how you think or how you learn, it does help.
So for those of you who are listening us, like
I never gave that any thought. That's why this book
is so good that I'm telling you listen so good.
I love when we incorporate pieces like this as we
(19:07):
talk about relationships and you know, not of course not
just romantic, but in this relationship because we have to
stop waiting for the people to change. As I get older,
I just realized how many times we were like, I
care about this person, but why won't they change? Why
won't they change? Instead of just acknowledging you're not compatible
and who they are that part, just let's accept it
(19:28):
for where we are, meet them where they are. Yeah,
Because when you have that kind of resistance because you
want them to become who you want them to be.
Instead of just acknowledging and accepting who they are, you'll
never get where you want to be, which is healthy
and happy that part. Are you ready to talk about
fighting styles? I am ready, me too, just like I'm ready.
(19:49):
I love this game, told us hers, but let's discover ours.
So from rule six, win or lose together, Jay Shetty
walks us through identifying our egos and passions in a conflict.
Which of the fighting reasons listed in the book resonates
with you? I can tell you right at the time
which one. There are a couple of different things in
(20:10):
the book that were listed just to be fair so
that we can make sure we don't just dive in
and go okay. So, Tracy, you like to be right
with a surprise, so you know that you get a
chance to ask some questions right like and my fighting
because and it's like filling the blank. So on my
fighting because I believe what it's best, which is where
I was for a long time. And my fighting because
(20:31):
I want the person to change, which mentioned what you
were talking about earlier. You want to modify that person
and not just let them be or they need to
correct their behavior. And my fighting because the situation offends
me to the core. Now that one I love. If
something offends you to the core, you want to fight
about it. You know what I'm saying. That's gonna strike
a nerve. That's passion. That's that's definitely pass and it's
(20:53):
different from ego because the passion that's like, that's that
inner fuel. Right, they have offended your morals to a
certain degree, right, stand by, but go ahead. See I
totally get that. And then am I fighting because I
feel different? Which is also you think about, like, especially
in this political climate, right, how people think differently. They
have different views and they're passionate about and they argue
(21:16):
and fight about it. And that's something that can get
really unbelievably out of control. Let it or here's what
I love. And this was you I'm a lover or
not a fighter? Part? You said you're fighting because you
want to improve the situation, right, that's the goodness part.
And then fighting because you want to become closer, which
I love that I see. I found myself now being
(21:39):
in a position where instead of fighting on the side
of ego, I fight on the side of goodness that
it's like okay at some point because I just absolutely
hate I feel sick to my stomach when Sweedie and
I fight, and I just okay, let's revisit this and
I come back in a calm place because I will
take you all the way there. You know, the Aquarius
powers gets real deep. Slice you. I can slice you,
(22:04):
and you won't even know you're slice until you walk away.
In your arm is behind you. Okay, you won't know
you cut off until you try to call. So I'm
doing better about that because it's healthier for me to
right understood. No, you know, it's loving the club, loving
the club. I don't want to say it's none of these,
(22:25):
but if I had to pick, it would be because
I want to improve the situation, and then improvement looks
like understanding the other person. The problem comes when they
don't want to understand me. Now I am offended to
the core to the core, to the core. Okay, I'm
now I'm passionate about it because how dare you the core? Yeah? So,
(22:50):
but you know, I would like to improve the situation,
get closer because we also maybe understand each other more
so it's definitely coming from a good place, right, I
really like that. I like that. I'm gonna do my
best to try to remember that quote from his book
about when you argue, if you're if you lose, if
the goal is for for one person to lose, then
(23:13):
both of you lose no matter what. And really what
you're fighting is the problem. And that's so good. I mean,
that's just sage and we're on the same team, right,
which also makes me think about another thing he said
on the episode was when you're fighting and you're across
from each other, that you don't tend to resolve as
(23:34):
opposed to when you're sitting side by side beside each other. Yes,
you know, positioning right is important, which is also while
like in a relationship you can't have one person on
the pedestal to the other person. Is not like even
how we think of each other in hierarchy standards, like
we've gotta be on that level ground, right, That's right.
(23:54):
I'm excited for it. This book is going to change
live So I hope you get the book and change
your life. That part what new perspective or exercise and
enables and love are you going to carry with you
or try for yourself and Tracy. So there are so
many tried this sections throughout the book. For each of
(24:14):
the rules, there's a try this at least one try this.
And the one try this that I am absolutely going
to be intentional about is the like what I'm calling
the self assessment and the solitude. There's this practice of
solitude aside from the car because I don't think that's
really enough. I don't think it's really enough to to
(24:36):
feel like you're stealing away time. So I am going
to be intentional about doing that, and I want to
try to share that with other people, right because there's
so many people we know that are busy. Sweetie does
a much better job about having her solitude than I do.
Because your career coach, I'm a mindset coach. We're giving,
(24:58):
We're connected to people all the time, and I look
back at the day and before i know it, it's
time to go to bed. I can't pore out of
an empty vessel. So I'm going to really practice that,
that solitude and practicing what I preach because I tell
my clients all the time they need to make investments
in themselves, and so I'm going to do the same. Yes,
(25:18):
I am in alignment with you on that I enjoy
my solitude and not even just that, just as a
new entrepreneur as well. I'm enjoying my rest, my son listen,
definitely having that heavy na ministry of my soul. And
I'm not apologizing for the rest that I'm getting now
because I am just as effective, if not more effective
(25:42):
in the place of what I'm getting done and able
to get done, I will say that, and being more
myself because of the rest. Whereas previously I thought moving
non stop was effective, and it was not because in
my mind, I'm not going to burn out. It just
that was ego. I have laid her to the side.
So yes, I will continue to tell people how their
(26:04):
solitude can also help them as well. If anything, just
think some things through. So it's just one of those
things that so universal that everyone may benefit from practicing
solitude and understanding that it's not loneliness. And it's uncomfortable
at first, and he talked through these parts in the book.
It's uncomfortable, but then you just become present with yourself
(26:25):
once you're used to it. So enjoyed that solitude because
once that love come, you know you were sweetie there forever,
right and trying together forever. That's a long time. That's
a mighty long time, long time. But we are ready
for it. Yeah, I'm ready. I'm in it. I'm in
it to win it. There's so many tried this, and
(26:46):
the solitude is the one that stands out because we
talked about that and it's applicable to everyone. I just
want to be better, and so I think this is
a tool to grow and be better. And here's another
opportunity for growth and being better. Real eight is love
again and again. Practicing this means extending our love to
each and every person and every area of our lives.
(27:10):
So I'm gonna start practicing that right now. Actually, Cara, Oh,
there's an appreciation practice that I love and it's simply
is stating what I appreciate about you. So, Cara, what
I appreciate about you is your unending, one, unequivocal perspective
(27:32):
of the glass half full. You will see the dog
on sunny side of the most crazy stuff. And I
mind blown by that because then how many times I
give you like cal area and really, and I'm like, what, Well,
(28:00):
I appreciate that about you because that's like you have
little blue birds, and you're like, no, don't say that,
but it's a gift that you have maintained to be
forty and to be in a place where you can
still see things from this wonderful lens of naivete. It's refreshing.
I appreciate that because it is difficult to actually stay
(28:21):
in the space compared to what is actually out there.
So thanks to this show, I pray that I am
not being toxically positive. No, I don't think so. I
think I don't think so either, But I don't think so.
I think it's good to have that. But yes, it's
I'm still refreshing when I can say, Carl, and I
hope I encourage you to see the glass half full
(28:43):
as well. You know, I mean, I'm got half empty
all the way. But my glasses you're more than half full. Okay,
your glass real, You've got a real it's more realistic.
My glass is clear, your glass is green, your glasses
rose colored. Well, thank you, Tracy. That's still beautiful compliment.
And as I act, just this rutle eid as well.
What I appreciate about you, Tracy, it's just your ability
(29:05):
to continue to motivate no matter what, you will stop
dead sentence and tell someone what you appreciate about them.
You will affirm them and ensure that they are loved.
It don't matter what, and it is from a true,
genuine place, And you continue to cheer me on as
an older version of myself. We talked about it all
(29:26):
the time, how similar we are. But I see you
in value as a mentor as well for me, and
I appreciate you. Thank you example. It feels good to
have a moment of appreciation. That's it does. Yes, Yes,
it's needed, it's needed, It is needed. It really it's
one of some episodes in and you know what I
(29:47):
think for the listeners, what I want to encourage them
to do, it's the same. Take time to tell someone
what you appreciate about them is because it's just nice
to hear it. It's nice to hear definitely, And well,
hasn't this been a wonderful time of reflection full It's
just beautiful it has. Man, I'm I just can't say
it enough. I guess people say, yes you can, Tracy,
because you said if you're out the whole days our episode,
(30:08):
to get this book. But I'm telling y'all when this
book comes out. I think presale starts at some point
and we got it early, so I'm not sure exactly
when pre sale, but pre sale is available and the
book comes out in January. Don't wait. Get this book
because you want to start practicing some of the things
in here, because it will definitely improve your life and
the lives of the people that you are closely connected
(30:30):
to in wealth as well. Absolutely, we want to know
how you're feeling about this new season of Red Table Talk,
and we are open to talk about anything with you all.
So because we appreciate you, we want you to know
that you are able to send in your questions at
Let's red Table that at red table talk dot com,
or please feel free to use your voice and leave
(30:52):
us a voicemail at speak pipe dot com slash Let's
red Table that. We want to hear your voice. You
know what, You can go to speak pike dot com
slash red Table Talk and tell us what you appreciate
about Carr and me. Well, we appreciate about you is
that you've listened. Thank you so much for listening, and
make sure you subscribe on I Heart Radio app and
(31:14):
please rate this podcast on Apple Podcast. We want to five.
We're not shock only. We'll be back next week for
another episode of Let's Red Table That special Thanks to
executive producers JD. P. Pett Smith, Valon Jethro and Ellen Rackinton.
Thank you to our producer colleague and Rue and our
(31:35):
associate producer Yolanda Chow. And finally, thanks to our sound
engineer Stephanie Aguilar. Hey, let's table that, Let's red table that. Hey,
let's read table.