December 26, 2022 • 32 mins
Tracy and Cara are dedicating an entire episode to their mental health this holiday season and learning how to heal their inner child. How do we know if our inner child is wounded? Could inner child work heal YOUR trauma? Find out from our mental health expert, licensed therapist Ivy Kwong. PLUS Tracy and Cara read listener mail! Take a moment for yourself and listen to this episode of Let’s Red Table That.
Learn more about Ivy Kwong’s therapy work and order her books
Hosts Information:
Cara Pressley
@thecareercheerleader Cara’s Instagram
@TheCareerCheerleader Cara’s Facebook
@the1cheering4U Cara’s Twitter
@FeelinSuccessful Cara’s TikTok
Tracy T. Rowe
@tracytrowe Tracy’s Instagram
@troweandco Tracy’s Facebook
@tracytrowe Tracy’s Twitter
@tracytrowe Tracy’s TikTok
----
#LRTT
Listening and loving the show? Please be sure to rate and review.
Have a question you want us to discuss on Let’s Red Table That? Email us at:
letsredtablethat@redtabletalk.com
-----
LET’S RED TABLE THAT is produced by Red Table Talk Podcasts. EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS Jada Pinkett Smith, Fallon Jethroe and Ellen Rakieten. PRODUCER Kyla Carneiro. ASSOCIATE PRODUCER Yolanda Chow. EDITOR AND AUDIO MIXER Stepfanie Aguilar. MUSIC from Epidemic Sound. LET’S RED TABLE THAT is in partnership with iHeartRadio.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
You ready, Carl. Mmmmm, I felt like Beyonce, you ready
do do hilarious. That's so good. Hey y'all, Hey, what's up?
And welcome to Let's Red Table that I'm Tracy t
row and on Carra Presley, and today we're talking all
(00:24):
about mental health and healing your inner child. We need
this one, we need this episode. We've been fighting an
expert to the table to equip us with a new
tool for taking care of our well being. I love
that we're helping people prioritize their mental health card. Isn't
that important? It's super important, super important. I mean, Tracy,
what have you done this week to protect your mental health?
(00:46):
It's a continuous journey, right, It's an everyday intentional journey
to tap into, realize, and then nurture and care for
mental health. You know, I'm all about affirmations so much so,
you know I have that whole old everyday amazing mindset
affirmation cards set. Yes, you have your set, And what
I do with those cards is I just shuffle the
(01:09):
deck and then pull a card. And so my card
for today. You want to hear what it says? Yes, yes,
I am only limited by my imagination. Oh, I love
that it's right into the episode. I mean, it's perfect,
and most times it's right in line with whatever it
is that's going on for the day for me. And
so there's never a wrong time to know that you
(01:31):
can literally take the limits off and there's no box
that you have to stay in, there's no line you
have to stay in the coloring zone of right. It's
so wonderful. What about you? What are you doing? Listen?
I'm always doing something, Yes you are, I am. Listen.
You know I'm having into spirituality. Okay, So I recently
went to the t D. Jake's Women Thou Art Wait
(01:55):
a second now, the last I am just so proud
of you. It was the last. I appreciate you. Yes,
we were there as media. Was the last one. And
I love it because it's just an alignment with this
exact topic, like you're saying, healing who you are, your
inner child, and the next conference they're actually going to
transition it into women Evolved. So as they're evolving, we
(02:17):
are evolving. I saw the beginning and the end of
an era with something, so I just I just love
that we're trying new things, we're doing new things, we're
tapping in. We are reading our affirmations, we're getting an alignment,
and we're really deciding what we need. We're not going
with the norm anymore. We're not just doing what they say.
We're not gonna be who you say we're supposed to be.
(02:38):
We're gonna find out for ourselves. So I love that
for us. That's so wonderful. The Evolution. I think that's
an apropos name for that conference because it's not so
much in the loose as it is in the evolution.
And I think that's wonderful and smart typling for them.
And I'm happy for you that you had an opportunity
to go on that journey because it's part of the growth. Absolutely,
(03:00):
so many women take on so much, and it's good
to have an opportunity to be in a space where
you can say, you know what, I'm doing this jest
for myself. Absolutely, it was amazing and I'm excited to
have a bit apart. Oh you use my favorite word, Cara,
what amazing, amazing, every day amazing. I love it. Thanks
(03:22):
to you being a wonderful member of the Red Table
Talk community, you got a chance to go backstage. Who
was one of your standout connections or people that you
met with that you remember. Listen. It was a great
We got to be a part of press and listen
to t V Jake's but I got to personally talk
to Spinderella in case Finderella from Salt from Salt and
(03:44):
Papa Yes e j Spinderella. She was doing her thing
there for the event, and she shared her favorite form
of self care. She loved things that were relaxing, like massages,
and she expressed that the environment was super important, so
relaxing music, zig and anything to give her a sense
of zen. It was successful and her nails were beautiful.
(04:06):
Oh I love that. I've always loved Spenderella. I'm sothing
like you got a chance to meet her. And thank
you Spenderella for sharing what you do to take care
of your mental health. We've received some listener mail over
the past couple of weeks and we want to thank
you sincerely. Thank you for writing and sharing, and we
want to share one of those stories with the rest
(04:26):
of our listeners now. Absolutely Francis wrote us to thank
us for our episode covering postpartum pain because she has
experienced what she calls terrifying, intrusive thoughts and harm o
c D. Gosh, but differently from our guests Jade, who
was on our episode because Francis is not a mom,
which I mean, I think that's so important that she's
(04:47):
just honoring her own human journey, right, Francis wrote, it
was so helpful and reassuring to hear Jade describe in
trusive thoughts similar to mine, because that is the first
time I've heard someone say this so openly and public lee.
This RTT episode was helpful because it made me consider
that perhaps my harm o c D was also caused
(05:07):
by my past trauma, and that's something I can now
look into exploring with the doctor. I'm so glad that
we could help de stigmatize this topic a little for her,
I would say a lot, because now she has the
language needed to go to her doctor. It's so important,
and this is why the Red Table is so powerful.
Thank you so much for sharing. I am just thrilled
(05:28):
for you, Francis, that you heard someone else speak your language,
and that you know that you were affirmed and how
you feel, and that you can now boldly go forward
into your own healing. That's wonderful, and thank you so
much for sharing that with us again. Before we start
the episode, we're going to take a quick break, but
when we get back, we will be joined with our
(05:49):
mental health expert, Ivy Quom. Mental health is so important,
which is why we're very excited to welcome Ivy Fong
to the virtual Red Table. Ivy is a licensed marriage
(06:10):
and family therapist and a life and relationship coach. She
specializes in codependency, intergenerational trauma, self worth, and so much more.
She is a published author, and her most recent book,
called The Little Girl, The Ocean and the Moon, is
dedicated to your inner child, which I need that. So yes,
thank you Ivy for coming on less Red Table that.
(06:32):
How are you really excited to be here today? Very
grateful they opportunity to share anything that might come up nice.
We're happy to have you excited. So let's get into it.
And this season of Red Table Talk, we talked a
lot about rebuilding the parent child relationships. But sometimes we
also have to heal our inner child by parenting ourselves
because of childhood trauma of course, so this is something
(06:54):
you know a lot about, Ivy. So how do we
know when our inner child is wound it and needs healing?
When we get triggered when we have strong emotions in
response to something that's happening. I like to say that
if your response to a one or two or three
trigger is like an eight, nine or ten, there's probably
some historical trauma that's showing up. Someone forgets to put
(07:17):
the cap back on the tues paste and you blow up.
It's probably not a twoth sakee cap. So this is
kind of signs indicators opportunities for us to be curious
about where it might be coming from, and there could
be an opportunity to do some inner child healing work
in those spaces. Oh man, that makes so much sense.
So just initially at least paying attention to your triggers, right, Okay,
(07:39):
what would you say are the first steps to actually
healing that inner child? So the first step would be awareness.
So one of the questions that I like to invite
people that ask themselves is how old do I feel
right now? So maybe you're having conversation with your parents
or your partner, and suddenly you are six years old,
(07:59):
or suddenly you're fifteen years old, and suddenly something's happening
where you are no longer in your fully embodied adult
self and you are responding and reacting as if you
were a much younger version of yourself. And once you
realize that's happening, that's when you can do something about that,
because we do the best we can every moment, and
if we don't have the awareness and we don't have
(08:20):
any choice, a lot of times we are just going
through the motions of what we're going through. If we
don't notice, we can't change anything. So the moment we
start noticing, oh wait a second, I'm feeling not like
I am my forty two year old self right now.
I feel like I'm eight and something's hurting and I'm
really upset and I feel really scared, or I feel
(08:41):
really just whatever is coming up, that's an opportunity to
check in with that younger version of yourself that's kind
of emerging. Because I believe that we all hold all
parts of ourselves that have ever been within us. We
hold our infant cells or five six seven year old selves,
or twelve year old selves or eighteen twenty year old sells,
and every part of us has ever been, and their memories,
their lived experiences, their embodiment, they're all present. And sometimes
(09:06):
your body remembers your body absolutely yes, the body holds
and remembers all of it. That is so good. When
you are recognizing that you are not your current age,
you feel like you're younger. That's really amazing Because you
think about it, there's almost some memories that are good
memories that can take you back to when you were
at your grandma's house, a certain smell that you think
(09:28):
of Findly, for whatever reason, I've never associated the same
to be true with the trauma that you know, you
can have an experience that will put you right back
in the childhood position where you felt out of control
or lacked power or hurt. And that is so good.
(09:49):
I mean that, you know, let's just polsy and for
because just like you're processing, I am processing, and I'm
literally thinking about all the times that to the year
old car or shows up. We've never really paid attention
to the fact that if I'm responding a certain way,
that might be twenty year old me, or two year
old me or fifteen year old me who's still annoyed
(10:09):
and triggered. Right, And once you realize that that younger
version of you is present, that's when you can start
the reparenting process. That's when you can acknowledge that what
their feeling is completely valid, right Like, you're feeling really
afraid right now, you're feeling angry, things, really frustrated, And
that's when you can check in with what it is
in that moment that you're needing that that part of
you is asking for. And is it something that you
(10:32):
can request from someone else that you're wanting to request
it from. And if that person is unable, unwilling, or
just not present with being able to provide that for you,
how can you provide that for yourself? So, for example,
if you are feeling rejected and you would like some
attention and you're trying to get it from the person
and trying to get it from but they're just busy
(10:53):
and don't have time. They don't have the time for
that right now? How can you self soothe and take
that precious little you know however eight year old you
and be like, Hey, I really hear you. You want
to intention? How can I be there for you? Can
I listen to you? Can I spend time with you?
Can I literally give you what you need in terms
of the way you're asking for it. I love good affirmation, Tracy,
(11:17):
I know you do too. Are there any affirmations that
can help us with our inner child work. So one
affirmation is I hear what you're feeling, and to affirm
what it is that you're feeling. I hear that right now,
you're feeling scared. I hear that right now. Just acknowledging
at first, because so often we're trying to talk ourselves
out of feeling a certain feeling, like you shouldn't be
(11:37):
feeling that way. You don't need to be feeling that way,
you don't actually feel it, well, no, but you do.
So Hey, I hear that you're feeling that way, and
that's okay, And I can be with you in this
big emotion. And I'm here for you, and I'm here
with you, and I'm not going anywhere I can handle it.
I've got us, and I'm here to listen to what
(11:57):
it is that needs to be heard. Seeing spoke, witnessed,
intended to. I love that I'm not going anywhere I've
got us. I'm not going anywhere I've got us. That's
just it's reaffirming, it's reassuring. It's like a hug in
a word, I'm not going into where I've got us.
I love that, car I don't know about you, but
I've seen all sorts of tips and tricks about inner
child work and repairing and yourself pop up on Instagram
(12:19):
and TikTok Ivy help us clear out some of this mud.
Is there any advice you've seen online that you you say, no,
I don't agree with that, and we should ignore. What
would it be? I feel like this is such intimate
work that everyone kind of has a different way of
relating to their inner child. So some people journal to themselves.
(12:41):
I know some folks who will write out their adult
hand with you know, their dominant hand, and then write
out their child responds with their non dominant hand. And
some folks who will speak out loud to their inner
child as if they were there in person or to
a picture of them. I know some people who will
take walks with their inner children and just have chats
with them. Um, there are folks who will sing or
(13:02):
dance or play with them. And so there's no right
way or a wrong way to do it. If there's
this idea that this person is a part of you,
but they are also their own unique being that it
is also can be worked with independent from your adult self.
Some of the things you just mentioned. Oh my goodness.
I love that there's so much out there that's that's
(13:25):
good and works. So you want to make sure that
you're inclusive and that you affirm whatever works for other people.
I really appreciate there. Absolutely. Yeah, if there's something that
feels healing, nourishing true for you, then absolutely keep doing that.
Listen to that. You're the expert of your own healing.
There's so many folks out there saying this is the way,
in the only way, and I'm always really skeptical about that,
(13:45):
because how could you possibly be the expert someone else's experience.
Oh that's so powerful. Yeah, I think that's very powerful.
Just to remind people to as they consider and think
about therapy and different ways to work on their inner
child work, I think on they still have the power
is super important. I feel like people feel like they
have to release power maybe when they reach out for help,
(14:07):
but that is not the case. So I love that
it is not this hierarchical thing when it comes to therapy.
It's not I'm the expert, You're the one who's right.
It's not that there shouldn't be a power dynamic. It's hey,
I'm here to walk with you, alongside you on this
journey as your mirror and as a guide with some
tools and tips and things in my toolbox to help
you get unstuck when you're stuck. But I'm not here
to tell you what to do, and I'm always really
(14:28):
cautious of people who are. Again, this is the way
to your healing. I think a lot of times we
show up in in spaces where we feel like we
have to defer to whoever the expert is. And in
your therapy process, you're encouraged to show up for yourself,
to trust yourself, and you can fire your therapist, by
(14:48):
the way, if you're not happy with what's happening and
the therapeutic space, and ask the questions and navcate for you,
and anyone who is worth continued to work with will
respond to that with care and respect. It's important that
you said that to because so many people feel uncomfortable
about firing their therapists. You don't recognize that it's just
another person that's in your tool belt, and if you
(15:09):
decide you don't want to work with that person, you
can select someone else. You have that authority over your healing.
That part, I've definitely agree with that, You've been a
therapist for sixteen years, so you've helped countless people with
different backgrounds and needs you help them heal and move
forward in their lives. What are some examples of childhood
trauma that you've come across in your practice, Maybe things
(15:32):
that we don't even see firsthand. So there's big tea
and little T trauma. Right, So big T trauma, like
you know, the car accidents and the sexual abuse and
the things that are are more overt, and then there's
kind of the covert little T trauma. And everyone experiences
(15:52):
the world differently, so you can grow up in the
same household with the same things that are happening, and
one person experiences something is trauma the other person doesn't.
And so when it comes to trauma, there's not only
the Okay, I cried in my crib and nobody came
for someone that's a traumatic experience that will forever affect
their attachment For other people, they're like, that was fine, right,
(16:13):
that didn't really impact me, or don't know the where
that's impacted me. There can also be ancestral intergenerational trauma
that gets passed on from generation to generation that we
hold again in ourselves and our bodies and our beings,
and sometimes that can come out too, And we carry
the wounds and the resilience of all those who have
come before us, and sometimes those can come out as well,
(16:34):
because sometimes I look at my own parents and so
many parents who have not had the chance for their
own little inner children to be healed, and so often
you have children trying to parent, and children trying to
make very adult decisions. And so that's why I think
this work is so powerful and so important that we
can do the work to heal squin heal generations before
us and after us. I'm loving every moment of every
(16:59):
single thing you're saying, right right. It's powerful for me,
especially the intergenerational because I think people are always trying
to pinpoint what it is and why they feel absolutely true,
absolutely true. And that's the thing you don't have to know,
and that is that is the part that we all
need to hear. You don't have to know there's something
(17:22):
and and it's the discovery of it. You don't have
to just automatically know what it is. And my mom
actually said this to me, and at the time it
didn't make sense, but it's all clear now that she
said that there was a little girl in her that
needed attention. And at the time I was like, your mom,
what are you talking about? But I get it now
(17:44):
I get it. I totally get it. There's something within her.
She didn't get to need that right, absolutely right, that
she had a childhood trauma. She didn't say that, she
didn't use that phrase, but she said there was a
little girl in her and she identified going back to
what you said about what age were you when you
were felt whatever it was or whatever triggered you. And
so now I get it. I need to talk to
(18:04):
my mom about that, because that's going to be a
healing opportunity for both of us. I think, do you
think that inner child work can heal all different kinds
of childhood trauma? Or are there specific traumas that respond
better to this kind of therapy? So I think that
inner child work can to certain degree help different types
of trauma, especially again those that we experienced when we
(18:25):
were children, when we were younger, and so any instance
in which we were a child and didn't get a
need met that we need met can be healed and
tended to with inner child work. So this can be
again attachment and relational wounds. This can be needing protection
and we didn't get the protection that we want or
(18:46):
needed or hope for protection attention care. And so if
we're noticing these patterns showing up in our adult lives
that can be traced back to that source, then absolutely
inner child healing work can be healing of those types
of almost in terms of other traumas that might respond
better too. This are different kinds of therapy. I mean,
(19:06):
I think that everything is connected, so it's not that
one is better than or worse than another. I think
this is just another tool and if it resonates with you,
then it's something that can be really powerful and carry
with you always. You can always check in on what
version of yourself is presently with you, and you can
tend to that. I love that. I'm gonna say that
after everything, because this is just the necessary conversations like
(19:30):
healing in real time. So, Ivy, how has working in
the mental health space helped you healed your inner child?
I think, first and foremost just the normalization that's so
much of what I experienced. I wasn't the only one,
and that there are ways to become different and to
live a different life than any of the life you've
ever known, that there are these tools, practices, exercises, opportunities,
(19:53):
just books and and and teachings and healers who can
support me on my journey because I feel like so
much of what we know is only what we've been taught,
and so we're limited in that way, and there's so
much that we don't know, and so going to this world,
I'm learning every day. I am forever a student because
as long as I have breath, that will be more
(20:14):
that can be learned and known, and to use that
moving forward and moving forward is just a gift because
the stagnation of it all and lack of growth and evolving,
it's painful. And you know, growth and comfort don't coexist.
It is sometimes difficult. There's your comfort zone, there's the
(20:36):
growth zone, and then there's the oh, whoa, I've I've overstepped. Like,
let me go back a little bit and just where
are you? Are you living in a space where you're
like always comfortable and nothing's changing your soul starting to
feel stuck and stifled. Are you in the growth somewhere?
It's kind of like I'm a little uncomfortable, but I'm Okay,
this is comfort because there's more here for me. Again,
we talked a little bit earlier about becoming more of
who you are and can be and can become. That's
(20:58):
so exciting to continuously be in that us as a
discovery and evolution. Now we're going to take a quick break,
but our conversation with ib Quong will continue after this.
Along with being a practicing therapist, you're a published author.
(21:19):
Talk to us a bit about your books and how
they help heal. So the Little Girl that Oly means
the children's book Healing Codependency is is for adults, you
know in teens as well. I feel like there's so
much that we can learn through story, and so much
that we can unlearn and relearn through story. And I
know that the way that the Little Girl that Ocean
(21:41):
Moon came through me was an opportunity for my inner
child to have a chance to write a book with
me that could be healing for both of us and
perhaps others and their own inner children. And so in
that particular book, it's a story Once upon a time,
there's a little girl want to go to the the oceans
in the moon, and she goes to all these bull
trying to ask them to take her to go to
(22:03):
the ocean see the moon. Her mom, her dad, a
friend at school. She starts to grow up, become a
bigger girl, a partner, and she grows up in a job.
Maybe my boss will send me the ocean see the moon,
And of course nobody does. And then she starts to
forget because she's a grown up. She has to work hard.
She's working and working, and then one night she goes
to sleep and she has a dream, and in her dream,
her little girl comes back to her and says, I
(22:25):
would like to go to the ocean to see the moon.
And that's when she wakes up and knows what she
has to do. She packs the suitcase, she buys a
plane ticket, and she takes herself to the ocean. See
them on the last page is a story of an
adult woman looking at the ocean and you see her shadow,
and her shadow is holding the shadow hand of a
little girl with pigtails. I think so often we have
(22:48):
these dreams when we're younger, these desires, these passions, these enters,
these hopes, and sometimes over the course of life, if
they don't get reflected, supported or seeing, they get forgotten.
And this is hopefully where myer for for those of
us who are grown up with children inside of us
and also little kids. So yeah, just hopefully the message
(23:09):
can reach more people on that way. I love it.
That is just the sweetest thing ever, right, I love that.
I feel like it's something that a lot of people
need because all of us have experienced what we call
the dream deferred right, the raising the sun moment, and
to have the opportunity to not only read it, but
(23:30):
have the illustration of viewing it and then having the
end be that the girl fulfilled her own dreams and
the little girl was with her, that's just cathartic, very much, so,
very much. So it also says, it's not too late.
You've shared the beautiful ending to your book. But why
(23:52):
is that piece just a bit key? Why is it
important to remember and honor your childhood dreams? I think
that the are things at different points in our lives
that show up is very, very very important to us,
and other people might not understand or agree or get
it that there ares and they're part of our essence.
(24:13):
But we have to offer the world how we want
to engage in the world, interact with the world, and
with others, and so often in life we start getting
told that that way isn't the way it should be.
There's a better way, there's a different way. You should
follow my way and listen to my way and have
my values and my desires, my dreams, my beliefs, and
so often, because we want to please, we want to
make others happy, and we want to be accepted and
(24:35):
cared for, and we want to survive, we have to
abandon these parts of ourselves in order to adopt whatever
it is that the other person would prefer. And so
remembering the essence of who we are so often birth
from childhood can really help us maintain and restore parts
(24:56):
of our soul and our spirit that that need to
be heard, old and and nourished. And so yes, that's
just one reason why I think that's perfect. I think
that's successful. That's a great reason I think we all
need to tap into these dreams. You'll know, I love
a nap, so I'm definitely gonna give yourself and your
(25:18):
inner child back over the right. Right, Come on, naps,
naps and the dreams. We're gonna honor both of those,
and let's please In this episode, on a lighter note,
what were all of y'all's childhood dreams? Listen, I was
kicking off mine was crazy as it sounds to be Oprah.
I wanted to be that person in the spotlight and
(25:41):
that dream got deferred. But baby, we are back on
the path. So how successful is that? It's just gonna
say here you are interviewing I know, right back on
the bad because I was like, but what if I
really can? And I am so celebrating dreams. Yes, bravo
(26:03):
to little Cara for coming back around celebrating her I
love that this is happening. That I remember one of
the earliest dreams and I acted it out, was that
I wanted to be a teacher. I set all my
dolls up and I made them have school, and so
I taught them different things. And I don't know what
I could have taught them that I knew, but whatever
(26:25):
it was that I knew, I shared with them because
I wanted to impart some wisdom to my little dolls.
And so I think that it's interesting. Throughout the course
of my life, I've been not officially a teacher, but
I have shared the lessons that I've learned with others,
and in terms of making sure that they feel seen
and also trying to help them navigate through their own
(26:45):
things through my professional development purpose. So I'm excited about that.
I'm celebrating that, like you, Cara, there was definitely and
I'm going to be the next Oprah moment. I never
forget that, definitely, And and so I think it's interesting
that it's we both come to this point in our
lives where we get to use this platform to have
(27:07):
a voice and then to help people through their healing
with this information and awareness is a gift, Chase. I
love that you're also honoring your childhood dreams. That just
the platform that you have the lives were able to
touch and change, whether you're able to teach and to
offer and to share is so impactful and absolutely manifestation
of that. Beyond the dolls and the stuff animals that
(27:28):
you set up when you were little, right funny, you
both lined everything up. They were definitely my studio audience.
I mean, when did you want to be? Are you
on your paths work? Absolutely? There were definitely a lot
of detours along the way. There are definitely deferral the
dreams for what other people wanted or hoped for or
(27:50):
believed would be successful. But when I was little, I
loved writing, I loved drawing. I always wanted to have
a book that people might be able to read one
day because I love after reading. I loved laying my
little bean bag in the sun with my books and
be like, Wow, how wonderful would be one day if
someone could be something I wrote. And here we are,
nice and here we are talking about your book. I mean,
(28:12):
is perfect. It is absolutely perfect. I love that we've
all come full circle into our dreams, that we can
get a chance to live that and see the manifestation
of that right and looking at how we're all helping
each other in the process. I love it. I just
think what you said is so important about not assimilating
(28:35):
to the other person's idea of what is right for you.
And we've had so many conversations. We had an opportunity
recently to be guessed on BFF, the Black Back Film Podcast,
and we talked about having a canvas and that you
get to paint your own canvas, choosing your colors, and
that you don't have to let someone else pick the
(28:56):
colors for you. And I think that's the thing, Like
we are all a can this, and sometimes people will
come up to the canvas and say, I think brown
needs to go there, I think blue needs to go there.
I think green looks better on this canvas. And sometimes
you have to say, you didn't buy the canvas, you
didn't give the coy it again, you know, stop trying
to paint me as the person you want to paint
(29:19):
me as I gotta paint myself. Isn't that that? That
was just I was moved by that. That's so good
that the colors that you're bring you joy when you
feel something. I felt like, am I feeling this? You know?
Am I feeling inspired? My drawn to it? All of
these things. I imagine both of you were drawn to
doing this work because there's something about it that you
(29:39):
can connect with it that who you are and rights Yes,
the energy following as a paint color or you know.
That's so. I am truly re energized and revitalized from
engagements right absolutely, It's it's a big energy shift. And
(30:00):
like even I remember, I remember I preferred my own dream.
That's a sad part where people come in and they
will paint your canvas gray, like Tracy was gonna alluding to.
But I told myself. I was like, there, there's there's
the people on TV, and then there's people who watch,
and I think you'll have to be the one that watches.
And and I just clearly after twenty years in a career,
(30:20):
was like, I'm not watching anymore. I'm gonna go out
there and that's and and we're here. So that is great. Yeah,
but I did defer my own dream. I feel like
your voice when you said that, I could just imagine
you with your hands on your hip and like a
wonder woman stands I'm not watching anything. That's where I am.
(30:41):
Yes to that, Yes, Yes, what am I doing? Yes,
that's fantastic. We could stay on with you, I know,
for at least another hour because I have absolutely just
thrown myself into this. It has been so amazing. But
we don't want to keep you, although we do want
to keep you, so you have to come back and
(31:02):
visit us sometime. Thank you so much, Ivy for coming
to our virtual red table. We are just delighted to
have had the benefit of you sharing your expertise with us.
It's done. Thank you so much for the opportunity you
can learn more from Ivy about these topics and more
at bear ivy dot com and that's bare as in
(31:23):
B A R E. We want to know how you're
feeling about this new season of Red Table Talk. We
are open to talk about anything with you all, so
please send in your questions at Let's Red Table that
at red table talk dot com, and we have a
(31:44):
fantastic voice message option that you can use to connect
with us at speak pipe dot com slash Let's Red
Table Back. Thank you so much for listening, and make
sure you subscribe on I Heart Radio app, and please
rate this podcast on Apple podcast. You already know we
wanta five. We'll be back next week for another episode
(32:04):
of Let's Red Table bat I beg. Thank you to
our executive producers j D. Pickett, Smith, Ellen Rackitton and
Falon deeath Row. And thank you to our producer Kyler
Knew and our associate producer Yolanda Chow. And finally, thank
you to our sound engineer, Stephanie Aguilar. Hey, Let's heyday,
(32:29):
both that, Hey, Let's rank, Let's rends up
You ready, Carl. Mmmmm, I felt like Beyonce, you ready
do do hilarious. That's so good. Hey y'all, Hey, what's up?
And welcome to Let's Red Table that I'm Tracy t
row and on Carra Presley, and today we're talking all
(00:24):
about mental health and healing your inner child. We need
this one, we need this episode. We've been fighting an
expert to the table to equip us with a new
tool for taking care of our well being. I love
that we're helping people prioritize their mental health card. Isn't
that important? It's super important, super important. I mean, Tracy,
what have you done this week to protect your mental health?
(00:46):
It's a continuous journey, right, It's an everyday intentional journey
to tap into, realize, and then nurture and care for
mental health. You know, I'm all about affirmations so much so,
you know I have that whole old everyday amazing mindset
affirmation cards set. Yes, you have your set, And what
I do with those cards is I just shuffle the
(01:09):
deck and then pull a card. And so my card
for today. You want to hear what it says? Yes, yes,
I am only limited by my imagination. Oh, I love
that it's right into the episode. I mean, it's perfect,
and most times it's right in line with whatever it
is that's going on for the day for me. And
so there's never a wrong time to know that you
(01:31):
can literally take the limits off and there's no box
that you have to stay in, there's no line you
have to stay in the coloring zone of right. It's
so wonderful. What about you? What are you doing? Listen?
I'm always doing something, Yes you are, I am. Listen.
You know I'm having into spirituality. Okay, So I recently
went to the t D. Jake's Women Thou Art Wait
(01:55):
a second now, the last I am just so proud
of you. It was the last. I appreciate you. Yes,
we were there as media. Was the last one. And
I love it because it's just an alignment with this
exact topic, like you're saying, healing who you are, your
inner child, and the next conference they're actually going to
transition it into women Evolved. So as they're evolving, we
(02:17):
are evolving. I saw the beginning and the end of
an era with something, so I just I just love
that we're trying new things, we're doing new things, we're
tapping in. We are reading our affirmations, we're getting an alignment,
and we're really deciding what we need. We're not going
with the norm anymore. We're not just doing what they say.
We're not gonna be who you say we're supposed to be.
(02:38):
We're gonna find out for ourselves. So I love that
for us. That's so wonderful. The Evolution. I think that's
an apropos name for that conference because it's not so
much in the loose as it is in the evolution.
And I think that's wonderful and smart typling for them.
And I'm happy for you that you had an opportunity
to go on that journey because it's part of the growth. Absolutely,
(03:00):
so many women take on so much, and it's good
to have an opportunity to be in a space where
you can say, you know what, I'm doing this jest
for myself. Absolutely, it was amazing and I'm excited to
have a bit apart. Oh you use my favorite word, Cara,
what amazing, amazing, every day amazing. I love it. Thanks
(03:22):
to you being a wonderful member of the Red Table
Talk community, you got a chance to go backstage. Who
was one of your standout connections or people that you
met with that you remember. Listen. It was a great
We got to be a part of press and listen
to t V Jake's but I got to personally talk
to Spinderella in case Finderella from Salt from Salt and
(03:44):
Papa Yes e j Spinderella. She was doing her thing
there for the event, and she shared her favorite form
of self care. She loved things that were relaxing, like massages,
and she expressed that the environment was super important, so
relaxing music, zig and anything to give her a sense
of zen. It was successful and her nails were beautiful.
(04:06):
Oh I love that. I've always loved Spenderella. I'm sothing
like you got a chance to meet her. And thank
you Spenderella for sharing what you do to take care
of your mental health. We've received some listener mail over
the past couple of weeks and we want to thank
you sincerely. Thank you for writing and sharing, and we
want to share one of those stories with the rest
(04:26):
of our listeners now. Absolutely Francis wrote us to thank
us for our episode covering postpartum pain because she has
experienced what she calls terrifying, intrusive thoughts and harm o
c D. Gosh, but differently from our guests Jade, who
was on our episode because Francis is not a mom,
which I mean, I think that's so important that she's
(04:47):
just honoring her own human journey, right, Francis wrote, it
was so helpful and reassuring to hear Jade describe in
trusive thoughts similar to mine, because that is the first
time I've heard someone say this so openly and public lee.
This RTT episode was helpful because it made me consider
that perhaps my harm o c D was also caused
(05:07):
by my past trauma, and that's something I can now
look into exploring with the doctor. I'm so glad that
we could help de stigmatize this topic a little for her,
I would say a lot, because now she has the
language needed to go to her doctor. It's so important,
and this is why the Red Table is so powerful.
Thank you so much for sharing. I am just thrilled
(05:28):
for you, Francis, that you heard someone else speak your language,
and that you know that you were affirmed and how
you feel, and that you can now boldly go forward
into your own healing. That's wonderful, and thank you so
much for sharing that with us again. Before we start
the episode, we're going to take a quick break, but
when we get back, we will be joined with our
(05:49):
mental health expert, Ivy Quom. Mental health is so important,
which is why we're very excited to welcome Ivy Fong
to the virtual Red Table. Ivy is a licensed marriage
(06:10):
and family therapist and a life and relationship coach. She
specializes in codependency, intergenerational trauma, self worth, and so much more.
She is a published author, and her most recent book,
called The Little Girl, The Ocean and the Moon, is
dedicated to your inner child, which I need that. So yes,
thank you Ivy for coming on less Red Table that.
(06:32):
How are you really excited to be here today? Very
grateful they opportunity to share anything that might come up nice.
We're happy to have you excited. So let's get into it.
And this season of Red Table Talk, we talked a
lot about rebuilding the parent child relationships. But sometimes we
also have to heal our inner child by parenting ourselves
because of childhood trauma of course, so this is something
(06:54):
you know a lot about, Ivy. So how do we
know when our inner child is wound it and needs healing?
When we get triggered when we have strong emotions in
response to something that's happening. I like to say that
if your response to a one or two or three
trigger is like an eight, nine or ten, there's probably
some historical trauma that's showing up. Someone forgets to put
(07:17):
the cap back on the tues paste and you blow up.
It's probably not a twoth sakee cap. So this is
kind of signs indicators opportunities for us to be curious
about where it might be coming from, and there could
be an opportunity to do some inner child healing work
in those spaces. Oh man, that makes so much sense.
So just initially at least paying attention to your triggers, right, Okay,
(07:39):
what would you say are the first steps to actually
healing that inner child? So the first step would be awareness.
So one of the questions that I like to invite
people that ask themselves is how old do I feel
right now? So maybe you're having conversation with your parents
or your partner, and suddenly you are six years old,
(07:59):
or suddenly you're fifteen years old, and suddenly something's happening
where you are no longer in your fully embodied adult
self and you are responding and reacting as if you
were a much younger version of yourself. And once you
realize that's happening, that's when you can do something about that,
because we do the best we can every moment, and
if we don't have the awareness and we don't have
(08:20):
any choice, a lot of times we are just going
through the motions of what we're going through. If we
don't notice, we can't change anything. So the moment we
start noticing, oh wait a second, I'm feeling not like
I am my forty two year old self right now.
I feel like I'm eight and something's hurting and I'm
really upset and I feel really scared, or I feel
(08:41):
really just whatever is coming up, that's an opportunity to
check in with that younger version of yourself that's kind
of emerging. Because I believe that we all hold all
parts of ourselves that have ever been within us. We
hold our infant cells or five six seven year old selves,
or twelve year old selves or eighteen twenty year old sells,
and every part of us has ever been, and their memories,
their lived experiences, their embodiment, they're all present. And sometimes
(09:06):
your body remembers your body absolutely yes, the body holds
and remembers all of it. That is so good. When
you are recognizing that you are not your current age,
you feel like you're younger. That's really amazing Because you
think about it, there's almost some memories that are good
memories that can take you back to when you were
at your grandma's house, a certain smell that you think
(09:28):
of Findly, for whatever reason, I've never associated the same
to be true with the trauma that you know, you
can have an experience that will put you right back
in the childhood position where you felt out of control
or lacked power or hurt. And that is so good.
(09:49):
I mean that, you know, let's just polsy and for
because just like you're processing, I am processing, and I'm
literally thinking about all the times that to the year
old car or shows up. We've never really paid attention
to the fact that if I'm responding a certain way,
that might be twenty year old me, or two year
old me or fifteen year old me who's still annoyed
(10:09):
and triggered. Right, And once you realize that that younger
version of you is present, that's when you can start
the reparenting process. That's when you can acknowledge that what
their feeling is completely valid, right Like, you're feeling really
afraid right now, you're feeling angry, things, really frustrated, And
that's when you can check in with what it is
in that moment that you're needing that that part of
you is asking for. And is it something that you
(10:32):
can request from someone else that you're wanting to request
it from. And if that person is unable, unwilling, or
just not present with being able to provide that for you,
how can you provide that for yourself? So, for example,
if you are feeling rejected and you would like some
attention and you're trying to get it from the person
and trying to get it from but they're just busy
(10:53):
and don't have time. They don't have the time for
that right now? How can you self soothe and take
that precious little you know however eight year old you
and be like, Hey, I really hear you. You want
to intention? How can I be there for you? Can
I listen to you? Can I spend time with you?
Can I literally give you what you need in terms
of the way you're asking for it. I love good affirmation, Tracy,
(11:17):
I know you do too. Are there any affirmations that
can help us with our inner child work. So one
affirmation is I hear what you're feeling, and to affirm
what it is that you're feeling. I hear that right now,
you're feeling scared. I hear that right now. Just acknowledging
at first, because so often we're trying to talk ourselves
out of feeling a certain feeling, like you shouldn't be
(11:37):
feeling that way. You don't need to be feeling that way,
you don't actually feel it, well, no, but you do.
So Hey, I hear that you're feeling that way, and
that's okay, And I can be with you in this
big emotion. And I'm here for you, and I'm here
with you, and I'm not going anywhere I can handle it.
I've got us, and I'm here to listen to what
(11:57):
it is that needs to be heard. Seeing spoke, witnessed,
intended to. I love that I'm not going anywhere I've
got us. I'm not going anywhere I've got us. That's
just it's reaffirming, it's reassuring. It's like a hug in
a word, I'm not going into where I've got us.
I love that, car I don't know about you, but
I've seen all sorts of tips and tricks about inner
child work and repairing and yourself pop up on Instagram
(12:19):
and TikTok Ivy help us clear out some of this mud.
Is there any advice you've seen online that you you say, no,
I don't agree with that, and we should ignore. What
would it be? I feel like this is such intimate
work that everyone kind of has a different way of
relating to their inner child. So some people journal to themselves.
(12:41):
I know some folks who will write out their adult
hand with you know, their dominant hand, and then write
out their child responds with their non dominant hand. And
some folks who will speak out loud to their inner
child as if they were there in person or to
a picture of them. I know some people who will
take walks with their inner children and just have chats
with them. Um, there are folks who will sing or
(13:02):
dance or play with them. And so there's no right
way or a wrong way to do it. If there's
this idea that this person is a part of you,
but they are also their own unique being that it
is also can be worked with independent from your adult self.
Some of the things you just mentioned. Oh my goodness.
I love that there's so much out there that's that's
(13:25):
good and works. So you want to make sure that
you're inclusive and that you affirm whatever works for other people.
I really appreciate there. Absolutely. Yeah, if there's something that
feels healing, nourishing true for you, then absolutely keep doing that.
Listen to that. You're the expert of your own healing.
There's so many folks out there saying this is the way,
in the only way, and I'm always really skeptical about that,
(13:45):
because how could you possibly be the expert someone else's experience.
Oh that's so powerful. Yeah, I think that's very powerful.
Just to remind people to as they consider and think
about therapy and different ways to work on their inner
child work, I think on they still have the power
is super important. I feel like people feel like they
have to release power maybe when they reach out for help,
(14:07):
but that is not the case. So I love that
it is not this hierarchical thing when it comes to therapy.
It's not I'm the expert, You're the one who's right.
It's not that there shouldn't be a power dynamic. It's hey,
I'm here to walk with you, alongside you on this
journey as your mirror and as a guide with some
tools and tips and things in my toolbox to help
you get unstuck when you're stuck. But I'm not here
to tell you what to do, and I'm always really
(14:28):
cautious of people who are. Again, this is the way
to your healing. I think a lot of times we
show up in in spaces where we feel like we
have to defer to whoever the expert is. And in
your therapy process, you're encouraged to show up for yourself,
to trust yourself, and you can fire your therapist, by
(14:48):
the way, if you're not happy with what's happening and
the therapeutic space, and ask the questions and navcate for you,
and anyone who is worth continued to work with will
respond to that with care and respect. It's important that
you said that to because so many people feel uncomfortable
about firing their therapists. You don't recognize that it's just
another person that's in your tool belt, and if you
(15:09):
decide you don't want to work with that person, you
can select someone else. You have that authority over your healing.
That part, I've definitely agree with that, You've been a
therapist for sixteen years, so you've helped countless people with
different backgrounds and needs you help them heal and move
forward in their lives. What are some examples of childhood
trauma that you've come across in your practice, Maybe things
(15:32):
that we don't even see firsthand. So there's big tea
and little T trauma. Right, So big T trauma, like
you know, the car accidents and the sexual abuse and
the things that are are more overt, and then there's
kind of the covert little T trauma. And everyone experiences
(15:52):
the world differently, so you can grow up in the
same household with the same things that are happening, and
one person experiences something is trauma the other person doesn't.
And so when it comes to trauma, there's not only
the Okay, I cried in my crib and nobody came
for someone that's a traumatic experience that will forever affect
their attachment For other people, they're like, that was fine, right,
(16:13):
that didn't really impact me, or don't know the where
that's impacted me. There can also be ancestral intergenerational trauma
that gets passed on from generation to generation that we
hold again in ourselves and our bodies and our beings,
and sometimes that can come out too, And we carry
the wounds and the resilience of all those who have
come before us, and sometimes those can come out as well,
(16:34):
because sometimes I look at my own parents and so
many parents who have not had the chance for their
own little inner children to be healed, and so often
you have children trying to parent, and children trying to
make very adult decisions. And so that's why I think
this work is so powerful and so important that we
can do the work to heal squin heal generations before
us and after us. I'm loving every moment of every
(16:59):
single thing you're saying, right right. It's powerful for me,
especially the intergenerational because I think people are always trying
to pinpoint what it is and why they feel absolutely true,
absolutely true. And that's the thing you don't have to know,
and that is that is the part that we all
need to hear. You don't have to know there's something
(17:22):
and and it's the discovery of it. You don't have
to just automatically know what it is. And my mom
actually said this to me, and at the time it
didn't make sense, but it's all clear now that she
said that there was a little girl in her that
needed attention. And at the time I was like, your mom,
what are you talking about? But I get it now
(17:44):
I get it. I totally get it. There's something within her.
She didn't get to need that right, absolutely right, that
she had a childhood trauma. She didn't say that, she
didn't use that phrase, but she said there was a
little girl in her and she identified going back to
what you said about what age were you when you
were felt whatever it was or whatever triggered you. And
so now I get it. I need to talk to
(18:04):
my mom about that, because that's going to be a
healing opportunity for both of us. I think, do you
think that inner child work can heal all different kinds
of childhood trauma? Or are there specific traumas that respond
better to this kind of therapy? So I think that
inner child work can to certain degree help different types
of trauma, especially again those that we experienced when we
(18:25):
were children, when we were younger, and so any instance
in which we were a child and didn't get a
need met that we need met can be healed and
tended to with inner child work. So this can be
again attachment and relational wounds. This can be needing protection
and we didn't get the protection that we want or
(18:46):
needed or hope for protection attention care. And so if
we're noticing these patterns showing up in our adult lives
that can be traced back to that source, then absolutely
inner child healing work can be healing of those types
of almost in terms of other traumas that might respond
better too. This are different kinds of therapy. I mean,
(19:06):
I think that everything is connected, so it's not that
one is better than or worse than another. I think
this is just another tool and if it resonates with you,
then it's something that can be really powerful and carry
with you always. You can always check in on what
version of yourself is presently with you, and you can
tend to that. I love that. I'm gonna say that
after everything, because this is just the necessary conversations like
(19:30):
healing in real time. So, Ivy, how has working in
the mental health space helped you healed your inner child?
I think, first and foremost just the normalization that's so
much of what I experienced. I wasn't the only one,
and that there are ways to become different and to
live a different life than any of the life you've
ever known, that there are these tools, practices, exercises, opportunities,
(19:53):
just books and and and teachings and healers who can
support me on my journey because I feel like so
much of what we know is only what we've been taught,
and so we're limited in that way, and there's so
much that we don't know, and so going to this world,
I'm learning every day. I am forever a student because
as long as I have breath, that will be more
(20:14):
that can be learned and known, and to use that
moving forward and moving forward is just a gift because
the stagnation of it all and lack of growth and evolving,
it's painful. And you know, growth and comfort don't coexist.
It is sometimes difficult. There's your comfort zone, there's the
(20:36):
growth zone, and then there's the oh, whoa, I've I've overstepped. Like,
let me go back a little bit and just where
are you? Are you living in a space where you're
like always comfortable and nothing's changing your soul starting to
feel stuck and stifled. Are you in the growth somewhere?
It's kind of like I'm a little uncomfortable, but I'm Okay,
this is comfort because there's more here for me. Again,
we talked a little bit earlier about becoming more of
who you are and can be and can become. That's
(20:58):
so exciting to continuously be in that us as a
discovery and evolution. Now we're going to take a quick break,
but our conversation with ib Quong will continue after this.
Along with being a practicing therapist, you're a published author.
(21:19):
Talk to us a bit about your books and how
they help heal. So the Little Girl that Oly means
the children's book Healing Codependency is is for adults, you
know in teens as well. I feel like there's so
much that we can learn through story, and so much
that we can unlearn and relearn through story. And I
know that the way that the Little Girl that Ocean
(21:41):
Moon came through me was an opportunity for my inner
child to have a chance to write a book with
me that could be healing for both of us and
perhaps others and their own inner children. And so in
that particular book, it's a story Once upon a time,
there's a little girl want to go to the the oceans
in the moon, and she goes to all these bull
trying to ask them to take her to go to
(22:03):
the ocean see the moon. Her mom, her dad, a
friend at school. She starts to grow up, become a
bigger girl, a partner, and she grows up in a job.
Maybe my boss will send me the ocean see the moon,
And of course nobody does. And then she starts to
forget because she's a grown up. She has to work hard.
She's working and working, and then one night she goes
to sleep and she has a dream, and in her dream,
her little girl comes back to her and says, I
(22:25):
would like to go to the ocean to see the moon.
And that's when she wakes up and knows what she
has to do. She packs the suitcase, she buys a
plane ticket, and she takes herself to the ocean. See
them on the last page is a story of an
adult woman looking at the ocean and you see her shadow,
and her shadow is holding the shadow hand of a
little girl with pigtails. I think so often we have
(22:48):
these dreams when we're younger, these desires, these passions, these enters,
these hopes, and sometimes over the course of life, if
they don't get reflected, supported or seeing, they get forgotten.
And this is hopefully where myer for for those of
us who are grown up with children inside of us
and also little kids. So yeah, just hopefully the message
(23:09):
can reach more people on that way. I love it.
That is just the sweetest thing ever, right, I love that.
I feel like it's something that a lot of people
need because all of us have experienced what we call
the dream deferred right, the raising the sun moment, and
to have the opportunity to not only read it, but
(23:30):
have the illustration of viewing it and then having the
end be that the girl fulfilled her own dreams and
the little girl was with her, that's just cathartic, very much, so,
very much. So it also says, it's not too late.
You've shared the beautiful ending to your book. But why
(23:52):
is that piece just a bit key? Why is it
important to remember and honor your childhood dreams? I think
that the are things at different points in our lives
that show up is very, very very important to us,
and other people might not understand or agree or get
it that there ares and they're part of our essence.
(24:13):
But we have to offer the world how we want
to engage in the world, interact with the world, and
with others, and so often in life we start getting
told that that way isn't the way it should be.
There's a better way, there's a different way. You should
follow my way and listen to my way and have
my values and my desires, my dreams, my beliefs, and
so often, because we want to please, we want to
make others happy, and we want to be accepted and
(24:35):
cared for, and we want to survive, we have to
abandon these parts of ourselves in order to adopt whatever
it is that the other person would prefer. And so
remembering the essence of who we are so often birth
from childhood can really help us maintain and restore parts
(24:56):
of our soul and our spirit that that need to
be heard, old and and nourished. And so yes, that's
just one reason why I think that's perfect. I think
that's successful. That's a great reason I think we all
need to tap into these dreams. You'll know, I love
a nap, so I'm definitely gonna give yourself and your
(25:18):
inner child back over the right. Right, Come on, naps,
naps and the dreams. We're gonna honor both of those,
and let's please In this episode, on a lighter note,
what were all of y'all's childhood dreams? Listen, I was
kicking off mine was crazy as it sounds to be Oprah.
I wanted to be that person in the spotlight and
(25:41):
that dream got deferred. But baby, we are back on
the path. So how successful is that? It's just gonna
say here you are interviewing I know, right back on
the bad because I was like, but what if I
really can? And I am so celebrating dreams. Yes, bravo
(26:03):
to little Cara for coming back around celebrating her I
love that this is happening. That I remember one of
the earliest dreams and I acted it out, was that
I wanted to be a teacher. I set all my
dolls up and I made them have school, and so
I taught them different things. And I don't know what
I could have taught them that I knew, but whatever
(26:25):
it was that I knew, I shared with them because
I wanted to impart some wisdom to my little dolls.
And so I think that it's interesting. Throughout the course
of my life, I've been not officially a teacher, but
I have shared the lessons that I've learned with others,
and in terms of making sure that they feel seen
and also trying to help them navigate through their own
(26:45):
things through my professional development purpose. So I'm excited about that.
I'm celebrating that, like you, Cara, there was definitely and
I'm going to be the next Oprah moment. I never
forget that, definitely, And and so I think it's interesting
that it's we both come to this point in our
lives where we get to use this platform to have
(27:07):
a voice and then to help people through their healing
with this information and awareness is a gift, Chase. I
love that you're also honoring your childhood dreams. That just
the platform that you have the lives were able to
touch and change, whether you're able to teach and to
offer and to share is so impactful and absolutely manifestation
of that. Beyond the dolls and the stuff animals that
(27:28):
you set up when you were little, right funny, you
both lined everything up. They were definitely my studio audience.
I mean, when did you want to be? Are you
on your paths work? Absolutely? There were definitely a lot
of detours along the way. There are definitely deferral the
dreams for what other people wanted or hoped for or
(27:50):
believed would be successful. But when I was little, I
loved writing, I loved drawing. I always wanted to have
a book that people might be able to read one
day because I love after reading. I loved laying my
little bean bag in the sun with my books and
be like, Wow, how wonderful would be one day if
someone could be something I wrote. And here we are,
nice and here we are talking about your book. I mean,
(28:12):
is perfect. It is absolutely perfect. I love that we've
all come full circle into our dreams, that we can
get a chance to live that and see the manifestation
of that right and looking at how we're all helping
each other in the process. I love it. I just
think what you said is so important about not assimilating
(28:35):
to the other person's idea of what is right for you.
And we've had so many conversations. We had an opportunity
recently to be guessed on BFF, the Black Back Film Podcast,
and we talked about having a canvas and that you
get to paint your own canvas, choosing your colors, and
that you don't have to let someone else pick the
(28:56):
colors for you. And I think that's the thing, Like
we are all a can this, and sometimes people will
come up to the canvas and say, I think brown
needs to go there, I think blue needs to go there.
I think green looks better on this canvas. And sometimes
you have to say, you didn't buy the canvas, you
didn't give the coy it again, you know, stop trying
to paint me as the person you want to paint
(29:19):
me as I gotta paint myself. Isn't that that? That
was just I was moved by that. That's so good
that the colors that you're bring you joy when you
feel something. I felt like, am I feeling this? You know?
Am I feeling inspired? My drawn to it? All of
these things. I imagine both of you were drawn to
doing this work because there's something about it that you
(29:39):
can connect with it that who you are and rights Yes,
the energy following as a paint color or you know.
That's so. I am truly re energized and revitalized from
engagements right absolutely, It's it's a big energy shift. And
(30:00):
like even I remember, I remember I preferred my own dream.
That's a sad part where people come in and they
will paint your canvas gray, like Tracy was gonna alluding to.
But I told myself. I was like, there, there's there's
the people on TV, and then there's people who watch,
and I think you'll have to be the one that watches.
And and I just clearly after twenty years in a career,
(30:20):
was like, I'm not watching anymore. I'm gonna go out
there and that's and and we're here. So that is great. Yeah,
but I did defer my own dream. I feel like
your voice when you said that, I could just imagine
you with your hands on your hip and like a
wonder woman stands I'm not watching anything. That's where I am.
(30:41):
Yes to that, Yes, Yes, what am I doing? Yes,
that's fantastic. We could stay on with you, I know,
for at least another hour because I have absolutely just
thrown myself into this. It has been so amazing. But
we don't want to keep you, although we do want
to keep you, so you have to come back and
(31:02):
visit us sometime. Thank you so much, Ivy for coming
to our virtual red table. We are just delighted to
have had the benefit of you sharing your expertise with us.
It's done. Thank you so much for the opportunity you
can learn more from Ivy about these topics and more
at bear ivy dot com and that's bare as in
(31:23):
B A R E. We want to know how you're
feeling about this new season of Red Table Talk. We
are open to talk about anything with you all, so
please send in your questions at Let's Red Table that
at red table talk dot com, and we have a
(31:44):
fantastic voice message option that you can use to connect
with us at speak pipe dot com slash Let's Red
Table Back. Thank you so much for listening, and make
sure you subscribe on I Heart Radio app, and please
rate this podcast on Apple podcast. You already know we
wanta five. We'll be back next week for another episode
(32:04):
of Let's Red Table bat I beg. Thank you to
our executive producers j D. Pickett, Smith, Ellen Rackitton and
Falon deeath Row. And thank you to our producer Kyler
Knew and our associate producer Yolanda Chow. And finally, thank
you to our sound engineer, Stephanie Aguilar. Hey, Let's heyday,
(32:29):
both that, Hey, Let's rank, Let's rends up
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com