September 1, 2021 • 29 mins
The family shares the challenges and conflicts they faced surrounding Emily’s sexuality. Lifelong family friend Rosie O’Donnell reveals what made her come out and actress Michelle Rodriguez opens up about growing up bisexual as a Jehovah Witness.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Then Benito's men, Gloria Stefan. Here you are listening to
Red Table Talk via Stephens Podcast all your favorite episodes
from our Facebook watch show in audio. All right, here
we are on this Red Table Talk via Stephen's. I
remember telling you are you gay? You're Glorious Stefan, You're
(00:24):
a gay icon, and really gonna want to let you down.
He said, can tell your grandma and she dies from
blood is on your hands. You're remembering things in a
different way. I was saying with Sino, I'm sorry that
we didn't kick that, and I hate to know that
(00:44):
I was part of that hurt. Once I can clod
family friend Rose o'donnald Emily do you forgive her for that?
And actress Michelle Rodriguez reveals her truth. She's openly bisexual.
Like boys, I like girls. I like both Avery and Miami.
(01:13):
Welcome to Red Table Talk. Yes, Stefans, and we're always
gonna talk about real stuff. But today we've got to
bring our iron hearts. Yes, we actually went to therapy
to prepare for this. We're gonna heal together, We're gonna
grow together. By the end of this, we're gonna be
ready to go grow yes, let's go. Oh boy, talk
about it, see the tails everything. In nineteen ninety, I
(01:39):
was in a terrible bus accident, and not only did
doctors think I'd never walk again, they told me I
wouldn't be able to have more children. After years of
struggling with infertility, finally own a miracle. Emily is the
daughter I never thought I would have, and we were overjoyed.
We were all overjoyed. We to Laura when she was
(02:01):
twenty one, just four years ago. Emily asked me if
I thought she might be gay. Oh, Emily, we were
in the car and you leaned over very excitedly and
asked your dad and I, guys, do you think that
I might be gay? And do you remember my response
(02:21):
to you? I do? He said, only you can know that.
But when I asked you that question, it was like
testing the waters, you know, because I was afraid. I
was having conversations in my head, trying to figure out
who am I, what is this? Where do I fit?
I was learning that I preferred women. I mean, we're
putting it on the table. I had my first sexual
experience with a woman and then two weeks later with
(02:44):
a man. Because I'm like Okay, maybe something's wrong with me.
I felt ashamed. You know what, I mind you, I
had no clue that you had had any kind of
experience with anybody, male or female. I was really private
about that. I had never met somebody that I thought
was worth ringing into the family. My partner now, Jim,
we've been together almost four years. We started to date,
(03:04):
and I knew that there was something different here. At
that time. Nobody knew we were together, and we had
already been dating for a couple of months. We're taking
things slow on our own. When I was finally ready
to come out with this information, I was really nervous.
Your mom is one of the most open minded people,
but I don't think you felt that. While I can
(03:26):
tell you why I didn't feel that, I was like, hey,
I'm in love with this girl. The first thing you
said was if you tell your grandma and she dies,
her blood is on your hands. I just wasn't ready
for that, because I understand my grandma was old, but
already made it feel like okay, whatever it is, like,
(03:48):
HI did it, It's not okay. So that's where my
hurt started. I'm never going to forget that, just like
you were in that turmoil of emotion. You're remembering things
as we all tend to do, in a different way.
You know all the challenges I had gone through with
your grandma. My mother and I had a complicated relationship.
(04:08):
She was controlling and set in her ways. At one
point we were even estranged for two years. I was
trying to protect both my ailing mother from any shots
that could affect her health and Emily from anything that
could harm their relationship. What I told you was, when
(04:28):
you're going to tell your grandma, why don't you first
introduce her to your girlfriend or your friend, have her
get to know her a little. Because Ahuela has altered colitis,
an emotional disease. She almost died in two thousand and seven.
Every time she would get upset, it was like, oh,
(04:49):
I know that it was coming from love, from protection,
and she was elderly. Me and my grandma were like this,
like this, you know that more than anybody, you were
the apple of her eye. Okay, you're saying, oh, because
of this now we've got to put this up. My
mom too, and I get it because I knew that
we needed to protect Alla, but I needed you guys.
(05:10):
I know Mama, But I really thought that you were
much stronger than all your life. You've done what you
wanted every step of the way. In my mind and heart,
I thought you were the biggest badass strong you. Okay, Mama,
butter listen, this is what I thought. That's what I
thought too, exactly, That's what we all thought. Okay, your
(05:31):
mom is in the middle of two generations, one which
is your grandma that was extremely conservative, different life. So
I think for your mom is dealing with you sexuality.
Now for us, it's like perfectly normal for anybody to
talk about their sexuality. That wasn't like that when your
(05:51):
grandma grew on, I know, so even her talking to
her mom about sexuality. Did that ever happen? No, absolutely not.
My mother bought me the life Cycle Library and expected
me to self learn. My mother would not even let
us joke about set from a very ashamed person though,
(06:12):
But we had no clue. We had no how you know,
you say, how could we not have known? It's not
like I didn't suspect At some moments, I remember being
in my bedroom and I remember telling you, Mama, are
you gay? Do you want to carry the gay flag?
Because if you want I will get on that parade
float with you, and I will carry that flag. And
(06:34):
at that moment you said to me, Mom, I'm not gay,
because that wasn't the word in your mind for who
you were. Also like and exactly, I don't think we
would have ever, ever, ever, Emily process what you were
going through like that, because if there's one thing that
(06:56):
we always said, was like, Emily is perfect, she knows
that exactly what you mean, what she wants, we would
get from you someone that was perfectly in her own scheme.
Never never did we talk about, oh my god, do
you think we're gonna have you know, Emily, No, for us,
(07:16):
And I'm sorry that we didn't see that part. And
this is important for the people that are seeing. Yeah,
absolutely that we look at our kids sometimes like we
don't know, we don't know. I think it came to
a point where that perfect child there was a wall.
There was something that we didn't see that wall right.
Believe me, I think we would have talked about it
(07:39):
right away. I was falling apart, like I wanted to
be strong and act like I was cool, but my
life went on paused. I didn't care if every single
person in the world knew I was gay. I was
worried about my family because my grandma was older and sick,
and I felt like, wow, like this is something that
could kill somebody told you to hold that. By the way,
(08:00):
you had taken me to the bitter end. You know,
I'm a patient human being, but you weren't hearing me,
and I was trying today. I didn't feel like you
were hearing me. I understand. And also when this whole
thing happened, then it became oll, don't hold jamcan in public.
What if I were lost friends there and she's going
to take a picture. And from my perspective, I can't
go to dinner and put my arm around my girlfriend
(08:21):
without you saying you might as well put a sign
around your neck. Let no, wait a minute, let me
remind you of where this came from. All right again? Okay,
so if you don't want to hear my perspective moment,
I'm sorry, I want to hear your perspective. It's just again,
even just that answer right, no way, shape or form.
Should you ever tell your daughter why do you got
(08:43):
to walk in here with your arm around your girlfriend
and put a sign around your neck? No, you don't
say that listen to me. I wanted to be your story.
I thought that you had told me that you weren't ready,
and I didn't want to give your story to some person.
They might be sitting there having dinner to post okay,
But my life came hyper aware, super anxious. Can touch
(09:04):
her hand? Can I? Can? I sit here? It was
psych But then I'm a celebrities kid. So if I
go out and live my life and somebody takes a picture,
I'm host. Every single thing that was brought to me
had to do with moving pieces around me, about my life,
about my career, about what about this? What about this?
Not what about you? For any parents, we love unconditionally,
(09:30):
all right and well, we try to do sometimes to
protect you, you know, ends up hurting you, which kills me,
and I hate that that happened. Emily was about to
step into the spotlight and release her debut album. The
launch of her music career was a moment of pride
for the family, and her grandmother was already her biggest fan.
(09:53):
By abulitea thank you for sacrificing every receive. But with
fame comes a loss of privacy. I fear the controversy
about Emily's sexuality would overshadow her hard work and her music.
I've been in this world for decades, so when you
(10:13):
come to me right before you're about to put out
your album, but who cares, Mama, Hold on, I'm trying
to explain again, even this perspective is like, guys, you're
missing the point. But wait, but like you're talking about
my career, I was so a sidal But we didn't
know that, Mama. I'm sorry that we didn't kick that.
We had no way of knowing this. The things that
(10:35):
I was facing in the moment, we're so crippling that
I couldn't see anything but to hurt. I understand that,
you know, and I hate to know that I was
part of that hurt. But I was just trying for
you to have a willa get to know jem before,
you know, so that it could become a part of
her life before somebody came and threw it and said
(10:56):
to her like, well, and you know, she passed and
I never got to tell her. She knows, you know what,
butybody knows more than anybody. I did it for everybody else,
you know, like Mama, she knows. But the way we
handled things was very different that the way that your
(11:19):
grandma would be able. Funnily enough, I think she would
have been better than all of y'all. I have friends
that they work. They got picked out of the house
at seventeen eighteen in the Latino community. This is the
treatment that we get from my parents because well, that's
I guess they're not ready for these for me, Like,
it was never a worry of like, oh, you know,
(11:41):
you guys are gonna dip and disown me and kick
me out of the house. But I also lost you
for a bit there, and I lost you. I felt
like I lost him, like where's my mom? Bro sucked.
But we couldn't even talk because we were both hurt.
Our communication and the way that we were with each
other is an authentic to you, your glorious Stefan. You're
(12:04):
a gay icon. You are the shining beacon. Right then,
I'm the miracle baby who Now I started to sing
right and all this crap, So I really didn't want
to let you down. We weren't listening to each other's hurt,
you know, like I was hurting you and you were
hurting me, and like that's all we were hearing. I
felt like even you started treating me a little different.
(12:27):
I just felt I felt like, oh, now my family's
like talking about this thing about me. We never even
discussed it. Do you have any doubt that I accept
and I love you? Now? Always? I had a doubt
that you accept. Okay, I had a doubt that everybody
in the But we do know that I accept and
(12:47):
love you and have from the You've always loved me
and been like that force that like, no matter what
I know, I have my family. But that does mean
that we have exerved each other well. And believe me,
I'm sorry if I didn't have told you that. I'm'm
sorry that if I'm sorry to listening to you, I'm like, wow,
(13:10):
how do we heal you? I have to hear myself.
I think I feel like now whenever we're gonna have
to go through, it's on the table. No fun intending.
I feel this is not fair only because she's the
one at the table. What happened with your father? Was
that a totally different reaction? No, he went like this,
maybe maybe listen, I don't care, it doesn't matter. This
(13:34):
country is about dreams. You love. What you think about
that is you know him? He doesn't want to hurt
anybody's feelings. I think that he was trying to make
sure that his women were both okay. I was happy
that Emily was so honest. I think we need to
realize that we all the same. We like different things.
I like write something you would like. I'm urged. That's different,
(13:55):
But you know something, If you're good, That's my only
concern when they have a hard time, my kids, the
only thing they need to feel with own conditional lane.
I want to bring somebody that's really special to join
the table. She's our dear friend, she's our familia, and
then it's known Emily her entire life. Twelve time Emmy winner,
best selling author, groundbreaking comedian, and lifelong family friend. Rosio
(14:21):
Donne is a trailblazer and fierce advocate for lgbt Q
plus rights. Hi, everybody, how are you? We miss you?
We miss you on the I can I tell you
that I've been listening to this whole conversation, and first
of all, I'm so proud of all of you because
this is a really hard thing for many, many families.
(14:45):
One thing that I think is paramount today is forgiveness.
It's forgiveness. That's what this is all about, is you know,
I can understand your mom not knowing that you were
a question ning or in pain. I can understand and
I can so understand your pain. You know what I
understand too about Muela, because um, I knew and saw
(15:09):
and everyone could see the relationship Emily, and she had
you know, she was the queen of the parties at
your house. She was so loving and you am You
were always sitting on her, on her lap or next
to hers, cuddled all up. Was really a very beautiful
relationship to witness. And I see why it pains you
that you didn't get to tell her. However, when I
(15:30):
told my older brother I was gay, he told me,
don't tell daddy. You can have He can have a
heart attack and it would kill him. It would kill him.
It wasn't just rowe about her getting my mom sick,
because the day I said that, and I regret that,
and one second, one second glow, Emily, do you forgive
her for that? I absolutely forgive her, Absolutely fantastic. We've
(15:53):
forgiven each other. You know, we've been going through therapy
and trying to get, you know, through it. But also
in my mind was if Emily tells my mom, and
something happens to my mom, then she will forever be
thinking guiltily that she might have caused that situation. And
(16:15):
I didn't want any kind of correlation between m sexuality
and my mom getting sick. And I know that I
I said the wrong thing, but that's where I was
coming from with that. It wasn't by any means that
I thought that. Well, I would be ashamed of you
because I didn't think that. And this is a beautiful,
beautiful conversation where you know, the hard stuff is discussed.
(16:38):
I mean, why people didn't discuss it with each other
when you were little. You were little, and your mom
would ask you when you would say no, well you
would say no securely, no I'm not gay. And you
know what, when I was younger, I might have done
that too. I remember going to the St. Patrick's Stay parade.
I must have been twelve, and I had overalls on
(16:58):
and a baseball happen and these women from the LGBT
community came over and said would you like to come
to our meeting and handed me, in front of all
my siblings and everything, this ticket to the gay parade.
I was like, why are they giving it? To me,
it was like it was on fire. I didn't want
to touch it. You know. It wasn't until I got
(17:19):
a little bit older that I understood, oh, this is
what's happening to me. Then I got my license and
I drove around in the car saying, I am gay,
I am a gay person, and it's for you all,
because I remember you were talking to me about some
guy that you had just dated. That's right, Emily, Right
before I met your mom, I dated a man for
(17:41):
two years, a lovely, lovely, warm man. But I would
find myself staying in the bathroom, popping pimples, doing anything
not to get to bed, even though when I got
to bed we had a wonderful It wasn't the sex
that was the problem, necessarily, it was the emotional to
see intimacy. Yes, you know, Emily, nobody knows how to
(18:04):
be in a non societally supported relationship on their own.
You learn it as you go, You get a community
of friends, you start to feel okay about who you are.
How people label you was their issue, not yours. I
still don't want to say I'm gay. I'm a human.
I love this woman. If you want to take a
picture of it, and they're like, Emily Stefan gay and'd
(18:26):
be like, if that's what you want to call him,
that's fine. I'm Emily, you know, And I can understand,
am you not wanting to take the label of gay.
For me, it was lesbian for a long time. It
took me to to say I was a lesbian, like
it sounded like a court you would take in college.
And I know, Am that when you were little, I
thought you were a little tomboy and I thought, oh,
(18:48):
there's a chance that she would be gay. But I
was so proud of you. I was so proud of
you just as a human being, and I'm proud of
you as this young gay woman, even though the title
doesn't necessarily have to fit you if you don't want it,
you know. M Here's the thing with people asking you
if you were gay since you were little, and your
mother being a gay icon like you, you would assume
(19:10):
your mother's gonna welcome you with open arms, and Gloria
would assume, well, she would have told me by me
exactly right, So you both stuck in your corners a
little bit. Exactly When I came out on TV after
the nine eleven it was like a blip. Nobody even
what I like you. Emily was surprised that people thought
I was not gay. Didn't you just blurt it out?
(19:31):
I did. I went to a comedy club and I
was doing stand up and I'm like, I'm gay. Listen.
Nine eleven Happenskaya gave the buildings blow up again. I'm
so so gay. Oh my gonna exactly. I remember Ellen
getting in trouble so much, she lost everything. It's scary.
I can understand Gloria wanting to protect Emily from that.
(19:53):
And I didn't have a mother, but my publicist she
was like a surrogate mother to me. She would say
to me, don't sit next to Kelly so that nobody
could tell that we were together in a couple. And
every time she did it, it hurt my feelings. And
every time I told her, and she said, you're paying
me to protect you, when I'm protecting you. The lgbt
Q community has gone through hell. When I started studying
(20:16):
psychology in nineteen, my first course was sexual deviations, and
only two years before had homosexuality been removed from the
a p A, the American Psychiatry Association. And the only
reason that that got taken out was because of the
(20:36):
gay activists that made it a point to show up
after the Stonewall riot. Freud was the one that said
that we all have the possibility to be bisexual, but
for God's sake, dolphins are bisexual dolphins. Everybody loves dolphins. Dogs.
Dolphins will live in male and separate female things, getting
(20:59):
together once a year in a mating ball that I'm
sure you've seen it. You mean in urg pretty much.
I've seen table tak. It is part of nature. It's
a spectrum like everything else. And you know why this
show is so important because you three amazing Latino women
are talking about something that in your culture is very
(21:20):
difficult to talk about. You know, I think it might
be a good moment to bring in someone from the
Latino community to join us here. A badass movie star.
She's openly bisexual. I think I had a child and
crush on her. Okay, oh, you had a childhood crush.
And we're honored that she's real to talk about her
personal journey. Michelle Rodriguez is world famous for the fearless
(21:41):
female she plays in The Fast and the Furious and
Resident Evil franchises, and for years, rumors about her sexuality
made the headlines until she ended the speculation herself by yeah,
I fall under the V category always. Hi, Rosie, Oh
(22:03):
my god, look at this. This is so beautiful. This
is amazing. And I love all the generations because that's
such an important facet of this conversation. We're multi cultural, multisexual,
and we're welcome you, Michelle. Welcome Michelle. How did you
come out? How did you so? You just asked me
(22:23):
and I told him I like boys, I like girls, Um,
I like both. I've always kind of gone my own
little way. I'm the rogue girl in Hollywood who's just
kind of made my own path and not really cared
what people think too much. Yeah, I was in the
news because I was a public figure or whatever. How
did your parents reacted, they know, did you tell them first?
Were they supportive? Well, my family is Jehoe witness That
(22:50):
call a whole other table. I mean, birthdays in hollow
and celebrating Halloween are like evil. I didn't get to
watch Disney movies till I was in my teens, you know,
like because of all the witchcraft. Like wow, so that's
a whole other ballo. Michelle, are you close to your family.
(23:10):
You know my family. I think at the end of
the day they set aside with differences, but as far
as spending lots of time with that side of the family,
it just won't. I grew up knowing that you're in
this alone. Your mom gives birth to you, and your
family takes care of you. But in a sense, you
have to make your own in the world. And for
(23:32):
me to have other people decide what that looks like,
it was, I was like, I could never I could
never live that life. I understand you said something which
is true, and like, at the end of the day,
you only have yourself. And when I lost my grandma,
I literally stopped eating and went into in depression. And like,
I get it because that's grief. But you can't depend
(23:55):
on other people to be okay. You have to depend
on yourself. I feel the best in seeing life, you
learn where you going through the worst times of your life.
But I think it's very very important for people to
kind of sit in those uncomfortable places in yourself and
hear out why you're uncomfortable with yourself. It was taught
(24:16):
to learn that lesson, and let me tell you I
didn't learn it. I learned it late because I partied
a lot. Your son knows night knows. Hey. He said hello,
by the way, hello to you. I'm getting under the
Table't get within like eight feet of the red table. Yeah,
he is saying, He goes. No, No, you guys, go ahead.
(24:39):
I'm sending you support. You keep trying, but listen you.
You two are very iconic. You're from you know, different generations.
I'd love to hear any advice that you would have
for anyone that's afraid to come out. Some parents might
not necessarily understand what it is to live in this
contemporary world. They don't know what it's like at school,
(25:00):
don't know what it's like online. And so when you
approach the situation where you know that your parents or
your friends have a world view that's not necessarily yours.
They think that gay is bad. Those are limiting world views.
Anything that cancels people is limited. To look at everybody
(25:20):
with empathy, I think is very important because then you
don't you don't hate the fact that they think differently
than you. You accept it and you're compassionate because if
you take it to heart and you take everything like
it's the end all, be all that's when you get
into trouble. That's when you start hurting. There's all these
people that think differently than me. Where do I belong?
(25:42):
Who am I in this world? Did I just end
it now? There's a lot of people like this. Yeah,
that's what we're trying to prevent. And when we think
that we know it all and that our position is
the only position, that's a really I think that gets
us in a lot of trouble everything. I would just
tell everybody first and foremost to make sure that they're
(26:03):
safe with who they tell, because you know, I get
letters a lot from kids in their early teens or
twenties and saying that you know, their parents picked them out,
like Lily said, and and they have lost everything by
telling people, so you know, we don't know what their
situation is. I always say, find one person that you
trust and tell that one person, and you know that
(26:26):
should be, in my opinion, someone older and adult in
your life, not a friend who's gonna go spread it
around the school. Find someone that you really trust and
just tell them that I think that this is going
on for me and I'm afraid or however you're feeling,
you know, because it is really life threatening for some people,
and the suicide rates are so high for gain lesbian youth.
(26:49):
We have to do all we can, and shows like
this and people like Michelle and and m who are living,
you know, in a non conventional way, although I think
it's kind of convey because you know, but the way
we get label do you never hear anyone labeled? Here's
the head of resection. Come out all right, I don't
come out straight. I hope for the day when that
(27:11):
is a non issue for all of us. And as
a parent, all I can say to anybody that's watching
out there, we love our children. We are all unique
human beings with our own reasons for coming to this earth.
And yes, this this table. The reason that any of
us accepted to do this show is to try to
(27:33):
be of help or of comfort and heal each other. Yes,
to heal each other, and you know, to try to
be that for other people that perhaps are having a
really tough time. But thank you so much for showing
up and being a part of this. We love you
so much and we thank you very good. Thank you too.
Thank you so much. I love you, guys, We love bye.
(27:55):
I love you guys. I love you. I love you.
I love you on the next red tabletop via Stephens.
Millions of people are suffering in silence. We're in a
worldwide mental health crisis. I actually suffer from extreme anxiety.
You are not alone. Then I started freaking out because
(28:16):
then the bad thoughts come in lillpons, debilitating disorder. I'm
a loser, this is embarrassing, it's over. Let's just kill
herself actress Carla Sosa's traumatic breakdown. I would see my
friend's faces turning to rats and they were going to
eat meat. Anyone can be affected. And I remember thinking,
what if I hang myself? And I had even picked
(28:37):
out the tree that I might do it on. Maybe
you talk about it. You can help someone exactly everything
I want to say. Something I know obviously there was
miscommunications everywhere, and we've worked on and we're still working
(28:59):
on it. But for a parent and a daughter and
a cousin, and we've all been through so much, and
this is how we got to do it, because there's
no reason to waste time. Life is short, and we
learned a lot and for next time, when I come
out as an alien, you came out of my belly
as an alien. So let's talk about it. Thanks for listening.
(29:29):
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(29:52):
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Then Benito's men, Gloria Stefan. Here you are listening to
Red Table Talk via Stephens Podcast all your favorite episodes
from our Facebook watch show in audio. All right, here
we are on this Red Table Talk via Stephen's. I
remember telling you are you gay? You're Glorious Stefan, You're
(00:24):
a gay icon, and really gonna want to let you down.
He said, can tell your grandma and she dies from
blood is on your hands. You're remembering things in a
different way. I was saying with Sino, I'm sorry that
we didn't kick that, and I hate to know that
(00:44):
I was part of that hurt. Once I can clod
family friend Rose o'donnald Emily do you forgive her for that?
And actress Michelle Rodriguez reveals her truth. She's openly bisexual.
Like boys, I like girls. I like both Avery and Miami.
(01:13):
Welcome to Red Table Talk. Yes, Stefans, and we're always
gonna talk about real stuff. But today we've got to
bring our iron hearts. Yes, we actually went to therapy
to prepare for this. We're gonna heal together, We're gonna
grow together. By the end of this, we're gonna be
ready to go grow yes, let's go. Oh boy, talk
about it, see the tails everything. In nineteen ninety, I
(01:39):
was in a terrible bus accident, and not only did
doctors think I'd never walk again, they told me I
wouldn't be able to have more children. After years of
struggling with infertility, finally own a miracle. Emily is the
daughter I never thought I would have, and we were overjoyed.
We were all overjoyed. We to Laura when she was
(02:01):
twenty one, just four years ago. Emily asked me if
I thought she might be gay. Oh, Emily, we were
in the car and you leaned over very excitedly and
asked your dad and I, guys, do you think that
I might be gay? And do you remember my response
(02:21):
to you? I do? He said, only you can know that.
But when I asked you that question, it was like
testing the waters, you know, because I was afraid. I
was having conversations in my head, trying to figure out
who am I, what is this? Where do I fit?
I was learning that I preferred women. I mean, we're
putting it on the table. I had my first sexual
experience with a woman and then two weeks later with
(02:44):
a man. Because I'm like Okay, maybe something's wrong with me.
I felt ashamed. You know what, I mind you, I
had no clue that you had had any kind of
experience with anybody, male or female. I was really private
about that. I had never met somebody that I thought
was worth ringing into the family. My partner now, Jim,
we've been together almost four years. We started to date,
(03:04):
and I knew that there was something different here. At
that time. Nobody knew we were together, and we had
already been dating for a couple of months. We're taking
things slow on our own. When I was finally ready
to come out with this information, I was really nervous.
Your mom is one of the most open minded people,
but I don't think you felt that. While I can
(03:26):
tell you why I didn't feel that, I was like, hey,
I'm in love with this girl. The first thing you
said was if you tell your grandma and she dies,
her blood is on your hands. I just wasn't ready
for that, because I understand my grandma was old, but
already made it feel like okay, whatever it is, like,
(03:48):
HI did it, It's not okay. So that's where my
hurt started. I'm never going to forget that, just like
you were in that turmoil of emotion. You're remembering things
as we all tend to do, in a different way.
You know all the challenges I had gone through with
your grandma. My mother and I had a complicated relationship.
(04:08):
She was controlling and set in her ways. At one
point we were even estranged for two years. I was
trying to protect both my ailing mother from any shots
that could affect her health and Emily from anything that
could harm their relationship. What I told you was, when
(04:28):
you're going to tell your grandma, why don't you first
introduce her to your girlfriend or your friend, have her
get to know her a little. Because Ahuela has altered colitis,
an emotional disease. She almost died in two thousand and seven.
Every time she would get upset, it was like, oh,
(04:49):
I know that it was coming from love, from protection,
and she was elderly. Me and my grandma were like this,
like this, you know that more than anybody, you were
the apple of her eye. Okay, you're saying, oh, because
of this now we've got to put this up. My
mom too, and I get it because I knew that
we needed to protect Alla, but I needed you guys.
(05:10):
I know Mama, But I really thought that you were
much stronger than all your life. You've done what you
wanted every step of the way. In my mind and heart,
I thought you were the biggest badass strong you. Okay, Mama,
butter listen, this is what I thought. That's what I
thought too, exactly, That's what we all thought. Okay, your
(05:31):
mom is in the middle of two generations, one which
is your grandma that was extremely conservative, different life. So
I think for your mom is dealing with you sexuality.
Now for us, it's like perfectly normal for anybody to
talk about their sexuality. That wasn't like that when your
(05:51):
grandma grew on, I know, so even her talking to
her mom about sexuality. Did that ever happen? No, absolutely not.
My mother bought me the life Cycle Library and expected
me to self learn. My mother would not even let
us joke about set from a very ashamed person though,
(06:12):
But we had no clue. We had no how you know,
you say, how could we not have known? It's not
like I didn't suspect At some moments, I remember being
in my bedroom and I remember telling you, Mama, are
you gay? Do you want to carry the gay flag?
Because if you want I will get on that parade
float with you, and I will carry that flag. And
(06:34):
at that moment you said to me, Mom, I'm not gay,
because that wasn't the word in your mind for who
you were. Also like and exactly, I don't think we
would have ever, ever, ever, Emily process what you were
going through like that, because if there's one thing that
(06:56):
we always said, was like, Emily is perfect, she knows
that exactly what you mean, what she wants, we would
get from you someone that was perfectly in her own scheme.
Never never did we talk about, oh my god, do
you think we're gonna have you know, Emily, No, for us,
(07:16):
And I'm sorry that we didn't see that part. And
this is important for the people that are seeing. Yeah,
absolutely that we look at our kids sometimes like we
don't know, we don't know. I think it came to
a point where that perfect child there was a wall.
There was something that we didn't see that wall right.
Believe me, I think we would have talked about it
(07:39):
right away. I was falling apart, like I wanted to
be strong and act like I was cool, but my
life went on paused. I didn't care if every single
person in the world knew I was gay. I was
worried about my family because my grandma was older and sick,
and I felt like, wow, like this is something that
could kill somebody told you to hold that. By the way,
(08:00):
you had taken me to the bitter end. You know,
I'm a patient human being, but you weren't hearing me,
and I was trying today. I didn't feel like you
were hearing me. I understand. And also when this whole
thing happened, then it became oll, don't hold jamcan in public.
What if I were lost friends there and she's going
to take a picture. And from my perspective, I can't
go to dinner and put my arm around my girlfriend
(08:21):
without you saying you might as well put a sign
around your neck. Let no, wait a minute, let me
remind you of where this came from. All right again? Okay,
so if you don't want to hear my perspective moment,
I'm sorry, I want to hear your perspective. It's just again,
even just that answer right, no way, shape or form.
Should you ever tell your daughter why do you got
(08:43):
to walk in here with your arm around your girlfriend
and put a sign around your neck? No, you don't
say that listen to me. I wanted to be your story.
I thought that you had told me that you weren't ready,
and I didn't want to give your story to some person.
They might be sitting there having dinner to post okay,
But my life came hyper aware, super anxious. Can touch
(09:04):
her hand? Can I? Can? I sit here? It was
psych But then I'm a celebrities kid. So if I
go out and live my life and somebody takes a picture,
I'm host. Every single thing that was brought to me
had to do with moving pieces around me, about my life,
about my career, about what about this? What about this?
Not what about you? For any parents, we love unconditionally,
(09:30):
all right and well, we try to do sometimes to
protect you, you know, ends up hurting you, which kills me,
and I hate that that happened. Emily was about to
step into the spotlight and release her debut album. The
launch of her music career was a moment of pride
for the family, and her grandmother was already her biggest fan.
(09:53):
By abulitea thank you for sacrificing every receive. But with
fame comes a loss of privacy. I fear the controversy
about Emily's sexuality would overshadow her hard work and her music.
I've been in this world for decades, so when you
(10:13):
come to me right before you're about to put out
your album, but who cares, Mama, Hold on, I'm trying
to explain again, even this perspective is like, guys, you're
missing the point. But wait, but like you're talking about
my career, I was so a sidal But we didn't
know that, Mama. I'm sorry that we didn't kick that.
We had no way of knowing this. The things that
(10:35):
I was facing in the moment, we're so crippling that
I couldn't see anything but to hurt. I understand that,
you know, and I hate to know that I was
part of that hurt. But I was just trying for
you to have a willa get to know jem before,
you know, so that it could become a part of
her life before somebody came and threw it and said
(10:56):
to her like, well, and you know, she passed and
I never got to tell her. She knows, you know what,
butybody knows more than anybody. I did it for everybody else,
you know, like Mama, she knows. But the way we
handled things was very different that the way that your
(11:19):
grandma would be able. Funnily enough, I think she would
have been better than all of y'all. I have friends
that they work. They got picked out of the house
at seventeen eighteen in the Latino community. This is the
treatment that we get from my parents because well, that's
I guess they're not ready for these for me, Like,
it was never a worry of like, oh, you know,
(11:41):
you guys are gonna dip and disown me and kick
me out of the house. But I also lost you
for a bit there, and I lost you. I felt
like I lost him, like where's my mom? Bro sucked.
But we couldn't even talk because we were both hurt.
Our communication and the way that we were with each
other is an authentic to you, your glorious Stefan. You're
(12:04):
a gay icon. You are the shining beacon. Right then,
I'm the miracle baby who Now I started to sing
right and all this crap, So I really didn't want
to let you down. We weren't listening to each other's hurt,
you know, like I was hurting you and you were
hurting me, and like that's all we were hearing. I
felt like even you started treating me a little different.
(12:27):
I just felt I felt like, oh, now my family's
like talking about this thing about me. We never even
discussed it. Do you have any doubt that I accept
and I love you? Now? Always? I had a doubt
that you accept. Okay, I had a doubt that everybody
in the But we do know that I accept and
(12:47):
love you and have from the You've always loved me
and been like that force that like, no matter what
I know, I have my family. But that does mean
that we have exerved each other well. And believe me,
I'm sorry if I didn't have told you that. I'm'm
sorry that if I'm sorry to listening to you, I'm like, wow,
(13:10):
how do we heal you? I have to hear myself.
I think I feel like now whenever we're gonna have
to go through, it's on the table. No fun intending.
I feel this is not fair only because she's the
one at the table. What happened with your father? Was
that a totally different reaction? No, he went like this,
maybe maybe listen, I don't care, it doesn't matter. This
(13:34):
country is about dreams. You love. What you think about
that is you know him? He doesn't want to hurt
anybody's feelings. I think that he was trying to make
sure that his women were both okay. I was happy
that Emily was so honest. I think we need to
realize that we all the same. We like different things.
I like write something you would like. I'm urged. That's different,
(13:55):
But you know something, If you're good, That's my only
concern when they have a hard time, my kids, the
only thing they need to feel with own conditional lane.
I want to bring somebody that's really special to join
the table. She's our dear friend, she's our familia, and
then it's known Emily her entire life. Twelve time Emmy winner,
best selling author, groundbreaking comedian, and lifelong family friend. Rosio
(14:21):
Donne is a trailblazer and fierce advocate for lgbt Q
plus rights. Hi, everybody, how are you? We miss you?
We miss you on the I can I tell you
that I've been listening to this whole conversation, and first
of all, I'm so proud of all of you because
this is a really hard thing for many, many families.
(14:45):
One thing that I think is paramount today is forgiveness.
It's forgiveness. That's what this is all about, is you know,
I can understand your mom not knowing that you were
a question ning or in pain. I can understand and
I can so understand your pain. You know what I
understand too about Muela, because um, I knew and saw
(15:09):
and everyone could see the relationship Emily, and she had
you know, she was the queen of the parties at
your house. She was so loving and you am You
were always sitting on her, on her lap or next
to hers, cuddled all up. Was really a very beautiful
relationship to witness. And I see why it pains you
that you didn't get to tell her. However, when I
(15:30):
told my older brother I was gay, he told me,
don't tell daddy. You can have He can have a
heart attack and it would kill him. It would kill him.
It wasn't just rowe about her getting my mom sick,
because the day I said that, and I regret that,
and one second, one second glow, Emily, do you forgive
her for that? I absolutely forgive her, Absolutely fantastic. We've
(15:53):
forgiven each other. You know, we've been going through therapy
and trying to get, you know, through it. But also
in my mind was if Emily tells my mom, and
something happens to my mom, then she will forever be
thinking guiltily that she might have caused that situation. And
(16:15):
I didn't want any kind of correlation between m sexuality
and my mom getting sick. And I know that I
I said the wrong thing, but that's where I was
coming from with that. It wasn't by any means that
I thought that. Well, I would be ashamed of you
because I didn't think that. And this is a beautiful,
beautiful conversation where you know, the hard stuff is discussed.
(16:38):
I mean, why people didn't discuss it with each other
when you were little. You were little, and your mom
would ask you when you would say no, well you
would say no securely, no I'm not gay. And you
know what, when I was younger, I might have done
that too. I remember going to the St. Patrick's Stay parade.
I must have been twelve, and I had overalls on
(16:58):
and a baseball happen and these women from the LGBT
community came over and said would you like to come
to our meeting and handed me, in front of all
my siblings and everything, this ticket to the gay parade.
I was like, why are they giving it? To me,
it was like it was on fire. I didn't want
to touch it. You know. It wasn't until I got
(17:19):
a little bit older that I understood, oh, this is
what's happening to me. Then I got my license and
I drove around in the car saying, I am gay,
I am a gay person, and it's for you all,
because I remember you were talking to me about some
guy that you had just dated. That's right, Emily, Right
before I met your mom, I dated a man for
(17:41):
two years, a lovely, lovely, warm man. But I would
find myself staying in the bathroom, popping pimples, doing anything
not to get to bed, even though when I got
to bed we had a wonderful It wasn't the sex
that was the problem, necessarily, it was the emotional to
see intimacy. Yes, you know, Emily, nobody knows how to
(18:04):
be in a non societally supported relationship on their own.
You learn it as you go, You get a community
of friends, you start to feel okay about who you are.
How people label you was their issue, not yours. I
still don't want to say I'm gay. I'm a human.
I love this woman. If you want to take a
picture of it, and they're like, Emily Stefan gay and'd
(18:26):
be like, if that's what you want to call him,
that's fine. I'm Emily, you know, And I can understand,
am you not wanting to take the label of gay.
For me, it was lesbian for a long time. It
took me to to say I was a lesbian, like
it sounded like a court you would take in college.
And I know, Am that when you were little, I
thought you were a little tomboy and I thought, oh,
(18:48):
there's a chance that she would be gay. But I
was so proud of you. I was so proud of
you just as a human being, and I'm proud of
you as this young gay woman, even though the title
doesn't necessarily have to fit you if you don't want it,
you know. M Here's the thing with people asking you
if you were gay since you were little, and your
mother being a gay icon like you, you would assume
(19:10):
your mother's gonna welcome you with open arms, and Gloria
would assume, well, she would have told me by me
exactly right, So you both stuck in your corners a
little bit. Exactly When I came out on TV after
the nine eleven it was like a blip. Nobody even
what I like you. Emily was surprised that people thought
I was not gay. Didn't you just blurt it out?
(19:31):
I did. I went to a comedy club and I
was doing stand up and I'm like, I'm gay. Listen.
Nine eleven Happenskaya gave the buildings blow up again. I'm
so so gay. Oh my gonna exactly. I remember Ellen
getting in trouble so much, she lost everything. It's scary.
I can understand Gloria wanting to protect Emily from that.
(19:53):
And I didn't have a mother, but my publicist she
was like a surrogate mother to me. She would say
to me, don't sit next to Kelly so that nobody
could tell that we were together in a couple. And
every time she did it, it hurt my feelings. And
every time I told her, and she said, you're paying
me to protect you, when I'm protecting you. The lgbt
Q community has gone through hell. When I started studying
(20:16):
psychology in nineteen, my first course was sexual deviations, and
only two years before had homosexuality been removed from the
a p A, the American Psychiatry Association. And the only
reason that that got taken out was because of the
(20:36):
gay activists that made it a point to show up
after the Stonewall riot. Freud was the one that said
that we all have the possibility to be bisexual, but
for God's sake, dolphins are bisexual dolphins. Everybody loves dolphins. Dogs.
Dolphins will live in male and separate female things, getting
(20:59):
together once a year in a mating ball that I'm
sure you've seen it. You mean in urg pretty much.
I've seen table tak. It is part of nature. It's
a spectrum like everything else. And you know why this
show is so important because you three amazing Latino women
are talking about something that in your culture is very
(21:20):
difficult to talk about. You know, I think it might
be a good moment to bring in someone from the
Latino community to join us here. A badass movie star.
She's openly bisexual. I think I had a child and
crush on her. Okay, oh, you had a childhood crush.
And we're honored that she's real to talk about her
personal journey. Michelle Rodriguez is world famous for the fearless
(21:41):
female she plays in The Fast and the Furious and
Resident Evil franchises, and for years, rumors about her sexuality
made the headlines until she ended the speculation herself by yeah,
I fall under the V category always. Hi, Rosie, Oh
(22:03):
my god, look at this. This is so beautiful. This
is amazing. And I love all the generations because that's
such an important facet of this conversation. We're multi cultural, multisexual,
and we're welcome you, Michelle. Welcome Michelle. How did you
come out? How did you so? You just asked me
(22:23):
and I told him I like boys, I like girls, Um,
I like both. I've always kind of gone my own
little way. I'm the rogue girl in Hollywood who's just
kind of made my own path and not really cared
what people think too much. Yeah, I was in the
news because I was a public figure or whatever. How
did your parents reacted, they know, did you tell them first?
Were they supportive? Well, my family is Jehoe witness That
(22:50):
call a whole other table. I mean, birthdays in hollow
and celebrating Halloween are like evil. I didn't get to
watch Disney movies till I was in my teens, you know,
like because of all the witchcraft. Like wow, so that's
a whole other ballo. Michelle, are you close to your family.
(23:10):
You know my family. I think at the end of
the day they set aside with differences, but as far
as spending lots of time with that side of the family,
it just won't. I grew up knowing that you're in
this alone. Your mom gives birth to you, and your
family takes care of you. But in a sense, you
have to make your own in the world. And for
(23:32):
me to have other people decide what that looks like,
it was, I was like, I could never I could
never live that life. I understand you said something which
is true, and like, at the end of the day,
you only have yourself. And when I lost my grandma,
I literally stopped eating and went into in depression. And like,
I get it because that's grief. But you can't depend
(23:55):
on other people to be okay. You have to depend
on yourself. I feel the best in seeing life, you
learn where you going through the worst times of your life.
But I think it's very very important for people to
kind of sit in those uncomfortable places in yourself and
hear out why you're uncomfortable with yourself. It was taught
(24:16):
to learn that lesson, and let me tell you I
didn't learn it. I learned it late because I partied
a lot. Your son knows night knows. Hey. He said hello,
by the way, hello to you. I'm getting under the
Table't get within like eight feet of the red table. Yeah,
he is saying, He goes. No, No, you guys, go ahead.
(24:39):
I'm sending you support. You keep trying, but listen you.
You two are very iconic. You're from you know, different generations.
I'd love to hear any advice that you would have
for anyone that's afraid to come out. Some parents might
not necessarily understand what it is to live in this
contemporary world. They don't know what it's like at school,
(25:00):
don't know what it's like online. And so when you
approach the situation where you know that your parents or
your friends have a world view that's not necessarily yours.
They think that gay is bad. Those are limiting world views.
Anything that cancels people is limited. To look at everybody
(25:20):
with empathy, I think is very important because then you
don't you don't hate the fact that they think differently
than you. You accept it and you're compassionate because if
you take it to heart and you take everything like
it's the end all, be all that's when you get
into trouble. That's when you start hurting. There's all these
people that think differently than me. Where do I belong?
(25:42):
Who am I in this world? Did I just end
it now? There's a lot of people like this. Yeah,
that's what we're trying to prevent. And when we think
that we know it all and that our position is
the only position, that's a really I think that gets
us in a lot of trouble everything. I would just
tell everybody first and foremost to make sure that they're
(26:03):
safe with who they tell, because you know, I get
letters a lot from kids in their early teens or
twenties and saying that you know, their parents picked them out,
like Lily said, and and they have lost everything by
telling people, so you know, we don't know what their
situation is. I always say, find one person that you
trust and tell that one person, and you know that
(26:26):
should be, in my opinion, someone older and adult in
your life, not a friend who's gonna go spread it
around the school. Find someone that you really trust and
just tell them that I think that this is going
on for me and I'm afraid or however you're feeling,
you know, because it is really life threatening for some people,
and the suicide rates are so high for gain lesbian youth.
(26:49):
We have to do all we can, and shows like
this and people like Michelle and and m who are living,
you know, in a non conventional way, although I think
it's kind of convey because you know, but the way
we get label do you never hear anyone labeled? Here's
the head of resection. Come out all right, I don't
come out straight. I hope for the day when that
(27:11):
is a non issue for all of us. And as
a parent, all I can say to anybody that's watching
out there, we love our children. We are all unique
human beings with our own reasons for coming to this earth.
And yes, this this table. The reason that any of
us accepted to do this show is to try to
(27:33):
be of help or of comfort and heal each other. Yes,
to heal each other, and you know, to try to
be that for other people that perhaps are having a
really tough time. But thank you so much for showing
up and being a part of this. We love you
so much and we thank you very good. Thank you too.
Thank you so much. I love you, guys, We love bye.
(27:55):
I love you guys. I love you. I love you.
I love you on the next red tabletop via Stephens.
Millions of people are suffering in silence. We're in a
worldwide mental health crisis. I actually suffer from extreme anxiety.
You are not alone. Then I started freaking out because
(28:16):
then the bad thoughts come in lillpons, debilitating disorder. I'm
a loser, this is embarrassing, it's over. Let's just kill
herself actress Carla Sosa's traumatic breakdown. I would see my
friend's faces turning to rats and they were going to
eat meat. Anyone can be affected. And I remember thinking,
what if I hang myself? And I had even picked
(28:37):
out the tree that I might do it on. Maybe
you talk about it. You can help someone exactly everything
I want to say. Something I know obviously there was
miscommunications everywhere, and we've worked on and we're still working
(28:59):
on it. But for a parent and a daughter and
a cousin, and we've all been through so much, and
this is how we got to do it, because there's
no reason to waste time. Life is short, and we
learned a lot and for next time, when I come
out as an alien, you came out of my belly
as an alien. So let's talk about it. Thanks for listening.
(29:29):
To join the red table Talk family and become a
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(29:52):
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