November 29, 2021 • 52 mins
Hey, Red Table Talk fans! Since you love this podcast, we think you might like this one as well. In Exactly Amara, reality star, model, singer and overall boss lady, Amara La Negra gets personal on just about everything! In each episode of this weekly show, Amara adds her Spanglish sazón, getting raw and real with topics that hit close to home. Prepare for her to show you, Exactly Amara.
About this Episode
Amara is joined by long-time friend Emily Estefan to talk about the challenges she endured while coming out to her family. Emily goes deeper into the conversation, she first started on Red Table Talk: the Estefans, and gives advice on how to stay true to yourself. Amara shares her own experience and how her mom reacted.
Listen and subscribe to Exactly Amara wherever you get your podcasts!
https://www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-exactly-amara-84301498/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
From Exactly Amount of podcast. We all have setting new
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limited time in store only see store for details. Hello, guys,
this is Cheeks from Cheek Ease and Chill podcast. This
time of year, we like to set up new goals,
especially financial goals. Right My podcast Chickens and Chill empowers
(01:05):
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store only see store for details. Yo It's dramas from
Life as a Gringo podcast. You already know it's always
a good time to set up new goals, especially really
during this time of year, and especially when it comes
to financial goals. We already know that our money is important,
and shows like Life as a Gringo reminds our community
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store only see store for details. Onto me a day
I was doing, you already know, as usual, this is
exactly amota of production of my Heart Radio as you
as you already know again, I'm exactly myself, unfiltered, uncensored.
(03:15):
But I said whatever I want, it is what it is,
take it or lately, and that's why today I want
to talk about I want to talk about something real media.
I've never I've never said this publicly, and that's why
I love my podcast because it gives me an opportunity
to really put out now my secrets. Because who the
hell said that this has to be a secret. It's
just getting nobody asked me, so I don't feel the
(03:37):
need to say it better. How how important is it
to really understand who you are as a person, to
really accept who you are as a person, to really
be vulnerable, to really expose yourself to the world, regardless
of what people have to say about you too, to
be open enough to tell your family who you are
(04:01):
and how do you feel the most comfortable with? UM.
And that's why I want to talk to a friend
of mine. Before I get there, I'm gonna tell you
what back in I ain't gonna say how long ago,
But back in a long time ago, I UM, I
was experimenting with my sexuality. I was exploring. I was
trying to understand who I was, what I liked. I
(04:22):
think it's normal. I don't know. I think it's normal,
UM to sometimes be curious, to sometimes want to know,
to sometimes want to understand. Do I like my friend
because I just like her and I think that she's pretty?
Do I like my friend because I'm into her? Do
is there something wrong with me? What would my mom say? UM?
(04:43):
What would my friends say? Do I need to go
to therapy? Do? I? You start to question so many things,
And for three years solid I used to only date women.
I used to only date women. I never made it
public because I felt embarrassed. I felt like, oh my god,
what are the people gonna say you know. And and
I also heard, especially in the Latino community, how they
(05:06):
spoke about other women, they liked women. It was like
la this like that all the like. It was just
looked like in such a bad like in a bad light.
And I just felt like, damn, is there's something wrong
with me? Is there? I just felt like it was
my fault, like I'm doing something wrong without understanding that
(05:29):
is part of life for you to be able to
feel free and make your own choices. And who the
hell says that there's a guide book, that there's a
rule book on how to live your life or who
to love. There isn't one. And I also remember when
I told my mom, Actually, my mom found out because
I was dating this girl, which by the way, I
only like studs. So I was dating this girl or whatever,
(05:51):
and she came over to my house. My mom was
at work, and when I heard my mom coming in,
I was like, oh, my mom's coming. No, no, no,
you can't be here. My Mom's gonna kill me. And then,
you know, for those that don't know, you know studs
um she wore sports brawl boxers. You know, she had
a more male like energy, and my mom, of course
(06:16):
was gonna know that you're not just a friend, Like
what are you doing here? And I was like, go
to my closet, go to my close. She ran into
the closet. She hid in side my shoes. But I
see that for like four hours solid, waiting for my
mom to go to the room or something so that
she can leave. And all of a sudden, my mom goes,
I mean, how you know they haven't seen it? How
(06:37):
my day went a And she just wanted to have
a long as conversation in my room and heard my
shoes jiggling when she opened the closet. I'm not gonna
say her name, so she's not embarrassed or whatever. Not
that she should care, okay, because first of all, you
should be proud that you used to me. But um,
she was there, she was there, and we had to
(07:00):
have that conversation and my mom, my mom cried. She
made me feel real guilty. She prayed. You know, she
told all her friends the disappointment I was as her
only child to now you know, like women and um,
and it was a lot. It was a lot, right,
(07:22):
I personally decided to get say, oh, I don't know.
I wanted to explore with something else, and I don't know.
I never went back to dating women, but it was
so traumatizing. For that moment, I felt like I was
like the cursed child, like I did something so bad.
And someone that I'm really proud of the way that
she has handled her life experience, um, her sexuality. She
(07:48):
encourages other women that are that are you know, going
through it, that don't know how to express it to
their families, that feel like they're they're trapped, that they
just can't be theirselves, that people are going to judge them,
that we're gonna look down upon them. Someone who has
been there, done that, She's had her own experience. But
I just love how comfortable she is in her body,
(08:10):
how comfortable she is in her space, how she doesn't
hide who she is, who she doesn't feel the need
to pretend to be somebody that she's not. Um, she's
an activist, she's a singer, she's a podcaster, she's a
a musician. Oh yeah, she's everything. Oh by the way,
and she's more don't care you, Um, that's my girl.
Emily Stefan was good. Okay, First of all, I am
(08:35):
a fan of this incredible podcast. Okay, Number tea and
oh my god, I love it, you know what I mean.
We need places to listen that we feel like we
have a home and a community. And the way that
you speak, the way that you advocate for so many
different people, it makes us feel less alone, and that's
(08:56):
what we need nowadays, you know what I mean? And
number one for number two. For me, I am a
different kind of um LGBTQ advocate because I think, why
do we need to come out as gay? Right? Like
if you want to come out, and if you want
(09:18):
to do that for yourself, that's great, but you don't
come out as straight. Like I want a world right
where my children can say, you know what, maybe I'm
gonna go on a date with a girl tonight. Maybe
a might not like it. Maybe I'm going to go
on a date with a guy tonight because I'm interested.
Better at the end of the day, you know, we
don't have to feel like you said, like there's something wrong,
(09:42):
like like there's something wrong with us for experimenting. I
think as human beings, even as mammals, right, we see
there are animals who don't even practice who practice monogamy,
like lobsters, you know, like and there are animals who
practice different kinds of you know, sexual practic This is,
but from the dawn of time, there has been homosexuality
(10:05):
within every animal, every human being, you know. So my journey,
my personal journey, is explore without feeling like you're being suffocated,
without feeling like there's something wrong with you. Because for example,
for me, I prefer women, but I have been with
as many men as women. Honestly, and looking back, I
(10:27):
can tell you my experience is different with men than
with women, you know, I can. I can tell that
I prefer some kind of experience. I have some you
know whatever. But at the same time, I'm not repulsed
by men. I'm the kind of individual that explores everything
that humanity has to offer. So my whole thing is,
(10:47):
I don't like boxes Lakajas si Ancosas. You know what
I'm saying. We need to, in my opinion, live in
a society of openness where we're not criticizing people, Like
how come a man can't explore, you know, a fantasy
and say, you know what, I didn't really like that,
and I prefer women, and we don't have to shame him,
(11:09):
you know what I mean? Like, listen, girl, also I've
been with a lot of man you know, they like
that booty they like that booty stuff. You know what
I'm saying, Like, you know how to be a shame
for that? You know, I know a lot of guys
that be like, oh, I'm a man, this and that
butter on the low. When you'll be in your room,
you'll be telling her to eat that booty hole. And
those say, now that you'll be telling you to eat
(11:31):
that booty hole, you'll be like, oh, just a little men.
I've done it, and I've been open about it. I
I have, you know, experimented, I pegged. I pegged before,
and I was open about it on the show. I
mean not a lot of times. I did at one time,
and it was very empowering. It was very empowering to
feel like now you're in my bit and I got
that ask. But but oh if for you For people
(11:55):
who don't know what pegging is, pegging is when you
put on a strap on it. It was a moment
I explored. I tried it. I'm Dora the Explore. I
had to explore things. I had to try things, and
I feel like it's so it's even harder for men
to try to experiment things without getting judged for it.
Even women ourselves judge men when they want to explore
(12:17):
with their sexual I don't when they want to explore
with their body and they're like, it's not like they're
going out there and trying it with the man, and
if they choose to do it with the man, thumb being,
it is what it is, is is their bodies. But I
just feel like in society we can be so judgmental
when it comes to people's sexuality. No doyo no, I
(12:38):
doyo no I. If they want to go over there
and explore and try something, let them be them. You
worry about you now, I'll ask you this, When did
you start feeling like an attraction? I know that me personally,
I started seeing like like a person. I don't know why,
but I never like fems. I was never into girls
(12:59):
that were like like me or whatever. I like more
the masculine energy in in certain girls. And I started
when I was like in middle school. When did you
first ju seeing like even though you dated men um
that you were like, well, she's kind of cute, Like
I don't I wouldn't mind. I lost my virginity to
a female and it was great, and then shortly after
(13:22):
I was like, something must be wrong with me, like
you said, like, oh, what's wrong with me? Like I
have to find the nearest male that I can try
this with to see if I'm broken, you know, or
something like that. And my mom used to say something
to me all the time, there are as many sexualities
as there are human beings, And at first I didn't
(13:46):
really understand that, but now I get it because everybody
has their own thing, their own spectrum of what turns
them on, what they like, what they don't like, and
I think that gender lies within that when it comes
to sexuality, because like I said, I've had great experiences
with males, but when I'm with females, it's a different experience,
(14:09):
right for me. For me, I prefer it more because also,
you know, like we also have to realize that a
lot of people are watching porn, you know, for so
many years, and porn is also kind of an unrealistic,
you know, depiction of sex, you know what I mean,
and kind of like what sex me, I talk about it? Yeah, no,
(14:32):
so you know, like for me, you know, porn is great,
it's healthy whatever, you know, Like that's what kind of
for me, gets in the balance of what's the normal
human development of sexuality and then what are we being
fed that we think is sex which is coming with
all this aggression, with all this kind of like oh,
why aren't straight women coming, you know what I mean?
(14:55):
Like why why do we need to educate different groups
on how to pleasure both kinds of people? That's why
I think personally, like for me, um, you know, like
we need gay pride because we've been suppressed for many years.
But my point is that that's why we that's why
we bubble up, because we feel like we need a voice.
(15:18):
But also for me, if you go too far and
you create too many boxes, then where's the equality, you know,
like if we have lgb hex that that that that
then the only people left are straight people. And I've
had people say to me, you know, like piss on CIS,
which means if you're CIS gendered, that you're identified with
(15:40):
your generals, Like, you know, that's not okay. I think
that we need to love humanity and create spaces for everybody.
That's why to your point, if a straight male is
trying to experiment, he shouldn't be shamed because in the
male gaze. If he's going anywhere other than the straight
male you know kind of box, he's gonna get shamed
(16:02):
for that. Why what the l Women can make out
with women and oh it's hot, it's hot, right, it's
hot if you're a girl, but it's not hot if
you're a guy. It's gay. You know, Like, what the
hell you know? So I'll ask you this, like for example,
well one, if you could have told the younger you
because I don't know, personally it was I. I I was
(16:25):
a little bit traumatized, a little bit. Um. I wouldn't
even say when it came out the closet because I
don't feel like I came out the closet. I didn't
she did, you know. My mom was the one who
caught her. But I don't feel like I came out
the closet. It's just something that happened naturally, something that
just you know, happened. Um. It was traumatizing, like I
(16:45):
said before, because I never want to fail my mother.
I never want to disappoint her. And I felt like
I had done that by by not being with a man,
by saying, you know, I find her hot, like I
like her, I like to cut with her. I like
to be with her. I like to she's funny, she's
(17:05):
you know, sexually, because that's another thing. And my mom
was like, oh, you're always gonna do this, it's like,
you know, smash each other. I'm like, no, there's there's
a lot of other things you can do, you know.
I sold her. I was so open with her. I
sold her my strap on um, which was really mind
but I just want to have a bonus one there
just in case she came. But like I sold her
all my things, I just wanted it. I wanted to
(17:28):
sew her like this is what it is, this is
what I do. If there's nothing I don't think there's
anything wrong with it. But you see how you see
how organic I am with it that it doesn't make
you feel uncomfortable. That's how I was with my mom.
I wanted to not make it awkward, Like you have
the rights to choose what you want. I have the
(17:50):
rights to choose what I want. Eventually, she wasn't upset
because in her mind she was like, at least you're
not gonna get pregnant now. That was her mentality. She
felt like, oh, you're going through a phase. Later on,
you'll get over it, but it was traumatizing for me.
Was it traumatizing for you when you made it not public?
But like when your mom or your family or like
(18:10):
close people to you found out. Were you embarrassed? When
you traumatize it, you feel scared? Were you're nervous? Um,
we're uncomfortable? Like, how was that experience for you? So
there was a Red Table Talk which you were on
Red Table whoa whoa the first season. Uh, we had
an episode about my coming out journey. And a lot
(18:33):
of people don't know this, but when we have those
Red Table Talk episodes, we talked for hours and then
it gets edited down and a big part of my
journey that was taken out was that my coming out
was taken away from me. Uh in a very strange way.
It's a very long story. It's very convoluted. But by
(18:56):
the time that I was ready, because, like you said,
when you feel like society has imposed this is wrong,
You're doing something wrong. I feel ashamed. You have to
kind of build up the courage to tell your loved ones,
hey I love this person, Hey I'm bringing this person around.
It's not like quote unquote normal, like, oh, you're dating
(19:17):
a guy. They would almost be excited that you're bringing
someone around. So by the time that I um, I
went to my mom and I told her, Hey, you know,
I gotta tell you something. This is going on. I'm
in love with this girl, which, trust me, my fucking
(19:37):
was in my throat, you know what I mean, like
that cold feeling where you just want to freaking pass out.
And she said, you don't think I already know that,
because somebody had double crossed me and sent a video
to my mom months before on Snapchat of me slow
dancing with Jem still my partner. Now we weren't doing
(20:01):
anything sexual, but we had specifically told somebody, don't tell anybody.
You're the first person to know. And the first person
she sent the video too was my mom's camp. So
by the time I was ready to tell her, she
had had that video for a month. And the first
reaction was, oh, you don't think I already knew that.
(20:22):
I was like, was it bad or she was cool? No,
she wasn't cool. She wasn't cool. And that's what we
talked about on the show because she had been manifesting
these emotions for a month plus and I had been
building up the courage to quote unquote come out, which
I don't even believe in, you know what I mean,
(20:43):
I don't really believe in coming out. And then my
grandmother was still alive at the time. So then here
comes this old Latin influx of the old people in
the family can't handle it. You know, it's your responsibility
to keep it a secret. Well, when you tell somebody
you love to keep a secret, what does that entail?
You can't be yourself. You can't hold your partner's hand
(21:06):
in public. You have to think twice when you're showing
acts of affection. And I don't mean anything inappropriate, you know,
I just mean normal affection, you know what I mean.
And even now things are coming up that I didn't know.
We're a problem because I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm
just loving, and I was receiving this problem. Now I
(21:28):
understand which this is the Latino influx, the paradigm that
we face here. I'm just trying to protect you, Okay,
I get it. You're just trying to protect me. But
I'm a human being living in a different time, and
my idea of protection is being myself. If I can
be myself, I feel safe. If you are limiting who
(21:52):
I can be I don't feel safe, and sometimes people
don't realize that that can come directly from inside of
your family, you know, but it was not easy at all.
What up? It's dramas from life as a Goodingo podcast.
(22:12):
And you know, this is the time of year when
we set up new goals, all that new year, new
me stuff, right, and this this of course should include
financial goals. You always need a plan and savings strategies
are important and so is financial knowledge, and often it
doesn't require as much sacrifice as one would think. Like
switch into a cell phone carry that lets you upgrade
to five G while saving money. You can upgrade to
(22:36):
five G with Metro by t Mobile and get more
Switch to Metro and you could choose from the largest
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five G axes included at no extra costs in every plan,
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more five G bars in more places, and more savings.
(22:59):
Not gonna that sounds like a pretty good plan to me.
You could save and get the latest technology by upgrading
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store only see store for details. It's Cheek Ease from
Cheeks and Chill podcasts. This is the time of year
when we set up goals, including financial goals, But do
we make a plan to achieve those goals. We try,
and it's a priority. But a Latino savings strategies are important. Yeah,
this is They don't even require a lot of sacrifice,
(24:03):
like switching to a cell phone carrier that lets you
upgrade to five G whiles saving money. You can upgrade
to five G with Metro by T Mobile and get more.
Switch to Metro and you could choose from the largest
selection of free five G phones in prepaid and get
five G access included at no extra cost in every plan,
all with the power of the T Mobile five G network.
(24:24):
So you can get more choices on free five G phones,
more five G bars in more places, and more savings.
Istamis went up movie you guys, you can save and
get the latest technology by upgrading your wireless for a
seamless five G experience. Metro has more five G bars
in more places. So right now, even if you're taking
a trip to the mountains, are headed to the desert
(24:46):
or a get away samos, you could be listening to
the latest episode of Cheeks and Chill. It's great to
know that with the power of T mobile five G network,
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Come on ween Visino stay Farm. It's the I do
you think that you would have told your mom earlier? Like,
after all the experiences and everything you've been through, if
you could have gone back in time, would you have
(26:12):
told her earlier? Or would you have waited as long
as you did? Mm hmmm. I think in retrospect, nothing
that I would have done would have changed the outcome. Uh.
I think that the older generation, especially of Latinos, are
(26:38):
grandparents who grew up in other countries, oftentimes under religious regimes, uh,
communist regimes, whatever it may be. They came from a
different life, and to try to integrate those lives, it's
(26:58):
not possible. I will say, I think that boundaries in
the Latino community are virtually non existent. You know. I
think that even with our mothers and our fathers, we
have difficulty drawing boundaries, and boundaries are really important. Yes,
(27:19):
you know, yes, because then well I have I everybody
knows that I love my mom, my mom's, my best friend,
La Water or whatever. But it is so hard for
me to put her boundaries in a way that she understands.
I am an adult. I mean, yes, I came out
of you. I get that part. I mean think you
very much because anytime every time we argue, you make
sure that that I know I get it. Great, thank
(27:42):
you for bringing me. However, now I am an adult.
I have my own voice, I have my own opinion,
I have my own vision, I have my own feelings,
I have my own likings, and we're not always going
to agree. Doesn't mean that I love you less. Doesn't
mean that I did certain things to hurt you, because
that's the first thing that Alie is my mom will do,
or a lot of Latino parents will do. What did
(28:03):
I do to deserve this. I was the best parent
that can be. It's not about you. Everything is not
about you. You know. It's like I have my own
experience as my own things that I'm going through. So
here's something else I'll say because and I know what
I would say, because I, like I said, I went
through it in a different way. You know, my experience
(28:23):
only lasted three years, which three years is a pretty
long time to me. Um three years with you know,
different relationships. I don't regret it. I I love the
girls that I was with. I loved that I was
able to explore an experiment with my sexuality. I love that.
I love that I lived because a lot of times
people are curious and keep this in their minds and
(28:46):
won't do it. I lived, I tried it, I did it.
I'm not there at this place at this moment in life.
But now, if you could tell there's two things. One,
if you could tell uh the Latino community or parents,
parents that have kids that are going through the same
the same experience that we went through at a certain moment,
(29:06):
whether it is that we feel uncomfortable and we wanted
to you know, let our parents know this is our
sexual preference and I hope you don't get upset by it.
What would you tell to these parents that don't know
how to take this information, that don't know how to react,
or brothers and sisters or whatever. If you have a
family member that right now you don't know how to
process this information, or you have a suspicions that you
(29:29):
know you're little, they might be gay, they might have
a different sexual preference, what would you say to them?
You just said it amazing, You just said sexual preference. Right.
There are a lot of people who are born and
they say, I don't even want to have sex with
the other sex. Balls repulsed me. Futballs, I hate balls? Right?
(29:52):
And then there are people who are like, why can't
I try? Prefer rents? Right? It's called preference for a reason.
You know what my you know what my loud, loud,
loud call is to the youth. It is let your
children explore. Just because you're with a girl doesn't mean
(30:15):
you're gonna marry a girl. And if you are amazing,
why does it matter to you? You need to be
able to explore without feeling like you're a disease. Why
can't you try? Why can't you follow your intuition without
feeling guilt. Guilt and fear are the enemy of love.
(30:36):
And you know what love is, unconditional love. True unconditional
love is making a space for things that you don't understand.
If you don't want to suck a dick, don't suck
a dick, but make space for people to suck a dick,
because guess what, it's not gonna bother you. If you
don't want to watch it, you don't gotta watch it.
If you don't gotta be around it, you don't gotta
(30:56):
be around it. Let people do their thing. Preference is preference.
Some people like chicken, Some people like steak my dad.
I love my fucking dad to death. You know his
analogy on gay people. Some people like right some beings.
Some people like I'm burn No, But we spoke a
lot about your MoMA where we know that, we have
(31:21):
a lot about machismo, right, um, where there's a lot
of a lot of that. You know, I'm the man
and women are supposed to do this, and um, I
know a lot of men for some reason are more
accepting of their daughters. And they choose to say, well,
I personally rather be with a girl in comparison to
(31:43):
their son tells them, I'd rather be with a guy.
So I don't under you know as I understand it,
but I feel like me that like no, I think
that people, especially in the Latino minorities, need to became
more well educated and more open minded when it comes
to their children, when it comes to a family member
(32:04):
overall wanting to choose to explore with their body, with
their life, whatever it is that they want to do.
I I feel that these conversations are so important because
I feel like if this conversation hits at least one person,
like it hit one person, then we did our job.
We were successful in our message because I know we
can't change the world, but we're trying to like get
(32:27):
the message across. These conversations need to continue happening because
you're still right now. There is a twelve year old girl,
a ten year old girl right now feeling some type
of way, who's afraid, who's scared, who doesn't know what
she's feeling in her body, who doesn't know how to
express it. The same thing happens with a little boy,
and these conversations are in Parents are important. Parents. If
(32:48):
you're out there, stop being so damn judgmental. Let your
kids explore with the bodies. Let your kids decide and
tell you who they want to be. Stop trying. Just
because you a birth to them, just because you are
raising them, doesn't mean that they belong to you. They
belong to the world. Just love them, give them love,
(33:09):
appreciate them, hear them out. You know how many kids
commit suicide because they don't know how to express themselves
or because they feel trapped. Because they feel trapped, the
person who's supposed to protect them and make them feel
safe and make them feel is the first one judging
them and putting fingers at them and making them just
like UM. I also heard that there's these places come say,
(33:30):
I'm all these places that a lot of parents send
their kids to where they're like um or like um
like try Yeah, they try to pray the gay away
and they try to um these certain camps that they
do all types of craziness just because you disagree or
you don't understand with their you know, with their sexual
(33:53):
preferences and their choices. When you have children, which I'm
sure eventually maybe I don't know. Maybe first of all,
you're you have been in a long, long term relationship,
which I'm so happy and I love her, by the way,
shout out to my girl. Um. Eventually, when you when
you have children, if you guys decide to do you
think because there's a lot of ignorance behind that too.
(34:15):
And I say that because there's certain people that want
to adopt children and the society doesn't agree that they
should because of their sexual preference. Do you think that
your sexual preference will be an issue for your children?
How would you raise them? How will you make them understand?
I'm gonna be honest with you. Uh, we have a
lot of you know, straight friends. I don't know why
(34:36):
I put that in quotes. We have a lot of
straight friends children. We have a lot of straight friends
who have children, who have toddlers. We love having babies
over the house. And that's the funny thing. I'm adam,
I'm gonna tell you. We don't talk about the fact
that we're gay. We don't talk about the fact that
(34:57):
we're two women. We wake up and we exercise our
values as human beings. There are so many people on
this earth. Fuck your sexuality. How about being a fucking
good person, How about making good choices? How about not
putting a screen in front of your child for twenty
(35:17):
three hours of the day. We have people around us
who have babies, and the babies come over and we
will make it a point to say, I didn't have
a phone until I was seventeen. You know what my
idea was playing was going outside, going in the pool,
playing with legos. We are being poisoned by being young
(35:38):
and exposed to dangerous things. We need to go back
to what life really is. That's my real consensus, honestly,
and honestly, I think that sexuality is the same way.
We don't have to over complicate it. Human beings from
the dawn of time, from the Roman and Greek ages,
(35:59):
have been loving one another, regardless of the gender. Children
need mothers and fathers or mothers no matter what. Like
I know people in my family who are even against
adoption because it's a difficult thing to deal with. But
I think for me and maybe it's I have to
(36:20):
acknowledge my privilege. I've grown up in a world where
if I want to adopt a puppy, it's easier for
me than other people. But at the same time, I
gotta be honest. My father, God bless that man. He
was homeless for four years. He slept under a truck.
And we will be on the beach and like you know,
(36:40):
the boogie boards, like those things that you like, it's
like you go on the We'll be out in the
water and he'll see a dragon fly or an aunt
out on the water and he'll save it, like he'll
put it on the board and he'll take it out
to shore to save it. Like his compassion is infectious.
So I bless my privilege and I honor it. But
(37:02):
it's taught me a different perspective on life, which is
if you can help help, And like you know, I've
had people who have gotten pregnant accidentally and have been like,
oh shit, you know what I mean. And I'm like,
for me, when I want to have a child, whichever
way I want to do that, it's going to be
a challenge. You know, it's gonna be a decision, it's
(37:24):
gonna be a process, which is fine. I honor that process.
But having a child is a privilege, like we are,
this earth is all we have. Like you know, everybody
makes fun of me. I literally have alien tattooed right
here on my arm because everybody is obsessed with leaving
(37:44):
the planet, and I'm like, we need to protect this
planet and we need to make it the best that
we can, and every day it gets worse and worse.
So if I can help a baby live and be better,
you know, that's just my prerogative. But again I have
to acknowledge my privileged standpoint, you know, like, if you're
out in the world and you're gay and you don't
(38:05):
have money and you don't have means, I don't even
I can't even imagine trying to have a baby. That
would be I would be wrecked. Oh yeah, this is
Emily as Stefan from Red Table Talk via Stephen's podcast.
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your insurance coverage. Hello everyone, It's Emily. Is Stefan from
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(39:33):
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Once we were quiet but always proud of our achievements
and our way of being. Were familia or amigos or
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As State Farm, they understand what makes our culture our own.
That we're Spanish, English and Spanish. We are the past
and present with the fusion of this and that, with flavors,
rhythms and dances. We're all about work and also about fun.
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Once we were quiet but always proud of our achievements
and our way of being with family, were friends, were
many things. We even know what it takes to manage
our money, no matter our budgets. That's why when it
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the way we want, it's a good idea to consider
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Everybody is making it like a chance of getting petro
(41:20):
and do this and do that, and you know all
these other things, and and a lot of times they
feel like we're we're the adoption word is somewhat fading away.
Like there's so many beautiful children out there that need
a home, they need parents and need all those things,
and there's a lot of people that have the possibilities
and don't really appreciate it. And it's true what you said.
You know, it's a privilege, it really is. And coming
(41:41):
from a woman that's pregnant of two at this moment um,
I definitely wasn't prepared for it. I wasn't expecting. I
wasn't prepared for it. I wasn't looking for it. Said
that this was the right time. I am pregnant of two,
I am a blessed and see them and the end. Okay,
(42:04):
like you said, ass and nah, I mean, I know
that there's a lot of great parents out there looking
for that opportunity, and I just wanted to put it
out there. But if you had any last words for
parents for kids out there, for the world overall about
(42:27):
acceptance of accepting who you are, accepting your reality, accepting
your surroundings, accepting life, your truth, what would you say,
MM hmm. You know what, I know that it's ironic,
and it's like, if you don't learn to love yourself,
(42:48):
how the hell are you gonna love somebody else. I
know that it's ironic and it's crazy if you are
dependent on anything to get through your day, whether it's
another person, substance, uh, social media. You know, we need
to learn to face ourselves, and a lot of times
(43:10):
that is the hardest thing I'll tell you to myself,
your ugliest habits, your disgusting traits, your lies. You know,
you know what you're doing as a human being. But
the hardest thing to do is face yourself. So what
I would say is be honest with yourself. Learned to
be at peace. Gontigo. You know, because like you said,
(43:33):
you know, like you're growing two beautiful babies in your
womb right now. You are everything they need. And God
bless you, you know, for having your mother who loves
and supports you, and you guys are a team and
that's a beautiful thing. But there are so many people
in the world who don't have family, who don't have
anywhere to lean, and I know that it sounds crazy,
(43:56):
but we need to learn to love ourselves and it's
the hardest thing to do in this I'm still on
that journey. I'm still on that journey. I have late
days where I don't even want to get out of bed,
where I feel poisonous. But getting closer to yourself is
the hardest thing. So that's my last thing. And you
know I love you. I love you too. By the way,
(44:17):
where can they follow you and check out your music
and check out how late you are? And oh the
red table talk I'm being that triangle porn slash only fans, No,
just kidding, okay, step you can follow me on hashtag
(44:44):
I am a super fan of hashtag will change the world,
hashtag I'm at as that bitch, hashtag I'm out as
the Golden Bitch. Yes, yes, I Kellina, thank you so much.
I feel that this conversation is so important. I feel
by the way, today you found out some some stuff
(45:06):
about me, just in case you didn't know. I just
wanted to be open and I want to be honest,
and I think that exactly, Amata. Is that space where
I don't want to judge you. This is not a
space for me to judge anybody. I just want to
hear your point, your point of view. I want to
know your perspective in life. I want to know you
know what your future looks like, and find a space
where you don't feel like you know I'm here to
(45:28):
tell you what's right or what's wrong. No, that's not
what exactly Amata is. Amata is a safe space, um.
And it's also a space for us to get educated
and share this information with other people. That's why I
want you to make sure to rate us. Make sure
to rate us and give us five stars, and make
sure to share this podcast with anybody that you know.
If you know anybody that's going through a situation similar
(45:50):
or that might need to hear this, please make sure
that they hear this podcast. Because we did this with
so much love, with so much respect. I was just
gonna tell you something that you didn't know. It was
a little bit of a secret. But you know, I'm
gonna drop that tea right now, real quick. That day
that we did the Red Table Talk episode, Yeah, I
have a little bit of tea. Yeah, tiny bit of tea.
(46:11):
That day that we did the Red Table Talk episode. Um,
you know, my grandma passed away before I got to
tell her about my sexuality and everything. That was like
a whole thing regarding my coming out, and ever since
she's passed away, I've had certain moments of validation that
I feel like I've been like sent from angels. And
(46:33):
even in that moment, I feel bad because I'm like, damn,
this should be going to the person, but I'm receiving it.
And your mom pulled me aside that day and she
was like Mommy, mommy, mommy, Yo. Say hey, yo, you
know you want to know ya Yokoka know you think
(47:01):
like she validated you know, And I was like, whoa.
We're living in a world now where older generations are
learning and growing and they're willing to do so for
us and for your mom, who I had just met
that day, to validate something that you know, my grandma
(47:22):
passed before she could do. Like, that's something that I
will never forget. So I wanted to just tell you
that and extend my love to her, because you know,
it might have been tough for you, and I know
that that's difficult, but I think that she's growing and
evolving because she really validated me that day. So I'm
just telling you killen that, know, I mean, thank you
so much. My mom is such a great person. But
(47:43):
that being let me tell you something. The only reason
why the older generation is becoming more open minded is
because of people like you and me. It's because of
people like us that we're willing to um educate them
and we're willing to show them that this is love.
We don't mean to harm anyone. We're not doing anything wrong.
We just want to be accepted for who we are.
(48:04):
And if who we are is not the perfect version
of what you visioned for us, that's okay too. So
it took me a long time to get her to
where she she's at now, but now she's more open
minded and more understanding, and she'll ask me things like
I'm gonna, okay, getta see there? So what is that?
And I like her asking questions. I want you to ask.
(48:24):
I don't want you to be ignorant and sit there
and judge because you don't understand it. So I think
that that's important. And you know what, if you have
any questions and you don't understand, feel free to slide
up in Emily's d M and ask her whatever questions.
But you're gonna also exactly yes DM her, but you
canna also go to exactly a made on all social
(48:45):
media platforms. Go check us out on our YouTube channel
at Amada La Negra a l N or exactly a
Mada on the search bar. Don't forget to rate us.
Rate us five stars because you know that our show
is late Gang Gang Gang. And remember to also share
share this podcast with anybody that you know there's going
through it, anybody that you feel to this conversation. They
need to hear this, whether as a parent, whether it's
(49:07):
an uncle, whether it's a sister, whether it's someone who's
going through the transition or trying to understand them their
sexuality at this moment. Feel free to share this podcast
because you know that we're doing this with so much
love and as respectful as possible, even though that you
know that I'm scandalous. This has been a production of
I Heart Radios micro through that podcast network. I am
so honored. Oh and you already know you cannot not
(49:29):
not not miss the red Table talk in same deal
and they really be meta. They got some tea and
they really be hitting some valid points that we do
have to check out as well. For more podcasts from
my Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you like to listen to your favorite podcast
Emily Stefand as for coming through, hit me with the shoulders.
(49:52):
With the shoulders, they do so much for coming through
your amazing guys you already know over here every Thursday
are needed. You are needed, you are needed. This podcast
is needed. They a'm all many many more than honest.
Thank you, mommy, thank you. Give us the op attention.
(50:20):
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We fight for the people because they got us in
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From Exactly Amount of podcast. We all have setting new
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Life as a Gringo podcast. You already know it's always
a good time to set up new goals, especially really
during this time of year, and especially when it comes
to financial goals. We already know that our money is important,
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store only see store for details. Onto me a day
I was doing, you already know, as usual, this is
exactly amota of production of my Heart Radio as you
as you already know again, I'm exactly myself, unfiltered, uncensored.
(03:15):
But I said whatever I want, it is what it is,
take it or lately, and that's why today I want
to talk about I want to talk about something real media.
I've never I've never said this publicly, and that's why
I love my podcast because it gives me an opportunity
to really put out now my secrets. Because who the
hell said that this has to be a secret. It's
just getting nobody asked me, so I don't feel the
(03:37):
need to say it better. How how important is it
to really understand who you are as a person, to
really accept who you are as a person, to really
be vulnerable, to really expose yourself to the world, regardless
of what people have to say about you too, to
be open enough to tell your family who you are
(04:01):
and how do you feel the most comfortable with? UM.
And that's why I want to talk to a friend
of mine. Before I get there, I'm gonna tell you
what back in I ain't gonna say how long ago,
But back in a long time ago, I UM, I
was experimenting with my sexuality. I was exploring. I was
trying to understand who I was, what I liked. I
(04:22):
think it's normal. I don't know. I think it's normal,
UM to sometimes be curious, to sometimes want to know,
to sometimes want to understand. Do I like my friend
because I just like her and I think that she's pretty?
Do I like my friend because I'm into her? Do
is there something wrong with me? What would my mom say? UM?
(04:43):
What would my friends say? Do I need to go
to therapy? Do? I? You start to question so many things,
And for three years solid I used to only date women.
I used to only date women. I never made it
public because I felt embarrassed. I felt like, oh my god,
what are the people gonna say you know. And and
I also heard, especially in the Latino community, how they
(05:06):
spoke about other women, they liked women. It was like
la this like that all the like. It was just
looked like in such a bad like in a bad light.
And I just felt like, damn, is there's something wrong
with me? Is there? I just felt like it was
my fault, like I'm doing something wrong without understanding that
(05:29):
is part of life for you to be able to
feel free and make your own choices. And who the
hell says that there's a guide book, that there's a
rule book on how to live your life or who
to love. There isn't one. And I also remember when
I told my mom, Actually, my mom found out because
I was dating this girl, which by the way, I
only like studs. So I was dating this girl or whatever,
(05:51):
and she came over to my house. My mom was
at work, and when I heard my mom coming in,
I was like, oh, my mom's coming. No, no, no,
you can't be here. My Mom's gonna kill me. And then,
you know, for those that don't know, you know studs
um she wore sports brawl boxers. You know, she had
a more male like energy, and my mom, of course
(06:16):
was gonna know that you're not just a friend, Like
what are you doing here? And I was like, go
to my closet, go to my close. She ran into
the closet. She hid in side my shoes. But I
see that for like four hours solid, waiting for my
mom to go to the room or something so that
she can leave. And all of a sudden, my mom goes,
I mean, how you know they haven't seen it? How
(06:37):
my day went a And she just wanted to have
a long as conversation in my room and heard my
shoes jiggling when she opened the closet. I'm not gonna
say her name, so she's not embarrassed or whatever. Not
that she should care, okay, because first of all, you
should be proud that you used to me. But um,
she was there, she was there, and we had to
(07:00):
have that conversation and my mom, my mom cried. She
made me feel real guilty. She prayed. You know, she
told all her friends the disappointment I was as her
only child to now you know, like women and um,
and it was a lot. It was a lot, right,
(07:22):
I personally decided to get say, oh, I don't know.
I wanted to explore with something else, and I don't know.
I never went back to dating women, but it was
so traumatizing. For that moment, I felt like I was
like the cursed child, like I did something so bad.
And someone that I'm really proud of the way that
she has handled her life experience, um, her sexuality. She
(07:48):
encourages other women that are that are you know, going
through it, that don't know how to express it to
their families, that feel like they're they're trapped, that they
just can't be theirselves, that people are going to judge them,
that we're gonna look down upon them. Someone who has
been there, done that, She's had her own experience. But
I just love how comfortable she is in her body,
(08:10):
how comfortable she is in her space, how she doesn't
hide who she is, who she doesn't feel the need
to pretend to be somebody that she's not. Um, she's
an activist, she's a singer, she's a podcaster, she's a
a musician. Oh yeah, she's everything. Oh by the way,
and she's more don't care you, Um, that's my girl.
Emily Stefan was good. Okay, First of all, I am
(08:35):
a fan of this incredible podcast. Okay, Number tea and
oh my god, I love it, you know what I mean.
We need places to listen that we feel like we
have a home and a community. And the way that
you speak, the way that you advocate for so many
different people, it makes us feel less alone, and that's
(08:56):
what we need nowadays, you know what I mean? And
number one for number two. For me, I am a
different kind of um LGBTQ advocate because I think, why
do we need to come out as gay? Right? Like
if you want to come out, and if you want
(09:18):
to do that for yourself, that's great, but you don't
come out as straight. Like I want a world right
where my children can say, you know what, maybe I'm
gonna go on a date with a girl tonight. Maybe
a might not like it. Maybe I'm going to go
on a date with a guy tonight because I'm interested.
Better at the end of the day, you know, we
don't have to feel like you said, like there's something wrong,
(09:42):
like like there's something wrong with us for experimenting. I
think as human beings, even as mammals, right, we see
there are animals who don't even practice who practice monogamy,
like lobsters, you know, like and there are animals who
practice different kinds of you know, sexual practic This is,
but from the dawn of time, there has been homosexuality
(10:05):
within every animal, every human being, you know. So my journey,
my personal journey, is explore without feeling like you're being suffocated,
without feeling like there's something wrong with you. Because for example,
for me, I prefer women, but I have been with
as many men as women. Honestly, and looking back, I
(10:27):
can tell you my experience is different with men than
with women, you know, I can. I can tell that
I prefer some kind of experience. I have some you
know whatever. But at the same time, I'm not repulsed
by men. I'm the kind of individual that explores everything
that humanity has to offer. So my whole thing is,
(10:47):
I don't like boxes Lakajas si Ancosas. You know what
I'm saying. We need to, in my opinion, live in
a society of openness where we're not criticizing people, Like
how come a man can't explore, you know, a fantasy
and say, you know what, I didn't really like that,
and I prefer women, and we don't have to shame him,
(11:09):
you know what I mean? Like, listen, girl, also I've
been with a lot of man you know, they like
that booty they like that booty stuff. You know what
I'm saying, Like, you know how to be a shame
for that? You know, I know a lot of guys
that be like, oh, I'm a man, this and that
butter on the low. When you'll be in your room,
you'll be telling her to eat that booty hole. And
those say, now that you'll be telling you to eat
(11:31):
that booty hole, you'll be like, oh, just a little men.
I've done it, and I've been open about it. I
I have, you know, experimented, I pegged. I pegged before,
and I was open about it on the show. I
mean not a lot of times. I did at one time,
and it was very empowering. It was very empowering to
feel like now you're in my bit and I got
that ask. But but oh if for you For people
(11:55):
who don't know what pegging is, pegging is when you
put on a strap on it. It was a moment
I explored. I tried it. I'm Dora the Explore. I
had to explore things. I had to try things, and
I feel like it's so it's even harder for men
to try to experiment things without getting judged for it.
Even women ourselves judge men when they want to explore
(12:17):
with their sexual I don't when they want to explore
with their body and they're like, it's not like they're
going out there and trying it with the man, and
if they choose to do it with the man, thumb being,
it is what it is, is is their bodies. But I
just feel like in society we can be so judgmental
when it comes to people's sexuality. No doyo no, I
(12:38):
doyo no I. If they want to go over there
and explore and try something, let them be them. You
worry about you now, I'll ask you this, When did
you start feeling like an attraction? I know that me personally,
I started seeing like like a person. I don't know why,
but I never like fems. I was never into girls
(12:59):
that were like like me or whatever. I like more
the masculine energy in in certain girls. And I started
when I was like in middle school. When did you
first ju seeing like even though you dated men um
that you were like, well, she's kind of cute, Like
I don't I wouldn't mind. I lost my virginity to
a female and it was great, and then shortly after
(13:22):
I was like, something must be wrong with me, like
you said, like, oh, what's wrong with me? Like I
have to find the nearest male that I can try
this with to see if I'm broken, you know, or
something like that. And my mom used to say something
to me all the time, there are as many sexualities
as there are human beings, And at first I didn't
(13:46):
really understand that, but now I get it because everybody
has their own thing, their own spectrum of what turns
them on, what they like, what they don't like, and
I think that gender lies within that when it comes
to sexuality, because like I said, I've had great experiences
with males, but when I'm with females, it's a different experience,
(14:09):
right for me. For me, I prefer it more because also,
you know, like we also have to realize that a
lot of people are watching porn, you know, for so
many years, and porn is also kind of an unrealistic,
you know, depiction of sex, you know what I mean,
and kind of like what sex me, I talk about it? Yeah, no,
(14:32):
so you know, like for me, you know, porn is great,
it's healthy whatever, you know, Like that's what kind of
for me, gets in the balance of what's the normal
human development of sexuality and then what are we being
fed that we think is sex which is coming with
all this aggression, with all this kind of like oh,
why aren't straight women coming, you know what I mean?
(14:55):
Like why why do we need to educate different groups
on how to pleasure both kinds of people? That's why
I think personally, like for me, um, you know, like
we need gay pride because we've been suppressed for many years.
But my point is that that's why we that's why
we bubble up, because we feel like we need a voice.
(15:18):
But also for me, if you go too far and
you create too many boxes, then where's the equality, you know,
like if we have lgb hex that that that that
then the only people left are straight people. And I've
had people say to me, you know, like piss on CIS,
which means if you're CIS gendered, that you're identified with
(15:40):
your generals, Like, you know, that's not okay. I think
that we need to love humanity and create spaces for everybody.
That's why to your point, if a straight male is
trying to experiment, he shouldn't be shamed because in the
male gaze. If he's going anywhere other than the straight
male you know kind of box, he's gonna get shamed
(16:02):
for that. Why what the l Women can make out
with women and oh it's hot, it's hot, right, it's
hot if you're a girl, but it's not hot if
you're a guy. It's gay. You know, Like, what the
hell you know? So I'll ask you this, like for example,
well one, if you could have told the younger you
because I don't know, personally it was I. I I was
(16:25):
a little bit traumatized, a little bit. Um. I wouldn't
even say when it came out the closet because I
don't feel like I came out the closet. I didn't
she did, you know. My mom was the one who
caught her. But I don't feel like I came out
the closet. It's just something that happened naturally, something that
just you know, happened. Um. It was traumatizing, like I
(16:45):
said before, because I never want to fail my mother.
I never want to disappoint her. And I felt like
I had done that by by not being with a man,
by saying, you know, I find her hot, like I
like her, I like to cut with her. I like
to be with her. I like to she's funny, she's
(17:05):
you know, sexually, because that's another thing. And my mom
was like, oh, you're always gonna do this, it's like,
you know, smash each other. I'm like, no, there's there's
a lot of other things you can do, you know.
I sold her. I was so open with her. I
sold her my strap on um, which was really mind
but I just want to have a bonus one there
just in case she came. But like I sold her
all my things, I just wanted it. I wanted to
(17:28):
sew her like this is what it is, this is
what I do. If there's nothing I don't think there's
anything wrong with it. But you see how you see
how organic I am with it that it doesn't make
you feel uncomfortable. That's how I was with my mom.
I wanted to not make it awkward, Like you have
the rights to choose what you want. I have the
(17:50):
rights to choose what I want. Eventually, she wasn't upset
because in her mind she was like, at least you're
not gonna get pregnant now. That was her mentality. She
felt like, oh, you're going through a phase. Later on,
you'll get over it, but it was traumatizing for me.
Was it traumatizing for you when you made it not public?
But like when your mom or your family or like
(18:10):
close people to you found out. Were you embarrassed? When
you traumatize it, you feel scared? Were you're nervous? Um,
we're uncomfortable? Like, how was that experience for you? So
there was a Red Table Talk which you were on
Red Table whoa whoa the first season. Uh, we had
an episode about my coming out journey. And a lot
(18:33):
of people don't know this, but when we have those
Red Table Talk episodes, we talked for hours and then
it gets edited down and a big part of my
journey that was taken out was that my coming out
was taken away from me. Uh in a very strange way.
It's a very long story. It's very convoluted. But by
(18:56):
the time that I was ready, because, like you said,
when you feel like society has imposed this is wrong,
You're doing something wrong. I feel ashamed. You have to
kind of build up the courage to tell your loved ones,
hey I love this person, Hey I'm bringing this person around.
It's not like quote unquote normal, like, oh, you're dating
(19:17):
a guy. They would almost be excited that you're bringing
someone around. So by the time that I um, I
went to my mom and I told her, Hey, you know,
I gotta tell you something. This is going on. I'm
in love with this girl, which, trust me, my fucking
(19:37):
was in my throat, you know what I mean, like
that cold feeling where you just want to freaking pass out.
And she said, you don't think I already know that,
because somebody had double crossed me and sent a video
to my mom months before on Snapchat of me slow
dancing with Jem still my partner. Now we weren't doing
(20:01):
anything sexual, but we had specifically told somebody, don't tell anybody.
You're the first person to know. And the first person
she sent the video too was my mom's camp. So
by the time I was ready to tell her, she
had had that video for a month. And the first
reaction was, oh, you don't think I already knew that.
(20:22):
I was like, was it bad or she was cool? No,
she wasn't cool. She wasn't cool. And that's what we
talked about on the show because she had been manifesting
these emotions for a month plus and I had been
building up the courage to quote unquote come out, which
I don't even believe in, you know what I mean,
(20:43):
I don't really believe in coming out. And then my
grandmother was still alive at the time. So then here
comes this old Latin influx of the old people in
the family can't handle it. You know, it's your responsibility
to keep it a secret. Well, when you tell somebody
you love to keep a secret, what does that entail?
You can't be yourself. You can't hold your partner's hand
(21:06):
in public. You have to think twice when you're showing
acts of affection. And I don't mean anything inappropriate, you know,
I just mean normal affection, you know what I mean.
And even now things are coming up that I didn't know.
We're a problem because I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm
just loving, and I was receiving this problem. Now I
(21:28):
understand which this is the Latino influx, the paradigm that
we face here. I'm just trying to protect you, Okay,
I get it. You're just trying to protect me. But
I'm a human being living in a different time, and
my idea of protection is being myself. If I can
be myself, I feel safe. If you are limiting who
(21:52):
I can be I don't feel safe, and sometimes people
don't realize that that can come directly from inside of
your family, you know, but it was not easy at all.
What up? It's dramas from life as a Goodingo podcast.
(22:12):
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Come on ween Visino stay Farm. It's the I do
you think that you would have told your mom earlier? Like,
after all the experiences and everything you've been through, if
you could have gone back in time, would you have
(26:12):
told her earlier? Or would you have waited as long
as you did? Mm hmmm. I think in retrospect, nothing
that I would have done would have changed the outcome. Uh.
I think that the older generation, especially of Latinos, are
(26:38):
grandparents who grew up in other countries, oftentimes under religious regimes, uh,
communist regimes, whatever it may be. They came from a
different life, and to try to integrate those lives, it's
(26:58):
not possible. I will say, I think that boundaries in
the Latino community are virtually non existent. You know. I
think that even with our mothers and our fathers, we
have difficulty drawing boundaries, and boundaries are really important. Yes,
(27:19):
you know, yes, because then well I have I everybody
knows that I love my mom, my mom's, my best friend,
La Water or whatever. But it is so hard for
me to put her boundaries in a way that she understands.
I am an adult. I mean, yes, I came out
of you. I get that part. I mean think you
very much because anytime every time we argue, you make
sure that that I know I get it. Great, thank
(27:42):
you for bringing me. However, now I am an adult.
I have my own voice, I have my own opinion,
I have my own vision, I have my own feelings,
I have my own likings, and we're not always going
to agree. Doesn't mean that I love you less. Doesn't
mean that I did certain things to hurt you, because
that's the first thing that Alie is my mom will do,
or a lot of Latino parents will do. What did
(28:03):
I do to deserve this. I was the best parent
that can be. It's not about you. Everything is not
about you. You know. It's like I have my own
experience as my own things that I'm going through. So
here's something else I'll say because and I know what
I would say, because I, like I said, I went
through it in a different way. You know, my experience
(28:23):
only lasted three years, which three years is a pretty
long time to me. Um three years with you know,
different relationships. I don't regret it. I I love the
girls that I was with. I loved that I was
able to explore an experiment with my sexuality. I love that.
I love that I lived because a lot of times
people are curious and keep this in their minds and
(28:46):
won't do it. I lived, I tried it, I did it.
I'm not there at this place at this moment in life.
But now, if you could tell there's two things. One,
if you could tell uh the Latino community or parents,
parents that have kids that are going through the same
the same experience that we went through at a certain moment,
(29:06):
whether it is that we feel uncomfortable and we wanted
to you know, let our parents know this is our
sexual preference and I hope you don't get upset by it.
What would you tell to these parents that don't know
how to take this information, that don't know how to react,
or brothers and sisters or whatever. If you have a
family member that right now you don't know how to
process this information, or you have a suspicions that you
(29:29):
know you're little, they might be gay, they might have
a different sexual preference, what would you say to them?
You just said it amazing, You just said sexual preference. Right.
There are a lot of people who are born and
they say, I don't even want to have sex with
the other sex. Balls repulsed me. Futballs, I hate balls? Right?
(29:52):
And then there are people who are like, why can't
I try? Prefer rents? Right? It's called preference for a reason.
You know what my you know what my loud, loud,
loud call is to the youth. It is let your
children explore. Just because you're with a girl doesn't mean
(30:15):
you're gonna marry a girl. And if you are amazing,
why does it matter to you? You need to be
able to explore without feeling like you're a disease. Why
can't you try? Why can't you follow your intuition without
feeling guilt. Guilt and fear are the enemy of love.
(30:36):
And you know what love is, unconditional love. True unconditional
love is making a space for things that you don't understand.
If you don't want to suck a dick, don't suck
a dick, but make space for people to suck a dick,
because guess what, it's not gonna bother you. If you
don't want to watch it, you don't gotta watch it.
If you don't gotta be around it, you don't gotta
(30:56):
be around it. Let people do their thing. Preference is preference.
Some people like chicken, Some people like steak my dad.
I love my fucking dad to death. You know his
analogy on gay people. Some people like right some beings.
Some people like I'm burn No, But we spoke a
lot about your MoMA where we know that, we have
(31:21):
a lot about machismo, right, um, where there's a lot
of a lot of that. You know, I'm the man
and women are supposed to do this, and um, I
know a lot of men for some reason are more
accepting of their daughters. And they choose to say, well,
I personally rather be with a girl in comparison to
(31:43):
their son tells them, I'd rather be with a guy.
So I don't under you know as I understand it,
but I feel like me that like no, I think
that people, especially in the Latino minorities, need to became
more well educated and more open minded when it comes
to their children, when it comes to a family member
(32:04):
overall wanting to choose to explore with their body, with
their life, whatever it is that they want to do.
I I feel that these conversations are so important because
I feel like if this conversation hits at least one person,
like it hit one person, then we did our job.
We were successful in our message because I know we
can't change the world, but we're trying to like get
(32:27):
the message across. These conversations need to continue happening because
you're still right now. There is a twelve year old girl,
a ten year old girl right now feeling some type
of way, who's afraid, who's scared, who doesn't know what
she's feeling in her body, who doesn't know how to
express it. The same thing happens with a little boy,
and these conversations are in Parents are important. Parents. If
(32:48):
you're out there, stop being so damn judgmental. Let your
kids explore with the bodies. Let your kids decide and
tell you who they want to be. Stop trying. Just
because you a birth to them, just because you are
raising them, doesn't mean that they belong to you. They
belong to the world. Just love them, give them love,
(33:09):
appreciate them, hear them out. You know how many kids
commit suicide because they don't know how to express themselves
or because they feel trapped. Because they feel trapped, the
person who's supposed to protect them and make them feel
safe and make them feel is the first one judging
them and putting fingers at them and making them just
like UM. I also heard that there's these places come say,
(33:30):
I'm all these places that a lot of parents send
their kids to where they're like um or like um
like try Yeah, they try to pray the gay away
and they try to um these certain camps that they
do all types of craziness just because you disagree or
you don't understand with their you know, with their sexual
(33:53):
preferences and their choices. When you have children, which I'm
sure eventually maybe I don't know. Maybe first of all,
you're you have been in a long, long term relationship,
which I'm so happy and I love her, by the way,
shout out to my girl. Um. Eventually, when you when
you have children, if you guys decide to do you
think because there's a lot of ignorance behind that too.
(34:15):
And I say that because there's certain people that want
to adopt children and the society doesn't agree that they
should because of their sexual preference. Do you think that
your sexual preference will be an issue for your children?
How would you raise them? How will you make them understand?
I'm gonna be honest with you. Uh, we have a
lot of you know, straight friends. I don't know why
(34:36):
I put that in quotes. We have a lot of
straight friends children. We have a lot of straight friends
who have children, who have toddlers. We love having babies
over the house. And that's the funny thing. I'm adam,
I'm gonna tell you. We don't talk about the fact
that we're gay. We don't talk about the fact that
(34:57):
we're two women. We wake up and we exercise our
values as human beings. There are so many people on
this earth. Fuck your sexuality. How about being a fucking
good person, How about making good choices? How about not
putting a screen in front of your child for twenty
(35:17):
three hours of the day. We have people around us
who have babies, and the babies come over and we
will make it a point to say, I didn't have
a phone until I was seventeen. You know what my
idea was playing was going outside, going in the pool,
playing with legos. We are being poisoned by being young
(35:38):
and exposed to dangerous things. We need to go back
to what life really is. That's my real consensus, honestly,
and honestly, I think that sexuality is the same way.
We don't have to over complicate it. Human beings from
the dawn of time, from the Roman and Greek ages,
(35:59):
have been loving one another, regardless of the gender. Children
need mothers and fathers or mothers no matter what. Like
I know people in my family who are even against
adoption because it's a difficult thing to deal with. But
I think for me and maybe it's I have to
(36:20):
acknowledge my privilege. I've grown up in a world where
if I want to adopt a puppy, it's easier for
me than other people. But at the same time, I
gotta be honest. My father, God bless that man. He
was homeless for four years. He slept under a truck.
And we will be on the beach and like you know,
(36:40):
the boogie boards, like those things that you like, it's
like you go on the We'll be out in the
water and he'll see a dragon fly or an aunt
out on the water and he'll save it, like he'll
put it on the board and he'll take it out
to shore to save it. Like his compassion is infectious.
So I bless my privilege and I honor it. But
(37:02):
it's taught me a different perspective on life, which is
if you can help help, And like you know, I've
had people who have gotten pregnant accidentally and have been like,
oh shit, you know what I mean. And I'm like,
for me, when I want to have a child, whichever
way I want to do that, it's going to be
a challenge. You know, it's gonna be a decision, it's
(37:24):
gonna be a process, which is fine. I honor that process.
But having a child is a privilege, like we are,
this earth is all we have. Like you know, everybody
makes fun of me. I literally have alien tattooed right
here on my arm because everybody is obsessed with leaving
(37:44):
the planet, and I'm like, we need to protect this
planet and we need to make it the best that
we can, and every day it gets worse and worse.
So if I can help a baby live and be better,
you know, that's just my prerogative. But again I have
to acknowledge my privileged standpoint, you know, like, if you're
out in the world and you're gay and you don't
(38:05):
have money and you don't have means, I don't even
I can't even imagine trying to have a baby. That
would be I would be wrecked. Oh yeah, this is
Emily as Stefan from Red Table Talk via Stephen's podcast.
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prices and final This is an estimated price based on
your insurance coverage. Hello everyone, It's Emily. Is Stefan from
Red Table Talk, the Stephan's podcast. At State Farm, they
understand what makes our culture our own. That we're Spanish,
(39:33):
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Once we were quiet but always proud of our achievements
and our way of being. Were familia or amigos or
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(39:54):
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(40:16):
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As State Farm, they understand what makes our culture our own.
That we're Spanish, English and Spanish. We are the past
and present with the fusion of this and that, with flavors,
rhythms and dances. We're all about work and also about fun.
(40:39):
Once we were quiet but always proud of our achievements
and our way of being with family, were friends, were
many things. We even know what it takes to manage
our money, no matter our budgets. That's why when it
comes to taking care of what we love most in
the way we want, it's a good idea to consider
State Farm. Why because State Farm has surprisingly great rates
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on carns. Yes, for real, if you need to ensure
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Everybody is making it like a chance of getting petro
(41:20):
and do this and do that, and you know all
these other things, and and a lot of times they
feel like we're we're the adoption word is somewhat fading away.
Like there's so many beautiful children out there that need
a home, they need parents and need all those things,
and there's a lot of people that have the possibilities
and don't really appreciate it. And it's true what you said.
You know, it's a privilege, it really is. And coming
(41:41):
from a woman that's pregnant of two at this moment um,
I definitely wasn't prepared for it. I wasn't expecting. I
wasn't prepared for it. I wasn't looking for it. Said
that this was the right time. I am pregnant of two,
I am a blessed and see them and the end. Okay,
(42:04):
like you said, ass and nah, I mean, I know
that there's a lot of great parents out there looking
for that opportunity, and I just wanted to put it
out there. But if you had any last words for
parents for kids out there, for the world overall about
(42:27):
acceptance of accepting who you are, accepting your reality, accepting
your surroundings, accepting life, your truth, what would you say,
MM hmm. You know what, I know that it's ironic,
and it's like, if you don't learn to love yourself,
(42:48):
how the hell are you gonna love somebody else. I
know that it's ironic and it's crazy if you are
dependent on anything to get through your day, whether it's
another person, substance, uh, social media. You know, we need
to learn to face ourselves, and a lot of times
(43:10):
that is the hardest thing I'll tell you to myself,
your ugliest habits, your disgusting traits, your lies. You know,
you know what you're doing as a human being. But
the hardest thing to do is face yourself. So what
I would say is be honest with yourself. Learned to
be at peace. Gontigo. You know, because like you said,
(43:33):
you know, like you're growing two beautiful babies in your
womb right now. You are everything they need. And God
bless you, you know, for having your mother who loves
and supports you, and you guys are a team and
that's a beautiful thing. But there are so many people
in the world who don't have family, who don't have
anywhere to lean, and I know that it sounds crazy,
(43:56):
but we need to learn to love ourselves and it's
the hardest thing to do in this I'm still on
that journey. I'm still on that journey. I have late
days where I don't even want to get out of bed,
where I feel poisonous. But getting closer to yourself is
the hardest thing. So that's my last thing. And you
know I love you. I love you too. By the way,
(44:17):
where can they follow you and check out your music
and check out how late you are? And oh the
red table talk I'm being that triangle porn slash only fans, No,
just kidding, okay, step you can follow me on hashtag
(44:44):
I am a super fan of hashtag will change the world,
hashtag I'm at as that bitch, hashtag I'm out as
the Golden Bitch. Yes, yes, I Kellina, thank you so much.
I feel that this conversation is so important. I feel
by the way, today you found out some some stuff
(45:06):
about me, just in case you didn't know. I just
wanted to be open and I want to be honest,
and I think that exactly, Amata. Is that space where
I don't want to judge you. This is not a
space for me to judge anybody. I just want to
hear your point, your point of view. I want to
know your perspective in life. I want to know you
know what your future looks like, and find a space
where you don't feel like you know I'm here to
(45:28):
tell you what's right or what's wrong. No, that's not
what exactly Amata is. Amata is a safe space, um.
And it's also a space for us to get educated
and share this information with other people. That's why I
want you to make sure to rate us. Make sure
to rate us and give us five stars, and make
sure to share this podcast with anybody that you know.
If you know anybody that's going through a situation similar
(45:50):
or that might need to hear this, please make sure
that they hear this podcast. Because we did this with
so much love, with so much respect. I was just
gonna tell you something that you didn't know. It was
a little bit of a secret. But you know, I'm
gonna drop that tea right now, real quick. That day
that we did the Red Table Talk episode, Yeah, I
have a little bit of tea. Yeah, tiny bit of tea.
(46:11):
That day that we did the Red Table Talk episode. Um,
you know, my grandma passed away before I got to
tell her about my sexuality and everything. That was like
a whole thing regarding my coming out, and ever since
she's passed away, I've had certain moments of validation that
I feel like I've been like sent from angels. And
(46:33):
even in that moment, I feel bad because I'm like, damn,
this should be going to the person, but I'm receiving it.
And your mom pulled me aside that day and she
was like Mommy, mommy, mommy, Yo. Say hey, yo, you
know you want to know ya Yokoka know you think
(47:01):
like she validated you know, And I was like, whoa.
We're living in a world now where older generations are
learning and growing and they're willing to do so for
us and for your mom, who I had just met
that day, to validate something that you know, my grandma
(47:22):
passed before she could do. Like, that's something that I
will never forget. So I wanted to just tell you
that and extend my love to her, because you know,
it might have been tough for you, and I know
that that's difficult, but I think that she's growing and
evolving because she really validated me that day. So I'm
just telling you killen that, know, I mean, thank you
so much. My mom is such a great person. But
(47:43):
that being let me tell you something. The only reason
why the older generation is becoming more open minded is
because of people like you and me. It's because of
people like us that we're willing to um educate them
and we're willing to show them that this is love.
We don't mean to harm anyone. We're not doing anything wrong.
We just want to be accepted for who we are.
(48:04):
And if who we are is not the perfect version
of what you visioned for us, that's okay too. So
it took me a long time to get her to
where she she's at now, but now she's more open
minded and more understanding, and she'll ask me things like
I'm gonna, okay, getta see there? So what is that?
And I like her asking questions. I want you to ask.
(48:24):
I don't want you to be ignorant and sit there
and judge because you don't understand it. So I think
that that's important. And you know what, if you have
any questions and you don't understand, feel free to slide
up in Emily's d M and ask her whatever questions.
But you're gonna also exactly yes DM her, but you
canna also go to exactly a made on all social
(48:45):
media platforms. Go check us out on our YouTube channel
at Amada La Negra a l N or exactly a
Mada on the search bar. Don't forget to rate us.
Rate us five stars because you know that our show
is late Gang Gang Gang. And remember to also share
share this podcast with anybody that you know there's going
through it, anybody that you feel to this conversation. They
need to hear this, whether as a parent, whether it's
(49:07):
an uncle, whether it's a sister, whether it's someone who's
going through the transition or trying to understand them their
sexuality at this moment. Feel free to share this podcast
because you know that we're doing this with so much
love and as respectful as possible, even though that you
know that I'm scandalous. This has been a production of
I Heart Radios micro through that podcast network. I am
so honored. Oh and you already know you cannot not
(49:29):
not not miss the red Table talk in same deal
and they really be meta. They got some tea and
they really be hitting some valid points that we do
have to check out as well. For more podcasts from
my Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you like to listen to your favorite podcast
Emily Stefand as for coming through, hit me with the shoulders.
(49:52):
With the shoulders, they do so much for coming through
your amazing guys you already know over here every Thursday
are needed. You are needed, you are needed. This podcast
is needed. They a'm all many many more than honest.
Thank you, mommy, thank you. Give us the op attention.
(50:20):
We need everything you've got fast. Waiting on Reparations would
beat the Illness podcast. Tune in every Thursday politics and wordplay.
We fight for the people because they got us in
the worst way, from the Hill Cooper, the Bombay to Cant,
from the left enclave to what the neo kan say.
Every Thursday the heading conversation and to break us off
with some break because we're waiting the reparations. Listen to
(50:42):
Waiting on Reparations and I heart radio, app, Apple podcasts
or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Juleeva. I'm
here to tell you about my brand new podcastle at
your Service. I'll be sitting down with the world's most
inspiring minds to uncover what makes them take and what
they learned from the obstacles life has thrown at them,
including Sir Elton John. After a lot of upsets, a
(51:05):
lot of disappointments, a lot of betrayals, It's turned out
to be the most wonderful life right now that I
could have ever imagined. Listen to do really but at
your service on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts
or wherever you get your podcasts. What's Up, guys have
a shot Balau and I am Troy Millions and we
are the host of the Earnier Leisure podcast where we
break down business models and examine the latest trans and finance.
(51:29):
We hold court and have exclusive interviews with some of
the biggest names of business, sport and entertainment, from DJ
Khaled to Mark Cuban, Rick Ross and Shaquill O'Neil. I
mean our alumni list is expansive. Listen in as our
guests reveal their business models, hardships and triumphs and their
respective fields. The knowledge is in death and the questions
are always delivered from your standpoint. We want to know
what you want to know. We talked to the legends
(51:49):
of business, sports and entertainment about how they got their
start and most importantly, how they make their money. Earn
your leisure is a college business class mixed with pop culture.
Want to learn about the real estate game, unclears, how
to dock market works? We got you. Interested in starting
a trucking company or vending machine business. Not really sure
about how taxes or credit work. We got it all covered.
The Earnier Leisure podcast is available now. Listen to Earnier
(52:11):
Leisure on the Black Effect Podcast Network, I Heart Radio, app,
Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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