June 23, 2023 • 58 mins
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This week On Relentless Hope, Shea Vaughn, lifestyle pioneer and co-founder and CEO of WBTVN (The Women’s Broadcast Television Network), teaches us about godliness and how to become more godly in our lives every day.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Let us pray. The Lord will give strength unto his people.
The Lord will bless his people with peace, Psalm twenty
nine eleven. Dear God, I seek your presence in my heart.
Please help me to believe in you throughout every season.
Allow me to trust in you during the storms. Allow
(00:21):
me to lean on you when I am not satisfied
with how my day went. Please help me to seek
comfort in you so that I can keep my eyes
focused on the good. Allow my thoughts to be full
of grace for every blessing that you have placed in
my life. Lift me with your righteous hand and keep
(00:41):
me faithful in your word from morning till night. Amen,
thank you for joining us in prayer. Now for the
Relentless Hope Podcast, where we bring you true stories and
personal testimonies that will help you love your life, lead
with purpose, and leave a legacy of helping others.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
As humans, we will never be perfect like God. He
knows this and doesn't expect us to be perfect, but
he wants us to strive to be more like him,
to be forgiving, honest, to love each other, to extend
grace to each other, to serve, to be humble and patient,
and to be gentle and kind, and to never judge.
(01:28):
These are Godly traits that we have the choice to
embrace every day. We may stumble and fall, but we
are called to keep inching closer to God. This takes commitment, discipline,
self control, integrity, and perseverance. We can also ask for
God's help through daily prayer and meditation. By reading the Bible,
(01:49):
we can invite God to transform our minds and hearts
so that every day, through our thoughts and actions, we
reflect more of God's glory and who He truly is.
This week on Relentless Hope, Shay Vaughn, lifestyle pioneer, co
founder and CEO of w b TVN, the women's broadcast
(02:10):
television network, teaches us about Godliness and how to become
more Godly in our lives. Every day, Shay opens up
about her childhood and her parents divorce and the two
extreme examples that her parents set. From Shay's father, Shae
learned how not to live. As she explains, her father
loved himself more than his children and he didn't care
(02:32):
for them the way a father should. But in her mother,
Shay found an incredible positive influence who taught her about
striving to be more godly. We learn how Shay's mother
gave Shay words and actions, teaching Shay how to live,
how to work hard for what she wanted, and how
to give children unconditional love, stability, and a safe place
(02:53):
to go where they can say anything without fear of
punishment or judgment. Shaye teaches us that as leaders, we
know to strive to be more Godly because we lead
by example. As Shae explains, leaders aren't born, they're made,
so each of us can work toward becoming better leaders,
and she shares some of the best traits we can
start developing within ourselves to become better people bet are
(03:16):
leaders and more Godly, including authenticity, commitment, perseverance, self control,
and integrity. Shay also inspires us to reflect on how
we live every day, as she explains in the end,
what we do, how we act, who we are, what
we say, and the choices we make right or wrong,
becomes the story of our lives and the legacy that
(03:39):
we will leave. Shay also encourages us to look for
opportunities where we can praise and serve others because that's
what God asks of us. As Shay says, it's about
striving to be more Godly in our thoughts and deeds
when we put God first, when we take the time
to connect with Him every day through prayer and meditation
and reading the Bible help helps us to remember God's
(04:01):
instructions for how we are to live our lives. God
is kind and compassionate, merciful and wise, loving and courageous.
Everything that God is, he wants for us. He wants
us to be more like Him in our thoughts and actions,
and every day, in every moment, we are given the
choice to move closer to God's image. After Shavon's mother
(04:24):
raised her two half sisters, she learned a valuable lesson
in how to treat other people.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
My mother actually had already raised her two half sisters
because my grandfather was married five times. My mother was
his daughter from his first marriage, now think about five wives.
By the time that he married, his fifth wife had
(04:50):
two children. Those children were the same age as my
sister and I, and I don't know if my father
was worse than my dad or vice versa, that they
were not good fathers or good people, because they really
didn't take care of any of us. So my mother
(05:11):
actually ended up taking those two children and raising them,
so they basically felt more like sisters to me than
being my aunt's. So then, once again moving forward, when
my mother went back to my dad, I just you know,
(05:33):
she wanted to bring the family together, and the only
way that she was willing to do that was also
to take the other three children that were my father's
and take the one of them that was in a
foster home out of that to be able to, you know,
help them, give them some education, give them a home
that was stable, give them love that all children need.
(05:57):
And so I can remember once again asking my mother wine.
She turned around to me and looked at me, and
she said, because they're innocent, They're the gems. They're the
miracles that come out of relationships.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
On episode one of this three part series, we hear
from Shaven as she tells us about her life. Through
the experiences she faced growing up with her mother, she
learned to be the best person she can be and
eventually confronted her father for all the things he had done.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Hi. I'm Shaveon and I'm the founder and CEO of
ww TVN, which is Worldwide Television Network and also Women
on TV. I'm also a speaker, author and I've been
in health and wellness for a long long time, done
(06:50):
a lot of television telling about how to stay healthy,
how to be excited about, you know, getting up in
the morning and feeling good about yourself and really being
inspiring and praising God every day of our lives to
(07:11):
help us to be, you know, as best as we
possibly can. So as a young child, around the age
of seven, my mother and father divorced. And my mother
was born in the United States and my sister and
my brother were born in Canada. And at that time
(07:31):
she decided that she was going to divorce my father
and that she was going to bring us to the
United States. So you hear a lot about someone that's
kind of just you know, put some you know, a
package together, or you know, packed a couple of things
(07:52):
and walked out the door. Well, that's exactly what my
mother did. She had two suit create cases, and she
took my sister and I My brother was nine years
older than I am, and so he stayed behind to
finish the things that he needed to do at that time,
and here we came to the United States. My mother
was a hairdresser and my grandfather lived in the United
(08:15):
States in Ohio, and so that's where we went because
he had a small salon and we didn't have any
place to live, and so we actually my mother started
working there and we lived in the back of the
salon sleeping on chairs. Now I have to share with
(08:36):
you that because I was with my sister and my
mom wherever they were, you know, I felt love and
I thought it was kind of, you know, uncomfortable to
sleep on chairs, but that's what we had. And so
as time went on, my mother actually ended up owning
(08:59):
her own shop. She actually owned three of them, and
also a place where people could come and get certified
in being a cosmetologist. So she had a student, she
had a school where she taught other people to get
their license and everything. My mother actually had all of
(09:21):
us went through that and had our licenses because she
wanted us to realize that no matter what happened, we
would have something that we could make a living on,
and a good one. And so the years went by.
I was the youngest of the three children. My father
(09:44):
ended up living with another woman, Bert and had three children,
and my mother continued never paid My father never paid
a cent. My mother had to do everything on her own.
I just saw my mother working every day and never
saying anything bad about anyone. I mean, you know, I'd
(10:04):
ask my mother questions and my about my father, and
she would just say something good. She just was that
kind of person. She was that example out there that
is so important that we have in our life. But
she wasn't you know, It wasn't a situation like we
came home from school and she had cookies, you know,
(10:25):
baked or whatever was at the door to give us
a hug, because she was out working putting the food
on the table. And so from the age of about
ten years old, my sister and I would help to
clean the shops and so that means the toilet's everything.
And so we started working at a very very young age.
(10:49):
And I look back now and I say to myself,
my mom was really bright and knew that that would
really give us, you know, a realization that things don't
just come to you, that you have to work for them,
that you know, you have to you have to really,
you know, pay for the things as you get older,
(11:11):
instead of thinking that somebody is going to be able
to give everything to you. Of course, unless you come
from a very rich family and they can afford to
do those things, but that was not the case. And
so the interesting part about all this is that I
used to go and visit my father and so with
(11:32):
the three children that he had with Bert were my
step two stepsisters, and a step father, and I was
very close to them. I would because I was older
than them, I'd take them to the movies, or we'd
go for a walk in the park, or we'd you know,
just get out of the house and play a game
(11:53):
together or whatever. And then basically I was last one
to get married. And so when I was getting married,
my mother and father came back together again and they
got married. And I can remember asking my mom why,
(12:16):
and she just said, well, it's a way to bring,
you know, the family together. My father, when he was
married to Bert, she was an alcoholic and he was
never around. So these three children that he had, they
(12:36):
were just kind of left to do a lot of
things on their own and didn't have a lot of guidance,
and the youngest one was actually put into a foster home,
so they were kind of there out on their own.
And my father really contributed to her alcoholicness, and because
(12:57):
it was easy for him to bring something home that
she could drink so that he could go out and
do what he wanted to do, because he never paid
a cent to my mom for raising us at all.
And it wasn't like my father sent me money or
did anything for me. In fact, I can tell you
a story about my sister and I before my mother
(13:17):
brought us to the United States. My sister was nine
and I was seven, and she was taking violin lessons,
and so we walked together in the snow to get there,
and then we walked back, and on the way going home,
I saw my father's car go by, and he would
(13:40):
have never thought about picking us up and taking us
home because he wouldn't have wanted to get the car dirty.
So when we got home, because we're kids, we've got
snow in our shoes and our boots and whatever, and
we weren't supposed to come home with our feet wet.
So he decided that he would punish it, punish us
(14:04):
because of this, and so took his belt out and
started to hit my sister. I laid over her and
so that he couldn't hit my sister. So I just
I was too young to really understand why. I just thought, oh,
I did something terrible, and that stayed with me for
(14:25):
a long time. But let's go forward again and tell
you about when I got married, my mother and father
came back together again, and my mother actually had already
raised her two half sisters because my grandfather was married
five times. My mother was his daughter from his first marriage.
(14:48):
Now think about, you know, five wives. By the time
that he married, his fifth wife had two children. Those
children were the same age my sister and I and
I don't know if my father was worse than my
dad or vice versa, that they were not good fathers
(15:11):
or good people, because they really didn't take care of
any of us. So my mother actually ended up taking
those two children and raising them, so they basically felt
more like sisters to me than being my aunts. So then,
once again moving forward, when my mother went back to
(15:36):
my dad, I just you know, she wanted to bring
the family together and the only way that she was
willing to do that was also to take the other
three children that were my father's and take the one
of them that was in a foster home out of
that to be able to, you know, help them, give
(15:56):
them some education, give them a home that was stable them,
love that all children need, and so I can remember
once again asking my mother why. She turned around to
me and looked at me, and she said, because they're innocent.
They're the gems. They're the miracles that come out of relationships.
(16:18):
That would be something my mom would definitely believe in
and say. So I accepted that, and I loved my
half sisters and my brother. I just seemed odd to
me that all these years, never paying for anything or
really doing anything for any of his six children, that
she would be willing to do this. So they were
(16:41):
together for several years and one day they lived in
Canada in the summertime and in Florida in the wintertime.
And so I got a call from my mom and
my mom basically said, I'm not going back to Canada.
I said why, and my mother's reply I was, well,
(17:01):
let's just say that he got older and a little
bit slower, but he never changed any of his habits.
And so I said, well, Mom, you need to come
and live. You need to come and just visit me,
because you know, I don't want you to be there
by yourself. Let's talk about this and work it out.
So my mom came to visit me and stayed with
(17:22):
me for seventeen years. So when my mother turned sixty five,
she was able to get Social Security, but because of
the laws, my father got fifty percent because she never
divorced him. I mean, at that time in her life,
she'd already married him twice and felt that there was
(17:45):
no need. She wasn't going to marry somebody else. But
because of that, he was able to get fifty percent
of the amount of money that she was making, not
her money, but he the money that the government was
going to give him for doing nothing. So he'd gotten
on the phone with her and said, don't worry about that,
(18:05):
I'm going to send it back to you. I didn't
earn it. All of those things, many of yours, went by.
Never did my father ever send any money to my mother.
And it bothered me because I thought, why would he
make a promise like that that he didn't keep. So
my sister and I decided that we would go to
(18:26):
Canada and sit with my father and talk with him.
And my sister went in to talk to him, and
she came out crying because he had a way of
being able to turn things around that she wasn't perfect.
She had made mistakes, you know, all of these things.
And then I went in and I sat with my
dad and I looked at him and I said, why
(18:49):
if you weren't going to do it, you didn't have
to say that you would. Or every time you got
on the phone, you kept saying that you were going
to do it, you never did. And here's what my
father said to me. He said, it seems to me
that you have a need to have a relationship with me.
I don't have a need to have a relationship with you.
(19:12):
And so that was the confirmation that my father didn't
love me. And I really think that, you know, he
just he came from a family of six and he
was the only one that was not born in Italy.
He was Italian. He was born in Canada, and they
(19:32):
were so poor. I when you talk about hand me down,
hand me down, he was just he was ashamed and
he was embarrassed, and he made it a commitment to
himself that he was never going to be, you know,
poor again, and he lived with that and he I'm
(19:55):
sure that he regrets that that's what his life was
really like. But I guess he loved my mother because
he never married the other woman as much as he could,
but he loved himself more. So that was painful to
me and it was painful to the whole family. But
(20:17):
the blessing that came out of this is that my
mother came and lived with me for that time and
stayed with me until she passed away. She was my
best friend. She gave me, you know, words and actions
by showing me how to live and not just saying
(20:38):
it to me. She did it all and she ended
up raising well, let's see, three, four, five, six, eight
kids because she cared enough to do that. So from
all the experiences that I encountered where my mother was
(21:01):
concerned was that, you know, kids, there's three things that
they really need, and that is unconditional love, a safe
place to be able to go and tell something that
maybe they know that they did wrong and they don't
want and they want to tell you, but they're afraid
(21:25):
to tell you because they think they're going to get
yelled at or they're going to be punished, you know,
for telling the truth. And I always felt that I
had a safe place to go to where my mom
was concerned and we always shared everything. And the third
thing is that kids just want their parents to listen
(21:48):
to them. Sometimes you know sometimes we think as parents
that that's happening, but kind of we have to sit
down and look in the eyes and give a hug
and listen to what they have to say, because those
kids are telling us everything that they're thinking and what
they're doing. If you give them the opportunity, and by
(22:09):
giving the opportunity, sometimes you can save their lives. So
that was a big thing that I learned because my
mom gave that all to me. Self control is about
really understanding that nobody can do this for you, that
(22:30):
you are willing to accept the responsibility for what the
outcome is. So it's really about the choices that we make,
and the choices that we make are going to get
us through what we need to do. And you have
to realize that in life that everything that we do
(22:52):
people see that you can't hide from it forever. Who
you are is who you actually you know, how you talk,
how you treat people, all of those things is all
about leadership.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
On episode two of this three part series, Shay shows
us that being a great leader is rooted in authenticity
and perseverance. Through integrity, we hold ourselves accountable for doing
our best by mimicking God. The best values of a
leader come out.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
So I want to talk about leadership because I think
that it is so important. It is like embedded in
my soul because it really shows people you know who
you are and how you do it. So, first and foremost,
I think that leadership is truly about being authentic. I
(23:49):
think that it's about just being the real you. And
if you truly want to help other people to become
better leaders, then there's different things that they need to
do to get to that point. We don't come out
as a great leader. We weren't born, you know, just
as a great leader. But anybody can learn how to
(24:13):
be that. So I'm kind of going to give you
upfront what is really needed and then back into this
a little bit. So leadership is truly about stepping forward
and leading by example. So if you can just remember
that and take that into your heart and into your soul,
that leading by example, what does that truly mean? Well,
(24:38):
there's a number of things that it means. It means
that when you really want to accomplish something that you
have to be committed to it, and committed is a
big word. So many times that we think that we're committed.
It's kind of like you know, at Christmas time or
(24:59):
New Year's Eve even, and we're going to promise to
do something, and we do promise something, and three weeks
later it's forgotten. And the next year comes around and
you do the same thing over. That's crazy. That's craziness
because you're not really committed enough. I'm talking about being
committed enough so that if you had to go and
(25:20):
pick up your kid after school, you on time, you
would climb mountains, you would swim the oceans, you would
do whatever it takes that you're going to get there
to do that. So and it's got to be something
that you want to do so bad that you realize
that it's going to take some work to get there.
(25:42):
And if you're not willing to take do that work,
then you're not committed. So be committed. As much as
you've got to pay for your insurance or you're paying
for your mortgage, it's got to be that embedded in
you that you want it. So commitment is really asking yourself,
(26:02):
is this something that I really want to do and
I'm willing to do the work to get to where
I want to be. So the second one is perseverance.
So perseverance is where that work comes in. And that
truly means that you don't give up, and it means
that you're not going to walk away from it because
(26:25):
the only thing that you're going to accomplish when you
walk away and you give up is failure. I can
honestly say that there's no failure when you give something
one hundred percent or more, not ninety nine that doesn't work,
but one hundred percent will get you to where you
(26:46):
want to be. And if it's good leadership, then that's
what's going it's going to take for you to do.
It's kind of like the Chu Chu train going up.
I can, I can, I can, I will I do,
But you've got to be willing not to walk away
from it. Self. Control is about really understanding that nobody
(27:11):
can do this for you, that you are willing to
accept the responsibility for what the outcome is. So it's
really about the choices that we make and the choices
that we make are going to get us through what
we need to do. And you have to realize that
(27:32):
in life that everything that we do people see that
you can't hide from it forever. Who you are is
who you actually you know, how you talk, how you
treat people. All of those things is all about leadership,
and we do that because we care about the choices.
(27:54):
And the benefits of that is that we give the
ability to actually show people what need to be done,
not tell them because they won't listen to what you say.
It takes an example for them to be able to
see what is necessary. So take responsibility for it because
(28:15):
those choices are yours and their God given to us.
Integrity is the next thing I would put into this,
And integrity is about really being honest. So how many
times have we had a project or something that we're
doing and whatever, and we actually check in with ourselves
(28:37):
and we ask ourselves how hard am I trying? Like
I said before, it's got to be one hundred percent
or better, or you're not being honest with yourself. And
how many times do you hear people say I'm doing
my best? And sometimes they are. It's not to say
they're not, but if they really checked in with themselves,
they would find this question, is is that an excuse
(29:03):
to help me feel better when in fact I'm not
doing my best? So when we do those things, we
give ourselves a place to kind of like go. That
makes us feel good but isn't really honest. So integrity
is is just yes, you want to be someone that
(29:23):
is noted as being an honest person. And so many
times we're honest with other people, but we're not honest
with ourselves because we don't go there. We don't really
ask us that. We just say to ourselves we're doing that,
we're doing the best that we can. I don't know
what that really means. I mean, the best that we
(29:43):
can is never the best that we can really do.
There's always something that we can push harder on and
that we can make something work better or become better.
We never get to that point where we're perfect. So
integrity is really am important for leadership. And what do
(30:03):
you get out of all of that? You really feel
when you have done these things that you feel love
because you've made the right choices, because you've got through
the hard work of this, and now you really get
the opportunity whatever that is that you want to get to,
you get to experience that and the love that it
(30:24):
brings you. So I want to talk about leadership and
how that brings God into our lives. Well, God has
the Ten Commandments tells us to be honest tells us
what we need to do how to lead, and he
is the example of what we're really talking about. He
(30:48):
is perfect, we are not. But what we do need
to do is that we need to be more godly.
We need He is the example in front of us
that has taken responsibility. He loved us so much that
he died on the cross for our sins. He took
that all on, shed his blood for us. And when
(31:11):
we're talking about leadership, we're not talking about going to
that degree. But what we should be doing is taking
a look at God, our Lord, who has sacrificed so
much for us that wants us to succeed in every
single thing. He wants us to give us abundance. But
(31:34):
we can't get to that abundance if we don't bring
him into our heart and into our soul and pray.
You know that he will help us and guide us.
And he will. And so it is so important in
leadership to do the things that God ask God to
help you through these things. Try to immic what he
(31:59):
is doing, because he's not doing anything that he didn't
already do. He wants us to come and live the
rest of our lives eternally with him, and the only
way that we're going to get there is to be
more like He is, to be serving other people, helping
(32:21):
them to become good leaders, in sharing who God is
and what God wants, and for helping other people to
be able to get to their goals. Whether it's in business,
whether it's in family, it doesn't make any difference. It's
all the same. We need to be kind, we need
(32:44):
to share, we need to serve, and God is there
to teach us all those things. You need to take
small steps every single day of your life. It's not
just the things that I talked about, but it's more
than that. But that's to me, that's not leadership. That's
(33:05):
about helping ourselves to become better people. And so how
do we do that? Well, I think that how we
do that is that we get up every morning and
we need to do a mindset. The mindset that we
need to do is that we need to have such
great gratitude for having this day, for waking up, for
(33:29):
being alive all of those things. One of the things
that I do is that I get up and I
go to the window and I look out there, and
I don't care if it's storming out there, it's raining
out there, or the sun's not shining, or whatever is happening.
The one thing that I know is that it's a
wonderful day. And it's a wonderful day because I make
(33:52):
that choice. And if we start off every single day
of our life with something that is positive from within us,
that we have the integrity to be able to realize
this is a blessing from God. Here we are. Now,
(34:13):
there's things that are going to happen throughout the day.
But what happens is that we are preparing ourselves because
things come at as that we don't know is ever
going to show up sometimes, and so what is great
about that is that we're preparing ourselves so that when
those things happen, that we are prepared to keep calm
(34:37):
through these things, to realize most of the things that
we worry about don't take place, and to ask for
God's guidance, ask for God's how to what we need
to do if we're not sure about those things. Take
time and just meditate on what you should do, because
(34:58):
so many times we're so anxious and so overwhelmed that
we jump into something when in fact we really need
to back off of that and to give it time
so that we know what the right thing is to do,
(35:18):
is it to pick up the telephone and address it.
I definitely believe that things that are to dressed in
our life never seem to go away. But I'm not
talking about things in business or something or even something
in family. I think that you sometimes you want to
solve it, and it's not about solving it. It's going
(35:39):
to solve itself anyway, and we want to do the
right thing. But I think that we just need to
take a step back, and we need to ask, and
we need to pray, and we need to figure out
what's the best way to do this. And so every
day that we take small steps starting with gratitude of
(36:01):
life and being thankful for having this day, there's going
to be times and it's not good. Sometimes we're bad days,
but we think about that next day, we're going to
make it better, and so step by step as we
go through life. Actually, we talked about my mom. I
saw my mom do that every day of her life.
(36:23):
My mom was my mentor. I mean, I can tell
you many tales where she was concerned and didn't know
where the money was coming. From but was calm and
just worked harder prayed for that. So those are the things.
Those are the stepping stones that we are walking on
(36:44):
every single moment of our life to get to destiny.
So leadership, once again, we're going to end with when
I started is stepping forward and leading by example. And
those examples come because you did all of the work
and that you know the things that you need to
(37:05):
do that can inspire other people, your family, your kids,
stepping on a stage and talking about this and inspiring
other people to know that if they do these or things,
that the love will be there, the success will be there,
and everything that they wanted out of that is there.
(37:28):
Maybe you've said something to somebody that really hurt them
and you're just you'd been thinking about this for years
and yet you really haven't done anything about it, and
you want to go and say that you're sorry because
you knew that you were wrong and you've never taken
(37:49):
that time to do that. And if that person is
still here on this earth, it is never too late.
And the other thing that I think is really important,
don't expect that that person is just going to open
up their arms to you, because maybe they're not that person,
maybe it hurt them so badly or something that took
(38:10):
place that they didn't care if you ever came back
and said that you were sorry. But you need to
do it for yourself. You need to do it because
it's the right thing to do.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
On episode three of this three part series, Shay explains
that we need to put our energy into positive outputs
by making everyday count and focusing on godly qualities towards
what we want our legacies to be. This is how
you find happiness.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
So I want to talk about legacy because that's so important.
And I think that some of the times that we're
doing things that we're not even thinking about our legacy,
and then you know, kind of time, time goes by
and you go, oh, my goodness, I've got more regrets,
regrets than I really wanted to have because I could
(39:06):
have done something differently. So a story for me that
I would share with you as far as my legacy
is concerned, is that as a young child, my mother
put me into dancing because I was doing flip flops
all over the house and driving her crazy. And so
(39:26):
I think that her legacy for me was to be
able to put my energy in positive way, and that
positive way was dance. And that was once I was
putting in dance and I did everything I did, toe
in ballet. For a long time, I was a gymnast.
I did so many things, and even tap dancing and
(39:52):
all kinds of things. The thing of it was was
that I actually was ended up being put in this
group and we traveled all over performing, and I thought
this was so cool. I thought I was just so important.
(40:13):
It was all about me. And then as I got older,
I realized that, well, it's not really about me, and
it's really about the team. And so I felt better
about myself that it wasn't all about me and it
was about the team because I felt like I was
connected to something something other than myself. And then as
(40:39):
I got older, then it really, you know, came out
that it wasn't it's about the team. It's about me,
it's all about that, but it's about really helping the team.
It's about when somebody is kind of struggling with something,
you know, something that we're doing and they're not catching
(41:01):
on as fast or whatever, that you helped that person.
And I thought I couldn't believe the joy that I
felt when I helped someone that was struggling, and that
was my introduction to helping others in giving. And I
(41:23):
do want to bring in you know, God tells us
this is what we need to do. But I can
share with you right now at that age, I wasn't
ready for all of that. I didn't put it all together.
And because I wasn't able to put it together, I
found myself that even though I was doing some of this,
it wasn't enough. And I had regrets. I had, you know,
(41:46):
different things in my life where I could have helped
my sister or my family or whatever, and yet I
didn't make that choice. And I can remember years later
kind of looking back and saying, ooh, misstep, opportunity that
(42:07):
was lost. And I think that where legacy is concerned
is that the legacy is what we're doing every day
because at the end of it, it's the story of
our lives. It's the things that we either embraced and
encountered and made the right choice to help or not
(42:32):
choice or walk away from it or whatever. Because legacy
is really and the thing of it is is that
this is going to be your destiny. What is your destiny?
Is about every single moment of every single day, the
choices that you're making and the things that you're doing,
(42:54):
or the times within your life that you're talking to
God and asking for help or praising Him for all
the greatness that he has given us. I mean, there's
times in my life where I'm so grateful that I
thank Him for that. In fact, I never do anything,
I never take on a new project that the first
(43:16):
two things that I do is that I thank God.
I thank God for all the greatness that he's given me,
all the success that he's given me. And then there's
sometimes when there's still some things hanging around and I'll
kind of look up and say, don't you think it's
time that we get rid of this one? But the
(43:37):
truth of the matter is what I was doing, it
wasn't him, it wasn't God that was holding on to that.
It was me that wasn't letting go of it. And
so that legacy is like, in that moment, I realized
that the power was within me, not in anyone else.
(44:03):
So I think that every moment, every everything that we
do gives us the choice that we're going to feel joyful, happy, helpful, balanced,
all of these things when we praise the Lord. We
(44:23):
make the right choices. We take the time to sometimes
turn around when you've walked away from something. I've had
experiences when I've jumped in my car and whatever and said,
you know, I could have taken time just to stop
over to see you know, so and so, gone to
the hospital, see somebody that was that was sick, or
(44:43):
make a telephone call or whatever. And I said, I
have the time to do that. I think that I don't,
and I tell myself I don't, But then I'm disappointed
in myself because I didn't do that. Disappointing doesn't feel
real good. I want my legacy. I wanted my legacy.
I gotten to that point in my life where realizing
(45:07):
that the more that I do that is Godly brings
a legacy to me that feels happy and joyful and
always stopping for a second and seeing, is this really
(45:29):
do you have the time to do this? Of course
you do. Don't walk away from it. And just know
that everything that you do that is praising other people
or serving other people is the exact thing that God
is asking all of us to do. It's not about
(45:51):
sitting back and saying someone's wrong or giving judgment to something.
There's so much of that darkness in our lives. I
see it all the time in books that we read,
or things that you see on television, or just watching
somebody live a life that is you know, you just
know that that you wouldn't want that, and you don't
(46:13):
want even want it for them, and so you pray
for them, You pray for their their their legacy that
at the end of it, the legacy is to find
yourself with God and living a life that He wants
us to live. So as thinking about legacy and the
(46:33):
fact that how I view what I do may not
always be what somebody else might see in me. And
so maybe the question that I would ask is how
do people you know look at me and see who
I am? I really can't answer that question for them,
(46:56):
But what I can do is that I can pay
a tension to how people react to maybe something that
I do or say, because the truth of the matter
is that what we say, how we act, and who
(47:18):
we are is exactly who we are. That is who
we are, and that's what they're seeing. And I don't
know that that is that mirror in front of me
that sees me in a different way than somebody else does.
But I can share with you that I've had times
(47:40):
in my life where someone you know has come to
me and said, I'm sure that you probably didn't mean
anything by this, but you made somebody feel uncomfortable, and
I would just feel horrible about that, because it's I
don't think it's not just my idea that we don't
(48:00):
want to hurt somebody, but it's everybody doesn't really want
to hurt someone or say the wrong thing, or cross
over in a conversation that's not necessary to do, or
to comment on it or whatever. And so I'm very
mindful of that and try to always put my best
(48:24):
foot forward and just be better. And I say that
a lot because there's always so much room to improve
what we want to do and how we treat other
people and how they see us as far as our
legacy is concerned. That we can learn a lot from
(48:45):
that their reactions and how they treat us back. And
those are the things that I think that we need
to be extremely mindful of and take that to heart
and pray that we make some changes that are going
to be better for us. So I want to talk
about the fact that and the belief, but the belief
(49:10):
is a true belief because it's never too late to
ever do something. Sometimes what we think that, but it's
just not true. So I'll give you an example. So
I shared with you some things where my father was concerned,
didn't really pay for anything, you know, basically told me
(49:30):
that he really didn't care whether he had a relationship
with me. And that was the time that I realized
my father did not love me, because he would never
say something like that. But the difference about that is
that I didn't respond to that the same way that
I might have because I knew that he really was
(49:55):
saying something that was painful. But that it's not that
I didn't believe that he didn't love me, but I
didn't believe that there was things that I needed to
do to get his love, to attract that love, because
I just saw my mom do so many things that
were right. I knew that I wasn't the person that
(50:18):
made that love go away or did something that would
cause him to not love me. And so, as all
people do, they get older. And when he did get older,
he had a heart attack and he was in a wheelchair,
and many years had gone by, and he really had
(50:41):
the joy of having all of his kids around him,
some of them going there and taking care of him.
He had turned ninety and we had a big birthday
party for him, and I remember going to and just
(51:02):
being myself like nothing had ever happened. And the reason
that I did that was because it's never too late.
It's never too late to give him the opportunity to
say that he's sorry, not to any of us kids,
but to God, and to realize that there was things
(51:24):
that were said that were hurtful to all of the kids,
to not see that there was food on the table,
or he was gone and for days and they had
to take care of themselves. I mean, there was really
some bad times. And so I really think that there
is great importance that no matter what happens, whatever has
(51:48):
happened to you, that it's never too late to like,
maybe you've said something to somebody that really hurt them
and you're just you'd been thinking about this for years
and yet you really haven't done anything about it, and
you want to go and say that you're sorry because
(52:12):
you knew that you were wrong, and you've never taken
that time to do that. And if that person is
still here, on this earth. It is never too late.
And the other thing that I think is really important,
don't expect that that person is just going to open
up their arms to you, because maybe they're not that person.
(52:33):
Maybe it hurt them so badly or something that took
place that they didn't care if you ever came back
and said that you were sorry. But you need to
do it for yourself. You need to do it because
it's the right thing to do. I've seen so many
people that have regrets and they kind of live with
(52:56):
those regrets when in fact, all they have to do
is to reach out and not expect, like I said,
for something to be the way they want it to be,
because they only want to go and do that and
reach out if they know that they're not going to
be sorry for doing it. And so that's not what
(53:19):
this is about. This is about it's never too late
for you, for us, for me to stand up and
do the right thing or address something that's been really
hurting us, carrying these bricks around for so many years
(53:42):
and realizing that it's time to set those down. So
we forgive because it's the right thing to do, and
it's the right thing for us, and that's the way
that we continue to do that. It doesn't mean that
just because you go and do that that all of
a sudden you're not going to think about it again.
(54:05):
There's plenty of times when both my mother and father
are passed away. I'm sure they're up there right now
in this room, listening to you to this and looking
at each other and hugging each other and loving each other.
And those are the things that they should have done
a whole lot more while they were here. But they're
(54:27):
doing it now and that's what counts and really addressing
that and hearing this. I can feel them around me
right now and the love that they have, and I
feel loved always, especially where my mom is concerned. But
I know that my father regrets it. I know that
(54:50):
he loves me, and I'm happy for the opportunity to
be able to go to his birthday because it was
never too late to do that and have all of
his family around him and talk about the good things.
This was a guy that went to second grade, but
(55:11):
he spoke five different languages. This was someone that was
so dedicated to never being poor again that you could
put him in New York stript and he'd come out
on top because he had his story, he had his
(55:33):
hard times, and so it's never too late.
Speaker 2 (55:45):
While will never be God, we can strive to be
more like God and how we live each day. God
has given us clear instructions for how to live a
godly life. To give thanks for the life God has
given us. To be honest and trustworthy. To love one another,
to serve each other, to be forgiving and passionate, to
be kind and extend grace, to be patient, to put
(56:08):
God first, To spend time in prayer and meditation so
that we can have a deeper relationship with Him. To
read the Bible so we know how to act each day.
God knows that sometimes we slip, and He forgives us
for it, encouraging us to stand back up, to try again,
and to keep doing what is right and godly. This
(56:31):
week on Relentless Hope, Shayvon, lifestyle pioneer and co founder
and CEO of WBTVN, the women's broadcast television network, taught
us on how to keep striving to be more Godly
in our everyday lives. Shay opened up about her parents'
divorce when she was just seven years old and the
(56:51):
amazing influence that her mother had on her life. We
heard how Shay's mother taught her the value of hard
work and commitment, and how to give unconditional love, stability,
and safety to children, and also how to be a
good listener. Shay taught us that leadership is about stepping
forward and leading by example. We learn that leadership shows
(57:12):
people who we really are. Shay also encouraged us to
bring God into our lives, to lead as he has shown,
and to try to be more Godly in our thoughts
and acts. As Shay reminded us, Jesus is our model,
and she urged us to keep turning to Him to
show us what leadership looks like. Shay also inspired us
(57:34):
to focus on how we're living our lives every moment
of every day. As Shay taught us, the choices we make,
the acts we take, the times when we talk to
God asking for help or to praise His greatness, all
of these moments create the story of our lives. And
Shay invited us to be grateful and to give thanks
to God every day. And we learned that it's never
(57:56):
too late to do what's right, that if we have regrets,
if we have said done something that has harmed someone else,
to apologize without worrying or fear how they'll react. As
Shay said, we apologize because it's what's right. God does
not expect us to be perfect, so we shouldn't expect
that of ourselves either. But He wants us to keep
(58:16):
trying to be better, to be more honest and compassionate,
kind and passionate, loving and forgiving. He wants us to
be more like him and to walk in Jesus' footsteps.
And God reminds us that he is there to help.
By turning to the Bible, by turning to prayer and meditation,
we can invite God to help us become more Godly,
(58:36):
to make the right choices in our lives, and to
be shining examples for the people around us of God.
Let us pray. The Lord will give strength unto his people.
The Lord will bless his people with peace, Psalm twenty
nine eleven. Dear God, I seek your presence in my heart.
Please help me to believe in you throughout every season.
Allow me to trust in you during the storms. Allow
(00:21):
me to lean on you when I am not satisfied
with how my day went. Please help me to seek
comfort in you so that I can keep my eyes
focused on the good. Allow my thoughts to be full
of grace for every blessing that you have placed in
my life. Lift me with your righteous hand and keep
(00:41):
me faithful in your word from morning till night. Amen,
thank you for joining us in prayer. Now for the
Relentless Hope Podcast, where we bring you true stories and
personal testimonies that will help you love your life, lead
with purpose, and leave a legacy of helping others.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
As humans, we will never be perfect like God. He
knows this and doesn't expect us to be perfect, but
he wants us to strive to be more like him,
to be forgiving, honest, to love each other, to extend
grace to each other, to serve, to be humble and patient,
and to be gentle and kind, and to never judge.
(01:28):
These are Godly traits that we have the choice to
embrace every day. We may stumble and fall, but we
are called to keep inching closer to God. This takes commitment, discipline,
self control, integrity, and perseverance. We can also ask for
God's help through daily prayer and meditation. By reading the Bible,
(01:49):
we can invite God to transform our minds and hearts
so that every day, through our thoughts and actions, we
reflect more of God's glory and who He truly is.
This week on Relentless Hope, Shay Vaughn, lifestyle pioneer, co
founder and CEO of w b TVN, the women's broadcast
(02:10):
television network, teaches us about Godliness and how to become
more Godly in our lives. Every day, Shay opens up
about her childhood and her parents divorce and the two
extreme examples that her parents set. From Shay's father, Shae
learned how not to live. As she explains, her father
loved himself more than his children and he didn't care
(02:32):
for them the way a father should. But in her mother,
Shay found an incredible positive influence who taught her about
striving to be more godly. We learn how Shay's mother
gave Shay words and actions, teaching Shay how to live,
how to work hard for what she wanted, and how
to give children unconditional love, stability, and a safe place
(02:53):
to go where they can say anything without fear of
punishment or judgment. Shaye teaches us that as leaders, we
know to strive to be more Godly because we lead
by example. As Shae explains, leaders aren't born, they're made,
so each of us can work toward becoming better leaders,
and she shares some of the best traits we can
start developing within ourselves to become better people bet are
(03:16):
leaders and more Godly, including authenticity, commitment, perseverance, self control,
and integrity. Shay also inspires us to reflect on how
we live every day, as she explains in the end,
what we do, how we act, who we are, what
we say, and the choices we make right or wrong,
becomes the story of our lives and the legacy that
(03:39):
we will leave. Shay also encourages us to look for
opportunities where we can praise and serve others because that's
what God asks of us. As Shay says, it's about
striving to be more Godly in our thoughts and deeds
when we put God first, when we take the time
to connect with Him every day through prayer and meditation
and reading the Bible help helps us to remember God's
(04:01):
instructions for how we are to live our lives. God
is kind and compassionate, merciful and wise, loving and courageous.
Everything that God is, he wants for us. He wants
us to be more like Him in our thoughts and actions,
and every day, in every moment, we are given the
choice to move closer to God's image. After Shavon's mother
(04:24):
raised her two half sisters, she learned a valuable lesson
in how to treat other people.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
My mother actually had already raised her two half sisters
because my grandfather was married five times. My mother was
his daughter from his first marriage, now think about five wives.
By the time that he married, his fifth wife had
(04:50):
two children. Those children were the same age as my
sister and I, and I don't know if my father
was worse than my dad or vice versa, that they
were not good fathers or good people, because they really
didn't take care of any of us. So my mother
(05:11):
actually ended up taking those two children and raising them,
so they basically felt more like sisters to me than
being my aunt's. So then, once again moving forward, when
my mother went back to my dad, I just you know,
(05:33):
she wanted to bring the family together, and the only
way that she was willing to do that was also
to take the other three children that were my father's
and take the one of them that was in a
foster home out of that to be able to, you know,
help them, give them some education, give them a home
that was stable, give them love that all children need.
(05:57):
And so I can remember once again asking my mother wine.
She turned around to me and looked at me, and
she said, because they're innocent, They're the gems. They're the
miracles that come out of relationships.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
On episode one of this three part series, we hear
from Shaven as she tells us about her life. Through
the experiences she faced growing up with her mother, she
learned to be the best person she can be and
eventually confronted her father for all the things he had done.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Hi. I'm Shaveon and I'm the founder and CEO of
ww TVN, which is Worldwide Television Network and also Women
on TV. I'm also a speaker, author and I've been
in health and wellness for a long long time, done
(06:50):
a lot of television telling about how to stay healthy,
how to be excited about, you know, getting up in
the morning and feeling good about yourself and really being
inspiring and praising God every day of our lives to
(07:11):
help us to be, you know, as best as we
possibly can. So as a young child, around the age
of seven, my mother and father divorced. And my mother
was born in the United States and my sister and
my brother were born in Canada. And at that time
(07:31):
she decided that she was going to divorce my father
and that she was going to bring us to the
United States. So you hear a lot about someone that's
kind of just you know, put some you know, a
package together, or you know, packed a couple of things
(07:52):
and walked out the door. Well, that's exactly what my
mother did. She had two suit create cases, and she
took my sister and I My brother was nine years
older than I am, and so he stayed behind to
finish the things that he needed to do at that time,
and here we came to the United States. My mother
was a hairdresser and my grandfather lived in the United
(08:15):
States in Ohio, and so that's where we went because
he had a small salon and we didn't have any
place to live, and so we actually my mother started
working there and we lived in the back of the
salon sleeping on chairs. Now I have to share with
(08:36):
you that because I was with my sister and my
mom wherever they were, you know, I felt love and
I thought it was kind of, you know, uncomfortable to
sleep on chairs, but that's what we had. And so
as time went on, my mother actually ended up owning
(08:59):
her own shop. She actually owned three of them, and
also a place where people could come and get certified
in being a cosmetologist. So she had a student, she
had a school where she taught other people to get
their license and everything. My mother actually had all of
(09:21):
us went through that and had our licenses because she
wanted us to realize that no matter what happened, we
would have something that we could make a living on,
and a good one. And so the years went by.
I was the youngest of the three children. My father
(09:44):
ended up living with another woman, Bert and had three children,
and my mother continued never paid My father never paid
a cent. My mother had to do everything on her own.
I just saw my mother working every day and never
saying anything bad about anyone. I mean, you know, I'd
(10:04):
ask my mother questions and my about my father, and
she would just say something good. She just was that
kind of person. She was that example out there that
is so important that we have in our life. But
she wasn't you know, It wasn't a situation like we
came home from school and she had cookies, you know,
(10:25):
baked or whatever was at the door to give us
a hug, because she was out working putting the food
on the table. And so from the age of about
ten years old, my sister and I would help to
clean the shops and so that means the toilet's everything.
And so we started working at a very very young age.
(10:49):
And I look back now and I say to myself,
my mom was really bright and knew that that would
really give us, you know, a realization that things don't
just come to you, that you have to work for them,
that you know, you have to you have to really,
you know, pay for the things as you get older,
(11:11):
instead of thinking that somebody is going to be able
to give everything to you. Of course, unless you come
from a very rich family and they can afford to
do those things, but that was not the case. And
so the interesting part about all this is that I
used to go and visit my father and so with
(11:32):
the three children that he had with Bert were my
step two stepsisters, and a step father, and I was
very close to them. I would because I was older
than them, I'd take them to the movies, or we'd
go for a walk in the park, or we'd you know,
just get out of the house and play a game
(11:53):
together or whatever. And then basically I was last one
to get married. And so when I was getting married,
my mother and father came back together again and they
got married. And I can remember asking my mom why,
(12:16):
and she just said, well, it's a way to bring,
you know, the family together. My father, when he was
married to Bert, she was an alcoholic and he was
never around. So these three children that he had, they
(12:36):
were just kind of left to do a lot of
things on their own and didn't have a lot of guidance,
and the youngest one was actually put into a foster home,
so they were kind of there out on their own.
And my father really contributed to her alcoholicness, and because
(12:57):
it was easy for him to bring something home that
she could drink so that he could go out and
do what he wanted to do, because he never paid
a cent to my mom for raising us at all.
And it wasn't like my father sent me money or
did anything for me. In fact, I can tell you
a story about my sister and I before my mother
(13:17):
brought us to the United States. My sister was nine
and I was seven, and she was taking violin lessons,
and so we walked together in the snow to get there,
and then we walked back, and on the way going home,
I saw my father's car go by, and he would
(13:40):
have never thought about picking us up and taking us
home because he wouldn't have wanted to get the car dirty.
So when we got home, because we're kids, we've got
snow in our shoes and our boots and whatever, and
we weren't supposed to come home with our feet wet.
So he decided that he would punish it, punish us
(14:04):
because of this, and so took his belt out and
started to hit my sister. I laid over her and
so that he couldn't hit my sister. So I just
I was too young to really understand why. I just thought, oh,
I did something terrible, and that stayed with me for
(14:25):
a long time. But let's go forward again and tell
you about when I got married, my mother and father
came back together again, and my mother actually had already
raised her two half sisters because my grandfather was married
five times. My mother was his daughter from his first marriage.
(14:48):
Now think about, you know, five wives. By the time
that he married, his fifth wife had two children. Those
children were the same age my sister and I and
I don't know if my father was worse than my
dad or vice versa, that they were not good fathers
(15:11):
or good people, because they really didn't take care of
any of us. So my mother actually ended up taking
those two children and raising them, so they basically felt
more like sisters to me than being my aunts. So then,
once again moving forward, when my mother went back to
(15:36):
my dad, I just you know, she wanted to bring
the family together and the only way that she was
willing to do that was also to take the other
three children that were my father's and take the one
of them that was in a foster home out of
that to be able to, you know, help them, give
(15:56):
them some education, give them a home that was stable them,
love that all children need, and so I can remember
once again asking my mother why. She turned around to
me and looked at me, and she said, because they're innocent.
They're the gems. They're the miracles that come out of relationships.
(16:18):
That would be something my mom would definitely believe in
and say. So I accepted that, and I loved my
half sisters and my brother. I just seemed odd to
me that all these years, never paying for anything or
really doing anything for any of his six children, that
she would be willing to do this. So they were
(16:41):
together for several years and one day they lived in
Canada in the summertime and in Florida in the wintertime.
And so I got a call from my mom and
my mom basically said, I'm not going back to Canada.
I said why, and my mother's reply I was, well,
(17:01):
let's just say that he got older and a little
bit slower, but he never changed any of his habits.
And so I said, well, Mom, you need to come
and live. You need to come and just visit me,
because you know, I don't want you to be there
by yourself. Let's talk about this and work it out.
So my mom came to visit me and stayed with
(17:22):
me for seventeen years. So when my mother turned sixty five,
she was able to get Social Security, but because of
the laws, my father got fifty percent because she never
divorced him. I mean, at that time in her life,
she'd already married him twice and felt that there was
(17:45):
no need. She wasn't going to marry somebody else. But
because of that, he was able to get fifty percent
of the amount of money that she was making, not
her money, but he the money that the government was
going to give him for doing nothing. So he'd gotten
on the phone with her and said, don't worry about that,
(18:05):
I'm going to send it back to you. I didn't
earn it. All of those things, many of yours, went by.
Never did my father ever send any money to my mother.
And it bothered me because I thought, why would he
make a promise like that that he didn't keep. So
my sister and I decided that we would go to
(18:26):
Canada and sit with my father and talk with him.
And my sister went in to talk to him, and
she came out crying because he had a way of
being able to turn things around that she wasn't perfect.
She had made mistakes, you know, all of these things.
And then I went in and I sat with my
dad and I looked at him and I said, why
(18:49):
if you weren't going to do it, you didn't have
to say that you would. Or every time you got
on the phone, you kept saying that you were going
to do it, you never did. And here's what my
father said to me. He said, it seems to me
that you have a need to have a relationship with me.
I don't have a need to have a relationship with you.
(19:12):
And so that was the confirmation that my father didn't
love me. And I really think that, you know, he
just he came from a family of six and he
was the only one that was not born in Italy.
He was Italian. He was born in Canada, and they
(19:32):
were so poor. I when you talk about hand me down,
hand me down, he was just he was ashamed and
he was embarrassed, and he made it a commitment to
himself that he was never going to be, you know,
poor again, and he lived with that and he I'm
(19:55):
sure that he regrets that that's what his life was
really like. But I guess he loved my mother because
he never married the other woman as much as he could,
but he loved himself more. So that was painful to
me and it was painful to the whole family. But
(20:17):
the blessing that came out of this is that my
mother came and lived with me for that time and
stayed with me until she passed away. She was my
best friend. She gave me, you know, words and actions
by showing me how to live and not just saying
(20:38):
it to me. She did it all and she ended
up raising well, let's see, three, four, five, six, eight
kids because she cared enough to do that. So from
all the experiences that I encountered where my mother was
(21:01):
concerned was that, you know, kids, there's three things that
they really need, and that is unconditional love, a safe
place to be able to go and tell something that
maybe they know that they did wrong and they don't
want and they want to tell you, but they're afraid
(21:25):
to tell you because they think they're going to get
yelled at or they're going to be punished, you know,
for telling the truth. And I always felt that I
had a safe place to go to where my mom
was concerned and we always shared everything. And the third
thing is that kids just want their parents to listen
(21:48):
to them. Sometimes you know sometimes we think as parents
that that's happening, but kind of we have to sit
down and look in the eyes and give a hug
and listen to what they have to say, because those
kids are telling us everything that they're thinking and what
they're doing. If you give them the opportunity, and by
(22:09):
giving the opportunity, sometimes you can save their lives. So
that was a big thing that I learned because my
mom gave that all to me. Self control is about
really understanding that nobody can do this for you, that
(22:30):
you are willing to accept the responsibility for what the
outcome is. So it's really about the choices that we make,
and the choices that we make are going to get
us through what we need to do. And you have
to realize that in life that everything that we do
(22:52):
people see that you can't hide from it forever. Who
you are is who you actually you know, how you talk,
how you treat people, all of those things is all
about leadership.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
On episode two of this three part series, Shay shows
us that being a great leader is rooted in authenticity
and perseverance. Through integrity, we hold ourselves accountable for doing
our best by mimicking God. The best values of a
leader come out.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
So I want to talk about leadership because I think
that it is so important. It is like embedded in
my soul because it really shows people you know who
you are and how you do it. So, first and foremost,
I think that leadership is truly about being authentic. I
(23:49):
think that it's about just being the real you. And
if you truly want to help other people to become
better leaders, then there's different things that they need to
do to get to that point. We don't come out
as a great leader. We weren't born, you know, just
as a great leader. But anybody can learn how to
(24:13):
be that. So I'm kind of going to give you
upfront what is really needed and then back into this
a little bit. So leadership is truly about stepping forward
and leading by example. So if you can just remember
that and take that into your heart and into your soul,
that leading by example, what does that truly mean? Well,
(24:38):
there's a number of things that it means. It means
that when you really want to accomplish something that you
have to be committed to it, and committed is a
big word. So many times that we think that we're committed.
It's kind of like you know, at Christmas time or
(24:59):
New Year's Eve even, and we're going to promise to
do something, and we do promise something, and three weeks
later it's forgotten. And the next year comes around and
you do the same thing over. That's crazy. That's craziness
because you're not really committed enough. I'm talking about being
committed enough so that if you had to go and
(25:20):
pick up your kid after school, you on time, you
would climb mountains, you would swim the oceans, you would
do whatever it takes that you're going to get there
to do that. So and it's got to be something
that you want to do so bad that you realize
that it's going to take some work to get there.
(25:42):
And if you're not willing to take do that work,
then you're not committed. So be committed. As much as
you've got to pay for your insurance or you're paying
for your mortgage, it's got to be that embedded in
you that you want it. So commitment is really asking yourself,
(26:02):
is this something that I really want to do and
I'm willing to do the work to get to where
I want to be. So the second one is perseverance.
So perseverance is where that work comes in. And that
truly means that you don't give up, and it means
that you're not going to walk away from it because
(26:25):
the only thing that you're going to accomplish when you
walk away and you give up is failure. I can
honestly say that there's no failure when you give something
one hundred percent or more, not ninety nine that doesn't work,
but one hundred percent will get you to where you
(26:46):
want to be. And if it's good leadership, then that's
what's going it's going to take for you to do.
It's kind of like the Chu Chu train going up.
I can, I can, I can, I will I do,
But you've got to be willing not to walk away
from it. Self. Control is about really understanding that nobody
(27:11):
can do this for you, that you are willing to
accept the responsibility for what the outcome is. So it's
really about the choices that we make and the choices
that we make are going to get us through what
we need to do. And you have to realize that
(27:32):
in life that everything that we do people see that
you can't hide from it forever. Who you are is
who you actually you know, how you talk, how you
treat people. All of those things is all about leadership,
and we do that because we care about the choices.
(27:54):
And the benefits of that is that we give the
ability to actually show people what need to be done,
not tell them because they won't listen to what you say.
It takes an example for them to be able to
see what is necessary. So take responsibility for it because
(28:15):
those choices are yours and their God given to us.
Integrity is the next thing I would put into this,
And integrity is about really being honest. So how many
times have we had a project or something that we're
doing and whatever, and we actually check in with ourselves
(28:37):
and we ask ourselves how hard am I trying? Like
I said before, it's got to be one hundred percent
or better, or you're not being honest with yourself. And
how many times do you hear people say I'm doing
my best? And sometimes they are. It's not to say
they're not, but if they really checked in with themselves,
they would find this question, is is that an excuse
(29:03):
to help me feel better when in fact I'm not
doing my best? So when we do those things, we
give ourselves a place to kind of like go. That
makes us feel good but isn't really honest. So integrity
is is just yes, you want to be someone that
(29:23):
is noted as being an honest person. And so many
times we're honest with other people, but we're not honest
with ourselves because we don't go there. We don't really
ask us that. We just say to ourselves we're doing that,
we're doing the best that we can. I don't know
what that really means. I mean, the best that we
(29:43):
can is never the best that we can really do.
There's always something that we can push harder on and
that we can make something work better or become better.
We never get to that point where we're perfect. So
integrity is really am important for leadership. And what do
(30:03):
you get out of all of that? You really feel
when you have done these things that you feel love
because you've made the right choices, because you've got through
the hard work of this, and now you really get
the opportunity whatever that is that you want to get to,
you get to experience that and the love that it
(30:24):
brings you. So I want to talk about leadership and
how that brings God into our lives. Well, God has
the Ten Commandments tells us to be honest tells us
what we need to do how to lead, and he
is the example of what we're really talking about. He
(30:48):
is perfect, we are not. But what we do need
to do is that we need to be more godly.
We need He is the example in front of us
that has taken responsibility. He loved us so much that
he died on the cross for our sins. He took
that all on, shed his blood for us. And when
(31:11):
we're talking about leadership, we're not talking about going to
that degree. But what we should be doing is taking
a look at God, our Lord, who has sacrificed so
much for us that wants us to succeed in every
single thing. He wants us to give us abundance. But
(31:34):
we can't get to that abundance if we don't bring
him into our heart and into our soul and pray.
You know that he will help us and guide us.
And he will. And so it is so important in
leadership to do the things that God ask God to
help you through these things. Try to immic what he
(31:59):
is doing, because he's not doing anything that he didn't
already do. He wants us to come and live the
rest of our lives eternally with him, and the only
way that we're going to get there is to be
more like He is, to be serving other people, helping
(32:21):
them to become good leaders, in sharing who God is
and what God wants, and for helping other people to
be able to get to their goals. Whether it's in business,
whether it's in family, it doesn't make any difference. It's
all the same. We need to be kind, we need
(32:44):
to share, we need to serve, and God is there
to teach us all those things. You need to take
small steps every single day of your life. It's not
just the things that I talked about, but it's more
than that. But that's to me, that's not leadership. That's
(33:05):
about helping ourselves to become better people. And so how
do we do that? Well, I think that how we
do that is that we get up every morning and
we need to do a mindset. The mindset that we
need to do is that we need to have such
great gratitude for having this day, for waking up, for
(33:29):
being alive all of those things. One of the things
that I do is that I get up and I
go to the window and I look out there, and
I don't care if it's storming out there, it's raining
out there, or the sun's not shining, or whatever is happening.
The one thing that I know is that it's a
wonderful day. And it's a wonderful day because I make
(33:52):
that choice. And if we start off every single day
of our life with something that is positive from within us,
that we have the integrity to be able to realize
this is a blessing from God. Here we are. Now,
(34:13):
there's things that are going to happen throughout the day.
But what happens is that we are preparing ourselves because
things come at as that we don't know is ever
going to show up sometimes, and so what is great
about that is that we're preparing ourselves so that when
those things happen, that we are prepared to keep calm
(34:37):
through these things, to realize most of the things that
we worry about don't take place, and to ask for
God's guidance, ask for God's how to what we need
to do if we're not sure about those things. Take
time and just meditate on what you should do, because
(34:58):
so many times we're so anxious and so overwhelmed that
we jump into something when in fact we really need
to back off of that and to give it time
so that we know what the right thing is to do,
(35:18):
is it to pick up the telephone and address it.
I definitely believe that things that are to dressed in
our life never seem to go away. But I'm not
talking about things in business or something or even something
in family. I think that you sometimes you want to
solve it, and it's not about solving it. It's going
(35:39):
to solve itself anyway, and we want to do the
right thing. But I think that we just need to
take a step back, and we need to ask, and
we need to pray, and we need to figure out
what's the best way to do this. And so every
day that we take small steps starting with gratitude of
(36:01):
life and being thankful for having this day, there's going
to be times and it's not good. Sometimes we're bad days,
but we think about that next day, we're going to
make it better, and so step by step as we
go through life. Actually, we talked about my mom. I
saw my mom do that every day of her life.
(36:23):
My mom was my mentor. I mean, I can tell
you many tales where she was concerned and didn't know
where the money was coming. From but was calm and
just worked harder prayed for that. So those are the things.
Those are the stepping stones that we are walking on
(36:44):
every single moment of our life to get to destiny.
So leadership, once again, we're going to end with when
I started is stepping forward and leading by example. And
those examples come because you did all of the work
and that you know the things that you need to
(37:05):
do that can inspire other people, your family, your kids,
stepping on a stage and talking about this and inspiring
other people to know that if they do these or things,
that the love will be there, the success will be there,
and everything that they wanted out of that is there.
(37:28):
Maybe you've said something to somebody that really hurt them
and you're just you'd been thinking about this for years
and yet you really haven't done anything about it, and
you want to go and say that you're sorry because
you knew that you were wrong and you've never taken
(37:49):
that time to do that. And if that person is
still here on this earth, it is never too late.
And the other thing that I think is really important,
don't expect that that person is just going to open
up their arms to you, because maybe they're not that person,
maybe it hurt them so badly or something that took
(38:10):
place that they didn't care if you ever came back
and said that you were sorry. But you need to
do it for yourself. You need to do it because
it's the right thing to do.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
On episode three of this three part series, Shay explains
that we need to put our energy into positive outputs
by making everyday count and focusing on godly qualities towards
what we want our legacies to be. This is how
you find happiness.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
So I want to talk about legacy because that's so important.
And I think that some of the times that we're
doing things that we're not even thinking about our legacy,
and then you know, kind of time, time goes by
and you go, oh, my goodness, I've got more regrets,
regrets than I really wanted to have because I could
(39:06):
have done something differently. So a story for me that
I would share with you as far as my legacy
is concerned, is that as a young child, my mother
put me into dancing because I was doing flip flops
all over the house and driving her crazy. And so
(39:26):
I think that her legacy for me was to be
able to put my energy in positive way, and that
positive way was dance. And that was once I was
putting in dance and I did everything I did, toe
in ballet. For a long time, I was a gymnast.
I did so many things, and even tap dancing and
(39:52):
all kinds of things. The thing of it was was
that I actually was ended up being put in this
group and we traveled all over performing, and I thought
this was so cool. I thought I was just so important.
(40:13):
It was all about me. And then as I got older,
I realized that, well, it's not really about me, and
it's really about the team. And so I felt better
about myself that it wasn't all about me and it
was about the team because I felt like I was
connected to something something other than myself. And then as
(40:39):
I got older, then it really, you know, came out
that it wasn't it's about the team. It's about me,
it's all about that, but it's about really helping the team.
It's about when somebody is kind of struggling with something,
you know, something that we're doing and they're not catching
(41:01):
on as fast or whatever, that you helped that person.
And I thought I couldn't believe the joy that I
felt when I helped someone that was struggling, and that
was my introduction to helping others in giving. And I
(41:23):
do want to bring in you know, God tells us
this is what we need to do. But I can
share with you right now at that age, I wasn't
ready for all of that. I didn't put it all together.
And because I wasn't able to put it together, I
found myself that even though I was doing some of this,
it wasn't enough. And I had regrets. I had, you know,
(41:46):
different things in my life where I could have helped
my sister or my family or whatever, and yet I
didn't make that choice. And I can remember years later
kind of looking back and saying, ooh, misstep, opportunity that
(42:07):
was lost. And I think that where legacy is concerned
is that the legacy is what we're doing every day
because at the end of it, it's the story of
our lives. It's the things that we either embraced and
encountered and made the right choice to help or not
(42:32):
choice or walk away from it or whatever. Because legacy
is really and the thing of it is is that
this is going to be your destiny. What is your destiny?
Is about every single moment of every single day, the
choices that you're making and the things that you're doing,
(42:54):
or the times within your life that you're talking to
God and asking for help or praising Him for all
the greatness that he has given us. I mean, there's
times in my life where I'm so grateful that I
thank Him for that. In fact, I never do anything,
I never take on a new project that the first
(43:16):
two things that I do is that I thank God.
I thank God for all the greatness that he's given me,
all the success that he's given me. And then there's
sometimes when there's still some things hanging around and I'll
kind of look up and say, don't you think it's
time that we get rid of this one? But the
(43:37):
truth of the matter is what I was doing, it
wasn't him, it wasn't God that was holding on to that.
It was me that wasn't letting go of it. And
so that legacy is like, in that moment, I realized
that the power was within me, not in anyone else.
(44:03):
So I think that every moment, every everything that we
do gives us the choice that we're going to feel joyful, happy, helpful, balanced,
all of these things when we praise the Lord. We
(44:23):
make the right choices. We take the time to sometimes
turn around when you've walked away from something. I've had
experiences when I've jumped in my car and whatever and said,
you know, I could have taken time just to stop
over to see you know, so and so, gone to
the hospital, see somebody that was that was sick, or
(44:43):
make a telephone call or whatever. And I said, I
have the time to do that. I think that I don't,
and I tell myself I don't, But then I'm disappointed
in myself because I didn't do that. Disappointing doesn't feel
real good. I want my legacy. I wanted my legacy.
I gotten to that point in my life where realizing
(45:07):
that the more that I do that is Godly brings
a legacy to me that feels happy and joyful and
always stopping for a second and seeing, is this really
(45:29):
do you have the time to do this? Of course
you do. Don't walk away from it. And just know
that everything that you do that is praising other people
or serving other people is the exact thing that God
is asking all of us to do. It's not about
(45:51):
sitting back and saying someone's wrong or giving judgment to something.
There's so much of that darkness in our lives. I
see it all the time in books that we read,
or things that you see on television, or just watching
somebody live a life that is you know, you just
know that that you wouldn't want that, and you don't
(46:13):
want even want it for them, and so you pray
for them, You pray for their their their legacy that
at the end of it, the legacy is to find
yourself with God and living a life that He wants
us to live. So as thinking about legacy and the
(46:33):
fact that how I view what I do may not
always be what somebody else might see in me. And
so maybe the question that I would ask is how
do people you know look at me and see who
I am? I really can't answer that question for them,
(46:56):
But what I can do is that I can pay
a tension to how people react to maybe something that
I do or say, because the truth of the matter
is that what we say, how we act, and who
(47:18):
we are is exactly who we are. That is who
we are, and that's what they're seeing. And I don't
know that that is that mirror in front of me
that sees me in a different way than somebody else does.
But I can share with you that I've had times
(47:40):
in my life where someone you know has come to
me and said, I'm sure that you probably didn't mean
anything by this, but you made somebody feel uncomfortable, and
I would just feel horrible about that, because it's I
don't think it's not just my idea that we don't
(48:00):
want to hurt somebody, but it's everybody doesn't really want
to hurt someone or say the wrong thing, or cross
over in a conversation that's not necessary to do, or
to comment on it or whatever. And so I'm very
mindful of that and try to always put my best
(48:24):
foot forward and just be better. And I say that
a lot because there's always so much room to improve
what we want to do and how we treat other
people and how they see us as far as our
legacy is concerned. That we can learn a lot from
(48:45):
that their reactions and how they treat us back. And
those are the things that I think that we need
to be extremely mindful of and take that to heart
and pray that we make some changes that are going
to be better for us. So I want to talk
about the fact that and the belief, but the belief
(49:10):
is a true belief because it's never too late to
ever do something. Sometimes what we think that, but it's
just not true. So I'll give you an example. So
I shared with you some things where my father was concerned,
didn't really pay for anything, you know, basically told me
(49:30):
that he really didn't care whether he had a relationship
with me. And that was the time that I realized
my father did not love me, because he would never
say something like that. But the difference about that is
that I didn't respond to that the same way that
I might have because I knew that he really was
(49:55):
saying something that was painful. But that it's not that
I didn't believe that he didn't love me, but I
didn't believe that there was things that I needed to
do to get his love, to attract that love, because
I just saw my mom do so many things that
were right. I knew that I wasn't the person that
(50:18):
made that love go away or did something that would
cause him to not love me. And so, as all
people do, they get older. And when he did get older,
he had a heart attack and he was in a wheelchair,
and many years had gone by, and he really had
(50:41):
the joy of having all of his kids around him,
some of them going there and taking care of him.
He had turned ninety and we had a big birthday
party for him, and I remember going to and just
(51:02):
being myself like nothing had ever happened. And the reason
that I did that was because it's never too late.
It's never too late to give him the opportunity to
say that he's sorry, not to any of us kids,
but to God, and to realize that there was things
(51:24):
that were said that were hurtful to all of the kids,
to not see that there was food on the table,
or he was gone and for days and they had
to take care of themselves. I mean, there was really
some bad times. And so I really think that there
is great importance that no matter what happens, whatever has
(51:48):
happened to you, that it's never too late to like,
maybe you've said something to somebody that really hurt them
and you're just you'd been thinking about this for years
and yet you really haven't done anything about it, and
you want to go and say that you're sorry because
(52:12):
you knew that you were wrong, and you've never taken
that time to do that. And if that person is
still here, on this earth. It is never too late.
And the other thing that I think is really important,
don't expect that that person is just going to open
up their arms to you, because maybe they're not that person.
(52:33):
Maybe it hurt them so badly or something that took
place that they didn't care if you ever came back
and said that you were sorry. But you need to
do it for yourself. You need to do it because
it's the right thing to do. I've seen so many
people that have regrets and they kind of live with
(52:56):
those regrets when in fact, all they have to do
is to reach out and not expect, like I said,
for something to be the way they want it to be,
because they only want to go and do that and
reach out if they know that they're not going to
be sorry for doing it. And so that's not what
(53:19):
this is about. This is about it's never too late
for you, for us, for me to stand up and
do the right thing or address something that's been really
hurting us, carrying these bricks around for so many years
(53:42):
and realizing that it's time to set those down. So
we forgive because it's the right thing to do, and
it's the right thing for us, and that's the way
that we continue to do that. It doesn't mean that
just because you go and do that that all of
a sudden you're not going to think about it again.
(54:05):
There's plenty of times when both my mother and father
are passed away. I'm sure they're up there right now
in this room, listening to you to this and looking
at each other and hugging each other and loving each other.
And those are the things that they should have done
a whole lot more while they were here. But they're
(54:27):
doing it now and that's what counts and really addressing
that and hearing this. I can feel them around me
right now and the love that they have, and I
feel loved always, especially where my mom is concerned. But
I know that my father regrets it. I know that
(54:50):
he loves me, and I'm happy for the opportunity to
be able to go to his birthday because it was
never too late to do that and have all of
his family around him and talk about the good things.
This was a guy that went to second grade, but
(55:11):
he spoke five different languages. This was someone that was
so dedicated to never being poor again that you could
put him in New York stript and he'd come out
on top because he had his story, he had his
(55:33):
hard times, and so it's never too late.
Speaker 2 (55:45):
While will never be God, we can strive to be
more like God and how we live each day. God
has given us clear instructions for how to live a
godly life. To give thanks for the life God has
given us. To be honest and trustworthy. To love one another,
to serve each other, to be forgiving and passionate, to
be kind and extend grace, to be patient, to put
(56:08):
God first, To spend time in prayer and meditation so
that we can have a deeper relationship with Him. To
read the Bible so we know how to act each day.
God knows that sometimes we slip, and He forgives us
for it, encouraging us to stand back up, to try again,
and to keep doing what is right and godly. This
(56:31):
week on Relentless Hope, Shayvon, lifestyle pioneer and co founder
and CEO of WBTVN, the women's broadcast television network, taught
us on how to keep striving to be more Godly
in our everyday lives. Shay opened up about her parents'
divorce when she was just seven years old and the
(56:51):
amazing influence that her mother had on her life. We
heard how Shay's mother taught her the value of hard
work and commitment, and how to give unconditional love, stability,
and safety to children, and also how to be a
good listener. Shay taught us that leadership is about stepping
forward and leading by example. We learn that leadership shows
(57:12):
people who we really are. Shay also encouraged us to
bring God into our lives, to lead as he has shown,
and to try to be more Godly in our thoughts
and acts. As Shay reminded us, Jesus is our model,
and she urged us to keep turning to Him to
show us what leadership looks like. Shay also inspired us
(57:34):
to focus on how we're living our lives every moment
of every day. As Shay taught us, the choices we make,
the acts we take, the times when we talk to
God asking for help or to praise His greatness, all
of these moments create the story of our lives. And
Shay invited us to be grateful and to give thanks
to God every day. And we learned that it's never
(57:56):
too late to do what's right, that if we have regrets,
if we have said done something that has harmed someone else,
to apologize without worrying or fear how they'll react. As
Shay said, we apologize because it's what's right. God does
not expect us to be perfect, so we shouldn't expect
that of ourselves either. But He wants us to keep
(58:16):
trying to be better, to be more honest and compassionate,
kind and passionate, loving and forgiving. He wants us to
be more like him and to walk in Jesus' footsteps.
And God reminds us that he is there to help.
By turning to the Bible, by turning to prayer and meditation,
we can invite God to help us become more Godly,
(58:36):
to make the right choices in our lives, and to
be shining examples for the people around us of God.
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