September 12, 2023 • 46 mins
Long before he was one of America's most beloved TV dads, TIm Allen was an inmate in federal prison. He was busted on major cocaine charges. Forget Jay Z, Tim Allen was pushing real weight in those days before he found fame. And he kinda paid a price for it; but it definitely made him the man and superstar he is today.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Elizabeth Dutton, Well, Zaron Brunette. So nice to see you,
so good to see You've been good.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
I've been great.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I got a question for if you got a second yeh, yes, sure.
Do you know what's ridiculous I do, dude to share.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
With the Okay? You know, like, viral videos are pretty
ridiculous generally speaking. Yeah, there's one that came out last year,
twenty twenty two of this dude. I think you've probably
seen it. He's a like a he's at a ballpark,
and he's at Yankee Stadium, and he gets a beer,
and he gets a hot dog, and he takes a
straw and he hollows out the hot dog yes, and
then uses it the hot dog straw for beer, which
(00:37):
I think is completely ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yes, there it is really. No is the hidden mashup?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
No, there is a hidden mashup. Okay, So I'm not
the only one who thought that that was ridiculous. Everybody
thought it was ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
We all agreed on that.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Including Oscar Meyer. Oh no, Oscar Meyer has a hot
dog straw available. Now I'm not made out of real
hot dog. What it's made of silicone, so it's reusable.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
What's the point, because it's the it's.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
The funny anyway. It's a tube steak shaped straw made
out of silicone. And then this article in the takeout
notes a material often used to simulate the feel of
human skin. Oh, the straw is intended to be a
reusable item that you can use. And I okay, So
you go to the website the hot Dog Straw websitemyer
(01:30):
dot com, which I've been going to every bleeping morning.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Hitting refreshed refreshment.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Yeah, because okay, it says, pre order your hot dog
straw today, and I give them my name. I give
them my email address, which is a coveted state secret.
I give them my phone number. Can you believe that
I give them my address, I give them headquarters address,
and then like, okay, you check that you're at least
eighteen years old, and then you enter your name. You know,
(01:59):
you say like, okay, you're gonna send me garbage, like
you know, emails and stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Okay, fine, admitting to the garbage.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Fine, whatever, I want a straw, you have to enter
one of those captures like I'm not a robot. Ok Yeah,
then you click pre order now, and every single day
it comes back to me. Sorry, you know, we're sold
out for today. Try again tomorrow. Done this every morning
since I found out about it, I try and get
(02:24):
bright and early. I got to get up earlier, man, okay,
and so anyway, no purchase necessary void. We're prohibited, which
I think these should be prohibited in the at least
the lower forty eight. Like I said, you gotta be
over eighteen, which, like that's creepy. It says all supplies
last ends September fifth, twenty twenty three.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Well, you only have a few more days of that.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
I'm pretty sure that people are going to hear this
episode after September fifth.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Oh okay, so they won't be competition for you.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
They'll just have like a toime. We'll just have a
time capsule of my frustration.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
My fingers are crossed for the appointment, but you get
this fleshy.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Someone's got to get me one of these hot dog straws.
I asked Oscar Meyer personally. They I went to his house.
I asked them. They didn't answer me. We'll try again, Oscar,
can you hear me? They don't answer me. So anyway,
I want a hot dog straw and it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
That is damn ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
It is the end.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
It should still be a real hot dog. Yes, but
I got one for you if you got a second,
if you're done thinking about hot dogs ever. No, okay, well,
this one's online rumors about celebrities. Oh I love those,
I know you do, right, But most of the time
they're kind of nonsense. No, like like there's the one
that mister Rogers was a sniper in Vietnam with one
hundred and fifty confirmed kills, a rumor that's not true.
(03:37):
The story goes he was an assassin extraordinary for either
the Marines or the Navy Seals. Just see it go
both ways. The rumor is so widespread online that the
Navy Seals have actually put out a statement that said, quote,
we have to state it is false.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Yeah, well who would think such a thing?
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Well, good thing you asked that, because you ever heard
the one about Derek Jeter, Oh boy and the swag bags.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
I don't know refresh Derek.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Was known to have or the rumor is is he
was known to give out swag bags to all of
his one night stands. Yeah you hear that? In like
online circles bock sports fans and sorry, goes that Derek Jeter,
who was known to enjoy the New York night life,
he would find someone fun and go, hey, you should
come home with me. After their night together. In the morning,
the woman would wake up alone, Derek Jeter gone, and
(04:21):
in his place would be a swag bag. And in
this wag bag would be some gifts, you know, lotions
on gents whatnot, and an autographed baseball and the picture
of jal Yeah. And then the woman perused her bag
of goodies and looked at the Derek Jeter autograph baseball.
A car home would be called for her. Oh the story,
and everybody believed it. And Derek Jeter has said, and
I quote, it's a dumb story and you really have
(04:42):
to be dumber to believe it.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
He's like, I give them nothing. Yeah, so like I said,
but it's like when you fly first class and they
give you the little bag of like you know, imass.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yes, exactly, but it's just the Derek Jeter versus yeah,
and then throw in the autograph baba yeah. Wow, some
of these there's a bunch of wild celebrity rumors out
there right but some of them. Sometimes, Elizabeth, the rumor
it really seems true. Okay. For instance, there's one that
there's a celebrity who is a beloved TV dad and
he's long rumored to have been a major cocaine dealer
(05:13):
in the seventies. Could these online rumors be true?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
I hope.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I think you are the answer to that. I think
I do. This is Ridiculous Crime, a podcast about absurd
(05:42):
and outrageous capers, heists and cons. It's always ninety nine
percent to free and ridiculous ridiculous. Oh, Elizabeth, yes, no,
it's me. Have you ever heard the rumors that long
before he was America's sweetheart, Tim the tool Man tailor
in those hungry years, before he was beloved Buzz light
(06:03):
Year Daring space Ranger, long before he was the Archie
Bunker reboot in The Last Man Standing, Tim Allen was
an inmate in prison doing hard time for pushing cocaine
in the disco disco seventies. Really it's a true story.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
I steer clear of Tim Allen news.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I kind of wondered about that. Well, I'm going to
tell you all about it today, Okay. Now, just on
the face of it, when I was doing this research.
I was surprised by how many beloved former TV dads
are now criminal TV dads. Oh yeah, obviously there's Bill Cosby, right,
And then there's the guy from Seventh Heaven, Stephen Collins.
I don't know if you know this, but I once
worked with him.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
You did it?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Yeah, and with Jessica Biel, who was very nice, and
that oldest kid from the show, Barry. That guy was
a dick.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Wait all you say I worked with him on Seventh Heavens.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yes, I was on Seventh Heaven. Yeah, and I definitely
got bad vibes from that dude on the set. I
was not surprised. Heaven I owned a jazz globe.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Oh my god, he just.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Jazz club on seventh Times.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
I just can't with it.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
In the seventh the world I owned property.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Have you have you heard of that guy who on
I see him on Instagram. I think he might have
He might do stuff on TikTok of like the the
videos where he recaps Seventh Heaven.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Oh yes, I'm familiar with this guy. I've always been
secretly kind of hoping he would cover the episode I
was in, although I don't think it has enough sillyness
for him to really mocks General seventh even silliness. Yes
he could, yeah, but obviously, I mean the whole plot
line I was involved in was pretty ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
His name is Rob Anderson.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
So if you go to Instagram and you look at
Rob Anderson, which I think he's heart throbber on Rob Anderson.
I just looked this up super fast.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Anyway, he does really funny videos, and I'm going to
send him a message.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
And be like, you should do this.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Find the one with Zaren owning a jazz club.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
God no, I got Yeah. So when the grand scheme
of things, My point is when you compare Tim the
Toolman Taylor, you know Tim Allen, he really comes out
on top compared to some of the other criminal TV dads.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Well, yeah, because Seventh Heaven guy.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Yeah, I mean all you got busted all Tim Allen
got busted for with some coke. Yeah. Now, I know
you don't watch TV, Elizabeth, No, I never seen it
before I tell you about him. I gotta ask, how
familiar are you with Tim Allen?
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Not really? I never watched the tool Time show was
Home Home Improvement. I never really watched it. I knew
sort of like the language of it from you know,
pop culture, that sort of thing of the.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Guy like you know about his grunts.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Yeah, yeah. And then the dude at the fence. There's
someone at a fence, okay, yeah, Cam Anderson was on it.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Yeah, I can it's good.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
And then what's the boy Jonathan Taylor, Yes, Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas recommended Jonathan Taylor Thomas is going on it.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
And then there was another boy.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
On there, three sons. So the guy he was, as
you have kind of pieced together, this tool loving, muscle
car driving middle class American yet also somehow a blue
collar hero.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
What happened to the mom?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Oh yes, well let's see you know okay, so home
industrial accident Patricia Heaton, Yes, there was a mom on
the show. Yeah, there was a mom, Patricia Heaton.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
I thought he was like a single dad.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Oh god, no, no, no, no, he could get.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
He never watched it, so I thought he was like
a single dad just using tool No.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
No, no, no. Like basically in the in the late nineties,
this dude was a thinking man's Jeff Foxworthy right. He
was a high bar a low bar rather it's a bar.
He was the duck hunting man sophisticated friend. He was
the blue collar guy's TV surrogate, right, So that's why
he was mister Detroit before Eminem took away that tight. Okay,
the guy was basically before Duck Dynasty and Dirty Jobs.
(09:47):
There was Tim Allen.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
That's that's his old hair and stuff.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Kind not really though. So his sitcom Home of Room,
and it's a riff on Bob Beula's old this old house.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Right, So he has on his show a show within
the show, and that's it's a woodworking show. And so
he plays this guy who's got his woodworking show and
he teaches you how to rebuild a window, sash, things
like that. Right. And the show, you know, premier in
nineteen ninety one, so it was like ran all through
the nineties. Lasted eight seasons, two hundred and four episodes,
hit syndication. Right. But the other thing you know is
the family. They were key to it. The Taylor family.
(10:19):
No anyway, mother's Papa Bear. That's Tim, Tim Taylor, Tim
the toolman Taylor, his wife Jill, who was alive, and okay,
there was three boys. There was Brad and Randy and
and Toddathan. Oh sorry, I read that wrong. It's Mark.
It's Mark. So the family is from Detroit and they
live in the Detroit suburbs. Right, And the best part
(10:41):
of the show you already keyed in on is the
neighbor Wilson.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
He was the dude.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
He was played by a fence and a fishing.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Hat and a volleyball.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
No, you never saw him. He was just all you
ever saw was the top of his hat. And so
he's just always hidden by the fence. And so he
basically is there to be like Tim's little voice. He's
like he's the only real adult on the show, like
he would. He was like externalized his little voice. And
he's got this neighbor who tells him how to like
fix whatever problem he's created. Okay, all right, So then
also there, you know, as he told you, there's the
show tool time. He's got his host, al the guy
(11:09):
with the beard, this.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Stricken Oh yeah, yeah, he's like his little buddy. Yes,
it kind of looks like this old house bubb exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
It's a very much a nod to.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
He wears a lot of flannel plaid.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yes, yes he was, he was. It was him and grunge.
In the nineties they were giving hall mad LLB and flannel.
Now Pamela Anderson, as you pointed out, was on the show.
She played the tool girl. Because it was the early nineties,
that was her name, but she had a name character name.
I can't I don't remember tool girl. Yes, if she
was the show's toolgirl or anyway. She wrote about the
(11:43):
show and her memoir Love Pamela, which came out recently.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Was an interesting character that it is, dude, I.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Had kind of give it up to her. Her progression
as a person very interesting, she said. And I quote,
on the first day of filming, I walked out of
my dressing room and Tim was in the hallway in
his robe. He opened his robe and flat me quickly,
completely naked underneath. He said it was only fair because
he had seen me naked. Now we're even, I laughed, uncomfortably.
Now so after he showed off his.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Personal short rage building inside of me and go continue.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Pam Handlerston said that Tim Allen then quote ran back
to his room and he was embarrassed all day and
acting like a little giddy school boy. Yeah right, Oh,
the nineties when a man's shortcomings was a constant work
site issue in Hollywood. So Tim Allen he as I
told you you called it. He was known for a
stand up grunts. His catch phrase, men are pigs.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
This was his catch phrase that was in.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
His stand up. He had in his stand up, he
had this whole thing about it. Yeah, I met her
pigs and you're like grunting stuff. So he tried to
embody this vibe. But you know that healthy safe, This
is normal kind of way, right.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Right, normalizing the misogyny, go for it.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
To be fair to Tim Allen, he claims his whole
incident that I told you about what the robe never happened.
He told Variety, No, it never happened. I would never
do such a thing. And in February this year, Pam
Manderson responded to Tim Allen's recent denial and she said, quote,
he has to deny it because look at the times Wren.
If he said, oh, yeah, I did it, he'd beat
a lot of these stories are just the tip of
the iceberg.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
So oh wow, you know, I gotta bet she has
got some stories to tell that he didn't make it
into her book, which I've not read.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
She could probably write a few memoirs I would imagine
just the show Barbed Wire. Just that one alone deserves
its own book. So Honeyway Home Improvement was a very
nineties show, right, the very nineties star. It sets the tempo,
the culture, and as you are about to learn the
male star, he may have been feeling a bit invulnerable
and a bit invincible after he'd beaten the odds and
become you know, he beaten the ods not once, but twice.
(13:38):
He had done the near impossible. He become a major
Hollywood star without any family connections, no nepo baby this
time out right, he came out of Detroit, but he
also faced life in prison as a cocaine kingpin, and
he managed to finesse his way out of that too. God,
this is like that's winning a lottery twice. I guess
he was facing life in prison and he went on
to become a huge star wild right.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Now, Now many people know that Tim Allen was a
coke dealer, but some do. The story is usually just
a blurb in like a Hollywood stars before they were
famous story like you find on BuzzFeed or whatever.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Stars they're just like us, exactly, they've.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Been busted for coke two now I went out. I
did the research for you, Elizabeth, Thank you. I found
the goods, the details that rarely go reported right And
do you know where I found these details?
Speaker 3 (14:17):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
In an appeal in a federal court for one of
his co defenders. Always go to the court documents. But anyway,
so there's a big reason why most of the details
of the story aren't on the internet. Tim Allen changed
his name. Oh yes, can you guess his birth name?
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Timothon?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Very close? Tim Dick stock rather Timothy Dick. Born in Denver, Colorado,
in nineteen fifty three. He grew up in an idyllic
mid century American family. He lived that post war prosperity
dream you know that birthed the ideal of a middle
class suburban America. He lived that. He was that kid
in the jeans watching westerns on TV, growing up to
(14:56):
drive a sixties Muscles car when it was brand new,
and in his case, grow his hair long and du drugs,
but not like a hippie. He did it like the
seventies stuff. Yeah, cocaine, baby, now, Tim Allen. He was
no stranger to tragedy, though, so you should feel a
little sorry for him. There was one shock in particular
shape his life's course. When he was eleven, his father
died in a car accident. It was a devastating blow
(15:17):
to little Tim Allen's all right, And as he said,
and I quote, I loved my father more than anything.
He was a tall, strong, funny, really engaging guy. So
I enjoyed his company, his smell, sensibility, discipline, sense of humor,
all the fun stuff we did together. I couldn't wait
for him to come home. See, like I said, total
mid century American dream. He had a great, healthy father.
He loved. His father was the one who gave him
(15:37):
the love of cars. Right, So that made it extra
extra painful that a car would claim his father's life.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Horrific.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
The driver was a drunk driver, so it's double the tragic.
Tim Allen has said in a quote, A car cross
crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, landed on my dad's car.
I don't blame cars. My dad love cars. I don't
have many memories of my dad. The love of cars
is all I have of him. Really, right, Start to
feel a little bad? No, yeah, okay, Well he was
lucky in that After he lost his father, a replacement
(16:03):
father stepped in. His mom reconnected with her high school boyfriend. Yeah,
they started talking. They eventually married. Hell to Tim Allens,
he said the guy was a metch. He took on
his family of him and his couple brothers. They all
moved together in the suburb outside of Detroit. So he
moved now from Denver to Detroit, just like his show
Home Improvement, which takes place in a suburb of Detroit.
(16:24):
And so I guess in the show he was playing
his stepfather.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Really, it's kind of wild right anyway. Overtime, Tim Allen.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
A version of his father that never got to be realized.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Oh look at you the poet. Yes, and Tim Allen
he's able to recover from the tragic loss. He grows up.
He goes on to graduate from high school, goes off
to college. He tends Central Michigan University. He doesn't finish
there because he transfers to Western Michigan. While he was there,
he'd meet his future wife. And that's also where he
met someone else new to him, someone who would also
shape his future, missus Kolkayen, and she had plans for
(16:55):
Tim Dick's future. Okay, let's take a little brack Elizabeth.
But after these messages we'll get into the real nitty
gritty of his days. Is Tim the Kochman Allen ye
back in two and two?
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Okay, Elizabeth, Hey, I gotta ask you something.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Oh please go hit me.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
What was the name of your jazz club on Seventh Heaven?
Speaker 2 (17:30):
You didn't have a name? What I know? It was
just Actually that's not true. It did have a name.
Oh my god, it did have a name. Give me
a second. Me think of the dialoguecause I say it
in the name the so and so is proud to
you know, bring to the stage, mister so and so,
like I do say the name. I totally cannot remember it.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Jazz cat boys.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I may have done a little bit of jazz cat No,
I was younger, so it was what goes that producerative?
Was your character's name Dizzy?
Speaker 4 (17:58):
To me?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
He was? To me, that's who he was.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
He the heartbreaker Dizzy.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
The heartbreaking club owner. But I gave that kid a chance.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Well think let it, think on it and try and perkolate.
See if I can think.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Okay, so, where were that's right? With the coke Man
Taylor h different tale of Hollywood Glens.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
I just couldn't hold it in.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
So at first, our man Tim Ollen, he was just
a coked just a college coke head, but he liked
coke more than the typical coke head. So he's like,
you know, I need more access to this cocaine. So
he decided I'm going to sell some. That way I
get a little sum for me. My coke is free
if I sell enough. He's like, this works out. Good
for Tim.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Do something you love. You never work a day in your.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Life, exactly, find the job you want dressed for. I
don't know. Anyway, Being in college in the early or
mid seventies, it was easy to move small amounts of cocaine.
There was a market, you know, because coke was back baby,
you know, seriously, not since the nineteen twenties and thirties
had coke been it. Yeah, backly that was what you know,
that would have been. Freud was a cocaine magnet. That's
when cocaine had its thing, right. It was this big
(18:57):
nineteen twenties thirties era. Then it falls away in the war.
Meth kind of pops up in the war because it
helped keep soldier awake. But then it's all about like
heroin in the fifties Vietnam heroin, and then finally in
the seventies, Miami starts going, hey, he wants a cheap cocayene,
and boom and explodes across the country and all of
a sudden, cocaine is back.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
And then for the eighties, yes, and.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Tim Allen was right there for it. He was like, dude,
I love the cocayene. Anyway, he eventually graduated from having
a little extra coke to being a coke dealer, so
now he's just straight up coke dealer. Then he starts
hanging out with the sort of people that you meet
when you deal cocaine in Detroit in the seventies, right,
see the mounts he was selling and the mountain he
was making in profits. They both keep climbing. He's like,
this is good. I'm good at this. I'm gonna do
this for a while.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
But as he claims, he was still trying to get
over the shocking loss of his father. Okay, so he
liked coke mostly because it left him both lifted and numb,
and that was the feeling he was going, huh, So
that devil drug cocaine. It starts slowly eroding his future
without him paying attention. Because he's lifted in numb right
out from underneath him. There goes his future. In the meantime,
he becomes this Detroit cocaine kingpin just kind of sleep
(19:59):
walks right into it. Try to imagine Tim Allen walking
into a cocaine deal in nineteen seventies Detroit, like I
like to picture it. I know it's wrong, but like
in a pimp suit, which, like I said, I know
it's wrong, but none of this is right. So he
has a feather in his fur fedora, he has a
bird on his shoulder. He's got a cane with like
a goldfish swimming in the glass ball that's the handle.
(20:21):
Just let your imagination with Elizabeth.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
I'm just imagining him in the seventies walking in and
like a polo shirt tucked into his dad jeans, his
nineties dad jeans.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
No, honestly, he was more like blue jeans, stained shirt
and like you know, a button down kind of maddress
kind of you know, the look makes sense. Yeah, right,
So anyway, dude was twenty five years old and he
was months away from losing it all. Now, just for
prospective's sake, Yeah, what were some of his contemporaries doing
at that same age. Let's take businessman Mark Cuban. He
(20:51):
also had a you know, a wandering youth. He was
a bartender in Dallas. He's recalled his days in his book,
How to Win at the Sport of Business. Quote to Dallas,
I was struggling, sleeping on the floor with six guys
in a three bedroom apartment. I used to drive around,
look at the big houses and imagine what would it
be like to live there and use that as motivation.
So there he is sleeping on the floor with six
(21:12):
dudes in a three bedroom apartment. Okay, No, that's not
quite as bad as cocaine, but it sounds like it anyway.
So that's, you know, it's basically normal twenty five year
old guy behavior.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
Mark Cuban and Tim tim Apple. They're the same.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Age roughly, okay, and he doesn't not exactly but a
little older. But she's also a fellow future inmate, Martha Stewart.
What was she doing when she.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Was twenty f Was she a model?
Speaker 6 (21:35):
Then?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Good call Elizabeth old inmate five five one seven zero
dash oh five to four when she was twenty five
years old. Future inmate street name M Diddy, she was
doing stay at home mothering she had, Oh you were correct,
though she'd spent five years working as a stockbroker. Before that,
she was a fashion model where she worked for Chanel
and others. So boom she had done stockbroking, fashion modeling,
(21:58):
all that, and then boom wouldn't bems at home mother?
Speaker 3 (22:00):
I love her?
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
I think she then had to start a catering business
and that was or she started. She did it aligned
with her.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
She started catering business after she'd been home for a year.
She's like, I need to do something. Starts her catering business,
which becomes Martha Stewart's empire that today. Okay, back to
Tim Allen, what was he doing it twenty five?
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Call him Tim Apple.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Well, we already know he was doing cocaine, so we
also know he was He was good enough at that
to become a Detroit coke dealer. So now you may
be wondering, Okay, sure is Aaron Tim Allen was a
Detroit coke dealer. But what kind of Detroit coke dealer?
Speaker 5 (22:32):
Was he? A?
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Really comedic one great.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Question, Elizabeth, I like this. You brought you a game today.
In crime parlance. He was a not good at being
a coke dealer. Coke dealer, like I would say that
he was bad at it.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Yeah, So the year was nineteen seventy eight. Future Tim
Allen was just months away from being busted and losing
his life to a prison sentence. Now, as I told you,
there are a few details online, but I found the
co defendant's federal appeal which laid out Tim Allen's whole
cocaine dealing days. Uh huh, okay, Elizabeth's time to crack
that bad boy. You're ready, yes, okay. Here are the
facts that is testified in court. There are two men,
Charles Willett and Donald Cobb. They were big time coke
(23:06):
deal It's real deal. They're they're plug for cocaine. Was
a man named Dennis McCarthy. You'll notice that there are
no Spanish names in this so far. Welcome to the
Detroit cocaine scene in the nineteen seventies. There's a lot
of white guys. So Dennis McCarthy from Holland, Michigan, nicknamed
the Tulip City. It's a suburb he.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Was named, and then just the city.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
So the suburb of Grand Rapids Michigan is Holland, Holland, Michigan. Right,
See the other guy's will It and Cobb. They live
up in Traverse, Michigan, which is a smaller, unincorporated town
in Michigan. It's up at the western tip of the
Upper Peninsula. Yeah, so will It and Cobb. They would
charter a plane and fly down to Holland where they
would meet their hook up there and they'd buy a
pound of cocaine or whatever you you know, whatever much
(23:47):
then they'd fly back to the Upper Peninsula where they'd
sell out that pound of cocaine. Even though it's a rural,
underpopulated area. This was the seventies, so the cocaine sells
it I think.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
It doesn't even have to be. It's the seventies. You'd
be surprised what goes on in rural areas.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Cocaine was still kind of a new drug. So it
had made it up to the Upper Peninsula where they
were able to sell like you know, the space comes things.
It wasn't just Studio fifty four types were lusting after
the white lady. They were selling a quarter pound of
cocaine every two to three days.
Speaker 5 (24:12):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
See that's what I said. First, anyway, will let he
hears about this new coke suppliers. He's thinking, I can
get better deals the big players from Florida. He's told
everybody knows that's where the cocaine is coming from. So
he's this dude's so big, he's only known by initials
mw okay. So the coke dealer McCarthy tells will It
about this supplier and he's gonna come up to Michigan
for a visit. You guys got to get on this.
May twenty third, nineteen seventy eight. Will It Charters A
(24:35):
plane flies down from Travis to Holland his supplier McCarthy
picks him up the local airport. They all drive back
to McCarthy's apartment. They bed down for the night. I
like to imagine the coke dealer that had like pajamas
laid out for.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
The Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
He's like, you know, very thoughtful, very tasteful, very modern. Yeah,
very Martha Stewart. Anyway, the next day they drive down
to Kalamazoo, Michigan. They hit up the home of the
new supplier. His dud's name is Bradley's Shruck, right. His
initials are not MW. That's because he is not that guy,
but he he is tight with that guy, and he
is from Florida. Anyway, He's not the big supplier, he's
the big suppliers contact. So he's like, talk to me,
I'll talk to MW.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
Right.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
So Shock promises to drive Will and McCarthy over to
the closest red roof d for a cocaine deal.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
God, I love the root I've never been to one.
I just love referencing.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Oh my god, if you're gonna do a coke deal
in a small to medium sized to your city, it's
happening at a red roof And if you were staying
at a red roof in, you are either a criminal
or you are dating one. Like that's just the rule. Anyway.
So they rock up at this red roof in I've
been to plenty, I can tell you that's the truth.
And they meet this dude at MW and he is
the supplier. Right, he's got a briefcase with him. Right,
(25:37):
It's like an eighties police show. There's like a cheap motel,
a briefcase of money, some tester vials of cocaine. It's
all white guys. It's just like what's going on here? Anyway?
MW cracks up in the briefcase. He indeed has a
ton of cash and a bunch of cocaine. He tells
the interested parties it'll be four thousand dollars an ounce. Now,
let me translate that for you, Elizabeth, because since there
is about twenty eight and a one third gram in
(26:00):
and outs, I know it's all from my pot growing days.
That's basically it works out that four thousand dollars an
ounce breaks down to about one hundred and forty dollars
a gram. Okay, right, that's expensive cocaine. Okay, but these
duws are down. They were like, ah, we'll take it
Detroit prices or whatever. So they tested the vials for
the purity of the coke. The color was right. They
buy a trial gram and they go back to Shock's
(26:21):
motel room. He's also got a room at the same
red roof in so they're like, yeah, let's go rail
up some coke. They try it themselves. They're like whoo,
it's surreal deal. They go back like knock knock knock,
and make a future arrangement for a cocaine deal a
big one man. They fly back to travers Michigan. This
is where the mouse of the jungle takes down the lion. Already,
the charter plane company these folks that they've been growing
(26:43):
suspicious of these local flyboys and their fast ass lifestyle.
So the bookkeeper from the charter plane company, she phoned
the state Police with a hot tip and they're like,
oh yeah, tells the cops are fairly certain some local
boys are smuggling drugs on their charter plane. Boom, now
they got attention the whole operations under a microscope. Things
go bad for Wilton cop because they hadn't just chartered planes.
(27:03):
They had had pilots on the planes. They couldn't fly
these small planes, so they had these pilots. So now
they have witnesses and overhear them talking and they know
their delivery schedules. They have like it's terrible. This is
bad news for the one to be cocaine kingpins. Worst
news is that Michigan State Police coordinated with the charter
company and they arrange for their next flight to be
piloted by undercover cops. So now they are totally screwed.
(27:25):
By June, it takes like a couple of weeks, will
it figures out he's under surveillance. He's like, those are cops,
those are not silent. So what does he do, Elizabeth,
I don't know. He rats himself out. He goes directly
and he goes, I want to confess. He confesses everything.
He doesn't even know if he's under like real investigation.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Just before he even like broke deal.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
He goes to them and just goes, Hey, I'm a
cocaine dealer and I'd like to tell you about my friends.
So he flips on everyone else involved. He's like, I'll
tell you anything you want to know as long as
I can avoid charges. Guy, You're like, who are you?
But his plan works. He's able to tell them who
he is and certify his plan, and so he flips.
He becomes an undercover in formant. Now he for a contact.
(28:06):
He gets this dude, Michael Pifer, and he's the undercover
Cup who becomes his handler. Right, so will it smoves
an intro for this cop Pifer. He introduces him to
his partner Cop and to his supplier McCarthy. The undercover
Cup he gets to work. He starts arranging deals. He
also wants to meet all the other dealers in this
coke neck work. Yeah, yeah, I just really want to
get into business with you guys. Everyone's like, cool, now
(28:26):
you made wondering Saron, I'm not hearing the name Tim
Allen in this, Elizabeth, that's a great question.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
His name is Dick.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
This is very good memory. This is where it comes in.
Old Tim Dick, Tim Allen, low level local dealer, college dealer.
He would get supplied by McCarthy who knows the Florida
contact shruck and MW. So Tim Allen. He also has
a partner in the cocaine business. It's his roommate, Gerald Mead.
So they live together, they push together, They just have
their lives entwined. Yeah, so Jerry Meade, Tim Dick. They're
(28:55):
running product like a student film version of Scarface.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
Right.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
So in July nineteen seidate, their new supplier MW shows
up at Jerry Ned's house and he brings with him
six ounces of cocaine. He tells Mead and Tim Allen
it's theirs to sell. He's even willing to front them
so they can pay him later. And they're like, oh,
thank god, because you know, we don't really have money
like that. So they agreed to the deal. He says,
we'll take a we'll just take two of or six ounces.
(29:18):
We can't we couldn't push all six ounces. They settle
on a price. The price nineteen hundred dollars an ounce.
So they're like, oh, they got a better price than
their original that we mentioned from the red roof in
right now, Meat and Tim Dick. They get busy. They
start flipping the two ounces as fast as they can.
The fastest way they think to do it is to
sell it all to Shock, and I'm like, these people
will know each other. I don't know how this plays out.
(29:39):
But then he doesn't have cash on him, so he
promises to pay a grand now and the rest later.
So he takes two ounces. Shock then goes to the
supplier McCarthy, and he sells them to He sells the
cocaine to McCarthy. It works its way back up the
other chain. He says, send the money to Jerry Mead
and Tim Dick. So now they're they're connect to sending
the money for cocaine. That they're it's all backers right.
(30:01):
A few days past, there's nineteen hundred and seventy five
dollars waiting for them at Western Union. Deal is done
and paid for it. Next they like this right, So,
as I said, at this point, Tim Allen Gary Mead,
they're not just coke dealers and partners. They're living together
in Kalamazoo, Michigan. So they're running like a mom and
pop coke shop, right for college kids and blue collar heroes. Right,
So you getting fronted all this cocaine. There's suppliers coming
(30:24):
around picking up the cash later. If they're making this work,
they don't know that there's there is a major investigation
going on with this, so they become of major interest
because they're moving a lot of coke. It at the
exact wrong time to be these star buyers or star sellers.
Rather summer rolls on August ninth, nineteen seventy eight, McCarthy
phones Tim Allen aka Tim Dick and tells the future
(30:45):
TV Dad he's got a buddy who wants to buy
four ounces of coke from him. Tim Allen's like, all right, bet,
when where what's the deal? McCarthy tells him, We'll come
to you, right, So he brings with him the buyer,
who is the undercover cop Pifer. They walk into tim
Allens place, which he share with Jerry mead, they'll go upstairs.
The supplier MW. Joins them a little later. He brings
with him a thermist. Everyone's like, oh, what's in the thermis?
(31:07):
Bro After a moment of intrigue, he's like, yeah, just
my souper, my launch. He untwists the thermist cap, he opens
and he pours into his hand the contents. His waiting
hand catches three quarters pounds of cocaine.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
And then they did something that surprise me. Tim Allen
decides to cut the coke right in front of the buyer.
The guy who's going to buy the coke. He's like,
let me just cut those for you. So he cuts
the cocaine. So he puts in like baby lacks it
over whatever white powder he is using to cut it.
This is nineteen seventy eight, Detroit. I don't know what
to tell you, Elizabeth. And then Tim Allen cuts the cocaine.
Then he and his partner sell it to the undercover
Cup for thirty nine hundred dollars and thirty nine eighty Right,
(31:42):
everyone's satisfied in such a mess exactly MW. He leaves
with his four ounces of coke from Tim Allen. That
it had been fronted to him as per usual, and
he's like, oh, yeah, I see if you can move
this right. So Tim Allen's like, yeah, I'll try to
see if I get some more. Here's the thing, Elizabeth,
Remember what I said about Tim Allen was not a
good coke dealer. Yeah, it's hard to see it. It's
like who are you. You're selling the buyer to sell
what's going on? And you're also cutting your coke in
(32:05):
front of your buyer like they don't know how to
cut the coke? I mean, are you charging them?
Speaker 3 (32:10):
I don't know, he didn't the buyer. Wait, you said
m w was the one with the thermos.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Yeah, so but he's giving it to McCarthy. So McCarthy
was his former supplier. So he's getting it from this
new supplier. And then Shruck who knows McCarthy has it,
go to Tim Allen and then go back up the
chain to him and then it makes no exactly, So
and d are breaking like two of Biggie's crack commandments.
It's just like he's living with his business partner and
it just makes no sense anyway. So, like I said,
(32:36):
not a good coke dealer days past he's not able
to sell this coke. He's been fronted most recently because
apparently he only has the one buyer. The guy's like,
I already got the coke. So he's like, try to
find some college kids. They can't. They aren't able to
move it. Now. As I said, he's got these ounces
of cocaine. He's trying to maybe he could work a deal.
So this is when the supplier McCarthy calls him. He's like, hey,
you and your partner, Jerry Mead, I got a good
(32:58):
news for you, you and your coke problem. I got
a buyer who wants a big purchase. And the guy's like,
who is He's like, oh, he wants to buy a
pound and a half of cocaine. Jerry Mead and McCarthy.
They settle on a price forty two thousand dollars for
a pound and a half of cocaine.
Speaker 6 (33:11):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Bad news for them was the buyer was the undercover
cop Fiver. So let's take a little break and then
I'll tell you what went down at the Kalamazoo Airport
that would forever change the course of Tim the Coke
ban Allen's life.
Speaker 4 (33:25):
Yes, O, great Elizabeth all Right, we're back.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Oh right, you're ready for some more cocaine?
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Okay, here we go. Tim Allen his partner Jerry Mead.
They'd set up their forty two thousand dollars coke deal
with an undercover cup So the deal.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
A lot of money now, okays, a lot of money?
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Then exactly, it's a big deal, a lot of money.
So it either be a huge payday for them or
they'll catch a prison sentence. Yeah, they got it a
coin flip. So, as it turns out, the state of
Michigan had just passed the law for mandatory minimum sentences
for drug deals. Tim Allen, due to the size and
scope of his drug deal, was facing a mandatory life
in prison sentence if he was busted, no exceptions. So
(34:22):
the cocaine cowboys at Detroit, they had or kept their
plan very simple. They decided they would meet at a
pre arranged spot in a very public space. I don't know.
They thought that would keep them safe. Tim Allen, he
picked the Kalamazoo Airport. That's how he'd seen it done
in a TV show. So he's like, I want to
do it like I saw in that team.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
He loves the TV what year is this.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Nineteen seventy eight. Okay, so it was like Hawaii or something.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
Nixon's War on drugs.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
Oh yeah, we're deep into all of that. Yeah. So
at this point they have a day and time set.
What happens next? Obviously we know did not go well.
But rather than me just tell you about Elizabeth, I'd
like you to close your eyes and picture it. You
are currently in the Kalamazoo Airport. The date is October second.
Outside the airport, there's a crispness in the air. It's
that refreshing feel of autumn. Inside the airport, it is
(35:09):
rather quiet. It's a small regional airport. Between flights, a
few announcements, some travelers, but mostly quiet. You are there
on a lark. You're flying to Bismarck, North Dakota. You
have a plan to meet a local bear expert who's
promised to take you out into the field so that
you can hug a bear. Yes, it's the seventies. Anything
as possible, Yes, and if you have some time to
yourself after leaving the Linda Rodstat tour as her tour.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Manage, Oh my god.
Speaker 5 (35:30):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
So as you sit in the fiberglass teardrop seat in
the waiting area. You flip through a copy of Life magazine,
but really it's just a cover for you to do
your people watching.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
I am loving my life.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Right now, you've been watching the middle aged woman behind
the ticket counter. You're convinced that she has a crush
on the guy who's working as the airport announcer, because
every time there's an announcement she smiles just a little.
Now though, right now, you're mostly focused on two shaggy haired,
mustached college kids. They came in together, but they're seated
across the airport from each other. They both keep looking
around like they're waiting for someone or for something. The
(36:02):
brown haired, mustachioed college kid, his name is Tim. You've
heard the other one call him that. Now he apparently
you don't know this, saw a TV show where some
criminals made an exchange like this, so that's why he's
here doing this. But you don't know all that. You
just see him looking super nervous there and there's the
other college kids seated across the tiny airport. He signals
to the brown haired one, who then pops up. He
takes a piece of luggage with him, and he walks
(36:23):
over the luggage lockers. He opens it up, slides the
bag in, takes the key, palms it. Looks around again.
You look back the other direction. You see there's a
man who's just entered the tiny quiet airport. He's wearing
a straw fedora, at least the summertime hat. It's October whatever.
He has on short sleeves in a tie once again,
okay whatever. He looks like he sells boats for a living.
The college kids walk right up to him. He doesn't
(36:44):
really say anything to them. Instead, he just reaches out
his hand for a handshake. You're curious how these two
groups know each other. The college kids don't look like
they're really in the market for a cabin cruiser, but anyway,
you do spot that He slyly passes the luggage locker
key to the guy in the straw fedora, and then
the two men part almost wordlessly. The college kid walks
over to the guy he came in with, while the
(37:05):
other guy walks over to the luggage locker. The guy
in the straw hat opens it. He takes out the bag.
He quickly unzips it, checks the contents, and then he
nods and boom, out of nowhere in Russia's state police.
They swore in the airport, guns drawn, barking orders at
the two shaggy headed college kids. You are loving, oh am,
I it start a real deal drug bust in Kalama Zoos.
(37:26):
As Tim Allen would later tell it, the next thing
I observed was a.
Speaker 4 (37:28):
Gun in my face.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
Oh I love this.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
So you just witnessed the drug bust that would change
Tim Allen's life. Now that he's officially busted, his life
and his future are over. He's staring down a life
sentence behind bars in a Michigan prison. So what does
Tim Allen do? Elizabeth?
Speaker 3 (37:44):
Does? She sing like a bird.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
That is how he ended up becoming the Tim Allen
beloved TV dad. He did. But we in the streets
call snitching. He snitched as hard as he could. He
snitched to anyone who would listen. And did it work?
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Apparently?
Speaker 2 (37:58):
You bet it did. A retired FBI agent who worked
the case quote, mister Allen was very reluctant to spend
the rest of his life in prison, so he decided
to play ball. The information he gave helped build several
other cases after the entire ordeal and to his credit.
He obviously went on to turn things around for himself
quite well. FBI. So what did the retired officer mean
(38:20):
when he said what information Tim Allen gave up? They
able to make several other cases.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
Like oh mw baby, they went after Martha Washington.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
He may be thinking of that. How hard exactly did
Tim Allen snitch?
Speaker 4 (38:33):
Hard?
Speaker 3 (38:33):
Is my guess, he to avoid a life sentence.
Speaker 4 (38:37):
Hard.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
I'll put it to you this way. He wasn't approached
to snitch. It was his idea. Oh, Tim Allen approached
the cops was like, who do I have to talk
to around here to snitch? So eventually he finds the
right person, and you called it. He sang like a
stool pigeon. He sang like a songbird in prison pajamas.
He told the prosecutors everything he knew about the Kalamazoo
(38:58):
drug scene. He told the cops who sold, who lived where,
who knew who, where they got their stuff from? Everything, Wow,
and it worked. The prosecutors agreed to drop the most
serious charges against them. But not only that, they agreed
to not prosecute him in Michigan and instead turn him
over to the FEDS. That meant he couldn't be sentenced
under Michigan's new life sentence for drug dealers. So Tim
(39:18):
Allen avoided a mandatory life in prison by snitching on
like twenty or thirty other people.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
Good for him.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
No, I may not respect snitches, right, but in his
crew of ne'er do wells, I don't hate this choice.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
No, not at all.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
I mean, these dudes, they're not the mafia. This is
not like Omerita. We got a code of silence. This
four Michigan three to four Michigan numbskulls, And.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
I'm gonna tell you they would do it just as
fast on him.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Oh yeah, himself in this instance. I mean, oh yeah,
it's like how modest mouse wants saying this plane is
definitely crashing. Remember anyway, Tim out and he plays guilty
into a lighter trafficking charges in federal court. And then
when he sentenced. The judge in his case, Patrick McCauley,
was apparently one of his first fans, because he told
(40:00):
that he expected him to quote one day be a
very successful comedian. Judge mccab So.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Was he already doing standard I don't know, see testing
stuff out on the stand?
Speaker 2 (40:07):
Yeah? Can he doing like a quick five in court
and he's like a jailbird. Jerry Seinfeld Like, have you
ever noticed how cokes will call you at all hours
of the day? I mean, don't you have a job?
But it guys That question answers itself.
Speaker 4 (40:17):
Am I right?
Speaker 6 (40:19):
I know?
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Anyway, Well did he do the grunt? You understand? Yeah,
he's like a manor pigs right. Judge raw macauley told
Tim Allen that he saw quote a remarkable talent. Don't
waste it, and then he also told him be a man,
do your time, then come out and do what you
do best. Yeah. So despite getting out of this life sentence,
tim Allen had still reason to fear for his life
(40:41):
because he had snitched on everyone in the Calendarzoo cocaine scene,
and they had friends who were already on the inside.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
As one coup put it, tim Allen quote helped authorities
indict twenty people in the drug trade and resulted in
the conviction and sentencing of four major drug dealers. So
he had four major enemies at least, and sixteen others
that were just minor enemies. So of those twenty people
catching charges, how many of them would have a shot
at him? Well, he had no idea. So he's like,
what are we gonna do about this? I won't even
(41:08):
know what they look like. The judge in the federal case,
who had this professional crush on Tim Allen, he's like,
I got you, boo.
Speaker 3 (41:14):
You are so funny.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Yeah, we don't want that funny to be hurt you funny.
So he made sure that Tim Allen was incarcerated, not
in the Michigan prison, but instead sent him over the
border to Minnesota, and that way he'd be safe from
revenge because I guess like their cocaine beef still across
the border.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
So, after all this extra help consideration from the judge
in the federal time was still no easy time for
Tim Allen because he was not ready for prison life. Yeah,
he said, when I went to jail, reality hit so
hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away,
took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated,
sitting in my own crap, and urine that this is
a metaphor my ego had run off. Your ego is
(41:51):
the biggest coward. So eventually he's able to confront his He.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
Just drops that in the middle of he's like, okay, no,
I really actually did.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
A little bit all right, mostly urine and whatever was
it first day only. So eventually he confronts his ego.
He grabs hold of the reins of his soul and
he gives it a hardy yank and he's like, quote,
the law was passed to teach people a lesson selling
more than six hundred and fifty grams of cocaine got
you life in prison. They thought it would be a deterrent.
It wasn't. I was put in a holding cell with
(42:20):
twenty other guys. We had to crap in the same
crapper in the middle of the room, and I just
told myself, I can't do this for seven and a
half years. I want to kill myself.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
So then he's like he really focused on poop.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
Yes, he's very much a poop forward. Oh yeah, copper
light or copper what is it? Copper philic, a copper file,
that's what it is.
Speaker 5 (42:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
Anyway, so he hear that prison is tough as hell,
right it is. Yeah, And it's also a great place
to catch up on your reading and your correspondence. I
mean there's some benefits, right. Well, he also found it
was a great place to learn to shut the hell up. Yeah,
he said, and I quote, I just shut up and
did what I was told. It was the first time
ever that I did what I was told, and I
played the game. I learned literally how to live day
(43:00):
by day, and I learned how to shut up. You
definitely want to learn how to shut up the big
lesson crap and shutting up. That's fit for prison. On
June twelfth, nineteen eighty one, after serving two years and
four months, he was released from federal prison. He gets
he finds work at a Detroit ad agency. He starts
to doing stand up comedy at the local Comedy Castle
(43:20):
in Detroit. But by then he was a new man.
He was becoming the Tim Allen that we know. I
mean that quote. I was funny before that prison grew
me up. I was an adolescent that woke up too
early when my father was killed, and I stayed at
that angry adolescent level. Sounds about accurate now. In nineteen
eighty nine, he books a comedy special in Showtime Disney
Head haunches Michael Eisner. Jeffrey Katzenberg later co founds DreamWorks
(43:43):
with Spielberg David Geffen. They see the special. They fall
out laughing. I'm like, oh, iw met are pigs? I
love this guy? Right, They're like we need to they
see dollar signes, like we need to make a show
with him. So Tim Allen's show Home Improve It debuted
in nineteen ninety one. After that, you know his story now.
In an interview after he'd be kind of famous, Tim Allens,
beloved TV dad and former Cooke head, he offered this
(44:03):
life advice, if you were told the end at the beginning,
you wouldn't have to travel, Elizabeth. I have to disagree
with him, because life is about how you get to
where you're going, rather than the destination you arrive at
the end. It doesn't matter at all. Really, I mean
exhibit a Tim Allen's whole life. It's like, what a
wild ride, And it was far more interesting than what
you'd expect from someone who is the star of wild Hogs, right,
(44:27):
I mean, ild you star of wild Hogs? You don't
expect am I right? So what's our ridiculous takeaway here?
Oh my god?
Speaker 3 (44:36):
You know you want to become a professional stand up comedian,
do little time in the FCI and the yes.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
And learn how to shut up?
Speaker 3 (44:43):
Learn how to shut up. Yeah, I like that. It's ridiculous.
Oh my goodness, I'm angels are singing.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
I know. Producer Dave, could we just capture this moment
for a second. Is feels so good Elizabeth.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
About one other than her?
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Wow, I don't have one?
Speaker 6 (45:00):
Cool?
Speaker 2 (45:00):
So there you go the whole thing. Yeah, exactly. Weren't
you listening?
Speaker 3 (45:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (45:04):
Anyway, as always, you can find his online Ridiculous Crime
on Twitter, Instagram, sometimes threads. As long as Elizabeth doesn't
have the.
Speaker 3 (45:10):
Pass word, I'm gonna get it.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
Stop it anyway, I'm ready.
Speaker 3 (45:15):
Deleted so much stuff that I put it.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
I saw that. Anyway. We have a website also Ridicloscrime
dot com, and you can email us if you want
at Ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com. Remember to start that,
Dear Elizabeth, Okay, As always, thanks for listening. We'll catch
you next crime. Dico's Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton
(45:37):
and Zaren Burnett, produce and edited by Dave. The Best
Band Standing Coast Research is by Marissa respect to al
Borland Brown and Andrea. I'm a J. T. T. Truther
song Sharpened Tear, Our theme song is by Thomas the
Rule Man Lee and Travis the cool Man that the
host wardrobes provided by Botany five hundred executive producers are
ben Cocaine is a hell of a drug bowling and
(46:00):
all like Patricia Heaton.
Speaker 6 (46:02):
Brown, Ridicous Crime, Say It one more Time, Ridiquious Crime.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio. Four more podcasts
from my heart Radio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Elizabeth Dutton, Well, Zaron Brunette. So nice to see you,
so good to see You've been good.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
I've been great.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I got a question for if you got a second yeh, yes, sure.
Do you know what's ridiculous I do, dude to share.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
With the Okay? You know, like, viral videos are pretty
ridiculous generally speaking. Yeah, there's one that came out last year,
twenty twenty two of this dude. I think you've probably
seen it. He's a like a he's at a ballpark,
and he's at Yankee Stadium, and he gets a beer,
and he gets a hot dog, and he takes a
straw and he hollows out the hot dog yes, and
then uses it the hot dog straw for beer, which
(00:37):
I think is completely ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yes, there it is really. No is the hidden mashup?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
No, there is a hidden mashup. Okay, So I'm not
the only one who thought that that was ridiculous. Everybody
thought it was ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
We all agreed on that.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Including Oscar Meyer. Oh no, Oscar Meyer has a hot
dog straw available. Now I'm not made out of real
hot dog. What it's made of silicone, so it's reusable.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
What's the point, because it's the it's.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
The funny anyway. It's a tube steak shaped straw made
out of silicone. And then this article in the takeout
notes a material often used to simulate the feel of
human skin. Oh, the straw is intended to be a
reusable item that you can use. And I okay, So
you go to the website the hot Dog Straw websitemyer
(01:30):
dot com, which I've been going to every bleeping morning.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Hitting refreshed refreshment.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Yeah, because okay, it says, pre order your hot dog
straw today, and I give them my name. I give
them my email address, which is a coveted state secret.
I give them my phone number. Can you believe that
I give them my address, I give them headquarters address,
and then like, okay, you check that you're at least
eighteen years old, and then you enter your name. You know,
(01:59):
you say like, okay, you're gonna send me garbage, like
you know, emails and stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Okay, fine, admitting to the garbage.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Fine, whatever, I want a straw, you have to enter
one of those captures like I'm not a robot. Ok Yeah,
then you click pre order now, and every single day
it comes back to me. Sorry, you know, we're sold
out for today. Try again tomorrow. Done this every morning
since I found out about it, I try and get
(02:24):
bright and early. I got to get up earlier, man, okay,
and so anyway, no purchase necessary void. We're prohibited, which
I think these should be prohibited in the at least
the lower forty eight. Like I said, you gotta be
over eighteen, which, like that's creepy. It says all supplies
last ends September fifth, twenty twenty three.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Well, you only have a few more days of that.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
I'm pretty sure that people are going to hear this
episode after September fifth.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Oh okay, so they won't be competition for you.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
They'll just have like a toime. We'll just have a
time capsule of my frustration.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
My fingers are crossed for the appointment, but you get
this fleshy.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Someone's got to get me one of these hot dog straws.
I asked Oscar Meyer personally. They I went to his house.
I asked them. They didn't answer me. We'll try again, Oscar,
can you hear me? They don't answer me. So anyway,
I want a hot dog straw and it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
That is damn ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
It is the end.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
It should still be a real hot dog. Yes, but
I got one for you if you got a second,
if you're done thinking about hot dogs ever. No, okay, well,
this one's online rumors about celebrities. Oh I love those,
I know you do, right, But most of the time
they're kind of nonsense. No, like like there's the one
that mister Rogers was a sniper in Vietnam with one
hundred and fifty confirmed kills, a rumor that's not true.
(03:37):
The story goes he was an assassin extraordinary for either
the Marines or the Navy Seals. Just see it go
both ways. The rumor is so widespread online that the
Navy Seals have actually put out a statement that said, quote,
we have to state it is false.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Yeah, well who would think such a thing?
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Well, good thing you asked that, because you ever heard
the one about Derek Jeter, Oh boy and the swag bags.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
I don't know refresh Derek.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Was known to have or the rumor is is he
was known to give out swag bags to all of
his one night stands. Yeah you hear that? In like
online circles bock sports fans and sorry, goes that Derek Jeter,
who was known to enjoy the New York night life,
he would find someone fun and go, hey, you should
come home with me. After their night together. In the morning,
the woman would wake up alone, Derek Jeter gone, and
(04:21):
in his place would be a swag bag. And in
this wag bag would be some gifts, you know, lotions
on gents whatnot, and an autographed baseball and the picture
of jal Yeah. And then the woman perused her bag
of goodies and looked at the Derek Jeter autograph baseball.
A car home would be called for her. Oh the story,
and everybody believed it. And Derek Jeter has said, and
I quote, it's a dumb story and you really have
(04:42):
to be dumber to believe it.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
He's like, I give them nothing. Yeah, so like I said,
but it's like when you fly first class and they
give you the little bag of like you know, imass.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yes, exactly, but it's just the Derek Jeter versus yeah,
and then throw in the autograph baba yeah. Wow, some
of these there's a bunch of wild celebrity rumors out
there right but some of them. Sometimes, Elizabeth, the rumor
it really seems true. Okay. For instance, there's one that
there's a celebrity who is a beloved TV dad and
he's long rumored to have been a major cocaine dealer
(05:13):
in the seventies. Could these online rumors be true?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
I hope.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I think you are the answer to that. I think
I do. This is Ridiculous Crime, a podcast about absurd
(05:42):
and outrageous capers, heists and cons. It's always ninety nine
percent to free and ridiculous ridiculous. Oh, Elizabeth, yes, no,
it's me. Have you ever heard the rumors that long
before he was America's sweetheart, Tim the tool Man tailor
in those hungry years, before he was beloved Buzz light
(06:03):
Year Daring space Ranger, long before he was the Archie
Bunker reboot in The Last Man Standing, Tim Allen was
an inmate in prison doing hard time for pushing cocaine
in the disco disco seventies. Really it's a true story.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
I steer clear of Tim Allen news.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I kind of wondered about that. Well, I'm going to
tell you all about it today, Okay. Now, just on
the face of it, when I was doing this research.
I was surprised by how many beloved former TV dads
are now criminal TV dads. Oh yeah, obviously there's Bill Cosby, right,
And then there's the guy from Seventh Heaven, Stephen Collins.
I don't know if you know this, but I once
worked with him.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
You did it?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Yeah, and with Jessica Biel, who was very nice, and
that oldest kid from the show, Barry. That guy was
a dick.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Wait all you say I worked with him on Seventh Heavens.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yes, I was on Seventh Heaven. Yeah, and I definitely
got bad vibes from that dude on the set. I
was not surprised. Heaven I owned a jazz globe.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Oh my god, he just.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Jazz club on seventh Times.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
I just can't with it.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
In the seventh the world I owned property.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Have you have you heard of that guy who on
I see him on Instagram. I think he might have
He might do stuff on TikTok of like the the
videos where he recaps Seventh Heaven.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Oh yes, I'm familiar with this guy. I've always been
secretly kind of hoping he would cover the episode I
was in, although I don't think it has enough sillyness
for him to really mocks General seventh even silliness. Yes
he could, yeah, but obviously, I mean the whole plot
line I was involved in was pretty ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
His name is Rob Anderson.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
So if you go to Instagram and you look at
Rob Anderson, which I think he's heart throbber on Rob Anderson.
I just looked this up super fast.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Anyway, he does really funny videos, and I'm going to
send him a message.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
And be like, you should do this.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Find the one with Zaren owning a jazz club.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
God no, I got Yeah. So when the grand scheme
of things, My point is when you compare Tim the
Toolman Taylor, you know Tim Allen, he really comes out
on top compared to some of the other criminal TV dads.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Well, yeah, because Seventh Heaven guy.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Yeah, I mean all you got busted all Tim Allen
got busted for with some coke. Yeah. Now, I know
you don't watch TV, Elizabeth, No, I never seen it
before I tell you about him. I gotta ask, how
familiar are you with Tim Allen?
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Not really? I never watched the tool Time show was
Home Home Improvement. I never really watched it. I knew
sort of like the language of it from you know,
pop culture, that sort of thing of the.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Guy like you know about his grunts.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Yeah, yeah. And then the dude at the fence. There's
someone at a fence, okay, yeah, Cam Anderson was on it.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Yeah, I can it's good.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
And then what's the boy Jonathan Taylor, Yes, Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas recommended Jonathan Taylor Thomas is going on it.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
And then there was another boy.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
On there, three sons. So the guy he was, as
you have kind of pieced together, this tool loving, muscle
car driving middle class American yet also somehow a blue
collar hero.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
What happened to the mom?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Oh yes, well let's see you know okay, so home
industrial accident Patricia Heaton, Yes, there was a mom on
the show. Yeah, there was a mom, Patricia Heaton.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
I thought he was like a single dad.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Oh god, no, no, no, no, he could get.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
He never watched it, so I thought he was like
a single dad just using tool No.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
No, no, no. Like basically in the in the late nineties,
this dude was a thinking man's Jeff Foxworthy right. He
was a high bar a low bar rather it's a bar.
He was the duck hunting man sophisticated friend. He was
the blue collar guy's TV surrogate, right, So that's why
he was mister Detroit before Eminem took away that tight. Okay,
the guy was basically before Duck Dynasty and Dirty Jobs.
(09:47):
There was Tim Allen.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
That's that's his old hair and stuff.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Kind not really though. So his sitcom Home of Room,
and it's a riff on Bob Beula's old this old house.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Right, So he has on his show a show within
the show, and that's it's a woodworking show. And so
he plays this guy who's got his woodworking show and
he teaches you how to rebuild a window, sash, things
like that. Right. And the show, you know, premier in
nineteen ninety one, so it was like ran all through
the nineties. Lasted eight seasons, two hundred and four episodes,
hit syndication. Right. But the other thing you know is
the family. They were key to it. The Taylor family.
(10:19):
No anyway, mother's Papa Bear. That's Tim, Tim Taylor, Tim
the toolman Taylor, his wife Jill, who was alive, and okay,
there was three boys. There was Brad and Randy and
and Toddathan. Oh sorry, I read that wrong. It's Mark.
It's Mark. So the family is from Detroit and they
live in the Detroit suburbs. Right, And the best part
(10:41):
of the show you already keyed in on is the
neighbor Wilson.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
He was the dude.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
He was played by a fence and a fishing.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Hat and a volleyball.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
No, you never saw him. He was just all you
ever saw was the top of his hat. And so
he's just always hidden by the fence. And so he
basically is there to be like Tim's little voice. He's
like he's the only real adult on the show, like
he would. He was like externalized his little voice. And
he's got this neighbor who tells him how to like
fix whatever problem he's created. Okay, all right, So then
also there, you know, as he told you, there's the
show tool time. He's got his host, al the guy
(11:09):
with the beard, this.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Stricken Oh yeah, yeah, he's like his little buddy. Yes,
it kind of looks like this old house bubb exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
It's a very much a nod to.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
He wears a lot of flannel plaid.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yes, yes he was, he was. It was him and grunge.
In the nineties they were giving hall mad LLB and flannel.
Now Pamela Anderson, as you pointed out, was on the show.
She played the tool girl. Because it was the early nineties,
that was her name, but she had a name character name.
I can't I don't remember tool girl. Yes, if she
was the show's toolgirl or anyway. She wrote about the
(11:43):
show and her memoir Love Pamela, which came out recently.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Was an interesting character that it is, dude, I.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Had kind of give it up to her. Her progression
as a person very interesting, she said. And I quote,
on the first day of filming, I walked out of
my dressing room and Tim was in the hallway in
his robe. He opened his robe and flat me quickly,
completely naked underneath. He said it was only fair because
he had seen me naked. Now we're even, I laughed, uncomfortably.
Now so after he showed off his.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Personal short rage building inside of me and go continue.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Pam Handlerston said that Tim Allen then quote ran back
to his room and he was embarrassed all day and
acting like a little giddy school boy. Yeah right, Oh,
the nineties when a man's shortcomings was a constant work
site issue in Hollywood. So Tim Allen he as I
told you you called it. He was known for a
stand up grunts. His catch phrase, men are pigs.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
This was his catch phrase that was in.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
His stand up. He had in his stand up, he
had this whole thing about it. Yeah, I met her
pigs and you're like grunting stuff. So he tried to
embody this vibe. But you know that healthy safe, This
is normal kind of way, right.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Right, normalizing the misogyny, go for it.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
To be fair to Tim Allen, he claims his whole
incident that I told you about what the robe never happened.
He told Variety, No, it never happened. I would never
do such a thing. And in February this year, Pam
Manderson responded to Tim Allen's recent denial and she said, quote,
he has to deny it because look at the times Wren.
If he said, oh, yeah, I did it, he'd beat
a lot of these stories are just the tip of
the iceberg.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
So oh wow, you know, I gotta bet she has
got some stories to tell that he didn't make it
into her book, which I've not read.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
She could probably write a few memoirs I would imagine
just the show Barbed Wire. Just that one alone deserves
its own book. So Honeyway Home Improvement was a very
nineties show, right, the very nineties star. It sets the tempo,
the culture, and as you are about to learn the
male star, he may have been feeling a bit invulnerable
and a bit invincible after he'd beaten the odds and
become you know, he beaten the ods not once, but twice.
(13:38):
He had done the near impossible. He become a major
Hollywood star without any family connections, no nepo baby this
time out right, he came out of Detroit, but he
also faced life in prison as a cocaine kingpin, and
he managed to finesse his way out of that too. God,
this is like that's winning a lottery twice. I guess
he was facing life in prison and he went on
to become a huge star wild right.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Now, Now many people know that Tim Allen was a
coke dealer, but some do. The story is usually just
a blurb in like a Hollywood stars before they were
famous story like you find on BuzzFeed or whatever.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Stars they're just like us, exactly, they've.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Been busted for coke two now I went out. I
did the research for you, Elizabeth, Thank you. I found
the goods, the details that rarely go reported right And
do you know where I found these details?
Speaker 3 (14:17):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
In an appeal in a federal court for one of
his co defenders. Always go to the court documents. But anyway,
so there's a big reason why most of the details
of the story aren't on the internet. Tim Allen changed
his name. Oh yes, can you guess his birth name?
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Timothon?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Very close? Tim Dick stock rather Timothy Dick. Born in Denver, Colorado,
in nineteen fifty three. He grew up in an idyllic
mid century American family. He lived that post war prosperity
dream you know that birthed the ideal of a middle
class suburban America. He lived that. He was that kid
in the jeans watching westerns on TV, growing up to
(14:56):
drive a sixties Muscles car when it was brand new,
and in his case, grow his hair long and du drugs,
but not like a hippie. He did it like the
seventies stuff. Yeah, cocaine, baby, now, Tim Allen. He was
no stranger to tragedy, though, so you should feel a
little sorry for him. There was one shock in particular
shape his life's course. When he was eleven, his father
died in a car accident. It was a devastating blow
(15:17):
to little Tim Allen's all right, And as he said,
and I quote, I loved my father more than anything.
He was a tall, strong, funny, really engaging guy. So
I enjoyed his company, his smell, sensibility, discipline, sense of humor,
all the fun stuff we did together. I couldn't wait
for him to come home. See, like I said, total
mid century American dream. He had a great, healthy father.
He loved. His father was the one who gave him
(15:37):
the love of cars. Right, So that made it extra
extra painful that a car would claim his father's life.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Horrific.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
The driver was a drunk driver, so it's double the tragic.
Tim Allen has said in a quote, A car cross
crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, landed on my dad's car.
I don't blame cars. My dad love cars. I don't
have many memories of my dad. The love of cars
is all I have of him. Really, right, Start to
feel a little bad? No, yeah, okay, Well he was
lucky in that After he lost his father, a replacement
(16:03):
father stepped in. His mom reconnected with her high school boyfriend. Yeah,
they started talking. They eventually married. Hell to Tim Allens,
he said the guy was a metch. He took on
his family of him and his couple brothers. They all
moved together in the suburb outside of Detroit. So he
moved now from Denver to Detroit, just like his show
Home Improvement, which takes place in a suburb of Detroit.
(16:24):
And so I guess in the show he was playing
his stepfather.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Really, it's kind of wild right anyway. Overtime, Tim Allen.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
A version of his father that never got to be realized.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Oh look at you the poet. Yes, and Tim Allen
he's able to recover from the tragic loss. He grows up.
He goes on to graduate from high school, goes off
to college. He tends Central Michigan University. He doesn't finish
there because he transfers to Western Michigan. While he was there,
he'd meet his future wife. And that's also where he
met someone else new to him, someone who would also
shape his future, missus Kolkayen, and she had plans for
(16:55):
Tim Dick's future. Okay, let's take a little brack Elizabeth.
But after these messages we'll get into the real nitty
gritty of his days. Is Tim the Kochman Allen ye
back in two and two?
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Okay, Elizabeth, Hey, I gotta ask you something.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Oh please go hit me.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
What was the name of your jazz club on Seventh Heaven?
Speaker 2 (17:30):
You didn't have a name? What I know? It was
just Actually that's not true. It did have a name.
Oh my god, it did have a name. Give me
a second. Me think of the dialoguecause I say it
in the name the so and so is proud to
you know, bring to the stage, mister so and so,
like I do say the name. I totally cannot remember it.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Jazz cat boys.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I may have done a little bit of jazz cat No,
I was younger, so it was what goes that producerative?
Was your character's name Dizzy?
Speaker 4 (17:58):
To me?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
He was? To me, that's who he was.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
He the heartbreaker Dizzy.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
The heartbreaking club owner. But I gave that kid a chance.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Well think let it, think on it and try and perkolate.
See if I can think.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Okay, so, where were that's right? With the coke Man
Taylor h different tale of Hollywood Glens.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
I just couldn't hold it in.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
So at first, our man Tim Ollen, he was just
a coked just a college coke head, but he liked
coke more than the typical coke head. So he's like,
you know, I need more access to this cocaine. So
he decided I'm going to sell some. That way I
get a little sum for me. My coke is free
if I sell enough. He's like, this works out. Good
for Tim.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Do something you love. You never work a day in your.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Life, exactly, find the job you want dressed for. I
don't know. Anyway, Being in college in the early or
mid seventies, it was easy to move small amounts of cocaine.
There was a market, you know, because coke was back baby,
you know, seriously, not since the nineteen twenties and thirties
had coke been it. Yeah, backly that was what you know,
that would have been. Freud was a cocaine magnet. That's
when cocaine had its thing, right. It was this big
(18:57):
nineteen twenties thirties era. Then it falls away in the war.
Meth kind of pops up in the war because it
helped keep soldier awake. But then it's all about like
heroin in the fifties Vietnam heroin, and then finally in
the seventies, Miami starts going, hey, he wants a cheap cocayene,
and boom and explodes across the country and all of
a sudden, cocaine is back.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
And then for the eighties, yes, and.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Tim Allen was right there for it. He was like, dude,
I love the cocayene. Anyway, he eventually graduated from having
a little extra coke to being a coke dealer, so
now he's just straight up coke dealer. Then he starts
hanging out with the sort of people that you meet
when you deal cocaine in Detroit in the seventies, right,
see the mounts he was selling and the mountain he
was making in profits. They both keep climbing. He's like,
this is good. I'm good at this. I'm gonna do
this for a while.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
But as he claims, he was still trying to get
over the shocking loss of his father. Okay, so he
liked coke mostly because it left him both lifted and numb,
and that was the feeling he was going, huh, So
that devil drug cocaine. It starts slowly eroding his future
without him paying attention. Because he's lifted in numb right
out from underneath him. There goes his future. In the meantime,
he becomes this Detroit cocaine kingpin just kind of sleep
(19:59):
walks right into it. Try to imagine Tim Allen walking
into a cocaine deal in nineteen seventies Detroit, like I
like to picture it. I know it's wrong, but like
in a pimp suit, which, like I said, I know
it's wrong, but none of this is right. So he
has a feather in his fur fedora, he has a
bird on his shoulder. He's got a cane with like
a goldfish swimming in the glass ball that's the handle.
(20:21):
Just let your imagination with Elizabeth.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
I'm just imagining him in the seventies walking in and
like a polo shirt tucked into his dad jeans, his
nineties dad jeans.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
No, honestly, he was more like blue jeans, stained shirt
and like you know, a button down kind of maddress
kind of you know, the look makes sense. Yeah, right,
So anyway, dude was twenty five years old and he
was months away from losing it all. Now, just for
prospective's sake, Yeah, what were some of his contemporaries doing
at that same age. Let's take businessman Mark Cuban. He
(20:51):
also had a you know, a wandering youth. He was
a bartender in Dallas. He's recalled his days in his book,
How to Win at the Sport of Business. Quote to Dallas,
I was struggling, sleeping on the floor with six guys
in a three bedroom apartment. I used to drive around,
look at the big houses and imagine what would it
be like to live there and use that as motivation.
So there he is sleeping on the floor with six
(21:12):
dudes in a three bedroom apartment. Okay, No, that's not
quite as bad as cocaine, but it sounds like it anyway.
So that's, you know, it's basically normal twenty five year
old guy behavior.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
Mark Cuban and Tim tim Apple. They're the same.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Age roughly, okay, and he doesn't not exactly but a
little older. But she's also a fellow future inmate, Martha Stewart.
What was she doing when she.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Was twenty f Was she a model?
Speaker 6 (21:35):
Then?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Good call Elizabeth old inmate five five one seven zero
dash oh five to four when she was twenty five
years old. Future inmate street name M Diddy, she was
doing stay at home mothering she had, Oh you were correct,
though she'd spent five years working as a stockbroker. Before that,
she was a fashion model where she worked for Chanel
and others. So boom she had done stockbroking, fashion modeling,
(21:58):
all that, and then boom wouldn't bems at home mother?
Speaker 3 (22:00):
I love her?
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
I think she then had to start a catering business
and that was or she started. She did it aligned
with her.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
She started catering business after she'd been home for a year.
She's like, I need to do something. Starts her catering business,
which becomes Martha Stewart's empire that today. Okay, back to
Tim Allen, what was he doing it twenty five?
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Call him Tim Apple.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Well, we already know he was doing cocaine, so we
also know he was He was good enough at that
to become a Detroit coke dealer. So now you may
be wondering, Okay, sure is Aaron Tim Allen was a
Detroit coke dealer. But what kind of Detroit coke dealer?
Speaker 5 (22:32):
Was he? A?
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Really comedic one great.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Question, Elizabeth, I like this. You brought you a game today.
In crime parlance. He was a not good at being
a coke dealer. Coke dealer, like I would say that
he was bad at it.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Yeah, So the year was nineteen seventy eight. Future Tim
Allen was just months away from being busted and losing
his life to a prison sentence. Now, as I told you,
there are a few details online, but I found the
co defendant's federal appeal which laid out Tim Allen's whole
cocaine dealing days. Uh huh, okay, Elizabeth's time to crack
that bad boy. You're ready, yes, okay. Here are the
facts that is testified in court. There are two men,
Charles Willett and Donald Cobb. They were big time coke
(23:06):
deal It's real deal. They're they're plug for cocaine. Was
a man named Dennis McCarthy. You'll notice that there are
no Spanish names in this so far. Welcome to the
Detroit cocaine scene in the nineteen seventies. There's a lot
of white guys. So Dennis McCarthy from Holland, Michigan, nicknamed
the Tulip City. It's a suburb he.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Was named, and then just the city.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
So the suburb of Grand Rapids Michigan is Holland, Holland, Michigan. Right,
See the other guy's will It and Cobb. They live
up in Traverse, Michigan, which is a smaller, unincorporated town
in Michigan. It's up at the western tip of the
Upper Peninsula. Yeah, so will It and Cobb. They would
charter a plane and fly down to Holland where they
would meet their hook up there and they'd buy a
pound of cocaine or whatever you you know, whatever much
(23:47):
then they'd fly back to the Upper Peninsula where they'd
sell out that pound of cocaine. Even though it's a rural,
underpopulated area. This was the seventies, so the cocaine sells
it I think.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
It doesn't even have to be. It's the seventies. You'd
be surprised what goes on in rural areas.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Cocaine was still kind of a new drug. So it
had made it up to the Upper Peninsula where they
were able to sell like you know, the space comes things.
It wasn't just Studio fifty four types were lusting after
the white lady. They were selling a quarter pound of
cocaine every two to three days.
Speaker 5 (24:12):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
See that's what I said. First, anyway, will let he
hears about this new coke suppliers. He's thinking, I can
get better deals the big players from Florida. He's told
everybody knows that's where the cocaine is coming from. So
he's this dude's so big, he's only known by initials
mw okay. So the coke dealer McCarthy tells will It
about this supplier and he's gonna come up to Michigan
for a visit. You guys got to get on this.
May twenty third, nineteen seventy eight. Will It Charters A
(24:35):
plane flies down from Travis to Holland his supplier McCarthy
picks him up the local airport. They all drive back
to McCarthy's apartment. They bed down for the night. I
like to imagine the coke dealer that had like pajamas
laid out for.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
The Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
He's like, you know, very thoughtful, very tasteful, very modern. Yeah,
very Martha Stewart. Anyway, the next day they drive down
to Kalamazoo, Michigan. They hit up the home of the
new supplier. His dud's name is Bradley's Shruck, right. His
initials are not MW. That's because he is not that guy,
but he he is tight with that guy, and he
is from Florida. Anyway, He's not the big supplier, he's
the big suppliers contact. So he's like, talk to me,
I'll talk to MW.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
Right.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
So Shock promises to drive Will and McCarthy over to
the closest red roof d for a cocaine deal.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
God, I love the root I've never been to one.
I just love referencing.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Oh my god, if you're gonna do a coke deal
in a small to medium sized to your city, it's
happening at a red roof And if you were staying
at a red roof in, you are either a criminal
or you are dating one. Like that's just the rule. Anyway.
So they rock up at this red roof in I've
been to plenty, I can tell you that's the truth.
And they meet this dude at MW and he is
the supplier. Right, he's got a briefcase with him. Right,
(25:37):
It's like an eighties police show. There's like a cheap motel,
a briefcase of money, some tester vials of cocaine. It's
all white guys. It's just like what's going on here? Anyway?
MW cracks up in the briefcase. He indeed has a
ton of cash and a bunch of cocaine. He tells
the interested parties it'll be four thousand dollars an ounce. Now,
let me translate that for you, Elizabeth, because since there
is about twenty eight and a one third gram in
(26:00):
and outs, I know it's all from my pot growing days.
That's basically it works out that four thousand dollars an
ounce breaks down to about one hundred and forty dollars
a gram. Okay, right, that's expensive cocaine. Okay, but these
duws are down. They were like, ah, we'll take it
Detroit prices or whatever. So they tested the vials for
the purity of the coke. The color was right. They
buy a trial gram and they go back to Shock's
(26:21):
motel room. He's also got a room at the same
red roof in so they're like, yeah, let's go rail
up some coke. They try it themselves. They're like whoo,
it's surreal deal. They go back like knock knock knock,
and make a future arrangement for a cocaine deal a
big one man. They fly back to travers Michigan. This
is where the mouse of the jungle takes down the lion. Already,
the charter plane company these folks that they've been growing
(26:43):
suspicious of these local flyboys and their fast ass lifestyle.
So the bookkeeper from the charter plane company, she phoned
the state Police with a hot tip and they're like,
oh yeah, tells the cops are fairly certain some local
boys are smuggling drugs on their charter plane. Boom, now
they got attention the whole operations under a microscope. Things
go bad for Wilton cop because they hadn't just chartered planes.
(27:03):
They had had pilots on the planes. They couldn't fly
these small planes, so they had these pilots. So now
they have witnesses and overhear them talking and they know
their delivery schedules. They have like it's terrible. This is
bad news for the one to be cocaine kingpins. Worst
news is that Michigan State Police coordinated with the charter
company and they arrange for their next flight to be
piloted by undercover cops. So now they are totally screwed.
(27:25):
By June, it takes like a couple of weeks, will
it figures out he's under surveillance. He's like, those are cops,
those are not silent. So what does he do, Elizabeth,
I don't know. He rats himself out. He goes directly
and he goes, I want to confess. He confesses everything.
He doesn't even know if he's under like real investigation.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Just before he even like broke deal.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
He goes to them and just goes, Hey, I'm a
cocaine dealer and I'd like to tell you about my friends.
So he flips on everyone else involved. He's like, I'll
tell you anything you want to know as long as
I can avoid charges. Guy, You're like, who are you?
But his plan works. He's able to tell them who
he is and certify his plan, and so he flips.
He becomes an undercover in formant. Now he for a contact.
(28:06):
He gets this dude, Michael Pifer, and he's the undercover
Cup who becomes his handler. Right, so will it smoves
an intro for this cop Pifer. He introduces him to
his partner Cop and to his supplier McCarthy. The undercover
Cup he gets to work. He starts arranging deals. He
also wants to meet all the other dealers in this
coke neck work. Yeah, yeah, I just really want to
get into business with you guys. Everyone's like, cool, now
(28:26):
you made wondering Saron, I'm not hearing the name Tim
Allen in this, Elizabeth, that's a great question.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
His name is Dick.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
This is very good memory. This is where it comes in.
Old Tim Dick, Tim Allen, low level local dealer, college dealer.
He would get supplied by McCarthy who knows the Florida
contact shruck and MW. So Tim Allen. He also has
a partner in the cocaine business. It's his roommate, Gerald Mead.
So they live together, they push together, They just have
their lives entwined. Yeah, so Jerry Meade, Tim Dick. They're
(28:55):
running product like a student film version of Scarface.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
Right.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
So in July nineteen seidate, their new supplier MW shows
up at Jerry Ned's house and he brings with him
six ounces of cocaine. He tells Mead and Tim Allen
it's theirs to sell. He's even willing to front them
so they can pay him later. And they're like, oh,
thank god, because you know, we don't really have money
like that. So they agreed to the deal. He says,
we'll take a we'll just take two of or six ounces.
(29:18):
We can't we couldn't push all six ounces. They settle
on a price. The price nineteen hundred dollars an ounce.
So they're like, oh, they got a better price than
their original that we mentioned from the red roof in
right now, Meat and Tim Dick. They get busy. They
start flipping the two ounces as fast as they can.
The fastest way they think to do it is to
sell it all to Shock, and I'm like, these people
will know each other. I don't know how this plays out.
(29:39):
But then he doesn't have cash on him, so he
promises to pay a grand now and the rest later.
So he takes two ounces. Shock then goes to the
supplier McCarthy, and he sells them to He sells the
cocaine to McCarthy. It works its way back up the
other chain. He says, send the money to Jerry Mead
and Tim Dick. So now they're they're connect to sending
the money for cocaine. That they're it's all backers right.
(30:01):
A few days past, there's nineteen hundred and seventy five
dollars waiting for them at Western Union. Deal is done
and paid for it. Next they like this right, So,
as I said, at this point, Tim Allen Gary Mead,
they're not just coke dealers and partners. They're living together
in Kalamazoo, Michigan. So they're running like a mom and
pop coke shop, right for college kids and blue collar heroes. Right,
So you getting fronted all this cocaine. There's suppliers coming
(30:24):
around picking up the cash later. If they're making this work,
they don't know that there's there is a major investigation
going on with this, so they become of major interest
because they're moving a lot of coke. It at the
exact wrong time to be these star buyers or star sellers.
Rather summer rolls on August ninth, nineteen seventy eight, McCarthy
phones Tim Allen aka Tim Dick and tells the future
(30:45):
TV Dad he's got a buddy who wants to buy
four ounces of coke from him. Tim Allen's like, all right, bet,
when where what's the deal? McCarthy tells him, We'll come
to you, right, So he brings with him the buyer,
who is the undercover cop Pifer. They walk into tim
Allens place, which he share with Jerry mead, they'll go upstairs.
The supplier MW. Joins them a little later. He brings
with him a thermist. Everyone's like, oh, what's in the thermis?
(31:07):
Bro After a moment of intrigue, he's like, yeah, just
my souper, my launch. He untwists the thermist cap, he opens
and he pours into his hand the contents. His waiting
hand catches three quarters pounds of cocaine.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
And then they did something that surprise me. Tim Allen
decides to cut the coke right in front of the buyer.
The guy who's going to buy the coke. He's like,
let me just cut those for you. So he cuts
the cocaine. So he puts in like baby lacks it
over whatever white powder he is using to cut it.
This is nineteen seventy eight, Detroit. I don't know what
to tell you, Elizabeth. And then Tim Allen cuts the cocaine.
Then he and his partner sell it to the undercover
Cup for thirty nine hundred dollars and thirty nine eighty Right,
(31:42):
everyone's satisfied in such a mess exactly MW. He leaves
with his four ounces of coke from Tim Allen. That
it had been fronted to him as per usual, and
he's like, oh, yeah, I see if you can move
this right. So Tim Allen's like, yeah, I'll try to
see if I get some more. Here's the thing, Elizabeth,
Remember what I said about Tim Allen was not a
good coke dealer. Yeah, it's hard to see it. It's
like who are you. You're selling the buyer to sell
what's going on? And you're also cutting your coke in
(32:05):
front of your buyer like they don't know how to
cut the coke? I mean, are you charging them?
Speaker 3 (32:10):
I don't know, he didn't the buyer. Wait, you said
m w was the one with the thermos.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Yeah, so but he's giving it to McCarthy. So McCarthy
was his former supplier. So he's getting it from this
new supplier. And then Shruck who knows McCarthy has it,
go to Tim Allen and then go back up the
chain to him and then it makes no exactly, So
and d are breaking like two of Biggie's crack commandments.
It's just like he's living with his business partner and
it just makes no sense anyway. So, like I said,
(32:36):
not a good coke dealer days past he's not able
to sell this coke. He's been fronted most recently because
apparently he only has the one buyer. The guy's like,
I already got the coke. So he's like, try to
find some college kids. They can't. They aren't able to
move it. Now. As I said, he's got these ounces
of cocaine. He's trying to maybe he could work a deal.
So this is when the supplier McCarthy calls him. He's like, hey,
you and your partner, Jerry Mead, I got a good
(32:58):
news for you, you and your coke problem. I got
a buyer who wants a big purchase. And the guy's like,
who is He's like, oh, he wants to buy a
pound and a half of cocaine. Jerry Mead and McCarthy.
They settle on a price forty two thousand dollars for
a pound and a half of cocaine.
Speaker 6 (33:11):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Bad news for them was the buyer was the undercover
cop Fiver. So let's take a little break and then
I'll tell you what went down at the Kalamazoo Airport
that would forever change the course of Tim the Coke
ban Allen's life.
Speaker 4 (33:25):
Yes, O, great Elizabeth all Right, we're back.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Oh right, you're ready for some more cocaine?
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Okay, here we go. Tim Allen his partner Jerry Mead.
They'd set up their forty two thousand dollars coke deal
with an undercover cup So the deal.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
A lot of money now, okays, a lot of money?
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Then exactly, it's a big deal, a lot of money.
So it either be a huge payday for them or
they'll catch a prison sentence. Yeah, they got it a
coin flip. So, as it turns out, the state of
Michigan had just passed the law for mandatory minimum sentences
for drug deals. Tim Allen, due to the size and
scope of his drug deal, was facing a mandatory life
in prison sentence if he was busted, no exceptions. So
(34:22):
the cocaine cowboys at Detroit, they had or kept their
plan very simple. They decided they would meet at a
pre arranged spot in a very public space. I don't know.
They thought that would keep them safe. Tim Allen, he
picked the Kalamazoo Airport. That's how he'd seen it done
in a TV show. So he's like, I want to
do it like I saw in that team.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
He loves the TV what year is this.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Nineteen seventy eight. Okay, so it was like Hawaii or something.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
Nixon's War on drugs.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
Oh yeah, we're deep into all of that. Yeah. So
at this point they have a day and time set.
What happens next? Obviously we know did not go well.
But rather than me just tell you about Elizabeth, I'd
like you to close your eyes and picture it. You
are currently in the Kalamazoo Airport. The date is October second.
Outside the airport, there's a crispness in the air. It's
that refreshing feel of autumn. Inside the airport, it is
(35:09):
rather quiet. It's a small regional airport. Between flights, a
few announcements, some travelers, but mostly quiet. You are there
on a lark. You're flying to Bismarck, North Dakota. You
have a plan to meet a local bear expert who's
promised to take you out into the field so that
you can hug a bear. Yes, it's the seventies. Anything
as possible, Yes, and if you have some time to
yourself after leaving the Linda Rodstat tour as her tour.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Manage, Oh my god.
Speaker 5 (35:30):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
So as you sit in the fiberglass teardrop seat in
the waiting area. You flip through a copy of Life magazine,
but really it's just a cover for you to do
your people watching.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
I am loving my life.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Right now, you've been watching the middle aged woman behind
the ticket counter. You're convinced that she has a crush
on the guy who's working as the airport announcer, because
every time there's an announcement she smiles just a little.
Now though, right now, you're mostly focused on two shaggy haired,
mustached college kids. They came in together, but they're seated
across the airport from each other. They both keep looking
around like they're waiting for someone or for something. The
(36:02):
brown haired, mustachioed college kid, his name is Tim. You've
heard the other one call him that. Now he apparently
you don't know this, saw a TV show where some
criminals made an exchange like this, so that's why he's
here doing this. But you don't know all that. You
just see him looking super nervous there and there's the
other college kids seated across the tiny airport. He signals
to the brown haired one, who then pops up. He
takes a piece of luggage with him, and he walks
(36:23):
over the luggage lockers. He opens it up, slides the
bag in, takes the key, palms it. Looks around again.
You look back the other direction. You see there's a
man who's just entered the tiny quiet airport. He's wearing
a straw fedora, at least the summertime hat. It's October whatever.
He has on short sleeves in a tie once again,
okay whatever. He looks like he sells boats for a living.
The college kids walk right up to him. He doesn't
(36:44):
really say anything to them. Instead, he just reaches out
his hand for a handshake. You're curious how these two
groups know each other. The college kids don't look like
they're really in the market for a cabin cruiser, but anyway,
you do spot that He slyly passes the luggage locker
key to the guy in the straw fedora, and then
the two men part almost wordlessly. The college kid walks
over to the guy he came in with, while the
(37:05):
other guy walks over to the luggage locker. The guy
in the straw hat opens it. He takes out the bag.
He quickly unzips it, checks the contents, and then he
nods and boom, out of nowhere in Russia's state police.
They swore in the airport, guns drawn, barking orders at
the two shaggy headed college kids. You are loving, oh am,
I it start a real deal drug bust in Kalama Zoos.
(37:26):
As Tim Allen would later tell it, the next thing
I observed was a.
Speaker 4 (37:28):
Gun in my face.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
Oh I love this.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
So you just witnessed the drug bust that would change
Tim Allen's life. Now that he's officially busted, his life
and his future are over. He's staring down a life
sentence behind bars in a Michigan prison. So what does
Tim Allen do? Elizabeth?
Speaker 3 (37:44):
Does? She sing like a bird.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
That is how he ended up becoming the Tim Allen
beloved TV dad. He did. But we in the streets
call snitching. He snitched as hard as he could. He
snitched to anyone who would listen. And did it work?
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Apparently?
Speaker 2 (37:58):
You bet it did. A retired FBI agent who worked
the case quote, mister Allen was very reluctant to spend
the rest of his life in prison, so he decided
to play ball. The information he gave helped build several
other cases after the entire ordeal and to his credit.
He obviously went on to turn things around for himself
quite well. FBI. So what did the retired officer mean
(38:20):
when he said what information Tim Allen gave up? They
able to make several other cases.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
Like oh mw baby, they went after Martha Washington.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
He may be thinking of that. How hard exactly did
Tim Allen snitch?
Speaker 4 (38:33):
Hard?
Speaker 3 (38:33):
Is my guess, he to avoid a life sentence.
Speaker 4 (38:37):
Hard.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
I'll put it to you this way. He wasn't approached
to snitch. It was his idea. Oh, Tim Allen approached
the cops was like, who do I have to talk
to around here to snitch? So eventually he finds the
right person, and you called it. He sang like a
stool pigeon. He sang like a songbird in prison pajamas.
He told the prosecutors everything he knew about the Kalamazoo
(38:58):
drug scene. He told the cops who sold, who lived where,
who knew who, where they got their stuff from? Everything, Wow,
and it worked. The prosecutors agreed to drop the most
serious charges against them. But not only that, they agreed
to not prosecute him in Michigan and instead turn him
over to the FEDS. That meant he couldn't be sentenced
under Michigan's new life sentence for drug dealers. So Tim
(39:18):
Allen avoided a mandatory life in prison by snitching on
like twenty or thirty other people.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
Good for him.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
No, I may not respect snitches, right, but in his
crew of ne'er do wells, I don't hate this choice.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
No, not at all.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
I mean, these dudes, they're not the mafia. This is
not like Omerita. We got a code of silence. This
four Michigan three to four Michigan numbskulls, And.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
I'm gonna tell you they would do it just as
fast on him.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Oh yeah, himself in this instance. I mean, oh yeah,
it's like how modest mouse wants saying this plane is
definitely crashing. Remember anyway, Tim out and he plays guilty
into a lighter trafficking charges in federal court. And then
when he sentenced. The judge in his case, Patrick McCauley,
was apparently one of his first fans, because he told
(40:00):
that he expected him to quote one day be a
very successful comedian. Judge mccab So.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Was he already doing standard I don't know, see testing
stuff out on the stand?
Speaker 2 (40:07):
Yeah? Can he doing like a quick five in court
and he's like a jailbird. Jerry Seinfeld Like, have you
ever noticed how cokes will call you at all hours
of the day? I mean, don't you have a job?
But it guys That question answers itself.
Speaker 4 (40:17):
Am I right?
Speaker 6 (40:19):
I know?
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Anyway, Well did he do the grunt? You understand? Yeah,
he's like a manor pigs right. Judge raw macauley told
Tim Allen that he saw quote a remarkable talent. Don't
waste it, and then he also told him be a man,
do your time, then come out and do what you
do best. Yeah. So despite getting out of this life sentence,
tim Allen had still reason to fear for his life
(40:41):
because he had snitched on everyone in the Calendarzoo cocaine scene,
and they had friends who were already on the inside.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
As one coup put it, tim Allen quote helped authorities
indict twenty people in the drug trade and resulted in
the conviction and sentencing of four major drug dealers. So
he had four major enemies at least, and sixteen others
that were just minor enemies. So of those twenty people
catching charges, how many of them would have a shot
at him? Well, he had no idea. So he's like,
what are we gonna do about this? I won't even
(41:08):
know what they look like. The judge in the federal case,
who had this professional crush on Tim Allen, he's like,
I got you, boo.
Speaker 3 (41:14):
You are so funny.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Yeah, we don't want that funny to be hurt you funny.
So he made sure that Tim Allen was incarcerated, not
in the Michigan prison, but instead sent him over the
border to Minnesota, and that way he'd be safe from
revenge because I guess like their cocaine beef still across
the border.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
So, after all this extra help consideration from the judge
in the federal time was still no easy time for
Tim Allen because he was not ready for prison life. Yeah,
he said, when I went to jail, reality hit so
hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away,
took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated,
sitting in my own crap, and urine that this is
a metaphor my ego had run off. Your ego is
(41:51):
the biggest coward. So eventually he's able to confront his He.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
Just drops that in the middle of he's like, okay, no,
I really actually did.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
A little bit all right, mostly urine and whatever was
it first day only. So eventually he confronts his ego.
He grabs hold of the reins of his soul and
he gives it a hardy yank and he's like, quote,
the law was passed to teach people a lesson selling
more than six hundred and fifty grams of cocaine got
you life in prison. They thought it would be a deterrent.
It wasn't. I was put in a holding cell with
(42:20):
twenty other guys. We had to crap in the same
crapper in the middle of the room, and I just
told myself, I can't do this for seven and a
half years. I want to kill myself.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
So then he's like he really focused on poop.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
Yes, he's very much a poop forward. Oh yeah, copper
light or copper what is it? Copper philic, a copper file,
that's what it is.
Speaker 5 (42:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
Anyway, so he hear that prison is tough as hell,
right it is. Yeah, And it's also a great place
to catch up on your reading and your correspondence. I
mean there's some benefits, right. Well, he also found it
was a great place to learn to shut the hell up. Yeah,
he said, and I quote, I just shut up and
did what I was told. It was the first time
ever that I did what I was told, and I
played the game. I learned literally how to live day
(43:00):
by day, and I learned how to shut up. You
definitely want to learn how to shut up the big
lesson crap and shutting up. That's fit for prison. On
June twelfth, nineteen eighty one, after serving two years and
four months, he was released from federal prison. He gets
he finds work at a Detroit ad agency. He starts
to doing stand up comedy at the local Comedy Castle
(43:20):
in Detroit. But by then he was a new man.
He was becoming the Tim Allen that we know. I
mean that quote. I was funny before that prison grew
me up. I was an adolescent that woke up too
early when my father was killed, and I stayed at
that angry adolescent level. Sounds about accurate now. In nineteen
eighty nine, he books a comedy special in Showtime Disney
Head haunches Michael Eisner. Jeffrey Katzenberg later co founds DreamWorks
(43:43):
with Spielberg David Geffen. They see the special. They fall
out laughing. I'm like, oh, iw met are pigs? I
love this guy? Right, They're like we need to they
see dollar signes, like we need to make a show
with him. So Tim Allen's show Home Improve It debuted
in nineteen ninety one. After that, you know his story now.
In an interview after he'd be kind of famous, Tim Allens,
beloved TV dad and former Cooke head, he offered this
(44:03):
life advice, if you were told the end at the beginning,
you wouldn't have to travel, Elizabeth. I have to disagree
with him, because life is about how you get to
where you're going, rather than the destination you arrive at
the end. It doesn't matter at all. Really, I mean
exhibit a Tim Allen's whole life. It's like, what a
wild ride, And it was far more interesting than what
you'd expect from someone who is the star of wild Hogs, right,
(44:27):
I mean, ild you star of wild Hogs? You don't
expect am I right? So what's our ridiculous takeaway here?
Oh my god?
Speaker 3 (44:36):
You know you want to become a professional stand up comedian,
do little time in the FCI and the yes.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
And learn how to shut up?
Speaker 3 (44:43):
Learn how to shut up. Yeah, I like that. It's ridiculous.
Oh my goodness, I'm angels are singing.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
I know. Producer Dave, could we just capture this moment
for a second. Is feels so good Elizabeth.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
About one other than her?
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Wow, I don't have one?
Speaker 6 (45:00):
Cool?
Speaker 2 (45:00):
So there you go the whole thing. Yeah, exactly. Weren't
you listening?
Speaker 3 (45:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (45:04):
Anyway, as always, you can find his online Ridiculous Crime
on Twitter, Instagram, sometimes threads. As long as Elizabeth doesn't
have the.
Speaker 3 (45:10):
Pass word, I'm gonna get it.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
Stop it anyway, I'm ready.
Speaker 3 (45:15):
Deleted so much stuff that I put it.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
I saw that. Anyway. We have a website also Ridicloscrime
dot com, and you can email us if you want
at Ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com. Remember to start that,
Dear Elizabeth, Okay, As always, thanks for listening. We'll catch
you next crime. Dico's Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton
(45:37):
and Zaren Burnett, produce and edited by Dave. The Best
Band Standing Coast Research is by Marissa respect to al
Borland Brown and Andrea. I'm a J. T. T. Truther
song Sharpened Tear, Our theme song is by Thomas the
Rule Man Lee and Travis the cool Man that the
host wardrobes provided by Botany five hundred executive producers are
ben Cocaine is a hell of a drug bowling and
(46:00):
all like Patricia Heaton.
Speaker 6 (46:02):
Brown, Ridicous Crime, Say It one more Time, Ridiquious Crime.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio. Four more podcasts
from my heart Radio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Hosts And Creators
Zaron Burnett
Elizabeth Dutton
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