April 18, 2024 • 51 mins
With debt mounting and no relief in sight, John Darwin figured his only option was to fake his own death. One sunken kayak and a complicit spouse later, he found himself in Panama with no clothes on. But that didn't last. Nothing ridiculous ever does.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Zaren.
Speaker 3 (00:04):
Oh Hey, hey, sorry, I was just napping on my bike.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
That's not a bike, that's the intern.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
Oh, Mickey, Hey, what's up? Mickey's kind of cool, it's.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
So warm, temporary intern.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Yeah, Mickey rud dude, Yeah, I like it. Yeah, your buddy, huh.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I borrowed a dog for the week, and I'm feeling
good about it.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
You know, I missed my dog.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Emotional support, a.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Little dog sitting, and I just I have to have
them with me all the time.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
I get it. I totally get it.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Those are the rules.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Yeah, mama, Mama makes rules. Why do you have all
the geese?
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Do mask?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I saw it on the back and I was like,
those are Elizabeths, totally mine.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Do you know what's articulars?
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Oh my god? Yes. Do you ever heard of people say, oh,
you only use ten percent of your brain? Yeah, right, totally.
That's total nonsense, right right, so I figure you know that. Yeah,
there's another one. W people say like, oh, you're ninety
percent bacteria.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
I've never heard that. I've heard like your ninety percent
water or something.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Roughly seventies in the high sixties, yes, but uh, sometimes people.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Say ninety percent bacteria. Yeah, that's also wrong, I would say,
so who says that.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
It was a common science pop side thing? Right? So
apparently if you count up all the bacterial cells, there's
been a recent rather scientific and I will say just scientific.
I'm putting the rather on there because I'm sure it'll
be wrong later. Yeah, but you know, anyway, fifty six percent,
that's the new estimate. You, Elizabeth, are fifty six percent bacteria?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Oh, me Zarin, fifty six percent bacteria, Dave forty six.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
No, he's fifty seven. He's got an extra one for.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Fifty eighty six.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Now, by by by weight, you know, like not by volume,
but by weight, you would be ninety nine point seven
percent human cells and only zero point three percent bacterial
cells by weight, So they're not taking up a lot
of your your you know, sense of who you are,
got it? That makes still fifty six percent.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
That's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, that is ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
How's your moonwalking pneumonia doing? You're ready to rock this one?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Oh buddy, I'm getting there. I'm getting there. But you know,
we'll see, we'll see how it plays out.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Well, that's all I got for you, so we hit it.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Well, you know what else is ridiculous? What canoeing into
the great beyond? But not really who This is ridiculous
(02:39):
crime A podcast about absurd and outrageous caper's heis and cons.
It's always ninety nine percent murder free and one hundred
percent ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Oh, I know you don't heard that.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You know. The Darwin Awards.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Yeah, being dumb, Well, it's like nominating.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Charles Darwin and it's a riff on survival of the fittest.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
Yea.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
So the project says, quote in the spirit of Charles Darwin,
the Darwin Awards commemorate individuals who protect our gene pool
by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives. Darwin
Award winners eliminate themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby
improving our species chances of long term survival.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Yeah, you know, like the MacArthur Genius Awards and they
give you like a a million dollars, a half million
dollars or whatever it is. I've actually been given three
Darwin Awards and you.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Get you can't because you have to die to get them.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
You don't know about my pastors. You we have to
die for a little while. I see you can come back.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Darwin. Ords are like dumb ways to die basically, and
there are some parameters.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
I've done some dumb stuff. You were like, you didn't
die well.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Accidental self sterilization also qualifies for an award, so exactly
why Yeah, but it's actually you know, it's usually awarded posthumously.
The candidate is just qualified. Though if quote innocent bystanders
are killed the process the spifuse, they could have like
helped the geneop who have been some of.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
The winners, who have been some of the winners.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Thank you for asking. Gary Hoy, who fell from the
twenty fourth story of the Toronto Dominion Center while trying
to demonstrate to a group of students that the windows
were unbreakable.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
All the one throws himself against the glass and then
the glass goes out, and everyone's like, well, I guess
he was the wrong.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Yeah, John teacher, dude, Like, imagine your teacher throw against
the How traumatic I shouldn't last. John alan Chow, who
on his own behalf tried to convert an isolated indigenous
group in on the North Sentinel Island to Christianity and
then they killed him recently, like the.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Last few years. He went out there and everyone's like,
don't go out there, and he's like, I'm going with Jesus.
They're like, it are coming back.
Speaker 6 (04:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
It's dark stuff, dark stuff. But what would happen if
a guy whose last name was Darwin did something to
earn himself a spot.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Oh double Darwin, double Darwin.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
John Darwin is the guy's name.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
He got in a kayak and he paddled out into
the ocean, only to never return. It's not a foolish
way to go. It's tragic.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
But here's the thing I want to play off a
quote from the great Eli Cash from one of my
favorite films, The Royal Tenebouce. All right, well everyone knows
John Darwin died off the waters of County Durham in England.
What this podcast presupposes is maybe he didn't. Wild Sarah,
(05:26):
we got ourselves a good old fashioned faked death.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Oh my goodness, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
So John Darwin. John Darwin is a boomer born around
nineteen fifty. He studied biology and chemistry in school, and
in nineteen seventy three he married a woman named Anne Stevenson. Anne.
He was a science and math teacher for eighteen years,
and then he worked at a bank, and then he
(05:50):
became a prison officer, a CEO at I guess it's
his majesty's not her majesty's now, but at the time
it was her majesty's prison home house.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
That's a strange paths ole teacher, banker, ceo.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Yeah, exactly. His wife was a receptionist at a doctor's office.
Those two had another side hustle. They rented out rooms
or bedsits to people. And they had twelve houses at
one point, and so they'd rent these rooms out to people.
One of the houses was even attached to the one
that they lived in.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
So basically they were running a little Airbnb.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Empire completely, but like more long.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Term Yeah, sure, I mean more dignified.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
In two thousand, they bought two houses in Seaton Carew. Okay,
and that's where the trouble started.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
In relation to Rod Carrow.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yes, it's the town.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Is his father, I mean, maybe pronounced that wrong. It's
Rod Carew Carew, Seaton Carew.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
On lots of debt, debt, debt, debt, debt, I don't
want debt. Yeah, the couple they overextended themselves. They couldn't
keep up. They were about to start bankruptcy proceedings and
there didn't seem to be a solution. And then John
John Darwin he had ideas.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
She's like, what if there was one less John Darwy.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Thursday March twenty first, two thousand and two, he figured
that was the perfect day to disappear. Okay, Yeah, So
four times during the day he calls his wife Anne
at work, and you know, she's at a receptionist job,
and one of the calls he tells her this is
it pick me up later. And so he's at work too,
(07:24):
at the prison.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
So he's like whispering, he's calling a prison line.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Yeah. So when he gets off his shift, he goes
home to Seaton Carew Seaton Carew seatan honestly, I don't
even know. So at about four point thirty in the afternoon,
he goes to a storage shed and he gets out
his red kayak called the Orca. And please note that
this is a kayak, not a canoe.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Yes and closed top.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, So he takes the Orca and he heads down
to the beach in front of the house. Six o'clock
at this point, and it's dark and she was now
home from work. She meets up with him as a
race near this beach, Northgere. It's a long sandy beach.
There's like low sand dunes and beach grass and it's
at the mouth of the River Tees where it meets
(08:10):
the North Sea. So it's popular with bird watchers and
like the marsh land behind the beach just comes alive
with wild flowers in June and July. Yeah, it's lovely
and so it's understandable that someone would want to kayak
out in the little mini bay off your beach at night.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Let's see a photographer going for moonshots.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Who knows so Anne, she rolls up to the beach
and her bitch in Scota. She got a little scuz
skit John. He's standing there in jeans, a black jacket
and a black hat and he's got on a backpack
full of supplies. He turns away from Anne and gives
his empty kayak a little push out into the sea
and then they hop in the car and drive forty
(08:56):
minutes away to the Durham railway station. It's way out town,
away from many more convenience stations. He needs to get
out of the area, so he tells, Anne, when you
get home, call the prison and ask to speak to me,
just like she normally would. And that's what she did.
Like they she calls up, they say you know what
(09:16):
he left already. She's like oh, So she calls the
cops and she reports him missing. When everyone discovered that
the kayak or later as the press is going to
keep referring to it as a canoe, but friend, it
was a kayak. I have seen the picture. That is
not a canoe. Whatever. I am very upset. They look
(09:38):
and they see the kayak with a canoe is missing kayak.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
I'm with you.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
I'm going to say canoe because that's where it goes from.
It is fun canoe can ayak. So they find out
it's missing from the shed. So the rescue crews from
the police, the coast guard, they head out to the beach.
They put on their red shorts. They start running John John,
They're yelling. They go up and down the coastline and
(10:04):
they're out in boats. They find a single paddle on
the beach, but nothing else, and then the search gets
called off the next night, so they searched all through
the night the next day. Then they're like you know
what where was John? Where is mister d Thank you
for asking. He was hiding out in the lake district.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Oh, it's a beautiful place to hide out.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Beautiful and knew where he was. He called her on
the regular to get updates. Are they still looking for me?
Speaker 3 (10:30):
And then what.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Are the locals saying about all this? She's like, well,
I was still at the tea shop, and so she's
telling him, you know how people are all reacting about this.
Then the two of them, they think the coast is clear.
So she goes to Koumbria to pick him up. And
it had only been about two weeks, that's how long
he stays a way. And apparently this man's beard game
(10:53):
was strong, because he comes out sporting a full beard
that apparently he didn't have when he left town. Weeks. Yeah,
and he's wearing totally different clothes and he's doing this
whole like I'm an old man who limps and uses
a cane. Like, sure, let's say he was disguise. Yeah, choices.
(11:17):
So a quick trip down the motorway John's home. A
couple of weeks later, his canoe kayak, all bashed up,
washes up on a nearby beach. Oh no, And and
she's playing the distraught wife and she's like, well, my
husband's remains ever be recovered? And they're like you don't
think maybe? Okay, you jumped there. Okay, Remember how I
(11:39):
told you that one of the homes that the couple
rented out his bedsits was attached to their home. They
were at number three the cliff And the cliff is
the name of the street. Oh yeah, wow, number three,
the cliff.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
So, and that's your address, Like you get your mail
at number three, number.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
Three, the Cliff.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
So.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
And she's in the family home at number three, and
so is John. He'sn't the house, but like when people
would come over, he used a secret passageway to sneak
into his hiding place in number four, right next door
through a secret garden. He's like a little rat, scurrying
back and forth. Rat like he even there. There was
one of the passageway parts had wooden floorboards and they
(12:19):
were creaky, so he paved it over with concrete so
that it wouldn't make any noise.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
That's an answer. How would have gone with carpeting?
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Right, Well, he didn't just limit himself to numbers three
and four. Of the cliff. He had a disguise. Baby.
Oh yes, we just limped all over town, like he
would walk down to the beach the scene of the crime.
And then he even went On April twenty second, two
thousand and two, just one month after his disappearance, he
went to the library and got himself a library card.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Why he just needed books. Yeah, I guess I couldn't
have his wife.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
See you'll see why he gets it.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Oh wait, I mean that's new identity.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Yeah. So it's like he's in this little fishing village.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
I forgot people can.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Like seven thousand people in town.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Yeah, I figured that was not going to be a
big population.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
And you think that like strolling around would be a
little dicey.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
I'm thinking some of these people know well enough that
they could smell him, you know, like that smells like
John Darwin.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Yeah, and so you know he, like you were saying,
he's working on getting this new identity. So he poked
around some graveyards and like checked out headstones. He went
through the local newspaper archives looking for a man who
was born around his birth year and died as a child.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
So that wouldn't be a man, a boy, a boy child.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
He's looking for a male.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
You want to pick someone who doesn't didn't get a car, you.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Know, well, bingo John Jones. Okay, so you find someone
also named John. The real John Jones was born the
same year as John Darwin, but twenty five miles away
in Sunderland, and he died when he was only five
weeks old from enteritis perfect at the city's Hospital for Infectious.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Diseases an ideal candidates.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Yeah, buried nineteen fifty. Okay, So John Darwin takes the
kids information, goes to get a duplicate birth certificate. He
got a black and white picture of himself sporting that
big old beard, took it to the library for the
librarian to sign with a statement that he was a
regular customer. Yeah. Then he took all the new documents
(14:17):
and he went to get a passport. So that's why
he got the library card.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Yeah, got it.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
The address on the passport h number three the cliff.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
No.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah, it wasn't as undoing though, that's just bold, that's
just access bold. A year later, April of two thousand
and three, he gets declared dead.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Okay that part.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Yeah, So and she takes the death certificate. She takes
the evidence from the police. The whole smashed up canoe
thing goes to the banks. She did not carry the
smashed up canoe with her to the bank. And at
some point a body washed up on the beach and
we know it's not John. The cops they were like, oh,
and it goes around town. A body's on the beach.
So they're like, okay, we gotta be really careful. Treadslight
(15:00):
with Anne. Of course, they identify the body is not John,
and so when they're sure of it, they go to
tell Anne, like, I know you've heard. She gives the
performance of a lifetime. Really Oh yeah, she turns it on.
She is Emmy.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Worthy, Susan, watch out, you're losing again.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
She breaks into tears. She's wailing in sorrow, and you're thinking, well,
that's not John, right. She's like, I just wish it
were him so that I could finally have some closure. Barry,
I just am the not knowing.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
She just seems reasonable.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Yeah, and you know who else thought John was dead?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
John his two sons.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
He had two adult sons.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
They're not good actors. I don't think they can commit
to the bit.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
They had two adult sons that were not in on it,
and she later admitted that lying to her sons was
quote something that I will live to regret for the rest.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Of my time, you think as a mother.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Yeah, so Anne, she uses the death certificate to claim
her husband's twenty five thousand pound life insurance policy.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Okay, there you go. He's got some fraud is.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Twenty five thousand pound teacher's pension. Okay, his fifty eight
thousand pound prison service pension, four thousand pounds in payout
from the Department of Working Pensions, and then another one
hundred and thirty seven thousand pounds from a Norwich Union
mortgage insurance policy.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
She's just cashing out. She's like, let's leave this casino.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yeah, she gets two hundred and forty nine k out
of it. So now John Darwin is John Jones. He
has a new identity, He's got a lot of cash.
What's next.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
I hope it's we leave England and go live somewhere
nice off of this money.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Oh that's really interesting. You should mention though, let's take
a break. When we come back, we'll find out about that.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Where were we We were about to leave England hopefully
and go somewhere tropical with all this money.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
So we're talking about John Darwin aka John Jones aka
Canoe Man. He doesn't have to go to work. He
can't leave the house that much. So like, what's the
guy to do? He hops online? He hops online and
he plays interactive role playing games, one in particular called
Asheron's Call.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Oh actually I know.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah. He goes like deep in and according to the
game's website, it is quote where thousands of players and
having a beautiful three D fantasy world to make friends
and seek out perilous adventure.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Yes, I they call a massively multiple online role playing game.
And I had a front and a roommate actually who
played it. And he used to like going off and
like get like a shield or a sword or whatever
and then sell it to strangers.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
On em exactly. So Anne was like, que, we made
a ton, and says the people that played it became
characters in this world. They had money, they could buy
and sell things, they could buy and sell property, and
they can cast spells on one another.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
But he also turned it into real world cash, like
I'll meet you at this tree and give you my store,
and the verse is like I'll give you five hundred
dollars us.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Yeah, and things like you're saying, it turns into real world, right.
So John his character is a druid of course. And
then on there he interacts with this forty year old
woman who's been married three times. Her name is Kelly
Steele and she lives in Kansas City, Missouri, USA. Y.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
So they start with like on the game, and then
that moves to emails and then internet calls and he's
keeping this a secret from Ann. So they're like using
the phone over the internet. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
So John send money to Kelly. Oh no, and he's like,
use this money and go buy me a rundown ten
acre farm just outside of Kansas City, and she's like,
will do. Then he takes his John Jones passport and
he flies to the States. He tells Ann, you know what,
I just need a break from what.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Bak.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
I ended a sit and you play video games. He's like, well,
I'm also there's a possible business venture there. So it's
like fine, whatever, go. Things didn't go so great. He
got out there and the relationship immediately fell apart with Kelly,
so he goes back to the UK.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
She's like, I thought it was the accent it's not
the excent no.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
And she's like, oh, you're not really a druid. And
so then he comes back. He's like, Ann, i just
lost thirty k in my business venture. I'm not getting
it back. Yeah, because Kelly was like, get out of
here and I'm keeping the cash. So he goes back
to his room next door and he gets back online
and like he's kind of going stir crazy. So when
it was really cold out, he could put on his
(19:40):
disguise and like limp around town.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Ok.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Yeah, you know, it's just a little fishing village, but
in the summer months it's crowded and like you can't
put a bunch of clothes on to hide yourself.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Now are people talking about how his now widow has
got a new man on the side.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Well, no, they never see them together.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
He's oh, they don't see him limping into the property.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
He probably looms out of number four, not at us.
So they think he's just a weirdo. But he did
get recognized in two thousand and three, like a former
coworker of his sees him and then tells the cops
and then but you know, not a friend and to
the rescue. But they questioned her, and she's like, look,
this is a huge mistake. John has a cousin who
(20:22):
looks exactly like him, and the cops were like, oh, okay,
that clears it up.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
That's fine.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Then a tenant in number four, another renter, recognizes him,
stops him and says, aren't you supposed to be dead?
And John just like growls at him, is like, don't
tell anybody. The guy keeps his mouth closed because you
don't want to upset your landlord.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
I guess.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Yeah, so his brushes with Discovery, they're stressing in out
and she starts souring on the whole setup. She's just
not into it.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
She can't even have her kids come around.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
She told the Sun newspaper quote, I lost all interest
in our sex life, leaving John, who never seemed to
stop thinking about sex, angry and frustrated. So like, they
need to get away, They need a change of scenery.
Maybe that'll help.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
They should have gone away the first.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Time, I know. And they had dreamed of doing just
that when they had the fake death. So in two
thousand and four they moved to Cyprus, okay, and they thought, well,
you know, we'll buy some land here. Yeah, this is
what Anne said, quote, We only went for a week
and we looked at quite a few properties, but it
just seemed to take so long to do anything over there,
just like they're just not efficient.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Very Mediterranean in the middle of the Mediterranean.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Honey, I think you're in the wrong place. Two thousand
and five, John was like, hold on, I'm going to
go inspect some things. He goes to Spain and Gibraltar
and he.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Went over it run away for money, right, I'm.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Like, oh, you won't find any British people in Spain.
He goes there to check out a sixty foot catamaran
worth forty five thousand pounds. Yeah, and it was owned
by this this boat dealer, Robert Hopkin. And notice he
goes to an English boat. Of course, this guy said
quote the sort of boat he was looking at was
definitely a boat you could happily go long term cruising on.
(22:06):
I'm talking about possibly around the world and certainly disappear
from society if you wanted to. It's quite easy to
do on a large boat like that.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Could I reach the South Seas?
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Yeah? So the catabaran didn't really float their boat though?
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Oh yeah, also does see anything about sailing that's a
pretty big boat. If you don't know what you're doing,
you know, maybe he does.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
He lives like you're up in a fishing dough.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
I'm open.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
They put on to sail the seas and like drift
above Davy Jones's locker. They went back to the plan
to buy land in a foreign country, like you were saying,
and later told The Daily Mirror quote, he was forever
looking at new things and new places on the Internet,
and one day he just came up with Panama, Panama, Panama, Panama.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
It was I would recommend beliefs.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Why Panama?
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Yeah, right speaking, I speak the languages as you do.
Why Panama because of all the weird extradition pretty.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Much well, an accountant told The Times newspaper quote, it
is very simple. You pay tax in Panama only on
income which is judged to have arisen in Panama. And
then it's also really hard for trusts and companies set
up there to be investigated by foreign authorities.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
It's like one of those holes.
Speaker 6 (23:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
So John, he reached out to a relocation agent named
Mario Vilar, and he used Ann's email address for this.
He got information about some properties that they liked and
then they took off to Central America. This is in
July of two thousand and six. Four years they fell
in love with the country. Oh, they're back in law
exactly the country, It's exactly what they were looking for.
(23:41):
So they sold their two properties on the cliff and
they were ready to buy. So they're in Mario's office
and they make a big mistake. Mario asked his wife
to take a photo of him with the Darwins or
the Joneses, and so it all happened so quickly they
didn't have time to say, no, click, are taken. That's
going to come back to them, A picture taken in Panama.
(24:04):
So John he stays in Panama and goes back to
England to finalize the details of their move. He emails
her constantly and he always made sure to tell her that,
like in the email I'm writing to you while sitting
naked on the balcony, that's just that's like his thing.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Third, yet again, I'm a dangling in the tropical heat.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
In my fifth email of the day, so.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Still naked, still on the balcony.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
And An's quote about this, my husband appeared to be
becoming more insane by the time you think has bugs break, right,
So he had his sights set on buying like a
huge piece of land and when he got there, he'd
build a house and then develop like an eco resort.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
That's what he wanted to Yeah, at the time, that's
probably the move.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Yeah. So she flies back to Panama and they're working
on their plan. But then something happened. Panama changed its
immigration laws. Yeah, and so in order to formally relocate
and get permanent residents, John had to get a letter
from the British police attesting to the fact that he
was quote a person of good character. Yeah, he could
(25:16):
have just moved to another country start again. Whatever reason.
He's like, No, Panama, Venezuela comes to mind. He's like,
I think it would be best if I went back
to the UK. No, I have a plan, no wild one.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
No, what about Western Australia. I got a wild one
for you.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Here's this story, the plan. She hears it, and she says, quote,
I told him he was crazy, but as usual, he
didn't listen. He was sure he knew best. Yeah, you're
never going to guess what the plan is, zaren close
your eyes. Yes, I want you to picture it. It's
December first, two thousand and seven. You're a police constable
(25:56):
assigned to the West End Central Police Station in London.
It's early evening, around five thirty or so, and the
station is buzzing as usual. You're posted up at the
front desk, sipping tea and making notes for the book
you're working on. It's a biography of the most famous
member of the Scotland Yard Flying Squad, Dcipickles. A man
(26:17):
walks into the station off the street. This is a
little unusual. Generally it's other coppers who waltz in it out,
but this guy's a civilian. He's tan and he looks
a little smug. You dislike him immediately, even before talking
to him. You feel bad about this, and you're about
to chastise yourself for it. But then you stop and think.
Dcipickles always followed his instinct. He always trusted his gut.
(26:40):
That's how he found the Missing World Cup. What would
DCI Pickles do in this situation? You nod at the
man as he approaches the counter. Can I help you, sir?
You ask, I think I'm a missing person? He says,
oh boy, you think a nutter. You ask him his
name and he tells you John Darwin. You tell him
to have a seat while you go and fetch the sergeant.
(27:02):
You pick up the phone and dial an extension. The
sergeant comes out and sizes up the man. These in
his late fifties, you'd say. Upon questioning, John Darwin tells
you both that he thinks he's a missing person because
he doesn't remember the last five or six years of
his life. The last he can remember is early two
thousand and two. You reach over to your computer keyboard.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
You get to work.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
The sergeant asked John Darwin where he's from. Seat in
Caro Cleveland. You start tapping away up pops a report
about a man who died at sea, his kayak being
all that remained of him. You had a canoe, The
sergeant says it was a kayak, says John Darwin. The
sergeant looks at you. You tell John Darwin to have
(27:42):
a seat. A media firestorm is about to catch flame.
So somehow, and I'm not saying it was You's Aaron
the UK tabloid press got wind of this amazing canoe man.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
I've got a gambling problem Elizabeth.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Who turned up after being decre dead. And you know
how the tabloids are as soon as soon as they
had his name, they began their investigation.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Yes, that's what I'm waiting for. And the Daily Mail
boys on.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
It faster than you can say, Jack Robinson. They tracked
and a Panama and then you know Panama model citizens
zero discipline. And when they found Anne, they also found
that picture from Mario, the real estate agent's office. He
had posted it on his website, so there was a
caption identifying Anne and John, but no last names, and
(28:31):
the press went nuts. Detective Superintendent Tony Hutchinson said, quote,
that is one line of inquiry we will be following.
But he added photographs can be doctored.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Yeah, that's usually what happened. You guys are like, I'm
going to spend my money on a photoshop of this
lovely British couple exactly.
Speaker 5 (28:49):
So.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Hutchinson also said police had no immediate plans to extradite
Anne or go to Panama to interview her. He said
Darwin's appearance had raised a lot of questions. Quote, we
need to speak to on Darwin. Clearly, it's only right
and proper that we spoke to him under caution, and
he said that you know, he was going to be
medically examined. He may have been suffering from amnesia for
(29:09):
five and a half years.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
There's like no amnesia test now. It was just like
these two doctors both agree.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
I guess yeah. So the Hutchinsony makes this public appeal
for information. He tells reporters we want to piece together
exactly where he's been since he went missing in two
thousand and two, and then asked whether the investigation was
being led by the media. He said journalists had more
quote latitude than the police, and he added the press
have certainly been providing us with a lot of information.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
To the UK, He's like, you.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Do the leg work. That's great. So with a nod
from the cops. The press chase is on the Splash
News and Picture agency. They were the first to find Ann.
They tracked her down to Panama City and other tabloids
hot on their trail. They persuaded her to go into hiding.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
They did, yeah them, right them.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
And they said, if you give our reporters and photographers
exclusive accents. As her story unraveled into global news, the
agency just had like scoop after scoop.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
This is like a nineteen twenty story in America.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
I love this because their clients were the Daily Mail
and the Mirror.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
Yeah of course, oh yeah, the big ones.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
And so the competition like they can't keep.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
Us, The Sun's losing it. Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
The rumors that Anne was in Panama prompted the Mail
to contract David Lee, who was a former Mirror news
editor and was now chief of Splash's Miami bureau, to
fly to Central America. Okay, right after his arrival, the
Mirror finds out Darwin's address in Panama, said the Mail.
They had a team on the ground, but no address.
(30:43):
The Mirror has the address, but no team. So they
made a deal. The Mirror would hand over the address
and then they would share the scoop. Both papers denied
paying her directly, but Splash may have paid her the
news agency. So Splash takes her to the airport for
a flight to Miami and that's where the agency has
a base, and from there they get her back to
the UK. And this is when the press starts calling
(31:06):
John Darwin canoe man and it's open season at this point.
So and she gets back to England and she has
to confront more than the tabloids. She has to face
her sons. Oh right, right, remember them, Anthony and Mark.
So they issued a joint statement saying that they were
quote astonished that their mother could have let them believe
that their father died, and she's begging their forgiveness. Quote
(31:30):
who can blame them? I lied to them, my own sons.
What sort of mother am I? That's what she tells
the Daily Mail. Oh yeah, my sons are never going
to forgive me, she said, quote they thought John was dead.
Now they're gonna hate me. They'll be devastated and we'll
probably want nothing to do with me again.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
Probably, yeah, probably.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
I think you're about right so far.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
You're like this kind of analysis you could have used earlier.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
So they're like the Daily Mails like tell us more. Quote,
I don't want to live my life as a fugitive.
I'll have to go back because I won't have any
life here. Never have listened to John, but he can
be very persuasive. Of course, I'm to blame too. I
know I've done wrong. I just wish i'd told the
boys when I found out. I'm sure they would have
talked some sense into me. But I didn't. I didn't
tell anyone, and one lie led to another yeah, yeah,
(32:15):
there it is, Anne and so the SUNS. They released
this joint statement. Quote, in this short space of time
following our dad's appearance on Saturday, we've gone through a
rollercoaster of emotion. If the paper's allegations of a confession
from our mam are true, then we very much feel
that we have been the victims in a large scam.
How could our ma'am continue to let us believe our
(32:37):
dad had died when he was very much alive? How
could you, ma'am? So the statement added that they had
had no contact with either of the parents since John,
you know, walked into the place. I do you do? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (32:53):
I do is I'm as they start to protest a
little too much, I'm starting to be a little suspicious.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
No, I believe them, Okay, leave him. It came out though,
that the investigation into John didn't start when he walked
into the police station. What Yeah. It was actually reopened
three months prior in September, because a coworker of Anne's
at the doctor's office told the cops that she'd overheard
a series of suspicious phone calls in hushed tones. Why
(33:21):
she waited that long years earlier years and the time time,
so weird. But Tony Hutchinson, Detective Superintendent. He said, quote,
there was some information which was reported to us three
months ago to suggest that perhaps there was something suspicious
with regards to his disappearance.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
I wonder if she caught something else, you know, or
whatever till he came to light and then she just
went and.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
But don't forget Anne went back to She went back
to the UK to do the property settlement. And so maybe,
like she was in the doctor's.
Speaker 3 (33:49):
Office, maybe she's also still in contact with people, and
maybe she just offended this woman on some totally unrelated score,
like her biscuits are really dry. I'm going to the police.
Her scones were exactly.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
So let's take a break. When we come back, we're
going to see what the law has in.
Speaker 4 (34:06):
Store for the Darwins.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
John Darwin would yeah, the man accused of faking his
own death in a canoeing accident aka Kayak and Darwin
his long suffering wife. So they get busted after John
strolled into the cop shop says he has amnesia, might
be a missing person. Everything fell apart. They wind up
charged with a series of fraud related offenses that added
(34:51):
up to like two hundred and fifty pounds.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
Yeah, that's like all the money they had.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Yeah. John pleads guilty to seven charges of obtaining cash
by deception and a passport offense. Just plead skillt He
denied nine other charges of using criminal property, an offense
related to the money laundering. Okay, And the prosecutors are like, okay,
the ones that you denied, you're not going to face trial,
you know, We're just gonna let it lie. And she
(35:19):
denies the deception charges and nine of the using criminal property.
So she went to trial in court and described John
as like domineering, manipulative, just always got what he wanted. Yeah.
She said that once she thought about leaving him after
finding out that he'd had an affair, but then she
couldn't contemplate life without him.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
Oh I would have held the like he forced her somehow,
like he can't be like, oh I decided to stay
with him.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
I think he did. I think he forced her.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
I would have played if I would have made that
part of my narrative.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Then, when she was asked about like how she was
playing the grieving widow, she said, quote, I honestly felt
like a grieving widow. I'd lost my husband, not the
sense he was lost, but he'd left me. I felt desperate,
I felt ashamed about what was happening. The emotions I
showed were genuine emotions.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
That's well for her.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
She said that the strain of keeping up that deception
was so hard that one time she ran out of
the house and went to the beach, and she said
that quote, I sat on the beach looking at the sea.
I wish that John had drowned at sea. I considered
walking into the sea. I got so desperate, but I
couldn't do it because of the effect it would have
had on the rest of the family, particularly Mark and Anthony.
(36:30):
I think this is right now, You're thinking about the
boys totally.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
I think that is why Gary Betzner hypnotized his wife
before he went off and faked his death was somewhat alleviator.
This concerns the psychic damage, or maybe not. Maybe he
just wanted her to pull Maybe.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
It was not fun so and since she had no
idea how bad the debt was before he, you know,
staged his death, that he had always kind of dealt
with all the finances. Her court case was followed doggedly
by the press, every detail examined.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
Not the British tabloid.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
So she gets found guilty. She gets sentenced to six
years three months. John had gotten the same thing.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
Okay, she gets more time than him. I'm gonna lose it.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
They got exactly the same and then they later appealed
those decisions.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Yes, I'm good for her.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Yeah. No, it's not a good crime and it's not
a good ridiculous criminal if there's no book involved.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
Oh yes, please, the book club needs it's new books.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
While in jail, John wrote a memoir detailing his scam
and like in graphic detail his affairs.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
He's like, memoirs, those can be partly fictional.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Yeah, and he tries to smuggle it out of his jail.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
I like he's like a lot of sex. He's like,
oh yeah, I'm a sexy guy and you need to
hear my story. This is central to understanding the Darwin.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
He got to know if you want to know me.
Extracts from the book were published in the tabloid The Sun.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
Okay, yeah, get in on this.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
Like John, he teamed up with this dude, this like
fraudster that he met in jail, and I posed as
his lawyer. After he got out, so his other scam
artist friend gets out of jail then says, oh, yeah,
I'm his lawyer. And that's how they could exchange uncensored
material under Rule thirty nine, which allows for correspondence between
(38:14):
prisoners and their legal advisors to be treated as confidential.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
So in the US, they don't have like show me
your legal card, like you're he's lawyer.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
He just like walks out of the prison, puts a
blazer on. Yeah. So the prison Service, I mean the
prison Service, obviously they don't. They don't carry out any
checks that they should have. And the reason for the
upset about this is that the Ministry of Justice said
that it's wrong for convicted criminals to profit from their crist.
(38:45):
So the memoir, he called it The Canoe Man, Panama
and Back. It's a terrible title, terrible, terrible. He talks
about how he contemplated suicide the face of his mounting debts,
but then he realized it wouldn't solve his financial because
you know, you can't collect life insurance, and he worried
what effect it would have on his wife, which like,
(39:07):
I don't believe on that, he said quote, not only
would I think I was a failure in the eyes
of Anne, but also in the eyes of my two sons,
as I would have lost the Faily home, lost absolutely
everything that Anne and I had worked for.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
So instead he fakes his death, makes his wife lie
to the kids, his dad. He's like, that's the answer,
that's the good one.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
He calls the moment that he came up with the
idea to fake his own death a eureka moment. He
didn't want to take the Oprah's aha. He said, quote,
if we couldn't die, then my crazed brain reason I
could pretend to die. Not a job for Anne. She
may fluff it completely and end up really dead. For
my part, I no longer had a choice. I'd made
(39:48):
up my mind to do it for real. After all,
I wouldn't be the first man to kill himself because
of financial pressures. The only difference in this case was
that it would look like an accident. A suicide would
be useless. The insurance company wouldn't pay it out, so
he serves half his sentence. He gets out in January
twenty eleven and is released a couple of months later
(40:09):
the Crown Prosecution Service. They recovered assets, including their apartment
in Panama City, and then like the piece of jungle
that they bought. Oh yeah, they were gonna like open a.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
Bread breath right resort.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Yeah yeah, And so they combined that with the cash
that was left over the other assets, and prosecutors are
about to get back almost half a million pounds. The
news reports. Some said that they made off with two
hundred and fifty thousand pounds and others said six hundred
thousand pounds. It was just a lot.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
Whatever it was, there's somewhere in the hundred.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Yeah, it just gets loose. The crime spurred another crime.
Sky News admitted that one of its senior executives authorized
a journalist to conduct email hacking on two separate occasions
that were in the quote public interest, even though you
know it's violating the computer misuse, We got it.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
We really need to know the answer of about those Darwin.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Hard tub the Sky News Northern England Correspondence. He hacked
emails belonging to John Darwin while Anne was on trial.
So he hacked John's emails. He built up a database
of emails that he thought would defeat her defense. Yeah,
and so the charges against him get dropped because prosecutors
(41:23):
said it would not be in the public interest to
prosecute him because the emails were accessed with a view
to providing that a criminal offense had been committed. So
it's like, basically like you're kind of helping the prosecution.
They said that. They said a number of the same
emails they later got the police later got them lawfully
and were used in trial, and.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
They were actually from Megan Markle, right.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
So they're like they were going to come out anyway.
So whatever, it's cool. It doesn't seem right, but who
am I to say? But this wasn't the end of
Canoeman John Darwin.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
What happened to Canoeman John Darwin Elizabeth twenty thirteen?
Speaker 2 (41:59):
He gets arrested for violating his parole after he traveled
to Ukraine.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
Why okay, twenty thirteen was he washing money?
Speaker 5 (42:06):
Now?
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Under the terms you'll find out when he was washing
over there? Under the terms of his release, he wasn't
allowed to leave Britain without authorities on that. He didn't care.
He went to the town of Subi in Ukraine to meet.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
A woman a resort town.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Sum Yeah, he was spying himself a bride buying a
bride because he and Anne. They were divorced at this point.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
I was hoping that she had left him finally.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
Yeah, well it falls through with the Ukrainian no h
and Ann's retired. She lives alone in the north of England.
She reconciled with her boy.
Speaker 3 (42:40):
Every time he goes to a new woman and when
they meet him, they're like, oh no.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
No, no, They're like, an he's your problem to goad.
So she makes up with her kids, Mark and Anthony.
They had disowned her like completely, and she's able to
be a part of her grandchildren's life.
Speaker 3 (42:57):
So they became parents and that kind of softened their stands. Yeah,
mistakes are made.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
Sometimes theirs are like, you know, she has It's fun.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
How that helps becoming a parent You suddenly judge your
own parents differently. Yeah, I say that as a non parent,
I still got to judge my total.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
While she was in prison and wrote a book if
she worked with journalists David Lee on a book called
Out of My Depth.
Speaker 3 (43:20):
You can't finish your book, go to prison, the journalist
will come and help you.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
Give us another book. She talks publicly a lot about
her involvement in the scam, but she still says that
she was controlled by John the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
I do believe that.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yeah. John. When he got out, he returned to his hometown,
the Staine Cliff Hotel. There has a canoe bar and Darwin.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
Restaurant banking on you knew me when well, no.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
He didn't do it.
Speaker 3 (43:44):
They just.
Speaker 7 (43:46):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah, he's like, you know, talk of the town. He
tried to sell that memoir and was not successful. No
publishers bought it. So then he moved to the philomen.
Speaker 3 (43:56):
And publishers agree about him.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
He moved to the Philippines, Oh god, and he married
a woman named Mercy May, who was twenty three years
his junior. Mercy May, he lives there now. They run
a market stall together. Really yeah, outside she does.
Speaker 3 (44:11):
All the work. I'm kissing. He's not out front, of course.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
This is what Mercy May said. Quote. I know what
he did. He knows, and he paid penalty. He doesn't
need to be reminded.
Speaker 3 (44:22):
Oh I'm glad. He's got a very supportive and royal wife.
Speaker 2 (44:25):
So he made the news in twenty twenty two, what
for when Mercy told the tabloids that he was willing
to travel to Ukraine to fight what he was seventy
one at this in the war. Yeah, in the.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
War, I was like really hoping to be like an
exhibition boxing match and not in the war. Be a
bad idea.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
War Mercy told the Mirror quote, yes, dangerous for the
Russian when he shoot them. Oh no, yeah. She said
that he had good life insurance. Quote, he will have
a bulletproof vest and good life insurance. Good for me.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
I made the bulletproof ess myself.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
Fan's crazy out of the market stall stuff.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
No, it's like it may work.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
Why why was she talking to the tabloids in twenty
twenty two.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
And why was she trying to send her husband off
to warn talking about the answer.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
That I understand. I get it to the tabs because
ITV released a four part drama series called The Thief,
His Wife and the Canoe.
Speaker 3 (45:17):
Oh like I got it.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
Here's the cast. Eddie Marson is John Darwin. You know
that actor he was like in He played the boxing
brother in Ray Donovan and I know you'll recognize.
Speaker 3 (45:28):
Him if you see your name sounds familiar.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Monica Dolan is Anne Darwin, Mark Stanley is Mark Darwin.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
Not Mark Stanley.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Dominic Applewhite is Anthony Darwin, and Carl Pilkington as DC
Phil Bailey. You know Carl Pilkington. He is the like
dimlit buddy of what's his name that I can't stand,
the original office guy, the original Office guy gerv Rickey Gervais, right, okay,
(45:57):
Ricky Gervas. He has a show with his pal Carl
Pilkington and they travel and Carl is such a dimwit,
but I love him so much. He's hilarious. And Steven
Merchant he's funny, he's involved anyway, Carl Pilkington, of all
people is DC Phil Bailey.
Speaker 3 (46:16):
That's a big mood in like the UK. I've noticed
is that we take one guy post likely funny, and
then we have him travel places like there's a lot
of shows.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
Yeah, there are a bunch of shows like that. So
you can watch this on brit Box, which hypothetically, if
I were.
Speaker 3 (46:31):
Someone are you sponsored by?
Speaker 2 (46:33):
If I were someone who watched TV, I would one
have a brit Box subscription, And if I were the
type to watch TV, which I don't because it's totally
beneath me, I would wait until I finished recording this
episode to watch the series because I wouldn't want the
fictionalized version to tape my research version.
Speaker 3 (46:49):
Huh.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
Like if I were to watch Yeah so Zaren.
Speaker 3 (46:53):
When is called The Midwife on BritBox, it's.
Speaker 2 (46:55):
Not well, I watched it through PBS. I mean I would.
I would hypothetically watch it through TuS passport and I
would hypothetically watch things like Father Bros. Hypothetically hypothetically or
you know, just Silent Witness. I heard that's I don't know.
I don't know if that's a show or not.
Speaker 3 (47:14):
I sound like it would be good if it were
me or likes.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (47:18):
I don't watch TV. I appreciate this.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
What's your ridiculous takeaway.
Speaker 3 (47:24):
The well? I mean he didn't deserve her, so like
it shouldn't have worked out, but like you make it,
you get away. Your wife helps you fake your death.
She pulls off the hard work of like the month
of like convincing everyone you're dead. You're supposed to then
take her on a vacation or move somewhere nice and
he doesn't knew anybody. He's like, instead, I'm going to
the Midwest. I got myself a gamer wife. I mean, like, bro,
(47:48):
what the hell this room?
Speaker 2 (47:50):
Play video game? Like mobile around town.
Speaker 3 (47:52):
Early in his first idea is like, well, I've been
online a while, yeah, and the world, what's yours? Elizabeth?
Speaker 2 (47:58):
I he's a horse's ass, ye, I can't stand it.
And Anne is a doormat and I feel for her same,
And I'm glad that things have resolved themselves from me.
And I feel bad for Mercy May but I kind
of don't because I feel like.
Speaker 3 (48:12):
She maybe she seems at opportunity.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
She might smother him in to sleep.
Speaker 3 (48:15):
Yeah, yeah, does.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
Hypothetically allegedly. Let's see, Oh, Dave, do we do we
have any talkbacks?
Speaker 3 (48:28):
I think I can wrestle one up?
Speaker 6 (48:30):
Oh yeah, freshy, Oh my god, I want.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
Hi, Elizabeth and Barren.
Speaker 7 (48:47):
I just listened to your episode about all the stake universities,
and my favorite part was all the dogs and cats
getting their degrees. I think that's awesome. And I think
that y'all should make a T shirt that says Rude
University because I would totally love a bogus degree from
(49:10):
rudu University.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
I would buy that all right, bye, yes university.
Speaker 3 (49:16):
We got two ideas, start a fake university and sell mercer.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
We should sell diplomas from Rude you know, what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (49:22):
We get, of course, get in on the diploma, and
then we also want.
Speaker 2 (49:26):
Do you want like a doctorate in criming?
Speaker 3 (49:29):
I told you I'm working on that. I'm going to
get the legitimate one, and then I'm going to get
a fake one just in case of the legitimate one.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
Does we could we could just put them up on
the website and people could print them off.
Speaker 3 (49:38):
For I'm charitable, yes, tell them donate to our local
charity and you get one of these. Even have to
give us proof.
Speaker 2 (49:46):
You just hack the mainframe and get in there. That's it.
That's all I have for today. You can find us
online at ridiculous crime dot com. We're also at ridiculous
Crime on both Twitter and Instagram. Email ridiculous Crime at
gmail dot com, download the iHeart app, and please leave
us a talk back reach out and keep us leazy.
(50:13):
Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Sarah Burnett,
produced and edited by houseboat Guy Dave Cousten. Research is
by pontoon Boat Human Marissa Brown and jet Ski individual
Andrea song Sharpened Tear. The theme song is by Trawler
person Thomas Lee and wakeboard Dude Travis Dutton post wardrobe
is provided by Botany five Hundred. Executive producers are Ben Sloop,
(50:37):
John Bolan and Barge Buddy Noel.
Speaker 5 (50:40):
Brown, Ridicus Crime, Say It One More Times
Speaker 1 (50:51):
Crime Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio Four more
podcasts my heart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Zaren.
Speaker 3 (00:04):
Oh Hey, hey, sorry, I was just napping on my bike.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
That's not a bike, that's the intern.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
Oh, Mickey, Hey, what's up? Mickey's kind of cool, it's.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
So warm, temporary intern.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Yeah, Mickey rud dude, Yeah, I like it. Yeah, your buddy, huh.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I borrowed a dog for the week, and I'm feeling
good about it.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
You know, I missed my dog.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Emotional support, a.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Little dog sitting, and I just I have to have
them with me all the time.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
I get it. I totally get it.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Those are the rules.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Yeah, mama, Mama makes rules. Why do you have all
the geese?
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Do mask?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I saw it on the back and I was like,
those are Elizabeths, totally mine.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Do you know what's articulars?
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Oh my god? Yes. Do you ever heard of people say, oh,
you only use ten percent of your brain? Yeah, right, totally.
That's total nonsense, right right, so I figure you know that. Yeah,
there's another one. W people say like, oh, you're ninety
percent bacteria.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
I've never heard that. I've heard like your ninety percent
water or something.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Roughly seventies in the high sixties, yes, but uh, sometimes people.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Say ninety percent bacteria. Yeah, that's also wrong, I would say,
so who says that.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
It was a common science pop side thing? Right? So
apparently if you count up all the bacterial cells, there's
been a recent rather scientific and I will say just scientific.
I'm putting the rather on there because I'm sure it'll
be wrong later. Yeah, but you know, anyway, fifty six percent,
that's the new estimate. You, Elizabeth, are fifty six percent bacteria?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Oh, me Zarin, fifty six percent bacteria, Dave forty six.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
No, he's fifty seven. He's got an extra one for.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Fifty eighty six.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Now, by by by weight, you know, like not by volume,
but by weight, you would be ninety nine point seven
percent human cells and only zero point three percent bacterial
cells by weight, So they're not taking up a lot
of your your you know, sense of who you are,
got it? That makes still fifty six percent.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
That's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, that is ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
How's your moonwalking pneumonia doing? You're ready to rock this one?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Oh buddy, I'm getting there. I'm getting there. But you know,
we'll see, we'll see how it plays out.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Well, that's all I got for you, so we hit it.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Well, you know what else is ridiculous? What canoeing into
the great beyond? But not really who This is ridiculous
(02:39):
crime A podcast about absurd and outrageous caper's heis and cons.
It's always ninety nine percent murder free and one hundred
percent ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Oh, I know you don't heard that.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You know. The Darwin Awards.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Yeah, being dumb, Well, it's like nominating.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Charles Darwin and it's a riff on survival of the fittest.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
Yea.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
So the project says, quote in the spirit of Charles Darwin,
the Darwin Awards commemorate individuals who protect our gene pool
by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives. Darwin
Award winners eliminate themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby
improving our species chances of long term survival.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Yeah, you know, like the MacArthur Genius Awards and they
give you like a a million dollars, a half million
dollars or whatever it is. I've actually been given three
Darwin Awards and you.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Get you can't because you have to die to get them.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
You don't know about my pastors. You we have to
die for a little while. I see you can come back.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Darwin. Ords are like dumb ways to die basically, and
there are some parameters.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
I've done some dumb stuff. You were like, you didn't
die well.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Accidental self sterilization also qualifies for an award, so exactly
why Yeah, but it's actually you know, it's usually awarded posthumously.
The candidate is just qualified. Though if quote innocent bystanders
are killed the process the spifuse, they could have like
helped the geneop who have been some of.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
The winners, who have been some of the winners.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Thank you for asking. Gary Hoy, who fell from the
twenty fourth story of the Toronto Dominion Center while trying
to demonstrate to a group of students that the windows
were unbreakable.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
All the one throws himself against the glass and then
the glass goes out, and everyone's like, well, I guess
he was the wrong.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Yeah, John teacher, dude, Like, imagine your teacher throw against
the How traumatic I shouldn't last. John alan Chow, who
on his own behalf tried to convert an isolated indigenous
group in on the North Sentinel Island to Christianity and
then they killed him recently, like the.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Last few years. He went out there and everyone's like,
don't go out there, and he's like, I'm going with Jesus.
They're like, it are coming back.
Speaker 6 (04:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
It's dark stuff, dark stuff. But what would happen if
a guy whose last name was Darwin did something to
earn himself a spot.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Oh double Darwin, double Darwin.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
John Darwin is the guy's name.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
He got in a kayak and he paddled out into
the ocean, only to never return. It's not a foolish
way to go. It's tragic.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
But here's the thing I want to play off a
quote from the great Eli Cash from one of my
favorite films, The Royal Tenebouce. All right, well everyone knows
John Darwin died off the waters of County Durham in England.
What this podcast presupposes is maybe he didn't. Wild Sarah,
(05:26):
we got ourselves a good old fashioned faked death.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Oh my goodness, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
So John Darwin. John Darwin is a boomer born around
nineteen fifty. He studied biology and chemistry in school, and
in nineteen seventy three he married a woman named Anne Stevenson. Anne.
He was a science and math teacher for eighteen years,
and then he worked at a bank, and then he
(05:50):
became a prison officer, a CEO at I guess it's
his majesty's not her majesty's now, but at the time
it was her majesty's prison home house.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
That's a strange paths ole teacher, banker, ceo.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Yeah, exactly. His wife was a receptionist at a doctor's office.
Those two had another side hustle. They rented out rooms
or bedsits to people. And they had twelve houses at
one point, and so they'd rent these rooms out to people.
One of the houses was even attached to the one
that they lived in.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
So basically they were running a little Airbnb.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Empire completely, but like more long.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Term Yeah, sure, I mean more dignified.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
In two thousand, they bought two houses in Seaton Carew. Okay,
and that's where the trouble started.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
In relation to Rod Carrow.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yes, it's the town.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Is his father, I mean, maybe pronounced that wrong. It's
Rod Carew Carew, Seaton Carew.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
On lots of debt, debt, debt, debt, debt, I don't
want debt. Yeah, the couple they overextended themselves. They couldn't
keep up. They were about to start bankruptcy proceedings and
there didn't seem to be a solution. And then John
John Darwin he had ideas.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
She's like, what if there was one less John Darwy.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Thursday March twenty first, two thousand and two, he figured
that was the perfect day to disappear. Okay, Yeah, So
four times during the day he calls his wife Anne
at work, and you know, she's at a receptionist job,
and one of the calls he tells her this is
it pick me up later. And so he's at work too,
(07:24):
at the prison.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
So he's like whispering, he's calling a prison line.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Yeah. So when he gets off his shift, he goes
home to Seaton Carew Seaton Carew seatan honestly, I don't
even know. So at about four point thirty in the afternoon,
he goes to a storage shed and he gets out
his red kayak called the Orca. And please note that
this is a kayak, not a canoe.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Yes and closed top.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, So he takes the Orca and he heads down
to the beach in front of the house. Six o'clock
at this point, and it's dark and she was now
home from work. She meets up with him as a
race near this beach, Northgere. It's a long sandy beach.
There's like low sand dunes and beach grass and it's
at the mouth of the River Tees where it meets
(08:10):
the North Sea. So it's popular with bird watchers and
like the marsh land behind the beach just comes alive
with wild flowers in June and July. Yeah, it's lovely
and so it's understandable that someone would want to kayak
out in the little mini bay off your beach at night.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Let's see a photographer going for moonshots.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Who knows so Anne, she rolls up to the beach
and her bitch in Scota. She got a little scuz
skit John. He's standing there in jeans, a black jacket
and a black hat and he's got on a backpack
full of supplies. He turns away from Anne and gives
his empty kayak a little push out into the sea
and then they hop in the car and drive forty
(08:56):
minutes away to the Durham railway station. It's way out town,
away from many more convenience stations. He needs to get
out of the area, so he tells, Anne, when you
get home, call the prison and ask to speak to me,
just like she normally would. And that's what she did.
Like they she calls up, they say you know what
(09:16):
he left already. She's like oh, So she calls the
cops and she reports him missing. When everyone discovered that
the kayak or later as the press is going to
keep referring to it as a canoe, but friend, it
was a kayak. I have seen the picture. That is
not a canoe. Whatever. I am very upset. They look
(09:38):
and they see the kayak with a canoe is missing kayak.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
I'm with you.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
I'm going to say canoe because that's where it goes from.
It is fun canoe can ayak. So they find out
it's missing from the shed. So the rescue crews from
the police, the coast guard, they head out to the beach.
They put on their red shorts. They start running John John,
They're yelling. They go up and down the coastline and
(10:04):
they're out in boats. They find a single paddle on
the beach, but nothing else, and then the search gets
called off the next night, so they searched all through
the night the next day. Then they're like you know
what where was John? Where is mister d Thank you
for asking. He was hiding out in the lake district.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Oh, it's a beautiful place to hide out.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Beautiful and knew where he was. He called her on
the regular to get updates. Are they still looking for me?
Speaker 3 (10:30):
And then what.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Are the locals saying about all this? She's like, well,
I was still at the tea shop, and so she's
telling him, you know how people are all reacting about this.
Then the two of them, they think the coast is clear.
So she goes to Koumbria to pick him up. And
it had only been about two weeks, that's how long
he stays a way. And apparently this man's beard game
(10:53):
was strong, because he comes out sporting a full beard
that apparently he didn't have when he left town. Weeks. Yeah,
and he's wearing totally different clothes and he's doing this
whole like I'm an old man who limps and uses
a cane. Like, sure, let's say he was disguise. Yeah, choices.
(11:17):
So a quick trip down the motorway John's home. A
couple of weeks later, his canoe kayak, all bashed up,
washes up on a nearby beach. Oh no, And and
she's playing the distraught wife and she's like, well, my
husband's remains ever be recovered? And they're like you don't
think maybe? Okay, you jumped there. Okay, Remember how I
(11:39):
told you that one of the homes that the couple
rented out his bedsits was attached to their home. They
were at number three the cliff And the cliff is
the name of the street. Oh yeah, wow, number three,
the cliff.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
So, and that's your address, Like you get your mail
at number three, number.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
Three, the Cliff.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
So.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
And she's in the family home at number three, and
so is John. He'sn't the house, but like when people
would come over, he used a secret passageway to sneak
into his hiding place in number four, right next door
through a secret garden. He's like a little rat, scurrying
back and forth. Rat like he even there. There was
one of the passageway parts had wooden floorboards and they
(12:19):
were creaky, so he paved it over with concrete so
that it wouldn't make any noise.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
That's an answer. How would have gone with carpeting?
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Right, Well, he didn't just limit himself to numbers three
and four. Of the cliff. He had a disguise. Baby.
Oh yes, we just limped all over town, like he
would walk down to the beach the scene of the crime.
And then he even went On April twenty second, two
thousand and two, just one month after his disappearance, he
went to the library and got himself a library card.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Why he just needed books. Yeah, I guess I couldn't
have his wife.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
See you'll see why he gets it.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Oh wait, I mean that's new identity.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Yeah. So it's like he's in this little fishing village.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
I forgot people can.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Like seven thousand people in town.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Yeah, I figured that was not going to be a
big population.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
And you think that like strolling around would be a
little dicey.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
I'm thinking some of these people know well enough that
they could smell him, you know, like that smells like
John Darwin.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Yeah, and so you know he, like you were saying,
he's working on getting this new identity. So he poked
around some graveyards and like checked out headstones. He went
through the local newspaper archives looking for a man who
was born around his birth year and died as a child.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
So that wouldn't be a man, a boy, a boy child.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
He's looking for a male.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
You want to pick someone who doesn't didn't get a car, you.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Know, well, bingo John Jones. Okay, so you find someone
also named John. The real John Jones was born the
same year as John Darwin, but twenty five miles away
in Sunderland, and he died when he was only five
weeks old from enteritis perfect at the city's Hospital for Infectious.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Diseases an ideal candidates.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Yeah, buried nineteen fifty. Okay, So John Darwin takes the
kids information, goes to get a duplicate birth certificate. He
got a black and white picture of himself sporting that
big old beard, took it to the library for the
librarian to sign with a statement that he was a
regular customer. Yeah. Then he took all the new documents
(14:17):
and he went to get a passport. So that's why
he got the library card.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Yeah, got it.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
The address on the passport h number three the cliff.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
No.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah, it wasn't as undoing though, that's just bold, that's
just access bold. A year later, April of two thousand
and three, he gets declared dead.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Okay that part.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Yeah, So and she takes the death certificate. She takes
the evidence from the police. The whole smashed up canoe
thing goes to the banks. She did not carry the
smashed up canoe with her to the bank. And at
some point a body washed up on the beach and
we know it's not John. The cops they were like, oh,
and it goes around town. A body's on the beach.
So they're like, okay, we gotta be really careful. Treadslight
(15:00):
with Anne. Of course, they identify the body is not John,
and so when they're sure of it, they go to
tell Anne, like, I know you've heard. She gives the
performance of a lifetime. Really Oh yeah, she turns it on.
She is Emmy.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Worthy, Susan, watch out, you're losing again.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
She breaks into tears. She's wailing in sorrow, and you're thinking, well,
that's not John, right. She's like, I just wish it
were him so that I could finally have some closure. Barry,
I just am the not knowing.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
She just seems reasonable.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Yeah, and you know who else thought John was dead?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
John his two sons.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
He had two adult sons.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
They're not good actors. I don't think they can commit
to the bit.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
They had two adult sons that were not in on it,
and she later admitted that lying to her sons was
quote something that I will live to regret for the rest.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Of my time, you think as a mother.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Yeah, so Anne, she uses the death certificate to claim
her husband's twenty five thousand pound life insurance policy.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Okay, there you go. He's got some fraud is.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Twenty five thousand pound teacher's pension. Okay, his fifty eight
thousand pound prison service pension, four thousand pounds in payout
from the Department of Working Pensions, and then another one
hundred and thirty seven thousand pounds from a Norwich Union
mortgage insurance policy.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
She's just cashing out. She's like, let's leave this casino.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yeah, she gets two hundred and forty nine k out
of it. So now John Darwin is John Jones. He
has a new identity, He's got a lot of cash.
What's next.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
I hope it's we leave England and go live somewhere
nice off of this money.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Oh that's really interesting. You should mention though, let's take
a break. When we come back, we'll find out about that.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Where were we We were about to leave England hopefully
and go somewhere tropical with all this money.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
So we're talking about John Darwin aka John Jones aka
Canoe Man. He doesn't have to go to work. He
can't leave the house that much. So like, what's the
guy to do? He hops online? He hops online and
he plays interactive role playing games, one in particular called
Asheron's Call.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Oh actually I know.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah. He goes like deep in and according to the
game's website, it is quote where thousands of players and
having a beautiful three D fantasy world to make friends
and seek out perilous adventure.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Yes, I they call a massively multiple online role playing game.
And I had a front and a roommate actually who
played it. And he used to like going off and
like get like a shield or a sword or whatever
and then sell it to strangers.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
On em exactly. So Anne was like, que, we made
a ton, and says the people that played it became
characters in this world. They had money, they could buy
and sell things, they could buy and sell property, and
they can cast spells on one another.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
But he also turned it into real world cash, like
I'll meet you at this tree and give you my store,
and the verse is like I'll give you five hundred
dollars us.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Yeah, and things like you're saying, it turns into real world, right.
So John his character is a druid of course. And
then on there he interacts with this forty year old
woman who's been married three times. Her name is Kelly
Steele and she lives in Kansas City, Missouri, USA. Y.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
So they start with like on the game, and then
that moves to emails and then internet calls and he's
keeping this a secret from Ann. So they're like using
the phone over the internet. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
So John send money to Kelly. Oh no, and he's like,
use this money and go buy me a rundown ten
acre farm just outside of Kansas City, and she's like,
will do. Then he takes his John Jones passport and
he flies to the States. He tells Ann, you know what,
I just need a break from what.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Bak.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
I ended a sit and you play video games. He's like, well,
I'm also there's a possible business venture there. So it's
like fine, whatever, go. Things didn't go so great. He
got out there and the relationship immediately fell apart with Kelly,
so he goes back to the UK.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
She's like, I thought it was the accent it's not
the excent no.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
And she's like, oh, you're not really a druid. And
so then he comes back. He's like, Ann, i just
lost thirty k in my business venture. I'm not getting
it back. Yeah, because Kelly was like, get out of
here and I'm keeping the cash. So he goes back
to his room next door and he gets back online
and like he's kind of going stir crazy. So when
it was really cold out, he could put on his
(19:40):
disguise and like limp around town.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Ok.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Yeah, you know, it's just a little fishing village, but
in the summer months it's crowded and like you can't
put a bunch of clothes on to hide yourself.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Now are people talking about how his now widow has
got a new man on the side.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Well, no, they never see them together.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
He's oh, they don't see him limping into the property.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
He probably looms out of number four, not at us.
So they think he's just a weirdo. But he did
get recognized in two thousand and three, like a former
coworker of his sees him and then tells the cops
and then but you know, not a friend and to
the rescue. But they questioned her, and she's like, look,
this is a huge mistake. John has a cousin who
(20:22):
looks exactly like him, and the cops were like, oh, okay,
that clears it up.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
That's fine.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Then a tenant in number four, another renter, recognizes him,
stops him and says, aren't you supposed to be dead?
And John just like growls at him, is like, don't
tell anybody. The guy keeps his mouth closed because you
don't want to upset your landlord.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
I guess.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Yeah, so his brushes with Discovery, they're stressing in out
and she starts souring on the whole setup. She's just
not into it.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
She can't even have her kids come around.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
She told the Sun newspaper quote, I lost all interest
in our sex life, leaving John, who never seemed to
stop thinking about sex, angry and frustrated. So like, they
need to get away, They need a change of scenery.
Maybe that'll help.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
They should have gone away the first.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Time, I know. And they had dreamed of doing just
that when they had the fake death. So in two
thousand and four they moved to Cyprus, okay, and they thought, well,
you know, we'll buy some land here. Yeah, this is
what Anne said, quote, We only went for a week
and we looked at quite a few properties, but it
just seemed to take so long to do anything over there,
just like they're just not efficient.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Very Mediterranean in the middle of the Mediterranean.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Honey, I think you're in the wrong place. Two thousand
and five, John was like, hold on, I'm going to
go inspect some things. He goes to Spain and Gibraltar
and he.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Went over it run away for money, right, I'm.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Like, oh, you won't find any British people in Spain.
He goes there to check out a sixty foot catamaran
worth forty five thousand pounds. Yeah, and it was owned
by this this boat dealer, Robert Hopkin. And notice he
goes to an English boat. Of course, this guy said
quote the sort of boat he was looking at was
definitely a boat you could happily go long term cruising on.
(22:06):
I'm talking about possibly around the world and certainly disappear
from society if you wanted to. It's quite easy to
do on a large boat like that.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Could I reach the South Seas?
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Yeah? So the catabaran didn't really float their boat though?
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Oh yeah, also does see anything about sailing that's a
pretty big boat. If you don't know what you're doing,
you know, maybe he does.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
He lives like you're up in a fishing dough.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
I'm open.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
They put on to sail the seas and like drift
above Davy Jones's locker. They went back to the plan
to buy land in a foreign country, like you were saying,
and later told The Daily Mirror quote, he was forever
looking at new things and new places on the Internet,
and one day he just came up with Panama, Panama, Panama, Panama.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
It was I would recommend beliefs.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Why Panama?
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Yeah, right speaking, I speak the languages as you do.
Why Panama because of all the weird extradition pretty.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Much well, an accountant told The Times newspaper quote, it
is very simple. You pay tax in Panama only on
income which is judged to have arisen in Panama. And
then it's also really hard for trusts and companies set
up there to be investigated by foreign authorities.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
It's like one of those holes.
Speaker 6 (23:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
So John, he reached out to a relocation agent named
Mario Vilar, and he used Ann's email address for this.
He got information about some properties that they liked and
then they took off to Central America. This is in
July of two thousand and six. Four years they fell
in love with the country. Oh, they're back in law
exactly the country, It's exactly what they were looking for.
(23:41):
So they sold their two properties on the cliff and
they were ready to buy. So they're in Mario's office
and they make a big mistake. Mario asked his wife
to take a photo of him with the Darwins or
the Joneses, and so it all happened so quickly they
didn't have time to say, no, click, are taken. That's
going to come back to them, A picture taken in Panama.
(24:04):
So John he stays in Panama and goes back to
England to finalize the details of their move. He emails
her constantly and he always made sure to tell her that,
like in the email I'm writing to you while sitting
naked on the balcony, that's just that's like his thing.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Third, yet again, I'm a dangling in the tropical heat.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
In my fifth email of the day, so.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Still naked, still on the balcony.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
And An's quote about this, my husband appeared to be
becoming more insane by the time you think has bugs break, right,
So he had his sights set on buying like a
huge piece of land and when he got there, he'd
build a house and then develop like an eco resort.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
That's what he wanted to Yeah, at the time, that's
probably the move.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Yeah. So she flies back to Panama and they're working
on their plan. But then something happened. Panama changed its
immigration laws. Yeah, and so in order to formally relocate
and get permanent residents, John had to get a letter
from the British police attesting to the fact that he
was quote a person of good character. Yeah, he could
(25:16):
have just moved to another country start again. Whatever reason.
He's like, No, Panama, Venezuela comes to mind. He's like,
I think it would be best if I went back
to the UK. No, I have a plan, no wild one.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
No, what about Western Australia. I got a wild one
for you.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Here's this story, the plan. She hears it, and she says, quote,
I told him he was crazy, but as usual, he
didn't listen. He was sure he knew best. Yeah, you're
never going to guess what the plan is, zaren close
your eyes. Yes, I want you to picture it. It's
December first, two thousand and seven. You're a police constable
(25:56):
assigned to the West End Central Police Station in London.
It's early evening, around five thirty or so, and the
station is buzzing as usual. You're posted up at the
front desk, sipping tea and making notes for the book
you're working on. It's a biography of the most famous
member of the Scotland Yard Flying Squad, Dcipickles. A man
(26:17):
walks into the station off the street. This is a
little unusual. Generally it's other coppers who waltz in it out,
but this guy's a civilian. He's tan and he looks
a little smug. You dislike him immediately, even before talking
to him. You feel bad about this, and you're about
to chastise yourself for it. But then you stop and think.
Dcipickles always followed his instinct. He always trusted his gut.
(26:40):
That's how he found the Missing World Cup. What would
DCI Pickles do in this situation? You nod at the
man as he approaches the counter. Can I help you, sir?
You ask, I think I'm a missing person? He says,
oh boy, you think a nutter. You ask him his
name and he tells you John Darwin. You tell him
to have a seat while you go and fetch the sergeant.
(27:02):
You pick up the phone and dial an extension. The
sergeant comes out and sizes up the man. These in
his late fifties, you'd say. Upon questioning, John Darwin tells
you both that he thinks he's a missing person because
he doesn't remember the last five or six years of
his life. The last he can remember is early two
thousand and two. You reach over to your computer keyboard.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
You get to work.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
The sergeant asked John Darwin where he's from. Seat in
Caro Cleveland. You start tapping away up pops a report
about a man who died at sea, his kayak being
all that remained of him. You had a canoe, The
sergeant says it was a kayak, says John Darwin. The
sergeant looks at you. You tell John Darwin to have
(27:42):
a seat. A media firestorm is about to catch flame.
So somehow, and I'm not saying it was You's Aaron
the UK tabloid press got wind of this amazing canoe man.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
I've got a gambling problem Elizabeth.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Who turned up after being decre dead. And you know
how the tabloids are as soon as soon as they
had his name, they began their investigation.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Yes, that's what I'm waiting for. And the Daily Mail
boys on.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
It faster than you can say, Jack Robinson. They tracked
and a Panama and then you know Panama model citizens
zero discipline. And when they found Anne, they also found
that picture from Mario, the real estate agent's office. He
had posted it on his website, so there was a
caption identifying Anne and John, but no last names, and
(28:31):
the press went nuts. Detective Superintendent Tony Hutchinson said, quote,
that is one line of inquiry we will be following.
But he added photographs can be doctored.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Yeah, that's usually what happened. You guys are like, I'm
going to spend my money on a photoshop of this
lovely British couple exactly.
Speaker 5 (28:49):
So.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Hutchinson also said police had no immediate plans to extradite
Anne or go to Panama to interview her. He said
Darwin's appearance had raised a lot of questions. Quote, we
need to speak to on Darwin. Clearly, it's only right
and proper that we spoke to him under caution, and
he said that you know, he was going to be
medically examined. He may have been suffering from amnesia for
(29:09):
five and a half years.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
There's like no amnesia test now. It was just like
these two doctors both agree.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
I guess yeah. So the Hutchinsony makes this public appeal
for information. He tells reporters we want to piece together
exactly where he's been since he went missing in two
thousand and two, and then asked whether the investigation was
being led by the media. He said journalists had more
quote latitude than the police, and he added the press
have certainly been providing us with a lot of information.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
To the UK, He's like, you.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Do the leg work. That's great. So with a nod
from the cops. The press chase is on the Splash
News and Picture agency. They were the first to find Ann.
They tracked her down to Panama City and other tabloids
hot on their trail. They persuaded her to go into hiding.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
They did, yeah them, right them.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
And they said, if you give our reporters and photographers
exclusive accents. As her story unraveled into global news, the
agency just had like scoop after scoop.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
This is like a nineteen twenty story in America.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
I love this because their clients were the Daily Mail
and the Mirror.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
Yeah of course, oh yeah, the big ones.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
And so the competition like they can't keep.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
Us, The Sun's losing it. Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
The rumors that Anne was in Panama prompted the Mail
to contract David Lee, who was a former Mirror news
editor and was now chief of Splash's Miami bureau, to
fly to Central America. Okay, right after his arrival, the
Mirror finds out Darwin's address in Panama, said the Mail.
They had a team on the ground, but no address.
(30:43):
The Mirror has the address, but no team. So they
made a deal. The Mirror would hand over the address
and then they would share the scoop. Both papers denied
paying her directly, but Splash may have paid her the
news agency. So Splash takes her to the airport for
a flight to Miami and that's where the agency has
a base, and from there they get her back to
the UK. And this is when the press starts calling
(31:06):
John Darwin canoe man and it's open season at this point.
So and she gets back to England and she has
to confront more than the tabloids. She has to face
her sons. Oh right, right, remember them, Anthony and Mark.
So they issued a joint statement saying that they were
quote astonished that their mother could have let them believe
that their father died, and she's begging their forgiveness. Quote
(31:30):
who can blame them? I lied to them, my own sons.
What sort of mother am I? That's what she tells
the Daily Mail. Oh yeah, my sons are never going
to forgive me, she said, quote they thought John was dead.
Now they're gonna hate me. They'll be devastated and we'll
probably want nothing to do with me again.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
Probably, yeah, probably.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
I think you're about right so far.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
You're like this kind of analysis you could have used earlier.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
So they're like the Daily Mails like tell us more. Quote,
I don't want to live my life as a fugitive.
I'll have to go back because I won't have any
life here. Never have listened to John, but he can
be very persuasive. Of course, I'm to blame too. I
know I've done wrong. I just wish i'd told the
boys when I found out. I'm sure they would have
talked some sense into me. But I didn't. I didn't
tell anyone, and one lie led to another yeah, yeah,
(32:15):
there it is, Anne and so the SUNS. They released
this joint statement. Quote, in this short space of time
following our dad's appearance on Saturday, we've gone through a
rollercoaster of emotion. If the paper's allegations of a confession
from our mam are true, then we very much feel
that we have been the victims in a large scam.
How could our ma'am continue to let us believe our
(32:37):
dad had died when he was very much alive? How
could you, ma'am? So the statement added that they had
had no contact with either of the parents since John,
you know, walked into the place. I do you do? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (32:53):
I do is I'm as they start to protest a
little too much, I'm starting to be a little suspicious.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
No, I believe them, Okay, leave him. It came out though,
that the investigation into John didn't start when he walked
into the police station. What Yeah. It was actually reopened
three months prior in September, because a coworker of Anne's
at the doctor's office told the cops that she'd overheard
a series of suspicious phone calls in hushed tones. Why
(33:21):
she waited that long years earlier years and the time time,
so weird. But Tony Hutchinson, Detective Superintendent. He said, quote,
there was some information which was reported to us three
months ago to suggest that perhaps there was something suspicious
with regards to his disappearance.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
I wonder if she caught something else, you know, or
whatever till he came to light and then she just
went and.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
But don't forget Anne went back to She went back
to the UK to do the property settlement. And so maybe,
like she was in the doctor's.
Speaker 3 (33:49):
Office, maybe she's also still in contact with people, and
maybe she just offended this woman on some totally unrelated score,
like her biscuits are really dry. I'm going to the police.
Her scones were exactly.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
So let's take a break. When we come back, we're
going to see what the law has in.
Speaker 4 (34:06):
Store for the Darwins.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
John Darwin would yeah, the man accused of faking his
own death in a canoeing accident aka Kayak and Darwin
his long suffering wife. So they get busted after John
strolled into the cop shop says he has amnesia, might
be a missing person. Everything fell apart. They wind up
charged with a series of fraud related offenses that added
(34:51):
up to like two hundred and fifty pounds.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
Yeah, that's like all the money they had.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Yeah. John pleads guilty to seven charges of obtaining cash
by deception and a passport offense. Just plead skillt He
denied nine other charges of using criminal property, an offense
related to the money laundering. Okay, And the prosecutors are like, okay,
the ones that you denied, you're not going to face trial,
you know, We're just gonna let it lie. And she
(35:19):
denies the deception charges and nine of the using criminal property.
So she went to trial in court and described John
as like domineering, manipulative, just always got what he wanted. Yeah.
She said that once she thought about leaving him after
finding out that he'd had an affair, but then she
couldn't contemplate life without him.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
Oh I would have held the like he forced her somehow,
like he can't be like, oh I decided to stay
with him.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
I think he did. I think he forced her.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
I would have played if I would have made that
part of my narrative.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Then, when she was asked about like how she was
playing the grieving widow, she said, quote, I honestly felt
like a grieving widow. I'd lost my husband, not the
sense he was lost, but he'd left me. I felt desperate,
I felt ashamed about what was happening. The emotions I
showed were genuine emotions.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
That's well for her.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
She said that the strain of keeping up that deception
was so hard that one time she ran out of
the house and went to the beach, and she said
that quote, I sat on the beach looking at the sea.
I wish that John had drowned at sea. I considered
walking into the sea. I got so desperate, but I
couldn't do it because of the effect it would have
had on the rest of the family, particularly Mark and Anthony.
(36:30):
I think this is right now, You're thinking about the
boys totally.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
I think that is why Gary Betzner hypnotized his wife
before he went off and faked his death was somewhat alleviator.
This concerns the psychic damage, or maybe not. Maybe he
just wanted her to pull Maybe.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
It was not fun so and since she had no
idea how bad the debt was before he, you know,
staged his death, that he had always kind of dealt
with all the finances. Her court case was followed doggedly
by the press, every detail examined.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
Not the British tabloid.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
So she gets found guilty. She gets sentenced to six
years three months. John had gotten the same thing.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
Okay, she gets more time than him. I'm gonna lose it.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
They got exactly the same and then they later appealed
those decisions.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Yes, I'm good for her.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Yeah. No, it's not a good crime and it's not
a good ridiculous criminal if there's no book involved.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
Oh yes, please, the book club needs it's new books.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
While in jail, John wrote a memoir detailing his scam
and like in graphic detail his affairs.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
He's like, memoirs, those can be partly fictional.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Yeah, and he tries to smuggle it out of his jail.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
I like he's like a lot of sex. He's like,
oh yeah, I'm a sexy guy and you need to
hear my story. This is central to understanding the Darwin.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
He got to know if you want to know me.
Extracts from the book were published in the tabloid The Sun.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
Okay, yeah, get in on this.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
Like John, he teamed up with this dude, this like
fraudster that he met in jail, and I posed as
his lawyer. After he got out, so his other scam
artist friend gets out of jail then says, oh, yeah,
I'm his lawyer. And that's how they could exchange uncensored
material under Rule thirty nine, which allows for correspondence between
(38:14):
prisoners and their legal advisors to be treated as confidential.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
So in the US, they don't have like show me
your legal card, like you're he's lawyer.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
He just like walks out of the prison, puts a
blazer on. Yeah. So the prison Service, I mean the
prison Service, obviously they don't. They don't carry out any
checks that they should have. And the reason for the
upset about this is that the Ministry of Justice said
that it's wrong for convicted criminals to profit from their crist.
(38:45):
So the memoir, he called it The Canoe Man, Panama
and Back. It's a terrible title, terrible, terrible. He talks
about how he contemplated suicide the face of his mounting debts,
but then he realized it wouldn't solve his financial because
you know, you can't collect life insurance, and he worried
what effect it would have on his wife, which like,
(39:07):
I don't believe on that, he said quote, not only
would I think I was a failure in the eyes
of Anne, but also in the eyes of my two sons,
as I would have lost the Faily home, lost absolutely
everything that Anne and I had worked for.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
So instead he fakes his death, makes his wife lie
to the kids, his dad. He's like, that's the answer,
that's the good one.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
He calls the moment that he came up with the
idea to fake his own death a eureka moment. He
didn't want to take the Oprah's aha. He said, quote,
if we couldn't die, then my crazed brain reason I
could pretend to die. Not a job for Anne. She
may fluff it completely and end up really dead. For
my part, I no longer had a choice. I'd made
(39:48):
up my mind to do it for real. After all,
I wouldn't be the first man to kill himself because
of financial pressures. The only difference in this case was
that it would look like an accident. A suicide would
be useless. The insurance company wouldn't pay it out, so
he serves half his sentence. He gets out in January
twenty eleven and is released a couple of months later
(40:09):
the Crown Prosecution Service. They recovered assets, including their apartment
in Panama City, and then like the piece of jungle
that they bought. Oh yeah, they were gonna like open a.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
Bread breath right resort.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Yeah yeah, And so they combined that with the cash
that was left over the other assets, and prosecutors are
about to get back almost half a million pounds. The
news reports. Some said that they made off with two
hundred and fifty thousand pounds and others said six hundred
thousand pounds. It was just a lot.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
Whatever it was, there's somewhere in the hundred.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Yeah, it just gets loose. The crime spurred another crime.
Sky News admitted that one of its senior executives authorized
a journalist to conduct email hacking on two separate occasions
that were in the quote public interest, even though you
know it's violating the computer misuse, We got it.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
We really need to know the answer of about those Darwin.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Hard tub the Sky News Northern England Correspondence. He hacked
emails belonging to John Darwin while Anne was on trial.
So he hacked John's emails. He built up a database
of emails that he thought would defeat her defense. Yeah,
and so the charges against him get dropped because prosecutors
(41:23):
said it would not be in the public interest to
prosecute him because the emails were accessed with a view
to providing that a criminal offense had been committed. So
it's like, basically like you're kind of helping the prosecution.
They said that. They said a number of the same
emails they later got the police later got them lawfully
and were used in trial, and.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
They were actually from Megan Markle, right.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
So they're like they were going to come out anyway.
So whatever, it's cool. It doesn't seem right, but who
am I to say? But this wasn't the end of
Canoeman John Darwin.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
What happened to Canoeman John Darwin Elizabeth twenty thirteen?
Speaker 2 (41:59):
He gets arrested for violating his parole after he traveled
to Ukraine.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
Why okay, twenty thirteen was he washing money?
Speaker 5 (42:06):
Now?
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Under the terms you'll find out when he was washing
over there? Under the terms of his release, he wasn't
allowed to leave Britain without authorities on that. He didn't care.
He went to the town of Subi in Ukraine to meet.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
A woman a resort town.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Sum Yeah, he was spying himself a bride buying a
bride because he and Anne. They were divorced at this point.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
I was hoping that she had left him finally.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
Yeah, well it falls through with the Ukrainian no h
and Ann's retired. She lives alone in the north of England.
She reconciled with her boy.
Speaker 3 (42:40):
Every time he goes to a new woman and when
they meet him, they're like, oh no.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
No, no, They're like, an he's your problem to goad.
So she makes up with her kids, Mark and Anthony.
They had disowned her like completely, and she's able to
be a part of her grandchildren's life.
Speaker 3 (42:57):
So they became parents and that kind of softened their stands. Yeah,
mistakes are made.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
Sometimes theirs are like, you know, she has It's fun.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
How that helps becoming a parent You suddenly judge your
own parents differently. Yeah, I say that as a non parent,
I still got to judge my total.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
While she was in prison and wrote a book if
she worked with journalists David Lee on a book called
Out of My Depth.
Speaker 3 (43:20):
You can't finish your book, go to prison, the journalist
will come and help you.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
Give us another book. She talks publicly a lot about
her involvement in the scam, but she still says that
she was controlled by John the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
I do believe that.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yeah. John. When he got out, he returned to his hometown,
the Staine Cliff Hotel. There has a canoe bar and Darwin.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
Restaurant banking on you knew me when well, no.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
He didn't do it.
Speaker 3 (43:44):
They just.
Speaker 7 (43:46):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah, he's like, you know, talk of the town. He
tried to sell that memoir and was not successful. No
publishers bought it. So then he moved to the philomen.
Speaker 3 (43:56):
And publishers agree about him.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
He moved to the Philippines, Oh god, and he married
a woman named Mercy May, who was twenty three years
his junior. Mercy May, he lives there now. They run
a market stall together. Really yeah, outside she does.
Speaker 3 (44:11):
All the work. I'm kissing. He's not out front, of course.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
This is what Mercy May said. Quote. I know what
he did. He knows, and he paid penalty. He doesn't
need to be reminded.
Speaker 3 (44:22):
Oh I'm glad. He's got a very supportive and royal wife.
Speaker 2 (44:25):
So he made the news in twenty twenty two, what
for when Mercy told the tabloids that he was willing
to travel to Ukraine to fight what he was seventy
one at this in the war. Yeah, in the.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
War, I was like really hoping to be like an
exhibition boxing match and not in the war. Be a
bad idea.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
War Mercy told the Mirror quote, yes, dangerous for the
Russian when he shoot them. Oh no, yeah. She said
that he had good life insurance. Quote, he will have
a bulletproof vest and good life insurance. Good for me.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
I made the bulletproof ess myself.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
Fan's crazy out of the market stall stuff.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
No, it's like it may work.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
Why why was she talking to the tabloids in twenty
twenty two.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
And why was she trying to send her husband off
to warn talking about the answer.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
That I understand. I get it to the tabs because
ITV released a four part drama series called The Thief,
His Wife and the Canoe.
Speaker 3 (45:17):
Oh like I got it.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
Here's the cast. Eddie Marson is John Darwin. You know
that actor he was like in He played the boxing
brother in Ray Donovan and I know you'll recognize.
Speaker 3 (45:28):
Him if you see your name sounds familiar.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Monica Dolan is Anne Darwin, Mark Stanley is Mark Darwin.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
Not Mark Stanley.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Dominic Applewhite is Anthony Darwin, and Carl Pilkington as DC
Phil Bailey. You know Carl Pilkington. He is the like
dimlit buddy of what's his name that I can't stand,
the original office guy, the original Office guy gerv Rickey Gervais, right, okay,
(45:57):
Ricky Gervas. He has a show with his pal Carl
Pilkington and they travel and Carl is such a dimwit,
but I love him so much. He's hilarious. And Steven
Merchant he's funny, he's involved anyway, Carl Pilkington, of all
people is DC Phil Bailey.
Speaker 3 (46:16):
That's a big mood in like the UK. I've noticed
is that we take one guy post likely funny, and
then we have him travel places like there's a lot
of shows.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
Yeah, there are a bunch of shows like that. So
you can watch this on brit Box, which hypothetically, if
I were.
Speaker 3 (46:31):
Someone are you sponsored by?
Speaker 2 (46:33):
If I were someone who watched TV, I would one
have a brit Box subscription, And if I were the
type to watch TV, which I don't because it's totally
beneath me, I would wait until I finished recording this
episode to watch the series because I wouldn't want the
fictionalized version to tape my research version.
Speaker 3 (46:49):
Huh.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
Like if I were to watch Yeah so Zaren.
Speaker 3 (46:53):
When is called The Midwife on BritBox, it's.
Speaker 2 (46:55):
Not well, I watched it through PBS. I mean I would.
I would hypothetically watch it through TuS passport and I
would hypothetically watch things like Father Bros. Hypothetically hypothetically or
you know, just Silent Witness. I heard that's I don't know.
I don't know if that's a show or not.
Speaker 3 (47:14):
I sound like it would be good if it were
me or likes.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (47:18):
I don't watch TV. I appreciate this.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
What's your ridiculous takeaway.
Speaker 3 (47:24):
The well? I mean he didn't deserve her, so like
it shouldn't have worked out, but like you make it,
you get away. Your wife helps you fake your death.
She pulls off the hard work of like the month
of like convincing everyone you're dead. You're supposed to then
take her on a vacation or move somewhere nice and
he doesn't knew anybody. He's like, instead, I'm going to
the Midwest. I got myself a gamer wife. I mean, like, bro,
(47:48):
what the hell this room?
Speaker 2 (47:50):
Play video game? Like mobile around town.
Speaker 3 (47:52):
Early in his first idea is like, well, I've been
online a while, yeah, and the world, what's yours? Elizabeth?
Speaker 2 (47:58):
I he's a horse's ass, ye, I can't stand it.
And Anne is a doormat and I feel for her same,
And I'm glad that things have resolved themselves from me.
And I feel bad for Mercy May but I kind
of don't because I feel like.
Speaker 3 (48:12):
She maybe she seems at opportunity.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
She might smother him in to sleep.
Speaker 3 (48:15):
Yeah, yeah, does.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
Hypothetically allegedly. Let's see, Oh, Dave, do we do we
have any talkbacks?
Speaker 3 (48:28):
I think I can wrestle one up?
Speaker 6 (48:30):
Oh yeah, freshy, Oh my god, I want.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
Hi, Elizabeth and Barren.
Speaker 7 (48:47):
I just listened to your episode about all the stake universities,
and my favorite part was all the dogs and cats
getting their degrees. I think that's awesome. And I think
that y'all should make a T shirt that says Rude
University because I would totally love a bogus degree from
(49:10):
rudu University.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
I would buy that all right, bye, yes university.
Speaker 3 (49:16):
We got two ideas, start a fake university and sell mercer.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
We should sell diplomas from Rude you know, what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (49:22):
We get, of course, get in on the diploma, and
then we also want.
Speaker 2 (49:26):
Do you want like a doctorate in criming?
Speaker 3 (49:29):
I told you I'm working on that. I'm going to
get the legitimate one, and then I'm going to get
a fake one just in case of the legitimate one.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
Does we could we could just put them up on
the website and people could print them off.
Speaker 3 (49:38):
For I'm charitable, yes, tell them donate to our local
charity and you get one of these. Even have to
give us proof.
Speaker 2 (49:46):
You just hack the mainframe and get in there. That's it.
That's all I have for today. You can find us
online at ridiculous crime dot com. We're also at ridiculous
Crime on both Twitter and Instagram. Email ridiculous Crime at
gmail dot com, download the iHeart app, and please leave
us a talk back reach out and keep us leazy.
(50:13):
Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Sarah Burnett,
produced and edited by houseboat Guy Dave Cousten. Research is
by pontoon Boat Human Marissa Brown and jet Ski individual
Andrea song Sharpened Tear. The theme song is by Trawler
person Thomas Lee and wakeboard Dude Travis Dutton post wardrobe
is provided by Botany five Hundred. Executive producers are Ben Sloop,
(50:37):
John Bolan and Barge Buddy Noel.
Speaker 5 (50:40):
Brown, Ridicus Crime, Say It One More Times
Speaker 1 (50:51):
Crime Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio Four more
podcasts my heart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Hosts And Creators
Zaron Burnett
Elizabeth Dutton
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