November 16, 2024 • 32 mins
We got a call from another former Bachelor contestant, and we put Jana Kramer on the case. It’s a tale as old as time, “once a cheater always a cheater”?? We’re desperate for the answer.
Plus, will this former housewife make the perfect wing-woman for our lonely bachelorette?
Ready to find love again? Want dating advice?
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hey, guys, it's your other host for I Do Part two,
Jana Kramer. I'm jumping in. I love tearing Elizabeth's story.
I'm so excited for her. But we have someone else
that we're going to have on. She's a listener of
I Do Part two and she's actually really good friends
with Elizabeth, so I'm really excited to get her on.
But first I want to play you Rebecca's voice memo
(00:36):
that she's sent in to be on the show. Let's
give it a listen him.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
My name is Rebecca. I listened to your podcast and
I would be interested in participating. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I mean, hey, short and sweet, and she just is
like ready to get into it. So let's do it.
Let's get Rebecca on and let's help her find some love.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Hey, how are you. I'm good.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
I'm so happy to be talking to you. We just
listened to your voice memo and I loved it because
it was like, hey, I listened to the show. I
want to be on, Like, let's do this. It was
just like very to the point, very like very direct,
and I'm here for that. So we had the first
part of the show, we had your girlfriend Elizabeth on,
(01:20):
and obviously she was from the Bachelor too, And then
I was reading your stuff and you were you were
also on the Bachelor, you were on Brad season. How
did you guys meet because you were on different seasons.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
So after you get off the show, you're part of
this like crazy bachelor family, right, and you get invited
to all the events. And so I was invited to
a charity event and it was like a clean up
the beach in Venice kind of a thing, and so
we were both at that same event together.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Okay, and then it was just like fast friends or.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, well I act actually saw Elizabeth walking down the
beach and I was like, oh gosh, not this girl.
She was like so caddy on the show, and she
just was portrayed really bad. And she knows as I've
told her this, and I was like, oh, don't pair
me with her. And then we were paired together. But
she's amazing. She's not who they portrayed on the show,
(02:18):
and she's such a sweetheart. We've been best friends for
fourteen years. We've been through everything together. So yeah, it's
been amazing to have her in my life. I'm so
glad we were paired.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Together, right, I know, it's interesting God's little interventions. So
you you got sent home the first night? Is that
what I read on Brad's I did what? Okay? What
was that like? What was that feeling like? And then
also why do you think you were sent home on
the first night? Is there something where is this a
(02:51):
thing in your dating world where you're like, maybe I
didn't put forth more effort or what do you think
it was?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
So going on the first night is a little deflating
because there's so much work up to it that you
spend months talking to producers and just like them prepping
you and getting you ready for the show, and then
you get there and it's night one and you're so
excited meeting all the girls, Like everyone was super nice.
I really wanted to stay for that. I liked the
(03:21):
pressure that I was fielding. I wasn't looking to be
on a reality TV show. I just felt like this
was God's funny plan to like introduce me to my husband,
Like Okay, cool, I'm going to go on some show.
And I feel like maybe I wasn't reality TV enough
for them, Like the producers kind of wanted me do
(03:41):
a little bit more like chasing around. I was the
first person in Bachelor history to kiss the guy right
out of the limo, and I feel like it was
then like, Okay, now I want you to go find
him and kiss him again. I'm like, that's not me,
Like I want to be authentic to who I am
and not put on, you know, a show. So I
kind of feel like that's why I went home because
(04:02):
I wasn't kind of doing what they wanted me to do.
But it was a fun experience, all right.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
So post a Bachelor, then you ended up. How long
were you married for with your with your husband who.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Was with my ex first seven years? Well we were
married for seven years.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Seven years, Okay. When I was reading your breakdown, I
was just like, oh, I relate so much to your
story because it said, you know, you were set up
with your ex husband right after the Bachelor. They dated
for a little over a year, then you broke up.
I'm curious, and then you found out you're pregnant, so
then you guys reconciled. What why did you guys break up?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
In the beginning, I just had this intuition. I just
felt like he was cheating on me and there was
a lot of lies. The relationship was super dysfunctional. But
I was so lost. I didn't I was broke down.
My self esteem was completely gone. I felt like, this
is the best I can do. I'm thirty years old.
I want to be married and have kids, and this
(05:03):
is what's out there, so, you know, and I finally
listened to my gut and said I'm out. I can't
do this anymore. This is not right. And I felt
like this overwhelming peace and relief when it was done.
And then I found out two days later that I
was pregnant, and I was like, oh gosh, what do
(05:24):
I do now?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
This is I mean truly the same kind of story too.
I was thirty, I really wanted to have kids, and
so it was that. But I had just found out
that he cheated on me, and we were only d
we only dated for gosh, like a month before I
found out that he cheated on me the first time.
And if that wasn't the biggest red flag ever, but
(05:47):
I really, truly I was like, well, I'm thirty, I
really want to have kids, and I you know, people
make mistakes, and lord, I've made a million. And so
I tried to kind of talk my way through his stuff,
but then, you know, same with you. You married for
seven years, ex husband had ten plus affairs, And I
(06:09):
was just like, oh my gosh, I'm like, am I
reading my own story? Because I mean what I know
of in the first one was thirteen in the first
year of our marriage. So then women after that were
you know, I think I know of like five or
six more. But I mean when there's fifteen, you know,
(06:32):
you know, it's like, but for you, when was the
first time that you caught him in an affair or
did he tell you? Like, what was that?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Like? Now? I he had to actually just come back.
He's a fireman. He plays bagpipes, and he was at
a bagpipe event for several days and then came home
and that night his phone was laying on his chest
and it was lit up. In the middle of the night,
I went, I got up. We had a gosh. Brindley
was six weeks old, still sleeping in our room and
(07:04):
a bouncy thing on the floor, and he picked his
phone up and put it on the night stand and
saw mistext from Kyle and I was like, Okay, cool,
who's Kyle? Went to the bathroom, came back and just
this gut feeling like, go look at his phone, and
I never felt that way before. I would have never
(07:24):
been a million years thought he would cheat. And so
I picked up the phone and took it downstairs and
it happened to be unlocked, which was never like he
always had a lock like a password on it. I
was able to find several different women that he had
been texting extremely inappropriate things while he's laying in bed
next to me. I confronted him that night about it, and.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
How many years into the marriage was that?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
This was a year? One year I got pregnant just
after we got married to our with our second child,
and she was six weeks, so it had just been
a year or jess under just barely shy of a year.
But he swore it was never in person, it was
(08:12):
only text messages. It would never happen again. So I
kind of just kept this dirty little secret and.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
My eyes lies lies, liesless.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
And then a year later he took me to a
mountaintop and like confessed that he had lied and he
had been seeing these women. And I basically did a
tell all, like you have a one day get at
a jail free card. I need to know everything, the
skills of eath, anything for tomorrow or I'm gone, and
I just sat there counting, like, oh my gosh, how
(08:43):
many more are there? Like this is insane? So there
was ten he admitted to that day, and then I
said for five years trying to fix the marriage, because
of course, if I could be perfect, and I could
be good enough, and I could have the cleanest house
and the best kids and be in the best shape
and all the things, he would love me right, he
(09:04):
would choose me. I always chose him, and I found
again women on his phone five years later, and that
was I mean, I can't continue in that cycle. So
he actually a mutual friend of ours recently asked him like, hey, man,
you know Rebecca says you've been cheating who you cheated
(09:26):
on her and that's why she left. And he was like,
oh gosh, I lost track of how many people I
cheated on her with like it was something right about Wow.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
I feel like it's one extreme or the other. I
remember my ex when I did my table talk with
Jada Pinkett Smith, the girl he was dating at the time,
He's like, oh, thirteen women, I'd love to know who
those were. And I'm like, so it's like they either
lie I'm like, oh, oh, would you like to go
back because I can pull up the rolodex. I called
(09:54):
all of them. Yeah, it's kind of on the phone
or you know, or they just yeah, I'm like that,
what is that? Like? Why is that? It's not a
bragging right dude? You know, like, that's not something to
brag about.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Totally. I didn't. And I actually told our friend, like,
you can ask him if you really want to, I go,
but he's not gonna. Why would he admit that? Would
you admit that it makes you look bad? And then
that he bragged about it? I was like, Wow, Okay,
I guess he's admitting it.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Did he ever come out to say that he was
a sex addict or he had a problem or what
was his excuse I guess, or what was his rationalization
with it all?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Yeah, So after he admitted to the affairs, he started
going to a sex addict therapist, and he had all
these things in place. He was gonna go to therapy
and go to recovery and go to he was you know,
we joined like a life group with our church, and
he was all in just going to be the best
husband ever and deal with his past and a lot
(11:06):
of it's you know, blamed on the upbringing and daddy
issues and things like that. So it was never like
he never really took I guess like blame for it.
It was always someone else's fault as to why that
was happening, why he was people choices.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, because
I mean, it is the worst, worst pain possible, especially
since you have you know, two beautiful daughters, and you know,
I definitely get it's it's so hard and for the
longest time I stayed for my kids. And then realizing
the last time I found out about the next round
of affairs was my again breaking point because after a while,
(11:45):
you're like, all right, this is a seven year cycle.
He's not changing. Yeah, his words are just now I
don't believe anything he says because every time it just
keeps happening again and again, and you wonder, you know,
I still there were times when I'm like, maybe this
time is the time he's going to change, maybe like
he finally realized it. But then you just come to
(12:06):
that I don't actually even care if he does, because
I can't stick around to find out. Yep. And for
you you know, now that you've been You've been single
for how many years? Two years?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
I've been single for four. Our divorce has been final
for two, but I left four years ago.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Okay, have you been in serious relationships since your divorce?
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I would say one, maybe semi serious relationship. It didn't
last long, but we were friends for like six months
prior to actually getting into the relationship, and so the
feelings came on pretty pretty quickly since we had known
each other for so long. But sure, just the one.
(12:51):
And where are you at now with love? Do you
do you want to find love? Do you want to
get married again? You know?
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Where? Where are you at with that?
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Yeah? I do? Actually, I believe in marriage. I think
that there are good people out there. I don't believe
everyone is my ex. I've been through a lot. I did, gosh,
three or four years of trauma therapy. I could gamdr
to just work through triggers and all of that. I everything,
(13:21):
So I finally feel like I'm like a whole, complete person.
I feel like in the beginning I didn't want to
jump into something because I didn't want to bring my
past into my current relationship. But yeah, I just I
struggle with believing that I'm picking the right person. I
was so tricked the first time, and I don't I mean,
(13:44):
I just don't trust that I'm going to pick someone
who's not going to completely love bomb me, and then
I'm going to find out, you know, when it's too
late that oh wait, this isn't who I thought he was.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, I mean, it definitely is really hard to trust
yourself post divorce. I mean I kind of fell into
that same thing where after I got divorced. I essentially
picked kind of the same dude after my divorce, and then,
you know what my therapist always said, though, is you know,
in that situation, I go, god, I failed again. I
(14:16):
picked someone that was so similar and it was not
who he said he was. And she goes, but you
figured it out sooner this time, you know, you're not
seven years in. She's like, you were a couple of
months in. And she's like, and you were able to
see the red flags and you were able to get out.
She's like, that is in itself, you know, victory, right,
and like you're like, you're you have that right there
(14:39):
proves that you can trust yourself a little bit, and
then you can trust yourself more than every time you
do it, and I think I have a girlfriend right now.
That's also you know, she's newly divorced and she's dating
and it's almost just like I told her, I said,
go out and just meet as many people take inventory
of it all, you know, like see what you actually
want because when she was in a long marriage for
(15:00):
a long time and she's like the guys and what
I've noticed too, and what you probably can see with
your ex now is like they showed you who they
were all along. It was just up to us to
to really go, Okay, this is this is who they are,
not what they smoke clouds of who they were making
them up to be.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Yeah, I believe what they show you and not they Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Well, and that's like how I think with trust. Everyone's like,
how do you trust your husband now? And I'm like,
for me, it's he says what he like, he he
does what he says, and he says what he does,
you know, like he's his words and his actions match
every single day, And that to me is how I
can trust you know my husband now because before my
ex husband, there was his words and actions never aligned ever,
(15:47):
which is why I was like, but and then I
was made to feel like the crazy one. I'm like,
but you said this you're doing how, like, how does
this make sense?
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Because it never It's just like crazy making and then
they make us feel crazy.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yeah. No, I didn't say that. I said this, and
that's not how this happened. Sometimes I just wanted like
cameras on the walls, like, you know, I want to
play back the film. That's not what you said. This
is not how this went down. Why do I feel
like a crazy person? Did I say that? You start
to like question your own sanity.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
In the world of dating? Now are you? Are you
on apps?
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Like?
Speaker 1 (16:21):
What are you doing to get out there?
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Todate? No? I did the apps. I hate the apps.
They're awful. I feel like, I don't know, it's like
a diamond and a rough you know, it's so hard
to find someone who genuinely wants be in a relationship,
and it's more of like a hookup culture on the
apps or ghosting, Like you start talking to someone all
(16:43):
of a sudden, you're like, where did you go? I
thought we were having a really good conversation. Now you're gone.
So I got off the apps about eight nine months ago,
and I don't know, like where do you meet people?
Like I always say I want to meet someone in
the wild and the grocery store. Like I feel like
(17:04):
in my twenties, people would approach you, like, you know,
at the bars or when you're just out doing life.
And I go out by myself all the time, Like
I when I don't have my kids, I can't just
stay cooped up in the house, and so I'll go
out to a bar or restaurant and have dinner and
sit by myself and nobody.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Oh I would love that, really nobody. Ever, that doesn't
mean I really find that hard to believe because you're
you're beautiful, and the fact that you're going out there too,
it shows you have confidence to go sit there and
have you know, dinner by yourself. And are you the
kind of person that will approach somebody else?
Speaker 2 (17:42):
I don't, sort of like I so like I encourage
my friends to when we're out, like, oh, you see
a cute guy, go talk to him. But then I
have this like old school mentality. I want to be pursued,
Like I want someone to have of confidence to come
out to me and to like just boldly be like, hey,
let's talk, let's go hang out, let's have dinner together
or something. So don't know if that feels like pursuing
(18:06):
someone else. If I'm like, hey, let's talk.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Well, here's an interesting thought. Because you live in California, right,
mm hmm, okay, Well, I'm going to be in California
for the iHeart jingle Ball Fest. So is your friend Elizabeth,
and so is my friend Kelly Bensimon. So would you
want to come? Actually, let's get Can we get Kelly on?
(18:32):
And then maybe we can entice you to come to
jingle Ball with us, and then we can try to
set you up with someone. Does that sound like a
plant's let's get Kelly on?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Kelly.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Whenever I feel like whenever I find someone that has
been that has the similar pass like I've had with
the cheating ex husband for multiple, multiple, multiple years and
multiple women, I have this like rideer die vibe that
I'm like, I want to just go out and find help,
find you love because I feel like I got lucky
(19:02):
with my aftermath of that terrible traumatic years of my
life that I'm like, Kelly, can we gotta help my girl?
Rebecca out?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Hi?
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Rebecca?
Speaker 2 (19:13):
How are you hello?
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Should we all go to jingle ball and then just
pimp out our girl Rebecca and just see what she's
doing wrong, help her because I am like world's best
wing woman.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
So, oh my god, me too. I am like there
for you.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
I'm so sorry, but Kelly, you're also single though, so
I'm like, I'm gonna have to like, we're gonna have to,
like you know, to find you guys.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Three Elizabeth will be there. We need three good guys.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Yes, RecA, It's gonna be so much fun. We're gonna
have the best time. And you know what, you know,
what the thing is too, is like when you're in
a good mood with with fun with friends that you
really like, then you meet like really great people. So
I'm super excited to hang out with you and we're
gonna have the best time.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Rebecca, are you in?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
I'm in?
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Oh my gosh. I love this so much. It's another
opportunity to put yourself in a place where you might
not have gone. And then the fact that you know
all of us girls will be there, so we'll be
we'll be definitely routin me on what are you most
(20:22):
nervous about with finding your next love? And then what
are you most looking.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Forward to, like I said, nervous about the red flags
like just not seeing something and somebody kind of getting
stuck in that like moving too fast, because when you
really like someone, you know, like it tends to go quickly.
But I don't want I don't want to like rush
into the next relationship. But I also don't want to
(20:48):
like put my last relationship like in the forefront of
my new one, right, I don't want to hold that
against the next person, where like they do something and
I'm comparing it to my last relationship. Do they do
You ever get to the point where you're not just
like looking for red flags the entire time you're dating somebody.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Hmm, I mean yeah, I was looking like for the
first couple probably. I mean mine only lasted for the
first couple of months. I feel like I moved maybe
only like the first month. I was like trying to
figure out the red flags. But when when I wasn't
finding any, and I'm like, all right, I'm jumping all
like head in because I feel like everyone's or feet first.
But everyone always says, well, don't go too fast, don't
(21:31):
go too fast. But I also know people that have
met someone and fast and then they have the most
amazing marriage years years in. So yeah, I jumped in
fast with my ex too, but it was so different
from my now husband.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Yeah. Yeah, there's like that confidence he felt peace that
like he was a yeah that he was Yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Mean I agree.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
I agree too, Like right now, like you and I
and Rebecca are in the same kind of headspace, and
you know, I just am like open to meeting new people,
and I haven't really like I thought about you know,
I'm not trying to put any like boundaries or parameters
on anyone. I'm just trying to be like, Okay, I'm
(22:14):
really interested and I want to know more about you.
And my friends are saying to me, you have to
ask questions. So I'm not a question asker. I am
a just like hang out with you kind of feel
who you are. But I'm not like, why did you
guys seech forced what was your last marriage? Like you know,
I'm just.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Noth my god, I am so that person. I'm like,
why what happened? Would you? Did you? Did you do that?
Like I have to know every and that's that's like
maybe my toxic trade. I don't know, but I just like,
let's get to it because I don't want to waste
my time. I've got two kids at home, Like, I'm
not wasting not wasting any time.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Yeah, how soon do you, like do you introduce your
kids to? Like I feel like when you have feelings
for someone, like I don't want to fall in love
with someone, and then like introduce some of my kids
and my kids and that person don't chibe and I'm like, sorry,
see you, what do you do with that?
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I I kind of always did like the three month rule.
I don't know if that was, and so I only
introduced them to you know, so an X and then
my now husband, but I was yeah, three months is
kind of what I was, but my ex and I
kind of agreed to. But it's more, it's hard because
(23:23):
when you're in your forties, I feel like things just
move faster anyways, at least for me it did, because
it's like you just cut the bullshit and you go
straight too. All right, what does this look like? And
because you have to be I feel like you have
to cut the bullshit when you've got kids.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Yeah, yeah, dating with a purpose. I'm not just dating
for fun, Like I'm dating exactly to meet someone longer.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
We're not on tender you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Yeah, So my kids are so much older. They're you know,
twenty four and twenty six, and so they're the ones
that when we're out, they're like, Mommy, he's good looking, Mommy,
he looks like something that you would like. And so
it's weird because like they're with me, and I'm like, no, no,
you're not supposed to be like out here with me
in the jungle. You guys are supposed to be like
(24:08):
forging your own path, like leave me alone. But it's
been really sweet to see them. But when they were younger,
like you know, I mean, I you know, work with
a lot of different men and people, and you know,
they never even thought for one minute like if I
was dating someone and less until like they came to
like dinner, like we would have like a dinner and
be like, oh, like you know, which want to all
(24:29):
have fun. And but I never like made like an
actual introduction until you know, I was, I was, you know,
really considering being with them and I and you know,
even with my last relationship, you know, he had kids
and I just was like, hold off on the kids.
Let's you know, I'm not you know, Barbie let's just
(24:50):
keep everything. Like, you know, I'm not the fun friend
over here. Like all the kids, you know, when they're younger,
they're like, oh, she hare a babysit. I'm like, no, no, not.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
She could be.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
One guy went on a date with for Halloween and
I was bam bam and his little daughter was like,
my babysitter is here.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Oh no no, no, no no no. I'm not the
baby hitter. So that means another question, Like, so everyone
parents so differently, Like I diated this guy, So the
guy that I was in a relationship with, like, we
parented very different. It's like when is it okay like
or is it okay to like step in and be like, hey,
something's got to change here, like in order to mingle
(25:32):
two families together, right in order to have like he
has kids, I have kids, and we're gonna parent and
be married. Like when do you start like disciplining someone
else's kids or having a say in how they parent
or I mean both ways. I'm not a perfect parent.
None of us are perfect. Your parent were winging it,
but like you get involved.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
I feel like my my husband did a good a
good job with that where he it took him. I mean,
he's just now is because because I've asked him too,
because I'm like, I can't always be because the kids
are with me seventy percent of the time, with us
seventy percent of the time, so they're only at their
dads like eight days a month, and so it's like
(26:14):
for us, it's like, I'm like, I can't be the
only person that is disciplining the kids because then they're
not going to even want to be here because if
I'm always like guys, guys, guys and riding them all
the time. So it's like, Alan, I really need you
to step in and like when you hear Julia or Jace,
you know, start to mouth off or do something. And
they're really good kids, so it's not like that a lot,
but still I'm like I need, like I need that
(26:36):
support so that I'm not the only parent doing that.
And so he's like, yeah, now that you know we're
married and you know, but it's not a mom still
has that like at the end of the day, we're
still the ones that are like, guys, stop it or
let's go or you know. But I think it's just
in time, you'll know, they'll and they'll know and you'll
(26:58):
know when the right time is to be like, hey,
doesn't fly here, or we don't do that or so
I think it's it's I don't think there's like a
time per se. But I think it's just more of
like a I don't think it's I don't think the
guys should come right in and start disciplining the second
they move into the house or start being run your kids.
You know, obviously that wouldn't be cool because then they're
not gonna like the guy. But I think it's just
(27:20):
it's a it's a gradual thing.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
I guess, like when my kids were younger, you know,
we also just to give them a framework. I used
to like always say, like Ben's Simons have rules. We
do s things in a certain way. And so then
my kids would then say, Ben Simons have rules, this
is what we do. So it was interesting because like
it was the different dynamic my kids were saying, this
(27:42):
is how we do things. This is our framework. Basically,
like you either come on board with that or we're
not gonna I guess they're like, you have to meet
my kids. I mean, oh my god, I'm back at two.
Oh my god, I can't wait for you to meet them.
They're such great kids. But I've been so lucky that
they were so just solid, just very especially living in
(28:06):
New York. I mean, I think that raising kids in
New York is just like very very difficult, and I
was just really proud to raise them and to have
them be who they are. But you know, they I
kept instilling in them like Ben Simones have rules, and
I would say that around my acts as kids, like
Ben Simones have rules and this is what we do
and this is how we do things. That's not like
(28:28):
their rules. That's like here's our framework. If you guys
want to come and play in our sandbox, like, this
is what we do.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
So that's what I did.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
But I think it's always like yes that like you
don't know until you're in it, do you know what
I mean? Like you might feel really loving, you might
be like, oh my god, this person needs you know,
like you know, we're nurturing and we want.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
You know, the best for the kids.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
And but sometimes you know, the fathers they really do know.
I mean, sometimes they're really good about parenting kids, and
sometimes they're like, oh, these are the rules, and like
you don't even have kids, you don't know what the rules,
You don't know what you're talking about. Just enjoy, Just
enjoy the family and have fun and like eat the cookies.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
And go home. Yeah, and I think, you know, to
not get ahead of ourselves either where it's like let's
just baby, not baby, step it in, but let's just
you know, the first step is getting you to iHeart
jingle ball, and then after that it's finding connecting you
with someone that a deserves your love and that is
(29:28):
worthy of your love and that will protect your heart
and all this because you know, like you said, and
I agree to not every not every man is like
our ex and so you know that's the mission is
to go to go, you know, find to find the
love that we all deserve because they are out there
(29:49):
and maybe we just you know, we were looking at
the signs and we didn't really pay attention to them
as we should. But now we are paying attention, and
you know, I think that's what's important now is we
have a better set of eyes on things.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
Nice and we're you and I are in it together, Rebecca.
So it's like anytime you're like, oh my god, that
reminds me of something like I'm here for you. So
you know we can talk about talk about talk through.
You know, I'm going to be a good sounding board
for you because we're like on the same level and
you know we're both going through it together. So you
(30:27):
know what, I'm going to need you too. I'm going
to be like, wait a minute, what do we do here?
What happened?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Well, it's going to be so so fun. So along
with your friend Elizabeth, Rebecca, you are going to join
us at our jingle Ball concert in Los Angeles Friday,
December sixth, presented by Capital One. You gals are going
to come out with Kelly Benzmon and our other celebrity
mentors who are going to really see if you've got
the skills and what you need to flirt and maybe
make a love connection at the show. You never know,
(30:54):
it's going to be a fun night and you're going
to get some great tips and confidence to take with
you into the dating scene. Our mentors are going to
help you with that flirting since you admit you're not
really good at that. So get ready, Rebecca, We're coming
for you, and we're coming to LA to come scoop
you up and take you to iHeart jingle Ball.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Awesome.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Thank you guys. All right, we'll see you soon.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Bye, And my husband can help us also be a wingman,
you know, so he can. He's got a really good
I for you know, the bad ones, so perfect.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
You can tell me all the people not to talk
to perfect.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Okay, right, awesome, Hi guys. This podcast is all about you, guys,
the listeners who are ready to put yourselves out there.
So if you want dating advice or are you ready
to find love again, that's what we're here for. We
want to get to know you. Call us one eight
four four four I Do Pod or email us at
I Do podt iHeartRadio dot com, follow us on Instagram
(31:51):
and TikTok at I Do Part two pod. All this
information will be in the show notes. Make sure to
rate and review the podcast I Do Part two and
iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective
Hey, guys, it's your other host for I Do Part two,
Jana Kramer. I'm jumping in. I love tearing Elizabeth's story.
I'm so excited for her. But we have someone else
that we're going to have on. She's a listener of
I Do Part two and she's actually really good friends
with Elizabeth, so I'm really excited to get her on.
But first I want to play you Rebecca's voice memo
(00:36):
that she's sent in to be on the show. Let's
give it a listen him.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
My name is Rebecca. I listened to your podcast and
I would be interested in participating. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I mean, hey, short and sweet, and she just is
like ready to get into it. So let's do it.
Let's get Rebecca on and let's help her find some love.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Hey, how are you. I'm good.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
I'm so happy to be talking to you. We just
listened to your voice memo and I loved it because
it was like, hey, I listened to the show. I
want to be on, Like, let's do this. It was
just like very to the point, very like very direct,
and I'm here for that. So we had the first
part of the show, we had your girlfriend Elizabeth on,
(01:20):
and obviously she was from the Bachelor too, And then
I was reading your stuff and you were you were
also on the Bachelor, you were on Brad season. How
did you guys meet because you were on different seasons.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
So after you get off the show, you're part of
this like crazy bachelor family, right, and you get invited
to all the events. And so I was invited to
a charity event and it was like a clean up
the beach in Venice kind of a thing, and so
we were both at that same event together.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Okay, and then it was just like fast friends or.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, well I act actually saw Elizabeth walking down the
beach and I was like, oh gosh, not this girl.
She was like so caddy on the show, and she
just was portrayed really bad. And she knows as I've
told her this, and I was like, oh, don't pair
me with her. And then we were paired together. But
she's amazing. She's not who they portrayed on the show,
(02:18):
and she's such a sweetheart. We've been best friends for
fourteen years. We've been through everything together. So yeah, it's
been amazing to have her in my life. I'm so
glad we were paired.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Together, right, I know, it's interesting God's little interventions. So
you you got sent home the first night? Is that
what I read on Brad's I did what? Okay? What
was that like? What was that feeling like? And then
also why do you think you were sent home on
the first night? Is there something where is this a
(02:51):
thing in your dating world where you're like, maybe I
didn't put forth more effort or what do you think
it was?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
So going on the first night is a little deflating
because there's so much work up to it that you
spend months talking to producers and just like them prepping
you and getting you ready for the show, and then
you get there and it's night one and you're so
excited meeting all the girls, Like everyone was super nice.
I really wanted to stay for that. I liked the
(03:21):
pressure that I was fielding. I wasn't looking to be
on a reality TV show. I just felt like this
was God's funny plan to like introduce me to my husband,
Like Okay, cool, I'm going to go on some show.
And I feel like maybe I wasn't reality TV enough
for them, Like the producers kind of wanted me do
(03:41):
a little bit more like chasing around. I was the
first person in Bachelor history to kiss the guy right
out of the limo, and I feel like it was
then like, Okay, now I want you to go find
him and kiss him again. I'm like, that's not me,
Like I want to be authentic to who I am
and not put on, you know, a show. So I
kind of feel like that's why I went home because
(04:02):
I wasn't kind of doing what they wanted me to do.
But it was a fun experience, all right.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
So post a Bachelor, then you ended up. How long
were you married for with your with your husband who.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Was with my ex first seven years? Well we were
married for seven years.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Seven years, Okay. When I was reading your breakdown, I
was just like, oh, I relate so much to your
story because it said, you know, you were set up
with your ex husband right after the Bachelor. They dated
for a little over a year, then you broke up.
I'm curious, and then you found out you're pregnant, so
then you guys reconciled. What why did you guys break up?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
In the beginning, I just had this intuition. I just
felt like he was cheating on me and there was
a lot of lies. The relationship was super dysfunctional. But
I was so lost. I didn't I was broke down.
My self esteem was completely gone. I felt like, this
is the best I can do. I'm thirty years old.
I want to be married and have kids, and this
(05:03):
is what's out there, so, you know, and I finally
listened to my gut and said I'm out. I can't
do this anymore. This is not right. And I felt
like this overwhelming peace and relief when it was done.
And then I found out two days later that I
was pregnant, and I was like, oh gosh, what do
(05:24):
I do now?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
This is I mean truly the same kind of story too.
I was thirty, I really wanted to have kids, and
so it was that. But I had just found out
that he cheated on me, and we were only d
we only dated for gosh, like a month before I
found out that he cheated on me the first time.
And if that wasn't the biggest red flag ever, but
(05:47):
I really, truly I was like, well, I'm thirty, I
really want to have kids, and I you know, people
make mistakes, and lord, I've made a million. And so
I tried to kind of talk my way through his stuff,
but then, you know, same with you. You married for
seven years, ex husband had ten plus affairs, And I
(06:09):
was just like, oh my gosh, I'm like, am I
reading my own story? Because I mean what I know
of in the first one was thirteen in the first
year of our marriage. So then women after that were
you know, I think I know of like five or
six more. But I mean when there's fifteen, you know,
(06:32):
you know, it's like, but for you, when was the
first time that you caught him in an affair or
did he tell you? Like, what was that?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Like? Now? I he had to actually just come back.
He's a fireman. He plays bagpipes, and he was at
a bagpipe event for several days and then came home
and that night his phone was laying on his chest
and it was lit up. In the middle of the night,
I went, I got up. We had a gosh. Brindley
was six weeks old, still sleeping in our room and
(07:04):
a bouncy thing on the floor, and he picked his
phone up and put it on the night stand and
saw mistext from Kyle and I was like, Okay, cool,
who's Kyle? Went to the bathroom, came back and just
this gut feeling like, go look at his phone, and
I never felt that way before. I would have never
(07:24):
been a million years thought he would cheat. And so
I picked up the phone and took it downstairs and
it happened to be unlocked, which was never like he
always had a lock like a password on it. I
was able to find several different women that he had
been texting extremely inappropriate things while he's laying in bed
next to me. I confronted him that night about it, and.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
How many years into the marriage was that?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
This was a year? One year I got pregnant just
after we got married to our with our second child,
and she was six weeks, so it had just been
a year or jess under just barely shy of a year.
But he swore it was never in person, it was
(08:12):
only text messages. It would never happen again. So I
kind of just kept this dirty little secret and.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
My eyes lies lies, liesless.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
And then a year later he took me to a
mountaintop and like confessed that he had lied and he
had been seeing these women. And I basically did a
tell all, like you have a one day get at
a jail free card. I need to know everything, the
skills of eath, anything for tomorrow or I'm gone, and
I just sat there counting, like, oh my gosh, how
(08:43):
many more are there? Like this is insane? So there
was ten he admitted to that day, and then I
said for five years trying to fix the marriage, because
of course, if I could be perfect, and I could
be good enough, and I could have the cleanest house
and the best kids and be in the best shape
and all the things, he would love me right, he
(09:04):
would choose me. I always chose him, and I found
again women on his phone five years later, and that
was I mean, I can't continue in that cycle. So
he actually a mutual friend of ours recently asked him like, hey, man,
you know Rebecca says you've been cheating who you cheated
(09:26):
on her and that's why she left. And he was like,
oh gosh, I lost track of how many people I
cheated on her with like it was something right about Wow.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
I feel like it's one extreme or the other. I
remember my ex when I did my table talk with
Jada Pinkett Smith, the girl he was dating at the time,
He's like, oh, thirteen women, I'd love to know who
those were. And I'm like, so it's like they either
lie I'm like, oh, oh, would you like to go
back because I can pull up the rolodex. I called
(09:54):
all of them. Yeah, it's kind of on the phone
or you know, or they just yeah, I'm like that,
what is that? Like? Why is that? It's not a
bragging right dude? You know, like, that's not something to
brag about.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Totally. I didn't. And I actually told our friend, like,
you can ask him if you really want to, I go,
but he's not gonna. Why would he admit that? Would
you admit that it makes you look bad? And then
that he bragged about it? I was like, Wow, Okay,
I guess he's admitting it.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Did he ever come out to say that he was
a sex addict or he had a problem or what
was his excuse I guess, or what was his rationalization
with it all?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Yeah, So after he admitted to the affairs, he started
going to a sex addict therapist, and he had all
these things in place. He was gonna go to therapy
and go to recovery and go to he was you know,
we joined like a life group with our church, and
he was all in just going to be the best
husband ever and deal with his past and a lot
(11:06):
of it's you know, blamed on the upbringing and daddy
issues and things like that. So it was never like
he never really took I guess like blame for it.
It was always someone else's fault as to why that
was happening, why he was people choices.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, because
I mean, it is the worst, worst pain possible, especially
since you have you know, two beautiful daughters, and you know,
I definitely get it's it's so hard and for the
longest time I stayed for my kids. And then realizing
the last time I found out about the next round
of affairs was my again breaking point because after a while,
(11:45):
you're like, all right, this is a seven year cycle.
He's not changing. Yeah, his words are just now I
don't believe anything he says because every time it just
keeps happening again and again, and you wonder, you know,
I still there were times when I'm like, maybe this
time is the time he's going to change, maybe like
he finally realized it. But then you just come to
(12:06):
that I don't actually even care if he does, because
I can't stick around to find out. Yep. And for
you you know, now that you've been You've been single
for how many years? Two years?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
I've been single for four. Our divorce has been final
for two, but I left four years ago.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Okay, have you been in serious relationships since your divorce?
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I would say one, maybe semi serious relationship. It didn't
last long, but we were friends for like six months
prior to actually getting into the relationship, and so the
feelings came on pretty pretty quickly since we had known
each other for so long. But sure, just the one.
(12:51):
And where are you at now with love? Do you
do you want to find love? Do you want to
get married again? You know?
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Where? Where are you at with that?
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Yeah? I do? Actually, I believe in marriage. I think
that there are good people out there. I don't believe
everyone is my ex. I've been through a lot. I did, gosh,
three or four years of trauma therapy. I could gamdr
to just work through triggers and all of that. I everything,
(13:21):
So I finally feel like I'm like a whole, complete person.
I feel like in the beginning I didn't want to
jump into something because I didn't want to bring my
past into my current relationship. But yeah, I just I
struggle with believing that I'm picking the right person. I
was so tricked the first time, and I don't I mean,
(13:44):
I just don't trust that I'm going to pick someone
who's not going to completely love bomb me, and then
I'm going to find out, you know, when it's too
late that oh wait, this isn't who I thought he was.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, I mean, it definitely is really hard to trust
yourself post divorce. I mean I kind of fell into
that same thing where after I got divorced. I essentially
picked kind of the same dude after my divorce, and then,
you know what my therapist always said, though, is you know,
in that situation, I go, god, I failed again. I
(14:16):
picked someone that was so similar and it was not
who he said he was. And she goes, but you
figured it out sooner this time, you know, you're not
seven years in. She's like, you were a couple of
months in. And she's like, and you were able to
see the red flags and you were able to get out.
She's like, that is in itself, you know, victory, right,
and like you're like, you're you have that right there
(14:39):
proves that you can trust yourself a little bit, and
then you can trust yourself more than every time you
do it, and I think I have a girlfriend right now.
That's also you know, she's newly divorced and she's dating
and it's almost just like I told her, I said,
go out and just meet as many people take inventory
of it all, you know, like see what you actually
want because when she was in a long marriage for
(15:00):
a long time and she's like the guys and what
I've noticed too, and what you probably can see with
your ex now is like they showed you who they
were all along. It was just up to us to
to really go, Okay, this is this is who they are,
not what they smoke clouds of who they were making
them up to be.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Yeah, I believe what they show you and not they Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Well, and that's like how I think with trust. Everyone's like,
how do you trust your husband now? And I'm like,
for me, it's he says what he like, he he
does what he says, and he says what he does,
you know, like he's his words and his actions match
every single day, And that to me is how I
can trust you know my husband now because before my
ex husband, there was his words and actions never aligned ever,
(15:47):
which is why I was like, but and then I
was made to feel like the crazy one. I'm like,
but you said this you're doing how, like, how does
this make sense?
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Because it never It's just like crazy making and then
they make us feel crazy.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yeah. No, I didn't say that. I said this, and
that's not how this happened. Sometimes I just wanted like
cameras on the walls, like, you know, I want to
play back the film. That's not what you said. This
is not how this went down. Why do I feel
like a crazy person? Did I say that? You start
to like question your own sanity.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
In the world of dating? Now are you? Are you
on apps?
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Like?
Speaker 1 (16:21):
What are you doing to get out there?
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Todate? No? I did the apps. I hate the apps.
They're awful. I feel like, I don't know, it's like
a diamond and a rough you know, it's so hard
to find someone who genuinely wants be in a relationship,
and it's more of like a hookup culture on the
apps or ghosting, Like you start talking to someone all
(16:43):
of a sudden, you're like, where did you go? I
thought we were having a really good conversation. Now you're gone.
So I got off the apps about eight nine months ago,
and I don't know, like where do you meet people?
Like I always say I want to meet someone in
the wild and the grocery store. Like I feel like
(17:04):
in my twenties, people would approach you, like, you know,
at the bars or when you're just out doing life.
And I go out by myself all the time, Like
I when I don't have my kids, I can't just
stay cooped up in the house, and so I'll go
out to a bar or restaurant and have dinner and
sit by myself and nobody.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Oh I would love that, really nobody. Ever, that doesn't
mean I really find that hard to believe because you're
you're beautiful, and the fact that you're going out there too,
it shows you have confidence to go sit there and
have you know, dinner by yourself. And are you the
kind of person that will approach somebody else?
Speaker 2 (17:42):
I don't, sort of like I so like I encourage
my friends to when we're out, like, oh, you see
a cute guy, go talk to him. But then I
have this like old school mentality. I want to be pursued,
Like I want someone to have of confidence to come
out to me and to like just boldly be like, hey,
let's talk, let's go hang out, let's have dinner together
or something. So don't know if that feels like pursuing
(18:06):
someone else. If I'm like, hey, let's talk.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Well, here's an interesting thought. Because you live in California, right,
mm hmm, okay, Well, I'm going to be in California
for the iHeart jingle Ball Fest. So is your friend Elizabeth,
and so is my friend Kelly Bensimon. So would you
want to come? Actually, let's get Can we get Kelly on?
(18:32):
And then maybe we can entice you to come to
jingle Ball with us, and then we can try to
set you up with someone. Does that sound like a
plant's let's get Kelly on?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Kelly.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Whenever I feel like whenever I find someone that has
been that has the similar pass like I've had with
the cheating ex husband for multiple, multiple, multiple years and
multiple women, I have this like rideer die vibe that
I'm like, I want to just go out and find help,
find you love because I feel like I got lucky
(19:02):
with my aftermath of that terrible traumatic years of my
life that I'm like, Kelly, can we gotta help my girl?
Rebecca out?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Hi?
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Rebecca?
Speaker 2 (19:13):
How are you hello?
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Should we all go to jingle ball and then just
pimp out our girl Rebecca and just see what she's
doing wrong, help her because I am like world's best
wing woman.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
So, oh my god, me too. I am like there
for you.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
I'm so sorry, but Kelly, you're also single though, so
I'm like, I'm gonna have to like, we're gonna have to,
like you know, to find you guys.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Three Elizabeth will be there. We need three good guys.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Yes, RecA, It's gonna be so much fun. We're gonna
have the best time. And you know what, you know,
what the thing is too, is like when you're in
a good mood with with fun with friends that you
really like, then you meet like really great people. So
I'm super excited to hang out with you and we're
gonna have the best time.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Rebecca, are you in?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
I'm in?
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Oh my gosh. I love this so much. It's another
opportunity to put yourself in a place where you might
not have gone. And then the fact that you know
all of us girls will be there, so we'll be
we'll be definitely routin me on what are you most
(20:22):
nervous about with finding your next love? And then what
are you most looking.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Forward to, like I said, nervous about the red flags
like just not seeing something and somebody kind of getting
stuck in that like moving too fast, because when you
really like someone, you know, like it tends to go quickly.
But I don't want I don't want to like rush
into the next relationship. But I also don't want to
(20:48):
like put my last relationship like in the forefront of
my new one, right, I don't want to hold that
against the next person, where like they do something and
I'm comparing it to my last relationship. Do they do
You ever get to the point where you're not just
like looking for red flags the entire time you're dating somebody.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Hmm, I mean yeah, I was looking like for the
first couple probably. I mean mine only lasted for the
first couple of months. I feel like I moved maybe
only like the first month. I was like trying to
figure out the red flags. But when when I wasn't
finding any, and I'm like, all right, I'm jumping all
like head in because I feel like everyone's or feet first.
But everyone always says, well, don't go too fast, don't
(21:31):
go too fast. But I also know people that have
met someone and fast and then they have the most
amazing marriage years years in. So yeah, I jumped in
fast with my ex too, but it was so different
from my now husband.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Yeah. Yeah, there's like that confidence he felt peace that
like he was a yeah that he was Yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Mean I agree.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
I agree too, Like right now, like you and I
and Rebecca are in the same kind of headspace, and
you know, I just am like open to meeting new people,
and I haven't really like I thought about you know,
I'm not trying to put any like boundaries or parameters
on anyone. I'm just trying to be like, Okay, I'm
(22:14):
really interested and I want to know more about you.
And my friends are saying to me, you have to
ask questions. So I'm not a question asker. I am
a just like hang out with you kind of feel
who you are. But I'm not like, why did you
guys seech forced what was your last marriage? Like you know,
I'm just.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Noth my god, I am so that person. I'm like,
why what happened? Would you? Did you? Did you do that?
Like I have to know every and that's that's like
maybe my toxic trade. I don't know, but I just like,
let's get to it because I don't want to waste
my time. I've got two kids at home, Like, I'm
not wasting not wasting any time.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Yeah, how soon do you, like do you introduce your
kids to? Like I feel like when you have feelings
for someone, like I don't want to fall in love
with someone, and then like introduce some of my kids
and my kids and that person don't chibe and I'm like, sorry,
see you, what do you do with that?
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I I kind of always did like the three month rule.
I don't know if that was, and so I only
introduced them to you know, so an X and then
my now husband, but I was yeah, three months is
kind of what I was, but my ex and I
kind of agreed to. But it's more, it's hard because
(23:23):
when you're in your forties, I feel like things just
move faster anyways, at least for me it did, because
it's like you just cut the bullshit and you go
straight too. All right, what does this look like? And
because you have to be I feel like you have
to cut the bullshit when you've got kids.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Yeah, yeah, dating with a purpose. I'm not just dating
for fun, Like I'm dating exactly to meet someone longer.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
We're not on tender you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Yeah, So my kids are so much older. They're you know,
twenty four and twenty six, and so they're the ones
that when we're out, they're like, Mommy, he's good looking, Mommy,
he looks like something that you would like. And so
it's weird because like they're with me, and I'm like, no, no,
you're not supposed to be like out here with me
in the jungle. You guys are supposed to be like
(24:08):
forging your own path, like leave me alone. But it's
been really sweet to see them. But when they were younger,
like you know, I mean, I you know, work with
a lot of different men and people, and you know,
they never even thought for one minute like if I
was dating someone and less until like they came to
like dinner, like we would have like a dinner and
be like, oh, like you know, which want to all
(24:29):
have fun. And but I never like made like an
actual introduction until you know, I was, I was, you know,
really considering being with them and I and you know,
even with my last relationship, you know, he had kids
and I just was like, hold off on the kids.
Let's you know, I'm not you know, Barbie let's just
(24:50):
keep everything. Like, you know, I'm not the fun friend
over here. Like all the kids, you know, when they're younger,
they're like, oh, she hare a babysit. I'm like, no, no, not.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
She could be.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
One guy went on a date with for Halloween and
I was bam bam and his little daughter was like,
my babysitter is here.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Oh no no, no, no no no. I'm not the
baby hitter. So that means another question, Like, so everyone
parents so differently, Like I diated this guy, So the
guy that I was in a relationship with, like, we
parented very different. It's like when is it okay like
or is it okay to like step in and be like, hey,
something's got to change here, like in order to mingle
(25:32):
two families together, right in order to have like he
has kids, I have kids, and we're gonna parent and
be married. Like when do you start like disciplining someone
else's kids or having a say in how they parent
or I mean both ways. I'm not a perfect parent.
None of us are perfect. Your parent were winging it,
but like you get involved.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
I feel like my my husband did a good a
good job with that where he it took him. I mean,
he's just now is because because I've asked him too,
because I'm like, I can't always be because the kids
are with me seventy percent of the time, with us
seventy percent of the time, so they're only at their
dads like eight days a month, and so it's like
(26:14):
for us, it's like, I'm like, I can't be the
only person that is disciplining the kids because then they're
not going to even want to be here because if
I'm always like guys, guys, guys and riding them all
the time. So it's like, Alan, I really need you
to step in and like when you hear Julia or Jace,
you know, start to mouth off or do something. And
they're really good kids, so it's not like that a lot,
but still I'm like I need, like I need that
(26:36):
support so that I'm not the only parent doing that.
And so he's like, yeah, now that you know we're
married and you know, but it's not a mom still
has that like at the end of the day, we're
still the ones that are like, guys, stop it or
let's go or you know. But I think it's just
in time, you'll know, they'll and they'll know and you'll
(26:58):
know when the right time is to be like, hey,
doesn't fly here, or we don't do that or so
I think it's it's I don't think there's like a
time per se. But I think it's just more of
like a I don't think it's I don't think the
guys should come right in and start disciplining the second
they move into the house or start being run your kids.
You know, obviously that wouldn't be cool because then they're
not gonna like the guy. But I think it's just
(27:20):
it's a it's a gradual thing.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
I guess, like when my kids were younger, you know,
we also just to give them a framework. I used
to like always say, like Ben's Simons have rules. We
do s things in a certain way. And so then
my kids would then say, Ben Simons have rules, this
is what we do. So it was interesting because like
it was the different dynamic my kids were saying, this
(27:42):
is how we do things. This is our framework. Basically,
like you either come on board with that or we're
not gonna I guess they're like, you have to meet
my kids. I mean, oh my god, I'm back at two.
Oh my god, I can't wait for you to meet them.
They're such great kids. But I've been so lucky that
they were so just solid, just very especially living in
(28:06):
New York. I mean, I think that raising kids in
New York is just like very very difficult, and I
was just really proud to raise them and to have
them be who they are. But you know, they I
kept instilling in them like Ben Simones have rules, and
I would say that around my acts as kids, like
Ben Simones have rules and this is what we do
and this is how we do things. That's not like
(28:28):
their rules. That's like here's our framework. If you guys
want to come and play in our sandbox, like, this
is what we do.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
So that's what I did.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
But I think it's always like yes that like you
don't know until you're in it, do you know what
I mean? Like you might feel really loving, you might
be like, oh my god, this person needs you know,
like you know, we're nurturing and we want.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
You know, the best for the kids.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
And but sometimes you know, the fathers they really do know.
I mean, sometimes they're really good about parenting kids, and
sometimes they're like, oh, these are the rules, and like
you don't even have kids, you don't know what the rules,
You don't know what you're talking about. Just enjoy, Just
enjoy the family and have fun and like eat the cookies.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
And go home. Yeah, and I think, you know, to
not get ahead of ourselves either where it's like let's
just baby, not baby, step it in, but let's just
you know, the first step is getting you to iHeart
jingle ball, and then after that it's finding connecting you
with someone that a deserves your love and that is
(29:28):
worthy of your love and that will protect your heart
and all this because you know, like you said, and
I agree to not every not every man is like
our ex and so you know that's the mission is
to go to go, you know, find to find the
love that we all deserve because they are out there
(29:49):
and maybe we just you know, we were looking at
the signs and we didn't really pay attention to them
as we should. But now we are paying attention, and
you know, I think that's what's important now is we
have a better set of eyes on things.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
Nice and we're you and I are in it together, Rebecca.
So it's like anytime you're like, oh my god, that
reminds me of something like I'm here for you. So
you know we can talk about talk about talk through.
You know, I'm going to be a good sounding board
for you because we're like on the same level and
you know we're both going through it together. So you
(30:27):
know what, I'm going to need you too. I'm going
to be like, wait a minute, what do we do here?
What happened?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Well, it's going to be so so fun. So along
with your friend Elizabeth, Rebecca, you are going to join
us at our jingle Ball concert in Los Angeles Friday,
December sixth, presented by Capital One. You gals are going
to come out with Kelly Benzmon and our other celebrity
mentors who are going to really see if you've got
the skills and what you need to flirt and maybe
make a love connection at the show. You never know,
(30:54):
it's going to be a fun night and you're going
to get some great tips and confidence to take with
you into the dating scene. Our mentors are going to
help you with that flirting since you admit you're not
really good at that. So get ready, Rebecca, We're coming
for you, and we're coming to LA to come scoop
you up and take you to iHeart jingle Ball.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Awesome.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Thank you guys. All right, we'll see you soon.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Bye, And my husband can help us also be a wingman,
you know, so he can. He's got a really good
I for you know, the bad ones, so perfect.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
You can tell me all the people not to talk
to perfect.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Okay, right, awesome, Hi guys. This podcast is all about you, guys,
the listeners who are ready to put yourselves out there.
So if you want dating advice or are you ready
to find love again, that's what we're here for. We
want to get to know you. Call us one eight
four four four I Do Pod or email us at
I Do podt iHeartRadio dot com, follow us on Instagram
(31:51):
and TikTok at I Do Part two pod. All this
information will be in the show notes. Make sure to
rate and review the podcast I Do Part two and
iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective
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