June 1, 2024 • 38 mins
Rachel gets emotional as she reflects on the reunion and reveals how she's really feeling.
Plus, why she feels it's a good thing this season has come to an end.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
This is Rachel Go's Rogue. Welcome back to another episode
of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Levis.
Today we are talking about Part three of the vander
Pump Rules Reunion. It has finally come to an end
season eleven. It's been a long time coming and we're
(00:28):
here to react. I have my producers with me, and
as usual, they will be asking me some questions to
get my perspective on what we just watched during the reunion.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Well, first of all, I want to start off with
asking you just your overall thoughts on the reunion watching it,
how'd you feel overall?
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I just feel tired at this point. I don't enjoy
watching this show and I'm just happy that it's over.
It was good that they didn't talk about me very
much this last episode, the part three, so that's great.
(01:15):
But it's been really difficult watching each week. And I
feel like I can finally like start to move on
from all of this because it's been really difficult. It
was really heavy and sad, and I think everyone on
(01:39):
that cast is struggling and I would be too if
I was there. I mean, I'm struggling just watching it
from the sidelines, so I can only imagine what it's
like being on that stage.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
So you're getting really emotional right now. Where's this emotion
coming from.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
It's coming from a place of feeling like I haven't
had much room to go, feeling like stuck between a
rock and a hard place, so to speak, because this
(02:16):
entire time, I have been preparing for them to slander
my name, to paint me in the worst light. And
my goal with this podcast was to be able to
represent myself, to defend myself, to share what I've learned
through my time that I took away and my recovery,
(02:39):
and just to shed more light on this situation. And
it hasn't been easy. It's been an extreme roller coaster
of emotions and a lot of different phases. Getting sucked
back into it and then feeling like all consumed by
(03:01):
all the comments and everything, and then completely cutting off
communication with the outside world and living in my own
reality in the moment. It's all about that balance, and
it has not been easy to move on. I don't
think it's been easy for any of the cast to
move on. Rehashing it and talking about it and having
(03:24):
other people tune in. It's not typical. It's not normal,
And the day has finally come that the show season
eleven is over, and it's a relief to me because
I don't have to keep waiting for the other shoe
to drop. I don't have to think about what lives
(03:48):
they're gonna spread about me, and I don't have to
think about what I need to defend myself about. And
then following week, I feel like I can find start
to live my life again.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
And so you're kind of talking about the boundaries that
you've been setting by staying away and cutting people off,
which obviously boundaries was a really big topic at the reunion.
You obviously set some really strong ones by not returning
to the show. What's your take on this discussion of boundaries?
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Do you agree with Lalla or do.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
You sign more with Ariana when it comes to boundaries
when it's in regards to filming the show.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
I could see both of their points of view. Setting
a boundary for yourself is not an easy thing to do,
and when other people are upset that you set a
boundary for yourself, that's usually a tell tale sign that
that person is using you in some way and is
(04:54):
not happy that you have this new boundary because it's
not serving them. So I can see why Ariana upholded
her boundaries by not speaking to Tom, even though she
actually did film with Tom this whole season or for
the later part anyway. But she refused to have that
conversation with Tom at the end of the show, and
(05:18):
I commend her for it because it would have been
a fit conversation. You could tell that Tom his only
motive to having that conversation with her is for camera
purposes and storyline purposes. Therefore, it's not an authentic conversation.
It would have been crocodile tears the whole thing. And
(05:44):
I completely understand Ariana walking away. I walked away too,
and people weren't happy about that either. For Laala's point
of view, I can understand her perspective in wanting to
have a good TV show for her livelihood and the
(06:04):
longevity of her career. If you're going to commit to filming,
then I can see why Laala is upset because you
are not only committing to filming with this person. I
see her point in that she is living under the
same roof as Tom. They're living together, they're filming together.
(06:27):
Yet in Laala's eyes, Ariana is being stubborn by not
filming with Tom or that one scene. Who even cares
about that one scene? I don't know. It's all so
silly to me. But boundaries are important. I was in
a place where I didn't have boundaries, and I was
(06:49):
really trying to pease production and put on a good show.
That became my priority season ten.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
And where do you think the line needs to be drawn?
You know, at the end of the day, this is
a paycheck, and this is a job versus this is
someone's real life. You've talked a lot about wanting to
live in reality. Where do you think that line should
be drawn?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I think that's an impossible question to answer when you're
filming a reality TV show because the line is so blurry.
It's impossible to know what's real and what's not. And
the more I'm out of it, the clearer I can
see that. We see it with Tom Sandoval when he
(07:30):
talked about production. He did the New York Times article,
and you know, he stopped talking mid sentence when a
plane flew over or a truck drove by, whatever it was,
because the audio. Typically when we're filming a show and
a plane flies by, you stop talking so that the
(07:51):
audio can pick up normally without the distraction in the background.
So it's like programmed in your mind to think a
certain way, to act, a certain way to talk, a
certain way to pursue certain things, where it becomes a
part of your patterning. We also see the lines get
(08:15):
blurred with Sina and the comment section and what is
real life and what is not? What is her own
true motivation for doing certain things and what is influenced
by outside commentary? That gets so blurry. And when you're
(08:37):
all consumed in the perception of yourself, how can you
really be sure that you're operating from a place of
an inner knowing? That's a boundary that's blurred with Laala,
she clearly prioritizes the success of the show because she
(08:59):
wants to secure her paycheck, and when people are setting
boundaries for themselves and it's conflicting with what she wants
and what is successful in her eyes, that sparks an
anger within her. And it's all fabricated to a certain
(09:23):
point because the bottom line is this show. So I
think it truly is impossible to live a real life
and be on a reality TV show.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
So do you think it's fair for Laala to direct
that anger towards Ariana or do you think she should
be directing it more towards the show?
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Oh no, not at all. I don't think that it's
fair that Laala is directing that anger towards Ariana because
Ariana has been very clear with her boundaries since the
very beginning, and I.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Guess if she's feeling this way, do you think maybe
she should have upheld her boundaries more if she was
feeling so resentful towards someone doing the same. Do you
think she's feeling like she regrets things that she had
said in the past.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
I think she did uphold her boundaries. I think that
she feels like she hasn't been supported the same way
that Ariana's being supported, and it's probably not a good feeling,
but she maneuvered differently than Ariana has, and Lalla doesn't
extend the same empathy towards others, so it's harder to
(10:34):
support her. I believe she.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Does make a point to say many times that she
feels like things are not being honest on camera, she
points out Tom and Arianna's relationship being one of those things.
Katie has a flashback moment where she also calls it out.
Do you agree that things are not always honest on camera?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Totally? Yeah. I think the point that Lala is making
is that Tom and Ariana haven't been honest about their
relationship on camera, and I think people are getting caught
up in Laala being hypocritical because she wasn't honest about
her relationship with Randall. Okay, yes that might be true,
(11:21):
But the point is that Tom and Ariana haven't been
good for quite some time, and their relationship that was
portrayed on camera for Fantasy was not an accurate representation
of their relationship. I see the frustration because I agree
(11:44):
with that too.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Even on your part.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
How does it affect you as someone on the show
when people aren't fully honest on camera?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
How does that affect the rest of the cast.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Yeah, it affects everyone when people aren't fully honest on
the show. I mean I wasn't fully honest the ten reunion.
I was still covering up for Tom Schwartz. I was
still covering up for Tom Sandoval. I was still going
along with that narrative and it would have been much
(12:14):
better to just be open and honest about it. But
of course Tom was like No, that wouldn't be good
for business. It wouldn't be good for Shorts and Sandy's
if people knew that the Schwartz kiss wasn't authentic, and
we need that to seem real. So it does affect
(12:38):
everyone when you're not being honest because it portrays a
certain picture that isn't reality. And the whole point of
reality TV supposedly is to be real following these real
people's lives, So honesty would be like the most important
(13:01):
value characteristic. He would think that everyone on this show
should have, but it seems like nobody does so well.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Speaking of honesty, Arianna kind of called out Tom and
his motives behind wanting to apologize on camera. He finally
does get that moment during the reunion to apologize to Ariana.
He has some words when he does. He calls the
affair something he regrets every day. He says that he
wears it like a badge of shame on your end.
(13:30):
How did that feel watching that?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
You know, it's hard to tell if Tom is being
honest or not. Even in the Secrets Revealed episode, when
he was asked how many girls he had sex with
since me, and he had to pause and think about
if he was going to be honest or not. He's
just been caught in so many lies that it's hard
to tell if he's being truthful. But hearing Tom say
(13:56):
that he regrets getting involved with me every single day,
you know, like I I regret it too, So it
is a little bit painful. But it's also like maybe
something is registering for him. I don't know. But then again,
his actions speak a lot louder than his words. He
(14:17):
knows what words to say, and then it seems that
he fails to follow through with meaningful action, and that's
where true amends come into play.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
There was just I feel like a lot of pain
in the room all around you kind of acknowledge that
at the beginning of this episode. What do you think
that this pain and even La La saying that she
was okay seeing some of those friendships end, what do
you think that means for the future of this group.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
I don't see much of the future for this group.
It looks pretty shattered. It looks like these friendships are
not healthy friendships. Dynamic between Lala and Sheena is not
a healthy dynamic. Seems to be like a power imbalance.
(15:08):
It seems like Shina is trying to appease Laala to
make sure she's secure, and she's getting certain needs met
in that friendship because Ariana hasn't been around for Sheena
the way that she's used to. Yeah, you could tell
that Shina's struggling with coping with that. It seems like
(15:30):
Lala's really on a wavelength of not effing with anybody
on the cast right now. It seems like her friendship
with Katie isn't strong because Katie has gotten really close
with Ariana. It seems like even her friendship with Sheena
is a little rocky. I think she sees Sena as
(15:53):
someone that's not How do I want to say this,
and I hate saying this word because it's I don't
want to like parigrize somebody as something, especially because I've
been called this before too. But I think seeing how
Lala reacted to everything, and how Sheena was trying to
(16:14):
be the fixer and appease Lalla and it just didn't
seem like enough for Lalla. I think Lala sees Sena
as someone who is weak perceived weakness. I'm not saying
that Sheena is weak, and I think that there's a
lot of alliances and manipulation happening, and none of that
(16:37):
is healthy for friendship dynamic. I can see why the
show is taking a hiatus because it just seems so fractured.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Well, it definitely seems like at the very end of
the episode, Shea was very sure to get that last
word in. I felt like she was looking directly at
Lalla and almost like begging for her to hear her
out that she was on her side, And it really
did seem like the very end she had to choose
to Is she team Ariana or team Lalla. Do you
think she made the right choice? Do you think she
(17:07):
needed to make a choice, or do you think that
she's putting this pressure on herself?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Ooh, that's a good question. I think she feels a
lot of pressure from the outside perspective and she doesn't
want to obviously like burn bridges with arian or anything.
And I think arian has been very gracious towards Shena.
Do I think that she needed to choose sides? I
(17:34):
don't think so. I don't know. I can see Lala's frustration,
probably because I'm sure Sheena and Laala have had conversations
about the whole situation, and without Ariana there. I'm sure
Sheena is singing a much different tune than what we're
hearing at the reunion, and that's sparking some frustration in Lalla.
(17:59):
And I'm sure that was a similar feeling when she
called out Katie about it too. So yeah, I think
that Laala feels pretty isolated, I want to say, in
her feelings. And now that it's aired, and I did
check Reddit for the first time in a very very
long time, it seems like majority of people are hating
(18:24):
on Lalla right now. I'm human. I do hold some
resentment towards Lalla for the way that she's treated me
over the years. I do sympathize with her a little
bit because all the hate online is just a little
bit ridiculous. And I think also people are afraid to
speak a differing opinion than the Team Ariana side because
(18:50):
people are just ruthless online and they don't want to
hear a differing opinion and if you do, then you
get shunned out too. It's very My therapist calls it
tribal shaming, where if you're not following the rules of
the tribe, spoken or unspoken, then you're cast out and
(19:11):
you're shunned.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
I mean, it does feel like the fans have had
more of an impact on this season than ever.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Would you agree with that.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Yeah, especially because as they were filming this show, the
fans were boots on the ground, We're going to production,
we're going to filming, and we're gonna take photos and
document what we saw and all that stuff like. It
was very interactive in a way. I think with after
(19:51):
show this year, it was a little bit different because
some things have changed since the ending of filming last summer.
One of the things was me starting my own podcast
and speaking freely about my experience in my opinion, and
the after show gave the cast an opportunity to rebutt
(20:13):
what I was saying, and it provided more of a context.
And I think with more time passing from the end
of filming last summer to you know, early January February
of this year, when they filmed the after shows, past
dynamics shifted because, as we all know now watching the finale,
(20:40):
Lala and Ariana did not end on a good note whatsoever,
and so you know, she had some choice words to
say during the after shows, and it seemed like she
really got Sena to support her with that.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Speaking about the fracturing of this cast, something about her
did recently open. Not many cast members were in attendance
to this opening. What's your take on that?
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Interesting? Do you know who went?
Speaker 3 (21:11):
I know shorts went.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
It seems a little telling that maybe Sheen and La
La aren't on the best turns with Ariana right now
because they went to like the Broadway opening that Ariana
did for Chicago, and they also went to Dancing with
the Stars. But this is all before they knew that
(21:35):
she didn't watch the show, and so that was all
before the reunion and everything. So yeah, it seems like
maybe they're not on the best of terms right now.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
What are your thoughts on production holding the last five
minutes until the reunion to show to everyone.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
I wonder if they got word that Ariana wasn't watching
the season and they did that as a way to
ensure that they would get a reaction from her, kind
of like forcing her hand a little bit, forcing her
into a situation that she did not want to be in.
(22:14):
It was very strategic in that way, and it was
something new, like we've never done that before. It was
creative for sure on productions part.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Do you think it was fair to Ariana.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
There's a commitment, and part of that is watching the
show and having an opinion on what's happening besides your
own story that you're sharing. So in a way, it's
like ensuring that Arianna did have an opinion on it.
So very eye opening, say the least, I want.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Your take on Tom's final words, he says, I love it.
It's good for me. A lot of people in the
room were very shocked by that. Tom even has a
reaction to it where he shakes his head. No, they
didn't even really press him on what he meant by
that either.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
What's your take on all of that?
Speaker 1 (23:06):
I wish they pressed him on what he meant by
that a little bit more. And Ariana was pretty much
the only person that called him out on it too.
She caught it. She was like, that exactly proves my
point that you are doing things for the audience, for
(23:26):
the production value, and for his own story purposes. I
guess in Tom's eyes, having Ariana refuse to film and
walk off was good for him because he felt like
he completed his job and fulfilled his duty with what
(23:50):
production was asking from him. And Ariana was not, and
I think selfishly He probably thought that it would give
him a better chance of having more of a redemption story,
because ultimately, like production is the one picking and choosing
(24:14):
what they're going to stare on the show and edit
and put certain music behind certain scenes to make it
seem even more of a certain way. Tom knows how
to play into that. But I would have loved to
hear what his explanation for that comment would be.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Why do you think they didn't press him.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
I think that they're protecting him like they always have been.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
We did see something interesting at the very end with
Lisa stepping up and taking Ariana's side, which is kind
of a different tune. You've talked about this before where
she seems to protect the guys a lot of the time,
but then she changes her tune at the very end
of the episode and takes Ariana's side.
Speaker 3 (24:59):
What are your thoughts on that.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
I think Lisa is very strategic with what she puts
out there as well, and she knows what people are
saying about her with her always supporting the guys, so
that could have been a motivation behind her changing her
tune and supporting Ariana in that way. Yeah, I don't know,
(25:21):
It's hard because I think also Lisa is very aware
of who the fan favorites are. It's her show. She's
an executive producer on this show, so she's not a
dummy when it's coming to that. I think it helps
her if she is supporting Ariana, because she'll praise Ariana
(25:43):
for walking away and end up holding her boundaries. But
then when it comes to me, I don't even remember
what she said about me. But when it comes to
me walking away and setting a boundary for myself, I've
been told that I'm a coward and I'm running away
from my problems. So that part for me gets a
(26:04):
little frustrating because it's like and also the fans praising
Ariana for upholding her boundaries and walking away and supporting
her and telling her, like, you know, she's outgrown this show.
She should move on and do something even better with
her life. And she's finding out now that these aren't
her true friends, and like, good for her for upholding
(26:28):
her boundaries and walking away from this situation. And I've
done the same thing and it has been met with scrutiny.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Lala compares her situation with Randall to Ariana a lot
throughout this reunion do you think the two are similar
at all.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
I don't think that the relationship that Laala had with
Randall is comparable to the situation that Tom and Ariana
were in. It's hard to get on Malla's side with
some of the things that she's saying because the way
that she spoke about her relationship with Randal is like, oh,
bragging about doing BJS for pj's and getting gifted a
(27:11):
rain drover very early in their relationship and not being
honest about who she was seeing and the situation that
was happening basically, and it just seemed like she was
in it for the money and like to secure her
success and fame. So it's hard to get behind that,
(27:34):
especially when she's been so outright about it. Unfortunately, Randal
wasn't the stand up guy that she was selling him
to be. We weren't buying it. In Ariana's case, viewers
got to see that relationship develop over the years, whereas
with Laala's he wasn't around, like it was secret for
(27:56):
a while, and you know, it's harder to develop feelings
towards a person or a relationship when you're not seeing
it play out on camera. I think Lalla has a
lot of anger, maybe even towards herself, for the situation
that she allowed herself to be in, and I think
(28:19):
she might be taking that out on Ariana.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
How hard is it to be really honest when you're
in this position? And do you think certain cast members
have an easier time doing this?
Speaker 1 (28:31):
So this is like where your own values come in,
like are you are you an honest person or are
you not? Because there are people in this cast that
are not and we know who they are and they
have no problem lying and it doesn't bother them when
they lie. And for me, I'm working towards living a
(28:54):
more authentic, honest life and part of that is being
honest with my thoughts and feelings and expressing that and
doing that in a way that is still respectful because
I'm not trying to hurt people in the process, and
I am trying to express myself honestly and be true
(29:15):
to myself. So I think it just depends on who
you're asking. I mean, it's definitely not easy. It's it's
definitely hard because you're on this platform, this public arena,
where you're opening yourself up to scrutiny, and if other
(29:37):
people have differing opinions than you do, or if your
opinion is the minority, you're basically going to be harassed
and scrutinized. And so sometimes for people it's easier to
not be fully honest with their thoughts and feelings in
(29:59):
order to save faith or in order to go with
more popular opinion because it's perceived to be safer that way.
But I don't know. At this point, it's like, your
words aren't gonna hurt me. You can say whatever you
want to say about me online, and I've survived this far,
(30:19):
so whatever else do you say about me is not
going to affect me anymore than already has. I've developed
thick skin through this process, and I've come to the
point where I value my friendships that are real in
the sense of, like I interact with these people in
(30:41):
real life. I care more about people's perception of me,
like when they actually meet me and interact with me
and the vibes I give off that way, So you
get to a certain point where it's like it's almost
your duty to show up for yourself and be honest
with how you feel and how you think about a
(31:05):
certain thing in that moment, and your opinions can change
with time too, and with more information. It's not like
I'm going to say this one thing and I'm always
going to feel this way. Like it's always changing, it's
always developing. We're always getting more information, and we're always
experiencing new things that change our perspective on life. So
(31:26):
you know, it's just your duty to represent yourself in
the most authentic way so that your people will find you.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Well. I think there was one kind of shining moment
I'll say, even though it was a really emotional moment,
but the moment between and this is a little bit
of a pivot, but the moment between Schwartz and Katie
I found really interesting. Where Andy was asking about their relationship,
it seemed like this season they had a little bit
(32:05):
more of a playful dynamic. But Schwartz gets really emotional,
saying that he doesn't regret how their relationship ended, but
you can kind of see in his eyes that they're
tears well up. He gets really emotional. What did you
make of that moment?
Speaker 1 (32:18):
I don't think we've really seen a moment like that
between Tom Schwartz and Katie. It really seems like they've
come to terms with how the relationship ended and that
it was for the best, But it seemed like there
was a lot of fond memories and just appreciation for
one another that I don't think I've really seen that
(32:44):
dynamic between them before.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
To me, it seemed like in a season where there
was a lot of hurt, that seemed like the one
moment of maybe seeing two people that are going through
the process of healing.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Viewing that it did seem like they were both coming
from a place of healing because they weren't like throwing
insults at each other or trying to bring each other down.
It was very respecting one another and appreciating the moments
that they did have together while it lasted, and that's
refreshing to see on this show.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
Lala said something at the very end where she said
it was really hard for her to show up.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
To season nine reunion.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
I believe it was, you know, she didn't want to
talk about certain things, but she showed up. Arianna said
the same thing, where she could say the same about
the season ten reunions, she didn't want to be there.
You could probably say the same thing about the season
ten reunion, you didn't want to be there as well.
Is it fair to say everyone's been in a position
where they didn't want to be somewhere but they did
(33:47):
anyway one percent.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Yeah, totally, And that's like the part of committing to
this show. It's a commitment and even though you don't
quite know what you're signing up for, you know that
it's not going to be necessarily easy and there's a
(34:10):
challenge in that. And I think, just speaking for myself,
like there was an opportunity for growth for me in that. Yeah.
I think we've all been in a situation where we
didn't want to show up for something and felt I
don't think obligated is the right word, but you know,
(34:33):
like we made a commitment to being there, and we
followed through with that commitment, and it's hard.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
You started this episode off by acknowledging that there was
a lot of healing that this cast needs to do.
As someone who has taken a step back from filming,
you've had this time to kind of come back to
your own reality. What can this cast expect when you
have that moment to kind of breathe and have that
separation and you rejoin reality for a minute?
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Oh okay, who That is a load of question because
I think that there's a little bit of fear with
not being a current topic of conversation. Like I think
there's a little bit of I think addiction is the
(35:28):
wrong word, but there's a little bit of like these
dopamine hits that you get when you're being talked about
on a reality TV show, and the fear of that
going away permanently could be a scary thing. But taking
time off and recentering with yourself I think is like
(35:52):
the best thing for this cast right now, because we
don't want to be forced into situations that we don't
want to be in. That's not living an authentic life.
I mean, I've been worrying about scenes and storylines and
I haven't even been a part of this show. But
now it feels good not to worry about that. And
(36:16):
I do have to say, just like reading all the
comments on Reddit right now, it's like hardly anybody is
talking about me, which is a great feeling. It's just
so much more freeing when you're not living your life
for somebody else's entertainment anymore. It just feels like you
(36:39):
get your life back a little bit. Ooh, It's so complex,
and I think it's hard to understand if you haven't
been through being on a TV show for millions of
people to comment on and judge your life. I don't
think humans are meant for that, and there's no way
(36:59):
that that's healthy. Yeah I said that. I think the
cast we have a lot of healing to do. We
as in I still do too, and part of that
is coming back to reality. And I really don't think
that we've had a minute this whole season. I think
it's gonna be good for everyone.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Has This year though felt different to you. I feel
like you're like half in, half out.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Oh yeah, it's felt so different. But I think like
a large part of that has to do with going
to the Meadows and really reconnecting with myself and learning
about my issues and how it was showing up for
me and really coming to terms with like what is
(37:42):
this piece of external validation and how is that motivating me?
And is it even real? And just like really recentering
back into myself and gaining a lot more perspective with that,
With all the Meadows, I would not be where I
am right now. There's no freaking way so it is.
I'm living a new life, I really am, and I
(38:04):
feel like I haven't really been able to truly have
the opportunity to live my new life to the fullest
because this show has been holding me back. And I
know that that's partially my fault too, because I'm indulging
in speaking about it. But I'm really looking forward to
(38:25):
the days when I can truly like move forward and
evolve into something even more magnificent. Thank you so much
for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram
and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Goes Rogue
(38:48):
Podcast
This is Rachel Go's Rogue. Welcome back to another episode
of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Levis.
Today we are talking about Part three of the vander
Pump Rules Reunion. It has finally come to an end
season eleven. It's been a long time coming and we're
(00:28):
here to react. I have my producers with me, and
as usual, they will be asking me some questions to
get my perspective on what we just watched during the reunion.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Well, first of all, I want to start off with
asking you just your overall thoughts on the reunion watching it,
how'd you feel overall?
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I just feel tired at this point. I don't enjoy
watching this show and I'm just happy that it's over.
It was good that they didn't talk about me very
much this last episode, the part three, so that's great.
(01:15):
But it's been really difficult watching each week. And I
feel like I can finally like start to move on
from all of this because it's been really difficult. It
was really heavy and sad, and I think everyone on
(01:39):
that cast is struggling and I would be too if
I was there. I mean, I'm struggling just watching it
from the sidelines, so I can only imagine what it's
like being on that stage.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
So you're getting really emotional right now. Where's this emotion
coming from.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
It's coming from a place of feeling like I haven't
had much room to go, feeling like stuck between a
rock and a hard place, so to speak, because this
(02:16):
entire time, I have been preparing for them to slander
my name, to paint me in the worst light. And
my goal with this podcast was to be able to
represent myself, to defend myself, to share what I've learned
through my time that I took away and my recovery,
(02:39):
and just to shed more light on this situation. And
it hasn't been easy. It's been an extreme roller coaster
of emotions and a lot of different phases. Getting sucked
back into it and then feeling like all consumed by
(03:01):
all the comments and everything, and then completely cutting off
communication with the outside world and living in my own
reality in the moment. It's all about that balance, and
it has not been easy to move on. I don't
think it's been easy for any of the cast to
move on. Rehashing it and talking about it and having
(03:24):
other people tune in. It's not typical. It's not normal,
And the day has finally come that the show season
eleven is over, and it's a relief to me because
I don't have to keep waiting for the other shoe
to drop. I don't have to think about what lives
(03:48):
they're gonna spread about me, and I don't have to
think about what I need to defend myself about. And
then following week, I feel like I can find start
to live my life again.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
And so you're kind of talking about the boundaries that
you've been setting by staying away and cutting people off,
which obviously boundaries was a really big topic at the reunion.
You obviously set some really strong ones by not returning
to the show. What's your take on this discussion of boundaries?
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Do you agree with Lalla or do.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
You sign more with Ariana when it comes to boundaries
when it's in regards to filming the show.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
I could see both of their points of view. Setting
a boundary for yourself is not an easy thing to do,
and when other people are upset that you set a
boundary for yourself, that's usually a tell tale sign that
that person is using you in some way and is
(04:54):
not happy that you have this new boundary because it's
not serving them. So I can see why Ariana upholded
her boundaries by not speaking to Tom, even though she
actually did film with Tom this whole season or for
the later part anyway. But she refused to have that
conversation with Tom at the end of the show, and
(05:18):
I commend her for it because it would have been
a fit conversation. You could tell that Tom his only
motive to having that conversation with her is for camera
purposes and storyline purposes. Therefore, it's not an authentic conversation.
It would have been crocodile tears the whole thing. And
(05:44):
I completely understand Ariana walking away. I walked away too,
and people weren't happy about that either. For Laala's point
of view, I can understand her perspective in wanting to
have a good TV show for her livelihood and the
(06:04):
longevity of her career. If you're going to commit to filming,
then I can see why Laala is upset because you
are not only committing to filming with this person. I
see her point in that she is living under the
same roof as Tom. They're living together, they're filming together.
(06:27):
Yet in Laala's eyes, Ariana is being stubborn by not
filming with Tom or that one scene. Who even cares
about that one scene? I don't know. It's all so
silly to me. But boundaries are important. I was in
a place where I didn't have boundaries, and I was
(06:49):
really trying to pease production and put on a good show.
That became my priority season ten.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
And where do you think the line needs to be drawn?
You know, at the end of the day, this is
a paycheck, and this is a job versus this is
someone's real life. You've talked a lot about wanting to
live in reality. Where do you think that line should
be drawn?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I think that's an impossible question to answer when you're
filming a reality TV show because the line is so blurry.
It's impossible to know what's real and what's not. And
the more I'm out of it, the clearer I can
see that. We see it with Tom Sandoval when he
(07:30):
talked about production. He did the New York Times article,
and you know, he stopped talking mid sentence when a
plane flew over or a truck drove by, whatever it was,
because the audio. Typically when we're filming a show and
a plane flies by, you stop talking so that the
(07:51):
audio can pick up normally without the distraction in the background.
So it's like programmed in your mind to think a
certain way, to act, a certain way to talk, a
certain way to pursue certain things, where it becomes a
part of your patterning. We also see the lines get
(08:15):
blurred with Sina and the comment section and what is
real life and what is not? What is her own
true motivation for doing certain things and what is influenced
by outside commentary? That gets so blurry. And when you're
(08:37):
all consumed in the perception of yourself, how can you
really be sure that you're operating from a place of
an inner knowing? That's a boundary that's blurred with Laala,
she clearly prioritizes the success of the show because she
(08:59):
wants to secure her paycheck, and when people are setting
boundaries for themselves and it's conflicting with what she wants
and what is successful in her eyes, that sparks an
anger within her. And it's all fabricated to a certain
(09:23):
point because the bottom line is this show. So I
think it truly is impossible to live a real life
and be on a reality TV show.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
So do you think it's fair for Laala to direct
that anger towards Ariana or do you think she should
be directing it more towards the show?
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Oh no, not at all. I don't think that it's
fair that Laala is directing that anger towards Ariana because
Ariana has been very clear with her boundaries since the
very beginning, and I.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Guess if she's feeling this way, do you think maybe
she should have upheld her boundaries more if she was
feeling so resentful towards someone doing the same. Do you
think she's feeling like she regrets things that she had
said in the past.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
I think she did uphold her boundaries. I think that
she feels like she hasn't been supported the same way
that Ariana's being supported, and it's probably not a good feeling,
but she maneuvered differently than Ariana has, and Lalla doesn't
extend the same empathy towards others, so it's harder to
(10:34):
support her. I believe she.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Does make a point to say many times that she
feels like things are not being honest on camera, she
points out Tom and Arianna's relationship being one of those things.
Katie has a flashback moment where she also calls it out.
Do you agree that things are not always honest on camera?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Totally? Yeah. I think the point that Lala is making
is that Tom and Ariana haven't been honest about their
relationship on camera, and I think people are getting caught
up in Laala being hypocritical because she wasn't honest about
her relationship with Randall. Okay, yes that might be true,
(11:21):
But the point is that Tom and Ariana haven't been
good for quite some time, and their relationship that was
portrayed on camera for Fantasy was not an accurate representation
of their relationship. I see the frustration because I agree
(11:44):
with that too.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Even on your part.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
How does it affect you as someone on the show
when people aren't fully honest on camera?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
How does that affect the rest of the cast.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Yeah, it affects everyone when people aren't fully honest on
the show. I mean I wasn't fully honest the ten reunion.
I was still covering up for Tom Schwartz. I was
still covering up for Tom Sandoval. I was still going
along with that narrative and it would have been much
(12:14):
better to just be open and honest about it. But
of course Tom was like No, that wouldn't be good
for business. It wouldn't be good for Shorts and Sandy's
if people knew that the Schwartz kiss wasn't authentic, and
we need that to seem real. So it does affect
(12:38):
everyone when you're not being honest because it portrays a
certain picture that isn't reality. And the whole point of
reality TV supposedly is to be real following these real
people's lives, So honesty would be like the most important
(13:01):
value characteristic. He would think that everyone on this show
should have, but it seems like nobody does so well.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Speaking of honesty, Arianna kind of called out Tom and
his motives behind wanting to apologize on camera. He finally
does get that moment during the reunion to apologize to Ariana.
He has some words when he does. He calls the
affair something he regrets every day. He says that he
wears it like a badge of shame on your end.
(13:30):
How did that feel watching that?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
You know, it's hard to tell if Tom is being
honest or not. Even in the Secrets Revealed episode, when
he was asked how many girls he had sex with
since me, and he had to pause and think about
if he was going to be honest or not. He's
just been caught in so many lies that it's hard
to tell if he's being truthful. But hearing Tom say
(13:56):
that he regrets getting involved with me every single day,
you know, like I I regret it too, So it
is a little bit painful. But it's also like maybe
something is registering for him. I don't know. But then again,
his actions speak a lot louder than his words. He
(14:17):
knows what words to say, and then it seems that
he fails to follow through with meaningful action, and that's
where true amends come into play.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
There was just I feel like a lot of pain
in the room all around you kind of acknowledge that
at the beginning of this episode. What do you think
that this pain and even La La saying that she
was okay seeing some of those friendships end, what do
you think that means for the future of this group.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
I don't see much of the future for this group.
It looks pretty shattered. It looks like these friendships are
not healthy friendships. Dynamic between Lala and Sheena is not
a healthy dynamic. Seems to be like a power imbalance.
(15:08):
It seems like Shina is trying to appease Laala to
make sure she's secure, and she's getting certain needs met
in that friendship because Ariana hasn't been around for Sheena
the way that she's used to. Yeah, you could tell
that Shina's struggling with coping with that. It seems like
(15:30):
Lala's really on a wavelength of not effing with anybody
on the cast right now. It seems like her friendship
with Katie isn't strong because Katie has gotten really close
with Ariana. It seems like even her friendship with Sheena
is a little rocky. I think she sees Sena as
(15:53):
someone that's not How do I want to say this,
and I hate saying this word because it's I don't
want to like parigrize somebody as something, especially because I've
been called this before too. But I think seeing how
Lala reacted to everything, and how Sheena was trying to
(16:14):
be the fixer and appease Lalla and it just didn't
seem like enough for Lalla. I think Lala sees Sena
as someone who is weak perceived weakness. I'm not saying
that Sheena is weak, and I think that there's a
lot of alliances and manipulation happening, and none of that
(16:37):
is healthy for friendship dynamic. I can see why the
show is taking a hiatus because it just seems so fractured.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Well, it definitely seems like at the very end of
the episode, Shea was very sure to get that last
word in. I felt like she was looking directly at
Lalla and almost like begging for her to hear her
out that she was on her side, And it really
did seem like the very end she had to choose
to Is she team Ariana or team Lalla. Do you
think she made the right choice? Do you think she
(17:07):
needed to make a choice, or do you think that
she's putting this pressure on herself?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Ooh, that's a good question. I think she feels a
lot of pressure from the outside perspective and she doesn't
want to obviously like burn bridges with arian or anything.
And I think arian has been very gracious towards Shena.
Do I think that she needed to choose sides? I
(17:34):
don't think so. I don't know. I can see Lala's frustration,
probably because I'm sure Sheena and Laala have had conversations
about the whole situation, and without Ariana there. I'm sure
Sheena is singing a much different tune than what we're
hearing at the reunion, and that's sparking some frustration in Lalla.
(17:59):
And I'm sure that was a similar feeling when she
called out Katie about it too. So yeah, I think
that Laala feels pretty isolated, I want to say, in
her feelings. And now that it's aired, and I did
check Reddit for the first time in a very very
long time, it seems like majority of people are hating
(18:24):
on Lalla right now. I'm human. I do hold some
resentment towards Lalla for the way that she's treated me
over the years. I do sympathize with her a little
bit because all the hate online is just a little
bit ridiculous. And I think also people are afraid to
speak a differing opinion than the Team Ariana side because
(18:50):
people are just ruthless online and they don't want to
hear a differing opinion and if you do, then you
get shunned out too. It's very My therapist calls it
tribal shaming, where if you're not following the rules of
the tribe, spoken or unspoken, then you're cast out and
(19:11):
you're shunned.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
I mean, it does feel like the fans have had
more of an impact on this season than ever.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Would you agree with that.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Yeah, especially because as they were filming this show, the
fans were boots on the ground, We're going to production,
we're going to filming, and we're gonna take photos and
document what we saw and all that stuff like. It
was very interactive in a way. I think with after
(19:51):
show this year, it was a little bit different because
some things have changed since the ending of filming last summer.
One of the things was me starting my own podcast
and speaking freely about my experience in my opinion, and
the after show gave the cast an opportunity to rebutt
(20:13):
what I was saying, and it provided more of a context.
And I think with more time passing from the end
of filming last summer to you know, early January February
of this year, when they filmed the after shows, past
dynamics shifted because, as we all know now watching the finale,
(20:40):
Lala and Ariana did not end on a good note whatsoever,
and so you know, she had some choice words to
say during the after shows, and it seemed like she
really got Sena to support her with that.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Speaking about the fracturing of this cast, something about her
did recently open. Not many cast members were in attendance
to this opening. What's your take on that?
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Interesting? Do you know who went?
Speaker 3 (21:11):
I know shorts went.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
It seems a little telling that maybe Sheen and La
La aren't on the best turns with Ariana right now
because they went to like the Broadway opening that Ariana
did for Chicago, and they also went to Dancing with
the Stars. But this is all before they knew that
(21:35):
she didn't watch the show, and so that was all
before the reunion and everything. So yeah, it seems like
maybe they're not on the best of terms right now.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
What are your thoughts on production holding the last five
minutes until the reunion to show to everyone.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
I wonder if they got word that Ariana wasn't watching
the season and they did that as a way to
ensure that they would get a reaction from her, kind
of like forcing her hand a little bit, forcing her
into a situation that she did not want to be in.
(22:14):
It was very strategic in that way, and it was
something new, like we've never done that before. It was
creative for sure on productions part.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Do you think it was fair to Ariana.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
There's a commitment, and part of that is watching the
show and having an opinion on what's happening besides your
own story that you're sharing. So in a way, it's
like ensuring that Arianna did have an opinion on it.
So very eye opening, say the least, I want.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Your take on Tom's final words, he says, I love it.
It's good for me. A lot of people in the
room were very shocked by that. Tom even has a
reaction to it where he shakes his head. No, they
didn't even really press him on what he meant by
that either.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
What's your take on all of that?
Speaker 1 (23:06):
I wish they pressed him on what he meant by
that a little bit more. And Ariana was pretty much
the only person that called him out on it too.
She caught it. She was like, that exactly proves my
point that you are doing things for the audience, for
(23:26):
the production value, and for his own story purposes. I
guess in Tom's eyes, having Ariana refuse to film and
walk off was good for him because he felt like
he completed his job and fulfilled his duty with what
(23:50):
production was asking from him. And Ariana was not, and
I think selfishly He probably thought that it would give
him a better chance of having more of a redemption story,
because ultimately, like production is the one picking and choosing
(24:14):
what they're going to stare on the show and edit
and put certain music behind certain scenes to make it
seem even more of a certain way. Tom knows how
to play into that. But I would have loved to
hear what his explanation for that comment would be.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Why do you think they didn't press him.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
I think that they're protecting him like they always have been.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
We did see something interesting at the very end with
Lisa stepping up and taking Ariana's side, which is kind
of a different tune. You've talked about this before where
she seems to protect the guys a lot of the time,
but then she changes her tune at the very end
of the episode and takes Ariana's side.
Speaker 3 (24:59):
What are your thoughts on that.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
I think Lisa is very strategic with what she puts
out there as well, and she knows what people are
saying about her with her always supporting the guys, so
that could have been a motivation behind her changing her
tune and supporting Ariana in that way. Yeah, I don't know,
(25:21):
It's hard because I think also Lisa is very aware
of who the fan favorites are. It's her show. She's
an executive producer on this show, so she's not a
dummy when it's coming to that. I think it helps
her if she is supporting Ariana, because she'll praise Ariana
(25:43):
for walking away and end up holding her boundaries. But
then when it comes to me, I don't even remember
what she said about me. But when it comes to
me walking away and setting a boundary for myself, I've
been told that I'm a coward and I'm running away
from my problems. So that part for me gets a
(26:04):
little frustrating because it's like and also the fans praising
Ariana for upholding her boundaries and walking away and supporting
her and telling her, like, you know, she's outgrown this show.
She should move on and do something even better with
her life. And she's finding out now that these aren't
her true friends, and like, good for her for upholding
(26:28):
her boundaries and walking away from this situation. And I've
done the same thing and it has been met with scrutiny.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Lala compares her situation with Randall to Ariana a lot
throughout this reunion do you think the two are similar
at all.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
I don't think that the relationship that Laala had with
Randall is comparable to the situation that Tom and Ariana
were in. It's hard to get on Malla's side with
some of the things that she's saying because the way
that she spoke about her relationship with Randal is like, oh,
bragging about doing BJS for pj's and getting gifted a
(27:11):
rain drover very early in their relationship and not being
honest about who she was seeing and the situation that
was happening basically, and it just seemed like she was
in it for the money and like to secure her
success and fame. So it's hard to get behind that,
(27:34):
especially when she's been so outright about it. Unfortunately, Randal
wasn't the stand up guy that she was selling him
to be. We weren't buying it. In Ariana's case, viewers
got to see that relationship develop over the years, whereas
with Laala's he wasn't around, like it was secret for
(27:56):
a while, and you know, it's harder to develop feelings
towards a person or a relationship when you're not seeing
it play out on camera. I think Lalla has a
lot of anger, maybe even towards herself, for the situation
that she allowed herself to be in, and I think
(28:19):
she might be taking that out on Ariana.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
How hard is it to be really honest when you're
in this position? And do you think certain cast members
have an easier time doing this?
Speaker 1 (28:31):
So this is like where your own values come in,
like are you are you an honest person or are
you not? Because there are people in this cast that
are not and we know who they are and they
have no problem lying and it doesn't bother them when
they lie. And for me, I'm working towards living a
(28:54):
more authentic, honest life and part of that is being
honest with my thoughts and feelings and expressing that and
doing that in a way that is still respectful because
I'm not trying to hurt people in the process, and
I am trying to express myself honestly and be true
(29:15):
to myself. So I think it just depends on who
you're asking. I mean, it's definitely not easy. It's it's
definitely hard because you're on this platform, this public arena,
where you're opening yourself up to scrutiny, and if other
(29:37):
people have differing opinions than you do, or if your
opinion is the minority, you're basically going to be harassed
and scrutinized. And so sometimes for people it's easier to
not be fully honest with their thoughts and feelings in
(29:59):
order to save faith or in order to go with
more popular opinion because it's perceived to be safer that way.
But I don't know. At this point, it's like, your
words aren't gonna hurt me. You can say whatever you
want to say about me online, and I've survived this far,
(30:19):
so whatever else do you say about me is not
going to affect me anymore than already has. I've developed
thick skin through this process, and I've come to the
point where I value my friendships that are real in
the sense of, like I interact with these people in
(30:41):
real life. I care more about people's perception of me,
like when they actually meet me and interact with me
and the vibes I give off that way, So you
get to a certain point where it's like it's almost
your duty to show up for yourself and be honest
with how you feel and how you think about a
(31:05):
certain thing in that moment, and your opinions can change
with time too, and with more information. It's not like
I'm going to say this one thing and I'm always
going to feel this way. Like it's always changing, it's
always developing. We're always getting more information, and we're always
experiencing new things that change our perspective on life. So
(31:26):
you know, it's just your duty to represent yourself in
the most authentic way so that your people will find you.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Well. I think there was one kind of shining moment
I'll say, even though it was a really emotional moment,
but the moment between and this is a little bit
of a pivot, but the moment between Schwartz and Katie
I found really interesting. Where Andy was asking about their relationship,
it seemed like this season they had a little bit
(32:05):
more of a playful dynamic. But Schwartz gets really emotional,
saying that he doesn't regret how their relationship ended, but
you can kind of see in his eyes that they're
tears well up. He gets really emotional. What did you
make of that moment?
Speaker 1 (32:18):
I don't think we've really seen a moment like that
between Tom Schwartz and Katie. It really seems like they've
come to terms with how the relationship ended and that
it was for the best, But it seemed like there
was a lot of fond memories and just appreciation for
one another that I don't think I've really seen that
(32:44):
dynamic between them before.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
To me, it seemed like in a season where there
was a lot of hurt, that seemed like the one
moment of maybe seeing two people that are going through
the process of healing.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Viewing that it did seem like they were both coming
from a place of healing because they weren't like throwing
insults at each other or trying to bring each other down.
It was very respecting one another and appreciating the moments
that they did have together while it lasted, and that's
refreshing to see on this show.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
Lala said something at the very end where she said
it was really hard for her to show up.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
To season nine reunion.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
I believe it was, you know, she didn't want to
talk about certain things, but she showed up. Arianna said
the same thing, where she could say the same about
the season ten reunions, she didn't want to be there.
You could probably say the same thing about the season
ten reunion, you didn't want to be there as well.
Is it fair to say everyone's been in a position
where they didn't want to be somewhere but they did
(33:47):
anyway one percent.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Yeah, totally, And that's like the part of committing to
this show. It's a commitment and even though you don't
quite know what you're signing up for, you know that
it's not going to be necessarily easy and there's a
(34:10):
challenge in that. And I think, just speaking for myself,
like there was an opportunity for growth for me in that. Yeah.
I think we've all been in a situation where we
didn't want to show up for something and felt I
don't think obligated is the right word, but you know,
(34:33):
like we made a commitment to being there, and we
followed through with that commitment, and it's hard.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
You started this episode off by acknowledging that there was
a lot of healing that this cast needs to do.
As someone who has taken a step back from filming,
you've had this time to kind of come back to
your own reality. What can this cast expect when you
have that moment to kind of breathe and have that
separation and you rejoin reality for a minute?
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Oh okay, who That is a load of question because
I think that there's a little bit of fear with
not being a current topic of conversation. Like I think
there's a little bit of I think addiction is the
(35:28):
wrong word, but there's a little bit of like these
dopamine hits that you get when you're being talked about
on a reality TV show, and the fear of that
going away permanently could be a scary thing. But taking
time off and recentering with yourself I think is like
(35:52):
the best thing for this cast right now, because we
don't want to be forced into situations that we don't
want to be in. That's not living an authentic life.
I mean, I've been worrying about scenes and storylines and
I haven't even been a part of this show. But
now it feels good not to worry about that. And
(36:16):
I do have to say, just like reading all the
comments on Reddit right now, it's like hardly anybody is
talking about me, which is a great feeling. It's just
so much more freeing when you're not living your life
for somebody else's entertainment anymore. It just feels like you
(36:39):
get your life back a little bit. Ooh, It's so complex,
and I think it's hard to understand if you haven't
been through being on a TV show for millions of
people to comment on and judge your life. I don't
think humans are meant for that, and there's no way
(36:59):
that that's healthy. Yeah I said that. I think the
cast we have a lot of healing to do. We
as in I still do too, and part of that
is coming back to reality. And I really don't think
that we've had a minute this whole season. I think
it's gonna be good for everyone.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Has This year though felt different to you. I feel
like you're like half in, half out.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Oh yeah, it's felt so different. But I think like
a large part of that has to do with going
to the Meadows and really reconnecting with myself and learning
about my issues and how it was showing up for
me and really coming to terms with like what is
(37:42):
this piece of external validation and how is that motivating me?
And is it even real? And just like really recentering
back into myself and gaining a lot more perspective with that,
With all the Meadows, I would not be where I
am right now. There's no freaking way so it is.
I'm living a new life, I really am, and I
(38:04):
feel like I haven't really been able to truly have
the opportunity to live my new life to the fullest
because this show has been holding me back. And I
know that that's partially my fault too, because I'm indulging
in speaking about it. But I'm really looking forward to
(38:25):
the days when I can truly like move forward and
evolve into something even more magnificent. Thank you so much
for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram
and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Goes Rogue
(38:48):
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