December 27, 2025 • 37 mins
She might not have found a love connection with Mel Owens on The Golden Bachelor, but runner-up Cindy Cullers found out what she wants in a partner!
Cindy is telling Jana Kramer about the unique thing she’s done in her home to manifest that the right man comes into her life next.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:15):
Welcome back to I Do Part two. It's one of
your hosts, Jana Kramer, jumping in today. My guest is
someone we all watched on her journey to finding love
in her chapter two, and even though it didn't end
in a perfect match for her, we're sure she was
going to find love again. It's Cindy Colors, runner up
on The Golden Bachelor. She's here, so let's get her
(00:36):
on and talk all things Part two. Hello, Hey Cindy,
I'm Jana.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Hi Janna.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Are you just coming off a whirlwind right now?
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Crazy? I'm crazy, but I remember your country songs. I'm
a big country fan. Oh, and I live in Austin
and I love you. Ever played at acl but I
live in the building.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Oh wow, Okay, yeah, no, I've been. I I used
to film a TV show in Austin Friday Night Lights
for a little bit.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
I've been to Austin many times for country music back
in the day. But it's always fun to meet people
that know me from that side of things, because most
people know me from One Tree Hill that then became
a country artist. But it's always fun to find the
people that have known me just from music.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
So yeah, just from music. Yeah, well, it's a pleasure
to know you today.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
I know, nice to chat with you, Sindy, and we'll
just hop right into it. So I have to be honest.
I didn't watch the show. I've watched now clips of
it all, and if I'm totally honest, I had a
he didn't give me the vibe that I was. I wasn't.
(01:49):
I don't want to say this. I'll root for everyone
to find love, but it just didn't seem he seemed
a bit of a player from how well I think honestly,
it was this comment that he made about wanting to
date someone not older. And that's fine, you know what
you want, but that just to me came off a little.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
But don't go into show too if you know you
are any younger, if you know you want younger, don't
go on this show.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Right, So you did you know what he said before
you guys started filming.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
I did.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
I had heard the pod, I'd seen the transcript of
the podcast, and then I went to listen to the
podcast and I was concerned about it enough to ask
a producer kind of what discussion they had with him,
to kind of just you know, to understand what that was,
and they just described to me, and I figured the
network knew better than I did. So if they said
(02:44):
he's okay to be on the show, that I should
be okay to be on the show. To be honest too,
I'm still sixty, so I still fit within the range
of what he was thinking. And I have I have
lots of people in my life who are on their second,
in between second, third, first marriages who want to date younger.
So I get the mentality, and you know, I it's
(03:08):
it's going to be what it's going to be. He's
either going to meet these fabulous women who are sixty
and over and be like wowed by us, or he's
going to continue to think that he wants to date
somebody younger.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Right, I mean when when you first saw him, obviously
he's a handsome looking dude, so you had your first
impression of him when you're on the show, but looking back, like,
what was your true first impression of him?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Definitely that he was handsome and that you know, I
projected some stuff onto him that maybe right or wrong,
But he's a professional athlete. I grew up cheering and
then I danced for the Dallas Mavericks, so I've been
around that group of people, and back in the day,
it wasn't like where you went to make a lot
(03:53):
of money. That's just not what it was. He was
a hard worker. He sacrificed his body for his team
and the city. And I recognize the dedication that it
takes to play his position for that many years for
the same team and then to step out of that
to become an attorney. I was projecting onto him just
that he was able to make big, bold changes in
(04:14):
his life that you know, he had a sense of
dedication and some of those things I think are true,
and some of them may or may not be true.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Right, Yeah, I know I get that piece. I mean
I dated an ex athlete who that transition when they're
done playing. I mean, it takes them. It's hard for
them to then rEFInd themselves because they just did the
one thing they loved so much. They were making great money.
It's like, how do you go from making great money
and being this person everyone cheered for? It really takes
a hit on their life, and I know a lot
(04:46):
of athletes that then go into depression from that. But
how they outwardly can deal with that at times is
through not being a great guy. Maybe with other women,
that was my experience. I know, I'm not going to
put that on All the dudes are professional former athletes,
but with him, you know, you're walking into this and
(05:08):
obviously you're wanting to find love again because how many
years have you been divorced?
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Seven seven years? Seven years now and you were married
for how long? Married? Twenty five years? Wow?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Yeah, what was the reason for the divorce?
Speaker 3 (05:21):
I haven't really spoken openly about it, and I'm not
sure that I will now. Yeah, just it's out of
respect for my kids and for you know, and for him.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I want all of us to go on and live
a great life.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
And I can say that especially now because I'm in
a wonderful place and have overcome the challenge of what
divorce can can be disruptive, and I've turned it, you know,
I've made lemonade out of lemons for sure with it.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
So I've just chosen to move on.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
No, I think that's beautiful, though, I like I commend
that there's many times when I've spoken too much about that. Now.
There are things that I have not said to protect
the kids, and then other things that you know, we've
both publicly talked about so.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
And there are some things that people can learn from
our journeys. And I just feel like the journey that
I went with my divorce was something so common that
I don't need to be the one who has the
insight for it. I think that that's part of it.
I think that some of the things I've heard you
say are this is definitely unusual, and you can help
(06:28):
some people through their situation by telling your story and
telling not just your story about what happened, but telling
your redemption part of it, how you walked through it
and got to a better place.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yeah, And I think people in my when I do
speak about that, the hard part is is that people
just go, oh, well, you met this great guy. I said, no,
But I was good before him. That's the thing, Like
I found peace before him. And I think that's why
I was, you know, able to find a good man
because I was. I was happy. I didn't need I
(07:01):
didn't need his love. His love was just the kind
of the cherry on top, you know, because I finally
profound a place where I was able to love myself,
because if not, I would have just gotten back into
the same type of relationship with the same kind of man.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Yeah, it's super important to be able to stand on
yourself on your two feet. I've made mention of it
in one of the episodes. But the hard part is
once you are able to stand on your two feet again,
then transferring your weight and leaning into someone else ash
that you just it's a it's scary again because you
(07:36):
don't know if that's going to go away or you know,
get kicked out from underneath you. So how much of
your weight do you transfer into a new relationship now
that you know you're standing on your two feet again.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Well, yeah, and the chances of getting knocked back down
again are are high. But at the same time, I
always look at it as you're going to learn something
new each time and then the right one will we'll stay.
And that's you know, the beauty and all of it.
So it's like, what's what's the lesson? And with this experience,
what do you think your lesson was? You know, within
doing this Golden Bachelor.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
A lesson I've been considering, like what are the things
I've learned about myself? I learned that I was still
putting my kids between me and my relationships. I definitely
learned that and I did not recognize I was doing that.
I knew that I put my career between me and
my relationships. I knew that I would put other men
(08:31):
between me and my relationships. I did not recognize I
could use my family and use my family to keep
myself distant from a new relationship. But lesson did I learn?
I think that I learned I still have a tendency
to be over optimistic and to project good things onto people.
I'm not sure I want to change that. I think
(08:54):
one day someone's going to prove me right. And so
it's a lesson that I've learned, Like, just be cautious,
but I want to remain optimistic through this.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Yeah, I mean, no one wants to get That's the
thing too. People will reach out and they're like, oh,
I just I'm not going to put myself back out there,
and it's like, don't, like, you don't want to be
bitter in love either because that's not a or then
you're letting the person that hurt you before kind of
win and b it's like you're losing at the end
of the day because there is love out there. Again,
(09:25):
it might not you might not find the love of
your life. Some people don't write they but that's also
I think in their choice because they're not wanting to
put themselves out there or do maybe some healing work
to get to a place to be open to it
or find the right person.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
So it's all and definitely And in the in the
show I walked out, It wasn't like Mel rejected me.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Well that's that was my next question. So what was
what was your reasoning for saying, you know what, this
doesn't suit me.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
He didn't serve me. The vision that he had for
a future was not enough.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Because he told you what, like what was his vision?
Because obviously he didn't propose to Peggy who just just
gave her the the what's that called promise ring? A
promise ring? And how are we in high school? I
don't know, but you know like.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
That that alone.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
That promise ring, it was from my high school sweetheart.
So I'm like, let's this is this is silly?
Speaker 2 (10:25):
You are?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
How old? Like we're not doing promise rings? Or is
that is it?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Back? I'm not doing promise rings? Yeah, I could tell
you that.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
I'm like, so so what was it? What did he
say to you? Like when you guys are having your
your kind of last meeting before your your you're wanting
and making this decision. Did he say flat out I
don't want to get married.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
He was saying that he doesn't know, and that he
wanted to wait two years because of his sons, that
he wanted to get them, you know, kind of up
and on their own. And I get that, Yeah, but
after two years, why would he need to be engaged,
because at that point he could get married. And it
just doesn't make any It doesn't make any sense to me.
(11:07):
And I did ask him a question about the first
time that he got married. Why did he wait so
long to be married the first time. I don't know
if it was a test or not. I was just
curious to hear if his response was because I hadn't
met the right woman. That's a different response than I
just wasn't ready. And I was just getting this sense
(11:29):
that Mel hasn't done the work. He's not ready. I've
done the work. I think Mel and I had enough
ingredients to kind of take it to the next level.
And obviously there's there's still a lot more to be
discovered in a relationship, but you know, I just was
the feeling that he's not ready and I've had way
(11:50):
too many relationships in my life, and especially in the
last seven years, where people just want to take your
time and enjoy their time with you. And that's great,
and I I, you know, I go on trips and
go to concerts and go do a lot of things
with some of those people. But in the end, that's
not what I'm looking for. I'm not looking for a
(12:10):
promise ring. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. And I
even said it in a finale. If I wanted a boyfriend,
I don't need to go on this show to have one.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
It's so interesting too, because as we get older. I
mean I remember back in my twenties, there was this
guy who, you know, he was an actor. He just
got divorced, but he liked me and we started dating.
And I felt like for years that I was just
trying to be chosen by him because he's like, well,
I don't know if I ever want to get married again,
and I don't know if I'm like, well, but choose me,
and I'm going to stay along, you know. And I
(12:40):
just I was back and forth with them for years
and it was so hard. And then I remember when
I got divorced from my last husband, and I started,
you know, he was in he was an athlete, an
ex athlete who then was managing a team, and he's
I started to feel that again where it was when
(13:01):
it was only convenient for him and his timing, and
I'm like, I start and so I kind of caught
it on pretty early and was like, I know my
tendency of wanting to be chosen that I have to
just be like, you know what, this doesn't work for
me because I he's like, well, I just don't want
you to get too attached, and I like where we're
at right now now, but I just don't really know.
You know, I've got detachment patterns and I just don't
(13:22):
want you to attach. And I go, then I'm out
because that's not for me.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
You know.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
It's like this is I'm not just going to be
your convenient person that you're going to call when when
you're bored in the city. You know, like, that's not
that's not me anymore. And I'm not going to wait
around for you to choose me, because someone will choose
me and I don't have to like prove this.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Thing go bingo.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Somebody's going to choose us. Somebody will choose us, and
there's no pick me to any of this. I'll show
you exactly who I am. I will be vulnerable, I
will be honest and genuine. I will give you the
time and dedication it takes for you to get to
know me. But I'm not asking for you to pick me. Yes,
I believe it's even biblical that a man knows when
he meets his person. Yep Adam says to Eve, you
(14:04):
are bone of my bone. Soas looks at Ruth and
knows immediately. And I think that some men, you know,
there are people that are in denial. Maybe he was
in denial that you were the one, and maybe he's
running from his you know, his attachment stylar, his previous hurts.
So you don't have to act on it immediately. But
I believe my guy is going to be immediately struck
(14:26):
by who I am and will pursue me. And I'm
looking forward to looking forward to that.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Back to the divorce piece of things, because a lot
of women will say, you know, how did you how
did you get through the tough days? What was and
I have the ways that helped me, but what was
one of the things for you that got you up,
obviously your kids, but that helped you get to the
other side of the healing.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
I had a good friend tell me that you couldn't
have gotten here without going through there m And she
said it to me often enough that I finally etched
it in my brain. And on my hard days, you know,
when I wish that I had the life that I
used to have, I realized this is a life that
I now can choose and it's not. I still have
(15:23):
hard days where I wish that I had that previous life.
Holidays in particular very hard.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Press. Yeah, same, yeah, But I'm in.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
A better place, and I just I just need to
go back and continue to recognize that this is my
path and that every step along the way has been
you know, ordered in advance. And I need to to
recognize the doors and windows that have been opened in
front of me, and acknowledge and appreciate the doors and
windows that have closed behind me, and just keep your
(15:55):
head down and your feet moving.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Only way to get through it is to go through it.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Is so many people get stuck, you know, Like my
therapist was saying about forty percent of people who lose
a spouse or get divorced or you know, losing children.
I think is even higher. But forty percent of people
never return to a positive life, and I was determined
to live big on the other side of what happened
(16:23):
to me.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Yeah, no, absolutely, Okay, So when you were on the
show and you're surrounded by obviously all these beautiful women,
did you feel the camaraderie of everyone wanting again? It's
hard you're trying to date the same guy, right, So
how was that like when in when you're older going
(16:44):
through that, Because I see how the girls are in
their twenties thirties on the show. What was that like
for you, ladies?
Speaker 3 (16:53):
I think we still had some of those twenties and
thirties moments where you know, you're trying to check out
the competition, so to speak. But I could speak for myself,
I can't speak for all of them. I found a
group of women to be so engaging and so loving,
and of course we're spending time with the same guy.
But they are incredible women on this cast, and I
(17:17):
fell in love with almost each and every one of them.
And having that time in the mansion. So we have
nineteen women who move into the mansion and I live
by myself, none of my kids live in town. I've
got lots of good friends and colleagues. But you know,
this is a cool experience to be in a house
(17:38):
with eighteen other women. We're cooking for each other, We're
trying to share a bathroom, all five of us, trying
to get ready and brush our teeth and shower, and
I'm in a top in a room where the patio
doors don't latch, and just sharing time with these women
and knowing that they're all kind of in a similar situation.
(18:00):
Some had lost their husbands, some have been married a
couple times, some are divorced a long time, Some were fresh.
So we all had kind of a different life experience.
But it was a privilege to be in this little
sorority of the Golden Bachelor castmates.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Were you in Peggy clothes?
Speaker 2 (18:17):
No?
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Okay, so there's no friendship there? Then post show either Noah?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
No? Got it?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Okay, Well, maybe two people end up those two people
were meant to be together. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Well, I think this has ended up exactly the way
it needed to end up, and I'm personally grateful that
it ended up this way.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
So I have a question for you, because I have
a few friends who are divorced that are fifty sixty
years old, and they some of them have given up
the hope that they're going to find someone and that
they then go to the place of And I felt
this too, Like when I got divorced. I was late thirties,
(18:58):
and I mean I was like seven eight, and I
thought to myself, I don't haven't it's done. I'm I'm old,
I've I don't have time. I've I've wasted time, you know,
And you know I've again. I've got a very good
friend that's almost fifty, another friend that's sixty, same thing
where she's just feels like she wasted so much time
(19:20):
with her last husband that there's no way she'll meet
someone now. So it's where do you mentally go with
staying positive in that mind frame when you want when
they want to be in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Well, I think you have to back to our previous conversation.
I think I'm okay by myself and a man is
going to be lucky to partner up with me. I
am a multiplier, and I think you know this one
plus one equals to is just insane. I am a
multiplier and some man is going to be super lucky.
(19:54):
If you bring me a house, guess what I'm going
to deliver you a home, bring me your children. I
will knit it together and make a new family. You
bring me finances, and I will make you feel wealthy.
And that's what a man is going to get in
relationship with me. He'd be really lucky to come alongside me.
(20:15):
If he doesn't, it's okay because I'm I'm living a
pretty awesome life, full life with myself. I would love
to have a partner. But if I don't, that's just,
you know, just just my fate in life. I'm okay
both ways, and I think you really just have to
get like you talked about earlier.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
We have to get to a place where we're okay
either way.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I know, so much easier said than done, though, because
there were there were so many times in my bed
I'm like, no one will love me, you know, and
it's like it's like, well it feels lonely sometimes, you know.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
But you also need to be prepared for that person
in your life. I'll tell you what I just did.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
This.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
You're going to think I'm very silly. I have I
live in this one bedroom Pondo, and I love it.
It's just a little jewel box to me, and it's
not very big, so I use every square inch. And
I had these medicine cabinets put in on either side
of my bathroom mirror, and I moved into one, and
I kept the one on the other side open and
available and just ready for I love it for my
(21:16):
future man. And guess what, I started to creep into
that medicine cabinet and put my stuff and kind of
spread out a little bit. So this last week I
moved things back out of that medicine cabinet and I
made room in my life for a man. And I
think we just all should be mindful that I will
be prepared and be my best for my man to
(21:39):
meet me this afternoon or tomorrow or in ten years.
But I'm going to continue to work on being my
best self for me, for my family, for life, and
just making sure there's still room in my life for him.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
I love that. That's so sweet. So when did the
show wrap? What month?
Speaker 3 (21:58):
It was end of August, Because right from the show,
I had to go to my daughter. I had to
I was privileged to go to my daughter's wedding, my
second daughter's wedding in Italy. So within days I went
from the you know, all the mind worldling, walk off
the doc, leave the guy, to you know, really taking
(22:20):
a look at what a fully committed, loving relationship looks like.
And it was such a privilege to be there anyway,
because I love these kids so much, but to really
see what love looks like. Yeah, and then to compare
it to what Mel was offering, it was, it was,
It was perfect. It was so healing and so lovely
(22:41):
to have that contrast.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Since the show, has anyone slid into the dms or
like where are you meeting? Where are you meeting guys?
Like who would you like to slide into the DM?
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Like what.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Have you slid into someone's you know, because I'm now
obviously people watching you. You're beautiful, you know, you had
a great energy, so I have to assume that there's
men trying.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
I've had some men slide into my DM since I've
had some friends introduced me to men, and you know,
just just gonna this is the holidays, So I'm kind
of taking a big old pause with all of that,
just so I could focus on, you know, recentering myself
and being with my family, and but yeah, there's I'm
definitely not hesitant to get back out there. I'm not
(23:24):
hesitant that my man is around the corner. I hope
he's watching this. I hope he's listening to this and
falls in love with me on this and calls immediately,
And I think that he'll be bold enough to step
forward the kind of man that I'm looking for.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
Oh. I love that she's ready to open her medicine cabinet,
so I put your whatever you need in there. That
is funny. Okay, so let's do a little rapid fire.
Oh okay, what advice would you give to our listeners
who are getting back into the dating scene for the
first time?
Speaker 3 (23:58):
What advice would I give to people getting back into
the dating scene? Work on being the best self. Being
your best self will will attract the person that will
meet your best self. Always elevate level up all the time.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Do you think you should always give someone two dates
to tell if there is chemistry?
Speaker 2 (24:17):
No?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Agreed? You know that first date? Yeah, anytime I ever
tried a second date, I'm like, why did I do this?
I knew the gut, the gut told me on the
first one that it was a no.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
And if forget's not sure, if your gut doesn't say no,
then you could have a second date and still say
no after the second date.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
But sometimes it's just no, immediately agreed.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Do you think it's a good idea to FaceTime a
date you've met online before the first.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Date depends on how much they're giving you in your exchanges,
Like if you're not getting the full vibe, I definitely
think it's better to hop on FaceTime. But if you're
kind of getting a genuine vibe and I don't anything online,
mine's either referrals by friends or some of these dms,
So I'll just consider it like a DM.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
You just got to you know, got a sense how genuine.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
They're being in their responses to you.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
See, I am a FaceTime That is a was a rule,
Like I have to FaceTime before because if I waste
an hour away from the home or the kid, you
know what I mean, Like, I will so angry at myself.
So and anytime my girlfriend who's divorced, she'll go she's like, huh,
I should have listened to you. I'm like, I tell
you every time you got a FaceTime, because you will
just know.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Well, I have a three step method. Oh I heard
this from a million dollar matchmaker, because she's like, oh,
you're single, you're divorced, I'll put you in my stable.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
And I'm like, no, no, no, I just being in.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Nay no, that was good. So she said there's three
steps that she uses to test compatibility. The first interaction
is a coffee date or a drink, and since I
don't drink coffee, it's usually meet me for a drink
twenty to forty minutes. I don't care if I feel
like I've met my soulmate twenty to forty minutes and
(26:07):
we're cutting it off. Second date is an activity, so
we'll go to the farmer's market, we'll stand up powder board,
we'll go for a hike, we'll you know, I'll ask
you to.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Come move my couch.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
If you were referred by a friend, I'll make something up,
but it will be an activity. And then the third
date can be the dinner date, because you can waste
a whole lot of time out there with people that
you're not attracted to and you're not compatible with.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
So there's my three steps, and I tell all of
my single friends to do it. That way, it saves
you so much time. I'll also tell you what happens
on that first date. If you're really vibing with them,
something happens where you just forget the details. So they
could tell you about their children, their names, how old
they are, where they.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Go to school, where they live.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
That all those details somehow go in one ear and
out the other, and so you just don't really pay
attention to them. Where I find if you have it
on a second or third date, you're more able to
I'm more able at least to retain that information.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, no, that makes sense. Is it ever okay to
split the bill on a first date? No, one hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
No.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
It happened to me one time we went to the
it was in Los Angeles, it was the it was
called the Garlic Rose. And he put his card down.
He's like, okay, He's like, we'll split it. You put
the car down to first and only day. I'm like, no,
that is I know. And I love getting the bill.
That's the thing. I love to get a bill. And
that's something that I know that I had to stop
(27:45):
because I would try sometimes to get it on the
first date, and I'd learned once I got older, I'm like, no,
they can.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Pay, and they could pay. I'm a traditional woman. That's
what I expect. It's not like I won't contribute financially.
And by the way, I get access to some stuff
because of where I live, how long I've lived here,
that you'll get to taggle on with me for some
fun stuff that you know you're not really paying for.
But definitely don't split the chat ladies.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Best tip for flirting or catching a man's attention the eyes.
Give him the eyes, the eyes, and then the look
down and then look back up and the look.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
I think that there's an art to flirting, but it
all is wrapped up to me in a very intricate
dance between masculine and feminine. And so if you find
a man who enjoys being in their masculine it's easy
to flirt with them for me, because it is about
showing great appreciation, great interest and just I don't I'm
(28:48):
not sure I have a step one, step two, step three,
But I did try to coach a couple of women
on the show about flirting, and Robin talks about it
on the show, and it's not necessarily flirting, it's for
just try to help the women get out of their
masculine right. I run my own life. I've been independent
(29:08):
for seven years. I don't necessarily need a man. And
being feminine, I think, can be confused very often with
being weak and giving up your power. I feel like
gain power by being feminine, and I feel like I
draw out the best in a man and help him
be masculine.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
So there's a lot to it. This could be a
whole segment.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
There's some really good books about that too, about female
masculine and female and you know, being feminine male's masculinity
because it's like you don't want guys don't want a
masculine Most guys don't want a masculine women. But we
feel that sometimes we have to since single parents, divorced,
that we have this really protective barrier around us that
(29:55):
sometimes will come out masculine and it's like that's not
going to be the attraction to the other guy. We
do feel more power once that is shed, So.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
Yeah, absolutely, and a man inherently over time and it
gets worse, you're still a youngster men over time stop
thinking and that's just a feminine it's more of a
feminine trait and so they tend to stop thinking. And women,
because we can do it all just like men can
do it all, we allow it.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
So when I remember.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Many times talking to a man and saying, you know,
at this time, I don't feel the need to yield
my independence to you. What do you think about that?
And just the second half of that conversation, what do
you think about that? And I ask men to think,
and somebody wants to see me. I'm like, well, I
live here, you live there? How does that look? What
(30:47):
do you think about that? And I make them figure
it out because I could do logistics all day, but
I like having a man think and that allows me
to feel and not that I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Will probably get some haters on this.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
In the oh it's so true though, but it's true.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
I think men men tend to lose their curiosity as
they age, and they they stop thinking because other people
think on their behalf.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Yeah, I like that. Should you kiss on a first date?
Maybe I did. I did with my husband. So he
kissed me. We were sitting on a couch and he
just went right in and I was like, whoa. He
did it a lot faster than I would have, but
he kept saying it was because you know, we had
been facetiming so much and he was overseas, so it
was like that.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Ant spees the moment. But back to the you know,
Adam recognizing Eve right away. I think sometimes if a
man knows and he's healed and he's ready and you're
feeling it, nothing wrong with it, no shame. I think
I don't want a roommate. I want I want to
have a sexual chemistry with someone.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Is it a red flag if you start dating someone
who is separated but their divorce isn't final? Yes, what's
a subtle red flag people tend to overlook when getting
back into dating after divorce.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
Being divorce does not mean that they're available, or that
they're healed, or that they're ready.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
What was Mel's biggest red flag?
Speaker 3 (32:10):
I don't know that Mel has a red flag. In general,
nobody has a red flag. I think that he Okay,
I'll tell you what I believe his red flag is.
I think that he likes to observe and doesn't like
to participate. Maybe even that he likes to observe and
he's not even aware that he's not participating.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
That makes sense.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
So like for example, I love going on trips. I
want to go skiing, I want to go to the beach,
and I want to go with somebody who will do
things with me and not just watch me have fun.
That means I think that that was kind of a
point of we were not compatible with that.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
If someone is a bad kiss or, does that mean
they'll likely be bad in bed? Listen, I'll just answer
that they're a bad kisser, they ain't getten in bed.
I gotta have a good GISs there.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
No, but I will.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
I have had kissers who were not as good, and
some men are trainable.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Really because I had one that was a very bad
kisser and I gave them a couple shots and it's
still I was like, I can't do it. I love
to kiss, and if you're not a good kisser, I
just can't.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Absolutely, if you go two or three times and you
can't get any change.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Yeah, but I'm not going to throw them out right away.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
I think that you know, if you've been kissing someone else,
you've been kissing that person in the way that the
two of you kiss best. Sure, so now that you
have someone new, you might need some different techniques. So
give them a chance. All right, this is a producer question.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
How would you rate Mel's kissing skills? She's like as
much as the red fluff. Oh oh, teachable, So that's teacher, great,
that's funny. What's one thing men fifty plus need to
lighten up on when it comes to dating? Same question
for women? Men over fifty need to lighten up on age.
(33:53):
So I think they hyper focus on age. How many
profiles did I see over the years, and that my
friends are still seeing. I'm younger than I look, I'm
younger than my age, I act younger. It's like, get
over it, Like sixty today is not what sixty used
to be. Everyone is acts younger and is younger. So
(34:13):
that's when age.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
And then for women.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
They need to get over the quick commitment, like gosh,
I've had a lot of women recently, like in the
last couple of weeks be like swipe left on that one.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
I'm like, wait, wait, wait why, Well.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
Just like just any any inkling of a red flag
or something that's not exactly right, they're passing on. And
I think that at our age, I don't know, it's
not beggars can't be choosers, but we could all grow
and change and we should be more flexible with other
people's situations and pack.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Everyone deserves a shot. We all have a past, and
there is no there's no there's no night and shining armor,
and there's no perfect woman. You know. That's where it's.
When I was in the dating, I'm like, I can't
judge someone on their past. I have to judge them,
not judge them. But I need to observe them in
their present because I have a messed up past. I've
made multiple mistakes.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Look at our new bouchelorette. If somebody judged her on
her past, why do we even have on a show.
But I think it's such a beautiful arc to say
her past is going to get her to her future.
And I recently a friend of mine passed on a
guy who's never been married, no kids, and I'm like,
that's that's not fair. Look at Debbie from my show,
(35:34):
never been married, no kids, she'd be a lovely partner.
My brother has no children, married twice, no kids, no
red flag. There could be a fabulous stepfather. So I
think people are just kind of too judgmental. And we
have just a certain list of things that we want
and we're not going to vary outside of it. That's
why I really do think meeting in the wild is
(35:55):
far better for me because I don't sometimes always know
by divorce, no kids, you know data on someone where
you might pick that up in an app for sure.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Oh well, Cindy, I've got my radar out for you,
and if anyone's listening, please slide on into Cindy's DM.
Thank you Cindy for opening up about your journey in
chapter two, and we know you are going to find
love again, and I am super excited for you, and
I'm already thinking, I'm like, Okay, I have this one
guy friend that I think would just love you, So
maybe I'll be sliding in being like, hey, you do meet.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
Come on over, come on over the water.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
The water's warm, and I'm ready to find love again.
I believe it's out there for all of us in
different forms, so I can't wait to see what both
of our next chapters yield.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
You're so sweet. Thank you, Cindy. Are you like Cindy
and ready to find love in your chapter two? Call
us or email us. All the info is in the
show notes and we are here to help follow us
on socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast
I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in
love is the main objective. P
Welcome back to I Do Part two. It's one of
your hosts, Jana Kramer, jumping in today. My guest is
someone we all watched on her journey to finding love
in her chapter two, and even though it didn't end
in a perfect match for her, we're sure she was
going to find love again. It's Cindy Colors, runner up
on The Golden Bachelor. She's here, so let's get her
(00:36):
on and talk all things Part two. Hello, Hey Cindy,
I'm Jana.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Hi Janna.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Are you just coming off a whirlwind right now?
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Crazy? I'm crazy, but I remember your country songs. I'm
a big country fan. Oh, and I live in Austin
and I love you. Ever played at acl but I
live in the building.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Oh wow, Okay, yeah, no, I've been. I I used
to film a TV show in Austin Friday Night Lights
for a little bit.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
I've been to Austin many times for country music back
in the day. But it's always fun to meet people
that know me from that side of things, because most
people know me from One Tree Hill that then became
a country artist. But it's always fun to find the
people that have known me just from music.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
So yeah, just from music. Yeah, well, it's a pleasure
to know you today.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
I know, nice to chat with you, Sindy, and we'll
just hop right into it. So I have to be honest.
I didn't watch the show. I've watched now clips of
it all, and if I'm totally honest, I had a
he didn't give me the vibe that I was. I wasn't.
(01:49):
I don't want to say this. I'll root for everyone
to find love, but it just didn't seem he seemed
a bit of a player from how well I think honestly,
it was this comment that he made about wanting to
date someone not older. And that's fine, you know what
you want, but that just to me came off a little.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
But don't go into show too if you know you
are any younger, if you know you want younger, don't
go on this show.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Right, So you did you know what he said before
you guys started filming.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
I did.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
I had heard the pod, I'd seen the transcript of
the podcast, and then I went to listen to the
podcast and I was concerned about it enough to ask
a producer kind of what discussion they had with him,
to kind of just you know, to understand what that was,
and they just described to me, and I figured the
network knew better than I did. So if they said
(02:44):
he's okay to be on the show, that I should
be okay to be on the show. To be honest too,
I'm still sixty, so I still fit within the range
of what he was thinking. And I have I have
lots of people in my life who are on their second,
in between second, third, first marriages who want to date younger.
So I get the mentality, and you know, I it's
(03:08):
it's going to be what it's going to be. He's
either going to meet these fabulous women who are sixty
and over and be like wowed by us, or he's
going to continue to think that he wants to date
somebody younger.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Right, I mean when when you first saw him, obviously
he's a handsome looking dude, so you had your first
impression of him when you're on the show, but looking back, like,
what was your true first impression of him?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Definitely that he was handsome and that you know, I
projected some stuff onto him that maybe right or wrong,
But he's a professional athlete. I grew up cheering and
then I danced for the Dallas Mavericks, so I've been
around that group of people, and back in the day,
it wasn't like where you went to make a lot
(03:53):
of money. That's just not what it was. He was
a hard worker. He sacrificed his body for his team
and the city. And I recognize the dedication that it
takes to play his position for that many years for
the same team and then to step out of that
to become an attorney. I was projecting onto him just
that he was able to make big, bold changes in
(04:14):
his life that you know, he had a sense of
dedication and some of those things I think are true,
and some of them may or may not be true.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Right, Yeah, I know I get that piece. I mean
I dated an ex athlete who that transition when they're
done playing. I mean, it takes them. It's hard for
them to then rEFInd themselves because they just did the
one thing they loved so much. They were making great money.
It's like, how do you go from making great money
and being this person everyone cheered for? It really takes
a hit on their life, and I know a lot
(04:46):
of athletes that then go into depression from that. But
how they outwardly can deal with that at times is
through not being a great guy. Maybe with other women,
that was my experience. I know, I'm not going to
put that on All the dudes are professional former athletes,
but with him, you know, you're walking into this and
(05:08):
obviously you're wanting to find love again because how many
years have you been divorced?
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Seven seven years? Seven years now and you were married
for how long? Married? Twenty five years? Wow?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Yeah, what was the reason for the divorce?
Speaker 3 (05:21):
I haven't really spoken openly about it, and I'm not
sure that I will now. Yeah, just it's out of
respect for my kids and for you know, and for him.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I want all of us to go on and live
a great life.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
And I can say that especially now because I'm in
a wonderful place and have overcome the challenge of what
divorce can can be disruptive, and I've turned it, you know,
I've made lemonade out of lemons for sure with it.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
So I've just chosen to move on.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
No, I think that's beautiful, though, I like I commend
that there's many times when I've spoken too much about that. Now.
There are things that I have not said to protect
the kids, and then other things that you know, we've
both publicly talked about so.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
And there are some things that people can learn from
our journeys. And I just feel like the journey that
I went with my divorce was something so common that
I don't need to be the one who has the
insight for it. I think that that's part of it.
I think that some of the things I've heard you
say are this is definitely unusual, and you can help
(06:28):
some people through their situation by telling your story and
telling not just your story about what happened, but telling
your redemption part of it, how you walked through it
and got to a better place.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yeah, And I think people in my when I do
speak about that, the hard part is is that people
just go, oh, well, you met this great guy. I said, no,
But I was good before him. That's the thing, Like
I found peace before him. And I think that's why
I was, you know, able to find a good man
because I was. I was happy. I didn't need I
(07:01):
didn't need his love. His love was just the kind
of the cherry on top, you know, because I finally
profound a place where I was able to love myself,
because if not, I would have just gotten back into
the same type of relationship with the same kind of man.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Yeah, it's super important to be able to stand on
yourself on your two feet. I've made mention of it
in one of the episodes. But the hard part is
once you are able to stand on your two feet again,
then transferring your weight and leaning into someone else ash
that you just it's a it's scary again because you
(07:36):
don't know if that's going to go away or you know,
get kicked out from underneath you. So how much of
your weight do you transfer into a new relationship now
that you know you're standing on your two feet again.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Well, yeah, and the chances of getting knocked back down
again are are high. But at the same time, I
always look at it as you're going to learn something
new each time and then the right one will we'll stay.
And that's you know, the beauty and all of it.
So it's like, what's what's the lesson? And with this experience,
what do you think your lesson was? You know, within
doing this Golden Bachelor.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
A lesson I've been considering, like what are the things
I've learned about myself? I learned that I was still
putting my kids between me and my relationships. I definitely
learned that and I did not recognize I was doing that.
I knew that I put my career between me and
my relationships. I knew that I would put other men
(08:31):
between me and my relationships. I did not recognize I
could use my family and use my family to keep
myself distant from a new relationship. But lesson did I learn?
I think that I learned I still have a tendency
to be over optimistic and to project good things onto people.
I'm not sure I want to change that. I think
(08:54):
one day someone's going to prove me right. And so
it's a lesson that I've learned, Like, just be cautious,
but I want to remain optimistic through this.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Yeah, I mean, no one wants to get That's the
thing too. People will reach out and they're like, oh,
I just I'm not going to put myself back out there,
and it's like, don't, like, you don't want to be
bitter in love either because that's not a or then
you're letting the person that hurt you before kind of
win and b it's like you're losing at the end
of the day because there is love out there. Again,
(09:25):
it might not you might not find the love of
your life. Some people don't write they but that's also
I think in their choice because they're not wanting to
put themselves out there or do maybe some healing work
to get to a place to be open to it
or find the right person.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
So it's all and definitely And in the in the
show I walked out, It wasn't like Mel rejected me.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Well that's that was my next question. So what was
what was your reasoning for saying, you know what, this
doesn't suit me.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
He didn't serve me. The vision that he had for
a future was not enough.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Because he told you what, like what was his vision?
Because obviously he didn't propose to Peggy who just just
gave her the the what's that called promise ring? A
promise ring? And how are we in high school? I
don't know, but you know like.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
That that alone.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
That promise ring, it was from my high school sweetheart.
So I'm like, let's this is this is silly?
Speaker 2 (10:25):
You are?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
How old? Like we're not doing promise rings? Or is
that is it?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Back? I'm not doing promise rings? Yeah, I could tell
you that.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
I'm like, so so what was it? What did he
say to you? Like when you guys are having your
your kind of last meeting before your your you're wanting
and making this decision. Did he say flat out I
don't want to get married.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
He was saying that he doesn't know, and that he
wanted to wait two years because of his sons, that
he wanted to get them, you know, kind of up
and on their own. And I get that, Yeah, but
after two years, why would he need to be engaged,
because at that point he could get married. And it
just doesn't make any It doesn't make any sense to me.
(11:07):
And I did ask him a question about the first
time that he got married. Why did he wait so
long to be married the first time. I don't know
if it was a test or not. I was just
curious to hear if his response was because I hadn't
met the right woman. That's a different response than I
just wasn't ready. And I was just getting this sense
(11:29):
that Mel hasn't done the work. He's not ready. I've
done the work. I think Mel and I had enough
ingredients to kind of take it to the next level.
And obviously there's there's still a lot more to be
discovered in a relationship, but you know, I just was
the feeling that he's not ready and I've had way
(11:50):
too many relationships in my life, and especially in the
last seven years, where people just want to take your
time and enjoy their time with you. And that's great,
and I I, you know, I go on trips and
go to concerts and go do a lot of things
with some of those people. But in the end, that's
not what I'm looking for. I'm not looking for a
(12:10):
promise ring. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. And I
even said it in a finale. If I wanted a boyfriend,
I don't need to go on this show to have one.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
It's so interesting too, because as we get older. I
mean I remember back in my twenties, there was this
guy who, you know, he was an actor. He just
got divorced, but he liked me and we started dating.
And I felt like for years that I was just
trying to be chosen by him because he's like, well,
I don't know if I ever want to get married again,
and I don't know if I'm like, well, but choose me,
and I'm going to stay along, you know. And I
(12:40):
just I was back and forth with them for years
and it was so hard. And then I remember when
I got divorced from my last husband, and I started,
you know, he was in he was an athlete, an
ex athlete who then was managing a team, and he's
I started to feel that again where it was when
(13:01):
it was only convenient for him and his timing, and
I'm like, I start and so I kind of caught
it on pretty early and was like, I know my
tendency of wanting to be chosen that I have to
just be like, you know what, this doesn't work for
me because I he's like, well, I just don't want
you to get too attached, and I like where we're
at right now now, but I just don't really know.
You know, I've got detachment patterns and I just don't
(13:22):
want you to attach. And I go, then I'm out
because that's not for me.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
You know.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
It's like this is I'm not just going to be
your convenient person that you're going to call when when
you're bored in the city. You know, like, that's not
that's not me anymore. And I'm not going to wait
around for you to choose me, because someone will choose
me and I don't have to like prove this.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Thing go bingo.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Somebody's going to choose us. Somebody will choose us, and
there's no pick me to any of this. I'll show
you exactly who I am. I will be vulnerable, I
will be honest and genuine. I will give you the
time and dedication it takes for you to get to
know me. But I'm not asking for you to pick me. Yes,
I believe it's even biblical that a man knows when
he meets his person. Yep Adam says to Eve, you
(14:04):
are bone of my bone. Soas looks at Ruth and
knows immediately. And I think that some men, you know,
there are people that are in denial. Maybe he was
in denial that you were the one, and maybe he's
running from his you know, his attachment stylar, his previous hurts.
So you don't have to act on it immediately. But
I believe my guy is going to be immediately struck
(14:26):
by who I am and will pursue me. And I'm
looking forward to looking forward to that.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Back to the divorce piece of things, because a lot
of women will say, you know, how did you how
did you get through the tough days? What was and
I have the ways that helped me, but what was
one of the things for you that got you up,
obviously your kids, but that helped you get to the
other side of the healing.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
I had a good friend tell me that you couldn't
have gotten here without going through there m And she
said it to me often enough that I finally etched
it in my brain. And on my hard days, you know,
when I wish that I had the life that I
used to have, I realized this is a life that
I now can choose and it's not. I still have
(15:23):
hard days where I wish that I had that previous life.
Holidays in particular very hard.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Press. Yeah, same, yeah, But I'm in.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
A better place, and I just I just need to
go back and continue to recognize that this is my
path and that every step along the way has been
you know, ordered in advance. And I need to to
recognize the doors and windows that have been opened in
front of me, and acknowledge and appreciate the doors and
windows that have closed behind me, and just keep your
(15:55):
head down and your feet moving.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Only way to get through it is to go through it.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Is so many people get stuck, you know, Like my
therapist was saying about forty percent of people who lose
a spouse or get divorced or you know, losing children.
I think is even higher. But forty percent of people
never return to a positive life, and I was determined
to live big on the other side of what happened
(16:23):
to me.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Yeah, no, absolutely, Okay, So when you were on the
show and you're surrounded by obviously all these beautiful women,
did you feel the camaraderie of everyone wanting again? It's
hard you're trying to date the same guy, right, So
how was that like when in when you're older going
(16:44):
through that, Because I see how the girls are in
their twenties thirties on the show. What was that like
for you, ladies?
Speaker 3 (16:53):
I think we still had some of those twenties and
thirties moments where you know, you're trying to check out
the competition, so to speak. But I could speak for myself,
I can't speak for all of them. I found a
group of women to be so engaging and so loving,
and of course we're spending time with the same guy.
But they are incredible women on this cast, and I
(17:17):
fell in love with almost each and every one of them.
And having that time in the mansion. So we have
nineteen women who move into the mansion and I live
by myself, none of my kids live in town. I've
got lots of good friends and colleagues. But you know,
this is a cool experience to be in a house
(17:38):
with eighteen other women. We're cooking for each other, We're
trying to share a bathroom, all five of us, trying
to get ready and brush our teeth and shower, and
I'm in a top in a room where the patio
doors don't latch, and just sharing time with these women
and knowing that they're all kind of in a similar situation.
(18:00):
Some had lost their husbands, some have been married a
couple times, some are divorced a long time, Some were fresh.
So we all had kind of a different life experience.
But it was a privilege to be in this little
sorority of the Golden Bachelor castmates.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Were you in Peggy clothes?
Speaker 2 (18:17):
No?
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Okay, so there's no friendship there? Then post show either Noah?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
No? Got it?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Okay, Well, maybe two people end up those two people
were meant to be together. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Well, I think this has ended up exactly the way
it needed to end up, and I'm personally grateful that
it ended up this way.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
So I have a question for you, because I have
a few friends who are divorced that are fifty sixty
years old, and they some of them have given up
the hope that they're going to find someone and that
they then go to the place of And I felt
this too, Like when I got divorced. I was late thirties,
(18:58):
and I mean I was like seven eight, and I
thought to myself, I don't haven't it's done. I'm I'm old,
I've I don't have time. I've I've wasted time, you know,
And you know I've again. I've got a very good
friend that's almost fifty, another friend that's sixty, same thing
where she's just feels like she wasted so much time
(19:20):
with her last husband that there's no way she'll meet
someone now. So it's where do you mentally go with
staying positive in that mind frame when you want when
they want to be in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Well, I think you have to back to our previous conversation.
I think I'm okay by myself and a man is
going to be lucky to partner up with me. I
am a multiplier, and I think you know this one
plus one equals to is just insane. I am a
multiplier and some man is going to be super lucky.
(19:54):
If you bring me a house, guess what I'm going
to deliver you a home, bring me your children. I
will knit it together and make a new family. You
bring me finances, and I will make you feel wealthy.
And that's what a man is going to get in
relationship with me. He'd be really lucky to come alongside me.
(20:15):
If he doesn't, it's okay because I'm I'm living a
pretty awesome life, full life with myself. I would love
to have a partner. But if I don't, that's just,
you know, just just my fate in life. I'm okay
both ways, and I think you really just have to
get like you talked about earlier.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
We have to get to a place where we're okay
either way.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I know, so much easier said than done, though, because
there were there were so many times in my bed
I'm like, no one will love me, you know, and
it's like it's like, well it feels lonely sometimes, you know.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
But you also need to be prepared for that person
in your life. I'll tell you what I just did.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
This.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
You're going to think I'm very silly. I have I
live in this one bedroom Pondo, and I love it.
It's just a little jewel box to me, and it's
not very big, so I use every square inch. And
I had these medicine cabinets put in on either side
of my bathroom mirror, and I moved into one, and
I kept the one on the other side open and
available and just ready for I love it for my
(21:16):
future man. And guess what, I started to creep into
that medicine cabinet and put my stuff and kind of
spread out a little bit. So this last week I
moved things back out of that medicine cabinet and I
made room in my life for a man. And I
think we just all should be mindful that I will
be prepared and be my best for my man to
(21:39):
meet me this afternoon or tomorrow or in ten years.
But I'm going to continue to work on being my
best self for me, for my family, for life, and
just making sure there's still room in my life for him.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
I love that. That's so sweet. So when did the
show wrap? What month?
Speaker 3 (21:58):
It was end of August, Because right from the show,
I had to go to my daughter. I had to
I was privileged to go to my daughter's wedding, my
second daughter's wedding in Italy. So within days I went
from the you know, all the mind worldling, walk off
the doc, leave the guy, to you know, really taking
(22:20):
a look at what a fully committed, loving relationship looks like.
And it was such a privilege to be there anyway,
because I love these kids so much, but to really
see what love looks like. Yeah, and then to compare
it to what Mel was offering, it was, it was,
It was perfect. It was so healing and so lovely
(22:41):
to have that contrast.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Since the show, has anyone slid into the dms or
like where are you meeting? Where are you meeting guys?
Like who would you like to slide into the DM?
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Like what.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Have you slid into someone's you know, because I'm now
obviously people watching you. You're beautiful, you know, you had
a great energy, so I have to assume that there's
men trying.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
I've had some men slide into my DM since I've
had some friends introduced me to men, and you know,
just just gonna this is the holidays, So I'm kind
of taking a big old pause with all of that,
just so I could focus on, you know, recentering myself
and being with my family, and but yeah, there's I'm
definitely not hesitant to get back out there. I'm not
(23:24):
hesitant that my man is around the corner. I hope
he's watching this. I hope he's listening to this and
falls in love with me on this and calls immediately,
And I think that he'll be bold enough to step
forward the kind of man that I'm looking for.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
Oh. I love that she's ready to open her medicine cabinet,
so I put your whatever you need in there. That
is funny. Okay, so let's do a little rapid fire.
Oh okay, what advice would you give to our listeners
who are getting back into the dating scene for the
first time?
Speaker 3 (23:58):
What advice would I give to people getting back into
the dating scene? Work on being the best self. Being
your best self will will attract the person that will
meet your best self. Always elevate level up all the time.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Do you think you should always give someone two dates
to tell if there is chemistry?
Speaker 2 (24:17):
No?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Agreed? You know that first date? Yeah, anytime I ever
tried a second date, I'm like, why did I do this?
I knew the gut, the gut told me on the
first one that it was a no.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
And if forget's not sure, if your gut doesn't say no,
then you could have a second date and still say
no after the second date.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
But sometimes it's just no, immediately agreed.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Do you think it's a good idea to FaceTime a
date you've met online before the first.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Date depends on how much they're giving you in your exchanges,
Like if you're not getting the full vibe, I definitely
think it's better to hop on FaceTime. But if you're
kind of getting a genuine vibe and I don't anything online,
mine's either referrals by friends or some of these dms,
So I'll just consider it like a DM.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
You just got to you know, got a sense how genuine.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
They're being in their responses to you.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
See, I am a FaceTime That is a was a rule,
Like I have to FaceTime before because if I waste
an hour away from the home or the kid, you
know what I mean, Like, I will so angry at myself.
So and anytime my girlfriend who's divorced, she'll go she's like, huh,
I should have listened to you. I'm like, I tell
you every time you got a FaceTime, because you will
just know.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Well, I have a three step method. Oh I heard
this from a million dollar matchmaker, because she's like, oh,
you're single, you're divorced, I'll put you in my stable.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
And I'm like, no, no, no, I just being in.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Nay no, that was good. So she said there's three
steps that she uses to test compatibility. The first interaction
is a coffee date or a drink, and since I
don't drink coffee, it's usually meet me for a drink
twenty to forty minutes. I don't care if I feel
like I've met my soulmate twenty to forty minutes and
(26:07):
we're cutting it off. Second date is an activity, so
we'll go to the farmer's market, we'll stand up powder board,
we'll go for a hike, we'll you know, I'll ask
you to.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Come move my couch.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
If you were referred by a friend, I'll make something up,
but it will be an activity. And then the third
date can be the dinner date, because you can waste
a whole lot of time out there with people that
you're not attracted to and you're not compatible with.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
So there's my three steps, and I tell all of
my single friends to do it. That way, it saves
you so much time. I'll also tell you what happens
on that first date. If you're really vibing with them,
something happens where you just forget the details. So they
could tell you about their children, their names, how old
they are, where they.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Go to school, where they live.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
That all those details somehow go in one ear and
out the other, and so you just don't really pay
attention to them. Where I find if you have it
on a second or third date, you're more able to
I'm more able at least to retain that information.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, no, that makes sense. Is it ever okay to
split the bill on a first date? No, one hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
No.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
It happened to me one time we went to the
it was in Los Angeles, it was the it was
called the Garlic Rose. And he put his card down.
He's like, okay, He's like, we'll split it. You put
the car down to first and only day. I'm like, no,
that is I know. And I love getting the bill.
That's the thing. I love to get a bill. And
that's something that I know that I had to stop
(27:45):
because I would try sometimes to get it on the
first date, and I'd learned once I got older, I'm like, no,
they can.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Pay, and they could pay. I'm a traditional woman. That's
what I expect. It's not like I won't contribute financially.
And by the way, I get access to some stuff
because of where I live, how long I've lived here,
that you'll get to taggle on with me for some
fun stuff that you know you're not really paying for.
But definitely don't split the chat ladies.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Best tip for flirting or catching a man's attention the eyes.
Give him the eyes, the eyes, and then the look
down and then look back up and the look.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
I think that there's an art to flirting, but it
all is wrapped up to me in a very intricate
dance between masculine and feminine. And so if you find
a man who enjoys being in their masculine it's easy
to flirt with them for me, because it is about
showing great appreciation, great interest and just I don't I'm
(28:48):
not sure I have a step one, step two, step three,
But I did try to coach a couple of women
on the show about flirting, and Robin talks about it
on the show, and it's not necessarily flirting, it's for
just try to help the women get out of their
masculine right. I run my own life. I've been independent
(29:08):
for seven years. I don't necessarily need a man. And
being feminine, I think, can be confused very often with
being weak and giving up your power. I feel like
gain power by being feminine, and I feel like I
draw out the best in a man and help him
be masculine.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
So there's a lot to it. This could be a
whole segment.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
There's some really good books about that too, about female
masculine and female and you know, being feminine male's masculinity
because it's like you don't want guys don't want a
masculine Most guys don't want a masculine women. But we
feel that sometimes we have to since single parents, divorced,
that we have this really protective barrier around us that
(29:55):
sometimes will come out masculine and it's like that's not
going to be the attraction to the other guy. We
do feel more power once that is shed, So.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
Yeah, absolutely, and a man inherently over time and it
gets worse, you're still a youngster men over time stop
thinking and that's just a feminine it's more of a
feminine trait and so they tend to stop thinking. And women,
because we can do it all just like men can
do it all, we allow it.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
So when I remember.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Many times talking to a man and saying, you know,
at this time, I don't feel the need to yield
my independence to you. What do you think about that?
And just the second half of that conversation, what do
you think about that? And I ask men to think,
and somebody wants to see me. I'm like, well, I
live here, you live there? How does that look? What
(30:47):
do you think about that? And I make them figure
it out because I could do logistics all day, but
I like having a man think and that allows me
to feel and not that I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Will probably get some haters on this.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
In the oh it's so true though, but it's true.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
I think men men tend to lose their curiosity as
they age, and they they stop thinking because other people
think on their behalf.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Yeah, I like that. Should you kiss on a first date?
Maybe I did. I did with my husband. So he
kissed me. We were sitting on a couch and he
just went right in and I was like, whoa. He
did it a lot faster than I would have, but
he kept saying it was because you know, we had
been facetiming so much and he was overseas, so it
was like that.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Ant spees the moment. But back to the you know,
Adam recognizing Eve right away. I think sometimes if a
man knows and he's healed and he's ready and you're
feeling it, nothing wrong with it, no shame. I think
I don't want a roommate. I want I want to
have a sexual chemistry with someone.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Is it a red flag if you start dating someone
who is separated but their divorce isn't final? Yes, what's
a subtle red flag people tend to overlook when getting
back into dating after divorce.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
Being divorce does not mean that they're available, or that
they're healed, or that they're ready.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
What was Mel's biggest red flag?
Speaker 3 (32:10):
I don't know that Mel has a red flag. In general,
nobody has a red flag. I think that he Okay,
I'll tell you what I believe his red flag is.
I think that he likes to observe and doesn't like
to participate. Maybe even that he likes to observe and
he's not even aware that he's not participating.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
That makes sense.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
So like for example, I love going on trips. I
want to go skiing, I want to go to the beach,
and I want to go with somebody who will do
things with me and not just watch me have fun.
That means I think that that was kind of a
point of we were not compatible with that.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
If someone is a bad kiss or, does that mean
they'll likely be bad in bed? Listen, I'll just answer
that they're a bad kisser, they ain't getten in bed.
I gotta have a good GISs there.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
No, but I will.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
I have had kissers who were not as good, and
some men are trainable.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Really because I had one that was a very bad
kisser and I gave them a couple shots and it's
still I was like, I can't do it. I love
to kiss, and if you're not a good kisser, I
just can't.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Absolutely, if you go two or three times and you
can't get any change.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Yeah, but I'm not going to throw them out right away.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
I think that you know, if you've been kissing someone else,
you've been kissing that person in the way that the
two of you kiss best. Sure, so now that you
have someone new, you might need some different techniques. So
give them a chance. All right, this is a producer question.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
How would you rate Mel's kissing skills? She's like as
much as the red fluff. Oh oh, teachable, So that's teacher, great,
that's funny. What's one thing men fifty plus need to
lighten up on when it comes to dating? Same question
for women? Men over fifty need to lighten up on age.
(33:53):
So I think they hyper focus on age. How many
profiles did I see over the years, and that my
friends are still seeing. I'm younger than I look, I'm
younger than my age, I act younger. It's like, get
over it, Like sixty today is not what sixty used
to be. Everyone is acts younger and is younger. So
(34:13):
that's when age.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
And then for women.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
They need to get over the quick commitment, like gosh,
I've had a lot of women recently, like in the
last couple of weeks be like swipe left on that one.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
I'm like, wait, wait, wait why, Well.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
Just like just any any inkling of a red flag
or something that's not exactly right, they're passing on. And
I think that at our age, I don't know, it's
not beggars can't be choosers, but we could all grow
and change and we should be more flexible with other
people's situations and pack.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Everyone deserves a shot. We all have a past, and
there is no there's no there's no night and shining armor,
and there's no perfect woman. You know. That's where it's.
When I was in the dating, I'm like, I can't
judge someone on their past. I have to judge them,
not judge them. But I need to observe them in
their present because I have a messed up past. I've
made multiple mistakes.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Look at our new bouchelorette. If somebody judged her on
her past, why do we even have on a show.
But I think it's such a beautiful arc to say
her past is going to get her to her future.
And I recently a friend of mine passed on a
guy who's never been married, no kids, and I'm like,
that's that's not fair. Look at Debbie from my show,
(35:34):
never been married, no kids, she'd be a lovely partner.
My brother has no children, married twice, no kids, no
red flag. There could be a fabulous stepfather. So I
think people are just kind of too judgmental. And we
have just a certain list of things that we want
and we're not going to vary outside of it. That's
why I really do think meeting in the wild is
(35:55):
far better for me because I don't sometimes always know
by divorce, no kids, you know data on someone where
you might pick that up in an app for sure.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Oh well, Cindy, I've got my radar out for you,
and if anyone's listening, please slide on into Cindy's DM.
Thank you Cindy for opening up about your journey in
chapter two, and we know you are going to find
love again, and I am super excited for you, and
I'm already thinking, I'm like, Okay, I have this one
guy friend that I think would just love you, So
maybe I'll be sliding in being like, hey, you do meet.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
Come on over, come on over the water.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
The water's warm, and I'm ready to find love again.
I believe it's out there for all of us in
different forms, so I can't wait to see what both
of our next chapters yield.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
You're so sweet. Thank you, Cindy. Are you like Cindy
and ready to find love in your chapter two? Call
us or email us. All the info is in the
show notes and we are here to help follow us
on socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast
I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in
love is the main objective. P
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