November 17, 2025 • 51 mins
In this episode of Sacred Lessons, host Mike de la Rocha sits down with Curly Velásquez, storyteller, actor, and producer known for BuzzFeed’s Latinx, PBS’s Dead & Buried, and iHeart/Sonoro’s The Super Secret Bestie Club. Curly has built a career proving that the Latino community is not monolithic, uplifting voices across queerness, Afro-Latinidad, Indigeneity, and mixed heritage. Together, they explore how identity can heal rather than divide, how grief can become medicine, and how living truthfully offers liberation for all men redefining masculinity.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What are the cycles fathers passed down that son, so
they're left to heal. What if being a man was
about holding it all together but learning how to let go.
This is a space where men speak truth and find
the power to heal and transform. I'm Mike Dela Rocha.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Welcome to sacred lessons. Sometimes we're told we have to
fit into one story, but our lives, our cultures hold multitudes.
Welcome to sacred lessons. I'm Mike Dela Rocha. And today
I'm honored to sit with Curly Velasquez, a storyteller who's
brought our communities to screens big and small. Curly isn't
(00:41):
just shaping narratives about the diversity of the Latino community,
He's living them. And today we're going to talk about identity, grief,
and how storytelling becomes a bridge to heal ourselves and
each other. Wow.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
That was beautiful. Oh, thank you, thank you so much
for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
By the way, this is really beautiful. Now, I've been
looking forward to this for probably like twenty years. Wow,
that's crazy. That's how old I am. So that's why
I held you literally Now, you know, I was talking
to my partners this morning and I was like, you know,
we met curly when I was in like my mid
late twenties. I don't want to say how old I
(01:20):
am now, but that was a very long time ago. Yeah,
I know, I was a kid. I was a kid.
I was broke. That's by the way.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
You met me at my maybe my lowest my entire life.
Like I by the way, I love so much of
this shows. I'll tell you about that now, but I
love this show's called Sacred Lessons, and I love that
you're having all these amazing people coming on and sharing
what it is that they've.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Learned and everything.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
In my head, I always think that when I become
an ancestor, I'm going to be like Eddie Murphy's character
and Mulan Mushu, where he's like a tiny little like
salamander looking ash dragon and it's like look alad the
glab of the glass and he's like waking up all
the spirits and we're gonna have mischief and fun. And
so I'm excited to talk about life in a silly
mischievous because it's very.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Much my energy and my brand, my vibe.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Like I just you know, I had a grandmother who
was just super mischievous and dirty and manala and that's
how she raised me. And there's nothing that you can't
say anything that scares me. You can't say anything that
offends me unless I defend somebody else in the room,
then I, as you know, I'll maybe ask you to
change your language a little bit, but if it's me, I'm good.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Fuck you know. So we're in a wild, beautiful conversation. Absolutely,
But what what were we saying before that? Before I
interrupted you? No, I was just saying that it's been
a long time coming. Yes, I've always admired you. Thank
you for having for your unapologetically being you, and thank
you for that you modeling for me for a lot
(02:46):
of us, not all of us. That just be yourself
and being yourself will actually draw because like if we
met each other at our lowest, yeah, and now I'm like, yo,
I'm telling going.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
On there like yeah, that so much. Please give him
my love. Yes, I remember that time. I didn't believe
in showering, so I never showered. I didn't believe in underwear,
so I never had underwear on and I would wear
jeans that were always showing my crack and showing everything.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
But that was on purpose.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
No, I was on PP exactly. Like I didn't show,
like I said, didn't shower. So I smelled. One time
we met at a show at a fashion place. One
time I smell so bad they sent me home. They
were like, what the fuck is that smelling. I was like,
I think it's me and they were like okay, And
I was like, can I go home? They're like, yeah,
I go home. But I didn't give a shit. I
(03:35):
was like drunk all the time, Like I like was
snorting everything under the sun. I didn't give a fuck.
I thought I was going to die when I was
like twenty seven years old, so I just didn't care,
and I just was like living life to the fullest.
In a way, I did kind of die at twenty seven,
twenty eight because I went sober. I just and my
whole career took off. My whole life changed because I
stopped drinking alcohol and doing drugs and sleeping with random
(04:00):
guys and alleys.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
You know, Well, so this theme is coming up so much,
and even in this conversation about our ancestors and us
becoming future ancestors. Yes, I'll talk about your grandmother in
a little bit, but you know, when we both transition.
What do you want people to remember, Curly for damn?
(04:23):
I want you know.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Maya Angelau said that people won't remember the things that
you did, They just remember how you made them feel, right,
And I always think that. I hope one of the
reasons why I stopped drinking was because I wanted people's
experience it with me when they were hanging with me,
is to walk away feeling just better and good. And
so I hope that I hope that people will be
(04:45):
like that kid was made out of love. He just
wanted to love, and he just like love. And then
I also hope that they remember me as being mischievous
and talking a lot of shit and being playful. And
you know, a lot of times you hear about ghosts
like opening drawers and doing stuff, And I hope that
you think of me when you're in the shower, like
just peeking over the karina or banging the cabinets in
(05:06):
the kitchen, making a beat, you know, like whatever, if
something mischievous happens when I'm gone, I hope that you're like, oh,
that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Earlier he's a troll. I'm a troll. Your a troll? Yeah, Well,
I will say the minute you walked into the studio,
everyone on the team, you look them in the eye
and you made them feel loved. Oh, I love people.
So you succeeded in being a current living anss.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Thank you for that. I really love that. I really
feel like to me, I love God. I think people's
idea of what God is. It's like I was watching
this thing on Jubilee last night. They're killing it, by
the way, but I was under staying on Jubilee and
it was like an atheist versus like a bunch of
people who believed in God, and they were all giving,
like all these answers to the atheists of like they
what they believe God is like this man sitting on
(05:54):
a throne. And I think it's like gravity. I think
it's the energy that holds the atoms together. I think
it's like, you know, all the things that create matter
and create the sun and light and the birds singing
in the morning and the trees waking up and all
that little aunt on the table right here is like God,
you know. And like so when I see people, I
go like, wow, I get to witness you and celebrate
(06:17):
you in real time and see you and we see
each other and I don't know, I it's cause I'm
getting old, I'm turning silver. But I get emotional like
just seeing people and I love it, and I genuine
love it. I'll be on the freeway. I was like
going to my best friend yesterday. Now I'm just on
the freeway to work, and I was looking at people
and I was like, I don't know if its because
I'm getting older or what, but I'm looking around. I'm like,
all these people are so beautiful, and I don't think
(06:39):
they know how beautiful they are. And I saw these
two girls on the opposite freeway the other day and
I think they were shocked to see each other on
the road and they did this thing of like ah,
and they were cracking up. And that moment made me
so happy, and I think that's God. I think like
saying hello and good morning, but the ass you know,
like that is you're shaking the energy and waking it up.
(07:04):
And I think that that's why when people say that
they die or they experience death and they're like, all
you feel is love, I think it's just the realization
that everything around you is you, and you are it,
and it loves you because you are it. It's like
everything's made of zeros and ones and this wonderful matrix,
but you're a part of it. And I also heard
this thing that said, in the same way that you're
(07:24):
aware of God, God is aware that you exists as well,
Like all this is all focused and it peaks at
you and it holds you in that. And so I
think that you know, all that's to say, when I
see people and we hang out, that's I love. I
get excited for it. Don't get a twisted though. I
do buy six PM. Later today, I'm like, I all
(07:45):
talk to nobody. I need to go to bed.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Of course, I need to have a meal, expending a
lot of energy. Yeah, but you know, ironically, you know
this show is about healing, mental health, grief, masculinity, and
I keep I keep interrogating myself curly that trying to
figure out the vocabulary language to talk about people that's
(08:13):
that's stripped of binaries like man, woman, gay, straight, black,
white like that, because that doesn't it's not real. That's
like a figment of someone's imagination that we've took on
is real. Yeah, And in talking about masculinity, the way
I felt right now with you talking is like, maybe
(08:34):
there isn't a language, because when I think about freedom
or liberation or knowledge of self, what you just exude
was that if that makes sense, like it's just energy
it is.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
I think that, like you know people, and it's fine.
Like that's how we are as humans. We like to
label things, whether it's in a good way in a
bad way. We like boxes. It helps make sense of
whatever the hell this is. Like we don't even know
what consciousness is, right, Like if you ask somebody like
what is consciousness? You ask the leading scientists of the
world what is it? They don't fucking know. I don't
(09:11):
fucking know, Like what is it? And why why do
I have it? And this little aunt is this aunt conscious?
I mean it is, but like maybe in the same way,
but I think in terms of like masculinity and femininity,
Like it's kind of weird for me because I get
it and I honor it and I feel it. But
there's a part of me.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
If you've heard lately people being like you got to
lean into your feminine, you got to lean into your masculine,
And I'm.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Like, what does that mean?
Speaker 3 (09:33):
I don't understand, Like what parts of it I look
at one of the things that I look at my girls.
We can use my anybody who anybody might like to
identify as a female. They will be like, they'll smell
really good, they'll look really good, they'll do the thing.
But if I would be like, girl, can you build
a sofa? They'd be like, fuck yes, watch me can
watch me build this house, watch me fucking carry the
(09:54):
shit on my fucking head and walk around.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
And so I'm like, which what part of that is?
And people are like, that's the mass? And then I'm they'll.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Tell girls, don't go up to dudes and don't go
hit on them, don't go spit game at them. Why like,
lean into your feminine they should come to you who
gives a shit like go and say what like when
that's where I get a little confused.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I know what people mean.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
When they're talking about all these things, but I do
get kind of like, live be you and if it
dips into the two and it plays with the two energies,
and if you feel like you being a girl, you
being a guy, who if you're a guy that wants
to wait a little bit and be a little you know,
a little cute lily and you know you want someone
to come and pick you and say hello and whatever
(10:35):
like then yeah, fucking lean into it.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Who gives a shit? Like? My whole thing is that.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
And I think death has taught me this, you know,
watching my I've watched my grandmother die. I watched one
of my favorite aunts pass. I watched my pit bull
of ten years past, and all of them were strong
people like strong beings like you can fuck with my
bass people, people across the street when the would see him,
(11:01):
You couldn't fuck with my grandma. My grandma would talk,
which is in the neck. My grandma, My grandma used
to fight people all the time. She was telling me
the story about how when they were when my dad
was a kid, and I said, Lord, it was her
and my grandpa and my dad, and the neighbor yelled
that my dad. My dad cried, and when my grandpa
got home, my grandma told my grandpa like, yo, you know,
(11:23):
yoll that our kid and my grandpa went over a
banging on this door. I told the guy to come out,
he's going to fight this man. So they started duking
it out. The woman, the other wife came out, started
fighting with my grandpa and my grandma started.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Fighting that lady.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
So there's just these couples just duking it out, you know,
and I'm and my grandma had that to you know,
to the day she died. So you know, fast forward
and you see people who are so strong and suddenly
they're just like shells of themselves. They're just bags of
bones and flesh, right like, and you kind of go like, oh,
nothing really matters, Like it's all just nothing matters and
everything matters. It's like that movie Everything everywhere once. But
(12:01):
you're kind of just like, so, if nothing matters, why
are we sitting here worried about, like sitting in our
feminine and our masculine when the truth is you should
just be living your best life. Diva, shoot your shot right,
do whatever the fuck you want to do, get dirty,
and as miss Frizzle from The Magic School Bus Ones said,
make mistakes right?
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Is that why? Because what I really honored is you
made the conscious choice to be public about your grandmother's health.
And I felt like I was in the room with
you as the time was coming for the transition, and yeah, absolutely,
(12:43):
yeah I was. That was part of my inspiration in
my own trying to just be myself yeah, because I've
always been taught you never cry. And I was sharing
with Celeste yesterday that when I got my books, you know,
they come in a box and you open it and
the author's supposed to, oh, like this is the new thing.
(13:05):
And Claudie was like practice. I was like, why, I know,
I want to. I want it like spontaneous real. She's
just practice, Mike, because she knew I was gonna get emotional.
And if you watch that video, Curly, I open it,
I start to like cry and I stop myself. And
that's the last three months has been a process of
being able to try to model what you did in
(13:28):
front of hundreds of thousands of people, with your grandmother
passing me to say, if I feel like crying in
the moment, let it, let it happen.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Let that one hundred. I think two points. The first
point I think that as Latinos as men were often
told not to cry, right. I think it's like we're
taught to be the pillar and the strong one in
the room when it comes to our families. We have
to be able to, you know, protect our families from
(13:59):
an We have to be able to handle shit when
everyone is losing their stelf, we're the ones that have
to hold it down. And so you know, I think
that while perhaps well meaning like a hold it down,
keep it together, we are the heads of our family
in a lot of ways, or not to say that
you have to be a man to do that, but
it's like what they teach you, almost like a Latin kid.
(14:20):
I think that for me, crying honors the moment in
a lot of ways, Like, damn, I'm not a crier,
but I am so moved in this moment because it's
so grand that I am moved to tears, and I
think that it allows me at least like to honor it,
to go, Damn, I fucking love my grandma so much
that anybody just bringing her up will move me to tears.
(14:41):
That's my girl, that's your girl. Like this is such
a beautiful moment that you're opening up a box of books, right, like,
and you've had this amazing, incredible life, but this moment
is so grand that in a world where you were
raised and not cry, you were moved to emotion, right,
why not honor it?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Right? Know, it's cool if you.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Got to turn about face a little bit, you know
what I mean, Like I don't want. You know, I
have a shits on a botox in my face right now,
but like, you know, I can go into the ugly
cry and I just might want to do that in private,
and that's fine. But I think that this shame of
crying and not honoring the moment is kind of like
again honoring God, honoring the emotions that were put into you,
(15:24):
like do it. I think with my grandma thing, what
was interesting is that I actually didn't intend for that
to ever happen. I started recording my conversations with my
grandma almost over a decade, maybe like fifteen years ago,
and it started because my grandma was Muigrosa. She would
(15:45):
ask me the most ridiculous questions that would crack me up,
and our family people were like, oh, Gladys is crazy,
Gladys is wild.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
My grandmother, you know.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
I would bring my lesbian friends over to her house
and she'd be like as so Lesbiana, and I would
be like yeah, and she would take her tits out
and be like do you like these?
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Like would you suck them?
Speaker 3 (16:06):
And I'm like, oh my god, And my lesbian friends
would be like that's crazy. Run I'm like, that's Gladys
like I don't know what to you know, and with me,
she'd be like, how do gay men have sex? And
everybody in my family would get kind of like, oh
my god, Gladys blah blah blah, and me I would
be like, you want to fuck around, let's play. I'll
tell you how gay men have sex. I'll give you
all the details, from the spit to the lube.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Let's go.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
And she would like play with me back, and she
would be like, you do that for free? And I
would be like, well, yeah, yeah, you know, She's like,
you don't give that away for free. And so later on,
when people started to really trip out on this dynamic
of grandson and grandmother, you know, I used to get
a lot of heat for it. How can you put
this online? How can you talk like this to your grandmother?
(16:50):
And like the beauty is that it's actually not me.
I was raised well, I respect my elders and I
won't say shit like that. It's the beauties that it's
her playing with me, And so I would record it,
and what happened was people started to see the change
in her mind in real time. So people who were there,
you know who for the shits and the giggles suddenly
(17:11):
like we're watching this woman.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Forget me.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
And you know what's crazy is that she had to
mention Alzheimer's. And what's crazy is that, like it has
been the greatest lesson of my life. I think my
grandma like never gave me good lessons on love. She
was like, no offense to the men in this room,
including me, but she would be like every man is
a rabbit two fee. She had three husbands till the
(17:42):
day she died, she was doing BRUHETI and all of them.
And then, you know, lessons on money. She died poor,
very poor. You know, she died like telling me like,
don't give anybody your money. Keep that shiver yourse. But
what she taught me in her dementia was like living
in the moment because that's truly all that we have.
And I realized that because here I am watching her
go through several lifetimes and timelines in real time while
(18:06):
she's talking to me where I'm not her grandson, I'm
a man that she was in love with as a teenager.
She would be like, what do you mean you're gay?
Because she thought I was the mother dude that she
was in love with. She thought I was her best
friend Mitia Alicia, who she crossed the border with, right,
like two girls crossing boarded together. And all of these
timelines happen simultaneously in her mind. And she's looking at me,
(18:28):
but she doesn't who I am, but she knows that
she loves me. And so I tell people, you don't
take anything with you when you go that I've seen,
not your beauty, not your health, not your money, not
maybe not even your memories or your life lessons right
not to use quotes on a podcast called lessons, right,
but like, maybe not even lessons. Maybe all you take
with you is the love that you gave and the
love that you give and the love that you get.
(18:50):
And so, you know, I'm sitting here and I'm talking
with her, and I think that towards the I think
people felt that that oh shit, like she loves him,
you know, she don't know who she doesn't know who
she is, but she's rubbing him, you know, while he's
next to her and she's telling him go to sleep.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I'll make sure nobody disturbs you.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
She don't know who I am, but maybe her heart does,
maybe her soul does. And so I think people really
resonated with that, And actually, towards the end, I stopped
recording because she no longer could consent to that being
recorded anymore. And so a lot of the older videos
towards the end are my parents secretly like recording it
and then later on being like I thought it was
(19:29):
a sweet moment. I just wanted to give it to you,
but I was just really hesitant because back in the
day used to be like the Okay, we're recording, and
so she would consent, and then towards the end when
she couldn't do that anymore, it was like, I think
these moments might just be for us, for me and her,
but fuck man.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Like, well, there's two things coming through me that I
have feel compelled to share. Yeah. The first thing is
that you're allowing us in and sharing that. I'll just
(20:09):
speak for myself. Gave me permission to also weep and
to also be present because I wasn't physically in the room,
but energetically we felt like we were in the room. Yes.
And then the other thing that just keeps coming up
to my mind was there was an image of you
(20:31):
just holding your grandmother's hand, and I was the last
one in my family to hold my dad's hand, probably
like five minutes before he passed, and I just remember
like holding it and there was warn hands just like
and so when I was watching that real, I was like, Damn,
(20:58):
that's Curly's grandmother's hands, but it's my hands. Yeah, And
they were like bridges, like we were bridging to each
other and we were bridging to another world we don't
know yet. Yes, And that was kind of like I
had never seen that on TV or film. It was
literally the intimacy of your private moment and that choosing
(21:20):
to share that story allowed me to have the medicine
I needed to be like, One, I'm not alone in
my grief. Yeah. Two, there's no shame in the tears.
And that was allowing me to redefine who I am
as a person. Yes, that's the whole point, right.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
I think that when you grief, you cannot Like I've talked,
there's a I did a show on PBS about death
and uh, there was a death doula that was saying
that grief is the price that you pay for loving
something and you cannot have one with the other and
the only way to get through grief is the grief,
and grief demands commands that you live in the moment.
(22:05):
There's no running. Yes, you know, you have this moment
of being like I'm going to do somebody that end.
Grief is like no, we feel like shit, this fucking sucks.
And so when you get past it and you learn
and you live, you kind of go like, oh yeah,
that's and maybe it doesn't feel like it in the moment,
but you are witnessing God, you are witnessing spirit. You
(22:27):
are witnessing somebody who you loved, and you're celebrating them,
and you're singing them, you're singing their praises. You become
a poet, is what I say. Through your tears and
through your emotions and through your light, you have witnessed them.
And so one thing that I do, and I've never
stopped doing it since the day and my grandmother died,
is I say her name out loud.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
I say, you know.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
And the Bible says in the beginning there was the Word,
and the word was God, and the word was with God.
And I always say that he spoke existence right. And
I with our own divine spark, can spark, can maybe
shake the dust of death off of them for just
one moment and we get to say, like, Gladys, you lived,
(23:09):
you know, ba Bay you lived, you live, and you're
here and I can say their name, and I can
talk about them, and through my grief, through my tears,
through my laughter, through my conversations, I get to give
them that life again. And I hope somebody does that
for me when I go. I hope that somebody is
like you know, Curly was crazy brah Man like he
(23:30):
the stories he would tell about snort and shit and
sucking dick.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
He was wild.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
You know what I mean, because that's my pine, by
the way, getting really old and being My room name
is cad Alitos, not Carlos, but got Alitos. My grandmother
gave it to me. It means little Carlos. It means
little king.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Right. I hope to be little.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
My pants have to hear underneath my boobs giant hats.
And I hope that people are like I Calos with
his little bodic he tha that bind because I always
have a bag of bread. But I like what you
were saying earlier about being there with your dad and
holding his hand. We often hear about people having near
(24:08):
death experiences and the souls that they see on the
other side. We don't talk about the souls who have
the sacred duty or the sacred experience of being the
ones that are on the side of the tunnel who
are leading them there and you know, sending them off
in that way, because I think that they do pick
who they do that with. My grandmother always said, right,
(24:32):
my dad was with her when she passed, when she
went through the agonal breathing. It was just when they
and then they go, and then I was next, and
it was me and her that were me and him
that were with her last. And I think like, oh,
she knew, and what an honor to have walked her
(24:53):
to like that side of the terminal.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
You know, like, well, I got chills when you said that,
because I never processed it in that way. Because in
my book I talk about holding my grandmother's hand when
her spirit left. I wasn't holding my dad because I
kicked me out of the room on the actual moment,
because that's a different vibe when you're actually holding when
(25:17):
the last breath is taken. And you know, ironically, the
root of the word spirit is breath. Wow, which is
why one of the most revolutionary acts that we could
do as people, just breathe, be centered, and that's why
all this stuff happening in the world is trying to
get us away from our breath, which is our spirit. Yeah,
(25:40):
and ironically one of the biggest that grief is love
book Marissa Reneli, she's a dear friend, and she basically says,
again no binaries, that your grief is just a symbol
of how much love you still have for the person.
And then yes, we Rodriguez, we were interviewing and we said,
(26:02):
in order to find your your truest gift to express
and give to the world, you have to go through
the grief and the wound defined it because it lives
next door. Oh wow, So all the all the like
revelations you're having sensed her transition, that's the gift that
she left for you to also live your life.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
One hundred and I think that, you know, I always
I need to, like I want to eventually write my
own book, and I need to figure out how it
needs to be. But I always think I always call
it a well on magic, and I always think that
a well on magic heals in a lot of different ways,
and it is one of the most sacred forms of magic, right,
this the feminine, the elder. But I often talk about too,
(26:47):
just the intersectionality that there was a queer kid that
held her at the end of her life. And I
always say, another magic that is equally as ancient and
equally as sacred as this queer magic that finds you.
What a magic And we celebrate each other and we
meet each other at the end. And you know, grief,
I think that I it hurts. But when I have
(27:12):
my moments in the car and I'm just like sobbing
or crying or I just like, you know, and I'm
at home and I'm playing the fucking Gladiator soundtrack with
Lisa Gerard.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
It's it's fucking amazing, It's really.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
Good, and just crying in my tonies at home, Like
I love that I'm honoring her in that way too.
Like I don't know, maybe it's me being selfish at
some point. But when I go and I'm watching everybody
from up above, whoever's crying for me, missing me that hard,
I'm gonna be like, you're you're a.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Real real line.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Yeah, I don't see my cousin Michelle crying over here,
but I see my cousin Jennifer crying.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
I'm right now.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Yeah, Michelle, you forgot to text me for my birthday.
I texted you for your birthday. No kidding, I forgot to.
I love I love him my cousins.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
I'm just sure. Well, then me ask you. So you
were talking about the awlita, I'm that and the queerness magic,
and in this moment of changing gender norms in a crisis,
I would argue a manhood because maybe manhood shouldn't even
have exist in the first place, but it is what
(28:15):
it is, and we're living in this world of binaries
and truth. When I think about like the more stereotypical
man in my life that check all the boxes of
like they don't cry, they're hardened, emotionally silent, they're tough,
they don't ask for help. I'm almost like describing my
(28:38):
dad in a lot of ways. But just like this
macho man. The ironic thing about it is that what
you're really trying to be is like a queer person.
Because when I my friends that went like, because well,
think about it, right, like the way you're talking about
(29:00):
queerness and I will lead. The magic is freedom and
self expression and just being you and not giving a
fuck about what anyone thinks. It's the most punk rock thing, absolutely,
But isn't that what every man wants to be exactly
one hundred? I think for me, I.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Like masculinity, masculinity, I like femininity. I like all those things,
Like I like manhood and womanhood and all that stuff
I celebrated.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I enjoy it.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
I think it's just about redefining it, right, Like I
always think about who I want my partner to be,
and I always think about it in terms of, like
bear with me for a second, in terms of like royalty. Right,
So if we're the two royal couple in the room,
it's not because we're better, it's because we are in
service of our people, right, we are in service of
our community. And how if we're given this, whatever privilege
(29:48):
we have, how can we give that back? How are
you the kings and queens or whatever of your own circle,
and how can you serve your community in that way?
But I think that in the masculine area, it calls
you to be move slower, you know, think things clearly.
It's you're the you're the biggest dog in the room,
You're the biggest man in the room. You can't lose
your ship. You got to make your moves more powerful.
(30:10):
Like if you're if everyone else is freaking out, you're
not freaking out.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
You're chilling. You know how to have a conversation. You know.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
When that whole uh Will Smith Chris Rock thing happened,
my one of my good friends, who's this one of
the dopest guys that I know, marine veteran, he was
talking to me about it, and he was like, I
would have if it was me, I would have walked
up on that stage. I would have gotten real close.
I would have whispered and Chris Rocks here, and I
would have said, you and me were having a conversation
after this, and I would have went right back to
(30:39):
my seat.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
And I was like, that's sexy as fuck to me.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
I know that, Like, you know, he went up there
and he handled it like he handled the ship, and
he's protecting me in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
But he's there, He's gonna handle this shit after. I
think that for me.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
Redefining manhood and being like, yeah, I can cry and
I could still throw down and beat your ass on
the fuck. I can show emotions and we can still
handle are things in the way that we can handle it.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
You know.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
You know, I'm a gay dude. I'm attracted to the
masculine masculinity. Like that's I like the being able to
be Like, can we make a really can we have
a really sweet, cute dinner party and decorate it really nice?
But can we also throw down in an alley if
we need to? I keep talking about this alley, by
the way, that's just like, what's going down in this
damn alley?
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Well? I mean I think this is this is this
is who we are. And that's kind of what I'm
trying to get at is like I don't even want
to get into politics, but just like, if we really
truly want to be free and we don't want big
government or we don't want people infringing on our rights,
you're telling us what to do, then therefore you should
(31:49):
allow the spectrum of all motions to be able to
be present exactly.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
Yeah, have you seen the movie Lelo and Stitch. No,
it's a really good movie. It's a good cartoon. I
haven't seen my yet, but the cartoon's banks. Yes, there's
this little alien who has like one he's like skinny
in front of he has one big eyeball, and he's
there because he is studying mosquitoes and he's there to
like save the earth because he just somebody convinced him
(32:14):
that mosquitoes are the most sacred thing that he needs
to protect. I feel like I'm that alien and I
watch Humans and I'm just like.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
For everybody, calm down.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
First of all, everybody chill like it is just everyone
is still Like I'm like, everyone's booty holes are so tight,
we can make diamonds in their booty holes. We're so
stressed out about stuff. Some of us going dress on.
There's people in this world where I'm like, yes, babes,
you need to you are stressed because something catastrophic just
happens to you. Please stress out. But some of us
are just shipping out because we don't want to merge
(32:42):
on the freeway. And I'm like, what's happening? And so
I think that and again, this is something that death
taught me. It's not that serious. We're all gonna die.
We're all dying right now. Literally, we're decaying. And I mean,
and some of us slower than others, but you know,
we're all going. And so it's like all of the
stuff I think that as often as you can look
(33:05):
at people recognize that that is an iteration of you
in some capacity.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
We are a leaf.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
We're all different leaves on the same branch on the
same tree, you know, created by the same energy, you know.
So I just am like I try to every time
I kind of go into different things, and of course
I read.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
The headlines and I am you.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
Know, you know my politics already, right, Like I came
from an undocumented family in the eighties who came over
because of a civil war that was funded by this
country and not, you know, and I'm a queer Latino
man that was born in Hollywood, Los Angeles, California. I
think it's pretty obvious to know what my politics going
(33:46):
to be, right. But in saying that, I'm kind of
just like, damn bro like they're the inevitable is. And
this is what a death doula taught me was that
our life, we have big lives, and it is absolutely
inevitable for all of us that eventually those lives get smaller.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
We lose our autonomy.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
We don't have the ability to take care of ourselves
anymore by ourselves, and our lives go from whatever whatever,
going to work to just our block in our neighborhood,
to just our home, to just a room in that home,
and then just a bed in that room.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
And that is where we are all going.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
So if you can make the best of your time,
go flirt with that girl at the coffee shop, Go
shoot your shop, go sing, get on a stage if
you want to shank shing shang, post that TikTok video
like truly. My friend Maurice, who owns Bloom and Plume,
used to be a black queer owned coffee shop in
(34:46):
La used to be like, live your best life, diva,
and I think that's what everybody should do. It's just
you know, get it on a toe bag, Maurice, put
it on your grape stone. Everybody like, just as often
as you can, because that's all we have, right.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
That's beautiful. I want to mm hmm. So stories come
from the divine and come for places that we will
someday go to. But when we came, we were looking
at all the books. Yeah, I choose, you chose a book.
But there's two things I want to do, one for
(35:21):
me and I'll set it up and one for you. So, uh,
when I left to college, every year my mom would
buy me this book. Because I'm my mom's boy. I
was born premature. I wasn't supposed to actually be living,
so I always say that I came out fighting from
the wound because I was over two months premature. So
when were you supposed to be born? November? And then
(35:46):
when were you actually born? In September? September? Oh, you
wanted to be a virgo real bad? I did. I
was fighting to come energy Burgo season it is. But
so this is one of the books she gave me,
and she wrote something in there. It's called I Love
(36:06):
You Forever. So two things if you would do me
the auntum before we close this part. One is read
well my mom read, which I haven't read in probably
twenty years. And two, let's just read it because that's
from me to you. Wow. Okay, because it's short. Is
(36:27):
it's kind of a long book.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
It's short, like, oh no, read, don't read that, and
then let me then give me.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
The book and I'm going to do something. Okay, okay, fair, okay,
I will say that. So the book is called Love
You Forever.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Who's it by? Just forgive it? It's by Robert Munch.
Speaker 3 (36:53):
Munch Robert Robert illustated by Sheila McCrae. I do want
to read this really fast back. It's about a young
woman holds her newborn son and looks at him lovingly. Softly,
she sings to him, and this is very spiritual too.
I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always, as
(37:14):
long as I'm living, My baby, you'll be and I
you know, not to keep talking about God and everything,
but that's my jam. I think that's what God feels
for us all the time. There's a song, my favorite
song of all time is by your Side by Shadeh.
You think God leave your sad baby, You know me
better than that, and I always think that that is
God dedicating that to you. So this feels this is
(37:35):
dedicated to you by to my dearest Angel. By the ways,
your mom still with us, She is well, they're all
with us.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
She's probably at church right now.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
Oh say a prayer for me. Ask the Lord to
send me a check please, thank you? Okay, and beauty
and health, thank you okay. To my dearest Angel, I
hope you enjoy this book as much as I do.
It's a story which reminds me of how.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
How much I.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Love you and always and always want you to be
close to me. By the way, this isn't cursive. This
isn't that's I'm having a hard time reading the words
because you.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Know, she's she's been working for head Start for over
fifty years. Still. Wow, that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Yeah, I love how like a lot of our parents
write in cursive. Still, I'm so blessed to have such
a wonderful son like you, and I am so proud
of you. Keep this book as a beautiful story, which
I know someday you'll do exactly as the story says.
And someday or another, on some day and another, God
(38:44):
bless you, my angel. Have a wonderful.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Twenty first birthday. Wow. Wow, Oh, my love your mother,
who loves you so very very much. You'll never know.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
Gotta love love, gotta love love. You'll never know, dear,
how much I love you. Let me see something real quick. Well,
I mean you could read the whole book.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
This is your show. No, I know you know what
I'm gonna do. Yeah, what was your grandmother's name?
Speaker 3 (39:29):
Gladys Gladys gladdest mobile Garcia. She gave me a Pezza Cruiser,
So that was the name of the Pezza Cruiser, and
that was her name too.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
So I'm going to read something in Gladys's voice to
her favorite moment, assume her favorite god. All right, so
this is this is some Gladys inspired by Robert munch Well. Gladys.
(39:57):
She got older, She got older and old and older.
One day she called Curly and said, you better come
see me because I'm very old and sick. So Curly
came to see her. When he came to the door,
she tried to sing the song she sang, I'll love
you forever, I'll like you for always, but she couldn't
(40:20):
finish because she was too old and sick. Then Curly
went to his beautiful grandmother. He picked her up and
he rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back
and forth, and then Curly sang the song I'll love
(40:40):
you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as
I'm living, Maya Walita You'll be. When Curly came home
that night, he stood for a long time at the
top of the stairs. Then he went into the room
where he saw his beautiful dog that was still there.
(41:06):
He picked up his grandmother in his arms and very
slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, and
while he rocked her, he sang to her one last time,
(41:26):
I'll love you forever. I like you for always. His
song is on living my grandfather, my grandmother. You will
be a thank you for that. I love that so much.
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
I you know what I mean that I love I
loved her, she loved me, liked always questionable, she was
a leal woman. We would, like you know, have a
good few arguments sometimes, but I loved her always.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Thank you for that, beautiful no, thank you for allowing
me to share that. Thank you something I'm I'm learning
to lean into more. It's not like you have we started.
It's not the maskuling family conversation. It's leaning into the
fact that the people we love the most that leave
us are never gone. Yeah, one hundred, And that I
(42:18):
have a deeper relationship with my father now and his
passing than I did when he was alive. And when
I need something or when I'm crying, he always appears
as a butterfly or chills in my arm. And that's
what I'm really wanting people to know. Like how connected
we are you said earlier, We're leaves on the same tree.
(42:40):
The medicine that's free for all of us is out
in nature. And if you go out nature and you
take off your socks and shoes and you just sit
there in front of a tree, the answers you need
from your ancestors and from yourself and your own intuition
will appear. And so I felt in this moment, I
(43:02):
feel her presence. I feel I just shared her words.
I feel that too. Yeah, she would make it about.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
She would be like, and now I'm gonna talk, you
know again, like Leo ass Like I'll be on the
dance floor. People be like I just got to tell
you I love you and your grandmother, And I'm like
Grandma on the dance floor, like sure, you know to
your point though, I I you know, I always quote
my Angela, my favorite ares and she would always say
like that which made the mountain, the stars and the
flea also made me. And so I think that, yeah,
(43:31):
I mean, we're all connected. It's all just the vibrations
and the frequency, you know. And I think that part
of I think that I feel like I won the
lottery in a lot of ways to grow up in
a city with all different cultures in Hollywood, and I
think that understanding that you're co creating in real time
(43:53):
with the universe and with the energy all around you,
and you can wake up and choose to make a
difference in your small circle doesn't have to be that big.
You can tell the lady at the gas station that
her earrings are great, you know, and she'll be like,
oh my god, I'd never nobody ear with earrings or something.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
You know.
Speaker 3 (44:12):
You can make a difference and a small scale and
it'll ripple out more than you know.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
It's all energy. So this is one of my favorite
parts of every episode called the Sacred Five. Should we
announce it? The secret part is that because you bing
(44:39):
bing bing, welcome to the Sacred five better I wanted
you to do the sha version. I was waiting like, she, hey,
this is and this is sacred. I can't do I'll
take you take it all right, So sacred, I'm gonna say,
(45:00):
I ask you five questions, rapid fire. Yeah, one word,
one sentence, and it's our way of like giving practical nuggets.
Speaker 3 (45:08):
To I'm probably not gonna give serious answers, but let's play,
all right, let's play.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
Name three things that make you feel safe, connected and
whole um ship.
Speaker 3 (45:20):
You said whole but money makes me feel safe, safe,
connected and whole, money, family and a good meal.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
What's your favorite meal?
Speaker 3 (45:30):
Oh man, my mom makes. It's the oxtail, the marble.
That's my mouth watered. Oh oxtail. I'm sorry. Cows.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
I love cows, but damn bit me over. I need
to try. Wait.
Speaker 3 (45:42):
Funnily enough, I don't invite people over for this because
I'm very selfish with it. I go back to the
feeling of my Angelo. Please, I don't share my oxtail.
I've had boyfriends come over and you're gonna show them like, no,
you heard it here?
Speaker 2 (46:02):
Brat for sure? All right. Number two, what song, book
or prayer brings you back to yourself?
Speaker 3 (46:08):
Shade by your side, I swear to God, listen to it.
Listen to it and just imagine that it is the
Creator singing that song to you. You will just it'll
just make so much sense and you'll just be like, oh,
that's what this love feels like. And then if you
want to hear she has another song called baby Father,
Baby Father, that's how you knew, and it's from the
masculine side, and she's like, me and your dad love
(46:30):
you so much that from our love. A flower that
is you grew and then she talks about how your
dad would do. By the way, it's not a sentence.
I'm sorry. I'm gonna have two shady songs by your
side and baby father.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
I think that's what's all right, man, I gotta listen
to that second one. Yeah, remember that one Yo, Daddy
knows Yo flame. It's so good, it's so good. Okay.
What's one daily ritual practice that grounds you? Shit?
Speaker 3 (46:56):
The real answer, I pray the Rosary every day and
then I track off, not after the Rosary, but I like,
I do both take care of the body.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
And this is why there's only one girl.
Speaker 3 (47:09):
I don't think history of broadcast jack, I got it,
take care of both. God knows to be honest. God's like,
what can I say, Hey, I'm a little horny.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
God loves you either way.
Speaker 3 (47:21):
Yeah, you know which. By the way, can I tell
you it's quick sidebar. I think that the spirits. I
have spirits in my house and people are like, what
do you think about this? What are the spirits thinking
about you? And I'm like, I'm more like the spirits
are probably like this ban is fucking doing this shit again.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
I gotta get out of here. Like, by the way,
I'm gonna have to edit that one when I play
this for my mom.
Speaker 3 (47:38):
So oh yeah, please please Senora.
Speaker 2 (47:45):
Alright, ma, I love you. We just read your love
you forever. Alright, all right. What's one small action listeners
can take this week on their healing journey? Oh man,
that's so easy.
Speaker 3 (47:58):
Go out and give somebody a bit of love, you know,
give them a little compliment, like do something that has
nothing to do with you. Pay for the person behind
you in line at the drive through, be like, you
know what I like to be, like how much was
their order behind me? And if they're like if it's
below ten or ten bucks, I'm like, here's my credit card,
pay for them too. Like just the small ways in
which you can make a change every day, and then
(48:20):
all that energy comes back to you. It follows you
into your front door and through the windows of your home,
and it stays with you, like it doesn't leave you,
and it continues to bless you throughout just because you
fucking made one little change. Yeah, that is true.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
Last one, curly, Yeah, share a one line blessing.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
Or quote that inspires you. Oh, one blessing or quote
that inspires me? Is I quote her every single day,
and it's my angela likely it love liberates, you know,
she says it at the end of Master's Oprah's masterclass.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
If you can find it somewhere, just hip it in.
It's love liberates.
Speaker 3 (48:54):
That's where her mom passing away, she says, A love liberates.
It doesn't hold, it doesn't bind. Love says, I love you,
you know. It loves you. If you're a cross town,
it loves you. If you're in Harlem, it loves you.
If you're in China. You know, she says. I might
not be able to be near you, I might not
be able to hold you in my arms, but I
love you.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
So go well, curly, I just want to humbly say
thank you, thank you so very much. I usually take
this moment to just summarize three points that really touch me.
The first is that in our mere presence and modeling
(49:33):
of who we really are, you can change the world
by changing somebody else, absolutely, because you do that literally
every breath you take. You The second thing is that
grief is not only love, but the emotions should determine
(49:58):
the gender that we are. That by that, I mean
what you've really taught me today is that why we're
getting so caught up in labels. We should just be
free to be whoever we are, and we should all
celebrate that except that and be that one. And the
last thing to quote back is that love. You are
(50:24):
love manifested as liberation all of us well on the
spiritual side. When I say that to you, I'm saying
it to me and to all of us. But you're
that like bright light. You're that little king. Like your
original name is Thanks, guys, that's so nice. So they
named you, you know, namey is a really important thing.
(50:46):
And it's not by chance, it's not by accident. And
I love that because a king we think of as,
like you said, not better or worse, but in service. Yeah,
but you're still the little little yeah, So it keeps
you grounded absolutely, So you'll always be my little king. Yes,
thank you, And so I just want to say thank you.
(51:07):
And I'm always in with just wanting folks to know
that we're never alone, we're always loved, and then we're
always sacred.
Speaker 3 (51:15):
Absolutely, So thank you for having me, and thank you
for having me in your beautiful home. You have a
wonderful team. For those listening and watching, there's a whole,
beautiful army of people behind this. So and uh, for
lack of better words, this is some nice, fancy shit.
Speaker 2 (51:30):
This is good, this is it, and we will do
this hopefully more and more. But just thank you for coming.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
Then, honest to you and Venie soonas everybody watching and
Giddeus cool.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
Sacred Lessons is a production of My Heart's Michael through It,
a podcast network, Sacred Lessons Media, and the Prince Group.
For more of your favorite shows, visit
Speaker 1 (51:51):
The iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
What are the cycles fathers passed down that son, so
they're left to heal. What if being a man was
about holding it all together but learning how to let go.
This is a space where men speak truth and find
the power to heal and transform. I'm Mike Dela Rocha.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Welcome to sacred lessons. Sometimes we're told we have to
fit into one story, but our lives, our cultures hold multitudes.
Welcome to sacred lessons. I'm Mike Dela Rocha. And today
I'm honored to sit with Curly Velasquez, a storyteller who's
brought our communities to screens big and small. Curly isn't
(00:41):
just shaping narratives about the diversity of the Latino community,
He's living them. And today we're going to talk about identity, grief,
and how storytelling becomes a bridge to heal ourselves and
each other. Wow.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
That was beautiful. Oh, thank you, thank you so much
for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
By the way, this is really beautiful. Now, I've been
looking forward to this for probably like twenty years. Wow,
that's crazy. That's how old I am. So that's why
I held you literally Now, you know, I was talking
to my partners this morning and I was like, you know,
we met curly when I was in like my mid
late twenties. I don't want to say how old I
(01:20):
am now, but that was a very long time ago. Yeah,
I know, I was a kid. I was a kid.
I was broke. That's by the way.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
You met me at my maybe my lowest my entire life.
Like I by the way, I love so much of
this shows. I'll tell you about that now, but I
love this show's called Sacred Lessons, and I love that
you're having all these amazing people coming on and sharing
what it is that they've.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Learned and everything.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
In my head, I always think that when I become
an ancestor, I'm going to be like Eddie Murphy's character
and Mulan Mushu, where he's like a tiny little like
salamander looking ash dragon and it's like look alad the
glab of the glass and he's like waking up all
the spirits and we're gonna have mischief and fun. And
so I'm excited to talk about life in a silly
mischievous because it's very.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Much my energy and my brand, my vibe.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Like I just you know, I had a grandmother who
was just super mischievous and dirty and manala and that's
how she raised me. And there's nothing that you can't
say anything that scares me. You can't say anything that
offends me unless I defend somebody else in the room,
then I, as you know, I'll maybe ask you to
change your language a little bit, but if it's me, I'm good.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Fuck you know. So we're in a wild, beautiful conversation. Absolutely,
But what what were we saying before that? Before I
interrupted you? No, I was just saying that it's been
a long time coming. Yes, I've always admired you. Thank
you for having for your unapologetically being you, and thank
you for that you modeling for me for a lot
(02:46):
of us, not all of us. That just be yourself
and being yourself will actually draw because like if we
met each other at our lowest, yeah, and now I'm like, yo,
I'm telling going.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
On there like yeah, that so much. Please give him
my love. Yes, I remember that time. I didn't believe
in showering, so I never showered. I didn't believe in underwear,
so I never had underwear on and I would wear
jeans that were always showing my crack and showing everything.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
But that was on purpose.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
No, I was on PP exactly. Like I didn't show,
like I said, didn't shower. So I smelled. One time
we met at a show at a fashion place. One
time I smell so bad they sent me home. They
were like, what the fuck is that smelling. I was like,
I think it's me and they were like okay, And
I was like, can I go home? They're like, yeah,
I go home. But I didn't give a shit. I
(03:35):
was like drunk all the time, Like I like was
snorting everything under the sun. I didn't give a fuck.
I thought I was going to die when I was
like twenty seven years old, so I just didn't care,
and I just was like living life to the fullest.
In a way, I did kind of die at twenty seven,
twenty eight because I went sober. I just and my
whole career took off. My whole life changed because I
stopped drinking alcohol and doing drugs and sleeping with random
(04:00):
guys and alleys.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
You know, Well, so this theme is coming up so much,
and even in this conversation about our ancestors and us
becoming future ancestors. Yes, I'll talk about your grandmother in
a little bit, but you know, when we both transition.
What do you want people to remember, Curly for damn?
(04:23):
I want you know.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Maya Angelau said that people won't remember the things that
you did, They just remember how you made them feel, right,
And I always think that. I hope one of the
reasons why I stopped drinking was because I wanted people's
experience it with me when they were hanging with me,
is to walk away feeling just better and good. And
so I hope that I hope that people will be
(04:45):
like that kid was made out of love. He just
wanted to love, and he just like love. And then
I also hope that they remember me as being mischievous
and talking a lot of shit and being playful. And
you know, a lot of times you hear about ghosts
like opening drawers and doing stuff, And I hope that
you think of me when you're in the shower, like
just peeking over the karina or banging the cabinets in
(05:06):
the kitchen, making a beat, you know, like whatever, if
something mischievous happens when I'm gone, I hope that you're like, oh,
that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Earlier he's a troll. I'm a troll. Your a troll? Yeah, Well,
I will say the minute you walked into the studio,
everyone on the team, you look them in the eye
and you made them feel loved. Oh, I love people.
So you succeeded in being a current living anss.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Thank you for that. I really love that. I really
feel like to me, I love God. I think people's
idea of what God is. It's like I was watching
this thing on Jubilee last night. They're killing it, by
the way, but I was under staying on Jubilee and
it was like an atheist versus like a bunch of
people who believed in God, and they were all giving,
like all these answers to the atheists of like they
what they believe God is like this man sitting on
(05:54):
a throne. And I think it's like gravity. I think
it's the energy that holds the atoms together. I think
it's like, you know, all the things that create matter
and create the sun and light and the birds singing
in the morning and the trees waking up and all
that little aunt on the table right here is like God,
you know. And like so when I see people, I
go like, wow, I get to witness you and celebrate
(06:17):
you in real time and see you and we see
each other and I don't know, I it's cause I'm
getting old, I'm turning silver. But I get emotional like
just seeing people and I love it, and I genuine
love it. I'll be on the freeway. I was like
going to my best friend yesterday. Now I'm just on
the freeway to work, and I was looking at people
and I was like, I don't know if its because
I'm getting older or what, but I'm looking around. I'm like,
all these people are so beautiful, and I don't think
(06:39):
they know how beautiful they are. And I saw these
two girls on the opposite freeway the other day and
I think they were shocked to see each other on
the road and they did this thing of like ah,
and they were cracking up. And that moment made me
so happy, and I think that's God. I think like
saying hello and good morning, but the ass you know,
like that is you're shaking the energy and waking it up.
(07:04):
And I think that that's why when people say that
they die or they experience death and they're like, all
you feel is love, I think it's just the realization
that everything around you is you, and you are it,
and it loves you because you are it. It's like
everything's made of zeros and ones and this wonderful matrix,
but you're a part of it. And I also heard
this thing that said, in the same way that you're
(07:24):
aware of God, God is aware that you exists as well,
Like all this is all focused and it peaks at
you and it holds you in that. And so I
think that you know, all that's to say, when I
see people and we hang out, that's I love. I
get excited for it. Don't get a twisted though. I
do buy six PM. Later today, I'm like, I all
(07:45):
talk to nobody. I need to go to bed.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Of course, I need to have a meal, expending a
lot of energy. Yeah, but you know, ironically, you know
this show is about healing, mental health, grief, masculinity, and
I keep I keep interrogating myself curly that trying to
figure out the vocabulary language to talk about people that's
(08:13):
that's stripped of binaries like man, woman, gay, straight, black,
white like that, because that doesn't it's not real. That's
like a figment of someone's imagination that we've took on
is real. Yeah, And in talking about masculinity, the way
I felt right now with you talking is like, maybe
(08:34):
there isn't a language, because when I think about freedom
or liberation or knowledge of self, what you just exude
was that if that makes sense, like it's just energy
it is.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
I think that, like you know people, and it's fine.
Like that's how we are as humans. We like to
label things, whether it's in a good way in a
bad way. We like boxes. It helps make sense of
whatever the hell this is. Like we don't even know
what consciousness is, right, Like if you ask somebody like
what is consciousness? You ask the leading scientists of the
world what is it? They don't fucking know. I don't
(09:11):
fucking know, Like what is it? And why why do
I have it? And this little aunt is this aunt conscious?
I mean it is, but like maybe in the same way,
but I think in terms of like masculinity and femininity,
Like it's kind of weird for me because I get
it and I honor it and I feel it. But
there's a part of me.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
If you've heard lately people being like you got to
lean into your feminine, you got to lean into your masculine,
And I'm.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Like, what does that mean?
Speaker 3 (09:33):
I don't understand, Like what parts of it I look
at one of the things that I look at my girls.
We can use my anybody who anybody might like to
identify as a female. They will be like, they'll smell
really good, they'll look really good, they'll do the thing.
But if I would be like, girl, can you build
a sofa? They'd be like, fuck yes, watch me can
watch me build this house, watch me fucking carry the
(09:54):
shit on my fucking head and walk around.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
And so I'm like, which what part of that is?
And people are like, that's the mass? And then I'm they'll.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Tell girls, don't go up to dudes and don't go
hit on them, don't go spit game at them. Why like,
lean into your feminine they should come to you who
gives a shit like go and say what like when
that's where I get a little confused.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I know what people mean.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
When they're talking about all these things, but I do
get kind of like, live be you and if it
dips into the two and it plays with the two energies,
and if you feel like you being a girl, you
being a guy, who if you're a guy that wants
to wait a little bit and be a little you know,
a little cute lily and you know you want someone
to come and pick you and say hello and whatever
(10:35):
like then yeah, fucking lean into it.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Who gives a shit? Like? My whole thing is that.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
And I think death has taught me this, you know,
watching my I've watched my grandmother die. I watched one
of my favorite aunts pass. I watched my pit bull
of ten years past, and all of them were strong
people like strong beings like you can fuck with my
bass people, people across the street when the would see him,
(11:01):
You couldn't fuck with my grandma. My grandma would talk,
which is in the neck. My grandma, My grandma used
to fight people all the time. She was telling me
the story about how when they were when my dad
was a kid, and I said, Lord, it was her
and my grandpa and my dad, and the neighbor yelled
that my dad. My dad cried, and when my grandpa
got home, my grandma told my grandpa like, yo, you know,
(11:23):
yoll that our kid and my grandpa went over a
banging on this door. I told the guy to come out,
he's going to fight this man. So they started duking
it out. The woman, the other wife came out, started
fighting with my grandpa and my grandma started.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Fighting that lady.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
So there's just these couples just duking it out, you know,
and I'm and my grandma had that to you know,
to the day she died. So you know, fast forward
and you see people who are so strong and suddenly
they're just like shells of themselves. They're just bags of
bones and flesh, right like, and you kind of go like, oh,
nothing really matters, Like it's all just nothing matters and
everything matters. It's like that movie Everything everywhere once. But
(12:01):
you're kind of just like, so, if nothing matters, why
are we sitting here worried about, like sitting in our
feminine and our masculine when the truth is you should
just be living your best life. Diva, shoot your shot right,
do whatever the fuck you want to do, get dirty,
and as miss Frizzle from The Magic School Bus Ones said,
make mistakes right?
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Is that why? Because what I really honored is you
made the conscious choice to be public about your grandmother's health.
And I felt like I was in the room with
you as the time was coming for the transition, and yeah, absolutely,
(12:43):
yeah I was. That was part of my inspiration in
my own trying to just be myself yeah, because I've
always been taught you never cry. And I was sharing
with Celeste yesterday that when I got my books, you know,
they come in a box and you open it and
the author's supposed to, oh, like this is the new thing.
(13:05):
And Claudie was like practice. I was like, why, I know,
I want to. I want it like spontaneous real. She's
just practice, Mike, because she knew I was gonna get emotional.
And if you watch that video, Curly, I open it,
I start to like cry and I stop myself. And
that's the last three months has been a process of
being able to try to model what you did in
(13:28):
front of hundreds of thousands of people, with your grandmother
passing me to say, if I feel like crying in
the moment, let it, let it happen.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Let that one hundred. I think two points. The first
point I think that as Latinos as men were often
told not to cry, right. I think it's like we're
taught to be the pillar and the strong one in
the room when it comes to our families. We have
to be able to, you know, protect our families from
(13:59):
an We have to be able to handle shit when
everyone is losing their stelf, we're the ones that have
to hold it down. And so you know, I think
that while perhaps well meaning like a hold it down,
keep it together, we are the heads of our family
in a lot of ways, or not to say that
you have to be a man to do that, but
it's like what they teach you, almost like a Latin kid.
(14:20):
I think that for me, crying honors the moment in
a lot of ways, Like, damn, I'm not a crier,
but I am so moved in this moment because it's
so grand that I am moved to tears, and I
think that it allows me at least like to honor it,
to go, Damn, I fucking love my grandma so much
that anybody just bringing her up will move me to tears.
(14:41):
That's my girl, that's your girl. Like this is such
a beautiful moment that you're opening up a box of books, right, like,
and you've had this amazing, incredible life, but this moment
is so grand that in a world where you were
raised and not cry, you were moved to emotion, right,
why not honor it?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Right? Know, it's cool if you.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Got to turn about face a little bit, you know
what I mean, Like I don't want. You know, I
have a shits on a botox in my face right now,
but like, you know, I can go into the ugly
cry and I just might want to do that in private,
and that's fine. But I think that this shame of
crying and not honoring the moment is kind of like
again honoring God, honoring the emotions that were put into you,
(15:24):
like do it. I think with my grandma thing, what
was interesting is that I actually didn't intend for that
to ever happen. I started recording my conversations with my
grandma almost over a decade, maybe like fifteen years ago,
and it started because my grandma was Muigrosa. She would
(15:45):
ask me the most ridiculous questions that would crack me up,
and our family people were like, oh, Gladys is crazy,
Gladys is wild.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
My grandmother, you know.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
I would bring my lesbian friends over to her house
and she'd be like as so Lesbiana, and I would
be like yeah, and she would take her tits out
and be like do you like these?
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Like would you suck them?
Speaker 3 (16:06):
And I'm like, oh my god, And my lesbian friends
would be like that's crazy. Run I'm like, that's Gladys
like I don't know what to you know, and with me,
she'd be like, how do gay men have sex? And
everybody in my family would get kind of like, oh
my god, Gladys blah blah blah, and me I would
be like, you want to fuck around, let's play. I'll
tell you how gay men have sex. I'll give you
all the details, from the spit to the lube.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Let's go.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
And she would like play with me back, and she
would be like, you do that for free? And I
would be like, well, yeah, yeah, you know, She's like,
you don't give that away for free. And so later on,
when people started to really trip out on this dynamic
of grandson and grandmother, you know, I used to get
a lot of heat for it. How can you put
this online? How can you talk like this to your grandmother?
(16:50):
And like the beauty is that it's actually not me.
I was raised well, I respect my elders and I
won't say shit like that. It's the beauties that it's
her playing with me, And so I would record it,
and what happened was people started to see the change
in her mind in real time. So people who were there,
you know who for the shits and the giggles suddenly
(17:11):
like we're watching this woman.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Forget me.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
And you know what's crazy is that she had to
mention Alzheimer's. And what's crazy is that, like it has
been the greatest lesson of my life. I think my
grandma like never gave me good lessons on love. She
was like, no offense to the men in this room,
including me, but she would be like every man is
a rabbit two fee. She had three husbands till the
(17:42):
day she died, she was doing BRUHETI and all of them.
And then, you know, lessons on money. She died poor,
very poor. You know, she died like telling me like,
don't give anybody your money. Keep that shiver yourse. But
what she taught me in her dementia was like living
in the moment because that's truly all that we have.
And I realized that because here I am watching her
go through several lifetimes and timelines in real time while
(18:06):
she's talking to me where I'm not her grandson, I'm
a man that she was in love with as a teenager.
She would be like, what do you mean you're gay?
Because she thought I was the mother dude that she
was in love with. She thought I was her best
friend Mitia Alicia, who she crossed the border with, right,
like two girls crossing boarded together. And all of these
timelines happen simultaneously in her mind. And she's looking at me,
(18:28):
but she doesn't who I am, but she knows that
she loves me. And so I tell people, you don't
take anything with you when you go that I've seen,
not your beauty, not your health, not your money, not
maybe not even your memories or your life lessons right
not to use quotes on a podcast called lessons, right,
but like, maybe not even lessons. Maybe all you take
with you is the love that you gave and the
love that you give and the love that you get.
(18:50):
And so, you know, I'm sitting here and I'm talking
with her, and I think that towards the I think
people felt that that oh shit, like she loves him,
you know, she don't know who she doesn't know who
she is, but she's rubbing him, you know, while he's
next to her and she's telling him go to sleep.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I'll make sure nobody disturbs you.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
She don't know who I am, but maybe her heart does,
maybe her soul does. And so I think people really
resonated with that, And actually, towards the end, I stopped
recording because she no longer could consent to that being
recorded anymore. And so a lot of the older videos
towards the end are my parents secretly like recording it
and then later on being like I thought it was
(19:29):
a sweet moment. I just wanted to give it to you,
but I was just really hesitant because back in the
day used to be like the Okay, we're recording, and
so she would consent, and then towards the end when
she couldn't do that anymore, it was like, I think
these moments might just be for us, for me and her,
but fuck man.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Like, well, there's two things coming through me that I
have feel compelled to share. Yeah. The first thing is
that you're allowing us in and sharing that. I'll just
(20:09):
speak for myself. Gave me permission to also weep and
to also be present because I wasn't physically in the room,
but energetically we felt like we were in the room. Yes.
And then the other thing that just keeps coming up
to my mind was there was an image of you
(20:31):
just holding your grandmother's hand, and I was the last
one in my family to hold my dad's hand, probably
like five minutes before he passed, and I just remember
like holding it and there was warn hands just like
and so when I was watching that real, I was like, Damn,
(20:58):
that's Curly's grandmother's hands, but it's my hands. Yeah, And
they were like bridges, like we were bridging to each
other and we were bridging to another world we don't
know yet. Yes, And that was kind of like I
had never seen that on TV or film. It was
literally the intimacy of your private moment and that choosing
(21:20):
to share that story allowed me to have the medicine
I needed to be like, One, I'm not alone in
my grief. Yeah. Two, there's no shame in the tears.
And that was allowing me to redefine who I am
as a person. Yes, that's the whole point, right.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
I think that when you grief, you cannot Like I've talked,
there's a I did a show on PBS about death
and uh, there was a death doula that was saying
that grief is the price that you pay for loving
something and you cannot have one with the other and
the only way to get through grief is the grief,
and grief demands commands that you live in the moment.
(22:05):
There's no running. Yes, you know, you have this moment
of being like I'm going to do somebody that end.
Grief is like no, we feel like shit, this fucking sucks.
And so when you get past it and you learn
and you live, you kind of go like, oh yeah,
that's and maybe it doesn't feel like it in the moment,
but you are witnessing God, you are witnessing spirit. You
(22:27):
are witnessing somebody who you loved, and you're celebrating them,
and you're singing them, you're singing their praises. You become
a poet, is what I say. Through your tears and
through your emotions and through your light, you have witnessed them.
And so one thing that I do, and I've never
stopped doing it since the day and my grandmother died,
is I say her name out loud.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
I say, you know.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
And the Bible says in the beginning there was the Word,
and the word was God, and the word was with God.
And I always say that he spoke existence right. And
I with our own divine spark, can spark, can maybe
shake the dust of death off of them for just
one moment and we get to say, like, Gladys, you lived,
(23:09):
you know, ba Bay you lived, you live, and you're
here and I can say their name, and I can
talk about them, and through my grief, through my tears,
through my laughter, through my conversations, I get to give
them that life again. And I hope somebody does that
for me when I go. I hope that somebody is
like you know, Curly was crazy brah Man like he
(23:30):
the stories he would tell about snort and shit and
sucking dick.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
He was wild.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
You know what I mean, because that's my pine, by
the way, getting really old and being My room name
is cad Alitos, not Carlos, but got Alitos. My grandmother
gave it to me. It means little Carlos. It means
little king.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Right. I hope to be little.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
My pants have to hear underneath my boobs giant hats.
And I hope that people are like I Calos with
his little bodic he tha that bind because I always
have a bag of bread. But I like what you
were saying earlier about being there with your dad and
holding his hand. We often hear about people having near
(24:08):
death experiences and the souls that they see on the
other side. We don't talk about the souls who have
the sacred duty or the sacred experience of being the
ones that are on the side of the tunnel who
are leading them there and you know, sending them off
in that way, because I think that they do pick
who they do that with. My grandmother always said, right,
(24:32):
my dad was with her when she passed, when she
went through the agonal breathing. It was just when they
and then they go, and then I was next, and
it was me and her that were me and him
that were with her last. And I think like, oh,
she knew, and what an honor to have walked her
(24:53):
to like that side of the terminal.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
You know, like, well, I got chills when you said that,
because I never processed it in that way. Because in
my book I talk about holding my grandmother's hand when
her spirit left. I wasn't holding my dad because I
kicked me out of the room on the actual moment,
because that's a different vibe when you're actually holding when
(25:17):
the last breath is taken. And you know, ironically, the
root of the word spirit is breath. Wow, which is
why one of the most revolutionary acts that we could
do as people, just breathe, be centered, and that's why
all this stuff happening in the world is trying to
get us away from our breath, which is our spirit. Yeah,
(25:40):
and ironically one of the biggest that grief is love
book Marissa Reneli, she's a dear friend, and she basically says,
again no binaries, that your grief is just a symbol
of how much love you still have for the person.
And then yes, we Rodriguez, we were interviewing and we said,
(26:02):
in order to find your your truest gift to express
and give to the world, you have to go through
the grief and the wound defined it because it lives
next door. Oh wow, So all the all the like
revelations you're having sensed her transition, that's the gift that
she left for you to also live your life.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
One hundred and I think that, you know, I always
I need to, like I want to eventually write my
own book, and I need to figure out how it
needs to be. But I always think I always call
it a well on magic, and I always think that
a well on magic heals in a lot of different ways,
and it is one of the most sacred forms of magic, right,
this the feminine, the elder. But I often talk about too,
(26:47):
just the intersectionality that there was a queer kid that
held her at the end of her life. And I
always say, another magic that is equally as ancient and
equally as sacred as this queer magic that finds you.
What a magic And we celebrate each other and we
meet each other at the end. And you know, grief,
I think that I it hurts. But when I have
(27:12):
my moments in the car and I'm just like sobbing
or crying or I just like, you know, and I'm
at home and I'm playing the fucking Gladiator soundtrack with
Lisa Gerard.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
It's it's fucking amazing, It's really.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
Good, and just crying in my tonies at home, Like
I love that I'm honoring her in that way too.
Like I don't know, maybe it's me being selfish at
some point. But when I go and I'm watching everybody
from up above, whoever's crying for me, missing me that hard,
I'm gonna be like, you're you're a.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Real real line.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Yeah, I don't see my cousin Michelle crying over here,
but I see my cousin Jennifer crying.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
I'm right now.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Yeah, Michelle, you forgot to text me for my birthday.
I texted you for your birthday. No kidding, I forgot to.
I love I love him my cousins.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
I'm just sure. Well, then me ask you. So you
were talking about the awlita, I'm that and the queerness magic,
and in this moment of changing gender norms in a crisis,
I would argue a manhood because maybe manhood shouldn't even
have exist in the first place, but it is what
(28:15):
it is, and we're living in this world of binaries
and truth. When I think about like the more stereotypical
man in my life that check all the boxes of
like they don't cry, they're hardened, emotionally silent, they're tough,
they don't ask for help. I'm almost like describing my
(28:38):
dad in a lot of ways. But just like this
macho man. The ironic thing about it is that what
you're really trying to be is like a queer person.
Because when I my friends that went like, because well,
think about it, right, like the way you're talking about
(29:00):
queerness and I will lead. The magic is freedom and
self expression and just being you and not giving a
fuck about what anyone thinks. It's the most punk rock thing, absolutely,
But isn't that what every man wants to be exactly
one hundred? I think for me, I.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Like masculinity, masculinity, I like femininity. I like all those things,
Like I like manhood and womanhood and all that stuff
I celebrated.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I enjoy it.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
I think it's just about redefining it, right, Like I
always think about who I want my partner to be,
and I always think about it in terms of, like
bear with me for a second, in terms of like royalty. Right,
So if we're the two royal couple in the room,
it's not because we're better, it's because we are in
service of our people, right, we are in service of
our community. And how if we're given this, whatever privilege
(29:48):
we have, how can we give that back? How are
you the kings and queens or whatever of your own circle,
and how can you serve your community in that way?
But I think that in the masculine area, it calls
you to be move slower, you know, think things clearly.
It's you're the you're the biggest dog in the room,
You're the biggest man in the room. You can't lose
your ship. You got to make your moves more powerful.
(30:10):
Like if you're if everyone else is freaking out, you're
not freaking out.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
You're chilling. You know how to have a conversation. You know.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
When that whole uh Will Smith Chris Rock thing happened,
my one of my good friends, who's this one of
the dopest guys that I know, marine veteran, he was
talking to me about it, and he was like, I
would have if it was me, I would have walked
up on that stage. I would have gotten real close.
I would have whispered and Chris Rocks here, and I
would have said, you and me were having a conversation
after this, and I would have went right back to
(30:39):
my seat.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
And I was like, that's sexy as fuck to me.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
I know that, Like, you know, he went up there
and he handled it like he handled the ship, and
he's protecting me in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
But he's there, He's gonna handle this shit after. I
think that for me.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
Redefining manhood and being like, yeah, I can cry and
I could still throw down and beat your ass on
the fuck. I can show emotions and we can still
handle are things in the way that we can handle it.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
You know.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
You know, I'm a gay dude. I'm attracted to the
masculine masculinity. Like that's I like the being able to
be Like, can we make a really can we have
a really sweet, cute dinner party and decorate it really nice?
But can we also throw down in an alley if
we need to? I keep talking about this alley, by
the way, that's just like, what's going down in this
damn alley?
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Well? I mean I think this is this is this
is who we are. And that's kind of what I'm
trying to get at is like I don't even want
to get into politics, but just like, if we really
truly want to be free and we don't want big
government or we don't want people infringing on our rights,
you're telling us what to do, then therefore you should
(31:49):
allow the spectrum of all motions to be able to
be present exactly.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
Yeah, have you seen the movie Lelo and Stitch. No,
it's a really good movie. It's a good cartoon. I
haven't seen my yet, but the cartoon's banks. Yes, there's
this little alien who has like one he's like skinny
in front of he has one big eyeball, and he's
there because he is studying mosquitoes and he's there to
like save the earth because he just somebody convinced him
(32:14):
that mosquitoes are the most sacred thing that he needs
to protect. I feel like I'm that alien and I
watch Humans and I'm just like.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
For everybody, calm down.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
First of all, everybody chill like it is just everyone
is still Like I'm like, everyone's booty holes are so tight,
we can make diamonds in their booty holes. We're so
stressed out about stuff. Some of us going dress on.
There's people in this world where I'm like, yes, babes,
you need to you are stressed because something catastrophic just
happens to you. Please stress out. But some of us
are just shipping out because we don't want to merge
(32:42):
on the freeway. And I'm like, what's happening? And so
I think that and again, this is something that death
taught me. It's not that serious. We're all gonna die.
We're all dying right now. Literally, we're decaying. And I mean,
and some of us slower than others, but you know,
we're all going. And so it's like all of the
stuff I think that as often as you can look
(33:05):
at people recognize that that is an iteration of you
in some capacity.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
We are a leaf.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
We're all different leaves on the same branch on the
same tree, you know, created by the same energy, you know.
So I just am like I try to every time
I kind of go into different things, and of course
I read.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
The headlines and I am you.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
Know, you know my politics already, right, Like I came
from an undocumented family in the eighties who came over
because of a civil war that was funded by this
country and not, you know, and I'm a queer Latino
man that was born in Hollywood, Los Angeles, California. I
think it's pretty obvious to know what my politics going
(33:46):
to be, right. But in saying that, I'm kind of
just like, damn bro like they're the inevitable is. And
this is what a death doula taught me was that
our life, we have big lives, and it is absolutely
inevitable for all of us that eventually those lives get smaller.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
We lose our autonomy.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
We don't have the ability to take care of ourselves
anymore by ourselves, and our lives go from whatever whatever,
going to work to just our block in our neighborhood,
to just our home, to just a room in that home,
and then just a bed in that room.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
And that is where we are all going.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
So if you can make the best of your time,
go flirt with that girl at the coffee shop, Go
shoot your shop, go sing, get on a stage if
you want to shank shing shang, post that TikTok video
like truly. My friend Maurice, who owns Bloom and Plume,
used to be a black queer owned coffee shop in
(34:46):
La used to be like, live your best life, diva,
and I think that's what everybody should do. It's just
you know, get it on a toe bag, Maurice, put
it on your grape stone. Everybody like, just as often
as you can, because that's all we have, right.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
That's beautiful. I want to mm hmm. So stories come
from the divine and come for places that we will
someday go to. But when we came, we were looking
at all the books. Yeah, I choose, you chose a book.
But there's two things I want to do, one for
(35:21):
me and I'll set it up and one for you. So, uh,
when I left to college, every year my mom would
buy me this book. Because I'm my mom's boy. I
was born premature. I wasn't supposed to actually be living,
so I always say that I came out fighting from
the wound because I was over two months premature. So
when were you supposed to be born? November? And then
(35:46):
when were you actually born? In September? September? Oh, you
wanted to be a virgo real bad? I did. I
was fighting to come energy Burgo season it is. But
so this is one of the books she gave me,
and she wrote something in there. It's called I Love
(36:06):
You Forever. So two things if you would do me
the auntum before we close this part. One is read
well my mom read, which I haven't read in probably
twenty years. And two, let's just read it because that's
from me to you. Wow. Okay, because it's short. Is
(36:27):
it's kind of a long book.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
It's short, like, oh no, read, don't read that, and
then let me then give me.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
The book and I'm going to do something. Okay, okay, fair, okay,
I will say that. So the book is called Love
You Forever.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Who's it by? Just forgive it? It's by Robert Munch.
Speaker 3 (36:53):
Munch Robert Robert illustated by Sheila McCrae. I do want
to read this really fast back. It's about a young
woman holds her newborn son and looks at him lovingly. Softly,
she sings to him, and this is very spiritual too.
I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always, as
(37:14):
long as I'm living, My baby, you'll be and I
you know, not to keep talking about God and everything,
but that's my jam. I think that's what God feels
for us all the time. There's a song, my favorite
song of all time is by your Side by Shadeh.
You think God leave your sad baby, You know me
better than that, and I always think that that is
God dedicating that to you. So this feels this is
(37:35):
dedicated to you by to my dearest Angel. By the ways,
your mom still with us, She is well, they're all
with us.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
She's probably at church right now.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
Oh say a prayer for me. Ask the Lord to
send me a check please, thank you? Okay, and beauty
and health, thank you okay. To my dearest Angel, I
hope you enjoy this book as much as I do.
It's a story which reminds me of how.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
How much I.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Love you and always and always want you to be
close to me. By the way, this isn't cursive. This
isn't that's I'm having a hard time reading the words
because you.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Know, she's she's been working for head Start for over
fifty years. Still. Wow, that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Yeah, I love how like a lot of our parents
write in cursive. Still, I'm so blessed to have such
a wonderful son like you, and I am so proud
of you. Keep this book as a beautiful story, which
I know someday you'll do exactly as the story says.
And someday or another, on some day and another, God
(38:44):
bless you, my angel. Have a wonderful.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Twenty first birthday. Wow. Wow, Oh, my love your mother,
who loves you so very very much. You'll never know.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
Gotta love love, gotta love love. You'll never know, dear,
how much I love you. Let me see something real quick. Well,
I mean you could read the whole book.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
This is your show. No, I know you know what
I'm gonna do. Yeah, what was your grandmother's name?
Speaker 3 (39:29):
Gladys Gladys gladdest mobile Garcia. She gave me a Pezza Cruiser,
So that was the name of the Pezza Cruiser, and
that was her name too.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
So I'm going to read something in Gladys's voice to
her favorite moment, assume her favorite god. All right, so
this is this is some Gladys inspired by Robert munch Well. Gladys.
(39:57):
She got older, She got older and old and older.
One day she called Curly and said, you better come
see me because I'm very old and sick. So Curly
came to see her. When he came to the door,
she tried to sing the song she sang, I'll love
you forever, I'll like you for always, but she couldn't
(40:20):
finish because she was too old and sick. Then Curly
went to his beautiful grandmother. He picked her up and
he rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back
and forth, and then Curly sang the song I'll love
(40:40):
you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as
I'm living, Maya Walita You'll be. When Curly came home
that night, he stood for a long time at the
top of the stairs. Then he went into the room
where he saw his beautiful dog that was still there.
(41:06):
He picked up his grandmother in his arms and very
slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, and
while he rocked her, he sang to her one last time,
(41:26):
I'll love you forever. I like you for always. His
song is on living my grandfather, my grandmother. You will
be a thank you for that. I love that so much.
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
I you know what I mean that I love I
loved her, she loved me, liked always questionable, she was
a leal woman. We would, like you know, have a
good few arguments sometimes, but I loved her always.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Thank you for that, beautiful no, thank you for allowing
me to share that. Thank you something I'm I'm learning
to lean into more. It's not like you have we started.
It's not the maskuling family conversation. It's leaning into the
fact that the people we love the most that leave
us are never gone. Yeah, one hundred, And that I
(42:18):
have a deeper relationship with my father now and his
passing than I did when he was alive. And when
I need something or when I'm crying, he always appears
as a butterfly or chills in my arm. And that's
what I'm really wanting people to know. Like how connected
we are you said earlier, We're leaves on the same tree.
(42:40):
The medicine that's free for all of us is out
in nature. And if you go out nature and you
take off your socks and shoes and you just sit
there in front of a tree, the answers you need
from your ancestors and from yourself and your own intuition
will appear. And so I felt in this moment, I
(43:02):
feel her presence. I feel I just shared her words.
I feel that too. Yeah, she would make it about.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
She would be like, and now I'm gonna talk, you
know again, like Leo ass Like I'll be on the
dance floor. People be like I just got to tell
you I love you and your grandmother, And I'm like
Grandma on the dance floor, like sure, you know to
your point though, I I you know, I always quote
my Angela, my favorite ares and she would always say
like that which made the mountain, the stars and the
flea also made me. And so I think that, yeah,
(43:31):
I mean, we're all connected. It's all just the vibrations
and the frequency, you know. And I think that part
of I think that I feel like I won the
lottery in a lot of ways to grow up in
a city with all different cultures in Hollywood, and I
think that understanding that you're co creating in real time
(43:53):
with the universe and with the energy all around you,
and you can wake up and choose to make a
difference in your small circle doesn't have to be that big.
You can tell the lady at the gas station that
her earrings are great, you know, and she'll be like,
oh my god, I'd never nobody ear with earrings or something.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
You know.
Speaker 3 (44:12):
You can make a difference and a small scale and
it'll ripple out more than you know.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
It's all energy. So this is one of my favorite
parts of every episode called the Sacred Five. Should we
announce it? The secret part is that because you bing
(44:39):
bing bing, welcome to the Sacred five better I wanted
you to do the sha version. I was waiting like, she, hey,
this is and this is sacred. I can't do I'll
take you take it all right, So sacred, I'm gonna say,
(45:00):
I ask you five questions, rapid fire. Yeah, one word,
one sentence, and it's our way of like giving practical nuggets.
Speaker 3 (45:08):
To I'm probably not gonna give serious answers, but let's play,
all right, let's play.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
Name three things that make you feel safe, connected and
whole um ship.
Speaker 3 (45:20):
You said whole but money makes me feel safe, safe,
connected and whole, money, family and a good meal.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
What's your favorite meal?
Speaker 3 (45:30):
Oh man, my mom makes. It's the oxtail, the marble.
That's my mouth watered. Oh oxtail. I'm sorry. Cows.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
I love cows, but damn bit me over. I need
to try. Wait.
Speaker 3 (45:42):
Funnily enough, I don't invite people over for this because
I'm very selfish with it. I go back to the
feeling of my Angelo. Please, I don't share my oxtail.
I've had boyfriends come over and you're gonna show them like, no,
you heard it here?
Speaker 2 (46:02):
Brat for sure? All right. Number two, what song, book
or prayer brings you back to yourself?
Speaker 3 (46:08):
Shade by your side, I swear to God, listen to it.
Listen to it and just imagine that it is the
Creator singing that song to you. You will just it'll
just make so much sense and you'll just be like, oh,
that's what this love feels like. And then if you
want to hear she has another song called baby Father,
Baby Father, that's how you knew, and it's from the
masculine side, and she's like, me and your dad love
(46:30):
you so much that from our love. A flower that
is you grew and then she talks about how your
dad would do. By the way, it's not a sentence.
I'm sorry. I'm gonna have two shady songs by your
side and baby father.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
I think that's what's all right, man, I gotta listen
to that second one. Yeah, remember that one Yo, Daddy
knows Yo flame. It's so good, it's so good. Okay.
What's one daily ritual practice that grounds you? Shit?
Speaker 3 (46:56):
The real answer, I pray the Rosary every day and
then I track off, not after the Rosary, but I like,
I do both take care of the body.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
And this is why there's only one girl.
Speaker 3 (47:09):
I don't think history of broadcast jack, I got it,
take care of both. God knows to be honest. God's like,
what can I say, Hey, I'm a little horny.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
God loves you either way.
Speaker 3 (47:21):
Yeah, you know which. By the way, can I tell
you it's quick sidebar. I think that the spirits. I
have spirits in my house and people are like, what
do you think about this? What are the spirits thinking
about you? And I'm like, I'm more like the spirits
are probably like this ban is fucking doing this shit again.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
I gotta get out of here. Like, by the way,
I'm gonna have to edit that one when I play
this for my mom.
Speaker 3 (47:38):
So oh yeah, please please Senora.
Speaker 2 (47:45):
Alright, ma, I love you. We just read your love
you forever. Alright, all right. What's one small action listeners
can take this week on their healing journey? Oh man,
that's so easy.
Speaker 3 (47:58):
Go out and give somebody a bit of love, you know,
give them a little compliment, like do something that has
nothing to do with you. Pay for the person behind
you in line at the drive through, be like, you
know what I like to be, like how much was
their order behind me? And if they're like if it's
below ten or ten bucks, I'm like, here's my credit card,
pay for them too. Like just the small ways in
which you can make a change every day, and then
(48:20):
all that energy comes back to you. It follows you
into your front door and through the windows of your home,
and it stays with you, like it doesn't leave you,
and it continues to bless you throughout just because you
fucking made one little change. Yeah, that is true.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
Last one, curly, Yeah, share a one line blessing.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
Or quote that inspires you. Oh, one blessing or quote
that inspires me? Is I quote her every single day,
and it's my angela likely it love liberates, you know,
she says it at the end of Master's Oprah's masterclass.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
If you can find it somewhere, just hip it in.
It's love liberates.
Speaker 3 (48:54):
That's where her mom passing away, she says, A love liberates.
It doesn't hold, it doesn't bind. Love says, I love you,
you know. It loves you. If you're a cross town,
it loves you. If you're in Harlem, it loves you.
If you're in China. You know, she says. I might
not be able to be near you, I might not
be able to hold you in my arms, but I
love you.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
So go well, curly, I just want to humbly say
thank you, thank you so very much. I usually take
this moment to just summarize three points that really touch me.
The first is that in our mere presence and modeling
(49:33):
of who we really are, you can change the world
by changing somebody else, absolutely, because you do that literally
every breath you take. You The second thing is that
grief is not only love, but the emotions should determine
(49:58):
the gender that we are. That by that, I mean
what you've really taught me today is that why we're
getting so caught up in labels. We should just be
free to be whoever we are, and we should all
celebrate that except that and be that one. And the
last thing to quote back is that love. You are
(50:24):
love manifested as liberation all of us well on the
spiritual side. When I say that to you, I'm saying
it to me and to all of us. But you're
that like bright light. You're that little king. Like your
original name is Thanks, guys, that's so nice. So they
named you, you know, namey is a really important thing.
(50:46):
And it's not by chance, it's not by accident. And
I love that because a king we think of as,
like you said, not better or worse, but in service. Yeah,
but you're still the little little yeah, So it keeps
you grounded absolutely, So you'll always be my little king. Yes,
thank you, And so I just want to say thank you.
(51:07):
And I'm always in with just wanting folks to know
that we're never alone, we're always loved, and then we're
always sacred.
Speaker 3 (51:15):
Absolutely, So thank you for having me, and thank you
for having me in your beautiful home. You have a
wonderful team. For those listening and watching, there's a whole,
beautiful army of people behind this. So and uh, for
lack of better words, this is some nice, fancy shit.
Speaker 2 (51:30):
This is good, this is it, and we will do
this hopefully more and more. But just thank you for coming.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
Then, honest to you and Venie soonas everybody watching and
Giddeus cool.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
Sacred Lessons is a production of My Heart's Michael through It,
a podcast network, Sacred Lessons Media, and the Prince Group.
For more of your favorite shows, visit
Speaker 1 (51:51):
The iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Betrayal: Weekly
Betrayal Weekly is back for a brand new season. Every Thursday, Betrayal Weekly shares first-hand accounts of broken trust, shocking deceptions, and the trail of destruction they leave behind. Hosted by Andrea Gunning, this weekly ongoing series digs into real-life stories of betrayal and the aftermath. From stories of double lives to dark discoveries, these are cautionary tales and accounts of resilience against all odds. From the producers of the critically acclaimed Betrayal series, Betrayal Weekly drops new episodes every Thursday. Please join our Substack for additional exclusive content, curated book recommendations and community discussions. Sign up FREE by clicking this link Beyond Betrayal Substack. Join our community dedicated to truth, resilience and healing. Your voice matters! Be a part of our Betrayal journey on Substack. And make sure to check out Seasons 1-4 of Betrayal, along with Betrayal Weekly Season 1.