Episode 1: What Happened To The Mail Room?

At the North Pole, Santa's belief-o-meter is dropping. So, in an effort to connect with the children of 2019, Santa and his two favorite elves decide to launch a podcast.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Santa Cast, a production of I Heart Radio. Well,
hello there, it's that time of year again. But the
most wonderful time of the year can be the toughest
time of the year for Santa Claus. Think about all
the toys he has to make and all the places
he has to travel too. Don't get me wrong, there's

(00:23):
nothing Santa loves more than making and giving gifts. But
it's not easy, and this year is especially tough. Times
have changed, there's more children than ever before, and it's
harder than ever to keep up. Santa may need to
upgrade his approach, develop a whole new outreach program. And
nobody knows this better than Evergreen and Snowball, Santa's two
chief operations specialists. Okay, things are coming along. Here in

(00:51):
the workshop, we got toys being made. Got that glue
spill cleaned up there in sector? Oh oh uh, hey, Snowball,
come here, Hey, every what's up? Hey, We've got a
serious problem. Do you take a look at this, Oh, cold, wet,
slushy sucks. The sants of believ a meter, yeah, the
belieful meters dipping down. It's it's down below. Okay, breathe

(01:16):
just breathe, just breathe, don't spiral away on me. Here,
we're Santa's elves, and for the love of Nickerdoles, we
gotta keep it together. Ah evergreen, How are the wooden
toys coming ahead of schedule? Santa? Of course, we don't
get too many requests for wooden toys these days. Good good.
How about the dolls ready to load on the sleigh?
And what's happening with the bikes. We should have them

(01:36):
done in about three days. Let me see the work schedule.
Three more days, three more days. Let's see that leaves
six days till Christmas, six days till Christmas. Oh, no,
Christmas snuck up on me again? Why does this happen
every year? No worries Santa. I know it can be stressful,
but we always get the gifts out on time. True,

(01:58):
but I haven't as much mail as I'm used to.
It's all emails and texts these days, Santa. Well, I
just can't risk leaving anyone out. Let's just let's just
go by the mail room to you know, see if
any last minute letters have come in. I know you
like those handwritten letters were doing all right? Let's walk
and talk here Santa, let's walk and talk mail room.

(02:21):
I haven't been there in a long time. Ho Ho ho,
what happened to this place? I guess it's been a
while since you've been back here, has Santa? Quite essentially?
At least we had to expand. There are one point
nine billion children in the world now, and we have
some serious competition. Competition. People order gifts online, they send
emails and set of letters. They have changed, Oh, they

(02:44):
sure have. You know, Zach Lahanski only played with the
truck I gave him last year for five minutes and
then left it in the backyard all year long. Yeah,
Ron in Careerra never touched the doll I gave her.
I don't know what kids want anymore. I'm wondering if, if, well,
if I'm losing my touch, losing your touch? You're Santa Clause.

(03:06):
How could you ever lose your touch? Santa? If you
don't believe in yourself, how can you expect all the
children to well? You know, the world is changing so much.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just a fat old man. Santa.
You are a fat old man, but you just need
a new way to connect with the kids, you know,
get with the times. You know what. You're right, I

(03:26):
need to get out there with the kids, get more
kids on my knee. Maybe no, no, no, you've done
enough mall gigs, Santa. I think what you really need
to stick with me on this. It's a podcast, a
pod cast. Oh like stuff you should know with Chuck
and Josh. Yes, exactly like stuff you should know. We
listen to that while we're working. It really made working

(03:47):
twenty four hours in the shoes shop tolerable. Podcast. M hmm, No, No,
Christmas is upon us and you want me to do
a podcast to that? I say, I say, bah humbu Santa, Santa.

(04:09):
Current word? The belief meter just dropped again? Yeah fraid so, Santa. Look,
everyone's doing a podcast these days, everybody but you, Santa.
Children around the world love you, Santa, and they want
to hear from you. Oh, I don't know. It's our
best chance to get the belief meter up, Santa. Yeah
you're needed, Santa. Just listen to what we picked up

(04:31):
on the jingle Jangle last night. You lost your Christmas
list to Santa Claus and that makes you sad? Is
my best business? What was? Why was it so good?
Because Bubby and you can't remember what you want? Now?

(04:57):
She lost her Christmas list? Oh no, I've got to
help that poor kid. Is there any way I can
talk to her? I'm sure you can on the podcast.
Step right this way. What a cute little room, my wow, Hey,
my voice sounds nice in here. And what are these

(05:18):
little egg cartons on the wall. Yeah, well, me and
the fellows got together last night and built you this
little sound booth. Oh hey, look there's Rudolf. No, that's
not Rudolph, that's the record light. Surprise, we're on the air,
on the air. What does that mean? Oh well, that's
actually just kind of podcast talk Santa for like, we're
recording the show right now. Really? Yeah, um, is this

(05:43):
thing working? So let's call some kids and find out
what they're all about in Oh okay, bring me my
list and some cookies. You and the cookies. I like cookies.
Santa's feeling a little of whelmed, and we think you
can help him out. He's going through his list and
he's checking it twice. He's gonna find out who can

(06:05):
give him advice. So if he calls, what will you
tell him to cheer him up? And what will you
ask him? Do you have any questions about how things
are done on the North Pole. It's only a few
days till Christmas, so you don't want to miss a
single episode of the special Santa Cast. Merry Christmas, and
who knows, maybe tomorrow he'll be calling me you. This
episode of Santa Cast was recorded in the North Pole

(06:26):
by Evergreen and Snowball with your host Santa Claus. Special
thanks to our friends Brad Brinkley, Hannah Feerman, Matt Stanton,
Dan Bush and Brent Dye. Santa Cast is a production
of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
else you listen to your favorite shows.