October 29, 2024 • 31 mins
Disclaimer: Please note this episode contains themes and conversations about sex.
Today on Señora Sex Ed, producer and creative, Kat Lazo joins Diosa and Mala to discuss how she's healing her ancestral lineage by prioritizng pleasure. The duo also ask Kat about polyamory, queer identity, and how she explained the two to her mami.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm head mi Thos Navias.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
But good for her, Oh, migad. She has a lot
of love to give and she deserves good love in return.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
I know, I just don't know how she finds the
time for all this love in this economy.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Senora, Yora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Hi, Senora. Welcome
to Senora.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Sex Ed.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Senora Sex Said is not your mommy's sex talk. This
show is la platica like you've never heard it before.
On each episode, we're breaking the stigma and silence around
sex and sexuality in LATINX communities.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Latinas have been hyper sexualized in popular culture, but notoriously
denied sex education. This podcast is an intergenerational conversation between
Latinas from gen X to gen Z, covering everything from
puberty and body image to representation in film, television, and music.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Remember that in this show, a Senora is a woman
with a lot of life experiences and stories to share.
Maybe she's in her thirties, Maybe she's in her forties
or fifties or older. Maybe she's trans, maybe she sis.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
We are your hosts and producers, Theosa and Mala.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
You might recognize us from our flagship podcast Lokatora Radio
since twenty sixteen. We've covered all kinds of topics, ranging
from politics to mental health, current events, and of course sex.
But we still have so much to learn. We hope
you listen to each episode with the Senoras and Senoritas
in your Life Chapter.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Eleven Miba said as me on today's episode of Senora
Sex said, we are so excited to welcome onto the
show longtime friend and creative peer, Kat Lassel.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
We have known Kat for many, many years now, and
we have partied with her. We've grown up together. We've
even had her on our other show, look At Radio.
We're so honored to have her on Senora Sex Head.
Speaker 5 (02:27):
I'm a native New Yorker. I'm half Peruvian, half Colombian.
I'm a Gemini.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
You might recognize Cat Lazo's voice from the Cat Call.
Speaker 5 (02:39):
This is the cat Call, and I'm calling this shit
out the age.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Old The Cat Call provided a digital platform for Kat's
early career as a producer.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
I am a producer both digital and documentary, feature and series,
and I am currently calling from Puerto Rico.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
The internet has also coincidentally played a part in her
sex education journey.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
I think my first introduction to sexual education quote unquote
was drum wrong, please porn. I don't know if this
was the same for everyone, but maybe for New Yorkers
back in the nineties this will ring a bell. For
(03:26):
some odd reason, the porn channel was right next to
the Disney channel. If you had an illegal cable box,
they were literally like one channel away. And so when
I found that out, you know, I would switch between
the Disney channel and the porn channel, like if I
felt like my parents were coming into the room and
(03:47):
quickly switch. And yeah, that was I think my first
introduction into like what sex looked like. Of course it
was head. Of course it was very white, because once again,
this is a cable box. This is not like the
variety that we now have, maybe like online.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Katz Elementary School offered the student body a stereotypical sex
education experience, and I.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
Knew right away. I don't know why that is, but
I knew right away, ooh, this is something I shouldn't
be watching. And then maybe later on the next iteration
to sexual education and did come in a more formal
manner I want to say, I want to say elementary
(04:41):
school where we had the traditional like hey, your parents
need to sign this permission slip, and we're going to
one day the boys are going to sit in this class,
and another day the girls are going to sit in
this class. I don't remember a goddamn thing from that
act sex side class. That might be because it was boring,
(05:03):
that might be because I have horrible memory.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Eventually, Kat became the friend in the friend group that
taught her peers about the birds and the beasts.
Speaker 5 (05:14):
Honestly, I became the sexual educator of my life friend group.
I'm not saying that I was like a good educator
I was. I wouldn't even say I was an educator.
Let's say I was more so the person to expose
my friends to what sex was. So, for example, I
have a vivid memory of like in elementary school, using
(05:37):
my hands like as if you know, they're two walking individuals,
using my my pointer finger and my middle finger as
if they were people. And I would just have them
hump each other in front of my friends and be like,
this is what sex is. And they'd be like what
(05:58):
I'd be like, yeah, So it's like when a guy
and a girl, like they get naked and they just
like rub up on each other my parents had never
had like a formal conversation with me about sex. And
let me just like preface this by saying, like, my
mom is the communicator in our family. My father is like,
you know, the traditional man a few words, doesn't really speak,
(06:21):
so let's like omit him from this dialogue about sex.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Although Kat's mother didn't have a formal conversation with Kat
about sex, she did prepare Cat for what to expect
when she started to menstruate.
Speaker 5 (06:36):
My mom had many conversations with me growing up around
like menstruation. You know. She even would bring me into
the bathroom when I was young and intentionally show me
like when she would change her path out, you know,
(06:57):
so that I would be prepared when it happened to me.
But she didn't really explain anything as it pertains to
like sexual relationships. We didn't really start having a conversation.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
About sex mainly until I was in my twenties, and
that conversation was really a little bit more.
Speaker 5 (07:29):
Like subtle. My mom comes from a background. This is
my Colombian son. My mom comes from a background of
like a highly religious She is one of six children.
My grandmother essentially raised all of her seven kids by herself.
So I think as a result of you know, essentially
(07:51):
being a single mother raising seven children. My grandma was
extremely strict and obviously parented the lens of fear. So
my mom as a result, even when she was with
my father, like got married with my father, she had
(08:12):
a lot of ignorance. She went into sex with fear.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Kat's mother didn't want her daughter to approach sex and
sexuality with fear. Instead, Kat's mother encouraged her to center
her own pleasure.
Speaker 5 (08:28):
As a result, when my mom did start having conversations
with me around sex, it was her encouraging me to, yes,
protect myself, but also like enjoy everything that she couldn't enjoy.
(08:49):
It's not like she was saying, like, hey, have all
the orgasms that I didn't have. She wasn't saying, you know,
like make sure that whoever you're having sex with is
you know, focusing on your pleasure. She never used that language,
but my mom would. God conversations around sex is like,
as long as you're being safe, but have all the
(09:11):
fun that I couldn't have.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Kat knew that her friend's parents probably weren't having these
same conversations with their children. As she has grown deeper
into adulthood, Kat realizes now more than ever what a
big deal it was for her mother to cent her
empowerment and pleasure instead of fear when it came to sex.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
Only until my late twenties and now my early thirties
have those comments hit in a very like polarizing way.
And what I mean by that is how empowering to
have a mother who is even capable to articulate that
(09:54):
she wants her daughters, not just me, but my younger
sister too, to sexually be liberated. Those may not be
her words, but that is essentially what she's saying, you know.
But on the other hand, it really it makes me
sad because the advice is coming from a place of
a deficit, of her acknowledging to herself that she hasn't
(10:21):
had this type of pleasure and perhaps her believing that
she won't have this pleasure in the future, and therefore
in a weird way, like you know, me and my
sister like living out what she sexually could. And I
(10:44):
was having this conversation with my girlfriend not too long ago,
and it sounds so bizarre to save it. But like
when people say, like, oh, I'm breaking generational curses and trauma. Personally,
I really feel like a lot of that in my
life is done through prioritizing my pleasure. And for the
(11:08):
sake of this conversation, we're talking about sex and intimacy
and the pleasure that comes with that, and I do.
I really feel like the orgasms I have, the the
experimental things that I'm doing, the times that I'm like,
let me try this, let me you know, I really
(11:31):
feel like I'm doing it for all of the women
in my ancestry, in my lineage. Who couldn't you know,
Like I know, a lot of people say, like, you know, rest,
like you deserve rest because like your ancestors couldn't. Bitch,
(11:53):
I deserve orgasms where all the orgasms that all the
women in my family haven't had.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
We all be enjoying this conversation. Stay tuned, there's more
to come.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Thanks for sticking around. We are back.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
A couple of years ago, Cat shared a story on
her Instagram about a strange lump that appeared on the
right side of her labia while she was on a
speaking tour.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
I think I'm in my late twenties and I actually
it was the night before a speaking engagement. I was
about to actually go on a speaking engagement tour, like
I had like five different states that I was going
to go visit within a week back to back, and
the night before I'm like, hmm, my blessing kind of
(12:43):
been a little weird, like on the side, what is
that the little lump. At first, of course, my mind
goes into the worst case scenario and I'm like, oh
my god, I have a tumor. I'm gonna die, D
D D. I ignore it because you know, health insurance.
I go to my first speaking engagement. I don't know
what state it was in, and I clearly now realized that,
(13:06):
like I think it was, like the right side of
my labia is now doubled inside. I start googling, and
then I realized that, like, what's happening here is I
have what's called a Barcelone insists, thanks Google for educating
me that, yeah, we have these glands. They're kind of
(13:27):
like sweat glands. And having a barthelone insists, really isn't
that common. But anything from like little debris to like
a hair anything, if it gets stuck in there, it
can cause like a tiny little infection and will swell
up internally as like a cyst. Well, honey, I had
(13:50):
to go on this speaking tour with my pussy like
times three in terms of side. It was painful, and
I kept thinking to myself, Okay, you know Google says
like put hot compress in.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
A lot of pain. But determined to finish her speaking tour,
Kat realized she needed to go to the hospital when
the cyst became so big she couldn't recognize her own vulva.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
Honey. I was on the airplane asking the flight attendants,
can you give me like a hot water bottle, hot anything,
pour hot water in this bottle for me? And I
would sit on the flights with a hot water bottle
between my legs, hoping to God that this was this
would you know, go down by the time I finished
the tour, No, it didn't. Finally, on the last day
(14:39):
of my tour, I realized I like given, and I'm like,
oh my god, this is I waited too long, could
not recognize Mike pussy at all whatsoever. And when I
land usually you'll have like like some type of escort
or someone who picks you up right away. I texted
them and I'm like, hey, I know, we have like
(15:00):
three hours before my talk. I need to go to
the er, and I know we just met, like I
legit know we just met, but I have what's called
the Barcelona insist and I need to go to the
er asap. I go to the er, fast forward, I'm in.
I'm in the hospital room, mind you. They were like,
we can pop this right now, but it's gonna be
(15:21):
with a male physician. I said absolutely not, and I
was like, yeah, I don't, I don't care, but we
need to wait for somebody else. So I waited, like
an extra I don't know, forty five minutes for a
female doctor or nurse to come and do that. And
the escort, mind you, who I had just met. I
(15:44):
kid you not. She was like, do you want me
to be with you? And I looked at her and
I was like, yeah, I do. I do.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
After finally getting much needed treatment to drain the cyst,
KAT learned a lesson and accepting and seeking out help
from medical professionals.
Speaker 5 (16:05):
And it was totally normal. And I think part of
that is also like on me just normalizing this and
also like finally giving in and being like god, damn it,
I need help. Yeah, like I can laugh about this.
This is hilarious, but also it was so stressful, and
I had already neglected myself seeking medical help out of
(16:28):
probably you know, the conditioning of thinking like they're not
gonna help me, this is gonna pass. Also financially being
like probably all the money I'm making these speaking engagements, now,
I'm going to go to the r bill And it
was taken care of, and then I had and then
within less than an hour, I then spoke on a
(16:50):
stage in front of a hundred something kids, and little
did they know that I was wearing a bumper.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
I was bleeding after the world wind between the er
and the stage. Kat took to Instagram to share her
newfound knowledge about her body, and Barthola insists with her
friends and followers.
Speaker 5 (17:10):
When I got back home, I felt the need, for
whatever reason, to take to Instagram, and I think it
was ig stories and I made this like whole breakdown
as to what happened to me, and also as an
opportunity to just freaking educate other people on Barthelon insists
like I could not believe that I didn't know these
(17:32):
glands existed in my body. I didn't know that this
could happen. And if I could.
Speaker 6 (17:39):
If I could at least ease the worry of one
bitch from worrying about this and taking care of it
sooner than I've done my job, and if they could
laugh along the way, even better.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
We all be enjoying this conversation. Stay tuned more to come.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Thanks for sticking around. We are back. Kat is polyamorous
and is in a serious relationship with a woman. By
embracing her identity as a queer person, Kat has also
deepened her relationship with her mother.
Speaker 5 (18:19):
The intimacy that I have with my family and specifically
my mom, has grown exponentially in this last year, I
would say, and I think a big driving force to
that is probably that I came out to my mom.
(18:44):
I identify as like by pan queer, basically like I
just I really fall in love and can find intimacy
in people regardless of gender. That's really it. And I
think that I knew that for a long time. There's
like a whole nother combo to be had about internalized biphobia.
(19:09):
For sure, I knew some level of that about myself
for a really long time.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
At first, Kat was hesitant to come out to her
mother due to some harsh comments She made after Kat's divorce.
Speaker 5 (19:24):
I had been married at one time, now already now divorced,
and after the divorce, my sister had made some kind
of comment like oh, you know or cant l capping
or coppeting, you know, my beta woman and my mom
put down and I was like, oh, it's not you know.
(19:46):
My mom is a big had been like a big
ally to a lot of like queer people, queer friends
of hers, mainly men. But I think it it became
maybe too real for her at a certain point, and
for whatever reason, it hit home and it was very
clear that she was not at a moment in her
(20:08):
life where she could accept that as a truth. So like, honestly,
like a decade passed and she was the only person
really in my life who didn't know that. And I've
had fallen in love and developed the relationship with a woman,
(20:30):
like a committed relationship, not something that was like loosey goosey,
And I was like, damn, okay, so you know, it's
time to come out to my mom. But also I
would add that I'm also Polly, meaning that I can
(20:51):
develop and nurture and sustain multiple intimate romantic relationships with
multiple people at the same time. So not only did
to explain to my mom that I was be sexual
because that's the language that I think was most accessible
(21:12):
to her, but also explained to her what was Polly
or what is Polly.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Figuring out how to deliver this very nuanced news to
her mother was a task all its own.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
I'm gonna be quite honest. I spent a lot of
time thinking of the hundred different ways I could explain
this to my mom and the setup and you know,
and ultimately I used a lot of metaphors. My mom
is very friendly. She has so many friends, so I
explained to her, I'm like, you know, the compras the
(21:57):
chief problem. You know, they serve different purposes, but they're
all your friends and you love them equally, And like
that really hit home for her. And the same thing
with like being by or queer. You know, I explained
to her that, like, I love people for who they
(22:19):
are and not their gender. I had to do a
lot of educating, you know. There was the traditional questioning
of like, but who's the man, who's the woman? Are
you transitioning? There was a lot of like educating, thankfully,
also like shout out to my baby sister. She was
(22:39):
someone who I definitely like, I would say, I almost
didn't even ask her to be in the room. I
like demanded that she be the buffer in the room,
like just in case if this goes really south, if
you see, like I'm panicking, jump in here, because this
is going to hit home. And thankfully, you know from
where my mom initially made those really really like I
(23:03):
would say, like homophobic or rash harsh comments about me
possibly dating women. Fast forward ten years, and you know,
my mom.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Was well equipped for Kat's mother. Therapy was a helpful
tool that allowed her to process her feelings about Kat's
sexual identity.
Speaker 5 (23:31):
My mom had been going to therapy now for like
five years, and she even expressed me that, like that
was something that she had been talking to her therapist about.
So I guess she smelled it. She smelled the queer
on me, and you know, she like apologized and all
that good stuff and just acknowledging that she just wasn't ready.
(23:51):
Back then, she didn't have the tools, and now she does.
And I mean, at this point, I think my mom's like,
you know, she thinks she's ready to be like writing
in a pride float, so a lot has changed.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
When Kat thinks about the women who raised her, she
considers them marianismo and sacrifices that they endured for the
benefit of others.
Speaker 5 (24:16):
I look back at the women on both my father's
side and my mother's side, and their stories are always
one of what they gave up, of what they sacrifice,
the typical story of marianismo, right, that their pleasure came
(24:38):
from tending to their family, tending to their husband's tending,
tending to their extended family, but really never themselves. When
I would ask both of maya, awaitas you know, what
did what did you want to do? Like did you
ever want like a job out of pleasure? Like what
(25:03):
did you enjoy doing? They're like, I know, meningios mee
see that. And my mom says that too. It can
mean nas so And I think that that's great and
that is fine. But when it's the only facet of
(25:25):
your happiness and your pleasure, there's an issue there, right,
it can become really unhealthy, not only for yourself but
also for those around you. So I think for me
it's been quite clear, especially now in like in my
(25:47):
thirties for whatever reason that like I feel like I'm
breaking generational curses of tending to others, of being a
people pleaser, of not prioritizing what I want, my own desires,
my own dreams, but to actually prioritize that, to make
(26:08):
that number one right in all ways.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
For Kat, breaking generational curses means ultimately centering her own
pleasure in multiple facets of her life.
Speaker 5 (26:19):
And yes, of course that includes sex, but that also
includes the pleasure of also, like right now, not having
children like that literally catapults me to only focus on myself.
That all the money I make, that my time, it
goes to me, and I'm I'm in charge of what
(26:44):
I do with my time. How I'm gonna invest that
time in myself and the people that I love instead
of it being the other way around. Right, Okay, my
children occupied this amount of my time, my husband occupies
this amount of my time, you know, my suegra Like,
(27:05):
I think I'm leaning more and more into the idea
that I am intentionally divesting from those things in order
to intentionally invest in myself, which allows me to then
question what brings me joy, what brings me pleasure, and
let me seek those things out. I think as I
(27:29):
started maneuvering the world with less fear. I went on
this journey where I wanted to omit that as a
lens that I would view myself and the world through.
You know, what would happen if things were abundant and
I'm not looking at it as from a scarcity model.
(27:52):
And once I started doing that, that applied to my relationships.
It was something very organic that happened for me through
multiple relationships, ultimately landing me in a place where I
am now very much embracing of being polyamorous. I had
(28:15):
the most beautiful experience of having two partners at the
same time for like about like a year and a half.
I would say, one partner I had been with for
five years, another partner I had made like a year with,
and to be celebrated with no shame, with no fright,
(28:38):
with no fear someone's gonna find out or anything like that.
Everything was out in the open, everyone knew of one another.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Although polyamory can be stigmatized and deeply misunderstood, the experience
of having two romantic partners allowed Kat to fall deeply
in love with herself.
Speaker 5 (29:02):
Honestly, I would say, is like one of the highlights
of my life that I can say push me deeper
in love with myself, which I think a lot of
people confuse. Like Polyamorria was like, oh my god, you're
loving so many people. And yes, I did love two people,
and I nurtured two relationships with two drastically different individuals.
(29:24):
But also it was such a crash course in a
deeper and more compassionate love for myself because I had
to prioritize, you know, when you're dealing with two different
people to different relationships, you have to also then constantly
ask yourself, Wait a second, but what do I want?
(29:45):
Like what what am I going to do with my
time when it's not his time, when it's not her time?
You know, like what am I doing for myself? Like
it makes you really intentional about, yeah, yourself and your
own needs, which is something that I think they're women
in my in maybe my lineage didn't get to do
didn't get to ask themselves.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Our conversation with Kat was really illuminating, and something that
I walked away with is this idea that loving yourself
deeply allows you to open yourself up to love others,
and loving others allows you to love yourself, and that
love really is a positive feedback loop.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Next time on Senora Sex Said, Chicana playwright Josefina Lopez joins, us.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
I always knew that for a woman to control her destiny,
she had to really have an understanding of her sexuality.
Nas Vamos Child.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Senora Sex Said is a co production between Lokata Productions
and micro Dura Podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
This show is executive produced by Mala Munos Andosa FM.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Also executive produced by Jesse Well.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
Bances, produced by Stephanie Franco.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Creative direction by Mala Munios.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Story editing by biosa Fem.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Music direction by Grissol Lomeli and
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Music produced by Brian Gazzo
I'm head mi Thos Navias.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
But good for her, Oh, migad. She has a lot
of love to give and she deserves good love in return.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
I know, I just don't know how she finds the
time for all this love in this economy.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Senora, Yora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Hi, Senora. Welcome
to Senora.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Sex Ed.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Senora Sex Said is not your mommy's sex talk. This
show is la platica like you've never heard it before.
On each episode, we're breaking the stigma and silence around
sex and sexuality in LATINX communities.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Latinas have been hyper sexualized in popular culture, but notoriously
denied sex education. This podcast is an intergenerational conversation between
Latinas from gen X to gen Z, covering everything from
puberty and body image to representation in film, television, and music.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Remember that in this show, a Senora is a woman
with a lot of life experiences and stories to share.
Maybe she's in her thirties, Maybe she's in her forties
or fifties or older. Maybe she's trans, maybe she sis.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
We are your hosts and producers, Theosa and Mala.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
You might recognize us from our flagship podcast Lokatora Radio
since twenty sixteen. We've covered all kinds of topics, ranging
from politics to mental health, current events, and of course sex.
But we still have so much to learn. We hope
you listen to each episode with the Senoras and Senoritas
in your Life Chapter.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Eleven Miba said as me on today's episode of Senora
Sex said, we are so excited to welcome onto the
show longtime friend and creative peer, Kat Lassel.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
We have known Kat for many, many years now, and
we have partied with her. We've grown up together. We've
even had her on our other show, look At Radio.
We're so honored to have her on Senora Sex Head.
Speaker 5 (02:27):
I'm a native New Yorker. I'm half Peruvian, half Colombian.
I'm a Gemini.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
You might recognize Cat Lazo's voice from the Cat Call.
Speaker 5 (02:39):
This is the cat Call, and I'm calling this shit
out the age.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Old The Cat Call provided a digital platform for Kat's
early career as a producer.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
I am a producer both digital and documentary, feature and series,
and I am currently calling from Puerto Rico.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
The internet has also coincidentally played a part in her
sex education journey.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
I think my first introduction to sexual education quote unquote
was drum wrong, please porn. I don't know if this
was the same for everyone, but maybe for New Yorkers
back in the nineties this will ring a bell. For
(03:26):
some odd reason, the porn channel was right next to
the Disney channel. If you had an illegal cable box,
they were literally like one channel away. And so when
I found that out, you know, I would switch between
the Disney channel and the porn channel, like if I
felt like my parents were coming into the room and
(03:47):
quickly switch. And yeah, that was I think my first
introduction into like what sex looked like. Of course it
was head. Of course it was very white, because once again,
this is a cable box. This is not like the
variety that we now have, maybe like online.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Katz Elementary School offered the student body a stereotypical sex
education experience, and I.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
Knew right away. I don't know why that is, but
I knew right away, ooh, this is something I shouldn't
be watching. And then maybe later on the next iteration
to sexual education and did come in a more formal
manner I want to say, I want to say elementary
(04:41):
school where we had the traditional like hey, your parents
need to sign this permission slip, and we're going to
one day the boys are going to sit in this class,
and another day the girls are going to sit in
this class. I don't remember a goddamn thing from that
act sex side class. That might be because it was boring,
(05:03):
that might be because I have horrible memory.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Eventually, Kat became the friend in the friend group that
taught her peers about the birds and the beasts.
Speaker 5 (05:14):
Honestly, I became the sexual educator of my life friend group.
I'm not saying that I was like a good educator
I was. I wouldn't even say I was an educator.
Let's say I was more so the person to expose
my friends to what sex was. So, for example, I
have a vivid memory of like in elementary school, using
(05:37):
my hands like as if you know, they're two walking individuals,
using my my pointer finger and my middle finger as
if they were people. And I would just have them
hump each other in front of my friends and be like,
this is what sex is. And they'd be like what
(05:58):
I'd be like, yeah, So it's like when a guy
and a girl, like they get naked and they just
like rub up on each other my parents had never
had like a formal conversation with me about sex. And
let me just like preface this by saying, like, my
mom is the communicator in our family. My father is like,
you know, the traditional man a few words, doesn't really speak,
(06:21):
so let's like omit him from this dialogue about sex.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Although Kat's mother didn't have a formal conversation with Kat
about sex, she did prepare Cat for what to expect
when she started to menstruate.
Speaker 5 (06:36):
My mom had many conversations with me growing up around
like menstruation. You know. She even would bring me into
the bathroom when I was young and intentionally show me
like when she would change her path out, you know,
(06:57):
so that I would be prepared when it happened to me.
But she didn't really explain anything as it pertains to
like sexual relationships. We didn't really start having a conversation.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
About sex mainly until I was in my twenties, and
that conversation was really a little bit more.
Speaker 5 (07:29):
Like subtle. My mom comes from a background. This is
my Colombian son. My mom comes from a background of
like a highly religious She is one of six children.
My grandmother essentially raised all of her seven kids by herself.
So I think as a result of you know, essentially
(07:51):
being a single mother raising seven children. My grandma was
extremely strict and obviously parented the lens of fear. So
my mom as a result, even when she was with
my father, like got married with my father, she had
(08:12):
a lot of ignorance. She went into sex with fear.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Kat's mother didn't want her daughter to approach sex and
sexuality with fear. Instead, Kat's mother encouraged her to center
her own pleasure.
Speaker 5 (08:28):
As a result, when my mom did start having conversations
with me around sex, it was her encouraging me to, yes,
protect myself, but also like enjoy everything that she couldn't enjoy.
(08:49):
It's not like she was saying, like, hey, have all
the orgasms that I didn't have. She wasn't saying, you know,
like make sure that whoever you're having sex with is
you know, focusing on your pleasure. She never used that language,
but my mom would. God conversations around sex is like,
as long as you're being safe, but have all the
(09:11):
fun that I couldn't have.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Kat knew that her friend's parents probably weren't having these
same conversations with their children. As she has grown deeper
into adulthood, Kat realizes now more than ever what a
big deal it was for her mother to cent her
empowerment and pleasure instead of fear when it came to sex.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
Only until my late twenties and now my early thirties
have those comments hit in a very like polarizing way.
And what I mean by that is how empowering to
have a mother who is even capable to articulate that
(09:54):
she wants her daughters, not just me, but my younger
sister too, to sexually be liberated. Those may not be
her words, but that is essentially what she's saying, you know.
But on the other hand, it really it makes me
sad because the advice is coming from a place of
a deficit, of her acknowledging to herself that she hasn't
(10:21):
had this type of pleasure and perhaps her believing that
she won't have this pleasure in the future, and therefore
in a weird way, like you know, me and my
sister like living out what she sexually could. And I
(10:44):
was having this conversation with my girlfriend not too long ago,
and it sounds so bizarre to save it. But like
when people say, like, oh, I'm breaking generational curses and trauma. Personally,
I really feel like a lot of that in my
life is done through prioritizing my pleasure. And for the
(11:08):
sake of this conversation, we're talking about sex and intimacy
and the pleasure that comes with that, and I do.
I really feel like the orgasms I have, the the
experimental things that I'm doing, the times that I'm like,
let me try this, let me you know, I really
(11:31):
feel like I'm doing it for all of the women
in my ancestry, in my lineage. Who couldn't you know,
Like I know, a lot of people say, like, you know, rest,
like you deserve rest because like your ancestors couldn't. Bitch,
(11:53):
I deserve orgasms where all the orgasms that all the
women in my family haven't had.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
We all be enjoying this conversation. Stay tuned, there's more
to come.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Thanks for sticking around. We are back.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
A couple of years ago, Cat shared a story on
her Instagram about a strange lump that appeared on the
right side of her labia while she was on a
speaking tour.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
I think I'm in my late twenties and I actually
it was the night before a speaking engagement. I was
about to actually go on a speaking engagement tour, like
I had like five different states that I was going
to go visit within a week back to back, and
the night before I'm like, hmm, my blessing kind of
(12:43):
been a little weird, like on the side, what is
that the little lump. At first, of course, my mind
goes into the worst case scenario and I'm like, oh
my god, I have a tumor. I'm gonna die, D
D D. I ignore it because you know, health insurance.
I go to my first speaking engagement. I don't know
what state it was in, and I clearly now realized that,
(13:06):
like I think it was, like the right side of
my labia is now doubled inside. I start googling, and
then I realized that, like, what's happening here is I
have what's called a Barcelone insists, thanks Google for educating
me that, yeah, we have these glands. They're kind of
(13:27):
like sweat glands. And having a barthelone insists, really isn't
that common. But anything from like little debris to like
a hair anything, if it gets stuck in there, it
can cause like a tiny little infection and will swell
up internally as like a cyst. Well, honey, I had
(13:50):
to go on this speaking tour with my pussy like
times three in terms of side. It was painful, and
I kept thinking to myself, Okay, you know Google says
like put hot compress in.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
A lot of pain. But determined to finish her speaking tour,
Kat realized she needed to go to the hospital when
the cyst became so big she couldn't recognize her own vulva.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
Honey. I was on the airplane asking the flight attendants,
can you give me like a hot water bottle, hot anything,
pour hot water in this bottle for me? And I
would sit on the flights with a hot water bottle
between my legs, hoping to God that this was this
would you know, go down by the time I finished
the tour, No, it didn't. Finally, on the last day
(14:39):
of my tour, I realized I like given, and I'm like,
oh my god, this is I waited too long, could
not recognize Mike pussy at all whatsoever. And when I
land usually you'll have like like some type of escort
or someone who picks you up right away. I texted
them and I'm like, hey, I know, we have like
(15:00):
three hours before my talk. I need to go to
the er, and I know we just met, like I
legit know we just met, but I have what's called
the Barcelona insist and I need to go to the
er asap. I go to the er, fast forward, I'm in.
I'm in the hospital room, mind you. They were like,
we can pop this right now, but it's gonna be
(15:21):
with a male physician. I said absolutely not, and I
was like, yeah, I don't, I don't care, but we
need to wait for somebody else. So I waited, like
an extra I don't know, forty five minutes for a
female doctor or nurse to come and do that. And
the escort, mind you, who I had just met. I
(15:44):
kid you not. She was like, do you want me
to be with you? And I looked at her and
I was like, yeah, I do. I do.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
After finally getting much needed treatment to drain the cyst,
KAT learned a lesson and accepting and seeking out help
from medical professionals.
Speaker 5 (16:05):
And it was totally normal. And I think part of
that is also like on me just normalizing this and
also like finally giving in and being like god, damn it,
I need help. Yeah, like I can laugh about this.
This is hilarious, but also it was so stressful, and
I had already neglected myself seeking medical help out of
(16:28):
probably you know, the conditioning of thinking like they're not
gonna help me, this is gonna pass. Also financially being
like probably all the money I'm making these speaking engagements, now,
I'm going to go to the r bill And it
was taken care of, and then I had and then
within less than an hour, I then spoke on a
(16:50):
stage in front of a hundred something kids, and little
did they know that I was wearing a bumper.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
I was bleeding after the world wind between the er
and the stage. Kat took to Instagram to share her
newfound knowledge about her body, and Barthola insists with her
friends and followers.
Speaker 5 (17:10):
When I got back home, I felt the need, for
whatever reason, to take to Instagram, and I think it
was ig stories and I made this like whole breakdown
as to what happened to me, and also as an
opportunity to just freaking educate other people on Barthelon insists
like I could not believe that I didn't know these
(17:32):
glands existed in my body. I didn't know that this
could happen. And if I could.
Speaker 6 (17:39):
If I could at least ease the worry of one
bitch from worrying about this and taking care of it
sooner than I've done my job, and if they could
laugh along the way, even better.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
We all be enjoying this conversation. Stay tuned more to come.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Thanks for sticking around. We are back. Kat is polyamorous
and is in a serious relationship with a woman. By
embracing her identity as a queer person, Kat has also
deepened her relationship with her mother.
Speaker 5 (18:19):
The intimacy that I have with my family and specifically
my mom, has grown exponentially in this last year, I
would say, and I think a big driving force to
that is probably that I came out to my mom.
(18:44):
I identify as like by pan queer, basically like I
just I really fall in love and can find intimacy
in people regardless of gender. That's really it. And I
think that I knew that for a long time. There's
like a whole nother combo to be had about internalized biphobia.
(19:09):
For sure, I knew some level of that about myself
for a really long time.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
At first, Kat was hesitant to come out to her
mother due to some harsh comments She made after Kat's divorce.
Speaker 5 (19:24):
I had been married at one time, now already now divorced,
and after the divorce, my sister had made some kind
of comment like oh, you know or cant l capping
or coppeting, you know, my beta woman and my mom
put down and I was like, oh, it's not you know.
(19:46):
My mom is a big had been like a big
ally to a lot of like queer people, queer friends
of hers, mainly men. But I think it it became
maybe too real for her at a certain point, and
for whatever reason, it hit home and it was very
clear that she was not at a moment in her
(20:08):
life where she could accept that as a truth. So like, honestly,
like a decade passed and she was the only person
really in my life who didn't know that. And I've
had fallen in love and developed the relationship with a woman,
(20:30):
like a committed relationship, not something that was like loosey goosey,
And I was like, damn, okay, so you know, it's
time to come out to my mom. But also I
would add that I'm also Polly, meaning that I can
(20:51):
develop and nurture and sustain multiple intimate romantic relationships with
multiple people at the same time. So not only did
to explain to my mom that I was be sexual
because that's the language that I think was most accessible
(21:12):
to her, but also explained to her what was Polly
or what is Polly.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Figuring out how to deliver this very nuanced news to
her mother was a task all its own.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
I'm gonna be quite honest. I spent a lot of
time thinking of the hundred different ways I could explain
this to my mom and the setup and you know,
and ultimately I used a lot of metaphors. My mom
is very friendly. She has so many friends, so I
explained to her, I'm like, you know, the compras the
(21:57):
chief problem. You know, they serve different purposes, but they're
all your friends and you love them equally, And like
that really hit home for her. And the same thing
with like being by or queer. You know, I explained
to her that, like, I love people for who they
(22:19):
are and not their gender. I had to do a
lot of educating, you know. There was the traditional questioning
of like, but who's the man, who's the woman? Are
you transitioning? There was a lot of like educating, thankfully,
also like shout out to my baby sister. She was
(22:39):
someone who I definitely like, I would say, I almost
didn't even ask her to be in the room. I
like demanded that she be the buffer in the room,
like just in case if this goes really south, if
you see, like I'm panicking, jump in here, because this
is going to hit home. And thankfully, you know from
where my mom initially made those really really like I
(23:03):
would say, like homophobic or rash harsh comments about me
possibly dating women. Fast forward ten years, and you know,
my mom.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Was well equipped for Kat's mother. Therapy was a helpful
tool that allowed her to process her feelings about Kat's
sexual identity.
Speaker 5 (23:31):
My mom had been going to therapy now for like
five years, and she even expressed me that, like that
was something that she had been talking to her therapist about.
So I guess she smelled it. She smelled the queer
on me, and you know, she like apologized and all
that good stuff and just acknowledging that she just wasn't ready.
(23:51):
Back then, she didn't have the tools, and now she does.
And I mean, at this point, I think my mom's like,
you know, she thinks she's ready to be like writing
in a pride float, so a lot has changed.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
When Kat thinks about the women who raised her, she
considers them marianismo and sacrifices that they endured for the
benefit of others.
Speaker 5 (24:16):
I look back at the women on both my father's
side and my mother's side, and their stories are always
one of what they gave up, of what they sacrifice,
the typical story of marianismo, right, that their pleasure came
(24:38):
from tending to their family, tending to their husband's tending,
tending to their extended family, but really never themselves. When
I would ask both of maya, awaitas you know, what
did what did you want to do? Like did you
ever want like a job out of pleasure? Like what
(25:03):
did you enjoy doing? They're like, I know, meningios mee
see that. And my mom says that too. It can
mean nas so And I think that that's great and
that is fine. But when it's the only facet of
(25:25):
your happiness and your pleasure, there's an issue there, right,
it can become really unhealthy, not only for yourself but
also for those around you. So I think for me
it's been quite clear, especially now in like in my
(25:47):
thirties for whatever reason that like I feel like I'm
breaking generational curses of tending to others, of being a
people pleaser, of not prioritizing what I want, my own desires,
my own dreams, but to actually prioritize that, to make
(26:08):
that number one right in all ways.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
For Kat, breaking generational curses means ultimately centering her own
pleasure in multiple facets of her life.
Speaker 5 (26:19):
And yes, of course that includes sex, but that also
includes the pleasure of also, like right now, not having
children like that literally catapults me to only focus on myself.
That all the money I make, that my time, it
goes to me, and I'm I'm in charge of what
(26:44):
I do with my time. How I'm gonna invest that
time in myself and the people that I love instead
of it being the other way around. Right, Okay, my
children occupied this amount of my time, my husband occupies
this amount of my time, you know, my suegra Like,
(27:05):
I think I'm leaning more and more into the idea
that I am intentionally divesting from those things in order
to intentionally invest in myself, which allows me to then
question what brings me joy, what brings me pleasure, and
let me seek those things out. I think as I
(27:29):
started maneuvering the world with less fear. I went on
this journey where I wanted to omit that as a
lens that I would view myself and the world through.
You know, what would happen if things were abundant and
I'm not looking at it as from a scarcity model.
(27:52):
And once I started doing that, that applied to my relationships.
It was something very organic that happened for me through
multiple relationships, ultimately landing me in a place where I
am now very much embracing of being polyamorous. I had
(28:15):
the most beautiful experience of having two partners at the
same time for like about like a year and a half.
I would say, one partner I had been with for
five years, another partner I had made like a year with,
and to be celebrated with no shame, with no fright,
(28:38):
with no fear someone's gonna find out or anything like that.
Everything was out in the open, everyone knew of one another.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Although polyamory can be stigmatized and deeply misunderstood, the experience
of having two romantic partners allowed Kat to fall deeply
in love with herself.
Speaker 5 (29:02):
Honestly, I would say, is like one of the highlights
of my life that I can say push me deeper
in love with myself, which I think a lot of
people confuse. Like Polyamorria was like, oh my god, you're
loving so many people. And yes, I did love two people,
and I nurtured two relationships with two drastically different individuals.
(29:24):
But also it was such a crash course in a
deeper and more compassionate love for myself because I had
to prioritize, you know, when you're dealing with two different
people to different relationships, you have to also then constantly
ask yourself, Wait a second, but what do I want?
(29:45):
Like what what am I going to do with my
time when it's not his time, when it's not her time?
You know, like what am I doing for myself? Like
it makes you really intentional about, yeah, yourself and your
own needs, which is something that I think they're women
in my in maybe my lineage didn't get to do
didn't get to ask themselves.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Our conversation with Kat was really illuminating, and something that
I walked away with is this idea that loving yourself
deeply allows you to open yourself up to love others,
and loving others allows you to love yourself, and that
love really is a positive feedback loop.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Next time on Senora Sex Said, Chicana playwright Josefina Lopez joins, us.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
I always knew that for a woman to control her destiny,
she had to really have an understanding of her sexuality.
Nas Vamos Child.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Senora Sex Said is a co production between Lokata Productions
and micro Dura Podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
This show is executive produced by Mala Munos Andosa FM.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Also executive produced by Jesse Well.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
Bances, produced by Stephanie Franco.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Creative direction by Mala Munios.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Story editing by biosa Fem.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Music direction by Grissol Lomeli and
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Music produced by Brian Gazzo
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