July 14, 2025 • 34 mins
The two hour Love Island USA finale dropped and did not disappoint, with incredible real life relationship lessons woven throughout. Amy and T.J. ask, have you ever prioritized sleep over sex? What’s the right time and place for a breakup? Can you be friends after dating someone and how many of you have kind words to say about your ex? Also, how important is it to be friends first before the romance? And finally… a warning about finding your “Prince Charming”
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, there are folks, it is Monday, July fourteenth, and
it does not matter who you were rooting for in
the Love Island USA finale. It doesn't matter if Pepe
and Irish were your favorite. It doesn't matter if you
want a christ and who do to work out, doesn't
matter if Brian and Amayah were your two that you loved,
or if it was Nick and Orlandria. We don't care
(00:22):
about that stuff. What we care about is that those
Islanders continued continued last night, doing a public service for
all of us who are in or hope to be
in relationships and robes. They saved their best for last
because the season finale was chock full of relationship lessons,
chief among them, don't choose sleep over sex and Prince
(00:46):
Charming is total bullshit. And with that, welcome to this
Love Island USA edition of Amy TJ, where we go
beyond those hot bods, the kissing games, and the hideaway
suites to identify the real relationship issue sprinkled throughout the
hit show. Yes, we watch it for some of the lessons,
but a lot of people talking about just the reaction
to what happened last night, yours is I thought.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
That America got it right. I think that they seemed
to be the most hopeful couple of them all in
terms of their dedication to one another, what they want
after they leave the villa. So I thought that it
was perfect. I really liked who America chose. Of course,
it was Amaya and Brian. What I didn't love was
all of the slow moo kissing and dancing. I could
(01:31):
have done with few, much fewer moments of that that.
I do like the music. I do get swept up
in it, I'll admit, but the slow mo stuff was
really They lost me on.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
That, and the music's gotten better over the each they
had hit music. That's how I hit well. I mean
even the yeah that's like wow, it amazing show. So
they have can afford the rights to some songs apparently now,
But no, that was cool with Yeah. My surprise was
Iris and Pepe being the fourth favorite. I think that
threw me. And you were at the time I was
(02:00):
in the front with the girls. We thought we were
going to wake you up. We all just screamed, well.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah, oh you didn't wake me up because I was
I think at that point in deep or ram sleep.
But this morning when I went back and watched what
I missed. I actually it makes sense because they were
They weren't controversial, They didn't have anything that made them
stood out or made somebody really want to vote for
them one way or the other. Because they just were pleasant. Yeah,
so I get that.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Fine, and we almost think they actually don't need our help.
They're gonna be okay.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
There's some degree it felt like that. So that was
all fun and it's in the books. Congrats to Peacock
for what they pulled off. This is a cultural phenomenon
that everybody is talking about for good reasons, bad reasons,
and just for the fact that it's a hit show.
But it's this thing is going to continue. And yet
really you find one of these, it's just impressive to
see how this thing is wrong.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I told you, I woke up this morning impressed that
The New York Times is covering Love Island. I mean,
that's how much of a juggernaut it is. You know,
You've got major media outlets that typically save most of
their space for the conflict with Iran or Russia and Ukraine,
and here we are The New York Times talking about
Love Island.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
They still hit Russia and Ukraine. But but yes, that
just that lets you know, and this is a big deal,
and look, we watch it for entertainment purposes. Is how
it initially started when you got me into it, But
then I just kind of fell in love with these
relationship moments that took place, like real relationship moments and
fights and how people get over it. And we are
able to identify things that we have gone through and
(03:25):
other people are so in this last one, whoo they
went at it. So, folks, all of these you need
to ask yourself. These are the questions and lessons the
Islanders left us with from the season finale. So what
if you applied all these to your own relationship? One lesson?
Think about this? Ask yourself? Have you prioritized sleep over
sex with your partner? Two? What's the right time and
(03:47):
place for breakup? Three? Can you truly just be friends
after dating someone? Four? Giving your partner a literal countdown
to do what you want? It's probably not a good idea.
Five ask yourself this, do you have kind words to
say about your ex at the moment you broke up?
And if not, what does that say? Point six? Half
(04:09):
of the couples in the finale well, they were just
friends before they got together. We've been trying to tell y'all.
And then point seven is one that Roebok wants to
make because she is going to burst your prince charming bubble.
Am I saying that the right way? Yes, okay, correct,
that is correct, And we say the best one for last.
But let's start with the one off the top rope.
This was a big deal and conflict started and we're like, oh, hell,
(04:32):
we thought there's just gonna be a pleasant episode, but
Houdah and Chris got into a fight over something that
happened in bed.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
You know. And it's interesting because we were rooting for them.
They had seemingly gotten over their relationship issues, their families
brought them closer together. And then you know what, I
think it was less about sleepover sex and more about
someone Hudah imposing what she wanted over what the other
person wanted, prioritizing her needs over her partners. Oh that
was the issue.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Okay, let's talp want to take you on that one.
It just happened to happen in bed, Yeah, and it
just happened to be over sleep and sex. But this
was an issue for her that wasn't necessarily.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
About sex, correct. She wanted what she wanted when she
wanted it, and she didn't take her partners needs and
desires into consideration. And look, we've all been guilty of that,
but it was very obvious that that's what Huda was doing.
She wanted to feel loved, she wanted she maybe she
was feeling needy, maybe she was feeling insecure, and he
really wanted to sleep, like genuinely says, this is an
(05:31):
important part of my life, and so he just didn't
respond to her. Maybe that wasn't the best way to
handle it when she was trying to get his attention,
when she wanted to cuddle, when she wanted some physical connection. Yeah,
maybe he could have said, bebe, I appreciate, I love you,
and just please know I love you, but I am
so tired and I need to sleep right now. But
instead he ignored her because he was irritated, which then
(05:53):
made her become more irritating.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Okay, so how do we handle everybody that's watching that moment?
So I took it one sleep over second, let's just
talk about that for a second, because how many times
couples do with that. Yes, somebody goes to bed early.
Somebody's exhausted, had a longer day, the other one sitting
there horny as hell. What is the balance? And you
said she was prioritizing her needs over his. Is there
(06:16):
any room for him to not prioritize his needs sleep
over what hers might have been a tention affection intimacy.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I think there could have been a compromise. I think
he could have said to her, Hey, babe, I love you.
Please feel free to snuggle up next to me, but
I got to sleep. And then she just doesn't feel rejected. See,
Chris has felt rejected so many times, and Hudah has
felt rejected, and so I think that's what happened. In
a way. Maybe it was another passive aggressive Maybe she
annoyed him and he was like, yeah, you've completely dismissed
(06:47):
me so many times. I'm gonna do the same thing
right back to you, because ignoring someone is never a
good thing. But then she behaved even worse, and that's
what ended up happening, where she gave him an ultimatum.
She did a countdown like a mom to a child
that ain't ever gonna go over. Well.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I didn't think about it this way when we put
this as a topic. But like both of them did
almost everything wrong, they did right, and they didn't prioritize,
they didn't think about the other. They weren't considered. They
weren't kind to their partner in that moment. Look, we
all have bad moments. We just happened to see theirs
play out. And it is a lesson to us all. Obviously,
you never whatever. You don't put your adult partner on
(07:23):
a countdown anything. If you don't call me back in
five minutes, if you don't whatever the countdown is, you
don't do that. You just do not. I don't know
how that.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Is never ends well, works an ultimatum, a countdown, It's
that is a huge relationship. No, no it. If you
have to do that, you got other issues and then
you doing that makes it way worse.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Okay, So they christ and who would have been teaching
us a lot of lessons the past three episodes of
those last three episodes, and this was yet another one
that they taught. Now this led to them eventually Robes
breaking up. So and this leads us to the second
lesson we were talking about here. But they they break
up in the finale when everybody's supposed to be getting
together and thinking about a future. So this is where
we end up. But they do it in the most
(08:08):
It was a beautiful set up, all the dates. I
think this and maybe pepping an iris on the sailboat, yes,
that was cool. But this was a beautiful setting. They
had a beautiful meal. A singer came out that was awkward, hilarious,
It's crazy. But here is my question day, what is
the right time place? Is there a proper way to
(08:29):
break up? Meaning? Is text always a bad idea? Over
the phone always a bad idea? Should it always be
done face to face? And if so, is it ever
okay to do it face to face in public?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Ooh okay, so text absolutely not never?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Okay, phone call?
Speaker 2 (08:45):
I guess maybe if you're a long distance you might
not have another option, but you're not preferable.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
We're going to say we're in town. We're all in town.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Okay, So no, no to that. Yes, it has to happen.
You have to give the other person enough respect to
at least do it in person. I believe it's hard.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Now I'll hit to the next part. They're doing it.
What if you're sitting in a restaurant you're sitting. They
weren't in a crowded restaurant, But what do you do there?
Is it? Should it always be a completely private thing?
Is it ever okay to be out at a bar,
at a dinner and in the relationship after the appetizers
kind of a thing.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
So I have had a situation where someone started to
do that with me in a public place, and I
was so resentful of it because now you can't actually
feel what you want to feel. You're you're on display
in a sense, and you're put into a place of
pressure where you don't get to have the reaction that
you might want to have.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
So that might have been the motivation in doing it
in public.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Exactly, And so it feels manipulative and it doesn't feel
good at all. So I don't think that that's ever
a good idea. I think it's got to I think
it should be a private moment where each person gets
to say how they feel without people watching them and
looking at them. Obviously, they were on national television, so
they had an audience regardless of where they were, if
they were in the hideaway or not. Maybe that would
(10:02):
have been the only way they could have done it
in private. But no, I don't if anyone out there
listening has ever been broken up with in public or
decided like you know how that feels. It feels. It
just feels terrible. It adds, it adds more suffering to
the already uncomfortable, difficult situation.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, I excuse me, there, Yeah, this one, and this
got awkward when this might have been the funniest moment.
But I give them credit. It was a good edit.
The singer comes out and it appeared that she was playing,
and she had a time, she had a cue if
you will, that a certain time she was supposed to
come out and sing a romantic song. They were in
the middle of a fight, in the middle of breaking up,
(10:43):
and she's singing some I think it was a beautiful zone.
But they cut some other version or some of the
song in which the lyrics then matched the moment where
it wasn't going great. I thought it was a good edit,
but it was an awkward moment. But it made me
think about the idea of doing it in a public place,
To do it in a place where you expect that
person to be able to monitor.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
There, Well, yeah, if you're afraid someone's going to be volatile.
I mean, don't they always say when your boss, Like
sometimes if you get taken out to lunch, that's when
you get fired. Like they do it on purpose so
you don't have an emotional reaction, so they can control
you in a controlled environment. So it's manipulative.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
So these two broke up. We move on to the
next thing here ropes. They had these ceremonies where they
almost seem like they're a wedding ceremony, giving these little vows.
You grow to your vows. They went through all this,
but Huda and Chris were too. We stick with them
where they did have very nice, very nice and glowing
things to say about each other. Two points on this
again a relationship issue here, Ask yourself, can you can
(11:38):
you truly be friends with somebody after dating them? Can
you like truly like we go from we were partners
and living together and for three years and now we
broke up and we're just genuinely going to be friends.
Can that happens? Yes?
Speaker 2 (11:53):
I think that can happen. I've seen it with other people.
I've never experienced that, Menita, but I do think it
and I don't want to imagine that. I know what's
going on inside anyone else's relationship. But I would venture
to say that it's likely there wasn't that passion between them.
So if you don't like some relationships aren't romantically passionate,
(12:15):
and if you don't have that all or nothing feeling
about that person, it might be much easier to say, hey,
I like you, but just not in that way, and
we figured it out over time and that way. In
those types of relationships, I think you can be friends.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Again. I've never experienced it.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
I've never experienced it either.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
I have never had a desire, nor have I for
it in the least bit. I thought it was interesting
that he when she said, hey, you make sure we
get together late and we have some common friends. You're
sure you're going to be cool, he was like, no,
I'm not going to promise you or tell you that
everything's going to be okay. I guess people can be
in different places. I just don't get from the person
being dumped from the person being hurt, how we can
(12:54):
go back to a friendship. It seems difficult.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Chris seems like, well he was the hurt party, and
I also was kind of I was so impressed with him.
Huda announces to everybody. She actually said to the whole group,
I Chris wanted to continue outside of the villa, but
I just wanted to be friends. So she basically, in
front of all these folks they've been with for two months,
told everybody that Chris wanted me, but I didn't want him.
(13:18):
And he handled it with such class and such grace.
I was so impressed by him. And then even hearing
his speech to her, he was kind, he was loving,
he was gentle, and he, to me, was the one
who seemed like, I don't want to say the wronged party,
but the dumped party in a sense. And I just
thought he handled it so well. I was so impressed
(13:39):
with him, And I actually was impressed with her speech too,
because she talked about instead of look how many times
when you break up with someone or you're broken up
with you immediately go, he did this, and he did that,
and why did he have to do instead? She said,
here's what I learned about me. Here's what you taught me.
I needed to grow, I needed to be grounded, I
needed to I like what you said. She said that
he taught her how to have a more emotional connection
(14:00):
rather than a physical one, so I just thought about
this as an applicable learning tool. If you're in a
situation where you are breaking up with someone, Instead of
immediately going to say how the other person is bad
and wrong and horrible and all those things, if you
could just say what did I learn from this relationship?
And what did I learn about myself? And how can
I be a better partner for my next relationship. I
(14:23):
thought that was just a really cool way to think
about breaking up.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I want to point out as a part of this,
I want Everett, you and I talk about this all
the time. There are behaviors we can look on the
show and go, wow, I see that, but it's hard
for us to apply to ourselves. Chris did something last
night when she dumped him, for lack of a better phrase, there,
he reacted in a way I know you noticed we
haven't talked about this, but he immediately went into yeah,
(14:51):
it's good. Why don't you just tell me I knew
those Probably case you could tell that was pride. There
was ego, yes hurt, Yes he was hurt, so he
was trying to protect himself. I was saying, yeah, I
knew it. Anyway, ain't no sweat off my back. And
you can stop for a second. How many of us
have led that pride and that ego getting the way
in that moment and it led him to and this
is love, Chris. There were a couple of missteps. He
(15:15):
wouldn't carry it back over the water.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
That was tough.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
He wouldn't carry back over the water. And I get
why that was difficult for him. But in that moment,
ask all of ourselves, when when you're hurt like that,
how do you react? And we often do that by
protecting ourselves with pride and ego, and sometimes it comes
out in a way that Chris isn't going to be
(15:39):
proud of. He looked like a jerk, not a gentleman,
and not loving. This is somebody you still care about, right,
She didn't slap you, she didn't cheat on you. You
still care about her. I know it's fresh, but in
those moments, I just if you stop everybody and just
look and see it happening there, and then go back
in your own world and look and see how you
reacted that way when you were hurt. It was pride,
(16:02):
it you know what?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
It was so interesting. So when so Huda was crying
and he came back as he got up and left.
He came back, she was crying. I thought that maybe
he thought she had second thoughts, that maybe she was
just and he was going to call her bluff and
when she was kind of like, no, I'm I'm just
sad because you know, we are over, and I think
that was like an extra wound. I think when he
(16:26):
came back, he thought maybe she might have second thoughts,
or she might change her mind, or maybe she was
just posturing, and I think it was like an extra
punch to the gut. And that's why he was like, nah,
I'm not I'm not walking you over. So she had
to take her heels off, lift up her dress, and
walk because they were literally walking on water or through
water to get to their very romantic, beautiful table.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
You're right.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
And then the other thing he did, he refused to
sleep in the hideaway. Sorry, in the hideaway, he refused
to sleep with the group the final night and went out.
And that's fine. He didn't huff and pop, he didn't
make a scene. He didn't and I did appreciate that.
But he did what he needed to do, perhaps just
for his own ego and his own that.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Part I was okay with yeah, going to say that's
that's tough to sleep.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
In the same bed with someone you just who you
just broke up with.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
And you're surrounded by couples who are enjoying themselves and
like each other. That's tough.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
I kept thinking about how hard that must have been
for him, and she was. You know, she did say
some very insensitive things like I'm free from the shackles
of a man. She came back and said that stuff.
That's not okay, that wasn't cool. I didn't cause he
just I thought for the most part, he he I
felt for him. I hurt for him.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yah, He've made very few missed ups, even the ones
he made. You almost okay, you understood, all right, We'll
stay with us, folks. We got a couple more to
go through here, including the big one. Robot is going
to explain why Prince Charming just does not exist and
you need to get it out of your head right now. Also, friends, first,
(17:53):
apparently it actually does work, and ask yourself this right now.
Think about the last last person you broke up with.
Do you have kind words to say about them? Right now? Hey,
(18:15):
the folks, we continue with our big thank you for
the cast of Love Island, USA for showing us all
what to do and what not to do sometimes in relationship.
With so many relationship lessons, We've gone through several of
them already. Rose. But right now, can I ask you,
do you have if you need it to say kind
words about your xxes? Could you write a speech almost
(18:40):
phrasing them?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I mean I could have some kind things to say,
for sure, but it'd be very hard to give a
speech about it, especially right after the breakup. That would
feel almost impossible with some distance in some years. Yes,
you could have some moments of reflection, how about you?
Could you?
Speaker 1 (18:55):
No, absolutely not. I would never ever like I'm sitting
here right now and feeling physically ill about the idea
of potentially trying to put something together to something like
we saw last night. As a matter of you can
point out there were good things or positive traits about
somebody you're in a relationship with, And certainly if you
(19:16):
were in a relationship with anybody for any significant amount
of time, not every single moment and every single day
was bad. So there's got to be something in there.
But the idea of now putting yourself or putting myself
I should speak too in that position and what does
that say about me and those relationships that could be
for me? It's just a personal I'm not putting myself
in any mindset. Maybe it's an indication of how those
(19:38):
relationships ended I had. Yeah, well I had two divorces,
one bad, but the rest of my relationships hasn't been
an issue necessarily ending badly. But still that idea of
doing that is still after years is not something I'm
in a position today.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
It's funny when you say it does make me feel
physically ill to think about. I don't know. What does
that say about it?
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Don't know, says something about us or about the relationships.
I don't know, And some people might just be different,
like no, I don't of course I don't want to
do that. It's just like some people say, no, I
don't want to be friends with my ex. Yeah, don't
hate them, don't wish them any ill will Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
I wish nothing but the best. But I don't want
anything to do and I don't want to you know,
I don't even want my brain or my energy to
go there. That just takes a lot. I again, I
was so super impressed with the ability of them to
say kind things about each other.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
One side lesson here for everybody, and I know you're
on board with this. They go from a night at
the dinner, he doesn't want to carry her, she is crying.
She say, I'm free from the shackles of a man.
But then once they got just twenty four hours distance
from it, they were able to just calm down and
speak differently. That often happens in the moment. It's different.
You just think on it for a second, take a
(20:48):
little sleep, and you come back and go, Okay, I
shouldn't have said dad or But that was another example
right in front of us how they could go from
that to that if they just got a little rest
or separation from the moment.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
That's true, that's good. That's a very important lesson to
learn in life from this show is that when you're
having even an argument with someone, you're still in a
relationship with man, if you can just take a beat
sometimes and just wait and let the emotion do what
it's going to do, and then let logic make better
choices for what comes out of your mouth.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
All right, The last couple lessons here what having to
do with friends, Oh, Nicko and Orlandry, I guess are
the best example people.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Talk about and and Iris and Pepe. They were both
of them, Both of those couples were just friends and
were helping each other navigate other romantic relationships in the villa.
Does that sound familiar, TJ?
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Hey does? We talk about this all the time, And
several people who have come to us reached out to us,
even our Yahoo column, talking about looking for someone looking
like I'm trying to find someone to date, and we
have said, don't dismiss the fact that person might be
in your life right now and you ain't thinking about
them at all. In that way, we can raise our
hands and attest to that absolutely being the case. And
(22:00):
this last night to see it on display Nicko Orlandria
that though in Iris and Pepe, this wasn't just they
hooked up later, they were actively not even considering each other,
helping each other. Dat d yes.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
And that's what you and you and I were literally
helping each other in our relationships. You would say, hey,
this is happening. What do you think? And I'd say, hey,
this is happening. What do you think? We were genuinely,
without any any other designs, leaning on each other. And
that's exactly what we saw happen out of two out
of the four couples in the final four. I actually
wanted I actually wrote down what Landria said because I
thought it was so cool. She said, I really think
(22:33):
the foundation to a great relationship is always friendship. When
there are no expectations and no pressure, the person standing
by you through it all may actually be the person
you were meant to find. That spoke to me obviously
because of our relationship, know what, and no pressure, she said,
no expectations and no pressure, and that is when actually
(22:54):
you get to know a person. You're not putting on airs.
You're not putting your best foot forward in the sense
like hey, I want you to think I'm hot, or
hey I want you to think I'm cool. You're just
being yourself. And when you can fall in love with
that person, it's kind of amazing, and you're.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
I get you're ultimately you're setting yourself, you're setting yourself
up for success, and you don't even realize you said
putting on airs. This idea that I always say, We'll
say it all the time. When you meet somebody for
the first time, at first start dating, you're only meeting there.
Representative and you're not going to meet the actual just
sending that person in to represent.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Them and the best version of themselves.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Until it's time for you to meet the ree of them.
But when you because you have an expectation that this
person wants this, or we're going to be this eventually,
or we could get married. So yeah, you behave differently
when you just have a friend who is burping in
front of you and chewing their food funny, and we'll
drink and get a mess with you and you have
(23:51):
to help them home sometime and you hear them all
the messy parts because it's a friend and you You
are learning to grow in love with someone because of
who they are and not because of what they represent
in your life or could potentially represent. That changes everything
it actually does. So now I'm sitting here with you.
(24:11):
You could do all kinds of outlandish ish, but I
know you as a friend. First. You have done things
to me as a partner that don't mean to life. No,
But what I'm saying the point there is the only
reason you can get away with that is because I
know you and the foundation as a friend first. The
only reason if we were just dating and I only
(24:33):
started like, well, I'll be like, way, hey, you remember
in month two, where's that girl? She was awesome? Bring
her back?
Speaker 2 (24:39):
That's so funny, right, we don't have that experience, we
we you know, and yes that I think we were.
We got closest at your lowest, lowest point. And when
you see all the ugly and you don't have any
intention about actually being romantic with that person and you
accept them for who they are, and then the romance
comes later, it's because that's a part of it. You
(25:01):
knew them at their worst, you've known them at their worst.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
But you know, I know that you weren't being careful
in some minutes and trying some moments, are trying to
hide something from it, you know good, and hell, well
I wasn't trying to hide. So it's not like you're
having to know. We don't have to wonder where the
other is coming from and what the others really thinking
about the other's behavior or what does that issue mean.
We've seen it all as friends, and yes, when either
(25:27):
one of us behaves badly, when I get too quiet
after a fight, when it goes for four days and
you've gotten better, you've seen it, Yes, you've so you
don't have to take it so first. Those things are
so key, and I thought that was cool. The two
out of the four genuinely and we saw genuinely them
not be interested in each other.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
They didn't have like romantic or sexual designs on one
another initially.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
All right, and the last one here, folks, if y'all
are believers in prince charming, please and all of your
hate messages to one Miss Amy Robot. I'm gonna let you.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
You know I will, because look, and I said this,
Amaya and Brian were adorable. I am rooting for them.
I hope they write off into the sunset together to
use a fairy tale phrase, but I did it. It
was a little bit of a red flag because I know, Amaya,
I used to be you, and I think so many
of us girls are. We watch these rom coms, and
(26:20):
I did see someone write a really interesting article about
how Love Island USA is kind of the new rom
com for younger women of this generation because we don't
necessarily have the prince charming, the pretty woman type of
theme anymore, because that's uncool, that it's not woke, because
you shouldn't. The happiness isn't finding your prince but still,
(26:40):
deep down, I think that narrative is in so many
of us girls. And I heard Amaya, even just in
the finale, make more than four references of Brian. Makes
me feel like fairy tales are real? She calls him.
Is that my prince? She said, every decision led me
to you, my prince Charming. She had this whole narrative
of him being prince Charming. And when you listen to
(27:01):
their speeches to one another, their representatives were praising the
other's representative and that I get that they're heady and
that new love, that feeling of being in love and excited.
But what they do is they put each other up
on these pedestals. You know what, I'm thinking, You're there
for me, no matter what. I can be myself in
front of you. Are you really being yourself in this
(27:22):
idealistic bubble? I just worry because when you fall in
love with the best version of someone and they haven't
had the opportunity of getting into the messiness of real life,
and how hard that struggle is and how sometimes divisive
that can be because you don't actually but when you
start thinking, we think all the same things, we love,
all the same things, you start getting this image or
(27:44):
picture of what it should be and what it is.
But actually it's just the tip of the icebreak, and
so I just worry, so worry.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
But shouldn't it start like that? Shouldn't we be worried
if you don't start off with all the butterflies? Shouldn't
you be as hopeful and Disney princess.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
As ever can be hopeful? But with but you have
to have a real like they're like, it's gonna get ugly,
and he's not always he's not always gonna think what
I do is he's not always going to like what
I say or do or this she has the zoomis
she's I am going to annoy him? Her running around
(28:19):
like she just gets lots of energy. Yeah, but like you,
I think you have to like it's it's scary. I
think it's dangerous to think that all of my crazy
he loves and thinks it's adorable. It's it just.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Its yes, but he should right now?
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Right? What?
Speaker 1 (28:36):
What did?
Speaker 2 (28:37):
What have you said to me? Which we you say
it in a in a much more realistic way that
makes me laugh. You've said this to me when we started,
like maybe even probably in that first year when we
were romantic.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
You said, what to me, If I start finding your
little quirks annoying, we're in trouble. There are little things
everybody does. Somebody right now, every every woman, every man
listening can think of one thing that the person ever
relationship more than what does that annoy? That is just annoying?
And if you think about it, has it gotten more
(29:07):
annoying over the years? Usually yes, the first year, Oh
it's my girl. Second year and like, whoof, it's still
at it? Third year, like are you fucking kidding me?
Fourth year? I don't want us to eat together all
but it goes. But you should start out, it should,
shouldn't we all? I don't want to. I get what
(29:29):
you're saying, and I guess you're right. But this idea
of taking away this fantasy, this idea, idealistic, right, is
what we should say of a prince charming coming in
and what that represents now is not just a prince
from a Disney movie. Your princes can be somebody with
a job with health insurance, who wants to have kids,
who comes from a good family. That's still a prince charming,
(29:51):
is it not? But we talk about sweeping you off
your feet and taking care of you and making you
feel like a princess always.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
I think it puts a lot of pressure on men,
and I think it creates I always say that expectations
are the thief of joy, because you have this expectation
that someone's going to do this for you and do
that for you and make you feel a certain way.
You always say nobody can make you feel anything. I
actually think people. I actually think people can make you
feel something. But you get to choose how you respond
to it. But you can acknowledge the feeling and say, wait,
(30:18):
what is it about me that's feeling this way, and
not point the finger at the other person. But I do.
It's not that I want to believe I love a
rom com, I love happy endings. Who doesn't. But I
just get worried when these kids are young, and I
sound so old right now and have had just enough
experience and relationships to know that I just I always
(30:41):
just want to warn young women, like, yes, relationships can
be beautiful, and yes, it's fun to be able to
say that man's going to take care of me in
my emotional needs and physical needs and all of the above.
But at a certain point you just have to remember
you have to be You have to be that person
for yourself, and that other person, your partner can supplement
and bring joy to your life, but they can't be
(31:02):
your source of joy, and they can't be your source
of being saved. You have to save yourself. You have
to love yourself. And I know that sounds cheesy, but
I just get worried because I do think that was
in my head and it was probably a cause of
a lot of suffering from me and a lot of
bad choices and relationships because I think us women, a
lot of us are looking for that. Maybe younger generations
are not so much. I think that a lot of
women are or young girls are changing what they expect.
(31:25):
But I just I heard that. I saw that, and
it resonated with me, and I thought, ooh, just let's
not get too far into this prince charm?
Speaker 1 (31:32):
And how and what age were you before you figured
that out? Right? That's why I say they're young and whatnot?
What you described about the fantasy things, I didn't figure
that stuff out until I was early.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Forties, probably same, I would say it was in my
late thirties. I think early forties. It all comes crashing
down like what I don't well, just crashing down because
you built up this fantasy. You build up these expectations,
and it's unfair to your partner.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Truly expectations.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Are you talking about the person is going to make
me happy? This person is going to take care of
me no matter what. This person is going to support me.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Oh yeah, that's enough. Okay, that drives me great. Anything
I hear this person makes me happy. I stop you
in your tracks. Anytime you even say that to me
about me making you happy, that I can't make you anything.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
I always say you make me laugh.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
I can't make you laughing, Yes you can? Okay, well, folk,
This has been quite a turn from covering the Ditty trial.
Every day we got a chance to, we talked about this.
We would have probably been covering this every single day,
but the Ditty trial had us putting out all those updates.
But this has been fun. It has been interesting, it
has been serious, and it's been silly. It's been fun
to be able to, no matter what what side of
(32:44):
the aisle you're on, where you live in the country,
what everybody is dealing with relationships, even if you're not
in one and have no desire for one. You got friendships,
you got coworkers, you.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Got every children, parents, Human.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Relation is was the Dolly Loma quote you said. He said,
you can survive without you.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Can't survive without what human connection?
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Human connection? That's what an affection, that's what he said.
So we appreciate you all joining us along for this.
This has been fun for robes. Not kind of I'm happy.
I'm kind of happy it's over, and that the conversations
robes we've had. It also highlighted some nastiness about how
(33:27):
we view these folks folks on TV, and how we
treat them. It's it's been the toughest season in terms
of I guess some of the bullying, cyberbullying as they've
been calling.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Yeah, and there were so many lessons in that too,
that these folks are human beings who have parents and
children and brothers and sisters, and so I hope everyone
learned not just lessons in relationships, but also lessons and
how we should be treating one another and treating ourselves. So, yes,
thank you. I'm actually like, I want to know what
the next one is. I'm a little sad it's over.
(33:56):
I love this, I love learning I love. It's great
to be entertained and to learn something in the process,
and I think that's what Love Island, USA was able
to do. So can't wait for season eight.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Well, the only we do not we have not been
coming on here. We do not criticize these Islanders, and
we do not criticize these producers of the show peacock
nothing and how they go about it about it. But
there's one thing I would put in the suggestion box.
Stop with the slow mo. Y.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Yes, agreed, that's what I got. We're like ew ew.
We were watching with our daughters even they were saying
ew too much, and.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
The audio of it is felt like I was watching
the substance all over again with all.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
The body horror. I think that's a great note to
end on. Thank you all for listening to us. We
appreciate you and hope you all have a wonderful day.
Hey, there are folks, it is Monday, July fourteenth, and
it does not matter who you were rooting for in
the Love Island USA finale. It doesn't matter if Pepe
and Irish were your favorite. It doesn't matter if you
want a christ and who do to work out, doesn't
matter if Brian and Amayah were your two that you loved,
or if it was Nick and Orlandria. We don't care
(00:22):
about that stuff. What we care about is that those
Islanders continued continued last night, doing a public service for
all of us who are in or hope to be
in relationships and robes. They saved their best for last
because the season finale was chock full of relationship lessons,
chief among them, don't choose sleep over sex and Prince
(00:46):
Charming is total bullshit. And with that, welcome to this
Love Island USA edition of Amy TJ, where we go
beyond those hot bods, the kissing games, and the hideaway
suites to identify the real relationship issue sprinkled throughout the
hit show. Yes, we watch it for some of the lessons,
but a lot of people talking about just the reaction
to what happened last night, yours is I thought.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
That America got it right. I think that they seemed
to be the most hopeful couple of them all in
terms of their dedication to one another, what they want
after they leave the villa. So I thought that it
was perfect. I really liked who America chose. Of course,
it was Amaya and Brian. What I didn't love was
all of the slow moo kissing and dancing. I could
(01:31):
have done with few, much fewer moments of that that.
I do like the music. I do get swept up
in it, I'll admit, but the slow mo stuff was
really They lost me on.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
That, and the music's gotten better over the each they
had hit music. That's how I hit well. I mean
even the yeah that's like wow, it amazing show. So
they have can afford the rights to some songs apparently now,
But no, that was cool with Yeah. My surprise was
Iris and Pepe being the fourth favorite. I think that
threw me. And you were at the time I was
(02:00):
in the front with the girls. We thought we were
going to wake you up. We all just screamed, well.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah, oh you didn't wake me up because I was
I think at that point in deep or ram sleep.
But this morning when I went back and watched what
I missed. I actually it makes sense because they were
They weren't controversial, They didn't have anything that made them
stood out or made somebody really want to vote for
them one way or the other. Because they just were pleasant. Yeah,
so I get that.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Fine, and we almost think they actually don't need our help.
They're gonna be okay.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
There's some degree it felt like that. So that was
all fun and it's in the books. Congrats to Peacock
for what they pulled off. This is a cultural phenomenon
that everybody is talking about for good reasons, bad reasons,
and just for the fact that it's a hit show.
But it's this thing is going to continue. And yet
really you find one of these, it's just impressive to
see how this thing is wrong.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I told you, I woke up this morning impressed that
The New York Times is covering Love Island. I mean,
that's how much of a juggernaut it is. You know,
You've got major media outlets that typically save most of
their space for the conflict with Iran or Russia and Ukraine,
and here we are The New York Times talking about
Love Island.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
They still hit Russia and Ukraine. But but yes, that
just that lets you know, and this is a big deal,
and look, we watch it for entertainment purposes. Is how
it initially started when you got me into it, But
then I just kind of fell in love with these
relationship moments that took place, like real relationship moments and
fights and how people get over it. And we are
able to identify things that we have gone through and
(03:25):
other people are so in this last one, whoo they
went at it. So, folks, all of these you need
to ask yourself. These are the questions and lessons the
Islanders left us with from the season finale. So what
if you applied all these to your own relationship? One lesson?
Think about this? Ask yourself? Have you prioritized sleep over
sex with your partner? Two? What's the right time and
(03:47):
place for breakup? Three? Can you truly just be friends
after dating someone? Four? Giving your partner a literal countdown
to do what you want? It's probably not a good idea.
Five ask yourself this, do you have kind words to
say about your ex at the moment you broke up?
And if not, what does that say? Point six? Half
(04:09):
of the couples in the finale well, they were just
friends before they got together. We've been trying to tell y'all.
And then point seven is one that Roebok wants to
make because she is going to burst your prince charming bubble.
Am I saying that the right way? Yes, okay, correct,
that is correct, And we say the best one for last.
But let's start with the one off the top rope.
This was a big deal and conflict started and we're like, oh, hell,
(04:32):
we thought there's just gonna be a pleasant episode, but
Houdah and Chris got into a fight over something that
happened in bed.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
You know. And it's interesting because we were rooting for them.
They had seemingly gotten over their relationship issues, their families
brought them closer together. And then you know what, I
think it was less about sleepover sex and more about
someone Hudah imposing what she wanted over what the other
person wanted, prioritizing her needs over her partners. Oh that
was the issue.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Okay, let's talp want to take you on that one.
It just happened to happen in bed, Yeah, and it
just happened to be over sleep and sex. But this
was an issue for her that wasn't necessarily.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
About sex, correct. She wanted what she wanted when she
wanted it, and she didn't take her partners needs and
desires into consideration. And look, we've all been guilty of that,
but it was very obvious that that's what Huda was doing.
She wanted to feel loved, she wanted she maybe she
was feeling needy, maybe she was feeling insecure, and he
really wanted to sleep, like genuinely says, this is an
(05:31):
important part of my life, and so he just didn't
respond to her. Maybe that wasn't the best way to
handle it when she was trying to get his attention,
when she wanted to cuddle, when she wanted some physical connection. Yeah,
maybe he could have said, bebe, I appreciate, I love you,
and just please know I love you, but I am
so tired and I need to sleep right now. But
instead he ignored her because he was irritated, which then
(05:53):
made her become more irritating.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Okay, so how do we handle everybody that's watching that moment?
So I took it one sleep over second, let's just
talk about that for a second, because how many times
couples do with that. Yes, somebody goes to bed early.
Somebody's exhausted, had a longer day, the other one sitting
there horny as hell. What is the balance? And you
said she was prioritizing her needs over his. Is there
(06:16):
any room for him to not prioritize his needs sleep
over what hers might have been a tention affection intimacy.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I think there could have been a compromise. I think
he could have said to her, Hey, babe, I love you.
Please feel free to snuggle up next to me, but
I got to sleep. And then she just doesn't feel rejected. See,
Chris has felt rejected so many times, and Hudah has
felt rejected, and so I think that's what happened. In
a way. Maybe it was another passive aggressive Maybe she
annoyed him and he was like, yeah, you've completely dismissed
(06:47):
me so many times. I'm gonna do the same thing
right back to you, because ignoring someone is never a
good thing. But then she behaved even worse, and that's
what ended up happening, where she gave him an ultimatum.
She did a countdown like a mom to a child
that ain't ever gonna go over. Well.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I didn't think about it this way when we put
this as a topic. But like both of them did
almost everything wrong, they did right, and they didn't prioritize,
they didn't think about the other. They weren't considered. They
weren't kind to their partner in that moment. Look, we
all have bad moments. We just happened to see theirs
play out. And it is a lesson to us all. Obviously,
you never whatever. You don't put your adult partner on
(07:23):
a countdown anything. If you don't call me back in
five minutes, if you don't whatever the countdown is, you
don't do that. You just do not. I don't know
how that.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Is never ends well, works an ultimatum, a countdown, It's
that is a huge relationship. No, no it. If you
have to do that, you got other issues and then
you doing that makes it way worse.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Okay, So they christ and who would have been teaching
us a lot of lessons the past three episodes of
those last three episodes, and this was yet another one
that they taught. Now this led to them eventually Robes
breaking up. So and this leads us to the second
lesson we were talking about here. But they they break
up in the finale when everybody's supposed to be getting
together and thinking about a future. So this is where
we end up. But they do it in the most
(08:08):
It was a beautiful set up, all the dates. I
think this and maybe pepping an iris on the sailboat, yes,
that was cool. But this was a beautiful setting. They
had a beautiful meal. A singer came out that was awkward, hilarious,
It's crazy. But here is my question day, what is
the right time place? Is there a proper way to
(08:29):
break up? Meaning? Is text always a bad idea? Over
the phone always a bad idea? Should it always be
done face to face? And if so, is it ever
okay to do it face to face in public?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Ooh okay, so text absolutely not never?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Okay, phone call?
Speaker 2 (08:45):
I guess maybe if you're a long distance you might
not have another option, but you're not preferable.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
We're going to say we're in town. We're all in town.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Okay, So no, no to that. Yes, it has to happen.
You have to give the other person enough respect to
at least do it in person. I believe it's hard.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Now I'll hit to the next part. They're doing it.
What if you're sitting in a restaurant you're sitting. They
weren't in a crowded restaurant, But what do you do there?
Is it? Should it always be a completely private thing?
Is it ever okay to be out at a bar,
at a dinner and in the relationship after the appetizers
kind of a thing.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
So I have had a situation where someone started to
do that with me in a public place, and I
was so resentful of it because now you can't actually
feel what you want to feel. You're you're on display
in a sense, and you're put into a place of
pressure where you don't get to have the reaction that
you might want to have.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
So that might have been the motivation in doing it
in public.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Exactly, And so it feels manipulative and it doesn't feel
good at all. So I don't think that that's ever
a good idea. I think it's got to I think
it should be a private moment where each person gets
to say how they feel without people watching them and
looking at them. Obviously, they were on national television, so
they had an audience regardless of where they were, if
they were in the hideaway or not. Maybe that would
(10:02):
have been the only way they could have done it
in private. But no, I don't if anyone out there
listening has ever been broken up with in public or
decided like you know how that feels. It feels. It
just feels terrible. It adds, it adds more suffering to
the already uncomfortable, difficult situation.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, I excuse me, there, Yeah, this one, and this
got awkward when this might have been the funniest moment.
But I give them credit. It was a good edit.
The singer comes out and it appeared that she was playing,
and she had a time, she had a cue if
you will, that a certain time she was supposed to
come out and sing a romantic song. They were in
the middle of a fight, in the middle of breaking up,
(10:43):
and she's singing some I think it was a beautiful zone.
But they cut some other version or some of the
song in which the lyrics then matched the moment where
it wasn't going great. I thought it was a good edit,
but it was an awkward moment. But it made me
think about the idea of doing it in a public place,
To do it in a place where you expect that
person to be able to monitor.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
There, Well, yeah, if you're afraid someone's going to be volatile.
I mean, don't they always say when your boss, Like
sometimes if you get taken out to lunch, that's when
you get fired. Like they do it on purpose so
you don't have an emotional reaction, so they can control
you in a controlled environment. So it's manipulative.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
So these two broke up. We move on to the
next thing here ropes. They had these ceremonies where they
almost seem like they're a wedding ceremony, giving these little vows.
You grow to your vows. They went through all this,
but Huda and Chris were too. We stick with them
where they did have very nice, very nice and glowing
things to say about each other. Two points on this
again a relationship issue here, Ask yourself, can you can
(11:38):
you truly be friends with somebody after dating them? Can
you like truly like we go from we were partners
and living together and for three years and now we
broke up and we're just genuinely going to be friends.
Can that happens? Yes?
Speaker 2 (11:53):
I think that can happen. I've seen it with other people.
I've never experienced that, Menita, but I do think it
and I don't want to imagine that. I know what's
going on inside anyone else's relationship. But I would venture
to say that it's likely there wasn't that passion between them.
So if you don't like some relationships aren't romantically passionate,
(12:15):
and if you don't have that all or nothing feeling
about that person, it might be much easier to say, hey,
I like you, but just not in that way, and
we figured it out over time and that way. In
those types of relationships, I think you can be friends.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Again. I've never experienced it.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
I've never experienced it either.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
I have never had a desire, nor have I for
it in the least bit. I thought it was interesting
that he when she said, hey, you make sure we
get together late and we have some common friends. You're
sure you're going to be cool, he was like, no,
I'm not going to promise you or tell you that
everything's going to be okay. I guess people can be
in different places. I just don't get from the person
being dumped from the person being hurt, how we can
(12:54):
go back to a friendship. It seems difficult.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Chris seems like, well he was the hurt party, and
I also was kind of I was so impressed with him.
Huda announces to everybody. She actually said to the whole group,
I Chris wanted to continue outside of the villa, but
I just wanted to be friends. So she basically, in
front of all these folks they've been with for two months,
told everybody that Chris wanted me, but I didn't want him.
(13:18):
And he handled it with such class and such grace.
I was so impressed by him. And then even hearing
his speech to her, he was kind, he was loving,
he was gentle, and he, to me, was the one
who seemed like, I don't want to say the wronged party,
but the dumped party in a sense. And I just
thought he handled it so well. I was so impressed
(13:39):
with him, And I actually was impressed with her speech too,
because she talked about instead of look how many times
when you break up with someone or you're broken up
with you immediately go, he did this, and he did that,
and why did he have to do instead? She said,
here's what I learned about me. Here's what you taught me.
I needed to grow, I needed to be grounded, I
needed to I like what you said. She said that
he taught her how to have a more emotional connection
(14:00):
rather than a physical one, so I just thought about
this as an applicable learning tool. If you're in a
situation where you are breaking up with someone, Instead of
immediately going to say how the other person is bad
and wrong and horrible and all those things, if you
could just say what did I learn from this relationship?
And what did I learn about myself? And how can
I be a better partner for my next relationship. I
(14:23):
thought that was just a really cool way to think
about breaking up.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I want to point out as a part of this,
I want Everett, you and I talk about this all
the time. There are behaviors we can look on the
show and go, wow, I see that, but it's hard
for us to apply to ourselves. Chris did something last
night when she dumped him, for lack of a better phrase, there,
he reacted in a way I know you noticed we
haven't talked about this, but he immediately went into yeah,
(14:51):
it's good. Why don't you just tell me I knew
those Probably case you could tell that was pride. There
was ego, yes hurt, Yes he was hurt, so he
was trying to protect himself. I was saying, yeah, I
knew it. Anyway, ain't no sweat off my back. And
you can stop for a second. How many of us
have led that pride and that ego getting the way
in that moment and it led him to and this
is love, Chris. There were a couple of missteps. He
(15:15):
wouldn't carry it back over the water.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
That was tough.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
He wouldn't carry back over the water. And I get
why that was difficult for him. But in that moment,
ask all of ourselves, when when you're hurt like that,
how do you react? And we often do that by
protecting ourselves with pride and ego, and sometimes it comes
out in a way that Chris isn't going to be
(15:39):
proud of. He looked like a jerk, not a gentleman,
and not loving. This is somebody you still care about, right,
She didn't slap you, she didn't cheat on you. You
still care about her. I know it's fresh, but in
those moments, I just if you stop everybody and just
look and see it happening there, and then go back
in your own world and look and see how you
reacted that way when you were hurt. It was pride,
(16:02):
it you know what?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
It was so interesting. So when so Huda was crying
and he came back as he got up and left.
He came back, she was crying. I thought that maybe
he thought she had second thoughts, that maybe she was
just and he was going to call her bluff and
when she was kind of like, no, I'm I'm just
sad because you know, we are over, and I think
that was like an extra wound. I think when he
(16:26):
came back, he thought maybe she might have second thoughts,
or she might change her mind, or maybe she was
just posturing, and I think it was like an extra
punch to the gut. And that's why he was like, nah,
I'm not I'm not walking you over. So she had
to take her heels off, lift up her dress, and
walk because they were literally walking on water or through
water to get to their very romantic, beautiful table.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
You're right.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
And then the other thing he did, he refused to
sleep in the hideaway. Sorry, in the hideaway, he refused
to sleep with the group the final night and went out.
And that's fine. He didn't huff and pop, he didn't
make a scene. He didn't and I did appreciate that.
But he did what he needed to do, perhaps just
for his own ego and his own that.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Part I was okay with yeah, going to say that's
that's tough to sleep.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
In the same bed with someone you just who you
just broke up with.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
And you're surrounded by couples who are enjoying themselves and
like each other. That's tough.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
I kept thinking about how hard that must have been
for him, and she was. You know, she did say
some very insensitive things like I'm free from the shackles
of a man. She came back and said that stuff.
That's not okay, that wasn't cool. I didn't cause he
just I thought for the most part, he he I
felt for him. I hurt for him.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yah, He've made very few missed ups, even the ones
he made. You almost okay, you understood, all right, We'll
stay with us, folks. We got a couple more to
go through here, including the big one. Robot is going
to explain why Prince Charming just does not exist and
you need to get it out of your head right now. Also, friends, first,
(17:53):
apparently it actually does work, and ask yourself this right now.
Think about the last last person you broke up with.
Do you have kind words to say about them? Right now? Hey,
(18:15):
the folks, we continue with our big thank you for
the cast of Love Island, USA for showing us all
what to do and what not to do sometimes in relationship.
With so many relationship lessons, We've gone through several of
them already. Rose. But right now, can I ask you,
do you have if you need it to say kind
words about your xxes? Could you write a speech almost
(18:40):
phrasing them?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I mean I could have some kind things to say,
for sure, but it'd be very hard to give a
speech about it, especially right after the breakup. That would
feel almost impossible with some distance in some years. Yes,
you could have some moments of reflection, how about you?
Could you?
Speaker 1 (18:55):
No, absolutely not. I would never ever like I'm sitting
here right now and feeling physically ill about the idea
of potentially trying to put something together to something like
we saw last night. As a matter of you can
point out there were good things or positive traits about
somebody you're in a relationship with, And certainly if you
(19:16):
were in a relationship with anybody for any significant amount
of time, not every single moment and every single day
was bad. So there's got to be something in there.
But the idea of now putting yourself or putting myself
I should speak too in that position and what does
that say about me and those relationships that could be
for me? It's just a personal I'm not putting myself
in any mindset. Maybe it's an indication of how those
(19:38):
relationships ended I had. Yeah, well I had two divorces,
one bad, but the rest of my relationships hasn't been
an issue necessarily ending badly. But still that idea of
doing that is still after years is not something I'm
in a position today.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
It's funny when you say it does make me feel
physically ill to think about. I don't know. What does
that say about it?
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Don't know, says something about us or about the relationships.
I don't know, And some people might just be different,
like no, I don't of course I don't want to
do that. It's just like some people say, no, I
don't want to be friends with my ex. Yeah, don't
hate them, don't wish them any ill will Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
I wish nothing but the best. But I don't want
anything to do and I don't want to you know,
I don't even want my brain or my energy to
go there. That just takes a lot. I again, I
was so super impressed with the ability of them to
say kind things about each other.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
One side lesson here for everybody, and I know you're
on board with this. They go from a night at
the dinner, he doesn't want to carry her, she is crying.
She say, I'm free from the shackles of a man.
But then once they got just twenty four hours distance
from it, they were able to just calm down and
speak differently. That often happens in the moment. It's different.
You just think on it for a second, take a
(20:48):
little sleep, and you come back and go, Okay, I
shouldn't have said dad or But that was another example
right in front of us how they could go from
that to that if they just got a little rest
or separation from the moment.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
That's true, that's good. That's a very important lesson to
learn in life from this show is that when you're
having even an argument with someone, you're still in a
relationship with man, if you can just take a beat
sometimes and just wait and let the emotion do what
it's going to do, and then let logic make better
choices for what comes out of your mouth.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
All right, The last couple lessons here what having to
do with friends, Oh, Nicko and Orlandry, I guess are
the best example people.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Talk about and and Iris and Pepe. They were both
of them, Both of those couples were just friends and
were helping each other navigate other romantic relationships in the villa.
Does that sound familiar, TJ?
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Hey does? We talk about this all the time, And
several people who have come to us reached out to us,
even our Yahoo column, talking about looking for someone looking
like I'm trying to find someone to date, and we
have said, don't dismiss the fact that person might be
in your life right now and you ain't thinking about
them at all. In that way, we can raise our
hands and attest to that absolutely being the case. And
(22:00):
this last night to see it on display Nicko Orlandria
that though in Iris and Pepe, this wasn't just they
hooked up later, they were actively not even considering each other,
helping each other. Dat d yes.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
And that's what you and you and I were literally
helping each other in our relationships. You would say, hey,
this is happening. What do you think? And I'd say, hey,
this is happening. What do you think? We were genuinely,
without any any other designs, leaning on each other. And
that's exactly what we saw happen out of two out
of the four couples in the final four. I actually
wanted I actually wrote down what Landria said because I
thought it was so cool. She said, I really think
(22:33):
the foundation to a great relationship is always friendship. When
there are no expectations and no pressure, the person standing
by you through it all may actually be the person
you were meant to find. That spoke to me obviously
because of our relationship, know what, and no pressure, she said,
no expectations and no pressure, and that is when actually
(22:54):
you get to know a person. You're not putting on airs.
You're not putting your best foot forward in the sense
like hey, I want you to think I'm hot, or
hey I want you to think I'm cool. You're just
being yourself. And when you can fall in love with
that person, it's kind of amazing, and you're.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
I get you're ultimately you're setting yourself, you're setting yourself
up for success, and you don't even realize you said
putting on airs. This idea that I always say, We'll
say it all the time. When you meet somebody for
the first time, at first start dating, you're only meeting there.
Representative and you're not going to meet the actual just
sending that person in to represent.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Them and the best version of themselves.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Until it's time for you to meet the ree of them.
But when you because you have an expectation that this
person wants this, or we're going to be this eventually,
or we could get married. So yeah, you behave differently
when you just have a friend who is burping in
front of you and chewing their food funny, and we'll
drink and get a mess with you and you have
(23:51):
to help them home sometime and you hear them all
the messy parts because it's a friend and you You
are learning to grow in love with someone because of
who they are and not because of what they represent
in your life or could potentially represent. That changes everything
it actually does. So now I'm sitting here with you.
(24:11):
You could do all kinds of outlandish ish, but I
know you as a friend. First. You have done things
to me as a partner that don't mean to life. No,
But what I'm saying the point there is the only
reason you can get away with that is because I
know you and the foundation as a friend first. The
only reason if we were just dating and I only
(24:33):
started like, well, I'll be like, way, hey, you remember
in month two, where's that girl? She was awesome? Bring
her back?
Speaker 2 (24:39):
That's so funny, right, we don't have that experience, we
we you know, and yes that I think we were.
We got closest at your lowest, lowest point. And when
you see all the ugly and you don't have any
intention about actually being romantic with that person and you
accept them for who they are, and then the romance
comes later, it's because that's a part of it. You
(25:01):
knew them at their worst, you've known them at their worst.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
But you know, I know that you weren't being careful
in some minutes and trying some moments, are trying to
hide something from it, you know good, and hell, well
I wasn't trying to hide. So it's not like you're
having to know. We don't have to wonder where the
other is coming from and what the others really thinking
about the other's behavior or what does that issue mean.
We've seen it all as friends, and yes, when either
(25:27):
one of us behaves badly, when I get too quiet
after a fight, when it goes for four days and
you've gotten better, you've seen it, Yes, you've so you
don't have to take it so first. Those things are
so key, and I thought that was cool. The two
out of the four genuinely and we saw genuinely them
not be interested in each other.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
They didn't have like romantic or sexual designs on one
another initially.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
All right, and the last one here, folks, if y'all
are believers in prince charming, please and all of your
hate messages to one Miss Amy Robot. I'm gonna let you.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
You know I will, because look, and I said this,
Amaya and Brian were adorable. I am rooting for them.
I hope they write off into the sunset together to
use a fairy tale phrase, but I did it. It
was a little bit of a red flag because I know, Amaya,
I used to be you, and I think so many
of us girls are. We watch these rom coms, and
(26:20):
I did see someone write a really interesting article about
how Love Island USA is kind of the new rom
com for younger women of this generation because we don't
necessarily have the prince charming, the pretty woman type of
theme anymore, because that's uncool, that it's not woke, because
you shouldn't. The happiness isn't finding your prince but still,
(26:40):
deep down, I think that narrative is in so many
of us girls. And I heard Amaya, even just in
the finale, make more than four references of Brian. Makes
me feel like fairy tales are real? She calls him.
Is that my prince? She said, every decision led me
to you, my prince Charming. She had this whole narrative
of him being prince Charming. And when you listen to
(27:01):
their speeches to one another, their representatives were praising the
other's representative and that I get that they're heady and
that new love, that feeling of being in love and excited.
But what they do is they put each other up
on these pedestals. You know what, I'm thinking, You're there
for me, no matter what. I can be myself in
front of you. Are you really being yourself in this
(27:22):
idealistic bubble? I just worry because when you fall in
love with the best version of someone and they haven't
had the opportunity of getting into the messiness of real life,
and how hard that struggle is and how sometimes divisive
that can be because you don't actually but when you
start thinking, we think all the same things, we love,
all the same things, you start getting this image or
(27:44):
picture of what it should be and what it is.
But actually it's just the tip of the icebreak, and
so I just worry, so worry.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
But shouldn't it start like that? Shouldn't we be worried
if you don't start off with all the butterflies? Shouldn't
you be as hopeful and Disney princess.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
As ever can be hopeful? But with but you have
to have a real like they're like, it's gonna get ugly,
and he's not always he's not always gonna think what
I do is he's not always going to like what
I say or do or this she has the zoomis
she's I am going to annoy him? Her running around
(28:19):
like she just gets lots of energy. Yeah, but like you,
I think you have to like it's it's scary. I
think it's dangerous to think that all of my crazy
he loves and thinks it's adorable. It's it just.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Its yes, but he should right now?
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Right? What?
Speaker 1 (28:36):
What did?
Speaker 2 (28:37):
What have you said to me? Which we you say
it in a in a much more realistic way that
makes me laugh. You've said this to me when we started,
like maybe even probably in that first year when we
were romantic.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
You said, what to me, If I start finding your
little quirks annoying, we're in trouble. There are little things
everybody does. Somebody right now, every every woman, every man
listening can think of one thing that the person ever
relationship more than what does that annoy? That is just annoying?
And if you think about it, has it gotten more
(29:07):
annoying over the years? Usually yes, the first year, Oh
it's my girl. Second year and like, whoof, it's still
at it? Third year, like are you fucking kidding me?
Fourth year? I don't want us to eat together all
but it goes. But you should start out, it should,
shouldn't we all? I don't want to. I get what
(29:29):
you're saying, and I guess you're right. But this idea
of taking away this fantasy, this idea, idealistic, right, is
what we should say of a prince charming coming in
and what that represents now is not just a prince
from a Disney movie. Your princes can be somebody with
a job with health insurance, who wants to have kids,
who comes from a good family. That's still a prince charming,
(29:51):
is it not? But we talk about sweeping you off
your feet and taking care of you and making you
feel like a princess always.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
I think it puts a lot of pressure on men,
and I think it creates I always say that expectations
are the thief of joy, because you have this expectation
that someone's going to do this for you and do
that for you and make you feel a certain way.
You always say nobody can make you feel anything. I
actually think people. I actually think people can make you
feel something. But you get to choose how you respond
to it. But you can acknowledge the feeling and say, wait,
(30:18):
what is it about me that's feeling this way, and
not point the finger at the other person. But I do.
It's not that I want to believe I love a
rom com, I love happy endings. Who doesn't. But I
just get worried when these kids are young, and I
sound so old right now and have had just enough
experience and relationships to know that I just I always
(30:41):
just want to warn young women, like, yes, relationships can
be beautiful, and yes, it's fun to be able to
say that man's going to take care of me in
my emotional needs and physical needs and all of the above.
But at a certain point you just have to remember
you have to be You have to be that person
for yourself, and that other person, your partner can supplement
and bring joy to your life, but they can't be
(31:02):
your source of joy, and they can't be your source
of being saved. You have to save yourself. You have
to love yourself. And I know that sounds cheesy, but
I just get worried because I do think that was
in my head and it was probably a cause of
a lot of suffering from me and a lot of
bad choices and relationships because I think us women, a
lot of us are looking for that. Maybe younger generations
are not so much. I think that a lot of
women are or young girls are changing what they expect.
(31:25):
But I just I heard that. I saw that, and
it resonated with me, and I thought, ooh, just let's
not get too far into this prince charm?
Speaker 1 (31:32):
And how and what age were you before you figured
that out? Right? That's why I say they're young and whatnot?
What you described about the fantasy things, I didn't figure
that stuff out until I was early.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Forties, probably same, I would say it was in my
late thirties. I think early forties. It all comes crashing
down like what I don't well, just crashing down because
you built up this fantasy. You build up these expectations,
and it's unfair to your partner.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Truly expectations.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Are you talking about the person is going to make
me happy? This person is going to take care of
me no matter what. This person is going to support me.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Oh yeah, that's enough. Okay, that drives me great. Anything
I hear this person makes me happy. I stop you
in your tracks. Anytime you even say that to me
about me making you happy, that I can't make you anything.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
I always say you make me laugh.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
I can't make you laughing, Yes you can? Okay, well, folk,
This has been quite a turn from covering the Ditty trial.
Every day we got a chance to, we talked about this.
We would have probably been covering this every single day,
but the Ditty trial had us putting out all those updates.
But this has been fun. It has been interesting, it
has been serious, and it's been silly. It's been fun
to be able to, no matter what what side of
(32:44):
the aisle you're on, where you live in the country,
what everybody is dealing with relationships, even if you're not
in one and have no desire for one. You got friendships,
you got coworkers, you.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Got every children, parents, Human.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Relation is was the Dolly Loma quote you said. He said,
you can survive without you.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Can't survive without what human connection?
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Human connection? That's what an affection, that's what he said.
So we appreciate you all joining us along for this.
This has been fun for robes. Not kind of I'm happy.
I'm kind of happy it's over, and that the conversations
robes we've had. It also highlighted some nastiness about how
(33:27):
we view these folks folks on TV, and how we
treat them. It's it's been the toughest season in terms
of I guess some of the bullying, cyberbullying as they've
been calling.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Yeah, and there were so many lessons in that too,
that these folks are human beings who have parents and
children and brothers and sisters, and so I hope everyone
learned not just lessons in relationships, but also lessons and
how we should be treating one another and treating ourselves. So, yes,
thank you. I'm actually like, I want to know what
the next one is. I'm a little sad it's over.
(33:56):
I love this, I love learning I love. It's great
to be entertained and to learn something in the process,
and I think that's what Love Island, USA was able
to do. So can't wait for season eight.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Well, the only we do not we have not been
coming on here. We do not criticize these Islanders, and
we do not criticize these producers of the show peacock
nothing and how they go about it about it. But
there's one thing I would put in the suggestion box.
Stop with the slow mo. Y.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Yes, agreed, that's what I got. We're like ew ew.
We were watching with our daughters even they were saying
ew too much, and.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
The audio of it is felt like I was watching
the substance all over again with all.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
The body horror. I think that's a great note to
end on. Thank you all for listening to us. We
appreciate you and hope you all have a wonderful day.
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