November 3, 2024 • 45 mins
Movie-goers watched Alexa PenaVega grow up on the big screen in the Spy Kids franchise. TV viewers watched her and her hubby, Carlos PenaVega, make history by being the first married couple to compete on the same season of Dancing with the Stars!
Alexa joins Cheryl to dish all about joining season 21 of DWTS, including the boundaries that she and her hubby set before joining the show, difficulties they faced as a married couple on set, what was said about her that made her feel defeated, thoughts on Mark Ballas' teaching style, and being annoyed she got bleeped in one of her packages when she didn't say a bad word!
Alexa also gets candid about the heartache of their daughter's stillbirth, how their faith helped them get through the other side of pain, and their plans for the future.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is Sex Lies and Spray Tands with me Cheryl
Burke and iHeartRadio podcast. Welcome back to Sex Lives and
Spray TNDS. Let's get right into it and let me
introduce you to our guest today. Today's guests you may
have known from the very successful Spy Kids films as
an actress and singer. She was ready to add ballroom
dancer to her resume during season twenty one of Dancing
(00:23):
with the Stars. She and her husband were also the
first married couple to compete in the same season together,
and both are strong in their faith. Our next guest
has definitely endured some life changes I can't even imagine
having to live through. So I'm so excited to get
to know her a little bit more today. Please welcome
to the podcast, Alexa PenaVega. Nice to meet you, Alexa.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
This is so I know, nice to finally meet you.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
I've heard so much about you and I read to your book.
I stalked you.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Oh my gosh, nine holy many yards. Well, well, thank
you for all the yards. Thank you. You know what,
So we have not met, but I actually saw you.
My my dad is one of the owners of this
like restaurant type place in California, and it is years ago.
I don't even remember what it was called back in
the day, what type of food it was, lavilla or
(01:18):
right now it's called mayah. It's like on Sunset and
Ivar or something. I just remember seeing you there and
I was like, she is gorgeous. But I didn't introduce
myself because I was like, she probably not gonna You.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Should have next time. Okay, next time, we'll definitely recognize
each other for sure. First of all, welcome to sex
lights and spray tans. This is heavily about dancing with
the stars, but great more about really I just want
to get to know my guess, so tell me about
yourself and what like. Who are you behind all the
(01:51):
glitz and glam of the entertainment industry?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Well, that's actually funny. I feel like we're very rarely
glitz and glam these days. I probably Dancing on the
Stars was the musklitz and graam version of us that
you got, But I don't know. I feel like we're
very truly us. So we're pretty much what you see
is what you get on social media. Except today I
did put on makeup for you. Normally, normally i'd be
(02:17):
for real momming it up.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
You're gorgeous, wither without it seriously sweet.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
We I don't know. I started acting when I was four,
so we've been in I've been in this industry for
just so many years thirty six now, so a long time.
And I think for us, when we started having kids,
we just knew that, even though we've had a great
experience in this industry, we didn't want to raise kids
(02:42):
in or around it in a space that we couldn't control. So,
like California was just really yeah off, Like we were like,
we're not raising kids here. It's just you can never
escape the industry. It's one thing to have kids on
a set that you're a part of helping control. It's
another to like send kids to school out there. I
feel like you're sending them to war.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Yeah for real, so got war for sure. I mean
I believe Alifornia based.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Oh my gosh, I can only imagine. Did you grow
up in California.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
In San Francisco. My family's from the Bay Area, but
oh my gosh, so yeah, you've been in the thick
of it and also the ballroom world, like as a competitor,
like I was traveling to England alone with my partner
at thirteen and.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, oh my gosh, Okay, so we kind of we
understand each other just because, like, you know, I grew
up on sets and I was constantly I was never home,
ever home. But for us, we were just like, you
know what, when we raise our kids, we're still going
to be in this industry, but we just want to
give them as much of a normal life as possible.
(03:41):
We're not very normal, so I don't know what we
thought what is normal. Well, so first we moved to Hawaii,
so we were living on Maui, and then we love
sailing and we're obsessed with sailing YouTube channels, so we're like,
why dont we just buy an old sailboat and sail
the world? So for the last two years we literally
(04:02):
were refitting a boat in Florida. And sailing is not
just a boat, though it's a beautiful boat. It was
an awesome boat. It's like a.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Little tiny sail boat. Okay, it wasn't.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
It wasn't. It wasn't okay, but it was. It was
a piece of work. So we had our work cut
out for us. But our kids have just lived these
really cool lives and then we really felt like God
called us to Tennessee, and we moved to Tennessee. We
had some crazy things happen in our family, which I'm
totally down to talk about, but it does get a
(04:34):
little heavy. Uh No. We got pregnant on the boat
and it was really really hard. It was it was
really hard. You know, already, raising three kids on a
boat isn't easy. You're surrounded by water, so you're just
making sure everyone stays alive, right, And then I got
pregnant and it was just a tough pregnancy. And we
couldn't go back to Lehina just because it's still healing
(04:56):
so much and a lot of people who are still
living there are now experiencing the long term effects of
breathing in all the hazardous materials that just continue to
get picked up by the wind because it's an island,
so it's just all still right there for sure. So
we just felt like God was just calling us somewhere else,
(05:18):
and we got like we just felt like, all right,
Tennessee is it. And we drove up the day. We
were both like praying together and just felt like, Okay,
this is this is the move. We drove up that
night it was pretty wild. We packed the bags through
the kids in the car and drove twelve hours and
we're like, yep.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
This is it for us, and that's where you are now.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
And that's where I am now. Yeah. And unfortunately that
pregnancy was a stillbirth, and it was so sorry, one
of the it's the hardest thing that you could ever
walk through. But truly it was an experience of like,
I just feel like God knew what kind of attack
was coming because he surrounded us with the most incredible community,
(06:00):
the greatest people, the greatest place to really be rooted in.
We weren't on a boat, thank god. That would have
been I don't even know how, like just finding my footing.
It just would have been insane. But being here was
just very life giving in a difficult season.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
So and I would assume that people there are very
real and authentic.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Oh my goodness, you know what, LA is very transactional,
and even though you can find a few good relational people,
it's just so transactional and you never know like, are
you in this because you want a real relationship? Are
you in this because you need something? It's it's tough.
It's really really tough out here. Everybody's relational to the
point where you're like, I really just need to buy
(06:45):
this and leave, but they just want to get to
know you.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
And chat and people ask like genuinely like how are
you doing, Like yeah, you really are interesting.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
They want to actually know the answer, they don't want
to Yeah, I'm good, and then like that's it, So.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Yeah, what did the what was the grief like during
that whole time?
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Holy can only girlfriend? It was? It was rough. It's
really it's very strange because it was. It was awful.
It was so so, so unbelievably awful. But there also
was this great feeling of peace that I cannot explain
(07:24):
that we experienced and somebody actually understood what I was
talking about. The other day, I was speaking with this
woman who had beat cancer six times. Okay, this woman
has experienced like near death over and over and over
again and extreme stages of cancer and she's just overcome
these battles again and again and it was amazing. And
(07:45):
I was talking to her about just this weird piece
that we've been feeling. It was like a supernatural piece
and she's like I get it, and I'm like, and
you know, no one else will understand what I'm about
to say and it's going to sound awful. And I'm
like but and she's like, let me finish the sentence
for you. I'm like okay, and she goes, do you
(08:06):
feel blessed to be chosen for this experience? And I
was just like yes, but like it's not because I
wanted And she was like no, but it's because you
had to like dig so deep into a place of
like healing and meeting God and understanding life in a
whole different way that most people don't have to experience.
(08:26):
And she's like, nobody wants to join that club. I'm like, no,
it's awful. Like if I could have her back, I
would give anything to have her back. But also what
we experienced in her loss was so much life, Like
she taught us so much and she continues to pour
into us and the questions that our kids ask and
the way we just kind of like talk about her
every day, Like there is still so much life in
(08:50):
in these loss that like she's still such a part
of everything that we do that will just break you
down than that kind of loss. And there were just
no filters, and I not that Carlos and I ever
have filters with one another. But you know, like if
things are tough as a married couple, you don't want
to sit there and wear everything on your sleeve. You know,
(09:11):
you just kind of suck it up for one another
and you're like, it's okay, we'll get through this season.
It'll be fine, which is true, Like you shouldn't want
to just like always be like everything's awful. Chouraging is hard,
marriage is hard, life is hard, but you know, you
choose to be joyful. But in this season, it was
like the first time we both were just like, you
know what, we're We're not okay, this really hurts, And
(09:36):
it was like the closest that we ever were. And
then I think from there we just almost restarted like
a whole new foundation with each other and grew in
in like an unbelievable way.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Like sometimes in a way it's like a rock bottom.
I've been sober for six years, so like still a
lot of people say, until you hit that rock bottom, yes,
whether it's within yourself you know, you find your own identity,
or within a partnership like you and Carlos, how did
you tell your kids during that time?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
That was really hard because it's just It all happened
really really quickly, and you know, we got home from
the hospital that just that day, like wow, a couple
hours later and I walk in and Ocean comes running
over and we still were like, Okay, we're going to
(10:28):
explain it to them, but we're just not gonna do
it right away. We're just gonna wait a little bit.
He comes running over and he's like and he's seven.
He's like, mommy, why is your belly small? It's like,
is Indy here? Like where is Indy? The key knew
He's like, she's not in there, so where is she?
And we knew that, Like, we couldn't lie to him.
He's so smart, he's so just intuitive. So we just
(10:51):
brought him to the other room and we had to
explain it to him and that was so hard, and
that sweet little boy just so much and all the kids,
all the kids really it's so weird because you think,
like a three year old probably not gonna understand this.
Have a three, five, and seven year old and they
all get it, like they got it right away, but
(11:11):
there are little things that you know, they still ask.
They're like, okay, so like we know she's in heaven,
but do you think God will like let her come
back here with us. And I'm just like, you, guys,
these are great questions. These are so good. But you
know what, Rio My three year old goes, Hey, Mommy,
I'm just gonna go outside and I just want to
pray a little bit because I have to tell Indy something.
(11:32):
And I was like okay, and I like open the
back door and she runs out, just stands in the sunshine,
just like puts her arms out like this and she's
just talking. So I just videoed her because I'm like,
this is the coolest thing ever. She's literally just like praying,
like asking God to deliver a message to Indie. Yeah,
like this is just it's beautiful. So it's weird, like
(11:54):
in this loss, there was so much heartache but also
so much life, and I got to say, see my
kids like on a whole new Like you always love
your kids, but when there's lost, there's just like a
double down of love, like this other level that you
didn't know existed.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
It's like gratitude for what you have and.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Heck yeah, heck yeah, it's been It's wild. It's like
it's the weirdest thing to be like, I have so
much peace and pain, but like peace.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
And two can coexist.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Yeah, well it's it's pain with purpose, and that's that's
kind of what we've been calling that season.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Your book was great.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Thank you, thank you. You're so sweet.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
So many hidden messages but also obvious messages as well.
And I really appreciate that you and Carlos have chosen
to really stick together as a family, because it's still
to let your career kind of just you know, take
you away and to you know, I always say it's
maintenance with any relationship, even Yeah, and I feel like
(12:58):
you guys have really done a great job, yet you
were still vulnerable enough to where you're like, it's just
not easy. But love is what got us through, you know.
And I'm divorced and it was it's it's does take work,
and it's like, are two people willing to work for it?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Coming from I've also been divorced, as I'm sure you know,
because you write the book.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
It's good for my listeners to know it.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
It's just interesting having to navigate that even because that's
another loss that's like a weird experience because you don't
sign up for a short term, you sign up for
a long term. Thing. But what I realized in that
was that really setting a foundation right off the bat
(13:49):
is the most important thing in your marriage. And for
for my marriage now with Carlos, we our foundation immediately,
like we were we found our faith together, and we
were like deeply, deeply rooted in our faith. So just
having that common ground was massive. And even having the
same goals, knowing like, hey, these are our goals, like
(14:12):
just for me as Alexa, you as Carlos, us as
a married couple, and then us as parents as a family,
like this is what we wanted to look like looking
toward the future. And a lot of times I just
kind of feel like we assume like, oh, I can
have my goal, you can have your goal, and maybe
somewhere we'll meet up and then this.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Is going to even discussed to be quite an or it's.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Not even discussed. And and and that's kind of what
happened in my first marriage. You know, he wasn't a
bad guy. He was just not good for me, and
vice versa, I was not good for him. We did
not have the same goals the same like journey up
ahead and and and I.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Think that's people evolve, Like at the end of the day.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Of course you're going to grow and and you're and
you're going to change your mind on things. But it's
just making sure like if you have that same goal.
And again for us, it just so happens to be
like our like our faith is our foundation, so we
both have this goal that like we're just kind of like, okay,
this is it. So things work towards that, and it's
it gives us this like common ground to work foreign towards,
(15:16):
as opposed to just kind of you know, like freestyling it.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
I mean, don't no, I can't hear you no, And
from what I know from reading about you, yes, and
that's what's I guess difference between you and Carlos in
a way. But like that's what makes I think it's
just also the way maybe you were raised. But we'll
get there. I was just going to say, to add
to what you were saying about, you know, how you
both have your faith as your foundation. It is important
(15:43):
to have similar not this is not exactly the same,
but to have similar moral values and beliefs like for sure,
and yes that could change, but not really like right
at the end of the day, you know, I mean,
it's basic stuff that you do assume that this other
person has, but nothing can be assumed until it's just gus,
which is something I've learned. Do you remember your very
(16:12):
first memory as a kid?
Speaker 2 (16:15):
My first memory, Yeah, like like the very first thing ever,
not like work, but just ever. So my first memory.
I think I was too but I remember getting out
of the bathtub and putting on these like red pink
whatever from the Sesame Street, so like whatever like monster
character was red or pink. I can't remember his name.
(16:37):
I had those slippers and I remember putting them on,
and it is just so vivid, like such a vivid memory.
And it's weird that, like I've never heard anybody ask
that question, but I actually think about that a lot.
Something I was talking with my sisters about was that
there were years that we just cannot remember, and and
(17:00):
I was talking with somebody about it, how it was
just like, like that's not normal, right, They're like, no,
that's usually trauma, very normal.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Yeah, it's PTSD, Like you don't want to remember this
fight flight or freeze. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah. So you know, one thing that I did with
Indy was EMDR and it was insredibly oh my gosh,
incredibly helpful and I think that's another reason why we
were able to It's not like we moved on, but
why we were able to move forward in the way
that we have. It's just I was able to like quickly,
(17:34):
like get to the roots of all of that pain.
So you feel it, yeah, exactly, And we put it
in a jar like so it's not like it's gone.
It's not like I'll never be able to think of
her or see her again. But we put it in
this jar where it's contained. Now, it's not spilling over.
It's like a nice sealed jar.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
You're not numbing, you're not not running exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
It's just I know it's there. If I ever need
to feel it, I do feel it. So that's something
that I do know I want to do, just on
a deeper level for so many things. So like shout
out to just the EMDR specialists out there, because it
is legit.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I do want to talk about if you don't mind
body image, because it's so am I still to this day.
And I think it's because I was a dancer for
my whole life, but and also being on TV and
being fat shamed and all of it. Like I got
major body dysmorphia, still have it. I'm a work in progress.
I know that you went you had or you were
bleamic correct.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah, I was bleemic for six years, and it was
it was it was intense. I mean it's not It
breaks my heart because if I could like go back
and just pour so much love on that girl, even
though I was still me, I still have the same personality.
I still loved people. I hated having this secret because
(18:56):
one like you're just like you feel like such a
liar and you're so ashamed of that, and you're like,
I don't want people to find out because I don't
want them to think differently of me, Like I'm still lexa,
Like I still am the way that I am. I
just I had just this overwhelming insecurity and the pressures
(19:17):
of like the people around me and the pressures of
the industry just really pushing me. Like hey, hey, and
remember this was a time and I talked about this
in the book, but remember like US Weekly was putting
Nicole Richie Ricci Nicole.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
And Nicole Richie had just lost that weight by the way, So.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Okay, yeah, so she was like this big. Lindsay Lohan
was this big, and then they also had like poor
Hillary Duff on like the cover being like, oh, like
I remember the headline, Hillary Duff puffs up, like that's
what they said on the headline, And I'm like, she
was like sixteen, Like are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (19:50):
These were normal human being Like.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
She was normal, but like we're teenagers. You go through
hormonal shifts, you go through like weight gains and stuff.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
So it was just like I women or young women
and yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Exactly, and being in this industry. So I remember being
on the set of Sleepover and it's so hard because
I can sit here and like shame the producers because
you know, how it was handled was pretty crappy because
I did gain weight while we were filming Sleepover, and
everything was like what's Alexi eating? Take that out of
(20:25):
her hand? Like it was just like not good. But
that being said, I didn't have the right tools or
the right people around me to kind of guide me
as far as like food is fuel, your body is
your temple. Like it was not. It was just not taught. Yeah,
it was like okay, well here's the deal. If you
want to have a Snickers, that's all you can have
(20:46):
all day long. It was like you can have one Snickers,
but that's all you can eat because you're gonna get fat.
And it was just the really wrong way of going
about food, right, So I just remember on that film
and look, in their defense, you cannot have a movie
where the actors are fluctuating the entire movie. You're shooting
(21:06):
out of order. So like, I will just come to
their defense on that. I think, though, there's just a
much better way to handle it with a fifteen year
old girl. I was fifteen, I was a kid. It
was a thing on set. So there was that, and
then the other thing was that I was just way
(21:28):
too expressive. So anytime I was on set and I
would raise my eyebrows because I'm like a very expressive person,
they were like, don't raise your eye like you're doing eyebrows, Alexa,
your eyebrows, your eyebrows, and I'm just I'm like being human,
so so literally it just made me want to just
do nothing. I'm like, I'm not I'm like gonna be
frozen all the time. Like when I was old enough
(21:50):
to get botox, I was like, I'm finally getting like
all the photos in the world just because it's like
and look, there's nothing wrong with that, but like for
a fifteen year old, like during Spike, we were filming
all those movies with other adults. It was the most
wonderful experience ever. It was amazing. And then to get
on that set and experience that it just like couldn't
be like, it couldn't have gone like worse. It was
(22:14):
actually the first time that my mom wasn't there because
my little sister was filming. I think I don't remember
what movie she was filming in New York, but she
was gone. So for the three months that that movie
took place, two or three months something like that, I
was just kind of being watched by like like random people,
and some of them were the most amazing people, trying
(22:36):
their best to just like pour into me and love
on me. But I was also going through my teenage years.
I wasn't my best either. I was definitely a turd
in that season where I look back and I'm like, man,
I just really wish somebody just like wrapped me up
in like just so much love that like that way
I could have just felt seen. And I think that
(22:58):
was the biggest thing is and I think that's what
a lot of teenage kids are frustrated with is. You know,
they have a lot of people telling them no, no,
don't do this, don't do that, whatever, but like, really
they just want somebody to go like, yeah, it does suck,
Like that totally sucks, but let's figure out how we
can get through this suck together. Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I think every human, no matter your age, wants to
feel seen and loved and heard.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Like in general, my mom really did a great job
of us traveling together as a family because what she
noticed in the industry was when you would break the
family up, everybody would start to fall apart because your
kids need parents to be raising them, and when the
(23:40):
parents aren't raising them, we are so susceptible to just
outside voices like this, oh yeah, especially in your teenage years.
And it was you know, my mom will say the
same thing, and you know, we don't have the best relationship,
but like we're really working on the years of the
(24:00):
frustrations I think that we had with one another. I
have a lot more grace for her after becoming a parent,
because you just understand, you know, she was twenty when
she had me.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Your mother was a supermodel, right.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
My mom was also a supermodel, so you know she
she if anybody understands body image, it's her. But I
think again, we all. I I don't want to say
like I'm one hundred percent healed from like I'm fine,
Like no, if I want to, if I look at
myself and I don't feel good, I'm like, oh, man,
(24:32):
Like I just want to feel good about the way
I look. But it no longer hits me the way
it used to, and I no longer have a trigger.
And that was huge. I remember, and I talked about
that in the book, but I remember the day my
disorder like moved out of the house essentially because it
was just gone. One morning. I woke up and I
(24:53):
knew it was gone, and I just kept waiting for
the ball to drop. I'm like, there's no way, Like
I know I'm going to eat something thing and the
feeling of food for years was in my stomach was uncomfortable,
Like that's how bad my eating was. Like if I
had left food in my stomach and didn't throw it up,
I was like, oh my gosh, I like I can't think,
(25:14):
I can't even talk to people, like I have to
get out of here, like like I felt so uncomfortable
because it was like a foreign object in my.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Body And how is your mom like being a supermodel.
I'm sure she also dealt with her own body image issues.
Was she there for you during that time or was
it the opposite that happened?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
So I think my mom was really busy with my
other sister. So that's kind of when our family just
kind of like started going through growing pains. And you know,
I'm also gonna I do want to protect her. We
had a lot of a differences. We had a lot
of differences, and you know, in hindsight, I'm sure she'll
look back like I look back. There's so many things
(25:52):
like you just wish you could have done differently. I
was able to learn a lot from all of that
and now I can move forward and just how I'm
raising my kids. And I remember even just getting pregnant
with Rio, my little daughter, she's only three, just being
so terrified for a moment like having boys, like, oh great,
(26:13):
I got this, the boys are easy. But when I
got pregnant with her, I was so emotional because I
did go through a really hard time with my mom
for years where I was just like I just remember bawling,
just being like please God, like I don't want to
ever have to go through those years with her, like
and I didn't realize how healing Rio was going to
(26:33):
be for me, like my two girls ended up just poor.
Like between Rio and Indie, they just gave me so
much healing that I didn't even oh I needed. It
was just wild. So so Rio did a lot for
my relationship with my mom, which I feel like is
why we're able to, you know, find our common ground today.
(26:56):
But she also went through a really gnarly divorce after
ten years of extreme commitment, giving up her career, doing everything,
and you know, we again, we've all grown. I do
have a relationship with my biological father now, and so
does she. It's actually the funniest thing because she'll see
(27:18):
she'll have him my stepdad who raised me, which they're
no longer together, and then now her husband, like all
three will be like around the dinner table. But here's
the thing. It's so easy, and like this is for everybody.
It's so easy to hold grudges and so easy to
be ticked off about the past. And you know what,
for some people like rightfully, so like if I like
(27:39):
if I still wanted to be angry about something great,
but who is that helping all of us have grown,
all of us are so different than we used to be.
I just don't think it's fair to hold people to
who they were fifteen years ago.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
It's only affecting you. It's not something the person you
have resentment towards.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Some hundred percent. So I just like, I just am
always hopeful even with some of like the worst of
the worst people that I've encountered, I still have so
much hope in my heart for them. I believe you
can be different. You are awful, but I believe you
can be different.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Did Dancing with the Stars bring up anybody image issues?
Speaker 2 (28:30):
You know what? Surprisingly it did not, but it brought
up other issues. It was early in our marriage and
there was just we literally said, we're like, we don't
know how spouses do this show without like doing what
the doing it the way we did, so we fully
understood the dynamics of the show. Like if Carlos was
(28:53):
doing this and I was like watching this girl like
dance with them all close and like the rehearsals or
like whatever, it would be so hard. And for Carlos
at that season of his life, he was such a
jealous man that even though he understood the dynamic. It
was still hard for him for sure, And you know
how it is, it is incredibly flirty, So for us
(29:16):
we had to like set big boundaries right off the bat,
which was super hard for everyone around us. You know
how it's like super flirty backstage and whatever, and like,
so like, I love Mark, I absolutely like we got
along great, but like if it was ever flirty, I'd
just be like, I don't do that. I was kind
of I was a little mean, but it was only
(29:37):
to set like good boundaries and then we figured it
out and we ended up having a really great partnership.
But I know it was really kind of rocky for
everybody because when we went on the show, we literally
said like we're like, look, we're a married couple. You
guys are our partners, and we are so excited to
like team up with you. But that doesn't mean like
we ditch our marriage and this becomes our number one
(29:59):
our just still first. And then it was less Whitney
and Mark.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
It was more the producers.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
So they're trying to make it like Alex only cares
about her husband, she doesn't care about the competition at all,
and like they even had al who I love Alfonso
just like say, like, you need to focus more on
the show. I just remember being really upset because I
was just like, guys, what are you doing? Like it
came out of left field for me, and that's why
I was just like, you're my friend, why would you
(30:27):
say that like that?
Speaker 1 (30:28):
My listeners?
Speaker 2 (30:29):
What he said it hurt my feelings. He basically said,
he was like, you and Mark can win this, you
and Carlos cannot, and basically like I needed to refocus
and like put more effort and energy into my partner,
which I had been like, Guys, these rehearsals are how
many hours a day? You're in there for like ten
twelve hours a day busting your butt. Like it's not
(30:51):
like I'm hanging out with Carlos, Like I'm literally full
time with Mark, and when I can sneak away, there
was backstage drama, so it wasn't even like we were
all dancing together because there was drama going on. But
I just felt so defeated, to be honest with you,
But it wasn't just like defeated because of them, but
also like our marriage was still so young and we
(31:12):
were still learning so much, and Carlos was like so
jealous and also battling his insecurities. I felt like I
had to be there for him, so I just felt
beat down and he like he was a sweet like
he didn't do anything bad, but like if you see
your spouse not feeling good or feeling jealousy even though
(31:36):
there was no reason he should have felt that back
in the day, and he'll tell you the same thing.
He's like, I was just so young and dumb, but
it just took a toll on me. So I just
remember going home every night just being like being so exhausted,
being like I can't be what Mark needs me to be.
I can't be what Carlos needs to need me to be,
Like I can't be what the producers want me to
be because they want me to like trash talk all
(31:57):
these people and I don't actually feel that way, and
like it was just a lot. And also that Monday
night makes you feel like this is the most important
thing in the world, so the second you hear the
heart sinks into your butt and you're just like, here,
it was so so nuts. And I don't really crank
(32:18):
or anything, but I just remember everybody being like you
just need to take a shot. If I could go back,
it doesn't even matter. It just should be fun. You
should just go out there and have fun. But like, look,
as a viewer, it's awesome. The show is just so
fun to watch and it feels good, Like who doesn't
love like a good feel good story where they're not
(32:39):
great at dancing, but look at how far they've come,
Like that's awesome. I love the premise of it. I
just the behind the scenes can be tough. But it
was as difficult as it was fun because they were
really really high highs and we had no idea. Like literally,
I was sitting on an airplane and Carlos was sitting
on an airplane, and we both got separate phone calls
(32:59):
that like we had both been offered dancing with the stars,
And to be honest with you, my initial thought was like, oh,
I'm going to pass because I had a movie scheduled,
and I was also right after the movie up for
this like huge, huge pilot that they were trying to
work a deal out on. And it was actually I
(33:20):
had I think I hadn't really been talking to my
mom a whole lot, but I knew that she was
a fan of the show, so I called her, and
I was like, I don't really watch this show, but
I know you love it, so just tell me what
you thought, like what you think? And she lost her mind.
She was like, if you don't do this, like this
is the one thing that actually patters her. Hyping it
up was a lot. But then I just you know,
the big thing for the two of us, like with
(33:43):
me and Carlos, was actually it came down to a
marriage thing. We just realized on TV there were not
a lot of there wasn't a great light being like
shun onto marriage. It was just like a marriage is
like this ball and chain, like marriage sucks. So we're like,
why don't we go and shine a light on marriage
and show people how awesome marriage is, like can actually be.
(34:06):
And I feel like we did that because the amount
of fan mail that came in about thank you for
reigniting our marriage from like sixty year olds, Like it's
not like from like thirty year old people, but.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
Like no they don't want to people.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
No, right, well some do now they do, but not
back then, no, but back then, but just it just
we just felt like we did exactly what we showed
up to do, like exactly what we were hoping to
do happened, and it was just like reigniting people and
showing them marriage is awesome. But I will say what
was really hard for Carlos was, you know, he's being
(34:41):
judged by Jewels the whole time while like he's on
the show, but then he has to go work with
her right after, and he was like, this is so
weird because like she won't even say hi. So Carlos
had to go work with Jewels right after Dancing with
the Stars on Grease Live because he played Nicky, so
(35:02):
literally he's like she's not saying hi, Like this is
super weird, Like I don't know the dynamic and like
I'm just gonna be nice, but I'm sure it's just
like a judge thing, like they can't like and she
wasn't mean or anything. She just couldn't interact with us
at all. Every time I would come out of like
a big spin, I almost would look like and and
(35:24):
I think I might have like a little vertigo or something,
but it would almost like wipe me and take me
a second to like collect where I'm at. But at
the time, like these aren't things.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
You know.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
It was really interesting because when I danced with Derek, Derek,
thank you. I'm like, I can't remember anybody's saying when
I was dancing with Derek, even like in the rehearsal,
I bombed the rehearsal completely, dress rehearsal, dress rehearsal. Yes,
so this is our chance to do it and I
completely bombed it. And he was like what happened? Like
(35:57):
I had it solid the whole time, and I'm so
thankful that it wasn't on live TV. But I was
just He's just like I don't understand, and I'm like
I don't understand either, Like I don't get it. So
like right before we're doing it again and again. But
here's the thing. So like this is where Mark and
Derek are like two totally different teachers. Mark is like,
let's come up with something funky and cool. I have
(36:17):
this in mind, of this in mind and it's awesome.
No matter how hard it is. He's just like, you're
going to learn it. And I appreciate that because I
was like, great, I'm gonna learn it. And it's like
a really hard thing for me, but I've got this.
Derek is like he doesn't pre do the dance, but
it was actually really smart because he's like, I'm not
going to come in with something already choreographed, and then
(36:40):
if it's hard for you, it's gonna If you can't
get it in three times in like three turns, that
means we're trying something else so that you can remember
it in it like in an easier way. So it
was actually way easier to remember that because he was
choreographing truly.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
To what I was telling for you for your ability.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Right, And then also like he doesn't let you mess up,
Like the only reason I messed up was because I
wasn't holding his hand during that dress rehearsal for that
particular part. There was no way I was doing anything
that he wasn't doing, So like, like I don't want
to just put like, oh well, he was the reason
I did well because I worked my butt off, But
also like he's such a different teacher. But what I
(37:19):
learned with Mark really did take me very far and
expanded my capability because they're so different. Derek, I learned stuff,
but it was to my level. Mark forced me to
level up with some of these dances. It's just very
different teaching styles.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
It literally is our job to choreograph and to make
our celebrity look good because it's called dancing with the Stars, right, yes, now,
some people and including myself, it took me years to
understand that because first wall start when I was twenty one, Like,
I didn't under I didn't have a lot of teaching ability.
(38:02):
This is what's so challenging, is like when you cast
someone like for me, I was twenty one who didn't
have a lot of teaching experience. I had just turned
professional in the industry. Literally six months later I got
the show, and it was to try and translate the
technical ways of saying things like we know a lock
step is a lockstep, but like, how can you translate
that into Layman's terms?
Speaker 2 (38:22):
You know, it really still.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Is a lot yeah right, it's okay. And by the way,
it's just that we're two words like who cares just
like just execute? Yeah, you know, but it really is
a huge growing experience. And I had to say, I
think Mark also got a lot better when it comes
to like doing that, But I am like Mark. One
time I didn't come prepped with my choreography and I
was my anxiety went through the roof. Oh because and
(38:47):
by the way, when I prep, I still prep for
my partner, and I'm still open minded with maybe changing it.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
The other thing was like there were certain dances that
really resonated with me, so they just stuck really well,
like salsa. I love of salsa, and that was so fun.
Like I'm so sad that we didn't get salsa later
in the season because it would have been a much
longer dance. It was just so fun, it felt like
very free. That was great, And the same thing with
(39:13):
a contemporary, like I was telling a story and that
one just came again really naturally, like a lot easier
for me. I remember we were in the middle of
like learning so many things. We were traveling to New York,
Like all our rehearsal time was like cut in half,
and because it was like Broadway week or something, so
we had to go to the Broadway show and like
so like you weren't even in la being able to
(39:35):
do all the things that you needed to do, so
our rehearsal times were just crap, like you lost like
three days. But that being said, I think we had
only rehearsed the contemporary for like four hours the first day,
and then we hadn't gotten to it for a few
days and then we went back to it and I
remembered all of it, and I remember that being the
first time, like Mark and I were like, how did
(39:56):
that happen? And it was just because it really resonated
with me.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
You got to change your teaching style with every person
you work with.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
That is one thing that I didn't think about was
this story going into it other than like shining a
light on marriage. Because they would ask me things about
myself and it was very telling because I couldn't answer
a lot of these questions and thank god, like we've
grown so much since then. I was such a people
pleaser that I didn't actually know what I liked, Like
(40:25):
it didn't even matter if it was like Carlo's or
somebody else, Like like if I went to lunch with Mark,
it'd be like, oh, well, like what are you looking at?
What's your second option in case you need some of it?
Like I couldn't even just be like, no, this is
what I want to order. And you know what, It's
really interesting because the going back to marriage. A few
years into our marriage, like I just became so deeply
(40:47):
a people pleaser. Carlos was like what happened to you?
He's like, what happened to like the girl that'd be like, no,
I don't want to do this. I want to do this,
and he's just like he was, I love that you
want to serve me Like I love that. Don't get
me wrong, it's awesome. He goes, but can you just
be like no, sometimes, can you just say, like I
actually want to eat this? He's like, what do you want?
(41:09):
What do you like? Like you need to ask yourself
these questions and be able to answer them because.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
It's so great that he saw that.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Oh and he called it out. Heck yeah, because he
was like I can't live with like zombie wife. He's like,
I know what, I'm married and I need to see that,
like I want that joy out of you. But it
wasn't like doing it because he's like, I can't be
around you. It was because I know you're so much
more than this. What are you doing? Like, you have
a voice? Use it?
Speaker 1 (41:36):
Look the show asks questions where you know, the power
of an edit is pretty powerful. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
They would bleep my voice, which, by the way, just
like I'm swear, I'm Dorothy, I don't swear. So there
were a couple times where my voice was bleeped, and
I remember watching it being so mad because I was like,
I don't cuss, and literally the word that they took
out glitter had like gotten into my dress and it
(42:02):
was like all inside of like my area and I
called it a kuchi and I was like, oh my gosh,
like but they bleeped it, so it sounds like I
said something that I didn't say, and they did it
a couple of times, and I'm like, what the heck
people are gonna think, and like who cares at the
end of the day, Like I know I didn't, but
(42:24):
it matters to me, Like I'm sorry the sixty year
old grandma who like sees me talking on Instagram and
like knowing like my values and what I stand for,
and then she sees this, she's gonna be like, oh, oh,
I guess she has like a botty mouth when I like, don't.
It's just editing and sound effects.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
It is very powerful. Now, unfortunately I cannot. I have
so many I could talk to you all day.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
I could talk to you for hours.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Let's end with this. You had fan questions, we had
rapid fire, But okay, what did you learn the most
about you on Dancing with the Stars about yourself.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
At the time, I read that I really needed to
not be afraid to use my voice, and there's so
much I wish I could tell that version of Alexa.
But I remember walking away being really upset, being like,
(43:19):
you know, I did what we said we were coming
here to do, but I didn't do what I needed
Alexa to do. And I was happy for our mission
to have been completed on that show as a married couple,
but as like Alexa going out really trying something for me,
I felt like I let myself down. So I really
(43:39):
that was kind of like the beginning of really realizing
that I've kind of just allowed my voice to be overshadowed.
And from that point on, it was like years of
figuring out how do I get out of people pleasing
and into a place of just confidence, knowing like, Okay,
(44:00):
if I mess up a dance whatever, I'm gonna just
keep moving forward. I'm not gonna, oh brush it off
because I'm like I don't want to disappoint people. It's
just like, no, you know what, I messed up, Let's
go do it again. Yeah, I just it's just a
different perspective. So I just learned a lot about using
my voice on that show.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Your story is so inspiring in so many ways, Alexa.
I really hope you continue doing the amazing work that
you're doing. It's just spreading that awareness because I can
relate to you in so many ways, and I know
you can to so many little girls that I mean,
I wish I had someone to look up to, you know,
through trauma and stuff that I was going through, and
(44:36):
you do. It's so powerful. So thank you for everything.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Where can people find you first?
Speaker 2 (44:43):
Oh, we're on Instagram, uh Vega Alexa, that's my Instagram
and we share TikTok PenaVega. Okay, and actually shout out
to my husband who started a new band, Angels and Kings.
It doesn't mean Big Time Rush is over, but Angels
and Kings released their first single.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
How about your tube channel?
Speaker 2 (45:00):
Our YouTube channel is I think it's called the Vita
Pinevega Okay. It used to be called Lex Loves Los
and then we had a name change. So it's one
of those.
Speaker 1 (45:09):
And then you're gonna have a podcast soon, I'm sure
so we will.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
We will have a podcast. It's just taken. We wanted
to do it for years and just do it. So
many things. Yeah, but we're in the season now, especially
after Indy, there's just so much on our hearts that
we're ready to share with people, and yeah, we're just
gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (45:25):
Yeah, Okay, I can't wait. Thank you, You're amazing, Thank you,
and that's a wrap. As always, don't forget to Please
take a moment to rate and review this episode wherever
you're currently listening to it. Until next time, Love you guys. Bye.
This is Sex Lies and Spray Tands with me Cheryl
Burke and iHeartRadio podcast. Welcome back to Sex Lives and
Spray TNDS. Let's get right into it and let me
introduce you to our guest today. Today's guests you may
have known from the very successful Spy Kids films as
an actress and singer. She was ready to add ballroom
dancer to her resume during season twenty one of Dancing
(00:23):
with the Stars. She and her husband were also the
first married couple to compete in the same season together,
and both are strong in their faith. Our next guest
has definitely endured some life changes I can't even imagine
having to live through. So I'm so excited to get
to know her a little bit more today. Please welcome
to the podcast, Alexa PenaVega. Nice to meet you, Alexa.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
This is so I know, nice to finally meet you.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
I've heard so much about you and I read to your book.
I stalked you.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Oh my gosh, nine holy many yards. Well, well, thank
you for all the yards. Thank you. You know what,
So we have not met, but I actually saw you.
My my dad is one of the owners of this
like restaurant type place in California, and it is years ago.
I don't even remember what it was called back in
the day, what type of food it was, lavilla or
(01:18):
right now it's called mayah. It's like on Sunset and
Ivar or something. I just remember seeing you there and
I was like, she is gorgeous. But I didn't introduce
myself because I was like, she probably not gonna You.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Should have next time. Okay, next time, we'll definitely recognize
each other for sure. First of all, welcome to sex
lights and spray tans. This is heavily about dancing with
the stars, but great more about really I just want
to get to know my guess, so tell me about
yourself and what like. Who are you behind all the
(01:51):
glitz and glam of the entertainment industry?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Well, that's actually funny. I feel like we're very rarely
glitz and glam these days. I probably Dancing on the
Stars was the musklitz and graam version of us that
you got, But I don't know. I feel like we're
very truly us. So we're pretty much what you see
is what you get on social media. Except today I
did put on makeup for you. Normally, normally i'd be
(02:17):
for real momming it up.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
You're gorgeous, wither without it seriously sweet.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
We I don't know. I started acting when I was four,
so we've been in I've been in this industry for
just so many years thirty six now, so a long time.
And I think for us, when we started having kids,
we just knew that, even though we've had a great
experience in this industry, we didn't want to raise kids
(02:42):
in or around it in a space that we couldn't control. So,
like California was just really yeah off, Like we were like,
we're not raising kids here. It's just you can never
escape the industry. It's one thing to have kids on
a set that you're a part of helping control. It's
another to like send kids to school out there. I
feel like you're sending them to war.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Yeah for real, so got war for sure. I mean
I believe Alifornia based.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Oh my gosh, I can only imagine. Did you grow
up in California.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
In San Francisco. My family's from the Bay Area, but
oh my gosh, so yeah, you've been in the thick
of it and also the ballroom world, like as a competitor,
like I was traveling to England alone with my partner
at thirteen and.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, oh my gosh, Okay, so we kind of we
understand each other just because, like, you know, I grew
up on sets and I was constantly I was never home,
ever home. But for us, we were just like, you
know what, when we raise our kids, we're still going
to be in this industry, but we just want to
give them as much of a normal life as possible.
(03:41):
We're not very normal, so I don't know what we
thought what is normal. Well, so first we moved to Hawaii,
so we were living on Maui, and then we love
sailing and we're obsessed with sailing YouTube channels, so we're like,
why dont we just buy an old sailboat and sail
the world? So for the last two years we literally
(04:02):
were refitting a boat in Florida. And sailing is not
just a boat, though it's a beautiful boat. It was
an awesome boat. It's like a.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Little tiny sail boat. Okay, it wasn't.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
It wasn't. It wasn't okay, but it was. It was
a piece of work. So we had our work cut
out for us. But our kids have just lived these
really cool lives and then we really felt like God
called us to Tennessee, and we moved to Tennessee. We
had some crazy things happen in our family, which I'm
totally down to talk about, but it does get a
(04:34):
little heavy. Uh No. We got pregnant on the boat
and it was really really hard. It was it was
really hard. You know, already, raising three kids on a
boat isn't easy. You're surrounded by water, so you're just
making sure everyone stays alive, right, And then I got
pregnant and it was just a tough pregnancy. And we
couldn't go back to Lehina just because it's still healing
(04:56):
so much and a lot of people who are still
living there are now experiencing the long term effects of
breathing in all the hazardous materials that just continue to
get picked up by the wind because it's an island,
so it's just all still right there for sure. So
we just felt like God was just calling us somewhere else,
(05:18):
and we got like we just felt like, all right,
Tennessee is it. And we drove up the day. We
were both like praying together and just felt like, Okay,
this is this is the move. We drove up that
night it was pretty wild. We packed the bags through
the kids in the car and drove twelve hours and
we're like, yep.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
This is it for us, and that's where you are now.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
And that's where I am now. Yeah. And unfortunately that
pregnancy was a stillbirth, and it was so sorry, one
of the it's the hardest thing that you could ever
walk through. But truly it was an experience of like,
I just feel like God knew what kind of attack
was coming because he surrounded us with the most incredible community,
(06:00):
the greatest people, the greatest place to really be rooted in.
We weren't on a boat, thank god. That would have
been I don't even know how, like just finding my footing.
It just would have been insane. But being here was
just very life giving in a difficult season.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
So and I would assume that people there are very
real and authentic.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Oh my goodness, you know what, LA is very transactional,
and even though you can find a few good relational people,
it's just so transactional and you never know like, are
you in this because you want a real relationship? Are
you in this because you need something? It's it's tough.
It's really really tough out here. Everybody's relational to the
point where you're like, I really just need to buy
(06:45):
this and leave, but they just want to get to
know you.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
And chat and people ask like genuinely like how are
you doing, Like yeah, you really are interesting.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
They want to actually know the answer, they don't want
to Yeah, I'm good, and then like that's it, So.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Yeah, what did the what was the grief like during
that whole time?
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Holy can only girlfriend? It was? It was rough. It's
really it's very strange because it was. It was awful.
It was so so, so unbelievably awful. But there also
was this great feeling of peace that I cannot explain
(07:24):
that we experienced and somebody actually understood what I was
talking about. The other day, I was speaking with this
woman who had beat cancer six times. Okay, this woman
has experienced like near death over and over and over
again and extreme stages of cancer and she's just overcome
these battles again and again and it was amazing. And
(07:45):
I was talking to her about just this weird piece
that we've been feeling. It was like a supernatural piece
and she's like I get it, and I'm like, and
you know, no one else will understand what I'm about
to say and it's going to sound awful. And I'm
like but and she's like, let me finish the sentence
for you. I'm like okay, and she goes, do you
(08:06):
feel blessed to be chosen for this experience? And I
was just like yes, but like it's not because I
wanted And she was like no, but it's because you
had to like dig so deep into a place of
like healing and meeting God and understanding life in a
whole different way that most people don't have to experience.
(08:26):
And she's like, nobody wants to join that club. I'm like, no,
it's awful. Like if I could have her back, I
would give anything to have her back. But also what
we experienced in her loss was so much life, Like
she taught us so much and she continues to pour
into us and the questions that our kids ask and
the way we just kind of like talk about her
every day, Like there is still so much life in
(08:50):
in these loss that like she's still such a part
of everything that we do that will just break you
down than that kind of loss. And there were just
no filters, and I not that Carlos and I ever
have filters with one another. But you know, like if
things are tough as a married couple, you don't want
to sit there and wear everything on your sleeve. You know,
(09:11):
you just kind of suck it up for one another
and you're like, it's okay, we'll get through this season.
It'll be fine, which is true, Like you shouldn't want
to just like always be like everything's awful. Chouraging is hard,
marriage is hard, life is hard, but you know, you
choose to be joyful. But in this season, it was
like the first time we both were just like, you
know what, we're We're not okay, this really hurts, And
(09:36):
it was like the closest that we ever were. And
then I think from there we just almost restarted like
a whole new foundation with each other and grew in
in like an unbelievable way.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Like sometimes in a way it's like a rock bottom.
I've been sober for six years, so like still a
lot of people say, until you hit that rock bottom, yes,
whether it's within yourself you know, you find your own identity,
or within a partnership like you and Carlos, how did
you tell your kids during that time?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
That was really hard because it's just It all happened
really really quickly, and you know, we got home from
the hospital that just that day, like wow, a couple
hours later and I walk in and Ocean comes running
over and we still were like, Okay, we're going to
(10:28):
explain it to them, but we're just not gonna do
it right away. We're just gonna wait a little bit.
He comes running over and he's like and he's seven.
He's like, mommy, why is your belly small? It's like,
is Indy here? Like where is Indy? The key knew
He's like, she's not in there, so where is she?
And we knew that, Like, we couldn't lie to him.
He's so smart, he's so just intuitive. So we just
(10:51):
brought him to the other room and we had to
explain it to him and that was so hard, and
that sweet little boy just so much and all the kids,
all the kids really it's so weird because you think,
like a three year old probably not gonna understand this.
Have a three, five, and seven year old and they
all get it, like they got it right away, but
(11:11):
there are little things that you know, they still ask.
They're like, okay, so like we know she's in heaven,
but do you think God will like let her come
back here with us. And I'm just like, you, guys,
these are great questions. These are so good. But you
know what, Rio My three year old goes, Hey, Mommy,
I'm just gonna go outside and I just want to
pray a little bit because I have to tell Indy something.
(11:32):
And I was like okay, and I like open the
back door and she runs out, just stands in the sunshine,
just like puts her arms out like this and she's
just talking. So I just videoed her because I'm like,
this is the coolest thing ever. She's literally just like praying,
like asking God to deliver a message to Indie. Yeah,
like this is just it's beautiful. So it's weird, like
(11:54):
in this loss, there was so much heartache but also
so much life, and I got to say, see my
kids like on a whole new Like you always love
your kids, but when there's lost, there's just like a
double down of love, like this other level that you
didn't know existed.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
It's like gratitude for what you have and.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Heck yeah, heck yeah, it's been It's wild. It's like
it's the weirdest thing to be like, I have so
much peace and pain, but like peace.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
And two can coexist.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Yeah, well it's it's pain with purpose, and that's that's
kind of what we've been calling that season.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Your book was great.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Thank you, thank you. You're so sweet.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
So many hidden messages but also obvious messages as well.
And I really appreciate that you and Carlos have chosen
to really stick together as a family, because it's still
to let your career kind of just you know, take
you away and to you know, I always say it's
maintenance with any relationship, even Yeah, and I feel like
(12:58):
you guys have really done a great job, yet you
were still vulnerable enough to where you're like, it's just
not easy. But love is what got us through, you know.
And I'm divorced and it was it's it's does take work,
and it's like, are two people willing to work for it?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Coming from I've also been divorced, as I'm sure you know,
because you write the book.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
It's good for my listeners to know it.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
It's just interesting having to navigate that even because that's
another loss that's like a weird experience because you don't
sign up for a short term, you sign up for
a long term. Thing. But what I realized in that
was that really setting a foundation right off the bat
(13:49):
is the most important thing in your marriage. And for
for my marriage now with Carlos, we our foundation immediately,
like we were we found our faith together, and we
were like deeply, deeply rooted in our faith. So just
having that common ground was massive. And even having the
same goals, knowing like, hey, these are our goals, like
(14:12):
just for me as Alexa, you as Carlos, us as
a married couple, and then us as parents as a family,
like this is what we wanted to look like looking
toward the future. And a lot of times I just
kind of feel like we assume like, oh, I can
have my goal, you can have your goal, and maybe
somewhere we'll meet up and then this.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Is going to even discussed to be quite an or it's.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Not even discussed. And and and that's kind of what
happened in my first marriage. You know, he wasn't a
bad guy. He was just not good for me, and
vice versa, I was not good for him. We did
not have the same goals the same like journey up
ahead and and and I.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Think that's people evolve, Like at the end of the day.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Of course you're going to grow and and you're and
you're going to change your mind on things. But it's
just making sure like if you have that same goal.
And again for us, it just so happens to be
like our like our faith is our foundation, so we
both have this goal that like we're just kind of like, okay,
this is it. So things work towards that, and it's
it gives us this like common ground to work foreign towards,
(15:16):
as opposed to just kind of you know, like freestyling it.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
I mean, don't no, I can't hear you no, And
from what I know from reading about you, yes, and
that's what's I guess difference between you and Carlos in
a way. But like that's what makes I think it's
just also the way maybe you were raised. But we'll
get there. I was just going to say, to add
to what you were saying about, you know, how you
both have your faith as your foundation. It is important
(15:43):
to have similar not this is not exactly the same,
but to have similar moral values and beliefs like for sure,
and yes that could change, but not really like right
at the end of the day, you know, I mean,
it's basic stuff that you do assume that this other
person has, but nothing can be assumed until it's just gus,
which is something I've learned. Do you remember your very
(16:12):
first memory as a kid?
Speaker 2 (16:15):
My first memory, Yeah, like like the very first thing ever,
not like work, but just ever. So my first memory.
I think I was too but I remember getting out
of the bathtub and putting on these like red pink
whatever from the Sesame Street, so like whatever like monster
character was red or pink. I can't remember his name.
(16:37):
I had those slippers and I remember putting them on,
and it is just so vivid, like such a vivid memory.
And it's weird that, like I've never heard anybody ask
that question, but I actually think about that a lot.
Something I was talking with my sisters about was that
there were years that we just cannot remember, and and
(17:00):
I was talking with somebody about it, how it was
just like, like that's not normal, right, They're like, no,
that's usually trauma, very normal.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Yeah, it's PTSD, Like you don't want to remember this
fight flight or freeze. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah. So you know, one thing that I did with
Indy was EMDR and it was insredibly oh my gosh,
incredibly helpful and I think that's another reason why we
were able to It's not like we moved on, but
why we were able to move forward in the way
that we have. It's just I was able to like quickly,
(17:34):
like get to the roots of all of that pain.
So you feel it, yeah, exactly, And we put it
in a jar like so it's not like it's gone.
It's not like I'll never be able to think of
her or see her again. But we put it in
this jar where it's contained. Now, it's not spilling over.
It's like a nice sealed jar.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
You're not numbing, you're not not running exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
It's just I know it's there. If I ever need
to feel it, I do feel it. So that's something
that I do know I want to do, just on
a deeper level for so many things. So like shout
out to just the EMDR specialists out there, because it
is legit.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I do want to talk about if you don't mind
body image, because it's so am I still to this day.
And I think it's because I was a dancer for
my whole life, but and also being on TV and
being fat shamed and all of it. Like I got
major body dysmorphia, still have it. I'm a work in progress.
I know that you went you had or you were
bleamic correct.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah, I was bleemic for six years, and it was
it was it was intense. I mean it's not It
breaks my heart because if I could like go back
and just pour so much love on that girl, even
though I was still me, I still have the same personality.
I still loved people. I hated having this secret because
(18:56):
one like you're just like you feel like such a
liar and you're so ashamed of that, and you're like,
I don't want people to find out because I don't
want them to think differently of me, Like I'm still lexa,
Like I still am the way that I am. I
just I had just this overwhelming insecurity and the pressures
(19:17):
of like the people around me and the pressures of
the industry just really pushing me. Like hey, hey, and
remember this was a time and I talked about this
in the book, but remember like US Weekly was putting
Nicole Richie Ricci Nicole.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
And Nicole Richie had just lost that weight by the way, So.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Okay, yeah, so she was like this big. Lindsay Lohan
was this big, and then they also had like poor
Hillary Duff on like the cover being like, oh, like
I remember the headline, Hillary Duff puffs up, like that's
what they said on the headline, And I'm like, she
was like sixteen, Like are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (19:50):
These were normal human being Like.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
She was normal, but like we're teenagers. You go through
hormonal shifts, you go through like weight gains and stuff.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
So it was just like I women or young women
and yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Exactly, and being in this industry. So I remember being
on the set of Sleepover and it's so hard because
I can sit here and like shame the producers because
you know, how it was handled was pretty crappy because
I did gain weight while we were filming Sleepover, and
everything was like what's Alexi eating? Take that out of
(20:25):
her hand? Like it was just like not good. But
that being said, I didn't have the right tools or
the right people around me to kind of guide me
as far as like food is fuel, your body is
your temple. Like it was not. It was just not taught. Yeah,
it was like okay, well here's the deal. If you
want to have a Snickers, that's all you can have
(20:46):
all day long. It was like you can have one Snickers,
but that's all you can eat because you're gonna get fat.
And it was just the really wrong way of going
about food, right, So I just remember on that film
and look, in their defense, you cannot have a movie
where the actors are fluctuating the entire movie. You're shooting
(21:06):
out of order. So like, I will just come to
their defense on that. I think, though, there's just a
much better way to handle it with a fifteen year
old girl. I was fifteen, I was a kid. It
was a thing on set. So there was that, and
then the other thing was that I was just way
(21:28):
too expressive. So anytime I was on set and I
would raise my eyebrows because I'm like a very expressive person,
they were like, don't raise your eye like you're doing eyebrows, Alexa,
your eyebrows, your eyebrows, and I'm just I'm like being human,
so so literally it just made me want to just
do nothing. I'm like, I'm not I'm like gonna be
frozen all the time. Like when I was old enough
(21:50):
to get botox, I was like, I'm finally getting like
all the photos in the world just because it's like
and look, there's nothing wrong with that, but like for
a fifteen year old, like during Spike, we were filming
all those movies with other adults. It was the most
wonderful experience ever. It was amazing. And then to get
on that set and experience that it just like couldn't
be like, it couldn't have gone like worse. It was
(22:14):
actually the first time that my mom wasn't there because
my little sister was filming. I think I don't remember
what movie she was filming in New York, but she
was gone. So for the three months that that movie
took place, two or three months something like that, I
was just kind of being watched by like like random people,
and some of them were the most amazing people, trying
(22:36):
their best to just like pour into me and love
on me. But I was also going through my teenage years.
I wasn't my best either. I was definitely a turd
in that season where I look back and I'm like, man,
I just really wish somebody just like wrapped me up
in like just so much love that like that way
I could have just felt seen. And I think that
(22:58):
was the biggest thing is and I think that's what
a lot of teenage kids are frustrated with is. You know,
they have a lot of people telling them no, no,
don't do this, don't do that, whatever, but like, really
they just want somebody to go like, yeah, it does suck,
Like that totally sucks, but let's figure out how we
can get through this suck together. Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I think every human, no matter your age, wants to
feel seen and loved and heard.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Like in general, my mom really did a great job
of us traveling together as a family because what she
noticed in the industry was when you would break the
family up, everybody would start to fall apart because your
kids need parents to be raising them, and when the
(23:40):
parents aren't raising them, we are so susceptible to just
outside voices like this, oh yeah, especially in your teenage years.
And it was you know, my mom will say the
same thing, and you know, we don't have the best relationship,
but like we're really working on the years of the
(24:00):
frustrations I think that we had with one another. I
have a lot more grace for her after becoming a parent,
because you just understand, you know, she was twenty when
she had me.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Your mother was a supermodel, right.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
My mom was also a supermodel, so you know she
she if anybody understands body image, it's her. But I
think again, we all. I I don't want to say
like I'm one hundred percent healed from like I'm fine,
Like no, if I want to, if I look at
myself and I don't feel good, I'm like, oh, man,
(24:32):
Like I just want to feel good about the way
I look. But it no longer hits me the way
it used to, and I no longer have a trigger.
And that was huge. I remember, and I talked about
that in the book, but I remember the day my
disorder like moved out of the house essentially because it
was just gone. One morning. I woke up and I
(24:53):
knew it was gone, and I just kept waiting for
the ball to drop. I'm like, there's no way, Like
I know I'm going to eat something thing and the
feeling of food for years was in my stomach was uncomfortable,
Like that's how bad my eating was. Like if I
had left food in my stomach and didn't throw it up,
I was like, oh my gosh, I like I can't think,
(25:14):
I can't even talk to people, like I have to
get out of here, like like I felt so uncomfortable
because it was like a foreign object in my.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Body And how is your mom like being a supermodel.
I'm sure she also dealt with her own body image issues.
Was she there for you during that time or was
it the opposite that happened?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
So I think my mom was really busy with my
other sister. So that's kind of when our family just
kind of like started going through growing pains. And you know,
I'm also gonna I do want to protect her. We
had a lot of a differences. We had a lot
of differences, and you know, in hindsight, I'm sure she'll
look back like I look back. There's so many things
(25:52):
like you just wish you could have done differently. I
was able to learn a lot from all of that
and now I can move forward and just how I'm
raising my kids. And I remember even just getting pregnant
with Rio, my little daughter, she's only three, just being
so terrified for a moment like having boys, like, oh great,
(26:13):
I got this, the boys are easy. But when I
got pregnant with her, I was so emotional because I
did go through a really hard time with my mom
for years where I was just like I just remember bawling,
just being like please God, like I don't want to
ever have to go through those years with her, like
and I didn't realize how healing Rio was going to
(26:33):
be for me, like my two girls ended up just poor.
Like between Rio and Indie, they just gave me so
much healing that I didn't even oh I needed. It
was just wild. So so Rio did a lot for
my relationship with my mom, which I feel like is
why we're able to, you know, find our common ground today.
(26:56):
But she also went through a really gnarly divorce after
ten years of extreme commitment, giving up her career, doing everything,
and you know, we again, we've all grown. I do
have a relationship with my biological father now, and so
does she. It's actually the funniest thing because she'll see
(27:18):
she'll have him my stepdad who raised me, which they're
no longer together, and then now her husband, like all
three will be like around the dinner table. But here's
the thing. It's so easy, and like this is for everybody.
It's so easy to hold grudges and so easy to
be ticked off about the past. And you know what,
for some people like rightfully, so like if I like
(27:39):
if I still wanted to be angry about something great,
but who is that helping all of us have grown,
all of us are so different than we used to be.
I just don't think it's fair to hold people to
who they were fifteen years ago.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
It's only affecting you. It's not something the person you
have resentment towards.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Some hundred percent. So I just like, I just am
always hopeful even with some of like the worst of
the worst people that I've encountered, I still have so
much hope in my heart for them. I believe you
can be different. You are awful, but I believe you
can be different.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Did Dancing with the Stars bring up anybody image issues?
Speaker 2 (28:30):
You know what? Surprisingly it did not, but it brought
up other issues. It was early in our marriage and
there was just we literally said, we're like, we don't
know how spouses do this show without like doing what
the doing it the way we did, so we fully
understood the dynamics of the show. Like if Carlos was
(28:53):
doing this and I was like watching this girl like
dance with them all close and like the rehearsals or
like whatever, it would be so hard. And for Carlos
at that season of his life, he was such a
jealous man that even though he understood the dynamic. It
was still hard for him for sure, And you know
how it is, it is incredibly flirty, So for us
(29:16):
we had to like set big boundaries right off the bat,
which was super hard for everyone around us. You know
how it's like super flirty backstage and whatever, and like,
so like, I love Mark, I absolutely like we got
along great, but like if it was ever flirty, I'd
just be like, I don't do that. I was kind
of I was a little mean, but it was only
(29:37):
to set like good boundaries and then we figured it
out and we ended up having a really great partnership.
But I know it was really kind of rocky for
everybody because when we went on the show, we literally
said like we're like, look, we're a married couple. You
guys are our partners, and we are so excited to
like team up with you. But that doesn't mean like
we ditch our marriage and this becomes our number one
(29:59):
our just still first. And then it was less Whitney
and Mark.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
It was more the producers.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
So they're trying to make it like Alex only cares
about her husband, she doesn't care about the competition at all,
and like they even had al who I love Alfonso
just like say, like, you need to focus more on
the show. I just remember being really upset because I
was just like, guys, what are you doing? Like it
came out of left field for me, and that's why
I was just like, you're my friend, why would you
(30:27):
say that like that?
Speaker 1 (30:28):
My listeners?
Speaker 2 (30:29):
What he said it hurt my feelings. He basically said,
he was like, you and Mark can win this, you
and Carlos cannot, and basically like I needed to refocus
and like put more effort and energy into my partner,
which I had been like, Guys, these rehearsals are how
many hours a day? You're in there for like ten
twelve hours a day busting your butt. Like it's not
(30:51):
like I'm hanging out with Carlos, Like I'm literally full
time with Mark, and when I can sneak away, there
was backstage drama, so it wasn't even like we were
all dancing together because there was drama going on. But
I just felt so defeated, to be honest with you,
But it wasn't just like defeated because of them, but
also like our marriage was still so young and we
(31:12):
were still learning so much, and Carlos was like so
jealous and also battling his insecurities. I felt like I
had to be there for him, so I just felt
beat down and he like he was a sweet like
he didn't do anything bad, but like if you see
your spouse not feeling good or feeling jealousy even though
(31:36):
there was no reason he should have felt that back
in the day, and he'll tell you the same thing.
He's like, I was just so young and dumb, but
it just took a toll on me. So I just
remember going home every night just being like being so exhausted,
being like I can't be what Mark needs me to be.
I can't be what Carlos needs to need me to be,
Like I can't be what the producers want me to
be because they want me to like trash talk all
(31:57):
these people and I don't actually feel that way, and
like it was just a lot. And also that Monday
night makes you feel like this is the most important
thing in the world, so the second you hear the
heart sinks into your butt and you're just like, here,
it was so so nuts. And I don't really crank
(32:18):
or anything, but I just remember everybody being like you
just need to take a shot. If I could go back,
it doesn't even matter. It just should be fun. You
should just go out there and have fun. But like, look,
as a viewer, it's awesome. The show is just so
fun to watch and it feels good, Like who doesn't
love like a good feel good story where they're not
(32:39):
great at dancing, but look at how far they've come,
Like that's awesome. I love the premise of it. I
just the behind the scenes can be tough. But it
was as difficult as it was fun because they were
really really high highs and we had no idea. Like literally,
I was sitting on an airplane and Carlos was sitting
on an airplane, and we both got separate phone calls
(32:59):
that like we had both been offered dancing with the stars,
And to be honest with you, my initial thought was like, oh,
I'm going to pass because I had a movie scheduled,
and I was also right after the movie up for
this like huge, huge pilot that they were trying to
work a deal out on. And it was actually I
(33:20):
had I think I hadn't really been talking to my
mom a whole lot, but I knew that she was
a fan of the show, so I called her, and
I was like, I don't really watch this show, but
I know you love it, so just tell me what
you thought, like what you think? And she lost her mind.
She was like, if you don't do this, like this
is the one thing that actually patters her. Hyping it
up was a lot. But then I just you know,
the big thing for the two of us, like with
(33:43):
me and Carlos, was actually it came down to a
marriage thing. We just realized on TV there were not
a lot of there wasn't a great light being like
shun onto marriage. It was just like a marriage is
like this ball and chain, like marriage sucks. So we're like,
why don't we go and shine a light on marriage
and show people how awesome marriage is, like can actually be.
(34:06):
And I feel like we did that because the amount
of fan mail that came in about thank you for
reigniting our marriage from like sixty year olds, Like it's
not like from like thirty year old people, but.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
Like no they don't want to people.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
No, right, well some do now they do, but not
back then, no, but back then, but just it just
we just felt like we did exactly what we showed
up to do, like exactly what we were hoping to
do happened, and it was just like reigniting people and
showing them marriage is awesome. But I will say what
was really hard for Carlos was, you know, he's being
(34:41):
judged by Jewels the whole time while like he's on
the show, but then he has to go work with
her right after, and he was like, this is so
weird because like she won't even say hi. So Carlos
had to go work with Jewels right after Dancing with
the Stars on Grease Live because he played Nicky, so
(35:02):
literally he's like she's not saying hi, Like this is
super weird, Like I don't know the dynamic and like
I'm just gonna be nice, but I'm sure it's just
like a judge thing, like they can't like and she
wasn't mean or anything. She just couldn't interact with us
at all. Every time I would come out of like
a big spin, I almost would look like and and
(35:24):
I think I might have like a little vertigo or something,
but it would almost like wipe me and take me
a second to like collect where I'm at. But at
the time, like these aren't things.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
You know.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
It was really interesting because when I danced with Derek, Derek,
thank you. I'm like, I can't remember anybody's saying when
I was dancing with Derek, even like in the rehearsal,
I bombed the rehearsal completely, dress rehearsal, dress rehearsal. Yes,
so this is our chance to do it and I
completely bombed it. And he was like what happened? Like
(35:57):
I had it solid the whole time, and I'm so
thankful that it wasn't on live TV. But I was
just He's just like I don't understand, and I'm like
I don't understand either, Like I don't get it. So
like right before we're doing it again and again. But
here's the thing. So like this is where Mark and
Derek are like two totally different teachers. Mark is like,
let's come up with something funky and cool. I have
(36:17):
this in mind, of this in mind and it's awesome.
No matter how hard it is. He's just like, you're
going to learn it. And I appreciate that because I
was like, great, I'm gonna learn it. And it's like
a really hard thing for me, but I've got this.
Derek is like he doesn't pre do the dance, but
it was actually really smart because he's like, I'm not
going to come in with something already choreographed, and then
(36:40):
if it's hard for you, it's gonna If you can't
get it in three times in like three turns, that
means we're trying something else so that you can remember
it in it like in an easier way. So it
was actually way easier to remember that because he was
choreographing truly.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
To what I was telling for you for your ability.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Right, And then also like he doesn't let you mess up,
Like the only reason I messed up was because I
wasn't holding his hand during that dress rehearsal for that
particular part. There was no way I was doing anything
that he wasn't doing, So like, like I don't want
to just put like, oh well, he was the reason
I did well because I worked my butt off, But
also like he's such a different teacher. But what I
(37:19):
learned with Mark really did take me very far and
expanded my capability because they're so different. Derek, I learned stuff,
but it was to my level. Mark forced me to
level up with some of these dances. It's just very
different teaching styles.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
It literally is our job to choreograph and to make
our celebrity look good because it's called dancing with the Stars, right, yes, now,
some people and including myself, it took me years to
understand that because first wall start when I was twenty one, Like,
I didn't under I didn't have a lot of teaching ability.
(38:02):
This is what's so challenging, is like when you cast
someone like for me, I was twenty one who didn't
have a lot of teaching experience. I had just turned
professional in the industry. Literally six months later I got
the show, and it was to try and translate the
technical ways of saying things like we know a lock
step is a lockstep, but like, how can you translate
that into Layman's terms?
Speaker 2 (38:22):
You know, it really still.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Is a lot yeah right, it's okay. And by the way,
it's just that we're two words like who cares just
like just execute? Yeah, you know, but it really is
a huge growing experience. And I had to say, I
think Mark also got a lot better when it comes
to like doing that, But I am like Mark. One
time I didn't come prepped with my choreography and I
was my anxiety went through the roof. Oh because and
(38:47):
by the way, when I prep, I still prep for
my partner, and I'm still open minded with maybe changing it.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
The other thing was like there were certain dances that
really resonated with me, so they just stuck really well,
like salsa. I love of salsa, and that was so fun.
Like I'm so sad that we didn't get salsa later
in the season because it would have been a much
longer dance. It was just so fun, it felt like
very free. That was great, And the same thing with
(39:13):
a contemporary, like I was telling a story and that
one just came again really naturally, like a lot easier
for me. I remember we were in the middle of
like learning so many things. We were traveling to New York,
Like all our rehearsal time was like cut in half,
and because it was like Broadway week or something, so
we had to go to the Broadway show and like
so like you weren't even in la being able to
(39:35):
do all the things that you needed to do, so
our rehearsal times were just crap, like you lost like
three days. But that being said, I think we had
only rehearsed the contemporary for like four hours the first day,
and then we hadn't gotten to it for a few
days and then we went back to it and I
remembered all of it, and I remember that being the
first time, like Mark and I were like, how did
(39:56):
that happen? And it was just because it really resonated
with me.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
You got to change your teaching style with every person
you work with.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
That is one thing that I didn't think about was
this story going into it other than like shining a
light on marriage. Because they would ask me things about
myself and it was very telling because I couldn't answer
a lot of these questions and thank god, like we've
grown so much since then. I was such a people
pleaser that I didn't actually know what I liked, Like
(40:25):
it didn't even matter if it was like Carlo's or
somebody else, Like like if I went to lunch with Mark,
it'd be like, oh, well, like what are you looking at?
What's your second option in case you need some of it?
Like I couldn't even just be like, no, this is
what I want to order. And you know what, It's
really interesting because the going back to marriage. A few
years into our marriage, like I just became so deeply
(40:47):
a people pleaser. Carlos was like what happened to you?
He's like, what happened to like the girl that'd be like, no,
I don't want to do this. I want to do this,
and he's just like he was, I love that you
want to serve me Like I love that. Don't get
me wrong, it's awesome. He goes, but can you just
be like no, sometimes, can you just say, like I
actually want to eat this? He's like, what do you want?
(41:09):
What do you like? Like you need to ask yourself
these questions and be able to answer them because.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
It's so great that he saw that.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Oh and he called it out. Heck yeah, because he
was like I can't live with like zombie wife. He's like,
I know what, I'm married and I need to see that,
like I want that joy out of you. But it
wasn't like doing it because he's like, I can't be
around you. It was because I know you're so much
more than this. What are you doing? Like, you have
a voice? Use it?
Speaker 1 (41:36):
Look the show asks questions where you know, the power
of an edit is pretty powerful. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
They would bleep my voice, which, by the way, just
like I'm swear, I'm Dorothy, I don't swear. So there
were a couple times where my voice was bleeped, and
I remember watching it being so mad because I was like,
I don't cuss, and literally the word that they took
out glitter had like gotten into my dress and it
(42:02):
was like all inside of like my area and I
called it a kuchi and I was like, oh my gosh,
like but they bleeped it, so it sounds like I
said something that I didn't say, and they did it
a couple of times, and I'm like, what the heck
people are gonna think, and like who cares at the
end of the day, Like I know I didn't, but
(42:24):
it matters to me, Like I'm sorry the sixty year
old grandma who like sees me talking on Instagram and
like knowing like my values and what I stand for,
and then she sees this, she's gonna be like, oh, oh,
I guess she has like a botty mouth when I like, don't.
It's just editing and sound effects.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
It is very powerful. Now, unfortunately I cannot. I have
so many I could talk to you all day.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
I could talk to you for hours.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Let's end with this. You had fan questions, we had
rapid fire, But okay, what did you learn the most
about you on Dancing with the Stars about yourself.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
At the time, I read that I really needed to
not be afraid to use my voice, and there's so
much I wish I could tell that version of Alexa.
But I remember walking away being really upset, being like,
(43:19):
you know, I did what we said we were coming
here to do, but I didn't do what I needed
Alexa to do. And I was happy for our mission
to have been completed on that show as a married couple,
but as like Alexa going out really trying something for me,
I felt like I let myself down. So I really
(43:39):
that was kind of like the beginning of really realizing
that I've kind of just allowed my voice to be overshadowed.
And from that point on, it was like years of
figuring out how do I get out of people pleasing
and into a place of just confidence, knowing like, Okay,
(44:00):
if I mess up a dance whatever, I'm gonna just
keep moving forward. I'm not gonna, oh brush it off
because I'm like I don't want to disappoint people. It's
just like, no, you know what, I messed up, Let's
go do it again. Yeah, I just it's just a
different perspective. So I just learned a lot about using
my voice on that show.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Your story is so inspiring in so many ways, Alexa.
I really hope you continue doing the amazing work that
you're doing. It's just spreading that awareness because I can
relate to you in so many ways, and I know
you can to so many little girls that I mean,
I wish I had someone to look up to, you know,
through trauma and stuff that I was going through, and
(44:36):
you do. It's so powerful. So thank you for everything.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Where can people find you first?
Speaker 2 (44:43):
Oh, we're on Instagram, uh Vega Alexa, that's my Instagram
and we share TikTok PenaVega. Okay, and actually shout out
to my husband who started a new band, Angels and Kings.
It doesn't mean Big Time Rush is over, but Angels
and Kings released their first single.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
How about your tube channel?
Speaker 2 (45:00):
Our YouTube channel is I think it's called the Vita
Pinevega Okay. It used to be called Lex Loves Los
and then we had a name change. So it's one
of those.
Speaker 1 (45:09):
And then you're gonna have a podcast soon, I'm sure
so we will.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
We will have a podcast. It's just taken. We wanted
to do it for years and just do it. So
many things. Yeah, but we're in the season now, especially
after Indy, there's just so much on our hearts that
we're ready to share with people, and yeah, we're just
gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (45:25):
Yeah, Okay, I can't wait. Thank you, You're amazing, Thank you,
and that's a wrap. As always, don't forget to Please
take a moment to rate and review this episode wherever
you're currently listening to it. Until next time, Love you guys. Bye.
Host
Cheryl Burke
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