April 29, 2024 • 30 mins
Cheryl takes this episode to address the headlines about when she was interviewed on Amy and TJ’s podcast. She is ready to close a chapter as she is about to celebrate her 40th. Listen to this vulnerable conversation where she answers your questions about it all…
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is Sex Lies and Spray Tands with Me Cheryl
Burke and iHeartRadio podcast. Hey guys, welcome to Sex Lives
and Spray Tands. Today We're gonna kind of switch it
up a little bit, and you know, we don't have
an interview, but instead I am going to address my
interview that I did on Amy and TJ's podcast that
(00:21):
caused I would say, quite a lot of controversy and
that had you know, the press in a frenzy to
say the least. So the purpose for me, and the
intention behind this specific episode is to once and for all,
really just address some incorrect information that has been printed
out about me, as well as answer some questions that
(00:41):
I also been receiving from our listeners so that I
can just you know, move forward. I'm about to turn
forty here on May third, and I just really want to,
you know, move forward and put everything behind me and
just have closure once and for all. And listen. I
know I have a podcast about Dancing with the Stars.
I will always be Dancing with the Stars number one
fan that's never going to go away. Regardless of any
(01:04):
whatever you want to call it, disagreements, turmoil, whatever, there
always will be love for me, at least from me
to Dancing with the Stars. I can't speak for them,
but I'll never forget where I came from. So let's
get started. So I have to say, leading up to
Amy and TJ's interview, I lost a lot of sleep,
(01:25):
even though I don't get sleep anyway, but it was
really I guess I felt like I was going to
be on the stand and being kind of interrogated by
these two amazing journalists that do this for a living.
I guess I got really in my head prior to
this interview, and I was like trying to, as I do,
micromanage and try to be perfect, but we all know
(01:48):
there's no such thing as perfection, And what am I micromanaging?
Because the interview hadn't happened right, So finally, as I
was driving to Los Angeles, I was honestly talking to
my publicists, and you know, I can sense the stress
that she had in her voice as well, because like,
(02:09):
at the end of the day, people can just really
take stuff out of context. And the last thing that
I want to do or I want to come across
as is someone who isn't grateful for her experience on
Dancing with the stars, and I am, as you guys know,
beyond grateful. Regardless of any podcast or anything that you
may have heard, You're hearing it for me, either the
(02:31):
first time or the ten thousandth time. Like, I am
so in love with the show. I love the show.
I'm a fan. I will always be a fan. However,
with that also comes disagreements. Also comes certain things that
I didn't necessarily like that went against my morals, values,
and beliefs, you know, as a human being, as a
(02:51):
woman who I am today at least. But I have
to say, as soon as I sat down, I just
said to myself, I was sweating first of all, but
I also was to saying, you know what, just be yourself,
because that's all I could do. Like I give it
that advice to everybody. I need to take my own advice,
right like, And this is my story and it's my feelings,
and I have the right to my feelings. I think
(03:13):
that sometimes the outside noise for me, it really does
cloud my judgment a lot, and it makes me gaslight myself,
and it makes me feel like my feelings so are
sometimes not valid and people are always going to have
an opinion, and I have to just I guess this
is part of the whole you know job. I guess
is that I have to be willing to either if
(03:36):
I'm going to look at comments, I have to be
ready for it, or I just have to ignore it.
And I'm human. It still affects me. To say that
I don't look at the comments would be a lie,
And to say that I don't focus on that one
negative comment, it would also be a lie. But it
was a really tough interview. I did feel like in
(03:56):
the beginning TJ was really pushing certain topics that I
just want to clear up today because like look under
pressure and when like, for example, when they asked me
how many of your partners did you have a showmance
with right or something like that, it was along those lines.
I even offered it like we were going to talk
about show mances. Then I brought it to me right
(04:19):
in my story and I'm not going to deny it.
Like I said, I'm an open book. But the promo,
as you know, you guys know, we need people to
listen to our our episode on our podcast. So the
promo was like does anyone have a list like and
that was like a genuine question, but it was definitely
came across a little aggressive, like as if I was like, oh,
(04:41):
I don't remember all the people I've slept with. Actually,
I'm here to clear up any rumors or anything that
I said. Actually on their episode, it's not three, it's two.
Just I'm going to just leave it at that. I'm
not going to tell you who, but I'm just going
to say it's not three show mances. For me, it's
too okay, So we're going to clear the air there,
(05:03):
because that was one of the first headlines that I saw,
which was shocking actually with everything else we talked about,
but you know, it happens. And I think what I
was wanting to ask them, actually, is it if they
considered their relationship a show manson a way they were
both on a show and now they're in a full
blown relationship. And I think the whole point for this
(05:25):
discussion was like does it last? You know, like, is
this something that like for me, I was really curious
to see if they would be even interested in one
another if they were, if they weren't working together. You know,
a lot of these people come into our lives, like
celebrities come into our lives, and it's like your force.
I always say it's like an arranged marriage on Dancing
(05:46):
with the Stars, because like, you're stuck with this person
seven days a week and that's it, and you've got
no choice camp back out if you don't like them.
So you either love each other or hate each other.
And it is black and white like that, you know.
And but for the most part, I've had an amazing run.
And yeah, chow Manz's happened. I mean, come on, all right,
(06:07):
let's move on to fan questions. Here's the first one.
Do you have a fear of getting in trouble each
time you think about speaking your truth? Yes? And no.
Sometimes it just depends, like you know, it's like feelings,
It all ebbs and flows. But really, some days I'm
stronger than others, and some days I don't feel like
speaking my truth because sometimes I'm like, it's none of
(06:28):
your business and I'm just going to get shitped for
it anyway. But really, I think this is my purpose.
I think this was the reason why I was given
such a huge platform from being on Dancing with the
Stars is because not a lot of people can speak
their truth and no judgment. But I feel like I
do want to share that and hopefully somebody can just
either relate to my story or know someone that has
(06:48):
a similar story, because it does feel good knowing you're
not alone, Like this countless interviews I've done on this podcast,
you know, and it's even with Lindsay Sterling, knowing that
she went through body dysmorphia, like it felt so like
a release, right, like off my body, weight, off my
body after talking to her, and it does, like at
(07:11):
the end of the day, this is a Dancing with
the Stars podcast, but it really the underlying thing that
we do talk about consistently is mental health. I believe.
So it does help and it does take the shame
away when I do speak my truth. Thank you for
your question in regards to my actual interview or me
being interviewed with by Amy and TJ. As far as
(07:34):
like what I say about the show regardless, I try
to always stick to like how I feel most of
the time when it comes to the judges, Like do
the judges watch the dancers prior to the rehearsal, you know,
or prior to the live show? Yes, I believe that
they do, like, but that doesn't mean that they do right,
So there's like a fine line. But yes, of course
(07:54):
I do get nervous sometimes with certain things that get
taken out of context, especially in the press. But for
the most part, I mean, I guess I have been
in trouble for the past couple of years, right, Like
I didn't get invited to lend Goodman's tribute. All good,
you know, I'm not holding on to that any longer.
But like, this is just I'm just stating facts. I
don't think my relationship with them could get worse, basically,
(08:15):
is what I'm trying to say. Here's another question that
I think I need to answer. How does this affect
getting guests on your show? Are you being snubbed by
your own friends? That's a great question. Look, I know
(08:38):
that there were guests that were booked on sex lies
and spray tands that pulled out last minute. There was
one person who actually just decided not to show up,
and I still haven't received a text back from that
person at all, Like as if I'm never going to
run into him again. But you know what, so be it.
Even if I do run into that person. It is
what it is like at the end of the day,
(08:59):
you really know who you're friends are, and you really know,
who aren't your friends? Right Like with all of this,
but mind you, people I think have people can control
what they say, right Like this is I'm not forcing
anything out of anybody's mouths, like they could say their
truth or they can just not answer the question. You know,
all of these people that I've asked to come on
the show or that iHeart has asked have been a
(09:21):
part of the show, which means that they're media trained, right,
So like they know how to do interviews, they also
know how to steer an interview in a different direction
if need be. This podcast is mainly about the memories
that we have had on the show we go down
memory Lane, we are I mean, I just think sometimes
people want to hear the negative and that's what the
press prints, and I get it. But again, I sound
(09:43):
like a broken record, and I'm going to say it
for the last time. You have to listen to the
actual episode in order to get the context of anything
that you read about this podcast, or even just what
you read about me, because it's always taken out of context.
It doesn't matter which press outlet it is, to be
quite honest. Another great question that I got is if
(10:04):
I feel any kind of anxiety doing this podcast or
is it therapeutic or does it bring up any PTSD.
I think it's all of the above. These rewatches have
really taken me through an emotional rollercoaster because first of all,
there's just just seeing myself and how just that little
(10:27):
girl was just so insecure. It just brings up so
many different feelings. But then also seeing the dynamic and
I keep saying this the psychology behind the show. It
really is interesting to see it all. But then I'm
almost having like a disassociation in sometimes just to get
through it, which means that yes, I am reliving through
some trauma that like maybe during that time I went
(10:49):
through when I was like second season or third season,
like whatever comes up, right, But this is really good
for me because I am a profet number and I
will run away from my problems. I would never have talked.
I would probably never talk about the show if I
never did this podcast, which is not healthy. And yeah,
(11:10):
people may think, like, get over it already, it's just
a dance show. It's actually more than a dance show.
This was my identity, right, so this was my life.
My whole life was consumed around dancing with the stars
and the people that were involved, more of the people
that worked behind the scenes than the actual dancers, like
(11:31):
they were my family. And so it's not just a
dance show. I don't even know what that means, to
be quite honest, Like as if you're a true fan
of Dancing with the Stars, you'd know that we put
our blood, sweat and tears into every single season. No
matter who our partner is or how long we last,
it doesn't matter. This show is there's that family element, right,
(11:53):
But then that's what makes all of this stuff, like
the ghosting or the like not communicating hurt even more,
you know, than if it were just a nine to
five job. Okay, So I think unless you've been on
TV and been a part of a show for twenty
four seasons, you can't really understand it. And that's okay,
(12:14):
But it's not just a dance show to me. First
of all, I do know that this show is very rare,
the fact that it's going into this thirty third season.
I don't necessarily think that I'm gonna be a part
of a show similar to this as far as the
longevity goes. But I think my fear in general was
when I made this decision to leave the show is
(12:35):
like what the hell am I going to do? And
I'm still figuring it out, and that sometimes is scary.
I'm like, really, how much longer am I figuring it
out for? But I think I think people may not
want to face it. But this is life in general.
Like it's just like if you want to take a risk,
or if you want to change job, professions or whatever
you want to do, if you want to get out
of a relationship, it's always scary because there's always this unknown.
(12:58):
But for me, it's all it's different because it's like
I don't know. I feel like sometimes like do they
make the wrong decision to leave? You know? So I
said in my interview with Amy and TJ that my
at my lowest, my rock bottom was my success. And
I only say this because from the outside of what
people define success, of how people define success, which really
(13:21):
is are you did you win the show or not?
In my world, right, but I was so empty inside.
It didn't matter how many mirror balls, it didn't matter
how many finals, it didn't matter whatever. It was like
how who my celebrity? Like, it didn't matter, right, But
I still felt like shit about myself. Inside to the
point where I had to continue to drink and numb
(13:43):
because I couldn't bear the thought of just being alone
with my feelings in general, didn't even know what feelings were, like,
I didn't want to do it and I didn't want
to face anything. So I say, personally, I'm in the
best headspace that I've ever been career wise. I think
I'm I still have a lot of hope. I'm optimistic,
Like it's not like I am not working right, I'm
(14:06):
just doing something different and I think it's gonna take
I'm very impatient, so like I expect things to happen,
like especially when I work hard on something to the results.
Like I'm very result oriented, like and what is results?
Like I need to That's another thing I have to
untrain my brain. It's like I don't have a judge
holding up a paddle one through ten, even though I
would actually prefer that sometimes, you know, like should I
(14:27):
wear this outfit one to ten? Like it's just so
much easier, but it's not healthy. Like I have to
understand that this is life, why this is more than
a dance show for me. I have a lot of
history with a lot of these og pros and Len Goodman,
like Len Goodman judged me when I was a little
girl competing in the industry. But I think it meant
(14:50):
more than oh I didn't get an invite, you know.
It was more like this is it, Like I'm done,
Like we're I'm never going to perform on the show,
not just because of their decision, but I don't think
I'd ever want to perform on the show again, not
out of ego, just because like it's done, Like this
chapter has is shut down. It's shut down. We're going
(15:11):
to move on to the next chapter. But it's really
hard to have to come to Jesus with that situation,
like the fact that I always wanted to have a
little like a foot in no matter what, you know.
But I think, like anything, when you break up with somebody,
for example, it's really hard to maybe keep a friendship
(15:32):
right away, maybe eventually right but not like right away,
because you have to like separate from that person and
in my case, from this show and the people that
are involved in the show and that have been a
part of my life since two thousand and six. And
that is hard for me because I've always said casually that, oh,
(15:55):
watch like when this show's over, We're never going to
keep in touch with anyone, Like you know, a lot
of these pro dancers I know, but only from the
competition world. Like I don't really we didn't really hang out, right,
We weren't like friends friends. We just started working together.
So it's like these relationships, you know, you start to
really see it for what it is. And I think
(16:16):
that is hard for me to swallow that, like this
was actually just a business and it wasn't as personal
as I made it be in my head and in
my heart, I would say that I have relationships that
I know will be friends forever, like my makeup artists,
like behind the scenes people, right, But as far as
like the dancers go, I'm trying to think it's so sad,
(16:42):
Like I don't think so I don't know, Like I
don't think like I would say Kimmy, you know, and
by the way I do, we're like if they don't
want to do this podcast, it's not like, oh we're
not friends anymore. Like I respect that, but I just like,
for me, what a friend is, Okay, this is my definition,
Like Leah is a friend, Like no matter what, Leah
(17:03):
Remedy always will have my back. Whether she does this
podcast or not is irrelevant. That doesn't make me not
want to be your friend. If she didn't want to
do it, that's totally fine. But the difference is between
me and her and me and the rest is that
we communicate, like we communicate consistently, and we communicate our feelings,
and we're not scared to talk about our feelings, and
(17:23):
we hear each other, you know, and whatever we have
gotten into our own thing, you know, and we do
talk it out. And I think that's what's missing with
everyone else. It's like I'm hearing about them talk about
why they don't like my podcast, but I've never heard
it from them, which is odd. Like, so I guess
we weren't friends, you know what I mean. It's like
(17:44):
a hard thing to swallow, Like you can say all
this stuff about me, but why don't you say it
to my face if we're friends. And what really hurt
me the most was when no one reached out to
me when my stepsister died. So then there's that layer, right,
So there's like a lot of different layers that have happened,
both in our in all everyone's lives. Right when my
(18:05):
stepsister died, like, not one person I'm hurt by it
because I'm not. I'm not that girl who's like, oh
I'm still bitter, Like what a freaking loser, Like that's
not who I am. But I think that with some people,
(18:26):
talking about the past means you're not over things, and
that is just not true in my world. Like for me,
talking about it is me trying to let go of it,
like in real time, like you cannot run, I cannot
continue to run away from any type of feelings because
I know for a fact that if I continue on
(18:49):
that path I was on when I was drinking, it's
just going to go downhill. I will most likely relapse.
This is part of my work to stay sober too,
Like I have to talk about this and you guys
don't have to listen. You know that is a choice.
But also with me talking and being so open on
a public platform comes hey, And I know that intellectually,
(19:14):
but when I read it in real time, my heart drops.
I only want to be loved, just like anybody else.
I can still be hurt and sad, like there's not
it's not either or like I think we're really in society,
We're really at a kindergarten level when it comes to
mental health. And that just shows me that that is
the case, because like, why is it so black and white?
(19:35):
Why is everything so black and white? To people like, oh,
she's still bitter now, I'm really not bitter. If I
were bitter, i'd be silent. Actually, there's like a whole
thread on Reddit right about like how bitter get over yourself?
Oh my god, Like all you do is try and
find the name or get your guests to talk negatively
about the show. I just know right then and there,
(19:56):
you guys are not listening, Like you're just not so listen.
Go ahead, continue on with the hate. But I can't
control what they say. However, I just feel like it's
really ignorant of people to just I don't know, I'm human, Like,
watch what you say. I think I really would love
(20:16):
before I died, I would love for people just to
be kind with their words because it really affects people.
And I don't I think that's what they're I think
that's the point they want to people want us to
react instead of respond. So if that's their goal, then
then more power to you, because it's working. I guess
(20:36):
I think what initially is like my let's say, like
a few of the pros are probably thinking what is
she doing? Like is she going through a mid life crisis?
This is what I'm assuming. But again like no, actually,
I know one pro said, why would she want to
why does she want to talk about the past? Well, sorry,
breaking news, hate to break it to you. Every interview
that anyone does is about your past, so like, right,
(20:59):
you can't run away from your past. Every interview that
I've done is about as a question from my past
that they want me to answer, Like, there's never an
interview that's talking about You're just solely about the present
moment right, the second, or the future that hasn't even
happened yet. What I enjoy most about this podcast is
(21:29):
having an hour with people who I really respect, that
I've worked with, but we never had this chance just
to sit down. Like I think I've learned so much
about every single guest that has been on the show
that I don't think I would have ever gotten a
chance to even know about at all, And it actually
brings me closer to them because again, the underlying message
(21:50):
with this podcast for me is because it's my passion
is mental health regardless, right, and I think that is
what I love to talk about. Though I know I'm
not a professional, but like, I'm just so curious and
to see what people some people had great experiences and
some people had great and bad experiences. Like, but this
(22:11):
is not my goal. Isn't to like get them to
talk shit about the show, Like I They're not puppets,
you know. It's so frustrating to me that people are like,
all she's doing is leading them towards saying shit about
the show. No, that's not what. Like, there's so much
I don't know, there's so much heart and love that
(22:32):
I have, and especially with doing these rewatches, and I
think I'm really just proud at the fact that I've
been a part of a show for so long and
that I did a damn good job when I was
on it. Like I'm not even gonna deny it whether
I thought about that when I was doing it. Most
likely I was being mean to myself and hated everything
I did. But now I'm just so proud of being
part of such a huge staple, and especially when it
(22:55):
comes to the ballroom industry and being able to be
a part of changing the world that I grew up in.
So initially, you know, when I got the call that
Amy and TJ wanted me to come on their podcast,
right away, for me, those two were branded as good
Morning America news anchors journalists, and right away, there's a
(23:17):
family bond, Like whether it's trauma bond or whatever you
want to call it, it doesn't matter, Like there's this
family and foundation regardless of the outcome. And I think
what I really would intrigued me about these two people
was the fact that they obviously loved their job, just
like I did. Right now, the outcome was like the
(23:39):
reasoning behind it, all of leaving is just completely different.
Like I'm not saying that my story is similar in
that sense, but what is similar is the fact that
we loved our jobs and we loved working for ABC.
But with that, and what I love about Amy and
TJ's that they're not scared to talk about the ups
and downs. And like, for example, I couldn't do a
(24:03):
podcast and talk about my truth if like the person
interviewing me wasn't going to be ready to be real
and transparent themselves, right, And I think this is the
conversation starter, And this is what's different nowadays. It's like
when Amy pointed out that there was a lot of
similarities between me and TJ. When you start, when they
(24:23):
started talking about their story, then it got me more
comfortable to talk about mine. You know, there's a lot
of also articles about me being the breadwinner and supporting
me and my ex husband. What is so messed up
is like if a man right that, if it were
the other way around, there would be no article. I'm
(24:46):
just saying, like, what is the problem. I don't understand
what the problem is, Like, I'm just stating the fact.
And but they had asked me in the interview, if
you were to listen to it, it was what did
you learn from your marriage or something like that, And
then I said, I can't buy like that. And by
the way, that is the last big like the overall
there was many lessons, but this was the overall lesson
(25:06):
that I thought, for some reason subconsciously that I could
do was by love. But clearly that I was just
answering the question. People were like, stop bringing it up.
All you do is talk about this. It's a question
that I'm answering, right, Like, I'm not just saying it
out of nowhere. I'm doing an interview. I'm being the
one interviewed. I'm going to answer. I'm going to answer
(25:28):
the question that's being asked of me. But it is
what it is. I don't know. I just can't please everyone.
What can I say? So it was just a coincidence too.
Let me just clear the air. When Len retired, I had,
first of all, no idea that he was retiring, but
had we had already planned my retirement the following week.
That's why he announced to his during the semifinals. And
(25:51):
mine was definitely the grand finale of the show, and
ninety seconds of it was my farewell dance. What's interesting
about as I continue to speak my truth, Obviously I
don't remember every little thing, but the I start to
remember stuff and I have to clear the air as
well when it comes to this farewell dance that I
(26:13):
did was really it was something that wasn't just given
to me by the executives. And I'm not saying this
because of anything other than this is just me speaking
my truth. But my agent, William Morris in Management Untitled,
asked for this for me, like you know, if you're
(26:35):
not gonna have her be a part of the family anymore,
let's meaning like doing other things. You know, though it
was still my it was still my choice to leave
the show. However, like I said in Amy and TJ's interview,
did I really want to leave it like for good
and be done. No. I was hoping for a promotion,
(26:56):
right and I didn't get it. So my and obviously
my reps knew that I wasn't going to get it.
So they're like, you're not gonna You're basically not going
to give her a ninety second little dance like a
send off, Like you're not gonna do that because it
was a fight. It wasn't just given to me like oh, okay,
we're going to do a beautiful send off. It was
a fight that my team had to really put their
(27:19):
foot down and basically put everything into perspective for them
that like, wow, you're just gonna you don't want to
give her anything like not even like a little goodbye
like nothing. And so that's how that came about because
I hear and I've seen a lot of comments people saying, well,
what is she complaining about? She got a farewell dance
(27:40):
that like Derek never got that, Julienne never got that. Again,
you know, our experiences on the show are way different.
I started a lot earlier than they did, and I
never really took a break from the show. Really, I
mean it was consistent. I was consistently there, and yeah,
(28:00):
I think that was the least that they could have done,
was was send off. But what's interesting leading up to it,
it was almost like I didn't even want to do
it anymore because I can tell that it wasn't necessarily
their idea. So I'm turning forty. This is forty, and
I cannot wait to continue on a path of curiosity,
(28:25):
of growth, of bettering myself. And that does not include
continuing to talk about this, right. I think I have
done a lot of therapy on my own. I've talked
about it a lot on my own with my friends,
but then on top of it, I've shared a lot
with you guys, and I think, you know, doing this episode,
this will be the last of me speaking about my experience.
(28:50):
I will continue to have guests and I will continue
to ask them questions about their experience, but I do
feel closure, Like I even though I can still be sad,
there are still moments of tears because really, my new
job is now to it's very consuming, of all things,
dancing with the stars. But again it's I have no
(29:12):
ill will towards anyone, really, but I could still be
really hurt and disappointed that I've lost friends ships along
the way, and that is called grieving, and everyone grieves differently,
and sometimes for me, like because a lot of these
people I've known for almost two decades, it's going to
(29:34):
take time to really put that to rest. But there's
no such thing as rushing through a grieving like grief,
you know, it's just different for everybody. However, I am
done talking about it. There's nothing else for me to say.
And yeah, it feels good to be able to turn
forty and start a new chapter. So that's that. But
(29:57):
I just want to thank you guys, my listeners, for
first of all being so loyal and tuning in, but
mainly for making it a safe space for me to
just express my true self, because it's not There's not
a lot of places where I feel safe enough to
express whatever that it is I'm feeling because it is
(30:17):
a vulnerable subject for me, whether you want to believe
it or not. But yeah, I'm grateful for all of you.
And until next time, make sure you guys follow us
at sex Lies and spray tands on our Instagram handle
and make sure your comment. Let me know who you
want me to interview. What do you all think? Let
me know
This is Sex Lies and Spray Tands with Me Cheryl
Burke and iHeartRadio podcast. Hey guys, welcome to Sex Lives
and Spray Tands. Today We're gonna kind of switch it
up a little bit, and you know, we don't have
an interview, but instead I am going to address my
interview that I did on Amy and TJ's podcast that
(00:21):
caused I would say, quite a lot of controversy and
that had you know, the press in a frenzy to
say the least. So the purpose for me, and the
intention behind this specific episode is to once and for all,
really just address some incorrect information that has been printed
out about me, as well as answer some questions that
(00:41):
I also been receiving from our listeners so that I
can just you know, move forward. I'm about to turn
forty here on May third, and I just really want to,
you know, move forward and put everything behind me and
just have closure once and for all. And listen. I
know I have a podcast about Dancing with the Stars.
I will always be Dancing with the Stars number one
fan that's never going to go away. Regardless of any
(01:04):
whatever you want to call it, disagreements, turmoil, whatever, there
always will be love for me, at least from me
to Dancing with the Stars. I can't speak for them,
but I'll never forget where I came from. So let's
get started. So I have to say, leading up to
Amy and TJ's interview, I lost a lot of sleep,
(01:25):
even though I don't get sleep anyway, but it was
really I guess I felt like I was going to
be on the stand and being kind of interrogated by
these two amazing journalists that do this for a living.
I guess I got really in my head prior to
this interview, and I was like trying to, as I do,
micromanage and try to be perfect, but we all know
(01:48):
there's no such thing as perfection, And what am I micromanaging?
Because the interview hadn't happened right, So finally, as I
was driving to Los Angeles, I was honestly talking to
my publicists, and you know, I can sense the stress
that she had in her voice as well, because like,
(02:09):
at the end of the day, people can just really
take stuff out of context. And the last thing that
I want to do or I want to come across
as is someone who isn't grateful for her experience on
Dancing with the stars, and I am, as you guys know,
beyond grateful. Regardless of any podcast or anything that you
may have heard, You're hearing it for me, either the
(02:31):
first time or the ten thousandth time. Like, I am
so in love with the show. I love the show.
I'm a fan. I will always be a fan. However,
with that also comes disagreements. Also comes certain things that
I didn't necessarily like that went against my morals, values,
and beliefs, you know, as a human being, as a
(02:51):
woman who I am today at least. But I have
to say, as soon as I sat down, I just
said to myself, I was sweating first of all, but
I also was to saying, you know what, just be yourself,
because that's all I could do. Like I give it
that advice to everybody. I need to take my own advice,
right like, And this is my story and it's my feelings,
and I have the right to my feelings. I think
(03:13):
that sometimes the outside noise for me, it really does
cloud my judgment a lot, and it makes me gaslight myself,
and it makes me feel like my feelings so are
sometimes not valid and people are always going to have
an opinion, and I have to just I guess this
is part of the whole you know job. I guess
is that I have to be willing to either if
(03:36):
I'm going to look at comments, I have to be
ready for it, or I just have to ignore it.
And I'm human. It still affects me. To say that
I don't look at the comments would be a lie,
And to say that I don't focus on that one
negative comment, it would also be a lie. But it
was a really tough interview. I did feel like in
(03:56):
the beginning TJ was really pushing certain topics that I
just want to clear up today because like look under
pressure and when like, for example, when they asked me
how many of your partners did you have a showmance
with right or something like that, it was along those lines.
I even offered it like we were going to talk
about show mances. Then I brought it to me right
(04:19):
in my story and I'm not going to deny it.
Like I said, I'm an open book. But the promo,
as you know, you guys know, we need people to
listen to our our episode on our podcast. So the
promo was like does anyone have a list like and
that was like a genuine question, but it was definitely
came across a little aggressive, like as if I was like, oh,
(04:41):
I don't remember all the people I've slept with. Actually,
I'm here to clear up any rumors or anything that
I said. Actually on their episode, it's not three, it's two.
Just I'm going to just leave it at that. I'm
not going to tell you who, but I'm just going
to say it's not three show mances. For me, it's
too okay, So we're going to clear the air there,
(05:03):
because that was one of the first headlines that I saw,
which was shocking actually with everything else we talked about,
but you know, it happens. And I think what I
was wanting to ask them, actually, is it if they
considered their relationship a show manson a way they were
both on a show and now they're in a full
blown relationship. And I think the whole point for this
(05:25):
discussion was like does it last? You know, like, is
this something that like for me, I was really curious
to see if they would be even interested in one
another if they were, if they weren't working together. You know,
a lot of these people come into our lives, like
celebrities come into our lives, and it's like your force.
I always say it's like an arranged marriage on Dancing
(05:46):
with the Stars, because like, you're stuck with this person
seven days a week and that's it, and you've got
no choice camp back out if you don't like them.
So you either love each other or hate each other.
And it is black and white like that, you know.
And but for the most part, I've had an amazing run.
And yeah, chow Manz's happened. I mean, come on, all right,
(06:07):
let's move on to fan questions. Here's the first one.
Do you have a fear of getting in trouble each
time you think about speaking your truth? Yes? And no.
Sometimes it just depends, like you know, it's like feelings,
It all ebbs and flows. But really, some days I'm
stronger than others, and some days I don't feel like
speaking my truth because sometimes I'm like, it's none of
(06:28):
your business and I'm just going to get shitped for
it anyway. But really, I think this is my purpose.
I think this was the reason why I was given
such a huge platform from being on Dancing with the
Stars is because not a lot of people can speak
their truth and no judgment. But I feel like I
do want to share that and hopefully somebody can just
either relate to my story or know someone that has
(06:48):
a similar story, because it does feel good knowing you're
not alone, Like this countless interviews I've done on this podcast,
you know, and it's even with Lindsay Sterling, knowing that
she went through body dysmorphia, like it felt so like
a release, right, like off my body, weight, off my
body after talking to her, and it does, like at
(07:11):
the end of the day, this is a Dancing with
the Stars podcast, but it really the underlying thing that
we do talk about consistently is mental health. I believe.
So it does help and it does take the shame
away when I do speak my truth. Thank you for
your question in regards to my actual interview or me
being interviewed with by Amy and TJ. As far as
(07:34):
like what I say about the show regardless, I try
to always stick to like how I feel most of
the time when it comes to the judges, Like do
the judges watch the dancers prior to the rehearsal, you know,
or prior to the live show? Yes, I believe that
they do, like, but that doesn't mean that they do right,
So there's like a fine line. But yes, of course
(07:54):
I do get nervous sometimes with certain things that get
taken out of context, especially in the press. But for
the most part, I mean, I guess I have been
in trouble for the past couple of years, right, Like
I didn't get invited to lend Goodman's tribute. All good,
you know, I'm not holding on to that any longer.
But like, this is just I'm just stating facts. I
don't think my relationship with them could get worse, basically,
(08:15):
is what I'm trying to say. Here's another question that
I think I need to answer. How does this affect
getting guests on your show? Are you being snubbed by
your own friends? That's a great question. Look, I know
(08:38):
that there were guests that were booked on sex lies
and spray tands that pulled out last minute. There was
one person who actually just decided not to show up,
and I still haven't received a text back from that
person at all, Like as if I'm never going to
run into him again. But you know what, so be it.
Even if I do run into that person. It is
what it is like at the end of the day,
(08:59):
you really know who you're friends are, and you really know,
who aren't your friends? Right Like with all of this,
but mind you, people I think have people can control
what they say, right Like this is I'm not forcing
anything out of anybody's mouths, like they could say their
truth or they can just not answer the question. You know,
all of these people that I've asked to come on
the show or that iHeart has asked have been a
(09:21):
part of the show, which means that they're media trained, right,
So like they know how to do interviews, they also
know how to steer an interview in a different direction
if need be. This podcast is mainly about the memories
that we have had on the show we go down
memory Lane, we are I mean, I just think sometimes
people want to hear the negative and that's what the
press prints, and I get it. But again, I sound
(09:43):
like a broken record, and I'm going to say it
for the last time. You have to listen to the
actual episode in order to get the context of anything
that you read about this podcast, or even just what
you read about me, because it's always taken out of context.
It doesn't matter which press outlet it is, to be
quite honest. Another great question that I got is if
(10:04):
I feel any kind of anxiety doing this podcast or
is it therapeutic or does it bring up any PTSD.
I think it's all of the above. These rewatches have
really taken me through an emotional rollercoaster because first of all,
there's just just seeing myself and how just that little
(10:27):
girl was just so insecure. It just brings up so
many different feelings. But then also seeing the dynamic and
I keep saying this the psychology behind the show. It
really is interesting to see it all. But then I'm
almost having like a disassociation in sometimes just to get
through it, which means that yes, I am reliving through
some trauma that like maybe during that time I went
(10:49):
through when I was like second season or third season,
like whatever comes up, right, But this is really good
for me because I am a profet number and I
will run away from my problems. I would never have talked.
I would probably never talk about the show if I
never did this podcast, which is not healthy. And yeah,
(11:10):
people may think, like, get over it already, it's just
a dance show. It's actually more than a dance show.
This was my identity, right, so this was my life.
My whole life was consumed around dancing with the stars
and the people that were involved, more of the people
that worked behind the scenes than the actual dancers, like
(11:31):
they were my family. And so it's not just a
dance show. I don't even know what that means, to
be quite honest, Like as if you're a true fan
of Dancing with the Stars, you'd know that we put
our blood, sweat and tears into every single season. No
matter who our partner is or how long we last,
it doesn't matter. This show is there's that family element, right,
(11:53):
But then that's what makes all of this stuff, like
the ghosting or the like not communicating hurt even more,
you know, than if it were just a nine to
five job. Okay, So I think unless you've been on
TV and been a part of a show for twenty
four seasons, you can't really understand it. And that's okay,
(12:14):
But it's not just a dance show to me. First
of all, I do know that this show is very rare,
the fact that it's going into this thirty third season.
I don't necessarily think that I'm gonna be a part
of a show similar to this as far as the
longevity goes. But I think my fear in general was
when I made this decision to leave the show is
(12:35):
like what the hell am I going to do? And
I'm still figuring it out, and that sometimes is scary.
I'm like, really, how much longer am I figuring it
out for? But I think I think people may not
want to face it. But this is life in general.
Like it's just like if you want to take a risk,
or if you want to change job, professions or whatever
you want to do, if you want to get out
of a relationship, it's always scary because there's always this unknown.
(12:58):
But for me, it's all it's different because it's like
I don't know. I feel like sometimes like do they
make the wrong decision to leave? You know? So I
said in my interview with Amy and TJ that my
at my lowest, my rock bottom was my success. And
I only say this because from the outside of what
people define success, of how people define success, which really
(13:21):
is are you did you win the show or not?
In my world, right, but I was so empty inside.
It didn't matter how many mirror balls, it didn't matter
how many finals, it didn't matter whatever. It was like
how who my celebrity? Like, it didn't matter, right, But
I still felt like shit about myself. Inside to the
point where I had to continue to drink and numb
(13:43):
because I couldn't bear the thought of just being alone
with my feelings in general, didn't even know what feelings were, like,
I didn't want to do it and I didn't want
to face anything. So I say, personally, I'm in the
best headspace that I've ever been career wise. I think
I'm I still have a lot of hope. I'm optimistic,
Like it's not like I am not working right, I'm
(14:06):
just doing something different and I think it's gonna take
I'm very impatient, so like I expect things to happen,
like especially when I work hard on something to the results.
Like I'm very result oriented, like and what is results?
Like I need to That's another thing I have to
untrain my brain. It's like I don't have a judge
holding up a paddle one through ten, even though I
would actually prefer that sometimes, you know, like should I
(14:27):
wear this outfit one to ten? Like it's just so
much easier, but it's not healthy. Like I have to
understand that this is life, why this is more than
a dance show for me. I have a lot of
history with a lot of these og pros and Len Goodman,
like Len Goodman judged me when I was a little
girl competing in the industry. But I think it meant
(14:50):
more than oh I didn't get an invite, you know.
It was more like this is it, Like I'm done,
Like we're I'm never going to perform on the show,
not just because of their decision, but I don't think
I'd ever want to perform on the show again, not
out of ego, just because like it's done, Like this
chapter has is shut down. It's shut down. We're going
(15:11):
to move on to the next chapter. But it's really
hard to have to come to Jesus with that situation,
like the fact that I always wanted to have a
little like a foot in no matter what, you know.
But I think, like anything, when you break up with somebody,
for example, it's really hard to maybe keep a friendship
(15:32):
right away, maybe eventually right but not like right away,
because you have to like separate from that person and
in my case, from this show and the people that
are involved in the show and that have been a
part of my life since two thousand and six. And
that is hard for me because I've always said casually that, oh,
(15:55):
watch like when this show's over, We're never going to
keep in touch with anyone, Like you know, a lot
of these pro dancers I know, but only from the
competition world. Like I don't really we didn't really hang out, right,
We weren't like friends friends. We just started working together.
So it's like these relationships, you know, you start to
really see it for what it is. And I think
(16:16):
that is hard for me to swallow that, like this
was actually just a business and it wasn't as personal
as I made it be in my head and in
my heart, I would say that I have relationships that
I know will be friends forever, like my makeup artists,
like behind the scenes people, right, But as far as
like the dancers go, I'm trying to think it's so sad,
(16:42):
Like I don't think so I don't know, Like I
don't think like I would say Kimmy, you know, and
by the way I do, we're like if they don't
want to do this podcast, it's not like, oh we're
not friends anymore. Like I respect that, but I just like,
for me, what a friend is, Okay, this is my definition,
Like Leah is a friend, Like no matter what, Leah
(17:03):
Remedy always will have my back. Whether she does this
podcast or not is irrelevant. That doesn't make me not
want to be your friend. If she didn't want to
do it, that's totally fine. But the difference is between
me and her and me and the rest is that
we communicate, like we communicate consistently, and we communicate our feelings,
and we're not scared to talk about our feelings, and
(17:23):
we hear each other, you know, and whatever we have
gotten into our own thing, you know, and we do
talk it out. And I think that's what's missing with
everyone else. It's like I'm hearing about them talk about
why they don't like my podcast, but I've never heard
it from them, which is odd. Like, so I guess
we weren't friends, you know what I mean. It's like
(17:44):
a hard thing to swallow, Like you can say all
this stuff about me, but why don't you say it
to my face if we're friends. And what really hurt
me the most was when no one reached out to
me when my stepsister died. So then there's that layer, right,
So there's like a lot of different layers that have happened,
both in our in all everyone's lives. Right when my
(18:05):
stepsister died, like, not one person I'm hurt by it
because I'm not. I'm not that girl who's like, oh
I'm still bitter, Like what a freaking loser, Like that's
not who I am. But I think that with some people,
(18:26):
talking about the past means you're not over things, and
that is just not true in my world. Like for me,
talking about it is me trying to let go of it,
like in real time, like you cannot run, I cannot
continue to run away from any type of feelings because
I know for a fact that if I continue on
(18:49):
that path I was on when I was drinking, it's
just going to go downhill. I will most likely relapse.
This is part of my work to stay sober too,
Like I have to talk about this and you guys
don't have to listen. You know that is a choice.
But also with me talking and being so open on
a public platform comes hey, And I know that intellectually,
(19:14):
but when I read it in real time, my heart drops.
I only want to be loved, just like anybody else.
I can still be hurt and sad, like there's not
it's not either or like I think we're really in society,
We're really at a kindergarten level when it comes to
mental health. And that just shows me that that is
the case, because like, why is it so black and white?
(19:35):
Why is everything so black and white? To people like, oh,
she's still bitter now, I'm really not bitter. If I
were bitter, i'd be silent. Actually, there's like a whole
thread on Reddit right about like how bitter get over yourself?
Oh my god, Like all you do is try and
find the name or get your guests to talk negatively
about the show. I just know right then and there,
(19:56):
you guys are not listening, Like you're just not so listen.
Go ahead, continue on with the hate. But I can't
control what they say. However, I just feel like it's
really ignorant of people to just I don't know, I'm human, Like,
watch what you say. I think I really would love
(20:16):
before I died, I would love for people just to
be kind with their words because it really affects people.
And I don't I think that's what they're I think
that's the point they want to people want us to
react instead of respond. So if that's their goal, then
then more power to you, because it's working. I guess
(20:36):
I think what initially is like my let's say, like
a few of the pros are probably thinking what is
she doing? Like is she going through a mid life crisis?
This is what I'm assuming. But again like no, actually,
I know one pro said, why would she want to
why does she want to talk about the past? Well, sorry,
breaking news, hate to break it to you. Every interview
that anyone does is about your past, so like, right,
(20:59):
you can't run away from your past. Every interview that
I've done is about as a question from my past
that they want me to answer, Like, there's never an
interview that's talking about You're just solely about the present
moment right, the second, or the future that hasn't even
happened yet. What I enjoy most about this podcast is
(21:29):
having an hour with people who I really respect, that
I've worked with, but we never had this chance just
to sit down. Like I think I've learned so much
about every single guest that has been on the show
that I don't think I would have ever gotten a
chance to even know about at all, And it actually
brings me closer to them because again, the underlying message
(21:50):
with this podcast for me is because it's my passion
is mental health regardless, right, and I think that is
what I love to talk about. Though I know I'm
not a professional, but like, I'm just so curious and
to see what people some people had great experiences and
some people had great and bad experiences. Like, but this
(22:11):
is not my goal. Isn't to like get them to
talk shit about the show, Like I They're not puppets,
you know. It's so frustrating to me that people are like,
all she's doing is leading them towards saying shit about
the show. No, that's not what. Like, there's so much
I don't know, there's so much heart and love that
(22:32):
I have, and especially with doing these rewatches, and I
think I'm really just proud at the fact that I've
been a part of a show for so long and
that I did a damn good job when I was
on it. Like I'm not even gonna deny it whether
I thought about that when I was doing it. Most
likely I was being mean to myself and hated everything
I did. But now I'm just so proud of being
part of such a huge staple, and especially when it
(22:55):
comes to the ballroom industry and being able to be
a part of changing the world that I grew up in.
So initially, you know, when I got the call that
Amy and TJ wanted me to come on their podcast,
right away, for me, those two were branded as good
Morning America news anchors journalists, and right away, there's a
(23:17):
family bond, Like whether it's trauma bond or whatever you
want to call it, it doesn't matter, Like there's this
family and foundation regardless of the outcome. And I think
what I really would intrigued me about these two people
was the fact that they obviously loved their job, just
like I did. Right now, the outcome was like the
(23:39):
reasoning behind it, all of leaving is just completely different.
Like I'm not saying that my story is similar in
that sense, but what is similar is the fact that
we loved our jobs and we loved working for ABC.
But with that, and what I love about Amy and
TJ's that they're not scared to talk about the ups
and downs. And like, for example, I couldn't do a
(24:03):
podcast and talk about my truth if like the person
interviewing me wasn't going to be ready to be real
and transparent themselves, right, And I think this is the
conversation starter, And this is what's different nowadays. It's like
when Amy pointed out that there was a lot of
similarities between me and TJ. When you start, when they
(24:23):
started talking about their story, then it got me more
comfortable to talk about mine. You know, there's a lot
of also articles about me being the breadwinner and supporting
me and my ex husband. What is so messed up
is like if a man right that, if it were
the other way around, there would be no article. I'm
(24:46):
just saying, like, what is the problem. I don't understand
what the problem is, Like, I'm just stating the fact.
And but they had asked me in the interview, if
you were to listen to it, it was what did
you learn from your marriage or something like that, And
then I said, I can't buy like that. And by
the way, that is the last big like the overall
there was many lessons, but this was the overall lesson
(25:06):
that I thought, for some reason subconsciously that I could
do was by love. But clearly that I was just
answering the question. People were like, stop bringing it up.
All you do is talk about this. It's a question
that I'm answering, right, Like, I'm not just saying it
out of nowhere. I'm doing an interview. I'm being the
one interviewed. I'm going to answer. I'm going to answer
(25:28):
the question that's being asked of me. But it is
what it is. I don't know. I just can't please everyone.
What can I say? So it was just a coincidence too.
Let me just clear the air. When Len retired, I had,
first of all, no idea that he was retiring, but
had we had already planned my retirement the following week.
That's why he announced to his during the semifinals. And
(25:51):
mine was definitely the grand finale of the show, and
ninety seconds of it was my farewell dance. What's interesting
about as I continue to speak my truth, Obviously I
don't remember every little thing, but the I start to
remember stuff and I have to clear the air as
well when it comes to this farewell dance that I
(26:13):
did was really it was something that wasn't just given
to me by the executives. And I'm not saying this
because of anything other than this is just me speaking
my truth. But my agent, William Morris in Management Untitled,
asked for this for me, like you know, if you're
(26:35):
not gonna have her be a part of the family anymore,
let's meaning like doing other things. You know, though it
was still my it was still my choice to leave
the show. However, like I said in Amy and TJ's interview,
did I really want to leave it like for good
and be done. No. I was hoping for a promotion,
(26:56):
right and I didn't get it. So my and obviously
my reps knew that I wasn't going to get it.
So they're like, you're not gonna You're basically not going
to give her a ninety second little dance like a
send off, Like you're not gonna do that because it
was a fight. It wasn't just given to me like oh, okay,
we're going to do a beautiful send off. It was
a fight that my team had to really put their
(27:19):
foot down and basically put everything into perspective for them
that like, wow, you're just gonna you don't want to
give her anything like not even like a little goodbye
like nothing. And so that's how that came about because
I hear and I've seen a lot of comments people saying, well,
what is she complaining about? She got a farewell dance
(27:40):
that like Derek never got that, Julienne never got that. Again,
you know, our experiences on the show are way different.
I started a lot earlier than they did, and I
never really took a break from the show. Really, I
mean it was consistent. I was consistently there, and yeah,
(28:00):
I think that was the least that they could have done,
was was send off. But what's interesting leading up to it,
it was almost like I didn't even want to do
it anymore because I can tell that it wasn't necessarily
their idea. So I'm turning forty. This is forty, and
I cannot wait to continue on a path of curiosity,
(28:25):
of growth, of bettering myself. And that does not include
continuing to talk about this, right. I think I have
done a lot of therapy on my own. I've talked
about it a lot on my own with my friends,
but then on top of it, I've shared a lot
with you guys, and I think, you know, doing this episode,
this will be the last of me speaking about my experience.
(28:50):
I will continue to have guests and I will continue
to ask them questions about their experience, but I do
feel closure, Like I even though I can still be sad,
there are still moments of tears because really, my new
job is now to it's very consuming, of all things,
dancing with the stars. But again it's I have no
(29:12):
ill will towards anyone, really, but I could still be
really hurt and disappointed that I've lost friends ships along
the way, and that is called grieving, and everyone grieves differently,
and sometimes for me, like because a lot of these
people I've known for almost two decades, it's going to
(29:34):
take time to really put that to rest. But there's
no such thing as rushing through a grieving like grief,
you know, it's just different for everybody. However, I am
done talking about it. There's nothing else for me to say.
And yeah, it feels good to be able to turn
forty and start a new chapter. So that's that. But
(29:57):
I just want to thank you guys, my listeners, for
first of all being so loyal and tuning in, but
mainly for making it a safe space for me to
just express my true self, because it's not There's not
a lot of places where I feel safe enough to
express whatever that it is I'm feeling because it is
(30:17):
a vulnerable subject for me, whether you want to believe
it or not. But yeah, I'm grateful for all of you.
And until next time, make sure you guys follow us
at sex Lies and spray tands on our Instagram handle
and make sure your comment. Let me know who you
want me to interview. What do you all think? Let
me know
Host
Cheryl Burke
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