September 18, 2024 • 36 mins
In 2005, Rachelle Steele was stationed in Mississippi for her job in the Navy when Hurricane Katrina hit. With two daughters, just six-months-old and eighteen-months-old, Rachelle fought for their survival—and then began to document what was happening around her. Those events left her with photography PTSD, and she didn’t pick up a camera for another 5 years. It took time, but she eventually became an award-winning photographer and has been one of a select group of artists named “International Portrait Photographer of the Year” for three years in a row. On this episode of She Pivots, Rachelle recounts her childhood and the loss of her father to addiction at a young age; her time in a biker gang; her decision to return to photography; and how the work she did during her Master of Fine Arts in Photography helped her heal.
She Pivots was created by host Emily Tisch Sussman to highlight women, their stories, and how their pivot became their success. To learn more about Rachelle, follow us on Instagram @ShePivotsThePodcast or visit shepivotsthepodcast.com.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to She Pivots. I'm Rochelle Steele.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Welcome to She Pivots, the podcast where we talk with
women who dared to pivot out of one career and
into something new and explore how their personal lives impacted
these decisions. I'm your host Emily Tish Sussman. Today I'm
excited to have Rochelle Steele on the show to talk
(00:35):
about her beautiful yet often heavy story. Now a renowned
portrait photographer, Rochelle's venture into this art form was full
of twists and turns. From the time she was a
young girl, Rochelle's life was filled with tumultuous experiences. She
grew up as a Jehovah's witness, what she describes as
a cult surrounded by abuse. It wasn't long before her
(00:58):
father was murdered and she found herself a member of
a motorcycle gang. Just a young girl from northern California.
Rochelle looked around and took the advice of an older
woman in the gang to get out, and she did.
She joined the Navy and put her life on a
new trajectory. Rochelle's next pivot wouldn't come until several years later,
(01:18):
when she was living in Mississippi with her two daughters,
Hurricane Katrina hit and she and her daughters barely survived.
Still serving in the Navy, she picked up a camera
and started documenting the devastation of the hurricane. Little did
she know that this introduction to photography would result in
photographic PTSD that would prevent her from picking up a
(01:39):
camera again for many years. Eventually, she went all in
more about this in the episode and got both her
bachelor's and her master's in photography, quickly making a name
for herself and winning the award International Portrait Photographer of
the Year several times over. Rochelle exudes a calm, beautiful
(01:59):
energy that was palpable even through a screen. I want
to thank her for opening up so much and allowing
us to share her incredible story.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Hope you enjoy.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
My name is Rochelle Steele. I'm a master photographer and professor.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Can you just set the scene for us a little bit.
Where did you grow up? What was your family like?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
I grew up in northern California. I say Shasta County
because we moved so much, but the city of the
area is called Reading. Really really beautiful landscape, a little
bit of a harsher community, a lot of construction workers,
substance abuse smith. You know, once you kind of get
the outlying areas in the mountains, you kind of run
(02:45):
into these things. I have a brother and sister, and
my mother and father had substance abuse issues, which compounded
into domestic violence, a lot of abuse in the household.
I'm in place, beatings, hunger, you know, all this crazy stuff.
So aside from everything that we were dealing with, me
(03:06):
and my siblings were dealing with, we were also kind
of born into this religious cult. So no birthdays, no holidays,
no friends outside of a cult. It was very ostracizing.
Aside from everything else, you know, not only was I
having to go to school in essentially Long John's and
no food. Ever, I also wasn't allowed to have friends
(03:29):
outside of this religious cult, and in that religion particularly too.
Not only do they have they decided to withhold some
of the main factors of what being a child is,
they also encourage the beatings, They encourage child abuse, and
then now it's coming to light a lot of pedophilia,
which of course we know about that growing up in it.
A lot of people don't but just this real nasty
(03:52):
place where nasty people get together and decide to live
in a bizarre way, and it has lifetime effects on
the children, unfortunately, that are raised in that environment.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Rachelle found refuge in school, a safe place where she
knew what to expect and what was expected of her.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
But that became my escape with school. I loved it
so much. I would literally cry when summer came because
I was really, really, really drawn to my teachers. They
became my heroes, or I mean early on, even my
first my first teacher that I can remember, my kindergarten teacher.
She was my hero. And now in hindsight, looking back
(04:33):
as an adult, I know they knew. They had to
have known, because she made my world with her so
beautiful and so special. And I was also a gifted
child intellectually. I mean I used to say, oh, I
got always got straight ease, but I always that was
that was my thing. I had the quickest child to
be finished one hundred percent. Always always asking to be
(04:56):
My teachers, always asked me if I could be their helper,
you know, on filled when I wasn't allowed to go
because of this bizarre religion. Always always kept behind.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
On top of it all, her dad had developed a
serious drug addiction.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
My dad's addiction eventually spiraled out of control. He became
a full blown junkie, which resulted in a lot of
my early childhood being in what we would refer to
as a crackhead hotel. Just three little kids bouncing on
beds and he's totally passed out coming down. So honestly,
those weren't the worst times for me. It was like,
(05:31):
woh cool, you know now we can bounce on beds.
Now we can be goofy kids and stuff. Eventually, his
lifestyle led to him being murdered, and that was also
a big shift for us because now my mom, who
I had seen, you know, get her butt kicked by him.
My whole life, we were in and out of women
(05:52):
what we call women's Refuge, but it's basically shelters for
battered women and children. Now all of a sudden, he's gone.
Now we really lee have nothing, and we made our
final move. She just moved incessantly, because when you're a
mom and you have nothing, you're kind of almost lease
hopping or staying with people that will allow you, you know,
three kids and stuff. I never had my own room
(06:15):
or anything. So it was always us being crammed in
these spaces that maybe weren't our space actually hardly.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Ever, hopping around just to find housing exposed Rochelle to
people and situations that were dangerous. When she was ten,
she found her way into her first motorcycle gang, what
she called her bros or buddies.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
So we moved into another area and I found my
first group of buddies, my first bros. I guess you
could say we've been in this area. I met these buddies.
One of their moms was a meth dealer for a
motorcycle gang up there, big prominent gang that's up there.
That was my first introduction. And for me, that wasn't weird.
(06:57):
That wasn't some big shocking environment where I was this
scared little girl entering. I'd always been around meth. I'd
always been around violence and extreme things, so it wasn't
really extreme for me, But it was my transition myself
putting myself in that environment, and his mom would give
us meth to clean her house this and that. I
(07:19):
was eleven years old when that kind of started for me.
By the time I was thirteen, I was pretty much
doing anything. I was such a little wild girl, but
I was also so good. I've always hated the bad guy.
I guess you could say so here. I was just
this wild young lady, but still straight a's at school,
(07:39):
still trying to be this perfect, little studious girl. I
started kind of doing whatever I wanted. When I was thirteen.
There was really no parental I don't know what my
mom was doing. And another thing is it's hard when
I think back, a lot of the memories aren't there,
which I've found recently that's really really common that children
that go through stuff like that, there's just kind of
(08:02):
holes in the story for them.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Rochelle continued to find community in the only place she
knew best, with the bros from her motorcycle gang.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
When I was fifteen is when I moved out of
my mom's house and I'd been kind of in this
environment with these bikers and all this stuff. That's when
I quote unquote got an old man, which in that
kind of community, that's kind of like the big goal,
right is to get an old man. You see these
fellons walking around, all this lady's love, outlaws, all this stuff.
(08:35):
You're kind of bred into this mentality Okay, I'm going
to be the perfect old lady and another escape. You know,
I thought, okay, now I fit.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
At the time, Rochelle was just fifteen and he was
in his twenties, shocking to hear from the outside looking in,
But for Rochelle it was normal.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Age gaps can get even more extreme in those social situation.
I didn't see that there was a problem at all
with it whatsoever. That was a ridiculous relationship looking back
at it now, what other people would gasp at, Oh
my gosh, the abuse is That's that was unflinching for me.
That didn't phase me at all whatsoever. I jokingly, very
(09:16):
glibly say, you know, I learned how to take a
hit when I was a little girl, so anything that
I would go through was just no big whoop, just
to put it casually. Nothing that I observed and I
was oftentime in the presence of felonies being done or whatever,
just by being the old lady present, none of that
(09:37):
even fased me at all whatsoever. And the big turning
point for me was I was at this club party,
this biker gang, their club party, and one of the
club members had devised a situation where they were confronting
my boyfriend that he had knocked over a Harley, which
is like a huge, huge, huge issue, And what they
(10:03):
wanted was they wanted me for the payment to be
given to the club, which I would have then become
property of. And in that moment, my whole entire life
could have changed, like for the rest of my life.
And thank goodness, in that moment he was kind of
a strong enough dude to hold his own and it
kind of like squashed out very quickly. But that was
(10:24):
when my mind realized, no, no, no, no, no, no
no no. Keep in mind, is still a high school
student at this time. I ended up graduating early because
I was always straight, as I'd never gone anything less
than an A mostly A plus, top of my class
with everything, but still this partying, wild young lady. My
(10:47):
boyfriend would pick me up on his Harley, all this
stuff going on, and I was I graduated early, and
I was riding in the car with this what we
would call a biker mama woman named Hershey, and it
was one of the very few times wherever alone and
she said, you're so amazing, Rachelle, like, don't do it,
(11:08):
don't do it, get out, do not go down the path.
I went down and it was like a light went
off in my head and I realized, I'm not going
to do it.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
She made up her mind and started looking for opportunities
to get out. As bait would have it, she saw
a commercial for the Navy on TV and saw her opening.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
And it was this quintessential warship crashing through the waves
of the ocean. I don't know what the slogan is now,
but at that time it was let the journey begin.
They said, you want to leave this weekend? Yeah, and
that was it. I went and had my braid cut off.
That was it. I was gone. It was amazing. I
(11:51):
had on a pair of sandal I had no clothes
at that time. Of course, I had on a tightie
dress with no bra and panties and a pair of sandals.
I had didn't even have suitcase to bring with me. Nothing.
And that was it. I changed my life.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
When we come back, Rochelle talks through what it was
like being one of the few women in the Navy,
and later how she not only swam through Hurricane Katrina
to save herself and her six month old and eighteen
month old daughters, but how the storm then inspired a pivot.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
I became an electronics technician in the Navy, and then
my first duty station was actually with Lachite Martin at
a top secret facility in New Jersey that they work
with many different navies and it's kind of an American
Navy run top secret facility. And I got there and
I thrived in that environment, and they were like, oh boy,
(12:55):
here comes this young girl. You know, they weren't too
happy to see me. But I understood what I had
to do. But I kind of already understood because of
the skill set I developed as a very little girl
on how to act, how they expected me to act,
how to please, how to please I've always understood because
when you're little in an abusive environment, you're always reading
(13:18):
the room and understanding how to be how to not
make people mad, or understanding when they are mad and
how to act then or whatever. It's this like crazy
little intuitive skill set that you have that has served
me time and time again, because you know, you talk
about that gut feeling, well, you have a gut feeling,
all right. It's no easy environment for a woman to
be in the military. It's really not. You have to
(13:40):
understand the environment.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
After a few years in New Jersey, a marriage, the
birth of her two daughters, and a divorce, Rochelle had
a permanent change of station to Mississippi. Then Hurricane Katrina hit.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
I was listening to Fleetwood Mac with my baby the
night before and my best friend house, thinking, haha, we
don't have to go anywhere, okay, Like no one realized
it was going to be that bad. I was doing
my two year shore duty and I was stationed in
pas Googula, Mississippi. I had a six month old and
a year and six months old, and me and my
(14:18):
best friend, who were still best friends to this day.
There had been so many hurricanes up to that point.
We had decided, dude, we're not getting in this evacuation
line again. Plus we had no gas and we had
no money, and you need all of those things to evacuate.
So we had kind of secured our Everyone else had
left and we'd kind of secured our command, and I
(14:39):
took the babies and I went to her house and
people are calling us, get out, get out, get out.
We're like, dude, we're not going anywhere. Bye, enjoy your
evacuation line. Because we didn't know we're California girls, and
the hurricane came and we almost lost our lives in it.
We swim through it with our babies.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
It is just just mind boggling to watch it's happening.
There are now helicopters going overhead. Clearly they're trying to
assess the situation, but darkness is approaching here. I don't
know how much they'll be able to do after darkness.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I need someone out here, ma'am.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
I'm gonna die.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Instead, it was in the attic.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Ma'am, And I'm a draw in the attic, and he
started coming to zone.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
After surviving the hurricane and saving her daughters, Rachelle had
to get back to work.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
A lot of people don't understand the military presence during
Hurricane Katrina, because there were some of us that were
kind of already there and that was our job. The
mission shifted right then. I'm just had the epiphany, like, dude,
no one's photographing this. There was no photographer's mates there,
and I'd asked permission and was volunteld anyways, and I
(15:58):
went and I started documenting with my camera and another
friend's camera, and off we went. But the thing is,
I wasn't a train photographer and we were going into
areas like an area called Waveland where they had been
overtaken with a fifty foot storm search. And as we're
working our way in, there's all these cars in the
(16:18):
road with bodies of people that were trying to get
out too late. Then whatever homes were there, they're having
to go find doing body recoveries. So that was kind
of what started it me with the CBS doing that,
and I was photographing the body recoveries, and then the
deep sea divers came and their job the ones I
(16:39):
was with was And a lot of people don't realize this.
There's a lot of fishing families on the Mississippi Gulf coast.
When a hurricane comes, boats have to go out to
see while a lot of these families unfortunately one of
the inlets and of the waterways also, no one expected
that a hurricane, but no one had dealt with anything
like that. There's no one to blame. No one knew
what that, no one understood what was going on. So
(17:02):
the deep sea divers were making their way up clearing
the waterways of trees, cars, whatever, but they were also
removing these families and the bodies had already been in
the water at this point a week, two weeks. It
was a process, and I was also with them documenting
that too, So I did that for about I don't know,
(17:23):
six weeks something like that, and then from there I
never picked it up again until about twenty ten, and
that's when I decided to kind of shift. That was
my next huge pivot. How many years did you stay
in the navy after? Like, what did you do in
those years after the hurricane? I was in for let's see,
(17:44):
two more years, and then I essentially just had to
get out. The plan was kind of disrupted. My girl's
biological father was had essentially disappeared for their life. He
went disappeared when they were one and two. And I
always say, you know, you can't have two lovers. You
can't be a good mom and a good sailor at
(18:07):
the same time. I couldn't. And I have a lot
of girlfriends that have done full careers and I do
not want to take that away from them, But a
sailor belongs at sea. You can't be at sea and
be a good mom at the same time. You just can't.
I mean, that's where you have those key other family
members at step in and they make it seameless for
(18:27):
the babies and you can like maintain your bond and stuff.
But that wasn't what my situation was. And so yeah,
I got out and my nine year mark. And what
started happening, though, was my hands started really hurting. They
actually were starting to hurt pretty bad in the Navy,
because I mean, it's arduous work being the military. That's no,
(18:47):
you're no pencil pusher. So my hands kind of had
been aching for some years. But when I got out
and I started working this we'll call it a civilian job.
I was climbing towers all the time, I was pulling cable.
I was just even more the manual. It just got
ramped up a lot, and I was like, wow, dude,
my hands are hurting a lot. Now this is getting
to be a thing. My hands started deteriorating quickly. I
(19:11):
found out I had this rare disease in both hands,
and I actually had to step away from my job.
I had two big surgeries. I was almost for almost
about a year and a half in a full arm cast,
and I was devastated. I had a stunning career in electronics, obviously,
always at the top of the game, and that's where
my pivot happened. Actually, because again I'm facing a thing,
(19:35):
no so forth, no way to provide for my family.
I'd always put my value as this hardcore worker that
could just hold her own, could take anything, and I thought,
my body is not the only thing that I have
to offer.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Finally, after several years and a harrowing experience losing the
use of her arms and hands, decided to pick up
the camera again. But picking up the camera and looking
through the lens, all she could see were the horrific
scenes that had captured her from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I understood that I had PTSD at that time, but
I did not understand that a lot of it was photographic.
And when I started really shooting, something was happening, happening physiologically,
the anxiety, the full blown sweats, it was excruciating. I
(20:31):
hated it. I hated it so much. And then after
I did the shoe where it was like almost like
canceling shots, like I wouldn't let anyone hire me all
this stuff. I still have a hard time letting people
hire me. But I realized I was completely dysregulated. It
was an excruciating process eventually made friends in the our community.
(20:51):
Let us show you how to show. Please start showing
you work, and they kind of took me under the
wings and friends, bang, please end you This contest, this
international contest is like country contest, right. I took like
second place. My PTSD was so bad I could not
attend my own opening the galleries, calling your begging, come
on please, I said, I can't do it, and I
(21:13):
realized one I'm Barry kicked this career on because I
kind of knew this is what I was supposed to do.
It was bomb, but I also knew I wouldn't be
able to do it if I did not completely confront
and overcome my photographic PTSD. There was no way I
would be frozen. There's no way that I could step
into that arena because the photographic field, the people in
(21:37):
that arena, this isn't like kindergarten land. This is like
these are tough cookies. And I'm trying to step in
as an outsider, as a military woman, and ate up
with PTSD. I literally googled hardiest photography program in the world,
and Academy of Art University came up in San Francisco.
(22:01):
I thought well, here we go. I want to go
be put through the meat grinder. I want to know
for a fact how to be the best version of this,
like I need to get over it. And I did.
That's what happened. That's how I got That's when it
really began.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Okay, so you moved first of all, how did you
apply to school? Did you move for kids with you?
And how did you finance it?
Speaker 1 (22:28):
At this point, Well, it happened rather quickly because I
was actually in my second marriage, which was an abusive marriage,
and I realized you can't climb Mount Everest with a
camel on your back, and I'd been with him for
many years and realized, well, nothing's going to happen as
(22:50):
long as the son of a bitch has my life
in a stranglehold. So basically, within one month, we got
rid of him, got enrolled at school, moved down to Sacramento,
next door neighbors with my big brother, and started at
the university. Like, very very quickly. It all happened. Once
I made that decision, it was on and it was
(23:12):
full full, full speed. And the cool thing about being
a veteran and not a lot of people take advantage
of all the benefits is you do have your schooling
paid for afterwards, to what extent depends on details about
your service and your physical disabilities afterwards. But yeah, the
Navy paid for my bachelor's and then I went on
(23:35):
to get my masters. It's tricky, but if you can
get in those things, it's covered. Plus you get your
as you know, you get your housing paid for and
all that good stuff. And I was this was in
San Francisco. Has that the highest housing in the country.
So I was like cool, Yeah, so is that mostly
what you lived off of, like the housing supplement? Like
were you working at the same time? I mean, how
(23:56):
old were your girls? Oh jeez when I started maybe
they were early early teens maybe at that point or
just coming into that tween period. And yeah, that's what
we lived off of. And I commuted back and forth
from San Francisco to Sacramento. I would hop on the
four am bus. I would return home at the nine
(24:19):
pm bus, getting home ten to eleven pm. Sometimes do
it all again the next day, every day, shooting, traveling,
shooting so early on. My daughters and I had to
form this relationship where I had to kind of sacrifice
being there. I had to go do the schooling. I
had to, first of all, in order to raise them,
(24:40):
because that's what I used to raise them. But also
I couldn't improve our station at all whatsoever if I
didn't do that. There was literally no one. So my
house is a little different now. I mean they're nineteen
and twenty, but even then, they've always been so responsible.
They'll clean the house on their own, they'll cook food
on their own. Like it's their level of responsibility and
(25:03):
understanding of things. It's so much more advanced and so
much more mature, just because you know, at the ages
of four and five they were having two stand on
chairs and washed dishes and carry the laundry basket together
because my arm wasn't a full arm cast for almost
two years. So they've had a little bit of a
different life that I have always always, always been racked
(25:25):
with guilt over, to be quite honest, But I'm also
so grateful because they understand things so beautifully. They're so responsible,
so they've had such a different insight. But that was
our journey. This is honestly, with single moms and stuff.
This is not uncommon. It's unfortunate, but you know, hey,
(25:46):
we made it through it. The girls are rad, beautiful, responsible, hardworking.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Did you start photographing and selling while you were in school?
You had this one very successful contest before you even started.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Yeah, it was another thing where I felt like I
was cheating the system because then I didn't have to
kind of come up with concepts. Every homework assignment I
treated as if I was shooting it for a curator.
So right away, through and through the whole time I
was selling, I was selling my work. I was essentially
selling my homework to people, and I was essentially exhibiting
(26:22):
my homework like internationally and stuff. It was like I
felt like I was getting one over on everybody because
they were kind of telling me, prompting me with ideas
and stuff. And it was really really really stimulating as
far as like your visual visualization. And it was while
I was a student that I was already getting published
(26:42):
with Bogue.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Wow and your master's work. I imagine you did come up
with this concept that you focused on your father's sharkskin boots.
Why did you decide to make that the focal point
of your studies.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Something happened when I before I started the master's program. Unfortunately,
about a month prior I had to have a surgery,
and I thought, oh, man, it's so close to school,
Like I knew what was ry to start. Once the
school started, the surgery was unsuccessful. One week before the
(27:17):
Master's program started, I had to have an identical surgery again. Man,
it was hard physically, but emotionally, dude, I broke down.
I broke down, and I was actually in a relationship
that I really really really really really wanted at that time,
and I lost that relationship. That person just walked right
(27:38):
away from me because I had no emotional coping skills
at all whatsoever. And I showed a sight of myself
that was like what you just cringe at? I think back,
and I just cringe at myself. And I realized, and
he said something like, hey, we all have our demons,
and I was like, whoa, Yeah, I do have demons.
(28:00):
I have so many demons that I've concealed. Not that
I go around lying about who I am at I've
had friends for ten years that had no idea about
anything about my childhood, my father. I never bring it up.
So I realized that while I was operating with this
cloak of shame over me, that I was always trying
to be so perfect so no one could see it,
(28:22):
people can sense it. And then I realized I have
nothing to be ashamed of. And I decided to tell
my dad's story because not as a boohoo, but as
a declaration of what a beautiful life I've chosen to
lead because of that, and how absolutely passionate I am
(28:43):
and what I hate saying, Oh, what a blessing was
in my life, but how because of what I experienced
and learned, the gifts that I have because of that,
the intuition, the empathy, the sensitivity. I'm so sensitive other's feelings.
I can't even tell you my biggest fear in life
is that I would be in the room with someone
(29:05):
and there's someone sitting over there, uncomfortable, trapped in their
own thoughts. I can't bear the thought. I'm so sensitive
to people I want. That's why I love photography. I
love for people to see how a thing beautiful they are,
that I can see it. They think no one else
can see it, I can and I can show it.
So when I decided to do shark skin boots, I
(29:29):
was shedding my shame because I realized I have nothing
to be ashamed of. That's why I did it.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
Rachelle's work has since won awards and been featured in
Vogue and Times Square. Her specialty in portraiture and the
way she has processed her life is reflected in her work.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
I like to put as much passion as I can
into my work, and I also consider everything I do
as a self portrait, no matter what the subject matter is,
because this is my soul. And I'm saying, hey, do
you want to see what my soul looks like? Do
you want to see what every experience I've had in
my whole life culminates in the way that.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
I view you? You know?
Speaker 1 (30:08):
And I realize I just had to let the fear go.
The person that was judging me was me. There's nothing
to judge it, and there's literally nothing to be ashamed
of at all whatsoever. And I can stride with my
full confidence and not think I do not care what
anyone thinks of that. Actually, I always, oh, what are
they going to think? I don't care anymore. I don't
(30:28):
have it. I don't have to prove it to myself
anymore whatsoever.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
And you mentioned you've had to make sacrifices in order
to pursue this career. As an artist, especially the early days.
What were some of those sacrifices, man, I mean, I.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Guess financially, there's always a huge financial sacrifice because you
have to pay to play in photography. First off. The
other sacrifice, and this is something I can never get back.
It's the time with my girls. I can never get
that back. Unfortunately. It takes a big energy, it takes
a big emotional like if you're doing it the way
(31:05):
I'm doing it, I'm not doing family portraits in the park,
even though I do do that for free once a
year for families that can't afford it. I think it's important.
But yeah, I mean I try to sacrifice as much
as I can for it because this is my absolute passion.
I literally feel like this is where I'm supposed to
be finally, And I mean I sacrifice a lot, even
(31:25):
just recently on my recent expeditions. I always sacrifice comfort.
Sometimes it's food you're sacrificing, like I don't know, you know,
sometimes it's sacrificing your own cultural standards. You know, do I,
as a female veteran, do I want to go somewhere
where I need to cover my hair and all this
and that? No, I'll sacrifice it all day long. Now,
(31:49):
that's fine. For someone else's comfort, all day long. I
will always sacrifice for someone else's comfort. It's my honor,
it's my duty to do that as a photographer.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Do you consider yourself successful now? Uh?
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Yeah, in my spirit. You know, like money and career,
as far as success goes, maybe sometimes those things don't
go hand in hand as an artist. But the sheer
fact that I know that there's people all over this
world they get to glimpse my soul and the soul
of someone else. It's an honor. I'll tell you what.
(32:27):
I'll share a really quick story in the Paul. Recently,
I had the honor of photographing these children. And I've
seen them a couple of times that I've been into Paul,
and I was always too scared to photograph them because
it was too emotional for me. These hungry children living
in a trash pile basically, and I got dang a fever.
I end up going on a trek to break the fever,
(32:49):
and on my track, I had the big epiphany. I'm like,
I'm helpless. I can't do anything for them. I can't
do a thing for them. The helplessness is what really
like gets you. And I thought, oh yeah, I can.
I can give them the only thing I can give,
which is my photography. So I circled back and went
there with my friend. I got permission from like the
Head due to the trash pile, and I took the
(33:10):
most breathtaking, lease stunning. They welcomed to me, and these
young girls were deeper, deeper, deeper by their tent right,
these muses, these muses, this is a life changing experience
gifted me with these portraits and the fact that I
know for a damn fact, I will exhibit these portraits internationally,
(33:31):
people from around the world. It's emotional. Sorry, people from
around the world are going to gaze and see the
beauty of these children. There's nothing I can do, but
I can do that, and I can give them the
most dignified moment to be seen and witnessed about how
damn beautiful they are to me. I don't know if
I can get a higher level of success in that.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
What is one thing or maybe a couple of things
that at the time you saw as really being a negative,
something that you weren't sure you were going to get
out of, and now in hindsight, you see it as
really having launched you to the success you are now.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Oh man, absolutely losing the health of my arm and
losing the mobility of my right hand because it destroyed
my career and my self confidence. But I understand now
that if that wouldn't have happened, I would have had nothing,
and I would have been trapped in that abuse of marriage,
and I would have been trapped working for the government,
(34:28):
my whole life in a man's uniform. And what plummeted
me and what I thought took everything that I'd work
so hard for me actually is what propelled me. And
also my dad's death, because I can live so passionately now,
I live so hard and so passionately. It's because of
(34:49):
his murder. The shitty stuff is always actually not shitty
at all.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
That's such a beautiful answer. Thank you so much, Michelle,
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Thank you for having me. Was an honor.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
Rachelle still lives in California, not far from her two daughters,
who are now fully grown. When I spoke with her,
she had just gotten back from a photography trip Abron
to take a look at all of her beautiful work.
Visit her website at steelcapture dot com. You can also
follow her on Instagram at steal Capture. Trust me, she
is worth a follow to see all of her spectacular photographs.
(35:24):
Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to this episode of
she Pivots. If you made it this far, you're a
true pivoter, So thanks for being part of this community.
I hope you enjoyed this episode, and if you did
leave us a rating, please be nice and tell your
friends about us. To learn more about our guests, follow
us on Instagram at she Pivots the Podcast, or sign
(35:47):
up for our newsletter where you can get exclusive behind
the scenes content, or on our website she Pivots the
Podcast talk to You Next Week special thanks to the
she Pivots team, Executive producer Emily eda Velosik, Associate producer
and social media connoisseur Hannah Cousins, Research director Christine Dickinson,
(36:08):
Events and Logistics coordinator Madeleine Sonoviak, and audio editor and
mixer Nina pollock I endorse che Pisoits
Welcome back to She Pivots. I'm Rochelle Steele.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Welcome to She Pivots, the podcast where we talk with
women who dared to pivot out of one career and
into something new and explore how their personal lives impacted
these decisions. I'm your host Emily Tish Sussman. Today I'm
excited to have Rochelle Steele on the show to talk
(00:35):
about her beautiful yet often heavy story. Now a renowned
portrait photographer, Rochelle's venture into this art form was full
of twists and turns. From the time she was a
young girl, Rochelle's life was filled with tumultuous experiences. She
grew up as a Jehovah's witness, what she describes as
a cult surrounded by abuse. It wasn't long before her
(00:58):
father was murdered and she found herself a member of
a motorcycle gang. Just a young girl from northern California.
Rochelle looked around and took the advice of an older
woman in the gang to get out, and she did.
She joined the Navy and put her life on a
new trajectory. Rochelle's next pivot wouldn't come until several years later,
(01:18):
when she was living in Mississippi with her two daughters,
Hurricane Katrina hit and she and her daughters barely survived.
Still serving in the Navy, she picked up a camera
and started documenting the devastation of the hurricane. Little did
she know that this introduction to photography would result in
photographic PTSD that would prevent her from picking up a
(01:39):
camera again for many years. Eventually, she went all in
more about this in the episode and got both her
bachelor's and her master's in photography, quickly making a name
for herself and winning the award International Portrait Photographer of
the Year several times over. Rochelle exudes a calm, beautiful
(01:59):
energy that was palpable even through a screen. I want
to thank her for opening up so much and allowing
us to share her incredible story.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Hope you enjoy.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
My name is Rochelle Steele. I'm a master photographer and professor.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Can you just set the scene for us a little bit.
Where did you grow up? What was your family like?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
I grew up in northern California. I say Shasta County
because we moved so much, but the city of the
area is called Reading. Really really beautiful landscape, a little
bit of a harsher community, a lot of construction workers,
substance abuse smith. You know, once you kind of get
the outlying areas in the mountains, you kind of run
(02:45):
into these things. I have a brother and sister, and
my mother and father had substance abuse issues, which compounded
into domestic violence, a lot of abuse in the household.
I'm in place, beatings, hunger, you know, all this crazy stuff.
So aside from everything that we were dealing with, me
(03:06):
and my siblings were dealing with, we were also kind
of born into this religious cult. So no birthdays, no holidays,
no friends outside of a cult. It was very ostracizing.
Aside from everything else, you know, not only was I
having to go to school in essentially Long John's and
no food. Ever, I also wasn't allowed to have friends
(03:29):
outside of this religious cult, and in that religion particularly too.
Not only do they have they decided to withhold some
of the main factors of what being a child is,
they also encourage the beatings, They encourage child abuse, and
then now it's coming to light a lot of pedophilia,
which of course we know about that growing up in it.
A lot of people don't but just this real nasty
(03:52):
place where nasty people get together and decide to live
in a bizarre way, and it has lifetime effects on
the children, unfortunately, that are raised in that environment.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Rachelle found refuge in school, a safe place where she
knew what to expect and what was expected of her.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
But that became my escape with school. I loved it
so much. I would literally cry when summer came because
I was really, really, really drawn to my teachers. They
became my heroes, or I mean early on, even my
first my first teacher that I can remember, my kindergarten teacher.
She was my hero. And now in hindsight, looking back
(04:33):
as an adult, I know they knew. They had to
have known, because she made my world with her so
beautiful and so special. And I was also a gifted
child intellectually. I mean I used to say, oh, I
got always got straight ease, but I always that was
that was my thing. I had the quickest child to
be finished one hundred percent. Always always asking to be
(04:56):
My teachers, always asked me if I could be their helper,
you know, on filled when I wasn't allowed to go
because of this bizarre religion. Always always kept behind.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
On top of it all, her dad had developed a
serious drug addiction.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
My dad's addiction eventually spiraled out of control. He became
a full blown junkie, which resulted in a lot of
my early childhood being in what we would refer to
as a crackhead hotel. Just three little kids bouncing on
beds and he's totally passed out coming down. So honestly,
those weren't the worst times for me. It was like,
(05:31):
woh cool, you know now we can bounce on beds.
Now we can be goofy kids and stuff. Eventually, his
lifestyle led to him being murdered, and that was also
a big shift for us because now my mom, who
I had seen, you know, get her butt kicked by him.
My whole life, we were in and out of women
(05:52):
what we call women's Refuge, but it's basically shelters for
battered women and children. Now all of a sudden, he's gone.
Now we really lee have nothing, and we made our
final move. She just moved incessantly, because when you're a
mom and you have nothing, you're kind of almost lease
hopping or staying with people that will allow you, you know,
three kids and stuff. I never had my own room
(06:15):
or anything. So it was always us being crammed in
these spaces that maybe weren't our space actually hardly.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Ever, hopping around just to find housing exposed Rochelle to
people and situations that were dangerous. When she was ten,
she found her way into her first motorcycle gang, what
she called her bros or buddies.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
So we moved into another area and I found my
first group of buddies, my first bros. I guess you
could say we've been in this area. I met these buddies.
One of their moms was a meth dealer for a
motorcycle gang up there, big prominent gang that's up there.
That was my first introduction. And for me, that wasn't weird.
(06:57):
That wasn't some big shocking environment where I was this
scared little girl entering. I'd always been around meth. I'd
always been around violence and extreme things, so it wasn't
really extreme for me, But it was my transition myself
putting myself in that environment, and his mom would give
us meth to clean her house this and that. I
(07:19):
was eleven years old when that kind of started for me.
By the time I was thirteen, I was pretty much
doing anything. I was such a little wild girl, but
I was also so good. I've always hated the bad guy.
I guess you could say so here. I was just
this wild young lady, but still straight a's at school,
(07:39):
still trying to be this perfect, little studious girl. I
started kind of doing whatever I wanted. When I was thirteen.
There was really no parental I don't know what my
mom was doing. And another thing is it's hard when
I think back, a lot of the memories aren't there,
which I've found recently that's really really common that children
that go through stuff like that, there's just kind of
(08:02):
holes in the story for them.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Rochelle continued to find community in the only place she
knew best, with the bros from her motorcycle gang.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
When I was fifteen is when I moved out of
my mom's house and I'd been kind of in this
environment with these bikers and all this stuff. That's when
I quote unquote got an old man, which in that
kind of community, that's kind of like the big goal,
right is to get an old man. You see these
fellons walking around, all this lady's love, outlaws, all this stuff.
(08:35):
You're kind of bred into this mentality Okay, I'm going
to be the perfect old lady and another escape. You know,
I thought, okay, now I fit.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
At the time, Rochelle was just fifteen and he was
in his twenties, shocking to hear from the outside looking in,
But for Rochelle it was normal.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Age gaps can get even more extreme in those social situation.
I didn't see that there was a problem at all
with it whatsoever. That was a ridiculous relationship looking back
at it now, what other people would gasp at, Oh
my gosh, the abuse is That's that was unflinching for me.
That didn't phase me at all whatsoever. I jokingly, very
(09:16):
glibly say, you know, I learned how to take a
hit when I was a little girl, so anything that
I would go through was just no big whoop, just
to put it casually. Nothing that I observed and I
was oftentime in the presence of felonies being done or whatever,
just by being the old lady present, none of that
(09:37):
even fased me at all whatsoever. And the big turning
point for me was I was at this club party,
this biker gang, their club party, and one of the
club members had devised a situation where they were confronting
my boyfriend that he had knocked over a Harley, which
is like a huge, huge, huge issue, And what they
(10:03):
wanted was they wanted me for the payment to be
given to the club, which I would have then become
property of. And in that moment, my whole entire life
could have changed, like for the rest of my life.
And thank goodness, in that moment he was kind of
a strong enough dude to hold his own and it
kind of like squashed out very quickly. But that was
(10:24):
when my mind realized, no, no, no, no, no, no
no no. Keep in mind, is still a high school
student at this time. I ended up graduating early because
I was always straight, as I'd never gone anything less
than an A mostly A plus, top of my class
with everything, but still this partying, wild young lady. My
(10:47):
boyfriend would pick me up on his Harley, all this
stuff going on, and I was I graduated early, and
I was riding in the car with this what we
would call a biker mama woman named Hershey, and it
was one of the very few times wherever alone and
she said, you're so amazing, Rachelle, like, don't do it,
(11:08):
don't do it, get out, do not go down the path.
I went down and it was like a light went
off in my head and I realized, I'm not going
to do it.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
She made up her mind and started looking for opportunities
to get out. As bait would have it, she saw
a commercial for the Navy on TV and saw her opening.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
And it was this quintessential warship crashing through the waves
of the ocean. I don't know what the slogan is now,
but at that time it was let the journey begin.
They said, you want to leave this weekend? Yeah, and
that was it. I went and had my braid cut off.
That was it. I was gone. It was amazing. I
(11:51):
had on a pair of sandal I had no clothes
at that time. Of course, I had on a tightie
dress with no bra and panties and a pair of sandals.
I had didn't even have suitcase to bring with me. Nothing.
And that was it. I changed my life.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
When we come back, Rochelle talks through what it was
like being one of the few women in the Navy,
and later how she not only swam through Hurricane Katrina
to save herself and her six month old and eighteen
month old daughters, but how the storm then inspired a pivot.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
I became an electronics technician in the Navy, and then
my first duty station was actually with Lachite Martin at
a top secret facility in New Jersey that they work
with many different navies and it's kind of an American
Navy run top secret facility. And I got there and
I thrived in that environment, and they were like, oh boy,
(12:55):
here comes this young girl. You know, they weren't too
happy to see me. But I understood what I had
to do. But I kind of already understood because of
the skill set I developed as a very little girl
on how to act, how they expected me to act,
how to please, how to please I've always understood because
when you're little in an abusive environment, you're always reading
(13:18):
the room and understanding how to be how to not
make people mad, or understanding when they are mad and
how to act then or whatever. It's this like crazy
little intuitive skill set that you have that has served
me time and time again, because you know, you talk
about that gut feeling, well, you have a gut feeling,
all right. It's no easy environment for a woman to
be in the military. It's really not. You have to
(13:40):
understand the environment.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
After a few years in New Jersey, a marriage, the
birth of her two daughters, and a divorce, Rochelle had
a permanent change of station to Mississippi. Then Hurricane Katrina hit.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
I was listening to Fleetwood Mac with my baby the
night before and my best friend house, thinking, haha, we
don't have to go anywhere, okay, Like no one realized
it was going to be that bad. I was doing
my two year shore duty and I was stationed in
pas Googula, Mississippi. I had a six month old and
a year and six months old, and me and my
(14:18):
best friend, who were still best friends to this day.
There had been so many hurricanes up to that point.
We had decided, dude, we're not getting in this evacuation
line again. Plus we had no gas and we had
no money, and you need all of those things to evacuate.
So we had kind of secured our Everyone else had
left and we'd kind of secured our command, and I
(14:39):
took the babies and I went to her house and
people are calling us, get out, get out, get out.
We're like, dude, we're not going anywhere. Bye, enjoy your
evacuation line. Because we didn't know we're California girls, and
the hurricane came and we almost lost our lives in it.
We swim through it with our babies.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
It is just just mind boggling to watch it's happening.
There are now helicopters going overhead. Clearly they're trying to
assess the situation, but darkness is approaching here. I don't
know how much they'll be able to do after darkness.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I need someone out here, ma'am.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
I'm gonna die.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Instead, it was in the attic.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Ma'am, And I'm a draw in the attic, and he
started coming to zone.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
After surviving the hurricane and saving her daughters, Rachelle had
to get back to work.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
A lot of people don't understand the military presence during
Hurricane Katrina, because there were some of us that were
kind of already there and that was our job. The
mission shifted right then. I'm just had the epiphany, like, dude,
no one's photographing this. There was no photographer's mates there,
and I'd asked permission and was volunteld anyways, and I
(15:58):
went and I started documenting with my camera and another
friend's camera, and off we went. But the thing is,
I wasn't a train photographer and we were going into
areas like an area called Waveland where they had been
overtaken with a fifty foot storm search. And as we're
working our way in, there's all these cars in the
(16:18):
road with bodies of people that were trying to get
out too late. Then whatever homes were there, they're having
to go find doing body recoveries. So that was kind
of what started it me with the CBS doing that,
and I was photographing the body recoveries, and then the
deep sea divers came and their job the ones I
(16:39):
was with was And a lot of people don't realize this.
There's a lot of fishing families on the Mississippi Gulf coast.
When a hurricane comes, boats have to go out to
see while a lot of these families unfortunately one of
the inlets and of the waterways also, no one expected
that a hurricane, but no one had dealt with anything
like that. There's no one to blame. No one knew
what that, no one understood what was going on. So
(17:02):
the deep sea divers were making their way up clearing
the waterways of trees, cars, whatever, but they were also
removing these families and the bodies had already been in
the water at this point a week, two weeks. It
was a process, and I was also with them documenting
that too, So I did that for about I don't know,
(17:23):
six weeks something like that, and then from there I
never picked it up again until about twenty ten, and
that's when I decided to kind of shift. That was
my next huge pivot. How many years did you stay
in the navy after? Like, what did you do in
those years after the hurricane? I was in for let's see,
(17:44):
two more years, and then I essentially just had to
get out. The plan was kind of disrupted. My girl's
biological father was had essentially disappeared for their life. He
went disappeared when they were one and two. And I
always say, you know, you can't have two lovers. You
can't be a good mom and a good sailor at
(18:07):
the same time. I couldn't. And I have a lot
of girlfriends that have done full careers and I do
not want to take that away from them, But a
sailor belongs at sea. You can't be at sea and
be a good mom at the same time. You just can't.
I mean, that's where you have those key other family
members at step in and they make it seameless for
(18:27):
the babies and you can like maintain your bond and stuff.
But that wasn't what my situation was. And so yeah,
I got out and my nine year mark. And what
started happening, though, was my hands started really hurting. They
actually were starting to hurt pretty bad in the Navy,
because I mean, it's arduous work being the military. That's no,
(18:47):
you're no pencil pusher. So my hands kind of had
been aching for some years. But when I got out
and I started working this we'll call it a civilian job.
I was climbing towers all the time, I was pulling cable.
I was just even more the manual. It just got
ramped up a lot, and I was like, wow, dude,
my hands are hurting a lot. Now this is getting
to be a thing. My hands started deteriorating quickly. I
(19:11):
found out I had this rare disease in both hands,
and I actually had to step away from my job.
I had two big surgeries. I was almost for almost
about a year and a half in a full arm cast,
and I was devastated. I had a stunning career in electronics, obviously,
always at the top of the game, and that's where
my pivot happened. Actually, because again I'm facing a thing,
(19:35):
no so forth, no way to provide for my family.
I'd always put my value as this hardcore worker that
could just hold her own, could take anything, and I thought,
my body is not the only thing that I have
to offer.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Finally, after several years and a harrowing experience losing the
use of her arms and hands, decided to pick up
the camera again. But picking up the camera and looking
through the lens, all she could see were the horrific
scenes that had captured her from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I understood that I had PTSD at that time, but
I did not understand that a lot of it was photographic.
And when I started really shooting, something was happening, happening physiologically,
the anxiety, the full blown sweats, it was excruciating. I
(20:31):
hated it. I hated it so much. And then after
I did the shoe where it was like almost like
canceling shots, like I wouldn't let anyone hire me all
this stuff. I still have a hard time letting people
hire me. But I realized I was completely dysregulated. It
was an excruciating process eventually made friends in the our community.
(20:51):
Let us show you how to show. Please start showing
you work, and they kind of took me under the
wings and friends, bang, please end you This contest, this
international contest is like country contest, right. I took like
second place. My PTSD was so bad I could not
attend my own opening the galleries, calling your begging, come
on please, I said, I can't do it, and I
(21:13):
realized one I'm Barry kicked this career on because I
kind of knew this is what I was supposed to do.
It was bomb, but I also knew I wouldn't be
able to do it if I did not completely confront
and overcome my photographic PTSD. There was no way I
would be frozen. There's no way that I could step
into that arena because the photographic field, the people in
(21:37):
that arena, this isn't like kindergarten land. This is like
these are tough cookies. And I'm trying to step in
as an outsider, as a military woman, and ate up
with PTSD. I literally googled hardiest photography program in the world,
and Academy of Art University came up in San Francisco.
(22:01):
I thought well, here we go. I want to go
be put through the meat grinder. I want to know
for a fact how to be the best version of this,
like I need to get over it. And I did.
That's what happened. That's how I got That's when it
really began.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Okay, so you moved first of all, how did you
apply to school? Did you move for kids with you?
And how did you finance it?
Speaker 1 (22:28):
At this point, Well, it happened rather quickly because I
was actually in my second marriage, which was an abusive marriage,
and I realized you can't climb Mount Everest with a
camel on your back, and I'd been with him for
many years and realized, well, nothing's going to happen as
(22:50):
long as the son of a bitch has my life
in a stranglehold. So basically, within one month, we got
rid of him, got enrolled at school, moved down to Sacramento,
next door neighbors with my big brother, and started at
the university. Like, very very quickly. It all happened. Once
I made that decision, it was on and it was
(23:12):
full full, full speed. And the cool thing about being
a veteran and not a lot of people take advantage
of all the benefits is you do have your schooling
paid for afterwards, to what extent depends on details about
your service and your physical disabilities afterwards. But yeah, the
Navy paid for my bachelor's and then I went on
(23:35):
to get my masters. It's tricky, but if you can
get in those things, it's covered. Plus you get your
as you know, you get your housing paid for and
all that good stuff. And I was this was in
San Francisco. Has that the highest housing in the country.
So I was like cool, Yeah, so is that mostly
what you lived off of, like the housing supplement? Like
were you working at the same time? I mean, how
(23:56):
old were your girls? Oh jeez when I started maybe
they were early early teens maybe at that point or
just coming into that tween period. And yeah, that's what
we lived off of. And I commuted back and forth
from San Francisco to Sacramento. I would hop on the
four am bus. I would return home at the nine
(24:19):
pm bus, getting home ten to eleven pm. Sometimes do
it all again the next day, every day, shooting, traveling,
shooting so early on. My daughters and I had to
form this relationship where I had to kind of sacrifice
being there. I had to go do the schooling. I
had to, first of all, in order to raise them,
(24:40):
because that's what I used to raise them. But also
I couldn't improve our station at all whatsoever if I
didn't do that. There was literally no one. So my
house is a little different now. I mean they're nineteen
and twenty, but even then, they've always been so responsible.
They'll clean the house on their own, they'll cook food
on their own. Like it's their level of responsibility and
(25:03):
understanding of things. It's so much more advanced and so
much more mature, just because you know, at the ages
of four and five they were having two stand on
chairs and washed dishes and carry the laundry basket together
because my arm wasn't a full arm cast for almost
two years. So they've had a little bit of a
different life that I have always always, always been racked
(25:25):
with guilt over, to be quite honest, But I'm also
so grateful because they understand things so beautifully. They're so responsible,
so they've had such a different insight. But that was
our journey. This is honestly, with single moms and stuff.
This is not uncommon. It's unfortunate, but you know, hey,
(25:46):
we made it through it. The girls are rad, beautiful, responsible, hardworking.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Did you start photographing and selling while you were in school?
You had this one very successful contest before you even started.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Yeah, it was another thing where I felt like I
was cheating the system because then I didn't have to
kind of come up with concepts. Every homework assignment I
treated as if I was shooting it for a curator.
So right away, through and through the whole time I
was selling, I was selling my work. I was essentially
selling my homework to people, and I was essentially exhibiting
(26:22):
my homework like internationally and stuff. It was like I
felt like I was getting one over on everybody because
they were kind of telling me, prompting me with ideas
and stuff. And it was really really really stimulating as
far as like your visual visualization. And it was while
I was a student that I was already getting published
(26:42):
with Bogue.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Wow and your master's work. I imagine you did come up
with this concept that you focused on your father's sharkskin boots.
Why did you decide to make that the focal point
of your studies.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Something happened when I before I started the master's program. Unfortunately,
about a month prior I had to have a surgery,
and I thought, oh, man, it's so close to school,
Like I knew what was ry to start. Once the
school started, the surgery was unsuccessful. One week before the
(27:17):
Master's program started, I had to have an identical surgery again. Man,
it was hard physically, but emotionally, dude, I broke down.
I broke down, and I was actually in a relationship
that I really really really really really wanted at that time,
and I lost that relationship. That person just walked right
(27:38):
away from me because I had no emotional coping skills
at all whatsoever. And I showed a sight of myself
that was like what you just cringe at? I think back,
and I just cringe at myself. And I realized, and
he said something like, hey, we all have our demons,
and I was like, whoa, Yeah, I do have demons.
(28:00):
I have so many demons that I've concealed. Not that
I go around lying about who I am at I've
had friends for ten years that had no idea about
anything about my childhood, my father. I never bring it up.
So I realized that while I was operating with this
cloak of shame over me, that I was always trying
to be so perfect so no one could see it,
(28:22):
people can sense it. And then I realized I have
nothing to be ashamed of. And I decided to tell
my dad's story because not as a boohoo, but as
a declaration of what a beautiful life I've chosen to
lead because of that, and how absolutely passionate I am
(28:43):
and what I hate saying, Oh, what a blessing was
in my life, but how because of what I experienced
and learned, the gifts that I have because of that,
the intuition, the empathy, the sensitivity. I'm so sensitive other's feelings.
I can't even tell you my biggest fear in life
is that I would be in the room with someone
(29:05):
and there's someone sitting over there, uncomfortable, trapped in their
own thoughts. I can't bear the thought. I'm so sensitive
to people I want. That's why I love photography. I
love for people to see how a thing beautiful they are,
that I can see it. They think no one else
can see it, I can and I can show it.
So when I decided to do shark skin boots, I
(29:29):
was shedding my shame because I realized I have nothing
to be ashamed of. That's why I did it.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
Rachelle's work has since won awards and been featured in
Vogue and Times Square. Her specialty in portraiture and the
way she has processed her life is reflected in her work.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
I like to put as much passion as I can
into my work, and I also consider everything I do
as a self portrait, no matter what the subject matter is,
because this is my soul. And I'm saying, hey, do
you want to see what my soul looks like? Do
you want to see what every experience I've had in
my whole life culminates in the way that.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
I view you? You know?
Speaker 1 (30:08):
And I realize I just had to let the fear go.
The person that was judging me was me. There's nothing
to judge it, and there's literally nothing to be ashamed
of at all whatsoever. And I can stride with my
full confidence and not think I do not care what
anyone thinks of that. Actually, I always, oh, what are
they going to think? I don't care anymore. I don't
(30:28):
have it. I don't have to prove it to myself
anymore whatsoever.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
And you mentioned you've had to make sacrifices in order
to pursue this career. As an artist, especially the early days.
What were some of those sacrifices, man, I mean, I.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Guess financially, there's always a huge financial sacrifice because you
have to pay to play in photography. First off. The
other sacrifice, and this is something I can never get back.
It's the time with my girls. I can never get
that back. Unfortunately. It takes a big energy, it takes
a big emotional like if you're doing it the way
(31:05):
I'm doing it, I'm not doing family portraits in the park,
even though I do do that for free once a
year for families that can't afford it. I think it's important.
But yeah, I mean I try to sacrifice as much
as I can for it because this is my absolute passion.
I literally feel like this is where I'm supposed to
be finally, And I mean I sacrifice a lot, even
(31:25):
just recently on my recent expeditions. I always sacrifice comfort.
Sometimes it's food you're sacrificing, like I don't know, you know,
sometimes it's sacrificing your own cultural standards. You know, do I,
as a female veteran, do I want to go somewhere
where I need to cover my hair and all this
and that? No, I'll sacrifice it all day long. Now,
(31:49):
that's fine. For someone else's comfort, all day long. I
will always sacrifice for someone else's comfort. It's my honor,
it's my duty to do that as a photographer.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Do you consider yourself successful now? Uh?
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Yeah, in my spirit. You know, like money and career,
as far as success goes, maybe sometimes those things don't
go hand in hand as an artist. But the sheer
fact that I know that there's people all over this
world they get to glimpse my soul and the soul
of someone else. It's an honor. I'll tell you what.
(32:27):
I'll share a really quick story in the Paul. Recently,
I had the honor of photographing these children. And I've
seen them a couple of times that I've been into Paul,
and I was always too scared to photograph them because
it was too emotional for me. These hungry children living
in a trash pile basically, and I got dang a fever.
I end up going on a trek to break the fever,
(32:49):
and on my track, I had the big epiphany. I'm like,
I'm helpless. I can't do anything for them. I can't
do a thing for them. The helplessness is what really
like gets you. And I thought, oh yeah, I can.
I can give them the only thing I can give,
which is my photography. So I circled back and went
there with my friend. I got permission from like the
Head due to the trash pile, and I took the
(33:10):
most breathtaking, lease stunning. They welcomed to me, and these
young girls were deeper, deeper, deeper by their tent right,
these muses, these muses, this is a life changing experience
gifted me with these portraits and the fact that I
know for a damn fact, I will exhibit these portraits internationally,
(33:31):
people from around the world. It's emotional. Sorry, people from
around the world are going to gaze and see the
beauty of these children. There's nothing I can do, but
I can do that, and I can give them the
most dignified moment to be seen and witnessed about how
damn beautiful they are to me. I don't know if
I can get a higher level of success in that.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
What is one thing or maybe a couple of things
that at the time you saw as really being a negative,
something that you weren't sure you were going to get
out of, and now in hindsight, you see it as
really having launched you to the success you are now.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Oh man, absolutely losing the health of my arm and
losing the mobility of my right hand because it destroyed
my career and my self confidence. But I understand now
that if that wouldn't have happened, I would have had nothing,
and I would have been trapped in that abuse of marriage,
and I would have been trapped working for the government,
(34:28):
my whole life in a man's uniform. And what plummeted
me and what I thought took everything that I'd work
so hard for me actually is what propelled me. And
also my dad's death, because I can live so passionately now,
I live so hard and so passionately. It's because of
(34:49):
his murder. The shitty stuff is always actually not shitty
at all.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
That's such a beautiful answer. Thank you so much, Michelle,
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Thank you for having me. Was an honor.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
Rachelle still lives in California, not far from her two daughters,
who are now fully grown. When I spoke with her,
she had just gotten back from a photography trip Abron
to take a look at all of her beautiful work.
Visit her website at steelcapture dot com. You can also
follow her on Instagram at steal Capture. Trust me, she
is worth a follow to see all of her spectacular photographs.
(35:24):
Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to this episode of
she Pivots. If you made it this far, you're a
true pivoter, So thanks for being part of this community.
I hope you enjoyed this episode, and if you did
leave us a rating, please be nice and tell your
friends about us. To learn more about our guests, follow
us on Instagram at she Pivots the Podcast, or sign
(35:47):
up for our newsletter where you can get exclusive behind
the scenes content, or on our website she Pivots the
Podcast talk to You Next Week special thanks to the
she Pivots team, Executive producer Emily eda Velosik, Associate producer
and social media connoisseur Hannah Cousins, Research director Christine Dickinson,
(36:08):
Events and Logistics coordinator Madeleine Sonoviak, and audio editor and
mixer Nina pollock I endorse che Pisoits
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