September 30, 2024 • 51 mins
Christopher Reeve was an American icon who embodied the superhero he played so well. Now, Superman's children Will, Matthew, and Alexandra honor their late father in a documentary that had Kate in tears!
The siblings share their memories after the accident that left their father paralyzed, and how the family tragedy informs their parenting decisions to this day.
Plus, they reveal the ONE RULE Superman had at the family dinner table.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I am Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
We wanted to do something that highlighted our.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Relationship and what it's like to be siblings. We are
a sibling.
Speaker 4 (00:20):
Raivalry.
Speaker 5 (00:21):
No, no, sibling. You don't do that with your mouth.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Revelry.
Speaker 4 (00:33):
That's good.
Speaker 5 (00:39):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
So I'm really excited to talk to this next and
I don't want to leave them waiting anymore.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
They're in the waiting room. But you watched I didn't.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
I watched the documentary.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
I'm I'm definitely going to cry at some point during
this interview because it's like it's like all it's like
in my throat.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
I feel emotional right now.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
This is the Reeves family. These are the kids, the
siblings of Christopher Reeve.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
And uh, Matthew Alexandra.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Yeah, Matthew Alexandra and Will will is the son of
Dana and Christopher and and Matthew and Alexandra.
Speaker 5 (01:20):
Let's just bring that.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Bring them.
Speaker 5 (01:22):
I have a documentary out and.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
It's a cheer jerker, to say the least.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
It comes out October eleventh and theaters, Movie Theaters.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Well, hello, it's so nice to meet you all together.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Thank you for coming on, very excited to talk to you.
Speaker 6 (01:47):
Give me to you too.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
Yeah, So I watched this morning the documentary.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
She's gonna cry just I just want to preface watching
you guys. I She's just gonna cry.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
I I could not there the entire documentary, could not
stop crying. It's powerful. There's so much love. It's just
filled with love, and You're just it's honest, and I
was so inspired just to like live life to the fullest.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
It was just it's just like so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
So all right, that's it.
Speaker 7 (02:27):
Thanks, thanks for coming.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
We'll see you guys later.
Speaker 7 (02:31):
Perfect, easiest interview we have ever done.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
We'll just take us through the process a little bit,
you know, we'll get I want to get into your
lives a little you know. But now that we're on
sort of doc tops doc topic, how did this all
come about? What was I know, the inspiration? But you know,
give us sort of the the overall.
Speaker 7 (02:54):
Matthew, you start because it started with you.
Speaker 6 (02:56):
Sure, I'll jump in. So a few years ago I
have shut haven't nailed down the date, but I want
to say it was about three and a half years ago.
I was contacted out of the blue by an archives
specialist in the UK who asked if we had movies
and if we had ever thought about doing a documentary
about our dad, And as it so happened, not so
(03:19):
long prior to that, we had just kind of packed
up a family house and we kind of knew what
we had and where the tapes were and what was
there and the types of formats they were on, because
there was about six or seven different types, yeah, like
over the years, and we were really.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Made a VHS Mini, DV Super eight.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
Yeah, I just did all we have I have the same.
Speaker 6 (03:43):
Situation all of it, and they were like terribly labeled,
and they would jump around from like I don't know,
Thanksgiving nineteen ninety four to like the third period of
a Rangers game to like the Easter the following year,
and it was just kind of a wild, wild mix
and but all started there. And then he this artavist,
(04:05):
Daniel Kilroy who's credited as a I mean, he was
also an ep on on the project, took it to
some production companies and it landed at Passion Pictures and
they nurtured it and we developed it with them. They
developed it really sort of with some a little bit
of input from us, and then they introduced us to
the directors. They found Ian and Peter, and they've worked
(04:27):
with them before. We watched their earlier work McQueen about
the fashions on Alexander McQueen and Rising Phoenix, which was
a Netflix series, dark series about paralympians, which was incredible.
Both projects were incredible, and then we met with them.
We had us started off the series of Zoom Calls,
(04:47):
and then we finally met in person and pretty quickly
became clear that they were the right guys for the job.
I mean, they their approach, It was clear that they
would treat it with the sensitivity and respect, and also
they wanted to make something honest. They weren't interested in
making a glossy, sugar coated puff piece that was just
(05:09):
kind of elevated our dad onto a pedestal and it
was just a glowing portrait. They wanted to have sort
of this raw, honest approach, which is what we wanted.
And so we agreed we hadn't it over archive, and
we agreed to give interviews, and amongst ourselves, we agreed
that we would give ourselves. In these interviews, we would
say the things we hadn't said. We would share the
stories we'd never told publicly.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Was this a conversation that you guys all had, you know,
before the process sort of like, look, we're going to
do this, you know, we're going We're going full out.
Speaker 7 (05:38):
Yeah. I mean we talk as siblings all the time,
just because we love each other and like, you know,
it's going and going on in each other's lives. It's
not like we were running around town out in the
marketplace trying to get something made about our dad. We
have our own busy and fulfilling lives and it wasn't
even really on our horizon. But then it all sort
(05:58):
of fell into place naturally. And when we got together
and said this actually seems like the right group of
people with the right intent. We believe in their vision
and think they would do a good job, we agreed
that now is as good a time as any to
do it. We didn't intend for the process to play
out so that the film comes out exactly aligned with
(06:22):
the twenty year anniversary of our dad passing. That's just
a nice cosmic coincidence. But once they had us in
terms of sitting for interviews and had all of our
footage and had some phone numbers of friends and folks
who knew our story that they could call to flesh
(06:43):
it all out. They went off and did it. And
we're so grateful to the filmmakers, not only for the
final product, which is now out in the world and
has been so well received and we're so proud to
be associated with, but just for the way that they
treated us throughout the process, because we were insistent that
they have full control and that we didn't want to
(07:05):
put our thumb on the scale. We wanted it to
be as honest a portrayal as could be. But because
Ian and Peter, the directors, and then the rest of
the filmmaking team from the various production companies are good
people and seem to care about us. They would check
in and just make sure we were okay and that
we still gave our blessing, and we did, but the
(07:28):
horse was out of the barn.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
That's amazing. I mean, the the amount of trust that
you have to put into these filmmakers and production company
to do this story justice, given the fact that it
is so personal, I mean, that is it's hard to
relinquish that kind of control, I guess. I mean, you know,
(07:53):
it's like we don't want to put our thumb on
the scale at the same time, you know, do it justice,
I don't fuck us.
Speaker 8 (08:01):
I mean we talked about it as a leap of faith.
It was a total leap of faith. We saw the
film for the first time about a week before they
submitted it to sun Dance.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Wow.
Speaker 8 (08:10):
And they deal with some pretty heavy themes in it, right,
like this is you know, it matters for the story
to be told respectfully and well. It mattered to us
that the disability story be told respectfully and well, not
in a patronizing way and not in a you know,
just mindless inspiration way, but actually truly showing someone's journey.
(08:30):
They had previously done a film about the Paralympics, and
so they brought a certain perspective and respect for that
which we valued. But yeah, also, you know, there's some
highs and lows to our dad's personal life in his career,
you know.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Yeah, and they and I feel like, you know, it's
like getting to know your dynamic in the documentary was
so interesting and like heartbreaking at times.
Speaker 5 (08:55):
Uh, you know, I almost it's funny. I don't want
to give away things.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
Did I think people don't know about your family history
that you discover in the documentary because it's it's.
Speaker 5 (09:06):
So well done.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
And but but Matthew and Alex, you you know that
was you did have a tough separation from your dad
at the time that his career was rocket a rocket
ship and left your mom and I think then you know,
full circle where sort of it ends up is so beautiful.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
To trust somebody with that story.
Speaker 8 (09:34):
Saying that, yeah, but it matters right that it's authentic
and it makes it a sup It's a very unique story, right,
like to ride that rocket ship to fame when you're
twenty four years old, you're doing like off Broadway Theater
in New York City and suddenly you're like shooting to
global stardom. Unusual story, but there are elements in there
that are so relatable. And now increasingly these people are
(09:56):
starting to see the film and we're getting those phone
calls in their emails. People are seeing themselves in this story,
like what it is to fall in love and being
an impassioned relationship as our dad was with our mom
Gay Exton, but then for that to change over time.
You know, they had their ten years and it was
a beautiful moment, but then it dated and what that
means that you can then go off into the world
(10:17):
and then have you know, this beautiful story that our
dad had with Dana, which the film captures so well,
and that somehow we can all emerge, okay from that.
We're siblings, you know, we will says in the film,
and this is completely true. Our half siblings, but we
never use the word half and it's never been that way,
you know, Dana and in my life when I was
three years old, she was seven when she came in.
(10:38):
Matthew was seven when she came in. And instantly they
were just so careful and so thoughtful to have the
family feel intact and to rise above that drama and
just be there for us. And I love that the
filmmakers gave this this sensitive treatment and show how it
can be done, you know, and that there's a lot
of really good.
Speaker 6 (10:57):
Lessons to learn there and just clicked. I mean, it
was certainly a leap leap of faith in many ways,
but the filmmakers did like they earned our trust. I
mean we didn't have made them once over a coffee
and say, yeah, sure they were.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Right, here's a big box.
Speaker 7 (11:14):
Yeah it was.
Speaker 6 (11:16):
You know, we had a lot of fun, a lot
of conversations and then finally met in person, and it
was really how they you know, they started talking about
how they would generally approach it, and and and sort
of you could tell from the questions they asked what
was kind of resonating with them from the research they'd done.
And I think we all it just felt right pretty
(11:39):
early on. But I mean, certainly after you know, several
conversations and.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
You know, yeah, how how old were you guys when
the accident actually happened.
Speaker 6 (11:50):
I was fifteen, I was, yeah, well Will was. It
was about ten days before Will's third birthday and Alexander
was eleven.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Wow or three?
Speaker 7 (12:00):
Almost? Yeah? I had my third birthday party in the
waiting room of the ICU at the hospital in Virginia.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Really, do you have any memories prior to your dad?
Speaker 7 (12:14):
Yeah, okay, kind of. I don't know if they're composite memories,
which are memories that are composed of videos or photos
you may have seen, plus stories you may have been told,
and they coalesce in your brain somewhere to become a memory.
I don't know if that's the case or if I
actually do have the memory, but I have in my mind,
(12:37):
I have an image. It's a movie almost of a
perfect day with my dad and my mom before the accident,
and it involved my bedroom was next to theirs, basically
at our house in just outside New York City, and
it involved me waking up and knocking on the wall
(12:59):
then hearing it. My dad would come in and pick
me up out of my favor bed and bring me
into their room and we would play in their room,
and then my dad and I would go downstairs to
grab the newspaper from the front stoop. I remember sailing
with him. He was an avid sailor, and I remember
(13:22):
I actually remember going to the local farm where he
kept his horses, and he would construct a sort of
ring in the center of it of like whatever like
blocks that just keep me in and I would just
stand in there and he would ride around. And I
don't know if that's because I've seen videos of that
or if I actually remember it, but I like to
(13:43):
think I remember it because most of my life with him.
He got injured when I was about three, and then
he died when I was twelve, So for those nine
years he was in his wheelchair, and those I have
abundant happy memories, plenty of them. But I it mostly
is him in a wheelchair, so I don't have as
much as Matthew and Al do a pre accident. But
(14:07):
this documentary has been such a gift to me, especially
because I don't have any recollection of of course anything
before I was born. But I heard all the stories
and it felt like I was getting to experience a
lot of what Matthew and Al did experience in real
(14:27):
time and story It was putting images two stories that
I had internalized over the years, which has given me
a fuller and deeper appreciation of our family story overall.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Alex and Matthew, when you so you were eleven and fifteen.
Speaker 5 (14:54):
And at the time, how often.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Were you seeing your dad when you were living in
England and your dad was.
Speaker 8 (15:02):
In the States. Yeah, so our parents separated as when
I was about two and Matthew was, you know, five
or six, about six years old, and dad moved back
to the States, but our mom kept us in London.
They had met in the UK. They'd met during the
filming of Superman, which not everybody knows was actually filmed
in England at studios just outside of London, and so
(15:23):
the deal was London during the school year and then
back to the States for vacation, so winter break, summer break,
you know, spring break, half terms, the holiday they have
in the UK like around Halloween time, so all of
those we're back in the States. So we did see
him pretty frequently, but when the accident happened, we were
far away, and so that's why, you know, our strongest
memories of that day is the hustle to get on
(15:46):
a plane as fast as we could because we didn't
know if he was going to make it through the day.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Wow gosh, And at eleven and fifteen, I mean, how
does one sort of process that at that age? Do
you a recollection of that feeling of was it real
to you? Was it, oh, this can't happen? You know,
how did you deal with that?
Speaker 6 (16:09):
I feel like a lot of it was in slow motion.
I think time stood still, and you know, a week
felt like a month, the day felt like a week,
Every hour felt way longer.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
It was.
Speaker 6 (16:20):
There was so much uncertainty, I mean in terms of
kind of what was happening. You know, information wasn't as
accessible or as immediate as it is today. You know,
I think we've both of us really got wind of
the severity from when we were in the airport about
to fly over to the States, it had already made
the papers. So there's a lot of stuff on the
(16:41):
front pages sort of about the newsstands at the airport,
which seems to know more than we did kind of
at the time, because I think there was just a
sensitivity to making sure that we were told in person,
but also the newspapers. You know, the accuracy is questionable,
but it's it was. There was also, you know, there
were a lot of photographers at the airport, and I
(17:02):
think you just got an overall sense of the severity
of the situation pretty quickly. And then once we got
over and we made it to what's itt Charlottesville, Virginia,
it was like three flights, I think to get down there,
and yeah, and then it we a family member kind
(17:27):
of took us for a walk and sort of explained
the situation, what sort of the outcome was, and that
they wanted to do this surgery which was had never
really been done, was extremely risky, and you know, so
there was a lot happening all at once, and of
course we wanted to keep will but happy and entertained,
(17:48):
and everyone was just kind of focused on, like not
just putting on blinders, but kind of you know, putting
on as as as much of a smile as we
could and pushing forward. So, yeah, it was a lot
happened in the short amount of time.
Speaker 5 (18:04):
Will, you were so little, like I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
I couldn't imagine like being your sibling in a moment
like that and being like, even though you were probably
both of you were dealing with this this tragedy.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
And not not knowing the unknown it was.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
It's so foreign to Will because he's so little, he
probably didn't understand, and so to keep that up must
have been also just do.
Speaker 8 (18:30):
You know, yees, our family does not live an unexamined
life like when you have a near death experience like this,
Like you talk about things as a family. And one
of the things that both Dad and Dana said was
at that time, every single person was getting through the
day by being there for the other people, right, it
was like this house. Of course, the thing that actually
(18:52):
kept us focused and not dwelling on ourselves was playing
with Will and being there for Will. Dana was holding
up my dad and holding up well actually, and it
was just holding up the entire family. Our dad came
through because he realized that he still had a partner
who loved him more than anything, and kids who needed
him to be present and be in their lives. And
so it's this funny thing that I think actually has
(19:13):
stayed true throughout our lives, which have not been you know,
all that short on trauma is that I think one
of our survival mechanisms is that you just focus really
hard on showing up for the other people around you,
and in so doing, you kind of get out of
your own head and just focus on being there and
being present for the people around you.
Speaker 7 (19:31):
Yeah, And if I went off from my perspective from
the toddler's point of view at the time, I mean, look,
as Matthew now reference, they were visiting on their vacations
and summer breaks, et cetera, and so it was cruncated
bits of time. But for me, it was like this
avalanche of joy bursting through the door every time they
(19:54):
came to visit. When I was a little kid, it
was I got so excited for I think weirdly now,
I'm very into like tracking flights because I travel a
lot for my job as of correspond for ABC News,
so I'm always on all the apps like knowing what's
going where. I think I got it from then, because
I would know when they were supposed to land and
how far we lived from JFK or Newark Airport and okay, right,
(20:19):
if flight aware had existed in nineteen ninety four, I
would have been on it because I knew that my
two favorite people were coming to visit. And I give
so much credit to Matthew now because they were teenager, preteen,
and et cetera. That's not exactly the prime age that
you want to spend your limited free time hanging out
(20:42):
with a three year old. But I never experienced it
that way. I felt like I was the center of
their world whenever they were around, and I was the
center of my parents' world. And that feeling of support
and love and attention has been a constant in my
(21:04):
life with my siblings that I just I always feel
so loved and supported and held up and great. It
feels so great. You guys should try it sometimes, it.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Mus be nice. There's still time, the time, still time
when your dad could finally communicate. Was there that thing
that he had said, or you know, hey, this is
this is the new normal, you know, or any words
(21:39):
of sort of wisdom or comfortable, you know.
Speaker 9 (21:41):
One of the things that so I think like the
reflection and the intentionality came later, but actually some of
the early days in the hospital was just realizing that
like those elements of normalcy and parent child dynamics.
Speaker 8 (21:55):
Survive even though your circumstances have changed in such an
overwhelming way. I remember Dana being really amazing and that
first day we arrived at the hospital, which Matthew was
describing her being so clear of saying, you're going to
walk into this room and his bed is going to
be moving from side to side because they're trying to
keep fluid off his lungs. They are going to be
scary machines that are beeping. He may be awake, he
(22:17):
may be asleep, but that is still him, and that
is still his hand. You go in and you hold
his hand, and having that type of like clarity to
a teenager or a kid and saying like that's still
your person, like go find your person. Was amazing. When
Dad came too. I mean, I remember one of my
early conversations Matthew, you were about to be the subject
of this story. Fair warning. He couldn't he couldn't verbalize
(22:40):
words yet, So when you've had that level of an accident,
Dad was on a respirator to breathe, and he hadn't
yet learned to trap the air so that his voice
would come out, So we had to mouth words.
Speaker 6 (22:50):
Which was hard.
Speaker 8 (22:51):
And I remember we were having you know, I was
kind of talking about my day and kind of just
trying to distract him and him mouthing a question and
just not being able to understand. And when you're having
a hard time, you pull out a letter board and
you kind of go letter by letter and the person
blinks when you've landed on the right one, and we
start to spell this out, and we're going, I'm like, okay, gee,
I r L And I pretty quickly figure out the
(23:15):
guy's trying to figure out if Matthew has a girlfriend.
For the Simpling gossip, the man is in the intensive
car unit. His head has just been attached to his body,
I mean, you know, has been on death's door, and
he's like, clearly, I'm going to talk to my kid
to get some gossip on the other kid. And so
it's pretty quickly to get those moments of normalcy, and
(23:36):
that's like, that's strength, that's such a gift.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Oh I love that. I mean, it's just such a
it's that's gotta that's gotta be so comforting that you
see this man who is everything in mobile and now
he is what he is, but that comes out of him,
(24:00):
meaning like, oh wait a minute, this is the same
fucking dude. It's the same dude. You know, there's got
to be something that is.
Speaker 5 (24:08):
What hit me while you were talking was was Dana.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
I just sort of was like, Oh, what she You know,
there's a theme, the hero theme in the documentary.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
But she's she's quite the hero.
Speaker 7 (24:24):
I've never met a stronger person, and I think to
your point about normalcy, it's interesting to me now that
I'm an adult and have more of an understanding of
what emotional and spiritual strength and mental strength actually is.
(24:47):
It struck me that I I didn't realize that she
was being strong for my for my whole childhood much
It's like I didn't even totally realize my dad was
being strong or choosing to be strong because it felt
(25:08):
so innate to them. They didn't send me off to
school saying any number of terrible things could befall us
at any moment, but yet we sold heer on good
luck at math. It wasn't that. It was it was, hey,
did you do your homework? Are your shoes tied? I'll
(25:28):
pick you up at three thirty. You have a played
eight with so and so, and you know we're having
chicken again for dinner because you're obsessed with chicken. You
annoying kid like. It was just it was their strength
was so innate to who they were. You can't separate
a before and after moment of them making a conscious
decision do it to find strength, because they already had it.
(25:53):
So they were already heroically strong and in such a way.
And I think that that made life, certainly for me,
so normal and easy because like much like our dad
trying to get the dirt on Matthew's potential girlfriend, which
I'm sure he had at least three.
Speaker 8 (26:11):
He did, I spilled all the tea exactly, the stories
of the.
Speaker 7 (26:17):
Whole thing exactly, but much much like, much like that
moment of levity and normalcy, any dad would be asking
about the fifteen year old's love life, no matter their
physical circumstances. For me, in my daily life, it was,
of course, it was obvious that our dad was paralyzed
in a wheelchair and needed twenty four hour care and
(26:38):
was on a ventilator and all those things like that.
That was just inherent in life, but we didn't dwell
on that. There was a rule at the dinner table.
We had family dinners basically every night, and the rule
of the dinner table was we could talk about anything philosophy, politics, sports, entertainment,
et cetera, but never any medical issues. There was plenty
(27:00):
empty weighing down on my dad and on my mom
in terms of my dad's physical condition and the the
burden of insurance costs and everything that that comes with
this uncertain future. But we left that away from family moments,
(27:20):
and that felt that that was incredibly helpful. And I
didn't know anything different, so I didn't know they were
being strong. I've learned subsequently that that that strength of
that nature is uncommon and perhaps unique.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
You know, how much do you think will and strength
contributed to the longevity of his life? You know what
I mean? Like, how much of that was the will
to be a father, the will to continue on, the
will to live because it could be it could it
could be easy. It's almost easier to be like you know,
(28:08):
what fuck this? You know what I mean, I'm not
going to fight because I can't live like this.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
Got to watch the documentary.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
I know you're going to learn.
Speaker 8 (28:17):
But but but it was a choice. I mean, maybe
that's the way to put it. Like, it was a
choice for him to live.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
And he he made he made that choice. And aside
from medicine, aside and all of that, the just the
pure will to continue.
Speaker 8 (28:34):
And this is what this again is why Dana is amazing.
So one of the things that they show they just
we describe in this film, but our dad spoke about
quite a lot after is that he credits her with
saving his life. But the thing that sometimes gets overlooked
in this story is how she opened that conversation with him.
So it's in the very early days, still in the
(28:55):
intensive care units, still completely touch and go, and she says,
I I'm going to do whatever you want to do
because it is your life and you get to live it.
But you're still you and I love you. And what
I love about that is not only was she reminding
him that she was with him through thick and thin,
(29:15):
that she was his life partner, she was going to
be there, but she was making him opt in. She
was making him choose and saying and she was giving
him the power, and he chose life. And he said,
you know, from that moment he was in he was
going to stay our dad. He was going to stay
the provider of the family. He was going to stay
the partner to her. So it was it was a
(29:36):
discussion between them, and they chose to let that love
continue and that partnership continue. And God, what a gift.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
So beautiful, Oh my god, that that.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Yeah, it's so well done.
Speaker 5 (29:48):
The document is so well done too, because you really do.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
I taking sort of the sort of accident and the
projectory of what happened after, it also really delves into
his career and how interesting it was for him to
be this real serious Juilliard actor who loved what he
did as an actor and his desire to be an
(30:13):
artist and take this chance on Superman, something that you know, uh,
was sort of considered like, you know, possibly the kiss
of death.
Speaker 5 (30:24):
Don't do that, you.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
Know, you're going to destroy your ability to be an actor,
you know, or and taking us through that journey is
also so fascinating. I think a lot of people will
learn so much about not only him as an artist,
but and and his love for his art, but but
the industry and how what an interesting story, you know.
(30:48):
I do want to say one thing, you know you're
you will I and again just bringing it back to
sort of the sibling dynamic.
Speaker 5 (30:59):
You lost your mom and dad.
Speaker 7 (31:01):
You were fifteen, I was thirteen. I was thirteen when
my mom died. I'm twelve when my dad died.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Okay, so thirteen. So at thirteen years old, you've lost
both of your parents and now I'm I'm curious as
to how the sibling dynamic changed, or if it did
for you guys, if what that connection became after the
death of your mom.
Speaker 7 (31:26):
Yeah, I don't know. I I didn't since a change
only because Matthew and Allen I were already so incredibly close,
and we had already dealt with so much throughout our lives.
Our dad was again, my dad was paralyzed when I
was about three, so we had already been through that.
(31:49):
We'd been living for nearly a decade with that at all,
everything that comes along with those circumstances, And as Alexandra said,
we don't leave things unsaid. So I knew where I stood,
and I knew how much they loved me and cared
for me and supported me. I think back to all
the times that I went to visit either one of
(32:11):
my siblings at college. Matthew and now both went to
school in the States and relative driving distance both of
them from our home, and so I would like go
up and visit. As a young kid, I remember like
I would spend the occasional Friday night with one of
my siblings at college, and what a sacrifice that is
(32:33):
for them to hang out with your ten year old
brother instead of instead of like going out. But again,
much like my parents' strength didn't feel like strength because
it was so normal and innate, simil like, my siblings
sacrifices for me didn't feel like sacrifices because they prioritized
me and cared for me and verbalized and showed their
(32:57):
love for me at every turn. So that's a long
wind up to say that after my mom died, or
backing up a second, when my mom got sick, Matthew,
who had been living in London and New York City
and back and forth, moved home, but that didn't feel
like a big moment because he was already home so much.
And Alexandra, who was graduating college and then going to
(33:20):
law school in New York was always home. It felt
like they were around a little bit more, but we
were doing all the same stuff that we otherwise would do.
And I think, of course, when things got really bad
with my mom and then she died, my siblings had
to have the unavoidable hard conversations with me about what
(33:41):
was happening and what was going to happen next. And
because my siblings were in their twenties at the time
and my mom and my dad prior to him passing,
way wanted them to have a normal trajectory in life
and not have to take care of a preteen. I
(34:02):
moved in with very close family friends of ours who
legally adopted me, And that's like, that's part of our amazing, beautiful,
strange family too. But Matthew and all are part of
that as well. So it's a very long answer to say,
like nothing really changed because things were already so tight
and good. If anything, we just dared more of ourselves
(34:23):
with each other because we had to.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
It feels like, what about for you guys, Matthew and Alex,
how did you feel about Will Did you feel a draw?
I mean, you are in your twenties, you are starting
your life. But did you feel that this was just
like became your priority was to be there for well.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
Yeah, it was.
Speaker 6 (34:43):
It just a bat track for the record, it was
no sacrifices were made. When Will came to visit, I
always felt back that our sports teams were so rubbish
and we'll I love.
Speaker 7 (34:52):
What you gave. Dude, you had to have been skipping
a party or were you not getting invited to parties.
Speaker 6 (35:00):
Or remember no, I you know, I think we both
just like I wanted to be there from as much
as we could. I mean we ye, So you know,
it's that exacly per sense as we saw and as
as Dana certainly did by example, and other family members
and friends and everyone sort of lent in and and
helped each other and and and and you know, helped
(35:23):
stand everyone up. At the time of the accident, we
had this kind of uh example to follow that you know,
we could emulate. I mean, there was no thought given
to it. It was just the natural instinct I think
for both of us. So and you know, also, yeah,
(35:44):
we were doing we got to do all the stuff
we were sort of already doing. Whether that was I
don't know, helping to take all to hockey practice or
to hockey games, or just I don't know, play video
games or drop them off at a friend's house or
go into the city and see a movie or something
like that. So it was a lot more just doing
what we could to help the continuation of normalcy, which
(36:05):
has always sort of been an underlying as a theme
and strategy to sort of how everything that our parents
ever tried to do for us, whether when when we
were younger and Alexander Andy's parents were separating, or at
the time of the accident, it was about maintaining normalcy
as much as possible and throughout my dad's time as
(36:25):
in you know, in the wheelchair. One of the other
things they also did was they always spend it help
wanted us and did this really well sort of including
us in helping out with him, whether it was like
if he had a ventilator pop off, like we could
reconnect it, if it was like helping get a machine
(36:45):
or call for the nerd, and like it was kind
of like we're always included in a long and you know,
it was just making it normal, which was I think
very smart and wonderful and well used to just climb
up on his chair like at like lightning speed and
like the say in his lap from like you know,
super young age, and you can see the nurse be
like watch that.
Speaker 7 (37:06):
Yeah, but that was like that was I was like
almost instructed by my mom, my dad, my siblings, like
treat your dad normally end up to me, that meant
or gonna buy them on you like a jungle him.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah. Ah, you're thirteen, you lost both, right, Yeah, you
know when you're looking at that on paper, you are thirteen.
You're starting to go through puberty. It's such a a
(37:44):
big moment in a.
Speaker 7 (37:46):
Boys child under the best of circumstances.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
Yeah, you're right. Yeah, And and you know, obviously you're
extremely well adjusted, and you've got siblings and you've had
an amazing support system. But from a psychological standpoint, I mean,
did it mess you up in any way, you know,
just from an you know, an unconscious you know situation
(38:10):
that now has presented itself in relationships or career or
you know what I mean. Or did you just communicate
through it and talk through it so well and have
so much support that didn't really fuck you up?
Speaker 7 (38:24):
It's thankfully, it's more of the latter, and I certainly
there is a scenario in which someone could endure the
things that have happened to me in my life and
go off on a dark, bad path. And for me,
that never even felt like an option or a compulsion.
(38:46):
And I attribute that to a few factors, one being
the support system you mentioned, which was Matthew and Alexandra,
my adoptive family, my biological family or scattered around the country,
my teachers, my friends, their parents, coaches, that my whole
community around me kind of zoomed in on me to
(39:08):
make sure that I was okay. And also the way
that I was raised both nature and nurture from my parents.
The values that were instilled in me and I hope
are inherent in me of trying to do the right thing,
of realizing your own humanity and trying to overcome that
(39:30):
when it leads you down the wrong path. And I
am incredibly human with more flaws than we have time
to dissect. I'm happy to do a second podcast on
all and all that. But you know where I have
and where I have gotten into it is in therapy,
and that started once my mom got sick. She insisted
(39:52):
she never made me do anything ever, because both of
my parents believed in me and all of us having
our own agency and following our passions and doing what
filled us up. But when my mom got sick, she said,
you're going to therapy. And I was like, but none
of my friends are going to therapy. Everyone's playing sports
and hanging out and discovering girls and all that stuff.
She's like, well, you can do that too, but you're
also going to go see this guy once a week
(40:14):
because you just have to. And first I started going
with her. It was like family therapy, the two of us.
And then after she passed away, I continued going, so
there's some continuity there with the same person. I went
and saw him all the way through until I left
for college, and he said to me, the last time
I saw him was the day before I went to college.
(40:36):
So I'm eighteen at this point, and he goes, all right, man,
like you seem to be doing reasonably fine. You're no
more messed up than any other high school kid. So like,
you seem pretty good. Go to college and just be
a college student, because that's more beneficial to your development
than anything else. So then I went to college, and
I was entirely focused on academics. Now, I was entirely voked,
(41:00):
was done. I was entirely focused on being a college
kid and all that entailed. And then I graduated school
and I got this awesome job in the field that
I wanted to pursue in broadcast TV at ESPN. So
I was living my dream living in New York City,
being a young twenty whatever year old, running around with
my friends doing the dumb things that young twenty whatevers do,
(41:21):
no matter if their parents are around or not. And
it was just sort of a long run on where
I don't think that I was totally addressing every issue
that I that I had had. I don't think that
I was totally I don't think I was introspective enough.
I don't think that I was. I think that I
(41:42):
was checking boxes like, oh, I go to therapy, so
I'm fine and nothing's wrong. And it wasn't like I
was bottling things up. It wasn't like I was ignoring things.
I just felt like I had a handle on it,
and there was never a scenario that, like everything went awry.
I don't. It's I am a well adjusted person because
I build the guardrails around my life and I've made
(42:03):
a million mistakes and we'll make a million more, but
I'm self aware enough to know what I'm doing ish
and to finish my long ramble here. COVID was a
good COVID was a good moment for me in this
journey to recognize my grief and whatever psychological issues that
(42:25):
that brought on, because it forced everyone to slow down,
and I started meeting with a grief counselor who's specifically
an expert in grief, and in COVID, I had nothing
to do. We would talk like twice a week at
least over zoom and that was the first time that
I had completely stopped and addressed the wounds that I
(42:47):
needed to heal. And that has been hugely helpful because
now I feel like I have a whole new toolbox
that I didn't even know was available to me and
has helped me as I've matured into now a thirty
two year old like just continuing on with my adult
(43:07):
life where I'm completely responsible for everything that I do
and I can't blame it on my dead parents, not
that I ever have, but I have to have agency here.
That's been really helpful. So the TLDR that amazing and
a lot.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Of great people.
Speaker 7 (43:23):
I made plenty of mistakes, but I'm doing okay.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Yeah, it's also amazing that you were thirty. You're thirty,
twenty nine, thirty years old when you, you know, decided to
seek out a grief counselor to deal with unresolved right.
Speaker 7 (43:40):
I thought, I thought, I thought I had.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
That many years after.
Speaker 7 (43:44):
Well that's something I've learned that great grief is permanent,
which we all know. But they say that the what's
it like, the best day to plant a tree was
twenty years ago, the second best day is today. Same
thing like grief is. It's a lifelong journey toward healing.
So I got started and I addressed plenty of my
(44:07):
wounds and will continue to do. So it's you're going
to be a lifelong process.
Speaker 5 (44:12):
Do you all have children? I don't have kids.
Speaker 3 (44:16):
You know, does I like, do you find that any
thing comes out differently when you had your kids, Like
any anxieties or anything that you sort of didn't realize
you carried until you had kids.
Speaker 7 (44:32):
I know.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
I mean I always feel like my a whole new life.
Well I was, I was young, but like it's like
every time if someone has a kid, it's like a
whole new life.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
You know.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
It's like, oh, you discover things about yourself you didn't
even realize because you're it's a constant reflection.
Speaker 8 (44:51):
Yeah, And that's like tally, it's like your heart walking
around outside your body. Right, So like you naturally like
want to protect them.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
I don't.
Speaker 8 (44:57):
Sometimes people say, like, are you like ex protective of
your kids because of what happened to your dad? And
I don't think so. I mean, we were deeply involved
still with the spinal cord injuring the paralysis community, So
like we have awareness about not diving into the shallow
ends of pools and being careful on trampoline, so we
can give a lecture if anyone wants at the PSA
on that piece of it. But I think the real
(45:17):
way that I've been shaped is again, it's like that
munch of it. You don't leave things unseat. Like we
talk a lot about our feelings with our kids and
just have so much gratitude for like the small moments
in life. And then the thing that I think I've
learned the most from Dana, although others in our lives
excel at this as well, is that woman she just
could just create magic in any circumstance. She could create
(45:39):
a birthday party in the intensive care unit, like when
Well turned three. She could turn waiting in the grocery
store checkout line into a moment where she's telling you
a story and kind of, you know, helping you pass
the time in an exciting way. And like finding those
moments of magic with your kid that you don't have
to be in some fancy location. It's not about what
the latest toy is. It's finding those moments to connect
(45:59):
and create that special bond together. Like that is such
like that is such an amazing parenting hack. And it's
one that I try and coffee as best I can.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
And do it early because when they're seventeen, I'm like,
let's create a moment.
Speaker 6 (46:17):
Still care.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Yeah, there's a sweet spot for that because I still
try to do it. I'm like, his name's Wilder. I'm like, well,
they're come hang out for a second. Let's have a
dad the sun moment. He's like dead, Like, get out
of my room.
Speaker 7 (46:30):
That's normal too, man, you need like that. I like
I had that. We're talking all this lofty stuff about
appreciation and leaving things and not leaving things unset and
all that, but like we were allowed to be normal angsty.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Kids, right, Like, yeah, plenty of that.
Speaker 7 (46:48):
Like my dad was a neat freak and I now
kind of him, but then I wasn't. And he'd be like,
you have to go clean your room, And I would
go take a polaroid camera and take pictures of my
room upstairs and then bring it down to him because
he couldn't go upstairs and show him. And I hated that.
I hated it was It was absolute bullshit that I
had to do that, and I told him as much.
(47:10):
But just because we were we had this new found,
enlightened appreciation for the fragility of life. Doesn't mean that
it didn't suck to have to clean your room.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
Did he have a great sense of humor? It sounds
like he had a really good sense of humor. Yeah, yeah,
would he be self would he be would he be
self deprecating? Given his situation?
Speaker 8 (47:33):
Comfortable?
Speaker 7 (47:33):
Right?
Speaker 8 (47:34):
Not only are you meeting someone with a physical disability
that might make you uncomfortable because you're not sure how
to act, but also like at a certain one, there's
like some stature there. So he knew that people would
be nervous or you know, sometimes blessed them, like people
would reach out and not realizing that he couldn't shake back.
Super mortifying when that happens, right, and so he was
(47:56):
always ready with a joke just the situation, like make
light of it.
Speaker 6 (48:00):
It was a big part of his life.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
I have a very strange question that popped into my mind.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
I can't wait to hear what this is, Oliver.
Speaker 2 (48:07):
What happened to the horse?
Speaker 8 (48:11):
What a good question. So Buck went on to live
a very happy life, was sold and another family got
to have him. And you know what's interesting is Dad
never blamed the horse. He never warned people away from
horse riding. I will tell you I actually continue horse
riding was the thing that I did with him, and
I kept doing it all through high school and college.
And he would actually come to my competitions and be
(48:32):
supportive from the sidelines, which is pretty amazing. So for him,
it was never about blame. It's just, you know, sometimes
you roll the dice and you get a bad hand,
you know, get a bad role as a result.
Speaker 3 (48:43):
It's very sad, but it's so beautiful and so hopeful,
and it really does it just does highlight how lovely
all of you are and strong, and it's I think
it's going to be incredibly inspiring to so many people.
Speaker 2 (48:59):
Yeah, this has been really really cool talking.
Speaker 5 (49:02):
It's nice to see as well.
Speaker 7 (49:04):
If I could, if I could just fan out for
one second, Kate, I talked about how my brother or
Matthew talked about how like we did a bunch of
stuff together, video games, et cetera. A lot of that
was me watching movies that I probably shouldn't have been
watching at my age. So I am an, I am
(49:24):
a band aid, I am an almost famous, oh my god. Yeah,
younger than I should have been. And of course my
favorite quote from the whole film was I'm on drugs,
which I didn't even know what that meant. But I
dig yeah, I dig music exactly. So that was a pleasure. Oliver.
(49:45):
Love you on Nashville as well, Man like you guys
are you guys are.
Speaker 4 (49:48):
A brother, appreciate thank you, you're the best.
Speaker 2 (49:52):
Well. I appreciate you guys, appreciate your story. I can't
wait to see.
Speaker 5 (49:56):
Them see you in person.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 7 (49:59):
Yeah. Likewise, Oh that's the best.
Speaker 2 (50:02):
Ollie.
Speaker 3 (50:03):
I can't even tell you how wonderful and this documentary is.
And when I say that like Dana.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
You know, we know a lot about Christopher Ruves just
because he's.
Speaker 3 (50:15):
Superman everything, and we know a lot about Dana back
in the day. You know, she was quite present and
I remember seeing her things being by a side, But
when you really see it in this documentary, oh, it
just it just there's something that makes you just feel
so connected to her journey in it too, because what
(50:37):
she was.
Speaker 5 (50:38):
Saying about when she really gave him.
Speaker 4 (50:42):
The choice, Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (50:46):
And then the fact that she had to she went
all that and then had to like leave her her son.
I just I can't even It's it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (50:55):
And they the three of them are so articulate and yeah, wonderful, amazing,
you know, I just I can't wait to see it.
Speaker 3 (51:05):
It says a lot about about about all of them,
and like how they all came together and how connected
they were.
Speaker 5 (51:12):
And even gay their their mother.
Speaker 3 (51:16):
Alex, you know that that so connected during the time,
and you know.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
Just like really beautiful story.
Speaker 2 (51:25):
I'm gonna watch it tonight anyway, I got a pew Okay,
Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I am Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
We wanted to do something that highlighted our.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Relationship and what it's like to be siblings. We are
a sibling.
Speaker 4 (00:20):
Raivalry.
Speaker 5 (00:21):
No, no, sibling. You don't do that with your mouth.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Revelry.
Speaker 4 (00:33):
That's good.
Speaker 5 (00:39):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
So I'm really excited to talk to this next and
I don't want to leave them waiting anymore.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
They're in the waiting room. But you watched I didn't.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
I watched the documentary.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
I'm I'm definitely going to cry at some point during
this interview because it's like it's like all it's like
in my throat.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
I feel emotional right now.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
This is the Reeves family. These are the kids, the
siblings of Christopher Reeve.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
And uh, Matthew Alexandra.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Yeah, Matthew Alexandra and Will will is the son of
Dana and Christopher and and Matthew and Alexandra.
Speaker 5 (01:20):
Let's just bring that.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Bring them.
Speaker 5 (01:22):
I have a documentary out and.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
It's a cheer jerker, to say the least.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
It comes out October eleventh and theaters, Movie Theaters.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Well, hello, it's so nice to meet you all together.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Thank you for coming on, very excited to talk to you.
Speaker 6 (01:47):
Give me to you too.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
Yeah, So I watched this morning the documentary.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
She's gonna cry just I just want to preface watching
you guys. I She's just gonna cry.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
I I could not there the entire documentary, could not
stop crying. It's powerful. There's so much love. It's just
filled with love, and You're just it's honest, and I
was so inspired just to like live life to the fullest.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
It was just it's just like so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
So all right, that's it.
Speaker 7 (02:27):
Thanks, thanks for coming.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
We'll see you guys later.
Speaker 7 (02:31):
Perfect, easiest interview we have ever done.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
We'll just take us through the process a little bit,
you know, we'll get I want to get into your
lives a little you know. But now that we're on
sort of doc tops doc topic, how did this all
come about? What was I know, the inspiration? But you know,
give us sort of the the overall.
Speaker 7 (02:54):
Matthew, you start because it started with you.
Speaker 6 (02:56):
Sure, I'll jump in. So a few years ago I
have shut haven't nailed down the date, but I want
to say it was about three and a half years ago.
I was contacted out of the blue by an archives
specialist in the UK who asked if we had movies
and if we had ever thought about doing a documentary
about our dad, And as it so happened, not so
(03:19):
long prior to that, we had just kind of packed
up a family house and we kind of knew what
we had and where the tapes were and what was
there and the types of formats they were on, because
there was about six or seven different types, yeah, like
over the years, and we were really.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Made a VHS Mini, DV Super eight.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
Yeah, I just did all we have I have the same.
Speaker 6 (03:43):
Situation all of it, and they were like terribly labeled,
and they would jump around from like I don't know,
Thanksgiving nineteen ninety four to like the third period of
a Rangers game to like the Easter the following year,
and it was just kind of a wild, wild mix
and but all started there. And then he this artavist,
(04:05):
Daniel Kilroy who's credited as a I mean, he was
also an ep on on the project, took it to
some production companies and it landed at Passion Pictures and
they nurtured it and we developed it with them. They
developed it really sort of with some a little bit
of input from us, and then they introduced us to
the directors. They found Ian and Peter, and they've worked
(04:27):
with them before. We watched their earlier work McQueen about
the fashions on Alexander McQueen and Rising Phoenix, which was
a Netflix series, dark series about paralympians, which was incredible.
Both projects were incredible, and then we met with them.
We had us started off the series of Zoom Calls,
(04:47):
and then we finally met in person and pretty quickly
became clear that they were the right guys for the job.
I mean, they their approach, It was clear that they
would treat it with the sensitivity and respect, and also
they wanted to make something honest. They weren't interested in
making a glossy, sugar coated puff piece that was just
(05:09):
kind of elevated our dad onto a pedestal and it
was just a glowing portrait. They wanted to have sort
of this raw, honest approach, which is what we wanted.
And so we agreed we hadn't it over archive, and
we agreed to give interviews, and amongst ourselves, we agreed
that we would give ourselves. In these interviews, we would
say the things we hadn't said. We would share the
stories we'd never told publicly.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Was this a conversation that you guys all had, you know,
before the process sort of like, look, we're going to
do this, you know, we're going We're going full out.
Speaker 7 (05:38):
Yeah. I mean we talk as siblings all the time,
just because we love each other and like, you know,
it's going and going on in each other's lives. It's
not like we were running around town out in the
marketplace trying to get something made about our dad. We
have our own busy and fulfilling lives and it wasn't
even really on our horizon. But then it all sort
(05:58):
of fell into place naturally. And when we got together
and said this actually seems like the right group of
people with the right intent. We believe in their vision
and think they would do a good job, we agreed
that now is as good a time as any to
do it. We didn't intend for the process to play
out so that the film comes out exactly aligned with
(06:22):
the twenty year anniversary of our dad passing. That's just
a nice cosmic coincidence. But once they had us in
terms of sitting for interviews and had all of our
footage and had some phone numbers of friends and folks
who knew our story that they could call to flesh
(06:43):
it all out. They went off and did it. And
we're so grateful to the filmmakers, not only for the
final product, which is now out in the world and
has been so well received and we're so proud to
be associated with, but just for the way that they
treated us throughout the process, because we were insistent that
they have full control and that we didn't want to
(07:05):
put our thumb on the scale. We wanted it to
be as honest a portrayal as could be. But because
Ian and Peter, the directors, and then the rest of
the filmmaking team from the various production companies are good
people and seem to care about us. They would check
in and just make sure we were okay and that
we still gave our blessing, and we did, but the
(07:28):
horse was out of the barn.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
That's amazing. I mean, the the amount of trust that
you have to put into these filmmakers and production company
to do this story justice, given the fact that it
is so personal, I mean, that is it's hard to
relinquish that kind of control, I guess. I mean, you know,
(07:53):
it's like we don't want to put our thumb on
the scale at the same time, you know, do it justice,
I don't fuck us.
Speaker 8 (08:01):
I mean we talked about it as a leap of faith.
It was a total leap of faith. We saw the
film for the first time about a week before they
submitted it to sun Dance.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Wow.
Speaker 8 (08:10):
And they deal with some pretty heavy themes in it, right,
like this is you know, it matters for the story
to be told respectfully and well. It mattered to us
that the disability story be told respectfully and well, not
in a patronizing way and not in a you know,
just mindless inspiration way, but actually truly showing someone's journey.
(08:30):
They had previously done a film about the Paralympics, and
so they brought a certain perspective and respect for that
which we valued. But yeah, also, you know, there's some
highs and lows to our dad's personal life in his career,
you know.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Yeah, and they and I feel like, you know, it's
like getting to know your dynamic in the documentary was
so interesting and like heartbreaking at times.
Speaker 5 (08:55):
Uh, you know, I almost it's funny. I don't want
to give away things.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
Did I think people don't know about your family history
that you discover in the documentary because it's it's.
Speaker 5 (09:06):
So well done.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
And but but Matthew and Alex, you you know that
was you did have a tough separation from your dad
at the time that his career was rocket a rocket
ship and left your mom and I think then you know,
full circle where sort of it ends up is so beautiful.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
To trust somebody with that story.
Speaker 8 (09:34):
Saying that, yeah, but it matters right that it's authentic
and it makes it a sup It's a very unique story, right,
like to ride that rocket ship to fame when you're
twenty four years old, you're doing like off Broadway Theater
in New York City and suddenly you're like shooting to
global stardom. Unusual story, but there are elements in there
that are so relatable. And now increasingly these people are
(09:56):
starting to see the film and we're getting those phone
calls in their emails. People are seeing themselves in this story,
like what it is to fall in love and being
an impassioned relationship as our dad was with our mom
Gay Exton, but then for that to change over time.
You know, they had their ten years and it was
a beautiful moment, but then it dated and what that
means that you can then go off into the world
(10:17):
and then have you know, this beautiful story that our
dad had with Dana, which the film captures so well,
and that somehow we can all emerge, okay from that.
We're siblings, you know, we will says in the film,
and this is completely true. Our half siblings, but we
never use the word half and it's never been that way,
you know, Dana and in my life when I was
three years old, she was seven when she came in.
(10:38):
Matthew was seven when she came in. And instantly they
were just so careful and so thoughtful to have the
family feel intact and to rise above that drama and
just be there for us. And I love that the
filmmakers gave this this sensitive treatment and show how it
can be done, you know, and that there's a lot
of really good.
Speaker 6 (10:57):
Lessons to learn there and just clicked. I mean, it
was certainly a leap leap of faith in many ways,
but the filmmakers did like they earned our trust. I
mean we didn't have made them once over a coffee
and say, yeah, sure they were.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Right, here's a big box.
Speaker 7 (11:14):
Yeah it was.
Speaker 6 (11:16):
You know, we had a lot of fun, a lot
of conversations and then finally met in person, and it
was really how they you know, they started talking about
how they would generally approach it, and and and sort
of you could tell from the questions they asked what
was kind of resonating with them from the research they'd done.
And I think we all it just felt right pretty
(11:39):
early on. But I mean, certainly after you know, several
conversations and.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
You know, yeah, how how old were you guys when
the accident actually happened.
Speaker 6 (11:50):
I was fifteen, I was, yeah, well Will was. It
was about ten days before Will's third birthday and Alexander
was eleven.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Wow or three?
Speaker 7 (12:00):
Almost? Yeah? I had my third birthday party in the
waiting room of the ICU at the hospital in Virginia.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Really, do you have any memories prior to your dad?
Speaker 7 (12:14):
Yeah, okay, kind of. I don't know if they're composite memories,
which are memories that are composed of videos or photos
you may have seen, plus stories you may have been told,
and they coalesce in your brain somewhere to become a memory.
I don't know if that's the case or if I
actually do have the memory, but I have in my mind,
(12:37):
I have an image. It's a movie almost of a
perfect day with my dad and my mom before the accident,
and it involved my bedroom was next to theirs, basically
at our house in just outside New York City, and
it involved me waking up and knocking on the wall
(12:59):
then hearing it. My dad would come in and pick
me up out of my favor bed and bring me
into their room and we would play in their room,
and then my dad and I would go downstairs to
grab the newspaper from the front stoop. I remember sailing
with him. He was an avid sailor, and I remember
(13:22):
I actually remember going to the local farm where he
kept his horses, and he would construct a sort of
ring in the center of it of like whatever like
blocks that just keep me in and I would just
stand in there and he would ride around. And I
don't know if that's because I've seen videos of that
or if I actually remember it, but I like to
(13:43):
think I remember it because most of my life with him.
He got injured when I was about three, and then
he died when I was twelve, So for those nine
years he was in his wheelchair, and those I have
abundant happy memories, plenty of them. But I it mostly
is him in a wheelchair, so I don't have as
much as Matthew and Al do a pre accident. But
(14:07):
this documentary has been such a gift to me, especially
because I don't have any recollection of of course anything
before I was born. But I heard all the stories
and it felt like I was getting to experience a
lot of what Matthew and Al did experience in real
(14:27):
time and story It was putting images two stories that
I had internalized over the years, which has given me
a fuller and deeper appreciation of our family story overall.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Alex and Matthew, when you so you were eleven and fifteen.
Speaker 5 (14:54):
And at the time, how often.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Were you seeing your dad when you were living in
England and your dad was.
Speaker 8 (15:02):
In the States. Yeah, so our parents separated as when
I was about two and Matthew was, you know, five
or six, about six years old, and dad moved back
to the States, but our mom kept us in London.
They had met in the UK. They'd met during the
filming of Superman, which not everybody knows was actually filmed
in England at studios just outside of London, and so
(15:23):
the deal was London during the school year and then
back to the States for vacation, so winter break, summer break,
you know, spring break, half terms, the holiday they have
in the UK like around Halloween time, so all of
those we're back in the States. So we did see
him pretty frequently, but when the accident happened, we were
far away, and so that's why, you know, our strongest
memories of that day is the hustle to get on
(15:46):
a plane as fast as we could because we didn't
know if he was going to make it through the day.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Wow gosh, And at eleven and fifteen, I mean, how
does one sort of process that at that age? Do
you a recollection of that feeling of was it real
to you? Was it, oh, this can't happen? You know,
how did you deal with that?
Speaker 6 (16:09):
I feel like a lot of it was in slow motion.
I think time stood still, and you know, a week
felt like a month, the day felt like a week,
Every hour felt way longer.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
It was.
Speaker 6 (16:20):
There was so much uncertainty, I mean in terms of
kind of what was happening. You know, information wasn't as
accessible or as immediate as it is today. You know,
I think we've both of us really got wind of
the severity from when we were in the airport about
to fly over to the States, it had already made
the papers. So there's a lot of stuff on the
(16:41):
front pages sort of about the newsstands at the airport,
which seems to know more than we did kind of
at the time, because I think there was just a
sensitivity to making sure that we were told in person,
but also the newspapers. You know, the accuracy is questionable,
but it's it was. There was also, you know, there
were a lot of photographers at the airport, and I
(17:02):
think you just got an overall sense of the severity
of the situation pretty quickly. And then once we got
over and we made it to what's itt Charlottesville, Virginia,
it was like three flights, I think to get down there,
and yeah, and then it we a family member kind
(17:27):
of took us for a walk and sort of explained
the situation, what sort of the outcome was, and that
they wanted to do this surgery which was had never
really been done, was extremely risky, and you know, so
there was a lot happening all at once, and of
course we wanted to keep will but happy and entertained,
(17:48):
and everyone was just kind of focused on, like not
just putting on blinders, but kind of you know, putting
on as as as much of a smile as we
could and pushing forward. So, yeah, it was a lot
happened in the short amount of time.
Speaker 5 (18:04):
Will, you were so little, like I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
I couldn't imagine like being your sibling in a moment
like that and being like, even though you were probably
both of you were dealing with this this tragedy.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
And not not knowing the unknown it was.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
It's so foreign to Will because he's so little, he
probably didn't understand, and so to keep that up must
have been also just do.
Speaker 8 (18:30):
You know, yees, our family does not live an unexamined
life like when you have a near death experience like this,
Like you talk about things as a family. And one
of the things that both Dad and Dana said was
at that time, every single person was getting through the
day by being there for the other people, right, it
was like this house. Of course, the thing that actually
(18:52):
kept us focused and not dwelling on ourselves was playing
with Will and being there for Will. Dana was holding
up my dad and holding up well actually, and it
was just holding up the entire family. Our dad came
through because he realized that he still had a partner
who loved him more than anything, and kids who needed
him to be present and be in their lives. And
so it's this funny thing that I think actually has
(19:13):
stayed true throughout our lives, which have not been you know,
all that short on trauma is that I think one
of our survival mechanisms is that you just focus really
hard on showing up for the other people around you,
and in so doing, you kind of get out of
your own head and just focus on being there and
being present for the people around you.
Speaker 7 (19:31):
Yeah, And if I went off from my perspective from
the toddler's point of view at the time, I mean, look,
as Matthew now reference, they were visiting on their vacations
and summer breaks, et cetera, and so it was cruncated
bits of time. But for me, it was like this
avalanche of joy bursting through the door every time they
(19:54):
came to visit. When I was a little kid, it
was I got so excited for I think weirdly now,
I'm very into like tracking flights because I travel a
lot for my job as of correspond for ABC News,
so I'm always on all the apps like knowing what's
going where. I think I got it from then, because
I would know when they were supposed to land and
how far we lived from JFK or Newark Airport and okay, right,
(20:19):
if flight aware had existed in nineteen ninety four, I
would have been on it because I knew that my
two favorite people were coming to visit. And I give
so much credit to Matthew now because they were teenager, preteen,
and et cetera. That's not exactly the prime age that
you want to spend your limited free time hanging out
(20:42):
with a three year old. But I never experienced it
that way. I felt like I was the center of
their world whenever they were around, and I was the
center of my parents' world. And that feeling of support
and love and attention has been a constant in my
(21:04):
life with my siblings that I just I always feel
so loved and supported and held up and great. It
feels so great. You guys should try it sometimes, it.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Mus be nice. There's still time, the time, still time
when your dad could finally communicate. Was there that thing
that he had said, or you know, hey, this is
this is the new normal, you know, or any words
(21:39):
of sort of wisdom or comfortable, you know.
Speaker 9 (21:41):
One of the things that so I think like the
reflection and the intentionality came later, but actually some of
the early days in the hospital was just realizing that
like those elements of normalcy and parent child dynamics.
Speaker 8 (21:55):
Survive even though your circumstances have changed in such an
overwhelming way. I remember Dana being really amazing and that
first day we arrived at the hospital, which Matthew was
describing her being so clear of saying, you're going to
walk into this room and his bed is going to
be moving from side to side because they're trying to
keep fluid off his lungs. They are going to be
scary machines that are beeping. He may be awake, he
(22:17):
may be asleep, but that is still him, and that
is still his hand. You go in and you hold
his hand, and having that type of like clarity to
a teenager or a kid and saying like that's still
your person, like go find your person. Was amazing. When
Dad came too. I mean, I remember one of my
early conversations Matthew, you were about to be the subject
of this story. Fair warning. He couldn't he couldn't verbalize
(22:40):
words yet, So when you've had that level of an accident,
Dad was on a respirator to breathe, and he hadn't
yet learned to trap the air so that his voice
would come out, So we had to mouth words.
Speaker 6 (22:50):
Which was hard.
Speaker 8 (22:51):
And I remember we were having you know, I was
kind of talking about my day and kind of just
trying to distract him and him mouthing a question and
just not being able to understand. And when you're having
a hard time, you pull out a letter board and
you kind of go letter by letter and the person
blinks when you've landed on the right one, and we
start to spell this out, and we're going, I'm like, okay, gee,
I r L And I pretty quickly figure out the
(23:15):
guy's trying to figure out if Matthew has a girlfriend.
For the Simpling gossip, the man is in the intensive
car unit. His head has just been attached to his body,
I mean, you know, has been on death's door, and
he's like, clearly, I'm going to talk to my kid
to get some gossip on the other kid. And so
it's pretty quickly to get those moments of normalcy, and
(23:36):
that's like, that's strength, that's such a gift.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Oh I love that. I mean, it's just such a
it's that's gotta that's gotta be so comforting that you
see this man who is everything in mobile and now
he is what he is, but that comes out of him,
(24:00):
meaning like, oh wait a minute, this is the same
fucking dude. It's the same dude. You know, there's got
to be something that is.
Speaker 5 (24:08):
What hit me while you were talking was was Dana.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
I just sort of was like, Oh, what she You know,
there's a theme, the hero theme in the documentary.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
But she's she's quite the hero.
Speaker 7 (24:24):
I've never met a stronger person, and I think to
your point about normalcy, it's interesting to me now that
I'm an adult and have more of an understanding of
what emotional and spiritual strength and mental strength actually is.
(24:47):
It struck me that I I didn't realize that she
was being strong for my for my whole childhood much
It's like I didn't even totally realize my dad was
being strong or choosing to be strong because it felt
(25:08):
so innate to them. They didn't send me off to
school saying any number of terrible things could befall us
at any moment, but yet we sold heer on good
luck at math. It wasn't that. It was it was, hey,
did you do your homework? Are your shoes tied? I'll
(25:28):
pick you up at three thirty. You have a played
eight with so and so, and you know we're having
chicken again for dinner because you're obsessed with chicken. You
annoying kid like. It was just it was their strength
was so innate to who they were. You can't separate
a before and after moment of them making a conscious
decision do it to find strength, because they already had it.
(25:53):
So they were already heroically strong and in such a way.
And I think that that made life, certainly for me,
so normal and easy because like much like our dad
trying to get the dirt on Matthew's potential girlfriend, which
I'm sure he had at least three.
Speaker 8 (26:11):
He did, I spilled all the tea exactly, the stories
of the.
Speaker 7 (26:17):
Whole thing exactly, but much much like, much like that
moment of levity and normalcy, any dad would be asking
about the fifteen year old's love life, no matter their
physical circumstances. For me, in my daily life, it was,
of course, it was obvious that our dad was paralyzed
in a wheelchair and needed twenty four hour care and
(26:38):
was on a ventilator and all those things like that.
That was just inherent in life, but we didn't dwell
on that. There was a rule at the dinner table.
We had family dinners basically every night, and the rule
of the dinner table was we could talk about anything philosophy, politics, sports, entertainment,
et cetera, but never any medical issues. There was plenty
(27:00):
empty weighing down on my dad and on my mom
in terms of my dad's physical condition and the the
burden of insurance costs and everything that that comes with
this uncertain future. But we left that away from family moments,
(27:20):
and that felt that that was incredibly helpful. And I
didn't know anything different, so I didn't know they were
being strong. I've learned subsequently that that that strength of
that nature is uncommon and perhaps unique.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
You know, how much do you think will and strength
contributed to the longevity of his life? You know what
I mean? Like, how much of that was the will
to be a father, the will to continue on, the
will to live because it could be it could it
could be easy. It's almost easier to be like you know,
(28:08):
what fuck this? You know what I mean, I'm not
going to fight because I can't live like this.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
Got to watch the documentary.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
I know you're going to learn.
Speaker 8 (28:17):
But but but it was a choice. I mean, maybe
that's the way to put it. Like, it was a
choice for him to live.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
And he he made he made that choice. And aside
from medicine, aside and all of that, the just the
pure will to continue.
Speaker 8 (28:34):
And this is what this again is why Dana is amazing.
So one of the things that they show they just
we describe in this film, but our dad spoke about
quite a lot after is that he credits her with
saving his life. But the thing that sometimes gets overlooked
in this story is how she opened that conversation with him.
So it's in the very early days, still in the
(28:55):
intensive care units, still completely touch and go, and she says,
I I'm going to do whatever you want to do
because it is your life and you get to live it.
But you're still you and I love you. And what
I love about that is not only was she reminding
him that she was with him through thick and thin,
(29:15):
that she was his life partner, she was going to
be there, but she was making him opt in. She
was making him choose and saying and she was giving
him the power, and he chose life. And he said,
you know, from that moment he was in he was
going to stay our dad. He was going to stay
the provider of the family. He was going to stay
the partner to her. So it was it was a
(29:36):
discussion between them, and they chose to let that love
continue and that partnership continue. And God, what a gift.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
So beautiful, Oh my god, that that.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Yeah, it's so well done.
Speaker 5 (29:48):
The document is so well done too, because you really do.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
I taking sort of the sort of accident and the
projectory of what happened after, it also really delves into
his career and how interesting it was for him to
be this real serious Juilliard actor who loved what he
did as an actor and his desire to be an
(30:13):
artist and take this chance on Superman, something that you know, uh,
was sort of considered like, you know, possibly the kiss
of death.
Speaker 5 (30:24):
Don't do that, you.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
Know, you're going to destroy your ability to be an actor,
you know, or and taking us through that journey is
also so fascinating. I think a lot of people will
learn so much about not only him as an artist,
but and and his love for his art, but but
the industry and how what an interesting story, you know.
(30:48):
I do want to say one thing, you know you're
you will I and again just bringing it back to
sort of the sibling dynamic.
Speaker 5 (30:59):
You lost your mom and dad.
Speaker 7 (31:01):
You were fifteen, I was thirteen. I was thirteen when
my mom died. I'm twelve when my dad died.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Okay, so thirteen. So at thirteen years old, you've lost
both of your parents and now I'm I'm curious as
to how the sibling dynamic changed, or if it did
for you guys, if what that connection became after the
death of your mom.
Speaker 7 (31:26):
Yeah, I don't know. I I didn't since a change
only because Matthew and Allen I were already so incredibly close,
and we had already dealt with so much throughout our lives.
Our dad was again, my dad was paralyzed when I
was about three, so we had already been through that.
(31:49):
We'd been living for nearly a decade with that at all,
everything that comes along with those circumstances, And as Alexandra said,
we don't leave things unsaid. So I knew where I stood,
and I knew how much they loved me and cared
for me and supported me. I think back to all
the times that I went to visit either one of
(32:11):
my siblings at college. Matthew and now both went to
school in the States and relative driving distance both of
them from our home, and so I would like go
up and visit. As a young kid, I remember like
I would spend the occasional Friday night with one of
my siblings at college, and what a sacrifice that is
(32:33):
for them to hang out with your ten year old
brother instead of instead of like going out. But again,
much like my parents' strength didn't feel like strength because
it was so normal and innate, simil like, my siblings
sacrifices for me didn't feel like sacrifices because they prioritized
me and cared for me and verbalized and showed their
(32:57):
love for me at every turn. So that's a long
wind up to say that after my mom died, or
backing up a second, when my mom got sick, Matthew,
who had been living in London and New York City
and back and forth, moved home, but that didn't feel
like a big moment because he was already home so much.
And Alexandra, who was graduating college and then going to
(33:20):
law school in New York was always home. It felt
like they were around a little bit more, but we
were doing all the same stuff that we otherwise would do.
And I think, of course, when things got really bad
with my mom and then she died, my siblings had
to have the unavoidable hard conversations with me about what
(33:41):
was happening and what was going to happen next. And
because my siblings were in their twenties at the time
and my mom and my dad prior to him passing,
way wanted them to have a normal trajectory in life
and not have to take care of a preteen. I
(34:02):
moved in with very close family friends of ours who
legally adopted me, And that's like, that's part of our amazing, beautiful,
strange family too. But Matthew and all are part of
that as well. So it's a very long answer to say,
like nothing really changed because things were already so tight
and good. If anything, we just dared more of ourselves
(34:23):
with each other because we had to.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
It feels like, what about for you guys, Matthew and Alex,
how did you feel about Will Did you feel a draw?
I mean, you are in your twenties, you are starting
your life. But did you feel that this was just
like became your priority was to be there for well.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
Yeah, it was.
Speaker 6 (34:43):
It just a bat track for the record, it was
no sacrifices were made. When Will came to visit, I
always felt back that our sports teams were so rubbish
and we'll I love.
Speaker 7 (34:52):
What you gave. Dude, you had to have been skipping
a party or were you not getting invited to parties.
Speaker 6 (35:00):
Or remember no, I you know, I think we both
just like I wanted to be there from as much
as we could. I mean we ye, So you know,
it's that exacly per sense as we saw and as
as Dana certainly did by example, and other family members
and friends and everyone sort of lent in and and
helped each other and and and and you know, helped
(35:23):
stand everyone up. At the time of the accident, we
had this kind of uh example to follow that you know,
we could emulate. I mean, there was no thought given
to it. It was just the natural instinct I think
for both of us. So and you know, also, yeah,
(35:44):
we were doing we got to do all the stuff
we were sort of already doing. Whether that was I
don't know, helping to take all to hockey practice or
to hockey games, or just I don't know, play video
games or drop them off at a friend's house or
go into the city and see a movie or something
like that. So it was a lot more just doing
what we could to help the continuation of normalcy, which
(36:05):
has always sort of been an underlying as a theme
and strategy to sort of how everything that our parents
ever tried to do for us, whether when when we
were younger and Alexander Andy's parents were separating, or at
the time of the accident, it was about maintaining normalcy
as much as possible and throughout my dad's time as
(36:25):
in you know, in the wheelchair. One of the other
things they also did was they always spend it help
wanted us and did this really well sort of including
us in helping out with him, whether it was like
if he had a ventilator pop off, like we could
reconnect it, if it was like helping get a machine
(36:45):
or call for the nerd, and like it was kind
of like we're always included in a long and you know,
it was just making it normal, which was I think
very smart and wonderful and well used to just climb
up on his chair like at like lightning speed and
like the say in his lap from like you know,
super young age, and you can see the nurse be
like watch that.
Speaker 7 (37:06):
Yeah, but that was like that was I was like
almost instructed by my mom, my dad, my siblings, like
treat your dad normally end up to me, that meant
or gonna buy them on you like a jungle him.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah. Ah, you're thirteen, you lost both, right, Yeah, you
know when you're looking at that on paper, you are thirteen.
You're starting to go through puberty. It's such a a
(37:44):
big moment in a.
Speaker 7 (37:46):
Boys child under the best of circumstances.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
Yeah, you're right. Yeah, And and you know, obviously you're
extremely well adjusted, and you've got siblings and you've had
an amazing support system. But from a psychological standpoint, I mean,
did it mess you up in any way, you know,
just from an you know, an unconscious you know situation
(38:10):
that now has presented itself in relationships or career or
you know what I mean. Or did you just communicate
through it and talk through it so well and have
so much support that didn't really fuck you up?
Speaker 7 (38:24):
It's thankfully, it's more of the latter, and I certainly
there is a scenario in which someone could endure the
things that have happened to me in my life and
go off on a dark, bad path. And for me,
that never even felt like an option or a compulsion.
(38:46):
And I attribute that to a few factors, one being
the support system you mentioned, which was Matthew and Alexandra,
my adoptive family, my biological family or scattered around the country,
my teachers, my friends, their parents, coaches, that my whole
community around me kind of zoomed in on me to
(39:08):
make sure that I was okay. And also the way
that I was raised both nature and nurture from my parents.
The values that were instilled in me and I hope
are inherent in me of trying to do the right thing,
of realizing your own humanity and trying to overcome that
(39:30):
when it leads you down the wrong path. And I
am incredibly human with more flaws than we have time
to dissect. I'm happy to do a second podcast on
all and all that. But you know where I have
and where I have gotten into it is in therapy,
and that started once my mom got sick. She insisted
(39:52):
she never made me do anything ever, because both of
my parents believed in me and all of us having
our own agency and following our passions and doing what
filled us up. But when my mom got sick, she said,
you're going to therapy. And I was like, but none
of my friends are going to therapy. Everyone's playing sports
and hanging out and discovering girls and all that stuff.
She's like, well, you can do that too, but you're
also going to go see this guy once a week
(40:14):
because you just have to. And first I started going
with her. It was like family therapy, the two of us.
And then after she passed away, I continued going, so
there's some continuity there with the same person. I went
and saw him all the way through until I left
for college, and he said to me, the last time
I saw him was the day before I went to college.
(40:36):
So I'm eighteen at this point, and he goes, all right, man,
like you seem to be doing reasonably fine. You're no
more messed up than any other high school kid. So like,
you seem pretty good. Go to college and just be
a college student, because that's more beneficial to your development
than anything else. So then I went to college, and
I was entirely focused on academics. Now, I was entirely voked,
(41:00):
was done. I was entirely focused on being a college
kid and all that entailed. And then I graduated school
and I got this awesome job in the field that
I wanted to pursue in broadcast TV at ESPN. So
I was living my dream living in New York City,
being a young twenty whatever year old, running around with
my friends doing the dumb things that young twenty whatevers do,
(41:21):
no matter if their parents are around or not. And
it was just sort of a long run on where
I don't think that I was totally addressing every issue
that I that I had had. I don't think that
I was totally I don't think I was introspective enough.
I don't think that I was. I think that I
(41:42):
was checking boxes like, oh, I go to therapy, so
I'm fine and nothing's wrong. And it wasn't like I
was bottling things up. It wasn't like I was ignoring things.
I just felt like I had a handle on it,
and there was never a scenario that, like everything went awry.
I don't. It's I am a well adjusted person because
I build the guardrails around my life and I've made
(42:03):
a million mistakes and we'll make a million more, but
I'm self aware enough to know what I'm doing ish
and to finish my long ramble here. COVID was a
good COVID was a good moment for me in this
journey to recognize my grief and whatever psychological issues that
(42:25):
that brought on, because it forced everyone to slow down,
and I started meeting with a grief counselor who's specifically
an expert in grief, and in COVID, I had nothing
to do. We would talk like twice a week at
least over zoom and that was the first time that
I had completely stopped and addressed the wounds that I
(42:47):
needed to heal. And that has been hugely helpful because
now I feel like I have a whole new toolbox
that I didn't even know was available to me and
has helped me as I've matured into now a thirty
two year old like just continuing on with my adult
(43:07):
life where I'm completely responsible for everything that I do
and I can't blame it on my dead parents, not
that I ever have, but I have to have agency here.
That's been really helpful. So the TLDR that amazing and
a lot.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Of great people.
Speaker 7 (43:23):
I made plenty of mistakes, but I'm doing okay.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Yeah, it's also amazing that you were thirty. You're thirty,
twenty nine, thirty years old when you, you know, decided to
seek out a grief counselor to deal with unresolved right.
Speaker 7 (43:40):
I thought, I thought, I thought I had.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
That many years after.
Speaker 7 (43:44):
Well that's something I've learned that great grief is permanent,
which we all know. But they say that the what's
it like, the best day to plant a tree was
twenty years ago, the second best day is today. Same
thing like grief is. It's a lifelong journey toward healing.
So I got started and I addressed plenty of my
(44:07):
wounds and will continue to do. So it's you're going
to be a lifelong process.
Speaker 5 (44:12):
Do you all have children? I don't have kids.
Speaker 3 (44:16):
You know, does I like, do you find that any
thing comes out differently when you had your kids, Like
any anxieties or anything that you sort of didn't realize
you carried until you had kids.
Speaker 7 (44:32):
I know.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
I mean I always feel like my a whole new life.
Well I was, I was young, but like it's like
every time if someone has a kid, it's like a
whole new life.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
You know.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
It's like, oh, you discover things about yourself you didn't
even realize because you're it's a constant reflection.
Speaker 8 (44:51):
Yeah, And that's like tally, it's like your heart walking
around outside your body. Right, So like you naturally like
want to protect them.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
I don't.
Speaker 8 (44:57):
Sometimes people say, like, are you like ex protective of
your kids because of what happened to your dad? And
I don't think so. I mean, we were deeply involved
still with the spinal cord injuring the paralysis community, So
like we have awareness about not diving into the shallow
ends of pools and being careful on trampoline, so we
can give a lecture if anyone wants at the PSA
on that piece of it. But I think the real
(45:17):
way that I've been shaped is again, it's like that
munch of it. You don't leave things unseat. Like we
talk a lot about our feelings with our kids and
just have so much gratitude for like the small moments
in life. And then the thing that I think I've
learned the most from Dana, although others in our lives
excel at this as well, is that woman she just
could just create magic in any circumstance. She could create
(45:39):
a birthday party in the intensive care unit, like when
Well turned three. She could turn waiting in the grocery
store checkout line into a moment where she's telling you
a story and kind of, you know, helping you pass
the time in an exciting way. And like finding those
moments of magic with your kid that you don't have
to be in some fancy location. It's not about what
the latest toy is. It's finding those moments to connect
(45:59):
and create that special bond together. Like that is such
like that is such an amazing parenting hack. And it's
one that I try and coffee as best I can.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
And do it early because when they're seventeen, I'm like,
let's create a moment.
Speaker 6 (46:17):
Still care.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Yeah, there's a sweet spot for that because I still
try to do it. I'm like, his name's Wilder. I'm like, well,
they're come hang out for a second. Let's have a
dad the sun moment. He's like dead, Like, get out
of my room.
Speaker 7 (46:30):
That's normal too, man, you need like that. I like
I had that. We're talking all this lofty stuff about
appreciation and leaving things and not leaving things unset and
all that, but like we were allowed to be normal angsty.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Kids, right, Like, yeah, plenty of that.
Speaker 7 (46:48):
Like my dad was a neat freak and I now
kind of him, but then I wasn't. And he'd be like,
you have to go clean your room, And I would
go take a polaroid camera and take pictures of my
room upstairs and then bring it down to him because
he couldn't go upstairs and show him. And I hated that.
I hated it was It was absolute bullshit that I
had to do that, and I told him as much.
(47:10):
But just because we were we had this new found,
enlightened appreciation for the fragility of life. Doesn't mean that
it didn't suck to have to clean your room.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
Did he have a great sense of humor? It sounds
like he had a really good sense of humor. Yeah, yeah,
would he be self would he be would he be
self deprecating? Given his situation?
Speaker 8 (47:33):
Comfortable?
Speaker 7 (47:33):
Right?
Speaker 8 (47:34):
Not only are you meeting someone with a physical disability
that might make you uncomfortable because you're not sure how
to act, but also like at a certain one, there's
like some stature there. So he knew that people would
be nervous or you know, sometimes blessed them, like people
would reach out and not realizing that he couldn't shake back.
Super mortifying when that happens, right, and so he was
(47:56):
always ready with a joke just the situation, like make
light of it.
Speaker 6 (48:00):
It was a big part of his life.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
I have a very strange question that popped into my mind.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
I can't wait to hear what this is, Oliver.
Speaker 2 (48:07):
What happened to the horse?
Speaker 8 (48:11):
What a good question. So Buck went on to live
a very happy life, was sold and another family got
to have him. And you know what's interesting is Dad
never blamed the horse. He never warned people away from
horse riding. I will tell you I actually continue horse
riding was the thing that I did with him, and
I kept doing it all through high school and college.
And he would actually come to my competitions and be
(48:32):
supportive from the sidelines, which is pretty amazing. So for him,
it was never about blame. It's just, you know, sometimes
you roll the dice and you get a bad hand,
you know, get a bad role as a result.
Speaker 3 (48:43):
It's very sad, but it's so beautiful and so hopeful,
and it really does it just does highlight how lovely
all of you are and strong, and it's I think
it's going to be incredibly inspiring to so many people.
Speaker 2 (48:59):
Yeah, this has been really really cool talking.
Speaker 5 (49:02):
It's nice to see as well.
Speaker 7 (49:04):
If I could, if I could just fan out for
one second, Kate, I talked about how my brother or
Matthew talked about how like we did a bunch of
stuff together, video games, et cetera. A lot of that
was me watching movies that I probably shouldn't have been
watching at my age. So I am an, I am
(49:24):
a band aid, I am an almost famous, oh my god. Yeah,
younger than I should have been. And of course my
favorite quote from the whole film was I'm on drugs,
which I didn't even know what that meant. But I
dig yeah, I dig music exactly. So that was a pleasure. Oliver.
(49:45):
Love you on Nashville as well, Man like you guys
are you guys are.
Speaker 4 (49:48):
A brother, appreciate thank you, you're the best.
Speaker 2 (49:52):
Well. I appreciate you guys, appreciate your story. I can't
wait to see.
Speaker 5 (49:56):
Them see you in person.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 7 (49:59):
Yeah. Likewise, Oh that's the best.
Speaker 2 (50:02):
Ollie.
Speaker 3 (50:03):
I can't even tell you how wonderful and this documentary is.
And when I say that like Dana.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
You know, we know a lot about Christopher Ruves just
because he's.
Speaker 3 (50:15):
Superman everything, and we know a lot about Dana back
in the day. You know, she was quite present and
I remember seeing her things being by a side, But
when you really see it in this documentary, oh, it
just it just there's something that makes you just feel
so connected to her journey in it too, because what
(50:37):
she was.
Speaker 5 (50:38):
Saying about when she really gave him.
Speaker 4 (50:42):
The choice, Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (50:46):
And then the fact that she had to she went
all that and then had to like leave her her son.
I just I can't even It's it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (50:55):
And they the three of them are so articulate and yeah, wonderful, amazing,
you know, I just I can't wait to see it.
Speaker 3 (51:05):
It says a lot about about about all of them,
and like how they all came together and how connected
they were.
Speaker 5 (51:12):
And even gay their their mother.
Speaker 3 (51:16):
Alex, you know that that so connected during the time,
and you know.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
Just like really beautiful story.
Speaker 2 (51:25):
I'm gonna watch it tonight anyway, I got a pew Okay,
Hosts And Creators
Oliver Hudson
Kate Hudson
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