How I Met My 35 Siblings with Chrysta Bilton and Evan Scott

Kate and Oliver are joined by two siblings who didn't know the other existed until they were adults: Chrysta Bilton, author of "Normal Family: On Truth, Love, and How I Met My 35 Siblings" and Evan Scott. They share their incredible story, discuss nature vs. nurture, forgiveness, setting boundaries, and much more.

Executive Producers: Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson

Produced by Allison Bresnick

Edited by Josh Windisch

Music by Mark Hudson

This show is powered by Simplecast.

This episode is sponsored by:

Helix (helixsleep.com/sibling)

Sakara (sakara.com/sibling)

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
I am Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson.
We wanted to do something that highlighted our.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Relationships and what it's like to be siblings.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
We are a sibling, Railvalry, No, no, sibling.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
You don't do that with your mouth, Vely. That's good.

Speaker 4 (00:45):
So this episode is Kristah Bilton and Evan.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
And this was really incredible.

Speaker 5 (00:57):
Oh my god.

Speaker 6 (00:58):
I was so excited to have some went on that
has had this experience of like.

Speaker 7 (01:04):
You know, I know sperm donors having a thirty five
plus fifty plus siblings out there that they're they're just
they're continuously learning.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
About and connecting.

Speaker 6 (01:17):
So what what what are what everybody's about to hear?
Is one of many stories which I kind of want
to get more of these people on, but of siblings
that found out late when they were adults that they
had like.

Speaker 4 (01:36):
Five thousand siblings. There's like thirty eight of them or something.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
Like there's thirty five thirty five in counting. Actually that's
the name of the book she wrote. It's called Normal.

Speaker 3 (01:45):
Family on Truth, Love and How I Met my thirty
five siblings.

Speaker 5 (01:50):
That's right.

Speaker 6 (01:50):
Yeah, So they shared their wild story with us with
us which we're not going to ruin.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
So listen to this episode and yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
It's it's it's awesome.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
I mean you get we get to like nature versus nurture,
you know, because there's a similarity, a through line, a thread.

Speaker 8 (02:07):
Well, and forgive this because a lot of these parents
didn't tell their kids that they're like sperm donors.

Speaker 5 (02:14):
No, I know.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
And the crazy the sperm donor, which you will listen to.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
I mean, what a wild guy.

Speaker 4 (02:22):
Oh my god, had them.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
Sexyzpil it doil it?

Speaker 6 (02:27):
I forget it all Right, here is Krista Bilton and Evan.

Speaker 9 (02:37):
Hi, how are you so happy to be here?

Speaker 1 (02:42):
How's it going?

Speaker 10 (02:43):
We're so excited about this crazy story.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
What's going on?

Speaker 4 (02:48):
It's a crazy story.

Speaker 10 (02:51):
So what's so crazy is you guys? Actually you look alike.
I mean you're you're related your siblings. You look alike.
But you didn't know each other until you were howled.

Speaker 5 (03:02):
I guess I was thirty two and you were thirty.

Speaker 4 (03:05):
Now I'm thirty eight, so thirty six. Yeah, we've known
each other for what two years?

Speaker 5 (03:09):
A little child?

Speaker 3 (03:11):
Well let's let's yeah, we gotta we gotta yeah, because
the context Chrystal Sary.

Speaker 10 (03:16):
Let's start Crystal, Let's start with you. Because you wrote,
you wrote the book, it came out.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
It came out this.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Summer, right now, Evan Hockame, you didn't write the book.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
Don't put them on the spot.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
Oliver, you got to write a rival book next year.

Speaker 5 (03:32):
This is only I think different tale or roxy people. Right.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
Well, oh god, I don't even know where to start.
This is like still from the beginning.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, so from the beginning.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
Yeah, why don't you do that?

Speaker 10 (03:47):
Why don't you start from the very beginning of how
you grew up?

Speaker 4 (03:51):
Okay, so so I guess you.

Speaker 9 (03:55):
So in the early eighties, my mom was Lesbie in
who really wanted to start a family but didn't know
anyone else sort of in her community who had had kids.
So she was and this was just in the beginning
of sperm banks, and you know, you know, just she
was pretty much in the closet except with the people

(04:16):
that knew, et cetera, et cetera. So she she went
through this comical manhunt that I document in the book,
and ultimately, my very handsome father walked into a hair
salon on Beverly Hills and she looked at him and
she said, Oh, that that's him, that's going to be
the father of my children. And she took him out
to lunch and offered him a couple thousand dollars to

(04:38):
uh to give her sperm so that she could then
have me with a turkey baster.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
Like actual turkey based.

Speaker 9 (04:45):
So I was actually conceived with an actual market bought her.

Speaker 3 (04:48):
That's crazy, because that is sort of the cliche joke,
like he's gonna get turkey basted, but you actually.

Speaker 4 (04:54):
Got literal actually wow.

Speaker 9 (04:59):
And so but then so, but as my mother was
conceiving me, she wanted to ensure that he had no
STDs that he might pass on, so she took him
to a tiny little place that was just starting up
called the California Cryobank, which would ultimately go on to
become one of the two largest sperm banks in the world.

(05:19):
And while he was there getting his blood drawn for
this woman who had paid him to do this, he
saw a lineup of men and was like, who are they,
and the nurse taking the blood was like, oh, those
are our donors, and he realized that this was a
way he could make a living. So my mom, seeing
this questioning, made him swear he would never do this

(05:40):
for anyone else, this stranger she had just met in
the hair salon, and he swore he wouldn't. And she
went on to turn him into a dad figure after
I was born, because she felt guilty that I didn't
have a dad.

Speaker 4 (05:55):
So he was sort of a.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
Pay How does someone convince someone to be a dad figure?

Speaker 2 (06:00):
I'm just trying to well paid.

Speaker 5 (06:02):
She paid him.

Speaker 9 (06:05):
I didn't realize how literal that was until when I
was actually reporting out the book. But it turns out
it was literally like he'd come for a birthday party.

Speaker 4 (06:13):
Here's one hundred bucks, one hundred dollars.

Speaker 9 (06:15):
Yeah, and I think, you know, and he was some
context I should give, is that my dad?

Speaker 4 (06:23):
So he he was this very handsome sort of hippie.

Speaker 9 (06:30):
Who then had a hard time and so he at
that time was like, you know, in addition to having me,
and then you know, he was doing stripograms and he
was a chippendale dancer, and then later on would you know,
a playgirl model, and then you know sleep, you know,
living from a house to house of friends and ultimately

(06:50):
would become homeless and have some like hard mental health challenges.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Oh wow.

Speaker 4 (06:55):
He does not identify as homeless, we should ask okay,
we would identify.

Speaker 9 (07:00):
That, okay, But anyways, so, so he secretly starts giving
sperm a couple times a week for a decade.

Speaker 4 (07:08):
Wow, without my mom knowing.

Speaker 9 (07:11):
And so in my mid twenties, this big secret comes
out that we potentially have anywhere from several dozen to
hunks possible one hundreds.

Speaker 5 (07:19):
I mean it was sold something like I think they
said like over five hundred times.

Speaker 3 (07:22):
Yeah, well you he donated five hundred times over in excess.
Oh my god, whoa how much does how much do
you get per pop?

Speaker 2 (07:33):
No, Oliver, I mean.

Speaker 3 (07:34):
I just got I just got killed off my show.

Speaker 5 (07:36):
I think only a hundred bucks. I can only come
a hundred bucks per pop. H But he was an admand.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 9 (07:44):
Well, and also each time you donate, it's multiple vials
they can create out of that.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
Yeah, I mean that is oh my gosh. So you know.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
Of thirty five siblings.

Speaker 4 (07:55):
Now we're in the low forties.

Speaker 5 (07:57):
Low forties now, yeah, it's low forties.

Speaker 9 (07:59):
It's an ever increasing like he was a late member
to the group.

Speaker 5 (08:03):
Yeah, I was like thirty seven or thirty eight. And
we've added some sense that and.

Speaker 9 (08:07):
How did you guys find each other because of the
uptick and ancestry testing DNA testing, it's now just random
because you have to understand that like in the eighties
and early nineties when this was happening, it was a
lot of heterosexual couples where there was infertility when they
would come and they were routinely advised not to tell

(08:29):
their children that they were a product of a sperm donor.
So when people find out, the great majority just grew
up knowing their mom and dad as their biological parents,
and it's only by accidentally taking one of these tests
that they realized that they had a sperm donor.

Speaker 5 (08:46):
There's an interesting seasonality to it too, So whenever Ancestry
or twenty three meet does a sale, you know, about
three months later, there's usually uptick then in the siblings
that'll come up on there. I'm a case in point,
but literally it's like, literally about beginning of February each
year we add another two, three, four people.

Speaker 3 (09:06):
Wow.

Speaker 10 (09:06):
Yeah, I just recently looked at my my DNA and
it says I have like fifteen hundred relatives.

Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, those things pop up and I just immediately erase them.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
They're just crazy.

Speaker 3 (09:21):
It literally gives me anxiety. You have eight thousand new cousins,
and like I was.

Speaker 4 (09:26):
Like, who's this person in my new siblings?

Speaker 3 (09:30):
Siblings? I mean, but what a cool journey then to
go on? You know, it's this it's like forever unraveling secret,
you know.

Speaker 10 (09:39):
When you realize that there might be multiple like where
was your mother's place in it?

Speaker 1 (09:44):
Where is your mother?

Speaker 2 (09:45):
Now?

Speaker 9 (09:46):
My mother lives up the street and we're very close
and she sort of plays the role of grandma to
my two kids.

Speaker 4 (09:54):
But that was a journey.

Speaker 9 (09:55):
It's the book is really the sort of the story
of me growing up with my crazy, alcoholic, larger than life,
pyramid scheming mom and then her sort of sometimes very humorous,
sometimes tragic attempt to like give me a sense of family.

Speaker 4 (10:12):
And so when she when she found out about.

Speaker 9 (10:18):
My dad's donations, even though they had never had a
traditional relationship, like she and her mind had built it
up to be like we were mom, Dad, me and
my little sister. And so she thought that each and
every single one of the discovered siblings was like my
father had it was like an adulterate, like.

Speaker 4 (10:36):
He had cheated on her each time. She had a
real mental breakdown.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
Right now, your mom sounds like a pretty amazing sort
of eccentric woman though, someone who is just sort of
flies by the seat of her pants.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
I mean, the.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
Fact that she could just say, hey, you, I'm going
to I'm gonna give you a couple grand and guy's like, okay,
to do what you know?

Speaker 2 (10:55):
I mean, that's pretty amazing.

Speaker 4 (10:58):
Yeah, he's one of a kind.

Speaker 5 (11:00):
No, she really is one of a kind. I mean
when you read the book, which obviously everyone should do,
I mean you start to see some of these stories
and it truly does come out of a if done
as a movie, no one would believe it kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (11:12):
Well, how much of these.

Speaker 10 (11:14):
You can't even write it right because fictionally, it's because
it's just so crazy.

Speaker 3 (11:19):
Yeah, well that's what I'm saying, Like how much is true?
And how much do you think is embellishments? Like are
we you know, because we have people in our life,
you know who half the things that he says is
I think true, and then half.

Speaker 2 (11:34):
Of it is like what are you talking about?

Speaker 3 (11:36):
You know what I mean, that's the craziest thing.

Speaker 4 (11:41):
Yes, my mother is a complete, unreliable narrator.

Speaker 9 (11:45):
So wherever in the book I wasn't able to verify
something through other sources than I would use words like
allegedly or right, yeah, like my mother allegedly inspired Mick
Jagger's lyric you can't always get what you want, but
you get what you need.

Speaker 4 (12:00):
But like I have no way of proving that.

Speaker 3 (12:02):
Okay, so this is funny. Well here's what I read. Okay,
I read this when I when I read that part
of your story. I dated this girl for three years.
Her name is Vanessa Shaw. She her whole family was
born into Nietron Dyshonan Buddhism. Oh fascinating, and so I

(12:23):
was a part of that for a minute. While I
was dating her. From her mother, I heard that someone
in this sect of Buddhism is the one who inspired
that song because they were with Mick Jagger at some
party or something like that. My mother, it was your
mother was there right right, Your mom was there and

(12:43):
they were just talking and and basically through this Buddhism
said you know, look, you can't always get what you want,
but you'll get what you need, because that's sort of
the philosophy of this niet tronds shone in Buddhism. And
I've take I've known that story or I don't know
whether it's real or not, but is there a connection
here some crazy yes.

Speaker 4 (13:03):
So that story has been told since.

Speaker 9 (13:05):
Like the sixties, okay, And my mother was very high
up in that organization, Like she went to Japan seven.

Speaker 4 (13:11):
Times, is crazy.

Speaker 9 (13:14):
She was the head of the women's division. She was like,
what a weird probably.

Speaker 4 (13:21):
Got a nagah was the thing back then.

Speaker 10 (13:25):
You know, I do I still need I still yeah,
I chant on an airplane, just like I go through
my beads.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
But I don't. I don't do the whole thing.

Speaker 9 (13:34):
I mean, I mean it's you know, my mom used
to we would be on the verge of homelessness chanting
for yeah.

Speaker 4 (13:39):
Well yeah, yeah, I've been doing that chance since I was.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
Very O my god, so crazy. So this is sort
of a nis In lore in a way. But your
mom is the one who claims she has.

Speaker 9 (13:50):
Been central to the to all of them, like all
of the different stars that came in my mother, like
Tina Turner was.

Speaker 4 (13:58):
My mom, Like yeah, it was.

Speaker 9 (14:00):
Yeah, my mom was very she was always in the
center of all that stuff.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
You guys grew up in Los Angeles.

Speaker 9 (14:07):
Yeah, I mean not. I mean, you guys have been
really in the center of a lot of them.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
No, no, but it's funny.

Speaker 3 (14:11):
I guarantee your mom knows like Larry Shaw and and
I forget I know Larry.

Speaker 4 (14:16):
Yeah, no, I think Larry's shot.

Speaker 9 (14:19):
Oh, Larry, Garry Shaw is who I called to confirm
this story.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
That was my so Vanessa Shaw's daughter I was.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
Dated for three years.

Speaker 5 (14:30):
You know.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
She she was like she like lived in our house.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
Yeah, Larry, and then her mother's name.

Speaker 9 (14:37):
Well, the background, the background on that lyric is hilarious
because they would tell everyone all you have to do
to get what you want is to chant this chant
and people were, you know, applying it to And so
my mother, Larry Shaw tells this amazing story. My mother
and her girlfriends would get on their motorcycles and these
mini skirts, and it was back when Sunset Strip was
like car to car, bumper to bumper, and they would

(14:59):
with their retorcycles go in and out of traffic and
be like, come over here, we have a chanting meeting.
Follow us, and like all the young men would just
follow the girls in the miniskirts to the chanting meeting.
But it was their way of recruiting people into and Buddhism.
But when they would get there, they would be doing
the meeting and explaining how the chant worked, and a
man would raise his hand and be like, so, I
just have to chance to sleep with her and then

(15:19):
I'll get what.

Speaker 4 (15:20):
I want and that.

Speaker 9 (15:21):
So they came up with the line you just have
to You don't always get what you want, but you
get what you meet. So that was where my mother
had come up with it. But then she was yeah
with the rolling stones for like a couple of weeks,
and she was gay, and I guess Nick Jagger was
coming on to her, and that was her hilarious line
back right, wow, allegedly I added the allegen there because.

Speaker 2 (15:44):
You know, I.

Speaker 10 (15:47):
Think they should just the stones should just confirming.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
We got to figure out how the real story is.
But it's so funny that Larry and your mom, that's.

Speaker 4 (15:59):
So so wow.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
You found out you were a donor baby in your twenties.

Speaker 4 (16:03):
I've found out.

Speaker 9 (16:04):
Yeah, So I have been told that my parents were
best friends who had had a kid together.

Speaker 4 (16:07):
And then through a long and wild.

Speaker 9 (16:12):
Experience at my it was on the front page of
the Times that my father was this anonymous donor coming
forward and there were all these kids that he was meeting,
and that my mother discovered it.

Speaker 4 (16:21):
By reading the newspaper.

Speaker 3 (16:24):
Why did he decide to come forward? He it's such
a long story, wondering like maybe we'll.

Speaker 4 (16:31):
Have to read the book. But basically he he.

Speaker 9 (16:33):
Was sitting at a coffee shop in Venice at that point,
you know, living in his car and u and on
the front page was this story our you know, hi sister.

Speaker 4 (16:46):
Nice to meet you, or a father's Donor one fifty.

Speaker 9 (16:48):
And he remembered that his number was Donor one fifty,
and he was like, oh my god, that's crazy.

Speaker 4 (16:53):
I'm on the front page of the New York Times.

Speaker 9 (16:55):
So he called the people involved to be like, I
donor one fifty. So two years later, the New York
Times followed him meeting those kids.

Speaker 4 (17:05):
Does that make sense?

Speaker 10 (17:06):
Yeah? So, Evan, let's let's bring you into this now.
So when did you find out that you give us
some background on how you grew up.

Speaker 5 (17:16):
First, Yeah, So, so my mom was heterosexual, and she
was married to my dad, and my dad had had
two children before me, and then he had a vasectomy
before he and my mom had ever met. And it's
obvious back in the eighties, and then my mom when
they had got married, always wanted to have a child
and they weren't able to conceive, so she went through

(17:38):
a sperm clinic. And then obviously when you go to
one of these cliques, especially back then, there was only
one person that hit all of these different criteria where
it's like, Okay, they need to be blonde, they need
to be this height, they need to have this SATU
score whatever. And Jeffrey I think that's why he was
such a prolific donor. He's literally the only person that
hit all these characteristics. And then I had a much

(17:59):
had not similar to Chris's, but I had a really
childhood as well. My father was like very abusive, he's
alcoholic whatever. Eventually my parents divorced, and you know, especially
related to the alcoholism, my mom wouled me to know, like, hey,
like you are you know not? You were not conceived
by him, right, And so I was told when I

(18:20):
was about nine. So I knew for a long time,
and I knew, like I actually knew in my head
that there were probably other siblings out there. I knew
that there was probably our family out there, and I
just had no interest in really looking all of this
up for a long time.

Speaker 4 (18:34):
But you would fantasize about like who.

Speaker 5 (18:35):
You're bio is a full father, because there's so many
things that I am just very, very different from my
mom's side of the family on that I knew that
there had to be something coming from something, right, Yeah,
like like I look much more like Jeffrey. I have
a lot of behaviors, are much more like Jeffrey.

Speaker 9 (18:51):
He is the spitting image of my dad. Or you
won't believe it.

Speaker 5 (18:56):
Yeah, like I'm like the less handsome version of Jeffrey.
But but like like in terms of like careers, like
like my papural great grandfather, it's almost one to one,
like all these different things, right, And then it's so anyway,
so you start to fantasize about something sings like, oh,
what was I actually getting was just a kind of

(19:16):
genetic coincidence and everything. And I actually studied evolutionary biology,
so this is obviously something that's always been in my brain.

Speaker 2 (19:22):
Amazing.

Speaker 5 (19:23):
But the reason why I never really had an interest
in looking into is because what I had figured. And
also if you kind of go online, a lot of
people when they find out these things, it's like, oh,
some guy donated once or twice when he was a
college and he has his own family and there's like
one donor kid, or there's maybe like one or two,
and then people have this really awkward situation where they
try to like insert themselves in that person's life. And

(19:45):
that's not something I ever had any interest in. And
I was like, I'm not I didn't have the greatest
like kind of family experience growing up, and it's like
the last thing I want to do is go and
insert myself into somebody else's, right, And then I don't
really understand. I don't really remember what the thought process was,
but it was literally like there was a sale for
ancestry and my wife's mom was adopted, and so she

(20:08):
doesn't really know her whole family background, and we were like,
why don't we just get a DNA test and we'll
both kind of figure out. It'll be an experience. And
I knew that there was going to be some sort
of siblings involved, right her, like the high probability there was,
and I just had no idea what level that this
was going to be. And so we did this and
and I actually completely forgot about doing the test, right

(20:29):
because you did you like the biggest living in like
December said just know your oar. And then I get
a text message on February fourteenth, on Valentine's Day of
twenty twenty before the world went to shit, and it
was from Ancestry like, oh, your results are online. And
before I even get on there, all of a sudden,
I have all these people adding me on social media.

Speaker 9 (20:50):
Cats like artiblings are a busy budany new sibling, They're
like going to stock herd.

Speaker 5 (21:02):
I'm not an influencer of celebrity, so all of a sudden,
having a dozen people had me on it like it's
very unusual, right, And I'm like what the I'm like,
what the F is going on here? And I'm like,
so I go in and if you've ever gone on
one of these, you know they kind of listened out
like oh, potentially sibling or they say sibling or first cousin,
and you just go down this liston all of a sudden,

(21:22):
it takes on the entire page and you start scrolling out.
It's literally the entire page, and I have messages from
multiple siblings and I think, Chris, I think you were
the first one to reach out, and.

Speaker 4 (21:31):
She was like, uh yeah, I think you reached out
to me.

Speaker 5 (21:33):
You know, I don't remember. I don't remember which way
it was. So I spoke to you and it was
like within I think it was within five or ten
minutes of getting this text message from Ancestry. The results
are online that I was speaking of Chris on the phone,
and I think the way you said it was, I
think the phone, are you are you like somewhat comfortable?
Are you saying no? And I was like, no, no,
I already know the situation. I already know that note
or conceive right, most people, it's it's a surprise, right,

(21:57):
It's a big ye rise and it's like their whole
world is like shaken. And for me, I'm like, I
don't know, I already know. Just tell me what the
situation is. I don't want to hear it. Like yeah,
And it kind of in those five or ten minutes,
I was fantasy. I'm like, wait, is this like a celebrity?
Is this like is this some crazy situation? Is this
like a doctor that went rogue and like had like
you know, thirty forty kids or whatever. It was still

(22:20):
a crazy thing, but it was just a completely different
way I'd ever expected. And then there aren't. And so
one kind of pecure thing is among the siblings it's
mostly women. And you know that's probably a bias of
like who takes DNA tests? I think probably women to interest.
I was one of the only like brothers in the group,
and so obviously I got a messages the.

Speaker 4 (22:42):
Only brother in the group. But he's the only Republican
in the group.

Speaker 5 (22:45):
I'm the only.

Speaker 1 (22:48):
I'm like a Republican brother.

Speaker 5 (22:51):
That's It's a genetic trait that the siblings like to argue.
So within within thirty minutes, I have people arguing with,
oh I have said anything yet? Oh my god.

Speaker 10 (23:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (23:02):
And I'm like, we'll be like, hey, what do you
think about this? What do you think about I'm like,
all right, let's not back. Let's get to know each other.
Let's pretend like we've known each other for.

Speaker 4 (23:09):
A spare I'm d.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
But wow, that is crazy.

Speaker 1 (23:18):
Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (23:19):
Okay, so but was it family drama up like fifteen nons?

Speaker 3 (23:23):
Oh my god, I can't but but but what goes
through your head when all of a sudden you either
of you are realizing that this isn't just an isolated incident.
Now you've got potentially hundreds of siblings. I mean, is
it is there a part of it that's exciting?

Speaker 5 (23:40):
It's I mean, how could it not be exactly right?
Like I grew up so I have like a half
brother and a half sibling, you know, from my dad's side,
but I didn't grow up with them, so I'd never
so I didn't. I grew up with the feeling of
being an older child. So it's something I always wanted myself,
was to have a brother or so that I was

(24:00):
like hanging out with and everything.

Speaker 2 (24:02):
Careful what you wish for. You don't always get what
you want, you get what you need.

Speaker 5 (24:07):
I wanted. I wanted all the arguments and the fight.
I wanted all of that right, and it's something I
never had. So I was like, so you start fantasizing
about these things in your head, right and now like
nothing ever happens. How do you think it's gonna happen?
But yeah, it was cool. So like I've got a
chance to hang out with several siblings like I don't.
It's now with your cookie father, Oh, I thought out

(24:28):
with my I've smoked weed with my cookie father.

Speaker 3 (24:30):
Really said a very republican thing to do. What do
you mean they all Republicans get high.

Speaker 5 (24:38):
Well well, okay, so so here's the funny thing though
about Jeffreys McConnell's.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
High all the time.

Speaker 4 (24:45):
I mean, our father is sortifiably crazy.

Speaker 5 (24:49):
But what's gonna tell them was you know what's really
he's certifiably crazy, except for when he smokes weed, he
all of a sudden becomes super normal. Like you could
have a completely normal conversation with him. He does and
start talking about aliens or like interdimension He'll stop doing
that and he'll just be completely normal.

Speaker 3 (25:06):
Really, what is your dad's I mean, is he is
he actually clinically ill?

Speaker 5 (25:15):
Yeah?

Speaker 9 (25:15):
Yeah, he has a he has a schizophrenia diagnosis. It's
unclear where he falls between bipolar and that. He's but
he's sort of got, you know, high levels of paranoia,
but he's got he's sweet too, like he's not. He's like,
you know, he lives now, he's living in India. It's

(25:36):
a long story, but well so he was homeless for
most of my life growing up. But it's a choice.
It also kind of goes in with this hippie spirituality thing,
like it's not taking.

Speaker 4 (25:49):
Up natural resources.

Speaker 9 (25:51):
He he he's nocturnal, so he sleeps literally all day
and then he's awake literally.

Speaker 4 (25:58):
All night where he's doing animals. It's it's all very Wowow,
what an interesting person.

Speaker 10 (26:05):
Well, I mean it's also like says so much about
the brain and how the brain kind of creates.

Speaker 3 (26:10):
Yeah, but sometimes I always wonder, you know, what if
we're the crazy ones, and what if the people who
we see on the street, who we deem to be
sort of unstable are the ones who can see beyond
anything that we can see and they know more than
we do.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
I always strangely.

Speaker 5 (26:28):
Everything Father's position, Well, well, I agree with you, you know,
because the thing at the end of the day, like
so I'm a you know, a type a person that
did the whole like go to college, do your MBA,
working fias, blah blah, and you know, you think of
Jeffrey and he's somebody that came from a wealthy family,
a male model, everything, and he voluntarily chose to do this,
and I he will not be very many people happier

(26:50):
than him he chooses to do that, and he would
not be happy if you, like Chris and I, had
tried to get him into a home, get him to
a part of it, or whatever, and that would he
would be un happy in that situation. He prefers to
be in the situation that he said, and it's it
definitely does make you kind of wonder, like how much
of what we desire is actually something that we want

(27:11):
versus something that we feel like we need to do
out of some sort of like out a cultural societal
kind of thing.

Speaker 9 (27:16):
And he has rose colored glasses for how to look
at it and at a little differently, right.

Speaker 4 (27:21):
I think it's a sweet perspective.

Speaker 5 (27:22):
No, nobody, go ahead, no, go ahead, No, it makes
you wonder, like I certainly I'm not going to change
the way I live based on how I see him living,
great because I don't want to live in a van.
I have a family. But it does make me kind
of question myself sometimes when I'm like, oh, I need
to do this, I need to do that, and we
do this, and it's like, well, this guy is completely happy,

(27:43):
and you know, I guess the thing on that is
there was a funny part. So there was a documentary
that was done that it was on Sundance, and I
think in some parts of it they tried to show
him in a in my opinion, they tried to show
him in a more negative light than they could have,
and in one of the parts they basically kind of
frame it. They're like, hey, you know, you came from
the church family here, you had all this going on

(28:03):
for you, and now you're living in a van. Like
they kind of put it to that to him, and
he goes and he pauses and he goes, you know, well, biologically,
i'd say I'm quite successful, and that kind of shows.

Speaker 4 (28:14):
That was a very cringe worthy moment for my mother,
by the way.

Speaker 3 (28:20):
But but but but what is your what is your
emotional attachment or detachment from your father? You know what
I mean, because it sounds like your question both of
you guys. It's both of you guys, because it sounds
like you're okay with him being whoever he is. But
is there any sort of emotional you know, connection or

(28:40):
disconnection from him.

Speaker 4 (28:41):
Or like fear?

Speaker 10 (28:42):
I mean, he's like, you know, he's got mental illness.
I mean, has that then become like something that you
think about?

Speaker 9 (28:48):
Yeah, it's really complicated for me because I didn't grow up.

Speaker 4 (28:52):
I think that there's like a level of.

Speaker 9 (28:54):
Sort of detachment that you can have when you have
the psychologue, when it's your sperm owner.

Speaker 4 (29:00):
But I grew up knowing him as my dad, and
there's like a level of.

Speaker 9 (29:04):
Responsibility as his child and identifying him as my dad.
That like it makes it sometimes very hard for me
to let go, and I can get caught up in
a in a psychological wheel of like how to fix it,
and then of course like having kids, just like they
have one little problem and you're like, oh my god,
is it?

Speaker 4 (29:22):
You know, so it's it's it?

Speaker 3 (29:24):
Is it?

Speaker 4 (29:25):
You can't even There are parts, you know, parts of
this that are genetic.

Speaker 9 (29:28):
He also had serious trauma that you know, I think,
and he also did a lot of really crazy hard drugs,
like you know when during my childhood he got super
adictatous speed and like and uh so that all has
an impact on the brain as well. So you know,
it's complicated for sure. I think everyone can relate to

(29:48):
complicated families.

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Speaker 10 (33:50):
You know you you found I mean you found out
probably did you find out before everybody else?

Speaker 1 (33:55):
I mean you probably knew before your other siblings knew.

Speaker 9 (34:00):
So, so in around two thousand and five is when
the New York Times stuff started happening. And when my
mother discovered it, she vowed she would never tell me
and my little sister she I have a full little
sister through my dad as well. She thought she was
going to be able to keep it a secret forever
because she just didn't want us to find out. But
ultimately she had to tell us because I was at

(34:23):
that time most likely dating my half brother, and so
she had no choice.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
I want to get into that for a second.

Speaker 7 (34:29):
But but.

Speaker 9 (34:33):
So she told us, and that's sort of when. But
she just told us that there were like a couple
other kids potentially. She didn't really explain the magnitude of it.
Did you do it just like that through a couple
of kids potentially?

Speaker 4 (34:44):
Maybe?

Speaker 10 (34:45):
Okay, well, okay, so your mom knew that you were
dating your half brother or what she So she read the.

Speaker 4 (34:56):
New York Times article realized my father had been doting.

Speaker 9 (34:59):
Sperm ten years after I was weren't born while sort
of playing dad, and then through it through another crazy
set of circumstances, was alerted to the fact that the
boy I was seeing was probably one of those donor kids.

Speaker 1 (35:14):
Now, were you like dating dating dating?

Speaker 5 (35:17):
Dating?

Speaker 3 (35:17):
No way, she's asking did you were you stooping in
the sense you were stooping your brother?

Speaker 2 (35:24):
We don't know.

Speaker 9 (35:25):
And then my mother told me this as I'm so,
I'm process. You have to understand that I'm processing. Okay,
my dad wasn't really your best friend.

Speaker 4 (35:33):
You paid him to have me.

Speaker 9 (35:36):
And also there are probably a lot of other siblings,
and oh, I have a date with one of them tonight,
but you're not sure. And my mom's instructing me to
like look closely at his hands and toes because that's
really when you can tell my God.

Speaker 4 (35:49):
Look who informed her of this?

Speaker 2 (35:51):
Your dad?

Speaker 4 (35:52):
You'll have to It's such a long story that you've
been talking about. Complicated.

Speaker 1 (35:59):
Wow, I mean, and then what were what was going
on in your mind at that moment?

Speaker 4 (36:05):
Did you were you?

Speaker 1 (36:06):
Like, this has got to be a joke. I just
can't be right, Yeah, it's got to be.

Speaker 4 (36:09):
Also, just it felt yes, I didn't know whether to
laugh or cry.

Speaker 9 (36:13):
Because if you have to understand that, like and for
most of the talk about this, but like, my life
was already insane, Like we were, you know, my mom
was involved in pyramid schemes where we were in these
giant mansions and then we were homeless, and then we
were like it you know many times over.

Speaker 4 (36:30):
She was a drug addict. She was sober.

Speaker 9 (36:31):
So like the idea that also my homeless father was
this serial sperm donor, and.

Speaker 4 (36:37):
It was it was just too much to say. It
was just too much.

Speaker 9 (36:40):
And family at that point was already so complex because
my mom and had all these girlfriends and we'd have
so many different family units and like so just I
was like, I can't handle one more family member.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
Let alone, let alone my boyfriend being brother.

Speaker 4 (36:56):
Let alone a brother a brother.

Speaker 3 (37:00):
Has subsequently been confirmed? Or do we still are in
the gray area?

Speaker 4 (37:05):
It's it's a it's a complicated situation.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
So I sort of left it open and call it
gray area, right.

Speaker 4 (37:12):
Call it gray area.

Speaker 5 (37:13):
So you guys, grey though, is a grey though?

Speaker 3 (37:16):
Bestes, Wait a minute, but so jesus, how are you
to get in like a pseudonym in the book, et cetera.

Speaker 4 (37:24):
Et cetera.

Speaker 2 (37:25):
But but you you see, look, we all have our
fucking crazy shit.

Speaker 5 (37:29):
Right.

Speaker 3 (37:29):
But but you and again we're just meeting, But you
seem pretty good, right, You've a family of your own,
You've dealt with a lot of this stuff, I'm sure
one way or another. I don't know whether you've compartmentalized
that are actually been through intensive therapy to sort of
understand yourself, But you seem to be thriving.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
I guess.

Speaker 3 (37:51):
I mean, given your circumstances, it's crazy that you're even
a normal human being.

Speaker 4 (37:58):
My husband said that to me upon think my mother
for the perstone.

Speaker 9 (38:04):
But yeah, I've done a lot of work, and I
think so many people, like I think part of the
story was really like you.

Speaker 4 (38:11):
Never know what someone's going through.

Speaker 9 (38:14):
As normal as things look on the outside, And like,
I think that a lot of people can relate to
having more challenging things than what they think everyone else
is going through. And so I think part of the
reason for writing the book was just to like have
people relate to that and see that you can, yeah,
overcome some of that generational stuff. Like he didn't have
an easy it was very different, but he had, you know,

(38:35):
a pretty abusive situation and right, totally different.

Speaker 10 (38:39):
Can kind of like ghost patterns and when did everybody
decide to connect?

Speaker 9 (38:45):
So I learned about the siblings around two thousand and seven,
and it was only a couple of years ago that
I decided I wanted anything to do with them.

Speaker 4 (38:56):
So my initial psychological reaction.

Speaker 9 (38:59):
Was just like, I'm going to pretend I'm going to
compartmentalize this and this isn't family, it's biology, and it's
just one more weird thing about my weird, crazy family.

Speaker 4 (39:09):
And then I I purposely didn't do DNA tests.

Speaker 9 (39:14):
I stayed away from all that stuff and that, but
the siblings, and the siblings got the word, like one
of them reached out to me on Facebook right after
I found out, and it was just too much for me,
and so I basically was like, can you let everyone
else know?

Speaker 4 (39:26):
I just don't want anything to do with this whole thing.

Speaker 9 (39:29):
So no one ever contacted me as new siblings were
added into the bunch, you know, they just sort of
left me alone.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
And then.

Speaker 4 (39:37):
And then one sister.

Speaker 9 (39:39):
Found out that she was donor conceived, and we had
both gone to this tiny art school in Italy that
no one's ever heard of for classical painting, and that
was just such a weird bif we both went a
year after each other, like Renaissance painting of Still Lives.
You know, this is like an obscure thing to go

(40:00):
study at a school. It's all like we both studied
at Penn State, Like no one's ever heard of the
Florence Academy of Art, and you know, we had all
the same friends in common, and we like we were
both married to a brit who was seven years older
than us, and it was sort of like three identical strangers.

Speaker 4 (40:15):
And so I think that coincidence.

Speaker 9 (40:19):
And then her reaching out before she before she connected
with the other group to like know, hey, don't reach
out to Christa, I think that sort of cracked it
all open. And then much like Evan, she was an
only child and just so excited to have siblings. She
was like, this is just so exciting.

Speaker 4 (40:36):
I can't believe. This is like a lifetime. Maybe I
can't believe, you know, this doesn't happen to real people.

Speaker 9 (40:41):
And I think that like, at that moment in my life,
I was more stable and happy, so I think I
was more open to new connections. And then also just
her enthusiasm made me realize, like, oh, my negative perspective
on all of this was just a choice that I
made a long time ago, and I could also choose
to just see it as this positive, exciting thing, curious.

Speaker 3 (41:04):
Well, it's actually it's actually brings me a question for
both of you guys, just sort of about this this
idea of nature versus nurture, you know what I mean,
there's such a great a whole half of you who
you know, you didn't know where you came from, and
and you were saying that sort of how your father
informed a lot of sort of who you are, how

(41:27):
you felt different from that from your family. Do you
guys analyze that at all or do you I know,
you said you worry for your kids sometimes meaning like
oh my god, I hope they're not nuts.

Speaker 2 (41:37):
But you know what I mean, do you guys think
about that?

Speaker 5 (41:40):
I mean, so like in the most generic way, we
actually do have a spreadsheet that has a lot of
this information of like what you're like, s are are
there any like allergies or any medican like? And it'll
blow your mind away, like how many things that you
think are unique about yourself that are not unique at all? Right,
It's like, oh, you like wild mush on your pizza?

(42:01):
Like this, it's like okay, cool, yeah, all the sum
Bolks do we all like that. It's like, okay, you
all like marml or something weird like something you think, Oh,
I'm like the only person no one else. It's like yeah, yeah,
that's a genetic thing. Everyone likes that.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
So you've done you mean you literally.

Speaker 4 (42:15):
It's like, oh, ninety percent of them have cats. Not
only have cats, but have them like in their profile picture,
like in their like in their profile picture.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
Oh wow, so.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Right, like you're like, click, You're.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
Like a cat cat plan.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 9 (42:34):
Yeah, it's like it's like a cat obsessed Like yeah,
that's a general petsinger.

Speaker 10 (42:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (42:39):
Yeah, like every I think, every single person in the
pet or close to it. Yeah, you know. I mean
there's so many of these things that you and it's
I think I feel like it's more exacerbated because people
grew up apart from each other, because I think when
you look at it, someone grows up with somebody else.
They try to differentiate themselves in some way. Right, You're like, Okay,
I'm the sibling that likes this, I'm this personal likes that,
and I've a lot of that disappears when you didn't

(43:01):
grew up with each other. So then when you kind
of discover it and you find out all those things
that you thought were your unique personality trade, it's like, no, actually,
that's that's what she inherited from Jeffrey, you know.

Speaker 4 (43:12):
Like the artistic interest or like the Yeah, so many,
so many different things.

Speaker 5 (43:17):
Well, Hector and I hang out, Like Hector is one of.

Speaker 4 (43:21):
The other few brothers. Ill male model who lives on a.

Speaker 5 (43:27):
A packa farm, a farm. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (43:29):
Yeah, it's like, wait, is everybody California?

Speaker 9 (43:36):
No, all over the country wealthy and poor, left and right,
gay mom mom, heterosexual, two parent household, Like it's really spread.

Speaker 5 (43:48):
They really price discriminated. They made sure they when they
sold them to the celebrity families, they they made sure
those people had a lot of money. And then when
other families that were impoverished paid, they're like, okay, we'll
send it you a dry ice and you can turkey
base yourself. That's literally what happened. So it makes it
so to your question was about like nature versus nurture
and stuff, right, we truly have like the socioeconomics spread

(44:08):
where you have children of billionaires and you have children
of people in deep poverty and rural areas. And I
think that when you look at like, let's keep it
really simple, look at their educational outcomes, almost no difference. Right,
you have people with PhDs from Harvard that had very
modest circumstances, and you have ones that again comfort billionaires.
And I don't know, I've always been somebody that thought that,

(44:32):
you know, nature has a lot more to do with
it than people think. And for me this kind of
confirmed it. But obviously that's not really like proof per se.
That's just like evidence that I'm using to fulfill my
already give an idea.

Speaker 4 (44:44):
But and I was the opposite.

Speaker 9 (44:45):
I always thought nature was way more and now think
I give sorry, I always thought nurture was way more.
And I think after getting to know those siblings, I
think nature is just so like just there's no way
around it.

Speaker 4 (44:59):
It's a big part of it.

Speaker 3 (45:00):
Wow you and do you know every do you the
people who you do know? The siblings that you do
know of, do you know what their backgrounds are? And
have you dug deep into these who they are? And
have you contacted everyone that you know of?

Speaker 4 (45:17):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (45:17):
That was micro Like have you guys all met now?

Speaker 5 (45:20):
Well? Because a lot of it happened has happened during COVID, Yeah,
coast COVID, Right, that like inhibited the travel for a
lot of people for a few years, you know, But
I mean virtually I've met essentially close to everyone, not
quite a probe, but close everyone virtually, And that in person,
I think you've met obviously way more people than me. Yeah,
I've met six siblings in person.

Speaker 4 (45:40):
I've met quite a few.

Speaker 5 (45:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
Do you guys all look alike?

Speaker 5 (45:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 9 (45:47):
I look more like my mother, but a huge batch
of them look exactly like Jeffrey, my dad, Like, you
look a lot like him.

Speaker 4 (45:55):
My little sister that I grew up with, identical, Nicole
pen Zi. Yeah, identically.

Speaker 5 (46:01):
Yeah. Like because also, like if you go on this,
they'll show you like what percentage you would because it's
not like you fifty to fifty got it from each parents,
like you got a little bit more or whatever, and
a lot of us got a disproportion about from Jeffrey.
So we really really look alike, especially like prominent characteristics.

Speaker 3 (46:18):
Yeah, so is there anyone anyone like in jail, Like,
was there any like, is there any crazy shit?

Speaker 7 (46:25):
You know?

Speaker 2 (46:26):
Siblings were like, oh my god, this is nuts.

Speaker 5 (46:29):
Well, we wouldn't know, I guess, right, because how would
they take a DNA?

Speaker 4 (46:34):
I mean certainly we're a kookie bunch.

Speaker 9 (46:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
Yeah, I'm not going to.

Speaker 4 (46:38):
Rag on no, No, of course we have very eccentric Yeah.

Speaker 10 (46:44):
Are there certain ones that you feel closer to than others?

Speaker 5 (46:48):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (46:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 9 (46:49):
I think it's like in any net, like if you
had a bunch of cousins, you, you know, you'd be
drawn towards maybe certain ones that you had more in
common with than others. Right, Oh man, somebody helps too,
and somebody has a lot to do with it, like
he lives nearby, so we see each other more.

Speaker 5 (47:08):
That's like, yeah, that helps.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
Was it emotional?

Speaker 10 (47:12):
Like because you you did meet each other, like you
did have people at your house, right, and when that happened,
like the first time you actually saw a sibling in
person other than your sister, and and same thing for
you Evan, Like how emotional was that for you? Especially
for you Evan you didn't have siblings, Like was it emotional?

(47:33):
Was it like Ti or was it kind of more weird?

Speaker 5 (47:39):
I would say it was extremely po and I think
it teary eyed, but it was very positive and it
was like it was like you had met somebody that
you you didn't know anything about them, but you knew
them already. I don't know if that makes it, probably doesn't,
but like when I met Chris that like a lot
of the mannerisms you had, so a lot of us
share a lot of really quirky mannerisms, Like I don't know,

(48:01):
like how to describe it, like are you old a
glass in a certain way? When you laugh it kind
of sounds in a certain way, like your smirk is
a certain you know, and all those things, especially when
you grow up the person you didn't try to not
do it the same way as them. So there definitely
felt like there was an I remember like the whole
interaction when I first went Chrystals so vividly, and it
was a really positive thing. And I had, you know,

(48:22):
made sure like before I went to meet Christa, you know,
I wanted to mentally align myself that it get too
invest in anything, because the last thing that I wanted
to do was like get really worked up and like,
oh my god, what if she doesn't like me? If
I don't like when do we have nothing in common?
This was a huge waste of time, you know, And
I think I guess maybe that was helpful for me,

(48:43):
but like I think it was kind of unproductive because
it ended up being this super positive experience and that
I just never could have envisioned happening in my life.

Speaker 2 (48:51):
How does Jeffrey feel about all of it?

Speaker 11 (48:53):
Now?

Speaker 3 (48:53):
You know, I know that he's in India, but like
does he is he sort of you know, in his
state of being, Like it's almost like it almost makes sense.

Speaker 2 (49:01):
He's sort of this wild man, this sort of free.

Speaker 3 (49:04):
Spirited guy who now spread his seed and is it's
just he's part of the natural order, you.

Speaker 4 (49:09):
Know, I think that's how I see it.

Speaker 9 (49:12):
I mean, he you know, like I wrote the book
and it was like part of the destiny of the
whole thing that like, you know, everything is very mystical.
He did, like my mom was the Nicheran Shoshu, and
he was. He did transidental meditation really really intensely.

Speaker 4 (49:29):
And also.

Speaker 5 (49:31):
Well, I mean he'd really he really did believe that
this would happen one day, Like he truly believes that
one day that everyone was going to connect somehow.

Speaker 3 (49:40):
But but but but when he was actually doing it,
he was doing it for the money or was he
did he have a bigger correctly, right, he was doing
for them for the money.

Speaker 4 (49:48):
No, no, no, he's a mystical spin what was like
a way to make money for his wheat happened he
got the seed, right, It's like they're also is like
I feel like and I mean it, this is in
the sweetest way, but there is like this evolution.

Speaker 9 (50:05):
I feel like when siblings first discover our dad Jeffrey
sperm Donner, there is like there is just a bit
of idealization maybe and.

Speaker 4 (50:17):
Then they're just like like a calming down to reality.
There's he's so sweet and there's so many sweet things.

Speaker 2 (50:22):
Right, well, I need that.

Speaker 5 (50:23):
He was crazy for me, right, you watch a documentary,
you know this is like a I'm going to get
cancel that. But this is a person that's not in
the same mental space as a lot of us. You
know that from the beginning. Yeah, And I feel like
I feel like you think I'm like saying like be like, oh,
I just was very realistic, like I knew going into it.
I'm like, I'm not going and meeting a person that

(50:43):
you know, did the traditional like oh, I go to
school and then I do this and then I have
a family and one and a half kids and everything.
I knew this is going to be a person that's unusual,
you know, so I try to not because I think
it mentally invested into it. When I go and I
and I grab a coffee with him or whatever, and
he starts talking about aliens, I'm like, let's talk about
alien Yeah, you know, like let's talk about like inter

(51:06):
dimensional like creatures that are like trying to control. I'm like,
let's let's just do it, you know, like lean into it.
And then like, yeah, like you get those moments of
like mental sobriety where you actually do you get some
nuggets where he like talks about like what he's.

Speaker 9 (51:22):
Like growing up or like you know, when he talks
about the past, it's it's it's much more.

Speaker 5 (51:27):
It's very it's very very looseive, you know, and there
are insights that he has. And like we were actually
Chris and I were just joking around, like he's feels
like it feels like he's in on the joke about
himself sometimes, right, So we talked about how he's like
aliens and everything, and I remember this story. So we
were hanging out and a gentleman came up to us

(51:47):
and was like aggressively accosting, like hey, can you give
us a cigarette? And you know, Jeffrey's like, no, I
don't have a cigarette, and you guys like are you judging?
Like Kingland super aggressive joined me like like like you
think smoking's bad? And Jeffrey just goes He's like, no, no,
it's actually really good for you. It's good for your lungs.
Kind of builds it up, strives in everything. Wait, someone
like Jeffrey says this, I actually think, I'm like, and

(52:09):
so he goes away, and I'm like, okay, so like
do you actually believe that? And he's like yeah, of course.
And I'm like he's like are you stupid? And I'm
like he's like, oh, it's bad for you. Like it's
this moment of like complete lucidity, like yeah. And I
was like, how am I supposed to know? You just
went off about interdimensional reptiles and stuff and now you're
telling me don't smoke, Like, come on, how am I

(52:30):
supposed to know? Which part is the crazy?

Speaker 2 (52:31):
Is he aware of himself?

Speaker 7 (52:33):
Though?

Speaker 5 (52:33):
I mean?

Speaker 9 (52:34):
Is it's It's like, I mean, we have to put
our phones away when we spend time with him because
the FBI or the government might be like listening.

Speaker 4 (52:41):
To the conversation, like how did he get to India?

Speaker 2 (52:45):
Did he have the money to fly there? Like he's
still as dough.

Speaker 9 (52:48):
He inherited a nice chunk that he ran through in
a year and now but he decided and so he
went to India once came back and now decided, you
really want to go to India again. So yeah, my
sister and I went to go say goodbye to him.
But like he'd been talking about going to India for
like thirty years and never done it. So we we
literally just thought we were doing a pretend goodbye for

(53:10):
his sake because he would just be in the same
place tomorrow.

Speaker 4 (53:14):
But as he was.

Speaker 9 (53:14):
Describing like what he was doing to prep, he had
like turned all of his money that he'd just inherited
into gold because you know, currency was about to collapse.

Speaker 4 (53:23):
There was going to be this huge false flag attack
on the United States, so we had to get to India.

Speaker 9 (53:28):
But then he showed me, like the wig he had
just bought to disguise himself on the airplane.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
Oh my god, Oh really.

Speaker 5 (53:35):
He paid?

Speaker 9 (53:36):
And then he paid because he needs to bring all
of his animals because those are his children, his birds,
his cats, the whole thing.

Speaker 4 (53:41):
You need to bring them to India. And that was
like like this is the areas where he's lose it.
It's like, how did he get through the paperwork of
being able to bring animals? Like I have no idea
he can't even do like he brought birds to India.

Speaker 5 (53:53):
Well think about this, right, because it's like it was
something that like a foreigner couldn't bring an animal, so
he hated.

Speaker 9 (53:59):
Paid an Indian family to travel with.

Speaker 5 (54:02):
Him to people each of the animals.

Speaker 3 (54:05):
Yeah, it's wow, wow, this is he's what an interesting
man because you're right, it's like this these lucid moments
where he's able to sort of function at a very
high level organizing something like that.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
But at the same time, I feel like your father
might be onto something.

Speaker 2 (54:23):
Maybe we don't throw the baby out.

Speaker 3 (54:26):
Maybe maybe this is like a becoming commonplace that this
is all happened with with with all these DNA When.

Speaker 5 (54:34):
You think about it, that makes sense, right, because it's
like how many if a woman is looking for a
sperm donor, you know they're going to check the summer boxes, right,
They're gonna it's gonna be height, it's going to need
to be intelligence, it's going to whatever, And there ends
up only being a certain number of people, right that
fit all those characteristics.

Speaker 9 (54:51):
Especially so, but back at that time as well, there
were a couple of factors no one ever thought people
would find out right, never fath DNA testing, So everyone
was just doing this without thinking through any of it.

Speaker 10 (55:05):
Having a kid with someone, or falling in love with someone,
like really being in love and then finding out that.

Speaker 4 (55:11):
It's your brother or sister.

Speaker 2 (55:13):
Wow, I mean what happened?

Speaker 1 (55:18):
Yeah, we didn't end this hold on what happened?

Speaker 2 (55:22):
Did was it?

Speaker 3 (55:23):
Was?

Speaker 5 (55:23):
It?

Speaker 8 (55:23):
Was it like?

Speaker 4 (55:24):
Did it get weird?

Speaker 1 (55:25):
Or was it sad?

Speaker 5 (55:27):
Or was like?

Speaker 4 (55:27):
What was the It was super weird.

Speaker 9 (55:31):
It was also compounded by the fact that this person
had a very close relationship to the father that had
raised them, and I didn't want to be the person
to shatter that relationship by like saying that there was
possibly a lie at the heart like that hadn't been told.
So not only did I have to like deal with

(55:53):
it psychologically and obviously break up with the person, but
then also I couldn't process it with him, which would
have been the most therapeutic there was because I didn't
want to bring with me.

Speaker 2 (56:04):
What's wrong, Like, well, I'm your sister.

Speaker 5 (56:12):
The worst ever, that's not the worst life.

Speaker 2 (56:15):
It is totally so crazy.

Speaker 9 (56:18):
And I know there's there's not more regulation now that's
one of the bizarre So there's still no self regulated.

Speaker 4 (56:27):
It is so a sperm bank will tell you we'll
retire a donor after thirty pregnancies, but there's like no five.

Speaker 5 (56:34):
They usually tell them five. I think that's where. Yeah,
I think I told everybody five. And like there was
one family that paid a very very large amount of
money one of our one of our siblings to buy
all of the samples remaining. And there have still been siblings.
You know that wow, because they're just like.

Speaker 4 (56:51):
Sure, throw it all.

Speaker 2 (56:53):
So you have like siblings who are is worth money? Right,
I'm fascinating, Like I want to know everybody now. I
want to.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
I weirdly want to become Jeffrey. I don't know, I
like I want to like donate.

Speaker 2 (57:06):
Now, I want to.

Speaker 4 (57:09):
You know what, I think there is some weird male urge.

Speaker 11 (57:12):
Yeah, it's just like meed and multiply No, I know,
you know, I have a few more questions then we'll
get out of here, but but wondering about your connection
as siblings, like is it so much based on this
moment and this experience or have you been able to

(57:34):
get past all that now now you're just homies and
your siblings and your friends and you love each other.

Speaker 3 (57:40):
Or is it still really rooted in this in this
story as far as your conversations go, and we would I.

Speaker 4 (57:49):
Mean, I don't want to speak for you, but I
feel like it's just fun to hang out.

Speaker 5 (57:53):
It's super fun to hang out. I mean, And what
I would say is is like I hang out with
all my siblings in different kind of ways, right, like
me and Hector And the longest time Hector really didn't
talk to that's the.

Speaker 4 (58:05):
One that had the Mexican heritage, and it's like.

Speaker 5 (58:08):
All could we would like get together and we would
watch mm A and just bullshit for hours, and we
we never even really talked about the whole sibling.

Speaker 4 (58:18):
I think it's also just like men but like very male,
like let's not process anything talking about something.

Speaker 5 (58:30):
Like best friend with pacas we were with the like
we did all this, we did. We probably did this
like over a dozen times before we ever even spoke
about sibling Jeffrey or anything.

Speaker 1 (58:41):
He a socialist.

Speaker 5 (58:44):
Oh, he's actually a socialist. Yeah, yeah, of course he's
actually a super I had a feeling farm farm, right,
But then I have there's another sister who's like not
as close with everybody, but she and I we just
we share political memes every day. That's all we do.
We're sorry about politics stuff. And it's like because she's

(59:06):
like conservative and she's like, I think all the other conservatives,
not the only one, but one of the only other
ones in the group, and it's like, you know, we
all have our other thing.

Speaker 9 (59:14):
I think Chris and I, like I had, we argued
about politics first relationship.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
Yeah, really, but I have.

Speaker 9 (59:20):
A back way because he's like really informed and intelligent.
I'm like, I love to hear the other side and
informed it. It might still make me angry, right, but
it's like providing me. It's like sharpening my views a
little bit because I have to like really, well, that.

Speaker 4 (59:37):
That was it, you know, it was peak.

Speaker 9 (59:39):
Everyone was fighting about this because Trump was in office.
It was like peak family fighting over Yes, now we
don't talk about.

Speaker 2 (59:46):
That as no.

Speaker 5 (59:47):
Well, I mean I think one of the things that
changed those right, Like I have a nineteen month now. Yeah,
And I feel like that that's like that it's like
kind of weird where like that's something you now you
really have someone to relate to. It's like you can
really talk to you about kind thing stuck with and
so nice. Yeah, I mean I feel like it's it's
really moved past just the Jeffrey story. Obviously, there's that's
always an underlying current of like joking around like, oh

(01:00:10):
we doing are we both going through this? Think as
a Jeffrey, Are we doing this as Jeffrey? Like are
our kids having this trade? Because that's a little thing,
but it's kind of like in a way a joke
or like a kind of thing that you kind of
like bond over versus being like the core reason for
why you are like hang out with each other and
talking with each other. Right, Like at the end of
the day, Look, we live in la We have huge

(01:00:31):
friend circles. We could we could never spend a day
together and have you know, everything to do. Like, we
choose to hang out with each other because we want to, right,
you know, it's a voluntary when you have all these
other options, right, And I think that that's one of
the great things about once you become an adult, you
get to set the standard of what your relationship to
your family is. And it's been really empowering to have

(01:00:54):
all these siblings now and I can foster this relationship
and everything, and yeah, it's really fun.

Speaker 10 (01:00:59):
I answer your quat, do people come to you now
in similar situations kind of seeking? Like do you get
a lot of people that like are sharing their stories
with you, Krista.

Speaker 4 (01:01:14):
I get a lot.

Speaker 9 (01:01:16):
I wouldn't say, just you know, they're they're like batches
of people, Like I get a lot of you know,
random emails and messages now from people that are like, yeah,
that have new donor you know, realized they were donor
conceived and they're just meaning their siblings and the book
helped them to process it. But also there's like a
whole other cohort of people that just came from like
either alcoholic or dysfunctional families and they're like, wow, I

(01:01:38):
didn't realize how much I was impacted by my mom's alcoholism,
or like, oh wow, I never told anyone that my
dad has mental illness and this is how like and
it was just so nice to like hear an open
story about that. Or so there's a whole bunch. I mean,
I think that's just memoir in general. Why I love
it so much.

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
Yeah, but how old are your kids?

Speaker 4 (01:01:58):
Five and seven?

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
And then and what about the five and seven? Who's
you know Grandpa? You know what I mean? Like this
is Jeffrey going to pull any part in their life?

Speaker 9 (01:02:11):
I I wanted them to meet him, and so we
met on like a park place set with my older son,
who's sort of like at this point, he's like, oh, hi, Auntie.
You know, he's like meeting a new aunt or uncle often.
And he was so little that I don't even think
he attached a lot to Grandpa. But but I wanted
him to meet him, and I wanted to give my

(01:02:33):
dad the opportunity to meet him.

Speaker 4 (01:02:34):
But my dad was so uncomfortable. He just kind of
didn't know what to do, and like he he's very shock.

Speaker 9 (01:02:40):
He's very shocked, and so he so he wound up
like seeing a dog pass by that belonged to someone else,
and then he just like was like, you know he
can he can interact with animals way better than human beings.

Speaker 5 (01:02:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 10 (01:02:51):
Interesting, So you guys, just family reunions would be like
three hundred three thousand.

Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
Cousins, like in in about twenty years, it's.

Speaker 2 (01:03:03):
Going to be Yeah, like you just rent out like
Staples Center.

Speaker 4 (01:03:09):
Okay, it's to the point where I can remember names.

Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
Oh, I'm sure.

Speaker 5 (01:03:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 10 (01:03:15):
So what would be the silver lining of everything that's
come out of this for both of you?

Speaker 5 (01:03:20):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:03:22):
Wait, go ahead, you go.

Speaker 5 (01:03:24):
Well, you know, I had no like, I had no
idea what to expect. And my whole concept, the whole
reason why I never even took a DNA tests, even
though essentially my entire life I've known about this whole
thing was that I only had native expectations, and I
only had expectations that I was either going to be
disappointed or I was going to disrupt somebody else's life

(01:03:44):
and everything, and that couldn't be further from the truth, right, Like,
I've developed a bunch of really great relationships with people
that I would have never probably never had a chance
to meet. And it's it's honestly, it made me. It
was just exactly a decision factor in my own family
whether or not we're going to have, you know, other children,
is because how positive this whole experience has been getting

(01:04:06):
me a sibling, and it's something I always wanted, but
I was kind of afraid of, you know, especially didn't
want to do it out of circumstances. I was like
a person invading someone else's family and everything, and I
don't know everything about it's being really positive, you know,
And it is Jeffrey like the father a father figure. No,
obviously not right, but I did have that expectation going
into it, you know. But it's it's Chris or the

(01:04:28):
sister probably you know, it's Hector the brother, yeah, probably
you know, and all my other siblings. Yeah, like they're
all it's they're all really interesting people, and it's it's
given me an area of my life a lot of
fulfillment that I never instructed.

Speaker 2 (01:04:40):
Is Hector the hottest sibling. I feel like Hector is
pretty hot.

Speaker 4 (01:04:44):
He's very He's like he's like.

Speaker 5 (01:04:48):
Mean, I'm not a male model. Like then there's there's
love's right.

Speaker 3 (01:04:55):
I just feel like Hector is like this dark, flowy hair,
like hot with like running without pack.

Speaker 5 (01:05:00):
It's a like I remember like when people show your siblings.
Remember there's certain siblings where people like damn, like wait
that's your si A great, but that's your brother. I'm like, Okay, Hey, stop, stop,
what about you Christa?

Speaker 4 (01:05:17):
Yeah, I think that I think that was beautiful.

Speaker 9 (01:05:19):
Like I think it's yeah, seeing things in a positive
light and like being curious rather than putting all those
judgments on it would definitely be.

Speaker 4 (01:05:31):
Be one aspect of it.

Speaker 9 (01:05:33):
And then I think, you know, everyone has uh a
dysfunction in their family and some in some way, and
I think feeling less shame about that and being more
open and you just sort of realize that how much
more universal some of those feelings and experiences are, even
if the details are different.

Speaker 5 (01:05:51):
Yeah, I mean this whole thing. I'm very open with
when I meet people, telling people about those story and everything.
Like when someone says, oh, do you have a brother,
it's just sure, I decided, yeah, I have about like
forty I'm like, I feel very comfortable tell about it.
And what I've noticed is is like when you're really
open about like personal I mean, I'm not suggesting people
start over sharing for whatever, but like it makes other

(01:06:13):
people feel comfortable sharing their own experiences that maybe before
they like I can't tell you how many people I've
had tell me like, Okay, actually you know I'm either
adopted or I'm donor conceived or whatever, and it's like, oh,
this is something I like they've kept like inside them,
like their entire lives and they've never felt comfortable talking
about it. You know, I don't know. For me, it's
like I guess a former therapy and like it seems

(01:06:34):
like that's like for a lot of people.

Speaker 10 (01:06:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, awesome to speed round, to do your
speed round. Sure, okay, you guys, first impression of the
other this is.

Speaker 2 (01:06:47):
This is gonna be a good one, just in general.

Speaker 5 (01:06:50):
Smart, trying to psychoanalyze me.

Speaker 1 (01:06:57):
Oh my god.

Speaker 5 (01:06:58):
Okay.

Speaker 10 (01:06:59):
One word to this decribe your relationship now, stimulating.

Speaker 5 (01:07:05):
That's a really good one. Stimulating.

Speaker 2 (01:07:07):
You can't copy me in copy but bullshit, dude, just bullshit.

Speaker 5 (01:07:12):
Okay, I don't I think this is too.

Speaker 1 (01:07:16):
There's a lot of words. There's a lot of words
you could use.

Speaker 5 (01:07:20):
Just say m m A.

Speaker 4 (01:07:21):
Just what kind of.

Speaker 5 (01:07:25):
Uh No, it's very loving you.

Speaker 1 (01:07:28):
Yes, okay. The thing you have most in common.

Speaker 5 (01:07:35):
For getting the charge our phones. We're very forgetful.

Speaker 9 (01:07:40):
Uh I would say, like like intellectually engaged. Yeah, we're
curious about things.

Speaker 4 (01:07:50):
Curious.

Speaker 1 (01:07:52):
One word to describe your childhood.

Speaker 4 (01:07:57):
Colorful.

Speaker 5 (01:08:02):
That's a fun word to describe it, Uh, tough, dysfunctional.

Speaker 1 (01:08:07):
Yeah, you need to write a book too, I know
you cathartic.

Speaker 2 (01:08:12):
You and Hector should write a book.

Speaker 1 (01:08:15):
Yeah, like side by side or like who are you
closest in age two?

Speaker 5 (01:08:20):
Well, there's like I think six of us all are
like born the same year.

Speaker 4 (01:08:24):
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:08:25):
Anyone have the same birthday as that we have.

Speaker 5 (01:08:31):
Yeah? Wow, I actually went with someone that's married to
one of our siblings.

Speaker 3 (01:08:37):
Wait, wait what I went to school with somebody I
would Oh my god, that's so weird.

Speaker 4 (01:08:43):
It's so crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:08:44):
This this would go on forever. It will go on,
go on forever and ever.

Speaker 9 (01:08:47):
Funny because they're like recently, I went to lunch with
someone who knows the sister I grew up with and
was asking if he could, like how to get in
with her on a date or something. And I was like,
you know, I don't think that's going to work out
for you, but I do have like twenty other ones.

Speaker 2 (01:09:05):
You should start a dating service that sibling.

Speaker 10 (01:09:13):
Last question, what is one quality of your sibling that
you wish that you had.

Speaker 5 (01:09:18):
More of for yourself? Yeah? Your thoughtfulness? Oh, you're.

Speaker 9 (01:09:30):
You have a great memory for facts and it makes
arguing you seem very difficult, so I wish that I
also had the same memory.

Speaker 2 (01:09:37):
That's a good one.

Speaker 5 (01:09:38):
That was the easiest one, by the way, I feel
like I srew up laying around, but like, yeah, your
thoughtfulness is like I'm just very jealous of it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:45):
To be honest, Like I want to be like the
back here, there's still time.

Speaker 4 (01:09:49):
That's very thoughtful. Yeah, that's very sweet. Thank you, Well
you guys.

Speaker 2 (01:09:54):
This was really fat. I mean it was so fun.

Speaker 10 (01:09:56):
It was so fun and wild, and I can't believe
of how crazy your life has been. Christa, I mean, Evan,
I would look forward to knowing more about yours, but
I mean amazing that you've come through all of that
and that you're here and having fun and talking about
all of this and like laughing with your brother and

(01:10:18):
newfound brother.

Speaker 4 (01:10:19):
And it's pretty incredible.

Speaker 2 (01:10:21):
It it is pretty amazing.

Speaker 3 (01:10:23):
Yeah, I mean, we had a dad who kind of
left for a little bit and I got all fucked up.

Speaker 10 (01:10:28):
You have you.

Speaker 2 (01:10:32):
Have had a lot more.

Speaker 1 (01:10:34):
Ye what's your problem?

Speaker 2 (01:10:36):
Respect? What's wrong with me?

Speaker 4 (01:10:40):
But thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (01:10:41):
This was so fun, so fun.

Speaker 4 (01:10:44):
Really, thank you, thank you guys. I really appreciate Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:10:49):
Sibling Revelry is executive produced by Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson.

Speaker 2 (01:10:53):
Producer is Alison President, editor is Josh Wendish.

Speaker 1 (01:10:57):
Music by Mark Hudson aka Uncle Mark.

Speaker 2 (01:11:00):
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