December 18, 2025 • 53 mins
If you think sliding into a celeb’s DMs will go unnoticed, this episode might shock you! We get to the bottom of how Oliver first encountered popular content creator Nicki Marie — famous for her hilarious, heartfelt and brutally honest female-centric overshares. Find out why Oliver needs her advice, and why you probably do, too!
Learn more about her on Instagram @nickimarieinc.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hi, I am Kate Hudson, and my name is Oliver Hudson.
We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship and
what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling, Railvalry, No, no, sibling.
Don't do that with your mouth revely.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Oh yeah, Oliver Hudson. It's like I've been saying my
name so much recently when I do these podcasts, when
I do anything, it's Oliver Hudson reporting live. I don't
know where that came from, but I'm just gonna keep
going with it anyway. It's Oliver Hudson reporting live from
my son, body Han Hudson. Yes, that's his middle name, Hank,
(01:02):
take a guess why Goldie Han body Han Hudson, you know,
and I love it, don't get me wrong, but body
Han's kind of sounds like Goldie Han. And we didn't
quite think that out, like, hey, well look it's body
Han or not Goldie Han. You know, it's got a
similar ring to it, and I love that there's legacy
(01:24):
in it. My middle the middle name from my oldest
is Brooks Wilder Brooks and then Rio is real Laura,
Real Laura Hudson and Laura is my grandmother's name. So
I've got them all in there. We got Brooks, we
got Mom, we got Goldie, and we got Laura. If
(01:47):
I was to switch them out, I'd probably go body
Brooks Hudson. It's just got that that b alliteration, you know,
Body Brooks Hudson, Wilder Han Hudson, Real Laura. So maybe
i'd switch them out. I'm gonna see if I can't
do that before the new year, before the year is up.
(02:07):
It's changed their birth certificates without them knowing. Anyway. I ramble,
I ramble, I ramble, and uh no, need to ramble
much longer, because we, of course have a guest waiting
in the waiting room. She actually DMed me. She slid
into my diarm and I wanted to have a chat.
(02:30):
And I looked her up and have said, of course,
because she talks about amazing things. She talks about relationships
and menopause and female things and being a single mom
and and and as we are discovering on this podcast,
Oliver Hudson is extremely in touch with his feminine side.
I mean, there is no denying that anymore, you know
(02:53):
what I mean? Like I can talk menopause, perrymenopause, full,
men pause, you know, with the best of them. Let
me just say that anyway, this is nicky Marie, and
let's just bring her in so she doesn't have to
keep waiting. How are you.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I'm good. Thanks for finding my DM.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I know, I was just talking about it in my
little intro. I'm like, you know, setting you up. Like
she slid into my DMS. She wanted to have a conversation,
and I said, I think you picked the right guy
because as masculine as I am, because everyone looks at
me and thinks just pure sex, pure masculinity, but there's
a strong feminine side. And I was saying that I
(03:36):
could talk menopause, perry, full, whatever you want with the
best of them. Okay, my wife is fifty two. I'm
in it deep. I want to know about it. I'm
not one of those dudes who's just like, oh fuck this.
I go through your shit and I will sort of
stay on the sideline. I'm interested, you know. I mean,
biology is an amazing thing. So I've gone pretty deep.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I love this because I'm worse and I'm going to
tell you what You're married because you care mm hmm, married,
because you're putting in that care. All we want to
do is be seen and heard and understood.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
And it's really hard, I know. And it's funny because
those are the things that we hear all the time,
be seen, be heard, be understood, and of course loved,
you know, And it seems such, it seems so simple,
but it is difficult because all of those things require
a certain vulnerability, and I think for men it's harder
to reach that place of true vulnerability to where you
(04:32):
can see here and be fully open with your with
your partner. We protect something as dudes, and being vulnerable
with certain people around love around women especially interestingly enough,
was very difficult for me with my friends societally me
as a human being, I could cry in front of
(04:54):
people I don't give a shit. But it's funny with
women that I love, whether my mom, I said to
my wife, there's a fear there of just fully opening
up and just being totally upfront saying I love you
and you're amazing, and I just want to tell you
that that would make me sort of retreat, you know. Dang, yeah, yeah,
(05:16):
But now I've kind of figured it all out.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I love this and you're having the conversations. Isn't it
fun that you get to pick up a microphone and
talk about shit, talk.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
About like, I love it, I really really? Do you
know you have a podcast? Right?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
So yeah, I'm a professional yapp er.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
How did he no? I know, I know. It's it's
really really fun and the different people you get to
meet and converse with, it's just it's a blast.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
I've got clout with my kids because I was like,
do not come downstairs. I am going to be on
a call with the guy from Christmas Chronicle. So they're like,
you know, I get the clout. I'm like, well, mom,
now because I can talk to me.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Well, you got to watch the new one. I've got
a new one out that's with me and Alicia Silverstone
on Netflix. It's a Christmas movie done Selah. It's called
Mary Little Xmas, which is actually perfect because it's about
I saw that yep. Yeah, So it's like divorced for
nine months, there's still love there kind of. Christmas traditions
(06:21):
are huge. So Dad is back for the traditions of holidays,
but he brings a girlfriend along. It was a bit nutty,
and it turns out there's just a lot of miscommunication
that had happened in the last year that led them
to their divorce, and of course, you know, they get
back together in the end. But it's really sweet.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I have lived that movie. But the not the not
getting back together a part?
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, yeah, no, which which kind of is, was your
divorce what sets you onto your path?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Absolutely?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah. So it's terrible, but there's the silver lining, you know,
the book.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
The tipping point, my tipping point to doing everything in
my life that I'm doing now, which totally nikky, little Nikki.
I'm back like middle school element doing silk videos and
it's all because of my divorce. Yeah, kind of knocked
me on my ass.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
How did that? How did it? How did it propel
you to do what you wanted to do? I mean,
of course it was bad. I'm hearing that. So what
part of you, after potentially mourning, I'm just guessing, were
you saying, Okay, I'm gonna get up off my fucking
ass right now and I'm gonna I'm gonna find the
silver lining here and I'm gonna make the best of this.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
I went into this is that's a great question. I
went into my career right being told in like my
first two jobs that not everything can be funny. Literally,
I had bosses who were like, you've got to wear makeup,
you've got to blow dry your hair, you've got to
show up, and not everything needs to be funny. And
I was thinking my clients, like I was a sales manager,
(07:52):
and my clients love me because I come in with
something different. I'm myself no matter where I go, m
m and I don't. I don't have the type of
humor that was from like scar tissue or anything. I
think it's just innately I notice everything, extremely sensitive to
everything around me, and I could find a way to
like call it out m m oh. I grew up
(08:13):
thinking in my early career that like you had to
become more serious to be taken seriously right to climb
the ladder. Yeah, I was a Division one athlete all Americans,
so I knew how to like grant and like get
down and dirty with my girls on the field. And
then I started learning write society shapes you. I started
learning in my careers that like my ADHD maybe wasn't
(08:35):
that great. Everywhere I went mm hmm, and people started,
you know, noticing it, and I was like, oh shit,
this always was my superpower, and now I'm not organized.
I can't get my quota like expense reports done on time.
M H started changing myself to be more what like
the corporate the company?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
How did you go about doing that? Like, how do
you consciously try to make that transition? Especially ADHD, which
I was just diagnosed with myself. I did a whole
crazy brain with the doctor, doctor Amin. I don't know
if you know doctor Amen, love him, He's amazing. And
I did the whole thing and it was incredible, you know,
But how did you sort of attempt that transition to
(09:16):
being something you're not meaning going going literally against your
chemistry in your brain?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
So I had I always noted it back to my childhood.
I had four grandparents who literally I was the only granddaughter.
I was like the beloved, overly spoiled with love kid.
So like, if you spoil your kids with love, I'm
a walking billboard that it's not going to mess them up.
Matter of fact, they're going to like think they are
(09:43):
great in ways right, like in a not an equal way,
but in a like I'm capable. So I want to
say that first because I want to frame it with
I grew up where my family loved me for exactly
who I was. It was like, you need to get
all straight. A's how dare you? Yes, it was like
at the C plus B minus we good, We're going.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yeah, you're definitely my people. I mean you and I
are similar or very similar. I think, cut from the
same cloth. Everything that you're saying from the beginning when
we got on till now, it's pretty much how I think,
who I am, what I believe you know, and the
funny part being funny, and it doesn't you're You're not
(10:24):
just giving other people sort of joy. It brings joy
to yourself too. I mean, always be fucking funny. Like
whatever situation you're in, humor is there for a reason.
Even in the most difficult times and tragedy and pain,
humor is always there to lean on.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Yes, yes, so my com so back to the question
of corporate I was like, the way I was as
an athlete is I knew how much I had to
run and train to be good at a sport. So
I think I took that practicality and I put it
over into Okay, this is what your bosses want to
see you do. So I just started doing those things
and I climb the corporate ladder and I figured out
(11:03):
how to get the next position, and I was like
to put me in coach type of employee. And I
started noticing that I was like taking myself more seriously
and starting to be stressed out about work. And I
would get home to my husband and I'd be still
wanting to work. And I think that that climb the
ladder Nikki kind of got away from like true Nikki,
(11:24):
which is like I'm sending snapchats to everybody in the
company because they're funny. Right, I'm a VP. I'm like,
right right, I've always been up behind the scenes girly
with like my selfies and my yeah, and now take
me divorce. COVID lost all my clients. When Covid hit,
(11:45):
I was like, I'll go on TikTok and I'll see
like what my clients are asking for, and that's it.
I just started showing up as the non Instagram mom,
like we don't have a perfect porch on Halloween. I
don't I'm not spending so much on pumpkins. Yeah, don't
have that aesthetic down. My kids are a train wreck
when we're going to take Christmas photos, Like, yeah, pretend
(12:05):
that we shit together. Yeah, and that was like, so
the timing of that in twenty twenty was like, thank god, yes, exactly,
crazy bun and she's like, doesn't know what she's doing
in motherhood and here we are.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Wow, And when did you see it sort of take off?
And was there a moment where we're like, holy shit,
wait a minute. I was doing this kind of for
fun and putting myself out there, but now it's you know,
this is bigger than I expected.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
In probably twenty twenty. What are we in twenty five?
Twenty three January was when I knew that I had
was at a crossroad. I'm like, either I'm gonna do
this half assed and I'm going to keep consulting and
try to figure out my life because I need to
pay the bills. Course is almost over. I need to
figure out my life. I just gave myself somebody out
(12:57):
there might need to hear this. I gave myself a
six month window to succeed or fail. And I was like,
if I do this all in from January to June
and it sucks, then I'll do the next thing. By March.
My Instagram page blew up. Wow, And so it was like, Okay,
(13:18):
I can do this, and I need to be less
apologetic about what this is because it's weird. I'm forty
eight years old. I'm still like, how do I explain
conjunt creator? Like I make second videos, I talk about
bullshit that's yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Do you have a do you have a structure to
it or is it just pure? Right?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
No?
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Because that's I asked, because that's how I am. Like,
you know, I don't. I mean, I make a little
money off Instagram here and then when I promote shit right,
but it's not. It's sort of an ancillary part of
my income and I don't spend enough time on it
because I have to be inspired to put out some
kind of a post and that can be three months.
(14:00):
I don't do shit, and then I start feeling guilty.
I'm like, all these people have followed me and they're
not getting anything. And then I'm like, wow, who gives
a shit because they follow a million other people. But
I have to feel like that inspiration to go put
something out when you're doing it as a gig, it's
I mean, you must be like, okay, I got I
gotta I gotta do some shit today.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
If yeah, and this like, it sounds so ridiculous in
the grand scheme of life to be like, oh, it's strussful.
I just got back from the cruise we were hosted. Yeah,
I'm so ridiculous because my life is not normal. I
tell my kids that all the time. This is right, Like,
let's pull back the layers to my kids who are
nine and eleven. Mommy had fifteen jobs before this. Mommy
(14:41):
was head coach at a college. Mommy taught a college course.
So this isn't just Hey, I've been ready for this
my whole life. There's been a lot of layers to
getting this ready to be on camera. But to your
point is if you gave up everything else that you're
doing and you just yeah, you would find a way
to just feed them.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
You do.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Yeah, it's in your DNA. I love it. I treat
it like I'm on FaceTime with like four million people.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Yeah, I'm like, what's up? Are we doing something right?
It's great. That's the best stuff because it's it's to
me anyway. It's just so personal, you know, when it's
not flashy, when it's not set up, when it is
just sort of handheld boom here, I am you know,
here's here's what I'm going through right now in this moment.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Absolutely the hard part is your kids get a little
older and you're like, oh, wait, their privacy matters now
in a different way than it did three years ago.
Three we were on the verge of elementary school. Now
my daughter's going into middle school. So I'm like, oh,
I can't make fitness to you know.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I know it's true, and.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Now I'm finding my like, what's my happily ever after
two point zero? What do I want to do when
I grow up when my kids like get their license
and they.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Don't as much there I'm there right now. It's crazy journey.
So it's crazy. How long have you been divorced?
Speaker 2 (16:08):
So I separated in September of twenty nineteen, okay, and
then came COVID right around I was twenty. I'm gonna
get it together and then twenty twenty did not get
it together? Yeah, but yeah, so yeah, divorce was a beast.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
And was are you dating?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Eh?
Speaker 1 (16:29):
No, because this is a huge part of your brand.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
This is just my My perspective is after divorce and
then perimenopause, you add that in. My brother is my manager.
He called me the other day, he's like, when are
you in actual menopause, not for like over another year.
He's like, can you hurry it up because I have
a six figure deal for you. I'm like, no, I'll
(16:55):
talk to you when it happens. That's really what happens,
is you become I don't want to say picky, but like,
you've just been through some shit and I almost wish
that you had this perspective about dating before you got married.
When you get married, there's like the oh, every milestone
(17:17):
will like, we'll mold us a bit more, and everything
will change once we have kids, and oh, once we
get married, he won't golf as much and once and
you just have all these ideas because you had something
in your brain about your life. M h that was
it was a dead set thing. I'm like goal oriented,
so I was like, this is what my life's going
(17:37):
to be like. And I got married, and when the
divorce happened, I'm like, I need to rewrite that entire play, right,
Like you're a writer. I had to rewrite the whole
freaking thing. So now the man of my dreams is like, wait,
is that even fucking possible? I don't know if that
person exists, and he's definitely not in Massachusetts.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
So why not Why isn't he definitely.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Not I'm way taller than him or something.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Yeah, yeah, where in mass are you?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
By the way, Southeastern mass So a little bit cape,
like twenty minutes from the ferry that okay?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Yeah, yeah, Well my wife is from mass Her her
parents grew up in Brockton, full thick ass accents. Then
they moved along Meadow up in the western part of
the state.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
So I'm not that far from Brockton.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Yeah, she know my parts.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
She knows what's up.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Oh yeah, yeah, of course. And then we go to
Falmouth every year because that's where her parents live now
the best. Yeah, yes, no, I know, I know. Well
that's so funny.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
I know dating. No, not right now. I'm in my
and I used to say, and it's a sad thing
to say. Now. I always would tell people like, I'm
in my Diane Keaton era. Hm. He plays is just
like the white on white on the beach, chilling in her,
you know, midlife vibes. Doesn't need a man. And then
(18:57):
I was in my diant.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Let me ask a question, actually getting into perimenopause. My
wife is in it now. Obviously we're together, so she's
not single. But you know, you know what happens to
your libido when you start this. I understand the hormones
she's on some hormone replacement therapy. Is trying to find
the right balance, because it's been a tricky thing to
(19:20):
find the right balance. Yes, but what happens to your body?
What happens to your libido in that when that you
just shut does everyone just shut down? Like I don't
want it anymore?
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Okay, this is like I want to say the right thing. Okay,
when I was if I were married, abida would look
way different than being the woman who can just have
that when you want to.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Yeah, just different.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Yeah, if someone lived with me, I'd want to take
his fucking head off.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
That's perimenopause, so not necessarily doing anything wrong. But here's
I'm going to do this for your wife, redde. I'm
going to do this for the wife's out there.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
And the husband's Okay, good.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Have you ever made a pot of coffee and forgot
to put like the filter in the pot and beans
the ground whatever you got you pour out. Before perimenopause,
everything is filtering nicely. The filter's in there. Yeah, and
everything's flowing and it's right down into the pot. Okay, Perry, menopause,
(20:20):
you forgot to put the filter there, so but but
I forgot to put the filter in. I made the coffee,
but I'm pissed off at you that I forgot to
put the filter in.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Mm hmmm hmm.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
I forgot it, But I want to blame you because
you're taking up too much of my mental mm hmm.
Perimenopause is like, there's no filter in the pot. The
beans are going everywhere. We don't know what day it is.
We don't know if we're hot or we're cold, or
we're pissed or we're happy. We don't know who we're
mad at. But if you're in front of us, it's
(20:54):
going to be you to blame and we don't. What
else say is we don't want to be like that.
We very much want to be What's the What's the
Bruce willis Michelle Pfeiffer a movie where she's like, I'm fun,
I am a fun girl. Like they they're on the
verge of like their marriage ending, and she how fun
she was before the marriage. That's the character that we are.
(21:17):
We like we know we're fun. We also know we're
bitchy right now, and we don't know how to get
a hold of it. I'm on an estrogen patch. Yeah,
I'm on progesterone before bed and my brother and I
have a podcast together, and I like crashed out last
week ball and crying about the Toy Story five.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Preview on your podcast.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
No just in Ay, I watched the preview. Yeah, we're
talking sobbing and my brother goes like this to me,
He's like, time for the patch.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Talk about your relationship your brother. I mean, this is
a sibling show after all. He sounds awesome, Like he
sounds like kind of like me with with Kate, where
you can say talk about anything, nothing is off limits.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Oh that's that's awesome. I mean, there's I was making
fun of him the other day because he was talking
about how he had two casts on his legs when
he was eight, and I was just crying, laughing, and
it's like only siblings can really like a hard time
for him. Was like, is a hilarious time for me?
So much love? So yeah, there's eighteen years difference between
the two of us. He lives in La Wow, I'm
(22:32):
here in mass when we come together. Technically he's the
only person I want to go out and party with.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Yeah. Does he were you guys blood or half half half? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
So he comes home and I'm like, let's he's the
only person that can get me to take nights off,
like away from my kids. They don't like they're with
me twenty four to seven. When he comes home, I'm like,
I gotta go do a thing. Yeah, yeah, like the
chicken box and the oldest one math. It's kind of
(23:05):
like my escape if that. It's just the sibling thing.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
That you can I'm sure it's a good sounding board too,
you know, for each other. Really can you can you
get under his skin? You know? Do you know how
to needle him and and you know sort of push
his buttons because I know every button of Kate's. I
it's so easy, you know, if I really want to.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
This morning, I said, you gotta. He so he manages me.
He manages my brand deals, which is so interesting, and
today he had a piece of it. He asked me
a question. I go, I can't work with you on this.
Thank you for getting the brand deal. Now I'm going
to take it. I'm gonna don't we're not talking about
this anymore. We just go each other. It's great, and
(23:52):
then five we're sending each other like a gift or
a meme.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
The ground rate of being mad is like three and
a half minutes.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yeah. So you grew up as an only child? Yes,
in mass Yes? Okay? What was how did that shape you?
You know what I mean? What was it like being
in all is this? Are you? Are you a typical
only child?
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I am an only child that was raised in the eighties.
I was like rugged tomboy throwing a football with the
boys in the yard. I would go into recess. I
don't think this is normal now that I think it
out loud and say that I would go to I
would go to gym class in like third fourth grade,
(24:39):
and I would look at the leader board for floor
hockey to see which boys had more goals than me,
and I would like lock it in and I would
go into gym class being like I got a score
four today and I would score four. So that's me
as like an only child, like uber competitive. Yeah, not
in a way that I would ever tell anybody I
was competitive. It was just I think it's a little
(25:01):
of the ADHD hyperfixation.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Mm hm.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
So I was an eighties ADHD. Couldn't pay attention to
shit butterfly on my report cards. It's a hard time
paying attention. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Sports became like my hyperfixation. So I was a total tomboy.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
You were, and that's when you got in field hockey, yes,
and just crushed it, rushed it. Yeah. My wife went
to Ithaca, she played D three lacrosse.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yeah, it's so funny you mass girls. There's a certain breed.
It's so interesting, like all my wife, all of her
girlfriends from Matt I mean, there's a certain energy of
all you girls. It's so funny.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
That is funny there. I think that's why I Also,
nothing that I'm doing online is that unique to me
because I know a bunch of baddies like me. It's
funny to the rest of the world because you're right there.
It's a certain type of reed here mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
And with your you know, with your feeds and with
what you do and what you put out there, do
you just speak with whatever comes to your brain or
do you curate it in a sense that you know,
I feel like talking about this today. I want to
hit this topic. And do you know your audience? You
know what I mean, I.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Don't necessarily know my audience. I know it's ninety something
percent women.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Which it's very clear that I'm a raging goofball on
there right, Like it takes a certain the men that
follow him, like you're a good egg. Sometimes I'll be
a man who's like, oh my god, I got to
take a picture of you for my wife. I'm like,
you're awesome. If you know my shit, you're you're standing
up for your wife. So I think that's the conversation
we're having is like, how do I become more curious
(26:51):
into what my wife is thinking?
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Mm hmm. Well that's the thing. That's that's what's interesting
about it. That's why men need to follow more accounts
like yourselves and and and the other way around. That's
why women should follow more. I mean, I guess it's
a little bit different when when when we talk about things,
but the male perspective I think is important. I do
(27:13):
Drew barrymore a bunch and because she wants me to
come on to give the male perspective on a very
female driven demographic, you know about love and relationships and sex,
you know, you know, so it's important to learn each
other's sides. I mean, I have a million plus followers
or whatever. Its ninety one percent female, you know.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Right, But think about the guy. I really do feel
like men are getting a bad rap right now. I've
spoken so much about my divorce. I've spoken what I
see as far as like, you know, I don't use
the term toxic masculinity, but unfortunately, the really great husbands
and the really great guys are not like online talking
about being great. Instead we're seeing I'm raising a sun
(27:57):
I want him to be awesome.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Yeah, but that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
My uncle's amazing. My grandpa was the epitome of like romance, yeah,
or of my grandmother till the very last day he
lived for her. And so me being raised around that, Like,
I just have this vision of like what a man
is supposed to be. Like, Yeah, it's really hard when
you're in a world where you don't see enough of it.
(28:23):
Does that makes sense?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Oh? One hundred percent? I think I think we all
need to get more curious about why we do things
as men and as women, and why we feel certain
ways and get into the intricacies of the dynamic the
different dynamics of men and women because it's deep. You know,
on the surface, it's like, oh, he's a dude and
(28:45):
he's a dick and blah blah whatever, Right, but there
are if you dig into his psyche a little bit
and understand sort of where that comes from, then I
think we can sort of live harmoniously a little bit,
even a little better. You know, there's there's also so
much primal shit in us that's just left over from
insane thousand years ago.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I mean insane for women like you. Well, this the
lean in movement, right I naturally when I was I
was handling a big piece of business for a corporate
brand as an SVP. I had my second child and
I was just not the same. Everything was tearing me
up about like wanting to be with my children. And
(29:30):
I remember Cheryl Sandberg's book Lean In and all these
big loud like with the heels on and like go
for what you have a seat at the table. I
was like, I don't want to see at the table.
And I feel so bizarre saying that I wanted to
lean out. I wanted to go home when the clock
was done at the end of the workday. I wanted
to fly out of the parking lot to get home
(29:51):
to my kids. And that's a nature.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Oh yeah. And my wife was an actor and she
was amazing and doing very well, and like, you know,
she could have kept going and she's beautiful and she's
good and she's all of it. She could have had
like a big career, you know. And we had our
first baby eighteen years ago, Wilder, and and I was like,
all right, you want to go, you know, you back
(30:16):
and she's like, no, done. I was like, you're done. Done,
don't you don't want to act anymore? You're done. She's like,
I'm done. I just want to be a mom. I'm like, okay, great, amazing,
you know.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
And how did you like changing? Was she?
Speaker 1 (30:30):
So she is as happy as a clam, you know
what I mean, Like there's no regrets there in all zero,
there's no she doesn't have that well I need to
do something. I mean, I think there's a part of
her sometimes that is like, you know, I feel like
I have more to give or I should be doing something.
And I always encourage her because she's an amazing human
(30:53):
and has an amazing ideas and everyone loves her and
she's just I was like, you could, There's so much
you could do. But you know, she's cool. She's cool.
It's just hanging and being a mom.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
And I live. It's like, I'm unapologetically I live for motherhood.
When people there's so much noise out there and it's
social media and it's new you know you live in
this world.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yeah, yeah, just.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
It's so much that tells you you have to have
a life outside of your kids. And I'm like, can
I have a hot minute here? My kids are nine
and eleven. I'm all in.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
And unless a man can come in and bring something
to the table that I'm doing now and not pull
me from my kids, this is like a oh, come
with me, I'm like, I'm with my kids.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
So that's a very Jerry Maguire type of thing, right, Yeah,
I'm apothetically all in on my cat, of course.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
I mean I am as well to the detriment of
my career at points, because I would I'm not going
to New York for that long. I'm not going to
do it. Like, I'm not going to go commit myself
to a series that could potentially go six years where
I'm living in New York. That's not worth it to me.
You know, my deathbed's gonna be surrounded by my children
and the memories of all of the incredible times that
(32:08):
I had with my family. Not a job here or
an award here or that. You know. I think as
you get older, we can let that go a little bit.
You know, going to college, they're out of the house'll
be a little bit more time to focus on myself.
But you know, I'm all in, especially because my dad,
you know, wasn't there. You know, Kirk came into my
(32:29):
life and raised me, but there was a part of
me that just was going to do everything that I
could to just be the most present father of all time,
to the point of insanity, you know, where I miss
a recital. I'm like, he's gonna need therapy. He's gonna
have abandonment issues, and it's just like it's completely irrational.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
But you know, talk to me for a second. I'm
a single mom. I mean, they have their dad, but
this is on me.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
What can I do for my son to like, is
there anything that you were raised with that made you you? Did?
You hear a lot about single moms and boys need broke?
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Yeah? Yeah, I mean I got lucky because Kurt came
into my life at six okay, and my dad we
were good until twelve, and then something happened and whatever
it split apart and it got contentious and that was that.
But Kurt raised me, you know, and he was an
amazing father, extremely masculine when I was a very shy
(33:29):
boy who had been through some trauma with divorce at
that young of an age and sort of clinging to mom.
And he was the one who sort of broke me
out of that and taught me that I'm okay alone.
I'm okay just being who I am, and I can
essentially find my way home, which was literal and figurative.
(33:53):
We had this moment, you know, where I would ride
on these ATVs with him in Colorado and we went
down to the river and he just disappeared and I
started freaking out and I was panicking and we call
him Paw and I was screaming pa Paw, like panicking,
(34:13):
and he was behind a tree just watching me. And
then he came out and he goes Alie. Oliver was like, pah,
I'm losing it and I'm you know, six or seven
years old, and he said, you're okay. You're you're you're,
you're fine, and I was like, okay. He goes, now
I want you to get us home and I was like,
no way, I want to. I need you in my sight,
(34:33):
and he goes, I'll be right behind you. I promise
I will never leave you, and so boom, I get
us home. Keep looking behind me, and I get us home.
And it was this epiphany like he goes, see, like,
if I wasn't there, if I did disappear for some reason,
you know how to get home. And that was literal,
(34:54):
and also, you know, as I get older, it's become
more metaphorical as well, you know. And then the cap
to that story is for the year I've been hearing, oh,
Oliver is too dependent on you to my mother, saying
he's too dependent on you, and Mom would agree, and
he needs independence. And I didn't quite understand what that meant,
but I heard those words, knowing that dependency connotated negativity
(35:20):
and independency with independent was this sort of, you know,
positive thing. And that next morning, I fly down on
my ATV and they're having coffee on their porch and
you can see the little dirt road and I say, mom, Pa,
look I'm independent, not quite understanding what that meant, but boom,
I was off to the races. I was done. I
(35:40):
was now able to be free and not afraid.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
You know, that is so beautiful in so many ways.
And all I'm thinking about is I need myself A
Kirk is So he's nine.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Yeah at six? Yeah I was six. I was six
or seven. But but but then it can continued, you know.
I mean he taught me to hunt. He taught me
to get into the woods. He taught me to be alone,
you know, with a rifle, with knives, with this, with that,
and I learned how to fish, which is a passion
of mine now. So he really brought me to that place.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
And that is that's the beauty of too healthy, like
a healthy man and a healthy woman. Mm hmm. All right,
that's what I think you're gonna get. You get married.
You think is this partnership and you're going to handle
some of this and you're going to handle some of this.
And now I don't know that my cortisol levels are
meant to handle both roles.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Yeah, ah, And I should remember his name. I saw
him on CNN and he is put he he's he's
written a book and it's all about men and boys
and how we need to be taken care of. Oh,
(36:56):
Richard Reeves. Richard Reeves is his name, and it's amazing.
There's some controversy, not controversy to it, but you know,
there's a lot of talk about sort of female empowerment,
and of course it's amazing. But he's his idea is
like we can't forget about the boys and the men,
and he gives all these amazing statistics and how important
it is to raise good boys who can become great men.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
I need to talk to him.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
You should have him on. He's awesome.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
I do see a lot of women get defensive when
there's a childhood specialist or a psychologist that says men
like boys need men like right, the single moms are
like bye, rise, and I'm like, I feel defensive in
my gut, but I also want to listen. I want
to hear, because why would we want to close that
(37:42):
like off, like raising our kids, like I want them
to have best of both worlds, men and women, like
could we all do this together? Yes, against each other thing.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
I think we also underestimate the man slash boy's emotional
capacity or emotional thirst or need for that, because part
of his thing was, you know, hey, just text text
a male, a kid or your cousin or whoever and
just say hey, dude, like thinking about you today, you're
the man or something like that. We don't, you know,
(38:13):
we don't get those things as men. Like all my
guy friends, we're never texting each other like yo, I
love you buddy, like you're just you're fucking amazing, you know,
and when you as a dude, when you get that.
First of all, my friend texted me, I'd be like, dude,
is something wrong? Are you okay? But if it's genuine,
it just feels good, you.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Know, absolutely. Yeah, son's friend came over and it's so funny,
like they're both doing my son's homework project together. I'm like,
this is interesting. The girls would never have a friend
over and do a homework project together. And look at him.
I'm like, oh, they're two little a little bit introverted boys,
(38:53):
and that this is like they're doing this thing. I
do believe they're all wired exactly how they're going to be. Yeah,
we a lot remind me a lot of my son.
Going back to your six year old self is like, yeah,
mom is everything at sex, Like I couldn't even send
him into a fun camp because he'd be panicked to
(39:13):
leave the car. And I remember sitting there at camps
in my I think I did a post three years ago.
I couldn't get him to go off to the golf
camp that he was going to, and I talked about
having to reregulate as a mom, and how to reregulate
your emotions and stay strong for the kid and show
him that he's capable, and it's exhausting.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
M hm.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
So many other moms resonated with like the anxious.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
Boy, Oh gosh. I mean, look, I've had anxiety my twenties.
It started and then I've had bouts of it throughout
my life until forty nine. I'm on Lexapro. You know,
I manage it. I'm so used to it now, the feelings,
I'm no longer afraid of it. I mean, I've been
through the ringer with that.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
You know, we're talking about mental health, like we talked
about ADHD earlier. Today. Example, the school called me. They
never called me unless I'm like, oh no, they just
my daughter was missing her three math books that she needed.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
And.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
I ran over there. I dropped them off brought some
chocolates to the secretaries to be like, let's not pay
attention to.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Chocolate.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Yeah, totally. And I got in my car and I
was like, Wow, do you know how many moms feel
like shit because they are unorganized They have ADHD that
never went treated. Right, So now we're finding out the
moms with ADHD who never got treated have no idea
how to handle it, don't have the systems in place. Now,
(40:43):
I'm like, I could either do this to my kid
or we could get the help we need to get
her to understand systems and structure. Like, I don't want
the label on her, but man, it's a different world,
is what I'm saying. To have label. We live in
a different world where we can manage it better.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yeah. Oh oh, entirely. I mean the amount of memes
that my wife sends me about ADHD. It's crazy because
she has it and.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
She through like her perry menopause made it worse.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Probably, yes, definitely, definitely she has it and she has
vivance to sort of. She doesn't take it every day,
but I'm like, why don't you just fucking take it
every morning? You're amazing when you're on Vivance. You are
getting shit done. You're amazing, you know, But she only
takes me like I gotta get stuff done today. I'm like,
just take it every day. It's awesome.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
She and I maybe need to talk. This is so funny.
Vivance my I my assistant and I when I first
hired her, I took a Vivance one day and she's like,
oh god, she couldn't understand what was going on. I said,
I took a Vidance today, and I said, maybe we
start a series that's called Vivance. Mondays, m h, just
do all the shit I don't want to do. Then
(41:56):
if I took a Vivance every day, by week two,
I go off of it because I'm like I don't
need it.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
Yeah right, I'm like I don't need this.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yeah, but the reason I don't need is because I've
been taking it.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah thing oh entirely.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
I I.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
Know when she's on it. I mean, you know, because
she has to take it early because otherwise she won't
be able to sleep, you know, because it gets you
all up, and you know, so I'll drop the kids
off whatever, my breakfast and I see her, you know,
at ten o'clock. I look at her. I'm like, you're
on Vivance, aren't you. She's like, yep, yeah, on Vivance.
(42:32):
Let's go closet done me? You know, I'm like, oh shit,
you're ready to roll.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
HG parents has got that's going to be a wild house.
There was that.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
We had another ADHD specialist on our show, and he
talked about how it needs to be looked at as
a superpower. As you explained earlier on in the podcast.
You know, it can take control of you, for sure,
but it is a superpower. There's something very creative about it.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
You know.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
I would never change it. You know. I love my
brain and how it fires, and maybe yeah, it can
hinder me in certain ways, but I would never change
that or trade it in for having a blank mind.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
I like it.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
My brain's all over the place.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
But yes, we can live in a world. Our kids
can see a world that is going to be very
capable for their minds. I came out of school and
I remember my guidance counselor being like, what do you
want to do? And I don't know what can I
do with with like where I'm at, I don't want
to take the sat again, like we're just one and
(43:38):
done on that. But now right they did. They wanted
me to take it again.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
I was like, hell, no, I got the worst SAT
score maybe in the in the in the nation.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Have you ever admitted what you got to any Oh,
I have.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Courses say it all the time. I got I think
out of sixteen hundred points, I got a seven sixty.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
I said it out loud.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
No you didn't.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
I've never said that in my life.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Oh my god, I'm so happy you and I are
so similar. No one else has even come close to
my bad school eighty seven sixty. You beat me by
one question.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Oh and then like, how did I rank in my class?
I remember getting the rankings and being like, holy shit,
I'm dumb. Yeah, like I was in the just But
I'll be honest with you, and you need to say it.
Did you care that much?
Speaker 1 (44:29):
No? No, I didn't. I knew what I wanted to do.
I knew I love to be in movies. I had
this feeling that first of all, I didn't attach my
sense of self worth to my grades. Ever. Ever, Ever,
it was not me.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
You know.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
I loved who I was. I had a million friends,
I had fun with life, I was a good person
and nice person. I was like my grades.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
Yeah, I'm fine, that should be the name of your
like next episode, not book smart. Yeah, a bunch of
kids that can't like can't jam. My daughter is so funny.
She goes like this, she goes, Mom, missus, I won't
say the teacher's name. She's like, she keeps asking me
questions and like I don't know the answers, and that's
how she says it. And I go, but what do
(45:14):
you say? She's just like she said that her teachers,
like you should know this by now. You're in fifth grade.
And I go, that's what she says to you. I'm
having flashbacks and I go look around. I said, Layelah,
be honest. Do you look around and think, like, how
the hell does everybody know the answers to this? And
she goes every day, yeah, so like there's a group
(45:35):
of us that like, lets unite, Yeah, bay A, Yeah,
we didn't get the book stuff.
Speaker 1 (45:42):
No, and that's fine, but you will grab other.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Parts of the world by the balls better than anyone around.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
Billion percent, you know. And that's what I'm with my
daughter rio. You know. It was in sixth grade middle school,
big transition from fifth. The workload is more, is more intense,
and with all my kids, I just said, look, just
put the effort in, just try. If I see that
you tried and you get an f you studied your
ass off, I'm like, good, you did it. You win, buddy.
(46:12):
That's it. Now. If you just fuck off and you
don't give a shit, then I have an issue because
I do believe in work ethic, and that's something I
wish I had more of. You know what I mean,
I honestly wish I was pushed a little bit harder
to work harder.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Same. So I love that we're saying this. I feel
so this is therapeutic for me to say, because I
never want to feel like I'm raising lazy kids around
as I want them to do well. I want them
to find out that they're brilliant in some area. And
my FRI ends up being like, oh my god, I
love science. I'm gonna be like wow, shit, I don't.
But I want them to find something in life that
(46:53):
makes them feel good about themselves, and some needs to
work hard at finding that. Yeah, I'm not the f
I'm more like, oh my god, I understand you're confused, Meanwhile,
my son, the teacher can say something once he locks
it in.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Middle My middle kid is like
my middle kid is like never talking about homework once
he's in tenth grade. Now he's straight. A's like, body,
you guys, n is body. I'm like, boddy you good.
He's like yeah good. I'm like, okay, man good. I
don't have to he's not asking you for homework help, no,
hell no, I ask him. I mean I need help.
I need help, which is life. And he sits me
(47:28):
down and has a that's great.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
So how would you describe your like parenting.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
Style non restrictive? We're not. We're not strict parents at all.
I think that we coddle our kids just generally in
our society now too much. I think they need to
get out and fall down and figure shit out on
their own. You know, kindness, looking people in the eye.
All of that stuff really matters to me, you know,
(47:53):
a lot, because that's what we were instilled with. But
never had a real curfew. I've ever grounded my kids,
even when they've done some bad Shiit to me, it's like,
you know what you did wrong? What am I doing?
Speaker 2 (48:05):
You know?
Speaker 1 (48:05):
Grounding you what does that do at the end of
the day.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
I'm like, I won't take that out of the wall.
Speaker 1 (48:12):
Nah.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
I know.
Speaker 1 (48:15):
I know my wife once like lost it in the
car all three kids, you were a little younger, and
she's like, that's it, We're not having Christmas. I'm like, babe,
that's we can't. You cannot fall through with that one.
That's like I'm not gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Just run out of options totally.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
But I am strict on a few things, you know.
I just want them to pay attention, to be safe,
to be aware of their surroundings, you know what I mean,
And to be respectful. I give you a long rope,
so be respectful to me. And I've had to deal
with that a little bit where it's like, yo, I
(49:03):
give you everything, you know what I'm saying, like, show
a little bit of respect here. I'm not strict. I
don't fuck with you at all, you know, give me
a little bit of respect. So there's it's it's kind
of like that, you know, I totally got it.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Yes, Yeah, And what about your wife? What would she say?
Is like the hardest part of dealing with you as
her husband.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
I'm here to help, No, I know, well, I was
going to say when we ended this, if you ever,
if you want me to come on your on your pod,
I one hundred percent will be fun.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (49:34):
Yeah. So she's so amazing my wife, because she just
understands who I am so well. She knows how crazy
I can be. She knows that I am passionate about
certain things like my fishing and boats and my golf
here and there, and you know, and she allows me
(49:55):
to do those things. And I allow her to go
have week girl weekends with her friends, three nights sleeping out,
and we just we're very independent that way that we
don't have some codependent relationship. I think, you know, I
think with her, she would probably want me to get
out of my own head and to believe in myself
more and stop the negative self talk that bugs her,
(50:19):
you know, because she's like, it's just reinforcing, you know,
all the bullshit and if you believe this about yourself,
you're not going to move forward. And she's not wrong,
but yeah, I think, you know that's probably it. I
do the dishes, okay, she would say, don't. Her love
(50:39):
language is acts of service, you know what I mean?
Mine's physical touch on physical touch and her her last
love language is physical touch. So it's hard, you know,
it's hard, you know, so, but yeah, I think we're
pretty we're pretty compatible.
Speaker 2 (50:59):
I think I think my ex husband would have said
his love language was physical touch, but it was only
a certain type of physical talk.
Speaker 1 (51:06):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
I like to cud play with my hair.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
The thing there was never it went from zero to
I'm like, can we just start with the hair?
Speaker 1 (51:16):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. Seeh I
was more. I was more like this where I'm sort
of standing at the island or doing whatever, and she
walks behind me and I'm thinking, is she going to
touch my back? Is she going to touch my back?
Is she going to touch my back? And then she
doesn't touch my back, and I'm like, oh my gosh,
she didn't touch my back.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
She doesn't look.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
I mean, that's my mind where I'm like this, she
could she to me she's going to touch me? Shit,
she didn't touch me, you know.
Speaker 2 (51:46):
But yeah, talking about I love that where I love
the male female cutting together talking, yeah, in a way
trying to understand each other. That's great.
Speaker 1 (51:55):
Well, this has been awesome. Thank you for coming on
and honestly, like, if if you ever want me to
to be on your show, I would love to you guys,
I would love to meet your brother too, and I'm
sure we'd have a blast sort of.
Speaker 2 (52:05):
Just Y's chocking it up for sure. Thank you so
much for having me.
Speaker 1 (52:09):
Thank you. Niki. Do you want to plug anything? Uh?
Speaker 2 (52:13):
Just Nikki Marie ink on Instagram And I feel like
that's my main hub and you could find elsewhere through
all the tags doing a little bit of everything.
Speaker 1 (52:21):
Perfect. We'll go go keep doing it, go, keep relating, Go,
keep making up money.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
Off the cough.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
Yeah, show up as you are, Yeah, of course always
all right, bye, fun I found a kindred spirit I did. Yeah,
she's so mass it's so funny. Reminds me so much
of my wife and her friends. It's crazy. Anyway, I
have to go, and I have to go because iHeart
(52:50):
Radio needs the Zoom, one of the big companies, one
of the great big Oh. Yeah, no, I'm keeping going.
You're going to keep the sin iHeartRadio. It's the Zoom. Laura,
our producers trying to interject at twelve ten, we're two
minutes past the deadline. So I'm sure another podcast is
freaking out right now. I suggest maybe getting a few
more Zoom accounts. Oliver Hudson out
Hi, I am Kate Hudson, and my name is Oliver Hudson.
We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship and
what it's like to be siblings. We are a sibling, Railvalry, No, no, sibling.
Don't do that with your mouth revely.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Oh yeah, Oliver Hudson. It's like I've been saying my
name so much recently when I do these podcasts, when
I do anything, it's Oliver Hudson reporting live. I don't
know where that came from, but I'm just gonna keep
going with it anyway. It's Oliver Hudson reporting live from
my son, body Han Hudson. Yes, that's his middle name, Hank,
(01:02):
take a guess why Goldie Han body Han Hudson, you know,
and I love it, don't get me wrong, but body
Han's kind of sounds like Goldie Han. And we didn't
quite think that out, like, hey, well look it's body
Han or not Goldie Han. You know, it's got a
similar ring to it, and I love that there's legacy
(01:24):
in it. My middle the middle name from my oldest
is Brooks Wilder Brooks and then Rio is real Laura,
Real Laura Hudson and Laura is my grandmother's name. So
I've got them all in there. We got Brooks, we
got Mom, we got Goldie, and we got Laura. If
(01:47):
I was to switch them out, I'd probably go body
Brooks Hudson. It's just got that that b alliteration, you know,
Body Brooks Hudson, Wilder Han Hudson, Real Laura. So maybe
i'd switch them out. I'm gonna see if I can't
do that before the new year, before the year is up.
(02:07):
It's changed their birth certificates without them knowing. Anyway. I ramble,
I ramble, I ramble, and uh no, need to ramble
much longer, because we, of course have a guest waiting
in the waiting room. She actually DMed me. She slid
into my diarm and I wanted to have a chat.
(02:30):
And I looked her up and have said, of course,
because she talks about amazing things. She talks about relationships
and menopause and female things and being a single mom
and and and as we are discovering on this podcast,
Oliver Hudson is extremely in touch with his feminine side.
I mean, there is no denying that anymore, you know
(02:53):
what I mean? Like I can talk menopause, perrymenopause, full,
men pause, you know, with the best of them. Let
me just say that anyway, this is nicky Marie, and
let's just bring her in so she doesn't have to
keep waiting. How are you.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I'm good. Thanks for finding my DM.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I know, I was just talking about it in my
little intro. I'm like, you know, setting you up. Like
she slid into my DMS. She wanted to have a conversation,
and I said, I think you picked the right guy
because as masculine as I am, because everyone looks at
me and thinks just pure sex, pure masculinity, but there's
a strong feminine side. And I was saying that I
(03:36):
could talk menopause, perry, full, whatever you want with the
best of them. Okay, my wife is fifty two. I'm
in it deep. I want to know about it. I'm
not one of those dudes who's just like, oh fuck this.
I go through your shit and I will sort of
stay on the sideline. I'm interested, you know. I mean,
biology is an amazing thing. So I've gone pretty deep.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I love this because I'm worse and I'm going to
tell you what You're married because you care mm hmm, married,
because you're putting in that care. All we want to
do is be seen and heard and understood.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
And it's really hard, I know. And it's funny because
those are the things that we hear all the time,
be seen, be heard, be understood, and of course loved,
you know, And it seems such, it seems so simple,
but it is difficult because all of those things require
a certain vulnerability, and I think for men it's harder
to reach that place of true vulnerability to where you
(04:32):
can see here and be fully open with your with
your partner. We protect something as dudes, and being vulnerable
with certain people around love around women especially interestingly enough,
was very difficult for me with my friends societally me
as a human being, I could cry in front of
(04:54):
people I don't give a shit. But it's funny with
women that I love, whether my mom, I said to
my wife, there's a fear there of just fully opening
up and just being totally upfront saying I love you
and you're amazing, and I just want to tell you
that that would make me sort of retreat, you know. Dang, yeah, yeah,
(05:16):
But now I've kind of figured it all out.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I love this and you're having the conversations. Isn't it
fun that you get to pick up a microphone and
talk about shit, talk.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
About like, I love it, I really really? Do you
know you have a podcast? Right?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
So yeah, I'm a professional yapp er.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
How did he no? I know, I know. It's it's
really really fun and the different people you get to
meet and converse with, it's just it's a blast.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
I've got clout with my kids because I was like,
do not come downstairs. I am going to be on
a call with the guy from Christmas Chronicle. So they're like,
you know, I get the clout. I'm like, well, mom,
now because I can talk to me.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Well, you got to watch the new one. I've got
a new one out that's with me and Alicia Silverstone
on Netflix. It's a Christmas movie done Selah. It's called
Mary Little Xmas, which is actually perfect because it's about
I saw that yep. Yeah, So it's like divorced for
nine months, there's still love there kind of. Christmas traditions
(06:21):
are huge. So Dad is back for the traditions of holidays,
but he brings a girlfriend along. It was a bit nutty,
and it turns out there's just a lot of miscommunication
that had happened in the last year that led them
to their divorce, and of course, you know, they get
back together in the end. But it's really sweet.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I have lived that movie. But the not the not
getting back together a part?
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, yeah, no, which which kind of is, was your
divorce what sets you onto your path?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Absolutely?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah. So it's terrible, but there's the silver lining, you know,
the book.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
The tipping point, my tipping point to doing everything in
my life that I'm doing now, which totally nikky, little Nikki.
I'm back like middle school element doing silk videos and
it's all because of my divorce. Yeah, kind of knocked
me on my ass.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
How did that? How did it? How did it propel
you to do what you wanted to do? I mean,
of course it was bad. I'm hearing that. So what
part of you, after potentially mourning, I'm just guessing, were
you saying, Okay, I'm gonna get up off my fucking
ass right now and I'm gonna I'm gonna find the
silver lining here and I'm gonna make the best of this.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
I went into this is that's a great question. I
went into my career right being told in like my
first two jobs that not everything can be funny. Literally,
I had bosses who were like, you've got to wear makeup,
you've got to blow dry your hair, you've got to
show up, and not everything needs to be funny. And
I was thinking my clients, like I was a sales manager,
(07:52):
and my clients love me because I come in with
something different. I'm myself no matter where I go, m
m and I don't. I don't have the type of
humor that was from like scar tissue or anything. I
think it's just innately I notice everything, extremely sensitive to
everything around me, and I could find a way to
like call it out m m oh. I grew up
(08:13):
thinking in my early career that like you had to
become more serious to be taken seriously right to climb
the ladder. Yeah, I was a Division one athlete all Americans,
so I knew how to like grant and like get
down and dirty with my girls on the field. And
then I started learning write society shapes you. I started
learning in my careers that like my ADHD maybe wasn't
(08:35):
that great. Everywhere I went mm hmm, and people started,
you know, noticing it, and I was like, oh shit,
this always was my superpower, and now I'm not organized.
I can't get my quota like expense reports done on time.
M H started changing myself to be more what like
the corporate the company?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
How did you go about doing that? Like, how do
you consciously try to make that transition? Especially ADHD, which
I was just diagnosed with myself. I did a whole
crazy brain with the doctor, doctor Amin. I don't know
if you know doctor Amen, love him, He's amazing. And
I did the whole thing and it was incredible, you know,
But how did you sort of attempt that transition to
(09:16):
being something you're not meaning going going literally against your
chemistry in your brain?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
So I had I always noted it back to my childhood.
I had four grandparents who literally I was the only granddaughter.
I was like the beloved, overly spoiled with love kid.
So like, if you spoil your kids with love, I'm
a walking billboard that it's not going to mess them up.
Matter of fact, they're going to like think they are
(09:43):
great in ways right, like in a not an equal way,
but in a like I'm capable. So I want to
say that first because I want to frame it with
I grew up where my family loved me for exactly
who I was. It was like, you need to get
all straight. A's how dare you? Yes, it was like
at the C plus B minus we good, We're going.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yeah, you're definitely my people. I mean you and I
are similar or very similar. I think, cut from the
same cloth. Everything that you're saying from the beginning when
we got on till now, it's pretty much how I think,
who I am, what I believe you know, and the
funny part being funny, and it doesn't you're You're not
(10:24):
just giving other people sort of joy. It brings joy
to yourself too. I mean, always be fucking funny. Like
whatever situation you're in, humor is there for a reason.
Even in the most difficult times and tragedy and pain,
humor is always there to lean on.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Yes, yes, so my com so back to the question
of corporate I was like, the way I was as
an athlete is I knew how much I had to
run and train to be good at a sport. So
I think I took that practicality and I put it
over into Okay, this is what your bosses want to
see you do. So I just started doing those things
and I climb the corporate ladder and I figured out
(11:03):
how to get the next position, and I was like
to put me in coach type of employee. And I
started noticing that I was like taking myself more seriously
and starting to be stressed out about work. And I
would get home to my husband and I'd be still
wanting to work. And I think that that climb the
ladder Nikki kind of got away from like true Nikki,
(11:24):
which is like I'm sending snapchats to everybody in the
company because they're funny. Right, I'm a VP. I'm like,
right right, I've always been up behind the scenes girly
with like my selfies and my yeah, and now take
me divorce. COVID lost all my clients. When Covid hit,
(11:45):
I was like, I'll go on TikTok and I'll see
like what my clients are asking for, and that's it.
I just started showing up as the non Instagram mom,
like we don't have a perfect porch on Halloween. I
don't I'm not spending so much on pumpkins. Yeah, don't
have that aesthetic down. My kids are a train wreck
when we're going to take Christmas photos, Like, yeah, pretend
(12:05):
that we shit together. Yeah, and that was like, so
the timing of that in twenty twenty was like, thank god, yes, exactly,
crazy bun and she's like, doesn't know what she's doing
in motherhood and here we are.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Wow, And when did you see it sort of take off?
And was there a moment where we're like, holy shit,
wait a minute. I was doing this kind of for
fun and putting myself out there, but now it's you know,
this is bigger than I expected.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
In probably twenty twenty. What are we in twenty five?
Twenty three January was when I knew that I had
was at a crossroad. I'm like, either I'm gonna do
this half assed and I'm going to keep consulting and
try to figure out my life because I need to
pay the bills. Course is almost over. I need to
figure out my life. I just gave myself somebody out
(12:57):
there might need to hear this. I gave myself a
six month window to succeed or fail. And I was like,
if I do this all in from January to June
and it sucks, then I'll do the next thing. By March.
My Instagram page blew up. Wow, And so it was like, Okay,
(13:18):
I can do this, and I need to be less
apologetic about what this is because it's weird. I'm forty
eight years old. I'm still like, how do I explain
conjunt creator? Like I make second videos, I talk about
bullshit that's yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Do you have a do you have a structure to
it or is it just pure? Right?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
No?
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Because that's I asked, because that's how I am. Like,
you know, I don't. I mean, I make a little
money off Instagram here and then when I promote shit right,
but it's not. It's sort of an ancillary part of
my income and I don't spend enough time on it
because I have to be inspired to put out some
kind of a post and that can be three months.
(14:00):
I don't do shit, and then I start feeling guilty.
I'm like, all these people have followed me and they're
not getting anything. And then I'm like, wow, who gives
a shit because they follow a million other people. But
I have to feel like that inspiration to go put
something out when you're doing it as a gig, it's
I mean, you must be like, okay, I got I
gotta I gotta do some shit today.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
If yeah, and this like, it sounds so ridiculous in
the grand scheme of life to be like, oh, it's strussful.
I just got back from the cruise we were hosted. Yeah,
I'm so ridiculous because my life is not normal. I
tell my kids that all the time. This is right, Like,
let's pull back the layers to my kids who are
nine and eleven. Mommy had fifteen jobs before this. Mommy
(14:41):
was head coach at a college. Mommy taught a college course.
So this isn't just Hey, I've been ready for this
my whole life. There's been a lot of layers to
getting this ready to be on camera. But to your
point is if you gave up everything else that you're
doing and you just yeah, you would find a way
to just feed them.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
You do.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Yeah, it's in your DNA. I love it. I treat
it like I'm on FaceTime with like four million people.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Yeah, I'm like, what's up? Are we doing something right?
It's great. That's the best stuff because it's it's to
me anyway. It's just so personal, you know, when it's
not flashy, when it's not set up, when it is
just sort of handheld boom here, I am you know,
here's here's what I'm going through right now in this moment.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Absolutely the hard part is your kids get a little
older and you're like, oh, wait, their privacy matters now
in a different way than it did three years ago.
Three we were on the verge of elementary school. Now
my daughter's going into middle school. So I'm like, oh,
I can't make fitness to you know.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I know it's true, and.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Now I'm finding my like, what's my happily ever after
two point zero? What do I want to do when
I grow up when my kids like get their license
and they.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Don't as much there I'm there right now. It's crazy journey.
So it's crazy. How long have you been divorced?
Speaker 2 (16:08):
So I separated in September of twenty nineteen, okay, and
then came COVID right around I was twenty. I'm gonna
get it together and then twenty twenty did not get
it together? Yeah, but yeah, so yeah, divorce was a beast.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
And was are you dating?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Eh?
Speaker 1 (16:29):
No, because this is a huge part of your brand.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
This is just my My perspective is after divorce and
then perimenopause, you add that in. My brother is my manager.
He called me the other day, he's like, when are
you in actual menopause, not for like over another year.
He's like, can you hurry it up because I have
a six figure deal for you. I'm like, no, I'll
(16:55):
talk to you when it happens. That's really what happens,
is you become I don't want to say picky, but like,
you've just been through some shit and I almost wish
that you had this perspective about dating before you got married.
When you get married, there's like the oh, every milestone
(17:17):
will like, we'll mold us a bit more, and everything
will change once we have kids, and oh, once we
get married, he won't golf as much and once and
you just have all these ideas because you had something
in your brain about your life. M h that was
it was a dead set thing. I'm like goal oriented,
so I was like, this is what my life's going
(17:37):
to be like. And I got married, and when the
divorce happened, I'm like, I need to rewrite that entire play, right,
Like you're a writer. I had to rewrite the whole
freaking thing. So now the man of my dreams is like, wait,
is that even fucking possible? I don't know if that
person exists, and he's definitely not in Massachusetts.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
So why not Why isn't he definitely.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Not I'm way taller than him or something.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Yeah, yeah, where in mass are you?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
By the way, Southeastern mass So a little bit cape,
like twenty minutes from the ferry that okay?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Yeah, yeah, Well my wife is from mass Her her
parents grew up in Brockton, full thick ass accents. Then
they moved along Meadow up in the western part of
the state.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
So I'm not that far from Brockton.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Yeah, she know my parts.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
She knows what's up.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Oh yeah, yeah, of course. And then we go to
Falmouth every year because that's where her parents live now
the best. Yeah, yes, no, I know, I know. Well
that's so funny.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
I know dating. No, not right now. I'm in my
and I used to say, and it's a sad thing
to say. Now. I always would tell people like, I'm
in my Diane Keaton era. Hm. He plays is just
like the white on white on the beach, chilling in her,
you know, midlife vibes. Doesn't need a man. And then
(18:57):
I was in my diant.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Let me ask a question, actually getting into perimenopause. My
wife is in it now. Obviously we're together, so she's
not single. But you know, you know what happens to
your libido when you start this. I understand the hormones
she's on some hormone replacement therapy. Is trying to find
the right balance, because it's been a tricky thing to
(19:20):
find the right balance. Yes, but what happens to your body?
What happens to your libido in that when that you
just shut does everyone just shut down? Like I don't
want it anymore?
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Okay, this is like I want to say the right thing. Okay,
when I was if I were married, abida would look
way different than being the woman who can just have
that when you want to.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Yeah, just different.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Yeah, if someone lived with me, I'd want to take
his fucking head off.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
That's perimenopause, so not necessarily doing anything wrong. But here's
I'm going to do this for your wife, redde. I'm
going to do this for the wife's out there.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
And the husband's Okay, good.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Have you ever made a pot of coffee and forgot
to put like the filter in the pot and beans
the ground whatever you got you pour out. Before perimenopause,
everything is filtering nicely. The filter's in there. Yeah, and
everything's flowing and it's right down into the pot. Okay, Perry, menopause,
(20:20):
you forgot to put the filter there, so but but
I forgot to put the filter in. I made the coffee,
but I'm pissed off at you that I forgot to
put the filter in.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Mm hmmm hmm.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
I forgot it, But I want to blame you because
you're taking up too much of my mental mm hmm.
Perimenopause is like, there's no filter in the pot. The
beans are going everywhere. We don't know what day it is.
We don't know if we're hot or we're cold, or
we're pissed or we're happy. We don't know who we're
mad at. But if you're in front of us, it's
(20:54):
going to be you to blame and we don't. What
else say is we don't want to be like that.
We very much want to be What's the What's the
Bruce willis Michelle Pfeiffer a movie where she's like, I'm fun,
I am a fun girl. Like they they're on the
verge of like their marriage ending, and she how fun
she was before the marriage. That's the character that we are.
(21:17):
We like we know we're fun. We also know we're
bitchy right now, and we don't know how to get
a hold of it. I'm on an estrogen patch. Yeah,
I'm on progesterone before bed and my brother and I
have a podcast together, and I like crashed out last
week ball and crying about the Toy Story five.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Preview on your podcast.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
No just in Ay, I watched the preview. Yeah, we're
talking sobbing and my brother goes like this to me,
He's like, time for the patch.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Talk about your relationship your brother. I mean, this is
a sibling show after all. He sounds awesome, Like he
sounds like kind of like me with with Kate, where
you can say talk about anything, nothing is off limits.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Oh that's that's awesome. I mean, there's I was making
fun of him the other day because he was talking
about how he had two casts on his legs when
he was eight, and I was just crying, laughing, and
it's like only siblings can really like a hard time
for him. Was like, is a hilarious time for me?
So much love? So yeah, there's eighteen years difference between
the two of us. He lives in La Wow, I'm
(22:32):
here in mass when we come together. Technically he's the
only person I want to go out and party with.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Yeah. Does he were you guys blood or half half half? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
So he comes home and I'm like, let's he's the
only person that can get me to take nights off,
like away from my kids. They don't like they're with
me twenty four to seven. When he comes home, I'm like,
I gotta go do a thing. Yeah, yeah, like the
chicken box and the oldest one math. It's kind of
(23:05):
like my escape if that. It's just the sibling thing.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
That you can I'm sure it's a good sounding board too,
you know, for each other. Really can you can you
get under his skin? You know? Do you know how
to needle him and and you know sort of push
his buttons because I know every button of Kate's. I
it's so easy, you know, if I really want to.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
This morning, I said, you gotta. He so he manages me.
He manages my brand deals, which is so interesting, and
today he had a piece of it. He asked me
a question. I go, I can't work with you on this.
Thank you for getting the brand deal. Now I'm going
to take it. I'm gonna don't we're not talking about
this anymore. We just go each other. It's great, and
(23:52):
then five we're sending each other like a gift or
a meme.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
The ground rate of being mad is like three and
a half minutes.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yeah. So you grew up as an only child? Yes,
in mass Yes? Okay? What was how did that shape you?
You know what I mean? What was it like being
in all is this? Are you? Are you a typical
only child?
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I am an only child that was raised in the eighties.
I was like rugged tomboy throwing a football with the
boys in the yard. I would go into recess. I
don't think this is normal now that I think it
out loud and say that I would go to I
would go to gym class in like third fourth grade,
(24:39):
and I would look at the leader board for floor
hockey to see which boys had more goals than me,
and I would like lock it in and I would
go into gym class being like I got a score
four today and I would score four. So that's me
as like an only child, like uber competitive. Yeah, not
in a way that I would ever tell anybody I
was competitive. It was just I think it's a little
(25:01):
of the ADHD hyperfixation.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Mm hm.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
So I was an eighties ADHD. Couldn't pay attention to
shit butterfly on my report cards. It's a hard time
paying attention. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Sports became like my hyperfixation. So I was a total tomboy.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
You were, and that's when you got in field hockey, yes,
and just crushed it, rushed it. Yeah. My wife went
to Ithaca, she played D three lacrosse.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yeah, it's so funny you mass girls. There's a certain breed.
It's so interesting, like all my wife, all of her
girlfriends from Matt I mean, there's a certain energy of
all you girls. It's so funny.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
That is funny there. I think that's why I Also,
nothing that I'm doing online is that unique to me
because I know a bunch of baddies like me. It's
funny to the rest of the world because you're right there.
It's a certain type of reed here mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
And with your you know, with your feeds and with
what you do and what you put out there, do
you just speak with whatever comes to your brain or
do you curate it in a sense that you know,
I feel like talking about this today. I want to
hit this topic. And do you know your audience? You
know what I mean, I.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Don't necessarily know my audience. I know it's ninety something
percent women.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Which it's very clear that I'm a raging goofball on
there right, Like it takes a certain the men that
follow him, like you're a good egg. Sometimes I'll be
a man who's like, oh my god, I got to
take a picture of you for my wife. I'm like,
you're awesome. If you know my shit, you're you're standing
up for your wife. So I think that's the conversation
we're having is like, how do I become more curious
(26:51):
into what my wife is thinking?
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Mm hmm. Well that's the thing. That's that's what's interesting
about it. That's why men need to follow more accounts
like yourselves and and and the other way around. That's
why women should follow more. I mean, I guess it's
a little bit different when when when we talk about things,
but the male perspective I think is important. I do
(27:13):
Drew barrymore a bunch and because she wants me to
come on to give the male perspective on a very
female driven demographic, you know about love and relationships and sex,
you know, you know, so it's important to learn each
other's sides. I mean, I have a million plus followers
or whatever. Its ninety one percent female, you know.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Right, But think about the guy. I really do feel
like men are getting a bad rap right now. I've
spoken so much about my divorce. I've spoken what I
see as far as like, you know, I don't use
the term toxic masculinity, but unfortunately, the really great husbands
and the really great guys are not like online talking
about being great. Instead we're seeing I'm raising a sun
(27:57):
I want him to be awesome.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Yeah, but that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
My uncle's amazing. My grandpa was the epitome of like romance, yeah,
or of my grandmother till the very last day he
lived for her. And so me being raised around that, Like,
I just have this vision of like what a man
is supposed to be. Like, Yeah, it's really hard when
you're in a world where you don't see enough of it.
(28:23):
Does that makes sense?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Oh? One hundred percent? I think I think we all
need to get more curious about why we do things
as men and as women, and why we feel certain
ways and get into the intricacies of the dynamic the
different dynamics of men and women because it's deep. You know,
on the surface, it's like, oh, he's a dude and
(28:45):
he's a dick and blah blah whatever, Right, but there
are if you dig into his psyche a little bit
and understand sort of where that comes from, then I
think we can sort of live harmoniously a little bit,
even a little better. You know, there's there's also so
much primal shit in us that's just left over from
insane thousand years ago.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I mean insane for women like you. Well, this the
lean in movement, right I naturally when I was I
was handling a big piece of business for a corporate
brand as an SVP. I had my second child and
I was just not the same. Everything was tearing me
up about like wanting to be with my children. And
(29:30):
I remember Cheryl Sandberg's book Lean In and all these
big loud like with the heels on and like go
for what you have a seat at the table. I
was like, I don't want to see at the table.
And I feel so bizarre saying that I wanted to
lean out. I wanted to go home when the clock
was done at the end of the workday. I wanted
to fly out of the parking lot to get home
(29:51):
to my kids. And that's a nature.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Oh yeah. And my wife was an actor and she
was amazing and doing very well, and like, you know,
she could have kept going and she's beautiful and she's
good and she's all of it. She could have had
like a big career, you know. And we had our
first baby eighteen years ago, Wilder, and and I was like,
all right, you want to go, you know, you back
(30:16):
and she's like, no, done. I was like, you're done. Done,
don't you don't want to act anymore? You're done. She's like,
I'm done. I just want to be a mom. I'm like, okay, great, amazing,
you know.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
And how did you like changing? Was she?
Speaker 1 (30:30):
So she is as happy as a clam, you know
what I mean, Like there's no regrets there in all zero,
there's no she doesn't have that well I need to
do something. I mean, I think there's a part of
her sometimes that is like, you know, I feel like
I have more to give or I should be doing something.
And I always encourage her because she's an amazing human
(30:53):
and has an amazing ideas and everyone loves her and
she's just I was like, you could, There's so much
you could do. But you know, she's cool. She's cool.
It's just hanging and being a mom.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
And I live. It's like, I'm unapologetically I live for motherhood.
When people there's so much noise out there and it's
social media and it's new you know you live in
this world.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yeah, yeah, just.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
It's so much that tells you you have to have
a life outside of your kids. And I'm like, can
I have a hot minute here? My kids are nine
and eleven. I'm all in.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
And unless a man can come in and bring something
to the table that I'm doing now and not pull
me from my kids, this is like a oh, come
with me, I'm like, I'm with my kids.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
So that's a very Jerry Maguire type of thing, right, Yeah,
I'm apothetically all in on my cat, of course.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
I mean I am as well to the detriment of
my career at points, because I would I'm not going
to New York for that long. I'm not going to
do it. Like, I'm not going to go commit myself
to a series that could potentially go six years where
I'm living in New York. That's not worth it to me.
You know, my deathbed's gonna be surrounded by my children
and the memories of all of the incredible times that
(32:08):
I had with my family. Not a job here or
an award here or that. You know. I think as
you get older, we can let that go a little bit.
You know, going to college, they're out of the house'll
be a little bit more time to focus on myself.
But you know, I'm all in, especially because my dad,
you know, wasn't there. You know, Kirk came into my
(32:29):
life and raised me, but there was a part of
me that just was going to do everything that I
could to just be the most present father of all time,
to the point of insanity, you know, where I miss
a recital. I'm like, he's gonna need therapy. He's gonna
have abandonment issues, and it's just like it's completely irrational.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
But you know, talk to me for a second. I'm
a single mom. I mean, they have their dad, but
this is on me.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
What can I do for my son to like, is
there anything that you were raised with that made you you? Did?
You hear a lot about single moms and boys need broke?
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Yeah? Yeah, I mean I got lucky because Kurt came
into my life at six okay, and my dad we
were good until twelve, and then something happened and whatever
it split apart and it got contentious and that was that.
But Kurt raised me, you know, and he was an
amazing father, extremely masculine when I was a very shy
(33:29):
boy who had been through some trauma with divorce at
that young of an age and sort of clinging to mom.
And he was the one who sort of broke me
out of that and taught me that I'm okay alone.
I'm okay just being who I am, and I can
essentially find my way home, which was literal and figurative.
(33:53):
We had this moment, you know, where I would ride
on these ATVs with him in Colorado and we went
down to the river and he just disappeared and I
started freaking out and I was panicking and we call
him Paw and I was screaming pa Paw, like panicking,
(34:13):
and he was behind a tree just watching me. And
then he came out and he goes Alie. Oliver was like, pah,
I'm losing it and I'm you know, six or seven
years old, and he said, you're okay. You're you're you're,
you're fine, and I was like, okay. He goes, now
I want you to get us home and I was like,
no way, I want to. I need you in my sight,
(34:33):
and he goes, I'll be right behind you. I promise
I will never leave you, and so boom, I get
us home. Keep looking behind me, and I get us home.
And it was this epiphany like he goes, see, like,
if I wasn't there, if I did disappear for some reason,
you know how to get home. And that was literal,
(34:54):
and also, you know, as I get older, it's become
more metaphorical as well, you know. And then the cap
to that story is for the year I've been hearing, oh,
Oliver is too dependent on you to my mother, saying
he's too dependent on you, and Mom would agree, and
he needs independence. And I didn't quite understand what that meant,
but I heard those words, knowing that dependency connotated negativity
(35:20):
and independency with independent was this sort of, you know,
positive thing. And that next morning, I fly down on
my ATV and they're having coffee on their porch and
you can see the little dirt road and I say, mom, Pa,
look I'm independent, not quite understanding what that meant, but boom,
I was off to the races. I was done. I
(35:40):
was now able to be free and not afraid.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
You know, that is so beautiful in so many ways.
And all I'm thinking about is I need myself A
Kirk is So he's nine.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Yeah at six? Yeah I was six. I was six
or seven. But but but then it can continued, you know.
I mean he taught me to hunt. He taught me
to get into the woods. He taught me to be alone,
you know, with a rifle, with knives, with this, with that,
and I learned how to fish, which is a passion
of mine now. So he really brought me to that place.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
And that is that's the beauty of too healthy, like
a healthy man and a healthy woman. Mm hmm. All right,
that's what I think you're gonna get. You get married.
You think is this partnership and you're going to handle
some of this and you're going to handle some of this.
And now I don't know that my cortisol levels are
meant to handle both roles.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Yeah, ah, And I should remember his name. I saw
him on CNN and he is put he he's he's
written a book and it's all about men and boys
and how we need to be taken care of. Oh,
(36:56):
Richard Reeves. Richard Reeves is his name, and it's amazing.
There's some controversy, not controversy to it, but you know,
there's a lot of talk about sort of female empowerment,
and of course it's amazing. But he's his idea is
like we can't forget about the boys and the men,
and he gives all these amazing statistics and how important
it is to raise good boys who can become great men.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
I need to talk to him.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
You should have him on. He's awesome.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
I do see a lot of women get defensive when
there's a childhood specialist or a psychologist that says men
like boys need men like right, the single moms are
like bye, rise, and I'm like, I feel defensive in
my gut, but I also want to listen. I want
to hear, because why would we want to close that
(37:42):
like off, like raising our kids, like I want them
to have best of both worlds, men and women, like
could we all do this together? Yes, against each other thing.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
I think we also underestimate the man slash boy's emotional
capacity or emotional thirst or need for that, because part
of his thing was, you know, hey, just text text
a male, a kid or your cousin or whoever and
just say hey, dude, like thinking about you today, you're
the man or something like that. We don't, you know,
(38:13):
we don't get those things as men. Like all my
guy friends, we're never texting each other like yo, I
love you buddy, like you're just you're fucking amazing, you know,
and when you as a dude, when you get that.
First of all, my friend texted me, I'd be like, dude,
is something wrong? Are you okay? But if it's genuine,
it just feels good, you.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Know, absolutely. Yeah, son's friend came over and it's so funny,
like they're both doing my son's homework project together. I'm like,
this is interesting. The girls would never have a friend
over and do a homework project together. And look at him.
I'm like, oh, they're two little a little bit introverted boys,
(38:53):
and that this is like they're doing this thing. I
do believe they're all wired exactly how they're going to be. Yeah,
we a lot remind me a lot of my son.
Going back to your six year old self is like, yeah,
mom is everything at sex, Like I couldn't even send
him into a fun camp because he'd be panicked to
(39:13):
leave the car. And I remember sitting there at camps
in my I think I did a post three years ago.
I couldn't get him to go off to the golf
camp that he was going to, and I talked about
having to reregulate as a mom, and how to reregulate
your emotions and stay strong for the kid and show
him that he's capable, and it's exhausting.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
M hm.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
So many other moms resonated with like the anxious.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
Boy, Oh gosh. I mean, look, I've had anxiety my twenties.
It started and then I've had bouts of it throughout
my life until forty nine. I'm on Lexapro. You know,
I manage it. I'm so used to it now, the feelings,
I'm no longer afraid of it. I mean, I've been
through the ringer with that.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
You know, we're talking about mental health, like we talked
about ADHD earlier. Today. Example, the school called me. They
never called me unless I'm like, oh no, they just
my daughter was missing her three math books that she needed.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
And.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
I ran over there. I dropped them off brought some
chocolates to the secretaries to be like, let's not pay
attention to.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Chocolate.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Yeah, totally. And I got in my car and I
was like, Wow, do you know how many moms feel
like shit because they are unorganized They have ADHD that
never went treated. Right, So now we're finding out the
moms with ADHD who never got treated have no idea
how to handle it, don't have the systems in place. Now,
(40:43):
I'm like, I could either do this to my kid
or we could get the help we need to get
her to understand systems and structure. Like, I don't want
the label on her, but man, it's a different world,
is what I'm saying. To have label. We live in
a different world where we can manage it better.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yeah. Oh oh, entirely. I mean the amount of memes
that my wife sends me about ADHD. It's crazy because
she has it and.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
She through like her perry menopause made it worse.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Probably, yes, definitely, definitely she has it and she has
vivance to sort of. She doesn't take it every day,
but I'm like, why don't you just fucking take it
every morning? You're amazing when you're on Vivance. You are
getting shit done. You're amazing, you know, But she only
takes me like I gotta get stuff done today. I'm like,
just take it every day. It's awesome.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
She and I maybe need to talk. This is so funny.
Vivance my I my assistant and I when I first
hired her, I took a Vivance one day and she's like,
oh god, she couldn't understand what was going on. I said,
I took a Vidance today, and I said, maybe we
start a series that's called Vivance. Mondays, m h, just
do all the shit I don't want to do. Then
(41:56):
if I took a Vivance every day, by week two,
I go off of it because I'm like I don't
need it.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
Yeah right, I'm like I don't need this.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yeah, but the reason I don't need is because I've
been taking it.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah thing oh entirely.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
I I.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
Know when she's on it. I mean, you know, because
she has to take it early because otherwise she won't
be able to sleep, you know, because it gets you
all up, and you know, so I'll drop the kids
off whatever, my breakfast and I see her, you know,
at ten o'clock. I look at her. I'm like, you're
on Vivance, aren't you. She's like, yep, yeah, on Vivance.
(42:32):
Let's go closet done me? You know, I'm like, oh shit,
you're ready to roll.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
HG parents has got that's going to be a wild house.
There was that.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
We had another ADHD specialist on our show, and he
talked about how it needs to be looked at as
a superpower. As you explained earlier on in the podcast.
You know, it can take control of you, for sure,
but it is a superpower. There's something very creative about it.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
You know.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
I would never change it. You know. I love my
brain and how it fires, and maybe yeah, it can
hinder me in certain ways, but I would never change
that or trade it in for having a blank mind.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
I like it.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
My brain's all over the place.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
But yes, we can live in a world. Our kids
can see a world that is going to be very
capable for their minds. I came out of school and
I remember my guidance counselor being like, what do you
want to do? And I don't know what can I
do with with like where I'm at, I don't want
to take the sat again, like we're just one and
(43:38):
done on that. But now right they did. They wanted
me to take it again.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
I was like, hell, no, I got the worst SAT
score maybe in the in the in the nation.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Have you ever admitted what you got to any Oh,
I have.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Courses say it all the time. I got I think
out of sixteen hundred points, I got a seven sixty.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
I said it out loud.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
No you didn't.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
I've never said that in my life.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Oh my god, I'm so happy you and I are
so similar. No one else has even come close to
my bad school eighty seven sixty. You beat me by
one question.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Oh and then like, how did I rank in my class?
I remember getting the rankings and being like, holy shit,
I'm dumb. Yeah, like I was in the just But
I'll be honest with you, and you need to say it.
Did you care that much?
Speaker 1 (44:29):
No? No, I didn't. I knew what I wanted to do.
I knew I love to be in movies. I had
this feeling that first of all, I didn't attach my
sense of self worth to my grades. Ever. Ever, Ever,
it was not me.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
You know.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
I loved who I was. I had a million friends,
I had fun with life, I was a good person
and nice person. I was like my grades.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
Yeah, I'm fine, that should be the name of your
like next episode, not book smart. Yeah, a bunch of
kids that can't like can't jam. My daughter is so funny.
She goes like this, she goes, Mom, missus, I won't
say the teacher's name. She's like, she keeps asking me
questions and like I don't know the answers, and that's
how she says it. And I go, but what do
(45:14):
you say? She's just like she said that her teachers,
like you should know this by now. You're in fifth grade.
And I go, that's what she says to you. I'm
having flashbacks and I go look around. I said, Layelah,
be honest. Do you look around and think, like, how
the hell does everybody know the answers to this? And
she goes every day, yeah, so like there's a group
(45:35):
of us that like, lets unite, Yeah, bay A, Yeah,
we didn't get the book stuff.
Speaker 1 (45:42):
No, and that's fine, but you will grab other.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Parts of the world by the balls better than anyone around.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
Billion percent, you know. And that's what I'm with my
daughter rio. You know. It was in sixth grade middle school,
big transition from fifth. The workload is more, is more intense,
and with all my kids, I just said, look, just
put the effort in, just try. If I see that
you tried and you get an f you studied your
ass off, I'm like, good, you did it. You win, buddy.
(46:12):
That's it. Now. If you just fuck off and you
don't give a shit, then I have an issue because
I do believe in work ethic, and that's something I
wish I had more of. You know what I mean,
I honestly wish I was pushed a little bit harder
to work harder.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Same. So I love that we're saying this. I feel
so this is therapeutic for me to say, because I
never want to feel like I'm raising lazy kids around
as I want them to do well. I want them
to find out that they're brilliant in some area. And
my FRI ends up being like, oh my god, I
love science. I'm gonna be like wow, shit, I don't.
But I want them to find something in life that
(46:53):
makes them feel good about themselves, and some needs to
work hard at finding that. Yeah, I'm not the f
I'm more like, oh my god, I understand you're confused, Meanwhile,
my son, the teacher can say something once he locks
it in.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Middle My middle kid is like
my middle kid is like never talking about homework once
he's in tenth grade. Now he's straight. A's like, body,
you guys, n is body. I'm like, boddy you good.
He's like yeah good. I'm like, okay, man good. I
don't have to he's not asking you for homework help, no,
hell no, I ask him. I mean I need help.
I need help, which is life. And he sits me
(47:28):
down and has a that's great.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
So how would you describe your like parenting.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
Style non restrictive? We're not. We're not strict parents at all.
I think that we coddle our kids just generally in
our society now too much. I think they need to
get out and fall down and figure shit out on
their own. You know, kindness, looking people in the eye.
All of that stuff really matters to me, you know,
(47:53):
a lot, because that's what we were instilled with. But
never had a real curfew. I've ever grounded my kids,
even when they've done some bad Shiit to me, it's like,
you know what you did wrong? What am I doing?
Speaker 2 (48:05):
You know?
Speaker 1 (48:05):
Grounding you what does that do at the end of
the day.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
I'm like, I won't take that out of the wall.
Speaker 1 (48:12):
Nah.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
I know.
Speaker 1 (48:15):
I know my wife once like lost it in the
car all three kids, you were a little younger, and
she's like, that's it, We're not having Christmas. I'm like, babe,
that's we can't. You cannot fall through with that one.
That's like I'm not gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Just run out of options totally.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
But I am strict on a few things, you know.
I just want them to pay attention, to be safe,
to be aware of their surroundings, you know what I mean,
And to be respectful. I give you a long rope,
so be respectful to me. And I've had to deal
with that a little bit where it's like, yo, I
(49:03):
give you everything, you know what I'm saying, like, show
a little bit of respect here. I'm not strict. I
don't fuck with you at all, you know, give me
a little bit of respect. So there's it's it's kind
of like that, you know, I totally got it.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Yes, Yeah, And what about your wife? What would she say?
Is like the hardest part of dealing with you as
her husband.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
I'm here to help, No, I know, well, I was
going to say when we ended this, if you ever,
if you want me to come on your on your pod,
I one hundred percent will be fun.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (49:34):
Yeah. So she's so amazing my wife, because she just
understands who I am so well. She knows how crazy
I can be. She knows that I am passionate about
certain things like my fishing and boats and my golf
here and there, and you know, and she allows me
(49:55):
to do those things. And I allow her to go
have week girl weekends with her friends, three nights sleeping out,
and we just we're very independent that way that we
don't have some codependent relationship. I think, you know, I
think with her, she would probably want me to get
out of my own head and to believe in myself
more and stop the negative self talk that bugs her,
(50:19):
you know, because she's like, it's just reinforcing, you know,
all the bullshit and if you believe this about yourself,
you're not going to move forward. And she's not wrong,
but yeah, I think, you know that's probably it. I
do the dishes, okay, she would say, don't. Her love
(50:39):
language is acts of service, you know what I mean?
Mine's physical touch on physical touch and her her last
love language is physical touch. So it's hard, you know,
it's hard, you know, so, but yeah, I think we're
pretty we're pretty compatible.
Speaker 2 (50:59):
I think I think my ex husband would have said
his love language was physical touch, but it was only
a certain type of physical talk.
Speaker 1 (51:06):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
I like to cud play with my hair.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
The thing there was never it went from zero to
I'm like, can we just start with the hair?
Speaker 1 (51:16):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. Seeh I
was more. I was more like this where I'm sort
of standing at the island or doing whatever, and she
walks behind me and I'm thinking, is she going to
touch my back? Is she going to touch my back?
Is she going to touch my back? And then she
doesn't touch my back, and I'm like, oh my gosh,
she didn't touch my back.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
She doesn't look.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
I mean, that's my mind where I'm like this, she
could she to me she's going to touch me? Shit,
she didn't touch me, you know.
Speaker 2 (51:46):
But yeah, talking about I love that where I love
the male female cutting together talking, yeah, in a way
trying to understand each other. That's great.
Speaker 1 (51:55):
Well, this has been awesome. Thank you for coming on
and honestly, like, if if you ever want me to
to be on your show, I would love to you guys,
I would love to meet your brother too, and I'm
sure we'd have a blast sort of.
Speaker 2 (52:05):
Just Y's chocking it up for sure. Thank you so
much for having me.
Speaker 1 (52:09):
Thank you. Niki. Do you want to plug anything? Uh?
Speaker 2 (52:13):
Just Nikki Marie ink on Instagram And I feel like
that's my main hub and you could find elsewhere through
all the tags doing a little bit of everything.
Speaker 1 (52:21):
Perfect. We'll go go keep doing it, go, keep relating, Go,
keep making up money.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
Off the cough.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
Yeah, show up as you are, Yeah, of course always
all right, bye, fun I found a kindred spirit I did. Yeah,
she's so mass it's so funny. Reminds me so much
of my wife and her friends. It's crazy. Anyway, I
have to go, and I have to go because iHeart
(52:50):
Radio needs the Zoom, one of the big companies, one
of the great big Oh. Yeah, no, I'm keeping going.
You're going to keep the sin iHeartRadio. It's the Zoom. Laura,
our producers trying to interject at twelve ten, we're two
minutes past the deadline. So I'm sure another podcast is
freaking out right now. I suggest maybe getting a few
more Zoom accounts. Oliver Hudson out
Hosts And Creators
Oliver Hudson
Kate Hudson
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