November 15, 2023 • 33 mins
Updating you on all things SavageMom as we lead into Thanksgiving and the holiday season...
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ooh seven. I like to keep it real simple. Well,
it's time for an update.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Oh where do we begin on this episode? So week
before Thanksgiving?
Speaker 1 (00:20):
And if you have seen.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
My recent feed and Josh's recent feed, there's probably a
lot of questions and assumptions going on right now. If
you have not, let me take a step back. So
I don't even know. Was it week ago? Not sure
when I did a video and it said when will
you be When will you get married? And it said
(00:47):
twenty twenty four And I'm like, wait, what.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Just not? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
It's just not in my head of I have to
be married by this time. I have to do this,
I have to do that. And I think the older
that you get maybe the wiser. I don't know, but
I feel like the older I have gotten, the less
I care about the I don't know society where it says, oh,
(01:16):
you need to be married, you need to have a kid,
you need to do this, you need to do that,
screw that.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
I'm just not there.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I'm not at that point where I should feel or anyone. Honestly,
I don't think anyone should be at that point where
they feel pressured because society says this is what you
should do. Oh you should be married. Oh you should
be with someone. Oh you should have kids. Oh you
should do this, Oh you should do that.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Screw that. Do what you feel is right for you.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I don't think everyone's cut out to be married.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I just don't do.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I think people are cut out to be alone. No,
but it doesn't mean people have to be married. It
doesn't mean people can't just be together or be engaged
or or whatever. It's whatever works for you and your
partner is how I feel about it. So with that
being said, I just never thought, Okay, I have to
be married by this time and things are going great
(02:12):
and I need this and I need that. That's just
not I feel like with Josh, I've taken things slow
on the important stuff. Yes, I feel like we moved
fast in the beginning because we clicked so well. And
I know this is gonna be a word people are
gonna like. But the love bombing of let me give
(02:34):
you everything I possibly can, and when you're in the public,
I you think through all of those things. Okay, is
he love bombing me? Is this going to stop? Is
it not gonna stop?
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Is he going to relax a bit? Once he feels
like he has me what about this? What about that?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
And I have to say, for the most part, as
I think through all of these things, because like I said,
I got the filter that said, oh, you'll be married
in twenty twenty four, and then I don't know. The
next filter I did said when we be engaged in
it said two weeks. Well, Josh did his, and the
first take on both of his was the same thing,
so we I had put mine up. I didn't know
(03:17):
he was going to be doing his, but obviously people
are like, hey, you should do years, you should years.
So he did his and that's what happened. So I'm
saying all of these things because when you're thinking about
a next step, especially especially if like for me, I've
been married before, I don't want to feel like I'm
making another choice that will end the way the other
(03:41):
choices have ended, don't. I don't want to say mistake.
I know we throw that word around. I don't want
to say mistake because I have a beautiful, intelligent, caring,
loving little boy that I would never ever ever want
to change. So I probably mistake at times. And I
don't mean to say that, and I shouldn't say that
(04:03):
because I did have the best thing ever happen. But
as you think through, Okay, this could be this could
be the next step, it's getting there, it's being talked about,
you know whatever. We don't talk about it every single day,
but I know I know where things are. So as
(04:24):
you're talking through, okay, in your own head or to
your partner, Okay, is this what I want? Is this
the person that I want to be with? Is this
the person I want to spend the rest of my
life with? Because I think once you have been there,
done that, in order to put yourself in that space again,
I think you think through it even more of like, look,
(04:46):
I know what happened or what the downfalls were in
this past marriage. I want to make sure that doesn't
happen here. I want to make sure that there's no
similarities in that. So thinking through everything, it's like, okay,
is he still doing what he did in the beginning,
Like there was a lot in the beginning.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Was he just loved bombing? And then it quit?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Well it's been what seven and a half months, which
doesn't seem like a long time to me. I'm like,
that's just too soon, that's that's quick. That's so soon.
But then on the other hand, I'm like, wow, I
look back at all of this stuff that we have
traveled together and done things together and conversations and all
(05:29):
of their things, just life experiences that I'm like, huh, okay,
it's definitely sped up more than seven months with us
living apart from each other. When we visit each other,
we stay there. So that happened pretty early on too.
It's either get a hotel or you end up staying together.
So I feel like the amount of time spent together
(05:51):
has been more than probably most people who live in
the same city, to be honest. So thinking through all
of those things of Okay, was he loved bombs, I mean, well, nope,
he still does this, he.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Still does that.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
That that's still moving, Yep, that's still going.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Did it drop a little bit it did? Did it
pay back up? Yeah? It did. So I think through
all of those things.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Then I think through, obviously, is this the person I
want to live the rest of my life with? Because
if I want to get married again, I don't want
it to be short term. I mean my last marriage
we were together six years and then married almost twelve.
That's not short term. So I want to think through
of is this the person that I get wake up
(06:34):
to next, you know, next to every single day and say, okay, cool,
that's my person. Now. Look, I know there's gonna be arguments.
I know there's gonna be disagreements. I know all of
those things. But is it gonna be a situation where
I'm like, oh my goodness, I wish he wasn't here
more than not, Like, I don't want that. So thinking
(06:55):
through the love bombing, thinking through is this the person
I want to be with? Thinking through the really hard
piece of the distance. And I just don't really speak
on this too much because there's a lot of people
involved in it.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
There's just a lot knowing that.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
If an engagement comes, if a marriage comes, there's going
to have to be choices that will be made, whether
it's keep things exactly how they are or shift some
things around, you know, whatever it might be. In my
head this entire time, I do not want Josh to
(07:37):
spend any less time with his children. I just I
know how it is for my son and the limited
time that he gets because of his dad's work schedule.
I see what that does to him, and I don't
want that to happen to Josh's children. So with that
being said, on the kid part, I get it. He
(07:59):
has team I have an eleven year old, so they
are at different spots. I know when I was a teen,
I could care less. I just wanted to play my sports,
hang out with my friends. I didn't really care. And
I think that's just a cycle that every kid goes through.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
The parents are cool, then they're not cool, then they
go off to college, then they realize, oh man, they've
really been doing a lot. Then after that it's like, okay,
all right, yep, I understand my parents are actually there
for me and have done a lot for me. So
I get that piece of it, and I know that
will be coming for me when Cohen becomes a teenager.
(08:38):
I'm hoping that it doesn't, but I'm sure that it will.
So I want to not take time away that the
kids want to spend with him, and vice versa. So
that's another factor in all of this. It's not just
as easy as saying, oh, Okay, yes, I'll accept this ring,
or you know, like I'll accept this rose. There's a
(08:58):
lot to it, and with me being so independent, I'm like,
is this what I want? Do I want to be married?
Do I want to and like accept a ring? What
do I want to do? What do I honestly want
to do? And I think that just being so independent,
(09:18):
you look at things differently.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Do I love him? Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
If I haven't spoken with him or FaceTime him, or
we're in an argument and I'm pissed at him and
the FaceTime pops up and he's on the screen instantly,
butterflies are there and I'm like, wow, I really love
this man. I'm still gonna still gonna be mad a
little bit. That's kind of just where it's just where
(09:47):
it is. But that independent side of me, you know that, hey,
I can do this on my own. I really don't
have to have anyone. That's another piece that I have
to work through. And I didn't realize I would have
to work through that piece again because initially I worked
through it when we first started dating, and I thought,
(10:08):
do I want to date anybody? I had been avoiding
dating like the freaking plague, like I had told one
of my friends. I'm like, legit, I just don't want
to date. Like can I just say I'm dating someone
and then people will just stop asking me? And then
like we can just hang out when we feel like
hanging out, and don't when we when we don't like
(10:30):
That's just kind of where my mindset was. My focus
was just not on that at all. So being independent
deciding okay, yeah, yeah, I can do this. I want
to be in a relationship. I gotta let some walls
and I gotta do this. It's like another set of
walls being independent and now thinking of the next step.
And it's honestly, it's a bit scary because dating someone,
(10:56):
you still have your independence, right, you still you still
and I.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Know people out here are going to know exactly what
I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
You still have your independence, you still have well, where
I live, this is my space. This you know, you
have your safe haven of it just being you and
yours and your time and all of that stuff. When
someone else comes into your life, when you get to
the engagement piece or the marriage piece, there's no hey,
let's dip out for a little while, or you know,
(11:25):
we need to take a break or things like that.
That's just not that's just not in my book that
it works.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
So knowing that.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Putting that, having him put I should say that ring
on my finger. I know some independence is going to
go away, and I don't know if I'm ready for that.
I'm I don't know. I guess time will tell, but
I don't think it's a very huge secret that most
(11:56):
people know. If I would, which Josh calls it all in,
if I would be all in at this point, there
would already be a.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Ring on my finger.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
And to his credit, he's like, I understand that you're
not ready. I know that you're not ready. We've had
that conversation in the past, and I respect that because
I don't feel many people would take that step back
and say, ooh, she's not ready. They would go at
their own pace. And what I mean by that is, well,
(12:30):
he's ready. So he would be like, hey, I'm ready,
so here here's a ring. And instead of taking that
step back and saying, oh wait, hold on, it's two
of us in this relationship. Most people, most guys, I feel,
would be like, I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
She must be ready. All girls are ready, Like let's
just do this.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
So I want to give him that credit of listening
and understanding and taking cues and just listening to the
conversations that we've been having. I think that is just
a different level of respect and I appreciate that more
than he probably knows. I do tell him, but sometimes
(13:12):
I think it's hard to articulate one hundred percent how
you feel, so giving him the respect. On that piece,
I know that it's me holding things up. Do I
feel pressure on that side? No? And here's why I
am independent, and I know that if anything happens, I
got this, I'm good. Will I be hurt, yes, but
(13:33):
I'm good. I struggle with that piece also because I
don't want him to think, hold on a second. She's
so independent, she doesn't want or need me. And I
explained that to him early. I'm like, hey, we're together
because I want you. I want you in my life.
(13:56):
I don't have to have you. I don't need you
to come in and clean things up for me. I
don't need you to come in and do this or
that for me. I just need you to come in
and be a partner. I need you to be a supporter.
I need you to be someone that just is a
teammate with me, all of the things that I feel
like a marriage and a partnership should be. So it's
(14:20):
scary to me a little bit of letting go of
that independence because once you have been divorced, and you
gain all the independence back. It's hard to just let
it go knowing that, Okay, I did that before, that
was the end result.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Here we go.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Now, I get it. He is not the same as
my ex. Totally understand that. I'm not the same as
his ex. Totally understand that. But you still have this
guarded piece of you that plays the what if game.
And I know that's not the best thing ever is
to sit and play what if. But I do feel
like I'm an analyzer. I probably okay, okay, okay, okay,
(15:03):
I overanalyze, which.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Is fine, that's fine, that's just who I am. I'm
working on it, but that's who I am.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
But I also feel like that's a good thing for
me because I feel like when I was younger, I
did just jump into things.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I did just okay, let's go with the flow.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
My first marriage, which we have talked about before, was
let we met we literally were just I mean twenty one.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
I think when I.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Met twenty one twenty two, we were just young, just
young and care free, and I was like, ah, and
he was in the military, and we all know when
you're in the military, things speed up like twenty thousand,
bazillion years.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
So it's like, okay, well let's get married.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Okay, why not? Like why not?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
And so now I'm like, absolutely not. I'm going to
pick through.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Everything, whether it's verbally right to him or not, a
lot of the things I'm thinking through my head.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
But I'm like, Okay, do I like that? Do I
not like that?
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Is that okay? Because who cares? I mean, if that happens,
then that's fine, Like who really cares if that happens?
But is that a deal breaker? Or is that a
deal breaker? And if that's not a deal breaker, then
that's fine. I know I have some that he probably
has a deal breaker. That's totally fine. So thinking through
all of these things as I'm going, okay, do I
want this to be something lifelong? I feel like I've
(16:27):
taken my time on this relationship more.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
So than anything now.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I have avoided relationships, like I said, but getting into
this one, there was something different about him from the start. Yes,
we have had our disagreements, we have had our arguments.
I have told him before like I'm done, I don't
I'm good, Like when you go you can stay home,
or when you go you need to stay there for
a little while, like, let me think I need my space. Absolutely,
(16:57):
I have said that, so I don't want people to
think I think that this relationship has always been sunshine
and rainbows and we've never had a disagreement, We've never
had whatever, and we're living in this fairyland. That is
not the case. Matter of fact, we got into a
little disagreement yesterday.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
So we're human.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Our relationship might be public and we might not say
it all the time of oh he's getting on my
nerves or she's getting my nerves or whatever. But I
feel like when those things happen, we do our best,
our best to try and tackle whatever it is and
then just move on. So some of the times it's
like it's something silly and then you move on. But
(17:41):
there's other times where I'm like, oh my gosh, we've
talked about this for three hours, like I can't do this.
I can't, Like I feel claustrophobic, like I can't. But
in the same to I'm going I have to understand
that people's love languages are a little bit different For me.
I want to handle it. It be cut and dry,
and we be done. He likes to talk through it
(18:02):
a little bit more. I like to talk through it
only if I don't understand it. If I don't understand
Some'm like, okay, but you said this, so help me here,
and I'll say that I'd be like, help me here.
But the communication piece that he has, it's like, I
don't want to be that person that says I've always
wanted a great communicator, and then when they communicate and
over communicate it now I'm like, well, damn, that's too much.
(18:25):
Can I have a buzzer for you when I'm done listening?
Can I get it man like Simon Cow? Can I
just exit when.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
I'm done listening? That would be amazing.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
That would int in a lot of divorces and breakups.
I'm sure if you can walk around with the buzzer
like your time is up, sir. Or if I have
this timer TikTok gave me this little water timer, I.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Could just put that on. Okay, that's so toxic.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
You got this much time, sir, this much time, or
literally just carried an alarm clock that sorry, we're done.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
You might have made a really important plant. The conversation
is over. No, I can't do that.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
But like I said, nit for me in my head
nitpicking everything, and that's in like my side included, like
I want to make sure I'm taking a look back
and I'm saying, okay, I want a communicator.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
He overly communicates.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Okay, I said I wanted a communicator, So do I
want that or do I not want that?
Speaker 1 (19:38):
And hands down, that's definitely what I want.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
So those little things that you're working through, I mean
little silly things like and feel free to mess with
him on this one. He left and he did the laundry. Well,
he put the laundry in a basket. Well, I had
no idea. So it's been a couple of days. I
didn't know the laundry was in a basket. So I
(20:01):
went down to like resume the laundry and realize there's a.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Whole basket full of clothes that have been sitting there.
So what happens there? They get wrinkled. I don't own
an iron, people, I don't own an iron. So literally
I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? I now have
to rewatch these.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
So I'm trying to put them in the dryer and
I hope that the wrinkles will come out. I know, listen, Fine,
come for me, because that's the lazy way. But I'm
not trying to iron. I'm sorry, I don't own an
ironing board. I legit don't even know if I have
an iron, Like, in all seriousness, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I need to get a steamer, is what I need
to get.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
But either way, I'm like, oh my gosh, that's so
freaking annoying. Now we had the conversation. I'm like, hey,
can you please do me a favor. Can you make
sure if they're clothes that are done, tell me an
awful of them or keep them in the dryer so
I can just run the cycle back, you know whatever.
And he's like, okay, well, I just was trying to
take the towels. This sounds like a conversation, but I
(21:01):
was just trying to take the wet towels in the
dryer and move them to the or sorry, the washer
and move them to the dryer so they wouldn't get
all like moldy and stinky and whatever. So I was like, oh, okay,
So it made sense to me why he did it.
But at first I was like, are you joking me?
I know, he just did not leave a whole freaking
full full laundry basket full of clothes that are just
(21:22):
getting all wrinkled, and some of them are the things
that like there, you gotta just rewash them, like you
just have to. But having that communication back and forth,
instead of him just being like, oh okay, yeah whatever,
he's like, oh okay, hey, I did that because of X.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Y and Z, So I appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
And I would rather have the communicator on something as
silly as that, because then it kind of diffused it
for me, like, oh that's why he did that versus
oh my god. Just is this just how people are,
just how guys are.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
They don't think through.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
But I nit big all of that and saying I
want the communicator. I love the time that we spend together.
Am I always gonna want that? Am I gonna want
my own space? And then I think, okay, well, as
an independent person, am I gonna want someone in my space?
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Twenty four to seven? And the answer is no.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
But I don't think anyone should. I don't think it's
healthy to have anyone in your space twenty four seven.
You need to take breaks from each other. I don't
mean like Ross and Rachel were on a break. I
mean you need to take a break of Okay, well
I'm gonna go out with my friends or my girlfriends
or whatever.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
I'm gonna go out and hang.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Out with them, or I'm gonna go do a spa day,
which I can't even try lest when I've done that.
But I'm gonna go do some self care, or I'm
just gonna go to the coffee shop and read a book,
or I'm gonna go do something that we are not
together twenty four to seven. So I, like I said, Nitpick,
I think through it. I'm like, oh my gosh, I
want someone in my space twenty for seven.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
And then I think about it. I'm like, well, no
one's gonna be in anyone's space twenty four seven.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
He will be going back and forth and I have
things I have to do. So I'm like, Okay, that
checks that one off, but it does make me nervous
about like I said, the independence piece, so the time spent. Okay,
this is my space. You know, I have my house.
I jokingly said to him, like what are you going
(23:22):
to bring? Like my house is fully furnished, Like what
would you bring here? And then I you know, nitpick,
and Nitpick's probably not the right word, But like I
think through right, I shouldn't probably say nitpick all this,
but I'm even doing it to myself, but thinking through, Okay, well, yes,
my house is fully furnished, really don't need anything. If
(23:43):
he comes here and he doesn't bring anything of his own,
is he going to feel at home?
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Is he going to feel like it's his home? Now
we're merching.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Together, will we feel, you know, like a cohesive unit,
or is he going to feel like, well, this is
just her space and only her space. So I'm thinking
through all of those things and my independent self, I'm like, well,
do I want to give up anything?
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Like I have an office? Do I want to give
that up?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
I have?
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Do I want to give that up?
Speaker 2 (24:07):
You know, I'm thinking and I think that that's normal,
but I think it's on an elevated level when you
have been divorced recently. And I say that, I mean
what it's been five oh my goodness, five five and
a half years, so it's been a while for me.
And I'm kind of like, I like what I'm doing.
I got my space, I got my time, I have
(24:30):
all of these things.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
I have my time with my son.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
So again, just thinking through of what would change and
what I want that to change, and what about that independence.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
So what I've kind of come to is I feel.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Like in the last relationships that I've had right marriage,
because I really didn't have a relationship outside of Josh
since I've been married, I really feel like I gave
up so much of my independence in my past relationships.
That's probably why I'm fighting so hard to keep what
(25:10):
I have. And I think there's a healthy way, a
very very healthy way to keep the independence without pushing
your partner away and without feeling like you're giving up
everything of your independence. So full circle here thinking, oh
my goodness, I'm so independent. I don't want to be
(25:32):
in a relationship. Okay, fine, I'll be I'll be in
a relationship.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Now realizing I think again, as you get.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Older, you know what you want, you know what you
don't want, because there would be people that would, Hey,
do you want to know?
Speaker 1 (25:47):
I'm not even interested. I know why because of X,
Y and Z. I see it.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
I don't have any interest in it. I don't want
to do that. I'm good, thank you, no, thank you.
We can be friends. So I have a lot of friends.
But thinking through all of that of Okay, is this
person worth giving up some of my independence? Am I
good with giving up some independence? And then coming to
the realization of is he worth Yes, he is worth
(26:18):
giving up some of that, And I think some of
that is probably protection mode too. Well, you know what,
if I stay independent, if something happens, I'll be okay.
If I stay independent and we break up, we don't
have everything merged together, so it wouldn't be that hard.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
And that's not the best way to look at things.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
However, coming from a divorce, that's just the way you
look at things. You're not trying to look at it
as oh, it's going to fail before it starts, but
you're trying to look at the entire picture before before
anything super serious, before the ring gets put on. I
mean I literally have gone up once and down the other,
(27:01):
and it's like everyone's like, you're not ready, You're not ready.
Well you seem like they say, you seem like you're
not ready. You seem like you're right, And it's the truth.
I just don't know if I'm ready or not. Because
there are days where I'm like, he is definitely worth
me giving up the independence, but there are other times
where I'm like, Okay, is this how it's gonna start
(27:22):
me giving up a little independence?
Speaker 1 (27:23):
And then all of it goes. So I think that's
where some of that hesitation is.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
And then I think through of oh my goodness, well,
first marriage I got married pretty quick.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Second one took six years. So then I keep.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Thinking, well, this is kind of soon, seven months whatever,
Well we can have a long engagement. But then I
also think, hold on, I took six years for the
second marriage, and that was what it was.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
So I don't know.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
It's like going in your head around and round and thinking,
you know, all the pros, all the cons, what do
I do? And I'm saying all this because there's so
many of us out there that are independent, and I
think that is my stumbling block. Do I know that
that Josh loves me absolutely? Do I know that he
wants to literally protect my heart? I do genuinely feel
(28:18):
that way. Do I feel that he has my best interest?
I do feel that way. Do I feel that he
loves me and has loved me differently than anyone has
ever loved me? I do feel that way. And I
felt that way way early on. I know, way way
way early. You know, I was asked, Oh my gosh,
(28:38):
do you think he's the one? And I was just like,
if he stays this way, I could definitely see it.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
I could definitely see it.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
So I'm saying all of this because we do have
a public relationship. It's not always the easiest to have
a public relationship. But I'm saying this because I have
a strong feeling the ring is coming at some point.
The ring is coming at some point, but I also
(29:08):
want it to be on our time. I know right
now it's kind of more on my time because I'm
not one million percent ready. But also talking through all
of this with you guys right now on this podcast,
is anyone going to ever be one bazillion percent ready
coming from a divorce. I think you're gonna always have
(29:28):
that in the back of your head of Okay, wait,
what went wrong? Let me make sure this doesn't go wrong,
and you know, let's make sure that we're solid on
all all of these accounts.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Whether it's seven days seven years. Okay, seven days is
a bit extreme. Seven months seven years, Yes, you have
more time together, But I do think all of it
ends up being just a choice. If you both love
each other, and you have open lines of communication, and
(30:02):
when there is an issue, you're able to work through
those together seamlessly. Yes, there's hiccups, but you're able to
work through those. At the end of the day, you're
able to work through those, and you love each other unconditionally.
I think it then just becomes a choice daily of
am I going to continue to love this person this way? Now?
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Listen, I know.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
People f up and do some stupid stuff, stupid stupid stuff,
and I don't in my opinion, I don't think there's.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Excuses for that.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Like, sorry, if there's a cheating situation, you're gone to
the streets.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
I am not sticking around. It's not happening. I'm not
doing it. So with all of that, I think that
it is a choice.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
And again, I mean even that's a choice, right, So
if someone does cheat, they're making the choice to say, well,
you know what, I don't want to be in this
relationship anymore and I'm just going to go do this instead.
So everything is a choice, and I do think that
you have to choose to continue to love someone daily
and continue to connect daily and communicate daily, because if not,
(31:09):
then I think things just start to fall apart. So
I think that we have a pretty good foundation of
the communication piece, of the love piece, of the respect piece,
all of that. But man, that's thothness and independence. It
(31:30):
still comes in strong. It still comes in strong. And
God love Josh for being able to see through that
some of this has nothing to do with him and
everything to do with me, and everything to do with.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
My comfortability and just what I need.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
So find someone that's willing to be patient, someone that's
willing to.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Listen. I don't want to say help fix because I.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Don't need I don't need that, and I don't think
anyone else needs someone to come in and try and
fix things for them, But someone that is willing to
help you get to the next point. I mean, if
you had something traumatic happen, and let's say that person
does something similar that raises flags for you, Well, there was,
(32:29):
and I wish I had off the top of my
head something that Josh did that I'm like, that raises
huge flags with me, and he's like, oh, okay, well
that will never happen again, and it hasn't. So find
someone that's willing to continue to work on not just
you together as a relationship, but themselves right, and you
(32:50):
as an individual will have to say I need to
continue to work on myself to grow as well. Bottom line,
independent people, we are something else. We are something else.
It makes us who we are. But we also have
to take a step back and if we are going
to let someone in our life, especially someone that we
(33:14):
are going to let in long term, I guess we
just have to make that decision. Are they worth are
they worth it? And on that note, you guys are
going to have to wait to see and don't know
Ooh seven. I like to keep it real simple. Well,
it's time for an update.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Oh where do we begin on this episode? So week
before Thanksgiving?
Speaker 1 (00:20):
And if you have seen.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
My recent feed and Josh's recent feed, there's probably a
lot of questions and assumptions going on right now. If
you have not, let me take a step back. So
I don't even know. Was it week ago? Not sure
when I did a video and it said when will
you be When will you get married? And it said
(00:47):
twenty twenty four And I'm like, wait, what.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Just not? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
It's just not in my head of I have to
be married by this time. I have to do this,
I have to do that. And I think the older
that you get maybe the wiser. I don't know, but
I feel like the older I have gotten, the less
I care about the I don't know society where it says, oh,
(01:16):
you need to be married, you need to have a kid,
you need to do this, you need to do that,
screw that.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
I'm just not there.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I'm not at that point where I should feel or anyone. Honestly,
I don't think anyone should be at that point where
they feel pressured because society says this is what you
should do. Oh you should be married. Oh you should
be with someone. Oh you should have kids. Oh you
should do this, Oh you should do that.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Screw that. Do what you feel is right for you.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I don't think everyone's cut out to be married.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I just don't do.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I think people are cut out to be alone. No,
but it doesn't mean people have to be married. It
doesn't mean people can't just be together or be engaged
or or whatever. It's whatever works for you and your
partner is how I feel about it. So with that
being said, I just never thought, Okay, I have to
be married by this time and things are going great
(02:12):
and I need this and I need that. That's just
not I feel like with Josh, I've taken things slow
on the important stuff. Yes, I feel like we moved
fast in the beginning because we clicked so well. And
I know this is gonna be a word people are
gonna like. But the love bombing of let me give
(02:34):
you everything I possibly can, and when you're in the public,
I you think through all of those things. Okay, is
he love bombing me? Is this going to stop? Is
it not gonna stop?
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Is he going to relax a bit? Once he feels
like he has me what about this? What about that?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
And I have to say, for the most part, as
I think through all of these things, because like I said,
I got the filter that said, oh, you'll be married
in twenty twenty four, and then I don't know. The
next filter I did said when we be engaged in
it said two weeks. Well, Josh did his, and the
first take on both of his was the same thing,
so we I had put mine up. I didn't know
(03:17):
he was going to be doing his, but obviously people
are like, hey, you should do years, you should years.
So he did his and that's what happened. So I'm
saying all of these things because when you're thinking about
a next step, especially especially if like for me, I've
been married before, I don't want to feel like I'm
making another choice that will end the way the other
(03:41):
choices have ended, don't. I don't want to say mistake.
I know we throw that word around. I don't want
to say mistake because I have a beautiful, intelligent, caring,
loving little boy that I would never ever ever want
to change. So I probably mistake at times. And I
don't mean to say that, and I shouldn't say that
(04:03):
because I did have the best thing ever happen. But
as you think through, Okay, this could be this could
be the next step, it's getting there, it's being talked about,
you know whatever. We don't talk about it every single day,
but I know I know where things are. So as
(04:24):
you're talking through, okay, in your own head or to
your partner, Okay, is this what I want? Is this
the person that I want to be with? Is this
the person I want to spend the rest of my
life with? Because I think once you have been there,
done that, in order to put yourself in that space again,
I think you think through it even more of like, look,
(04:46):
I know what happened or what the downfalls were in
this past marriage. I want to make sure that doesn't
happen here. I want to make sure that there's no
similarities in that. So thinking through everything, it's like, okay,
is he still doing what he did in the beginning,
Like there was a lot in the beginning.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Was he just loved bombing? And then it quit?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Well it's been what seven and a half months, which
doesn't seem like a long time to me. I'm like,
that's just too soon, that's that's quick. That's so soon.
But then on the other hand, I'm like, wow, I
look back at all of this stuff that we have
traveled together and done things together and conversations and all
(05:29):
of their things, just life experiences that I'm like, huh, okay,
it's definitely sped up more than seven months with us
living apart from each other. When we visit each other,
we stay there. So that happened pretty early on too.
It's either get a hotel or you end up staying together.
So I feel like the amount of time spent together
(05:51):
has been more than probably most people who live in
the same city, to be honest. So thinking through all
of those things of Okay, was he loved bombs, I mean, well, nope,
he still does this, he.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Still does that.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
That that's still moving, Yep, that's still going.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Did it drop a little bit it did? Did it
pay back up? Yeah? It did. So I think through
all of those things.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Then I think through, obviously, is this the person I
want to live the rest of my life with? Because
if I want to get married again, I don't want
it to be short term. I mean my last marriage
we were together six years and then married almost twelve.
That's not short term. So I want to think through
of is this the person that I get wake up
(06:34):
to next, you know, next to every single day and say, okay, cool,
that's my person. Now. Look, I know there's gonna be arguments.
I know there's gonna be disagreements. I know all of
those things. But is it gonna be a situation where
I'm like, oh my goodness, I wish he wasn't here
more than not, Like, I don't want that. So thinking
(06:55):
through the love bombing, thinking through is this the person
I want to be with? Thinking through the really hard
piece of the distance. And I just don't really speak
on this too much because there's a lot of people
involved in it.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
There's just a lot knowing that.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
If an engagement comes, if a marriage comes, there's going
to have to be choices that will be made, whether
it's keep things exactly how they are or shift some
things around, you know, whatever it might be. In my
head this entire time, I do not want Josh to
(07:37):
spend any less time with his children. I just I
know how it is for my son and the limited
time that he gets because of his dad's work schedule.
I see what that does to him, and I don't
want that to happen to Josh's children. So with that
being said, on the kid part, I get it. He
(07:59):
has team I have an eleven year old, so they
are at different spots. I know when I was a teen,
I could care less. I just wanted to play my sports,
hang out with my friends. I didn't really care. And
I think that's just a cycle that every kid goes through.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
The parents are cool, then they're not cool, then they
go off to college, then they realize, oh man, they've
really been doing a lot. Then after that it's like, okay,
all right, yep, I understand my parents are actually there
for me and have done a lot for me. So
I get that piece of it, and I know that
will be coming for me when Cohen becomes a teenager.
(08:38):
I'm hoping that it doesn't, but I'm sure that it will.
So I want to not take time away that the
kids want to spend with him, and vice versa. So
that's another factor in all of this. It's not just
as easy as saying, oh, Okay, yes, I'll accept this ring,
or you know, like I'll accept this rose. There's a
(08:58):
lot to it, and with me being so independent, I'm like,
is this what I want? Do I want to be married?
Do I want to and like accept a ring? What
do I want to do? What do I honestly want
to do? And I think that just being so independent,
(09:18):
you look at things differently.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Do I love him? Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
If I haven't spoken with him or FaceTime him, or
we're in an argument and I'm pissed at him and
the FaceTime pops up and he's on the screen instantly,
butterflies are there and I'm like, wow, I really love
this man. I'm still gonna still gonna be mad a
little bit. That's kind of just where it's just where
(09:47):
it is. But that independent side of me, you know that, hey,
I can do this on my own. I really don't
have to have anyone. That's another piece that I have
to work through. And I didn't realize I would have
to work through that piece again because initially I worked
through it when we first started dating, and I thought,
(10:08):
do I want to date anybody? I had been avoiding
dating like the freaking plague, like I had told one
of my friends. I'm like, legit, I just don't want
to date. Like can I just say I'm dating someone
and then people will just stop asking me? And then
like we can just hang out when we feel like
hanging out, and don't when we when we don't like
(10:30):
That's just kind of where my mindset was. My focus
was just not on that at all. So being independent
deciding okay, yeah, yeah, I can do this. I want
to be in a relationship. I gotta let some walls
and I gotta do this. It's like another set of
walls being independent and now thinking of the next step.
And it's honestly, it's a bit scary because dating someone,
(10:56):
you still have your independence, right, you still you still
and I.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Know people out here are going to know exactly what
I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
You still have your independence, you still have well, where
I live, this is my space. This you know, you
have your safe haven of it just being you and
yours and your time and all of that stuff. When
someone else comes into your life, when you get to
the engagement piece or the marriage piece, there's no hey,
let's dip out for a little while, or you know,
(11:25):
we need to take a break or things like that.
That's just not that's just not in my book that
it works.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
So knowing that.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Putting that, having him put I should say that ring
on my finger. I know some independence is going to
go away, and I don't know if I'm ready for that.
I'm I don't know. I guess time will tell, but
I don't think it's a very huge secret that most
(11:56):
people know. If I would, which Josh calls it all in,
if I would be all in at this point, there
would already be a.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Ring on my finger.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
And to his credit, he's like, I understand that you're
not ready. I know that you're not ready. We've had
that conversation in the past, and I respect that because
I don't feel many people would take that step back
and say, ooh, she's not ready. They would go at
their own pace. And what I mean by that is, well,
(12:30):
he's ready. So he would be like, hey, I'm ready,
so here here's a ring. And instead of taking that
step back and saying, oh wait, hold on, it's two
of us in this relationship. Most people, most guys, I feel,
would be like, I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
She must be ready. All girls are ready, Like let's
just do this.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
So I want to give him that credit of listening
and understanding and taking cues and just listening to the
conversations that we've been having. I think that is just
a different level of respect and I appreciate that more
than he probably knows. I do tell him, but sometimes
(13:12):
I think it's hard to articulate one hundred percent how
you feel, so giving him the respect. On that piece,
I know that it's me holding things up. Do I
feel pressure on that side? No? And here's why I
am independent, and I know that if anything happens, I
got this, I'm good. Will I be hurt, yes, but
(13:33):
I'm good. I struggle with that piece also because I
don't want him to think, hold on a second. She's
so independent, she doesn't want or need me. And I
explained that to him early. I'm like, hey, we're together
because I want you. I want you in my life.
(13:56):
I don't have to have you. I don't need you
to come in and clean things up for me. I
don't need you to come in and do this or
that for me. I just need you to come in
and be a partner. I need you to be a supporter.
I need you to be someone that just is a
teammate with me, all of the things that I feel
like a marriage and a partnership should be. So it's
(14:20):
scary to me a little bit of letting go of
that independence because once you have been divorced, and you
gain all the independence back. It's hard to just let
it go knowing that, Okay, I did that before, that
was the end result.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Here we go.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Now, I get it. He is not the same as
my ex. Totally understand that. I'm not the same as
his ex. Totally understand that. But you still have this
guarded piece of you that plays the what if game.
And I know that's not the best thing ever is
to sit and play what if. But I do feel
like I'm an analyzer. I probably okay, okay, okay, okay,
(15:03):
I overanalyze, which.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Is fine, that's fine, that's just who I am. I'm
working on it, but that's who I am.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
But I also feel like that's a good thing for
me because I feel like when I was younger, I
did just jump into things.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I did just okay, let's go with the flow.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
My first marriage, which we have talked about before, was
let we met we literally were just I mean twenty one.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
I think when I.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Met twenty one twenty two, we were just young, just
young and care free, and I was like, ah, and
he was in the military, and we all know when
you're in the military, things speed up like twenty thousand,
bazillion years.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
So it's like, okay, well let's get married.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Okay, why not? Like why not?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
And so now I'm like, absolutely not. I'm going to
pick through.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Everything, whether it's verbally right to him or not, a
lot of the things I'm thinking through my head.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
But I'm like, Okay, do I like that? Do I
not like that?
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Is that okay? Because who cares? I mean, if that happens,
then that's fine, Like who really cares if that happens?
But is that a deal breaker? Or is that a
deal breaker? And if that's not a deal breaker, then
that's fine. I know I have some that he probably
has a deal breaker. That's totally fine. So thinking through
all of these things as I'm going, okay, do I
want this to be something lifelong? I feel like I've
(16:27):
taken my time on this relationship more.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
So than anything now.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I have avoided relationships, like I said, but getting into
this one, there was something different about him from the start. Yes,
we have had our disagreements, we have had our arguments.
I have told him before like I'm done, I don't
I'm good, Like when you go you can stay home,
or when you go you need to stay there for
a little while, like, let me think I need my space. Absolutely,
(16:57):
I have said that, so I don't want people to
think I think that this relationship has always been sunshine
and rainbows and we've never had a disagreement, We've never
had whatever, and we're living in this fairyland. That is
not the case. Matter of fact, we got into a
little disagreement yesterday.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
So we're human.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Our relationship might be public and we might not say
it all the time of oh he's getting on my
nerves or she's getting my nerves or whatever. But I
feel like when those things happen, we do our best,
our best to try and tackle whatever it is and
then just move on. So some of the times it's
like it's something silly and then you move on. But
(17:41):
there's other times where I'm like, oh my gosh, we've
talked about this for three hours, like I can't do this.
I can't, Like I feel claustrophobic, like I can't. But
in the same to I'm going I have to understand
that people's love languages are a little bit different For me.
I want to handle it. It be cut and dry,
and we be done. He likes to talk through it
(18:02):
a little bit more. I like to talk through it
only if I don't understand it. If I don't understand
Some'm like, okay, but you said this, so help me here,
and I'll say that I'd be like, help me here.
But the communication piece that he has, it's like, I
don't want to be that person that says I've always
wanted a great communicator, and then when they communicate and
over communicate it now I'm like, well, damn, that's too much.
(18:25):
Can I have a buzzer for you when I'm done listening?
Can I get it man like Simon Cow? Can I
just exit when.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
I'm done listening? That would be amazing.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
That would int in a lot of divorces and breakups.
I'm sure if you can walk around with the buzzer
like your time is up, sir. Or if I have
this timer TikTok gave me this little water timer, I.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Could just put that on. Okay, that's so toxic.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
You got this much time, sir, this much time, or
literally just carried an alarm clock that sorry, we're done.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
You might have made a really important plant. The conversation
is over. No, I can't do that.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
But like I said, nit for me in my head
nitpicking everything, and that's in like my side included, like
I want to make sure I'm taking a look back
and I'm saying, okay, I want a communicator.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
He overly communicates.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Okay, I said I wanted a communicator, So do I
want that or do I not want that?
Speaker 1 (19:38):
And hands down, that's definitely what I want.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
So those little things that you're working through, I mean
little silly things like and feel free to mess with
him on this one. He left and he did the laundry. Well,
he put the laundry in a basket. Well, I had
no idea. So it's been a couple of days. I
didn't know the laundry was in a basket. So I
(20:01):
went down to like resume the laundry and realize there's a.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Whole basket full of clothes that have been sitting there.
So what happens there? They get wrinkled. I don't own
an iron, people, I don't own an iron. So literally
I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? I now have
to rewatch these.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
So I'm trying to put them in the dryer and
I hope that the wrinkles will come out. I know, listen, Fine,
come for me, because that's the lazy way. But I'm
not trying to iron. I'm sorry, I don't own an
ironing board. I legit don't even know if I have
an iron, Like, in all seriousness, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I need to get a steamer, is what I need
to get.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
But either way, I'm like, oh my gosh, that's so
freaking annoying. Now we had the conversation. I'm like, hey,
can you please do me a favor. Can you make
sure if they're clothes that are done, tell me an
awful of them or keep them in the dryer so
I can just run the cycle back, you know whatever.
And he's like, okay, well, I just was trying to
take the towels. This sounds like a conversation, but I
(21:01):
was just trying to take the wet towels in the
dryer and move them to the or sorry, the washer
and move them to the dryer so they wouldn't get
all like moldy and stinky and whatever. So I was like, oh, okay,
So it made sense to me why he did it.
But at first I was like, are you joking me?
I know, he just did not leave a whole freaking
full full laundry basket full of clothes that are just
(21:22):
getting all wrinkled, and some of them are the things
that like there, you gotta just rewash them, like you
just have to. But having that communication back and forth,
instead of him just being like, oh okay, yeah whatever,
he's like, oh okay, hey, I did that because of X.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Y and Z, So I appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
And I would rather have the communicator on something as
silly as that, because then it kind of diffused it
for me, like, oh that's why he did that versus
oh my god. Just is this just how people are,
just how guys are.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
They don't think through.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
But I nit big all of that and saying I
want the communicator. I love the time that we spend together.
Am I always gonna want that? Am I gonna want
my own space? And then I think, okay, well, as
an independent person, am I gonna want someone in my space?
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Twenty four to seven? And the answer is no.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
But I don't think anyone should. I don't think it's
healthy to have anyone in your space twenty four seven.
You need to take breaks from each other. I don't
mean like Ross and Rachel were on a break. I
mean you need to take a break of Okay, well
I'm gonna go out with my friends or my girlfriends
or whatever.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
I'm gonna go out and hang.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Out with them, or I'm gonna go do a spa day,
which I can't even try lest when I've done that.
But I'm gonna go do some self care, or I'm
just gonna go to the coffee shop and read a book,
or I'm gonna go do something that we are not
together twenty four to seven. So I, like I said, Nitpick,
I think through it. I'm like, oh my gosh, I
want someone in my space twenty for seven.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
And then I think about it. I'm like, well, no
one's gonna be in anyone's space twenty four seven.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
He will be going back and forth and I have
things I have to do. So I'm like, Okay, that
checks that one off, but it does make me nervous
about like I said, the independence piece, so the time spent. Okay,
this is my space. You know, I have my house.
I jokingly said to him, like what are you going
(23:22):
to bring? Like my house is fully furnished, Like what
would you bring here? And then I you know, nitpick,
and Nitpick's probably not the right word, But like I
think through right, I shouldn't probably say nitpick all this,
but I'm even doing it to myself, but thinking through, Okay, well, yes,
my house is fully furnished, really don't need anything. If
(23:43):
he comes here and he doesn't bring anything of his own,
is he going to feel at home?
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Is he going to feel like it's his home? Now
we're merching.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Together, will we feel, you know, like a cohesive unit,
or is he going to feel like, well, this is
just her space and only her space. So I'm thinking
through all of those things and my independent self, I'm like, well,
do I want to give up anything?
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Like I have an office? Do I want to give
that up?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
I have?
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Do I want to give that up?
Speaker 2 (24:07):
You know, I'm thinking and I think that that's normal,
but I think it's on an elevated level when you
have been divorced recently. And I say that, I mean
what it's been five oh my goodness, five five and
a half years, so it's been a while for me.
And I'm kind of like, I like what I'm doing.
I got my space, I got my time, I have
(24:30):
all of these things.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
I have my time with my son.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
So again, just thinking through of what would change and
what I want that to change, and what about that independence.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
So what I've kind of come to is I feel.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Like in the last relationships that I've had right marriage,
because I really didn't have a relationship outside of Josh
since I've been married, I really feel like I gave
up so much of my independence in my past relationships.
That's probably why I'm fighting so hard to keep what
(25:10):
I have. And I think there's a healthy way, a
very very healthy way to keep the independence without pushing
your partner away and without feeling like you're giving up
everything of your independence. So full circle here thinking, oh
my goodness, I'm so independent. I don't want to be
(25:32):
in a relationship. Okay, fine, I'll be I'll be in
a relationship.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Now realizing I think again, as you get.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Older, you know what you want, you know what you
don't want, because there would be people that would, Hey,
do you want to know?
Speaker 1 (25:47):
I'm not even interested. I know why because of X,
Y and Z. I see it.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
I don't have any interest in it. I don't want
to do that. I'm good, thank you, no, thank you.
We can be friends. So I have a lot of friends.
But thinking through all of that of Okay, is this
person worth giving up some of my independence? Am I
good with giving up some independence? And then coming to
the realization of is he worth Yes, he is worth
(26:18):
giving up some of that, And I think some of
that is probably protection mode too. Well, you know what,
if I stay independent, if something happens, I'll be okay.
If I stay independent and we break up, we don't
have everything merged together, so it wouldn't be that hard.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
And that's not the best way to look at things.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
However, coming from a divorce, that's just the way you
look at things. You're not trying to look at it
as oh, it's going to fail before it starts, but
you're trying to look at the entire picture before before
anything super serious, before the ring gets put on. I
mean I literally have gone up once and down the other,
(27:01):
and it's like everyone's like, you're not ready, You're not ready.
Well you seem like they say, you seem like you're
not ready. You seem like you're right, And it's the truth.
I just don't know if I'm ready or not. Because
there are days where I'm like, he is definitely worth
me giving up the independence, but there are other times
where I'm like, Okay, is this how it's gonna start
(27:22):
me giving up a little independence?
Speaker 1 (27:23):
And then all of it goes. So I think that's
where some of that hesitation is.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
And then I think through of oh my goodness, well,
first marriage I got married pretty quick.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Second one took six years. So then I keep.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Thinking, well, this is kind of soon, seven months whatever,
Well we can have a long engagement. But then I
also think, hold on, I took six years for the
second marriage, and that was what it was.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
So I don't know.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
It's like going in your head around and round and thinking,
you know, all the pros, all the cons, what do
I do? And I'm saying all this because there's so
many of us out there that are independent, and I
think that is my stumbling block. Do I know that
that Josh loves me absolutely? Do I know that he
wants to literally protect my heart? I do genuinely feel
(28:18):
that way. Do I feel that he has my best interest?
I do feel that way. Do I feel that he
loves me and has loved me differently than anyone has
ever loved me? I do feel that way. And I
felt that way way early on. I know, way way
way early. You know, I was asked, Oh my gosh,
(28:38):
do you think he's the one? And I was just like,
if he stays this way, I could definitely see it.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
I could definitely see it.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
So I'm saying all of this because we do have
a public relationship. It's not always the easiest to have
a public relationship. But I'm saying this because I have
a strong feeling the ring is coming at some point.
The ring is coming at some point, but I also
(29:08):
want it to be on our time. I know right
now it's kind of more on my time because I'm
not one million percent ready. But also talking through all
of this with you guys right now on this podcast,
is anyone going to ever be one bazillion percent ready
coming from a divorce. I think you're gonna always have
(29:28):
that in the back of your head of Okay, wait,
what went wrong? Let me make sure this doesn't go wrong,
and you know, let's make sure that we're solid on
all all of these accounts.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Whether it's seven days seven years. Okay, seven days is
a bit extreme. Seven months seven years, Yes, you have
more time together, But I do think all of it
ends up being just a choice. If you both love
each other, and you have open lines of communication, and
(30:02):
when there is an issue, you're able to work through
those together seamlessly. Yes, there's hiccups, but you're able to
work through those. At the end of the day, you're
able to work through those, and you love each other unconditionally.
I think it then just becomes a choice daily of
am I going to continue to love this person this way? Now?
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Listen, I know.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
People f up and do some stupid stuff, stupid stupid stuff,
and I don't in my opinion, I don't think there's.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Excuses for that.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Like, sorry, if there's a cheating situation, you're gone to
the streets.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
I am not sticking around. It's not happening. I'm not
doing it. So with all of that, I think that
it is a choice.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
And again, I mean even that's a choice, right, So
if someone does cheat, they're making the choice to say, well,
you know what, I don't want to be in this
relationship anymore and I'm just going to go do this instead.
So everything is a choice, and I do think that
you have to choose to continue to love someone daily
and continue to connect daily and communicate daily, because if not,
(31:09):
then I think things just start to fall apart. So
I think that we have a pretty good foundation of
the communication piece, of the love piece, of the respect piece,
all of that. But man, that's thothness and independence. It
(31:30):
still comes in strong. It still comes in strong. And
God love Josh for being able to see through that
some of this has nothing to do with him and
everything to do with me, and everything to do with.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
My comfortability and just what I need.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
So find someone that's willing to be patient, someone that's
willing to.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Listen. I don't want to say help fix because I.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Don't need I don't need that, and I don't think
anyone else needs someone to come in and try and
fix things for them, But someone that is willing to
help you get to the next point. I mean, if
you had something traumatic happen, and let's say that person
does something similar that raises flags for you, Well, there was,
(32:29):
and I wish I had off the top of my
head something that Josh did that I'm like, that raises
huge flags with me, and he's like, oh, okay, well
that will never happen again, and it hasn't. So find
someone that's willing to continue to work on not just
you together as a relationship, but themselves right, and you
(32:50):
as an individual will have to say I need to
continue to work on myself to grow as well. Bottom line,
independent people, we are something else. We are something else.
It makes us who we are. But we also have
to take a step back and if we are going
to let someone in our life, especially someone that we
(33:14):
are going to let in long term, I guess we
just have to make that decision. Are they worth are
they worth it? And on that note, you guys are
going to have to wait to see and don't know
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