October 15, 2023 • 20 mins
The MUCH anticipated Savageship breakup update is here...part two!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ooh seven.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I like to keep it real simple.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
The frustration I think on both ends really really showed.
It showed, you know, when we would wake up in
the morning, like it's like, okay, here he is, Okay,
here she is.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Oh what was that showed? I think there was just
this you know, making out.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
No, you pow, you pow, like when you were not
getting your way. You literally, I'm not saying I don't
pow too, but you literally pouted and I was looking
at you. I was like I was just done with him.
I was like, you're gonna sit here in Powell over
something I can't give you. I'm like, whatever, boy bye,
and I'll just kidd I would just do I think.
So I'm like, I can't tend to you. I already
have one child, got out of a marriage because I
(00:46):
felt like, I'm sure people can come for me on
that end, but I'm literally like, I'm a grown adult,
you're a grown adult. We're coming together. We have great communication.
Stop being a spoiled brat and just listen to him.
It was like we literally just kept budding heads.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Honestly, it's the same you guys, see again we've talked
about before. You see the social media side, not just
for us but people in general.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Everybody puts the happiness.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Out there, the birthday parties and smiles, but whatever, nobody
puts all this out there.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
But this is real. This is where why we do
this right really.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
And we'll get there. We'll get there. But I'm not
putting it out in the middle of us being through
it because I once again feel like, yes, it's very public,
but I want to deal with this, and I know
we want to deal with this by ourselves first, and
then it's okay to say, Okay, this is what we
dealt with here's how we got through it that you know,
this is what we're doing. So I'm thankful that we're
(01:46):
in the spot that we're in. I feel very blessed.
I feel everything is for a reason. But we have
the conversation with our friend, each of us did, and
you know, Josh was just like, look, you know, I'm sorry,
I this is this is how I was feeling. This
is this and so the fact that he was able
to stop, apologize and say, hey, hang on a second,
(02:08):
I didn't mean it. This is what I need and
this is why I didn't feel worthy. I didn't feel
one I didn't feel this. I didn't feel that. That
made me stop in my tracks too and say I didn't.
I'm not gonna lie to you guys, And you can
call this stubborn or not. I still told him, I'm like,
I didn't have it at that point. Now what sucked
is after that last day of September, I had it,
(02:32):
and I was trying to explain to him, once this
month is over, I will have it. And it wasn't
good enough. And I'm like, then if you can't understand,
how is this going to work in the future. If
I have a busy week and we've had this conversation
from almost minute one. What if I have to travel
and I'm gone for a week, what are you going
to do? Are you gonna be able to handle that?
Are you not gonna be able to handle that? Are
(02:53):
you know what's going to happen? I mean, there's hard
questions that I've asked him, like, are are you gonna
be okay? Well, if I can't talk to you for
an entire day, are you, Oh, doesn't love me? Let
me go find someone else.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I will die.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
To be honest with you, I'm will die.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
But I've had all these questions and concerned as an
independent person being with someone that's not as independent. It's like, okay,
are you going to start looking for something else if
I can't talk to you for an entire day and
I'm gone for a week, Or what if I'm gone
for a week and then it's your weekend with your
kids after that, So we haven't seen each other for
(03:28):
two weeks and we can't FaceTime or talk as much?
Then what if you are a person that needs to
be around your person all the time, then what like
that's a valid, valid question from someone who can see
Wait a minute, this person needs to be around more
than not, then what happens?
Speaker 3 (03:49):
So that's the thing too, of what you just talked
about is need and want. I didn't feel needed, but
you wanted me there, and that communication was all it's
the same thing.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Do I need to be around you twenty four to seven?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (04:02):
No? Do I want to know? I don't need to do? Well,
here's the thing. It couldn't have come at a better
You don't ever want to go through stuff as a couple.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
You don't want to go stuff with your family, you
don't want to go through stuff with friends, whatever that is.
But It couldn't have come at a better time, honestly,
with you know, ending of your months and where things
were in the conversations and how it worked because again
owning my stuff of expectations, I see, okay, too high,
(04:39):
too high for where we are. We're too grown, where
we've been through too much stuff. We have this public relationship,
we have great communication, we have great everything, And why
where's my expectations? Do I need this?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Chusea you just.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Joke, yes, you need to be around me twenty four seven.
I don't and as you, I want to be there.
I want you to want me to be there. But
the same thing on the communication, the same thing there.
So that was a huge eye opener. Want and need
and listen and hear those.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Were two things too. And it's just the expectation I.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Think that was Those were Those were huge things that
I knew that I stepped back and realized on my
end like okay, like things are okay, things are good.
I need to pull back a little bit on this
as far as expectations and let you do the things
that you were.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
You know, I don't know if.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Convicted is the right word or your thought process because
you process things a whole lot. Slunger's not the right word,
but you completely Maybe it takes you a little more
time than I'm used to or even that I do.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
So what yeah, because you're kind of like, oh, I
thought that that exist, And I'm like, yeah, but did
you think about this scenario and that scenario and what
about that and what if that happens? And You're like, no,
well wait, really like you think through all that. Well,
I'm like, well, yeah, I want to make sure, I
want to measure I'm completely thinking through what is going on.
So when I came to you and said I don't
have that, I've already ran every you know, freaking scenario
(06:08):
through my head of how can I scrape time here
or how can I do this? Or how can I
do that? And it was like, listen, you're just gonna
have to bear with me until this month is over.
And look, you're still going to bed with me, you're
still waking up with me, We're still doing this, we're
still going on our walk, We're still you know, all
these little things. We're gonna have to find the time
in the moments that I have available, and someday it's
(06:29):
gonna be switched and reversed and whatever, but we're gonna
have to find that. And I got scared, and I
would maybe scared as right word, because consistency is key.
It's been rare for me to have someone that's been
super consistent. So when he started this, I need your time,
I need your time, I need your time, I'm like, whoa,
this is coming out of where and left field. And
(06:52):
then it was so insessant that I'm like, I've never
seen this either.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
It was consistent.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Shit, it was consistently and no, I'm like, oh my.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Lord, I'm merday.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I'm like, hey, We've talked about this constantly. I'm like,
where is this coming from? Yeah, So that that was
new for me to to learn that side. And I
was like, I don't like it. I can't I can't
do that.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yeah, And I think it was, you know, for me
on my end to speak through.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
It's that it's that, you know, not feeling worthy, not feeling.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
And you guys can go through however you want to.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
You know, my therapist and I've talked about that, like, Josh,
you are like we all are worthy.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I was mad when you said that. I'm like, what
are you talking about? I've never said that to you,
I've never made you feel that way, like what the heck?
And he's like, well, just cause like you didn't you
know the time or whatever. I'm like, look, I is
not how I feel. And we've talked through a lot
of that because anyone in my past, and I'm this
will resonate with a ton of people, anyone in my past,
(08:02):
if they would have acted that way and kicked and
screamed and stomped and not understood, I'd be like, boy bye,
and then I would have been done. I wouldn't have
come back and be like okay, we why like it
would have just been like you should see this, you
should know this. I'm done. I don't have time for this.
So to let it go on for a couple of
weeks and then eventually is like I'm done. Normally it
(08:24):
would be like, okay, this has been going on for
a little bit, you know, unfinished. But to let it
go on and then to say you're just not hearing me,
just we're done. We took what that day, day and
a half whatever, well, I think it was like a
day spoke with our friend and that was out of
the blue, like neither of us even knew we were
going to be talking to that friend that day like
(08:45):
at all. But for you to be able to just
stop and be like, wait a second, that's not it.
It then allowed me to say, listen, it's unfortunate because
today I had all the time in the world. Tomorrow
I'm gonna have all the time in the world, and Monday,
I'm gonna have all the time in the world. So
if you could have just hung on for a couple
more days and listen and heard what I was telling
(09:05):
you is I had it, just not that two week
span or two week, two and a half week, three weekspan, whatever.
I just didn't have it then. But to also be
able to take a step back and hear him saying
this is how I felt. I didn't feel worthy. I
didn't feel this. I didn't feel that I was able
to pause and say I love this man and the
(09:27):
fact that he's able to communicate this now. But I
did say for everyone out there, I did say, I
can't do this again, nor do I want to. So
we have to be able to figure out whatever this is,
because if I'm telling you, it's very hard for me
to tell someone I cannot do something. So if I'm
telling you I cannot do it. That's me being extremely vulnerable,
(09:50):
and you're going to have to accept that. And if
you're telling me that you need something else, you're gonna
have to dissect it a little bit more for me.
If you're feeling unloved or unwanted or unworthy, that's what
you need to say to me, versus I want your time.
I want your time. I want your time. So I
think that both of us learned a ton.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
A ton, and everybody's going to probably be like, Okay,
this seems so simple, and like I said before, it
was simple, but I think timing is everything.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
You can call it a god thing, you call it
a god wait, you can.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Call it fate, luck, whatever, you're you know whatever, but
happening at the right time, and then us being able
to look, we're both extremely where athletes.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Where parents. We have a drive.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
We work hard, we play hard, we love big, we
hurt big, we both do all of those things. But
to sit, neither one of us wants to quote unquote
lose or whatever. So stepping back and you said it,
learn a ton just from those couple of days, and
y'all be less independent person when an independent person tells
(10:58):
you they need they can't do this, you have to
fix this. The amount of stress, the amount of anxiety,
the amount of worthlessness, the all of those things.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
That's what I felt in those couple of days. But
what didn't It didn't.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Deter me one from talking to our friend, two from
listening to our friend being stubborn, being whatever, and three
going Okay, I love this woman. I think it's truly
a god thing that we are brought in each other's life.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
When we got brought into each other's life.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
As friends a year and a half ago, were all
of the things that you guys now know what is
it that I can do?
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Because I can't do your part.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
I can only do my part, and I can understand
your part and be a whole lot better with the
communication on my end. The delivery, because let's be honest,
us men don't have the best delivery. Gentlemen, figure out
a way to present what you're presenting in a way
that your person can understand it instead of how we
(12:05):
because we just think through it.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
And this is what we're gonna say, y'all.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
I yeah gotta be gentle you sink like you gotta
be gentle with how you say things and take into
this is what I've learned. Not that I didn't take
your feelings into consideration, not that I ever wanted to
dismiss those, not that I ever wanted to do that,
but it's the reaction back or the way things are
(12:31):
said back. And I think, men, we just we have
to do better at that. And I say it all
the time too, whether you see me live or videos
or podcasts or whatever.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
It is.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
Men, a lot of the issues in relationships would be
fixed if the man would present differently, listen or better
yet here rather than listen, present differently and present and
a better life. A lot of those things would be
(13:04):
Men's mental health would be fixed. The women's frustration with
us men would be fixed. A lot of that stuff
would be fixed. So that's a lot of things that
I took away from it. Am I perfect? No, are
we going to disagree?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Sure?
Speaker 3 (13:16):
But what I'm learning is her love language, her language,
her you know, her.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Argument language, my argument language.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
Are when we get to a certain point in the conversation.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
You know, there's all of those things that we're learning.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Six months and some change in and I couldn't be
more thankful, obviously for you know, our friend first and foremost,
but just for the just for us, I'm proud of you,
I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of us for one
taking that step back because we're both high emotion. We're
(13:54):
both like, no, this is and we both y'all I'm
stubbered two.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I know she says she's stubbored.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
I'm stubborn too, but we both dig our heels in
because we're both passionate one about how we should be treated,
how we want to treat each other, how we want
the world to be treated, how we want to treat
all of those things. Instead of just stepping back and going, hey,
this is actually what I was trying to say. I
apologie everything come across that way. I don't want you
(14:20):
to whatever that is.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
And it was the It was received so much differently
with me because I was able to take that step
back myself and say, okay, this is what he was
Other than just oh, I need you to time any
time everyone else to getting it, I'm not. It was
almost like a kid saying look at me, look at me,
look at me, and I'm like, and I explained it
to him, I'm like, hey, when you do this to me,
it's like this kid jumping up and down needing my attention.
(14:43):
I'm like, Josh, you're the adult here. You're the only
person that can understand that I can't give it, Like
you need to please figure that out. And I think
that both of us learning, you learning to be with
someone like ultra independent and me learning to be with
someon one that I'm not gonna say needy because I
(15:04):
know that's the word. We've been trying to like stay
away from be with someone that's not as independent. So
it's a whole different mindset because in my head, I'm like, well, yeah,
I would like that, but I don't have to have it,
you know, Like, yeah, I would like to spend some
quality time together, but I know that we don't have it.
So it is what it is. Like I look at
it that way, and I have to take a step
(15:26):
back and be like, Okay, well this is what he
needs now. I don't want people to think throughout these
few weeks like nothing was going on. We still were
doing our best, Like we'd go on walks, he would
go on little trips with me to pick up things
or do whatever, and yeah, we still did that stuff.
And it was just carving out an hour just for him,
(15:48):
and sometimes it's hard because he gets here. My son
is supposed to be with his dad on Wednesdays and Fridays.
It doesn't always happen that he's with him on Fridays,
especially if he's traveling. So when Wednesday nights, you know,
Josh and I kind of have together, but I still
have to work. And then Thursdays he has to work
and I have my son. And then Friday, depending whether
(16:10):
have my son or not, I stuff to work. So
there's a lot of these things going on, and we're like, Okay,
we're just gonna have to navigate through. Maybe we do
schedules now that that hard month was over for me,
Maybe we do schedules, what have you. But I am
finding myself kind of in the same predicament again. I'm
giving more time and other things are suffering, you know,
like it is it is, So I'm just gonna have
(16:32):
to find this balance. But learning learning that. My thought
process is get the shit done. Like as a mom,
you're like, I got this this, I got seventy five
thousand things going on. How can I get that list
to seventy four thousand things? That's just how a guy works.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
You're a list person. So in your list, as people
know the shrent.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
List person your list, don't they just continue.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
So it's a daily list, it's a whatever list.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
And realizing that, I think a lot of people don't
realize what you just said. With the schedules, like they see, hey,
you're live on whatever day, whatever day, Okay, Josh must
be in Virginia. Or they see me live like, oh,
you're in your kitchen. Why are you not at Heather's.
But what people don't understand is the long distance is
(17:19):
one thing that throws down that it's rough. Yeah, but
then you have kids and exes and work and not
you have all those things. And I think that's where
you said it. We've got to do, we're going to
and we have in the last what ten days, nine days,
eight days, whatever it is that we've kind of been like, okay,
like this is, but do a better job of realizing
(17:40):
each other's needs of hey, he's just gonna have to
let me work, and hey, hey he looks like or
he sounds like or it sounds like to me he
needs or you know, code needs or we have we're
doing a better job of.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
That and I think I can gauge that with co
Very easily, right, And I'll say it to you like
I got to give some quality, quality time to co tonight,
like I wanted this. I wanted that, like it's got
to be called a time. So I gauge that with him,
and I'm learning that with you as well. And to
kind of end on this, just know, as all this
(18:14):
is going on, there are still in the back of
my head, even though I'm very independent, in the back
of my head, I'm like, oh, I want to get
this little thing for Josh, and I'll do it. I'll
get it in the midst of being insanely busy. I'll
get it, I'll order it, it'll show up, and it'll
be like, oh, oh that's what that Oh okay. So
it's like those are also little reminders to him of
(18:34):
I'm still thinking about you throughout my crazy busy day,
but I popped on Amazon and got this, or I
got your coffee. He has a little coffee station now, right,
So all of those little things are happening continually as
our relationship is growing. But sometimes that's all I might
have in my tank of I know, I'm busy, I'm
on a zoom call. I'm on this, I'm on that,
(18:55):
but I'm on my phone, maybe on the side doing
something nice for him, because I can't really give him
my time. So it's all about figuring things out. And
I'm thankful the last whatever have for many days have
been back to normal and understanding, and we know that
we both have to continue to learn each other. And
(19:19):
I guess just how we are, and I think the
key is is not to change one another, but to
help each other understand. Because if he were to try
and change me or me change him, You're not who
I fell in love with. I wouldn't be who you
fell in love with. And one day we would both
wake up and be miserable and say we are not
who we're supposed to be.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Well, we said it before. Before you end relationships take work.
You guys have heard both of us say that it's
not just our relationship, it's not just your relationship, family, kids.
Relationships are work, period. You've got to do your work
on your side. You just have to.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
And we're not going to come on here and lie
to you guys and be like everything has always been
so peachy key. Legitimately, we look at this as we
are working through things. You know, you're gonna see the high,
you're gonna see, you're gonna se everything in between that
we feel comfortable sharing. But we're not gonna come on
here and be like everything is always perfect, because that's
not fair, because then we set this presence of people thinking, well,
(20:18):
my relationship has to be perfect all the time, no arguments,
no disagreements, no any no turm oil. That's not the case.
We're both human, it's gonna happen. The fact is we
both love each other fiercely, and we are open to
hearing what each other has to say, and we're respecting
what each other has to say. So you need to
make sure you find a person that is willing to
(20:41):
go those lengths in a relationships. And on that note,
wherever we go
Ooh seven.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I like to keep it real simple.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
The frustration I think on both ends really really showed.
It showed, you know, when we would wake up in
the morning, like it's like, okay, here he is, Okay,
here she is.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Oh what was that showed? I think there was just
this you know, making out.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
No, you pow, you pow, like when you were not
getting your way. You literally, I'm not saying I don't
pow too, but you literally pouted and I was looking
at you. I was like I was just done with him.
I was like, you're gonna sit here in Powell over
something I can't give you. I'm like, whatever, boy bye,
and I'll just kidd I would just do I think.
So I'm like, I can't tend to you. I already
have one child, got out of a marriage because I
(00:46):
felt like, I'm sure people can come for me on
that end, but I'm literally like, I'm a grown adult,
you're a grown adult. We're coming together. We have great communication.
Stop being a spoiled brat and just listen to him.
It was like we literally just kept budding heads.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Honestly, it's the same you guys, see again we've talked
about before. You see the social media side, not just
for us but people in general.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Everybody puts the happiness.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Out there, the birthday parties and smiles, but whatever, nobody
puts all this out there.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
But this is real. This is where why we do
this right really.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
And we'll get there. We'll get there. But I'm not
putting it out in the middle of us being through
it because I once again feel like, yes, it's very public,
but I want to deal with this, and I know
we want to deal with this by ourselves first, and
then it's okay to say, Okay, this is what we
dealt with here's how we got through it that you know,
this is what we're doing. So I'm thankful that we're
(01:46):
in the spot that we're in. I feel very blessed.
I feel everything is for a reason. But we have
the conversation with our friend, each of us did, and
you know, Josh was just like, look, you know, I'm sorry,
I this is this is how I was feeling. This
is this and so the fact that he was able
to stop, apologize and say, hey, hang on a second,
(02:08):
I didn't mean it. This is what I need and
this is why I didn't feel worthy. I didn't feel
one I didn't feel this. I didn't feel that. That
made me stop in my tracks too and say I didn't.
I'm not gonna lie to you guys, And you can
call this stubborn or not. I still told him, I'm like,
I didn't have it at that point. Now what sucked
is after that last day of September, I had it,
(02:32):
and I was trying to explain to him, once this
month is over, I will have it. And it wasn't
good enough. And I'm like, then if you can't understand,
how is this going to work in the future. If
I have a busy week and we've had this conversation
from almost minute one. What if I have to travel
and I'm gone for a week, what are you going
to do? Are you gonna be able to handle that?
Are you not gonna be able to handle that? Are
(02:53):
you know what's going to happen? I mean, there's hard
questions that I've asked him, like, are are you gonna
be okay? Well, if I can't talk to you for
an entire day, are you, Oh, doesn't love me? Let
me go find someone else.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I will die.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
To be honest with you, I'm will die.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
But I've had all these questions and concerned as an
independent person being with someone that's not as independent. It's like, okay,
are you going to start looking for something else if
I can't talk to you for an entire day and
I'm gone for a week, Or what if I'm gone
for a week and then it's your weekend with your
kids after that, So we haven't seen each other for
(03:28):
two weeks and we can't FaceTime or talk as much?
Then what if you are a person that needs to
be around your person all the time, then what like
that's a valid, valid question from someone who can see
Wait a minute, this person needs to be around more
than not, then what happens?
Speaker 3 (03:49):
So that's the thing too, of what you just talked
about is need and want. I didn't feel needed, but
you wanted me there, and that communication was all it's
the same thing.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Do I need to be around you twenty four to seven?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (04:02):
No? Do I want to know? I don't need to do? Well,
here's the thing. It couldn't have come at a better
You don't ever want to go through stuff as a couple.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
You don't want to go stuff with your family, you
don't want to go through stuff with friends, whatever that is.
But It couldn't have come at a better time, honestly,
with you know, ending of your months and where things
were in the conversations and how it worked because again
owning my stuff of expectations, I see, okay, too high,
(04:39):
too high for where we are. We're too grown, where
we've been through too much stuff. We have this public relationship,
we have great communication, we have great everything, And why
where's my expectations? Do I need this?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Chusea you just.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Joke, yes, you need to be around me twenty four seven.
I don't and as you, I want to be there.
I want you to want me to be there. But
the same thing on the communication, the same thing there.
So that was a huge eye opener. Want and need
and listen and hear those.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Were two things too. And it's just the expectation I.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Think that was Those were Those were huge things that
I knew that I stepped back and realized on my
end like okay, like things are okay, things are good.
I need to pull back a little bit on this
as far as expectations and let you do the things
that you were.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
You know, I don't know if.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Convicted is the right word or your thought process because
you process things a whole lot. Slunger's not the right word,
but you completely Maybe it takes you a little more
time than I'm used to or even that I do.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
So what yeah, because you're kind of like, oh, I
thought that that exist, And I'm like, yeah, but did
you think about this scenario and that scenario and what
about that and what if that happens? And You're like, no,
well wait, really like you think through all that. Well,
I'm like, well, yeah, I want to make sure, I
want to measure I'm completely thinking through what is going on.
So when I came to you and said I don't
have that, I've already ran every you know, freaking scenario
(06:08):
through my head of how can I scrape time here
or how can I do this? Or how can I
do that? And it was like, listen, you're just gonna
have to bear with me until this month is over.
And look, you're still going to bed with me, you're
still waking up with me, We're still doing this, we're
still going on our walk, We're still you know, all
these little things. We're gonna have to find the time
in the moments that I have available, and someday it's
(06:29):
gonna be switched and reversed and whatever, but we're gonna
have to find that. And I got scared, and I
would maybe scared as right word, because consistency is key.
It's been rare for me to have someone that's been
super consistent. So when he started this, I need your time,
I need your time, I need your time, I'm like, whoa,
this is coming out of where and left field. And
(06:52):
then it was so insessant that I'm like, I've never
seen this either.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
It was consistent.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Shit, it was consistently and no, I'm like, oh my.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Lord, I'm merday.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I'm like, hey, We've talked about this constantly. I'm like,
where is this coming from? Yeah, So that that was
new for me to to learn that side. And I
was like, I don't like it. I can't I can't
do that.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yeah, And I think it was, you know, for me
on my end to speak through.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
It's that it's that, you know, not feeling worthy, not feeling.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
And you guys can go through however you want to.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
You know, my therapist and I've talked about that, like, Josh,
you are like we all are worthy.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I was mad when you said that. I'm like, what
are you talking about? I've never said that to you,
I've never made you feel that way, like what the heck?
And he's like, well, just cause like you didn't you
know the time or whatever. I'm like, look, I is
not how I feel. And we've talked through a lot
of that because anyone in my past, and I'm this
will resonate with a ton of people, anyone in my past,
(08:02):
if they would have acted that way and kicked and
screamed and stomped and not understood, I'd be like, boy bye,
and then I would have been done. I wouldn't have
come back and be like okay, we why like it
would have just been like you should see this, you
should know this. I'm done. I don't have time for this.
So to let it go on for a couple of
weeks and then eventually is like I'm done. Normally it
(08:24):
would be like, okay, this has been going on for
a little bit, you know, unfinished. But to let it
go on and then to say you're just not hearing me,
just we're done. We took what that day, day and
a half whatever, well, I think it was like a
day spoke with our friend and that was out of
the blue, like neither of us even knew we were
going to be talking to that friend that day like
(08:45):
at all. But for you to be able to just
stop and be like, wait a second, that's not it.
It then allowed me to say, listen, it's unfortunate because
today I had all the time in the world. Tomorrow
I'm gonna have all the time in the world, and Monday,
I'm gonna have all the time in the world. So
if you could have just hung on for a couple
more days and listen and heard what I was telling
(09:05):
you is I had it, just not that two week
span or two week, two and a half week, three weekspan, whatever.
I just didn't have it then. But to also be
able to take a step back and hear him saying
this is how I felt. I didn't feel worthy. I
didn't feel this. I didn't feel that I was able
to pause and say I love this man and the
(09:27):
fact that he's able to communicate this now. But I
did say for everyone out there, I did say, I
can't do this again, nor do I want to. So
we have to be able to figure out whatever this is,
because if I'm telling you, it's very hard for me
to tell someone I cannot do something. So if I'm
telling you I cannot do it. That's me being extremely vulnerable,
(09:50):
and you're going to have to accept that. And if
you're telling me that you need something else, you're gonna
have to dissect it a little bit more for me.
If you're feeling unloved or unwanted or unworthy, that's what
you need to say to me, versus I want your time.
I want your time. I want your time. So I
think that both of us learned a ton.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
A ton, and everybody's going to probably be like, Okay,
this seems so simple, and like I said before, it
was simple, but I think timing is everything.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
You can call it a god thing, you call it
a god wait, you can.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Call it fate, luck, whatever, you're you know whatever, but
happening at the right time, and then us being able
to look, we're both extremely where athletes.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Where parents. We have a drive.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
We work hard, we play hard, we love big, we
hurt big, we both do all of those things. But
to sit, neither one of us wants to quote unquote
lose or whatever. So stepping back and you said it,
learn a ton just from those couple of days, and
y'all be less independent person when an independent person tells
(10:58):
you they need they can't do this, you have to
fix this. The amount of stress, the amount of anxiety,
the amount of worthlessness, the all of those things.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
That's what I felt in those couple of days. But
what didn't It didn't.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Deter me one from talking to our friend, two from
listening to our friend being stubborn, being whatever, and three
going Okay, I love this woman. I think it's truly
a god thing that we are brought in each other's life.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
When we got brought into each other's life.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
As friends a year and a half ago, were all
of the things that you guys now know what is
it that I can do?
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Because I can't do your part.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
I can only do my part, and I can understand
your part and be a whole lot better with the
communication on my end. The delivery, because let's be honest,
us men don't have the best delivery. Gentlemen, figure out
a way to present what you're presenting in a way
that your person can understand it instead of how we
(12:05):
because we just think through it.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
And this is what we're gonna say, y'all.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
I yeah gotta be gentle you sink like you gotta
be gentle with how you say things and take into
this is what I've learned. Not that I didn't take
your feelings into consideration, not that I ever wanted to
dismiss those, not that I ever wanted to do that,
but it's the reaction back or the way things are
(12:31):
said back. And I think, men, we just we have
to do better at that. And I say it all
the time too, whether you see me live or videos
or podcasts or whatever.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
It is.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
Men, a lot of the issues in relationships would be
fixed if the man would present differently, listen or better
yet here rather than listen, present differently and present and
a better life. A lot of those things would be
(13:04):
Men's mental health would be fixed. The women's frustration with
us men would be fixed. A lot of that stuff
would be fixed. So that's a lot of things that
I took away from it. Am I perfect? No, are
we going to disagree?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Sure?
Speaker 3 (13:16):
But what I'm learning is her love language, her language,
her you know, her.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Argument language, my argument language.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
Are when we get to a certain point in the conversation.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
You know, there's all of those things that we're learning.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Six months and some change in and I couldn't be
more thankful, obviously for you know, our friend first and foremost,
but just for the just for us, I'm proud of you,
I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of us for one
taking that step back because we're both high emotion. We're
(13:54):
both like, no, this is and we both y'all I'm
stubbered two.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I know she says she's stubbored.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
I'm stubborn too, but we both dig our heels in
because we're both passionate one about how we should be treated,
how we want to treat each other, how we want
the world to be treated, how we want to treat
all of those things. Instead of just stepping back and going, hey,
this is actually what I was trying to say. I
apologie everything come across that way. I don't want you
(14:20):
to whatever that is.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
And it was the It was received so much differently
with me because I was able to take that step
back myself and say, okay, this is what he was
Other than just oh, I need you to time any
time everyone else to getting it, I'm not. It was
almost like a kid saying look at me, look at me,
look at me, and I'm like, and I explained it
to him, I'm like, hey, when you do this to me,
it's like this kid jumping up and down needing my attention.
(14:43):
I'm like, Josh, you're the adult here. You're the only
person that can understand that I can't give it, Like
you need to please figure that out. And I think
that both of us learning, you learning to be with
someone like ultra independent and me learning to be with
someon one that I'm not gonna say needy because I
(15:04):
know that's the word. We've been trying to like stay
away from be with someone that's not as independent. So
it's a whole different mindset because in my head, I'm like, well, yeah,
I would like that, but I don't have to have it,
you know, Like, yeah, I would like to spend some
quality time together, but I know that we don't have it.
So it is what it is. Like I look at
it that way, and I have to take a step
(15:26):
back and be like, Okay, well this is what he
needs now. I don't want people to think throughout these
few weeks like nothing was going on. We still were
doing our best, Like we'd go on walks, he would
go on little trips with me to pick up things
or do whatever, and yeah, we still did that stuff.
And it was just carving out an hour just for him,
(15:48):
and sometimes it's hard because he gets here. My son
is supposed to be with his dad on Wednesdays and Fridays.
It doesn't always happen that he's with him on Fridays,
especially if he's traveling. So when Wednesday nights, you know,
Josh and I kind of have together, but I still
have to work. And then Thursdays he has to work
and I have my son. And then Friday, depending whether
(16:10):
have my son or not, I stuff to work. So
there's a lot of these things going on, and we're like, Okay,
we're just gonna have to navigate through. Maybe we do
schedules now that that hard month was over for me,
Maybe we do schedules, what have you. But I am
finding myself kind of in the same predicament again. I'm
giving more time and other things are suffering, you know,
like it is it is, So I'm just gonna have
(16:32):
to find this balance. But learning learning that. My thought
process is get the shit done. Like as a mom,
you're like, I got this this, I got seventy five
thousand things going on. How can I get that list
to seventy four thousand things? That's just how a guy works.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
You're a list person. So in your list, as people
know the shrent.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
List person your list, don't they just continue.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
So it's a daily list, it's a whatever list.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
And realizing that, I think a lot of people don't
realize what you just said. With the schedules, like they see, hey,
you're live on whatever day, whatever day, Okay, Josh must
be in Virginia. Or they see me live like, oh,
you're in your kitchen. Why are you not at Heather's.
But what people don't understand is the long distance is
(17:19):
one thing that throws down that it's rough. Yeah, but
then you have kids and exes and work and not
you have all those things. And I think that's where
you said it. We've got to do, we're going to
and we have in the last what ten days, nine days,
eight days, whatever it is that we've kind of been like, okay,
like this is, but do a better job of realizing
(17:40):
each other's needs of hey, he's just gonna have to
let me work, and hey, hey he looks like or
he sounds like or it sounds like to me he
needs or you know, code needs or we have we're
doing a better job of.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
That and I think I can gauge that with co
Very easily, right, And I'll say it to you like
I got to give some quality, quality time to co tonight,
like I wanted this. I wanted that, like it's got
to be called a time. So I gauge that with him,
and I'm learning that with you as well. And to
kind of end on this, just know, as all this
(18:14):
is going on, there are still in the back of
my head, even though I'm very independent, in the back
of my head, I'm like, oh, I want to get
this little thing for Josh, and I'll do it. I'll
get it in the midst of being insanely busy. I'll
get it, I'll order it, it'll show up, and it'll
be like, oh, oh that's what that Oh okay. So
it's like those are also little reminders to him of
(18:34):
I'm still thinking about you throughout my crazy busy day,
but I popped on Amazon and got this, or I
got your coffee. He has a little coffee station now, right,
So all of those little things are happening continually as
our relationship is growing. But sometimes that's all I might
have in my tank of I know, I'm busy, I'm
on a zoom call. I'm on this, I'm on that,
(18:55):
but I'm on my phone, maybe on the side doing
something nice for him, because I can't really give him
my time. So it's all about figuring things out. And
I'm thankful the last whatever have for many days have
been back to normal and understanding, and we know that
we both have to continue to learn each other. And
(19:19):
I guess just how we are, and I think the
key is is not to change one another, but to
help each other understand. Because if he were to try
and change me or me change him, You're not who
I fell in love with. I wouldn't be who you
fell in love with. And one day we would both
wake up and be miserable and say we are not
who we're supposed to be.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Well, we said it before. Before you end relationships take work.
You guys have heard both of us say that it's
not just our relationship, it's not just your relationship, family, kids.
Relationships are work, period. You've got to do your work
on your side. You just have to.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
And we're not going to come on here and lie
to you guys and be like everything has always been
so peachy key. Legitimately, we look at this as we
are working through things. You know, you're gonna see the high,
you're gonna see, you're gonna se everything in between that
we feel comfortable sharing. But we're not gonna come on
here and be like everything is always perfect, because that's
not fair, because then we set this presence of people thinking, well,
(20:18):
my relationship has to be perfect all the time, no arguments,
no disagreements, no any no turm oil. That's not the case.
We're both human, it's gonna happen. The fact is we
both love each other fiercely, and we are open to
hearing what each other has to say, and we're respecting
what each other has to say. So you need to
make sure you find a person that is willing to
(20:41):
go those lengths in a relationships. And on that note,
wherever we go
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