A Winter Savageship Update

A Savage relationship update! Are we engaged?

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ooh seven. I like to keep it real simple. All right, guys,
it's about that time. But I'm not just going to
give you a life update for me. It's been a
minute since we've done the relationship update, and everyone has

(00:21):
been wondering with this filter that I did a few
weeks back that honestly it was my first, like I
literally opened it up. I did the filter and it
said two weeks and then Josh did his I don't know,
maybe a week later or something like that, and it
said ana.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
I think it was like the next day or the
next night or something. Yeah, so genuine reaction from both
of us, and.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
First you know, filter what it said.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
But we're here to tell everybody you want to tell
that we are not engaged. And I think, right, I
think that we can probably talk a bit about the
why I think people are, what people are wanting us

(01:20):
to take that step, and ultimately, obviously it's going to
be our decision and what we want, not what the
world wants or not what an individual wants, right, so
we can kind of discuss. I guess if people have
been following along anyway, they kind of know a little
bit of how I feel and Josh knows. I mean,

(01:44):
I'll let you speak on it. You can speak.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
To start singing.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
I mean, since we're in the swifty air, I was
going to be like, Hi, it's me. The problem, it's me.
The difference is is that probably sing that.

Speaker 3 (01:58):
Song and this.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Well. I mean, if if you want to tell people
your reservation, you can tell people your reservation.

Speaker 3 (02:10):
You want me to tell them my reservation?

Speaker 2 (02:12):
Yeah, I don't even know what my resure tell No,
I think that, yeah, I'll go, I'll you know, I'll
do the updates. So I think the reservation on my
end is me wanting to make sure one hundred percent

(02:35):
that you're ready. And we've talked to you through things
in our obviously private life. We also talk about it
on Why or whatever. As you know, you are very
outspoken and have more podcasts than we do, and also
when we're on the line.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
But I think for my.

Speaker 2 (02:56):
End, I obviously want you to be one hundred percent
that is with you know, all the conversations that we've
talked through, whether it's you know, the move or the
distance or the kids, the work, and you know, conversations
that we've had things that come up issues or little

(03:19):
speed bumps or you.

Speaker 3 (03:20):
Know, walls or whatever that is.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
I think my entire reservation, or the biggest reservation obviously,
is making sure that you're ready one not because I
think you know you could say no obviously, but wanting
to make sure that you're not saying yes because it's
expected by whoever the world, you know, our families, our friends,

(03:47):
each other. I want when that time has come that
ultimately I'm saying yes to be able to take that step,
and I want you to one hundred percent be there
as well to say.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
Yep, I got nothing, I got no reservations.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
I'm one hundred percent bought in and that and there's
some there's obviously some things that we have that we're
have worked through. We're what almost look next week or
this weekend whatever we're recording this thing. We're almost at
eight months in a lot of stuff that you know, we've.

Speaker 3 (04:23):
Gone through, talk through, been through.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
So my my big reservation is making sure you're one
hundred percent in and that just goes into you know,
our private conversations and our day to day life.

Speaker 1 (04:36):
For me, For me on my end, well, thank you
for sharing with the class. I love you for that.
I love that you're not trying to rush me.

Speaker 3 (04:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
I love that you're paying attention and not just listening,
like you're actually hearing the conversations that we have, reservations
I might have. I just I appreciate that, and I
love that very much. I think things are definitely different

(05:20):
with our relationship. I mean, one, it's in the public eye.
You tend to put things out there more than I do,
which is okay. We have those discussions if I don't
feel comfortable about something, which the other day it was
funny because we had the conversation about a video that
was posted and Josha posted a video. Well, we were
in Target and I was just really tired and I

(05:42):
just had my head on his shoulder and we were
just walking through Target. I didn't know. I looked down
after I saw that he was recording. Didn't really know
he was recording. So then later on he put a
caption on it and it said something about when you
want to go, but she doesn't want to go, but
she's there and now she's mad and something like that.
I hadn't seen the video. He had posted the video.
I hadn't seen it, and he's like, oh, this video

(06:04):
is doing well, and I looked at it and I
was like, read your comments, and there were comments that
were like, well, she should suck it up and it
shouldn't be all about her and blah blah. And I
was like, Josh, you're making me look like a bitch.
And he's like, what I said, Have I ever done
that to you? He's like absolutely not. I'm like, do
you think I ever would? He's like absolutely not. I'm like,
but the world now thinks that I'm like that, and

(06:25):
he's like, no, no, they don't. It's a joke. I'm like, mmm,
if I took it that way, and several people in
your comment section took it that way. He's like, yeah,
but I mean I think it's half and half. I
said there's no way that and there was no argument
about it at all. It was just a plan on discussion.
But I said, there's no way. I think it was

(06:45):
already at like fifty eight thousand within a few whatever minutes,
less than an hour whatever, And I said, there's no
way you're going to be able to assure you or
me that fifty eight thousand people that you don't know
who those people are. Did not take that as Wow,

(07:06):
what a bitch? Wow? How selfish is she? Wow? This,
this and this, And I said, listen, I will own
my stuff. If I did that to you, or I
do that to you, I will own it. I will
let you keep that up there and I'll probably comment
like I sure did. But I said, that's really not
a fair image this being presented of me. And he
literally like, I'm taking it down and I was like, well,

(07:28):
let's talk through it. Yeah. I was like, let's talk
through it, and you're like, nope, I already took it down.
And I was like, that right there shows me that
he cares about me more than the social media side,
more than like s reviews or what have you. And
it was just a I don't want to say a
hard conversation because I wasn't coming down on him, but

(07:49):
it was, hey, let me look at it from this perspective,
because I said, if I put something up that made
you look kind of like a dick and someone started
saying that, I said, there's no way I can go back.
And because there's you don't know those fifty eight thousand
people and then their telephone game, like you don't know
what they're thinking or who they are and what they're

(08:12):
saying listen. I am well aware that there's a bit
of a microscope, you know, when.

Speaker 3 (08:22):
You reach.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
When you reach a certain level on certain things, meaning
in a relationship or or whatever, there are additional eyes,
you know, paying attention. And then there's additional comments, Oh, well,
she's this or he's that, and you shouldn't be this,
and you shouldn't be and I don't. I try to
listen to it, right, I really do my best not

(08:47):
to listen to it. But I also try not to
post Josh all the time. And we've had this discussion too,
because my content is my content and that's what the
majority of my followers are there for or they do love,
as you know, watching us interact and stuff. But I'm
not at that point where I'm like, I'm gonna switch

(09:10):
it over to us content. We've had that conversation. If
that happens, it won't be on my page. It'll be
a whole other page that we start it, maybe even
my backup, but it won't be I don't want to
lose who I am. And what I mean by that
is we have these conversations, Josh and I have these
conversations all the time that you do you I do

(09:33):
me and then we do us because I made a
mistake and my marriage that when I stayed home. I'm
not the type of person that can just idly sit
at home. I just can't. That's just not you. I mean,
everyone listening to this podcast is like duh.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
But we all know.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
I stayed home to raise my son while my ex worked.
And I still did work a little bit, but not
to an extent that my mind needed my mind needed
different stimulation, and I just wasn't doing that. I was
there with my son. I would go do some things

(10:15):
and then I would help run the soccer companies that
I had. That it just it was more like off
season stuff, right, Excuse me? So I couldn't. I don't know.
I just didn't have that adult interaction. I didn't have
that this is mine, this is his, this is ours
type thing. So I explained that to Josh early on.

(10:37):
I'm like, listen, I'm not putting you all over my page.
I'm not changing my content to you. I'm not doing this.
I'm not doing that. This is who I am. Yes,
you'll be sprinkled in at some point if this was
early on, if we get engaged, if it goes further,
things will change a little bit, but I just don't
foresee me changing my entire content, putting you and me

(10:58):
as that forefriend in that there's nothing else. So I'm
still holding on to that because I still believe that
we each need to have our own thing and then
also something together. So I feel like once a ring comes,
once I guess I should say I'm okay with it.
Once it comes, no pressure.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
There's enough pressure coming from the world, and you're like,
so once a ring comes, oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
Don't even because you know, if I would have said okay,
one million percent all in, I'll never change my mind.
I'm not stubborn, I'm not this, I'm not that, And as.

Speaker 2 (11:35):
Everybody jokes, give me five minutes, I'll run the Walmart.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
Well, but I know it's been eight months, right, and
the next one is going be eight months. Yes, we've
definitely been through a lot. We've talked through a lot,
and I think the older that you get, the more
things you've been through, you kind of take a step
back and say, Okay, I see a flag there that
was similar to what ended a relationship before, or was
similar to something I didn't like in that relationship. Let

(12:05):
me watch. Let me see. Is this the same? Is
this not the same? I mean, listen, Josh, is I
love this man? But this man is stubborn? Yeah, and
go ahead. And he's like a baby. He could be

(12:28):
a baby.

Speaker 3 (12:29):
Listen.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
They can't see my face right now, but I just
picked my jaw up off the floor.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
Because because he's in agreement, he's in agreement.

Speaker 2 (12:39):
Us. Man can be babies sometimes, yes, And.

Speaker 1 (12:41):
He's a powder and he's a powder, and so I
had I had to get there were things I had
to get used to. Like we September was a rough
month for us. We can we can talk about it now.
September was a rough month. And here's what happened. I'm
in this program through TikTok. I was told, hey, we

(13:04):
need you to do this and this, and I'm like, okay,
all right, I'm gonna do it. Let's go. And it
was a constant I was working constantly. I was on live.
I was burning the candle at both ends and in
the damn middle like it was.

Speaker 3 (13:23):
It was a rough There was no candle, there wasn't
no wick. It was just something was burning.

Speaker 1 (13:28):
It was like it was like ashes. I was literally
like something when I was on burning.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
Something was burning, but it was ashes. There was no
candle there, there was no wick, but it was burned.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
It was burning, and it was just a constant. I
was on the go, go go work, work, work, because
they needed me to do this, they asked me to
do this. It was just go, go, go, go go.
And it was hard, like it was hard for me
to be everything for everybody. So I'm burning this candle
at both ends. I'm burning the candle at both ends.

(13:59):
It's nut. I'm trying to still be a good mom,
I'm trying to still be a good daughter, be a
good girlfriend. I'm just and I literally feel like every
day I'm failing. Well. I would go live and I
would say, okay, well I'm gonna go live from this
time at this time, and that just didn't happen. I
would be a half hour later, forty five minutes later,

(14:22):
a hour later, whatever it was, and Josh literally through
a fucking hissy fit that entire month. I'm not pulling
any I'm not pulling any punches about it. Literally through
a fit. You are not spending time with me. You
you know, you care more about work, you care more

(14:44):
about this, What about me? What about me. That's all
I heard in my head was what about me? What
about me? What about me? And I'm like, what in
the actual fuck is going on here? This man sees
I am busting my ass working. He sees that I'm
literally I'm not out gallivanting around with anybody. I ain't
doing anything other than working and being a mom. And

(15:06):
it would be and listen, I know, ladies, I know
you've been here. Look, our sex life is amazing, like absolutely,
like Chef's kiss amazing, but there will be times I
was so philipping exhausted. I felt like I was almost
asleep on Not that it's didn't feel good or anything,

(15:27):
but I was like, I'm so freaking tired, but I'm
still trying to like be everything to everyone.

Speaker 4 (15:36):
Could you say what you said before all of that,
like it's the chef's kiss, because it is.

Speaker 1 (15:42):
No, it is the kiss. No, listen, anybody out there
that's been so freaking exhausted that they're basically feeling like
a zombie day to day, minute to minute. It was rough.
The September was rough, and I just didn't like. I

(16:04):
didn't like the way Josh was not able to process.
I said, this is for September. This will not be
like this the next month. Only for September. This is
what's gonna be like And I didn't like the way
that Josh processed that. It was too bad, you're not
doing this. And it was a constant. If I stayed
on Live late, he would pout about it. If I

(16:27):
went to bed and I still had to check some
things on my phone and I still had to like
wrap some things up, he was pouting about it, and
I just literally was like, you know what, I can't
do this. I mean, let's let's be honest. There were
arguments in there because Josha, well I need this. I'm like,
I don't have it to give to you. I said,
as a type a personality coming to someone and saying

(16:49):
I can't do this was hard for me to say
that anyway. So for me to come to him and
be like, I can't do this. I can't give you
this time, but I can on this or on this
or whatever. And Josh can attest to this. It's still
this way now on some days. But I literally will
wake up the minute I wake up until my little
happy tail and head hit that pillow. I'm done, Like

(17:13):
it is constant, go go, go, go go. I really
do not sit down and eat bond bonds during the
day and chill out. That's just not what it's like.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Gluten free bon bons. But so we they don't make.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
Facts, so we struggle the month of September going into October.
Matter of fact, I think I was like, I'm done.
You need to understand that being a mom is first
and foremost. My job is second right now, and you're
gonna have to take that third and it will mix
a little bit, but you're gonna have to take that

(17:50):
third seat four this month, and technically it was played
two and a half weeks, so it's like, for these
two and a half weeks, you're gonna have to switch
modes with me. Just understand it is not long term.
It is short term. I'm a great communicator about that,
but you're gonna do that. And he fucking pouted and
pouted and wanted his way, and it's stubborn. As as

(18:10):
stubborn as that both of us are. I'm like, no,
you are a grown ass man, you are a parent.
You should understand all of this and cut me a
little bit of grace knowing this is what's going on.
So early October I was like, bye, I'm like you,
when you go I need a break, don't come back,

(18:32):
go hang out there. And that was hard because obviously
I love him, but in the same token, I'm like,
I don't want someone that's going to pout. I don't
want someone that is going to, lack of better terms,
When I wrapped my head around all of it be controlling.
So I thought, you're trying to control my time, or
you're trying to control my job, or whatever it might be,

(18:56):
you're trying to do that. And so we've had these discs, discussions,
and he's like, well, I just wanted your time, and
here I was thinking, well, you had this time, and
if it were me, I would move this around and
do this, And I said, okay, that's fine, but I
also had this, this, and this. So being able to
one both of us take a step back, yeah, because

(19:21):
we're both stubborn, but both of us take a step
back and be like, okay, do we really love each
other enough? Because I have never really believed when people
like love is a choice, I'm like, whatever, you either
love them or you don't. I genuinely do believe that
statement now because I had a choice and saying, fuck
this guy, he is not paying attention. I'm literally spelling

(19:41):
it out, writing it on a chalkboard, writing it on
a pigeon's back, and having a mail it to you.
Like I literally was telling him every which freaking way,
like I can't do this for two and a half
weeks and he just was like kicking and screaming and poutying.
And I said, I think I said it. I was like,
I have a out in the other room. I do
not need another one, like no, sir, no, thank you.

(20:06):
So that was September was a struggle going into the
beginning part of October, and we had a lot of
work to do going through that because I have told
him and even over Thanksgiving we'll talk about in a second.
Literally I'm like, no, one won't be able to control me,
Like it's just not going to happen. Some people love

(20:30):
to be controlled, some people love to control like whichever.
And I just was like, listen, I see what you're doing.
I don't like it. This has either got to change
or we can do that.

Speaker 2 (20:43):
But to be fair, I it was just what you said.
It was the listening, hearing thing. I wasn't seeing it
and trying to control all of that where you needed, Hey,
I need this time for work at this time. At
this time, we were still spending time. To get right
to you. It was hey, I'm working, but we're you're

(21:04):
with me, so this is quality time. And I'm like, hey,
you're working and I'm just kind of tagging along because
I'm like the the whatever you want to call me,
and I'm.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
Like, this isn't quality time.

Speaker 1 (21:16):
So I was well for you, yes, because I was like, however,
I can implement you into whatever I was doing, whether
it was running errands or doing this or doing that.
I was trying to multitasking get time in with you
as best as I possibly could. So we were spending time,
but like you said to you, you wanted different quality
time and I was just like I don't have it.

(21:37):
I don't have it, and you're like that's not good enough.

Speaker 3 (21:42):
Well, it's true to be to be fair, to be
fair to.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
That, Yes, I the presentation was obviously how I was
trying to communicate with that with you as great as
our communication is, I was like in this other weird
s like I just can't communicate effectively to you.

Speaker 3 (22:04):
We obviously we can't now and growing through that.

Speaker 2 (22:06):
But you were also in work mode, mom mode, and
like Josh is trying to communicate with me, and he's
not doing it in the right way.

Speaker 3 (22:12):
So like this is what he's trying to do. But
you were worked.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
I mean you you worked your you know, your rear
end off the month of September and.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
It was rough. Like I said, I don't want to
do that again. And that was one of the reasons
why I had my conversation with powers that be and
I'm like, I have no interest in doing that as
many hours as I did before.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yeah, And ultimately what we came to realize and what
I didn't do a good job with, you know, conveying
to you, is like, hey, I see, yes, let's be men.
We can me selfish. Let's just be honest. So was
I being selfish and that I wanted more and more?
Because I wasn't. It wasn't she was feeling the quantity

(23:00):
ta bucket. She wasn't filling my quality bucket. I wanted
more quality. She was giving me as much quantity as
she could give me, So I just wanted that moved over.
So I wasn't doing a good job of communicating that
to you.

Speaker 3 (23:15):
And then being able to try to.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
Get you to you know, understand that what I was
doing was trying to get it to help for you,
which would help me. And all I did was just say, hey,
it's about me, because you did. You were up early,
up in the middle of the night, up late on
live and listen anybody that's listened to this, it goes
live on TikTok. Listen, I'm going off for an hour,

(23:39):
you're lying. I'm going on for two hours.

Speaker 3 (23:41):
You're lying.

Speaker 2 (23:42):
It doesn't ever work like that because you get we
all get lost in that world of I.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
Say, it's like Vegas, like you walk in and there's
no clock, there's no whatever. You just keep you just
keep going. But I think what I think what bothered
me was just I looked at it as as I'm working,
I'm trying to provide for my child. I'm trying to
be I'm trying to be one first and foremost a
good mom, but second a good employee. Right, so I'm

(24:09):
trying to do all these things and here I'm I
have my partner who's supposed to understand and can see
me literally falling asleep with food in my hand in
the bed he's had to take food out of my
hand and literally be like.

Speaker 3 (24:22):
Pay multiple times, multiple time.

Speaker 1 (24:24):
So I'm like, this man sees that I'm just literally
trying to be the best I can for everybody, and
I'm myself. I'm suffering with my own self care. I'm
suffering with sleep, I'm suffering with all those things. And
I'm like, here he is wanting more and more and
more and more and more. I'm like, that is not okay.
The guilt trips. After being on Live longer than I
said I was going to be, I just fought out

(24:46):
to him. I was like, that's toxic. That's toxic as shit.
I'm like, I don't like it. And the good thing, Yes,
I'm outspoken, but I'm so happy I'm that way with
you because I feel like if I weren't, we would
have broken up a long time ago, because we would
have never worked through any of it, any of it
at all. So September like that was rough, early October,

(25:10):
and then things got better. Should we should we bring
up Thanksgiving? He's got it smile on his face, so I.

Speaker 2 (25:23):
Think, and we can, you know we Thanksgiving is one
of those things obviously, and being.

Speaker 3 (25:31):
You know, you want to spend it with family.

Speaker 2 (25:32):
You want to spend it with your friends, your family,
have a great time.

Speaker 3 (25:36):
And I will just.

Speaker 2 (25:39):
Say I got into my own head on Thanksgiving with
you know, creating, and that's a part of and I
don't know, you can call it a overthinker, you can
call it, you know whatever.

Speaker 3 (25:53):
Some people want to.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
Call it getting in my head. And I create scenarios
in my head. And I think we all do that
of like okay, what if and what if? You take
over your thoughts and then it just you know it,
you can shut it down. So for Thanksgiving, I had
a scenario created in my in my head about something.

(26:15):
And backstory too, I growing up and wanting to you know,
we all pick and we back and forth and we
you know, you say these things and cut each other
and do all those things as fart with words and
things like that, bigger and back and forth. But that's

(26:35):
my That used to be my thing, Like, hey, if
you said something to hurt me, I'm going to hurt
you more, which is you toxic, wrong, whatever you want
to call And I think a lot of people can
resonate with that. What I have learned and I'm still learning,
is that that doesn't bode well for relationships, and neither
does what I did on Thanksgiving, which is just completely

(26:57):
shut down. So instead of and we had this conversation like, hey,
I'm this is what I'm used to doing. I just
if I just be quiet and not say anything and
give you the cold shoulder and give everyone a cold shoulder,
I'm doing better than what I thought I would do.
The problem is is shutting that down like that causes
issues too, and obviously caused issues with you and I

(27:22):
on Thanksgiving. And you know, I think we both said it, Hey,
Thanksgiving was okay.

Speaker 3 (27:27):
Food was good. Thanksgiving was okay, and I.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
Just created that in my in my own mind, and
you know, the cold shoulder and the whatever was was
not good and.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
Yeah, it's it's it's not, yeah it was.

Speaker 1 (27:47):
It was definitely a like you said. I mean, the
food was fine. It wasn't like Gordon Ramsey food like
it was just fine. It was just fine.

Speaker 3 (27:56):
But everybody knows you cooked, so it was really good, y'all.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
She did a great job the meat we actually ordered in,
but everything else you made.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
So he was like, I'm not gonna like potatoes. I
like boxed potatoes. I was like boy, you're gonna try
these potatoes.

Speaker 3 (28:11):
And they were good. Thank you mashed potatoes. I do
like those names. I like mashed potatoes that you made.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
So we had, you know, I had my mom and
her fiance, my son, and Joshu and myself, and josh
was just not himself. He was just super quiet. And
I looked at him and I'm like, what is going on?
Because at this point, I'm like, this is a family event.
We're all trying to have a good time. We all
you know, bust our tail. This should be the time

(28:40):
we just get to relax and enjoy and laugh and
have a good time with each other. And here he is,
and I told him, I was like, you are being
a fucking baby. Like I don't know what your problem is,
but you're being a baby. So I don't one of
us had walked upstairs and oh, I think. I was like,
if you're gonna be a baby, then you can just
go like you're not gonna my holiday. I have a

(29:02):
whole different perspective on things. When you were unhappy for
a long time, you're gonna do whatever it is to
protect your piece. So for me, when he's sitting here
and he's pouting and he's being the way he's being,
and I keep asking, like what is going on or whatever,
like everything's fine, No, no, no, it's fine, it's fine,
it's fine. And I'm like, you know what, bye, like
go do not ruin my Thanksgiving. So we go upstairs

(29:25):
and when Josh and I get into any I don't
even want to like maybe just say disagreement or whatever.
Josh loves to sit and talk about it for hours
on end. I, on the which is spot, that's who
you are. I, on the other hand, am like, this
is what it is. I say my piece, you say
your piece. Let's acknowledge each other. Let's figure it out,

(29:47):
and then we need to move on because life is
too short and I don't. I got other shit to
be doing. And he's like, I know, I know, you
don't have time for me. I'm like, no, I just
don't have sixteen hours to be talking about this. So
we had gone upstairs for something and we start talking
and I looked him in the eyes and I said,
you are free to you know, you can go, you
can go back to Virginia if you want, but you're
not ruining my Thanksgiving. And I'm not sitting up here

(30:09):
for two hours because my child will be leading halfway
through the day and I'm not going to sit here
to talk about our relationship when I can go spend
some time with my kid. You're not taking that time
away from me. You're not taking my holidayway from me.
You need to get your shit sorted out. Basically, because
I kept asking what is wrong? Wanting to solve whatever

(30:30):
problem because I am that problem solver too, Like if
something's going on, I want to get right to the
middle of it, like what's going on? How can we
fix this? So eventually it we talked about what Josh
left the next day because I was like, maybe we
just maybe we just need space. I'm like, we just

(30:50):
need some space.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
We end up on the couch watching a movie with
you know, your mom and and all that stuff for
the for the evening, and obviously picked back up once
when and then the next I.

Speaker 1 (31:01):
Think it was the next day, we were you and
I were talking and you just kept want to talk
and kept want to talk. I want to talk, And
I was like, look, I do not have I just don't.
My mental capacity is full of talking sixteen hours about
the same thing. You need to tell me what it is,
let's get to the root of it and then let's
move on. And so we were just like, okay, fine,
whatever he wanted to keep going. I was like, I

(31:25):
still have to be a mom, I still have to work,
I still have I cannot do that. So it gets
to a point where at the end of that was
at the end of that night, the end of the
night Friday, yeah, I think Saturday. Yeah, I know, the
days kind of ran together. Anyway, at the end of

(31:46):
the night, he comes back and we're talking and as
long as I can edit this part out if you
want me to, but he was like, here's what it
comes down to. I was a jerk. I was a
jerk when I was younger. I had controlling ways. I
had this, I had that, And I don't want you
to think less of me because of things that I

(32:09):
did in my past, things that I did when I
was younger. I'm not that same person. And I said,
you don't understand, like that literally raises so many flags
when if I'm hearing that stuff and then you're like
trying to well, I didn't do that, or not necessarily
I didn't do that. More so get quiet, and you

(32:32):
don't want to talk about it that raises flags for me.
I'm like, are you gonna one day if you quote
unquote you get me right and like, okay, now we're together,
now we're engaged, now we're married. Are you gonna then
turn back into this person? So we had this conversation.
He's like, Heather, ye I've never and I'll let you

(32:52):
speak about how you said things are not the same
or situation.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yeah, I mean situation is not the same. Up obviously
with uh, you know, growing up. Obviously we're being a teenager,
being twenties, thirties, and now forties. I think you we
all learn at different intervals in life, obviously not having therapy,
being young kids, you know, relationships and now being you know,

(33:21):
in my forties and having gone through therapy and talking
through you know, us men don't and I said it before,
us men don't present or communicate very effectively.

Speaker 3 (33:34):
We just don't.

Speaker 2 (33:35):
That's just kind of the way we were raised to
not do that. And a lot of the stuff is
we just don't listen. So knowing what I knew that.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
No, I was just just laughing.

Speaker 3 (33:47):
In general, I'm saying, like, just you don't help listen
to people. In general, we think.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
That's what I'm saying, Like, it's you guys are like
our own Yes.

Speaker 2 (33:59):
We're on another love right, we can do it on
our own. So, and I just told you, like, hey,
that's not the person that I want to be. I
don't if you say something to me that may I
may feel like it's.

Speaker 3 (34:12):
Cutting me down or whatever.

Speaker 2 (34:14):
It may just be directed to the point because you're
very directed to the point.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
It may hurt, but it doesn't mean you're quote unquote
attack and you're trying to cut me down.

Speaker 2 (34:22):
My thought process and maybe a lot of people are
like that too, is like, man, she's being or he's
being whatever. That's just the perception. And that's just a
difference in listening and hearing so.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
And then processing too of where is this coming from?
Because you've told me that before. You're like, Heather, my
delivery sucks. You're like, and so does yours sometimes, which
I mean that's one hundred percent true for everybody. I
will attest to that. Yeah, there's times where I'm like,
I guess it's to you, Yep, that that is that
like end of story. That's that like let's move on,
And you're like, well, wait, let's talk about it, and
I'm like, no, I said what I said, like said

(34:54):
what I said, Like, let's let's go, but yes, the delivery,
But then you took us that back in your life.
I understand your delivery is your delivery, but you have
a heart of gold, and I understand that nothing you're
trying to say to me is coming from a malicious
bone in your body, Like you're not trying to do that.
But then on the flip side, early on, I told Josh,

(35:18):
I'm like, you don't fight fair. Like I could say
something to you or bring up an issue or whatever,
and instantly the first thing you would say would be like,
but you do that, or so and so does that,
or the world does that. And I'm like, I don't
give a fuck about the world. Like we're not talking
about the world. We're talking about you and me and
how we are gonna be to each other. So I think,
you know, Thanksgiving brought up some old memories, some old things.

Speaker 3 (35:43):
Sure, and yeah, he made up.

Speaker 1 (35:45):
This scenario of like, oh my god, you know, this
is what's gonna be said or this is what's gonna
she's gonna take And is she gonna think I'm this
jerk or is she automatically gonna come talk to me
and be like, oh, is this who you are? And
I will say there had in little things for Josh
that I have noticed that he's trying to be controlling,
like very small, but I also have that personality that

(36:08):
instantly when I see it, I'm like, bro, you know
you can't control me, right, And he's like, you're right.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
But I think that that's part of the continued like, yes,
we have quote unquote known each other, you know, a
year and a half or whatever, but we've and we've.

Speaker 3 (36:29):
Had this conson know each other.

Speaker 2 (36:31):
You've been dating for eight months and still getting to
learn and communicating and learning and all those things, but
trying to figure out how to one fight fairly, to
not fight because look, we're going to disagree.

Speaker 3 (36:42):
People are right, we're going to disagree. But but the therapist.

Speaker 1 (36:45):
Says that you've said it, You've said it, My therapist
said it, you said it, that everyone is going to fight,
like that's just gonna happen. But it's it's just gonna happen.
How do you do you land softer on the other
side of that argument. So if you're in there and
you're in the thick of it. When you're done, are
you still like fuck that dude, or you know whatever?
Or are you okay? You know what? We both are

(37:08):
understanding each other. Now we might not like it, but
we understand it, and we've landed in a softer spot.
So sorry, I may need to cut you off. But
you've said that before. My therapist has said that, I
want to make sure that we have that conversation because
getting to know someone, especially in the capacity that we are,
like we're together a lot.

Speaker 3 (37:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:28):
Yeah, and that's a lot too. Yeah. You I've not
been with someone for over five years, so to have
someone come into my space, even like coming to your place,
coming into your space, Yeah, there's something there, you know.

Speaker 2 (37:42):
Yeah, So I think it's it's it's just a matter
of learning in it and communicating it and understanding that
that you're going to disagree.

Speaker 3 (37:50):
But and you said it just now.

Speaker 2 (37:52):
Like when you would say, hey, Josh, this hurt my
feeling feelings, or this this you did this, or you
did that, my automatic response was, hey, but I feel
the same way. It wasn't. I don't know, you could
tell me if I'm wrong. It maybe few and far between,
but it was never as a I know how it
was taken, but my heart to say, hey, well you're
doing the same thing accusatory.

Speaker 3 (38:12):
It was more of like, hey, I feel the same way.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
And we had that conversation like, hey, if you felt
that way a month ago and I'm feeling that way now,
don't come back at me a month and go, hey
I felt like that, then you need to address it.
Then if I hurt your feelings a month ago, then
I want you to be upfront and honest with me
and go, hey, this made me feel a certain kind
of Wait, wait till it's the shoes reversed, and then go, well,

(38:37):
hold on a second, you did this to me a
month ago, because clearly I'm not over that, or you're
not over that, or whoever's listening, You're not over that.
Don't use it as a don't use it as a
weapon to try to get the playing field even. You've
got to get that stuff out there up front, do
it in a constructive, positive way, which we're at that.

(38:58):
I mean, we had some great converversation. I'm Sunday, was
it Sunday, like about hey, this is how this made
me feel and me and you do know this, but
now everybody else is going to know this.

Speaker 3 (39:10):
I don't like to hurt feelings. That's my thing.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
So me trying to tell you, babe that, hey, you
said this earlier today and it really cut me, whether
it cut me a paper cut or whether it cut
me to the cool or I don't want her to
feel like you to feel like that I'm coming quote
unquote coming down on you. But there's a way to
say that, like, hey, you made me feel a certain
kind of way, and then let you say hey, I was,

(39:38):
and we had those conversations, Hey, this is why I
said it, or this is why I did it.

Speaker 3 (39:44):
Man, I didn't really know what would hurt like that.
That's my bad.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
And to me that first conversation, and I'm to tell
you this for the first time you probably could see
to my face that was tough for me to do
because I knew that if I was coming here and
you just said it, Josh is a baby. Josh was paledon.
Josh was saying he's needy. Now all of a sudden,
if I'm coming to you, going, hey, that hurt my feelings,

(40:09):
It's like, oh geez, here he goes now all of
a sudden, his feelings are got to about. No, it's
the delivery and the way to say it. And we
had the conversation, worked it out Sunday, all that stuff,
great day, all that, and we kind of digressed a
little bit of night. You're long like, how did that
make you feel? Once we had that conversation, I'm like
it felt good, and You're like, see, there's a way

(40:31):
for us to come at each other, even if it's
hurtful that was done to us, to come out and say, hey,
let's kind of work on this or let somebody else.

Speaker 1 (40:38):
Because I don't think you've ever had that in your past.
And that's not a slam on anyone, because when you
get two stubborn people together or two passionate people together,
you're gonna butt heads. And we butted heads in the
beginning of like the the disagreements or whatever. It was like,
come on, bro, because we will go toe to toe.
And Josh laughed about it because I'm like, this girl's

(41:00):
not backing down. So I think that.

Speaker 3 (41:04):
In the past, why right?

Speaker 1 (41:06):
No, absolutely not.

Speaker 2 (41:08):
It's like absolutely not digging the heels in and we're
both and.

Speaker 3 (41:13):
Before you code that, somebody, I watched the colle the
other day that said.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
Somebody said when you if you're in an argument, this
is what friends, spouse whatever. If you are in an
argument and you win the argument, but you lose the relationship, you.

Speaker 3 (41:28):
Both lost, you both lost.

Speaker 2 (41:30):
So the point is you don't need to win an
argument in a relationship. It's about, like you said, landing software.
On the other side, it doesn't matter who's right. It
doesn't really matter who wins because there's not really a winner.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
It's about but that's growth, And that's growth because I
guarantee you if your ex has heard you, they'd be like,
who the fuck is this dude? And even something that's
that's Josh, like time out well, and I had the conversation.
I actually had a conversation with his mom and we

(42:02):
were talking through some things and I said, you know,
I think it's different when you find someone that you truly,
deep down love and you're mature, because there's something to
be said about that too, loving someone okay, but honestly
loving someone deep down, and you're mature about it, and

(42:24):
you want to change for that person because Josh is
not a feet person. Josh is not I'll rub your
back all whatever, but that man's like put your feet up.
Come on, I'll rub your feet, let me rub your back,
let me rub your hair, you know. And I do
this little thing to him and he just literally will
like you know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 3 (42:43):
Yeah, I do.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
But it's it's a and you're right, like you when
you find that person, you'll do things that you never
thought you'd do. You'd express yourself in ways that you
never thought you'd do. You feel you you do all
of them.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
You protect them in a different way, like you don't
you feel horrible when you hurt their feelings? Like it's different.
But I also am saying maturity on that part too,
not just like world life maturity, but emotional maturity as
well of like oh shoot, what did I what did
I just do? And be able to take a step back.
I am a give me a second type person because

(43:25):
I used to be. I'll be in your face. We
will keep going toe to toe until one of us loses,
and then we'll be done. Now, I'm like, you're gonna
have to give me a second. But Josh is not
give me a second. I am give me a second.
Josh's like, I'm gonna follow behind you. I'm gonna try
to hug on you. I'm gonna try and turn your face.
I'm gonna try and hey, look at me. Hey that
is Josh. And I'm like, boy, if you don't get

(43:45):
up out of my face for one second, I just
need a second, Give me a second. And so he's
had to learn that with me, and I've had to
learn that with him, that I need to show him
some grace. If I'm at a point where I'm like
I need that second and I know that, then I
stick with it. But if I'm like, give me a second,
my second might be quicker if I know he desperately needs, right.

Speaker 2 (44:09):
I think that's reading this, that's reading because there's been
multiple times when you're like, I need a minute, and
I can see it in your eye if you actually
need that minute, and I just.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
Want us.

Speaker 4 (44:23):
If that left eye okay, right, the twitches like he
muta give them out of my face.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
But I think I can see it in your eye
when you actually need that, when you need that minute,
that five minutes where that hey, I'm.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
Gonna go walk on the block or I'm going to
go to the store or whatever.

Speaker 2 (44:40):
And I can also see it when you're just like
that stubbornness, that independence that hey, I really just need
you to love on me and dirture me or baby
for a second, y'all, she's a baby too, I'm just saying,
and I love the baby hurt, but you have that
there are times when you're just like I need a minute,
and I can see in your eye like, no, she doesn't.

(45:01):
She needs me to come over and just put my
arms around her and let her cry or let her
yell or let her be frustrated. But that's taken learning too,
and if you and ladies too.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
But if you miss that, it could it could be bad.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
And that was bad. It was bad during Thanksgiving because
I needed the minute and you misread the cue and
Josh is trying to look at me, turn my face,
just look at me, just look at me. I'm like,
get out of my give me one second. But I
wasn't even like that strong. I was just like I
don't want to look at you, like I was just
being a baby. I'm like, I don't want to look
at you, and he's like, but I want to.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
I want to need me to stay there. It was
the baby that's like stop like any and.

Speaker 1 (45:43):
You misread that completely and I'm like, and I finally
gave you this look and you were like because you
turned my face, and I was like, I don't want
to look at you right now. Like I'm and I
think everyone out there can attest to this. There's a
point where you're just like, I'm over all of it,
just give me a second. And I was at that point.

(46:04):
And so it was funny because when you had turned me,
I just gave you that look. I'm like, dude, don't
do that.

Speaker 3 (46:13):
I ducked because the laser beat.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
Oh my god. Well when you pulled me, I was like,
are we joking right now? We're now. You started off
by like trying to swivel my chair, and we were
both laughing about it about you trying to swivel my chair.
But then when you I was like, you have to
be gentle, Like I'm fragile. Josh is a bull in
a china shop.

Speaker 3 (46:36):
A fragile Josh is a bull in.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
A china shop, you guys, seriously, seriously. He'll literally I'll
be standing there and he tries to pick something up
and like steps on me. Oh I'm sorry, babe. His
phrase to me the most is I love you. And
the second one. Oh babe, sorry, oh babe, I'm sorry.
Those are the two most words that he like he
speaks to me consistently. The other the other thing is

(47:00):
he's clumsy. And I tell him I just started counting,
like when he does something.

Speaker 3 (47:06):
To be nervous.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
I'm not years on this planet would ever say, Josh
just bummed.

Speaker 3 (47:13):
He's like, he's so smooth, like helt he do all
these things.

Speaker 4 (47:17):
You're the only person ever says I'm clumsy because you
make me nervous.

Speaker 1 (47:20):
Well, I just have now started counting. And Sunday morning,
he's sitting there in the chair, turns over to say
something to me and literally kicks his entire fresh full
cup of coffee all over the floor. He's like, fine, fine, fine,
six number sixty three, I'll take it to me.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
And I know we laugh at it, and you did
give me props for that. And I think when we
talked to my mom on Sunday too, she did the
same thing.

Speaker 1 (47:47):
Yeah. I told her. I was like, he probably would
have lost his shit several years back.

Speaker 3 (47:51):
Yes, I would have been mad at myself.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
And I told you, and I told my mom I
would have figured out how to blame the coffee I
had to blame the dog. I had have somehow figured
out how it was your fault. But I kicked it
over and I'm like, jeez, that sucks, like.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
Which was amazing growth for you, and I laughed, So
I do think it's not We've talked about this part too.
It's delivery, right, So kudos to you and your growth
for not being that way. But it's also reaction, so
I didn't say I laughed the second you kicked it over,
You're like, that sucks. I literally busted out laughing.

Speaker 3 (48:30):
And I think it was you everywhere.

Speaker 1 (48:32):
Oh it was everywhere. And I think if I would
have been annoyed or miffed or said something, I think
your then secondary reaction would have been different and you've
probably been like, oh my god, I can't believe in
what about it? Like I think you would have acted differently.

Speaker 2 (48:47):
And then I had abated an quote unquote an excuse
for like I always do this.

Speaker 3 (48:51):
I can't believe I do this, But it was like,
you know what, you laugh?

Speaker 2 (48:55):
I was like, okay, number sixty three, Like I don't
know what we're counting to.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
And we literally it's the funniest freaking thing. And I
try to do that with my son because he'll do
something like oh, I'm so sorry, and I'm like, shit happens, dude,
Like we make mistakes. It's fine, Well I'm just so sorry.
Now are there days where I might be like, don't
do that because that's gonna happen, And I'll say it
three times and it so happens, and I'm like, you know,
I'm yeah, I'm absolutely I think people will do But

(49:25):
I think I think that we kind of, no, I
shouldn't know, not kind of we got down to the
nitty gritty of saying this is what I like, this
is what I don't like. There were things that week
after week. Not let me know, I don't want to
say it that way, like oh my god, every single
week he had something, but there were things a week

(49:47):
here or a week there or whatever. It was like,
this is a struggle. I see you doing this. I
don't like it. That's hard for me to take this
or that's hard for whatever. Like September, Hey, why are
you coming me this way? Why are you Why are
you feeling the need to be so needy? When you
literally you lay down with me, you wake up with me.
You know you're here with me. You're there like I

(50:08):
don't understand, and you went and you talked to your
therapist about it, and you worked on the things that
you felt you need to work on. Now, I will
say this because Josh's mom asked me this question. I also,
even though I'm the more vocal one, I still go
into my therapy sessions. Whether Josh says, hey, that bothered
me or not. Josh has not given me a lot
of things like that bothers me, you need to work

(50:29):
on that. I still do it anyway on my own.
I still go in and I say, Okay, here was
the conversation that him and I had. I don't like this,
So why don't I like that he's this way? Why
don't I like it? So meanwhile he's over there working
on what he needs work on. I'm working on. Well,
why do I feel that way? I'm not liking it?
So I think when you have two people that are

(50:49):
genuinely trying to make a choice, they love each other,
there is just something different. There is just this man
has some hold on me that is different than anyone
has ever had. Again, I don't know if it's the age. Oh,
I don't know if it's the age, the maturity, this
is just the right one or the combination of all

(51:10):
of it. I don't know. I just know that anytime
I've told him I wanted space, I don't know. Maybe
once I didn't, but anytime I don't know, I wanted
in space. It's literally like, Okay, I miss him. The
thought of him not being here for this or the
thought of that like that hurts my heart. But also
having that very independent if he goes, he goes like

(51:35):
it is what it is. You know, at the end
of the day, if this doesn't work out, life still
has to go on. I still have a kid to
take it. That's just how it's gonna have to be.
So I think having the independent mindset of that scares Josh.
Knowing I can just switch it off and on like that.
He's like, well that scares me and I don't like that.
And I'm like, you have to understand. When we as

(51:56):
inpendent people, it's like survival of the fit is you're like, Okay,
well this happens, so we move on and then we
have to go do X, Y and Z. It's not
that we'll move on to another person. It's just okay, well,
you know, what I've got time for that. I got
time for the next.

Speaker 2 (52:09):
Like you and you, like you said two points, you said,
you vocalize it more I have. You're like, hey, this
is what bothers me, this, this, this and this. I
have those things too, I just don't verbalize them to
you because I didn't want to hurt feelings. I would
say stuff to my therapist, Hey how can I address?
How can I act and react? But what we've learned obviously,

(52:31):
and you and I talked to was like, hey, just
tell me. Come at me, gentle, come at me.

Speaker 1 (52:36):
So that's it right there, Yep, come at me.

Speaker 2 (52:39):
And say, hey, if I hurt your feelings, if I
made you feel a certain kind of way, tell me.

Speaker 3 (52:45):
I want to know that because I can't learn and
I can't move for.

Speaker 1 (52:48):
And I cannot say.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
These things for five months, and if it bothers you
every time, I'm never going to know and you're just
gonna get.

Speaker 3 (52:54):
Hurt every time. You got to come at me gently
and do that.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
Yeah, And I think that was good on your end
receiving that, because it was like, I don't I like again,
I feel like if your exes were to hear this,
they'd be like Josh Gentle, like, wait, what time out, dude?

Speaker 3 (53:09):
Forget excess.

Speaker 2 (53:09):
You talk about family, talking about friends, you talk about
people in the life, because there's a and like you said,
it's a it's a drastic change, you know, for you
and for me because obviously we talked to your family,
your friends.

Speaker 1 (53:21):
Right, I was going to bring up my family and
what they've said about me and how I have changed
on certain things too, But I mean they just straight
up were like, Josh, I've never seen this woman show
any PDA to anyone in her forty eight years of life,
so obviously there's something different. So both of our families
see that there is some difference. It's not just about you,

(53:43):
like there are differences here, but I genuinely when I
come to you and say, hey, I need you to
work on this or that, and I'm working on myself,
it's genuinely because I want us to be in a
better spot. It's not that I'm like, well, he's wrong
and he's a piece of shit and I'm right. It's
not that at all. It's Hey, if we're going to
grow together and be together, and this person's gonna be

(54:04):
in my son's life and he's going to be an
example for my son. These are things that we need
to make sure we can figure out. And the key
for us was the approach no matter who it is.
And we're still gonna because I looked at you on
Sunday night and you know, we're laying there and I
was like, okay, are we Are we done doing that?
Are we done with whatever? And you're like no, And

(54:26):
I looked into you and you're like, it's gonna happen
from time to time. And I'm like, oh, you're right,
you're right. But I think and I think people should
take this out of it. One communication, just from what
we've said for a minute second. One communication, hard communication
with whatever your love language is, whatever you know, things
resonate with you of hey, I like this, I don't

(54:47):
like that. You need to have those, but you need
to come soft and gentle, because if you don't like
something and you are literally beating the other person down
about it and saying, well I don't like this, and
you wait until an are argument and then bring it up,
you're not hearing all of that. It's literally like, well,
I'm being attacked. I'm being attacked. I'm being attacked and
being attacked. And then the other thing is hearing the

(55:10):
other person. Because when we would talk with our very
first arguments, I was like, fuck this guy, like he
does not fight fair, literally wants to turn stuff around.
I'm not even talking about me. I didn't even do that,
Like what is going on? I think hearing because now
when I say something, the approach is a little bit different,
but it's also I'm explaining it a little bit different.

(55:32):
And I always have done this though, I'm like, does
that make sense to you? I always ask people about.

Speaker 3 (55:37):
It differently too.

Speaker 2 (55:38):
I write right and you hear it differently, so and
understanding to my second point to that is kind of
goes and that is just process, like processing those things.
I process to a fault quickly, and I say to
a fault because that doesn't that doesn't always go to
move up.

Speaker 1 (55:56):
Well, you you process quickly and quick to verbalize it
like it's like you want to word vomit it out.
And I'm like, I'm like, babe, that what you didn't
even put that in your brain before you gave me
a rebuttal, like you don't even you didn't even listen
to what I said. I'm like, can you pause for
one second. Let it just tink in your brain for

(56:17):
a second.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
That's the word for my therapist too, is just pause
because you process things, and I say slowly, but it's
dependent on the thing, dependent on the issue, depending on
whatever you process slowly for me not saying that it's right.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
Long, no, no, no, no, you're you're right. I've learned
to take one breath or whatever, like, let us think
it for a second, and then.

Speaker 3 (56:40):
It's more than one sometimes it's more than one breath.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
Oh yeah, well see for you, it's like a nanosecond.
So for my two minutes, it's like sixteen years for you.
And you're like, what she gonna say? What's she gonna say?
But yes, we did learn we process things differently, but
then we also our process is different, but then our
closure is different too. Like I'm like, okay, we're done,
let's go have ice cream and cake, and you're like,

(57:04):
but I'm still meaning to talk six hours. I'm like,
we're not to come to some compromise because we just
cannot keep doing this. Like we have life, we have children,
we have events, we have this, we have that. So
I love the fact that we've been able to come
through so many things on, you know, disagreements or whatever

(57:25):
is on the communication side and saying Okay, we are
landing on a softer spot. We are learning more about
each other, and I'm thankful that you're willing to listen
and to hear and then work on. And I know
I'm on the same end, like I'm in there. Okay,
Well why do I feel this way? Why did that
bother me? Why couldn't I just do this or you

(57:47):
know what about that? So when I go into my sessions,
which I try to go weekly, but it doesn't happen
every week like it's realistically probably probably two times a
month or whatever, but it's it's one of those things
that I am not thinking I'm right about everything either.
I know, us independent people can think we have the
answer to everything, that we're right about everything. That's not

(58:07):
the case. And when there is a discussion or disagreement,
I do try to handle it quickly move on, but
I still in my head, I'm like, Okay, if this
comes up again, how could I handle this differently? So
I'm not thinking like, well, he's the whole problem and
he's this and he's that. But I will say from
someone who didn't want a relationship from jump at all.

(58:29):
When I hear things or I don't even to say,
want to hear things. When flags get raised, it instantly
puts walls. Because we talked about him breaking walls down.
It instantly. You talk about I had walls that were
five foot, they instantly ten foot walls go up. And
I'm like, hold up, stop one second, alert, alert intruder.
Let me figure this out exactly. Then I take a

(58:52):
step back and I'm like, hold on, what has he
shown me? Because if I if I go around to
my family, to my friends, to my access, to my whatever,
and I go up to them now at forty eight,
and they're like, well, you're just the same way. Well, no,
I'm really not. I'm not the same as in my twenties.

(59:12):
I'm not the same as whatever. Yes, the stuff you
did probably pissed me off, and I probably reacted and
was probably you know, right back at you, or I
probably started I don't know what all of the above.
But it's not fair for me to say he is
this twenty three year old or twenty six year old
or whatever. That's not fair for me to say that

(59:34):
because he hasn't shown me personally that and That's a
hard thing to do because you want to say, okay,
well so and so it's saying you were a jerk,
you know, several years back or whatever. But yet you
haven't shown me that. So that's hard because you're like,
hold on a second. This is like this is like
a mental game that you play with yourself. Is this

(59:55):
person going to turn into that? After still long? Is
this person just pulling the all over my eyes? Were
they just love bombing me? And then this? What was it?

Speaker 3 (01:00:03):
You?

Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
And Josh and I have had every single conversation that
we've talked about right here on this podcast today's podcast.
We have had these conversations and I'm like, I don't
want to make another mistake, So I literally am being
super protective of myself but more importantly on my child. Yeah,
and Josh has never treated him poorly, never, never raised

(01:00:25):
his voice at him, never, just has not done that
at all, like at all, Because early on we had
the conversation about how Josh felt his parents were tough
on him, and Josh was tough on his kids, and
I there was a parenting moment when he got done
with his kid, I was his son. I was like,
I think you need to lighten up a little bit. Yeah,

(01:00:49):
I was like, you need, you need to.

Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
Relax, relax, and I think that's the you know, obviously
we talked with that before, but that that was a
huge moment for me to be able to not that.
And it's that thing of where the relationship is the
right person. It's like people have told me before, like, hey,
you know, and we've all had that, right, I'm too
hard on him, or hey, you weren't hard enough on them,
I'd have done that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:08):
So you have both sides of the coin.

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
But when you have somebody that you love and respect,
and that's even early on.

Speaker 3 (01:01:13):
I mean, obviously we were friends first, so I loved you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
Then differently than I love you now, respected you then.
You know that I even still respect you now even more.
But going, hey, you know, you could probably do this
or have you thought about this? Because I see this
that happens everywhere, So it's not just in the parenting world.
It's like, hey, how do you approach your ex or
your family, or your friend or your business colleagues or

(01:01:38):
people you deal with on like all of those things.
We all see things like that in a cert and
a different perspective and we've had that conversation.

Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
With because I have that perspective with you when it
comes to my acts, like I don't think I mean,
sometimes I guess we can think like guys, but for
the most part, I don't think that way. And you
brought it to me, like, hey, don't feel as though
you need to control that situation or whatever, and I'm like, yeah,
I'm not. It's this is my thought process, and you're like, okay,

(01:02:05):
I understand that, but also look at it from this.

Speaker 2 (01:02:07):
Standpoint a dad, yeah, this, yeah, And it's.

Speaker 1 (01:02:12):
Not just about oh, Heather has answers. It's literally a
give and take in this relationship. And he'll bring something
up to me and I'm like, I never I never
thought of it that way. And the fact that we're
able to have this conversation and I can genuinely and
I know he knows this. When he tells me this,
it's like, I do stop and I'm looking him dead
in the eyes and I'm soaking up every single word

(01:02:34):
he's saying because this stuff is new, new for me,
and I respect that side of it because he's like, yeah,
but I felt this way when this happened, and I'm
sure he feels that way when this happens, and I'm like.

Speaker 2 (01:02:44):
Huh, well, you see it from a woman lens and
a bob lens, and then I see it from both
dad lens and a man lens. Not that it's right, right,
but it's just seeing it different perspective, and you're not
going to seeing.

Speaker 1 (01:02:57):
It from you someone that I and respect. Seeing that
from you, I'm like, you know, or and hearing that
from you, I take that differently than maybe someone else
that might say it, you know, like a random person
or whatever, like well you're doing this, yeah, but no,
you don't know my heart behind it. So it's almost
like you're able to see my heart behind it, but
you're also able to give me that other perspective, you know,

(01:03:20):
on things too. So I appreciate that we're able to
continue to communicate. And I will say every time we
get into a disagreement, especially the big ones, I feel
like we come out so much softer on that other
side that literally what sucks is when you have to leave.

(01:03:42):
Neither of us want to leave each other, and then
it's like, yeah, it just it sucks. I mean that
far second, but neither of us want to take time
away like we don't want to be absentee parents either,
you know, so we understand that us being the adults
and understanding it sucks that we're not there with each other.

(01:04:05):
And until we can figure something out that makes the
most sense for everybody, we just got to keep doing
what we're doing for for now so.

Speaker 3 (01:04:13):
Well and keep the same thing.

Speaker 2 (01:04:15):
I mean, we've we've, like you said, we've said it since,
we've said it, since the jump, and that communication or
is huge.

Speaker 3 (01:04:21):
It has so many different arms and legs to it.

Speaker 2 (01:04:24):
And it communication in person, communication on the drive, communication
when we're in different states.

Speaker 1 (01:04:31):
About even the dog agrees codecs. Yeah, but it's yeah,
you're right. I mean, it's the concept communication, but it's
also the ability to learn, how to deliver, how to accept,
how to process all of those things. But I agreed
with what you said the other night. Nothing is gonna

(01:04:52):
be perfect. We're not going to get along all the time,
which is fine, But this is very much a real relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:05:00):
Yeah, y this and I know we have whatever you
want to end it and we keep going.

Speaker 1 (01:05:06):
I don't care, baby, we got to end it because
people are going fall asleep.

Speaker 2 (01:05:10):
True, true, this is this is good stuff. Though people
have been missing this. But somebody said it the other
day and I think you've heard it on your end.
What Like, we're just real, Like we're we're very real
online and we're very real live, We're very real videos.
We're very real here when it comes to the podcast
and share. Yes, we have stuff that's us that we

(01:05:31):
deal with and we talk about. We don't share it all,
but share enough to let folks know that, hey, this
is real.

Speaker 3 (01:05:37):
We're real.

Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
But we're doing it to help each other, help people
through it.

Speaker 3 (01:05:42):
We've gone through it, like you said, we've bombed through it.
We've gotten past it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
But that's the important part is we're not putting it
out there as we go through it because for me,
I'll speak on my part. I do not want the
extra opinions, right because even after this podcast, someone's gonna
feel a certain way about you, someone's gonna feel certain
way about me. It just it is what it is.
But I mean no, because we're probably not saying every

(01:06:06):
last detail of it. We might be missing something or whatever.
Neither of us is better than the other, neither of
us is whatever. It's just we are navigating through this
relationship that is very public after we tried to sort
through certain things. So no, we're we gonna do a
podcast Sunday where we're gonna do a podcast Thanksgiving night.

(01:06:29):
Absolutely not. But these were some of the things. And
you know, I know people are like, oh, what's all
Heather's all Heather and it's fun and games and it's fine,
and that's totally fine. But I think people now know, well, yes,
she's independent, Yes she's this. I am very protective of
my piece. I don't like drama. I don't like all

(01:06:50):
of you know, these extra pieces and moving parts. I
don't like it. And I think that scared the shit
out of you when you're like, yeah, oh wait a minut.
These people are gonna say I'm a dick or I'm
this or I'm that, and she doesn't like that stuff,
and she's not gonna put up with it. She's gonna
be like bye. Like if that's she's just gonna say bye.
So yeah, I know that was something that we kind

(01:07:12):
of needed to, you know, go through, sort through all
of that and not hear it because look, I've been
on Live FeAs or I've been with every people like
oh you dump him. Yet I know it's not gonna last.
I know this, I know that. Does that stuff get
to me like, well, I should probably listen to what
they're saying. No, but I don't ever want to have
a weak moment where I put something out there and

(01:07:35):
we're not done going through it, and then I get
all these people like, well, you should just this, or
you should just I don't want to do that and
have a weak moment, and then that, you know, sway
my decision or a factor in anything. So that's why
I'm patient. That's why we are patient when it comes
to saying certain things. I think everyone can see that
we love each other. I hope everyone knows that we

(01:08:00):
both are hoping this lasts forever, and absolutely you know
that's kind of where we are. But I feel like
I don't want to make a mistake. Not that I
feel you are a mistake, but we're referencing like divorces
or choices or whatever. I don't want. Okay, let me

(01:08:21):
rephrase that, because that sounds kind of shitty about exis,
So let me not say that. Let me apologize. That's
not what I mean. I don't want to make another
decision that ends up in the same result. So let's
say that not a mistake. Nothing is. Let's not do
that what I mean so I am very very sorry
about saying that. What I mean is I don't want
to make another decision that results in the way that

(01:08:46):
a past marriage might have. So if I am looking
through with a fine tooth comb of business and this, Nope,
I can't have that because that ultimately led to this demise.
I don't want to do that. That is what I'm
being patient on. I love Josh, absolutely, does he love
me differently I have ever been Absolutely the way he looks
at me, the way he wants to take care of me.

(01:09:07):
This man wants to take care of me like no
other all of those things. Have I had someone want
to take care of me the past, Yes, but this
is just it's just different. So I'm being patient because
I don't I don't want to make that same choice.
But I also don't want to hurt anyone in the process.

Speaker 3 (01:09:28):
Yeah. Well, I think that's the thing.

Speaker 2 (01:09:29):
And you know we're talking to us divorce or you
talk friendship like you have your friendship circle. When the
friendship circle gets blown up, divorce happens, it's not just
those two people, It affects everything. Yeah, that ripple effect
of a broken relationship, romantic not romantic, married friends, whatever
it is, coworkers, whatever, that ripple effects, it affects more

(01:09:50):
than just the two people.

Speaker 3 (01:09:51):
And when you have kids and the kids yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:09:55):
So yeah, that's the that's the that's the reason why
the filters are all.

Speaker 1 (01:10:02):
And we'll get there. I mean, and I have my
days where I'm like, yep, I would say yes, and
then I have my days where I'm like, I just
don't know, you know. And part of that I think
is normal and natural of just being a little scared.
I think that's normal.

Speaker 2 (01:10:18):
And I did to be to be fair, and I
know you just said it, like, hey, I'm all in,
and some days I'm not, y'all.

Speaker 3 (01:10:24):
I don't. Don't put it all on her that, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:10:27):
Uh, she's not the one that's in one hundred percent.
So I obviously think do those things too? Am I
the same thing?

Speaker 3 (01:10:33):
She says? Love me the same, different love all those things?

Speaker 2 (01:10:36):
Yes, But I'm like, hey, let's go, Like I'm one
hundred percent in, Like let's go.

Speaker 3 (01:10:40):
And there are some days I'm like this woman or
I still.

Speaker 1 (01:10:45):
Wait, what do we say to each other? What do
we say to each other all the time. I love you,
but you're paint in my butt or what No, no, no, no,
it's I love you, but boy, you stressed me out.

Speaker 3 (01:10:58):
Yeah, but I think I don't you know, I don't
to put it all on you.

Speaker 2 (01:11:01):
Know you that you're like hey, because I you know,
you gave me the floor courts to say hey, why
like hey, I make sure you're ready.

Speaker 3 (01:11:08):
It's not just the fact that it's.

Speaker 2 (01:11:09):
Not you, You're I'm sitting out here like, oh, I'm ready.
I'm just waiting on her because I think there's a
whole thought process for myself too. Yes, I am probably
more ready than you, but I don't. I don't know,
but I think to it depends on the day. I
still have my days, not that I know, not that
I think that I don't want to be with you
or not going to be with you or not going
to do all those things. But it's still a thought

(01:11:29):
process of like, Okay, are we ready? Am I ready?
And it is she ready? So we'll put that all
on you because I have those those days too, so.

Speaker 1 (01:11:39):
Right, well, at least we have we put it out
there of why the two weeks did not happen? Who knows.
You never know because it's a filter, y'all.

Speaker 3 (01:11:53):
Because it's a filter, you never know.

Speaker 1 (01:11:55):
It could be in two days, it could be in
three weeks.

Speaker 2 (01:11:59):
You just I mean, the other filter that we didn't
talk about is like wedding in twenty twenty four. We're
not even to twenty twenty four yet, so I mean,
that's still I guess would be technically right.

Speaker 1 (01:12:10):
And on that note, you guys, we're out.