Managing Childhood Stress

No one is immune to stress. Especially not children and teens. Today, in Part 2 from his discussion from clinical neuropsychologist Dr. Bill Stixrud, Bob shares insights of how to help a whole younger generation deal with the very real pandemic of stress and anxiety.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Stay Calm as a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome
to Stay Calm, your daily dose of calmness. I'm Bob Roth,
and I've been teaching people to meditate for fifty years,
helping them to stay calm under pressure, reboot and re
energize their lives, and basically be a happier, healthier version

(00:22):
of themselves. And now I want to help you do
the same. Ready, sit comfortably, take a few deep breaths,
and let's begin today's journey. Way back before the quarantine,
I was invited to talk about meditation to sixty second
graders at a suburban elementary school in New Jersey. Unsure

(00:44):
of how to begin, I asked the kids, almost in
a joking manner, how many of you feel stressed out? Naively,
thinking maybe a few would raise their hands. Instead, they
almost all did. I asked another question, how many of
you have a hard time falling asleep at night? Almost
as many hands went up. Afterwards, their teachers told me

(01:06):
that kids these days are really stressed second graders. When
I was a kid, I don't think I even knew
what the word stress meant. I left feeling sad. I
keep talking about kids on this podcast because I feel,
without any exaggeration, unless we do something, we could be
in danger of losing an entire generation. And I'm talking

(01:30):
about all kids, every one of them, including those attending
some of the most elite prep schools in the country.
No one is immune. For these reasons, I went back
to Dr Bill sticks Root, co author of the bestseller
The Self Driven Child, for a second session with him
of Stay Calm. I wanted to get more of his

(01:50):
insights and share them with you, and if you don't
have kids, maybe you can pass these along to someone
who does. The first thing Dr sticks Froud said is
that there's an optimal mental state for a student to learn,
and that's called relaxed alertness. And there's an optimal environment
for a student to learn, which is high challenge but

(02:12):
low threat. Good teachers create that optimal state and environment.
They challenge the student, they stretch the student, but they
let the student know that if you make a mistake,
it's okay because you're still learning. It's actually the same
for good parenting. We want our kids to stretch themselves,

(02:33):
but we also want them to know it's safe to
do it. Number two, stress is contagious. In fact, there's
a whole science called stress contagion, which shows, for example,
that if a teacher is stressed out, the courtisol levels
go up in the student, and if parents argue in
front of their kids, the courtisol levels go up for

(02:53):
them as well. Number three. I made this point in
my previous podcast with Doctor sticks Through, but I say
it again. Teenagers really need to have a sense of
control of their lives. They need to have the confidence
to think that, yes, I can manage my life, I
can make decisions. I don't have to feel helpless all

(03:15):
the time. And this confidence has to develop at home
because when they go off to college it's often too late.
And finally, Dr Sticksford leaves us with two positive things
we can do to help our kids right now stay
calm and resilient. First, we should model what he calls calm, courageous, coping.

(03:39):
Kids want to see that their parents don't get overshadowed
with all the upheaval and uncertainty of these days. They
want to see that their parents can still be present
and positive and loving. And second, we should listen. That's
the main thing kids want. They want to be heard. Yes,
it's fine to give advice and reassure your child that

(04:01):
there's no reason to worry if you think your child
is worrying unnecessarily. But before you do that, your first
message needs to be your willingness to listen. You can
just say, tell me what you're feeling. I know it's scary.
I get scared sometimes too. Then once you know they
feel they've been heard, you can offer ways to cope.

(04:23):
You could say this is what's worked for me, it
might work for you. Remember these tips come from an
expert who's been working with children, teens, and young adults
for over thirty years. He's got a one year waiting
list from parents who want his advice, which means, given
a chance, these tips can work for the young people
in your life as well. All right, let's end this

(04:48):
time together doing something that I think should be a
feature of our everyday life, and that's appreciation and gratitude.
So let's take thirty seconds of quiet, thirty seconds to
take a break, just take a moment. It turns out
when we do that, it's good for our health as well.
I'll be right back, all right, thank you for joining

(05:37):
me today. I hope you heard something that inspires that
uplifts you and that you can incorporate into your own life.
This is Bob Roth. Stay calm. Hey, all of you
out there, I'd love to hear from you. You can
send me your stories, your questions, or anything else on
your mind. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook or

(06:00):
Instagram at meditation Bob. You can also send me an
email at meditation Bob Roth at gmail dot com. I
look forward to hearing from you